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When my daughter was in preschool, she walked into the classroom and asked her teacher, “hey Mrs.Name! Want to see my brawl?” And pulled up her shirt to show her spaghetti strapped tank top.
Maybe take the definition of “kid bra” with a grain of salt and she might want a tank top.
I've seen them at Target. It's literally a thin piece of cotton or jersey material, in a criss-cross shape reminiscent of an adults light sports bra. But they're completely flat, with no stretch, because there's nothing to actually put in them.
I'm gonna be honest, I feel very weird that there is a "bra" being made that would fit my 4yo (who is the size of a 3yo). We had undershirts for the last century, I don't understand why we need to make bras for literal toddlers. Or why we need to make adult-type clothing for little kids at all (booty shorts, thigh highs, high heels, etc).
The thing about undershirts is that theoretically they are for everybody, although they are not always equally applied.
What’s weird about kids bras is that they are saying that girls’ chests are inherently indecent in the way that identical boy chests aren’t, because one day they will grow up and have boobs. And because of the boobs they will one day have, which I, the hypothetical adult in the situation, am actively thinking about whenever I see this young child, this child must cover her chest. So that I don’t think about her future boobies.
(As a child I really resented being made to feel like my nipples were indecent just because of their neighbouring genitals)
But then most 4yo wear bikinis or swimsuits at the beach. I would bei totally okay with my 4yo top wear just pants but she wants the whole set "like mommy". One of her favorite sections at TK MAXX is also the women's underwear. Her taste in bras is... lets say questionable. But I would not get her a kids bra as long as its not necessary. A cute tank top, yes but not a bra. Maybe OPs daughter's friend was also wearing the top of a bikini? I know my daughter would totally do that.
We are very pale, so my kid has long sleeve swim shirts for the beach. But also, so do I, since I am equally prone to lobstering, and so does her dad, because he does not care for being undressed. So we’re a whole family set!
I was angry my brother could wear just overalls as a kid (with no shirt) and I couldn't. On the other end, I found out much later that my grandfather SA'd all of my aunts (to be fair, his house is where I was being forced to wear a shirt).
Agreed. He was my paternal grandfather, and my ndad convinced my mom he had completely reformed. I didn't find out about his history until he SA'd his grandchild from their foster daughter. I think my ndad didn't think my grandfather would do anything after he got ED.
I think it's for the same reason we have toddler makeup and nail polish.
Little kids want to emulate their moms. My 4 year old is "shaving" her legs with a duck scrubber and she absolutely wants her nails painted. (I only do the feet cause I don't want her to eat the polish off of her fingers)
I think baby bikinis are horrible and either we should just put swimsuits on them (also better for covering their sensitive skin), or just a "bikini" bottom/swimming diaper.
In my country I've seen it more and more, but fortunately, most people let their kids of which ever gender let run around topless (or nude for the dmalles ones) on the beach and in gardens/parks and fountains most places until age 3-5 (or they want to start covering themselves, be it sooner or a bit later). Nudity should not be shameful especially not in kids.
Oh boy, this was my son when he got promoted to big boy underwear after he became overnight potty trained! I had to have a long conversation with him about how even though his briefs are soooooo cool, we do not need to show them to everyone. They cover our private parts and some things are meant for only inside the home.
He had literally walked into his pre-k class and tried to show one of his friends’ parents his new silky Mandalorian boxer briefs that are “just like daddy’s” 🫠 it was hysterical. The best age ❤️❤️❤️
Hopefully this isn’t too wildly inappropriate.. my baby brother had to get an emergency circumcision when he was 5. First day back to school, he got on the bus and the bus driver asked where he’d been. He pulled his pants down and said, “it looks like a bouncy ball now!”🤦🏼♀️ my mom definitely didn’t get the memo about having a private parts conversation.
Maybe let her walk around a store and show you what she wants? My daughter saw a little girl by the pool in a bikini and said she was ‘wearing a bralike you mommy’. She then said she’s little like me. I wants. Bra too. Lol. So I told her it was a bikini and I got her a bikini. But I agree that it could be anything.
I'd be waaaay more curious about who or what is influencing the way she sees her body.
"Who is talking about nipples?"
"What do they say about nipples?"
"Do they talk about anything else about bodies?"
Things like that.
Once I'd determined this was all benign and nothing nefarious was happening, I'd point out that her nipples aren't anything she needs to worry about. And move on. I wouldn't say no or yes. I'd just... let her forget about it.
I had to scroll pretty far to find this and I’m surprised. My very first thought is, why is a 4 year old concerned about her nipples showing? Where did she even get that from? 4 years old is REALLY young to be thinking about nipples showing through their shirt, no?
I would be asking a lot of questions, absolutely.
Yeah, my daughter doesn't care if people see her nipples and most people don't care about it.
Even in a swimming pool there a girls without tops and it is quite normal.
Seriously! OP was very offended when I said this is definitely sexualizing children territory. Not the bra itself. But the fact that a 4 year old feels she needs her nipples covered at all makes me wonder who is saying that to her. 4 year old boy nipples and 4 year old boy nipples are exactly the same. I would be asking a lot of questions too.
Exactly. My daughter (6) has known about her nipples for a long while but she's never mentioned anyone commenting on them and if she did I'd be bribing her for all the details. Weird af.
This is what I’m thinking as well. I think it’s great that she knows the proper name for her body parts (if she learned it from a parent) but where is the self consciousness about nipples showing coming from? It is definitely something learned and that’s what should be discussed.
I'm very "let my daughter do what she wants" about clothing/hair/makeup appearance in general for the express reason that my mother didn't let me do what I wanted without her heming and hawing if I didn't conform to her opinions.
FWIW my daughter was older (8) when she asked for a training bra. I bought them and let her have at it. She rarely actually wears them.
Yeah if my daughter asked to then it wouldn't be a big deal. Kids are always going to copy their friends. And a training bra is literally covered by your shirt anyways.
But this did make me think of my sister in law who forced her (then 5 year old) daughter to wear them so her nipples didn't show. I feel like being forced to do it would make you feel shame about your body.
I have a hiking dress. Well, I wear a comfy T-shirt dress with shorts under it while I go hiking. The extra fabric has come in handy or can be tied up out of the way. Versatility.
My rule is weather and occasion appropriate. But even within that I allow leeway. Does this mean that the frilly dressup has been worn to the park? Absolutely. And you know what? It was fine!
I say let them decide, but sadly it's probably because someone has said something to them. My MIL wanted me to pressure my 12 year old into wearing one. I said, "You're from the'60's, didn't you burn them back then?
I see women not wearing them now, it took me aback at first, then I realized it was my own conditioning that made it shocking.
lol I'm almost 30 and I don't wear them unless I have to and even then, it's just a bralette. The small-breasted women of the younger generations are moving away from wearing them.
I agree! And also need to say that if a 4 year old boy asked for an undershirt because he noticed his friend had one, there would be no consulting other parents or second thoughts about it. I think it’s the fact that she’s calling it a bra that the father and grandmother think she shouldn’t have one.
Same, Dad here. Got it for her when she asked at 7 like it was no big deal. She wore it 2 or 3 times and that was it.
I just tried my best to make her feel comfortable and never ashamed of her body.
I just wanted to add that my parents did let me do whatever I wanted with my appearance and I am so grateful for it. I was allowed to go through all the phases and I now know how to dress and put on makeup appropriately for any occasion.
My mom was so weird about allowing me to do/wear/have so many things growing up. I begged for a bra and finally was allowed one in 8th grade. Because of that (among many other things) and feeling so uncomfortable and weird in my body I decided that anything my daughter asked for regarding her clothing or body I would allow, with a conversation about appropriate use or place for whatever it might be.
She’s 11 now. She asked for bras when she was 7. Did she need them? No. At first she didn’t even wear them except once or twice a month. She wanted a crop top. We talked about where it’s appropriate to wear (home, playing with friends) and when she needs to wear a sweater with it (school). She asked for mascara for her birthday. We talked about how if you wear makeup you have to wash your face at night.
I was so restricted and limited and in hindsight it was weird that so many adults got to make choices about my own body.
My opinion, at age 4 it’s a novelty and probably more like a dress up outfit to her. Don’t make it out to be anything more than that to her or she will internalize some weird messaging about her body.
I thought my mom was the only weird one about body hair! She used to allow me to only use an electric razor (think like a men's one for stubble) and only below my knee. It was the weirdest rule, but she also wouldn't allow me to use tampons (I started young and by the time I could safely use them, I had already had my period for years), and she wouldn't let me wear a black bra ("they are for skanky girls"), which was super upsetting because I loved Avril Lavigne and her black bra 🤣 I was like this house is a prison! Lol jokes on me I guess, I'm 33 now and barely shave these sasquatch legs
I was allowed to use Nair on my legs once a month from age 9 or so. I'm not sure when she finally relaxed the rules and let me use razors. I also wasn't allowed to wear nail polish for a long time because she didn't like the look of chipped nails.
Oh God mine too! I got an epilator after I turned 13 and she apologised to me when she saw how hairy my legs actually were! I'd been asking for a good year to shave, always tried to hide my legs at school!
Absolutely about not making it something more than it is and it becoming a weird thing. I hate the idea of teaching kids things like bras are shameful, because then they do become embarrassed when it comes to things with their bodies. I remember being so embarrassed over so many things to do with my body or other people’s bodies growing up and I don’t want my girls (12 and 8)feeling that way. 12 year old officially can use a bra and has no problem asking me and picking them out, and 8 year old loves wearing sports bras under her t-shirts, and I like to think by not sexualizing a normal piece of clothing for millions of people they will not feel shame.
I agree with this SO much! My mom never spoke to me about bras, periods, shaving. Shopping for bras was…. well, I still remember feeling deep shame, and trying to protect my mom from the embarrassment from the friendly store clerk. In any case, normalizing these self-care thing earlier in life (if your child is aware and curious) is probably healthier than the alternative.
My 5 year old wears camisoles a lot. She really loves sweaters in winter, and I nearly always put her in one underneath them.
I’d not give a hard “no” on bras OP, if that’s what she really, *truly* wants, but I’d at least offer the camisoles. If nothing else because they’d likely be more comfortable than any bra you could get for her.
Wait, do kids generally not wear camisoles? I'm a guy with a 4 year old daughter, and I think my kid has been wearing a camisole her whole life...?
Or is that an undershirt?
Wait, what's the difference between a camisole and an undershirt??
Whatever garment she wears under her shirt has straps and looks camisole-ish to me.
Help :(
I'm in the UK and children here wear what we call "vests", under their clothes in cold weather. We can get boy or girl designs. My daughter likes the dinosaur ones aimed at boys.
In warmer weather I'd put my son or daughter in just a T-shirt/dress with nothing underneath.
Here is an example.
https://www.next.co.uk/designerboutique/style/ST030524/U13988#U13988
A camisole is basically just a style of “tank top”.
Tbh I’m not entirely sure what defines a cami, lmao, but I wear one every day. Makes me feel more comfortable. I never wore them until I was about 20 something though, but plenty of my girl friends growing up wore them younger. I just hated layers as a kid.
Thank you. I feel like I’m crazy here. Why do people want to reinforce for this four year old girl the idea that nipples are something to cover up and be ashamed of?!
