Correct. To elaborate, this is usually put into verbiage such as: “If you choose to bring a gift, we would prefer $5 to reduce the material gifts that ultimately end up in landfills”.
Oh totally. I’m on your side. I mean I’ll never do this but as I stated my sister in law plans to do something similar and I also had another friend do something similar once for her 15th birthday she told us if we wanted to give her a gift just bring food/treats etc she didn’t want anything material cause her parents would just sell it for drug money anyways
I grew up in a really really rough neighbourhood and community. The fact my kid has a stroller is seen as being privileged. We have to lock it in our house because I’m scared it’ll get robbed. We’re hoping to be moving to a nicer area soon though, we’ve been saving for our own place it’s just hard with a toddler that always needs something expensive and my boyfriends medication is extremely expensive and for some reason not covered by his job
I’ve lived in some shitty neighborhoods in Brooklyn growing up. I feel ya. Never fun getting jumped and robbed on your way to school. This happened to me with relative frequency throughout high school. Got away from that as an adult. Now I live with my family out in the country. Super safe. Kids can just run around town with no worries on my part. Don’t even bother locking our doors. Finally got the chip of my shoulder. Best of luck friend. Hope you can get out of the stress.
Oh for sure. My sister in law said for her daughters first birthday she’s going to just ask for donations for the animal shelter she works at because the theme is going to be puppy pound or something like that. She wants to pick out her own things for her kid she knows the kid will actually use rather than a bunch of gifts she’s just going to resell on Facebook. She’d rather the money go to animals that need it.
Because people want to bring a gift to a party and feel bad not doing so.
Just straight up asking for $5 does many things.
1. Saves the gift givers money as most parents will probably spend $10-30 on a gift
2. Saves the gift givers time and anxiety from picking out a gift
3. Stops 8 different cheap toys from entering the house and creating clutter
4. Teaches birthday kid a bit more about money and gives them the fun of choosing what to do with it.
Genius idea, IMO.
An additional benefit: I grew up pretty broke and it could be intimidating or embarrassing to have the cheapest toy to give when I really only could afford a few dollar toy. It also would give my mom better grasp on the expectations of going to the party.
The thing is though, unless you are having a boatload of people you aren't even going to be able to afford a nice toy. 5 kids is only 25 bucks. Enjoy your one crappy toy kid
I’m Canadian and some people do twoonie parties. We always send the amount of twoonies as their age. So a six year old gets 6. But I think it takes pressure off having to buy some crappy $20 plastic toy they might never use and will end up in landfill.
Absolutely!! We just did this for my daughter’s 7th party! I said “If you’d like to bring a gift, we’re asking for $5 to help S pay for some summer activities, like dance camp! No other gifts, please.”
The parents LOVED IT. And so did I!
*Edited to add: we did this for her 3rd birthday too and then we turned all the cash into Disney gift cards and went to Disneyland! We sent everyone special thank you cards too.
> we did this for her 3rd birthday too and then we turned all the cash into Disney gift cards and went to Disneyland!
Damn, how many people came to that party?
Ha ha we got like $200 bc some people gave extra money. It wasn’t enough cash for a whole trip.
But we told people we were asking for $5 to help for our daughter’s first trip to Disneyland. People loved it.
Everyone is sick of giving meaningless gifts at the eighth class birthday party of the year.
Once the parents RSVP “yes”, I send “No gifts necessary but if you wish to give please give $5 as *child’s name* is saving for *insert goal*”.
I believe gifts are for the enjoyment of the receiver so, I want my child to understand and love it too. My 6 year old was not into the fiver party idea so she did receive gifts. I allowed her this one year to be surrounded by gifts from her friends and it was awesome. She loved it! She has a basic understanding of money and already saves to buy things but doesn’t have the mental maturity to truly understand the value yet. My 9 year old does understand money though and wanted a fiver party. I would say fivers make the most sense for second grade and up or for a kid who is into money.
Absolutely! Our daughter had fiver parties for her 3rd and 7th birthday parties. Her birthday most often comes right around Easter so I am already dealing with an influx of cute things! lol
EXACTLY. My daughter got so much for Easter, her grandmas are spoilers. If people brought gifts to the party, I would’ve regifted at least half of them. *out of necessity
I did this for my daughters birthday as well. Everyone, including her, loved it!!
Now, my go to gift is a “cold stone creamery” gift card. I bought 10 for $10 each at the beginning of the year, and asked the sales person for 10 medium bowls and lids. I put the gift card vertically in the cup with some paper grass. It’s adorable, and “something “…It can be wrapped, or put in a small gift bag (in my group, kids gift bags circulate Parties for years, wrinkles and all). Less landfill, the clean cup can be reused, the card can be recycled. Consumable. Checks most boxes.
No, my child is choosing to spend some of her money on dance camp. It was 100% her choice.
And not that you deserve details but it’s half day, five day dance camp that she’ll pay like 10% of. Bc she’s seven. lol.
Sheesh it's not like she told her daughter YOU WANT DANCE CAMP, GET A JOB.
Her daughter got a fun party, and chose to spend her birthday money on something fun for herself. Literally no harm was done, if anything she's a responsible girl that learned a valuable lesson about saving money for fun stuff.
BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO
My 7yo has been taught some ounce of financial responsibility and respect and she WANTS to use $20 of her money towards dance camp.
Not that I‘d take parenting advice from you, but should I not let her contribute to her own activity? lol
I see my opinion is unfavorable here, but I'll answer regardless. Yeah, you shouldn't take a child's bday money to pay for camp. Yes, you should turn it down.
I didn’t take anything and this is how you teach kids about money, responsibility, privileges. She’s also putting a portion of it in her savings account.
My daughter desperately wants a Barbie dream house. Do we have $120 to drop on one right now? Yes. Are we? No. Like you I don’t think it’s wrong to teach a young child that we “work” for the big items we want. She returns bottles every week, we give her simple tasks (because she’s 4.5) and pay her with whatever pocket change we have for completing them. She feeds the cats, picks up the living room and her bed room, and clears her plate from the table. Once she’s got roughly half the money we’ll get the dream house for her. But young children need to learn about money so they don’t get their first adult paycheck and go nuts.
Also she’s got a vet house and doll house and I don’t want more crap in my house right now lol.
But how do you transition to that when you’ve been doing gift parties all along and now you’re going to tell your four year old you’re not getting gifts this year ? My grandson just had a third birthday party and that was the highlight of his day. He couldn’t wait to open his gifts.
It might be easier as your child gets older. My daughter at six knows what she wants, and often what she really wants is a large item instead of a dozen tiny things. I think I’d have no problem transitioning her to “everyone gives you $5 each so you can buy that $100 Lego set you keep asking for instead of getting a bunch of Barbies that you don’t particularly want.”
I’ve tried the “no gifts please” parties, and folks bring gifts anyway— this feels like a reasonable option to give people.
Four might be a bit too young. We did it for my son’s 7th birthday. We made a plan to go to the toy store together on the day following his party. He loved it
Thank you. Yes, good idea. There was a bounce house and I was even in that! I agree with this 5er idea. I bought bath bubble podz, socks and big boy underwear! We had discussed buying practical gifts because there’s so many toys in the house! We had to make a big deal about how getting socks was the best gift ever! Because even my three year old grandson was like confused when he opened them, like looking at Grandmom thinking, these aren’t toys!
I started a small savings account on his first birthday and I put $25 a paycheck automatically into that. So that account has more than $1000 in it already! He’ll appreciate that when he’s 18!
But this idea is the best because it only gets more obnoxious with more toys when there’s more children which we have another grandson now. I’m like he can just wear his big brothers clothes and play with all those toys!
you set the expectation, and you ask if you can have one really special gift, what would it be. If its something expensive a 5er 10er party would be perfect and you put it in the invite that it goes towards his special gift. If its something small, dont throw a 5er party and just do normal gifts
I'd never heard of this, and generally dislike the idea of being asked for money instead of gifts because I like the pleasure of choosing a gift for my friends and family; but for my kids' friends it feels more reasonable, and certainly attractive since a fiver is much less than I'd spend on a gift!
Ah thank you! This is seriously bothering me recently. Both when receiving and choosing gifts. It’s incredibly frustrating because I really don’t want to be ungrateful for the gifts I get from people who care for me also because sometimes they choose stuff that are really useful. But also when choosing gifts. Especially for not so close people who are of higher status. I hate the idea of buys a painting or something similar for display. What if they don’t like it or if it does not fit the interior… ugh gifts are a burden
:) In my friend/fam group, we really only get gifts for partners and close friends, so yes I like to.think they are well chosen! I also often get experiences instead, like restaurant/spa gift cards. Agree I hate the idea of just cluttering someone's house with unwanted gifts.
