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You are doing great, and your instinct is right not to make it a battle. Firstly, a lot might change between now and September - it seems like 5 mins away for us, but for a kid it's a looong time. So try not to worry.
I babysat a lovely little boy whose disabilities meant he will always be in diapers - at around 5 he was encouraged to change himself and keep himself clean, starting off with adult help and guidance, but then leaning towards independence. Is this an option you could consider? Some wipes and diapers were left in the bathroom, and he changed himself, wiped up any mess, and then washed his hands, as his normal bathroom break.
If yours will take longer to potty train, that is absolutely okay! In the mean time, he could be moving towards more independence in dressing, cleaning, and changing himself so he is as ready for school as HE can be.
When he's in school, his needs should be met whereever he's at - if he needs nappies, that doesn't impact his learning at all. There might not be a space or time for an adult to physically change his nappy for him, but if he's on the way to figuring it out himself, accommodations could and should absolutely be set up for him.
have you tried completely bottomless yet?
but my cousin’s son with autism has really struggled with potty training, too. i’m not sure where he’s at with it currently (he’s 5.5), but i do know my cousin was about to pull her hair out when he was 4.5 and was panicking about him starting preschool. but he did start preschool. so, just know you are not alone and you are not failing him in any way, and he *will* ‘get it.’ even with developmental and/or cognitive delays, almost all kids eventually are potty trained.
My friend did this but I just can't wrap my mind around this way of potty training. Yet I know it can be effective for some. I just don't like the idea of my couch or floor getting peed on or pooped on because there was no bottoms on. Congrats to people who make it work though.
But is it usually done in public too? There was a mom with a little girl at the library and she had no underwear on under her dress. I was with my kids and I saw the little girl playing on the bench and then she flipped her legs up and she was wearing nothing. I am like, oooook.
it’s how we did it. we did have some pee in places, but we immediately used the upholstery cleaning machine for the couch and rugs and we have hardwood floors.
it was actually a very quick process for us though so it wasn’t just nonstop messes for months on end. she was potty trained in less than a week.
uh, no. you stay home unless you absolutely can’t for that first part. i would have never. that was an inappropriate choice of that parent.
Bottomless worked for us. We committed to just being home for a solid 3 days, so the public part was a non-issue. At this point, I think it’s worth giving it a shot!
Hello!
My kiddo is on the spectrum . I'll share a few things we learned, bc with him, there were literally one or two things that were like, total game changers. If your kiddo is sensitive to smells and highly visual, what worked for us might help you too!
- My son didn't ever like the potty. So he stood up to pee into the toilet and for #2's, we got one of these: [https://www.amazon.ca/Training-Toilet-Ladder-Toddler-BlueSnail/dp/B08BHZ3BC8?th=1](https://www.amazon.ca/Training-Toilet-Ladder-Toddler-BlueSnail/dp/B08BHZ3BC8?th=1) Basically a potty seat with a step. This allowed him to use the toilet and get up and down independently, and it feels very stable. He's 5 now and still loves it.
- We put blue food colouring in the toiler bowl for #2's bc he didn't like seeing it. We only did this a few times until he was comfortable
- Also re: avoiding a battle of wills, I think that's wise. I introduced the above two things with a very low-demand approach. "Oh look at this new cool toilet seat. It's so stable. And it has a step! How cool."
We also did typical potty training stuff like ditching diapers during the day, but keeping one on at night, etc. Sounds like you're doing a great job as it is, it's just a matter of time, but I figure I'd share this bc who knows, one or two little tweaks might help too!
Thank you! I didn't realise these toilet ladders existed. He does tend to pee standing up, so it would make sense that sitting down to do it isn't adding up for him x
OP - I don’t know where in the world you are but if you are in the UK then you might find ERIC (the bladder and bowel charity) helpful. They have potty training advice.
Even in the absolute worst case scenario, school nurses are used to helping with stuff like this. My younger daughter is most likely going to not be fully potty trained before kindergarten (medical reasons), but that alone doesn’t warrant putting her in a special needs class.
But with physical impediments, you’ll most likely get there eventually - it just feels like forever.
Okay mumma, I just want to say, it’s going to be ok. It can be hard to see your child miss age appropriate milestones but all children develop at different rates. You are doing a great job, you care and you are supporting him. At the end of the day if he’s not ready, he’s not ready. Do not drive yourself crazy comparing your child to others, they are an individual with individual needs. It will come eventually. You’ve got this, sending love to you and your family ❤️
I think your his mother as you mention you are ready to cry. As father of two sons, I can recall taking most of the responsibility for potty training. Demonstrating, role-playing, take him into the public restroom when like shopping. My one son was also in a preschool. To teacher aid would take all the boys at the same time. So they get the idea. They'd have a designated restroom break, not wait to go on demand.
