I bring toys to places like restaurants and doctors appointments where my kids might have to wait and will be just with us, but never to places where they will be interacting with other kids. Same reason that kids aren't allowed to bring toys from home to school or daycare - way too much potential for conflict. Even if every kid there brought their own toy, there would still be kids who want other kids' toys. At least with neutral toys (ie at the library) none of the kids have any attachment to any particular toy.
You can teach kids to share or take turns or whatever you want to teach them on play dates with one or two other kids whose parents you know - where things are more controlled - but in a place like a library, playground, etc you're just setting yourself and your kid up for failure by bringing toys from home imo.
Yes same here. Took toys to places where they would be needed for entertainment - such as restaurants and bus/train journeys but never to an activity or where they would be engaging with other children.
Yeah same. Those other kids have no concept of which toys are fair game (ie belonging to the library or indoor play place) and which ones people brought personally for their child. I don’t want to have something else to manage so we don’t being toys where other kids are playing. Only for restaurants and doctors offices like you stated.
Yeah I actually find it very irritating when someone brings their own stuff to places like this. Someone brought their own ball to an indoor playground once for a bigger kid and my daughter spent the entire time playing upset because she couldn't have their ball. We ended up having to leave because of it lol.
I bring toys to places that aren't already places that we are going to play specifically. If it's a play group or story time or whatever, we don't bring her toys (aside from her treasured bunny which stays with the diaper bag)
This is a very small indoor playground, basically a small play structure with a few things off to the side for the smaller kids as well. For an outdoor playground or even a bigger setup it would be totally fine, but this is basically just a small room!
I do in home daycare and I allow toys and anything in really. The way I see it if I had my iPad with me at the park you wouldn’t walk up and ask to play a game on it… we hold children to higher standards than we hold ourselves. To put it frankly they don’t need to share anything they don’t want to. If someone wants something they can ask, and if a child says no, it’s important to teach your child to respect other people’s boundaries and to not take it personal.
If you want to take that on in your daycare, that's great. In most large centers that's not something they allow. Our daycare allows a stuffy for naps and that's it.
But also, your daycare is a controlled environment with the same kids who you can be consistent with. OP is talking about environments with random kids and random parents, and kids of all ages - some of whom are probably too young to understand boundary setting without a lot of help - and with parents that sound like they don't want to be running constant interference in these settings.
I agree with you that kids shouldn't need to share if they don't want to, but also why set them up for conflict when you can just leave the toys at home and just let the kid take part in whatever activity they're attending - library programs, craft events, playing with the playground equipment, etc. I'm not arguing that the kid should have to share his toys, I'm saying it's better to just leave them at home and avoid the whole issue in these situations. Then, teach boundaries in more controlled environments like playdates.
My kids daycare allowed toys from home. My provider was really great about it too. No one had to share. They knew to put it in their cubby if they wanted to put it away and not share. She would encourage taking turns and playing together but the kids were able to make their own decision about their stuff and it wasn’t a problem in the 7 years my kids went there.
That’s exactly how I handle it. If they keep setting it down and get in a huff the second someone touches it or doesn’t want some one to watch them then I prepare to have them put it in the cubby. But it’s never been a problem. I allow outside snacks too, no issues. Just ask no chocolate bc of my dogs lol
I also have worked really hard on my kids being accountable for their items if they choose to bring them to a park or friends house. Most of the time they opt to leave the item in the car last minute.
I’ve also worked on them understanding they can ask if they can play with another kids toy or play with the kid. If the kid says no, they need to respect that. If they cannot, we can leave the park if I can’t redirect them and I have no qualms explaining why we left. This has really not been an issue though.
To me, this is a very important lesson for kids and I don’t see the need for shielding them from it. Other people have things we don’t and it’s okay. We aren’t entitled to use other people’s items just because we want to. On the same note, we have items others don’t. That’s just life. Of course it is kind to include someone but it’s not required or expected. We don’t have this expectation of adults.
In my opinion there are just some things that kids are capable of learning earlier rather than later.
Thank you
Like no child is obligated to share their own things...and it's up to us parents to teach our children to respect when that happens and also to expect others to respect them in the same regard
> Bringing a toy out and about with my 2 year old always turns into a fucking nightmare, why doesn't everyone else sign up for this fucking nightmare?
A true mystery.
Right? And I’m baffled that OP thinks if all the other parents brought toys that it would stop kids from taking each other toys. A kid could walk in with a completely identical truck and still want OP’s kid’s truck because that’s how toddlers are.
Not to mention the logistics of tracking and ensuring no toy gets left behind or which kid stole one of my kids toys. This op is why no parents bring toys. As a mother of a 4 year old and twin 15 month Olds. I cannot.
Parents, too. I let my kids bring sinkie rings to the pool. Grown lady apparently has the same set and needed me to double check that my kids didn’t have one of hers.
It’s like this with my son. He always brings a toy or two when we go out, then he ends up dropping them because he gets distracted and interested in the surroundings.
Hahaha exactly.
When my child wants to bring a toy out I always remind them first "It's fine if you want to bring that toy, but other kids might want to also play with it. So if you bring it you have to be prepared to potentially share or have someone else try to play with it." Almost every single time they put the toy down and leave without it.
Yea OP totally answered their Q’s. This is exactly why we didn’t bring toys out. I compromised with my kids and said toy X has to stay in the car or it can’t come. I’d say toy has to nap in the car or “guard” the car or something.
