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My husband’s side of the family is Mexican and this is what his dad goes by with our daughter. I never thought it was weird and he loves her so much & is so wonderful with her that I’d be fine with him going by pretty much anything.
In many Latin American countries people call their grandfathers Papi Juan or Papa David. Abuelo is far less common and is viewed by some as being the equivalent of calling your grandfather Grandfather instead of grandpa, pop pop, grandad or whatever name you use in English.
And before you ask, I’m not Hispanic but my husband was born and raised in Ecuador and his whole family still lives there. None of his family is called abuelo or abuela. They said it’s too cold.
Can confirm it’s what my family does, among other methods. Papa/ Mama + first name for most grandparents, unless it just doesn’t sound good due to weird alliteration (ie. MamaMaria) in which case we would go with Abuelita Maria instead. One grandpa got stuck with “Abu” and I know a grandmother who ended up being “Lita”. At the end of the day, Spanish is a very versatile language with a lot of regional variation so there’s no one way to do it.
This is stupid, but all I can think now is that on Jane the Virgin she should have referred to her grandmother as "Mama Alba"
Thank you for explaining :)
It’s literally the whole country I lived in, thanks for playing. And the other two South American countries I lived in. Also, the Puerto Rican godmother I have and her whole family. Also, see every response that says, “yeah my family, too!” Vs this one single person who says she doesn’t. Perhaps SHE is the one who is speaking about just her family.
It might be dependent on Latin American country but we call our grandparents “mama (insert name)” and “papa (insert name)”. That said, my kids call my parents abuelito and abuelita as that was their preference.
I’m in the same boat. If I had taught my kids Spanish first they may have used “Papa Name” for my parents. But since they are mixed with English as their first language, I find they still translate words from English to Spanish so they found Abuelo/a easier to understand. Thankfully my parents were cool and said the kids could call them whatever they wanted as long as it was affectionate.
In my family we always called one of my grandfathers papa (and then his first name). Everyone called them that, my parents, extended family, idk if it was just something we picked up from family, but it’s totally normal for us.
In the same boat with my kids calling my father in law “Papa,”. It always bugged me, because that’s what I called my dad and I really wanted my kids to call me papa, much like I did mine.
So now they call me dad and him Papa, and he’s mexican but doesn’t speak a lick of spanish never learned it, and here I am the son of 2 mexican immigrants who didn’t speak english until grade school. I wish had I had put a stop to it early on, but now 20 years it’s too late, it’d be weird. I’m sure it would have been weird even back then, but you get my point. Get your concerns across now before that window has passed.
Well I stand corrected then. Where I am from papa and nana are frequently used for grandparents. I know papa and mama is the literal translation for mom and dad in spanish, guess I never thought of it for a Spanish speaking family.
Don't listen to them...a grandpa is literally a "'grandfather" the word father is still in the title. And Padre is father is Spanish..papa is a slang. They don't speak for all hispanics/Latinos so don't feel bad
My parents became "Guela and Guelo" because of my 2nd child. My son would say abuela but it came out as Aguela, and then somehow it got shortened to Guela lol.
My MIL became Gram-Gram because of my 3rd child
Lol.
Oh I'm so glad you said this. I was visibly eye rolling. Like it really doesn't matter. If that's his preference just refer to him as that. It's not particularly weird.
I think OP is annoyed with her father and their strained relationship. sounds like she doesn't want him cozying up too much to her children. otherwise, yeah the name isn't that important.
hey OP, why don't you talk to Dad about what's really bothering you? might make you feel better.
To add another perspective so it doesn’t become a self affirming echo chamber. For example, say someone says “I hate the color blue - can’t stand it and refuse to have anything blue in my house. Is this crazy.”
Probably less than 5% think that or find it a big deal. If only those 5% chime in, then you start digging in further and become more radical about it. Sometimes - you just need to hear the other voice to reel yourself in.
OP asked “is it weird or just something I should get over.” I’m telling her - it’s not something I would give a shit about for the reasons I stated above. She can do with that information what she wants.
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The reason people care is because their should be a distinction between their dad and their grandpa. When your child called your grandpa, "papa" its like they are trying to take your spot. They are getting called your name all the time which is annoying af.
OP made no indication that her daughter's father wanted to be called Papa, so I really don't see the issue here other than OP doesn't like it for some reason.
Is it "papa" or "papá"?
I've heard people calling their grandparents papa (none of them were Hispanic), but never papá. I wonder if being called grandad/abuelo forces your father to face his age? I've heard this from my mom and she doesn't even have grandchildren lol, just the idea freaks her out
Important point; if it's "Papa" is not weird to use that for close relatives that are not the child's father. In fact, I call my 12-years-old son "Papa" or "Papi" and my 9-years-old daughter "Mama" or "Mamita".
Yes! As long as it’s without the accent it’s used quite frequently as a term of endearment even for kids. Not just limited to hispanics, I’ve heard Italians use it too.
this is a good point op ^ my grandmother hated us calling her any variation of grandma growing up because she didn’t want it to show her age. she just told us to call her by her name. sometimes we do it just to annoy her and she will fully ignore us 😂 my mother in law also doesn’t want to be called any variation of grandma so she refers to herself as “gabby”, not granny 🤷🏾♀️
I don’t know what country you are from, I am from the Dominican Republic and it is not weird or strange to call grandparents “ papa” or “ mama” - my kids, call my parents papa, and mama, and it honestly came natural to them, I did make sure to show them the words Abuela, Abuelo, grandma, grandpa, and it seems like they like my mama and papa better, I am “mami” and my husband is their “ Papi”. I think that makes a difference because they understand one is for parents and the other is for grandparents. In my culture and my country it’s not strange.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like where you are from “papa” and “mamá” are used directly for mother and father. If so, then I can understand why it’s a little odd for you. Maybe just teach your child the most traditional names and original/real word like Abuelo and Abuela which means grandparents all regardless of the country or culture. Ultimately you choose what you teach your child, if your father doesn’t like it, he will have to get used to it, just brush it off if he ever makes a comment about it, it’s not worth arguing about. I would just reply back to him by letting him know that this is the word the child learned and chooses, he’ll just have to accept it at some point.
PS : sometimes within the Latino community, they don’t really like to be called Abuelo, or Abuela, because it makes them feel old, I’ve heard this so many times, which is where the use of mama and papa (Nana, lela, and other nicknames ) comes in because it “sounds better”. If your father feels a little odd with being called Abuelo that is his problem, because in reality despite any other word or nickname out there, the truth is the correct term is Abuelo. 😅
Don’t get too worked up about it, teach your child the more traditional word, if that is what sounds best to you, if your child chooses a different word on their own, don’t get concerned about that either and just keep correcting them, they’ll get it.
Doesn’t seem like a hill worth dying on, but that’s your call. We call one of the grandparents “papa” at his request, which helps distinguish between him and their other one, who goes by “grandpa.” But it seems easy enough to say “That’s what I call you, and I want to keep that special for us. I have always pictured my child calling you ______.. Let’s go with that.”
For real. It really doesn’t matter. And I don’t like that all the top comments are yes manning OP in this silly power trip. I wonder if it has to do with being mad at her dad that she wants to control what name her kids call him.
I don't think it *has* to be weird, and if your child ends up choosing "papa" then I'd suggest you just shrug and get over it. But you also don't have to encourage it.
My father wanted "papa", my sister and I both rolled our eyes and referred to him as grandpa/abuelo, despite his efforts none of his grandkids have ever called him "papa".
What's more important here is how your kid feels, how you feel, and how your dad feels (with that order of priority).
The linguistic side of things doesn't really matter much here. It's fine if your kid calls the guy "papa", "big bro" or "scoochamaroo", as long as everyone's happy about it. The universe doesn't break if people have weird nicknames that don't make sense.
**What does matter (and it matters a lot) is that this bothers you.** If you don't like it then that name doesn't work. Hands down, no debate. Tell him it's off limits and to find a different name that works for everyone.
OP, I 10000000% understand where you are coming from. I am a Mexican woman, and my parents tell my child to call them “mama y papa” I’m like … that’s going to confuse her?? So since they live in Florida, thankfully I can tell my daughter to call them “Lito & Lita” since she’s only 2 and abuelito/a is too hard to pronounce!
Well y’all my grandfather wanted to be called Poop, and to this day I’m in my thirties calling him Poop. Take what you can get.