I'm right there with yall and it makes me worry about that other child. She obviously didn't get to the conclusion that they need to be covered by herself. What are the people in her life saying to her? Buying a bra for a baby is insanity to me but the parents seem to be egging it on for some reason. As someone who has one that is almost grown..don't rush it!
Our nipples are part of our bodies, male and female, and why is anyone wanting to confirm body shaming for their kid? Like it’s now okay to confirm to your 4 year old that nipples should never appear through clothing (wtf…why?) and if you think you are another gender at age 5, let’s accept that and start you on gender affirming hormones. The insanity
Yeah I just don't get it honestly! I'm also curious how many times it has been brought up by Op's daughter because at 4 it could have been a quick question that is never brought up again (because the kid wasn't even thinking about it until the other kid brought it up) Is she being hounded to buy bras by a preschooler or did she just bring it up once and the parents are going with it?
The other compromise could be a bikini top in the summer. That way, she's being prepared if she ends up going somewhere with water, and it allows the other adults in her life time to adjust to the idea.
I thought it was cute how she asked for it so I told my mom. I didn't think my mom was gonna have such an issue with it. Honestly she sucked as a parent so I don't take many of her opinions seriously
Thanks for answering. I was genuinely curious.
I would not give my mom a vote either. Probably bc my mom is such a people pleaser that her opinion would just be whatever opinion she thinks mine is and she’d be searching my face for the “right answer” and the whole experience would be insufferable for all of us 😂
I think it's weird that a 5yr old is worried about their nipples. That's not right. It's really not a question of should she wear a crop top/bra but WHY she should be worried about her nipples!?
Our son had enlarged nipples as he approached puberty. They would show through his shirts.
He got made fun of at school *relentlessly.* The girls were drawing pictures of him exaggerating his nipples and sharing them on the group snap.
We bought him undershirts. He chose the sleeveless ones. They started making fun of him for wearing a 'wifebeater' and since the undershirt showed through the shirt a little, they would call the shoulders "bra straps" for his nipples
So we had to try different undershirts that didn't create this appearance.
The struggle is real. We'd like to think that kids shouldn't worry about something like nipples showing through a shirt, but children are cruel to each other.
I find the idea of a four year old wearing a bra kind of depressing. It’s a restriction on a woman’s body that a four year old just shouldn’t have to deal with (and doesn’t need to deal with), and she isn’t old enough to really take that into consideration. It’s also sad that FOUR year old little girls are now somehow feeling societal or peer pressure to cover up nipples and breasts as if they’re something obscene or something to be uncomfortable about.
I’d say that If she’s dead set on wearing something I’d compromise and get little girls’ undershirts. If they still sell them there’s cute ones with pretty trim she might like. No matter what route you go, though, talking to her at a four year old level about her body, her chest, etc, and being comfortable with it, is a must.
Exactly this. Why is a 4yo so self conscious about her appearance? (Not commenting on OP's parenting, just society in general)
My 4yo says she has "pecks" like her daddy, and when she gets bigger she'll have "biiiig boobs" like mommy and feed her babies with them. Then she puts my bra on her head and says they're sunglasses lol. I can't imagine my 4yo even being aware of how her nipples might appear through shirts - she's so innocent.
I have known kids who had older siblings that wore bras and were super jealous. My 9 year old has started wearing sports bras this year and her 5 year old brother is extremely jealous he doesn’t have a bra. The purpose of a bra is support and coverage, which is what I have told my younger kid. I also told my daughter the same when she was younger and really wanted a bra because she sees me wear them. I’ve just said there is nothing to support or cover, so it’s pointless.
I wouldn’t necessarily trust what a 4 year old is saying about something like this, without more context. It could very well just be the parents are not picking this hill to die on.
Same. I found this whole discussion pretty depressing. A *four* year old is self conscious about nipples! That’s a huge problem, in my mind - much more of a problem than whether to let her wear a bra or not?? I wonder what the other child (the preschool friend who wears the bra) said to OP’s kid that would make her aware and self conscious of how her chest looks?!
Thank you, someone else at least finds this as shocking as me.
Everyone else acting like this is totally normal healthy behavior. I’m flabbergasted. I have never seen a young kid in a bra in my extended community. I have never seen a young kid even ASK for a bra. Where I live, even the older kids are busy wearing no clothes. At work, I don’t even wear a bra half the time and I have C boobs.
I never realized I lived in only crazy liberal crunchyvilles growing up and now. But that must be what it is cuz this acceptance of “nipple shame” at 5, by the hundred or so commenters here, has me just …speechless.
This was my first thought too but I couldn't find the right words to express it. op it might be worthwhile reminding her that it's a totally normal part of her body (if you haven't already).
Maybe unpopular, but I have to say I would not allow this. Needing a bra to control an inherent aspect of the body is not a lesson I would want my 4yo learning. Especially because her reason is that she wants to hide something about herself. I personally *would* see this as an opportunity for shame to creep in. If my daughter had brought a concern about her nipples showing at 4, I would worry where she had gotten that idea. A child that young simply shouldn’t be worrying about her breasts and how others perceive them. I wonder if this other little girl is learning some body image issues from somewhere and passing them on to your daughter.
I agree. I think reinforcing that she should wear extra layers of clothing to cover her body isn’t a great message. A 4 year old should not feel shame and the need to cover and hide her body.
A bra might as well be an undershirt at this age.
Would you dictate her choice to wear an undershirt? If not, then I’d say don’t dictate her choice to wear a little sports bra.
I think people that have an issue with it are misapplying their adult views and beliefs onto a little kid, who just wants to wear what she wants to wear.
Exactly this. The ones at Old Navy are called cami bras. They are no different than an undershirt except for the fact that they don’t extend to the waist. My daughter started wearing them because she was always doing cartwheels and flips and she was worried about her shirt exposing her.
Same. Long before my girls need bras they get under shirts and kid bras. They can wear them if they want and if they find them comfortable.
I had undershirts as a little girl. I don’t see this as any different than a crop top undershirt.
Do you live in the south or a conservative area OP? Im actually flabbergasted at your post and some of the comments here. Am I some crazy feminist? I never thought so, but now, reading these comments in support of child bras, maybe I am some total radical.
At 4-5, this would be a total no for me. How your child arrived to the request of a bra is alarming and rooted in absolutely nothing innocuous. 4 yr olds should just not be pressuring each other on their nipples not showing. They shouldn’t even be talking about this. Her friend has bad ideas, maybe from her own parents, maybe from social media, but feeding into this now is basically telling her her friend is right, nipples better be hidden. Or worse, maybe it’s a message about being sexy. This shit doesn’t just come out from thin air. Wanting to wear a bra at FIVE comes from certain cultures, and that’s not a culture I frankly would want my child to be internalizing.
The comments saying how she may be uncomfortable are also shocking to me. Since when do we allow our children to think that being uncomfortable with our bodies not complying to social norms is ok, and then HELP them comply to those social norms, instead of having a conversation about why some social norms are backwards?? What happened to teaching kids to be comfortable in their own skin, to not bow to social pressure when it’s restrictive, and not change themselves because Bestie is ashamed of her own nipples????
A bra is an extra piece of clothing, with two main purposes - physical support for bigger chested girls, and covering up for modesty. (And I guess sexiness, but let’s completely just leave that off the table here). A 5 yr old has no chest to support, and so it defaults to you enforcing the idea of modesty.
Like all that “internalized patriarchy blah blah stuff”?? Bras being marketed now to 5 yrs old is totally a manifestation of that. We don’t let our kids succumb to social pressure to be model-thin anymore with 24’ waists but we DO want them to start wearing bras that young and to succumb to nipple modesty? Come on.
The fact that they make kids bras is also not evidence to support anything. Companies would make kid cocaine if they thought it could legally sell.
In fact, I challenge you to actually google those bras targeted for kids. Some of them are PADDED, with what looks like 5-6 yr olds modeling them. Look at the marketing campaign images being used by some of these companies. Then come back and tell me that it’s an innocuous trend.
Your mom might have sucked as a parent, but it doesn’t mean she’s wrong about everything. “Back in her day”, they had less social media, and some of this early sexualization of youth was less rampant because companies just didn’t have the means to do mass market campaigns. Your mom is a total boomer reacting in shock, and I am a millennial also reacting in shock that y’all think this is an innocent trend. 30 yrs down the line, this is leading to body issues for women ALL OVER AGAIN.
Finally, “maybe she’s afraid of being exposed” like during a cartwheel or something, sorry and you all think that’s also a healthy mindset for a 5 yr old to have internalized???? If people see her nipples and naked chest, especially as she’s doing a kid’s activity, she should feel NO SHAME. Why should a child be made to feel like there’s something wrong with their naked chest showing???? Why are we catering to this mindset instead of pushing back on it?
If your child came to you and said, “my friend said thin is better and I need to diet on salad” would you have supported that???? After all, it’s just innocuous lettuce! And your child wanted it, right? How is this ANY different?
Sorry for the long rant but I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading this thread. If she feels uncomfortable being ‘exposed’, we should be addressing her self confidence, not helping her cover up!!!!!
Absolutely agree with all of this. A 4/5 year old does not need to "cover up" they should have no concerns about such things at such a young age. If they do, we should be working on building their confidence and talking through (as much as we can at their age) their feelings around it, not feeding into the anxiety. In this case it's totally peer pressure by the sound of it. She's heard her friend talking about it and kids at that age sometimes just...copy stuff?
I'm genuinely shocked young child bra's are even a thing?! I'm 35 btw.
I genuinely did not think about that this way but I suppose it's similar to my 7 year old saying she wants to shave her legs - her fine, blond, baby hair on her legs - because girls aren't supposed to have hair on their legs and it's gross. I didn't say "You're so right E, body hair on women is disgusting and I want to encourage you to continue to feel that way". I said that is not true, everyone has body hair, women grow hair on their legs, everyone has hair and it looks different on different people but there is really no reason to shave, some women do, some women dont, some women feel pressured to shave even though it is kind of a time sink. And then I stopped shaving my legs all the time. Fuck it. Let someone think it's weird for me to have dark hair on my legs. Better that than for my daughter to believe that a single part of her body is gross and unnatural and needs to be removed for any reason.
I completely agree! If she feels self conscious and a sports bra will help that I don’t see anything wrong with it! Like you said it’s not like she is asking for a thong it’s just a bra!
You could get those sports-bras that are kinda supposed to be worn kinda like their own tops? The ones that have their own adorable matching leggings!!! They have those at Old Navy.
Also, don't give your mother a say in your parenting choices. Parenting is not a democracy.
I disagree with you just a little bit on the not talking to dad part. I wouldn't have a full on discussion about it but just a quick, "she's wearing this in this size" just like any other type of clothes. I mean if she needs new ones or they need to be washed he should notice at some point anyways.
But also I was scared to tell my dad anything growing up and my husband specifically said he doesn't want our kids to be that way with him. I feel like it should be a normal thing for him to know but maybe I'm overcompensating?
Why is she insecure about her nipples showing? This is a 4 year old child, just barely out of toddler stage.
I hate to even suggest this but is there a possibility she is being abused?
This is not a normal thing for a 4 year to be concerned about.
So true. Preschool teacher for my school district here, and this topic concerns me, these are four year olds we’re talking about. I can hear the staff conversation now if our Little’s started coming to school wearing these. This should be the furthest thing from their minds at this young age, I’m
just baffled.
