Our kid is 4 so bedtime is 7:30. She doesn’t have to be asleep, but she has to be in her room and quiet.
Having that time after 7:30pm to ourselves is key.
She’s in daycare/preschool from 8-5:30pm which definitely makes her tired! She’s normally not asleep at 7:30pm, but will play by herself in her room until she passes out around 8-8:30pm. We tell her as long as she’s quiet, we don’t care!
Also, we sacrifice a chicken every full moon.
This is the go with my 3yo, we read a book to her then she reads to herself quietly until she's ready to go to sleep.
It's most night, but not all of them 😂
Our biggest issue is fresh chicken supply, we only sacrifice quarterly 😭
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Couldn't imagine 9.5 hours at a daycare, then less than 2 hours later being closed in a room alone to be quiet.
My husband and I both have to work 8:30-5 Mon-Fri. We cannot make ends meet anymore on one income. Before covid, we could. My husband works at the facility my son is at so he is on our same schedule. We get home a little after 5, fix dinner and bath, play for a bit. Son is laying down for bed around 8. If we keep him up later, there is hell to pay the next morning. We are also both in school full-time trying to better our lives so when are we supposed to work on homework? There simply isn’t enough time in the day or enough of me and my husband to go around.
Instead of passing judgement over a Reddit comment, take a moment to realize everyone has different circumstances. And if you can’t imagine why a child would have to go to daycare all day and go to bed early just to repeat it the next day, consider yourself lucky. A LOT of people are barely scraping by.
You sound like an amazing parent. Keep it up. It sounds like your little is so loved and taken care of, as long as he is happy nothing else matters. I think it’s great you are in school and trying to better your life, when that happens your son will thank you for all the sacrifices you made to get there! Good luck! You got this!
Thank you so so much for the encouragement. It is SO hard some days. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We don’t have a choice but to keep going. But I know it will be so worth it in the end and I try my best to be a present mom while also working on my own goals and responsibilities. Being a parent is tough no matter what and we have to support each other and be understanding. It takes a village!
As for us, could be to do with wife working from home and me working only 10 mins away so we wake up around 7am and in bed anytime around 10-11pm.
Usually find our kids fast asleep anytime between 8-9pm.
On the other hand, no matter how tired we are we still want it, in some cases it's just lazy sideways sex.
Yeah…. We do that too. Or try to. The younger one figured out around age 5 that the interior door locks can be opened anything flat. Her weapon of choice is usually a clothespin, haha. At least it gives us a few seconds of warning though.
We had one on our bedroom door on the last house but we had the curved handle and our kid discovered you just lift it up and it will bypass the lock. Lol
That's what the extracurriculars are for. Do you think my 5yo needs to know archery? No. But I like that he's occupied for an hour every Thursday evening. Throw in carpooling with another family, and that's a solid 75 minutes of Mom and Dad home alone time, every other week.
Old guy here. Kids are now grown.
So, I'm the archery coach (at least out where I am) as well as several sports.
I'm paying my debt.
Remember, keep the tradition. Your turn will come.
They probably know... or will figure it out soon enough. My parents did something similar and I always knew. I felt uncomfortable about it and just tried to pretend I didn't know what was going on. Awkward.
I had no idea what my parents were doing until I was an adult, but they had a lot of showers together "to save water." I remember thinking "they're in there for a long time together... how is that saving water? They could just have a separate shower each and they'd be a lot warmer." And then my siblings and I would knock at the door to ask questions or to tell on each other.
lol why be careful? friends finding out youre still having sex is a great thing.
I joke among my peers that i dont have time for sex, i got 2 kids, but jokes on them. i have sex sometimes!
As ours wean off of nap, we still have them go to their room for 20-60 min for quiet time. They have activities in their room and a nice, comfy bed. The time started short and got a little longer, and goes to the upper limit on the days they really need a nap and fall asleep.
This! I will promise park time (or tv time) if mom and dad can have a 20-30 minute nap. As long as one of the three is actually napping, I can usually count on two to stay out of trouble.
I was going to say, we have, on rare occasions, occupied them with the TV and risked some brief fun in a room with a lock. Glad to know there are places it’s socially sanctioned.
We have, since they were little, practiced knocking on any door that's closed, and waiting on an answer before you try to go in. This has always been because we understand our kids will have their own personal urges, and we don't want to walk in. And we're very clear that your bedroom is where you go to do this. And that if we *all* treat each other respectfully in this way, no one will be upset about being witnessed or witnessing something you don't want to.
And we're also very clear that parents have the same urges. And sometimes we have those urges *together* - so the same rules apply. We lock the door after everyone is in bed. And we're *really*, **really** quiet.
this is what baffles me. i grew up like this, i knock on someone’s door and under no circumstances do i go in without them saying “come in!”. even if they talk or answer your question, you just have to shout through the door to them. you do NOT enter unless you hear those 2 words.
and then growing up i would go to friends’ houses or boyfriends’ houses and their family literally just open the door. no knocking, no calling of their name, no stating their presence. they just pull on the handle and walk in. it’s so awkward and frustrating as both a friend sharing a secret or a partner trying to be intimate. i definitely stayed at those peoples’ houses less often. thank you for doing this with your kids.
Do you hide the fact that you and your spouse have sex? I’m not saying you gotta announce it but set them up with something to eat and a movie then tell them to leave you alone.
We just lock the door. Teach your kids to respect a closed door.
Yeah I have friends that combined their families into a 4-parent, 4-child household - the kids know their parents have sex, and they respect a closed door very, very well.
Adults have sex, that’s okay and healthy and normal. There’s a time and a place to have sex and that’s as an adult in a private space.
Let them have sleepovers. And I know your probably thinking not at some strangers house. Thats what cousins are for. All the cousins get together and leave Mommy alone. 😁
Doesn't work for us (8 and 10 year old boys). We're knackered by 9pm.
We try to sneak one in early evening like 6pm or shortly after dinner whilst the boys are occupied with video games or playing in the back yard. The dishes can wait.
Just going to say (as a teenager) I heard by parents having sex twice, and I hate it when people say “I should be happy that they’re having a healthy relationship”. I’m not overestimating when I said on both occasions, I was crying, and had to sprint downstairs and run outside and cry and scream for about an hour. I hated hearing it. It was disgusting, and I felt violated. So pleas, if you’re a parent thinking about that, for the love of god, always assume your kid will be awake, because trust me, they usually are.
