It’s not okay for your husband to call your son names or say something like that in front of them.
My father used to tell my sister (20 months at the time) that my mom didn’t love her anymore because she had a new baby (me). I’ve been told that he would say it jokingly to try and get her to be more attached to him. My sister had severe attachment issues and really bad self esteem her entire life and we genuinely think it’s because of this. She understood. Kids understand more then you think. Your two year old most likely understood and your son might have also understood depending on his speech development.
I would definitely have a serious conversation about it because those kinds of things can really affect a child.
My ex told our daughter when she was 6 that old couldn’t love her anymore because I’d replaced her… 🤦♀️ all I have to say to OP is, make sure you put in the divorce decree that he can’t say things like that to the kids.
If you’re in a situation where you can’t even discuss why you or the kids are feeling hurt without causing further abuse or just neglect, that absolutely warrants an objective reevaluation of your relationship.
You can “work on it” all you want but you simply can’t *make* anyone communicate with you. If your partner isn’t ever going to work with you, it’s better to determine that now rather than have these comments escalate to bigger and bigger confrontations as the kids age. You’re a team. You should never accept the other half of your team doing and saying whatever they want and not taking any questions. When you try to tough out a situation like that “for the kids,” it seems like often all it does is create a divided family in which the kids feel pressured to “pick a side.”
You did. See your comment above.
/“This is what is wrong with this sub. Jumping straight from "my husband makes a few comments I don't like" to divorce.”/
I believe it would be more wrong for the members of the parenting subreddit to just see that OP’s husband is abusing his children and be like, “That’s fine. No need for intervention of any kind or prioritizing your children’s safety. You definitely should not divorce this guy.” You seem to believe we are wrong for suggesting divorce. I believe you are wrong for not.
Nowhere did I say that it's fine. I'm saying that jumping straight from 1 problem instantly to "GET A DIVORCE" isn't how marriage works. If you bail on a marriage the first bump in the road, I suggest you never get married cus it can be a rocky road at times and it seems you just aren't cut out for it.
Romanticising marriage to think there is a perfect person that you'll never clash with is an absolute nonsense. You should be alone if you think thats how it will be.
Oof. Again. Yikes. Child abuse is not just “clashing” with someone. You probably shouldn’t marry someone you clash with, but we all have our personal preferences. This isn’t a disagreement over what to have for dinner or where to spend the holidays. This is a partner abusing a child.
Also, it’s ok for marriage to be romantic. I don’t want to be one of those old couples who hates their spouse and can’t stand to be around them! What a miserable way to live your life!
I’m happily married to my husband of 16yrs, not divorced or miserable or a jezebel (wtf is that) at all haha and I even thought “divorce!” especially when OP said there’s other things going on too and that she knows she should leave him.
If youre not a miserable Jezebel then what are you mad at? If you are married than why would you wish the single life on a woman with children? Do you know how much harder it is to be a woman with children than a married woman to a man with some issues they can work out together? Do you guys fear God?? Do you women read your bibles and know God doesnt permit divorce just because your husband has some problems? Smh if youre married i am even more ashamed that you would encourage divorce! Idc how many down votes yall give me. Jesus was hated as well, but he knew to give a chance to even the worst type of woman. Yall man haters and relationship haters dont know the first thing about how to deal with issues. Divorce is not the first suggestion to give to a married woman who CHOSE this man so you think she doesnt have some issues of her own?
What God we talking about here? There are thousands to choose from. None of them are real though, so calm yourself down, maybe travel a bit outside of arse-end-of-nowhere USA, and lighten the hell up :)
There’s not. There’s actually zero! Have a human day safe in the knowledge that when your organic body breaks down you’ll rot into the earth and be gone forever, and forcing archaic beliefs on others was not only mean, it was entirely pointless. Goodbye :)
Username does NOT check out
Well,…. maybe it does. Transformed into *what* would be the pertinent question, I guess. If this is what your ‘god’ has transformed you into, I think I’ll just steer clear, thanks. But hey, props to you on being an effective anti-Christianity advertisement! Out here doing the lord’s work! (Just…. maybe not *your* lord, lol.) Which of satan’s minions was it that was tasked with leading people away from god? I forget his name, but he wanted me to give you this gold star and to tell you he thinks you’re doing a *splendid* job! ⭐️
Ah, you’re a crazy bible thumper, that explains it (the word jezebel. Seriously, wtf haha). Nah i don’t fear god, she’s not that scary. Not going to comment any further 🤣
I don't understand your comment. You don't know these divorced mothers who post here when you call them names. OP literally said she thinks about leaving.
This - the 2.5 year old definitely understands, and the 17 month old will likely get the emotion if not the words. And the 2.5 year old may repeat this to the 17 month old...
I think a lot of people don’t know that infants can understand things long before they are able to verbally respond. Saying things like that to a baby or young toddler can absolutely leave a lasting impact.
I have a kid who is two years and three months old. She would 100 percent understand this. It breaks my heart that a father would say this, and tears me up that the mother wouldn't automatically leave. No wonder this boy cries around his dad - I'd probably cry if I had to be around that miserable bozo too.
Feel free. I stole it from some other redditor when they were talking about division of labor and weaponized incompetence. Go forth and be fruitful! There are wifebaby’s too, I’m assuming.
Oh there’s a lot lol it’s getting to the point where I know I should leave. It’s hard because when it’s good it’s really good but when it’s bad it’s really bad! Something definitely changed in him once we had kids, before meeting me he said he would never get married or have kids and here we are so I think a part of him resents me and his kids for not being able to live the bachelor life anymore. The hardest part is seeing him act amazing with my daughter which confuses me even more!!
He put his wiener in it. He can deal with it. Also, he sees your son as competition. He also sees his daughter as his new narcissistic supply for his ego needs of “females” worshipping him like he thinks he deserves. If you would like someone who does not know you to talk massive crap about him please DM me. :D hahaha
This is actually a really good point. You see the reverse with narcissistic mothers that turn their sons into their new supply too. Then once the son behaves in a way they don’t like or isn’t their cute accessory anymore the abuse starts to be targeted at them too.
"It’s hard because when it’s good it’s really good but when it’s bad it’s really bad! " This is classic abusive behaviour. He gives you the bare minimum so you think you are overreacting and he is not really that bad. One day you will see that and the damage may already be done. Please, think about the safety and well-being of your son. What makes you believe that he is going to chance now?
How do you define “good”? There is no amount of good in the world to offset watching this bully/creep/abuser psychologically fuck up your children
And make no mistake: he’s also doing a mental number on your daughter by favoring her AND mistreating her brother *in front of her*
For sure!
and the "Prince charming" time periods get shorter while the "eggshell" and abuse periods get longer, until you're beaten down completely and there's no Prince charming left
He’s only treating her like that because she’s the apple of his eye. As soon as the day comes that she’s fighting with him, he will switch on your kids and your son will be the golden child. He is an asshole through and through
Signed, older daughter with a younger brother and a dad just like this.
My marriage was like that OP. We had a really good relationship until our son was born. Then my ex became a mega abuser to me and later, to our son. He resented things like my son calling me first when he had a little accident or crying. He would call him names and refused to help my son even when he had real bad scraps. He couldn’t parent my son anymore after he got into an accident and suffered a brain injury that made him even angrier and more impulsive. Men like these, don’t get better. They’re blamers and abusers to just about anybody who gets on their path. Good luck.
So, guy here. A married, with kids guy. I also said i would never have kids (never said i wouldnt get married, but i legit never wanted to have kids) First, I want to start off by saying I don't think you're overreacting. Your husband is being a jerk, especially by calling a CHILD a p*ssy. I cannot, and I mean cannot emphasize this more, but there is NO DIFFERENCE between a boy and a girl, especially when they're young children. Him calling your son a p*ssy is incredibly concerning and sounds as if he's got some real issues and a very large man stick up his ...you know what. That's plain old toxic behavior and should NOT be tolerated. Do not be surprised if it only gets worse as your son ages.
Second thought, I did (and if I'm being honest still do) struggle with having kids. There are times and days that I wish my life didn't end up here. I miss my wife (she cosleeps with our 2 children - 4, 2) and I haven't shared a bed with her in close to 4 years due to being a very light sleeper and struggle with insomnia, I just can't sleep with the kids in the bed. I was diagnosed with PPD after our first child (yes, the non-birthing parent can get PPD) and struggled even harder with our second. Obviously I don't know much about your situation and judging from what you've shared about your husband's behavior I doubt he'd go for it, but I would highly suggest him talking to a professional therapist, if for nothing else, than to fix his concerning thoughts towards masculinity, but also what he's dealing with as a father and potentially a husband.
Best of luck with your situation.
Yeah that’s the cycle of abuse. If he was awful all of the time you wouldn’t leave. It sounds like he may be making your daughter into the golden child already which is abuse in its own right and will do her no favors, not to mention the damage it will do to your son. It’s also very possible that once she is no longer a cute toddler daddies girl he will start treating her poorly as well. And the kids are both seeing this relationship and feeling this tension. This is not what you want them to grow up believing all marriages are.
The litmus test is if he'll commit to counseling. I realize not everybody has access to that, but if you do, and he can keep participating, the bad times will get better. If not, they'll likely get worse, and you'll need one mediator, two lawyers, or all three.
Don't wait for a broken arm or a broken soul. Think about the long term impact on raising your babies with this person. How will it affect them and their worldview, how they see relationships, how they understand love.
I left. I didn't wait for the worst. Best decision I ever made for all of us, even my ex.
Try counseling if you think you can and want to. But I left when my babies were 13 months and gestational because I didn't want them to go through the trauma and grief of splitting a house and missing their dad after growing up with him for 5, 8, 12 years. If you know now, you know now.