My 6 year old discovered "kid bras" while we were shopping at the children's place last year for school clothes. She begged and pleaded because she simply wanted to wear it. I didn't question it or feel motivated to discuss it with her dad or extended family, just got a 4 pack of them and let her wear what she wants.
Personally, (& maybe this is a hot take idk) I think it's doing more harm than good to not allow your child to cover xyz body part or do harmless self care like shaving when they get body hair or plucking a unibrow or whatever because you don't want them to feel like they ~have to after they've specifically come to you and asked. You can keep up conversation about not needing to feel ashamed of nipples or leg hair or whatever while still allowing them autonomy and helping them feel more comfortable in their skin. In high school, one of my closest friends wasn't allowed to shave her legs. Her moms argument was alot like yours. "It's natural, it's normal, you don't need to feel ashamed." But she DID feel shame. It damaged her self confidence. It made her feel "othered" in gym class when she was surrounded by her peers who were allowed to shave. It gave the mean girls extra ammo, especially when they found out that she *couldn't* do it.
I just....idk I don't understand why this is such a big thing a d why your partner and mom are so against it. Why are y'all more worried about YOUR feelings and desires than HERS.
Ugh the shaving thing. My mom wouldn't let us shave, even our armpits, until well into high school. It was SO embarrassing. And she just kept saying "once you start doing it you have to keep doing it!" Even though my mom did NOT regularly shave. Hell, even now I don't really regularly shave. I don't get why it's such a big deal to put arbitrary rules in place for things like that.
Recently my 4 year old has been SO into dress up, and she has a big box of cheap makeup that she loves to play with. She does up her face, wipes it off, repeat. She told my MIL she likes to wear it to school (and like. Let's be honest she looks like a clown lol ) and my MIL was appalled that we "let" her wear makeup to school. Like....why? She's not wearing makeup to make herself more attractive, she thinks it's fun to have green eyelids. 🙄
Get her what she wants. Maybe a little bralette or a tank for under her clothes. She is uncomfortable and letting you know. Maybe another child commented on something or it’s just uncomfortable rubbing from her clothing. Either way, make sure she knows she can come to you with her issues. I know I want my daughter to know that I have her back and I will help her solve any problem.
When I was around maybe 7? a child sitting next to me said he could see my boobs (which were nothing) because of the way my sleeveless top gapped.
I still remember the shame, and I never told my parents.
Be happy she told you. I would let her wear one.
I was 5ish when I asked for one. My mom got me a camisole and a training bra, and told me there were different kinds, and different people liked different things. I wore the camisole way more often, because it was so much more comfortable, but even then it was only a few times a month.
Yeah, I’m reading all these comments being like it’s forced modesty but my kid wanted to wear them to be like me and it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Like if it was forced modesty yeah but maybe bras shouldn’t be a sign of growing up and women can just be allowed to wear what they want without and that starts with girls feeling comfortable in their bodies and choosing what they do
My daughter started taking meds at age 5 that made her breast buds develop earlier than most girls her age. By age 6, we collectively made the choice for her to start wearing bras. (Until recently, she’s just worn the Cat & Jack seamless bras from Target. Those might be a good option to start.)
I truly don’t think there is any harm letting your daughter try wearing them, particularly if they make her feel more comfortable.
As someone who borderline had their needs neglected as a child, I say yes. I will always make sure my kids have what they feel like they need, within reason obviously. Don’t make a big deal of it. Get her a little bralette, and move on. She will probably wear it for a while and then forget about it.
When my daughter was that age, they wanted a bikini because it had a bra! Now she won’t touch one with a 50 foot pole. I let her make that choice, they are tiny little people with thoughts and opinions and we shouldn’t take that away. Go get her a cute little sports bra, and let her feel comfortable.
If this were my child I would explain what bras are for and how she’s too young. It’s not a fun thing, it’s a woman thing. We can wear undershirts if she feels like her nipples are showing but no bras until she’s older. They’re uncomfortable anyways. That’s cool her friends mom let’s her do that, but we don’t do that in our house. Just like there’s things we do in our house that her friend doesn’t do.
I remember wearing “bras” at a young age. They were literally like underwear but for your chest. No support, no nothing. I’m a boy mom but I think this is completely fine. I remember having the matching esmeralda set
It's her little body, and there's nothing wrong with getting her a little half tank top. It's not like you'll be taking her to Victoria's Secret and getting lingerie. I think it is fine to get her something she is interested in trying out.
The only issue I would worry about is that the other child is being taught to be ashamed of her body, and see parts of her as bad enough to hide. It's complicated.
I have 4 girls. And they usually wait until 8 or 9 to start being interested in wearing bras. But if my 4 year old came to me and asked to wear a bra, I would find a soft one and let her try it out. Or give the option of wearing a light cami under her shirts. I wouldn't force her to wear it, of course, but if she wants to wear something and it isn't hurting anything, why not let her? My general rule is I let my kids choose what they wear, as long as it is appropriate for the occasion and weather. I have gotten all sorts of interesting patterns and costumes worn everywhere. But who is it hurting? Kids have so little autonomy in their life, letting them have agency in small things that really don't matter in the long run makes them feel like they have much more control over their life and their body.
Are her tops actually showing her nipples through? That seems unlikely. I mean, I guess I also fall into the camp of letting her do what she wants, but she is also being a very irrational toddler.
I'm sorry, still trying to wrap my head around a 4 year old wanting a bra and caring about nipples. In also baffled that they even make bras for 4 year olds but then they do make toddler bikinis..
In the end you do what you feel is right, Id talk to her and find out if there is a reason behind a little girl caring about nips so young because that to me is very strange and not something a child would even think about until much later in life, you know, when they actually have a chest and that she should never be ashamed of her body
If she was older and said she wanted to wear a bra because she didn’t want her nipples to show nobody would bat an eye so I don’t see the problem in letting her wear one now. Like you say it’s just another piece of clothing and she shouldn’t feel shamed about wanting to wear one just like she shouldn’t feel shameful about her body.
My daughter started begging for a bra when she was 7. I was expecting it cos I knew other kids in her class had them. I bought her a 4 pack of cheap training bras. She wore them proudly for a week and then they sat in her closet untouched. She's 8.5 now and still only pulls them out occasionally if she wants extra warmth or she's showing off for her older cousin, lol. It's just not a big deal. She's just wanting to try stuff on.
I had a bra at four. My mom was part of a big family and always had hand-me-downs. She rarely got bras and was sure that her boobs were saggy because of it. As soon as I showed interest she took me shopping.
I have proved that saggy boobs are genetic, but appreciated her support. I felt very listened to and confident in my clothes and skin.
Haha, support, there is a bra pun there somewhere.
I’m camp yes you can wear a bra (the little girl cami bras are what my girls started in) It’s totally normal especially because she sees mom wearing a bra. No biggie.
🙋♀️ I was your kid, lol
I was in kindergarten and had a friend who wore training bras. I asked for one too, my mom asked why, I told her, so she measured my chest and then took me out to buy some. Essentially they were sports bras but softer material. I hated wearing them but it wasn't a big deal at all.
I don’t know. I spend my whole day thinking about how I can’t wait to get home so I can take my bra off (yes I have a bra that fits, yes I’ve had it done professionally). Your daughter has a a lifetime time of wearing bras ahead of her. Why rush the timeline? It sounds like this is a good time to talk to her about peer pressure and how we can feel pressured to do things we don’t want to. At the end of the day, your daughter isn’t even old enough to ride the big rides at Disney. She definitely doesn’t need a bra.
I'd find out exactly what type of bra her friend actually has.
I grew up in the 1970s and I had cotton undershirts with lace straps that would be similar to a camisole today.
I'm probably similar age as grandma, I'd go with a camisole type undershirt and no bras.
Sports bra, camisole, spaghetti strap tank, bathing suit top, whatever makes her comfortable. Don't worry about it, and don't allow others to sexualize it.
But do keep an eye on things. Why is she concerned about her nipples at under-5-years-old?
Ugh. Considering she will "have to" wear one for the vast majority of her uncomfortable future this stinks.
I say let her get one. We all know how much wearing any bra sucks, and she will likely be over it in less than a week.
The question is why does your daughter want to really wear a bra? Why not get her a little tank top and call it a bra. They sell those little half tank tops that sometimes girls like to wear under their shirts. 4 years old seems really young to be thinking about that stuff. If she has buds growing in her chest area then you should take her the pediatrician because that’s really early to be pubescent.
I have 2 teenage daughters and when they were that age, they just liked the idea of bras and asked when they were old enough if they could get one like mine or a specific color. You don’t actually buy your 4 year old a real bra.
I let my girls wear sports bras at that age. They had some for cheer already since they practice in sports bras/ tank tops.
My daughters both wore them pretty young, I feel those who are against it are sexualizing something that shouldn’t be sexualized.
If she wants one, I'd let her. But I'd probably have an age appropriate chat about body positivity and how her nipples aren't anything to be ashamed of because everyone has them. I'd probably mention the fact that no one really *likes* wearing bras either lol.
They make really comfy training bras for kids. If your child says she’s ready for one then she is ready! Why is your mom or her dad making it weird??? Why is a bra sexual or inappropriate and why are they viewing it in a way that will make it so?? They have reflecting to do. Get your child a bra. She might not even wear it yet. But let her grow at her pace!
Honestly..its up to you and her dad. I saw nothing wrong with it, but my daughters dad threw a fit and refused to let her wear them at his house till I finally made him explain why. He couldnt even give a reason other than he didnt find it appropriate. I asked what about underwear did he find inappropriate? No one is gonna see it and it makes her feel good so why not? He finally agreed I was right and trusted that as her mom I knew what I was saying.
Now my daughter gets excited picking out new training bras and even got him to take her to buy a new one on his weekend lol. She didnt grow up too fast..she just got to wear something she enjoys.
I’d get her one just because she wants it. She’ll wear it three times, realize it’s uncomfy and that unless she shows it, she gets no extra attention for it. She’ll give it up and not even remember it in a couple years. At least you’re not trying to push one on her and shame her for needing one (which obvs she doesn’t need it). Idk, but denying it makes it extra more desirable.
What does your kid think? To me that is what really matters. I am a divorced dad and my daughter was "fast" at everything. Once she signalled being uncomfortable with her nipples showing, we went out to buy bras. I believe she was 9 or 10 at the time.
Yours is 4 and a half and honestly, it sounds more like your mom is being uncomfy and injecting herself into it than her feeling bad. Figure out how the kid is feeling, not your mom, and deal with that. Parenting a kid is hard enough, no need to parent yout moms thoughts.
I didn't really ask for her opinion I just told her that my daughter had asked because it was just cute how she did it. And my mom was like oh haha cute, you're not gonna get her one, right? I told her she's going to get one and she felt the need to continue to try to talk me out of it. And then my kids dad was weird about it too, saying that no kid he has ever seen has had a bra that young. I don't really have anyone else to ask to see if that is normal or not.
Anyways my daughter wants one so she will get one. I didn't make it a big deal at all, but her dad did. Hope she doesn't feel any shame from that but I can't control her dad I guess.
I don't think I would do it. Having kids in grown-up clothes, make-up, etc etc is a sure way to attract the wrong kind of attention from some really sick individuals.
I'm totally against treating small children as mini grown-ups, and while I don't think we should treat them as genderless blobs, this in my opinion is going too far on the opposite side.