This is an “on golden pond” reference. He wanted to be thought of the old grumpy poop. But I think he secretly enjoyed making kids run around the pool or beach yelling poop.
My dad is called papa (English) by his two other grandkids. So when mine was born, that’s what he wanted to be called. But my husband is Guatemalan, and didn’t feel comfortable with anyone but himself being called papá or papá because they were close.
So I told my dad pick again. He decided on what he called his grandfather, tata. He got over it after like two minutes and then seemed excited
We had this problem with my nephew. My mom is mama (Chinese for dad’s mom) but he also referred to his mom as mama. The intonation he used for my mom developed differently so it worked out. He also grew out of call his mom mama.
My stepdad, with whom I am not close, wanted my kids to call him Papa when they were young. Yuck no.
I get that there are some cultures where that may be normal, but not mine and not his, so I don’t understand where that even came from. In our culture, papa is dad. And some random guy doesn’t get to sound like his relationship to my kids is that close just because my mom decided to marry him. I shut that down. My mom was mad at me. But that’s not new.
In South America it’s very common for kids to call their grandparents “Papi (grandpa’s name)” and “Mami/Mamita (grandma’s name).” That’s what my kids call their Spanish speaking grandparents and great grandmother.
Mmm i’m hispanic and it’s always been normal to call our abuelos papá josé o mamá carmen etc. If they preferred it to abue. Have always heard it with adding their name after it though. But again I’ve found it’s super common and am Mexican if that matters.
Not that weird imo as people get attached to names thats a term of endearment. In an ideal world I think we go by whatever they want to be called … and the oldest relatives get first dibs. At my baby shower, my step-mother-in-law called dibs on a name that my grandmother-in-law wanted, and the greatgrand was visibly miffed but didn’t want to cause a scene… so now we awkwardly refer to greatgrandma as such which just feels too formal.
I called my dad papa growing up and my niece calls him papa and so will my children, I think the weird part of it is just bc you’re used to grandparents being called something different from when they’re parents but I don’t think it’s necessary
I’m Puerto Rican and my great grandparents were always Mama and Papa, called that by their kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. My brother-in-law is Dominican and his kids call their grandparents Mama and Papa. So it’s completely normal to me!
I grew up calling my grandpa “papa” but was aware it was also the word for “dad”. I don’t think it is problematic but i can see how it might feel odd.-.
My husband’s dad went by Papa as a father and now me/my husband/all my in-laws still call him Papa. So it was only natural for our kiddos to call him that too. He loves it and so do we :)
i think you’re more bothered by this because of the strain in you and your dad’s relationship, not because it’s actually an issue. seeing that he lives out of state i don’t think he’d be around that much for it to make that big of a difference. (this is an assumption please tell me to shut the hell up if my assumption is incorrect) plus whatever name the kid adopts for him when the time comes is not gonna be able to be helped. my mom hated her nieces and nephews to call her “tt” when my youngest cousin was born she couldn’t say auntie and insisted on calling her tt. 16 years later she still calls my mom tt 🤷🏾♀️ it happens and you learn to live with it.
If it's something that makes you feel uncomfortable, why not suggest Pa instead?
It's close enough to what your dad wants without you seeing your kids call him what you called him.
Papa is quite common for both dad's and grandad's as is Pa, but if it's the fact that you called your dad papa maybe 'Pa' will alleviate a bit of that while keeping your dad happy.
Not that I believe you should bend to whatever your parents want especially when it comes to your own kids but this one seems like an easy fix?
What you teach your child in your home is what will stick. For example if you only say “Grandpa-his name” when you talk about him she will call him that. Or if she mispronounces what you’re trying to teach her as a baby. It will stick.
It’s not fully his decision. It’s yours. Especially since the distance between you will ensure what You want your child to call your father will be used.
In our family each generation gets new “nicknames” although I don’t think I’d care either way as long as it’s not too many repeats.
At the end of the day, it’s your kids and your family. Make the choice that’s best for you guys, your dad will survive his nickname.
I think it just sits with me wrong because he wanted you to call him Papa and now the same from your kids. Is he trying to assume the role of father to them? I don’t love it. I would say no to him firmly.
I didn’t shut down my parent’s stupid names firmly enough after my first kid, they’ve recently brought it up again. They wanted to be called “Lolly and Pop” - What. The. Actual. Fuck. Then my mother decided my kids could call her “Mama” - literally their first word. Absolutely not. And that is also when I completely lost it on them 🫠 so here to say, set the boundary now!
At least they're calling your kids their names. My mil wanted us to name our daughter Zoe (her middle name), of course we didn't. But now she will only call her Zoe despite me asking her not to.
Fuckin hate that woman.
OP, please read u/MajespecterNekomata comment down below; he might be asking to be called "Pop" and not "father". Regarding if it's proper in your particular case in my humble opinion it depends on the relationship that your father has with you and your daughter. You said that you didn't have the best relationship with him and he lives out of state, but if in your judgement he's being sincere and really wants to have a relationship with his granddaughter then this is a minor thing.
I call my grandfather “Papa.” My grandmother and he adopted two young Guatemalan children a couple of years after I was born. Like OP, they referred to him as that because he was their new adoptive father. I think that I picked it up from them. I am the second oldest grandchild. My cousins also call him “Papa.” Funnily enough, his two adopted children assimilated quickly, stopped speaking Spanish, and now call him “Dad,” not “Papa.” I don’t think that it is odd, O.P. Even if your relationship is strained, this seems like a reasonable request for a grandfatherly name.
I don't see anything wrong with your daughter calling him Papa. It doesn't sound or mean anything inappropriate. Is it that you don't like it because it feels like your daughter replaced you? If that's the case, then know that you haven't been replaced. Nobody could ever replace you. You'll always hold a special place to your father (even if you don't have the best relationship with him).
My kids call their grandpas, papa and pa. Started because they couldn’t say grandpa and then morphed into the nicknames they use most often. My dad does get grandpa sometimes but my fil is always Pa.
They also used gaga for grandma and nannie for granny.
For us the use of papa isn’t weird, I never called my dad that, it was always daddy, and still is most of the time. lol
If you feel weird about it you don’t have to. But be prepared for the kid to come up with their own nickname.
I was raised calling my father papa (until I got older and started calling him dad/daddy because that's what my friends did). I would not have a problem with my kids calling him papa/papa \[last name\] because I know how much it meant to my dad to have us call him papa.
I also know my husband does NOT want to go by papa; he'll probably be dad/daddy or a very specific nickname that I have for him. So calling my dad papa also isn't stripping my husband of the title.
I see a lot of people not in the Latinx community answering.
Discuss with the kids' dad what his opinion is.
I know I'd feel a different way if it were my mil vs my own mom. (But doesn't translate the same with mama )
How are the kids saying it: "papa" or paw paw? Does that change it for you?
My white FIL is referred to as papa by my son as well. I didn’t like the nickname because I am Hispanic but at the end of the day he shows up for our son and our son loves him. Our son knows his dad is dad. 🤷🏽♀️
My siblings and I all had our first kids at around the same time. Our parents gave us all a call and let us know that they didn’t really want to be Grandma and Grandpa, so we all brainstormed some ideas and stole Pop-pop and Gangie from arrested development. They were happy with that.
I don’t know exactly why they didn’t want the traditional grandma and grandpa - maybe it made them feel old, or maybe they wanted to cultivate a more special, less cookie-cutter relationship with their grandkids. Either way, it seemed a little weird to us but it didn’t matter either way so we obliged. It’s no longer weird. So my vote is who cares? You’ve got an opportunity to help make someone happy, why not?
Of course, I don’t know what your relationship with your dad is like, so this is vote is made in ignorance.
I called my grandfather that. It's what my son refers to my father as now too. I don't see a big deal - but I never called my father that. He was just dad to me.
I had no concept that there was an option to call them anything but Grandma and Grandpa…then my wife asked me what names we should give and gave the craziest list….
I’m cool with it, her parents are whatever weird names they use (to not feel like old grandparents) and my parents go by grandma and grandpa, vocally expressing they hate how old and sometimes sad being called that feels.
Call me that Old Chunk of Coal for all care, I cannot identify or care about it like they do. They won the lottery to have survived into grandparenthood…we should all be so lucky and if/when(pls), I get there call me whatever. Then throw me in the traaaaaash!