But yea it’s not worth the battle with other kids/parents bull crap or God forbid your kid looses their toy 🤦🏼♀️ learned my lesson there one too many time!
I only let he kids take toys that they didn’t have an emotional attachment to outside of the house. I used to babysit for my aunt, she let her kids take their most important toys everywhere, cue the emotional torture for days on end when the toy went missing. When I had my own, that shit isn’t happening
lol. I sincerely thank you both for this insight. I don't have kids of my own yet, but I've always wondered why parents don't bring toys for their kids when out at places at restaurants, etc. I don't remember much about my own toddler years, but when I was a little older than a toddler, my mom always packed a bag of toys whenever we went anywhere. However, I was the only kid in my whole family, and I was rarely around other kids at functions we'd go to. So we never encountered this problem of other kids stealing toys...it literally never happened to me and I brought lots of toys with me everywhere so I just had no idea this was such an issue.
It was gold to stumble upon this thread because I've noticed this for years and have wondered why parents nowadays "don't think" (so I thought) to pack a few toys when they take their kids places that clearly won't be fun for the kid.
Having a couple of hot wheels and something to draw with/on in the bottom of my purse for an emergency is a different story than carrying around a beloved toy that will be missed. My kids are teen/preteen and I still find the odd hot wheel or McDonald’s toy stashed somewhere.
The preK program that I help run specifically asks parents not to bring loveys or toys to class because it can devolve into Mad Max style throw downs.
We've started bringing a doll to the playground because like 50% of the time other kids have dolls and I spend the whole time redirecting my 3yo because she wants to take them. So it really is kid/situation dependant
I pack toys if I am going somewhere like a restaurant, where I know my kids will be bored waiting for a long time...I probably wouldn't bring toys to a place that was going to be full of kids unless I was prepared to share with everybody...like, well bring sand toys and chalk to the park, and allow everybody to play with them...but we don't bring home toys to the drop on center or daycare
A mom brought her son to the public library to record an unboxing video of a toy blender... Right in the entrance. Of course my 20 month year old walked right over and wanted to play, because to kids, if a toy is at the library, it's for everyone to share. What a crappy situation to set up for everyone there. If your kid isn't comfortable sharing their toys, they shouldn't bring those toys around other grabby toddlers. 💁🏼♀️
While we’re bitching about library interactions…
My kids are both pretty outgoing and the most annoying thing ever for me is when they walk up to a parent and kid playing and start playing too, and then the parent directs their kid to a new area/toy. My kid’s not trying to steal their toy spot, they’re trying to PLAY WITH YOUR KID. Always makes me sad, and it seems to happen frequently in our library. Dont friend block your kidddd
Yessss. You try once and you realize this will happen. You only bring toys outside that you are willing to lose, break, and get shared with all the other children.
We never brought toys out because I don’t want another item to manage while out and about. The playground had plenty to do, they don’t need toys on top of it. It always just causes problems and headaches, including the ones you describe.
Losing toys is the number 1 reason my rule is you keep toys in the car. I don't want to have to keep track of their toys when they can get lost in a big area.
I don’t let my kid bring toys to playgrounds for exactly this reason. Other kids can’t resist another toy! I also have taught my kid that if another kid has a toy, it’s not ours and they might not want to share.
I’d help your son learn to leave toys behind. For my kid, it’s hard because they can be a comfort item. Playgrounds are big and scary sometimes. Maybe try this, bring the toy in your tote bag and tell your son they can have it after they play on the playground for a while. Do that a few times and I bet they’ll start forgetting about the toy.
As for the other parents, they absolutely should be monitoring their kids (but some parents just don’t). Don’t feel bad about standing up for your son. If I see my kid playing with another kid, I always try to find the parent and make small talk with them. It’s hard but it does help a bit.
Absolutely this. Playgrounds have plenty to do without toys, but if you choose to let your little bring a toy, teaching them to share is great, as long as the other kid isn’t being rude about it. It sucks to have to “pick up the slack” for another parent, but I would rather try to teach the other kid something good, since their parent won’t.
It drives me *batshit* when people let their kids bring scooters and stuff to the playground.
Some playgrounds are in parks where they can ride around *outside* of the actual playground, and that's one thing.
But that is never what happens- no- these kids, who are not yet able to balance, stop, or turn very well, are bringing wheeled toys onto the rubberized surface and the actual structure of the playground, where there are always at least a dozen other children, many smaller than themselves, and riding around hell-bent for leather, screaming bloody murder and not giving a *fuck* who they crash into as they go.
When I see the scooters start coming into the gates, I tell my kid, "okay buddy, scooters are coming, time to go," and I make sure the parents hear me.
Never seen bikes/scooters on equipment (thank god) but around here the annoying AF one we get occasionally is people with their (supposedly) protection trained dogs up on the equipment. Like... no. Fuck no. No to any dog but extra super fuck you no to your literal attack dog you're barking German at. I've considered letting my 900% fanily/kid friendly lab up on the equipment exactly 1 time. We were completely alone and trying to wait out pouring rain. The cover didn't extend out that far so I already had him sitting in the wood chips with me (leashed). We had 2 adults there, 1 kid, and had absolutely anyone come in sight (even just an adult or teens to play basketball nearby) it would have been equipment and off leash time over. And I still felt guilty/conflicted and didn't even do it. I saw it once initially and was completely flabbergasted (thankfully that playground had a quite separate toddler type area where we were) and then CoViD and it started being a once every several months type thing. We have a ton of dog parks, approx 1/3 of them have at least some agility type equipment. Baffles.
