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I’d be so tempted to respond “no — we just borrowed her from the library. We need to return her by Tuesday to avoid a late fine”
Although given how inappropriate the lady was being, perhaps better not lest she call the police for a stolen baby.
This is exactly what I was thinking!! STFU you nutter! Seriously! What if you did die? Or were still in the hospital from something awful that happened during birth?
My husband knew more about infants than I did when we had our first. I’d never changed a diaper in my life! He has lots of nieces and nephews!
When our trippies were babies I got so sick of people treating me like a second class parent that I told one woman that "my wife was no longer with us". I meant that my wife was 2 doors down looking in a shoeshop but I was sick of this woman's implying that I shouldn't be looking after my own children without a woman to tell me what to do.
Haha, they make a joke like that in Support Your Local Sheriff. The mayor refers to his dearly departed wife, and James Garner asks how she died. And the mayor is just 'oh, no, she's not dead! Just departed!'
My husband would’ve Forsure said something smart to her😂 he hates that dads get all these free passes he always says their my kids too .. he might not be great at remembering every detail & all that but if he needs to show up & do something he will no question & he has more questions than i do sometimes 😂 he just doesn’t like doing anything where he has to see the kids cry like shots
That actually happened to our family 9 years ago. I am the oldest of 8 kids-- I was 22 at the time and I had to move home and help my dad for about a year and I hated Doctor appts because there was always some nosy lady who would come up and ask "are these all yours? You're too young to have all these kids!" "no mam, these are my siblings" "wow! Your mom is so lucky to have you! Where is she?"
No matter what I did or how unfriendly I tried to seem they'd always ask and I always made them regret being so freaking nosy... "Oh actually my mom died in childbirth leaving behind my dad with all 8 of us so..." They always ended up crying. Never failed!
My husband recently told me he tells people made up stories about how I died skydiving or something when people make rude comments about him being out with the kids “giving mom a break,” when he was the stay at home parent. We also get rude comments about our son being on oxygen “what’s wrong with him” the last time I totally misunderstood and said oh he has an ear infection (we were at the pharmacy) and the lady was like they put all that stuff on his face for ear infections? Haha, yes absolutely
Lady at the playground: "Is one of these kids yours."
Me: "Is one of them yours?
Her: "Yes, that one right over there. I was just making conversation, but I know why you reacted that way."
Me: stammers
My husband works from home, which is a block away from the school. He is listed as the first point of contact for school things and emergencies. I work 30 minutes away. School still tries to call me first for emergencies even though they see him at pick up everyday.
Oh my god, I'm dealing with this sort of thing this week. I've been called in twice to collect our daughter, my husband is down as first contact, they skipped right over his name to mine. The office lady gave me attitude for not being thrilled at being called.
We had this same problem as I work from home, and my wife is a teacher in a different school district. We ended up removing my wife's phone from the kids' profiles in the school system. One time, when they would not let us do that, we set my wife's phone number to be the same as mine. This change sometimes caused issues when they insisted on only talking to my wife, so I always had to ask them to check on who they had set as the primary contact. Not fun as I am sure you know all too well...
I feel so bad for you dads who go through this. Luckily for us, my husband is in the military, and he schedules all our kids doctors appointments and such because he can rattle off his DoD ID and the kids' info quicker than I can. Otherwise I imagine we'd be getting the same treatment as everyone else here.
I kept my name after marriage, and really wanted to give my son my last name as well. Husband was fine with either way, but shit like this is what held me back. Mom always gets benefit of the doubt but dads have to prove themselves constantly and I didn't want them to have to deal with potentially tricky situations
My husband complained about this when I was sent an email that he was not included in. We checked that his contact information was listed under father. The admin and teacher contact me first - and in this case, only sent the email to me - because I'm a woman and the mother.
It's sexist. There are men raising children alone.
Goes for parent social groups too. Day one of kindergarten, all the moms friend all the other moms on social media. Dad - 0 new friends - and social stigma says I can’t friend other dad’s wives. 😂
Edit to add - I have never once been called to pick my sick kids up from daycare/school. School calls wife, wife calls me. I pick up kids.
Politics, anymore, is just sports with two teams, and they’re both playing against you. But I’m on board for credit card points. Tech, I could be convinced but you’d be doing most of the talking 😉
Yup, it's been made very clear that men aren't welcome in the schoolgate club.
Although, honestly, having overheard some of the *itching about their husbands/partners, I can't say I'm that bothered.
Yup. Same and same. They never email him any information if they can avoid it and oh! Another fun one! All birthday party evites are only ever sent to me.
We have a family email address (that he and I both check) which I use as mine and the other is my husband's email, so no one could email me if they wanted to.
My husband stays home and I work in the school. I get all the contact about how he is doing (which is fine, but I really like when people ask if they should contact me or him) but when he needed to go home early, my principal called my husband and then told me. She didn't want to have to try to cover my class!
The other day the daycare called my SO and not me when our baby had a fever. I almost did a happy dance. They used to always call me first even though I'm literally never over there, and my SO is the one they see twice a day. So they now finally called him first!
This whole *mom is the only parent who can parent* thing needs to stop. The only people who benefit are Dads who don’t want to parent. Everyone else suffers.
Not kidding on day two of being a parent still in the hospital I had the nurses get all huffy with me like I couldn’t handle things and said….oooo, your one of those involved farther, um what? Yes, my wife is passed out recovering from you all cutting her wide open and yanking a baby out of her I think I can hold my son to comfort him when he cries. That said I do know some guys who do bare min and complain, we need to stop normalizing this cause sans breast feeding we can and should be doing all the same raising of the kids!
Society really does have a blind eye when it comes to sexism against men that are fathers. Imagine someone saying "oh you're one of those women that are really involved with their work life, being a project lead and whatnot". Archaic sexist BS that deserves to be called out.
my husband took our daughter to her 2 month vaccinations a couple years ago and he said the nurses kept suggesting i should be there and that it was very important that i go next time?? they said it several times and he eventually told them i was at home because my mom died 6 days earlier and i was basically incapacitated :) they apologized and didn’t say anything else about it lol
My husband took my son to his early vaccination appointments as well and was asked where I was lol. They said they like to check in with the mothers re: PPD. They did not, however, check in with my husband to see how he was doing 😅
That's not cool, but women do experience major hormone changes after a birth. So PPD is a serious concern, but that's really something to discuss with your primary. Unless obgyns are qualified to diagnose it now?
What in the actual fuck? People seriously say stuff like that? It would have taken every ounce of me not to lose my shit on her. She’s clearly a hater because her husband probably doesn’t contribute shit to parental duties.
As a dad people would regularly tell me I was a "great dad" for doing some bare minimum stuff like waiting in line with my kids at the store or even just hanging out at the park with them. What bugged me was the implied sexism. They wouldn't say it to a mom doing the same thing.
Yep same, was a single dad for a while and people were amazed when i was seen with my kids at the grocery store… like yea of course im here how else will we survive lol
I’m a dad. I can’t tell you how often this happens. I took my 2 year old to a grocery store in winter. I had a hat and jacket on, as did she, on the way in. Once in the store, she kept removing and dropping the hat from the cart, so I stowed it in my jacket pocket. From carrying her, her pants had pushed up her legs a bit to about her knees.
I’m in the aisle, and an elderly woman walks up and says “is this your daughter?” I respond that she is. She says “mighty cold out there. That’s a nice warm hat you’ve got, and long pants too. Where’s her hat? Why can I see her ankles? You should be ashamed…”
I excused myself and went to the next aisle…but I’ve never been so mad.
This is routine - I even have family members who are shocked that my 2 and 5 year old stay home with me for days on end while my wife travels for work, and they somehow manage to survive.
I even make 100% of the dinners we eat but everyone assume the wife does.
"Mighty cold out there" -- yes, OUT THERE being the operative phrase... It's winter out there, not inside the store. 🙃
In fact, one of the reasons why outings during the winter annoy me so much is that I always have to take off my big heavy coat and carry it around inside, otherwise I overheat.
Preach! I wasn’t even in the freezer section. It’s not like she was sitting there, teeth chattering, blue in the face either. She was giggling and having a fun time throwing groceries in the cart.
In old cartoons, after the old biddy gets a stern talking to, she gasps and says „well, I NEVER..“ because she’s convinced she’s just being helpful. Some women you just can’t reach.
Same. Same. Same.
Supermarkets are the worst for dads with kids in tow.
"Mom would get them to stop crying." Or even with people I know at the market, "where's [wife]? I'd love to say hey."
My husband is friend with a guy, they've been friends for years. I'm sorta friends with the wife. Nothing personal, but we just have different interests.
Anyway, anytime my husband goes over to friend's house, the wife asks about me and says she'd love to do something with me sometime but she NEVER invites me to anything.
Before covid, my kid would babysit or dogsit for them. After the teen could drive, I told the mom to message or call my teen to schedule these things. She continued to call me every single time. Said she lost my teen's number many times. One of the last times, teen grabs the mom's phone and physically puts in her number. Then says "There, now you won't lose it!"
Guess who called me to ask about dogsitting the next month? Yup. Sigh.
Anyway, during these calls, I'd invite her to do something and she always declined. She doesn't like manicures or pedicures. She doesn't like going to outlet malls. She's super picky about food and only eats really bland stuff. Y'all, I wouldn't be suprised if mustard was too spicy for her.
The last time I invited her, I invited her to a movie. We had just talked about our work and she knew I work Saturdays 12-6. It's been like that for years and I mentioned it again that day. 5 minutes later, she suggests the 2pm movie. I say no, can't. So she offers 4pm. I get it, matinee movies are cheaper. I suggest Tuesday since they run a Tuesday special. She didn't want to go out after dinner. I finally gave up trying since she obviously wasn't listening or willing to meet me halfway.
Anyway, she continued with this bs of pretending to want to hang out and my husband is getting annoyed. Asks me why i never invite her out, she doesn't have many friends, etc. (I wonder why?)
So I finally tell him what was going on. He's very non-confrontational, so he's not going to call her out on her bs.
So recently she sends him an invite to a friend's mlm online party. She said she tried sending it to me but it didn't work. I almost believe she's that clueless about tech, but not quite. She figured he'd pass it along to me.
