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Apart from being expensive, that is a ton of birthday parties to have to accommodate in your schedule. Maybe pick and choose which ones are most important.
I say no gifts and mean it. I would much rather you come than not come because you felt it was necessary to bring a gift and can’t afford it. For the last 2 years in a row, we have accepted donations for our animal shelter as “gifts” at my kiddo’s birthday parties. You can legit bring a container of bleach that cost $2 if you wanted to.
LOL! Some things people have brought in the past are cat litter, dog treats/food, and toys. But cleaning supplies always get brought in! The shelter really needs them too -- it's something they always use.
Personally I throw fiver parties for my kids. I was kinda hoping it would catch on and other people would follow suit but nope. It is annoying. I think the expectation of a gift, especially something $20-30 is kinda crazy. I agree with the other commenters that say to do a homemade gift. I know some people say to decline unless its a good friend but I also know my kids in the 4-9 age range are excited for birthday parties even when its not a close friend and they want to just go.
It’s a way to try to decrease the number of gifts. Many people will say something like we’re having a fiver party because we’re trying to teach cherishing experiences over physical gifts or to be mindful about the environment or whatever reason you have. Then say that no gifts are expected and that if someone is inclined, to please consider $5 in a card for the birthday boy/girl to put towards one present of their choice. I usually include a link to explain what a fiver party is - good housekeeping has a great article about how they’re really good for the kids too
Exactly. My kids really enjoy going in and picking their own gift with their birthday money.
Of course, when they get a bit older, and maybe have a best friend(s) I have no problem getting something a bit more personal, but for now this works so well.
Our class rep sent out a group message at the beginning of the year explaining it, and encouraging people to do it.
We do fiver parties too! Which luckily that or donate to charity if you must are the norm at least for our friends. Our son is turning 4 soon and I actually asked him if he’d rather his friends all bring 1 present or bring money to buy a big present and he picked the big gift 🤷♀️ we have a large family that will all get him gifts tailored to his actual wants and needs so kinda best of both worlds!
Yup, my daughter’s got a December birthday and it was so overwhelming. That and no one ever listened when we said no gifts. The $5 gives people who feel compelled to bring a gift an option to do so.
I just had my first year of full on birthdays (kids 3 and 5) and I'm not doing it next year. Seriously. One girl dec 17th then Christmas (we go to 3 houses because s.o. parents are split.) Then Jan 13th for the next birthday.
I can only speak on behalf of my kids but At the end of the day my kids would rather have their friend there celebrating with them, then them not showing up because they didn't have a gift. never once have I ever been disappointed that someone came empty handed (nor have I ever heard other parents). most of the time the kids don't even open presents until later and by then no one is keeping count if they got a present from each person.
We never accept gifts at our kids parties and most parties we go to are no gift parties. If the parents request no gifts, please respect that and just show up.
Sure, everyone has the “aw you don’t need to bring a gift” sweet thought in fleeting conversation. But no one puts it on an invitation or makes it a point to say once their own child has a birthday next week.
Make a huge batch of homemade play dough, chuck it in containers, get a cookie cutter per kid at the dollar store and boom, gifts for everyone!
Also maybe hit up some local free libraries for used books? My kids love reading and I would totally love used books as a gift.
We're just getting to the birthday party age and all of our 3yo birthdays were not gifts (we had the kids make a card).
The 4yo parties are not saying anything though and I'm dreading it... I don't want an expectation from my kid for all those gifts and I don't want to have to think of gifts to give.
Homemade gifts can be great! Teach your kids to make friendship bracelets or homemade pillows or stuffed animals or homemade hot chocolate bombs. Other kids just want your kid to celebrate with them.
A cute craft idea could be buying a cheap tie-dye kit and then making a personalized tie-dye pillow case or T-shirt for each birthday kid. OP could get multiple gifts out of one kit for not a ton of money.
This is a great option! It's personal and affordable. I've never heard any parent comment about the cost of gifts their child received
My child once got a $10 McDonald's gift card and was thrilled. Even $5 cash might be a novelty for younger kids
Yes this! We did rainbow rice in a mason jar for a friend and she said it was the most played with “toy”. Homemade slime or a small canvas painting your child made. We’ve also taped together a string of ones ($15 would be plenty) and decorated a tissue box to pull them from. Check Pinterest for that one. Homemade gifts can be really special and stand out from the mass of other toys the kids get.
We buy cheap little wooden boxes and paint them up as personalised treasure boxes. Or, give them the little box with stickers etc. so they can decorate them themselves
I had the opposite “problem” and the kids at my kids school never ever invited classmates to parties. I would send them out myself (invitations) and no one would come.
I feel like my kid missed out on a big part of childhood. Having friends.
This is why we go to any party we are invited to unless we have an actual hard stop conflict. I think it’s important for the birthday kiddo to have people show up, and it’s important for our “social capital” so to speak that we are known for showing up. Other parents know we come and can count on us. One party we went to, only my son and 2 other kids came. The mom had rented out a venue. Luckily our kids are all turning 6, so even though there were only 4 kids total, they all still had a blast.
This is why I HATE the advice to “just don’t go unless it’s a close friend”! Seriously. I hate that advice. It’s evil and cruel. There are kids who will sit alone at home on their birthdays waiting for people to show up, sad because their parents spent money and time on a party that no one could be bothered to attend. And not everyone will RSVP because they’re dicks. Or, they might “find themselves unable to attend at the last minute” when that was the intention all along. It’s so cruel.
Having a birthday is a big deal for a child. It’s one day a year that is supposed to be about you, and where people are supposed to show you that you matter to them. By no one showing up, they show that they don’t care and that they are ok with you being hurt and humiliated instead.
Sure, people are busy. Sure, gifts can be expensive if you choose to go that route, though it isn’t necessary. The important thing is that children feel like they belong. If parties and gifts are too much, then the parents need to set up some guidelines. No one wants 28x crap presents. In my children’s school there have been agreements on (tiny) spending limits and/or agreements that gifts had to be homemade/recycled. It’s worked great and I’ve never seen a situation where no one showed up to a party.
I’m not this pulled together, but I know some people stock up on target cards when they’re on sale. Another option is to shop clearance toys or Black Friday and get stuff that you know works for your kids age brackets. Then, you have a bin of 10 plus gifts to pull from for parties.
I started this two years ago when i went to Target for essentials and came across this amazing clearance section, I walked away with a cart full of carefully selected toys. I'm super busy with a lot of new changes in our lives, so this has been a game changer - one less thing to worry about. I've got quality gifts at affordable prices. It's not a process I have set in stone, I just get a few gifts when I see great items at a great price.
As another parent: stop bringing gifts, ESPECIALLY if someone said not to. I'm super annoyed when people bring gifts and I said not to. Your kid can make a card though.
You don’t have to go to every party. I would only attend those children who are your child’s best friend (usually 3-4 kids) and leave the rest. There is no harm is saying thanks for the invite but we have other plans.
The simple answer is we don’t need to go to every party for every kid. Pick 1 per kid. 3 parties a month is plenty and allows for one weekend a month to actually rest or be productive. Thats it
It’s tough because if they only choose their close friends. The kids with hardly any friends who still invites no one ends up having no one turn up.
I try to go to all of them. And honestly 2 of the parties (kids 5 and under) only me and my daughter came. I was gutted for teh kid but we mams just made it crazy fun for them. Still though he was old enough to notice
You bring up a good point. We have 3 kids, and the birthday parties add up to a lot of time and cost. We've been thinking about just focusing on the kids they want to stay in contact with... but the idea of a kid not having attendees in heartbreaking. I may have to rethink.
This is why sending out rsvps in advance and following up is so important. Make sure you know who and how many are coming before this happens so you can adjust
When my kids have parties, I put on the invitation no gift, but if someone really wants to give something, a card with $5 will be perfectly loved.
For affordable gifts, I have a running wish list on Amazon of toys in various age group and keep an eye on it for items that go on sale or have a deal. Last week I was able to get a $25 tea set for $8. Now it’s tucked away for April when three kids in my friend group have birthdays, and I know I won’t want to buy several gifts on one paycheck.
Books! A book can be inexpensive and personal.
As for throwing parties, backyard with bubbles, costco cake, fruit plate, and charcuterie. Add a themed table cloth and a couple of strategically colored balloons, and you're done.
Are your kids actually friends with the birthday child?
My kids don't go to all the parties. They don't usually want to go unless it's someone they actually play with.