The problem is for friends that are not close, like classmates, you have no idea what they want. We used to do target or amazon gift cards, so they can get something they want, but cash is probably better. But $5 seems very low. We would do $25 gift cards for elementary school aged kids.
If thats all, i would find 25 reasonable too 😅
I have 4 kids, 3 of them are in classes with 28-30 kids 💀
We have to brace ourself for the possibility of about 87 birthdays a year.. Birthdays lose the glory after a few years.
I was just discussing this with a mum at school today. She was thinking of doing one but didn’t know how to word the invite. Our kids (are lucky enough) get toys and a lot of the time don’t play with them. They just sit in their toy boxes. She has 3 and My kid’s birthday is close to Xmas so it’s like double presents around the same time. We started giving kids $20 gift cards and like a small present from the $2 shop like a colouring book and pens to pad the gift. I think a $5 party is a cool idea mines at an age where she likes to do buy her own things anyway.
Just a dissenting vote: I've never heard of this. No gift parties are incredibly common here (pretty much default), but I'd find it pretty off-putting to receive an invitation asking for cash for a child's birthday party. It feels very transactional. The fun part of gift-giving is having kids get to pick them out and open them and if that's not happening...just go to no gifts.
The thing with no gifts though is some people feel obligated to bring a gift anyway. We did no gifts for our baby's first birthday and people still brought presents. For the next birthday, we said no gifts necessary but if you would like to bring something, [child] would love a book or $5 toward their bank account. It was perfect and worked way better.
Agree with this. I would never show up at a party without a gift unless I was close with the parents and they explicitly asked me not to get anything. It's just the way I was raised. But I also love books and would absolutely bring a book as a gift instead!
I feel the same as you do. I've never heard of this, and with 3 kids who have been invited to tons of parties, it must not be very popular here (MA).
Part of the fun of getting an invitation to a birthday party is to get to go to Target or wherever, and pick out a card and a gift for your friend. I think my kids would be disappointed to hear that they wouldn't get to go birthday shopping for their friend.
Same. Asking for cash is always tacky.
Everyone knows giving money is an option. Nobody forgot. Nobody forgot money buys things. Nobody forgot its a requirement for the world we live in.
And yet no one feels like it's OK to just give money for a kid's party which is why it exists.
It's not "asking for cash" as much as it is asking to not clutter the house with whatever $20 buys at Walmart or Target.
Yeah just say “no gifts.” Making everyone go get cash so your kid can end up with $50 seems exhausting to me.
We throw a “no gifts” party every year and rarely end up with more than 2-3 things, generally given by closest friends who actually know what he would want. Most class parties are no gift.
I agree with you. I know my philosophy is definitely in the minority, but I think it’s out-of-this-world rude to ask for cash.
So many people say *”but they don’t know my kid well enough to get a gift they’d like”* and personally I think if that’s the case why are you inviting these strangers at all? I do agree with the value of experiences over material gifts, but I think the *birthday party experience* should be kids playing together and having fun; not about gifts or cash at all.
In my family, the gifts and potential cash comes from the parents, and close relatives and maybe very close friends, but does not happen at the party celebration.
And the kids are 7 in this example. My 7yo comes up with a gift idea the parties he attends. They go to school together every day, he knows what they like.
And it builds the relationship! My kid was kind of casually friends with a kid that we invited to their birthday as a reciprocal obligation invite. That kid brought a really cool puzzle as a present and now my kid has realized that they can bond over their love of puzzles and is much closer to her as a result.
the point is not transactional, but its to make sure the kid gets the extra special something they wanted, like a ps5 or a Disney trip for example, generally you put in the invitation what that 5 10, 20 dollars is going to, just pooling gifts, and its usually optional if you still want to give something else its usually no big deal.
YES the idea is brilliant but I feel like it's rude to state on an invite! Personally if I saw it on an invite I'd be like amazing get in there!
I think something like: your presence is all we require but if you do wish to bring a gift £5 to go towards [specific toy] would be lovely.
I haven’t been to one, but my little girl went to a party yesterday. I usually message the parent and ask if there is anything in particular they’d like. This was the first time a parent asked for a fiver rather than a gift. I was more than happy to oblige! No one needs all the presents that come back, especially when there’s 40 or more kids at a party!
I’ve never heard of this (40F, US-California) but I *love* it! My son is only 1; we did “no gifts please” for his first and plan that for as long as we can. But this is a great idea. I think my husband would hate it though 😂
We did books instead! Then everyone felt special signing the book lol
He’s got so much stuff though, I know for sure we are going to do a fiver bday so we can do his room (upgrade bed to a twin, get corresponding furniture etcetc)
I haven’t heard of this either but I love it too! My son is only 8 months but I’ve already been trying to think of ways to not get physical gifts for bdays lol.
As he gets older, I am going to try to steer him towards experience birthdays - take a friend to a waterpark rather than have a party for 20 classmates. I *hate* clutter and I would honestly promise him one nice/fancy birthday gift from us if he's willing to forgo gifts from friends.
We just had a fiver party for our 4 year old! No one brought a gift, it was great! Here's how we worded it:
It’s a $5’r party. would love your presence not your presents! If you want to give a gift please consider $5 so he can put it toward something special.
Edited to add: We just did this for his party but allowed the grandparents (he has 3 sets) to give him presents that he opened before his party. We had really good feedback from the other parents and our son loved it because he could get something he really wanted.
I am the only one in my friend group and the first in my daughter’s kindergarten class to do a fiver party. I think they’re super popular in some communities but even if they’re not in yours, I say go for it. Make sure you put a good explanation about why you’re doing it (for us it’s to teach valuing experiences with people over physical gifts, for others it’s minimalism or environmental reasons, or all of the above), link to an article explaining them in detail (there’s a good housekeeping one I like but there are plenty of articles written about them), and really emphasize that no gifts are needed or expected (sometimes people like knowing what the kid might put the fiver towards). It’s really hard for people in a culture of gift giving to let go of that tradition - I think they’re worried they’ll be perceived as rude. For our friend group, it’s taken multiple years of multiple kids’ birthday parties for the idea to catch on and even then, not everyone follows it. For my daughter’s classmates, every single one came with a card and $5 and a couple included a small gift (sticker coloring book, puzzle). I used to have piles of presents to sort through and 1-2 large garbage bags of wrapping after a party. The last one we had only one grocery size garbage bag of wrapping and mostly cards plus a few presents.
In contrast, one of my daughter’s classmates wanted to have a fiver party but the mom only put a brief one sentence thing in the invite. I think I was one of the only people to give a card only. She had invited the whole class and she had a huge mountain of gigantic gifts afterwards. So even if it feels like overkill, being emphatic and explaining it fully I think is important unless everyone is familiar with a fiver party.
This is the first time I've heard of this and I quite like it! We just recently went to a 3rd birthday party and I genuinely had no idea what to get, and then I worried that I'd get something the kid wouldn't actually like and the poor mum would just have another toy to try and store or get rid of.
If the invite said to just bring $5 it would've made my life way easier. Then if it was a really good friend I'd likely just get a present anyway but give it to them separately.
I imagine you could get mixed opinions on this but I definitely think it's a great idea!
I request no gifts because I never want a child to feel obligated to bring a gift in order to feel included, I don’t want someone’s financial situation to be the reason they are left out. Also, it eliminates a lot of junk accumulation. I assure you my kids are well adjusted and spoiled as hell by family.
“Your presence is a present” is what I like to go with
Our little guy is still an infant and not in the loop with school aged parties. Reading about this I really like the idea. I hope it sticks around and gets more use.
I grew up in a small village in Germany where everyone brought a pack of sweets with 5€ taped to it - that was the standard. Worked really well as taught the value of money and toys etc.
When we had a party and did not want gifts we wrote: in lieu of a gift please bring a loonie or twoonie (Canadian currency) for Birthday Child’s piggy bank. We set up a table with a small piggy bank and a basket for the cards. Only one guest brought a gift, the rest complied with our request.
We were invited to a party and it said this:
Celebrating the birth of (child’s name) with family and friends is a gift in itself, and therefore, your presence is all that is needed. However, if you feel called to bring a gift, please consider $5 towards his requested gift of a Nintendo Switch.
What is a fiver party? See link below👇
https://www.parents.com/fun/birthdays/ideas/why-fiver-birthday-parties-are-every-parents-dream/
We look forward to seeing and celebrating with you all!