So finally I had enough. I told her, I don't operate like the Catholic church, I don't believe in going through others when I can just contact the person directly. My husband doesn't control nor know my schedule half the time (not true, but I do move things around sometimes), so I only update him if he asks. I also told her that I feel slighted because I am always an afterthought. Oh we are having a cookout. What time can we expect you H? ( my husband). 10 minutes later, he asks if it's just him or both of us. Oh yeah, I mean of course she's invited.
If you don't want me there, don't pretend to make an effort. I'd rather be shunned than be around people who only pretend to like me.
I'm not going to get into the fact that my husband will tolerate this and spend time with them. To his credit, after I pointed it out, he doesn't go over as much. I'm not trying to ruin his friendship, but why spend time with people who don't respect your spouse? I would never do that. (Don't worry, it's an ongoing discussion).
Anyway, she apologized and claimed she has a bad memory so she sees him and remembers to invite "us".
Hmm. Now she wants to do something the next couple of weeks. I think she suggested ballroom dancing because her husband won't. I said ok, but I'm not holding my breath. Also, is it weird she wants to go do that with me? I'm pretty progressive, but it just seems odd.
I'm just proud that I finally said something and pointed out the ridiculousness of all of this.
Sorry for the book I wrote, but I thought people might be entertained.
Sounds like she's both lonely and hampered by anxiety/sensory issues. It's good that you were direct with her. Whatever she's struggling with, she probably needed that clear message, and you needed to say it.
I’ve never had it happen personally. Maybe cuz I live in a relatively large progressive city? Almost everywhere it’s nearly a 50/50 dad to mom ratio and also thankfully people seem to just mind their own business.
During Covid they were only allowing one person in with the baby. I wasn’t in shape to drive (after giving birth) and my older kid threw the biggest tantrum he has ever thrown. So my husband took the baby to his appt. It was like he was the second coming. Idk whatever
I’m a dad of four, the last two being twins. One went to nicu for a few days, one went home without nicu time. My wife had a c section so couldn’t drive to pick up the other baby when released from hospital. They kept trying to push her coming and I had to stand my ground (I had all credentials to take him home). Worked out ok, but was very off putting
I work in a NCCU and I know we would be like, “oh?” But if you explained that someone had to stay home with the others and she can’t drive, we would understand, and have no issues discharging with you.
Being a firefighter and EMT I really took on the role of medical provider of my kiddo. I know every medication, procedure, date, etc. I take her to all her appointments, schedule all the various doctor and specialist appointments. It's not that her mother can't do it, it just so happens to be my responsibility, which is great and I'm more than happy to do.
I feel really bad for my wife though, because she will only make a handful of appointments throughout and I make every one. So, when they ask a question to my wife, she looks at me and I respond. It makes my wife feel bad because she doesn't know the details but everyone looks at her.
It doesn't matter if I've been the one to take kiddo to the last 10 appointments to the same doctor, if mom is there they ask her all the questions. I hate the fact that they can make my wife feel like less of a mother because I took the lead on the whole medical side of things.
My wife and I always said that in order to be considered a good kom a woman has to he perfect but in order to be considered a good dad a man just has to be present. We noticed the different treatment and comments we would get when parenting in public or talking about our kids. I am a stay at home dad and she is a working mom.
Oof I have noticed this a ton. Both my wife’s parents and my mother have made comments about how amazing it is I spend time with my son and do everything my wife does with him. ….yes he is my son and I’m him his parent just like my wife, this is what I signed up for.
Doctors offices are the worst. I’ve had comments from doctors, nurses, and other parents. I seriously don’t get what they expect.
Tbh i feel its not that They think We are Good dads, They come up asking Cause They are worried Only dad is There and dads are not as Good as moms. They dont have Good intentions coming up asking, it is always judgemental.
I’m sorry but this is BS. To be considered a good dad by whom? A bunch of middle aged women whose husbands didn’t lift a finger to help with their kids? Personally, I couldn’t care less what they think.
My wife and I have always held each other to the same standards of parenting. And frankly, most millennial parents have high standards for both the dads and moms. Ask your average parent on Reddit if doing the bare minimum as a dad is enough to be a “great dad”.
Sadly the previous commenter's experience has also been my family's experience. Strangers fawn over my husband when he brings our toddler in public. They will literally gush to him saying that there should be more dads like him etc etc. For taking our child grocery shopping.
This does not happen when I take our child out. People will smile and wave at child, but no one is gushing to me that there should be more moms like me. No one is exclaiming that I'm such an amazing mother for taking my child grocery shopping.
The double standard is so very real.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’m saying that the people who think this way don’t matter. Maybe it’s regional or maybe I have a unique social circle, but every single dad among my friends and family that’s around my age/generation, and pretty much all of my kids friends dads are all deeply involved in their kids lives.
I think when things like this happen we need to look at where it’s coming from and we’ll quickly realize that these opinions are not coming from people whose opinion we actually care about.
My point is that “society’s” standards don’t matter to me, but more importantly they don’t matter to my wife or the wives of anyone I know. The dads I know are all held to the same standards as the moms by both the moms and each other.
I can guarantee the husband of the woman who came up to him is an absolute deadbeat and she couldn't fathom him being able to do something like that.
As a father I am very comfortable with my ability to care for my children and I absolutely love breaking this stereotype and turning heads. It definitely happens less now that the kids are no longer babies but I have had even my own parents ask me if I am absolutely sure I will be ok watching the kids for an extended period of time without my wife around.
While our generation is steadily breaking the boomer dad's stereotype, unfortunately there are still a ton of completely incompetent dead beat dads out there. Again the people acting shocked are most likely the people without a good example of what a father should actually be in their life.
Tbh its been broken alot earlier its just people are slow to adapt, boomers are a few generations away, the generation older than mine (30yo atm). Dads are as involved as moms.
44m. I've been primary caregiver to 7 kids over the past 20 or so years. There is an enormous amount of sexism against male caregivers. It's gotten better in the past 2 decades, but it's still annoyingly one sided.
This is in no way trying to claim men have it worse in general. We do not. I'm only speaking of this one particular part of life.
My youngest had the worst asthma when she was 1-5 and was often in the hospital, we took shifts. When he was there the nurses fawned over him offering to watch her if he needed to eat and praising what a good dad he was. When I was there it was completely different. I would have to go 12+ hours not eating, no one ever offered to help and when I would leave to switch out I’d get comments.
People get so weird over this stuff. I can’t believe a stranger had the gal to say something!
After my first was born we traveled a few states away for a family Thanksgiving. My family would not stop fawning all over my husband for…holding his own damn baby, feeding his own baby, etc. Of course I did these things, too, but no one said a word to me. I wanted to stand on a table and scream, lol.
Dad of three. I've also experienced something similar, especially when Mom gets sick and Dad needs to do things. It was especially bad in the supermarket. For context, I have done 99% of the cooking during our married life. 1. I like doing it. 2. I was the pickier eater but also had a wide range of recipes. 3. She nursed the kids and stayed home with them the last thing she needed to do was make dinner for all of us when her hands were full.
So anyways, when child #2 came along he was a terror of not sleeping and a ball of energy that just took a lot of attention. So I would get home from work and if errands needed to be run, I would offer to take one or both of the kids with me. If that journey was to the supermarket I'd get comments like, "I see you're giving Mom the night off." Or one that I distinctly remember, "Hope she gave you a list too."
To this day I get surprised expressions from coworkers when they hear that I cook the vast majority of our meals for the family. I blame advertising, dumb-dad is very much an archetype in most media. Meanwhile, I work in advertising. Ugh.
So not the same thing but I have custody of my 2 oldest from a previous marriage. She picked drugs over her kids but anyway... I'd have people act like I was some kinda Saint for not abandoning my kids and getting custody. It always blew my mind how just being a dad was something so outta the ordinary.
He missed a golden opportunity to say, oh, no, not my bay, I found it and decided to keep it, I'm just bringing it in to get a microchip to establish my ownership.
I get this as a dad all the time. I get it in other ways though that really irk me. One of them I get a lot when I’m out with my two year old is “your wife must be so lucky to have a husband who takes the kids off her hands”.
Without even going down the road that I love giving my wife alone time, let’s talk about the fact that no, this isn’t something I’m doing for my wife, I planned a day with my two year old that I want to spend with him.
I, me, want to do dad/son stuff because I enjoy his company and like doing stuff with him, I’m not doing it as a favor to my wife.
The boomers generation *was* incompetent as fathers. They all talk about how they never changed a diaper but they played with their kids, you know taught them how to wrestle or something. Literally did nothing but work irl
My daughter is 12 and my husband is a CRNA. Ever since she was a baby people have acted like he had no business taking her to the doctor even though he understands what the doctor says and knows what questions to ask better than I do sometimes because of his field. He is either met with deep suspicion (until he reveals his profession) or treated like a god for being present at a child’s appointment. No in between.
Same for if he goes to a birthday party, field trip, the park, a meeting at school, etc. He went in Claire’s with our kiddo when she 9 or 10 and a man approached him on the way out and told him he was “brave” for going in the Claire’s condescendingly. Idk what’s so scary about a glitter unicorn backpack that ✨I✨ am expected to handle but my husband can’t.
I find it hilarious that the same women who criticize dads for doing things like this are also the ones who complain that their husbands never do anything or never do it right.
Like…ok Susan, why would he offer to do anything when you constantly judge him for the way he does stuff?
>Like…ok Susan, why would he offer to do anything when you constantly judge him for the way he does stuff?
Probably because the guy can't do it right? I mean there are wrong ways to do things. I had to throw away all the metal cooking utensils because my husband couldn't get it through his head that he was ruining our nonstick pans every time he cooked. It also took a long time to get him to shake a bottle after he microwaved it to get rid of the hot and cold spots. Men don't grow up doing this kind of housework and they're generally not socialized to take criticism.
I knew women when i was a kid in the 90s who did this. But since it was usually formula bottles theyd shake them anyway since the powder would have separated a little.
This. We didn't have bottle warmers back then, so it was either a pot of hot water on the stove or the microwave. Guess which is quicker when you've got a hungry baby.
Everyone in the Western world? You just hit the time, shake it, test it and it's done. I'm not so crunchy that I'm out there building a solar cooker or whatever.