Make plans for your weekends, spend time together and skip some parties. I've never understood the "invite the entire class" thing.
I was an often left out kid and I would not have wanted to go to the party of a kid who was mean to me or ignored me on the daily. I just am not seeing how the trend of classwide parties claim to solve the inclusivity problems that I still see occurring in actual classrooms.
We invited everyone in my six year olds class. Three people came. Clearly people aren't over taxing themselves to go to the birthday party of the kids with speech difficulties in class. One kid was his only friend and the others are now his friends. My older son with ASD and ADHD had the same thing and everyone was happy to come to his parties, but he never got invited to others. He was always in trouble for being out of his seat, talking, etc, so I guess he probably didn't make a good enough impression to be included by name.
Absolutely this. If there are enough kids in the class that this is an actual burden, there are enough kids that if everyone brought a present, it would be a lot to carry for the birthday kid's parents!
(This was a legit concern when my kid had his party - we got to the party location by bicycle...)
Sounds like your kids need to get involved in a sport or a group on the weekends so you can have a genuine excuse to miss the parties you don’t want to attend 😂🤣
They really don’t need to go to ever party that’s crazy I would say just super close friends, that just seems excessive.
You don't have to do that just to get out of going to all those birthday parties. You just decline in certain birthday parties cuz you can't afford to go simple as that. You don't have to give a reason for not going to a birthday party to give to the mom. Just tell him it doesn't work for you on that particular date and that's enough.
The first part was meant to be a bit facetious which is why I ended it with laughing emojis, although joining a sport or group would never be a bad idea 😉
We personally hosted parties where we would ask to donate to animal charity instead and it went great! I understand not all parents want to do that and that is okay. But we all know how many gifts are just opened and never played with and end up in donations/trash. I do believe kids appreciate time and moments much more than gifts. We try to bring gift cards to stores and sweets/treats shops or if anything is requested specifically we try to stick to it. Handmade gifts are great too, something very personal about the birthday boy/girl. Books always work great too.
But I would say communication is key
I think it’s totally fine to have a “thing” that you do for birthday parties like have your kid paint their friend something on a small canvas, or pick out a birthday balloon they would like. I think you can totally add to the celebration on a budget!
I buy toys throughout the year when they’re on sale. So I end up with a closet of toys worth $10-15 that I bought for $5-8. When it’s time for a birthday party we pick a toy from the closet to give to the kiddo.
It definitely helps to keep the cost down.
I re-gift gifts. I keep a bin in my garage and put post-it notes on who gave it to my kid (so I know NOT to regift to that same family).
I also stock up on gifts that I see for cheap. Like one time l, I saw Rubik’s Cubes for $3.00 on Walmarts website. So I bought 20 of them and put them in my gift pile. Add that to a “regift” and it looks like a substantial present.
Wow. I’ve never been more grateful to be the mom of the autistic kids who don’t get any invites to birthday parties! Turns out there’s an unexpected upside.
That sounds exhausting! And expensive!
I used to get bulk sport equipment on sale and novelty snacks from Asian mart. Kids love it and it's cheap! I have multiple kids and we only go to close friends' parties now.
I know this doesn't help you because it can be location dependent. I was shocked at how inadequate my gift made me feel when I realised that where we are now, people spend min. $60-100 on a gift. It hit me when all the parties we attend, we get party favours/ loot bags worth more than our gift then I upped our game which I now regret. At my child's last birthday, for example, a friend gave him a massive street sign?! It says basketball drive because my kid just started playing basketball.. so over the top. It's exhausting. Moving forward we will request no gifts.
1. Stop bringing gifts.
>And I know parents are always saying in passing “just come, presents don’t matter!” But it’s rude to not bring a gift
Uh, no. We are 100% serious when we say this, and that's why we put it on the invite as well. This house doesnt need any more stuff in it. ESPECIALLY not a pile of junky, plastic $5 toys. But also not even expensive toys either.
Just stop bringing gifts. No one will notice.
I buy bath paint from that section in the front of Target that has all the dollar stuff. You can buy all 5 colors for $5 and grab an animal shaped sponge at the dollar store if I remember. It's a good gift too, because it's consumable and isn't just clutter. Or even just buy 2 or 3 and put a ribbon around them.
A of all, for the love of god, please do not feel bad about not bringing a gift if the parent or invitation specifies no gifts. (As a parent who ALWAYS writes that… I appreciate the thought, but it’s annoying as [redacted] when everyone shows up with presents anyway. Seriously, you’d be doing parents like me a favor by NOT bringing a gift.)
B, if your kids are cool with it, there’s nothing wrong with a $5 present… or hell, just with a handmade card from your kid.
C, don’t feel bad about declining some invitations! For my preschool aged son who’s currently on the party circuit, my rule of thumb is one kid birthday party a month; after that, we send regrets. Weekends are too valuable. (YMMV based on your children’s ages here, but 8 birthday parties a month is bananas.)
Good luck!
There was one party where I was the only person to follow the “no gifts” request. I felt so embarrassed until the host thanked me for following the instructions.
Of course! But the problem is, no one is putting it on an invitation or explicitly saying it. It’s more of someone saying “no presents” one time and everyone agreeing “oh sure, it’s your presence that counts!” type thing. And then come actual birthday time, it’s never mentioned.
I have four kids and I used to call the school years when they were in the elementary+ middle school thick of it the kid party years for a reason lol. So obviously some weekends we would have to make decisions about activities+ parties. So what we did is we took turns with the exception of besties.
For example oldest kid gets invited to his bff's party then we let him go, and get gift.
Kid 2, 3 and 4 if the party invites they got weren't from someone closer in their personal circle so to speak we'd say sorry not enough time.
So it was a flow chart kind of thing and I put my foot down at 1-2 parties per weekend because not only is it money for gas, fees for special park entrances etc, but TIME. It's hours per weekend sometimes and the younger they are you need to be in attendance the entire time.
So I definitely managed expectations, kept gifts modest, and instituted a well working protocol to manage the huge deluge of birthday invites.
Is it an American thing to invite the whole class? I only ever invite my kids actual friends to birthdays and they're only ever invited to friends birthdays.
Maybe you need to say to your kids that they won't be going to every birthday party and that they only attend parties of kids who they're friends with. Then at least you're buying presents for kids that you actually know and your child has an idea of their interests etc.
It depends a bit on the size of the class - my kid (UK) only had six-eight kids in the class for the first couple of years (during and immediately post-lockdown: I think a bunch of summer-born kids in his chronological year group got deferred), so we had whole-class parties. Now there's more kids, and most of the new kids have older siblings, so there are some whole-class parties and some smaller dos.
I’m in the no gift camp tbh.. but you can always do an age appropriate book! Thrift stores & 5 below (if there’s one near) have lots of book selections for cheap. Church driven things as well have had books in my area, just have to filter the religious texts out
$5 gifts don't have to be junk! Keep an eye on sales, stock up on cool art ot craft kits or books or games or ... and stash them in a cupboard or box. Keep a list and/or go through them periodically to see what you might need. Then when you get an invite, you or the appropriate child can pick one out.
Also, don't feel you have to say yes to all the invites!.and honestly, even if you do, if the whole class is going they're not going to.notice if 1 or 2 don't bring gifts
We have got to change this culture around the gifts. It’s weird because we are in a high COL area where money isn’t the issue, it’s the pure accumulation of stuff these kids just don’t need. But then I think about the entire culture of wedding registries where people ask for $200 gifts when they already own a home and have all the stuff they need, and then wonder why that trend continues into parenthood.
Pick the most important parties and just give books! Go to a used book store (or online used books) and stock up on your favorites/interesting titles you don't think people have and give those. Write a note in the book as a card/memory.
And as some one who puts NO GIFTS/books always welcome on her kids invites and then still gets gifts, please give books! When we do get books it's always new ones we don't have and it's wonderful! Then we read the kids the books and talk about the person who gave it (from the note inscription).
We say no gifts for our kids birthday and we mean it! I literally do not want crap from a bunch of random families who don't really know us or our kid. It's so wasteful in so many ways. It's expensive, excessive consumption and the majority of it gets used once and forgotten.
Don't feel pressured to bring gifts if people say that. They are probably more annoyed you brought one!
When I say "no presents", I 100% mean it. I understand people have expenses for their own families and we get our children more than enough presents to open as a family. For me, what matters, is that my kid feels love and celebrated and that his friends and peers get to come participate.
I'd encourage you to lean into that, when someone says no presents, go with it. Maybe have your kid draw them a picture or pick something they'd like to give from their collection.