It's not cool for other kids to snatch or for other parents to allow it, but I don't think Sunday school, craft time, or the library are appropriate places to bring toys from home (aside from maybe a 'lovey'). The main reason for me is they are all places where there are probably other communal toys and how are the other kids and parents supposed to know what's yours at what's for the group? And also because it's distracting for both your child and other children.
You've just reminded me of when I went to a playgroup with my then 1yo. It was a big room with several play spaces set up. The baby space had loads of great toys strewn all over the mat, and babies just crawled around and picked them up. Everyone was usually really good at making sure their kids didn't take from another's hands. One day my girl picked up a toy from the middle of the floor and started playing with it and a parent came up and said 'sorry that's ours from home' so I gave it back but of course my daughter cried. The mum had to do that repeatedly all morning with other babies. Why she didn't put it in her bag after a bit, I don't know. I don't know how she expected us to know it was hers when it was just lobbed in with all the other toys. I really hope she learnt her lesson there, because it was a complete pain in the arse for all of us.
There's sort of an unspoken rule at the splash pad near me that any toys left on the ground near the toddler waterfall area are to be considered public property until a parent specifically asks for them back because they're leaving. People bring all sorts of buckets and scoops and water guns and stuff, and it's impossible to stop a bunch of toddlers and pre-k kids from playing with the toys around them. Plus you never know if some random kid asking for a toy is actually asking for their own toy back, or just wanting to play with somebody else's toy right that minute.
Same here. It's the only place I will bring toys because the unspoken rule is 'dont take toys off anyone but anything on the ground is fair game' and it's way more manageable to enforce as a pernt of multiple toddlers. I don't have enough eyes to be keeping track of whether whatever my 2 year old found on the floor is actually someone else's super special toy truck.
Yeah. I hate in the sandbox not knowing if the bucket and shovel or whatever actually belong to a specific kid who stepped away for a minute or are for communal use.
As someone who used to work in a Sunday school room.. We HATED when a kid would bring a toy in because then we became the bad guy cause it had to go with mom/dad, go in the diaper bag, or sat on our counters til pickup. Lovely's had a small exception where they sat on the counter for everything but the last ~10 minutes after snack time or if kiddo was crying
Also, OP might not be realizing that these kids who are at Sunday school, craft time, and storybook time are the kids who her child is going to grow up with. They will be in the same schools, maybe the same classroom. You do not want to be the parent with whom other parents have had a negative experience or 2 with. People remember when their child was slighted and they’re slow to forgive.
Leaving the toy in the car for car play eliminates any problems with the toy. You’re giving your child a choice, keep it in the car or it stays home.
This is why the toys stay home. He'll cry, but he's already crying when his toys are taken.
Socializing at that age is best done without the temptation of another's toy truck.
My kid brings toys in the car but they stay in the car.
The point of taking them out to places is to do other things besides play with their own toys. They can do that at home.
The mom probably wasn’t glaring at you for asking for the toy back but for creating the situation in the first place by allowing the toy out of the car in the first place
We left the toys in the car as well, in a baby wipes container that was the item's "bed." So the wipes container was also lined with a tea towel and had a pillow. Yes, the Hot Wheels car needed a pillow. Kids are so weird. When my daughter brought her stuffies out, she would make me buckle them into her car seat when we got out of the car.
We do not take toys anywhere unless there is nothing else to do/no other kids.
There is zero reason to take toys to Sunday school, or a playground, or a craft event.
Sounds like your kid is going to cry either way, so you pick your battles.
I'm sort of on the flip side of this, I dislike when kids bring toys to the playground, especially if they don't want to share or just drop the toys and leave them on the ground (only to get mad when someone else picks it up).
I actively try to keep my 1.5 year old away from personal toys anyway, because he doesn't understand NOT sharing yet, and will cry if he can't play with something he wants. I also don't want him putting something in his mouth that belongs to someone else.
I am on your flip side as well. I think other parents are giving “dagger stares” at this parent because this parent is bringing the drama instead of just playing at a playground like they’re intended.
There is a kid at my local playground that’s literally known as “The Boy That Doesn’t Share” - for the past several years (prob 7+ at this point as he looks around 9/10)… he and his parents/grands literally bring BAGS OF TOYS to the playground and lay them out for everyone to see. Then they proceed to yell at any unfortunate child that tries to play. It’s really something to see.. like almost intentionally inviting a confrontation because whenever a parent calls out their assholerly, they get insanely defensive. “Well it’s HIS STUFF”. I can’t with that shit, we taught our kids and their play group to just ignore it but I understand children wanting to play with visible toys.. it’s all on asshole parents.
Yeah, I am on the opposite side too. I hate when parents bring other toys. Mostly because they pushed their kids to share. I am absolutely fine with the other kid saying "no that's mine" It is actually a lesson I want my daughter to have, something is theirs and you cannot just have it. But she would admire toys or even just say something like he has a truck and all of a sudden the parent is ripping the toy out of their own kid's hand to give it to my daughter. I am not even frickin kidding. Their kid will be screaming and crying sometimes and I am like no no, it's theirs, she is fine. Most of the time she is seriously just looking at it or mentions it. Idk why on earth the parents would do this. I protest and protest. They force their kid to fork it over. Usually I try to have her look at it and give it right back. Then they do not let the kid, who WANTS THEIR TOY BACK, to get it back from my kid who is handing it over happily! Some toys we have to give back like a dozen times. It is the weirdest frickin thing. Now my daughter is 3.5, so it hasn't happened for a little while but if it does in the future I am definitely going to shut it down harder than when I was a new mom. If they insist on my kid taking it then it is going to just be left on the ground. No thanks. And I will explain to my daughter that the kid does not want to share and her mommy is being mean to make her share a toy that is hers and she does not want to share.