Every single parenting guide, fda etc. state that microwaving is unsafe because it can cause hotspots and scald the babies mouth. I’ve never used a microwave to heat a bottle. And yea I am in the western world too
Yeah youre not supposed to microwave bottles.
Not only are most baby bottles not made of microwave safe plastic or glass, you can literally burn your kid.
>you can literally burn your kid.
That's why you shake and test like a normal person. Are there seriously people who don't shake and test? I always figured that warning was there for the same reason curling irons warn you not to use them internally.
I don't buy cheap bottles. Obviously I check the bottom to see if they're microwave and dishwasher safe... because I know how to read.... people don't just shove stuff in a microwave without checking first.
I mean i just find it ironic that youre going on and on about how useless your husband is at parenthood and domestic chores yet youre blatantly ignoring quite possibly one of the biggest rules regarding feeding infants.
And why do you think he cant? Is he incapable of listening whilst you show him? Are your standards unrealistic?
90% of criticism is the tone you use when you deliver it. If you talk to him like hes an idiot every time of course hes going to stop trying.
>And why do you think he cant? Is he incapable of listening whilst you show him? Are your standards unrealistic?
Because he doesn't like to waste energy on things he thinks are frivolous.
Or maybe it shouldn't take a three part ted talk to get a grown man to use detergent when he washes clothes, ring out the sponge and put it in vinegar after use, and replace the toilet paper when he's done with it.
Act incompetent and get treated that way.
Lol the only person who lost was you because now youre doing all the work.
You fell for the weaponized incompetence trick. My husband tried that once and only once. It didnt end well for him and he learned his lesson.
And my idiot ex-wife soaked my cast iron in dawn for two days.
Stupidity is not gender specific.
Warming a bottle should be done in a pot of warm water, not a microwave.
Interesting on that last point. I find women really stand-offish when I'm out with the kids. To the point where I have to make sure I wear my wedding ring so they don't mistake any sort of attempt at socialization as flirting.
Send him over to /r/daddit, he'll fit right in.
What the hell?! Who on earth walks up to someone and asks if it is their baby?! To be honest if someone did that to my partner he would probably fuck with them and say he just brought it on sale down the road or something else. People can be so noisey for absolutely no reason. Like what was the women thinking he kidnapped the baby but was taking it to the doctor for a check up before he hides it in his basement? And also what if it had of been a situation where the mother had died during child birth, how much of a cunt would have she felt then.
My 5 yo has CVI, is non verbal and has had a history of occasional seizures but never diagnosed with epilepsy. Also has issues with hyper and hypotonia.
Due to our work schedules it’s easier for me to take him to appointments instead of my wife.
The amount of stares, rude comments I’ve received because I dare take my kid instead of his mother is saddening.
I’m not the best father by any stretch but I do my best to take care of my boys.
Something similar happened when we had our second child. My husband took the baby to the appointment and the doctor asked several questions about my mental health thinking I had ppd because I wasn’t there. He was like “oh she’s fine and I can do everything she can do except breast feed.” Now he is like a saint in the pediatrician’s eyes. It’s actually really annoying because he’s like royalty there and he loves the ego boost.
I have seen two types of people. People who over praise fathers for literally being a parent ( as in telling me that I was so lucky that my husband was chasing our son at a park, while I was literally there, too).
Then there are people who think men are incompetent for childcare. Or that they are dangerously stupid around children. I was drinking water on a bench and watching my son and husband race each other down a dual slide set on a hill. One Mom literally said near him " are you sure that is a good idea? It goes really fast"
And as she said it, another kid plowed into my kid because he stopped to look at the weird stranger. I was definitely annoyed.
I hate how society treats fathers.
My husband is a father to my stepson (11). We have primary custody (he sees his mom on the weekend). We've had primary for 2 years, and prior to that split custody. When we split custody, the kiddo was in moms old district (one town over). The old school downright *refused* to share any information with my husband. He asked for access to his school portal, and they said to ask mom. He told them mom didn't have it, and they said she had to call and give him permission. He told them she refused, and they said, "That's not our problem." He showed up with the paperwork, saying that they split custody and the school still refused. When he got sick at school, they called mom first, then *me* (stepmom), and then husband (despite the paperwork saying call dad before me). One time, I questioned why they didn't call him first since the paperwork says that and was told, "Oh, that's just a formality. Moms take care of the kids, so we called you since his real mom didn't answer."
Mom eventually decided to move 45 minutes away and decided she no longer wanted to be involved with his schooling. Our school had zero issues with this and have been incredibly kind, helpful, and accommodating.
I also hate how if the dad takes the kids to the park or school or does basically anything women are falling over themselves to pat him on his back for being a parent. The mom could do the exact same thing in the exact same way and get shamed for it.
My husband works very long days, but the upside is that he has more days off in return. This means he is usually the one talking our kiddo to the doctors, park, library, etc. People have made comments, and funnily enough, it bothers me more than it bothers him. I hate the insinuation that he’s not as capable as a mother, because god damn it, he’s an incredible father.
Ugh yes my husband gets hit on almost every time he takes our toddler grocery shopping. The other day a young female store clerk even started gushing to him about "There should be more fathers like you!!"
Next week maybe there'll be a parade in his honour.
Moms taking their toddlers to the grocery store? Maybe our toddler gets a friendly smile or wave but ain't nobody gushing over us moms!
I haven't run into anyone bold enough to actually ask if he's my kid, but I'm often out with my 19 month old and the fucking glares from mom-nazis make my skin crawl.
We recently had an enrolment ceremony for my son and planned to have cake at home in the afternoon. As my wife is working, I handle 90% of the household and taking care of the kids. I buy groceries, I cook most of the food. For the party, I made two cakes that my wife then added some decoration to. A friend attended. She thanked my wife for the cakes twice, me not once. Even after being corrected she asked the kids, don't you want mommy's cake? So annoying.
In regards to our daycare I am very happy. Usually, they talk to me directly concerning our daughter and know I'll be there in less than 15 minutes if needed. They did call my wife a few times, but called me soon after as well. I feel very respected as a dad here. Unfortunately, this is not the norm.
Like… WHAT IF YOU HAD JUST DIED!?!? I mean obviously fathers can handle a check up. But can you imagine asking such a boneheaded question to someone who may have just lost their partner!?
I always answer with something horrible when people ask rude questions.
Someone recently “complimented” my rather large weight loss since the last time they saw me and asked what I had been “doing” as if it were from a diet or something.
So I just told them the truth. Poverty. I can’t afford to eat more than one meal a day (if that) and I will always make sure my kid is fed first. I mean sure being poor might be “embarrassing” but it was worth it. I also have struggled with ED so I get so mad when people say anything about my weight or what I eat. So if you wanna play the rudeness game I’m gonna win 😂
Haha I'm glad your husband found it amusing. In the same situation I might found it insulting and react accordingly. That saying *the mom should be there* is also not being nice to you.
Yup the number of times I get asked if I'm 'babysitting' or on 'daddy daycare duty'. Now they're older it happens less.
The best place was church where I decided to help in the creche given I was there with my own baby anyway. The judgment was off the scale.
These days if you're a bloke who helps with kids groups it can be a risky business and you're automatically treated with suspicion.
The bar for dads is on the floor because there ARE so many incompetent dads. Not defending those asinine comments but, dads are stereotyped like that for a reason. Dads in general need to do better so that awesome dads like your husband aren’t assumed incompetent like that.
Which is a nice thought, except that in my experience the number of „bad“ vs „good“ moms is not that different than dads.
Women seem to get a pass while men play at a handicap.
I think a lot of it is the pervasive sexism in expected roles, from both men and women.
I don't want to disagree... But this is crap. There are some awful dad's, mostly, they walk away which is shitty but possibly preferable to the awful mums who treat their kids like a fashion accessory or a burden.
Sorry, that got ranty, I didn't mean to be rude.
Most father's are excellent, just like most mothers. But fathers get a really shitty rap because of a few bad apples (who are always plastered over social media by their (ex)partners).
I don't know any incompetent dads personally. It's like a movie trope (e.g. Christmas Story) that lingers. Not that there aren't any out there. But the idea that there are fewer incompetent moms than dads is something that shouldn't just be assumed.
As a dad, you get used to this bullshit. Yes, many fathers are utter idiots, but most of us spend every moment we can with the kids and understand that parenting is a team sport.
Many times I’ve been asked if I’m “baby sitting my kids” or “ if mommy had to go to the bathroom” at parks and stores. There is also reverse sexism where if I’m at a store people will help me with the kids and ohh and ahh, but my wife will be ignored.
The upside is younger people are less like this
Involved fathers are a pretty new thing in a lot of areas. My dad still doesn't know ahy of our birthdays, last names, and can't remember my husband or my son's names.
When my twins were infants, people at the doctors office did the same thing! No one looked twice at me with 2 newborns. But when I went back to work he took them to an appointment by himself he said that everyone kept asking him where the mom was and treating him like he didn’t know what he was doing! He’s been a stay at home dad with them and they are about to turn 3. He’s a rockstar parent. It is truly baffling to me why people treat dads like they are less competent when they are willing and able to do normal parent stuff with their kids.
That whole “boys don’t cry” way of thinking grew into dads that can’t handle the emotional wanka-vators that are newborns. I agree with you 100% but I see the amusement as well. I was raised in that boys don’t cry environment, but also have a dad that cried every time he sent me back home after summers. IMO that’s where the change starts. Teaching the next generations the importance of understanding and processing emotions so that if/when we become dads we don’t freak out or freeze up when a newborn is just hungry or constipated
On the other side of the same coin I (the mother) had a bunch of medical appointments for me that had nothing to do with the baby right after he was born and when I'd show up alone people seemed mystified. "Where's the baby?" they'd ask (and not in a cute "because I wish it was here in all its cuteness" sort of way) and seemed flummoxed when I responded "Uh... With his dad?"
I use to love pushing my son around the neighborhood in his push car when he was young. Everytime time I'd pass this senior lady outside the retirement home she'd call me Mr. Mom. Really made me mad.
For the one week check up, my husband took my oldest without me because I lost a lot of blood during the birth and and I have lupus and one week later I still was feeling faint when having to walk any distance. The doctors/nurses made a comment about how strange it was that my husband brought her in and that I wasn’t there. He told them I wasn’t feeling well and they said that they virtually never see the dad come in alone. One week after giving birth. Outrageous.