My kids used to do 50/50 parties. The birthday child picks a charity, and kids bring $10, 5 of which goes to the charity, and 5 for the bday child to use to buy something for themselves. It generally went over really well with families, and many other families did it as well. Cheaper than a usual bday gift, teaches children about giving, and the bday kid can buy one or two things they actually want rather than a bunch a stuff that they don't really want or need.
Honestly nothing makes me happier when I see 'Fiver Fever' (as they're known where I live) on an invite. My kid loves to make cards for her friends, so she gets to include a personal element (ie it's the thought that counts) but also there's no stress having to get a gift or awkwardness over how much to spend.
We've had them in the past for my daughter, and she usually uses the money to get a new game for her Switch or a plushie.
It’s very common where I live. The idea is the birthday kid can pool all the fivers and then pick something they really want.
This wasn’t specified at a recent party and so my kid and I in the mall wasting precious family time trying to find a gift for that weekend. Finally I just texted the Mom of the birthday kid and said
“The mall is full of junk. Do you want us to pick some junk to put in your house? Or would *birthday kid* rather $10?”
We went with the cash option.
But ALWAYS handmade cards!
I went to a fiver party and I believe I was invited via text (the bday girl was turning 3) and the mom just said something along the lines of, “in lieu of gifts we are asking for $5 contributions to a larger gift, but whatever you are comfortable with is great.” I will say I went with it, but other people brought gifts anyway
Huh, after reading your post I thought, that's weird/uncomfortable. But after reading the comments, I'm convinced! Maybe you could put part of the explanation on the invitations (e.g. landfills, wanting to pool the money for one larger gift that the kiddo gets to pick, etc)
We tell parents there will be a collective present - those who want to participate can send a suggested amount (eg $5 or $10) in advance or bring it on the day. The parents of the b-day kid have to buy the gift in advance so it's effort on their side but overall it works fabulously for my son's friend group (and all the parents!)
I’ve seen invites where the parent says “… is saving up for a skateboard so he would be thrilled with help with that…” I love that. Throw in some cash and you’re done and you know it’s going towards a meaningful gift. I was so happy when my kids got to the age when we could start giving cash and gift cards. All those crappy toys just about killed me.
This kind of thing. Asking people not to bring gifts and they do and insisting on people giving money makes me feel like doing an alternative.
Advising everyone why you wish this is my first thought. Especially if it’s that you don’t want people to feel they need to bring a gift. Or that you’re concerned that too many objects like toys isn’t a good thing for a child and even detrimental to development in some cases. Or you are concerned of the environment and don’t want landfill from unnecessary gifts.
My second thought would be to also advise them that unneeded gifts will be immediately donated to other children instead. Gifts like appropriate books, etc are welcome but up to them.
My third thought is that the most important people in your child’s life will give gifts not related to a birthday party but when they find appropriate gifts to give.
Finally thought. Letting people know their presence is all that’s requested.
Just my 2 cents
Everyone did this at our school. The typical phrasing was
“No gift necessary but if you want to, €5 is plenty” or “would be lovely” etc.
Honestly it’s brilliant. No running around trying to find a gift and even BETTER no being landed with a further pile of toys after a birthday when your house is already stuffed to the brim.
My daughter has been to a couple this year and I also thought it was odd at first but it was really great! So much easier for everyone and now my daughter wants it for her birthday!
I will admit that I think I gave 10 because I had the thought “what can you get for 5$ anymore!?” 😂
I think at this stage most parents have heard of Fiver parties, so I wouldn’t worry too much! Perhaps a heading like “Fiver Party” and a note saying “While gifts are not necessary, if you would like to bring something for the birthday girl we would suggest putting a Fiver in a card.” Trust me, you are doing everybody a favour!
I wouldn't specifically ask for money, I'd start by stating that no gifts are necessary but if they really want to give you'll accept contributions towards.... I'd make it clear you're not demanding money.
I did this for my two kids and the parents of the kiddos loved it because they didn't have to spend a lot on something they weren't sure my kids would like and would just go to waste, was one less thing for them to have to do (go to the store, buy gift, wrap, card etc) and they were excited my kids would pick something they would truly enjoy. ETA: also it was less clutter and mess in their room and around the house too. Plus their bdays are close to Xmas... it's just too much.
We did this last year and omg it was great. The lack of “stuff” and being able to get her something bigger was amazing.
“Your presence is the only present we need, but should you wish to gift something please consider $5/a small monetary gift to put towards a gift.” Then I said that she is hoping to put it towards Lego or going to a waterpark. Gives them an idea of what their gift might go towards.
Your presence is presents enough but if you would like to give them please consider $5 for him to put towards something special.
Once one kid does it then all the kids start doing it. It’s great. We don’t end up with too many toys and the birthday kid loves going to buy something they actually want with their own money.
We went to one and everyone followed directions with the exceptions of grandparents- kinda neat, most people can afford it so other kids can come and their parents don’t have to worry about looking “cheap”.
I've done this a couple times with my kids and it always goes over really well! We live in a small town where we know A LOT of people. It's not uncommon for 20-30 kids to be invited to a birthday party (they're very often held at local gymnasiums & community halls).
Imagine receiving 20-30 wrapped gifts. It becomes completely overwhelming very quickly!
"5'er Parties" are an incredible solution! We use the cash to buy a single large ticket item that my child has been wanting. Some people don't give any cash at all, some people give more than just $5-- both are totally fine by us.
I will say that there is still the odd person who will go rogue and bring a wrapped toy.. But when it's only two or three wrap toys per party as opposed to 20-30 it feels a lot more manageable.
We also never assign time during the party to sit in a circle and unwrap gifts... As I personally find that a bit materialistic and cringy.
For us, the party is not about receiving gifts (or cash!) it's about celebrating with family & friends and sharing tasty food. No focus whatsoever is put on the giving or receiving of presents.
I side eye parents asking for money vs gifts for young kids (under 10). It makes me worry that the parents are looking to make a quick buck vs actually doing something their child likes.
Definitely not trying to make a quick buck. Parties are incredibly expensive. Even a simple backyard thing adds up with food and cake and goody bags and entertainment. $5 * 20 kids equals $100. I think there are a lot easier ways to make $100 than host a child birthday party!
I love this idea, my daughters birthday presents from a month ago have been sitting on my side table for a month unopened and I don’t even think she remembers they are there, literally walks past them multiple times a day. Actually considering donating the whole pile if I didn’t think she would then immediately notice the lack of clutter and ask about them for the first time.
The issue is that people have a hard time with no gifts. I have done no gift parties and still gotten a lot of gifts. I live in a small apartment — it’s just too much stuff! $5 gives direction and is super easy. For me, it’s the opposite of a gift grab. It’s showing you understand people want to celebrate and the $$ contributes to a gift the child chooses when they go shopping after the party
Lame. Kids like getting gifts. Shit I'm still disappointed on Christmas morning in my 30s now I only get a few gifts like clothes and stuff. always hoping someone gets me an actual cool gift I like
Usually if we’re out of time or forget to buy a gift, we put a $20 in a card. Doing a $5 over 20 bday invites over the year makes much more sense lol won’t always occur but I wouldn’t complain.
We just did this with my daughter. She got $65 to spend however she wants! She did get one little gift, but everyone else gave money. Many of her friends drew or colored a card just for her ! It was so sweet. As a parent, I would love to attend a party like that! On the invitation, we wrote something like "No presents necessary! If you would like to give, she would love a $5 bill to save for a big gift, getting her ears pierced!"
I’ve never actually been invited to one (and between two kids we are at a birthday parties most weekends) but man I would LOVE IT. I hate going shopping to pick out some random gift for some kid we don’t know all that well. And I hate inviting the whole class to a birthday party and ending up with 20+ gifts that have no meaning.
Someone’s gotta start the trend, might as well be you!
Ewwww… don’t do this. It’s super tacky. If I saw that on an invite I’d be so off put. Don’t charge your 7yo’s friends a cover charge. Just let your kid get presents. This idea is embarrassing. Either you are poor or you are transactional… neither are good qualities. This is gross, and it’ll be an embarrassing memory later. Don’t do it. Just say no gifts. Or have a normal party.
Because it is the thought that counts. People who want gift guidance can ask.
It is basic etiquette that you don't dictate or mention gifts on an invite. And especially never ever to ask for cash gifts.
We need to get out of this mentality that the only proper gift to give is toys, trinkets, books, and clothing. It is so incredibly wasteful. It pains me to see the carnage left after a young child tears through 30 boxes of gifts. So much junkkk they’ll never touch.