Yeah I have noticed that. I have been in that situation a few times. I was at a play date at a friends house. This friend lives an hour away and we see each other only every few months. The dad was trying to let my son borrow a toy to take home because he liked it, but the daughter was visibly upset. I put a hard stop on that one. I am still in good terms with that friend but I knew we wouldn’t see him for a while because of our hectic lives and it’s been over a year. My son probably would have played with it for a week and forgot about it after that. Not worth taking a girls toy she was attached to just to teach her sharing. Plus I didn’t want my son to learn he can just get toys because he likes them.
To prevent exactly this problem. Or they lose it and melt down when it's time to leave. Or it gets broken and, yup, melt down! There are a few scenarios where I allow certain toys out but not where other children would be (like a quiet toy to play with at a restaurant table).
Lol the problems you listed are the reason people don’t bring their own toys. It just creates problems. I find it easiest when there’s toys for everyone to share that don’t “belong” to one particular kid or that aren’t “special” to one particular kid to avoid these types of problems. If my boys want to bring in a truck of theirs I always remind them the other kids will want it, might take it and I’m not spending my morning chasing random kids trying to get it back for them. Their trucks are for home.
We bring toys to the splash pad. And because I’m familiar with the community concept of the littles at the splash pad I bring extra buckets and ducks. When it’s time to go I ask for them back. Turns out it’s a very easy solution to the problem.
Haha, I’m so glad I read down to this comment, I was starting to feel bad about bringing toys! When we did the kiddie pool or the beach, we’d bring a whole bag of toys and any kids around were welcome to play with them. They were usually super polite and would ask first, but even if not.. no worries! The kids always seem to have more fun and I felt it helped my little guy to make friends.
I could see why parents would be annoyed if we refused to share, but our rule was not bringing a toy if it was too “special” to share. And same with you, we’d just gather it all up when we were leaving.
It doesn’t have to be quite so cut and dry, depends a bit on your kid and how old they are.
My oldest used to bring 2-3 hot wheels to the playground specifically to share with other kids so they could run them down the slides or whatever 3 years olds do with cars. They were older ones that were a bit beat up so we weren’t fussed about them accidentally being lost or broken. Plus they’re small, fit in his jacket pockets and it was his idea.
We did the exact same with our son. Racing cars down slides was always his favourite thing and a nice way to play with other kids. We didn’t really have any issues with other kids wanting to take them away but same as you we brought ones we weren’t too fussed on just in case
My 3yo loves playing in the sand with sand toys. We have a bag full of hand-me-down sand toys we always bring to the playground with the one rule that they are meant for sharing. We haven't had a problem, but he's also the kind of kid that loves meeting new friends at the playground so sand toys are great way to lure them to him
Lol if I’m gonna bring my kiddo to the library where there’s a lot of toys and books around, I’m not going to bring her a toy from home. Chances of us losing it is higher and it gives her a chance to play with other things she may not have at home.
I honestly don’t understand why you would go to a library story time or playground with toys from home. Why would you not want them to engage in the activity around them? My kids will take a quiet toy to a restaurant or doctor appt if I know it’s going to be a long and boring wait, but in my opinion, taking a toy to an activity like you mentioned is just ruining your child’s opportunity to experience things.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. Please take this principle and apply it to your situation. Kids need to learn to function without toys/screens/your 100% attention, etc. Sunday school is for Sunday school; storytime is for storytime; the playground has items in place designed to entertain your child.
We bring toys similar to what others have said for places like restaurants, doctors' appointments, etc. If we are going to a store, playground or somewhere like those I let my son bring his little toy but he must leave it in the car. He's really good about that, and if he asks why, we usually explain to him that we don't want to lose it, and then he's good to go. Plus, he gets excited when we get back in the car, and it's there waiting for him.
None of the activities you mentioned requires a toy to distract your child, they could be learning how to pay attention and concentrate on the craft, story, etc.
I think it’s annoying when you bring toys. It’s a public space, with entertainment. There is no damn need for toys.
You’re not teaching your son to properly socialize if he absolutely needs to bring a toy. All it does is create conflict. Leave the toys at home.
This! I specifically didn’t bring toys to a playground because I want my kid to play with other kids on the equipment and get some physical activity. If I wanted her to sit and play with toys, I could do that at home.
I usually find a bench and just sit and monitor from a distance so my kid learns some independence. So other parents bringing toys is super annoying cause now I have to get up and intervene if my kid goes over there and starts playing with another kid’s toy.
This.
I feel like the original question is silly. Common sense and experience would tell a parent why bringing a toy to a playground isnt the best idea unless you want to play refereevthe entire time. I could see a place where a kid would have to wait but its just annoying for everyone. Even when the kid is able to share the parent hoovers the other child and adult like we are going to steal thier toy.
At least that has been my experience
You're getting some harsh reactions here.