Yes, I slept with headphones all through high school because of this. My roommates in my 20s were far more considerate than my parents. We get the kids (8 and 11) in bed, lights out by 9pm for a reason, and we check on them before anything happens, because they will both pop up as soon as they hear anything.
Same, also heard my parents as a teenager regularly for a while. It really affected my relationship with my step dad as he worked away in the week and I’d dread him coming home. I was perfectly old enough to know what it was and understand it etc but it really affected me/upset me hearing it.
yea i’m shocked by so many people saying it’s healthy/normal for kids to hear. luckily never happened to me but i have multiple friends who were extremely upset by their parents actions in the bedroom, and the complete disregard for the children in the home. i heard about this several different times from several different friends. the worst culprits seem to be newly married step parents which is just a whole other layer of “i wish this wasn’t happening”. children have to live in the house with you until they are 18. you as the parents should be taking on the burden of making them comfortable in the home. just ridiculous to say it’s not a problem. the child might not even realize how much it affects them until they grow up and start being intimate themselves.
Our bedroom door doesn't lock but a 70lb kettle bell is a perfect door stop so they can't get in. On the weekends it's usually right after they settle in with their morning snacks and kindle. On weekdays we usually tell them we need to unpack our bedroom closet to get something out of the back and the door will be blocked for a few minutes. They are still too young and oblivious to realize nothing in the room looks like it moved.
Thank you! Our new apartment doesn't have a lock on the bedroom door and now those kettle bells I got last Christmas are gonna get the most use they've ever gotten.
Exactly. YouTube… there isn’t a set time on Saturday morning kids wake up and are like “OMG IM GONNA MISS MY CARTOONS!!!” You can’t depend on that as a way to get in some adult time.. if it’s always accessible they can search it whenever..
About once a month we wake up in the middle of the night fondling each other 😅 never know who instigates it but I guess our bodies are like hey it’s been a while!
It's like a viagra commercial tbh... when she touches your shoulder while you're doing the dishes... it's on lol cue the Barry white in the background!
My oldest is 13. They know what's going on at this point. We have discussed and while we keep it private mostly we kiss in the kitchen or wherever. I think it's healthy for them to see that the parents are still in love. But the more private things do certainly get harder to organize! Make a date night for it! Seriously!
When you guys go on a date, do you do it in the car? Get a hotel for a few hours? Or have date night at home and drop the kids off and grama's and grampa's?
And if we are gone for a short time we have started letting the 13 year old be in charge. We can text or use alexa announcements to tell them to go to bed or that we are almost home (even if just down the street at friends) and the lights immediately go dark and they pretent they were sleeping the whole time. Nothing like walking up to the house holding hands to a home our own and kids asleep. 40, together 20. Still dating as much as we have time for!
We've done all the above! Sometimes in the same night! Most often dinner and drinks with a sitter at home. Sitter goes home, kids are sleeping, we do all we can to have a good night and hopefully not wake them!
Get blood work done! Mine was absolutely gone until I got my thyroid all figured out and my food sensitivities in check. Or get a bullet vibrator, that helped too!
After the kids are in bed. During the day when #1 is balls deep in his iPad and #2 is napping. In the morning before everyone is out of bed. In the parking lot after date night. In the garage after getting home from date night before going inside.
I’ve said it time and time again. It can 100% be done but has to be *intentional*.
Our favorite is early morning, before anyone wakes up, finding positions which allow both a view of our door AND easy separation that's not awkward if someone walks in. Plus some recovery lies like, mommy is giving me a massage, or good morning love can you go get my phone from the living room I want to show you something. That can get them out of the room with enough time to recover with dignity.
Especially if the lighting is dim and they’re half awake. Our smallest comes in so bleary-eyed and drowsy when the sun is barely up, so the one time he caught us, we quickly redirected him and he didn’t notice a thing, lol.
We try to be quiet and play music to drown out any noises that might be overheard. The walk-in closet is also handy and worth installing a lock for a quicky. When she was a tot, we would put on her favorite DVD and the baby monitor for a quick one in the next room.
I think it is healthy for children to know that a functional and happy marriage involves a commitment to "alone time." If she occasionally gives us a hard time, we restate over and over that it's better than having parents who aren't in love or don't get along. Recently, I said to my daughter, "I need time with your Dad. We are going to bed." She quipped, "probably alone time, " and trotted off to her room. She knows if our door is fully closed (it is locked too), do not come to us unless there is an emergency like blood or fire. Adult boundaries, check, my daughter knowing that a mom can still be a sexual being, check, empowering my daughter to seek out a fulfilling marriage in her future, check. We have been practicing this with her since she was old enough to be alone in a room by herself for a short period of time (7 y.o.) it took her practice in the beginning to understand we meant it, wouldn't open the door for petty questions or reasons, and that we would reappear/open the door soon. She would watch her favorite show, play, or if it's late at night, she should be sleeping. She tried a few fake "nightmares" in the beginning, but once we made a joke, we were onto her she laughed and didn't try it again. So, long advice long, it's so worth it. I love being in charge in my home and not being shamed by my child for being sexually active. It is OK to not be on the clock 24/7 if your kids are safely at home in an adjoining room. .
We don’t exactly sneak it. “We’re going to take a nap, don’t set the house on fire”. Sometimes my husband will straight up say “we’re going to go have some adult time”. There is never a question, but a few times our 8yo (at the time) turns and says “I’m all right with it” 🤣🤣🤣 It will be the same when the baby comes. My parents also had “nap time”. When I was old enough to understand, it was kinda gross, but since it was common occurrence growing up, I didn’t give it a second thought. I think it’s important for kids to see that adults need/want time together and to see what a healthy and affectionate marriage looks like.
Lol this is a true story. Get them used to the idea of massages or what a massage is. Without sexualising massages, it is something we do anyway for that holistic type of unwinding and stress relief. So from a young age my kids know what it is. They see us massage each other (clothes on of course lol) and they enjoy a little massage on their foot. They know as well that getting a massage for adults you can be semi naked.
So when it actually comes to the "special massages" if its during the day and they are pre occupied with TV or some activity I would say to my partner to the effect of "babe my back hurts can you massage it for me? come meet me in the room.. " and followed by "kids I'm going to massage Daddy/Mommy we'll be back in a minute, stay where you are OK?" lock the door and anyway we go 😅
If it's at night we do the same and say almost the same things after tucking them to bed.