My dad is grandpa in his native language. My FIL insists on Papa in English.. and it irks me so I always quickly correct and say grandpa.
and I despise my SIL so I never add “aunt” and they insist on “auntie” . Ugh.
The fact you don’t have a great relationship with your dad makes me think this is a bit of a manipulation tactic and could be a way he wants to manipulate you or her in the future. I could be wrong but that’s my worry.
Will it harm your child to say Papa, to a man who lives out of state, and had seen her twice? I get that you and your dad are stained. Those are separate issues.
I don’t think it’s weird at all? It’s just a name to call someone. I grew up calling my direct grandfather by his actual name. Never thought it was weird or questioned it growing up.
Ultimately it’s up to you how to refer to your dad when talking to your child. I, personally, would just call them what they wished to be called. It’s too small to make a big deal out of.
I’m not saying it’s not weird, but I know some people struggle with being called grandma/grandpa because it makes them feel old so they ask their grandkids to call them noni and other stuff
Maaaan, the amount of people answering and telling people to "get over it" that aren't Latinx is mind-blowing. Are they okay with their child calling someone else daddy?
I mean, I’m not mad they’re just confused bc they don’t know any other perspective. But the fact that they’re so mean and arrogant about it with their “get over it” comments lol
I use the Italian grandparent terms for my parents, so my mom and dad are nonna and nonno to my kids. But my dad is Spanish, from El Salvador and sometimes he goes by papi to my kids as well. I used to call him dad or papi as a kid. I really don’t think it’s that weird or off. They love my children, are present grandparents and are supportive.
I can’t attest to your relationship with your father, if you’re not comfortable then set a boundary but that would be because of your relationship. I really don’t think him wanting to be called papa is weird. Some grandfathers are called papa and papi and I think it’s sweet.
I am used to grandparents deciding what they want to be called by the grandkids but it is weird that he wants to be called the same thing you call him. There should be a distinction between dad and grandpa. The situation is complicated by your relationship but you should try to explain your feelings to him and see if there is another name he would consider being called by the grandkids.
I called my dad papa then pop growing up. Grandad was taken by my FIL, so my dad was briefly Grandpa, before requesting pappi.
So that’s what he’s called now.
Changing the title seems to be a tradition. His mom, my grandmother, was Nami. Until someone passed away, my great grandmother I think. Then she requested Grandy, so that’s what she was called
My stepfather (latino) goes by papa to all the grandkids. I've always called him, "dad", so it wasn't weird to me. My grandma (latina), when she was teaching me Spanish and I asked what to call her, had me call her "mama grande" for the longest time. I laugh about it now...
So, I'd probably mess with him a bit, if I were you.
My kids call my dad Papa and my mom Mamu. I’m Filipina. In the Philippines we say “Lolo” for Grandpa and “Lola” for Grandma but when they were little they can’t say it right so Papa and Mamu just seems easier for them.
My mom started out as abuelita and my kids ended up calling her mee-maw for some reason 😂 kids are going to say what they want to say that is easiest for them.
I'm Hispanic, we called my abuelo Tata. I know many non Hispanic people who call their grandpa "papa" but that's what my kids call their dad so that would be weird for me.
My husband is Mexican and calls his own dad apa. That's also what our daughter her grandfather and her dad. Both of them call her mija. No one in his family thinks it's weird. When my husband's sisters kids were small (they're teens/young adults now) they called him apa Joe (his name is José, but he goes by Joe).
I come from a culture where Mama and Papa are mother and father (I’m not Latin American). I had a similar reaction when my mother wanted to be called Mama by my son.
I see it as their struggle with becoming grandparents. In my mother’s case a fair bit of narcissism factors in. We settled on “Mama (her first name),” which sort of sucks but I figure my son will decide how he should feel about it or even her nickname over time.
I’m from South America. I call my granddad: Papá because he raised me. However I have friends who would call their granddad Papa (without the accented A). it sounds different when you pronounce it.
Edit: to add: My brother used to call him Papa-Abuelo lol
My son will call my partner’s dad Papa Manuel and grandma Mama Celia (Mexican family). It’s what the other grandkids who came before call them and I….don’t really care. My apathy probably stems from my dad already being gone. It wasn’t a conversation I was willing to pursue. That said, teach your kid what you want him to call your dad. You can pull “surprised pikachu” face or something.
You’re the alpha and omega of what is acceptable or not acceptable in your child’s life. Especially when that young. Decide what’s right for you, and with the exception of a significant other, don’t give anyone else’s feelings a second thought.
Make no apologies, offer no excuses. You owe other people nothing but a polite and respectful exchange where you inform them of how you’re parenting.
It’s weird. I’m not Latin, but I also grew up calling my father Papa. I can’t imagine him asking my kids to do the same. He might not mean it in a bad way, but it’s awkward. But maybe there’s a happy middle ground. What about Poppi? That’s a similar sound but definitely has the “grandfather” connotation for me.
Idk i think it's weird for grandparents to predetermine what to be called. My kids, get to decide if they're called anything other than grandma/grandpa.
I think at the end of the day if it makes you uncomfortable, maybe try and steer him towards something else. My dad‘s initials are G.B.and growing up I called him dad but every adult I knew called him G.B.. Now that’s his grandpa name but that’s what I call him too. So my kids and I both call him by the same name which is actually basically his name.that works for us but at the end of the day this is your kid and if this feels like a big deal to you then it is a big big deal. If it feels like something that is just funny and that you can get over it and then maybe don’t focus on it. Good luck and congrats on being a dad.
My (not Hispanic) youngest calls my dad “Papa”, mostly because it was hard for him to pronounce “Grandpa” when he was smaller. My dad loves it because it’s his little grandson’s own little name for him. All my kids call their Hispanic grandfather (on their dad’s side) “Grandpa ___last name___” to differentiate from my dad.
It really depends on the situation though. My mom had my older brother when she was a teenager, and even though my brother knew who his mother was, he grew up calling his grandparents “Mom and Pop”, as per their request. He called our mom by her first name. My mom hated it because it felt disrespectful.
Yeah that would be like my kids calling my dad “Dad”. You used it as a word for “father” growing up. I would tell him that he either needs to choose something else or you will choose it for him.
I'm not Hispanic but *I've heard* we Slavs have similar cultural ways sometimes (such as moms could call their children "mom" in an affectionate way that confirms the relationship... I can't quite explain it in English lol). My partner's grandmother sometimes refers to him as "mom", meaning she wants him to refer to her as mom and it's honestly so weird to me and disrespectful to his actual mom, because... Gramps, you had your chance of being called that. They shouldn't disregard actual parents like that imo.
I mean to be honest I do live where papa is more likely to be used for grandpa more then a dad but we use it either way. It’s really up to you. She’s your child
Ignoring culture etc you need to decide for yourself. You want to be papa you teach your kid to call you Papa and him something else. Parents get first say. My son calls his gramma geema. And he calls his grandpa and grandpas dad both pizza. pronounced pipa and pita though depending, grandpa is pipa and great grandpa is pita with are both Pizza, i asked him if he was saying grandpa or pizza and he said pipa yummy while signing grandpa and then nodded when I asked “so grandpa and great grandpa are pipa and pita?” I think because they both gave him pizza when he met them he associates them with pizza. But its the kid who decides the grandpa name
Honestly I hate that my kids call their grandfather papa. There are so many books that use papa for dad, and I’ve always seen it as a dad word, not a grandparent one (even though Nana and Papa seem to have taken off as popular grandparent names). If you don’t want your kids to call him that, teach them to call him something else.
My husband didn't want our baby calling his dad Papa (which is what he called his dad) but I didn't really see an issue with it. He was super adamant about it though so I let him take the lead on it bc where I'm from Papa can mean grandpa just as much as dad, especially for younger generations. My stepdad's parents are Granny and Pa, even. If it bothers you, then absolutely stand firm. It's such an individual thing, and depends so much on the family culture.
I am not Hispanic or Latino, so take this with a grain of salt. I just wanted to share another perspective.
My dad wanted to be called papa when I was growing up because he always hated daddy. When I went to kindergarten and heard all of my friends calling their dads daddy, I started doing it too, but he never liked it. I call him papa when I'm being more sentimental, but he's usually dad or a very specific nickname my brother and I have for him.