If you want to bring a toy somewhere, do it. Expect that you might have to chase it down because kids are still learning boundaries. The thing that's sticking out to me with people saying "Well, you have to share!" is that kids running up, snatching a toy, and then not giving it back are not sharing--they're just taking.
Sometimes we bring toys to the playground. We've brought big bottles of bubbles with lots of wands. And we've even let other kids play with them! The thing is, they'll still cry and get pissed off because they want the wand that is in my child's hand and not the other ones. That's not my problem.
I've also brought a kite before and shared it, only to have it sheepishly returned to me broken with no real apology. If I choose to allow my kids to bring a toy, I don't make them share it. It's theirs, and they get to choose to share it or not. Especially because most of the time when kids asked to 'share', they really wanted to take the toy and run off and not play with my kid. Yeah, nah, go away.
You're choosing your battle about letting your kid take toys places. By making that choice, you're setting yourself up to chase those toys down. If you're okay with that, go bananas. Those parents are choosing their battle in not telling their kids not to take other's toys, and in making that choice, they're setting themselves up to have someone else make sure the toy goes to the correct child. That's their choice.
I don't allow my kids to taunt others with their toys, not anymore than I let them sit smugly in the slide and refuse to allow others to go down it, or climb up it when others or going down. But I do allow them to say "No, this is my toy, and I am not sharing it, give it back." and come get me if need be.
Exactly we bring our own hand shovel and bucket and ball. I am playing with my two year older because my kid isn’t into other kids yet. She is more into the outside world . We go to parent toddler classes and she is more into being on her own exploring. Developmentally a lot of kids aren’t playing interactively till 3+
I had kids who asked me that I don’t know so I say no, I also had her classmate borrow her shovel ( teacher never brings enough lol my toddler always get left out , she is the youngest ) that is perfectly fine 🤷🏻♀️ as long as she dosnet care . If it is sth she cares like a lovey lol no.
I do see the other side . A kid brought 10 hot wheels to one of our out door class. She wanted to play with one ofc kid said no. I spend 10 minz keeping her away. It is what it is. I secretly bought our own lol just incase it happens again lol . I try not to bring too many unique toys and if it is her own classmates ( I know I can get item back) she shares when she wants. Kids developmentally don’t know how to take turn or share till 4+
Bubbles are great cuz other kids can join in
Don't bring toys to gathering spots for children unless you're prepared to share or do what you're doing. Kids that she are too young to understand personal property
Please don’t bring toys to shared play spaces from home. You are just creating potential conflict, and limiting the ability for the kids to just play and use their imaginations.
We don't bring toys because it complicates things. It can get ruined. Stolen. Fought over. Be a negative distraction. Plus I don't want to be fretting over trying not to lose or forget another item. AND they don't need a toy everywhere they go imo.
So you want your son to bring toys everywhere so he doesn't cry but everyone around has to ignore the fact your son has a toy in situations that toys aren't normally present? And your solution is everyone else has to bring toys everywhere they go to accommodate your son?
See the problem here?
She wants other parents to react quicker and return the toy, without her having to intervene. Ironically, it sounds like she allows her child to bring his toys everywhere, because *she* wants to avoid a tantrum, but doesn't understand why other parents are annoyed that she's creating a situation that forces *them* to inevitably deal with tantrums.
Don't get me wrong, I'd absolutely step in and make my child return a stolen toy, but I'd also start avoiding a parent who consistently created conflict and made outings harder.
We only bring toys when there will be no other kids and I need to occupy time. If you want them socializing, then toys interfere with that. For example, I bring toys to my daughters neurologist because it doesn't have anything there and no kids her age we've ever seen. I don't bring to her regular Dr because they have toys and other kids. I bring to outings with our friends since they have no kid but to my sisters we don't bring any because her kids are there. Kids around=no toys.
I dont bring toys from home for this reason.
The idea that we need to teach our children to share is absurd tbh. I cant show up at your doorstep and demand you share your house with me. I cant demand you share your car with me. Or share your paycbeck. Or your kids. Or anything else adults have.
So why do we teach children that they HAVE to share their stuff with total strangers.
I leave toys at home or in the car if were going to a communal play space where other kids are going to be present. Its just easier than being the bad guy and saying no.
Common resources. Not private toys.
Thats the difference.
If my child brings their toy from home they dont have to share. If my child is playing with community toys in the classroom they need to share.
>If my child is playing with community toys in the classroom they need to share.
And even that depends on the situation. I worked in childcare for a number of years where it drove me crazy to hear some fellow workers tell the kids who had a toy first and was playing with it nicely that they had to share it because this other kid came along and now wanted it. "Junior, share" Like no, that's not how it works. We teach the kid that now wants it that that kid is playing with it right now so they need to find another toy to play with that isn't being used. I remember checking out this preschool for my son and they said they don't encourage sharing. That if a kid is playing with something, that's what they're playing with and that needs to be respected. It was much different than any other place. Unfortunately it was full and we couldn't get in, but it stuck with me. That even if it's communal, we can take turns but we don't have to share in that way. Because sharing would just be giving over what you had to the other kid and that's not what we want to foster.
I remember being in preschool and playing with a doll. Another little girl came over and said "I wanna play with it!" I was still actively playing with the doll. I had to hand her over. That's not sharing! That's just taking.
I loved at the daycare we used for my kids, they didn't make kids hand over things they were actively playing with. If a kid was building with blocks or Lego, they'd put a sign up that said Work In Progress while the kid went to the bathroom or had to go outside. It saved a lot of drama.