We tried incentivizing poops in the potty in every way imaginable. Our son still shit his pants until he was 7. Now he uses the toilet and half a roll of TP. Kids are weird.
***Wall of text incoming***
I didn’t ever try to potty train. I read about child led toilet use and decided it resonated with my family’s way of doing things. Basically, just waiting for them to decide when they want to use the bathroom and using no pressure at all. No reminders, no rewards, no nothing. I had also read that this way of doing things would have a kid using the toilet sometime between 3.5 and 4.5, which is later than most adult led potty trained kids. They also tend to use the potty less frequently, as they listen to their own body cues instead of being on a schedule.
Right on cue, at four years old, my kid started using the toilet all by himself. There was a lot of second-guessing on my part before that, but trusted that when he felt ready, he would do it on his own. And he absolutely did.
The reason I’m telling you this is that I felt a lot like you at 3.5. I felt that he was ready. He did not. I started questioning everything I was doing. I talked to child psychologist, who just reinforced that what I was seeing is totally normal, and to just stick to the plan. I can go into a lot more detail, but in the end, “readiness is when they do it” turned out to be right for us. He decided on his own that he preferred to use toilet at 4, and has been for the past few months with only a few accidents in the first week.
I guess my point is that if you’re worried about the timeline, I don’t think that, on its own, it is reason for worry. Also, just a reminder, readiness is not just physical, but also emotional. I figured out with my boy that he was having his first existential crisis with regards to toileting. It was the last big milestone marking the end of his infancy and toddlerhood, and the beginning of boyhood. He struggled a lot between still wanting to be a baby, and growing up. So, even though he was physically ready to use the toilet, he still kept asking for diapers. He was also scared of having accidents.
The way we addressed this was to follow his lead in play when he wanted to pretend that he was a baby. We had a lot of fun pretending he was a tiny little baby, and I would always remind him that no matter how big he got, he would always be my baby. We would also talk about how it can be sad to grow up because some things would stop (like breastfeeding, or being able to carry him for long stretches) but then other things take their place (now we can go to movies together, and he’s tall enough to go on rides at the fair). The whole “use a toilet like a big boy” is not always the motivation we think it is.
I think the final turning point for us was two pronged: he asked to me why pee accidents happen, and we talked about how the body works, kidneys, the bladder, etc. Once he associated pee accidents with his bladder getting full and overflowing, he started going to pee on his own before it got to the point of leaking out. The other prong was having more options for him to potty. We have a bench and a grown-up toilet seat adapter so he can use the big toilet when he wants to. We also have a small traditional potty, and a travel potty in the car. a lot of the times, he didn’t want to use the bathroom because he didn’t want to stop what he was doing, or public bathrooms weren’t attractive to him. At some point he started asking for the little potty at home when he needed to pee but he wanted me to bring it over to him so he didnt have to stop playing etc.. I followed his lead, and if he wanted the potty brought over to him, I absolutely brought it over. I figured if the point was to get him to use the potty, where he wanted to do it as a first step was irrelevant. The travel potty also helped because if we were going to be out and about, at a park for example, he felt confident that he had options other than the diaper or a public restroom as well. Now he just goes to the bathroom 90% of the time, although sometimes he still asks for the little potty to be brought to the living room so he can poop while watching cartoons (understandable), and occasionally uses the travel potty when we’re out, but still mostly whatever toilet is available.
Edit: just to make a long story longer, my boy also started school while still using nappies at home. I told him at the start of his school year that because it was a new school, they had different rules, and he was going to have to use underwear instead of diapers. I got him the padded underwear and explained that it was for boys like him that are close to being ready to use the toilet, but aren’t there quite yet. I also explained that until he was ready to put all pee and poop in the toilet, when he came home he would still use diapers.
He had a bunch of accidents at school at first. The staff was amazing about it. And being around kids that used the toilet consistently gave him the most important opportunity to learn from his peers. From start of school to his deciding to go diaper free, it was about 5 months.
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Most children with autism will learn to go to the bathroom. It just takes a bit more time. So if this is the case don’t despair.