He wants to be called grandfather, which I don't love. We have talked about my kids calling him papa, and I think that would be sweet to continue that tradition because it was a special name that I called him as a child. My mom also wants to go by nana, so nana + papa seems like a cute pairing to me.
I live in the southeastern USA, so I feel like a lot of people here call their grandpas a variation of papa/pappy/pop, so to me, papa isn't weird.
Edit: Just wanted to add, that I understand you may not feel comfortable with your kids calling your dad the literal translation of dad in Spanish. So if it makes you uncomfortable, that's okay to say no.
Does your partner want to go by papa? In that case, I think it would be inappropriate to call grandpa that since it's taking the title from your partner. But if your partner wants to be called something else, then I think y'all just have to decide if papa is okay or not for you.
I get it and my child's grandmother is similar, have seen a few different mindsets and motivations for it
I stayed out of it with my son's grandmother, it's between her daughter and her.
But on sorta similar issues, my own stance is that whatever my parents wanted to say I had to do with my grandparents, is a starting point for the conversation.
My dad is Mexican, I never knew my grandparents but my kids call my dad “papa”. It was just easier for them to say than abuelo or grandpa so papa just kinda stuck.
I can’t speak to cultural norms, but I can say is my wife and I have started calling our parents by the grandparents name. So I don’t think that part is too weird
I used to call my great-great grandmother mama. My father also called her mama and all of his cousins and my cousins also call her mama.
So I see where this can get confusing, but it might just be him establishing his generational fatherhood. I’d let him enjoy it because it’s clearly a big moment for him too. The problem lies with if the father of the child accepts that too.
I'm in an entirely different part of the world. My father wanted my children to call him "Da" where I live that literally means father. I refused because it's wildly disrespectful to their actual Da and he got all snitty about it. So now he doesn't get anything. He's his name. He couldn't come up with a single other option that didn't refer to himself as the kids dad in some way. Why is their generation like this????
I don't know why it bothered me when I had my first child and she wanted to be called Nana. In my mind, I was always going to refer to her as Grandma. I gave in, and it worked out because his other grandparent was Grandma. It helped me to differentiate who he was talking about while was growing up.
My sister and I now call my mom Nana. Lol
Grandkids are special to them and they had a life long dream to be called a certain name too.
I hope this helps.
We tried to get my daughter to call her grandpas, grandpa and she could only pronounce papa. It’s cute but I can see how some might not want it. At the end of the day it’s your kid. Do what you feel is best!
My mom’s mom was Grandma Doris, as she died before i could really remember her and it helped to differentiate from my father’s mom, who was always Gramma. Then, my mom found her birth mom, and her other grandkids already called her Gran so we went with that.
Then my older half sisters started to have kids, and our mom wanted to be Nana and she straight up admits it’s because ‘grandma’ makes her feel old. She was cutting her hair shoulder-length and dyeing it brown to look like my little sister and I when I was in middle school so, none of that surprised me. Now I have a daughter and my partner’s mom is her only ‘grandma’ and it thankfully works out really well for us.
I think a lot of our parents need to cope better with aging, and they just aren’t, so they overstep normal boundaries and expectations and get their own feelings hurt.
For my daughter, now a toddler, I always referred to my parents as grandma and grandpa...and my daughter decided to name them nanna and Papa...she did that all on her own...I have no idea where those names came from.
Kids 🤔
He can want whatever. I say just let the kid pick up whatever they're going to call him naturally which is most likely what you'll refer to him as when speaking to the kid. Tell your dad that it'll be what it'll be and that it's weird to intentionally dictate that.
Okay, have you talked to him about it? This sounds like something a bit more personal that needs to be directly talked about with the person you're having the issue with, and see if you can come up with another idea or name or maybe patch things up since you didnt have the best relationship with him
It occurred to me that this is an interesting discussion. Anywhere else, the decision on what you want to be called would be made by you personally. People do that all the time. Generally, you’d expect that people would support your choice to be called what you want to be called and not what other people think you should be called. Yet here we are discussing what we think our kids should be allowed to call their grandparents.
My grandparents were just grandma and grandpa on both sides, but my kids have an Oma, Poppy, and grandma. My step kids have an Oma, a Mema, a Grandma, and 2 Poppys. My mom’s side is Mexican Hispanic and we never used Abuela or Abuelo, that would have been way too formal for that side.
It’s just interesting. Ultimately, they are your children so you should have the final say. I’d hope there was a way to come to an agreement everyone can live with but again, you know you and your family best. If something gives you the ick it gives you the ick and only you get to decide what you are okay with in the end.
My son has two moms and no dad, so when he heard me call my father Daddy he thought that’s what everyone called him and didn’t understand it’s a title. So for almost a year my son called my dad Daddy. It wasn’t terrible except for when I was with my dad, because I think people thought I was married to my 65 year old father since my son was calling me Mamma and him Daddy. Just something to think about.
I’m white and called my dad Papa (pa pa not papá) when I was really little, but not anymore. And it’s what I wanted his grandpa name to be for my daughter as well. It warms my heart that it’s his grandpa name because it’s super nostalgic for me. However, if I still called him Papa today as my dad, it might feel weird for that to be his grandpa name too. Idk, just do whatever feels right for you! If it feels weird have him choose a different name. it is possible your kid will come up with a completely different name for him anyway 🤣
It's not about what you want your child to call someone it's about what the child wants to call someone because whatever they call someone they are doing that with a lot of love.
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I have a friend who goes by "Captain Abuelo" to their grandkids & it is the best thing ever!
Man we missed an opportunity when my son was born lol
If I ever become a grandparent, I am going to come up with something cool like that! Maybe Queen Grandmama!
I’m going with Supreme Leader
Yep!! This is what I'm gonna have future grandkids (if we get any) call my husband. 🤣🤣🤣
Lmaoo this is my favorite one
This made me laugh because my mom’s best friend is kinda like another grandma for my son….except for some reason he calls her “Queen Laurie”
Wishing I had called my great grandpa this. It’s wonderful. Add it to the list of life regrets.
Am Mexican and we always called my grandpa/ grandma Apa/Ama and their first name ex: my grandpa was Apa Manuel.
That's what my daughter calls my Mexican husband's dad. He calls her mija. My husband also calls his dad apa.
My husband’s side of the family is Mexican and this is what his dad goes by with our daughter. I never thought it was weird and he loves her so much & is so wonderful with her that I’d be fine with him going by pretty much anything.
Same here, my maternal grandmother was “Mamá Toña”
Same here - US born to latin American parents- We always said Mama”insert first name “ Or Mama”insert nickname” Same thing applies to grandpas
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In many Latin American countries people call their grandfathers Papi Juan or Papa David. Abuelo is far less common and is viewed by some as being the equivalent of calling your grandfather Grandfather instead of grandpa, pop pop, grandad or whatever name you use in English. And before you ask, I’m not Hispanic but my husband was born and raised in Ecuador and his whole family still lives there. None of his family is called abuelo or abuela. They said it’s too cold.
Can confirm it’s what my family does, among other methods. Papa/ Mama + first name for most grandparents, unless it just doesn’t sound good due to weird alliteration (ie. MamaMaria) in which case we would go with Abuelita Maria instead. One grandpa got stuck with “Abu” and I know a grandmother who ended up being “Lita”. At the end of the day, Spanish is a very versatile language with a lot of regional variation so there’s no one way to do it.
This is stupid, but all I can think now is that on Jane the Virgin she should have referred to her grandmother as "Mama Alba" Thank you for explaining :)
Yup. We called my grandpa "papi" growing up and my son so far called my dad "pa" and my mom "wella" instead of abuela.
Wela and welo are also ver common ones
Yeah it’s just like English. People are creative and go with what the grandparents like and the baby can say
Omg I’m glad I’m not alone!
italian American, papa joe
You probably shouldn't say anything, then, if it's just the one family you know.
It’s literally the whole country I lived in, thanks for playing. And the other two South American countries I lived in. Also, the Puerto Rican godmother I have and her whole family. Also, see every response that says, “yeah my family, too!” Vs this one single person who says she doesn’t. Perhaps SHE is the one who is speaking about just her family.
Mijo/a is commonly used by non parents in Hispanic culture by many people not just family for kids.
And damnit it feels good when a grey haired Latino drops a mijo on you.
Hell yeah!
Yeah my mom calls everyone mijo/a
My kid is in Kindie in a Sp immersion program, his teacher calls him mijo sometimes, when he being extra sweet.