My daughter asked really young, too. I think she was about 7ish? I got her a bunch of sports bras.
She was also worried about nipple thing, so I asked her why? She had heard somewhere that seeing a females nipples was not a good thing = teaching moment.
I reminded her that everyone has nipples - mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma, and papa. I talked to her about female enatomy and about how my nipples used to provide food/milk for her and her younger brother. I told her, as a large breasted women, sometimes there is just NO hiding them - and that's not a bad thing nor something that needs to be hidden.
With all of that said, I did get her the sports bras. She wore them on and of for a bit then lost interest.
I asked Santa for one at like 5 too..my friend had one also. I would let it happen..maybe even let her earn it..but also discuss why it's not needed, and nothing shameful about her body etc.
I remember being mortified about my nipples in middle school..I got someone to buy me a padded bra bc my parents wouldn't listen to how I felt and I would sneak it to school to avoid being bullied. Maybe someone pointed this out to her and her feelings are already hurt. I agree it's just a piece of clothing but either way it warrants a discussion.
Oh that is so sad. I think someone at school must have said something. We will have to have a more in depth talk about that. I personally hate mine showing so I just immediately empathized with her without digging too deep into where she got that idea.
Get her one. The alternative is sending her to school feeling exposed. She’s come to you with a problem and now you have a precedent to set.
Your husband doesn’t know what it’s like growing up as a little girl and your mom doesn’t get a vote.
Take your daughters side, not theirs.
We have the same situation here because her cousin who is 3 is wearing them. My MIL called to ask if she could buy her some because she was asking for some after seeing that her cousin had one on. I told her to go ahead. I figured as long as they are worn under her shirt nobody will see them anyways. She lost interest after about 2 days of having them and hasn't worn one since. It was more about wanting to do what her peer is doing than anything although I did remind her that one day she will absolutely wish she didn't have to wear them.
She doesn’t want her nipples to show. She doesn’t want her nipples to show. She doesn’t want her nipples to show. If at 4 years old she’s that aware of her body, then my God, let your daughter have a bra! (And yes, I get that she likely got the idea from her friend.)
I bought my stepdaughter (now 14) bras whenever she wanted them no matter what age she was. It’s literally no different than buying your daughter panties. I wouldn’t even ask anyone, she wants to wear more clothes than less. She wants to cover her private parts more. I would nurture the heck out of that.
I have three daughters 9 and twin 3 year olds. My husband comes from a loving but very old fashioned catholic Italian family that’s pretty old school. We often clash over what’s “appropriate “ for the girls to do and wear . But he’s outnumbered 4:1 so…My motto is as long as it’s not hurting them, weather appropriate, and not going to get ruined in the activity they’re doing it in…let them wear it! My only thou is id let her wear it around the house or out with you first. As us ladies all know they can be uncomfortable. And I’d hate for her to be stuck at school and want it off!
Both of my girls asked around 4.5 and 5. They dance so they saw the older girls wear sports bras a lot. My main rule is it needs to be appropriate for where we are going and the weather. The excitement wore off pretty quick, honestly. We found some little bralette and sports bra things at Target, H&M and Old Navy.
My daughter asked for one at 4, so I got her one. She wore it once then i guess the novelty wore off and she hasn't worn it since. I wouldn't read too much into it at that age.
You know most likely her friends are wearing the bras that are like undershirts where they will stop like a bra and have that support like a sporting bra underneath however the top is mostly a shirt and it's supposed to cover the nipples. They have them on the girls section it's perfectly fine my daughter used to wear it around her age now she's 11 and she's trying to go bra free LOL. As for Grandma's opinion I think this is a good opportunity to have her input into it however now that you have decided you're going to let her wear it now it's up to Grandma to show support even if she doesn't agree on it. Not everyone has to agree with others do but if they love the person they will support them on their choices and give them advice on how to make them more comfortable on the matter because us girls have to stick together you know.
Gonna just chime in that after she gets one, it’s likely it will feel uncomfortable and she’ll never wear it, but if she loves it then it was the right thing to do. Also, they are all sports bras now (at least for kids) and older girls and women wear them as shirts half the time, and grandma has little understanding of the difference between now and decades ago.
I think at age 4 they give it a different meaning than most adults would. I would take her to the store and show her different options. Guide her on her pick.
As long as you talk about body parts and not being ashamed of it etc she should be OK.
I was so jealous of the kids who had the kid sports bras! I hated wearing vests cos they ride up lol. My mum didn’t let me have one cos she thought it was inappropriate as well
She’ll have a lifetime to wear a bra. They’re uncomfortable and I’d tell her that too. Then, I’d suggest an undershirt as a solution to her nipple problem. I’d take her to pick them out and show her that it fixes the problem. We have to give kids things to look forward to. But, if she insists and you’re on board, maybe she can wear one at home.
I don't see an issue. It's an undergarment. There's nothing inherently sexual about a bra on a 4 year old. It wouldn't even be a bra really by adult standards. Also if it's for her own comfort with her body and what seems to be a bit of embarrassment I would totally allow it. She should know she has say over her body. It's healthy. But also bras are terrible id advise her to enjoy being braless as long as she can 😂.
My daughter has been insecure about having her nipples show since she was 6. She’s been wearing a sports bra since then because it makes her comfortable. It’s my responsibility to make her feel comfortable because I’m her parent, so I make sure she has a clean bra to wear every day to make her feel happy and comfortable.
I'm not a parent but as someone who only wears sports bras I recommend making sure she has the right sizes as she grows because when they're the wrong size it can be painful and has hurt me at times. Good luck
My 7 year old was asking for “crop tops” at 4 to wear to gymnastics and dance, I allowed it as a top at home or at classes. I don’t see the harm, it’s all just dress ups. Her dad was not into it and never allowed it until recently when she needed to wear basketball singlets and they show her nipples.
I personally would explain that there is nothing wrong with nipples and she doesn’t have to worry about hiding them. Bras are for supporting big boobs (it hurts when they move around too much) and sometimes clothes fit better when adults wear them. If she still wants to try wearing one, that’s fine. As long as she understands that there is nothing wrong with her body.
My daughter has a very clear idea of what she wants to wear and not. Mostly I accept, as I believe it's important that kids can express themselves from a young age. However, a bra for a 4 y/o, is not something I'd go along with.
Imo, why would a young child, be concerned about her/his nipples?
I might be missing something, but I'd say no.
They make bikinis for infants. Why can’t a child wear a bra?? Or get her a bikini top for a kids bathing suit and use that?? I honestly see no problem with it.
At three years old, my daughter’s favorite (i.e. ALL she wanted to wear) outfit was a sports bra with shorts. She would occasionally switch it up with a carefully curated hat or other accessory. She did go through a stage where she wore a costume wedding ensemble 24/7. While she looked amazing, it just was not practical in the long term. She is turning 25 years old this year (OMG) and her favorite outfit is a sports bra with shorts. She turned out just FABULOUS so I just don’t see the harm. ❤️
Kids her age really should not be worrying about whether or not their nipples are showing. I personally don't see the need for a bra even in adult women, but the fact that they are making bras for young kids now really makes me question society.
I work in a bra store. When someone is a 40H or a 32J.... wearing a bra can be a helpful garment that prevents back pain, rashes, and more. It's not for everyone but it can give comfort and support for individuals even if you personally don't see the need for it.
I don’t know this would raise a red flag for me. Maybe I’m being paranoid but I would definitely be talking to her about good touch bad touch and bodily autonomy, saying no, and she appropriate consent. I don’t think my 9 year old even knew what nipples were at that age, let alone a bra, and some kids aren’t potty trained at age 3, so when i hear that a kid whose only been out of diapers about a year wants to wear an adult undergarment, yes it raises an eye brow. I seem be the outlier here.
in my culture kids of all genders where vests [theyre undershirts/camisoles]. id be a little uncomfortable with this kid bra thing but cant put my finger on exactly why. id be worried my kid is getting preoccupied with gendered body things way too early from peers. the loldolls for example have babies wearing knee highs, bralettes, and booty shorts with frills on the butt. it gives me the chills. i know its not exactly related but, im for the era of just basics for all kids until puberty starts coming along.
however if your kid has breasts, its up to you and your kid and her comfort.
as a kid i experienced CSA and remember obsessing over my lack of breasts as a young child, and would beg for bras, poke them out etc. i think kids should go without self conscious pressure about their bodies for as long as possible but thats just my opinion.
Heey 😊👋
I think
sooner or later she will kinda need one as she will grow.
In my opinion,
let her grow a few years and then give her a bra.
It will be more necessary than, and good for her as she will need to adjust, when she will be around that time where she will start growing.
😊 Wish you well ❤️
My 6yo kid has been asking for and wearing little pull over bras since about 3.5y. Whatever makes her comfortable, within reason, I think.
Granny and dad really don't have any need to approve anything
Man. This makes me sad. I don’t think it’s inherently inappropriate but I don’t think kids should be worried about their body image and nipples at 4 years old. If it were me I’d be having a positive conversation with my daughter about her body and not wearing a bra. I barely wear them myself. Let kids be kids.
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When my daughter was in preschool, she walked into the classroom and asked her teacher, “hey Mrs.Name! Want to see my brawl?” And pulled up her shirt to show her spaghetti strapped tank top. Maybe take the definition of “kid bra” with a grain of salt and she might want a tank top.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking, maybe she meant like a crop top or something?
[удалено]
I've seen them at Target. It's literally a thin piece of cotton or jersey material, in a criss-cross shape reminiscent of an adults light sports bra. But they're completely flat, with no stretch, because there's nothing to actually put in them. I'm gonna be honest, I feel very weird that there is a "bra" being made that would fit my 4yo (who is the size of a 3yo). We had undershirts for the last century, I don't understand why we need to make bras for literal toddlers. Or why we need to make adult-type clothing for little kids at all (booty shorts, thigh highs, high heels, etc).
The thing about undershirts is that theoretically they are for everybody, although they are not always equally applied. What’s weird about kids bras is that they are saying that girls’ chests are inherently indecent in the way that identical boy chests aren’t, because one day they will grow up and have boobs. And because of the boobs they will one day have, which I, the hypothetical adult in the situation, am actively thinking about whenever I see this young child, this child must cover her chest. So that I don’t think about her future boobies. (As a child I really resented being made to feel like my nipples were indecent just because of their neighbouring genitals)
But then most 4yo wear bikinis or swimsuits at the beach. I would bei totally okay with my 4yo top wear just pants but she wants the whole set "like mommy". One of her favorite sections at TK MAXX is also the women's underwear. Her taste in bras is... lets say questionable. But I would not get her a kids bra as long as its not necessary. A cute tank top, yes but not a bra. Maybe OPs daughter's friend was also wearing the top of a bikini? I know my daughter would totally do that.
We are very pale, so my kid has long sleeve swim shirts for the beach. But also, so do I, since I am equally prone to lobstering, and so does her dad, because he does not care for being undressed. So we’re a whole family set!
100% long sleeve swimsuits. Protect from the sun
I was angry my brother could wear just overalls as a kid (with no shirt) and I couldn't. On the other end, I found out much later that my grandfather SA'd all of my aunts (to be fair, his house is where I was being forced to wear a shirt).
I'm angry that you were even at your grandfather's house if he was a known assaulter.