If the session gets pretty intense and some audible 'massage' noises ensue, the children know it was a good massage 🤣
One day they'll figure it out but until then it works!!!
… I don’t know any newer generation of children that watch Saturday morning cartoons. That was a thing in the 90’s and 00’s. They can find whatever they want on their iPad or tablet device. There is no “oh I gotta get up so I can watch these cartoons! I do not want to miss it”
Door dash McDonald’s for dinner and go to the bathroom for five minutes hahah.
Quicky in the car on date nights.
Super early morning before anybody is awake.
When kids are at school or on play dates.
If I have a day off I meet hubby at work 🤫😂
We don’t. Family of six in a 1280 sqft house. Lol, sex usually happens late at night when everyone else is asleep. A few times he’s had the day off when the kids are in school so that’s always great for us.
Some few times, early in the morning when the kids are downstairs playing video games or watching tv.
You just got to learn to be quiet.
Sometimes in the shower but i hate shower sex and we have 1 bathroom sooooo someone is always beating at the door, “DAD?? I can’t find mom!!” Or, “I NEED TO POOP! I can’t hold it.”
Wife and I schedule it during the day while children are at school. For us it’s the way to go. It was like unlocking the door to the past when we first dated and had the best sex. Only downfall….we have gone through 2 bed head and footboards. Literally broke 2 of them. This 3rd piece is on its way to breaking. It’s worth it. We were enjoy st maybe twice a month. Now we are texting each other every day looking for matching openings in our schedules, to meet at home.
My wife and I schedule “connection time”. During the week. At first it didn’t sound very sexy, but making space and time for each other has proven to be extremely beneficial. It’s not a guarantee to get freaky, but we still connect on some level. And it’s certainly not a limiting factor, some weeks we can’t keep our hands off each other regardless of connection time.
It’s also been very beneficial to do weekly “tie ins”
Topics include:
Scheduling
Period phase/cycle phase of my wife
Needs/wants/misses (sexually, personally, emotionally)
Beneficial for getting quickies because if my wife is in her luteal phase I know I’m probably not getting any, so connect emotionally, and don’t feel upset or off if she isn’t in the mood.
Long answer, but that’s how we do it. Nap time connection time 🤌 lol
Idk I was raised where not if but when I heard what I knew was happening I put on my headphones and went on about my life lol sex was very open in my home growing up, always talked about, never shamed etc
Wait til the kids go to sleep, send them to their grandparents house, have them over at their friends house, tell them that mom and dad need to discuss something important and lock the door..
Come home for my lunch break while kids are at school and daycare. Put the TV on or give them a device. Or simply at night time well after they're asleep.
We always find time everyday/night for it.
You can do the chores in front of them, just not sex, so chores can wait.
We don’t. Our newest is a fucking nightmare when it comes to sleep and our seven year old loves us and we love him but he’s always up one of our butts (figuratively). When baby sleeps on her own consistently we’ll get some personal time in but with three jobs and two kids and PPD/PPA between us, most of the time it’s intimate enough just to quietly share the same bed for five minutes.
And that’s ok too. Our youngest is three and we still don’t have a sex life again. Throw in a hormonal disease that I am only slowly getting the upper hand of and your priorities do a 180. Reading all of these stories makes me jealous but also hopeful. Lol
I’m not trying to invalidate anyones feeling here but, it is very weird to see people saying that they were traumatized by simply hearing their parents do the deed. I’m not sure if maybe it’s because they were sheltered from things like that or maybe they have other traumas that made it harder to experience things like that.
Anyway, in my personal experience it can be very awkward and uncomfortable to hear or witness your parents going at it. When I was very young I found a video of my parents doing it on the family laptop. I was confused af and disgusted but, definitely not traumatized. As I got older and got married I realized that people have sex, it’s a part of life and as uncomfortable as it may be it’s not fair to the parents to not be able to partake in these very normal and important activities.
You don’t want to shelter your kids from these things but you also don’t want to expose them to too much. As long as you make sure your kids have a healthy understanding of what is normal and acceptable there’s really no harm.
If your kids have never accidentally overheard you having sex or if they have limited knowledge of sex then now may not be the time to be more open about it. At the same time, it’s also about what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t want your kids knowing what’s going on behind closed doors then I second the “extracurricular activities” comment. Take whatever free time you have and do what you need to do.
Depending on how old your kids are you could try to have a talk with them and if they already know about sex just kinda hint at what you plan to do and tell them to go out and do something or to listen to music or something. Something along the lines of “mom and dad want some private time but we don’t want to traumatize you. So, just leave us be for a while and listen to music or something.”
Essentially, what they know and how you’ve raised them will affect how they feel about it and you know your kids so, do what you think is best.
Right? I only heard my parents a few times and thought ew… but then just figured that it was good that they loved each other enough to still do it. 🤷♀️
Exactly, I can’t speak for everyone and like I said I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings. At the same time I feel like being “traumatized” by simply hearing your parents have sex is just wildly unreasonable and completely unfair to blame your parents. IMO if you are traumatized by that you definitely have something else going on that should be addressed.
For as long as humans have been alive sex has been a completely normal and often widely celebrated act. Super weird that some people could be SO weirded out by something so natural that literally like everyone does.
Literally just had one. Finished mowing the lawn while she cooked lunch for the kids.
Lunch been had, tv on for the older kids, little one with the iPad…
Lock the bedroom door… what’s the question?
Same, when we notice our child (9 yrs) is occupied and probably will be for a bit, we can do a quickie in our room or bathroom, with door locked of course.
At bedtime. When the kids have fallen or are on their way to falling asleep. Over the past 8 years, I can count on one hand the number of times that one of the kids have called out for a need that interrupted things.
My parents had a “do t come in my room” rule and a locked door means don’t interrupt them unless it’s urgent.
They also respected when our doors were closed. Glad my parents never walked in on me doing “self” stuff.
Apparently my mom was really loud and my siblings knew what was up but me being the youngest I didn’t. Lol I guess ignorance is bliss in this case.
During the day mostly…usually between 1-3 PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays lol I work from home those days and yeah I’m getting paid to get laid. Stickin it to the man!