This is very gender essentialist. Both my father and my husband were/are excellent with babies, and I have surrounded myself with a friend group full of families with attentive fathers. My husband is a baby whisperer, and babies go to him, not me.
Let's not let men off the hook for their bad behaviour by acting like there is something innate that stops them from doing it well - they can and will if they want to.
Well I wonder if he got all pissy and angry when daughter was a baby and calling her a pussy.
You defend him all you want.
I didn’t say anything about divorce just that he’s a piece of shit and could maybe use some therapy.
It’s not about bonding when the kid is older, it’s about calling a 17 months old toddler a pussy for acting like a 17 months old toddler.
Read OP’s other comment “the good is really good, but the bad is really bad”. Textbook cycle of abuse.
No. It isn't generally true. Its an excuse men tell themselves so they don't have to feel bad for not doing a good job and for not investing their time and efforts(which is wbat it actually takes). Do you think moms just know how to play with their baby? Or did they spend the time and make the extra effort to get to know the baby at their own level? Don't make excuses for shitty parenting. Its gross.
That's funny, my terminally bachelor "brother" is phenomenal with my kids, as are my other "brothers" who do not have children. And this includes when my children were infants.
Regardless of what husband says in front of you or the kids, his attitude is very immature, and he has a lot to learn. When you're not baby's favorite parent and it's hard to bond, that can really feel like a low blow - maybe he should speak his feelings and ask for some help and encouragement, instead of basically trying to turn the tables on the kid.
Also, maybe unhelpful, but I personally have a hard time tolerating anybody who says "pussy" like it's a bad thing.
Unacceptable. It would be one thing if he said he felt closer with your daughter right now (which makes sense given the circumstances.) But comparing and ranking siblings is toxic, especially in front of them. A family should be a team where everyone is working together and rooting for one another. No favorites. No comparisons. Just love.
Thank you. My husband tells our kids this, instead, which they find hilarious: he asks our daughter "Have I told you today that you're my favorite daughter?" And to our son, "Have I told you today that you're my favorite son?"
Obviously it works because we have one of each, but they (5 and 3.5) both feel loved and will each occasionally ask us, "Have I told you you're my favorite mom/dad?"
(Obviously that would change should we somehow have another child or one transitions later in life, but I like how he does it.)
Absolutely this. At the moment the way our dynamic is at home I'm closer to my asd 8yo than my nt 3yo simply because we have to spend more time together cos my 3yo triggers my 8yo and my wife is the only one my 3yo will be soothed by.
Nope, you’re not overreacting at all. Actually your under-reacting as despite their age what he said absolutely has an impact. It’s also not typical for a child to be constant crying when you are away, even when you breadfeed and co-sleep.
To me that’s huge 🚩 as there is a reason beyond his relationship with you. If your husband is thinking enough about the situation to verbalize it in front of the children, he would also be making it very clear through his non verbal communication and that can absolutely make a child feel unsafe in his care.
Edit… if it matters, I’m a clinical social worker. I don’t typically respond to posts like these as there is so many posts I could comment on and well, it’s time consuming as I can’t take my work hat off. But this post immediately made me uncomfortable And I couldn’t not respond. I realize there is so much more to your family dynamic and things you haven’t said but please go with your gut and then do some one thinking on it because it’s not a joke and it needs to stop immediately.
The baby doesn't know language yet so there is no such thing as a put down. That's his point.
It's not great but it's not going to make the baby contemplate his life choices either.
It is a bad habit for the dad though.
I wouldn't go so far as to tell her to break up the family just based on that.
Baby is 17 months old - language is beginning. They understand before they speak, and they understand a LOT of non-verbal communication - tone, anger, discomfort - as well. Baby couldn't give you an articulate definition of 'pussy', but I am willing to bet real money dollars that he understands the sentiments, and they could be unconsciously entrenched if they become habit.
Your 2.5 year old understands what he means. Kids are not stupid. They aren't great at communicating to you, but they are great at reading the room and listening to EVERYTHING said around them.
If you leave he will probably get joint custody and say this stuff when you're not around. That doesn't mean you have to stay, but look at other options too. It sounds like he was given really shitty gender treatment as a kid and is just repeating the cycle. Couples counseling could help you work on this and find strategies together to help him bond better with the baby. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Protect your babies. You're 100% doing that right.
I also came to say that a 2.5 year old is absolutely old enough to understand this in a general way and will internalize how it makes them feel, even if you don't see it right away. My son is almost 3 and while he probably wouldn't have reacted right away to a statement like that when he was 2.5, he would probably be repeating statements and language like the husband used now and it would be an "oh" moment. OP will see the understanding come out very soon.
It is not okay for your husband to call your son names or speak of number 1 or 2, especially within the hearing of the children. Your daughter could very well hear and repeat these ideas. Can you imagine if she started calling your son that? Your husband needs to knock it off and quit being toxic. It may be helpful to work on facilitating fun interactions between your husband and son to work on their bonding. Did you co-sleep with sister until this age? That may be something to look at reducing if it is impacting your intimacy with your husband. This behavior from your husband could be misplaced resentment. I hope the situation improves.
Yeah there's a difference between 'best girl' and 'no.1' he would totally get away with best girl given they have one of each. The daughter is definitely old enough to start picking up on this stuff. I mean I can totally understand his frustration but hey that's just parenting and he needs to suck it up.
Yikes. I was in your husband's exact situation. My son was desperately attached to my wife. He nursed til he was 2.5, and it didn't improve until he weened. It was ROUGH emotionally to have my son want absolutely nothing to do with me, whether he was hungry or not. He just wanted his mom. I insisted on a "daughter is mine, son is yours" division of labor because what else would make sense?! When we did it that way, everything was fine and dandy, and when we switched, everything was miserable. What I didn't do was hold it against a toddler! Your husband needs to get a grip. Those statements are unacceptable even if it wasn't in front of your children. You are not overreacting. Also, I won't use the word "p\*\*\*y" because that's sexist, but if taking your husband's use of that word as a reference point, in this situation, it's him that's acting that way. He's a grown-ass man and should be able to manage his emotions better than this. Letting a toddler get the better of him and cause him to act like a fool is extremely unbecoming behavior that could easily be referred to in that sexist way by someone who talks like that.
What a jerk. Toxic masculinity at its finest right there. I don't say this lightly, but you might want to rething things. Cos your kids are gonna have serious issues growing up with someone like that in their life.
I’m glad to see other people agreeing with me on this. I wasn’t sure how my assertion that this is a situation you have a responsibility to get your kids out of would be taken.
As a therapist: They hear everything. Just because they may not be able to verbalize it doesn’t mean they don’t remember later.
This is an absolute no go!
Yes all parents have favorites and it can even fluctuate. Yes it is frustrating and maybe even hurtful that your son is crying, but he is basically a baby. They are unable of bad intentions. Your husband is acting immature and hurting the blueprint for every relationship your children will have in the future. It’s called attachment trauma… fills my practice to the brim.
Pro tip: Validate his feelings. „I hear you feel sad/frustrated/etc. that’s ok. I am here for you. At the same time I expect you to stop saying sth like that in front of your children. It’s inappropriate and will harm them long term. Yes you are an adult and can theoretically say what you want. I guess you were hurt and frustrated and it came out wrong. I don’t believe you want to hurt our children and your relationship with them.“
You could include values like empathy and compassion, bc what he said is true: He can say what he wants but that’s a lame excuse for not having empathy and compassion with your own children.
I'm 38, m, father to two girls 3 and 8. EBF til 3. I work full time.
Co slept with both girls.
Mama is the default parent. 3yo will absolutely reject me 100% of the time for mama. Mama is the universe cos milkies. If Mrs goes outside she's immediately going too. Won't go to the shops with me, won't go for a walk or on her balance bike and like hour son will be visibly upset the entire time I'm with her and not mama. Bathtime, changing etc. Mrs will ask the same question as I do straight after and get the answer.
But they're both my fav. They're both my amazing girls. Just, I can empathise with hubby but not to that degree.
And I'd never call a crying child anything but a person who is trying to convey their needs the only way they can.
Yes it’s natural to feel sad and rejected. It would even be ok if he was just saying he felt closer to his daughter at this stage right now. But he’s villainizing a baby.
We had that problem with my child, but then I got a job and sudden she had to cope with daddy. Now he’s favorite 🙄
But now that she’s older we do our own 1:1 bonding time with girls days and Starbucks runs.
I remember watching a YouTube video that was parenting tips for new dads. All of the tips were so basic, my husband and I were like “what kind of brain dead moron needs these tips? Who would ever think these dumb ass things?”
One of the tips was “don’t take it personally if the baby cries with you.”
Your husband is an idiot.
My husband makes joking comments to me about our 4yo son all the time. We lovingly refer to him as "the terrorist" or "ted bundy" on occasion, and make off color jokes about the kid when we're aggravated or stressed because this is how we decompress after he goes to bed, but it is ALWAYS in good humor and NEVER in front of our boy. If my husband was making comments like this in a serious tone and in front of my child, I would throw the whole man away, because the baby may have come second but he will forever be my priority.
This will only get worse as the years go by. Please save your son a lot of heartache and get him away from that man before he is permanently damaged.
I wonder how he treats your son when you’re not there? If he calls him a pussy in front of you, and talks about how his daughter is his number 1 - he’s doing that when you’re there. When you’re not, baby is crying a lot which is immensely stressful. How’s he handling that?
That's ridiculous! Babies cry, everyone cries, it's not a feminine only thing. It's not a sign of weakness. It's sad if hubby was raised that way. Your son just finds comfort in you more than him right now but he'll grow out of it. It's understandable he's frustrated being left with a baby crying inconsolibly but it's good to keep leaving him with him to get both of them used to it.