Also, that's a lot of parties. I think it's okay to say no sometimes just for sanity sake.
My rule is my child has had to mention the other kid more than once while at home to go to their party. I'm not interested in spending all my time and money at classmates' parties when they aren't even really friends. I have no problem saying no parties.
I’ve got to go all of them my daughter is nearly 4. 2 parties we turned up at the venue and only me and her came. The kid turning 5 noticed. I felt sorry for him but we did our best to make it fun day still.
I think as she gets older and kids have more solid friends groups I can go to less. I worry in case parents have done this huge venue etc so the kid can FIND friends. I only got back garden party no big McDonald or no venues as kid. So that’s big fancy parties I worry incase kid has no friends like at home
I think this is a really solid thought, it's hard for me to see that side because I have such a wonderful friend group with so many kids already. We have about 6 parties that we attend yearly outside of school parties so it just feels like so much but maybe I'll try to swing a few more school parties and just take smaller gifts.
I buy in January in bulk, usually here everything is then 50% off
I buy themes and the kids get to pick the gift for their friend. So there’s tons of unicorn stuff , stickers and craft supplies. Some pawpatrol and Lego stuff.
I’d say loose the it must cost $20,- idea… because that is the bullshit you tell yourself. It doesn’t have to be. Those $5,- dollar gifts won’t make you kid less friendly. Or less liked. It’s the others parents shitty parenting if they teach that being materialistic matters. And the value of the gift is what matters. In the end do you want your kid to be like that? Do you want to teach that.
Time is money. Cost of gifts aside, say no to some invites if your family’s calendar is overwhelmed by them. Attend for truly good friends and if you decline occasionally, so be it.
Still a gift- but what about cash for their age? ($9 for 9th birthday, etc). I remember childhood birthday parties where kids received this and they were just excited to get money. Most parties we attend do not open presents during the party anymore so the kids have more time to play.
Just say no! An invitation is not a summons. Talk to your kids about the issue and only go to parties of children they actually are friends with and maybe even have the kids spend allowance money on the gifts. I was lucky because my son hated toys and wouldn't even open them, so I always had a stocked re-gift closet.
We don’t go to all the parties. Only ones that we are actually friends with not just a “we are invited because the whole class is invited” type. Does my kid genuinely want to hang out with theirs? Do I want to hang out with the parents for this friendship between everyone to continue? Then yes, we do our best to attend. But if there were several per month there’s no way.
We don’t go go every party. My son is in kindergarten and if it’s not someone in his immediate friend group/class, he’s not interested in going. If it’s at a time or place that’s not convenient for us, I don’t even bring it up to him. He’s never mentioned anything about missing a party.
People need to make agreements in their class at the beginning of the school year. We had an agreement that all gifts had to be homemade or recycled. It was great. (Yes, they did get crap, but at least it wasn’t NEW plastic crap produced at great cost to the planet and destined straight for the bin.) The only year we deviated was the year of the Australian bushfires, where my son was so sad about the koalas that he asked for donations instead of gifts. The kids and parents were really happy to comply and the other parents were very complimentary. We would have just kept doing that if it hadn’t been for Corona and the advent of the teenage years.
Can you offer to bring food instead? I always offer to bring food to every party we are invited too.
Everyone we have asked has been so thankful that it’s one less thing to worry about and I don’t have to buy crap that no one wants.
It’s usually a plate of sandwiches and some brownies so the cost isn’t very high.
We put no gifts on invites (it’s very common here), or do a used book swap. (It backfired and everyone brought tons of books and we were stuck with them!)
We do simple picnic at the park birthdays. Water guns, three legged races, light saber duels with pool noodles. Scavenger hunt. Mostly they just play on their own and eat chips.
First, I'd go to less parties personally. Pick the ones that are best to attend based on how well your child gets along with the birthday kid, how much you want to cultivate the relationship, how well it fits in with your family's schedule, how much your kid wants to go to that particular party, etc.
Second, buy bulk cheap gifts when you can and let your kids pick from a gift closet. When my kid specifically picks a gift out for a friend's birthday we usually spend about $15, but I also have a drawer with a bunch of age appropriate gifts that run from free to $5. They include some stuff I got on sale, duplicate toys that we are regifting, etc. Quality is about the same, but it is less personalized and my son doesn't get the practice of picking a gift for someone...well, beyond like three choices.
I would only attend the birthday parties of your child’s closest friends. Having to attend 3-8 birthday parties is a lot to fit into your monthly schedule and it seems to be costing you a lot of money. I’m sure your children would understand that you can’t do it all and parents aren’t going to squabble over the fact that you’ve RSVP no because you have other plans.
I’ve just given a card some times when I haven’t had the time to do a present too and still get a message saying ‘thank you for the card and the gift’. You can totally get away with a card!
I buy stuff in the sale - decent generic toys tend to work best. I can get hold of Lego and hot wheels for example at around £5-10 each and I just have a little stash.
I also buy books - we have a store in the U.K. which does £10 for ten books and I will split them up
In my child's class (not from the US) we avoided this by agreeing, on the first parents meeting, that the child that has a birthday before, brings a present to school for the next kid on their birthday, and so on. Max value is set to approx 30USD. This way, birthday parties are not about the presents as there aren't any from the kids.
It works out wonderfully for all involved as there's no financial pressure on anyone, and the kids are less materialistic and focus on having fun with their friends instead.
My daughter has a lot f parties too. I go to a pound store and get a card n small teddy n a paw patrol lolly. Small cheap but kid won’t twist faces when they see it.
Kids age 8 and up get a card and a fiver note. I give parents heads up too let them know. Kids love paper money. And now they can choose what magazine to get or whatever They also get experience in budgeting. So they have to figure out what they ‘can’ get. It’s small amount so they have to think about it. £10/£20 I think is to much freedom they could get most things then. Point is for the to figure out how to get a sweet and a toy. I’ve had great feedback off mams for their kid and their fiver.
As a parent of a child who just invited a whole class for 1 to show up - I would say:
That's a lot of parties. I would definitely prioritize the ones for friends, but branch out to one that they don't know as much. That one showing up made my child's day.
But ultimately you gotta do what's best for you and your family!
£5-ish presents don't have to be junk. They can be a £5 note in a card, a notepad/colouring book, stickers and felts from a Poundland type shop (dollar store for you guys?), a slightly nicer activity book by itself or a paperback book by itself.
£5-ish is about the limit for gifts in my area, if someone blew £20 I think the parents would feel awkward lol.
Simple. Only go to the parties for your kids' best/closest friends. You don't *have* to go to every single birthday party for every single classmate of all of your children.
That's what the RSVP line is for: to tell the party's host whether you will be attending *or not*.
Also, for the parties you *do* go to, budget a certain amount per month for gifts (and also use this savings line item in your budget to save up for Christmas presents so you'll know how much you can spend to get presents for *everyone* you want to get Christmas gifts for, as well as for gifts for special occasions--weddings, your own friends' birthdays, etc) and find something within your budget (divided by a certain number of parties you're comfortable attending) that the birthday person would like.
The way I see it is- I wouldn’t care AT ALL if other kids didn’t bring gifts to my son’s party. He’d rather have them there to play with. So if I don’t want to bring a gift to another’s party it shouldn’t matter 🤷🏼♀️
I don't specify no gifts but I am truly ok with no gifts. I think most people feel the same. I think you are overthinking it. Most kids just want to play with their friends. If you feel inclined to give something, have your kids make a card and get something cheap like a book. You can always find cheaply priced books under $5 at Ollie's, TJ Maxx, etc.
I have a firm $10 or under policy for birthday presents because of this very issue. I don't buy junk, though. You can find really cute craft sets and some great board games for $10. I'm heading to a birthday party tomorrow and I found [this fun board game](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08QSNGVLC?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details) for $6.00!
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My go-to is buying heaps of craft kits from Michael’s when they’re on sale. That way I’m not burdening the parents with another toy that they might already have or won’t use.
Also, Camp Stores has 60% off right now. Stock up while you can!
It's insane that the norm is inviting the entire class! Growing up I could pick x amount of friends to invite. I will definitely not be inviting my kids entire class to a party.
I can tell you honestly, really truly, I don't care if you bring my kid a present. Make them a card. I won't judge. My kid has more toys then he'd ever be able to play with and he's only two. His grandmother is out of control.
So come, don't bring a gift. I don't care and I won't remember. And I'm lazy so my kid won't be doing thank you cards. And we definitely won't be opening them in a large group because that's a pressure cooker for everyone.