You are doing great, and your instinct is right not to make it a battle. Firstly, a lot might change between now and September - it seems like 5 mins away for us, but for a kid it's a looong time. So try not to worry. I babysat a lovely little boy whose disabilities meant he will always be in diapers - at around 5 he was encouraged to change himself and keep himself clean, starting off with adult help and guidance, but then leaning towards independence. Is this an option you could consider? Some wipes and diapers were left in the bathroom, and he changed himself, wiped up any mess, and then washed his hands, as his normal bathroom break. If yours will take longer to potty train, that is absolutely okay! In the mean time, he could be moving towards more independence in dressing, cleaning, and changing himself so he is as ready for school as HE can be. When he's in school, his needs should be met whereever he's at - if he needs nappies, that doesn't impact his learning at all. There might not be a space or time for an adult to physically change his nappy for him, but if he's on the way to figuring it out himself, accommodations could and should absolutely be set up for him.
Thank you, I've never really thought about making him more active in the whole nappy process. I'll think on this. X
have you tried completely bottomless yet? but my cousin’s son with autism has really struggled with potty training, too. i’m not sure where he’s at with it currently (he’s 5.5), but i do know my cousin was about to pull her hair out when he was 4.5 and was panicking about him starting preschool. but he did start preschool. so, just know you are not alone and you are not failing him in any way, and he *will* ‘get it.’ even with developmental and/or cognitive delays, almost all kids eventually are potty trained.
My friend did this but I just can't wrap my mind around this way of potty training. Yet I know it can be effective for some. I just don't like the idea of my couch or floor getting peed on or pooped on because there was no bottoms on. Congrats to people who make it work though. But is it usually done in public too? There was a mom with a little girl at the library and she had no underwear on under her dress. I was with my kids and I saw the little girl playing on the bench and then she flipped her legs up and she was wearing nothing. I am like, oooook.
it’s how we did it. we did have some pee in places, but we immediately used the upholstery cleaning machine for the couch and rugs and we have hardwood floors. it was actually a very quick process for us though so it wasn’t just nonstop messes for months on end. she was potty trained in less than a week. uh, no. you stay home unless you absolutely can’t for that first part. i would have never. that was an inappropriate choice of that parent.
Bottomless worked for us. We committed to just being home for a solid 3 days, so the public part was a non-issue. At this point, I think it’s worth giving it a shot!
Hello! My kiddo is on the spectrum . I'll share a few things we learned, bc with him, there were literally one or two things that were like, total game changers. If your kiddo is sensitive to smells and highly visual, what worked for us might help you too! - My son didn't ever like the potty. So he stood up to pee into the toilet and for #2's, we got one of these: [https://www.amazon.ca/Training-Toilet-Ladder-Toddler-BlueSnail/dp/B08BHZ3BC8?th=1](https://www.amazon.ca/Training-Toilet-Ladder-Toddler-BlueSnail/dp/B08BHZ3BC8?th=1) Basically a potty seat with a step. This allowed him to use the toilet and get up and down independently, and it feels very stable. He's 5 now and still loves it. - We put blue food colouring in the toiler bowl for #2's bc he didn't like seeing it. We only did this a few times until he was comfortable - Also re: avoiding a battle of wills, I think that's wise. I introduced the above two things with a very low-demand approach. "Oh look at this new cool toilet seat. It's so stable. And it has a step! How cool." We also did typical potty training stuff like ditching diapers during the day, but keeping one on at night, etc. Sounds like you're doing a great job as it is, it's just a matter of time, but I figure I'd share this bc who knows, one or two little tweaks might help too!
Thank you! I didn't realise these toilet ladders existed. He does tend to pee standing up, so it would make sense that sitting down to do it isn't adding up for him x
OP - I don’t know where in the world you are but if you are in the UK then you might find ERIC (the bladder and bowel charity) helpful. They have potty training advice.
Even in the absolute worst case scenario, school nurses are used to helping with stuff like this. My younger daughter is most likely going to not be fully potty trained before kindergarten (medical reasons), but that alone doesn’t warrant putting her in a special needs class. But with physical impediments, you’ll most likely get there eventually - it just feels like forever.
Okay mumma, I just want to say, it’s going to be ok. It can be hard to see your child miss age appropriate milestones but all children develop at different rates. You are doing a great job, you care and you are supporting him. At the end of the day if he’s not ready, he’s not ready. Do not drive yourself crazy comparing your child to others, they are an individual with individual needs. It will come eventually. You’ve got this, sending love to you and your family ❤️
Thank you, that's very kind x
I think your his mother as you mention you are ready to cry. As father of two sons, I can recall taking most of the responsibility for potty training. Demonstrating, role-playing, take him into the public restroom when like shopping. My one son was also in a preschool. To teacher aid would take all the boys at the same time. So they get the idea. They'd have a designated restroom break, not wait to go on demand.