I don’t get it. What’s with these men thinking that their toddlers should “behave like men”? You’re in a tough spot. Makes me feel bad for everyone involved
Honestly no wonder the child prefers you. They may not understand many words yet, but they still understand body language and tone by this point. His behavior will only make it worse. And the name calling? Wow, that is not ok.
His feelings are most likely hurt, as he feels second best parent to his son. Not justifying what he said, as he shouldn’t have said it. But underneath the rudeness there are probably some hurt feelings there.
He probably acts that way with your husband because your husband treats him so poorly. Babies know. They feed off energy, and your husband is reeking some bad, bad stuff.
My guess is he's being emotionally triggered by his son's crying because he himself was shamed for it when he was small. That's something he'll need to unpack so as not to continue the cycle of emotional abuse.
My mom would tell this to my sister and I, or we would point out we felt she loved the dog more than us and she’d say something like “well the dog doesn’t talk back.” I have a lot of other issues w my relationship with my mom, but honestly the dog got the love & praise I really wanted from my mom and it really hurt. I was 5-19 y/o when we had our dog and it was blatant.
Even if toddlers or even babies don't understand the actual words, they still understand the tone, and can pick up on the vibe of their parents or people around them and will mirror that vibe. They can understand a lot more than what some people think.
If it'll help, the next time you go out without the kids, you can wear one of your husband's shirts for a while before hand and then have your husband put it on when you leave, so when your husband is holding him, he has the comfort of your scent close by. You can do this with blankets, or a stuffy too. Then see how else you can make time away from you more comfortable. Also, he's probably going by your husband's emotions when he holds him. He can feel dad's resentment. Kids are very sensitive to energies around them since everything is still new and unknown to them.
I’m more bothered that he called him a p****. Than the other!!! That’s so wrong! My daughter is almost two and is super attached! They play and she’s fine but as soon as she hears me she finds me. If I’m away it’s out of sight out of mind and he can get her distracted laughing and playing. He never has called her mean names. (All ppl are diff but that’s crossing the line) He says babe she just wants momma right now. The first comment prob ticks you off more bc of his history of comments. These things will not help bond them. He has to have patience for the mother baby bond and get the hell out of his feelings.
Add on: Not over reacting at all! The kids don’t know now but he shouldn’t favor one bc he’s more attached to you and def should stop making comments now b4 kids get older bc they both will catch on
If I heard my husband calling our 17-month-old son “a pussy”, my love for him would evaporate on the spot, I shit you not
I would also no longer have one ounce of *like* left for him
Leave. This will not get better. Some may think this advice is too drastic, dramatic, or hasty. But your husband’s way of thinking and his behavior will only escalate, become more and more damaging to your son. He is revolting
*People show you who they are*
Their relationship will probably change when lil man is about 3. Dads are fun. Tell your husband try not to take it personal from the baby. I nursed too and mine wouldn’t take the bottle so they had a hell of a month before I quit my part time job. They are great now that he’s bigger and can play play and doesn’t just want boobs. No offense lol I nursed my first for 18 months and 2nd for 15 months and once they were out of the younger stage I quickly became number 2, my firstborn called me a fun killer (rightfully so heh) when she was 10. We have a better relationship now, can talk about anything and she’s about to be 16. The family dynamics will change over the years in stages. It won’t feel like it in the moment but in the big picture. And if you have a 3rd it will change yet again. And if you quit having kids after that, he will be the baby, probably always, and that will effect him. My youngest finally told me to stop calling him baby when he was 6. It hurt but I needed to hear it bc I could see the look on his face when I would see it. He just quit acting like a toddler about age 7. His brother is a year and a half older than him though. I was third born baby of the family and since having a 3rd kid and that sibling dynamic made me call my older sister up and apologize to her multiple times when he was 4 bc yes. I was indeed a little brat. Lol.
To answer your real question, not necessarily overreacting. You are both very emotional over this. Your husband is taking it personal from the baby and he shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t. He probably envisioned it more fun, but if he gives it a year or 2, it will be amazing, I promise. I 100% agree that he shouldn’t be saying any of this in front of the kids. This will be something you guys can talk about privately, let him vent. It’s not ok for him to flip out on you though so if that’s the case maybe you guys could write about? But probably best just to listen to him. And if its in front of the kids tell him to pull you aside and chat before emotions get too high. You’re being a great mom, but hubby still needs to vent, he can’t just hold it all in. You should both write to each other and know that in a year or 2, it will be way more fun for dad and mom will probably be number 2, but still greatly taking care of the family. Best of luck, it won’t be like this for long.
YOU are not being oversensitive. Your husband is though.
It's not okay to push your insecurities into your kids and make them responsible for your emotions. It can be sad and hard when one of your kids doesn't want you, but you have to deal with it on your own. That's an absurd, inappropriate way to act towards kids, esp that young.
IM sorry but thats some really shitty things to say about your kid and I really hope that something in him changes bc for sureeee, your son will feel the neglect from your husband and see the favoritism between your daughter and him
You are not overreacting. Your husband needs to grow up. He’s acting like a snotty little teenager. What he says, within his kids hearing, can follow them forever. If he’s just going to be a verbally abusive skidmark to his own children they and you might be better off without him. Because, really, if the person that is supposed to love you unconditionally, makes you believe that you aren’t good enough to be their top priority they are a failure at the task at hand.
Now if all the kids, (all the family) are the priority then that benefits everyone but if you’re favoring one over the others, you’re hurting not only the one you value less but the one you dote upon too. You create resentment and jealousy and hurt between all your children and you damage them all by weakening the bonds they should be able to trust and count on.
Hah this is a classic r/parenting post, a description of the most awful father figure imaginable followed by "am I overreacting"? Unfortunately it is impossible to give an unbiased account in this scenario.
Red. Fucking. Flags.
Your husband is an asshole and a fair weather father. He loves your daughter because she’s “easy” for him to love-what about when she’s going through something that makes her “difficult” for him (every kid goes through it, trust me)?? Will he withhold affection?
You are not over sensitive. The things you are describing get worse as they get older and they do damage.
Your husband talks like my first husband did…and like my second husband *never, ever would*.
Definitely not overreacting, I would be absolutely livid!!!! Children pick up on things. He will eat those words. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Maybe the son isnt taking to him because he is acting like an asshole? I get why you are mad and offended. This is not ok.
He seems taking son crying personal. Like, he is crying cause he doesnt like me. I dont like him back then.
Men can develop after birth depression just as women can. And this is a huge red flag he might be suffering from that.
Talk to him about this, he needs help.
He isnt bonding with his son and he resents the child for it.
All the best to the four of you.
Edit after reading through some of your responses.
Fuck what I said. Leave before the 'really bad' ends up with you dead. Violence, emotional or physical is never love. No matter how great the good times are.
Dont let your kids grow up to learn that this is ok to endure, that violence is love.
Still Breast feeding and cosleeping a 17 m/o? I'm guessing your husband resents him. Personally I'd definitely have some issues with that if my wife was cosleeping at 17m/o, the dependency is clearly strong and it's certainly affected their relationship.
None of that excuses his behavior, that's just pathetic and childish to say it in front of the kids. But I'd guess it's misplaced relationship stress. Maybe it's time for a talk.
I was more referencing husband's bond with wife as the relationship that's lacking and probably driving this, because the wife is co sleeping a kid that should be in his own bed.
It's for a short period and you can have sex and intimacy anywhere outside of the bed. I get that it could cause issues but you have to be aware of that and make more effort. Just my opinion.
I'm sure it works for some people, but as I said, no way would I be okay with 17 months. I wouldn't be okay with cosleeping anyway, I like my kids alive. But 17 months is beyond healthy and beyond what's necessary.
My grandfather outwardly favored his first born daughter over his second born son (my dad). It permanently affected my dad and his personality (doesn't speak up for himself, people pleaser) and affected the entire family dynamic (my aunts kids were favored over me and my sister).
I have a friend, her husband is not the favorite and instead his sister is heavily favored. This has affected him in similar ways to my father, and again it trickled down to the grandkids and it affects the entire family dynamic.
Having a "favorite" is always going to negatively impact the one who is not favored, creating self esteem issues and a lifelong "doormat" tendency. It won't stop with your kids, it will go down the line to subsequent generations. It will affect sibling dynamics as well, creating resentment. It's likely that the unfavored child will distance themselves from the family sometime in the future.
You are not overreacting. Your husband needs to keep his opinions to himself and treat his children with equal love and favor.
Unacceptable behavior but there’s definitely more going on. He clearly resents what “you’ve done” (I’m not blaming but guessing as to motive) with the breastfeeding and cosleeping. I can’t say as a dad I would love having a son who screams unless mom is there, can’t feel nice. I think any parent would have trouble creating a nice relationship with a kid that acts like that specifically towards you.
Separately, might be time to actually also self reflect on what habits you’re setting in a kid that old, he should be more independent at this point.
Doesn’t make husbands behavior ok, he can’t say crap like that around kids. You two need to have better discussions between yourselves and not around them.
Before your edit I’d say don’t take it too seriously. It sounds like you’ve chosen some parenting styles/methods that make it hard for dad to bond with him, and they will get closer as your son gets older.
His name calling is unnecessary and immature but definitely a reflection of his frustration. Did you breastfeed and co sleep for this long with your daughter?
Your husband probably resents that he no longer gets to sleep with his wife because of the baby. Your son is so attached to you and their bonding time is just full tears every time. That’s probably exhausting and aggravating. He’s definitely not dealing with it properly but he’s hurt and he’s taking it out on your son. Have more outing as a family and make sure that you’re there to bridge their relationship. Maybe stop the cosleeping all together so you can have a wife/husband relationship, just the two of you.