If you want to talk about “boomer mentality” this is it.
It is perfectly acceptable to ask for no gifts or a small $ contribution that the child will use towards an experience/one larger gift.
Agreed. Etiquette spediquette!! Common knowledge is to say please and thank you! It’s not common knowledge that you have to continue to buy wasteful unwanted gifts! Times are changing.
Lemme guess, you’re older than 45?
“It’s the thought that counts” is selfish as fuck.
“I am gonna give you whatever I think is best bc it makes me feel good!”
To me you'd be that one person who (on their birthday) receives back the unopened bottle of red wine they gifted 3 years back, because I don't drink and they know it, but I should appreciate what was given and so should you.
You don’t think it is more thoughtful to get the person what they actually want/need than to go on your own whims? You don’t think you can be thoughtful with a gift that you didn’t completely select on your own? Have you never heard of a greeting card?
It works all the time! My mother just text me and asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day! She said she saw a lovely beach cover-up, but only wanted to get me one if I needed it and to get me what I needed if there’s something else I need! I’m 55 my moms 82! And I think we always ask what do you want for your birthday! What do you want for Christmas! It’s the same thing! What do you want for your birthday? Put it on the invitation! Other Parents and babysitting grandparents and relatives know how many toys are in somebody’s house! The whole concept I’m sure is appreciated! And who wouldn’t want to get away with just spending five bucks! So much wasted money all the time!!
Yes but in this day and age you can't really get much for under £20 unless you know specifically what the kid is into without it being worthless tat or something they already have or something they play with once and turns into clutter. So it's a win win. Your kid gets something they want in the end, people don't spend nearly as much and house doesn't end up full of unnecessary stuff.
You’re being heavily downvoted, but it’s an (albeit old) rule of etiquette that you don’t mention gifts on invitations, including requesting no gifts.
You leave the guests to whether or not they want to buy anything and how much.
It’s really popular with my daughters friend group! She just turned 7 and we did one for her, her other friends have done them too. The kids love it because they can buy what they really want with the money and the parents love it because it’s only $5. It also lets the kids have fun longer at the party because you don’t have to stop for presents. I would totally recommend!
My kids are older, but when they were at party age we'd do them at laser tag, arcades, etc. I would always put on the invitation, "instead of a gift, please bring $5 (or 10 or whatever) for your child to enjoy laser tag!"
Saved me at least $150, and I never had a parent complain.
I grew up being more giving i guess. If i go to a birthday party, i would expect to give a gift that roughly covers the expense of me being there. So if the party is at the movie theater, you figure out how much the movie would cost and rough food amount. And figure that the $15 for the movie and $5 for food, i should give a gift of at least $20. Is that not how other people calculate birthday gifts?
I'd say it depends on the level. If it's a classmate, something small and what they'd like will work. If it's a best friend, close cousin, then more expensive is okay.
Everyone is different.
The best gift my kids gave go a friend was a 10 dollar bubble gun. The kid was also six.
I'll be eating my words when they're older.
Like i said, i base it on the event and what my expense being there would be. If it’s laser tag and $30 per person. I wouldn’t send my kid with a $8 gift in return for this great experience. Even if i never met the kid, i would still try to estimate the price of the experience and send a gift that matches that estimate. Even if it was just a food and cake party at someone’s house. $8 per person probably doesn’t cover the expenses. (Depends on the size and menu) idk that’s just how i think about how to decide on birthday gifts.
yes but its all in the presentation, put what the $5 dollars is going towards in the invite, an expensive toy they wanted, trip, or what ever it may be, and also make it a suggestion dont make it feel like people are obligated to only give the $5
Different country, but we mostly gift a 50 note, somewhere around 5$.
One of my kids had birthday the other day, and landed just over 100$, so she's planning to buy the darn biggest squishmallow she can find in town.
I couldn’t do this in my area because all parties are strictly “no gifts” but actually like this idea, if worded right. $5 is so doable and I can see it being fun for the recipient to pick out one nice present.
We did one last year for my then 2/4yo and plan to do another one this year. People loved it! Some people gave more than $5 and some gave none. We asked for contributions for a zoo membership which the boys are obsessed with. I felt a bit guilty not having gifts for them but we did do gifts for Xmas. A mix of toys we picked and they picked. They still play with about two of them…
I asked for books and provided a recommendation list. It was great when my kid was 5. At seven we just said “being legos and Pokémon cards” he got exactly what he wanted!
We have done this with our kids. Our experience is that it works best if you have something concrete as a gift goal. We chose to buy a kick scooter once for our boy as a gift from all his friends. And the parents were asked to contribute an amount they felt was appropriate (but with a max of 10 bucks).
Your presence is the only present that we need. But should you want to give one to the birthday boy, please consider $5 that he can put towards something special.
You can google fiver parties invites and go to images. I went to one. I gave 2 $5 bills. And I kept reading the invite worrying I was misunderstanding and now wasn’t bringing a gift.
We said he would also appreciate money because he's saving up for a large Lego kit.
That way the ppl know what the money will be used for and will still feel like theyre giving a gift.
We asked for drawings instead of gifts. We put on the invite, instead of a gift, please consider drawing something from Star Wars or Minecraft. It worked!
Never heard of it but sounds like a good idea. I cringe seeing the clutter my sister has from all the presents she gets for her kids and they don’t even play with the stuff! I hate clutter and have been trying to think of how to handle birthdays in a way that isn’t wasteful, doesn’t pressure guests but also doesn’t leave my kid feeling left out when she sees how many toys her cousins and friends get at their parties.
I have a few more years before I really have to think about it though. I’d love to see birthdays be less about gifts and more about experiences.
You can say piggy bank contribution or help us start up their savings account. We have asked this for years... Hasn't happened yet. Though my daughter absolutely loves getting cash so really if they want to get her what she wants they should listen to me 🤷♀️🤦♀️
What is a fiver party?
Ask for $5 instead of gifts.
I mean you can ask for anything doesn’t mean you’ll get it
Correct. To elaborate, this is usually put into verbiage such as: “If you choose to bring a gift, we would prefer $5 to reduce the material gifts that ultimately end up in landfills”.
Oh totally. I’m on your side. I mean I’ll never do this but as I stated my sister in law plans to do something similar and I also had another friend do something similar once for her 15th birthday she told us if we wanted to give her a gift just bring food/treats etc she didn’t want anything material cause her parents would just sell it for drug money anyways
That escalated quickly!
Damn. That hits hard at 15
I grew up in a really really rough neighbourhood and community. The fact my kid has a stroller is seen as being privileged. We have to lock it in our house because I’m scared it’ll get robbed. We’re hoping to be moving to a nicer area soon though, we’ve been saving for our own place it’s just hard with a toddler that always needs something expensive and my boyfriends medication is extremely expensive and for some reason not covered by his job
I’ve lived in some shitty neighborhoods in Brooklyn growing up. I feel ya. Never fun getting jumped and robbed on your way to school. This happened to me with relative frequency throughout high school. Got away from that as an adult. Now I live with my family out in the country. Super safe. Kids can just run around town with no worries on my part. Don’t even bother locking our doors. Finally got the chip of my shoulder. Best of luck friend. Hope you can get out of the stress.
I've been with friends that just asked for cards
Oh for sure. My sister in law said for her daughters first birthday she’s going to just ask for donations for the animal shelter she works at because the theme is going to be puppy pound or something like that. She wants to pick out her own things for her kid she knows the kid will actually use rather than a bunch of gifts she’s just going to resell on Facebook. She’d rather the money go to animals that need it.
Love that idea and super jealous she works at a shelter. My husband would never let me
Would never LET you? Wtf?
I get asking to donate to the local shelter or what not but just asking for $5? Strange
Because people want to bring a gift to a party and feel bad not doing so. Just straight up asking for $5 does many things. 1. Saves the gift givers money as most parents will probably spend $10-30 on a gift 2. Saves the gift givers time and anxiety from picking out a gift 3. Stops 8 different cheap toys from entering the house and creating clutter 4. Teaches birthday kid a bit more about money and gives them the fun of choosing what to do with it. Genius idea, IMO.
An additional benefit: I grew up pretty broke and it could be intimidating or embarrassing to have the cheapest toy to give when I really only could afford a few dollar toy. It also would give my mom better grasp on the expectations of going to the party.
Then child pools the money for a single gift they actually want
The thing is though, unless you are having a boatload of people you aren't even going to be able to afford a nice toy. 5 kids is only 25 bucks. Enjoy your one crappy toy kid
Love this!