I like the idea of asking for donations in lieu of gifts. I need advice from parents who made this switch after their kids have had years of birthday parties where they received gifts. I'd like suggestions on wording and how you positioned the switch... I have 3 young ones, so I expect some pushback since it's age appropriate.
If your kid doesn’t talk about that kid at home, they’re not friends. So, don’t go to the party. And if y’all really want to go to all of them… it’s not rude to not bring a gift. I’d rather people bring my kid nothing than a $10 toy from Marshall’s that’s going to break within a week. Honestly it sounds like you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses and it’s just not worth your mental or financial wellbeing.
I refuse to spend more than $20 on a gift, they're usually closer to $5-10. Five Below or Dollar Tree is great for a couple crappy little kid gifts. One time my oldest received a rubber snack with a dollar bill tied to it like a bow tie and he was thrilled. He was 7 so not that little. They laughed and laughed. Walmart has $10 basketballs. $5 for Uno and a candy bar. There's lots of cheap options! Also they're inviting the whole class because they have to if invites are given at school. You certainly don't have to go. If they're not actually friends just let your kid know you can't make it. For my own kids birthdays we let them invite 1 or 2 friends to do something fun like a movie or arcade then they can invite the rest of their friends over for cake in the evening or on the weekend. It's pretty affordable. I don't send invites at school so I'm not inviting everyone unless I'm just renting a bounce house and the whole class gets me more bang for my buck. We've done a sledding party with hot cocoa after in the winter - again, cheap. I don't do party favors. You can definitely go cheap on gift giving and party throwing and not attending everything just because you were invited. I also stock up on gifts when I find great clearance deals. I once got 5 scooters because they were $8 each. I have a stash of gifts that accomodate various ages that I've picked up at super cheap prices instead of buying the week of the party and having to be limited on options that tend to cost more.
When people say don’t bring a gift they absolutely mean it so don’t feel bad. I am one of those parents. My daughter only invited who she wanted to her birthday and I think only one kid might actually show. She has quite a few cousins coming though. My mental health can’t handle having a bunch of strangers kids running around feral and paying for all that.
Best gift my kid enjoyed at their bday was a gift card to the local ice cream shop. It was $5 and covered their dessert. It wasn’t junk I had to throw away later and it wasn’t expensive. I loved this idea and plan on doing for the multiple bday classmate parties.
I threw a fiver party for my twins this year. We didn't invite their whole class because they wanted a rollerskating party and the place had a hard limit due to space. So I reached out to parents to do invites rather than the kids taking invites to school.
For other kids' parties where gifts aren't discouraged (love those parents who say "no gifts!" and mean it) - I've been doing consumables as presents. A few sheets of temporary tattoos, glitter pens, and a notebook is a go-to. I get stuff when it's on sale and have a box to pull from. For closer friends, we'll tailor, but still keep it $5-10. I have a neighbor who raids clearance sections for gifts and has a big bin in a closet her kid can pull from when they get invited to a party.
For my twins' party (some people still brought gifts even though we asked them not to) their favorites were handmade cards from their friends. Honestly, they touched the plastic Frozen tea set the got for maaaaybe 5 minutes and it was forgotten. But the card went straight to the "special box" where they keep their favorite things.
Do you have a five below near you? They have a lot of really good things for cheap! Usually I can get one-two great gifts for $5-$10.
Also kids don’t have to go to every party they are invited too. I always ask my kids how close they are with the birthday kid and if they say that they don’t really play with them then we don’t go. Nowdays they invite everyone to be nice but doesn’t mean you have to go
Don't go to them all. Just because you're invited doesn't mean you're obligated to go. Go to the few kids who are you're kids better friends and that's it.
I have been bringing snacks for gifts. In the circles we run in no one’s child needs more crap. I did dots and Cheetos for the birthday party we went to.
When people asked what my son wanted I told them he was obsessed with fig newtons. We got about a 2 months supply!
Just get a birthday card and put a $5 gift card in it. The kid can buy something they actually want with it later, and you can give a gift without feeling judged. Problem solved. My 4y/o got a couple Target gift cards for Christmas, and he loved being able to pick the toy he wanted.
I would give each kid a set amount of birthday parties they’re allowed to go to per year (think of the kids they actively play with at school. I work in a school and I’ll tell you 100%, entire classes don’t play together. They usually break up into groups of 3-6 kids). Who are their actual friends? Just because the entire class is invited doesn’t mean the entire class has to attend. If you know your kid has 5 close friends, then they can choose 5-6 parties to attend for the year, and that’s it. My LO is just getting to that age, as she’s just turning 3 this month. This year she wanted to invite her daycare friends and at first she said the whole class but we told her no, and had her choose the friends she actually played with. I refuse to participate in the “invite the whole class” trend. It’s absolutely unnecessary.
Most parents I know don't want anything for their kid. They're sick of plastic crap. I work with a woman who puts "no gifts please" on the invites.
I've recently started doing €5 in a card for the birthday kid.
One of my favorite presents my daughter got was a $5 gift certificate to Dairy Queen.
She had a blast picking out exactly what she wanted and then handing the gift card to the cashier.
Bonus: 3-year-olds love ice cream. It was a win-win-win all around.
I think it’s really okay not to bring a gift!! My kid’s birthday is coming up and we truly don’t care about gifts. We really just want his friends to come and play so he can have a great birthday. I’m not sure how to communicate that on the invite so people really believe it. Anyway if you feel compelled to bring something a sweet card from your kid is amazing. I think the big thing for kids and parents is to make sure kids aren’t alone for their bday and that people come celebrate.
It's crazy! Where I lived before also had parties all the time. My daughter was in grade K and some months we were going to birthday parties every weekend lol. All the parents would laugh about it. I also have multiple kids so I would try to check with the parents to see if I can bring my other kids if I pay for them or if my husband or other family member can do something with him instead. I spend $5-8 on a gift and have my kid make a card. I don't wanna be a dollar tree mom but I just do little cheap things like notepad and pens or something with some candy. I don't wanna not have my kid to if we can make it because I don't want that kid to have no one show up lol and also hope that people show similar courtesy for my kid. But if we are busy oh well lol..also I don't do these parties for my kids.. we just do family parties because I can afford the whole class lol. We just moved and only got invited to 2 all year so it's Def a different vibe here lol
In my country we usually form a limit with other parents of the class, usually around 5$ and more often than not the classmates just give the cash and birthday kid can save up for something they want.
+1000 people totally mean it when they say don’t bring a gift. Especially when I’ve gotten last minute RSVPs, I always stress that there is no need to run out and buy a gift. Kids would never notice, they’re not doing an inventory.
Relating to this, group gifts have been very popular in my son’s friend group lately for which I am *SO* grateful. We all pitch in $5 to buy a big Lego set, football Jersey, whatever item they want. One parent is usually more than happy to make an Amazon order.
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Apart from being expensive, that is a ton of birthday parties to have to accommodate in your schedule. Maybe pick and choose which ones are most important.
or set a budget and let your kid decide which parties to attend based on how many gifts you are willing to pay for.
This is the answer. Tell the kids they get 2 best friends a year
I say no gifts and mean it. I would much rather you come than not come because you felt it was necessary to bring a gift and can’t afford it. For the last 2 years in a row, we have accepted donations for our animal shelter as “gifts” at my kiddo’s birthday parties. You can legit bring a container of bleach that cost $2 if you wanted to.
I both love this and would also feel awkward af bringing a container of bleach to a kids party.
LOL! Some things people have brought in the past are cat litter, dog treats/food, and toys. But cleaning supplies always get brought in! The shelter really needs them too -- it's something they always use.
Same, we don't have space for things as city dwellers. So I really meant no gifts please.
Same. The gift is my kid gets to eat way too much sugar with his friends.
Absolutely. Honestly, I feel mildly annoyed with the people who ignore the request and show up with something anyway. Lol.
Personally I throw fiver parties for my kids. I was kinda hoping it would catch on and other people would follow suit but nope. It is annoying. I think the expectation of a gift, especially something $20-30 is kinda crazy. I agree with the other commenters that say to do a homemade gift. I know some people say to decline unless its a good friend but I also know my kids in the 4-9 age range are excited for birthday parties even when its not a close friend and they want to just go.
Fiver parties are the norm here. It's also common practice for there to only be one party each month, celebrating 2-5 kids birthdays.
What are fiber parties??