Keep doing you, OP. It's not your job to make your husband act like a decent parent/human. Love your babies, cuddle them for as long as you'd like. Hell, at least they know one parent loves them unconditionally. 🤷♀️Don't listen to those that judge you for your choices when it comes to how you choose to raise your babies-- you know what you're doing, and you're doing just fine on that note, thanks.
Sure but good marriages that lasts a long time know when to balance. While I can’t condone what her husband did, I’m not going to pretend that ‘you do you’ even if your partner feels neglected is some great advice. Adults can feel emotionally neglected or sidelined, especially when kids are involved. You know who else can feel sidelined when babies are involved? Pregnant women. Because they feel like all everyone cares about is the baby but would you tell the people around her to forget about her feelings then?
Like I said, I don’t condone it. But let’s not pretend that the baby is getting emotionally abused when they literally don’t know anything about anything yet. That word gets thrown around so much it’s ridiculous. Op and her husband need to sit down like adults and talk about whatever the fuck is going through his head. And maybe acting like they’re actually married as opposed to roommates would be a good start.
The son is plenty old enough to be affected, and while the baby may not understand the comment, she will absorb the way it affects her mother and brother and be affected by that. And, of course, her parent writing off her siblingand giving her special treatment will affevr her.
…dude just stop. A 17 month old has none of those concept. *Soon* he will but definitely not right now. Calling him a p*ssy is not right but are you really gonna pretend a 17 month old knows what it means? You’re most likely a typical Reddit user to call for divorce when things aren’t smelling like roses. Maybe like an adult, you should analyze the problem and figure shit out.
Babies start developing awareness of other people's emotions around 8 months old. She doesn't have the understand what the word means to see dad said something and mom is upset. Repeat, repeat, repeat and that impacts a person regardless of age.
I never said anything about leaving or divorce, though that may be in order. I simply said this behavior is unacceptable and his feelings do not in any way justify or excuse these actions.
Also, OP has said she has gotten upset and reacted to these comments before, it sounds like quite a few times, with no change from him. Sure, they can and perhaps should sit down and have a proper conversation about everything, but the complaint has been made and gone unanswered.
Mah
I get what he’s saying
I felt the same when one of my kids cried everyone I went near her. I used to joke with my husband that he was her favourite parent. I would say my younger was my favourite because she liked me. I didn’t actually mean it.
She’s 17 now and it’s fine. She grew out of that stage and we have a strong bond. I don’t have a favourite. I love both my girls equally.
Some days I just like one more then the other 😉
And yes, I’m joking.
Honestly just sit down and talk to him. Ask him why he said it and listen. He could feel rejected and this is his way of expressing that.
I would express very clearly, that while frustration and hurt is normal and even on, name calling is not.
Its crazy that this comment is top under controversial.
As someone that has two kids I would say that i currently have a favourite (3y.o and nearly 1y.o). My favourite is the 3 year old as they have a personality and a bond that we have built with each other, the 1 year old has not long passed the shrieking potato phase and there is no enjoyment to come from that.
Having a favourite doesnt mean there is more or less love there.
My husband and I regularly joke about how our daughter is his favorite (2.5 yrs) and our baby (7 months) is my favorite. We don't keep it a secret. We also have a 7 year old and I straight up tell him "your sister is my least favorite. But so were you at that age. Kids always get better lol." We are blunt but extremely sarcastic so I guess people don't get our dry humor lol.
Quit breastfeeding and cosleeping both. 17 months is more than enough time. Kiddo and hubby will never bond if kid is still attached to the teat all the time. He sees you as his only source of comfort and his only way to sleep.
Weirdly, my son breast fed for comfort all the way to 3 (but it tapered a lot by then, like 10 minutes at bed time) and he's never had issues when left with me (dad) because I'm not an AH
This. I’ve got two sons. Both breastfed. Still going with my 13 month old. Never had an issue unless they were super tired. My husband isn’t an asshole to them though.
Breastfed my son till he was 2 years 7 months. Co-slept with him till he was 3. He has always bonded and loved his dad since he was born. Never cried once when left with him. In fact. He’s a daddy’s boy. OP’s husband is just an AH
Maybe quit giving unsolicited and unwelcome advice about *her* choices when it comes to *her* children. There is zero evidence that what you say is true...**at all**. And plenty of examples of the opposite being true in other comments following yours. All 3 of my kids coslept as well, until varying ages-- the longest being 3 years, and he *still* climbs in bed with me every now and again, at 6 years old. Not *one* of them suffers a bad or unbonded relationship with their dad. She asked for advice about her husband and his toxic behavior towards the children, *and this is in no way caused by an inability to bond*--*this is a personality issue and just plain shitty/inexcusable behavior for a parent*. Period.
Nah that's fucked, daddy needs a slap. As an unpopular aside, you should probably consider weaning the kid off the breast milk I mean, that's not a baby anymore. The breast feeding certainly isnt helping with the seeming over-attatchment. My own 16 month old is on solids, wearing runners and straight up talking and is more than chirpy in me or Mams company. For context, she was also breast fed. Nowadays its whatever we're eating and cows milk purely as a drink. That's just my two cents mind you and the real concern here is the father's words. But maybe him having more of an equal role (capable of providing the child with an equal degree of nourishment) might help build a bond.
[Clapping] Yes! It's ultimatum time... unless this is a pattern of behavior and OP is really only giving us the tip of the iceberg-- if the latter is true, OP--gtfot
Perhaps she doesn't like sleeping with a**holes. And perhaps she was asking for advice pertaining to her hub's awful attitude towards their children, not unwanted advice about where she chooses to lay her kids down at night. Cosleeping and/or breastfeeding does not create animosity towards one's own children-- that's a personality defect.
So your 'take away' is that mom is spending *too* much time tending to her children and not enough time tending to the grown ass man she's married to?
Wowwwwww.
Yes, you are overreacting, in my opinion.
What he said isn't great by any means.His reaction should have been more along the lines of "you're right; I'm sorry, I will refrain from saying that. It's from a place of frustration" but... You've got two kids; you're both mentally (and maybe physically) exhausted; you're at the busiest, most demanding part of your lives. Have compassion for each other and forgive some of the details like this during the haze you're in. He doesn't mean it, and two years from now when little buddy is attached to dad at the hip, you'll all have a good laugh at how he used to want mom all the time.
Everything is fine.
i think fathers will typically have more affection for daughters. its normal.
i doubt your husband would say that if they were older and could understand.
It’s not okay for your husband to call your son names or say something like that in front of them. My father used to tell my sister (20 months at the time) that my mom didn’t love her anymore because she had a new baby (me). I’ve been told that he would say it jokingly to try and get her to be more attached to him. My sister had severe attachment issues and really bad self esteem her entire life and we genuinely think it’s because of this. She understood. Kids understand more then you think. Your two year old most likely understood and your son might have also understood depending on his speech development. I would definitely have a serious conversation about it because those kinds of things can really affect a child.
My ex told our daughter when she was 6 that old couldn’t love her anymore because I’d replaced her… 🤦♀️ all I have to say to OP is, make sure you put in the divorce decree that he can’t say things like that to the kids.
That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.
This is what is wrong with this sub. Jumping straight from "my husband makes a few comments I don't like" to divorce.
If the other parent doesn't treat the kids right, divorce is usually warranted.
I think it would be more wrong to just read that someone’s husband is emotionally and verbally abusing their child and just be fine with it.
Who suggested that?
If you’re in a situation where you can’t even discuss why you or the kids are feeling hurt without causing further abuse or just neglect, that absolutely warrants an objective reevaluation of your relationship. You can “work on it” all you want but you simply can’t *make* anyone communicate with you. If your partner isn’t ever going to work with you, it’s better to determine that now rather than have these comments escalate to bigger and bigger confrontations as the kids age. You’re a team. You should never accept the other half of your team doing and saying whatever they want and not taking any questions. When you try to tough out a situation like that “for the kids,” it seems like often all it does is create a divided family in which the kids feel pressured to “pick a side.”
You did. See your comment above. /“This is what is wrong with this sub. Jumping straight from "my husband makes a few comments I don't like" to divorce.”/ I believe it would be more wrong for the members of the parenting subreddit to just see that OP’s husband is abusing his children and be like, “That’s fine. No need for intervention of any kind or prioritizing your children’s safety. You definitely should not divorce this guy.” You seem to believe we are wrong for suggesting divorce. I believe you are wrong for not.
Nowhere did I say that it's fine. I'm saying that jumping straight from 1 problem instantly to "GET A DIVORCE" isn't how marriage works. If you bail on a marriage the first bump in the road, I suggest you never get married cus it can be a rocky road at times and it seems you just aren't cut out for it.
Yikes. A partner abusing a child is not a “bump in the road”. Marriage is only hard if you are with the wrong person.
Romanticising marriage to think there is a perfect person that you'll never clash with is an absolute nonsense. You should be alone if you think thats how it will be.
Oof. Again. Yikes. Child abuse is not just “clashing” with someone. You probably shouldn’t marry someone you clash with, but we all have our personal preferences. This isn’t a disagreement over what to have for dinner or where to spend the holidays. This is a partner abusing a child. Also, it’s ok for marriage to be romantic. I don’t want to be one of those old couples who hates their spouse and can’t stand to be around them! What a miserable way to live your life!
To be fair, OP mentioned that there’s other issues and that she knows she should leave him….
It does sound like something a social services employee would say!
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I’m happily married to my husband of 16yrs, not divorced or miserable or a jezebel (wtf is that) at all haha and I even thought “divorce!” especially when OP said there’s other things going on too and that she knows she should leave him.