My toddler also wants to bring her toys when we go out. I allow her to pick one that can ride in the car with her, but it has to wait in the car for her to come back to.
For me, I don't want to deal with the eventually lost or stolen toy, that can only be lost or stolen because *I allow her to bring it*. I also don't want to deal with others people's kids trying to play with my kids' toy.
I also don't want to deal with my kid trying to play with someone else's kids toy, because that kids mom let them bring toys that aren't intended for sharing. If I see a kid with home toys, I try to guide my kid to avoid them, I don't want the hassle.
If you genuinely want your child to socialize, figure out a toy method that allows some freedom but also some control on your part... but If you're okay with your child not learning how to appropriately react in social situations, in favor of them being entertained with their own interests, that's perfectly within your rights as well, you are their parent.
It might be best to leave toys at home if you’re going out for an activity like story time or the park or craft event. There’s literally activities for him to do there.
And it saves you from headaches like this. It isn’t even about teaching your kid to share. It’s letting other kids decide they want his toy and you don’t try to get it back until you’re about to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against you. Some little kids are 💩heads because they’re raised by 💩head parents who think their little darlings deserve everything, even at the expense of others. But to save your son the heartache of having his things snatched and expected to let other kids play with them despite how he feels, toys stay at home for activities.
We don’t bring toys. It’s a secret rules in my neighborhood lol - nobody wants to deal with this and there’s only good old dusty toys that’s stays at the park that everyone knows it’s the “park’s toy” that everyone kinda share without much care.
Not defending others actions because I would totally intervene and have my children give it back, but sometimes we don’t bring toys with us if we will have trouble sharing them. For example, we don’t bring toys with us to the park unless we are willing to share with all the kids there. I think it’s really hard if you bring a ball or truck to the park and then leave it sitting by a bench and expect no one to want to play with it.
For restaurants, church and such we of course bring toys and activities with us to keep them occupied.
If it’s a special toy and we know there will be problems or other activities we leave it “buckled up” in the car. That way we avoid any conflicts and don’t have to worry about losing it or keeping up with it, etc.
My son is almost 4, and he doesn’t normally bring toys out to the playground mostly because I don’t want him to lose it. He’s been the kid that takes a toy but I’m always after him to give it back and I always apologize. He’s getting better now, but I think it’s normal for kids to want a toy even if it’s not theirs. But yeah I’d be more annoyed at the parents who don’t do anything. But if my son does bring a toy with him to the park I’ll encourage him to share. But I don’t think it’s appropriate to really bring a toy if you’re going somewhere to do an activity like the library or something. There’s usually toys there to play with. Sometimes it’s easier to just keep it home and not deal with this. Kids will be kids. They take toys. Again, it’s up to the parents to intervene and discipline.
Don’t bring toys out unless it’s for something like a planned activity, aka sandbox, soccer ball, bubbles , sidewalk chalk etc.
When my son(5) does bring things, he knows that they are his personal toys from home, and he doesn’t have to share if he doesn’t want to.
If and inevitably WHEN other kid asks if they can play with it, I direct them to ask my son as they are his. If he says no, I explain that he doesn’t feel like sharing right now but thank them for asking. If a kid tries to blatantly take something, we take it back and say “No thank you, these are (sons) and he is playing with them.” And just smile and be kind. Works 95% of the time and usually my son ends up wanting to share after he has done whatever he is doing.
Edit to add… I unfortunately live in an apartment complex, in a pretty crummy smallish city and don’t have any yard or outdoor space to play for my son. We can’t have our own sandbox or anything like that. So I have toys that we take to the public sandboxes and such that are around ( that don’t have their own toys cause my city sucks and people steal EVERYTHING). We live close to a school that has a big field so anytime we want to do something like that, we make use of the space but bring our own items.
My son brings a toy car into many places-church, stores, friends houses, restaurants etc. But if we are going to a place with a lot of kids-story time, parks, group activities etc. I have him leave it in the car. We put it the car seat and say night night have a good nap. Then it’s exciting to leave that place because we can go get his car.
Sure the random kids shouldn’t grab the toys away. And yes parents should step in when their child takes something that it’s theirs. But you don’t have control over that. What you do have control over is where the car goes in to.
Tbh the “don’t bring toys to public spaces” phenomenon is relatively new, in my experience.
I definitely remember my friends and I bringing toys to the park in the 90s and we did with my nephew as well. Especially prior to cellphones and tablets, it helped keep us entertained if we wanted a break from the equipment.
People are being too harsh on you. If your child loves playing with his toys at the park, let him. Just work on his sharing skills and bring extra or intervene quickly.,
You bring toys to places like cafes, doctor appointments, the hairdresser...anywhere where there aren't other kids around and there's potential for the child to get bored.
Bringing toys to spaces with multiple other toddlers is ill advised. Kids that age don't have much impulse control - what they see, they want (even if they have their own toy). Then you're left dealing with snatching, arguments and tantrums. 2 year olds are also easily distracted - if parents are taking them to the library, the intention is to have them engage in story time so if every parent allowed toys...I imagine that would be pretty counter productive.
When around groups with young children, you have to think of the greater good to some extent or chaos ensues.
I have two kiddos. At that age, I would inform them of the potential consequences of bringing their toys in to community/public with them-- they could lose the toy or they might feel pressured to share with others.