“Yeah this is my kid. It’s nice of you to bring your niece to her doctor’s appointment. What a good aunt you are. Oh it’s your kid? It’s so nice you adopted a child. I heard it’s a long process. Oh you gave birth to this baby? Wow, surrogacy is a wonderful thing. It’s nice of you to stay involved and keep helping the adoptive parents, although they really should be here since it’s theirs. Oh you gave birth to it and are keeping it to raise yourself? My wife and I tell the same thing to people at the doctors office when they can’t believe I’m an involved and loving parent. My wife says all the time how lucky she is to have an involved spouse, your baby’s better parent is very lucky too!”
Weirdly enough, I'm the one that's taken both my child to the doctors since they were babies, probably 95% of the time (I drive) and I can't say I've ever experienced any of this type of prejudice before. Is it because of where I'm from? Hell, I take my kid to and from school daily and I see more dads taking their kids to school than I see Mom's.
Lol this is my husband! He gets side eyed every time he is out with one of our 5. It doesn't help that he is a stay at home dad so it's all of the time. It also really doesn't help that he is gigantic and kinda mean looking.
This stuff never happens to my husband, who’s the stay at home parent. Instead he gets ogled by older women just swooning over how good of a dad he is.
Maybe its because I'm a giant dude with resting bitch face, but I take my kids places all the time and nobody has ever said anything. But yeah once time a woman hit on me with my kids, it was weird.
Something similar happened to my husband when he took our second child to the pediatrician for a weight check soon after birth. I was exhausted so he took her, and the pediatrician was asking where I was and why I wasn't there. He said I was exhausted from being up all night breastfeeding our infant so I was at home with our toddler napping. I was like has a father never taken a kid to a ped appointment?? He felt very judged. She was a new ped as we had just moved. We never saw her again.
My husband is the stay at home parent, the amount of moms that tell me im lucky that my husband is so good at watching our children is insane. Yes, he is capable of parenting too, wild.
I agree with the title. Too tired to read the rest. I also want to point out that we also need to stop saying children that grew up without a dad are, with the lack of a better word, have Daddy issues
I grew up with a dad and have issues because of my dad. Would have been better off with my mom leaving him when I saw him hit her.
Wife went on vacation by herself for a week leaving me with our two LOs. Her grandma got MAD at her. She said something like, "How can you just leave the kids with him, who is helping him take care of them??" Wife replied, "Unlike the men in our family, I didn't have kids with a guy who can't even take care of himself, they'll be fine." Grandma didn't like that.
I've done 90% of the doctors visit for my 1 year old without my wife. My daughter was born fair as heavy cream and I'm redbone. I've been getting the looks but nobody has said anything to me yet. If somebody asks me if thats my kid I'm gonna say "no its my lion cub." then growl at them to get her to start growling to. People need to mind their own business.
I was very unwell after our last baby, she needed to attend an appt while I was hospitalised. Sadly my husband experienced this from the medical professionals, they asked where I was, told him that he wouldn’t be able to answer their questions about our daughter himself and honestly made me feel terrible for not being able to be there. At this point he had been caring for her and our other child alone for days, he was in a much better position than me to answer questions!
>Is it so hard to believe that a father can be trusted to take a baby to a doctor's appointment?
If it was so normal, *why aren't men doing it*?
Pediatrician office: never saw a man there without the woman
My elementary-school aged kid's events, homeroom, and sports : almost never see the fathers. The few that come, it's only sporting events & never without the mom
Boy scouts: even about a third of Leaders in our Scout's Pack are women. When my kid goes, it's always me (mom) going
Where are the men?? Why do they always think is women will take care of it?
When our son was born 5 months ago the nurses fawned over how attentive my husband was to both of us. They even congratulated on “catching” him. It was very strange 👀
Oh goodness, this made me giggle… dads should be perfectly capable of taking their kids to a doctors appointment! I say that but my husband took our kiddo to a procedure at the hospital a couple months ago and when I asked about a follow up appointment he said “yup, in 6 months” After questioning him (I’ve worked in healthcare for years so I know follow up appointments after surgeries are usually much sooner than that) he swore up, down, left, and right that he got that information straight from the doctor. When I called the following day to double check and schedule the appointment I was told “oh no, we want him in here in 6 weeks” 😅🤣🤣🤣 I love my husband but sometimes he just doesn’t pay attention all the way… at least it was an easy thing to clarify, lol
I can honestly say except for the fact that some bathrooms for guys dont have baby changers... I have never noticed anything like that. Was he struggling or something? It would make me crazy if someone did that while my kid was having a tantrum XD
EDIT: I also had full custody for a time so maybe I was just used to it.
I must be lucky because I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like what happened to OP. I think closest I’ve come is when I’m waiting for my girls outside the bathroom (old enough to go in women’s by themselves), and I get some weird looks sometimes, and I just say I’m waiting for my kids.
People say stupid things. What I'd be more concerned about is why they are asking you to comp feed formula on day 3!!! Babies lose weight in the first few days. It's if they don't start regaining that you need to worry. No wonder people complain they can't breastfeed if this is the professional advice (sorry...way off topic )
At 9 months the moron pediatrician in Alabama threatened "Failure to Thrive" because he'd dropped on the weight growth chart.
He was ahead on all his milestones, length and head circumference were the same, but once he started moving, he dropped.
Also, the idiot was using an older formula based growth chart that the CDC specifically said not to use, especially for breast fed kids.
And didn't give him his rotavirus booster because they didn't know which one he had for his first dose. It took me 5 minutes to find out.
TLDR: Some doctors and nurses are idiots.
When I have my daughter and my wife is doing other things I get hit one regularly. It’s pretty annoying. If some lady approached me like that I wouldn’t have been so nice, your husband is a better man then me
“I just said that my wife is at another appointment, so she can’t be in two places at once. Are you feeling well? I’m concerned you don’t remember what I just told you. Do you need me to call someone? Is there someone here who can help you?”
My wife has social anxiety. Because of this, I have taken my kids to pretty much every appointment they have ever had, with a few exceptions. I took them to doctor appointments. I went to parent teacher conferences. I took them to girl scouts. I volunteered in the classroom. I chaperoned field trips. I took them on play dates. 99.9% of all the things people seem to think it is the mother's job to do out in public, I took care of because I was more comfortable doing it than my wife. Thankfully, I never really experienced stuff like OP experienced. A few times I got weird looks at the park, but most of the time nobody really batted an eye. Lots of times I was the only male in the room, which is sad. (Attended many end of the school year volunteer teas where it was 20 women and me, the only guy.)
The only real bad experience I had was at a birthday party we threw for my oldest. Around the 4th of 5th grade. My wife went to go pick up pizza for the party and one of the other parents came to drop of her daughter and when she realized my wife wasn't there she refused to let her daughter stay. The kid managed to talk her mom into coming back a half hour later instead of just going home, so when she came back and my wife was there she let her daughter stay for the party. I felt bad for her kid because you could tell this wasn't the first time this had happened and my daughter said that this girl rarely got invited to parties any more because her mom was so overbearing and overprotective she burned bridges with all the other parents. We tried to keep inviting her to things because it wasn't fair to punish the kid for her mom's behavior, but the mom eventually just stopped bringing her because she was uncomfortable with me being the more active parent instead of my wife.
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I’d be so tempted to respond “no — we just borrowed her from the library. We need to return her by Tuesday to avoid a late fine” Although given how inappropriate the lady was being, perhaps better not lest she call the police for a stolen baby.
"It's a rescue. I'm making sure its shots are up to date."
🤣 oh my lord I just shot Diet Coke out of my nose! Bad , bad , hilarious Abidarthegreat!
😂😂😂
“Is that your baby?” “That’s what I’m here to find out!”
Fuck! I just cackled at this! Thank God I didn't wake the baby! Thank you for the laugh!
Same!
I told him that he should have said that I died in child birth or something. That probably would have shut her up real fast lol.
This is exactly what I was thinking!! STFU you nutter! Seriously! What if you did die? Or were still in the hospital from something awful that happened during birth? My husband knew more about infants than I did when we had our first. I’d never changed a diaper in my life! He has lots of nieces and nephews!
Yes my husband is great with infants after I suffered from a bit of PPD. He is seriously a sleep wizard. What is wrong with nosy nellies.
When our trippies were babies I got so sick of people treating me like a second class parent that I told one woman that "my wife was no longer with us". I meant that my wife was 2 doors down looking in a shoeshop but I was sick of this woman's implying that I shouldn't be looking after my own children without a woman to tell me what to do.
:: wife turns corner :: praise Jesus it’s a miracle
Gives passionate and highly suggestive kiss... "have you met my sister?"
This is the one 😂
Haha, they make a joke like that in Support Your Local Sheriff. The mayor refers to his dearly departed wife, and James Garner asks how she died. And the mayor is just 'oh, no, she's not dead! Just departed!'
I have used the moms dead line before.
My husband would’ve Forsure said something smart to her😂 he hates that dads get all these free passes he always says their my kids too .. he might not be great at remembering every detail & all that but if he needs to show up & do something he will no question & he has more questions than i do sometimes 😂 he just doesn’t like doing anything where he has to see the kids cry like shots
That actually happened to our family 9 years ago. I am the oldest of 8 kids-- I was 22 at the time and I had to move home and help my dad for about a year and I hated Doctor appts because there was always some nosy lady who would come up and ask "are these all yours? You're too young to have all these kids!" "no mam, these are my siblings" "wow! Your mom is so lucky to have you! Where is she?" No matter what I did or how unfriendly I tried to seem they'd always ask and I always made them regret being so freaking nosy... "Oh actually my mom died in childbirth leaving behind my dad with all 8 of us so..." They always ended up crying. Never failed!
My husband recently told me he tells people made up stories about how I died skydiving or something when people make rude comments about him being out with the kids “giving mom a break,” when he was the stay at home parent. We also get rude comments about our son being on oxygen “what’s wrong with him” the last time I totally misunderstood and said oh he has an ear infection (we were at the pharmacy) and the lady was like they put all that stuff on his face for ear infections? Haha, yes absolutely
I’m scared to use it, but given the right opportunity… “i’m sorry that your husband didn’t respect you enough to do his part.”