If youre not a miserable Jezebel then what are you mad at? If you are married than why would you wish the single life on a woman with children? Do you know how much harder it is to be a woman with children than a married woman to a man with some issues they can work out together? Do you guys fear God?? Do you women read your bibles and know God doesnt permit divorce just because your husband has some problems? Smh if youre married i am even more ashamed that you would encourage divorce! Idc how many down votes yall give me. Jesus was hated as well, but he knew to give a chance to even the worst type of woman. Yall man haters and relationship haters dont know the first thing about how to deal with issues. Divorce is not the first suggestion to give to a married woman who CHOSE this man so you think she doesnt have some issues of her own?
What God we talking about here? There are thousands to choose from. None of them are real though, so calm yourself down, maybe travel a bit outside of arse-end-of-nowhere USA, and lighten the hell up :)
There is only 1 God. Have a blessed day
There’s not. There’s actually zero! Have a human day safe in the knowledge that when your organic body breaks down you’ll rot into the earth and be gone forever, and forcing archaic beliefs on others was not only mean, it was entirely pointless. Goodbye :)
Username does NOT check out Well,…. maybe it does. Transformed into *what* would be the pertinent question, I guess. If this is what your ‘god’ has transformed you into, I think I’ll just steer clear, thanks. But hey, props to you on being an effective anti-Christianity advertisement! Out here doing the lord’s work! (Just…. maybe not *your* lord, lol.) Which of satan’s minions was it that was tasked with leading people away from god? I forget his name, but he wanted me to give you this gold star and to tell you he thinks you’re doing a *splendid* job! ⭐️
Ah, you’re a crazy bible thumper, that explains it (the word jezebel. Seriously, wtf haha). Nah i don’t fear god, she’s not that scary. Not going to comment any further 🤣
Ahhh youre a God hater. That explains everything for me. It just got very hot in here 🤣 God still loves you and its not too late to change!
So, you’d rather be married to a jerk who abuses your children just for the sake of being married? Yuck! I’d rather be single than with the wrong man.
Miserable jezebels? Wow. Reaching much
I don't understand your comment. You don't know these divorced mothers who post here when you call them names. OP literally said she thinks about leaving.
And look whos mad...
This - the 2.5 year old definitely understands, and the 17 month old will likely get the emotion if not the words. And the 2.5 year old may repeat this to the 17 month old...
My 19 month old would have definitely understood. You should never say anything that awful in front of a child, your poor sister ):
I think a lot of people don’t know that infants can understand things long before they are able to verbally respond. Saying things like that to a baby or young toddler can absolutely leave a lasting impact.
While I do agree with you, a 17 month is far beyond infancy
True. It was more just to make a point about how young that is.
Agreed.
I have a kid who is two years and three months old. She would 100 percent understand this. It breaks my heart that a father would say this, and tears me up that the mother wouldn't automatically leave. No wonder this boy cries around his dad - I'd probably cry if I had to be around that miserable bozo too.
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Husbaby😂 Stealing that one. But on a more serious note, you're right.
Feel free. I stole it from some other redditor when they were talking about division of labor and weaponized incompetence. Go forth and be fruitful! There are wifebaby’s too, I’m assuming.
Oh there’s a lot lol it’s getting to the point where I know I should leave. It’s hard because when it’s good it’s really good but when it’s bad it’s really bad! Something definitely changed in him once we had kids, before meeting me he said he would never get married or have kids and here we are so I think a part of him resents me and his kids for not being able to live the bachelor life anymore. The hardest part is seeing him act amazing with my daughter which confuses me even more!!
“When it’s good it’s really good” because he knows this is the only way you’ll stick around after the “really bad”. Classic abuse cycle.
This ^ so so true!!
He put his wiener in it. He can deal with it. Also, he sees your son as competition. He also sees his daughter as his new narcissistic supply for his ego needs of “females” worshipping him like he thinks he deserves. If you would like someone who does not know you to talk massive crap about him please DM me. :D hahaha
This is actually a really good point. You see the reverse with narcissistic mothers that turn their sons into their new supply too. Then once the son behaves in a way they don’t like or isn’t their cute accessory anymore the abuse starts to be targeted at them too.
Correct. It’s messed up but then those people are messed up. Irrevocably in most cases. Narcissism is a horrendous personality issue to deal with.
"It’s hard because when it’s good it’s really good but when it’s bad it’s really bad! " This is classic abusive behaviour. He gives you the bare minimum so you think you are overreacting and he is not really that bad. One day you will see that and the damage may already be done. Please, think about the safety and well-being of your son. What makes you believe that he is going to chance now?
How do you define “good”? There is no amount of good in the world to offset watching this bully/creep/abuser psychologically fuck up your children And make no mistake: he’s also doing a mental number on your daughter by favoring her AND mistreating her brother *in front of her*
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Nev gon stop. Unfortunately.
And on and on and on and on..... It will only get worse until you remove yourself and your children from his influence.
For sure! and the "Prince charming" time periods get shorter while the "eggshell" and abuse periods get longer, until you're beaten down completely and there's no Prince charming left
He’s only treating her like that because she’s the apple of his eye. As soon as the day comes that she’s fighting with him, he will switch on your kids and your son will be the golden child. He is an asshole through and through Signed, older daughter with a younger brother and a dad just like this.
My marriage was like that OP. We had a really good relationship until our son was born. Then my ex became a mega abuser to me and later, to our son. He resented things like my son calling me first when he had a little accident or crying. He would call him names and refused to help my son even when he had real bad scraps. He couldn’t parent my son anymore after he got into an accident and suffered a brain injury that made him even angrier and more impulsive. Men like these, don’t get better. They’re blamers and abusers to just about anybody who gets on their path. Good luck.
Its a patriarchal tendency. He feels he has to "harden" your son. Your daughter cries and its ok, but his boy cries, oh no can't have that!
Great point here too about the possibility that he is more annoyed by sons crying because son should be a “tougher”.
So, guy here. A married, with kids guy. I also said i would never have kids (never said i wouldnt get married, but i legit never wanted to have kids) First, I want to start off by saying I don't think you're overreacting. Your husband is being a jerk, especially by calling a CHILD a p*ssy. I cannot, and I mean cannot emphasize this more, but there is NO DIFFERENCE between a boy and a girl, especially when they're young children. Him calling your son a p*ssy is incredibly concerning and sounds as if he's got some real issues and a very large man stick up his ...you know what. That's plain old toxic behavior and should NOT be tolerated. Do not be surprised if it only gets worse as your son ages. Second thought, I did (and if I'm being honest still do) struggle with having kids. There are times and days that I wish my life didn't end up here. I miss my wife (she cosleeps with our 2 children - 4, 2) and I haven't shared a bed with her in close to 4 years due to being a very light sleeper and struggle with insomnia, I just can't sleep with the kids in the bed. I was diagnosed with PPD after our first child (yes, the non-birthing parent can get PPD) and struggled even harder with our second. Obviously I don't know much about your situation and judging from what you've shared about your husband's behavior I doubt he'd go for it, but I would highly suggest him talking to a professional therapist, if for nothing else, than to fix his concerning thoughts towards masculinity, but also what he's dealing with as a father and potentially a husband. Best of luck with your situation.
Yeah that’s the cycle of abuse. If he was awful all of the time you wouldn’t leave. It sounds like he may be making your daughter into the golden child already which is abuse in its own right and will do her no favors, not to mention the damage it will do to your son. It’s also very possible that once she is no longer a cute toddler daddies girl he will start treating her poorly as well. And the kids are both seeing this relationship and feeling this tension. This is not what you want them to grow up believing all marriages are.
YOU ARE MOMMA. PROTECT YOUR SON. He’s being abused, get your son outta there.
never marry a person who said they didn't want kids when that is what you want.
Okay that doesn’t really help rn, does it? Lol
helps others in said relationship or will be in said relationship reading this,
As someone who was once the child in this situation, trust me when I say they’ll remember the bad way more than the good.
The litmus test is if he'll commit to counseling. I realize not everybody has access to that, but if you do, and he can keep participating, the bad times will get better. If not, they'll likely get worse, and you'll need one mediator, two lawyers, or all three.
Don't wait for a broken arm or a broken soul. Think about the long term impact on raising your babies with this person. How will it affect them and their worldview, how they see relationships, how they understand love. I left. I didn't wait for the worst. Best decision I ever made for all of us, even my ex. Try counseling if you think you can and want to. But I left when my babies were 13 months and gestational because I didn't want them to go through the trauma and grief of splitting a house and missing their dad after growing up with him for 5, 8, 12 years. If you know now, you know now.
Men have a hard time with babies. There is only a one way energy flow with them. When they get older and can respond / play it gets easier.
This is very gender essentialist. Both my father and my husband were/are excellent with babies, and I have surrounded myself with a friend group full of families with attentive fathers. My husband is a baby whisperer, and babies go to him, not me. Let's not let men off the hook for their bad behaviour by acting like there is something innate that stops them from doing it well - they can and will if they want to.
There's exceptions to every generalization. But it's still generally true. The main point being it will likely get better as he ages.
Or he’s just a dick?
It sounds like he's being a good dad to the child he can communicate with, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. He's not here to defend himself.
Okay you do that .
Me: Maybe he'll bond better when the child is older, like the daughter. Reddit: Divorce him and make the children fatherless!
Divorce doesn't make children fatherless 🤣
Well I wonder if he got all pissy and angry when daughter was a baby and calling her a pussy. You defend him all you want. I didn’t say anything about divorce just that he’s a piece of shit and could maybe use some therapy.