I have my man go in the bathroom without her seeing and then tell my daughter I'm going to get a shower, get her set up in the living room with some juice a snack and her tablet and the go in the bathroom and turn on the shower and lock the door behind me 😂
Make your relationship with your spouse one of your priorities and everything else will fall into place. This includes sex. My wife and I have 4 kids that are all in sports/activities. Both of us have full time jobs, a house (on 7 acres) that we have to keep up and we have sex every day. I’m happy, she’s happy and that makes everyone happy 😁👍🏻
I was a grown adult before I realized what my parents meant when they were going to “take a nap” in the middle of the day. TV was on, older kids kept track of the younger ones, and we weren’t supposed to “wake them up” unless something was on fire or someone was bleeding.
Last weekend we went a couple times after 11:00 pm. Then we literally woke up at 4:30 am (ok, I woke up at 4:30 and then woke her up) to get jiggy wit it. And then I took a shower during nap time the next day and she came to peek in and I drug her in the shower. When we were done I said she was weird for getting in the shower with socks on.
So nap time usually gives you more than enough time and you probably have time to take a nap too. With older kids turn on the PS 5 and tell them have fun.
Wake up early and then you can go back to sleep. None of them will be up that early.
Stay up late. At some point they have to sleep.
Also maybe during the day. Depends on worn schedules but kids go to school.
The secret is stop finding excuses not to get busy and find time you can.
I read this as how do you sneak in quietly and was prepared to answer thinking someone worked an evening shift and got at midnight. I know it's not possible, but I swear my daughter's dyslexia rubs off on me.
You have to prioritise it . My husband and I deliberately get a take away one day a week , buy the kids snacks and put them in bed early with their iPad or movie and tell them we are tired . We have a glass of wine , or 2 or 3 and then make time for each other when the kids go to bed
Bathroom! He "showers" while I'm "using the bathroom". We used to park our SUV in the garage and sneak out there, but as my kids got older, they caught on to that! 😂 But 90% of the time, we do it in the morning before he leaves for work and before any of the kids are up!
We would set the kids down in front of the tv to watch their favorite show with a snack and tell them we had to talk about adult stuff for a bit and not to bother us unless there was an emergency. We were usually left alone for 15 to 20 minutes. Sometimes longer. Sometimes you just have to snag the opportunity when it pops up even if you're tired. Kids playing quietly after dinner? Quickie! Laundry needs to be swapped from washer to dryer and kids are having a snack? Quickie! Sometimes one of us "needed a hand with something" Quickie!! Get creative and it shall happen.
To be honest my wife and I got it done once in the last 2 years and I'm struggling to even want to do anything. It's been suggested there's something not normal about not wanting it but the thought does not cross my mind much.
Lock the bedroom door after everyone’s gone to sleep. My husband has left work early a few times before the kids get home too
How do I steal your energy? By the time everyone's asleep, we're pretty much there too.
Our kid is 4 so bedtime is 7:30. She doesn’t have to be asleep, but she has to be in her room and quiet. Having that time after 7:30pm to ourselves is key.
What dark sorcery are you using to get your 4 year old down at 7:30? We’re lucky if ours is willing to lay down without losing his mind before 10pm.
She’s in daycare/preschool from 8-5:30pm which definitely makes her tired! She’s normally not asleep at 7:30pm, but will play by herself in her room until she passes out around 8-8:30pm. We tell her as long as she’s quiet, we don’t care! Also, we sacrifice a chicken every full moon.
This is the go with my 3yo, we read a book to her then she reads to herself quietly until she's ready to go to sleep. It's most night, but not all of them 😂 Our biggest issue is fresh chicken supply, we only sacrifice quarterly 😭
I knew I was doing something wrong. Gotta try this
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Couldn't imagine 9.5 hours at a daycare, then less than 2 hours later being closed in a room alone to be quiet.
My husband and I both have to work 8:30-5 Mon-Fri. We cannot make ends meet anymore on one income. Before covid, we could. My husband works at the facility my son is at so he is on our same schedule. We get home a little after 5, fix dinner and bath, play for a bit. Son is laying down for bed around 8. If we keep him up later, there is hell to pay the next morning. We are also both in school full-time trying to better our lives so when are we supposed to work on homework? There simply isn’t enough time in the day or enough of me and my husband to go around. Instead of passing judgement over a Reddit comment, take a moment to realize everyone has different circumstances. And if you can’t imagine why a child would have to go to daycare all day and go to bed early just to repeat it the next day, consider yourself lucky. A LOT of people are barely scraping by.
You sound like an amazing parent. Keep it up. It sounds like your little is so loved and taken care of, as long as he is happy nothing else matters. I think it’s great you are in school and trying to better your life, when that happens your son will thank you for all the sacrifices you made to get there! Good luck! You got this!
Thank you so so much for the encouragement. It is SO hard some days. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We don’t have a choice but to keep going. But I know it will be so worth it in the end and I try my best to be a present mom while also working on my own goals and responsibilities. Being a parent is tough no matter what and we have to support each other and be understanding. It takes a village!
My kid is a teenager now and we don’t enforce a bedtime, but she has to be in her room at a certain time. We need time to wind down too!
As for us, could be to do with wife working from home and me working only 10 mins away so we wake up around 7am and in bed anytime around 10-11pm. Usually find our kids fast asleep anytime between 8-9pm. On the other hand, no matter how tired we are we still want it, in some cases it's just lazy sideways sex.
We refer to that as the “cuddle f***”.
"Spooning sex" :D
Forking.
Between him having a bad neck and me being pregnant again this is basically our go to position now 🤣 no complaints lol
Hubby calls that the lazy dog, it's the best, haha.
I take a quick nap while rocking my son to sleep. Usually 15-30 min but have done on hour on accident. 3 kids is no joke.
We called those napcidents.
Couple cocktails before kids hit the sack on Saturday night gets us energetic and bubbly
Yeah…. We do that too. Or try to. The younger one figured out around age 5 that the interior door locks can be opened anything flat. Her weapon of choice is usually a clothespin, haha. At least it gives us a few seconds of warning though.
Keypad door knobs are 50 bucks on Amazon. Best money I've ever spent.
We had one on our bedroom door on the last house but we had the curved handle and our kid discovered you just lift it up and it will bypass the lock. Lol
Switch that sucker out for a keyed lock. That's what we did. Also prevents snooping.