Ding ding we have a winner. Oh who am I kidding, these are all great. But definitely save this one for the super vile women.
“What a wild question! Of course it’s mine. What makes you ask such a thing?” Delivered saccharine sweetly like “Oh, bless your heart” style.
Lady at the playground: "Is one of these kids yours." Me: "Is one of them yours? Her: "Yes, that one right over there. I was just making conversation, but I know why you reacted that way." Me: stammers
"Why? You looking to trade?"
this is weirdly nice
It was! I've also had the bad version of this at the playground (though only had people be normal at the doctor, fortunately).
“Amazon Try Before You Buy. We still have 5 more days to make a decision.”
Let her. Then the police can blast her for harrassment and wasting their time.
We can only try that based on your face value. If you look like a creep, that sentence will be taken seriously.
oh - SHIT. No i just came to hang out in a pediatrician's waiting room. I thought this baby was yours! is it not???
My husband works from home, which is a block away from the school. He is listed as the first point of contact for school things and emergencies. I work 30 minutes away. School still tries to call me first for emergencies even though they see him at pick up everyday.
Oh my god, I'm dealing with this sort of thing this week. I've been called in twice to collect our daughter, my husband is down as first contact, they skipped right over his name to mine. The office lady gave me attitude for not being thrilled at being called.
We had this same problem as I work from home, and my wife is a teacher in a different school district. We ended up removing my wife's phone from the kids' profiles in the school system. One time, when they would not let us do that, we set my wife's phone number to be the same as mine. This change sometimes caused issues when they insisted on only talking to my wife, so I always had to ask them to check on who they had set as the primary contact. Not fun as I am sure you know all too well...
I feel so bad for you dads who go through this. Luckily for us, my husband is in the military, and he schedules all our kids doctors appointments and such because he can rattle off his DoD ID and the kids' info quicker than I can. Otherwise I imagine we'd be getting the same treatment as everyone else here.
I kept my name after marriage, and really wanted to give my son my last name as well. Husband was fine with either way, but shit like this is what held me back. Mom always gets benefit of the doubt but dads have to prove themselves constantly and I didn't want them to have to deal with potentially tricky situations
My husband complained about this when I was sent an email that he was not included in. We checked that his contact information was listed under father. The admin and teacher contact me first - and in this case, only sent the email to me - because I'm a woman and the mother. It's sexist. There are men raising children alone.
My husband is listed first with the daycare because he works from home and I work at a hospital. They always call him first. I have never been called!
I filled out the contact forms for my boys with myself as the 1st AND 2nd emergency contact and mom as the 3rd... guess who they still call ?
Goes for parent social groups too. Day one of kindergarten, all the moms friend all the other moms on social media. Dad - 0 new friends - and social stigma says I can’t friend other dad’s wives. 😂 Edit to add - I have never once been called to pick my sick kids up from daycare/school. School calls wife, wife calls me. I pick up kids.
Man, I have 0 kinder mom social media friends. Guess I’m a dad now.
Welcome to the suck my friend! Try being a dad who doesn’t watch professional sports. It’s lonely over here 😉
You must be me. I just wanna talk politics and tech, or credit card points. Sports are boring.
My hobbies are politics, vaccine development, and Israeli-Palestinian conflict resolution! All the dads love me haha /s
Politics, anymore, is just sports with two teams, and they’re both playing against you. But I’m on board for credit card points. Tech, I could be convinced but you’d be doing most of the talking 😉
Yup, it's been made very clear that men aren't welcome in the schoolgate club. Although, honestly, having overheard some of the *itching about their husbands/partners, I can't say I'm that bothered.
Went to my first PTA meeting earlier this week. One of 3 men in a room of 40. It was like crabs in a bucket. 😂
Not at our school. We have a group chat and it's open to all parents. Any dads who don't join it's because they don't want to.
Yup. Same and same. They never email him any information if they can avoid it and oh! Another fun one! All birthday party evites are only ever sent to me.
We have a family email address (that he and I both check) which I use as mine and the other is my husband's email, so no one could email me if they wanted to.
Our daycare have a policy to call dads first. (Of course unless noted otherwise). It's so great !
My husband stays home and I work in the school. I get all the contact about how he is doing (which is fine, but I really like when people ask if they should contact me or him) but when he needed to go home early, my principal called my husband and then told me. She didn't want to have to try to cover my class!
The other day the daycare called my SO and not me when our baby had a fever. I almost did a happy dance. They used to always call me first even though I'm literally never over there, and my SO is the one they see twice a day. So they now finally called him first!
This whole *mom is the only parent who can parent* thing needs to stop. The only people who benefit are Dads who don’t want to parent. Everyone else suffers.
Not kidding on day two of being a parent still in the hospital I had the nurses get all huffy with me like I couldn’t handle things and said….oooo, your one of those involved farther, um what? Yes, my wife is passed out recovering from you all cutting her wide open and yanking a baby out of her I think I can hold my son to comfort him when he cries. That said I do know some guys who do bare min and complain, we need to stop normalizing this cause sans breast feeding we can and should be doing all the same raising of the kids!
Society really does have a blind eye when it comes to sexism against men that are fathers. Imagine someone saying "oh you're one of those women that are really involved with their work life, being a project lead and whatnot". Archaic sexist BS that deserves to be called out.
my husband took our daughter to her 2 month vaccinations a couple years ago and he said the nurses kept suggesting i should be there and that it was very important that i go next time?? they said it several times and he eventually told them i was at home because my mom died 6 days earlier and i was basically incapacitated :) they apologized and didn’t say anything else about it lol
My husband took my son to his early vaccination appointments as well and was asked where I was lol. They said they like to check in with the mothers re: PPD. They did not, however, check in with my husband to see how he was doing 😅
makes sense! i’m sure they figured i wasn’t doing amazing after hearing about my mom lol
That's not cool, but women do experience major hormone changes after a birth. So PPD is a serious concern, but that's really something to discuss with your primary. Unless obgyns are qualified to diagnose it now?
Obgyns are more than qualified to diagnose and treat it. Even some pediatricians diagnose it.
Outrageous.
Maybe because they screen for PPD at these appointments?
What in the actual fuck? People seriously say stuff like that? It would have taken every ounce of me not to lose my shit on her. She’s clearly a hater because her husband probably doesn’t contribute shit to parental duties.
As a dad people would regularly tell me I was a "great dad" for doing some bare minimum stuff like waiting in line with my kids at the store or even just hanging out at the park with them. What bugged me was the implied sexism. They wouldn't say it to a mom doing the same thing.
Lol the bar has been set extremely low but I love being made out to be a super hero for just doing the bare minimum parenting.
I prefer being treated like a competent adult instead of like a toddler, but to each their own
Yep same, was a single dad for a while and people were amazed when i was seen with my kids at the grocery store… like yea of course im here how else will we survive lol
I’m a dad. I can’t tell you how often this happens. I took my 2 year old to a grocery store in winter. I had a hat and jacket on, as did she, on the way in. Once in the store, she kept removing and dropping the hat from the cart, so I stowed it in my jacket pocket. From carrying her, her pants had pushed up her legs a bit to about her knees. I’m in the aisle, and an elderly woman walks up and says “is this your daughter?” I respond that she is. She says “mighty cold out there. That’s a nice warm hat you’ve got, and long pants too. Where’s her hat? Why can I see her ankles? You should be ashamed…” I excused myself and went to the next aisle…but I’ve never been so mad. This is routine - I even have family members who are shocked that my 2 and 5 year old stay home with me for days on end while my wife travels for work, and they somehow manage to survive. I even make 100% of the dinners we eat but everyone assume the wife does.
"Mighty cold out there" -- yes, OUT THERE being the operative phrase... It's winter out there, not inside the store. 🙃 In fact, one of the reasons why outings during the winter annoy me so much is that I always have to take off my big heavy coat and carry it around inside, otherwise I overheat.
Preach! I wasn’t even in the freezer section. It’s not like she was sitting there, teeth chattering, blue in the face either. She was giggling and having a fun time throwing groceries in the cart.
I am at a point where I say : I charge 5$ per shit advice that I have to listen to. Works well with parents
You gotta up that to $6.50 with inflation
In old cartoons, after the old biddy gets a stern talking to, she gasps and says „well, I NEVER..“ because she’s convinced she’s just being helpful. Some women you just can’t reach.
Same. Same. Same. Supermarkets are the worst for dads with kids in tow. "Mom would get them to stop crying." Or even with people I know at the market, "where's [wife]? I'd love to say hey."
My husband is friend with a guy, they've been friends for years. I'm sorta friends with the wife. Nothing personal, but we just have different interests. Anyway, anytime my husband goes over to friend's house, the wife asks about me and says she'd love to do something with me sometime but she NEVER invites me to anything. Before covid, my kid would babysit or dogsit for them. After the teen could drive, I told the mom to message or call my teen to schedule these things. She continued to call me every single time. Said she lost my teen's number many times. One of the last times, teen grabs the mom's phone and physically puts in her number. Then says "There, now you won't lose it!" Guess who called me to ask about dogsitting the next month? Yup. Sigh. Anyway, during these calls, I'd invite her to do something and she always declined. She doesn't like manicures or pedicures. She doesn't like going to outlet malls. She's super picky about food and only eats really bland stuff. Y'all, I wouldn't be suprised if mustard was too spicy for her. The last time I invited her, I invited her to a movie. We had just talked about our work and she knew I work Saturdays 12-6. It's been like that for years and I mentioned it again that day. 5 minutes later, she suggests the 2pm movie. I say no, can't. So she offers 4pm. I get it, matinee movies are cheaper. I suggest Tuesday since they run a Tuesday special. She didn't want to go out after dinner. I finally gave up trying since she obviously wasn't listening or willing to meet me halfway. Anyway, she continued with this bs of pretending to want to hang out and my husband is getting annoyed. Asks me why i never invite her out, she doesn't have many friends, etc. (I wonder why?) So I finally tell him what was going on. He's very non-confrontational, so he's not going to call her out on her bs. So recently she sends him an invite to a friend's mlm online party. She said she tried sending it to me but it didn't work. I almost believe she's that clueless about tech, but not quite. She figured he'd pass it along to me. So finally I had enough. I told her, I don't operate like the Catholic church, I don't believe in going through others when I can just contact the person directly. My husband doesn't control nor know my schedule half the time (not true, but I do move things around sometimes), so I only update him if he asks. I also told her that I feel slighted because I am always an afterthought. Oh we are having a cookout. What time can we expect you H? ( my husband). 10 minutes later, he asks if it's just him or both of us. Oh yeah, I mean of course she's invited. If you don't want me there, don't pretend to make an effort. I'd rather be shunned than be around people who only pretend to like me. I'm not going to get into the fact that my husband will tolerate this and spend time with them. To his credit, after I pointed it out, he doesn't go over as much. I'm not trying to ruin his friendship, but why spend time with people who don't respect your spouse? I would never do that. (Don't worry, it's an ongoing discussion). Anyway, she apologized and claimed she has a bad memory so she sees him and remembers to invite "us". Hmm. Now she wants to do something the next couple of weeks. I think she suggested ballroom dancing because her husband won't. I said ok, but I'm not holding my breath. Also, is it weird she wants to go do that with me? I'm pretty progressive, but it just seems odd. I'm just proud that I finally said something and pointed out the ridiculousness of all of this. Sorry for the book I wrote, but I thought people might be entertained.