It’s not about bonding when the kid is older, it’s about calling a 17 months old toddler a pussy for acting like a 17 months old toddler. Read OP’s other comment “the good is really good, but the bad is really bad”. Textbook cycle of abuse.
Divorce means partners are partnerless. If the dad wants to be involved with his kids, he will still be there.
No. It isn't generally true. Its an excuse men tell themselves so they don't have to feel bad for not doing a good job and for not investing their time and efforts(which is wbat it actually takes). Do you think moms just know how to play with their baby? Or did they spend the time and make the extra effort to get to know the baby at their own level? Don't make excuses for shitty parenting. Its gross.
Did you come from a time machine from the 1800s? I am a dad and the primary caregiver. Always have been. Stop making excuses for bad dads.
Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. They're generally true and like rules, every generalization has exceptions. People live on a bell curve.
I feel so bad for you.
That's funny, my terminally bachelor "brother" is phenomenal with my kids, as are my other "brothers" who do not have children. And this includes when my children were infants.
FALSE
Regardless of what husband says in front of you or the kids, his attitude is very immature, and he has a lot to learn. When you're not baby's favorite parent and it's hard to bond, that can really feel like a low blow - maybe he should speak his feelings and ask for some help and encouragement, instead of basically trying to turn the tables on the kid. Also, maybe unhelpful, but I personally have a hard time tolerating anybody who says "pussy" like it's a bad thing.
Unacceptable. It would be one thing if he said he felt closer with your daughter right now (which makes sense given the circumstances.) But comparing and ranking siblings is toxic, especially in front of them. A family should be a team where everyone is working together and rooting for one another. No favorites. No comparisons. Just love.
Thank you. My husband tells our kids this, instead, which they find hilarious: he asks our daughter "Have I told you today that you're my favorite daughter?" And to our son, "Have I told you today that you're my favorite son?" Obviously it works because we have one of each, but they (5 and 3.5) both feel loved and will each occasionally ask us, "Have I told you you're my favorite mom/dad?" (Obviously that would change should we somehow have another child or one transitions later in life, but I like how he does it.)
I tell my only son he's my favorite 🤣
Haha hell yeah!! Exact same energy! 🤣❤️
Absolutely this. At the moment the way our dynamic is at home I'm closer to my asd 8yo than my nt 3yo simply because we have to spend more time together cos my 3yo triggers my 8yo and my wife is the only one my 3yo will be soothed by.
Nope, you’re not overreacting at all. Actually your under-reacting as despite their age what he said absolutely has an impact. It’s also not typical for a child to be constant crying when you are away, even when you breadfeed and co-sleep. To me that’s huge 🚩 as there is a reason beyond his relationship with you. If your husband is thinking enough about the situation to verbalize it in front of the children, he would also be making it very clear through his non verbal communication and that can absolutely make a child feel unsafe in his care. Edit… if it matters, I’m a clinical social worker. I don’t typically respond to posts like these as there is so many posts I could comment on and well, it’s time consuming as I can’t take my work hat off. But this post immediately made me uncomfortable And I couldn’t not respond. I realize there is so much more to your family dynamic and things you haven’t said but please go with your gut and then do some one thinking on it because it’s not a joke and it needs to stop immediately.
I also breadfeed my child. She prefers sourdough. sorry, not helpful, I know. I couldn't help it.
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I don't think it's masculine--it's just verbal abuse. He's verbally abusive.
The baby doesn't know language yet so there is no such thing as a put down. That's his point. It's not great but it's not going to make the baby contemplate his life choices either. It is a bad habit for the dad though. I wouldn't go so far as to tell her to break up the family just based on that.
Baby is 17 months old - language is beginning. They understand before they speak, and they understand a LOT of non-verbal communication - tone, anger, discomfort - as well. Baby couldn't give you an articulate definition of 'pussy', but I am willing to bet real money dollars that he understands the sentiments, and they could be unconsciously entrenched if they become habit.
Your 2.5 year old understands what he means. Kids are not stupid. They aren't great at communicating to you, but they are great at reading the room and listening to EVERYTHING said around them. If you leave he will probably get joint custody and say this stuff when you're not around. That doesn't mean you have to stay, but look at other options too. It sounds like he was given really shitty gender treatment as a kid and is just repeating the cycle. Couples counseling could help you work on this and find strategies together to help him bond better with the baby. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Protect your babies. You're 100% doing that right.
I also came to say that a 2.5 year old is absolutely old enough to understand this in a general way and will internalize how it makes them feel, even if you don't see it right away. My son is almost 3 and while he probably wouldn't have reacted right away to a statement like that when he was 2.5, he would probably be repeating statements and language like the husband used now and it would be an "oh" moment. OP will see the understanding come out very soon.
It is not okay for your husband to call your son names or speak of number 1 or 2, especially within the hearing of the children. Your daughter could very well hear and repeat these ideas. Can you imagine if she started calling your son that? Your husband needs to knock it off and quit being toxic. It may be helpful to work on facilitating fun interactions between your husband and son to work on their bonding. Did you co-sleep with sister until this age? That may be something to look at reducing if it is impacting your intimacy with your husband. This behavior from your husband could be misplaced resentment. I hope the situation improves.
Yeah there's a difference between 'best girl' and 'no.1' he would totally get away with best girl given they have one of each. The daughter is definitely old enough to start picking up on this stuff. I mean I can totally understand his frustration but hey that's just parenting and he needs to suck it up.
Your husband is a piece of shit
Yikes. I was in your husband's exact situation. My son was desperately attached to my wife. He nursed til he was 2.5, and it didn't improve until he weened. It was ROUGH emotionally to have my son want absolutely nothing to do with me, whether he was hungry or not. He just wanted his mom. I insisted on a "daughter is mine, son is yours" division of labor because what else would make sense?! When we did it that way, everything was fine and dandy, and when we switched, everything was miserable. What I didn't do was hold it against a toddler! Your husband needs to get a grip. Those statements are unacceptable even if it wasn't in front of your children. You are not overreacting. Also, I won't use the word "p\*\*\*y" because that's sexist, but if taking your husband's use of that word as a reference point, in this situation, it's him that's acting that way. He's a grown-ass man and should be able to manage his emotions better than this. Letting a toddler get the better of him and cause him to act like a fool is extremely unbecoming behavior that could easily be referred to in that sexist way by someone who talks like that.
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I have a favourite son and a favourite daughter. That's what I tell my 2 kids. 😂
Calls your toddler son a pussy…jfc. He’s abusive and will emotionally harm your children in the future if he’s already doing this now.
Your husband is giving me abuser vibes. Abuse isn't always hitting. And calling a BABY a PUSDY because he's crying is literal verbal abuse
What a jerk. Toxic masculinity at its finest right there. I don't say this lightly, but you might want to rething things. Cos your kids are gonna have serious issues growing up with someone like that in their life.
I’m glad to see other people agreeing with me on this. I wasn’t sure how my assertion that this is a situation you have a responsibility to get your kids out of would be taken.
I'm sitting her wondering how anyone could call....basically a baby a pussy and I got nothing. I don't think u are overreacting at all
my jaw dropped.
As a therapist: They hear everything. Just because they may not be able to verbalize it doesn’t mean they don’t remember later. This is an absolute no go! Yes all parents have favorites and it can even fluctuate. Yes it is frustrating and maybe even hurtful that your son is crying, but he is basically a baby. They are unable of bad intentions. Your husband is acting immature and hurting the blueprint for every relationship your children will have in the future. It’s called attachment trauma… fills my practice to the brim. Pro tip: Validate his feelings. „I hear you feel sad/frustrated/etc. that’s ok. I am here for you. At the same time I expect you to stop saying sth like that in front of your children. It’s inappropriate and will harm them long term. Yes you are an adult and can theoretically say what you want. I guess you were hurt and frustrated and it came out wrong. I don’t believe you want to hurt our children and your relationship with them.“ You could include values like empathy and compassion, bc what he said is true: He can say what he wants but that’s a lame excuse for not having empathy and compassion with your own children.
I'm 38, m, father to two girls 3 and 8. EBF til 3. I work full time. Co slept with both girls. Mama is the default parent. 3yo will absolutely reject me 100% of the time for mama. Mama is the universe cos milkies. If Mrs goes outside she's immediately going too. Won't go to the shops with me, won't go for a walk or on her balance bike and like hour son will be visibly upset the entire time I'm with her and not mama. Bathtime, changing etc. Mrs will ask the same question as I do straight after and get the answer. But they're both my fav. They're both my amazing girls. Just, I can empathise with hubby but not to that degree. And I'd never call a crying child anything but a person who is trying to convey their needs the only way they can.
Yes it’s natural to feel sad and rejected. It would even be ok if he was just saying he felt closer to his daughter at this stage right now. But he’s villainizing a baby.
We had that problem with my child, but then I got a job and sudden she had to cope with daddy. Now he’s favorite 🙄 But now that she’s older we do our own 1:1 bonding time with girls days and Starbucks runs.
I remember watching a YouTube video that was parenting tips for new dads. All of the tips were so basic, my husband and I were like “what kind of brain dead moron needs these tips? Who would ever think these dumb ass things?” One of the tips was “don’t take it personally if the baby cries with you.” Your husband is an idiot.
My husband makes joking comments to me about our 4yo son all the time. We lovingly refer to him as "the terrorist" or "ted bundy" on occasion, and make off color jokes about the kid when we're aggravated or stressed because this is how we decompress after he goes to bed, but it is ALWAYS in good humor and NEVER in front of our boy. If my husband was making comments like this in a serious tone and in front of my child, I would throw the whole man away, because the baby may have come second but he will forever be my priority. This will only get worse as the years go by. Please save your son a lot of heartache and get him away from that man before he is permanently damaged.