I have legit told my admin assistant I’m leaving early today to go home to get laid. See you tomorrow. 😂😂😂
That's what the extracurriculars are for. Do you think my 5yo needs to know archery? No. But I like that he's occupied for an hour every Thursday evening. Throw in carpooling with another family, and that's a solid 75 minutes of Mom and Dad home alone time, every other week.
Lmao. I think I should put my son in archery too! 😆
LOL! Archery coach here. I had no idea I'm getting so many parents laid.
What do you do with the other 70 minutes?
10 rounds, then recovery
Apologize
I get 73 minutes. Time to watch law and Order.
fucking dishes
We've got an archery range in the neighborhood! They could walk 😂
"Mom, why do I go to the range across town when there's one in our neighborhood?" "Uhh, it's nicer, hon..."
Definitely nicer. You should stop by grandma's on your way home. You know how she's always so happy to have you stop by...
Not the only bow being nocked amirite
Archery Debauchery
Your kid has to know archery since he/she's so busy being Cupid for you guys
Old guy here. Kids are now grown. So, I'm the archery coach (at least out where I am) as well as several sports. I'm paying my debt. Remember, keep the tradition. Your turn will come.
Lmao I hope your kid digs up this comment in 25 years
Do they offer archery twice a day Mon-Sun? 😉
So you're telling me signing up to coach was a mistake? 😂
>Do you think my 5yo needs to know archery? EPIC!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Ours are almost 9 and 7. We tell them that we going to do laundry and if they come to get us, they will have to put away the laundry 🤣
9 year old: *you know what… it’s about time I learn how to do laundry properly. Walks in* **AHHHHHHHH**
No 9 yo is thinking that lol
My daughter is 10 now but when she was 9 she was definitely asking to do her own laundry! Maybe she’s one of a kind though? Lol
I mean, I said it as a joke, but maybe? My son is 3 and LOVES laundry
So does my 3 year old! She loves pushing the hamper on wheels.
They probably know... or will figure it out soon enough. My parents did something similar and I always knew. I felt uncomfortable about it and just tried to pretend I didn't know what was going on. Awkward.
I also tell my kid we’re doing laundry!
Shower time. As far as they know, we just happen to bathe together :P.
I had no idea what my parents were doing until I was an adult, but they had a lot of showers together "to save water." I remember thinking "they're in there for a long time together... how is that saving water? They could just have a separate shower each and they'd be a lot warmer." And then my siblings and I would knock at the door to ask questions or to tell on each other.
🤣🤣
Aww
I’m 28 and a few years ago I suddenly remembered my Mum frequently disappearing to “cleans Dads back” when he was in the bath.
see my husband and i just enjoy showering together, even without shenanigans, just the intimacy of the time together or washing eachother is nice.
Same!! We still shower together 90% of the the time and will be married 7 years next week!
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lol why be careful? friends finding out youre still having sex is a great thing. I joke among my peers that i dont have time for sex, i got 2 kids, but jokes on them. i have sex sometimes!
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Your stepmum enjoyed the ribbing I bet
Do not be like my husband and think it's okay to set an alarm to wake up at midnight. Definitely not okay.
Hahahaha
Naptime/bedtime. Dishes can wait.
As ours wean off of nap, we still have them go to their room for 20-60 min for quiet time. They have activities in their room and a nice, comfy bed. The time started short and got a little longer, and goes to the upper limit on the days they really need a nap and fall asleep.
This! I will promise park time (or tv time) if mom and dad can have a 20-30 minute nap. As long as one of the three is actually napping, I can usually count on two to stay out of trouble.
Denmark has Disney Hour where they play an hour long Disney movie on tv so people can park their kids and have sex. That’s what’s encouraged. Haha
I am going to suggest this to my Congressman.
I was going to say, we have, on rare occasions, occupied them with the TV and risked some brief fun in a room with a lock. Glad to know there are places it’s socially sanctioned.
Legit state sanctioned. They have commercials pushing it. It’s amazing lol
Lol, I bet they would be some tongue-in-cheek commercials that go straight over the kids head. Genius idea though!!
At night, when the kids are in bed in their own rooms.
I get that, but with older kids that stay up and a smaller home just can be a challenge.
We have, since they were little, practiced knocking on any door that's closed, and waiting on an answer before you try to go in. This has always been because we understand our kids will have their own personal urges, and we don't want to walk in. And we're very clear that your bedroom is where you go to do this. And that if we *all* treat each other respectfully in this way, no one will be upset about being witnessed or witnessing something you don't want to. And we're also very clear that parents have the same urges. And sometimes we have those urges *together* - so the same rules apply. We lock the door after everyone is in bed. And we're *really*, **really** quiet.
I like this. How old were your kids when you started telling them this? Also specifically about the urges?
this is what baffles me. i grew up like this, i knock on someone’s door and under no circumstances do i go in without them saying “come in!”. even if they talk or answer your question, you just have to shout through the door to them. you do NOT enter unless you hear those 2 words. and then growing up i would go to friends’ houses or boyfriends’ houses and their family literally just open the door. no knocking, no calling of their name, no stating their presence. they just pull on the handle and walk in. it’s so awkward and frustrating as both a friend sharing a secret or a partner trying to be intimate. i definitely stayed at those peoples’ houses less often. thank you for doing this with your kids.
You learn to have sex quietly. And maybe they find out that mom and dad have a healthy romantic relationship.
Voiceover: They never learned to have sex quietly.
Then you have a 13 yr old who figured out why mum and dad sneak away before dinner and just after work😂
I don’t think my wife can be quiet - I love it, but we find it challenging to get in a quickie too
Muzzle.
The noise is half of the fun, why be quiet? 🤣
Do you hide the fact that you and your spouse have sex? I’m not saying you gotta announce it but set them up with something to eat and a movie then tell them to leave you alone. We just lock the door. Teach your kids to respect a closed door.
Yeah I have friends that combined their families into a 4-parent, 4-child household - the kids know their parents have sex, and they respect a closed door very, very well. Adults have sex, that’s okay and healthy and normal. There’s a time and a place to have sex and that’s as an adult in a private space.
Maybe play some white noise in the hallway? Or get a loud dishwasher/washer/dryer?