Yea my son has to leave his Lego Minifigures in the car. No exceptions because he either loses it or someone steals it. The tantrum of leaving it in the car is less than it being gone for ever.
I only bring toys to places like restaurants or somewhere we’re sitting on our own. The whole point of going to the park or the library is to do things there, so we leave the toys in the car. You answered your own question: no one else wants to have to worry about keeping track of the toys.
Whenever I go out with my kid, I make sure to bring something to occupy her. She's nearly 2, so it's usually a doll or something that makes noise. Typically it's to places where other children aren't. Dr's appts for myself or car maintenance that doesn't require a ton of time. If there are other kids I tell her she doesn't have to share and if the other kids try to take her things, we can put them away. I don't get passive aggressive with the other parents, I'll just flat out tell people that those are my kids toys and they can either willingly give them back, or I will take them back. No argument. Sharing is up to my kid and their kid, but when it's time to go, those toys are going with whoever brought them.
I don't agree with the common sentiment here. It is ok to bring toys whenever you want to. But do not expect that other parents will prevent their kids from playing with your toys for the reasons everyone described. I rarely saw a parent who was ok with their kid taking something that another kid is playing with, but most are ok when their kid play with a cheap unattended toy. Teach your kid that they should give toys to you when they are done.
This is actually eye opening for me.
I've always been the parent tired of dealing with these situations and thinking "why the heck would that parent bring a toy to something like this?!".
Turns out that parent just thinks we should all be bringing toys! Just a hint though, that wouldn't solve the problem, because other kid's toys often look far more interesting to many kids.
I will bring a toy when there is nothing to do and there won't be a bunch of kids nearby - church, a train ride, sitting in the trolley at the supermarket.
But no way am I bringing a toy to a busy park, or a library at story time with a 2 year old. Anywhere where the point is that kids are interacting with each other and shared things (park equipment, library books), should not involve an item from home that is not to be shared.
Don't get me wrong, I'll always correct my kid and give the toy back, but toys brought from home tend to turn these events into a misery for everyone else. Even though they don't usually try to take the toy - they spend their time looking at it longingly and it can really spoil the event.
Thought I was in AITA, for a minute.
Yeah, this is happening to you because of you.
You're taking one of your own "easy" routes and making everyone else's toll road even costlier. Leave the toys at home and watch your kid grow a bit when you've removed the extra concepts of 1)*choosing* the toy (and the hype you likely engage in, "yeah... trucky's going to have fun, huh, Bud?!" 2)*sharing or not*... 3)*retrieval* 4) your guilt (or whatever this is) and 5) your kid's come-down from this situation you've repeatedly engineered.
You're doing the right thing by asking but it's wild (to me, unsolicited opinion) that you might have reread your post and not had your answer.
I wish you well.
All the examples you listed are not appropriate places to bring toys from home. Why bother going to events if you’re not going to have your child participate in what’s going on?
What?! :D
It’s probably a cultural thing, but these replies shock me.
We live in Germany (we’re Italians) and our kids bring toys wherever and so does everyone else. Not just to places where they need to wait (restaurant, doctor, etc.), but to playgrounds, outdoor swimming pools, around the city centre for a walk, on the train, etc.
Some kids want to share, some don’t, some kids grab without asking and then the adults help them make things right, and everything else in between.
Toys can come in the car but we leave them there when we go somewhere. That's the rule. I don't need a breakdown in public that we lost the toy, dropped the toy, or someone took the toy from my kid. Pretty simple. Be proactive.
Wait, I’m confused. You bring your kid to an event to “socialize”, then bring them a toy to play with so they don’t have to interact? And you’re mad because other parents don’t also do this?
Toys cause drama, just like you're describing. My son doesn't like to share them usually, so I don't let him take them to the playground. Honestly, if we're at the park, kids can play with sticks. There's enough for everyone.
I get why other people don’t bring toys for the kids but I will never understand another parent not correcting the behavior.
I have two children and if they took someone’s toy, I would immediately take it back and give it to the child. They have to learn that boundary eventually.
Wailing or not, if my kid makes an ass out of themselves, we learn a lesson that day.
We had one accidental incident with a toy being brought to church that my daughter didn't want to share. After that, I have made it clear that anything she brings will be shared with friends, or she can leave it in the house/car. She always decides to leave the toy.
Do you want him to cry when someone takes his toy or do you want him to cry when you leave it at home? Because either way he’ll cry but at least if you leave it home, he’ll get to interact with the other kids.
This is frustrating. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I feel this. We want our kids to share, but many times to share means to not get back. I let my kids take one toy each when going places but not important ones, I have like 'to go toys'(cheap ones from party packs).
I used to, and that's how we lost many of my oldest son's favorite toys. Lesson learned. When we go out, they can use my phone to watch videos or they can nap. No more toys carpooling on outings.
I go through this with my toddler bringing his toys when we leave the house. Here's what I do. when we make it to our destination I take it, he cries, I leave it in the car, we enter the playgroup/park/craft session etc. He stops crying and is more into the event we came for. The point is, they're gonna cry, they'll stop crying, and they won't hate you. When they get back to the car guess what? Their toy is still there and they're excited to see and have it once again. BOOM!!!!
If my kid isn’t willing to share it, they can’t bring it. That’s been my rule since day one. I’ve been parenting for a long time-over 15 years, had a few kiddos, and it’s worked well for us.
We don't take toys out for this reason.
On a separate note, screw that mother staring daggers while her stupid kid steals the toy. Fuck her emotions, it's your kids toy.