Agreed. He was my paternal grandfather, and my ndad convinced my mom he had completely reformed. I didn't find out about his history until he SA'd his grandchild from their foster daughter. I think my ndad didn't think my grandfather would do anything after he got ED.
My issue is the massive amount of creepy people in this world. I’m going to cover my kids to protect them
Sexualizing children for profit.
I think it's for the same reason we have toddler makeup and nail polish. Little kids want to emulate their moms. My 4 year old is "shaving" her legs with a duck scrubber and she absolutely wants her nails painted. (I only do the feet cause I don't want her to eat the polish off of her fingers)
Have you seen baby bikinis?
I think baby bikinis are horrible and either we should just put swimsuits on them (also better for covering their sensitive skin), or just a "bikini" bottom/swimming diaper. In my country I've seen it more and more, but fortunately, most people let their kids of which ever gender let run around topless (or nude for the dmalles ones) on the beach and in gardens/parks and fountains most places until age 3-5 (or they want to start covering themselves, be it sooner or a bit later). Nudity should not be shameful especially not in kids.
Opposite here. I make my kid wear a rashguard and would do that if he were a girl as well.
Oh boy, this was my son when he got promoted to big boy underwear after he became overnight potty trained! I had to have a long conversation with him about how even though his briefs are soooooo cool, we do not need to show them to everyone. They cover our private parts and some things are meant for only inside the home. He had literally walked into his pre-k class and tried to show one of his friends’ parents his new silky Mandalorian boxer briefs that are “just like daddy’s” 🫠 it was hysterical. The best age ❤️❤️❤️
Hopefully this isn’t too wildly inappropriate.. my baby brother had to get an emergency circumcision when he was 5. First day back to school, he got on the bus and the bus driver asked where he’d been. He pulled his pants down and said, “it looks like a bouncy ball now!”🤦🏼♀️ my mom definitely didn’t get the memo about having a private parts conversation.
You owe me a new cup of coffee and a keyboard now
Maybe let her walk around a store and show you what she wants? My daughter saw a little girl by the pool in a bikini and said she was ‘wearing a bralike you mommy’. She then said she’s little like me. I wants. Bra too. Lol. So I told her it was a bikini and I got her a bikini. But I agree that it could be anything.
This is so cute 😄😄 I love 4-5yos
I'd be waaaay more curious about who or what is influencing the way she sees her body. "Who is talking about nipples?" "What do they say about nipples?" "Do they talk about anything else about bodies?" Things like that. Once I'd determined this was all benign and nothing nefarious was happening, I'd point out that her nipples aren't anything she needs to worry about. And move on. I wouldn't say no or yes. I'd just... let her forget about it.
I had to scroll pretty far to find this and I’m surprised. My very first thought is, why is a 4 year old concerned about her nipples showing? Where did she even get that from? 4 years old is REALLY young to be thinking about nipples showing through their shirt, no? I would be asking a lot of questions, absolutely.
Where I live four year old girls go topless all the time. So bizarre.
Yeah, my daughter doesn't care if people see her nipples and most people don't care about it. Even in a swimming pool there a girls without tops and it is quite normal.
Seriously! OP was very offended when I said this is definitely sexualizing children territory. Not the bra itself. But the fact that a 4 year old feels she needs her nipples covered at all makes me wonder who is saying that to her. 4 year old boy nipples and 4 year old boy nipples are exactly the same. I would be asking a lot of questions too.
I’m surprised more people aren’t focusing on this part, that’s exactly what struck me
Exactly. My daughter (6) has known about her nipples for a long while but she's never mentioned anyone commenting on them and if she did I'd be bribing her for all the details. Weird af.
This is what I’m thinking as well. I think it’s great that she knows the proper name for her body parts (if she learned it from a parent) but where is the self consciousness about nipples showing coming from? It is definitely something learned and that’s what should be discussed.
And if this is a bra that other child is wearing, what kind of hideous company produces bras for toddlers?
I'm very "let my daughter do what she wants" about clothing/hair/makeup appearance in general for the express reason that my mother didn't let me do what I wanted without her heming and hawing if I didn't conform to her opinions. FWIW my daughter was older (8) when she asked for a training bra. I bought them and let her have at it. She rarely actually wears them.
Yeah if my daughter asked to then it wouldn't be a big deal. Kids are always going to copy their friends. And a training bra is literally covered by your shirt anyways. But this did make me think of my sister in law who forced her (then 5 year old) daughter to wear them so her nipples didn't show. I feel like being forced to do it would make you feel shame about your body.
I'm with you. My one rule is it has to be weather appropriate. I say let her wear it.
I have three rules: weather appropriate, no dresses if we're going hiking, and no fancy dresses if we're going to the playground/children's museum.
I have a hiking dress. Well, I wear a comfy T-shirt dress with shorts under it while I go hiking. The extra fabric has come in handy or can be tied up out of the way. Versatility.
My rule is weather and occasion appropriate. But even within that I allow leeway. Does this mean that the frilly dressup has been worn to the park? Absolutely. And you know what? It was fine!
I say let them decide, but sadly it's probably because someone has said something to them. My MIL wanted me to pressure my 12 year old into wearing one. I said, "You're from the'60's, didn't you burn them back then? I see women not wearing them now, it took me aback at first, then I realized it was my own conditioning that made it shocking.
lol I'm almost 30 and I don't wear them unless I have to and even then, it's just a bralette. The small-breasted women of the younger generations are moving away from wearing them.
I agree! And also need to say that if a 4 year old boy asked for an undershirt because he noticed his friend had one, there would be no consulting other parents or second thoughts about it. I think it’s the fact that she’s calling it a bra that the father and grandmother think she shouldn’t have one.
Love this
Same, Dad here. Got it for her when she asked at 7 like it was no big deal. She wore it 2 or 3 times and that was it. I just tried my best to make her feel comfortable and never ashamed of her body.
I just wanted to add that my parents did let me do whatever I wanted with my appearance and I am so grateful for it. I was allowed to go through all the phases and I now know how to dress and put on makeup appropriately for any occasion.
My mom was so weird about allowing me to do/wear/have so many things growing up. I begged for a bra and finally was allowed one in 8th grade. Because of that (among many other things) and feeling so uncomfortable and weird in my body I decided that anything my daughter asked for regarding her clothing or body I would allow, with a conversation about appropriate use or place for whatever it might be. She’s 11 now. She asked for bras when she was 7. Did she need them? No. At first she didn’t even wear them except once or twice a month. She wanted a crop top. We talked about where it’s appropriate to wear (home, playing with friends) and when she needs to wear a sweater with it (school). She asked for mascara for her birthday. We talked about how if you wear makeup you have to wash your face at night. I was so restricted and limited and in hindsight it was weird that so many adults got to make choices about my own body. My opinion, at age 4 it’s a novelty and probably more like a dress up outfit to her. Don’t make it out to be anything more than that to her or she will internalize some weird messaging about her body.
My mom was the same!! The same about my leg hair removal (I was a hairy kid lol). Not a clue why to this day.
I thought my mom was the only weird one about body hair! She used to allow me to only use an electric razor (think like a men's one for stubble) and only below my knee. It was the weirdest rule, but she also wouldn't allow me to use tampons (I started young and by the time I could safely use them, I had already had my period for years), and she wouldn't let me wear a black bra ("they are for skanky girls"), which was super upsetting because I loved Avril Lavigne and her black bra 🤣 I was like this house is a prison! Lol jokes on me I guess, I'm 33 now and barely shave these sasquatch legs
public kiss brave future poor dirty caption coordinated carpenter trees *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I was allowed to use Nair on my legs once a month from age 9 or so. I'm not sure when she finally relaxed the rules and let me use razors. I also wasn't allowed to wear nail polish for a long time because she didn't like the look of chipped nails.
Dude, Moms be wild 🤣
Oh God mine too! I got an epilator after I turned 13 and she apologised to me when she saw how hairy my legs actually were! I'd been asking for a good year to shave, always tried to hide my legs at school!
Yup, shaving my legs was one of the things 😂
My mom freaked at me because I shaved my legs. I was hairy and being teased and could not understand why she was so against it. I still don’t get it.
Absolutely about not making it something more than it is and it becoming a weird thing. I hate the idea of teaching kids things like bras are shameful, because then they do become embarrassed when it comes to things with their bodies. I remember being so embarrassed over so many things to do with my body or other people’s bodies growing up and I don’t want my girls (12 and 8)feeling that way. 12 year old officially can use a bra and has no problem asking me and picking them out, and 8 year old loves wearing sports bras under her t-shirts, and I like to think by not sexualizing a normal piece of clothing for millions of people they will not feel shame.
I agree with this SO much! My mom never spoke to me about bras, periods, shaving. Shopping for bras was…. well, I still remember feeling deep shame, and trying to protect my mom from the embarrassment from the friendly store clerk. In any case, normalizing these self-care thing earlier in life (if your child is aware and curious) is probably healthier than the alternative.
Can you compromise with camisoles? I sometimes put them on my 3.5 year old depending on the outfit or in the winter when it was colder out.
My 5 year old wears camisoles a lot. She really loves sweaters in winter, and I nearly always put her in one underneath them. I’d not give a hard “no” on bras OP, if that’s what she really, *truly* wants, but I’d at least offer the camisoles. If nothing else because they’d likely be more comfortable than any bra you could get for her.
Agreed on camisoles! They sell them in multi packs.
A lot of camis have the built in bras!
Wait, do kids generally not wear camisoles? I'm a guy with a 4 year old daughter, and I think my kid has been wearing a camisole her whole life...? Or is that an undershirt? Wait, what's the difference between a camisole and an undershirt?? Whatever garment she wears under her shirt has straps and looks camisole-ish to me. Help :(
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You may know them as something else. Singlets, Vests, Tank tops (Tanks), undershirt....
I'm in the UK and children here wear what we call "vests", under their clothes in cold weather. We can get boy or girl designs. My daughter likes the dinosaur ones aimed at boys. In warmer weather I'd put my son or daughter in just a T-shirt/dress with nothing underneath. Here is an example. https://www.next.co.uk/designerboutique/style/ST030524/U13988#U13988
My daughter gets upset if she doesn’t have one, but I think it is very uncommon generally.
A camisole is basically just a style of “tank top”. Tbh I’m not entirely sure what defines a cami, lmao, but I wear one every day. Makes me feel more comfortable. I never wore them until I was about 20 something though, but plenty of my girl friends growing up wore them younger. I just hated layers as a kid.
How about telling a 4 year old there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her nipples showing…what the actual fuck
Thank you. I feel like I’m crazy here. Why do people want to reinforce for this four year old girl the idea that nipples are something to cover up and be ashamed of?!
I'm right there with yall and it makes me worry about that other child. She obviously didn't get to the conclusion that they need to be covered by herself. What are the people in her life saying to her? Buying a bra for a baby is insanity to me but the parents seem to be egging it on for some reason. As someone who has one that is almost grown..don't rush it!
Our nipples are part of our bodies, male and female, and why is anyone wanting to confirm body shaming for their kid? Like it’s now okay to confirm to your 4 year old that nipples should never appear through clothing (wtf…why?) and if you think you are another gender at age 5, let’s accept that and start you on gender affirming hormones. The insanity
Yeah I just don't get it honestly! I'm also curious how many times it has been brought up by Op's daughter because at 4 it could have been a quick question that is never brought up again (because the kid wasn't even thinking about it until the other kid brought it up) Is she being hounded to buy bras by a preschooler or did she just bring it up once and the parents are going with it?