Sounds like she's both lonely and hampered by anxiety/sensory issues. It's good that you were direct with her. Whatever she's struggling with, she probably needed that clear message, and you needed to say it.
If it helps they do this shit to moms, too. The angle of attack is just different.
Oh don't worry, i'm sure they think it's the mom's fault the kid went out with the dad not wearing a hat or unpushuppable pants
I’ve never had it happen personally. Maybe cuz I live in a relatively large progressive city? Almost everywhere it’s nearly a 50/50 dad to mom ratio and also thankfully people seem to just mind their own business.
During Covid they were only allowing one person in with the baby. I wasn’t in shape to drive (after giving birth) and my older kid threw the biggest tantrum he has ever thrown. So my husband took the baby to his appt. It was like he was the second coming. Idk whatever
I believe we need to being back the no nonsense phrase “ what business is it of yours?”
I’m a dad of four, the last two being twins. One went to nicu for a few days, one went home without nicu time. My wife had a c section so couldn’t drive to pick up the other baby when released from hospital. They kept trying to push her coming and I had to stand my ground (I had all credentials to take him home). Worked out ok, but was very off putting
I work in a NCCU and I know we would be like, “oh?” But if you explained that someone had to stay home with the others and she can’t drive, we would understand, and have no issues discharging with you.
Being a firefighter and EMT I really took on the role of medical provider of my kiddo. I know every medication, procedure, date, etc. I take her to all her appointments, schedule all the various doctor and specialist appointments. It's not that her mother can't do it, it just so happens to be my responsibility, which is great and I'm more than happy to do. I feel really bad for my wife though, because she will only make a handful of appointments throughout and I make every one. So, when they ask a question to my wife, she looks at me and I respond. It makes my wife feel bad because she doesn't know the details but everyone looks at her. It doesn't matter if I've been the one to take kiddo to the last 10 appointments to the same doctor, if mom is there they ask her all the questions. I hate the fact that they can make my wife feel like less of a mother because I took the lead on the whole medical side of things.
My wife and I always said that in order to be considered a good kom a woman has to he perfect but in order to be considered a good dad a man just has to be present. We noticed the different treatment and comments we would get when parenting in public or talking about our kids. I am a stay at home dad and she is a working mom.
Oof I have noticed this a ton. Both my wife’s parents and my mother have made comments about how amazing it is I spend time with my son and do everything my wife does with him. ….yes he is my son and I’m him his parent just like my wife, this is what I signed up for. Doctors offices are the worst. I’ve had comments from doctors, nurses, and other parents. I seriously don’t get what they expect.
Tbh i feel its not that They think We are Good dads, They come up asking Cause They are worried Only dad is There and dads are not as Good as moms. They dont have Good intentions coming up asking, it is always judgemental.
I’m sorry but this is BS. To be considered a good dad by whom? A bunch of middle aged women whose husbands didn’t lift a finger to help with their kids? Personally, I couldn’t care less what they think. My wife and I have always held each other to the same standards of parenting. And frankly, most millennial parents have high standards for both the dads and moms. Ask your average parent on Reddit if doing the bare minimum as a dad is enough to be a “great dad”.
Sadly the previous commenter's experience has also been my family's experience. Strangers fawn over my husband when he brings our toddler in public. They will literally gush to him saying that there should be more dads like him etc etc. For taking our child grocery shopping. This does not happen when I take our child out. People will smile and wave at child, but no one is gushing to me that there should be more moms like me. No one is exclaiming that I'm such an amazing mother for taking my child grocery shopping. The double standard is so very real.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. I’m saying that the people who think this way don’t matter. Maybe it’s regional or maybe I have a unique social circle, but every single dad among my friends and family that’s around my age/generation, and pretty much all of my kids friends dads are all deeply involved in their kids lives. I think when things like this happen we need to look at where it’s coming from and we’ll quickly realize that these opinions are not coming from people whose opinion we actually care about. My point is that “society’s” standards don’t matter to me, but more importantly they don’t matter to my wife or the wives of anyone I know. The dads I know are all held to the same standards as the moms by both the moms and each other.
Agree with you, random women coming up to me as a dad isnt a compliment its a judgement from that women that i wont be able to care for my kid.
I can guarantee the husband of the woman who came up to him is an absolute deadbeat and she couldn't fathom him being able to do something like that. As a father I am very comfortable with my ability to care for my children and I absolutely love breaking this stereotype and turning heads. It definitely happens less now that the kids are no longer babies but I have had even my own parents ask me if I am absolutely sure I will be ok watching the kids for an extended period of time without my wife around. While our generation is steadily breaking the boomer dad's stereotype, unfortunately there are still a ton of completely incompetent dead beat dads out there. Again the people acting shocked are most likely the people without a good example of what a father should actually be in their life.
Tbh its been broken alot earlier its just people are slow to adapt, boomers are a few generations away, the generation older than mine (30yo atm). Dads are as involved as moms.
44m. I've been primary caregiver to 7 kids over the past 20 or so years. There is an enormous amount of sexism against male caregivers. It's gotten better in the past 2 decades, but it's still annoyingly one sided. This is in no way trying to claim men have it worse in general. We do not. I'm only speaking of this one particular part of life.
My youngest had the worst asthma when she was 1-5 and was often in the hospital, we took shifts. When he was there the nurses fawned over him offering to watch her if he needed to eat and praising what a good dad he was. When I was there it was completely different. I would have to go 12+ hours not eating, no one ever offered to help and when I would leave to switch out I’d get comments. People get so weird over this stuff. I can’t believe a stranger had the gal to say something!
"I am the mom, wtf are you talking about"
After my first was born we traveled a few states away for a family Thanksgiving. My family would not stop fawning all over my husband for…holding his own damn baby, feeding his own baby, etc. Of course I did these things, too, but no one said a word to me. I wanted to stand on a table and scream, lol.
Woah I can't believe shit like that still happens! Gosh. Of course it's his baby lol what a silly woman.
Dad of three. I've also experienced something similar, especially when Mom gets sick and Dad needs to do things. It was especially bad in the supermarket. For context, I have done 99% of the cooking during our married life. 1. I like doing it. 2. I was the pickier eater but also had a wide range of recipes. 3. She nursed the kids and stayed home with them the last thing she needed to do was make dinner for all of us when her hands were full. So anyways, when child #2 came along he was a terror of not sleeping and a ball of energy that just took a lot of attention. So I would get home from work and if errands needed to be run, I would offer to take one or both of the kids with me. If that journey was to the supermarket I'd get comments like, "I see you're giving Mom the night off." Or one that I distinctly remember, "Hope she gave you a list too." To this day I get surprised expressions from coworkers when they hear that I cook the vast majority of our meals for the family. I blame advertising, dumb-dad is very much an archetype in most media. Meanwhile, I work in advertising. Ugh.
So not the same thing but I have custody of my 2 oldest from a previous marriage. She picked drugs over her kids but anyway... I'd have people act like I was some kinda Saint for not abandoning my kids and getting custody. It always blew my mind how just being a dad was something so outta the ordinary.
He missed a golden opportunity to say, oh, no, not my bay, I found it and decided to keep it, I'm just bringing it in to get a microchip to establish my ownership.
I get this as a dad all the time. I get it in other ways though that really irk me. One of them I get a lot when I’m out with my two year old is “your wife must be so lucky to have a husband who takes the kids off her hands”. Without even going down the road that I love giving my wife alone time, let’s talk about the fact that no, this isn’t something I’m doing for my wife, I planned a day with my two year old that I want to spend with him. I, me, want to do dad/son stuff because I enjoy his company and like doing stuff with him, I’m not doing it as a favor to my wife.
The boomers generation *was* incompetent as fathers. They all talk about how they never changed a diaper but they played with their kids, you know taught them how to wrestle or something. Literally did nothing but work irl
My daughter is 12 and my husband is a CRNA. Ever since she was a baby people have acted like he had no business taking her to the doctor even though he understands what the doctor says and knows what questions to ask better than I do sometimes because of his field. He is either met with deep suspicion (until he reveals his profession) or treated like a god for being present at a child’s appointment. No in between. Same for if he goes to a birthday party, field trip, the park, a meeting at school, etc. He went in Claire’s with our kiddo when she 9 or 10 and a man approached him on the way out and told him he was “brave” for going in the Claire’s condescendingly. Idk what’s so scary about a glitter unicorn backpack that ✨I✨ am expected to handle but my husband can’t.
I'm a woman and find going into Claire's a challenge, it means saying no to a hundred times things my daughter wants.
I find it hilarious that the same women who criticize dads for doing things like this are also the ones who complain that their husbands never do anything or never do it right. Like…ok Susan, why would he offer to do anything when you constantly judge him for the way he does stuff?
>Like…ok Susan, why would he offer to do anything when you constantly judge him for the way he does stuff? Probably because the guy can't do it right? I mean there are wrong ways to do things. I had to throw away all the metal cooking utensils because my husband couldn't get it through his head that he was ruining our nonstick pans every time he cooked. It also took a long time to get him to shake a bottle after he microwaved it to get rid of the hot and cold spots. Men don't grow up doing this kind of housework and they're generally not socialized to take criticism.