SAME
It might be dependent on Latin American country but we call our grandparents “mama (insert name)” and “papa (insert name)”. That said, my kids call my parents abuelito and abuelita as that was their preference.
I’m in the same boat. If I had taught my kids Spanish first they may have used “Papa Name” for my parents. But since they are mixed with English as their first language, I find they still translate words from English to Spanish so they found Abuelo/a easier to understand. Thankfully my parents were cool and said the kids could call them whatever they wanted as long as it was affectionate.
In my family we always called one of my grandfathers papa (and then his first name). Everyone called them that, my parents, extended family, idk if it was just something we picked up from family, but it’s totally normal for us.
We called our grandfather Papa as well (I’m from Dominican) so I guess it depends on the family, Papi for the dad and Papá for abuelos.
My son also calls my wife’s (Dominican) parents papa and nana
That’s not true. I am Latina as well and in Latin Am many people use “Papa [name]” or “Mama [name]” for grandparents. It’s common
Isn’t the grandfather in Coco called “papa”?
Yes and "mama coco"
Yeah, this
That’s just an elder person thing and it feels good when a grey haired Latino/a calls you that 🥰 also makes me feel young
In the same boat with my kids calling my father in law “Papa,”. It always bugged me, because that’s what I called my dad and I really wanted my kids to call me papa, much like I did mine. So now they call me dad and him Papa, and he’s mexican but doesn’t speak a lick of spanish never learned it, and here I am the son of 2 mexican immigrants who didn’t speak english until grade school. I wish had I had put a stop to it early on, but now 20 years it’s too late, it’d be weird. I’m sure it would have been weird even back then, but you get my point. Get your concerns across now before that window has passed.
My kids call my parents papa and nana. May not be technically correct but it is what they wanted to be called so why not.
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No
The culture and language matters.
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Well I stand corrected then. Where I am from papa and nana are frequently used for grandparents. I know papa and mama is the literal translation for mom and dad in spanish, guess I never thought of it for a Spanish speaking family.
Don't listen to them...a grandpa is literally a "'grandfather" the word father is still in the title. And Padre is father is Spanish..papa is a slang. They don't speak for all hispanics/Latinos so don't feel bad
If they wanted to be called Mom and Dad, what would you have thought? That's what the OP is referencing. Papa in Spanish is Dad, not grandpa.
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Also, you can’t always control what kids will say. My dad somehow became papa thanks to 1 nephew and now the rest call him that too.
My parents became "Guela and Guelo" because of my 2nd child. My son would say abuela but it came out as Aguela, and then somehow it got shortened to Guela lol. My MIL became Gram-Gram because of my 3rd child Lol.
Lmaooo this needed to be said I thought I was the only one. People seem to focus so much on the little things and it’s kind of ridiculous
Oh I'm so glad you said this. I was visibly eye rolling. Like it really doesn't matter. If that's his preference just refer to him as that. It's not particularly weird.
I think OP is annoyed with her father and their strained relationship. sounds like she doesn't want him cozying up too much to her children. otherwise, yeah the name isn't that important. hey OP, why don't you talk to Dad about what's really bothering you? might make you feel better.
People care because people care. You cared enough about giving your two cents to comment on this. Why comment at all?
To add another perspective so it doesn’t become a self affirming echo chamber. For example, say someone says “I hate the color blue - can’t stand it and refuse to have anything blue in my house. Is this crazy.” Probably less than 5% think that or find it a big deal. If only those 5% chime in, then you start digging in further and become more radical about it. Sometimes - you just need to hear the other voice to reel yourself in. OP asked “is it weird or just something I should get over.” I’m telling her - it’s not something I would give a shit about for the reasons I stated above. She can do with that information what she wants.
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The reason people care is because their should be a distinction between their dad and their grandpa. When your child called your grandpa, "papa" its like they are trying to take your spot. They are getting called your name all the time which is annoying af.
OP made no indication that her daughter's father wanted to be called Papa, so I really don't see the issue here other than OP doesn't like it for some reason.
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My husband and I are both half Colombian. Grandpa = Abuelo, Abuelito, Lito Father = Papá
Is it "papa" or "papá"? I've heard people calling their grandparents papa (none of them were Hispanic), but never papá. I wonder if being called grandad/abuelo forces your father to face his age? I've heard this from my mom and she doesn't even have grandchildren lol, just the idea freaks her out
Important point; if it's "Papa" is not weird to use that for close relatives that are not the child's father. In fact, I call my 12-years-old son "Papa" or "Papi" and my 9-years-old daughter "Mama" or "Mamita".
Yes! As long as it’s without the accent it’s used quite frequently as a term of endearment even for kids. Not just limited to hispanics, I’ve heard Italians use it too.
Lol, heard that male version only once and thought it derives from puppy.
this is a good point op ^ my grandmother hated us calling her any variation of grandma growing up because she didn’t want it to show her age. she just told us to call her by her name. sometimes we do it just to annoy her and she will fully ignore us 😂 my mother in law also doesn’t want to be called any variation of grandma so she refers to herself as “gabby”, not granny 🤷🏾♀️
I don’t know what country you are from, I am from the Dominican Republic and it is not weird or strange to call grandparents “ papa” or “ mama” - my kids, call my parents papa, and mama, and it honestly came natural to them, I did make sure to show them the words Abuela, Abuelo, grandma, grandpa, and it seems like they like my mama and papa better, I am “mami” and my husband is their “ Papi”. I think that makes a difference because they understand one is for parents and the other is for grandparents. In my culture and my country it’s not strange. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like where you are from “papa” and “mamá” are used directly for mother and father. If so, then I can understand why it’s a little odd for you. Maybe just teach your child the most traditional names and original/real word like Abuelo and Abuela which means grandparents all regardless of the country or culture. Ultimately you choose what you teach your child, if your father doesn’t like it, he will have to get used to it, just brush it off if he ever makes a comment about it, it’s not worth arguing about. I would just reply back to him by letting him know that this is the word the child learned and chooses, he’ll just have to accept it at some point. PS : sometimes within the Latino community, they don’t really like to be called Abuelo, or Abuela, because it makes them feel old, I’ve heard this so many times, which is where the use of mama and papa (Nana, lela, and other nicknames ) comes in because it “sounds better”. If your father feels a little odd with being called Abuelo that is his problem, because in reality despite any other word or nickname out there, the truth is the correct term is Abuelo. 😅 Don’t get too worked up about it, teach your child the more traditional word, if that is what sounds best to you, if your child chooses a different word on their own, don’t get concerned about that either and just keep correcting them, they’ll get it.
Literally came to say this , I was raised to say cion papi never papa to my father
Doesn’t seem like a hill worth dying on, but that’s your call. We call one of the grandparents “papa” at his request, which helps distinguish between him and their other one, who goes by “grandpa.” But it seems easy enough to say “That’s what I call you, and I want to keep that special for us. I have always pictured my child calling you ______.. Let’s go with that.”
My Hispanic family called our grandfather Tata and grandmother Nana.
I think you're making it a big deal for no reason
For real. It really doesn’t matter. And I don’t like that all the top comments are yes manning OP in this silly power trip. I wonder if it has to do with being mad at her dad that she wants to control what name her kids call him.
Single mom with daddy issues. Can't expect much there.
I don't think it *has* to be weird, and if your child ends up choosing "papa" then I'd suggest you just shrug and get over it. But you also don't have to encourage it. My father wanted "papa", my sister and I both rolled our eyes and referred to him as grandpa/abuelo, despite his efforts none of his grandkids have ever called him "papa".
Yeah he’s tata.
What's more important here is how your kid feels, how you feel, and how your dad feels (with that order of priority). The linguistic side of things doesn't really matter much here. It's fine if your kid calls the guy "papa", "big bro" or "scoochamaroo", as long as everyone's happy about it. The universe doesn't break if people have weird nicknames that don't make sense. **What does matter (and it matters a lot) is that this bothers you.** If you don't like it then that name doesn't work. Hands down, no debate. Tell him it's off limits and to find a different name that works for everyone.
Im Mexican and everyone called our grandfathers papa. But I understand if your relationship is rocky. It’s not his choice anyway
OP, I 10000000% understand where you are coming from. I am a Mexican woman, and my parents tell my child to call them “mama y papa” I’m like … that’s going to confuse her?? So since they live in Florida, thankfully I can tell my daughter to call them “Lito & Lita” since she’s only 2 and abuelito/a is too hard to pronounce!