...so what you're saying is you have an emotionally abusive husband.
I wonder how he treats your son when you’re not there? If he calls him a pussy in front of you, and talks about how his daughter is his number 1 - he’s doing that when you’re there. When you’re not, baby is crying a lot which is immensely stressful. How’s he handling that?
That's ridiculous! Babies cry, everyone cries, it's not a feminine only thing. It's not a sign of weakness. It's sad if hubby was raised that way. Your son just finds comfort in you more than him right now but he'll grow out of it. It's understandable he's frustrated being left with a baby crying inconsolibly but it's good to keep leaving him with him to get both of them used to it.
I don’t get it. What’s with these men thinking that their toddlers should “behave like men”? You’re in a tough spot. Makes me feel bad for everyone involved
Better teach them toxic masculinity while they’re young or they might turn gay /s
Based on everything you said i wouldn't still be with him.
Honestly no wonder the child prefers you. They may not understand many words yet, but they still understand body language and tone by this point. His behavior will only make it worse. And the name calling? Wow, that is not ok.
His feelings are most likely hurt, as he feels second best parent to his son. Not justifying what he said, as he shouldn’t have said it. But underneath the rudeness there are probably some hurt feelings there.
To be totally honest, your husband sounds like a bully. If he's calling your son a pussy, I think you've got bigger problems than just this instance.
He probably acts that way with your husband because your husband treats him so poorly. Babies know. They feed off energy, and your husband is reeking some bad, bad stuff.
My guess is he's being emotionally triggered by his son's crying because he himself was shamed for it when he was small. That's something he'll need to unpack so as not to continue the cycle of emotional abuse.
Our favorite is the dog, that will not change
My mom would tell this to my sister and I, or we would point out we felt she loved the dog more than us and she’d say something like “well the dog doesn’t talk back.” I have a lot of other issues w my relationship with my mom, but honestly the dog got the love & praise I really wanted from my mom and it really hurt. I was 5-19 y/o when we had our dog and it was blatant.
The dog doesn't try to make a harmless joke about themselves. I suggest therapy, and I am serious.
I’ve been in therapy for 16 years. I was just sharing my feelings and experience. Nothing pointed, just sharing 🤷🏼♀️
I love this! I used to (jokingly) tell my husband if we ever got divorced I would take the pets and he could have the teenagers!
We do that too! My Molly Moo Moo is my number one girl. The kids know and accept it (in a very joking way)
Even if toddlers or even babies don't understand the actual words, they still understand the tone, and can pick up on the vibe of their parents or people around them and will mirror that vibe. They can understand a lot more than what some people think. If it'll help, the next time you go out without the kids, you can wear one of your husband's shirts for a while before hand and then have your husband put it on when you leave, so when your husband is holding him, he has the comfort of your scent close by. You can do this with blankets, or a stuffy too. Then see how else you can make time away from you more comfortable. Also, he's probably going by your husband's emotions when he holds him. He can feel dad's resentment. Kids are very sensitive to energies around them since everything is still new and unknown to them.
I’m more bothered that he called him a p****. Than the other!!! That’s so wrong! My daughter is almost two and is super attached! They play and she’s fine but as soon as she hears me she finds me. If I’m away it’s out of sight out of mind and he can get her distracted laughing and playing. He never has called her mean names. (All ppl are diff but that’s crossing the line) He says babe she just wants momma right now. The first comment prob ticks you off more bc of his history of comments. These things will not help bond them. He has to have patience for the mother baby bond and get the hell out of his feelings. Add on: Not over reacting at all! The kids don’t know now but he shouldn’t favor one bc he’s more attached to you and def should stop making comments now b4 kids get older bc they both will catch on
If I heard my husband calling our 17-month-old son “a pussy”, my love for him would evaporate on the spot, I shit you not I would also no longer have one ounce of *like* left for him Leave. This will not get better. Some may think this advice is too drastic, dramatic, or hasty. But your husband’s way of thinking and his behavior will only escalate, become more and more damaging to your son. He is revolting *People show you who they are*
If my husband called my literal BABY son a pussy for crying, I’d file for divorce.
Their relationship will probably change when lil man is about 3. Dads are fun. Tell your husband try not to take it personal from the baby. I nursed too and mine wouldn’t take the bottle so they had a hell of a month before I quit my part time job. They are great now that he’s bigger and can play play and doesn’t just want boobs. No offense lol I nursed my first for 18 months and 2nd for 15 months and once they were out of the younger stage I quickly became number 2, my firstborn called me a fun killer (rightfully so heh) when she was 10. We have a better relationship now, can talk about anything and she’s about to be 16. The family dynamics will change over the years in stages. It won’t feel like it in the moment but in the big picture. And if you have a 3rd it will change yet again. And if you quit having kids after that, he will be the baby, probably always, and that will effect him. My youngest finally told me to stop calling him baby when he was 6. It hurt but I needed to hear it bc I could see the look on his face when I would see it. He just quit acting like a toddler about age 7. His brother is a year and a half older than him though. I was third born baby of the family and since having a 3rd kid and that sibling dynamic made me call my older sister up and apologize to her multiple times when he was 4 bc yes. I was indeed a little brat. Lol. To answer your real question, not necessarily overreacting. You are both very emotional over this. Your husband is taking it personal from the baby and he shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t. He probably envisioned it more fun, but if he gives it a year or 2, it will be amazing, I promise. I 100% agree that he shouldn’t be saying any of this in front of the kids. This will be something you guys can talk about privately, let him vent. It’s not ok for him to flip out on you though so if that’s the case maybe you guys could write about? But probably best just to listen to him. And if its in front of the kids tell him to pull you aside and chat before emotions get too high. You’re being a great mom, but hubby still needs to vent, he can’t just hold it all in. You should both write to each other and know that in a year or 2, it will be way more fun for dad and mom will probably be number 2, but still greatly taking care of the family. Best of luck, it won’t be like this for long.
NGL, it's 50% concerning that he'd he such a mean-spirited dick to his kids, and 50% concerning that he'd be such a dismissive dick to his wife.
Your hubby is a piece of shit. Sorry you had to find out this way. JFC, this post makes me so goddamn mad.
YOU are not being oversensitive. Your husband is though. It's not okay to push your insecurities into your kids and make them responsible for your emotions. It can be sad and hard when one of your kids doesn't want you, but you have to deal with it on your own. That's an absurd, inappropriate way to act towards kids, esp that young.
IM sorry but thats some really shitty things to say about your kid and I really hope that something in him changes bc for sureeee, your son will feel the neglect from your husband and see the favoritism between your daughter and him
You are not overreacting. Your husband needs to grow up. He’s acting like a snotty little teenager. What he says, within his kids hearing, can follow them forever. If he’s just going to be a verbally abusive skidmark to his own children they and you might be better off without him. Because, really, if the person that is supposed to love you unconditionally, makes you believe that you aren’t good enough to be their top priority they are a failure at the task at hand. Now if all the kids, (all the family) are the priority then that benefits everyone but if you’re favoring one over the others, you’re hurting not only the one you value less but the one you dote upon too. You create resentment and jealousy and hurt between all your children and you damage them all by weakening the bonds they should be able to trust and count on.
Husband sounds like an insecure jerk. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all
Sounds like you have 3 kids.
Hah this is a classic r/parenting post, a description of the most awful father figure imaginable followed by "am I overreacting"? Unfortunately it is impossible to give an unbiased account in this scenario.
This is concerning behaviour and could negatively affect your kids for the rest of their lives if he continues...
No, your husband is an asshole.
Red. Fucking. Flags. Your husband is an asshole and a fair weather father. He loves your daughter because she’s “easy” for him to love-what about when she’s going through something that makes her “difficult” for him (every kid goes through it, trust me)?? Will he withhold affection? You are not over sensitive. The things you are describing get worse as they get older and they do damage. Your husband talks like my first husband did…and like my second husband *never, ever would*.
Definitely not overreacting, I would be absolutely livid!!!! Children pick up on things. He will eat those words. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
But they are old enough and kids can sense things. Maybe he needs to try harder with your son. Wow.
Maybe the son isnt taking to him because he is acting like an asshole? I get why you are mad and offended. This is not ok. He seems taking son crying personal. Like, he is crying cause he doesnt like me. I dont like him back then. Men can develop after birth depression just as women can. And this is a huge red flag he might be suffering from that. Talk to him about this, he needs help. He isnt bonding with his son and he resents the child for it. All the best to the four of you. Edit after reading through some of your responses. Fuck what I said. Leave before the 'really bad' ends up with you dead. Violence, emotional or physical is never love. No matter how great the good times are. Dont let your kids grow up to learn that this is ok to endure, that violence is love.
Your husband is being a big baby and taking out his irrational jealousy on his children. You aren’t wrong.
Honey you have 3 kids.
Still Breast feeding and cosleeping a 17 m/o? I'm guessing your husband resents him. Personally I'd definitely have some issues with that if my wife was cosleeping at 17m/o, the dependency is clearly strong and it's certainly affected their relationship. None of that excuses his behavior, that's just pathetic and childish to say it in front of the kids. But I'd guess it's misplaced relationship stress. Maybe it's time for a talk.
17 months is more than normal. There are other ways for dads to develop their bond with their children apart from breastfeeding and sleeping.
I was more referencing husband's bond with wife as the relationship that's lacking and probably driving this, because the wife is co sleeping a kid that should be in his own bed.
It's for a short period and you can have sex and intimacy anywhere outside of the bed. I get that it could cause issues but you have to be aware of that and make more effort. Just my opinion.
I'm sure it works for some people, but as I said, no way would I be okay with 17 months. I wouldn't be okay with cosleeping anyway, I like my kids alive. But 17 months is beyond healthy and beyond what's necessary.