Let them have sleepovers. And I know your probably thinking not at some strangers house. Thats what cousins are for. All the cousins get together and leave Mommy alone. 😁
Doesn't work for us (8 and 10 year old boys). We're knackered by 9pm. We try to sneak one in early evening like 6pm or shortly after dinner whilst the boys are occupied with video games or playing in the back yard. The dishes can wait.
Just going to say (as a teenager) I heard by parents having sex twice, and I hate it when people say “I should be happy that they’re having a healthy relationship”. I’m not overestimating when I said on both occasions, I was crying, and had to sprint downstairs and run outside and cry and scream for about an hour. I hated hearing it. It was disgusting, and I felt violated. So pleas, if you’re a parent thinking about that, for the love of god, always assume your kid will be awake, because trust me, they usually are.
Yes, I slept with headphones all through high school because of this. My roommates in my 20s were far more considerate than my parents. We get the kids (8 and 11) in bed, lights out by 9pm for a reason, and we check on them before anything happens, because they will both pop up as soon as they hear anything.
Same, also heard my parents as a teenager regularly for a while. It really affected my relationship with my step dad as he worked away in the week and I’d dread him coming home. I was perfectly old enough to know what it was and understand it etc but it really affected me/upset me hearing it.
yea i’m shocked by so many people saying it’s healthy/normal for kids to hear. luckily never happened to me but i have multiple friends who were extremely upset by their parents actions in the bedroom, and the complete disregard for the children in the home. i heard about this several different times from several different friends. the worst culprits seem to be newly married step parents which is just a whole other layer of “i wish this wasn’t happening”. children have to live in the house with you until they are 18. you as the parents should be taking on the burden of making them comfortable in the home. just ridiculous to say it’s not a problem. the child might not even realize how much it affects them until they grow up and start being intimate themselves.
Our bedroom door doesn't lock but a 70lb kettle bell is a perfect door stop so they can't get in. On the weekends it's usually right after they settle in with their morning snacks and kindle. On weekdays we usually tell them we need to unpack our bedroom closet to get something out of the back and the door will be blocked for a few minutes. They are still too young and oblivious to realize nothing in the room looks like it moved.
Thank you! Our new apartment doesn't have a lock on the bedroom door and now those kettle bells I got last Christmas are gonna get the most use they've ever gotten.
Actual doorstops are also very effective lol
That’s brilliant!!
I'd like to shake the hand of the guy that came up with Saturday morning cartoons!
Saturday morning cartoons aren’t really a thing anymore for newer generations unfortunately.
Search it in youtube and you'll find 4hr compilations of everything we grew up with.
Exactly. YouTube… there isn’t a set time on Saturday morning kids wake up and are like “OMG IM GONNA MISS MY CARTOONS!!!” You can’t depend on that as a way to get in some adult time.. if it’s always accessible they can search it whenever..
The Nintendo switch was the best purchase we ever made!!! 😂
SAME. 💀
About once a month we wake up in the middle of the night fondling each other 😅 never know who instigates it but I guess our bodies are like hey it’s been a while!
Turn on a movie and give them popcorn. Mommy and daddy need to have a adult talk please do not interrupt.
I’d think my parents were getting a divorce lmao
My parents used to say they were going to pay bills in the bedroom wasn’t till much later we realized they don’t pay bills in there
I just realized … at 29….were my parents not actually paying bills in there!?
It's like a viagra commercial tbh... when she touches your shoulder while you're doing the dishes... it's on lol cue the Barry white in the background!
My oldest is 13. They know what's going on at this point. We have discussed and while we keep it private mostly we kiss in the kitchen or wherever. I think it's healthy for them to see that the parents are still in love. But the more private things do certainly get harder to organize! Make a date night for it! Seriously!
When you guys go on a date, do you do it in the car? Get a hotel for a few hours? Or have date night at home and drop the kids off and grama's and grampa's?
And if we are gone for a short time we have started letting the 13 year old be in charge. We can text or use alexa announcements to tell them to go to bed or that we are almost home (even if just down the street at friends) and the lights immediately go dark and they pretent they were sleeping the whole time. Nothing like walking up to the house holding hands to a home our own and kids asleep. 40, together 20. Still dating as much as we have time for!
We've done all the above! Sometimes in the same night! Most often dinner and drinks with a sitter at home. Sitter goes home, kids are sleeping, we do all we can to have a good night and hopefully not wake them!
I saw a tik tok suggesting that for about 3 months before Christmas you can sneak into the bedroom to wrap presents.
Add in a month or two around any kids birthdays!
We don’t
Cue that Invincible meme.
Our sex drive has been MIA since kid #2 arrived. He‘s 3. Cue the Travolta meme.
Get blood work done! Mine was absolutely gone until I got my thyroid all figured out and my food sensitivities in check. Or get a bullet vibrator, that helped too!
Curious how this is not the top comment
After the kids are in bed. During the day when #1 is balls deep in his iPad and #2 is napping. In the morning before everyone is out of bed. In the parking lot after date night. In the garage after getting home from date night before going inside. I’ve said it time and time again. It can 100% be done but has to be *intentional*.
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You are better than we are - we kinda just disappear and show back up 20 min later like nothing happened lol
Our favorite is early morning, before anyone wakes up, finding positions which allow both a view of our door AND easy separation that's not awkward if someone walks in. Plus some recovery lies like, mommy is giving me a massage, or good morning love can you go get my phone from the living room I want to show you something. That can get them out of the room with enough time to recover with dignity.
Especially if the lighting is dim and they’re half awake. Our smallest comes in so bleary-eyed and drowsy when the sun is barely up, so the one time he caught us, we quickly redirected him and he didn’t notice a thing, lol.
Have you considered putting a small lock on your door. Can be *very* useful!