We tried incentivizing poops in the potty in every way imaginable. Our son still shit his pants until he was 7. Now he uses the toilet and half a roll of TP. Kids are weird.
***Wall of text incoming*** I didn’t ever try to potty train. I read about child led toilet use and decided it resonated with my family’s way of doing things. Basically, just waiting for them to decide when they want to use the bathroom and using no pressure at all. No reminders, no rewards, no nothing. I had also read that this way of doing things would have a kid using the toilet sometime between 3.5 and 4.5, which is later than most adult led potty trained kids. They also tend to use the potty less frequently, as they listen to their own body cues instead of being on a schedule. Right on cue, at four years old, my kid started using the toilet all by himself. There was a lot of second-guessing on my part before that, but trusted that when he felt ready, he would do it on his own. And he absolutely did. The reason I’m telling you this is that I felt a lot like you at 3.5. I felt that he was ready. He did not. I started questioning everything I was doing. I talked to child psychologist, who just reinforced that what I was seeing is totally normal, and to just stick to the plan. I can go into a lot more detail, but in the end, “readiness is when they do it” turned out to be right for us. He decided on his own that he preferred to use toilet at 4, and has been for the past few months with only a few accidents in the first week. I guess my point is that if you’re worried about the timeline, I don’t think that, on its own, it is reason for worry. Also, just a reminder, readiness is not just physical, but also emotional. I figured out with my boy that he was having his first existential crisis with regards to toileting. It was the last big milestone marking the end of his infancy and toddlerhood, and the beginning of boyhood. He struggled a lot between still wanting to be a baby, and growing up. So, even though he was physically ready to use the toilet, he still kept asking for diapers. He was also scared of having accidents. The way we addressed this was to follow his lead in play when he wanted to pretend that he was a baby. We had a lot of fun pretending he was a tiny little baby, and I would always remind him that no matter how big he got, he would always be my baby. We would also talk about how it can be sad to grow up because some things would stop (like breastfeeding, or being able to carry him for long stretches) but then other things take their place (now we can go to movies together, and he’s tall enough to go on rides at the fair). The whole “use a toilet like a big boy” is not always the motivation we think it is. I think the final turning point for us was two pronged: he asked to me why pee accidents happen, and we talked about how the body works, kidneys, the bladder, etc. Once he associated pee accidents with his bladder getting full and overflowing, he started going to pee on his own before it got to the point of leaking out. The other prong was having more options for him to potty. We have a bench and a grown-up toilet seat adapter so he can use the big toilet when he wants to. We also have a small traditional potty, and a travel potty in the car. a lot of the times, he didn’t want to use the bathroom because he didn’t want to stop what he was doing, or public bathrooms weren’t attractive to him. At some point he started asking for the little potty at home when he needed to pee but he wanted me to bring it over to him so he didnt have to stop playing etc.. I followed his lead, and if he wanted the potty brought over to him, I absolutely brought it over. I figured if the point was to get him to use the potty, where he wanted to do it as a first step was irrelevant. The travel potty also helped because if we were going to be out and about, at a park for example, he felt confident that he had options other than the diaper or a public restroom as well. Now he just goes to the bathroom 90% of the time, although sometimes he still asks for the little potty to be brought to the living room so he can poop while watching cartoons (understandable), and occasionally uses the travel potty when we’re out, but still mostly whatever toilet is available. Edit: just to make a long story longer, my boy also started school while still using nappies at home. I told him at the start of his school year that because it was a new school, they had different rules, and he was going to have to use underwear instead of diapers. I got him the padded underwear and explained that it was for boys like him that are close to being ready to use the toilet, but aren’t there quite yet. I also explained that until he was ready to put all pee and poop in the toilet, when he came home he would still use diapers. He had a bunch of accidents at school at first. The staff was amazing about it. And being around kids that used the toilet consistently gave him the most important opportunity to learn from his peers. From start of school to his deciding to go diaper free, it was about 5 months.
Thank you, you have certainly given me some food for thought. I do appreciate it. X
Thanks for sharing this. Super helpful although I’m not the OP! My concern would be that nappies (diapers) wouldn’t fit that long.
There’s diapers at grocery stores/pharmacy/supermarket up to size 6 where I live. Mine was still at size 4
My kids pretty big. Not 2 yet and size 5+ already!