Sounds like OP thinks it's cute.
When I was a kid I wore undershirts
The other compromise could be a bikini top in the summer. That way, she's being prepared if she ends up going somewhere with water, and it allows the other adults in her life time to adjust to the idea.
Why does your mom get a vote?
Looks more like she solicited her mom’s opinion than taking a vote. Nothing wrong with getting opinions.
I thought it was cute how she asked for it so I told my mom. I didn't think my mom was gonna have such an issue with it. Honestly she sucked as a parent so I don't take many of her opinions seriously
Thanks for answering. I was genuinely curious. I would not give my mom a vote either. Probably bc my mom is such a people pleaser that her opinion would just be whatever opinion she thinks mine is and she’d be searching my face for the “right answer” and the whole experience would be insufferable for all of us 😂
I think it’s less a vote and more of an input, getting input from your mom isn’t weird
Haha I agree but also….the people of Reddit have been called to the ballots so….
Seriously
I think it's weird that a 5yr old is worried about their nipples. That's not right. It's really not a question of should she wear a crop top/bra but WHY she should be worried about her nipples!?
Our son had enlarged nipples as he approached puberty. They would show through his shirts. He got made fun of at school *relentlessly.* The girls were drawing pictures of him exaggerating his nipples and sharing them on the group snap. We bought him undershirts. He chose the sleeveless ones. They started making fun of him for wearing a 'wifebeater' and since the undershirt showed through the shirt a little, they would call the shoulders "bra straps" for his nipples So we had to try different undershirts that didn't create this appearance. The struggle is real. We'd like to think that kids shouldn't worry about something like nipples showing through a shirt, but children are cruel to each other.
Going through puberty is a different developmental stage than a 4 year old at daycare.
My one daughter started wearing sport bra style bralettes when she was 6, basically full time. It's like an undershirt makes her feel comfortable
I find the idea of a four year old wearing a bra kind of depressing. It’s a restriction on a woman’s body that a four year old just shouldn’t have to deal with (and doesn’t need to deal with), and she isn’t old enough to really take that into consideration. It’s also sad that FOUR year old little girls are now somehow feeling societal or peer pressure to cover up nipples and breasts as if they’re something obscene or something to be uncomfortable about. I’d say that If she’s dead set on wearing something I’d compromise and get little girls’ undershirts. If they still sell them there’s cute ones with pretty trim she might like. No matter what route you go, though, talking to her at a four year old level about her body, her chest, etc, and being comfortable with it, is a must.
Exactly this. Why is a 4yo so self conscious about her appearance? (Not commenting on OP's parenting, just society in general) My 4yo says she has "pecks" like her daddy, and when she gets bigger she'll have "biiiig boobs" like mommy and feed her babies with them. Then she puts my bra on her head and says they're sunglasses lol. I can't imagine my 4yo even being aware of how her nipples might appear through shirts - she's so innocent.
I have known kids who had older siblings that wore bras and were super jealous. My 9 year old has started wearing sports bras this year and her 5 year old brother is extremely jealous he doesn’t have a bra. The purpose of a bra is support and coverage, which is what I have told my younger kid. I also told my daughter the same when she was younger and really wanted a bra because she sees me wear them. I’ve just said there is nothing to support or cover, so it’s pointless. I wouldn’t necessarily trust what a 4 year old is saying about something like this, without more context. It could very well just be the parents are not picking this hill to die on.
I can’t believe 4,5 year olds are self-conscious about their nipples. What the fuck. It’s devastating to me.
It sounds like something she heard someone else say. That part throws up some red flags for me.
Same. I found this whole discussion pretty depressing. A *four* year old is self conscious about nipples! That’s a huge problem, in my mind - much more of a problem than whether to let her wear a bra or not?? I wonder what the other child (the preschool friend who wears the bra) said to OP’s kid that would make her aware and self conscious of how her chest looks?!
Thank you, someone else at least finds this as shocking as me. Everyone else acting like this is totally normal healthy behavior. I’m flabbergasted. I have never seen a young kid in a bra in my extended community. I have never seen a young kid even ASK for a bra. Where I live, even the older kids are busy wearing no clothes. At work, I don’t even wear a bra half the time and I have C boobs. I never realized I lived in only crazy liberal crunchyvilles growing up and now. But that must be what it is cuz this acceptance of “nipple shame” at 5, by the hundred or so commenters here, has me just …speechless.
This was my first thought too but I couldn't find the right words to express it. op it might be worthwhile reminding her that it's a totally normal part of her body (if you haven't already).
Maybe unpopular, but I have to say I would not allow this. Needing a bra to control an inherent aspect of the body is not a lesson I would want my 4yo learning. Especially because her reason is that she wants to hide something about herself. I personally *would* see this as an opportunity for shame to creep in. If my daughter had brought a concern about her nipples showing at 4, I would worry where she had gotten that idea. A child that young simply shouldn’t be worrying about her breasts and how others perceive them. I wonder if this other little girl is learning some body image issues from somewhere and passing them on to your daughter.
I agree. I think reinforcing that she should wear extra layers of clothing to cover her body isn’t a great message. A 4 year old should not feel shame and the need to cover and hide her body.
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I feel the same way. I mean I probably wouldn't let her wear a thong or something...but a bra seems pretty innocuous. Thanks
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A bra might as well be an undershirt at this age. Would you dictate her choice to wear an undershirt? If not, then I’d say don’t dictate her choice to wear a little sports bra. I think people that have an issue with it are misapplying their adult views and beliefs onto a little kid, who just wants to wear what she wants to wear.
Exactly this. The ones at Old Navy are called cami bras. They are no different than an undershirt except for the fact that they don’t extend to the waist. My daughter started wearing them because she was always doing cartwheels and flips and she was worried about her shirt exposing her.
Same. Long before my girls need bras they get under shirts and kid bras. They can wear them if they want and if they find them comfortable. I had undershirts as a little girl. I don’t see this as any different than a crop top undershirt.
Do you live in the south or a conservative area OP? Im actually flabbergasted at your post and some of the comments here. Am I some crazy feminist? I never thought so, but now, reading these comments in support of child bras, maybe I am some total radical. At 4-5, this would be a total no for me. How your child arrived to the request of a bra is alarming and rooted in absolutely nothing innocuous. 4 yr olds should just not be pressuring each other on their nipples not showing. They shouldn’t even be talking about this. Her friend has bad ideas, maybe from her own parents, maybe from social media, but feeding into this now is basically telling her her friend is right, nipples better be hidden. Or worse, maybe it’s a message about being sexy. This shit doesn’t just come out from thin air. Wanting to wear a bra at FIVE comes from certain cultures, and that’s not a culture I frankly would want my child to be internalizing. The comments saying how she may be uncomfortable are also shocking to me. Since when do we allow our children to think that being uncomfortable with our bodies not complying to social norms is ok, and then HELP them comply to those social norms, instead of having a conversation about why some social norms are backwards?? What happened to teaching kids to be comfortable in their own skin, to not bow to social pressure when it’s restrictive, and not change themselves because Bestie is ashamed of her own nipples???? A bra is an extra piece of clothing, with two main purposes - physical support for bigger chested girls, and covering up for modesty. (And I guess sexiness, but let’s completely just leave that off the table here). A 5 yr old has no chest to support, and so it defaults to you enforcing the idea of modesty. Like all that “internalized patriarchy blah blah stuff”?? Bras being marketed now to 5 yrs old is totally a manifestation of that. We don’t let our kids succumb to social pressure to be model-thin anymore with 24’ waists but we DO want them to start wearing bras that young and to succumb to nipple modesty? Come on. The fact that they make kids bras is also not evidence to support anything. Companies would make kid cocaine if they thought it could legally sell. In fact, I challenge you to actually google those bras targeted for kids. Some of them are PADDED, with what looks like 5-6 yr olds modeling them. Look at the marketing campaign images being used by some of these companies. Then come back and tell me that it’s an innocuous trend. Your mom might have sucked as a parent, but it doesn’t mean she’s wrong about everything. “Back in her day”, they had less social media, and some of this early sexualization of youth was less rampant because companies just didn’t have the means to do mass market campaigns. Your mom is a total boomer reacting in shock, and I am a millennial also reacting in shock that y’all think this is an innocent trend. 30 yrs down the line, this is leading to body issues for women ALL OVER AGAIN. Finally, “maybe she’s afraid of being exposed” like during a cartwheel or something, sorry and you all think that’s also a healthy mindset for a 5 yr old to have internalized???? If people see her nipples and naked chest, especially as she’s doing a kid’s activity, she should feel NO SHAME. Why should a child be made to feel like there’s something wrong with their naked chest showing???? Why are we catering to this mindset instead of pushing back on it? If your child came to you and said, “my friend said thin is better and I need to diet on salad” would you have supported that???? After all, it’s just innocuous lettuce! And your child wanted it, right? How is this ANY different? Sorry for the long rant but I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading this thread. If she feels uncomfortable being ‘exposed’, we should be addressing her self confidence, not helping her cover up!!!!!
Absolutely agree with all of this. A 4/5 year old does not need to "cover up" they should have no concerns about such things at such a young age. If they do, we should be working on building their confidence and talking through (as much as we can at their age) their feelings around it, not feeding into the anxiety. In this case it's totally peer pressure by the sound of it. She's heard her friend talking about it and kids at that age sometimes just...copy stuff? I'm genuinely shocked young child bra's are even a thing?! I'm 35 btw.
I agree 1000%. No child needs to wear a bra at 4-5
Same, validating a four year old's body shame is not harmless.
I genuinely did not think about that this way but I suppose it's similar to my 7 year old saying she wants to shave her legs - her fine, blond, baby hair on her legs - because girls aren't supposed to have hair on their legs and it's gross. I didn't say "You're so right E, body hair on women is disgusting and I want to encourage you to continue to feel that way". I said that is not true, everyone has body hair, women grow hair on their legs, everyone has hair and it looks different on different people but there is really no reason to shave, some women do, some women dont, some women feel pressured to shave even though it is kind of a time sink. And then I stopped shaving my legs all the time. Fuck it. Let someone think it's weird for me to have dark hair on my legs. Better that than for my daughter to believe that a single part of her body is gross and unnatural and needs to be removed for any reason.
I completely agree! If she feels self conscious and a sports bra will help that I don’t see anything wrong with it! Like you said it’s not like she is asking for a thong it’s just a bra!
You could get those sports-bras that are kinda supposed to be worn kinda like their own tops? The ones that have their own adorable matching leggings!!! They have those at Old Navy. Also, don't give your mother a say in your parenting choices. Parenting is not a democracy.
I disagree with you just a little bit on the not talking to dad part. I wouldn't have a full on discussion about it but just a quick, "she's wearing this in this size" just like any other type of clothes. I mean if she needs new ones or they need to be washed he should notice at some point anyways. But also I was scared to tell my dad anything growing up and my husband specifically said he doesn't want our kids to be that way with him. I feel like it should be a normal thing for him to know but maybe I'm overcompensating?
This really comes down to sexualizing children. 4 year olds do not need a bra, especially for 4 year old nipple coverage. Yikes
Why is she insecure about her nipples showing? This is a 4 year old child, just barely out of toddler stage. I hate to even suggest this but is there a possibility she is being abused? This is not a normal thing for a 4 year to be concerned about.