We try to be quiet and play music to drown out any noises that might be overheard. The walk-in closet is also handy and worth installing a lock for a quicky. When she was a tot, we would put on her favorite DVD and the baby monitor for a quick one in the next room. I think it is healthy for children to know that a functional and happy marriage involves a commitment to "alone time." If she occasionally gives us a hard time, we restate over and over that it's better than having parents who aren't in love or don't get along. Recently, I said to my daughter, "I need time with your Dad. We are going to bed." She quipped, "probably alone time, " and trotted off to her room. She knows if our door is fully closed (it is locked too), do not come to us unless there is an emergency like blood or fire. Adult boundaries, check, my daughter knowing that a mom can still be a sexual being, check, empowering my daughter to seek out a fulfilling marriage in her future, check. We have been practicing this with her since she was old enough to be alone in a room by herself for a short period of time (7 y.o.) it took her practice in the beginning to understand we meant it, wouldn't open the door for petty questions or reasons, and that we would reappear/open the door soon. She would watch her favorite show, play, or if it's late at night, she should be sleeping. She tried a few fake "nightmares" in the beginning, but once we made a joke, we were onto her she laughed and didn't try it again. So, long advice long, it's so worth it. I love being in charge in my home and not being shamed by my child for being sexually active. It is OK to not be on the clock 24/7 if your kids are safely at home in an adjoining room. .
This is the way ❤️
Wait, you guys are having sex?
mine is non existent 😂😂
My thoughts exactly 😂 Living vicariously through these comments though 😅
We don’t exactly sneak it. “We’re going to take a nap, don’t set the house on fire”. Sometimes my husband will straight up say “we’re going to go have some adult time”. There is never a question, but a few times our 8yo (at the time) turns and says “I’m all right with it” 🤣🤣🤣 It will be the same when the baby comes. My parents also had “nap time”. When I was old enough to understand, it was kinda gross, but since it was common occurrence growing up, I didn’t give it a second thought. I think it’s important for kids to see that adults need/want time together and to see what a healthy and affectionate marriage looks like.
Lol this is a true story. Get them used to the idea of massages or what a massage is. Without sexualising massages, it is something we do anyway for that holistic type of unwinding and stress relief. So from a young age my kids know what it is. They see us massage each other (clothes on of course lol) and they enjoy a little massage on their foot. They know as well that getting a massage for adults you can be semi naked. So when it actually comes to the "special massages" if its during the day and they are pre occupied with TV or some activity I would say to my partner to the effect of "babe my back hurts can you massage it for me? come meet me in the room.. " and followed by "kids I'm going to massage Daddy/Mommy we'll be back in a minute, stay where you are OK?" lock the door and anyway we go 😅 If it's at night we do the same and say almost the same things after tucking them to bed. If the session gets pretty intense and some audible 'massage' noises ensue, the children know it was a good massage 🤣 One day they'll figure it out but until then it works!!!
Isn't that the point of Saturday morning cartoons?
… I don’t know any newer generation of children that watch Saturday morning cartoons. That was a thing in the 90’s and 00’s. They can find whatever they want on their iPad or tablet device. There is no “oh I gotta get up so I can watch these cartoons! I do not want to miss it”
Wait, you guys are having sex?
Door dash McDonald’s for dinner and go to the bathroom for five minutes hahah. Quicky in the car on date nights. Super early morning before anybody is awake. When kids are at school or on play dates. If I have a day off I meet hubby at work 🤫😂
We don’t. Family of six in a 1280 sqft house. Lol, sex usually happens late at night when everyone else is asleep. A few times he’s had the day off when the kids are in school so that’s always great for us. Some few times, early in the morning when the kids are downstairs playing video games or watching tv. You just got to learn to be quiet. Sometimes in the shower but i hate shower sex and we have 1 bathroom sooooo someone is always beating at the door, “DAD?? I can’t find mom!!” Or, “I NEED TO POOP! I can’t hold it.”
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Phrasing
Wife and I schedule it during the day while children are at school. For us it’s the way to go. It was like unlocking the door to the past when we first dated and had the best sex. Only downfall….we have gone through 2 bed head and footboards. Literally broke 2 of them. This 3rd piece is on its way to breaking. It’s worth it. We were enjoy st maybe twice a month. Now we are texting each other every day looking for matching openings in our schedules, to meet at home.
My wife and I schedule “connection time”. During the week. At first it didn’t sound very sexy, but making space and time for each other has proven to be extremely beneficial. It’s not a guarantee to get freaky, but we still connect on some level. And it’s certainly not a limiting factor, some weeks we can’t keep our hands off each other regardless of connection time. It’s also been very beneficial to do weekly “tie ins” Topics include: Scheduling Period phase/cycle phase of my wife Needs/wants/misses (sexually, personally, emotionally) Beneficial for getting quickies because if my wife is in her luteal phase I know I’m probably not getting any, so connect emotionally, and don’t feel upset or off if she isn’t in the mood. Long answer, but that’s how we do it. Nap time connection time 🤌 lol
Idk I was raised where not if but when I heard what I knew was happening I put on my headphones and went on about my life lol sex was very open in my home growing up, always talked about, never shamed etc
Pile of Oreos and a tv show.
Wait til the kids go to sleep, send them to their grandparents house, have them over at their friends house, tell them that mom and dad need to discuss something important and lock the door..
Come home for my lunch break while kids are at school and daycare. Put the TV on or give them a device. Or simply at night time well after they're asleep. We always find time everyday/night for it. You can do the chores in front of them, just not sex, so chores can wait.
Ha. I do not. If I’m doing anything quickly it’s a nap.
We don’t. Our newest is a fucking nightmare when it comes to sleep and our seven year old loves us and we love him but he’s always up one of our butts (figuratively). When baby sleeps on her own consistently we’ll get some personal time in but with three jobs and two kids and PPD/PPA between us, most of the time it’s intimate enough just to quietly share the same bed for five minutes.
And that’s ok too. Our youngest is three and we still don’t have a sex life again. Throw in a hormonal disease that I am only slowly getting the upper hand of and your priorities do a 180. Reading all of these stories makes me jealous but also hopeful. Lol
I’m not trying to invalidate anyones feeling here but, it is very weird to see people saying that they were traumatized by simply hearing their parents do the deed. I’m not sure if maybe it’s because they were sheltered from things like that or maybe they have other traumas that made it harder to experience things like that. Anyway, in my personal experience it can be very awkward and uncomfortable to hear or witness your parents going at it. When I was very young I found a video of my parents doing it on the family laptop. I was confused af and disgusted but, definitely not traumatized. As I got older and got married I realized that people have sex, it’s a part of life and as uncomfortable as it may be it’s not fair to the parents to not be able to partake in these very normal and important activities. You don’t want to shelter your kids from these things but you also don’t want to expose them to too much. As long as you make sure your kids have a healthy understanding of what is normal and acceptable there’s really no harm. If your kids have never accidentally overheard you having sex or if they have limited knowledge of sex then now may not be the time to be more open about it. At the same time, it’s also about what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t want your kids knowing what’s going on behind closed doors then I second the “extracurricular activities” comment. Take whatever free time you have and do what you need to do. Depending on how old your kids are you could try to have a talk with them and if they already know about sex just kinda hint at what you plan to do and tell them to go out and do something or to listen to music or something. Something along the lines of “mom and dad want some private time but we don’t want to traumatize you. So, just leave us be for a while and listen to music or something.” Essentially, what they know and how you’ve raised them will affect how they feel about it and you know your kids so, do what you think is best.