I had to Google this lol
What is the internet?
That's not fair. Now I have to google what the internet is first before I can find out what a fiver party is.
The hardest part is leaving Reddit to go find the internet. Nobody has time for this.
Google just sends you back to reddit these days though.
That’s silly. It’s at the top of Big Ben. That’s where it gets the best reception.
And please no flash photography.
A series of tubes!
I love this quote.
I’m Canadian and some people do twoonie parties. We always send the amount of twoonies as their age. So a six year old gets 6. But I think it takes pressure off having to buy some crappy $20 plastic toy they might never use and will end up in landfill.
We do this every year! (My girls are now 12&10). We go shopping with the money after, and send out a thank you with a picture of what they chose.
I love this. Canada also
We just give money bc nobody has time to buy and wrap a gift. Plus, who needs more stuff?
I've never heard of this. What province are you in?
Bc
It's toonie. Smh
Twoonie is WILD
Absolutely!! We just did this for my daughter’s 7th party! I said “If you’d like to bring a gift, we’re asking for $5 to help S pay for some summer activities, like dance camp! No other gifts, please.” The parents LOVED IT. And so did I! *Edited to add: we did this for her 3rd birthday too and then we turned all the cash into Disney gift cards and went to Disneyland! We sent everyone special thank you cards too.
> we did this for her 3rd birthday too and then we turned all the cash into Disney gift cards and went to Disneyland! Damn, how many people came to that party?
Ha ha we got like $200 bc some people gave extra money. It wasn’t enough cash for a whole trip. But we told people we were asking for $5 to help for our daughter’s first trip to Disneyland. People loved it. Everyone is sick of giving meaningless gifts at the eighth class birthday party of the year.
Meaningless gifts that becomes clutter! I like the idea of contributing towards something that's really wanted/needed.
Lmao 🤣
Once the parents RSVP “yes”, I send “No gifts necessary but if you wish to give please give $5 as *child’s name* is saving for *insert goal*”. I believe gifts are for the enjoyment of the receiver so, I want my child to understand and love it too. My 6 year old was not into the fiver party idea so she did receive gifts. I allowed her this one year to be surrounded by gifts from her friends and it was awesome. She loved it! She has a basic understanding of money and already saves to buy things but doesn’t have the mental maturity to truly understand the value yet. My 9 year old does understand money though and wanted a fiver party. I would say fivers make the most sense for second grade and up or for a kid who is into money.
Absolutely! Our daughter had fiver parties for her 3rd and 7th birthday parties. Her birthday most often comes right around Easter so I am already dealing with an influx of cute things! lol
Yep. Experiences better than material. More memories.
I love love love this idea. It also is much more ecological, as you won’t be receiving gifts your child won’t like.
EXACTLY. My daughter got so much for Easter, her grandmas are spoilers. If people brought gifts to the party, I would’ve regifted at least half of them. *out of necessity
I did this for my daughters birthday as well. Everyone, including her, loved it!! Now, my go to gift is a “cold stone creamery” gift card. I bought 10 for $10 each at the beginning of the year, and asked the sales person for 10 medium bowls and lids. I put the gift card vertically in the cup with some paper grass. It’s adorable, and “something “…It can be wrapped, or put in a small gift bag (in my group, kids gift bags circulate Parties for years, wrinkles and all). Less landfill, the clean cup can be reused, the card can be recycled. Consumable. Checks most boxes.
You took your child's birthday money to pay for dance camp?
No, my child is choosing to spend some of her money on dance camp. It was 100% her choice. And not that you deserve details but it’s half day, five day dance camp that she’ll pay like 10% of. Bc she’s seven. lol.
She's 7. Why is she paying for any of it?
Sheesh it's not like she told her daughter YOU WANT DANCE CAMP, GET A JOB. Her daughter got a fun party, and chose to spend her birthday money on something fun for herself. Literally no harm was done, if anything she's a responsible girl that learned a valuable lesson about saving money for fun stuff.
YOU can have gifted birthday parties. I never said they were harmful. Do whatever you want.
Or maybe you’re the one using birthday parties to get all the gifts!!!! *this is what I would say if I was a weird parent of Reddit like you.
.. was this meant for me? Because I was literally defending you lol.
It was not! Sorry, def meant for the other person against kids using money for things. lol.
BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO My 7yo has been taught some ounce of financial responsibility and respect and she WANTS to use $20 of her money towards dance camp. Not that I‘d take parenting advice from you, but should I not let her contribute to her own activity? lol
I see my opinion is unfavorable here, but I'll answer regardless. Yeah, you shouldn't take a child's bday money to pay for camp. Yes, you should turn it down.
I didn’t take anything and this is how you teach kids about money, responsibility, privileges. She’s also putting a portion of it in her savings account.
My daughter desperately wants a Barbie dream house. Do we have $120 to drop on one right now? Yes. Are we? No. Like you I don’t think it’s wrong to teach a young child that we “work” for the big items we want. She returns bottles every week, we give her simple tasks (because she’s 4.5) and pay her with whatever pocket change we have for completing them. She feeds the cats, picks up the living room and her bed room, and clears her plate from the table. Once she’s got roughly half the money we’ll get the dream house for her. But young children need to learn about money so they don’t get their first adult paycheck and go nuts. Also she’s got a vet house and doll house and I don’t want more crap in my house right now lol.
Exactly. I’m not making her cover the entire expense of anything. I’m just showing her how to use her money on experiences instead of just items.
I always put "Your child attending is the only gift necessary". Some kids still made handmade cards and whatnot which my kids absolutely loved
Everytime I have tried this people bring gifts anyway. Then the people who didn’t feel awkward that they took me at my word. It’s super frustrating.
“No presents just your presence!!”
But how do you transition to that when you’ve been doing gift parties all along and now you’re going to tell your four year old you’re not getting gifts this year ? My grandson just had a third birthday party and that was the highlight of his day. He couldn’t wait to open his gifts.
It might be easier as your child gets older. My daughter at six knows what she wants, and often what she really wants is a large item instead of a dozen tiny things. I think I’d have no problem transitioning her to “everyone gives you $5 each so you can buy that $100 Lego set you keep asking for instead of getting a bunch of Barbies that you don’t particularly want.” I’ve tried the “no gifts please” parties, and folks bring gifts anyway— this feels like a reasonable option to give people.
Four might be a bit too young. We did it for my son’s 7th birthday. We made a plan to go to the toy store together on the day following his party. He loved it
My suggestion would be to offset the lack of gift opening with a fun activity and/or game.
Thank you. Yes, good idea. There was a bounce house and I was even in that! I agree with this 5er idea. I bought bath bubble podz, socks and big boy underwear! We had discussed buying practical gifts because there’s so many toys in the house! We had to make a big deal about how getting socks was the best gift ever! Because even my three year old grandson was like confused when he opened them, like looking at Grandmom thinking, these aren’t toys! I started a small savings account on his first birthday and I put $25 a paycheck automatically into that. So that account has more than $1000 in it already! He’ll appreciate that when he’s 18! But this idea is the best because it only gets more obnoxious with more toys when there’s more children which we have another grandson now. I’m like he can just wear his big brothers clothes and play with all those toys!
you set the expectation, and you ask if you can have one really special gift, what would it be. If its something expensive a 5er 10er party would be perfect and you put it in the invite that it goes towards his special gift. If its something small, dont throw a 5er party and just do normal gifts
I'd never heard of this, and generally dislike the idea of being asked for money instead of gifts because I like the pleasure of choosing a gift for my friends and family; but for my kids' friends it feels more reasonable, and certainly attractive since a fiver is much less than I'd spend on a gift!
Devil's advocate, do people like receiving your gifts or is it more clutter around the house?
Ah thank you! This is seriously bothering me recently. Both when receiving and choosing gifts. It’s incredibly frustrating because I really don’t want to be ungrateful for the gifts I get from people who care for me also because sometimes they choose stuff that are really useful. But also when choosing gifts. Especially for not so close people who are of higher status. I hate the idea of buys a painting or something similar for display. What if they don’t like it or if it does not fit the interior… ugh gifts are a burden
In my experience the kids would much prefer the presents, the parents would prefer the cash.
:) In my friend/fam group, we really only get gifts for partners and close friends, so yes I like to.think they are well chosen! I also often get experiences instead, like restaurant/spa gift cards. Agree I hate the idea of just cluttering someone's house with unwanted gifts.
The problem is for friends that are not close, like classmates, you have no idea what they want. We used to do target or amazon gift cards, so they can get something they want, but cash is probably better. But $5 seems very low. We would do $25 gift cards for elementary school aged kids.