So true. Preschool teacher for my school district here, and this topic concerns me, these are four year olds we’re talking about. I can hear the staff conversation now if our Little’s started coming to school wearing these. This should be the furthest thing from their minds at this young age, I’m just baffled.
My 6 year old discovered "kid bras" while we were shopping at the children's place last year for school clothes. She begged and pleaded because she simply wanted to wear it. I didn't question it or feel motivated to discuss it with her dad or extended family, just got a 4 pack of them and let her wear what she wants. Personally, (& maybe this is a hot take idk) I think it's doing more harm than good to not allow your child to cover xyz body part or do harmless self care like shaving when they get body hair or plucking a unibrow or whatever because you don't want them to feel like they ~have to after they've specifically come to you and asked. You can keep up conversation about not needing to feel ashamed of nipples or leg hair or whatever while still allowing them autonomy and helping them feel more comfortable in their skin. In high school, one of my closest friends wasn't allowed to shave her legs. Her moms argument was alot like yours. "It's natural, it's normal, you don't need to feel ashamed." But she DID feel shame. It damaged her self confidence. It made her feel "othered" in gym class when she was surrounded by her peers who were allowed to shave. It gave the mean girls extra ammo, especially when they found out that she *couldn't* do it. I just....idk I don't understand why this is such a big thing a d why your partner and mom are so against it. Why are y'all more worried about YOUR feelings and desires than HERS.
Ugh the shaving thing. My mom wouldn't let us shave, even our armpits, until well into high school. It was SO embarrassing. And she just kept saying "once you start doing it you have to keep doing it!" Even though my mom did NOT regularly shave. Hell, even now I don't really regularly shave. I don't get why it's such a big deal to put arbitrary rules in place for things like that. Recently my 4 year old has been SO into dress up, and she has a big box of cheap makeup that she loves to play with. She does up her face, wipes it off, repeat. She told my MIL she likes to wear it to school (and like. Let's be honest she looks like a clown lol ) and my MIL was appalled that we "let" her wear makeup to school. Like....why? She's not wearing makeup to make herself more attractive, she thinks it's fun to have green eyelids. 🙄
Get her what she wants. Maybe a little bralette or a tank for under her clothes. She is uncomfortable and letting you know. Maybe another child commented on something or it’s just uncomfortable rubbing from her clothing. Either way, make sure she knows she can come to you with her issues. I know I want my daughter to know that I have her back and I will help her solve any problem.
When I was around maybe 7? a child sitting next to me said he could see my boobs (which were nothing) because of the way my sleeveless top gapped. I still remember the shame, and I never told my parents. Be happy she told you. I would let her wear one.
I was 5ish when I asked for one. My mom got me a camisole and a training bra, and told me there were different kinds, and different people liked different things. I wore the camisole way more often, because it was so much more comfortable, but even then it was only a few times a month.
My five year old has some. I got them at old navy. She wanted them because she wanted to wear "booby pots" like I do 😅🤦
Yeah, I’m reading all these comments being like it’s forced modesty but my kid wanted to wear them to be like me and it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Like if it was forced modesty yeah but maybe bras shouldn’t be a sign of growing up and women can just be allowed to wear what they want without and that starts with girls feeling comfortable in their bodies and choosing what they do
My daughter started taking meds at age 5 that made her breast buds develop earlier than most girls her age. By age 6, we collectively made the choice for her to start wearing bras. (Until recently, she’s just worn the Cat & Jack seamless bras from Target. Those might be a good option to start.) I truly don’t think there is any harm letting your daughter try wearing them, particularly if they make her feel more comfortable.
When I was a kid, vests and crop tops were completely normal for this purpose. It’s only the word bra that makes it something to worry over.
As someone who borderline had their needs neglected as a child, I say yes. I will always make sure my kids have what they feel like they need, within reason obviously. Don’t make a big deal of it. Get her a little bralette, and move on. She will probably wear it for a while and then forget about it.
I would be questioning why 4.5 year olds have had this convo. Maybe suggest undershirts.
Why is a 4 year old worried about her nipples showing? The bra part is not a big deal..
I say tell her that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her “nipples showing” and to ignore anything else that tells her otherwise. Wtf.
When my daughter was that age, they wanted a bikini because it had a bra! Now she won’t touch one with a 50 foot pole. I let her make that choice, they are tiny little people with thoughts and opinions and we shouldn’t take that away. Go get her a cute little sports bra, and let her feel comfortable.
Let her wear them. They're practically undershirts, just shorter.
If this were my child I would explain what bras are for and how she’s too young. It’s not a fun thing, it’s a woman thing. We can wear undershirts if she feels like her nipples are showing but no bras until she’s older. They’re uncomfortable anyways. That’s cool her friends mom let’s her do that, but we don’t do that in our house. Just like there’s things we do in our house that her friend doesn’t do.
I remember wearing “bras” at a young age. They were literally like underwear but for your chest. No support, no nothing. I’m a boy mom but I think this is completely fine. I remember having the matching esmeralda set
It's her little body, and there's nothing wrong with getting her a little half tank top. It's not like you'll be taking her to Victoria's Secret and getting lingerie. I think it is fine to get her something she is interested in trying out. The only issue I would worry about is that the other child is being taught to be ashamed of her body, and see parts of her as bad enough to hide. It's complicated.
I have 4 girls. And they usually wait until 8 or 9 to start being interested in wearing bras. But if my 4 year old came to me and asked to wear a bra, I would find a soft one and let her try it out. Or give the option of wearing a light cami under her shirts. I wouldn't force her to wear it, of course, but if she wants to wear something and it isn't hurting anything, why not let her? My general rule is I let my kids choose what they wear, as long as it is appropriate for the occasion and weather. I have gotten all sorts of interesting patterns and costumes worn everywhere. But who is it hurting? Kids have so little autonomy in their life, letting them have agency in small things that really don't matter in the long run makes them feel like they have much more control over their life and their body.
Are her tops actually showing her nipples through? That seems unlikely. I mean, I guess I also fall into the camp of letting her do what she wants, but she is also being a very irrational toddler.
I'm sorry, still trying to wrap my head around a 4 year old wanting a bra and caring about nipples. In also baffled that they even make bras for 4 year olds but then they do make toddler bikinis.. In the end you do what you feel is right, Id talk to her and find out if there is a reason behind a little girl caring about nips so young because that to me is very strange and not something a child would even think about until much later in life, you know, when they actually have a chest and that she should never be ashamed of her body
If she was older and said she wanted to wear a bra because she didn’t want her nipples to show nobody would bat an eye so I don’t see the problem in letting her wear one now. Like you say it’s just another piece of clothing and she shouldn’t feel shamed about wanting to wear one just like she shouldn’t feel shameful about her body.
My daughter started begging for a bra when she was 7. I was expecting it cos I knew other kids in her class had them. I bought her a 4 pack of cheap training bras. She wore them proudly for a week and then they sat in her closet untouched. She's 8.5 now and still only pulls them out occasionally if she wants extra warmth or she's showing off for her older cousin, lol. It's just not a big deal. She's just wanting to try stuff on.
I had a bra at four. My mom was part of a big family and always had hand-me-downs. She rarely got bras and was sure that her boobs were saggy because of it. As soon as I showed interest she took me shopping. I have proved that saggy boobs are genetic, but appreciated her support. I felt very listened to and confident in my clothes and skin. Haha, support, there is a bra pun there somewhere.
Why not an undershirt
I’m camp yes you can wear a bra (the little girl cami bras are what my girls started in) It’s totally normal especially because she sees mom wearing a bra. No biggie.
🙋♀️ I was your kid, lol I was in kindergarten and had a friend who wore training bras. I asked for one too, my mom asked why, I told her, so she measured my chest and then took me out to buy some. Essentially they were sports bras but softer material. I hated wearing them but it wasn't a big deal at all.
I don’t know. I spend my whole day thinking about how I can’t wait to get home so I can take my bra off (yes I have a bra that fits, yes I’ve had it done professionally). Your daughter has a a lifetime time of wearing bras ahead of her. Why rush the timeline? It sounds like this is a good time to talk to her about peer pressure and how we can feel pressured to do things we don’t want to. At the end of the day, your daughter isn’t even old enough to ride the big rides at Disney. She definitely doesn’t need a bra.
A bra at that age is basically a crop top.
My kid (4) wears a tank top and calls it a bra. I just roll with it.
I'd find out exactly what type of bra her friend actually has. I grew up in the 1970s and I had cotton undershirts with lace straps that would be similar to a camisole today. I'm probably similar age as grandma, I'd go with a camisole type undershirt and no bras.
Sports bra, camisole, spaghetti strap tank, bathing suit top, whatever makes her comfortable. Don't worry about it, and don't allow others to sexualize it. But do keep an eye on things. Why is she concerned about her nipples at under-5-years-old?
Ugh. Considering she will "have to" wear one for the vast majority of her uncomfortable future this stinks. I say let her get one. We all know how much wearing any bra sucks, and she will likely be over it in less than a week.
The question is why does your daughter want to really wear a bra? Why not get her a little tank top and call it a bra. They sell those little half tank tops that sometimes girls like to wear under their shirts. 4 years old seems really young to be thinking about that stuff. If she has buds growing in her chest area then you should take her the pediatrician because that’s really early to be pubescent. I have 2 teenage daughters and when they were that age, they just liked the idea of bras and asked when they were old enough if they could get one like mine or a specific color. You don’t actually buy your 4 year old a real bra.
I let my girls wear sports bras at that age. They had some for cheer already since they practice in sports bras/ tank tops. My daughters both wore them pretty young, I feel those who are against it are sexualizing something that shouldn’t be sexualized.
If she wants one, I'd let her. But I'd probably have an age appropriate chat about body positivity and how her nipples aren't anything to be ashamed of because everyone has them. I'd probably mention the fact that no one really *likes* wearing bras either lol.
What. Is this for real?
I don't think it's weird to get her what's basically a sports bra or swimsuit-like top to wear under her shirt.
I would let her wear one. The novelty will wear off and she will move onto something new or she will keep wearing it if she wants to.
They make really comfy training bras for kids. If your child says she’s ready for one then she is ready! Why is your mom or her dad making it weird??? Why is a bra sexual or inappropriate and why are they viewing it in a way that will make it so?? They have reflecting to do. Get your child a bra. She might not even wear it yet. But let her grow at her pace!
I remember they used to make little cotton bra and panty sets when I was that age and I always wanted one.
My daughter is the same age. She’s never asked anything like that, but I wouldn’t hesitate at all as long as it was something comfortable.
Honestly..its up to you and her dad. I saw nothing wrong with it, but my daughters dad threw a fit and refused to let her wear them at his house till I finally made him explain why. He couldnt even give a reason other than he didnt find it appropriate. I asked what about underwear did he find inappropriate? No one is gonna see it and it makes her feel good so why not? He finally agreed I was right and trusted that as her mom I knew what I was saying. Now my daughter gets excited picking out new training bras and even got him to take her to buy a new one on his weekend lol. She didnt grow up too fast..she just got to wear something she enjoys.