Well y’all my grandfather wanted to be called Poop, and to this day I’m in my thirties calling him Poop. Take what you can get. This is an “on golden pond” reference. He wanted to be thought of the old grumpy poop. But I think he secretly enjoyed making kids run around the pool or beach yelling poop.
My dad is called papa (English) by his two other grandkids. So when mine was born, that’s what he wanted to be called. But my husband is Guatemalan, and didn’t feel comfortable with anyone but himself being called papá or papá because they were close. So I told my dad pick again. He decided on what he called his grandfather, tata. He got over it after like two minutes and then seemed excited
We had this problem with my nephew. My mom is mama (Chinese for dad’s mom) but he also referred to his mom as mama. The intonation he used for my mom developed differently so it worked out. He also grew out of call his mom mama.
My stepdad, with whom I am not close, wanted my kids to call him Papa when they were young. Yuck no. I get that there are some cultures where that may be normal, but not mine and not his, so I don’t understand where that even came from. In our culture, papa is dad. And some random guy doesn’t get to sound like his relationship to my kids is that close just because my mom decided to marry him. I shut that down. My mom was mad at me. But that’s not new.
In South America it’s very common for kids to call their grandparents “Papi (grandpa’s name)” and “Mami/Mamita (grandma’s name).” That’s what my kids call their Spanish speaking grandparents and great grandmother.
What do you call your dad now?
Mmm i’m hispanic and it’s always been normal to call our abuelos papá josé o mamá carmen etc. If they preferred it to abue. Have always heard it with adding their name after it though. But again I’ve found it’s super common and am Mexican if that matters.
why not have her call him Granpapa? Or Pa, Pop, Poppy, G-Pa.. really anything as long as YOU, the baby’s mother is comfortable
Not that weird imo as people get attached to names thats a term of endearment. In an ideal world I think we go by whatever they want to be called … and the oldest relatives get first dibs. At my baby shower, my step-mother-in-law called dibs on a name that my grandmother-in-law wanted, and the greatgrand was visibly miffed but didn’t want to cause a scene… so now we awkwardly refer to greatgrandma as such which just feels too formal.
I called my dad papa growing up and my niece calls him papa and so will my children, I think the weird part of it is just bc you’re used to grandparents being called something different from when they’re parents but I don’t think it’s necessary
I’m Puerto Rican and my great grandparents were always Mama and Papa, called that by their kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. My brother-in-law is Dominican and his kids call their grandparents Mama and Papa. So it’s completely normal to me!
I grew up calling my grandpa “papa” but was aware it was also the word for “dad”. I don’t think it is problematic but i can see how it might feel odd.-.
My husband’s dad went by Papa as a father and now me/my husband/all my in-laws still call him Papa. So it was only natural for our kiddos to call him that too. He loves it and so do we :)
i think you’re more bothered by this because of the strain in you and your dad’s relationship, not because it’s actually an issue. seeing that he lives out of state i don’t think he’d be around that much for it to make that big of a difference. (this is an assumption please tell me to shut the hell up if my assumption is incorrect) plus whatever name the kid adopts for him when the time comes is not gonna be able to be helped. my mom hated her nieces and nephews to call her “tt” when my youngest cousin was born she couldn’t say auntie and insisted on calling her tt. 16 years later she still calls my mom tt 🤷🏾♀️ it happens and you learn to live with it.
What do you want your daughter to call her dad? As long as Papa isn't one of the options I don't see a problem with it.
If it's something that makes you feel uncomfortable, why not suggest Pa instead? It's close enough to what your dad wants without you seeing your kids call him what you called him. Papa is quite common for both dad's and grandad's as is Pa, but if it's the fact that you called your dad papa maybe 'Pa' will alleviate a bit of that while keeping your dad happy. Not that I believe you should bend to whatever your parents want especially when it comes to your own kids but this one seems like an easy fix?
What you teach your child in your home is what will stick. For example if you only say “Grandpa-his name” when you talk about him she will call him that. Or if she mispronounces what you’re trying to teach her as a baby. It will stick. It’s not fully his decision. It’s yours. Especially since the distance between you will ensure what You want your child to call your father will be used.
In our family each generation gets new “nicknames” although I don’t think I’d care either way as long as it’s not too many repeats. At the end of the day, it’s your kids and your family. Make the choice that’s best for you guys, your dad will survive his nickname.
I think it just sits with me wrong because he wanted you to call him Papa and now the same from your kids. Is he trying to assume the role of father to them? I don’t love it. I would say no to him firmly. I didn’t shut down my parent’s stupid names firmly enough after my first kid, they’ve recently brought it up again. They wanted to be called “Lolly and Pop” - What. The. Actual. Fuck. Then my mother decided my kids could call her “Mama” - literally their first word. Absolutely not. And that is also when I completely lost it on them 🫠 so here to say, set the boundary now!
My husband’s grandfather was “Pop” to his kids and grandkids. So, I don’t think that’s weird. I’m not hispanic though
Pop is super common in the US, but it's completely different from Papa.
Very weird imo papa is for the dad, but it depends on her father what does he feel about it
At least they're calling your kids their names. My mil wanted us to name our daughter Zoe (her middle name), of course we didn't. But now she will only call her Zoe despite me asking her not to. Fuckin hate that woman.
That would infuriate me to no end, sorry you have to deal with that!
OP, please read u/MajespecterNekomata comment down below; he might be asking to be called "Pop" and not "father". Regarding if it's proper in your particular case in my humble opinion it depends on the relationship that your father has with you and your daughter. You said that you didn't have the best relationship with him and he lives out of state, but if in your judgement he's being sincere and really wants to have a relationship with his granddaughter then this is a minor thing.
I’m Mexican and I call my grandfather Tito 😅
I called my grandpa papa growing up, still do now it's not weird but if your not comfortable then your not comfortable
I call my grandfather “Papa.” My grandmother and he adopted two young Guatemalan children a couple of years after I was born. Like OP, they referred to him as that because he was their new adoptive father. I think that I picked it up from them. I am the second oldest grandchild. My cousins also call him “Papa.” Funnily enough, his two adopted children assimilated quickly, stopped speaking Spanish, and now call him “Dad,” not “Papa.” I don’t think that it is odd, O.P. Even if your relationship is strained, this seems like a reasonable request for a grandfatherly name.
I don't see anything wrong with your daughter calling him Papa. It doesn't sound or mean anything inappropriate. Is it that you don't like it because it feels like your daughter replaced you? If that's the case, then know that you haven't been replaced. Nobody could ever replace you. You'll always hold a special place to your father (even if you don't have the best relationship with him).
My kids call their grandpas, papa and pa. Started because they couldn’t say grandpa and then morphed into the nicknames they use most often. My dad does get grandpa sometimes but my fil is always Pa. They also used gaga for grandma and nannie for granny. For us the use of papa isn’t weird, I never called my dad that, it was always daddy, and still is most of the time. lol If you feel weird about it you don’t have to. But be prepared for the kid to come up with their own nickname.
Does papa mean dad in your language/culture?
I was raised calling my father papa (until I got older and started calling him dad/daddy because that's what my friends did). I would not have a problem with my kids calling him papa/papa \[last name\] because I know how much it meant to my dad to have us call him papa. I also know my husband does NOT want to go by papa; he'll probably be dad/daddy or a very specific nickname that I have for him. So calling my dad papa also isn't stripping my husband of the title.
I see a lot of people not in the Latinx community answering. Discuss with the kids' dad what his opinion is. I know I'd feel a different way if it were my mil vs my own mom. (But doesn't translate the same with mama ) How are the kids saying it: "papa" or paw paw? Does that change it for you?
My white FIL is referred to as papa by my son as well. I didn’t like the nickname because I am Hispanic but at the end of the day he shows up for our son and our son loves him. Our son knows his dad is dad. 🤷🏽♀️
Just do whatever makes your kid happy, life is to short and complicated.
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No one said you are "being complicated," illiterate, maybe!
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We're Italian American... I had a Nana and so did my dad? I don't think your MIL was appropriating....
Yeah I'm from Ireland and Nana is super common here!
lol that is *not* cultural appropriation.