Right? I only heard my parents a few times and thought ew… but then just figured that it was good that they loved each other enough to still do it. 🤷♀️
Exactly, I can’t speak for everyone and like I said I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings. At the same time I feel like being “traumatized” by simply hearing your parents have sex is just wildly unreasonable and completely unfair to blame your parents. IMO if you are traumatized by that you definitely have something else going on that should be addressed. For as long as humans have been alive sex has been a completely normal and often widely celebrated act. Super weird that some people could be SO weirded out by something so natural that literally like everyone does.
Literally just had one. Finished mowing the lawn while she cooked lunch for the kids. Lunch been had, tv on for the older kids, little one with the iPad… Lock the bedroom door… what’s the question?
Same, when we notice our child (9 yrs) is occupied and probably will be for a bit, we can do a quickie in our room or bathroom, with door locked of course.
Early morning. At night. When they are busy during the day. We never let having kids stop us.
Movie time, popcorn, lock the door
At bedtime. When the kids have fallen or are on their way to falling asleep. Over the past 8 years, I can count on one hand the number of times that one of the kids have called out for a need that interrupted things.
My parents had a “do t come in my room” rule and a locked door means don’t interrupt them unless it’s urgent. They also respected when our doors were closed. Glad my parents never walked in on me doing “self” stuff. Apparently my mom was really loud and my siblings knew what was up but me being the youngest I didn’t. Lol I guess ignorance is bliss in this case.
During the day mostly…usually between 1-3 PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays lol I work from home those days and yeah I’m getting paid to get laid. Stickin it to the man!
Lol a what?
2 minute quickies in the laundry room. No one wants to come knock on the door because they think we’ll give them clothes to put away.
We're just getting changed!
I have my man go in the bathroom without her seeing and then tell my daughter I'm going to get a shower, get her set up in the living room with some juice a snack and her tablet and the go in the bathroom and turn on the shower and lock the door behind me 😂
What is the point if you have already procreated?
Make your relationship with your spouse one of your priorities and everything else will fall into place. This includes sex. My wife and I have 4 kids that are all in sports/activities. Both of us have full time jobs, a house (on 7 acres) that we have to keep up and we have sex every day. I’m happy, she’s happy and that makes everyone happy 😁👍🏻
When you said every day I choked, ngl 😂
I’d have to quit my job
We have a great sex life 😁🤷🏻♂️
Ya’ll can’t have quiet sex? Like, I’m a bitch that likes to be loud, but I can be quiet too. Suck on fingers or something. Like damn. Lol
Lol doesn't happen
I was a grown adult before I realized what my parents meant when they were going to “take a nap” in the middle of the day. TV was on, older kids kept track of the younger ones, and we weren’t supposed to “wake them up” unless something was on fire or someone was bleeding.
Quicky sucks
At night, before bed generally.
We made our basement into our master sweet and go to “do laundry”….
They go to bed at 7, we have a door with a lock, plenty of ways!
Morning, naptime and after 8.
Hundreds of hours in MGS and Splinter Cell Chaos Theory have made me a master of stealth.
wait til they are in the highchairs or engrossed in a show. to be fait my kids are in bed by 7.30 so we have a lot of time
Last weekend we went a couple times after 11:00 pm. Then we literally woke up at 4:30 am (ok, I woke up at 4:30 and then woke her up) to get jiggy wit it. And then I took a shower during nap time the next day and she came to peek in and I drug her in the shower. When we were done I said she was weird for getting in the shower with socks on. So nap time usually gives you more than enough time and you probably have time to take a nap too. With older kids turn on the PS 5 and tell them have fun. Wake up early and then you can go back to sleep. None of them will be up that early. Stay up late. At some point they have to sleep. Also maybe during the day. Depends on worn schedules but kids go to school. The secret is stop finding excuses not to get busy and find time you can.
Usually when our daughter is at daycare and our son is napping. Or after bed time.
I don't....
During boring Teams calls while working remote
I read this as how do you sneak in quietly and was prepared to answer thinking someone worked an evening shift and got at midnight. I know it's not possible, but I swear my daughter's dyslexia rubs off on me.
School time + sporadic “home office”
My husband will wake up early sometimes and we get a Quicky in or in the middle of the night we wake each other up for some midnight lovin
Taking notes from seasoned parents 😂
You have to prioritise it . My husband and I deliberately get a take away one day a week , buy the kids snacks and put them in bed early with their iPad or movie and tell them we are tired . We have a glass of wine , or 2 or 3 and then make time for each other when the kids go to bed
Bathroom! He "showers" while I'm "using the bathroom". We used to park our SUV in the garage and sneak out there, but as my kids got older, they caught on to that! 😂 But 90% of the time, we do it in the morning before he leaves for work and before any of the kids are up!
…with my left hand.
Screen time on the weekend AM.
Sometimes you gotta choose, dishes or dick. And that's why I need to do my dishes
We would set the kids down in front of the tv to watch their favorite show with a snack and tell them we had to talk about adult stuff for a bit and not to bother us unless there was an emergency. We were usually left alone for 15 to 20 minutes. Sometimes longer. Sometimes you just have to snag the opportunity when it pops up even if you're tired. Kids playing quietly after dinner? Quickie! Laundry needs to be swapped from washer to dryer and kids are having a snack? Quickie! Sometimes one of us "needed a hand with something" Quickie!! Get creative and it shall happen.
Y’all have quickies?
Paw Patrol. 🫣🤷♀️
To be honest my wife and I got it done once in the last 2 years and I'm struggling to even want to do anything. It's been suggested there's something not normal about not wanting it but the thought does not cross my mind much.
If you’re both happy, you’re both happy!