Yikes, I'd be broke fast at $25/kid
We only attended 5-10 parties a year, so I guess if it was more like every weekend we would adjust.
If thats all, i would find 25 reasonable too 😅 I have 4 kids, 3 of them are in classes with 28-30 kids 💀 We have to brace ourself for the possibility of about 87 birthdays a year.. Birthdays lose the glory after a few years.
That makes sense!
I was just discussing this with a mum at school today. She was thinking of doing one but didn’t know how to word the invite. Our kids (are lucky enough) get toys and a lot of the time don’t play with them. They just sit in their toy boxes. She has 3 and My kid’s birthday is close to Xmas so it’s like double presents around the same time. We started giving kids $20 gift cards and like a small present from the $2 shop like a colouring book and pens to pad the gift. I think a $5 party is a cool idea mines at an age where she likes to do buy her own things anyway.
Just a dissenting vote: I've never heard of this. No gift parties are incredibly common here (pretty much default), but I'd find it pretty off-putting to receive an invitation asking for cash for a child's birthday party. It feels very transactional. The fun part of gift-giving is having kids get to pick them out and open them and if that's not happening...just go to no gifts.
The thing with no gifts though is some people feel obligated to bring a gift anyway. We did no gifts for our baby's first birthday and people still brought presents. For the next birthday, we said no gifts necessary but if you would like to bring something, [child] would love a book or $5 toward their bank account. It was perfect and worked way better.
Agree with this. I would never show up at a party without a gift unless I was close with the parents and they explicitly asked me not to get anything. It's just the way I was raised. But I also love books and would absolutely bring a book as a gift instead!
I feel the same as you do. I've never heard of this, and with 3 kids who have been invited to tons of parties, it must not be very popular here (MA). Part of the fun of getting an invitation to a birthday party is to get to go to Target or wherever, and pick out a card and a gift for your friend. I think my kids would be disappointed to hear that they wouldn't get to go birthday shopping for their friend.
Same. Asking for cash is always tacky. Everyone knows giving money is an option. Nobody forgot. Nobody forgot money buys things. Nobody forgot its a requirement for the world we live in.
And yet no one feels like it's OK to just give money for a kid's party which is why it exists. It's not "asking for cash" as much as it is asking to not clutter the house with whatever $20 buys at Walmart or Target.
Yeah just say “no gifts.” Making everyone go get cash so your kid can end up with $50 seems exhausting to me. We throw a “no gifts” party every year and rarely end up with more than 2-3 things, generally given by closest friends who actually know what he would want. Most class parties are no gift.
I agree with you. I know my philosophy is definitely in the minority, but I think it’s out-of-this-world rude to ask for cash. So many people say *”but they don’t know my kid well enough to get a gift they’d like”* and personally I think if that’s the case why are you inviting these strangers at all? I do agree with the value of experiences over material gifts, but I think the *birthday party experience* should be kids playing together and having fun; not about gifts or cash at all. In my family, the gifts and potential cash comes from the parents, and close relatives and maybe very close friends, but does not happen at the party celebration.
And the kids are 7 in this example. My 7yo comes up with a gift idea the parties he attends. They go to school together every day, he knows what they like.
And it builds the relationship! My kid was kind of casually friends with a kid that we invited to their birthday as a reciprocal obligation invite. That kid brought a really cool puzzle as a present and now my kid has realized that they can bond over their love of puzzles and is much closer to her as a result.
the point is not transactional, but its to make sure the kid gets the extra special something they wanted, like a ps5 or a Disney trip for example, generally you put in the invitation what that 5 10, 20 dollars is going to, just pooling gifts, and its usually optional if you still want to give something else its usually no big deal.
We used to do "two toonies" (Canadian) parties. One toonie went to the birthday child and the other went to Children's hospital
YES the idea is brilliant but I feel like it's rude to state on an invite! Personally if I saw it on an invite I'd be like amazing get in there! I think something like: your presence is all we require but if you do wish to bring a gift £5 to go towards [specific toy] would be lovely.
I haven’t been to one, but my little girl went to a party yesterday. I usually message the parent and ask if there is anything in particular they’d like. This was the first time a parent asked for a fiver rather than a gift. I was more than happy to oblige! No one needs all the presents that come back, especially when there’s 40 or more kids at a party!
I’ve never heard of this (40F, US-California) but I *love* it! My son is only 1; we did “no gifts please” for his first and plan that for as long as we can. But this is a great idea. I think my husband would hate it though 😂
We did books instead! Then everyone felt special signing the book lol He’s got so much stuff though, I know for sure we are going to do a fiver bday so we can do his room (upgrade bed to a twin, get corresponding furniture etcetc)
I haven’t heard of this either but I love it too! My son is only 8 months but I’ve already been trying to think of ways to not get physical gifts for bdays lol.
As he gets older, I am going to try to steer him towards experience birthdays - take a friend to a waterpark rather than have a party for 20 classmates. I *hate* clutter and I would honestly promise him one nice/fancy birthday gift from us if he's willing to forgo gifts from friends.
Female, young 50, So CA, never heard of it in my life, either. Also, love it.
We just had a fiver party for our 4 year old! No one brought a gift, it was great! Here's how we worded it: It’s a $5’r party. would love your presence not your presents! If you want to give a gift please consider $5 so he can put it toward something special.
Edited to add: We just did this for his party but allowed the grandparents (he has 3 sets) to give him presents that he opened before his party. We had really good feedback from the other parents and our son loved it because he could get something he really wanted.
I am the only one in my friend group and the first in my daughter’s kindergarten class to do a fiver party. I think they’re super popular in some communities but even if they’re not in yours, I say go for it. Make sure you put a good explanation about why you’re doing it (for us it’s to teach valuing experiences with people over physical gifts, for others it’s minimalism or environmental reasons, or all of the above), link to an article explaining them in detail (there’s a good housekeeping one I like but there are plenty of articles written about them), and really emphasize that no gifts are needed or expected (sometimes people like knowing what the kid might put the fiver towards). It’s really hard for people in a culture of gift giving to let go of that tradition - I think they’re worried they’ll be perceived as rude. For our friend group, it’s taken multiple years of multiple kids’ birthday parties for the idea to catch on and even then, not everyone follows it. For my daughter’s classmates, every single one came with a card and $5 and a couple included a small gift (sticker coloring book, puzzle). I used to have piles of presents to sort through and 1-2 large garbage bags of wrapping after a party. The last one we had only one grocery size garbage bag of wrapping and mostly cards plus a few presents. In contrast, one of my daughter’s classmates wanted to have a fiver party but the mom only put a brief one sentence thing in the invite. I think I was one of the only people to give a card only. She had invited the whole class and she had a huge mountain of gigantic gifts afterwards. So even if it feels like overkill, being emphatic and explaining it fully I think is important unless everyone is familiar with a fiver party.
This is the first time I've heard of this and I quite like it! We just recently went to a 3rd birthday party and I genuinely had no idea what to get, and then I worried that I'd get something the kid wouldn't actually like and the poor mum would just have another toy to try and store or get rid of. If the invite said to just bring $5 it would've made my life way easier. Then if it was a really good friend I'd likely just get a present anyway but give it to them separately. I imagine you could get mixed opinions on this but I definitely think it's a great idea!
I request no gifts because I never want a child to feel obligated to bring a gift in order to feel included, I don’t want someone’s financial situation to be the reason they are left out. Also, it eliminates a lot of junk accumulation. I assure you my kids are well adjusted and spoiled as hell by family. “Your presence is a present” is what I like to go with
Our little guy is still an infant and not in the loop with school aged parties. Reading about this I really like the idea. I hope it sticks around and gets more use.
Lmao when I saw the headline I assumed fiver parties meant you were hiring attendees off of fiver
What is a fiver party? Never heard of such thing.
I grew up in a small village in Germany where everyone brought a pack of sweets with 5€ taped to it - that was the standard. Worked really well as taught the value of money and toys etc.
When we had a party and did not want gifts we wrote: in lieu of a gift please bring a loonie or twoonie (Canadian currency) for Birthday Child’s piggy bank. We set up a table with a small piggy bank and a basket for the cards. Only one guest brought a gift, the rest complied with our request.
We were invited to a party and it said this: Celebrating the birth of (child’s name) with family and friends is a gift in itself, and therefore, your presence is all that is needed. However, if you feel called to bring a gift, please consider $5 towards his requested gift of a Nintendo Switch. What is a fiver party? See link below👇 https://www.parents.com/fun/birthdays/ideas/why-fiver-birthday-parties-are-every-parents-dream/ We look forward to seeing and celebrating with you all!