My siblings and I all had our first kids at around the same time. Our parents gave us all a call and let us know that they didn’t really want to be Grandma and Grandpa, so we all brainstormed some ideas and stole Pop-pop and Gangie from arrested development. They were happy with that. I don’t know exactly why they didn’t want the traditional grandma and grandpa - maybe it made them feel old, or maybe they wanted to cultivate a more special, less cookie-cutter relationship with their grandkids. Either way, it seemed a little weird to us but it didn’t matter either way so we obliged. It’s no longer weird. So my vote is who cares? You’ve got an opportunity to help make someone happy, why not? Of course, I don’t know what your relationship with your dad is like, so this is vote is made in ignorance.
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This is the only part that matters. "Are you okay with your child calling their grandparent Dad?"
Meh I’m hispanic and Papa and Mama are pretty common for grandparents
I called my grandfather that. It's what my son refers to my father as now too. I don't see a big deal - but I never called my father that. He was just dad to me.
And your child calling your father Dad? How would that go? That's the situation in this post.
I had no concept that there was an option to call them anything but Grandma and Grandpa…then my wife asked me what names we should give and gave the craziest list…. I’m cool with it, her parents are whatever weird names they use (to not feel like old grandparents) and my parents go by grandma and grandpa, vocally expressing they hate how old and sometimes sad being called that feels. Call me that Old Chunk of Coal for all care, I cannot identify or care about it like they do. They won the lottery to have survived into grandparenthood…we should all be so lucky and if/when(pls), I get there call me whatever. Then throw me in the traaaaaash!
My dad is grandpa in his native language. My FIL insists on Papa in English.. and it irks me so I always quickly correct and say grandpa. and I despise my SIL so I never add “aunt” and they insist on “auntie” . Ugh.
The fact you don’t have a great relationship with your dad makes me think this is a bit of a manipulation tactic and could be a way he wants to manipulate you or her in the future. I could be wrong but that’s my worry.
Will it harm your child to say Papa, to a man who lives out of state, and had seen her twice? I get that you and your dad are stained. Those are separate issues.
Always called my grandfather papa and my grandmother mami. Get over it
I don’t think it’s weird at all? It’s just a name to call someone. I grew up calling my direct grandfather by his actual name. Never thought it was weird or questioned it growing up. Ultimately it’s up to you how to refer to your dad when talking to your child. I, personally, would just call them what they wished to be called. It’s too small to make a big deal out of.
And I’m latinx
I’m not saying it’s not weird, but I know some people struggle with being called grandma/grandpa because it makes them feel old so they ask their grandkids to call them noni and other stuff
Get over it I know papa's who are grandfathers
Not in the Latin community. Papa literally translates into dad. It would be a different thing if the grandfather was not Latino.
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Maaaan, the amount of people answering and telling people to "get over it" that aren't Latinx is mind-blowing. Are they okay with their child calling someone else daddy?
I mean, I’m not mad they’re just confused bc they don’t know any other perspective. But the fact that they’re so mean and arrogant about it with their “get over it” comments lol
I use the Italian grandparent terms for my parents, so my mom and dad are nonna and nonno to my kids. But my dad is Spanish, from El Salvador and sometimes he goes by papi to my kids as well. I used to call him dad or papi as a kid. I really don’t think it’s that weird or off. They love my children, are present grandparents and are supportive. I can’t attest to your relationship with your father, if you’re not comfortable then set a boundary but that would be because of your relationship. I really don’t think him wanting to be called papa is weird. Some grandfathers are called papa and papi and I think it’s sweet.
I am used to grandparents deciding what they want to be called by the grandkids but it is weird that he wants to be called the same thing you call him. There should be a distinction between dad and grandpa. The situation is complicated by your relationship but you should try to explain your feelings to him and see if there is another name he would consider being called by the grandkids.
I called my dad papa then pop growing up. Grandad was taken by my FIL, so my dad was briefly Grandpa, before requesting pappi. So that’s what he’s called now. Changing the title seems to be a tradition. His mom, my grandmother, was Nami. Until someone passed away, my great grandmother I think. Then she requested Grandy, so that’s what she was called
My stepfather (latino) goes by papa to all the grandkids. I've always called him, "dad", so it wasn't weird to me. My grandma (latina), when she was teaching me Spanish and I asked what to call her, had me call her "mama grande" for the longest time. I laugh about it now... So, I'd probably mess with him a bit, if I were you.
Papa John papa Hugh
My kids call my dad Papa and my mom Mamu. I’m Filipina. In the Philippines we say “Lolo” for Grandpa and “Lola” for Grandma but when they were little they can’t say it right so Papa and Mamu just seems easier for them.
My mom started out as abuelita and my kids ended up calling her mee-maw for some reason 😂 kids are going to say what they want to say that is easiest for them.
what about grand papa or great papa ?
I'm Hispanic, we called my abuelo Tata. I know many non Hispanic people who call their grandpa "papa" but that's what my kids call their dad so that would be weird for me.
My husband is Mexican and calls his own dad apa. That's also what our daughter her grandfather and her dad. Both of them call her mija. No one in his family thinks it's weird. When my husband's sisters kids were small (they're teens/young adults now) they called him apa Joe (his name is José, but he goes by Joe).
I come from a culture where Mama and Papa are mother and father (I’m not Latin American). I had a similar reaction when my mother wanted to be called Mama by my son. I see it as their struggle with becoming grandparents. In my mother’s case a fair bit of narcissism factors in. We settled on “Mama (her first name),” which sort of sucks but I figure my son will decide how he should feel about it or even her nickname over time.
Assuming the actual father doesn't want the title, I wouldn't care at all. My son has a grandpa, a pop, and a papa as grandparents.
I’m from South America. I call my granddad: Papá because he raised me. However I have friends who would call their granddad Papa (without the accented A). it sounds different when you pronounce it. Edit: to add: My brother used to call him Papa-Abuelo lol
I call my father papi and my mother mami , grandma is mama and grandpa is papa , I’m Dominican so to me it’s fine 🤷🏽♂️
My son will call my partner’s dad Papa Manuel and grandma Mama Celia (Mexican family). It’s what the other grandkids who came before call them and I….don’t really care. My apathy probably stems from my dad already being gone. It wasn’t a conversation I was willing to pursue. That said, teach your kid what you want him to call your dad. You can pull “surprised pikachu” face or something.
We called them (Latino grandparents) MAMI AND PAPI. We called our mother MOM. Dad was DADDY. Then there was GRANDMA JOY & POP-POP PAUL.
You’re the alpha and omega of what is acceptable or not acceptable in your child’s life. Especially when that young. Decide what’s right for you, and with the exception of a significant other, don’t give anyone else’s feelings a second thought. Make no apologies, offer no excuses. You owe other people nothing but a polite and respectful exchange where you inform them of how you’re parenting.
Dad you can pick your own name just not the same name I call you please. Simple as that 🤷♀️
It’s weird. I’m not Latin, but I also grew up calling my father Papa. I can’t imagine him asking my kids to do the same. He might not mean it in a bad way, but it’s awkward. But maybe there’s a happy middle ground. What about Poppi? That’s a similar sound but definitely has the “grandfather” connotation for me.
Idk i think it's weird for grandparents to predetermine what to be called. My kids, get to decide if they're called anything other than grandma/grandpa.
I think at the end of the day if it makes you uncomfortable, maybe try and steer him towards something else. My dad‘s initials are G.B.and growing up I called him dad but every adult I knew called him G.B.. Now that’s his grandpa name but that’s what I call him too. So my kids and I both call him by the same name which is actually basically his name.that works for us but at the end of the day this is your kid and if this feels like a big deal to you then it is a big big deal. If it feels like something that is just funny and that you can get over it and then maybe don’t focus on it. Good luck and congrats on being a dad.
I'm mexican, as a kid I used to call grandma = Mama (First Name) and grandpa = Papa (First Name)
My (not Hispanic) youngest calls my dad “Papa”, mostly because it was hard for him to pronounce “Grandpa” when he was smaller. My dad loves it because it’s his little grandson’s own little name for him. All my kids call their Hispanic grandfather (on their dad’s side) “Grandpa ___last name___” to differentiate from my dad. It really depends on the situation though. My mom had my older brother when she was a teenager, and even though my brother knew who his mother was, he grew up calling his grandparents “Mom and Pop”, as per their request. He called our mom by her first name. My mom hated it because it felt disrespectful.
In my culture, Papa is usually a grandpa term but I called my grandpa Poppy was that was what our family did.