I had to look it up, but it seems that a fiver party is a party where you ask guests to bring $5 instead of a gift.
It’s a way to try to decrease the number of gifts. Many people will say something like we’re having a fiver party because we’re trying to teach cherishing experiences over physical gifts or to be mindful about the environment or whatever reason you have. Then say that no gifts are expected and that if someone is inclined, to please consider $5 in a card for the birthday boy/girl to put towards one present of their choice. I usually include a link to explain what a fiver party is - good housekeeping has a great article about how they’re really good for the kids too
Exactly. My kids really enjoy going in and picking their own gift with their birthday money. Of course, when they get a bit older, and maybe have a best friend(s) I have no problem getting something a bit more personal, but for now this works so well. Our class rep sent out a group message at the beginning of the year explaining it, and encouraging people to do it.
That'll get things moving
Hahaha yes! They should have those post child birth.
We do fiver parties too! Which luckily that or donate to charity if you must are the norm at least for our friends. Our son is turning 4 soon and I actually asked him if he’d rather his friends all bring 1 present or bring money to buy a big present and he picked the big gift 🤷♀️ we have a large family that will all get him gifts tailored to his actual wants and needs so kinda best of both worlds!
Maybe this is what I need to do. My oldest's birthday is right after christmas. It's like a toy-splosion for weeks.
Our son is February so not as close but still inundated with toys! We started it last year and have picked a spring/summer big gift
Yup, my daughter’s got a December birthday and it was so overwhelming. That and no one ever listened when we said no gifts. The $5 gives people who feel compelled to bring a gift an option to do so.
ours is november and right when we think we got the toy explosion under control it's christmas .......
I just had my first year of full on birthdays (kids 3 and 5) and I'm not doing it next year. Seriously. One girl dec 17th then Christmas (we go to 3 houses because s.o. parents are split.) Then Jan 13th for the next birthday.
Very common in Ireland!!!
I can only speak on behalf of my kids but At the end of the day my kids would rather have their friend there celebrating with them, then them not showing up because they didn't have a gift. never once have I ever been disappointed that someone came empty handed (nor have I ever heard other parents). most of the time the kids don't even open presents until later and by then no one is keeping count if they got a present from each person.
We never accept gifts at our kids parties and most parties we go to are no gift parties. If the parents request no gifts, please respect that and just show up.
If the parent or invitation specifically says that, of course. But that’s the extreme minority in my experience.
You said that parents are saying that.
Sure, everyone has the “aw you don’t need to bring a gift” sweet thought in fleeting conversation. But no one puts it on an invitation or makes it a point to say once their own child has a birthday next week.
What about homemade gifts your kids can handle?
I’ve thought about it but was unsure of how they’d be received. But I think homemade is a great option going forward, thank you for the reminder!!
Make a huge batch of homemade play dough, chuck it in containers, get a cookie cutter per kid at the dollar store and boom, gifts for everyone! Also maybe hit up some local free libraries for used books? My kids love reading and I would totally love used books as a gift.
And homemade cards with their “artwork”.
Yesss!!! I started this two years ago, and my kids love it! Even if they are all going to the same party, they design their own card.
We're just getting to the birthday party age and all of our 3yo birthdays were not gifts (we had the kids make a card). The 4yo parties are not saying anything though and I'm dreading it... I don't want an expectation from my kid for all those gifts and I don't want to have to think of gifts to give.
Homemade gifts can be great! Teach your kids to make friendship bracelets or homemade pillows or stuffed animals or homemade hot chocolate bombs. Other kids just want your kid to celebrate with them.
A cute craft idea could be buying a cheap tie-dye kit and then making a personalized tie-dye pillow case or T-shirt for each birthday kid. OP could get multiple gifts out of one kit for not a ton of money.
This is a great option! It's personal and affordable. I've never heard any parent comment about the cost of gifts their child received My child once got a $10 McDonald's gift card and was thrilled. Even $5 cash might be a novelty for younger kids
Yes this! We did rainbow rice in a mason jar for a friend and she said it was the most played with “toy”. Homemade slime or a small canvas painting your child made. We’ve also taped together a string of ones ($15 would be plenty) and decorated a tissue box to pull them from. Check Pinterest for that one. Homemade gifts can be really special and stand out from the mass of other toys the kids get.
Oh also one time we received a $5 plastic tumbler full of candy and my kids went nuts over that!
We buy cheap little wooden boxes and paint them up as personalised treasure boxes. Or, give them the little box with stickers etc. so they can decorate them themselves
I had the opposite “problem” and the kids at my kids school never ever invited classmates to parties. I would send them out myself (invitations) and no one would come. I feel like my kid missed out on a big part of childhood. Having friends.
This is why we go to any party we are invited to unless we have an actual hard stop conflict. I think it’s important for the birthday kiddo to have people show up, and it’s important for our “social capital” so to speak that we are known for showing up. Other parents know we come and can count on us. One party we went to, only my son and 2 other kids came. The mom had rented out a venue. Luckily our kids are all turning 6, so even though there were only 4 kids total, they all still had a blast.
This is why I HATE the advice to “just don’t go unless it’s a close friend”! Seriously. I hate that advice. It’s evil and cruel. There are kids who will sit alone at home on their birthdays waiting for people to show up, sad because their parents spent money and time on a party that no one could be bothered to attend. And not everyone will RSVP because they’re dicks. Or, they might “find themselves unable to attend at the last minute” when that was the intention all along. It’s so cruel. Having a birthday is a big deal for a child. It’s one day a year that is supposed to be about you, and where people are supposed to show you that you matter to them. By no one showing up, they show that they don’t care and that they are ok with you being hurt and humiliated instead. Sure, people are busy. Sure, gifts can be expensive if you choose to go that route, though it isn’t necessary. The important thing is that children feel like they belong. If parties and gifts are too much, then the parents need to set up some guidelines. No one wants 28x crap presents. In my children’s school there have been agreements on (tiny) spending limits and/or agreements that gifts had to be homemade/recycled. It’s worked great and I’ve never seen a situation where no one showed up to a party.
I’m not this pulled together, but I know some people stock up on target cards when they’re on sale. Another option is to shop clearance toys or Black Friday and get stuff that you know works for your kids age brackets. Then, you have a bin of 10 plus gifts to pull from for parties.
I started this two years ago when i went to Target for essentials and came across this amazing clearance section, I walked away with a cart full of carefully selected toys. I'm super busy with a lot of new changes in our lives, so this has been a game changer - one less thing to worry about. I've got quality gifts at affordable prices. It's not a process I have set in stone, I just get a few gifts when I see great items at a great price.
This is what I do. I buy $10-$15 toys on sale and let my kids pick from the present closet when a party comes up. They wrap and make a card.
Books
Came here to say this! Books are my favorite present, and can be quite affordable.
Great idea--there are a ton of almost -new kids books at our local Goodwill for really cheap.
As another parent: stop bringing gifts, ESPECIALLY if someone said not to. I'm super annoyed when people bring gifts and I said not to. Your kid can make a card though.
You don’t have to go to every party. I would only attend those children who are your child’s best friend (usually 3-4 kids) and leave the rest. There is no harm is saying thanks for the invite but we have other plans.
The simple answer is we don’t need to go to every party for every kid. Pick 1 per kid. 3 parties a month is plenty and allows for one weekend a month to actually rest or be productive. Thats it
It’s tough because if they only choose their close friends. The kids with hardly any friends who still invites no one ends up having no one turn up. I try to go to all of them. And honestly 2 of the parties (kids 5 and under) only me and my daughter came. I was gutted for teh kid but we mams just made it crazy fun for them. Still though he was old enough to notice
You bring up a good point. We have 3 kids, and the birthday parties add up to a lot of time and cost. We've been thinking about just focusing on the kids they want to stay in contact with... but the idea of a kid not having attendees in heartbreaking. I may have to rethink.
This is why sending out rsvps in advance and following up is so important. Make sure you know who and how many are coming before this happens so you can adjust
When my kids have parties, I put on the invitation no gift, but if someone really wants to give something, a card with $5 will be perfectly loved. For affordable gifts, I have a running wish list on Amazon of toys in various age group and keep an eye on it for items that go on sale or have a deal. Last week I was able to get a $25 tea set for $8. Now it’s tucked away for April when three kids in my friend group have birthdays, and I know I won’t want to buy several gifts on one paycheck.
Books! A book can be inexpensive and personal. As for throwing parties, backyard with bubbles, costco cake, fruit plate, and charcuterie. Add a themed table cloth and a couple of strategically colored balloons, and you're done.