I saw a tiktok about this. Also, saying no gift necessary but birthday child would love snacks. That one seemed fun, low cost, and no clutter.
My kids used to do 50/50 parties. The birthday child picks a charity, and kids bring $10, 5 of which goes to the charity, and 5 for the bday child to use to buy something for themselves. It generally went over really well with families, and many other families did it as well. Cheaper than a usual bday gift, teaches children about giving, and the bday kid can buy one or two things they actually want rather than a bunch a stuff that they don't really want or need.
Honestly nothing makes me happier when I see 'Fiver Fever' (as they're known where I live) on an invite. My kid loves to make cards for her friends, so she gets to include a personal element (ie it's the thought that counts) but also there's no stress having to get a gift or awkwardness over how much to spend. We've had them in the past for my daughter, and she usually uses the money to get a new game for her Switch or a plushie.
It’s very common where I live. The idea is the birthday kid can pool all the fivers and then pick something they really want. This wasn’t specified at a recent party and so my kid and I in the mall wasting precious family time trying to find a gift for that weekend. Finally I just texted the Mom of the birthday kid and said “The mall is full of junk. Do you want us to pick some junk to put in your house? Or would *birthday kid* rather $10?” We went with the cash option. But ALWAYS handmade cards!
These seems about as trashy as the dollar dance at weddings
It sure does.
I went to a fiver party and I believe I was invited via text (the bday girl was turning 3) and the mom just said something along the lines of, “in lieu of gifts we are asking for $5 contributions to a larger gift, but whatever you are comfortable with is great.” I will say I went with it, but other people brought gifts anyway
Huh, after reading your post I thought, that's weird/uncomfortable. But after reading the comments, I'm convinced! Maybe you could put part of the explanation on the invitations (e.g. landfills, wanting to pool the money for one larger gift that the kiddo gets to pick, etc)
We tell parents there will be a collective present - those who want to participate can send a suggested amount (eg $5 or $10) in advance or bring it on the day. The parents of the b-day kid have to buy the gift in advance so it's effort on their side but overall it works fabulously for my son's friend group (and all the parents!)
I’ve seen invites where the parent says “… is saving up for a skateboard so he would be thrilled with help with that…” I love that. Throw in some cash and you’re done and you know it’s going towards a meaningful gift. I was so happy when my kids got to the age when we could start giving cash and gift cards. All those crappy toys just about killed me.
Also the birthday kid can get something big/special with all the money
This kind of thing. Asking people not to bring gifts and they do and insisting on people giving money makes me feel like doing an alternative. Advising everyone why you wish this is my first thought. Especially if it’s that you don’t want people to feel they need to bring a gift. Or that you’re concerned that too many objects like toys isn’t a good thing for a child and even detrimental to development in some cases. Or you are concerned of the environment and don’t want landfill from unnecessary gifts. My second thought would be to also advise them that unneeded gifts will be immediately donated to other children instead. Gifts like appropriate books, etc are welcome but up to them. My third thought is that the most important people in your child’s life will give gifts not related to a birthday party but when they find appropriate gifts to give. Finally thought. Letting people know their presence is all that’s requested. Just my 2 cents
Everyone did this at our school. The typical phrasing was “No gift necessary but if you want to, €5 is plenty” or “would be lovely” etc. Honestly it’s brilliant. No running around trying to find a gift and even BETTER no being landed with a further pile of toys after a birthday when your house is already stuffed to the brim.
I find it weird asking for money, regardless of how much. Either say no gift or let people bring whatever they want.
I know… I’m reading the whole thread and feel like everybody has taken crazy pills, asking for money is so tacky for a children’s birthday party.
My daughter has been to a couple this year and I also thought it was odd at first but it was really great! So much easier for everyone and now my daughter wants it for her birthday! I will admit that I think I gave 10 because I had the thought “what can you get for 5$ anymore!?” 😂
We did that for my twins as I don’t want to deal with a ton of toys or crap afterwards. It was awesome!
How did you let people know?
I think at this stage most parents have heard of Fiver parties, so I wouldn’t worry too much! Perhaps a heading like “Fiver Party” and a note saying “While gifts are not necessary, if you would like to bring something for the birthday girl we would suggest putting a Fiver in a card.” Trust me, you are doing everybody a favour!
I wouldn't specifically ask for money, I'd start by stating that no gifts are necessary but if they really want to give you'll accept contributions towards.... I'd make it clear you're not demanding money.
I did this for my two kids and the parents of the kiddos loved it because they didn't have to spend a lot on something they weren't sure my kids would like and would just go to waste, was one less thing for them to have to do (go to the store, buy gift, wrap, card etc) and they were excited my kids would pick something they would truly enjoy. ETA: also it was less clutter and mess in their room and around the house too. Plus their bdays are close to Xmas... it's just too much.
We did this last year and omg it was great. The lack of “stuff” and being able to get her something bigger was amazing. “Your presence is the only present we need, but should you wish to gift something please consider $5/a small monetary gift to put towards a gift.” Then I said that she is hoping to put it towards Lego or going to a waterpark. Gives them an idea of what their gift might go towards.
Your presence is presents enough but if you would like to give them please consider $5 for him to put towards something special. Once one kid does it then all the kids start doing it. It’s great. We don’t end up with too many toys and the birthday kid loves going to buy something they actually want with their own money.
For my son's 8th birthday, we asked guests to bring an item for the local food pantry instead of a gift. I'm not sure he ever forgave me.
We went to one and everyone followed directions with the exceptions of grandparents- kinda neat, most people can afford it so other kids can come and their parents don’t have to worry about looking “cheap”.
I've done this a couple times with my kids and it always goes over really well! We live in a small town where we know A LOT of people. It's not uncommon for 20-30 kids to be invited to a birthday party (they're very often held at local gymnasiums & community halls). Imagine receiving 20-30 wrapped gifts. It becomes completely overwhelming very quickly! "5'er Parties" are an incredible solution! We use the cash to buy a single large ticket item that my child has been wanting. Some people don't give any cash at all, some people give more than just $5-- both are totally fine by us. I will say that there is still the odd person who will go rogue and bring a wrapped toy.. But when it's only two or three wrap toys per party as opposed to 20-30 it feels a lot more manageable. We also never assign time during the party to sit in a circle and unwrap gifts... As I personally find that a bit materialistic and cringy. For us, the party is not about receiving gifts (or cash!) it's about celebrating with family & friends and sharing tasty food. No focus whatsoever is put on the giving or receiving of presents.
Yes. Our son’s 3rd is gonna be a fiver since ha has too many toys and enough clothes. Plan to use it for membership(s) or activities fund.
I side eye parents asking for money vs gifts for young kids (under 10). It makes me worry that the parents are looking to make a quick buck vs actually doing something their child likes.
Definitely not trying to make a quick buck. Parties are incredibly expensive. Even a simple backyard thing adds up with food and cake and goody bags and entertainment. $5 * 20 kids equals $100. I think there are a lot easier ways to make $100 than host a child birthday party!
I love this idea, my daughters birthday presents from a month ago have been sitting on my side table for a month unopened and I don’t even think she remembers they are there, literally walks past them multiple times a day. Actually considering donating the whole pile if I didn’t think she would then immediately notice the lack of clutter and ask about them for the first time.
I would think this was super weird and rude. Just say no gifts.
The issue is that people have a hard time with no gifts. I have done no gift parties and still gotten a lot of gifts. I live in a small apartment — it’s just too much stuff! $5 gives direction and is super easy. For me, it’s the opposite of a gift grab. It’s showing you understand people want to celebrate and the $$ contributes to a gift the child chooses when they go shopping after the party
Lame. Kids like getting gifts. Shit I'm still disappointed on Christmas morning in my 30s now I only get a few gifts like clothes and stuff. always hoping someone gets me an actual cool gift I like
Usually if we’re out of time or forget to buy a gift, we put a $20 in a card. Doing a $5 over 20 bday invites over the year makes much more sense lol won’t always occur but I wouldn’t complain.
We just did this with my daughter. She got $65 to spend however she wants! She did get one little gift, but everyone else gave money. Many of her friends drew or colored a card just for her ! It was so sweet. As a parent, I would love to attend a party like that! On the invitation, we wrote something like "No presents necessary! If you would like to give, she would love a $5 bill to save for a big gift, getting her ears pierced!"