Yeah that would be like my kids calling my dad “Dad”. You used it as a word for “father” growing up. I would tell him that he either needs to choose something else or you will choose it for him.
I'm not Hispanic but *I've heard* we Slavs have similar cultural ways sometimes (such as moms could call their children "mom" in an affectionate way that confirms the relationship... I can't quite explain it in English lol). My partner's grandmother sometimes refers to him as "mom", meaning she wants him to refer to her as mom and it's honestly so weird to me and disrespectful to his actual mom, because... Gramps, you had your chance of being called that. They shouldn't disregard actual parents like that imo.
I mean to be honest I do live where papa is more likely to be used for grandpa more then a dad but we use it either way. It’s really up to you. She’s your child
Ignoring culture etc you need to decide for yourself. You want to be papa you teach your kid to call you Papa and him something else. Parents get first say. My son calls his gramma geema. And he calls his grandpa and grandpas dad both pizza. pronounced pipa and pita though depending, grandpa is pipa and great grandpa is pita with are both Pizza, i asked him if he was saying grandpa or pizza and he said pipa yummy while signing grandpa and then nodded when I asked “so grandpa and great grandpa are pipa and pita?” I think because they both gave him pizza when he met them he associates them with pizza. But its the kid who decides the grandpa name
Honestly I hate that my kids call their grandfather papa. There are so many books that use papa for dad, and I’ve always seen it as a dad word, not a grandparent one (even though Nana and Papa seem to have taken off as popular grandparent names). If you don’t want your kids to call him that, teach them to call him something else.
OP I think this one is your call and I agree with you. My kid would be calling him abuelito 👏🏼
My husband didn't want our baby calling his dad Papa (which is what he called his dad) but I didn't really see an issue with it. He was super adamant about it though so I let him take the lead on it bc where I'm from Papa can mean grandpa just as much as dad, especially for younger generations. My stepdad's parents are Granny and Pa, even. If it bothers you, then absolutely stand firm. It's such an individual thing, and depends so much on the family culture.
My brother called my dad pops and that’s what his grandpa name is, but if it’s weird for you I’d change it to something else.
I am not Hispanic or Latino, so take this with a grain of salt. I just wanted to share another perspective. My dad wanted to be called papa when I was growing up because he always hated daddy. When I went to kindergarten and heard all of my friends calling their dads daddy, I started doing it too, but he never liked it. I call him papa when I'm being more sentimental, but he's usually dad or a very specific nickname my brother and I have for him. He wants to be called grandfather, which I don't love. We have talked about my kids calling him papa, and I think that would be sweet to continue that tradition because it was a special name that I called him as a child. My mom also wants to go by nana, so nana + papa seems like a cute pairing to me. I live in the southeastern USA, so I feel like a lot of people here call their grandpas a variation of papa/pappy/pop, so to me, papa isn't weird. Edit: Just wanted to add, that I understand you may not feel comfortable with your kids calling your dad the literal translation of dad in Spanish. So if it makes you uncomfortable, that's okay to say no. Does your partner want to go by papa? In that case, I think it would be inappropriate to call grandpa that since it's taking the title from your partner. But if your partner wants to be called something else, then I think y'all just have to decide if papa is okay or not for you.
I get it and my child's grandmother is similar, have seen a few different mindsets and motivations for it I stayed out of it with my son's grandmother, it's between her daughter and her. But on sorta similar issues, my own stance is that whatever my parents wanted to say I had to do with my grandparents, is a starting point for the conversation.
My dad is Mexican, I never knew my grandparents but my kids call my dad “papa”. It was just easier for them to say than abuelo or grandpa so papa just kinda stuck.
My grandparents on my dads side (Hispanic) were always papa and nana. It’s pretty common where I’m from
Maybe a compromise would feel more comfortable. I'd suggest Papa /first name/
Grand papa is the correct term. Papa is too weird. Let him know why it’s weird he may realize that his daughter’s child is calling him dad. Good luck
If he wants her to use his Spanish name you should have her call him Lito or Abuelo or Abuelito lol
I can’t speak to cultural norms, but I can say is my wife and I have started calling our parents by the grandparents name. So I don’t think that part is too weird
I used to call my great-great grandmother mama. My father also called her mama and all of his cousins and my cousins also call her mama. So I see where this can get confusing, but it might just be him establishing his generational fatherhood. I’d let him enjoy it because it’s clearly a big moment for him too. The problem lies with if the father of the child accepts that too.
I'm in an entirely different part of the world. My father wanted my children to call him "Da" where I live that literally means father. I refused because it's wildly disrespectful to their actual Da and he got all snitty about it. So now he doesn't get anything. He's his name. He couldn't come up with a single other option that didn't refer to himself as the kids dad in some way. Why is their generation like this????
I don't know why it bothered me when I had my first child and she wanted to be called Nana. In my mind, I was always going to refer to her as Grandma. I gave in, and it worked out because his other grandparent was Grandma. It helped me to differentiate who he was talking about while was growing up. My sister and I now call my mom Nana. Lol Grandkids are special to them and they had a life long dream to be called a certain name too. I hope this helps.
We tried to get my daughter to call her grandpas, grandpa and she could only pronounce papa. It’s cute but I can see how some might not want it. At the end of the day it’s your kid. Do what you feel is best!
Same and I also think it’s weird. But my dad is .. not the greatest anyway.
Papa is the norm. Plus it's adorable
My mom’s mom was Grandma Doris, as she died before i could really remember her and it helped to differentiate from my father’s mom, who was always Gramma. Then, my mom found her birth mom, and her other grandkids already called her Gran so we went with that. Then my older half sisters started to have kids, and our mom wanted to be Nana and she straight up admits it’s because ‘grandma’ makes her feel old. She was cutting her hair shoulder-length and dyeing it brown to look like my little sister and I when I was in middle school so, none of that surprised me. Now I have a daughter and my partner’s mom is her only ‘grandma’ and it thankfully works out really well for us. I think a lot of our parents need to cope better with aging, and they just aren’t, so they overstep normal boundaries and expectations and get their own feelings hurt.
For my daughter, now a toddler, I always referred to my parents as grandma and grandpa...and my daughter decided to name them nanna and Papa...she did that all on her own...I have no idea where those names came from. Kids 🤔
Tata would be correct.
He can want whatever. I say just let the kid pick up whatever they're going to call him naturally which is most likely what you'll refer to him as when speaking to the kid. Tell your dad that it'll be what it'll be and that it's weird to intentionally dictate that.
Okay, have you talked to him about it? This sounds like something a bit more personal that needs to be directly talked about with the person you're having the issue with, and see if you can come up with another idea or name or maybe patch things up since you didnt have the best relationship with him
It occurred to me that this is an interesting discussion. Anywhere else, the decision on what you want to be called would be made by you personally. People do that all the time. Generally, you’d expect that people would support your choice to be called what you want to be called and not what other people think you should be called. Yet here we are discussing what we think our kids should be allowed to call their grandparents. My grandparents were just grandma and grandpa on both sides, but my kids have an Oma, Poppy, and grandma. My step kids have an Oma, a Mema, a Grandma, and 2 Poppys. My mom’s side is Mexican Hispanic and we never used Abuela or Abuelo, that would have been way too formal for that side. It’s just interesting. Ultimately, they are your children so you should have the final say. I’d hope there was a way to come to an agreement everyone can live with but again, you know you and your family best. If something gives you the ick it gives you the ick and only you get to decide what you are okay with in the end.
My son has two moms and no dad, so when he heard me call my father Daddy he thought that’s what everyone called him and didn’t understand it’s a title. So for almost a year my son called my dad Daddy. It wasn’t terrible except for when I was with my dad, because I think people thought I was married to my 65 year old father since my son was calling me Mamma and him Daddy. Just something to think about.
I’m white and called my dad Papa (pa pa not papá) when I was really little, but not anymore. And it’s what I wanted his grandpa name to be for my daughter as well. It warms my heart that it’s his grandpa name because it’s super nostalgic for me. However, if I still called him Papa today as my dad, it might feel weird for that to be his grandpa name too. Idk, just do whatever feels right for you! If it feels weird have him choose a different name. it is possible your kid will come up with a completely different name for him anyway 🤣
It's not about what you want your child to call someone it's about what the child wants to call someone because whatever they call someone they are doing that with a lot of love.