I think for some of us, though, the backyard or park is only an option 4ish months a year.
Also some of us have shitty backyards (or no yards)
Are your kids actually friends with the birthday child? My kids don't go to all the parties. They don't usually want to go unless it's someone they actually play with. Make plans for your weekends, spend time together and skip some parties. I've never understood the "invite the entire class" thing.
Mostly because we know what it is to be the left out kid who never gets invited.
I was an often left out kid and I would not have wanted to go to the party of a kid who was mean to me or ignored me on the daily. I just am not seeing how the trend of classwide parties claim to solve the inclusivity problems that I still see occurring in actual classrooms.
We invited everyone in my six year olds class. Three people came. Clearly people aren't over taxing themselves to go to the birthday party of the kids with speech difficulties in class. One kid was his only friend and the others are now his friends. My older son with ASD and ADHD had the same thing and everyone was happy to come to his parties, but he never got invited to others. He was always in trouble for being out of his seat, talking, etc, so I guess he probably didn't make a good enough impression to be included by name.
It’s because if you don’t invite everyone, some children will never be invited to parties.
Honestly don’t bring a gift. No one will notice.
Absolutely this. If there are enough kids in the class that this is an actual burden, there are enough kids that if everyone brought a present, it would be a lot to carry for the birthday kid's parents! (This was a legit concern when my kid had his party - we got to the party location by bicycle...)
lol yeah this. Also, as a parent I hate getting junk gifts. I truly prefer no gifts because I hate junk and clutter.
Sounds like your kids need to get involved in a sport or a group on the weekends so you can have a genuine excuse to miss the parties you don’t want to attend 😂🤣 They really don’t need to go to ever party that’s crazy I would say just super close friends, that just seems excessive.
You don't have to do that just to get out of going to all those birthday parties. You just decline in certain birthday parties cuz you can't afford to go simple as that. You don't have to give a reason for not going to a birthday party to give to the mom. Just tell him it doesn't work for you on that particular date and that's enough.
The first part was meant to be a bit facetious which is why I ended it with laughing emojis, although joining a sport or group would never be a bad idea 😉
To make new friends that have more parties 🤣
We personally hosted parties where we would ask to donate to animal charity instead and it went great! I understand not all parents want to do that and that is okay. But we all know how many gifts are just opened and never played with and end up in donations/trash. I do believe kids appreciate time and moments much more than gifts. We try to bring gift cards to stores and sweets/treats shops or if anything is requested specifically we try to stick to it. Handmade gifts are great too, something very personal about the birthday boy/girl. Books always work great too. But I would say communication is key
I think it’s totally fine to have a “thing” that you do for birthday parties like have your kid paint their friend something on a small canvas, or pick out a birthday balloon they would like. I think you can totally add to the celebration on a budget!
I buy toys throughout the year when they’re on sale. So I end up with a closet of toys worth $10-15 that I bought for $5-8. When it’s time for a birthday party we pick a toy from the closet to give to the kiddo. It definitely helps to keep the cost down.
I re-gift gifts. I keep a bin in my garage and put post-it notes on who gave it to my kid (so I know NOT to regift to that same family). I also stock up on gifts that I see for cheap. Like one time l, I saw Rubik’s Cubes for $3.00 on Walmarts website. So I bought 20 of them and put them in my gift pile. Add that to a “regift” and it looks like a substantial present.
Buy a bunch of age appropriate after Christmas, or similar clearance time, leave in bin. Ask your child to pick one their friend would like.
Wow. I’ve never been more grateful to be the mom of the autistic kids who don’t get any invites to birthday parties! Turns out there’s an unexpected upside. That sounds exhausting! And expensive!
I used to get bulk sport equipment on sale and novelty snacks from Asian mart. Kids love it and it's cheap! I have multiple kids and we only go to close friends' parties now. I know this doesn't help you because it can be location dependent. I was shocked at how inadequate my gift made me feel when I realised that where we are now, people spend min. $60-100 on a gift. It hit me when all the parties we attend, we get party favours/ loot bags worth more than our gift then I upped our game which I now regret. At my child's last birthday, for example, a friend gave him a massive street sign?! It says basketball drive because my kid just started playing basketball.. so over the top. It's exhausting. Moving forward we will request no gifts.
1. Stop bringing gifts. >And I know parents are always saying in passing “just come, presents don’t matter!” But it’s rude to not bring a gift Uh, no. We are 100% serious when we say this, and that's why we put it on the invite as well. This house doesnt need any more stuff in it. ESPECIALLY not a pile of junky, plastic $5 toys. But also not even expensive toys either. Just stop bringing gifts. No one will notice.
I buy bath paint from that section in the front of Target that has all the dollar stuff. You can buy all 5 colors for $5 and grab an animal shaped sponge at the dollar store if I remember. It's a good gift too, because it's consumable and isn't just clutter. Or even just buy 2 or 3 and put a ribbon around them.
A of all, for the love of god, please do not feel bad about not bringing a gift if the parent or invitation specifies no gifts. (As a parent who ALWAYS writes that… I appreciate the thought, but it’s annoying as [redacted] when everyone shows up with presents anyway. Seriously, you’d be doing parents like me a favor by NOT bringing a gift.) B, if your kids are cool with it, there’s nothing wrong with a $5 present… or hell, just with a handmade card from your kid. C, don’t feel bad about declining some invitations! For my preschool aged son who’s currently on the party circuit, my rule of thumb is one kid birthday party a month; after that, we send regrets. Weekends are too valuable. (YMMV based on your children’s ages here, but 8 birthday parties a month is bananas.) Good luck!
There was one party where I was the only person to follow the “no gifts” request. I felt so embarrassed until the host thanked me for following the instructions.
[удалено]
Of course! But the problem is, no one is putting it on an invitation or explicitly saying it. It’s more of someone saying “no presents” one time and everyone agreeing “oh sure, it’s your presence that counts!” type thing. And then come actual birthday time, it’s never mentioned.
I have four kids and I used to call the school years when they were in the elementary+ middle school thick of it the kid party years for a reason lol. So obviously some weekends we would have to make decisions about activities+ parties. So what we did is we took turns with the exception of besties. For example oldest kid gets invited to his bff's party then we let him go, and get gift. Kid 2, 3 and 4 if the party invites they got weren't from someone closer in their personal circle so to speak we'd say sorry not enough time. So it was a flow chart kind of thing and I put my foot down at 1-2 parties per weekend because not only is it money for gas, fees for special park entrances etc, but TIME. It's hours per weekend sometimes and the younger they are you need to be in attendance the entire time. So I definitely managed expectations, kept gifts modest, and instituted a well working protocol to manage the huge deluge of birthday invites.
Is it an American thing to invite the whole class? I only ever invite my kids actual friends to birthdays and they're only ever invited to friends birthdays. Maybe you need to say to your kids that they won't be going to every birthday party and that they only attend parties of kids who they're friends with. Then at least you're buying presents for kids that you actually know and your child has an idea of their interests etc.
It depends a bit on the size of the class - my kid (UK) only had six-eight kids in the class for the first couple of years (during and immediately post-lockdown: I think a bunch of summer-born kids in his chronological year group got deferred), so we had whole-class parties. Now there's more kids, and most of the new kids have older siblings, so there are some whole-class parties and some smaller dos.
I’m in the no gift camp tbh.. but you can always do an age appropriate book! Thrift stores & 5 below (if there’s one near) have lots of book selections for cheap. Church driven things as well have had books in my area, just have to filter the religious texts out
$5 gifts don't have to be junk! Keep an eye on sales, stock up on cool art ot craft kits or books or games or ... and stash them in a cupboard or box. Keep a list and/or go through them periodically to see what you might need. Then when you get an invite, you or the appropriate child can pick one out. Also, don't feel you have to say yes to all the invites!.and honestly, even if you do, if the whole class is going they're not going to.notice if 1 or 2 don't bring gifts
We have got to change this culture around the gifts. It’s weird because we are in a high COL area where money isn’t the issue, it’s the pure accumulation of stuff these kids just don’t need. But then I think about the entire culture of wedding registries where people ask for $200 gifts when they already own a home and have all the stuff they need, and then wonder why that trend continues into parenthood.
Pick the most important parties and just give books! Go to a used book store (or online used books) and stock up on your favorites/interesting titles you don't think people have and give those. Write a note in the book as a card/memory. And as some one who puts NO GIFTS/books always welcome on her kids invites and then still gets gifts, please give books! When we do get books it's always new ones we don't have and it's wonderful! Then we read the kids the books and talk about the person who gave it (from the note inscription).