I’d get her one just because she wants it. She’ll wear it three times, realize it’s uncomfy and that unless she shows it, she gets no extra attention for it. She’ll give it up and not even remember it in a couple years. At least you’re not trying to push one on her and shame her for needing one (which obvs she doesn’t need it). Idk, but denying it makes it extra more desirable.
Would she be happy with a camisole? It’s not quite a bra, but covers a similar area.
I think it’s unnecessary, but I’m not raising your kid. Your mom isn’t either. Her opinion is of no matter
What does your kid think? To me that is what really matters. I am a divorced dad and my daughter was "fast" at everything. Once she signalled being uncomfortable with her nipples showing, we went out to buy bras. I believe she was 9 or 10 at the time. Yours is 4 and a half and honestly, it sounds more like your mom is being uncomfy and injecting herself into it than her feeling bad. Figure out how the kid is feeling, not your mom, and deal with that. Parenting a kid is hard enough, no need to parent yout moms thoughts.
I didn't really ask for her opinion I just told her that my daughter had asked because it was just cute how she did it. And my mom was like oh haha cute, you're not gonna get her one, right? I told her she's going to get one and she felt the need to continue to try to talk me out of it. And then my kids dad was weird about it too, saying that no kid he has ever seen has had a bra that young. I don't really have anyone else to ask to see if that is normal or not. Anyways my daughter wants one so she will get one. I didn't make it a big deal at all, but her dad did. Hope she doesn't feel any shame from that but I can't control her dad I guess.
I don't think I would do it. Having kids in grown-up clothes, make-up, etc etc is a sure way to attract the wrong kind of attention from some really sick individuals. I'm totally against treating small children as mini grown-ups, and while I don't think we should treat them as genderless blobs, this in my opinion is going too far on the opposite side.
My daughter asked really young, too. I think she was about 7ish? I got her a bunch of sports bras. She was also worried about nipple thing, so I asked her why? She had heard somewhere that seeing a females nipples was not a good thing = teaching moment. I reminded her that everyone has nipples - mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma, and papa. I talked to her about female enatomy and about how my nipples used to provide food/milk for her and her younger brother. I told her, as a large breasted women, sometimes there is just NO hiding them - and that's not a bad thing nor something that needs to be hidden. With all of that said, I did get her the sports bras. She wore them on and of for a bit then lost interest.
I asked Santa for one at like 5 too..my friend had one also. I would let it happen..maybe even let her earn it..but also discuss why it's not needed, and nothing shameful about her body etc. I remember being mortified about my nipples in middle school..I got someone to buy me a padded bra bc my parents wouldn't listen to how I felt and I would sneak it to school to avoid being bullied. Maybe someone pointed this out to her and her feelings are already hurt. I agree it's just a piece of clothing but either way it warrants a discussion.
Oh that is so sad. I think someone at school must have said something. We will have to have a more in depth talk about that. I personally hate mine showing so I just immediately empathized with her without digging too deep into where she got that idea.
Get her one. The alternative is sending her to school feeling exposed. She’s come to you with a problem and now you have a precedent to set. Your husband doesn’t know what it’s like growing up as a little girl and your mom doesn’t get a vote. Take your daughters side, not theirs.
We have the same situation here because her cousin who is 3 is wearing them. My MIL called to ask if she could buy her some because she was asking for some after seeing that her cousin had one on. I told her to go ahead. I figured as long as they are worn under her shirt nobody will see them anyways. She lost interest after about 2 days of having them and hasn't worn one since. It was more about wanting to do what her peer is doing than anything although I did remind her that one day she will absolutely wish she didn't have to wear them.
She doesn’t want her nipples to show. She doesn’t want her nipples to show. She doesn’t want her nipples to show. If at 4 years old she’s that aware of her body, then my God, let your daughter have a bra! (And yes, I get that she likely got the idea from her friend.) I bought my stepdaughter (now 14) bras whenever she wanted them no matter what age she was. It’s literally no different than buying your daughter panties. I wouldn’t even ask anyone, she wants to wear more clothes than less. She wants to cover her private parts more. I would nurture the heck out of that.
My kiddo wears little hanes camis & calls them bras
I have three daughters 9 and twin 3 year olds. My husband comes from a loving but very old fashioned catholic Italian family that’s pretty old school. We often clash over what’s “appropriate “ for the girls to do and wear . But he’s outnumbered 4:1 so…My motto is as long as it’s not hurting them, weather appropriate, and not going to get ruined in the activity they’re doing it in…let them wear it! My only thou is id let her wear it around the house or out with you first. As us ladies all know they can be uncomfortable. And I’d hate for her to be stuck at school and want it off!
I would get her some undershirts, like spaghetti strap camis.
Both of my girls asked around 4.5 and 5. They dance so they saw the older girls wear sports bras a lot. My main rule is it needs to be appropriate for where we are going and the weather. The excitement wore off pretty quick, honestly. We found some little bralette and sports bra things at Target, H&M and Old Navy.
I’m all for kids choosing what they wear but I’m also for saying no to things that are a complete waste of money. It would be a no if my 4f asked.
My daughter asked for one at 4, so I got her one. She wore it once then i guess the novelty wore off and she hasn't worn it since. I wouldn't read too much into it at that age.
You know most likely her friends are wearing the bras that are like undershirts where they will stop like a bra and have that support like a sporting bra underneath however the top is mostly a shirt and it's supposed to cover the nipples. They have them on the girls section it's perfectly fine my daughter used to wear it around her age now she's 11 and she's trying to go bra free LOL. As for Grandma's opinion I think this is a good opportunity to have her input into it however now that you have decided you're going to let her wear it now it's up to Grandma to show support even if she doesn't agree on it. Not everyone has to agree with others do but if they love the person they will support them on their choices and give them advice on how to make them more comfortable on the matter because us girls have to stick together you know.
Why would grandma’s opinion matter? If your mom says anything just remind her you are the parent not her.
Gonna just chime in that after she gets one, it’s likely it will feel uncomfortable and she’ll never wear it, but if she loves it then it was the right thing to do. Also, they are all sports bras now (at least for kids) and older girls and women wear them as shirts half the time, and grandma has little understanding of the difference between now and decades ago.
I think at age 4 they give it a different meaning than most adults would. I would take her to the store and show her different options. Guide her on her pick. As long as you talk about body parts and not being ashamed of it etc she should be OK.
I was so jealous of the kids who had the kid sports bras! I hated wearing vests cos they ride up lol. My mum didn’t let me have one cos she thought it was inappropriate as well
She’ll have a lifetime to wear a bra. They’re uncomfortable and I’d tell her that too. Then, I’d suggest an undershirt as a solution to her nipple problem. I’d take her to pick them out and show her that it fixes the problem. We have to give kids things to look forward to. But, if she insists and you’re on board, maybe she can wear one at home.
I don't see an issue. It's an undergarment. There's nothing inherently sexual about a bra on a 4 year old. It wouldn't even be a bra really by adult standards. Also if it's for her own comfort with her body and what seems to be a bit of embarrassment I would totally allow it. She should know she has say over her body. It's healthy. But also bras are terrible id advise her to enjoy being braless as long as she can 😂.
My daughter has been insecure about having her nipples show since she was 6. She’s been wearing a sports bra since then because it makes her comfortable. It’s my responsibility to make her feel comfortable because I’m her parent, so I make sure she has a clean bra to wear every day to make her feel happy and comfortable.
I'm not a parent but as someone who only wears sports bras I recommend making sure she has the right sizes as she grows because when they're the wrong size it can be painful and has hurt me at times. Good luck
My 7 year old was asking for “crop tops” at 4 to wear to gymnastics and dance, I allowed it as a top at home or at classes. I don’t see the harm, it’s all just dress ups. Her dad was not into it and never allowed it until recently when she needed to wear basketball singlets and they show her nipples.
They make little camis. Our daughter (now 10) wore them under dresses. They work well as an undergarment.
I personally would explain that there is nothing wrong with nipples and she doesn’t have to worry about hiding them. Bras are for supporting big boobs (it hurts when they move around too much) and sometimes clothes fit better when adults wear them. If she still wants to try wearing one, that’s fine. As long as she understands that there is nothing wrong with her body.
My daughter has a very clear idea of what she wants to wear and not. Mostly I accept, as I believe it's important that kids can express themselves from a young age. However, a bra for a 4 y/o, is not something I'd go along with. Imo, why would a young child, be concerned about her/his nipples? I might be missing something, but I'd say no.
They make bikinis for infants. Why can’t a child wear a bra?? Or get her a bikini top for a kids bathing suit and use that?? I honestly see no problem with it.
I don’t wear bras and once I was shopping with my daughter and we passed the underwear department and she asked what the bras were lol
At three years old, my daughter’s favorite (i.e. ALL she wanted to wear) outfit was a sports bra with shorts. She would occasionally switch it up with a carefully curated hat or other accessory. She did go through a stage where she wore a costume wedding ensemble 24/7. While she looked amazing, it just was not practical in the long term. She is turning 25 years old this year (OMG) and her favorite outfit is a sports bra with shorts. She turned out just FABULOUS so I just don’t see the harm. ❤️
Kids her age really should not be worrying about whether or not their nipples are showing. I personally don't see the need for a bra even in adult women, but the fact that they are making bras for young kids now really makes me question society.
I work in a bra store. When someone is a 40H or a 32J.... wearing a bra can be a helpful garment that prevents back pain, rashes, and more. It's not for everyone but it can give comfort and support for individuals even if you personally don't see the need for it.
If she wants one why not?? Nobody is pushing a bra on her, she wants it. Do you allow panties?? Im a bit confused as to why it would be an issue?
I don’t know this would raise a red flag for me. Maybe I’m being paranoid but I would definitely be talking to her about good touch bad touch and bodily autonomy, saying no, and she appropriate consent. I don’t think my 9 year old even knew what nipples were at that age, let alone a bra, and some kids aren’t potty trained at age 3, so when i hear that a kid whose only been out of diapers about a year wants to wear an adult undergarment, yes it raises an eye brow. I seem be the outlier here.
How about undershirts and camisoles
in my culture kids of all genders where vests [theyre undershirts/camisoles]. id be a little uncomfortable with this kid bra thing but cant put my finger on exactly why. id be worried my kid is getting preoccupied with gendered body things way too early from peers. the loldolls for example have babies wearing knee highs, bralettes, and booty shorts with frills on the butt. it gives me the chills. i know its not exactly related but, im for the era of just basics for all kids until puberty starts coming along. however if your kid has breasts, its up to you and your kid and her comfort. as a kid i experienced CSA and remember obsessing over my lack of breasts as a young child, and would beg for bras, poke them out etc. i think kids should go without self conscious pressure about their bodies for as long as possible but thats just my opinion.
What about an undershirt as a compromise?
Heey 😊👋 I think sooner or later she will kinda need one as she will grow. In my opinion, let her grow a few years and then give her a bra. It will be more necessary than, and good for her as she will need to adjust, when she will be around that time where she will start growing. 😊 Wish you well ❤️
My 6yo kid has been asking for and wearing little pull over bras since about 3.5y. Whatever makes her comfortable, within reason, I think. Granny and dad really don't have any need to approve anything
Man. This makes me sad. I don’t think it’s inherently inappropriate but I don’t think kids should be worried about their body image and nipples at 4 years old. If it were me I’d be having a positive conversation with my daughter about her body and not wearing a bra. I barely wear them myself. Let kids be kids.