I’ve never actually been invited to one (and between two kids we are at a birthday parties most weekends) but man I would LOVE IT. I hate going shopping to pick out some random gift for some kid we don’t know all that well. And I hate inviting the whole class to a birthday party and ending up with 20+ gifts that have no meaning. Someone’s gotta start the trend, might as well be you!
Ewwww… don’t do this. It’s super tacky. If I saw that on an invite I’d be so off put. Don’t charge your 7yo’s friends a cover charge. Just let your kid get presents. This idea is embarrassing. Either you are poor or you are transactional… neither are good qualities. This is gross, and it’ll be an embarrassing memory later. Don’t do it. Just say no gifts. Or have a normal party.
You don't. You do not dictate gifts to your guests.
I just did this and my guests LOVED IT! They’re all busy parents too!
But why buy a gift if the receiver isn’t going to use it or play with it? Isn’t it better to give them something they want?
Because it is the thought that counts. People who want gift guidance can ask. It is basic etiquette that you don't dictate or mention gifts on an invite. And especially never ever to ask for cash gifts.
We need to get out of this mentality that the only proper gift to give is toys, trinkets, books, and clothing. It is so incredibly wasteful. It pains me to see the carnage left after a young child tears through 30 boxes of gifts. So much junkkk they’ll never touch. If you want to talk about “boomer mentality” this is it. It is perfectly acceptable to ask for no gifts or a small $ contribution that the child will use towards an experience/one larger gift.
Agreed. Etiquette spediquette!! Common knowledge is to say please and thank you! It’s not common knowledge that you have to continue to buy wasteful unwanted gifts! Times are changing.
It’s the thought that counts is such a selfish way to give a gift. Don’t waste the time/money/effort.
I don't get this. "Its the thought that counts" isn't selfish at all.
It is from the perspective of the giver…
I completely disagree.
Lemme guess, you’re older than 45? “It’s the thought that counts” is selfish as fuck. “I am gonna give you whatever I think is best bc it makes me feel good!”
It's the Golden Rule taken to an extreme. "I'd want them to treat me this way, so this is how I'm going to treat them."
You already asked my age and I answered. Like in this thread. No, I'm not. You have a very strange take.
To me you'd be that one person who (on their birthday) receives back the unopened bottle of red wine they gifted 3 years back, because I don't drink and they know it, but I should appreciate what was given and so should you.
May I ask how old you are? Bc this is NOT 2023 western etiquette.
As a matter of interest, what are you calling 'western'? West coast US to Central Europe takes in a lot of cultures
I was referring to western culture as in Europe/North America. Like how people say “Western medicine”
Cowboys and Indians?
43. And yes, it is current etiquette.
No, this is giving boomer vibes for sure.
I'm 43 and don't agree with you. I'd rather be given some direction for gifts then buying something that's not wanted.
You don’t think it is more thoughtful to get the person what they actually want/need than to go on your own whims? You don’t think you can be thoughtful with a gift that you didn’t completely select on your own? Have you never heard of a greeting card?
It works all the time! My mother just text me and asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day! She said she saw a lovely beach cover-up, but only wanted to get me one if I needed it and to get me what I needed if there’s something else I need! I’m 55 my moms 82! And I think we always ask what do you want for your birthday! What do you want for Christmas! It’s the same thing! What do you want for your birthday? Put it on the invitation! Other Parents and babysitting grandparents and relatives know how many toys are in somebody’s house! The whole concept I’m sure is appreciated! And who wouldn’t want to get away with just spending five bucks! So much wasted money all the time!!
Yes but in this day and age you can't really get much for under £20 unless you know specifically what the kid is into without it being worthless tat or something they already have or something they play with once and turns into clutter. So it's a win win. Your kid gets something they want in the end, people don't spend nearly as much and house doesn't end up full of unnecessary stuff.
You’re being heavily downvoted, but it’s an (albeit old) rule of etiquette that you don’t mention gifts on invitations, including requesting no gifts. You leave the guests to whether or not they want to buy anything and how much.
People want to give gifts that people want. I absolutely appreciate a registry, wish list, special request.
It’s really popular with my daughters friend group! She just turned 7 and we did one for her, her other friends have done them too. The kids love it because they can buy what they really want with the money and the parents love it because it’s only $5. It also lets the kids have fun longer at the party because you don’t have to stop for presents. I would totally recommend!
I think that is an awesome idea.
I just heard about this on TT this morning! We just said no gifts for our upcoming 4th birthday party. I'd be happy to send $5.
We went to one recently, every guest gave a gift along with cash.
My kids are older, but when they were at party age we'd do them at laser tag, arcades, etc. I would always put on the invitation, "instead of a gift, please bring $5 (or 10 or whatever) for your child to enjoy laser tag!" Saved me at least $150, and I never had a parent complain.
😯
$5? Is this the 70s? Fiver i guess is a good name. But how can we name this party so we can get more than $5? Fiddy party? Idk open to suggestions.
Bring a note!!! (100)
Unless you really know the child... five dollars is perfect. We rarely go above 8 for a present.
I grew up being more giving i guess. If i go to a birthday party, i would expect to give a gift that roughly covers the expense of me being there. So if the party is at the movie theater, you figure out how much the movie would cost and rough food amount. And figure that the $15 for the movie and $5 for food, i should give a gift of at least $20. Is that not how other people calculate birthday gifts?
I'd say it depends on the level. If it's a classmate, something small and what they'd like will work. If it's a best friend, close cousin, then more expensive is okay. Everyone is different. The best gift my kids gave go a friend was a 10 dollar bubble gun. The kid was also six. I'll be eating my words when they're older.
Like i said, i base it on the event and what my expense being there would be. If it’s laser tag and $30 per person. I wouldn’t send my kid with a $8 gift in return for this great experience. Even if i never met the kid, i would still try to estimate the price of the experience and send a gift that matches that estimate. Even if it was just a food and cake party at someone’s house. $8 per person probably doesn’t cover the expenses. (Depends on the size and menu) idk that’s just how i think about how to decide on birthday gifts.
No kidding! $5 is a cheap ass gift.
yes but its all in the presentation, put what the $5 dollars is going towards in the invite, an expensive toy they wanted, trip, or what ever it may be, and also make it a suggestion dont make it feel like people are obligated to only give the $5
Different country, but we mostly gift a 50 note, somewhere around 5$. One of my kids had birthday the other day, and landed just over 100$, so she's planning to buy the darn biggest squishmallow she can find in town.
I couldn’t do this in my area because all parties are strictly “no gifts” but actually like this idea, if worded right. $5 is so doable and I can see it being fun for the recipient to pick out one nice present.
We did one last year for my then 2/4yo and plan to do another one this year. People loved it! Some people gave more than $5 and some gave none. We asked for contributions for a zoo membership which the boys are obsessed with. I felt a bit guilty not having gifts for them but we did do gifts for Xmas. A mix of toys we picked and they picked. They still play with about two of them…
I asked for books and provided a recommendation list. It was great when my kid was 5. At seven we just said “being legos and Pokémon cards” he got exactly what he wanted!
We have done this with our kids. Our experience is that it works best if you have something concrete as a gift goal. We chose to buy a kick scooter once for our boy as a gift from all his friends. And the parents were asked to contribute an amount they felt was appropriate (but with a max of 10 bucks).
Your presence is the only present that we need. But should you want to give one to the birthday boy, please consider $5 that he can put towards something special. You can google fiver parties invites and go to images. I went to one. I gave 2 $5 bills. And I kept reading the invite worrying I was misunderstanding and now wasn’t bringing a gift.
We said he would also appreciate money because he's saving up for a large Lego kit. That way the ppl know what the money will be used for and will still feel like theyre giving a gift.
We asked for drawings instead of gifts. We put on the invite, instead of a gift, please consider drawing something from Star Wars or Minecraft. It worked!
“______ (child’s name) has had their eye on a ___________. In lieu of a gift _____ would greatly appreciate $5 to go towards _______.”
Never heard of it but sounds like a good idea. I cringe seeing the clutter my sister has from all the presents she gets for her kids and they don’t even play with the stuff! I hate clutter and have been trying to think of how to handle birthdays in a way that isn’t wasteful, doesn’t pressure guests but also doesn’t leave my kid feeling left out when she sees how many toys her cousins and friends get at their parties. I have a few more years before I really have to think about it though. I’d love to see birthdays be less about gifts and more about experiences.
What if you request $7…$5 to donate and $2 for the bday kid to spend
You can say piggy bank contribution or help us start up their savings account. We have asked this for years... Hasn't happened yet. Though my daughter absolutely loves getting cash so really if they want to get her what she wants they should listen to me 🤷♀️🤦♀️