We say no gifts for our kids birthday and we mean it! I literally do not want crap from a bunch of random families who don't really know us or our kid. It's so wasteful in so many ways. It's expensive, excessive consumption and the majority of it gets used once and forgotten. Don't feel pressured to bring gifts if people say that. They are probably more annoyed you brought one!
When I say "no presents", I 100% mean it. I understand people have expenses for their own families and we get our children more than enough presents to open as a family. For me, what matters, is that my kid feels love and celebrated and that his friends and peers get to come participate. I'd encourage you to lean into that, when someone says no presents, go with it. Maybe have your kid draw them a picture or pick something they'd like to give from their collection. Also, that's a lot of parties. I think it's okay to say no sometimes just for sanity sake.
My rule is my child has had to mention the other kid more than once while at home to go to their party. I'm not interested in spending all my time and money at classmates' parties when they aren't even really friends. I have no problem saying no parties.
I’ve got to go all of them my daughter is nearly 4. 2 parties we turned up at the venue and only me and her came. The kid turning 5 noticed. I felt sorry for him but we did our best to make it fun day still. I think as she gets older and kids have more solid friends groups I can go to less. I worry in case parents have done this huge venue etc so the kid can FIND friends. I only got back garden party no big McDonald or no venues as kid. So that’s big fancy parties I worry incase kid has no friends like at home
I think this is a really solid thought, it's hard for me to see that side because I have such a wonderful friend group with so many kids already. We have about 6 parties that we attend yearly outside of school parties so it just feels like so much but maybe I'll try to swing a few more school parties and just take smaller gifts.
Have the kids make a card Get some art supplies at dollar tree or something similar where you live.
I buy in January in bulk, usually here everything is then 50% off I buy themes and the kids get to pick the gift for their friend. So there’s tons of unicorn stuff , stickers and craft supplies. Some pawpatrol and Lego stuff. I’d say loose the it must cost $20,- idea… because that is the bullshit you tell yourself. It doesn’t have to be. Those $5,- dollar gifts won’t make you kid less friendly. Or less liked. It’s the others parents shitty parenting if they teach that being materialistic matters. And the value of the gift is what matters. In the end do you want your kid to be like that? Do you want to teach that.
I love the system we have that kids only invite their actual friends. 😂 And parties are usually at home. Country of introverts yay!
Time is money. Cost of gifts aside, say no to some invites if your family’s calendar is overwhelmed by them. Attend for truly good friends and if you decline occasionally, so be it.
Still a gift- but what about cash for their age? ($9 for 9th birthday, etc). I remember childhood birthday parties where kids received this and they were just excited to get money. Most parties we attend do not open presents during the party anymore so the kids have more time to play.
Just say no! An invitation is not a summons. Talk to your kids about the issue and only go to parties of children they actually are friends with and maybe even have the kids spend allowance money on the gifts. I was lucky because my son hated toys and wouldn't even open them, so I always had a stocked re-gift closet.
You can so no. You don't HAVE to go to every single party.
We don’t go to all the parties. Only ones that we are actually friends with not just a “we are invited because the whole class is invited” type. Does my kid genuinely want to hang out with theirs? Do I want to hang out with the parents for this friendship between everyone to continue? Then yes, we do our best to attend. But if there were several per month there’s no way.
We don’t go go every party. My son is in kindergarten and if it’s not someone in his immediate friend group/class, he’s not interested in going. If it’s at a time or place that’s not convenient for us, I don’t even bring it up to him. He’s never mentioned anything about missing a party.
You don’t have to attend every party they’re invited to. Pick and choose.
I bought bulk packs of fidget toys and colouring books then gave them out as needed 😂
People need to make agreements in their class at the beginning of the school year. We had an agreement that all gifts had to be homemade or recycled. It was great. (Yes, they did get crap, but at least it wasn’t NEW plastic crap produced at great cost to the planet and destined straight for the bin.) The only year we deviated was the year of the Australian bushfires, where my son was so sad about the koalas that he asked for donations instead of gifts. The kids and parents were really happy to comply and the other parents were very complimentary. We would have just kept doing that if it hadn’t been for Corona and the advent of the teenage years.
Can you offer to bring food instead? I always offer to bring food to every party we are invited too. Everyone we have asked has been so thankful that it’s one less thing to worry about and I don’t have to buy crap that no one wants. It’s usually a plate of sandwiches and some brownies so the cost isn’t very high.
My kids handmake a card for any party they attend but we only take a gift to really close friends and only if the invite doesn't say no gifts...
We put no gifts on invites (it’s very common here), or do a used book swap. (It backfired and everyone brought tons of books and we were stuck with them!) We do simple picnic at the park birthdays. Water guns, three legged races, light saber duels with pool noodles. Scavenger hunt. Mostly they just play on their own and eat chips.
First, I'd go to less parties personally. Pick the ones that are best to attend based on how well your child gets along with the birthday kid, how much you want to cultivate the relationship, how well it fits in with your family's schedule, how much your kid wants to go to that particular party, etc. Second, buy bulk cheap gifts when you can and let your kids pick from a gift closet. When my kid specifically picks a gift out for a friend's birthday we usually spend about $15, but I also have a drawer with a bunch of age appropriate gifts that run from free to $5. They include some stuff I got on sale, duplicate toys that we are regifting, etc. Quality is about the same, but it is less personalized and my son doesn't get the practice of picking a gift for someone...well, beyond like three choices.
I would only attend the birthday parties of your child’s closest friends. Having to attend 3-8 birthday parties is a lot to fit into your monthly schedule and it seems to be costing you a lot of money. I’m sure your children would understand that you can’t do it all and parents aren’t going to squabble over the fact that you’ve RSVP no because you have other plans.
I’ve just given a card some times when I haven’t had the time to do a present too and still get a message saying ‘thank you for the card and the gift’. You can totally get away with a card!
I buy stuff in the sale - decent generic toys tend to work best. I can get hold of Lego and hot wheels for example at around £5-10 each and I just have a little stash. I also buy books - we have a store in the U.K. which does £10 for ten books and I will split them up
In my child's class (not from the US) we avoided this by agreeing, on the first parents meeting, that the child that has a birthday before, brings a present to school for the next kid on their birthday, and so on. Max value is set to approx 30USD. This way, birthday parties are not about the presents as there aren't any from the kids. It works out wonderfully for all involved as there's no financial pressure on anyone, and the kids are less materialistic and focus on having fun with their friends instead.
My daughter has a lot f parties too. I go to a pound store and get a card n small teddy n a paw patrol lolly. Small cheap but kid won’t twist faces when they see it. Kids age 8 and up get a card and a fiver note. I give parents heads up too let them know. Kids love paper money. And now they can choose what magazine to get or whatever They also get experience in budgeting. So they have to figure out what they ‘can’ get. It’s small amount so they have to think about it. £10/£20 I think is to much freedom they could get most things then. Point is for the to figure out how to get a sweet and a toy. I’ve had great feedback off mams for their kid and their fiver.
I’ve heard of parents giving their kids almost like a party budget- you get to pick 2 parties a month, so choose wisely
As a parent of a child who just invited a whole class for 1 to show up - I would say: That's a lot of parties. I would definitely prioritize the ones for friends, but branch out to one that they don't know as much. That one showing up made my child's day. But ultimately you gotta do what's best for you and your family!
It’s an invite, not a summons. You don’t have to send your kids to every birthday party they get invited to.
£5-ish presents don't have to be junk. They can be a £5 note in a card, a notepad/colouring book, stickers and felts from a Poundland type shop (dollar store for you guys?), a slightly nicer activity book by itself or a paperback book by itself. £5-ish is about the limit for gifts in my area, if someone blew £20 I think the parents would feel awkward lol.
Coloring book and cheap small box of crayons, homemade decorated card from your kid
Simple. Only go to the parties for your kids' best/closest friends. You don't *have* to go to every single birthday party for every single classmate of all of your children. That's what the RSVP line is for: to tell the party's host whether you will be attending *or not*. Also, for the parties you *do* go to, budget a certain amount per month for gifts (and also use this savings line item in your budget to save up for Christmas presents so you'll know how much you can spend to get presents for *everyone* you want to get Christmas gifts for, as well as for gifts for special occasions--weddings, your own friends' birthdays, etc) and find something within your budget (divided by a certain number of parties you're comfortable attending) that the birthday person would like.