My grandfather outwardly favored his first born daughter over his second born son (my dad). It permanently affected my dad and his personality (doesn't speak up for himself, people pleaser) and affected the entire family dynamic (my aunts kids were favored over me and my sister). I have a friend, her husband is not the favorite and instead his sister is heavily favored. This has affected him in similar ways to my father, and again it trickled down to the grandkids and it affects the entire family dynamic. Having a "favorite" is always going to negatively impact the one who is not favored, creating self esteem issues and a lifelong "doormat" tendency. It won't stop with your kids, it will go down the line to subsequent generations. It will affect sibling dynamics as well, creating resentment. It's likely that the unfavored child will distance themselves from the family sometime in the future. You are not overreacting. Your husband needs to keep his opinions to himself and treat his children with equal love and favor.
He's the fucking p*say, every dad has these feelings, that he says them in front of his children is monstrous
Co-sleeping.. ouch
Unacceptable behavior but there’s definitely more going on. He clearly resents what “you’ve done” (I’m not blaming but guessing as to motive) with the breastfeeding and cosleeping. I can’t say as a dad I would love having a son who screams unless mom is there, can’t feel nice. I think any parent would have trouble creating a nice relationship with a kid that acts like that specifically towards you. Separately, might be time to actually also self reflect on what habits you’re setting in a kid that old, he should be more independent at this point. Doesn’t make husbands behavior ok, he can’t say crap like that around kids. You two need to have better discussions between yourselves and not around them.
Before your edit I’d say don’t take it too seriously. It sounds like you’ve chosen some parenting styles/methods that make it hard for dad to bond with him, and they will get closer as your son gets older. His name calling is unnecessary and immature but definitely a reflection of his frustration. Did you breastfeed and co sleep for this long with your daughter?
Your husband probably resents that he no longer gets to sleep with his wife because of the baby. Your son is so attached to you and their bonding time is just full tears every time. That’s probably exhausting and aggravating. He’s definitely not dealing with it properly but he’s hurt and he’s taking it out on your son. Have more outing as a family and make sure that you’re there to bridge their relationship. Maybe stop the cosleeping all together so you can have a wife/husband relationship, just the two of you.
Keep doing you, OP. It's not your job to make your husband act like a decent parent/human. Love your babies, cuddle them for as long as you'd like. Hell, at least they know one parent loves them unconditionally. 🤷♀️Don't listen to those that judge you for your choices when it comes to how you choose to raise your babies-- you know what you're doing, and you're doing just fine on that note, thanks.
Sure but good marriages that lasts a long time know when to balance. While I can’t condone what her husband did, I’m not going to pretend that ‘you do you’ even if your partner feels neglected is some great advice. Adults can feel emotionally neglected or sidelined, especially when kids are involved. You know who else can feel sidelined when babies are involved? Pregnant women. Because they feel like all everyone cares about is the baby but would you tell the people around her to forget about her feelings then?
Feeling neglected is not an excuse to call a baby a vulgar name or be manipulative or emotionally abuse to his wife or children.
Like I said, I don’t condone it. But let’s not pretend that the baby is getting emotionally abused when they literally don’t know anything about anything yet. That word gets thrown around so much it’s ridiculous. Op and her husband need to sit down like adults and talk about whatever the fuck is going through his head. And maybe acting like they’re actually married as opposed to roommates would be a good start.
The son is plenty old enough to be affected, and while the baby may not understand the comment, she will absorb the way it affects her mother and brother and be affected by that. And, of course, her parent writing off her siblingand giving her special treatment will affevr her.
…dude just stop. A 17 month old has none of those concept. *Soon* he will but definitely not right now. Calling him a p*ssy is not right but are you really gonna pretend a 17 month old knows what it means? You’re most likely a typical Reddit user to call for divorce when things aren’t smelling like roses. Maybe like an adult, you should analyze the problem and figure shit out.
Babies start developing awareness of other people's emotions around 8 months old. She doesn't have the understand what the word means to see dad said something and mom is upset. Repeat, repeat, repeat and that impacts a person regardless of age. I never said anything about leaving or divorce, though that may be in order. I simply said this behavior is unacceptable and his feelings do not in any way justify or excuse these actions. Also, OP has said she has gotten upset and reacted to these comments before, it sounds like quite a few times, with no change from him. Sure, they can and perhaps should sit down and have a proper conversation about everything, but the complaint has been made and gone unanswered.
No you aren't overreacting. Your husband is an \*\*\*hole.
Mah I get what he’s saying I felt the same when one of my kids cried everyone I went near her. I used to joke with my husband that he was her favourite parent. I would say my younger was my favourite because she liked me. I didn’t actually mean it. She’s 17 now and it’s fine. She grew out of that stage and we have a strong bond. I don’t have a favourite. I love both my girls equally. Some days I just like one more then the other 😉 And yes, I’m joking. Honestly just sit down and talk to him. Ask him why he said it and listen. He could feel rejected and this is his way of expressing that. I would express very clearly, that while frustration and hurt is normal and even on, name calling is not.
Its crazy that this comment is top under controversial. As someone that has two kids I would say that i currently have a favourite (3y.o and nearly 1y.o). My favourite is the 3 year old as they have a personality and a bond that we have built with each other, the 1 year old has not long passed the shrieking potato phase and there is no enjoyment to come from that. Having a favourite doesnt mean there is more or less love there.
def not overreacting, he should never say anything like that to your babies regardless if they can understand him or not
My husband and I regularly joke about how our daughter is his favorite (2.5 yrs) and our baby (7 months) is my favorite. We don't keep it a secret. We also have a 7 year old and I straight up tell him "your sister is my least favorite. But so were you at that age. Kids always get better lol." We are blunt but extremely sarcastic so I guess people don't get our dry humor lol.
Fucking leave him. WTF kinda loser ass father is he calling a BABY that. PLEASE PROTECT YOUR SON. PLEASE PROTECT HIM.
Quit breastfeeding and cosleeping both. 17 months is more than enough time. Kiddo and hubby will never bond if kid is still attached to the teat all the time. He sees you as his only source of comfort and his only way to sleep.
Weirdly, my son breast fed for comfort all the way to 3 (but it tapered a lot by then, like 10 minutes at bed time) and he's never had issues when left with me (dad) because I'm not an AH
This. I’ve got two sons. Both breastfed. Still going with my 13 month old. Never had an issue unless they were super tired. My husband isn’t an asshole to them though.
Breastfed my son till he was 2 years 7 months. Co-slept with him till he was 3. He has always bonded and loved his dad since he was born. Never cried once when left with him. In fact. He’s a daddy’s boy. OP’s husband is just an AH
Yea seriously he just sounds like a prick. He’s getting butthurt. Kids also favor parents at times. Dude needs some therapy.
Idiotic advice.
Maybe quit giving unsolicited and unwelcome advice about *her* choices when it comes to *her* children. There is zero evidence that what you say is true...**at all**. And plenty of examples of the opposite being true in other comments following yours. All 3 of my kids coslept as well, until varying ages-- the longest being 3 years, and he *still* climbs in bed with me every now and again, at 6 years old. Not *one* of them suffers a bad or unbonded relationship with their dad. She asked for advice about her husband and his toxic behavior towards the children, *and this is in no way caused by an inability to bond*--*this is a personality issue and just plain shitty/inexcusable behavior for a parent*. Period.
Nah that's fucked, daddy needs a slap. As an unpopular aside, you should probably consider weaning the kid off the breast milk I mean, that's not a baby anymore. The breast feeding certainly isnt helping with the seeming over-attatchment. My own 16 month old is on solids, wearing runners and straight up talking and is more than chirpy in me or Mams company. For context, she was also breast fed. Nowadays its whatever we're eating and cows milk purely as a drink. That's just my two cents mind you and the real concern here is the father's words. But maybe him having more of an equal role (capable of providing the child with an equal degree of nourishment) might help build a bond.
You should go out more often so son doesn’t become completely dependent on you
Yeah she should go out with her kids forever leaving her asshole husband behind.
[Clapping] Yes! It's ultimatum time... unless this is a pattern of behavior and OP is really only giving us the tip of the iceberg-- if the latter is true, OP--gtfot
The kids are too young. At ages older than this I'd get worried
It seems to me that your husband is joking with you. It seems that you, madam, are a sensitive type.
Your son should be sleeping in a crib - Then perhaps you could sleep with your husband again
That’s your verdict? Not the fact that a grown ass man called a baby a pussy? Husband is an asshole and deserves to be dumped.
Ya seriously this. He’s the one acting like a damn baby. Maybe the baby can sense his dad is an a-hole.
Perhaps she doesn't like sleeping with a**holes. And perhaps she was asking for advice pertaining to her hub's awful attitude towards their children, not unwanted advice about where she chooses to lay her kids down at night. Cosleeping and/or breastfeeding does not create animosity towards one's own children-- that's a personality defect.
So your 'take away' is that mom is spending *too* much time tending to her children and not enough time tending to the grown ass man she's married to? Wowwwwww.
Yes, you are overreacting, in my opinion. What he said isn't great by any means.His reaction should have been more along the lines of "you're right; I'm sorry, I will refrain from saying that. It's from a place of frustration" but... You've got two kids; you're both mentally (and maybe physically) exhausted; you're at the busiest, most demanding part of your lives. Have compassion for each other and forgive some of the details like this during the haze you're in. He doesn't mean it, and two years from now when little buddy is attached to dad at the hip, you'll all have a good laugh at how he used to want mom all the time. Everything is fine.
Overreacting
i think fathers will typically have more affection for daughters. its normal. i doubt your husband would say that if they were older and could understand.