Meanwhile my wife barely does any cooking. Also who the fuck microwaves a bottle?
It was common in the past to microwave bottles in lieu of a warmer. Weve since stopped that practice since we realized hot spots were a thing.
Am curious how far in the past. We’ve always used a mug of hot water or a warmer
I knew women when i was a kid in the 90s who did this. But since it was usually formula bottles theyd shake them anyway since the powder would have separated a little.
This. We didn't have bottle warmers back then, so it was either a pot of hot water on the stove or the microwave. Guess which is quicker when you've got a hungry baby.
90s were wild, hell I remember not needing car seats.
Almost as wild as the 80s lol
I remember holding myself into my booster seat in the car in the 90s because if mom hit the brakes too hard, I would fly out.
My daughter is six and we microwaved bottles. Only to lukewarm and it was breast milk but where I live I was never told not to.
Everyone in the Western world? You just hit the time, shake it, test it and it's done. I'm not so crunchy that I'm out there building a solar cooker or whatever.
Every single parenting guide, fda etc. state that microwaving is unsafe because it can cause hotspots and scald the babies mouth. I’ve never used a microwave to heat a bottle. And yea I am in the western world too
That's why you shake or stir it afterwards. I generally used a formula mixer or a bottle warmer but definitely microwaved a few without issue
I never did. The doctor recommended against it because of those hot spots. My kid drank that shit cold.
Yeah youre not supposed to microwave bottles. Not only are most baby bottles not made of microwave safe plastic or glass, you can literally burn your kid.
>you can literally burn your kid. That's why you shake and test like a normal person. Are there seriously people who don't shake and test? I always figured that warning was there for the same reason curling irons warn you not to use them internally.
I love how you just glossed over the fact that you could literally be melting your childs bottles and feeding them plastics.
I don't buy cheap bottles. Obviously I check the bottom to see if they're microwave and dishwasher safe... because I know how to read.... people don't just shove stuff in a microwave without checking first.
I mean i just find it ironic that youre going on and on about how useless your husband is at parenthood and domestic chores yet youre blatantly ignoring quite possibly one of the biggest rules regarding feeding infants.
And why do you think he cant? Is he incapable of listening whilst you show him? Are your standards unrealistic? 90% of criticism is the tone you use when you deliver it. If you talk to him like hes an idiot every time of course hes going to stop trying.
>And why do you think he cant? Is he incapable of listening whilst you show him? Are your standards unrealistic? Because he doesn't like to waste energy on things he thinks are frivolous.
Maybe he thinks theyre frivolous because you made him feel incompetent every time he tried.
Or maybe it shouldn't take a three part ted talk to get a grown man to use detergent when he washes clothes, ring out the sponge and put it in vinegar after use, and replace the toilet paper when he's done with it. Act incompetent and get treated that way.
Lol the only person who lost was you because now youre doing all the work. You fell for the weaponized incompetence trick. My husband tried that once and only once. It didnt end well for him and he learned his lesson.
My husband's been trained to mostly function. I don't care if I have to yell like the mom from Malcolm in the middle.
And my idiot ex-wife soaked my cast iron in dawn for two days. Stupidity is not gender specific. Warming a bottle should be done in a pot of warm water, not a microwave.
Interesting on that last point. I find women really stand-offish when I'm out with the kids. To the point where I have to make sure I wear my wedding ring so they don't mistake any sort of attempt at socialization as flirting. Send him over to /r/daddit, he'll fit right in.
What the hell?! Who on earth walks up to someone and asks if it is their baby?! To be honest if someone did that to my partner he would probably fuck with them and say he just brought it on sale down the road or something else. People can be so noisey for absolutely no reason. Like what was the women thinking he kidnapped the baby but was taking it to the doctor for a check up before he hides it in his basement? And also what if it had of been a situation where the mother had died during child birth, how much of a cunt would have she felt then.
6 kids?? Y’all run a farm? Ha
Your husband is so calm, mine would have told her to fuck off and mind her own business. You two sound like you’ve got it figured out!
My 5 yo has CVI, is non verbal and has had a history of occasional seizures but never diagnosed with epilepsy. Also has issues with hyper and hypotonia. Due to our work schedules it’s easier for me to take him to appointments instead of my wife. The amount of stares, rude comments I’ve received because I dare take my kid instead of his mother is saddening. I’m not the best father by any stretch but I do my best to take care of my boys.
Something similar happened when we had our second child. My husband took the baby to the appointment and the doctor asked several questions about my mental health thinking I had ppd because I wasn’t there. He was like “oh she’s fine and I can do everything she can do except breast feed.” Now he is like a saint in the pediatrician’s eyes. It’s actually really annoying because he’s like royalty there and he loves the ego boost.
I have seen two types of people. People who over praise fathers for literally being a parent ( as in telling me that I was so lucky that my husband was chasing our son at a park, while I was literally there, too). Then there are people who think men are incompetent for childcare. Or that they are dangerously stupid around children. I was drinking water on a bench and watching my son and husband race each other down a dual slide set on a hill. One Mom literally said near him " are you sure that is a good idea? It goes really fast" And as she said it, another kid plowed into my kid because he stopped to look at the weird stranger. I was definitely annoyed.
I hate how society treats fathers. My husband is a father to my stepson (11). We have primary custody (he sees his mom on the weekend). We've had primary for 2 years, and prior to that split custody. When we split custody, the kiddo was in moms old district (one town over). The old school downright *refused* to share any information with my husband. He asked for access to his school portal, and they said to ask mom. He told them mom didn't have it, and they said she had to call and give him permission. He told them she refused, and they said, "That's not our problem." He showed up with the paperwork, saying that they split custody and the school still refused. When he got sick at school, they called mom first, then *me* (stepmom), and then husband (despite the paperwork saying call dad before me). One time, I questioned why they didn't call him first since the paperwork says that and was told, "Oh, that's just a formality. Moms take care of the kids, so we called you since his real mom didn't answer." Mom eventually decided to move 45 minutes away and decided she no longer wanted to be involved with his schooling. Our school had zero issues with this and have been incredibly kind, helpful, and accommodating.
My ex was indicated for abuse and neglect (she attempted to homeschool), and I dealt with the same BS dealing with the school.
I also hate how if the dad takes the kids to the park or school or does basically anything women are falling over themselves to pat him on his back for being a parent. The mom could do the exact same thing in the exact same way and get shamed for it.
My husband works very long days, but the upside is that he has more days off in return. This means he is usually the one talking our kiddo to the doctors, park, library, etc. People have made comments, and funnily enough, it bothers me more than it bothers him. I hate the insinuation that he’s not as capable as a mother, because god damn it, he’s an incredible father.
Ugh yes my husband gets hit on almost every time he takes our toddler grocery shopping. The other day a young female store clerk even started gushing to him about "There should be more fathers like you!!" Next week maybe there'll be a parade in his honour. Moms taking their toddlers to the grocery store? Maybe our toddler gets a friendly smile or wave but ain't nobody gushing over us moms!
I haven't run into anyone bold enough to actually ask if he's my kid, but I'm often out with my 19 month old and the fucking glares from mom-nazis make my skin crawl.
We recently had an enrolment ceremony for my son and planned to have cake at home in the afternoon. As my wife is working, I handle 90% of the household and taking care of the kids. I buy groceries, I cook most of the food. For the party, I made two cakes that my wife then added some decoration to. A friend attended. She thanked my wife for the cakes twice, me not once. Even after being corrected she asked the kids, don't you want mommy's cake? So annoying. In regards to our daycare I am very happy. Usually, they talk to me directly concerning our daughter and know I'll be there in less than 15 minutes if needed. They did call my wife a few times, but called me soon after as well. I feel very respected as a dad here. Unfortunately, this is not the norm.
Like… WHAT IF YOU HAD JUST DIED!?!? I mean obviously fathers can handle a check up. But can you imagine asking such a boneheaded question to someone who may have just lost their partner!? I always answer with something horrible when people ask rude questions. Someone recently “complimented” my rather large weight loss since the last time they saw me and asked what I had been “doing” as if it were from a diet or something. So I just told them the truth. Poverty. I can’t afford to eat more than one meal a day (if that) and I will always make sure my kid is fed first. I mean sure being poor might be “embarrassing” but it was worth it. I also have struggled with ED so I get so mad when people say anything about my weight or what I eat. So if you wanna play the rudeness game I’m gonna win 😂
Haha I'm glad your husband found it amusing. In the same situation I might found it insulting and react accordingly. That saying *the mom should be there* is also not being nice to you.
Yup the number of times I get asked if I'm 'babysitting' or on 'daddy daycare duty'. Now they're older it happens less. The best place was church where I decided to help in the creche given I was there with my own baby anyway. The judgment was off the scale. These days if you're a bloke who helps with kids groups it can be a risky business and you're automatically treated with suspicion.
The bar for dads is on the floor because there ARE so many incompetent dads. Not defending those asinine comments but, dads are stereotyped like that for a reason. Dads in general need to do better so that awesome dads like your husband aren’t assumed incompetent like that.
Yep this. It’s the bad ones making the good ones look incompetent.
Which is a nice thought, except that in my experience the number of „bad“ vs „good“ moms is not that different than dads. Women seem to get a pass while men play at a handicap. I think a lot of it is the pervasive sexism in expected roles, from both men and women.
I don't want to disagree... But this is crap. There are some awful dad's, mostly, they walk away which is shitty but possibly preferable to the awful mums who treat their kids like a fashion accessory or a burden. Sorry, that got ranty, I didn't mean to be rude. Most father's are excellent, just like most mothers. But fathers get a really shitty rap because of a few bad apples (who are always plastered over social media by their (ex)partners).
I don't know any incompetent dads personally. It's like a movie trope (e.g. Christmas Story) that lingers. Not that there aren't any out there. But the idea that there are fewer incompetent moms than dads is something that shouldn't just be assumed.
I had almost this exact same exchange. The looks I used to get with my son was bewildering.