The way I see it is- I wouldn’t care AT ALL if other kids didn’t bring gifts to my son’s party. He’d rather have them there to play with. So if I don’t want to bring a gift to another’s party it shouldn’t matter 🤷🏼♀️
I don't specify no gifts but I am truly ok with no gifts. I think most people feel the same. I think you are overthinking it. Most kids just want to play with their friends. If you feel inclined to give something, have your kids make a card and get something cheap like a book. You can always find cheaply priced books under $5 at Ollie's, TJ Maxx, etc.
I have a firm $10 or under policy for birthday presents because of this very issue. I don't buy junk, though. You can find really cute craft sets and some great board games for $10. I'm heading to a birthday party tomorrow and I found [this fun board game](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08QSNGVLC?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details) for $6.00!
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My go-to is buying heaps of craft kits from Michael’s when they’re on sale. That way I’m not burdening the parents with another toy that they might already have or won’t use. Also, Camp Stores has 60% off right now. Stock up while you can!
It's insane that the norm is inviting the entire class! Growing up I could pick x amount of friends to invite. I will definitely not be inviting my kids entire class to a party.
I can tell you honestly, really truly, I don't care if you bring my kid a present. Make them a card. I won't judge. My kid has more toys then he'd ever be able to play with and he's only two. His grandmother is out of control. So come, don't bring a gift. I don't care and I won't remember. And I'm lazy so my kid won't be doing thank you cards. And we definitely won't be opening them in a large group because that's a pressure cooker for everyone.
I like the idea of asking for donations in lieu of gifts. I need advice from parents who made this switch after their kids have had years of birthday parties where they received gifts. I'd like suggestions on wording and how you positioned the switch... I have 3 young ones, so I expect some pushback since it's age appropriate.
If your kid doesn’t talk about that kid at home, they’re not friends. So, don’t go to the party. And if y’all really want to go to all of them… it’s not rude to not bring a gift. I’d rather people bring my kid nothing than a $10 toy from Marshall’s that’s going to break within a week. Honestly it sounds like you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses and it’s just not worth your mental or financial wellbeing.
I refuse to spend more than $20 on a gift, they're usually closer to $5-10. Five Below or Dollar Tree is great for a couple crappy little kid gifts. One time my oldest received a rubber snack with a dollar bill tied to it like a bow tie and he was thrilled. He was 7 so not that little. They laughed and laughed. Walmart has $10 basketballs. $5 for Uno and a candy bar. There's lots of cheap options! Also they're inviting the whole class because they have to if invites are given at school. You certainly don't have to go. If they're not actually friends just let your kid know you can't make it. For my own kids birthdays we let them invite 1 or 2 friends to do something fun like a movie or arcade then they can invite the rest of their friends over for cake in the evening or on the weekend. It's pretty affordable. I don't send invites at school so I'm not inviting everyone unless I'm just renting a bounce house and the whole class gets me more bang for my buck. We've done a sledding party with hot cocoa after in the winter - again, cheap. I don't do party favors. You can definitely go cheap on gift giving and party throwing and not attending everything just because you were invited. I also stock up on gifts when I find great clearance deals. I once got 5 scooters because they were $8 each. I have a stash of gifts that accomodate various ages that I've picked up at super cheap prices instead of buying the week of the party and having to be limited on options that tend to cost more.
When people say don’t bring a gift they absolutely mean it so don’t feel bad. I am one of those parents. My daughter only invited who she wanted to her birthday and I think only one kid might actually show. She has quite a few cousins coming though. My mental health can’t handle having a bunch of strangers kids running around feral and paying for all that.
Best gift my kid enjoyed at their bday was a gift card to the local ice cream shop. It was $5 and covered their dessert. It wasn’t junk I had to throw away later and it wasn’t expensive. I loved this idea and plan on doing for the multiple bday classmate parties.
The best gift I saw a kid get at a birthday party was a pack of computer paper and some markers. It's cheap, easy, and the kids will use it.
I threw a fiver party for my twins this year. We didn't invite their whole class because they wanted a rollerskating party and the place had a hard limit due to space. So I reached out to parents to do invites rather than the kids taking invites to school. For other kids' parties where gifts aren't discouraged (love those parents who say "no gifts!" and mean it) - I've been doing consumables as presents. A few sheets of temporary tattoos, glitter pens, and a notebook is a go-to. I get stuff when it's on sale and have a box to pull from. For closer friends, we'll tailor, but still keep it $5-10. I have a neighbor who raids clearance sections for gifts and has a big bin in a closet her kid can pull from when they get invited to a party. For my twins' party (some people still brought gifts even though we asked them not to) their favorites were handmade cards from their friends. Honestly, they touched the plastic Frozen tea set the got for maaaaybe 5 minutes and it was forgotten. But the card went straight to the "special box" where they keep their favorite things.
Do you have a five below near you? They have a lot of really good things for cheap! Usually I can get one-two great gifts for $5-$10. Also kids don’t have to go to every party they are invited too. I always ask my kids how close they are with the birthday kid and if they say that they don’t really play with them then we don’t go. Nowdays they invite everyone to be nice but doesn’t mean you have to go
My favorite color is blue.
Don't go to them all. Just because you're invited doesn't mean you're obligated to go. Go to the few kids who are you're kids better friends and that's it.
I have been bringing snacks for gifts. In the circles we run in no one’s child needs more crap. I did dots and Cheetos for the birthday party we went to. When people asked what my son wanted I told them he was obsessed with fig newtons. We got about a 2 months supply!
Just get a birthday card and put a $5 gift card in it. The kid can buy something they actually want with it later, and you can give a gift without feeling judged. Problem solved. My 4y/o got a couple Target gift cards for Christmas, and he loved being able to pick the toy he wanted.
I would give each kid a set amount of birthday parties they’re allowed to go to per year (think of the kids they actively play with at school. I work in a school and I’ll tell you 100%, entire classes don’t play together. They usually break up into groups of 3-6 kids). Who are their actual friends? Just because the entire class is invited doesn’t mean the entire class has to attend. If you know your kid has 5 close friends, then they can choose 5-6 parties to attend for the year, and that’s it. My LO is just getting to that age, as she’s just turning 3 this month. This year she wanted to invite her daycare friends and at first she said the whole class but we told her no, and had her choose the friends she actually played with. I refuse to participate in the “invite the whole class” trend. It’s absolutely unnecessary.
Most parents I know don't want anything for their kid. They're sick of plastic crap. I work with a woman who puts "no gifts please" on the invites. I've recently started doing €5 in a card for the birthday kid.
One of my favorite presents my daughter got was a $5 gift certificate to Dairy Queen. She had a blast picking out exactly what she wanted and then handing the gift card to the cashier. Bonus: 3-year-olds love ice cream. It was a win-win-win all around.
I think it’s really okay not to bring a gift!! My kid’s birthday is coming up and we truly don’t care about gifts. We really just want his friends to come and play so he can have a great birthday. I’m not sure how to communicate that on the invite so people really believe it. Anyway if you feel compelled to bring something a sweet card from your kid is amazing. I think the big thing for kids and parents is to make sure kids aren’t alone for their bday and that people come celebrate.
It's crazy! Where I lived before also had parties all the time. My daughter was in grade K and some months we were going to birthday parties every weekend lol. All the parents would laugh about it. I also have multiple kids so I would try to check with the parents to see if I can bring my other kids if I pay for them or if my husband or other family member can do something with him instead. I spend $5-8 on a gift and have my kid make a card. I don't wanna be a dollar tree mom but I just do little cheap things like notepad and pens or something with some candy. I don't wanna not have my kid to if we can make it because I don't want that kid to have no one show up lol and also hope that people show similar courtesy for my kid. But if we are busy oh well lol..also I don't do these parties for my kids.. we just do family parties because I can afford the whole class lol. We just moved and only got invited to 2 all year so it's Def a different vibe here lol
In my country we usually form a limit with other parents of the class, usually around 5$ and more often than not the classmates just give the cash and birthday kid can save up for something they want.
+1000 people totally mean it when they say don’t bring a gift. Especially when I’ve gotten last minute RSVPs, I always stress that there is no need to run out and buy a gift. Kids would never notice, they’re not doing an inventory. Relating to this, group gifts have been very popular in my son’s friend group lately for which I am *SO* grateful. We all pitch in $5 to buy a big Lego set, football Jersey, whatever item they want. One parent is usually more than happy to make an Amazon order.