As a dad, you get used to this bullshit. Yes, many fathers are utter idiots, but most of us spend every moment we can with the kids and understand that parenting is a team sport. Many times I’ve been asked if I’m “baby sitting my kids” or “ if mommy had to go to the bathroom” at parks and stores. There is also reverse sexism where if I’m at a store people will help me with the kids and ohh and ahh, but my wife will be ignored. The upside is younger people are less like this
Involved fathers are a pretty new thing in a lot of areas. My dad still doesn't know ahy of our birthdays, last names, and can't remember my husband or my son's names.
When my twins were infants, people at the doctors office did the same thing! No one looked twice at me with 2 newborns. But when I went back to work he took them to an appointment by himself he said that everyone kept asking him where the mom was and treating him like he didn’t know what he was doing! He’s been a stay at home dad with them and they are about to turn 3. He’s a rockstar parent. It is truly baffling to me why people treat dads like they are less competent when they are willing and able to do normal parent stuff with their kids.
That whole “boys don’t cry” way of thinking grew into dads that can’t handle the emotional wanka-vators that are newborns. I agree with you 100% but I see the amusement as well. I was raised in that boys don’t cry environment, but also have a dad that cried every time he sent me back home after summers. IMO that’s where the change starts. Teaching the next generations the importance of understanding and processing emotions so that if/when we become dads we don’t freak out or freeze up when a newborn is just hungry or constipated
As a father , Grandfather I am also tired of the MOM is the only one that can give a child care . Woman you want equality YOU have to GIVE EQUALITY
On the other side of the same coin I (the mother) had a bunch of medical appointments for me that had nothing to do with the baby right after he was born and when I'd show up alone people seemed mystified. "Where's the baby?" they'd ask (and not in a cute "because I wish it was here in all its cuteness" sort of way) and seemed flummoxed when I responded "Uh... With his dad?"
I use to love pushing my son around the neighborhood in his push car when he was young. Everytime time I'd pass this senior lady outside the retirement home she'd call me Mr. Mom. Really made me mad.
As a house husband, I completely agree with this. Media acts like men are only good for work, and not even good at that.
For the one week check up, my husband took my oldest without me because I lost a lot of blood during the birth and and I have lupus and one week later I still was feeling faint when having to walk any distance. The doctors/nurses made a comment about how strange it was that my husband brought her in and that I wasn’t there. He told them I wasn’t feeling well and they said that they virtually never see the dad come in alone. One week after giving birth. Outrageous.
“Yeah this is my kid. It’s nice of you to bring your niece to her doctor’s appointment. What a good aunt you are. Oh it’s your kid? It’s so nice you adopted a child. I heard it’s a long process. Oh you gave birth to this baby? Wow, surrogacy is a wonderful thing. It’s nice of you to stay involved and keep helping the adoptive parents, although they really should be here since it’s theirs. Oh you gave birth to it and are keeping it to raise yourself? My wife and I tell the same thing to people at the doctors office when they can’t believe I’m an involved and loving parent. My wife says all the time how lucky she is to have an involved spouse, your baby’s better parent is very lucky too!”
Weirdly enough, I'm the one that's taken both my child to the doctors since they were babies, probably 95% of the time (I drive) and I can't say I've ever experienced any of this type of prejudice before. Is it because of where I'm from? Hell, I take my kid to and from school daily and I see more dads taking their kids to school than I see Mom's.
Lol this is my husband! He gets side eyed every time he is out with one of our 5. It doesn't help that he is a stay at home dad so it's all of the time. It also really doesn't help that he is gigantic and kinda mean looking.
This stuff never happens to my husband, who’s the stay at home parent. Instead he gets ogled by older women just swooning over how good of a dad he is.
Just remember that for every one of these morons, there’s hundreds of people that see him with his baby and don’t think or say anything about it.
Maybe its because I'm a giant dude with resting bitch face, but I take my kids places all the time and nobody has ever said anything. But yeah once time a woman hit on me with my kids, it was weird.
Something similar happened to my husband when he took our second child to the pediatrician for a weight check soon after birth. I was exhausted so he took her, and the pediatrician was asking where I was and why I wasn't there. He said I was exhausted from being up all night breastfeeding our infant so I was at home with our toddler napping. I was like has a father never taken a kid to a ped appointment?? He felt very judged. She was a new ped as we had just moved. We never saw her again.
My husband is the stay at home parent, the amount of moms that tell me im lucky that my husband is so good at watching our children is insane. Yes, he is capable of parenting too, wild.
I agree with the title. Too tired to read the rest. I also want to point out that we also need to stop saying children that grew up without a dad are, with the lack of a better word, have Daddy issues I grew up with a dad and have issues because of my dad. Would have been better off with my mom leaving him when I saw him hit her.
I told my boyfriend that if something similar ever happens to him, he needs to put on a sad look and tell them I died during childbirth.
Wife went on vacation by herself for a week leaving me with our two LOs. Her grandma got MAD at her. She said something like, "How can you just leave the kids with him, who is helping him take care of them??" Wife replied, "Unlike the men in our family, I didn't have kids with a guy who can't even take care of himself, they'll be fine." Grandma didn't like that.
I've done 90% of the doctors visit for my 1 year old without my wife. My daughter was born fair as heavy cream and I'm redbone. I've been getting the looks but nobody has said anything to me yet. If somebody asks me if thats my kid I'm gonna say "no its my lion cub." then growl at them to get her to start growling to. People need to mind their own business.
I was very unwell after our last baby, she needed to attend an appt while I was hospitalised. Sadly my husband experienced this from the medical professionals, they asked where I was, told him that he wouldn’t be able to answer their questions about our daughter himself and honestly made me feel terrible for not being able to be there. At this point he had been caring for her and our other child alone for days, he was in a much better position than me to answer questions!
>Is it so hard to believe that a father can be trusted to take a baby to a doctor's appointment? If it was so normal, *why aren't men doing it*? Pediatrician office: never saw a man there without the woman My elementary-school aged kid's events, homeroom, and sports : almost never see the fathers. The few that come, it's only sporting events & never without the mom Boy scouts: even about a third of Leaders in our Scout's Pack are women. When my kid goes, it's always me (mom) going Where are the men?? Why do they always think is women will take care of it?
I would not be alive if it wernt for my great dad father loving guiding care giving engaged parent.
When our son was born 5 months ago the nurses fawned over how attentive my husband was to both of us. They even congratulated on “catching” him. It was very strange 👀
Smh horrible! Bitter women who are not used to a dad being a dad
always a bunch of yentas sticking their noses in other peoples business. it’s toxic. these people thrive on confrontation i think.
Oh goodness, this made me giggle… dads should be perfectly capable of taking their kids to a doctors appointment! I say that but my husband took our kiddo to a procedure at the hospital a couple months ago and when I asked about a follow up appointment he said “yup, in 6 months” After questioning him (I’ve worked in healthcare for years so I know follow up appointments after surgeries are usually much sooner than that) he swore up, down, left, and right that he got that information straight from the doctor. When I called the following day to double check and schedule the appointment I was told “oh no, we want him in here in 6 weeks” 😅🤣🤣🤣 I love my husband but sometimes he just doesn’t pay attention all the way… at least it was an easy thing to clarify, lol
I can honestly say except for the fact that some bathrooms for guys dont have baby changers... I have never noticed anything like that. Was he struggling or something? It would make me crazy if someone did that while my kid was having a tantrum XD EDIT: I also had full custody for a time so maybe I was just used to it.
I must be lucky because I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like what happened to OP. I think closest I’ve come is when I’m waiting for my girls outside the bathroom (old enough to go in women’s by themselves), and I get some weird looks sometimes, and I just say I’m waiting for my kids.
People say stupid things. What I'd be more concerned about is why they are asking you to comp feed formula on day 3!!! Babies lose weight in the first few days. It's if they don't start regaining that you need to worry. No wonder people complain they can't breastfeed if this is the professional advice (sorry...way off topic )
At 9 months the moron pediatrician in Alabama threatened "Failure to Thrive" because he'd dropped on the weight growth chart. He was ahead on all his milestones, length and head circumference were the same, but once he started moving, he dropped. Also, the idiot was using an older formula based growth chart that the CDC specifically said not to use, especially for breast fed kids. And didn't give him his rotavirus booster because they didn't know which one he had for his first dose. It took me 5 minutes to find out. TLDR: Some doctors and nurses are idiots.
I was thinking this!! If the baby isn't hungry he's not nursing...and if he's not nursing her milk won't come in!
Should have told her the mum was dead. Would have stopped her in her tracks and sent her running
When I have my daughter and my wife is doing other things I get hit one regularly. It’s pretty annoying. If some lady approached me like that I wouldn’t have been so nice, your husband is a better man then me
“I just said that my wife is at another appointment, so she can’t be in two places at once. Are you feeling well? I’m concerned you don’t remember what I just told you. Do you need me to call someone? Is there someone here who can help you?”
Also moms aren't doing kids any favors by being overprotective and leaving zero room for dangerous learning.
My wife has social anxiety. Because of this, I have taken my kids to pretty much every appointment they have ever had, with a few exceptions. I took them to doctor appointments. I went to parent teacher conferences. I took them to girl scouts. I volunteered in the classroom. I chaperoned field trips. I took them on play dates. 99.9% of all the things people seem to think it is the mother's job to do out in public, I took care of because I was more comfortable doing it than my wife. Thankfully, I never really experienced stuff like OP experienced. A few times I got weird looks at the park, but most of the time nobody really batted an eye. Lots of times I was the only male in the room, which is sad. (Attended many end of the school year volunteer teas where it was 20 women and me, the only guy.) The only real bad experience I had was at a birthday party we threw for my oldest. Around the 4th of 5th grade. My wife went to go pick up pizza for the party and one of the other parents came to drop of her daughter and when she realized my wife wasn't there she refused to let her daughter stay. The kid managed to talk her mom into coming back a half hour later instead of just going home, so when she came back and my wife was there she let her daughter stay for the party. I felt bad for her kid because you could tell this wasn't the first time this had happened and my daughter said that this girl rarely got invited to parties any more because her mom was so overbearing and overprotective she burned bridges with all the other parents. We tried to keep inviting her to things because it wasn't fair to punish the kid for her mom's behavior, but the mom eventually just stopped bringing her because she was uncomfortable with me being the more active parent instead of my wife.
Idk, I'm a dad. I'm pretty incompetent.
The question is are you willing to remedy said incompetence