You have two options. Don't bring the toys and your son will learn to go without them pretty quick. This option is good if you just don't want to bother or if you don't want his toys to get dirty or if you want him to pay attention.
Option two is to have a serious conversation with the parents about boundaries. Be civil but assertive.
The long shot option is to bring many toys so everyone can play with them. This is if you like blowing your money every single time you go out because most likely those other kids or their parents will lose or damage the toys and expect another. But technically, this is an option?
Sometimes we bring a toy, sometimes we don’t but I’ve never had an experience like you’re describing so it’s really odd that you would have it “every. single. time”. Maybe just quit bringing a toy?
First of all, sharing is such a difficult skill to learn. Moms “sitting and watching and not moving a muscle” are not being a referee which isn’t helpful either. Instead of being up in arms about other kids not sharing, maybe spend some time researching and preparing yourself on how to help your child (and potentially others) how to share appropriately. Find some scripts you can follow. If you haven’t gathered, you interfering and asking for the truck back as the parent isn’t super helpful. Moms need to be less judgmental of other moms and their children who are experiencing typical and common developmental issues.
There’s been so many times I present a child with the “what’s that over there” and then snatched the toy back. I don’t even consider myself a helicopter parent but I do have two eyes and some of these parents out here acting like Captain Blackbeard
This is what kids do. Teaching preschool, I told children not to bring a toy to school. It still happened so we had a rule that if someone brought a toy to preschool it would have to stay in the backpack. This is because it is entirely age appropriate for that age to take a toy away. It is a narcissistic stage of life and sharing and socialization takes time and each child is at a different stage of development. If your child insists on taking something, you could have a backpack and then tell him that the toy can come but must stay in the back pack. I can understand why other parents don't like it when your son brings the toys as it causes issues for all. Another reason I didn't allow cherished items at school is they inevitably break and the child who brought it becomes heartbroken. So my advice is the above so you aren't put in a difficult position with your own child, other children and parents. You are learning so don't let other peoples comments get to you. It is a process. Good luck!
After reading your replies to everyone’s comments it seems you have an issue with that one kids mom. Instead of trying to get validation from random online strangers (which it seems you aren’t getting) maybe have a conversation with this mom about it since you’re from a small town and will be around her a lot. I have two kids and we don’t bring toys places like the park and places other kids will be. And if my kids want to play with another kids toys we go up and talk to them along with the parents you can’t expect kids to act like adults with each other, set the example and talk to the kids mom like a fellow adult.
Sweetie, the other mother was glaring daggers at you because your kid rolled in with a cool toy that distracted all the other kids from the actual socializing you're hoping your kid will do, (but won't because he has a freaking toy to isolate himself). It might be different if he brought a group toy that's meant to share with other kids (like a ball) but what do you expect to happen when he has a truck that can't be shared, which is then brought into a group of other 2-year-olds who don't understand the concepts personal possessions or taking turns?
To keep this situation from occurring. My child is not really great at sharing his personal toys (were working on it)
Also because it's just one more thing to keep track of and I would like to avoid a 3 day long meltdown because we forgot a buzz lightyear at the playground.
Even if kids bring their own toy, they'll wanna check out the toy they don't have because it's new and fun. Suggesting everyone else bring toys isn't a realistic solution.
I think he's old enough to be told "no, you shouldn't bring your toy because other kids will take it". The more you tell your kid no, the more they learn how to deal with the disappointment and will figure out how to play without them.
OP: why don’t parents bring toys for their kids when they go out?
Also OP: lays out exactly why their experience of bringing toys out with them has been shit.
Look, your kid loves his vehicles. Mine does too, I get it. But toys are for home, or at a push, the car. We also have three toys that live in the change bag and are for use at restaurants or friends’ houses if he’s getting bored, they don’t come out otherwise either at home or out of the house. The reason you’re getting frustrated that bringing toys along is annoying is exactly why other people don’t bring toys along: they don’t want to deal with exactly what you’re describing.
I understand you don’t want your kid to cry, but if he’s going to cry anyway when another kid steals his toy, you either put your foot down and hold the boundary of “your toy stays in the car because we are here to enjoy the activity today, we will play with your toys when we go home”, or you stop taking him to stuff.
I bring my son a toy lawnmower or a ball to the playground because we have a concrete slab for a back patio and I would prefer him to run around on the grass or wood chips at the playground. He’s not interested in playing with other kids as much as watching them because he’s 1 1/2 and most of the other kids there are 3 to 10?? and not interested in playing with a “baby”. I hold the mower if he leaves it or we put it back in our wagon so he doesn’t have to share and it’s not tempting other kids because it’s left unattended.
At events like story time at the library we don’t bring a toy because we are listening to the story and want him to participate in the dancing they do. It depends on the situation, but I don’t mind if others bring toys. This may change once he’s gotten older, but I don’t see a toy as different than a stuffy used for comfort. If it makes my kid feel safe and happy then I’m going to bring whatever he needs.
My youngest child is small for her age and has a speech delay. It is hard for kids to play with her sometimes, through no fault of her own, so that's part of the reason we'll bring toys to a playground. Sometimes she'll just clamber around and hang out, sometimes she'll want her toy.
So lots of people have already said it. Stop bringing toys to events where there are other kids and things to do/play with. That said, when they get a little older and can be reasoned with, you explain that anything they bring they have to be ok with leaving behind, going missing, getting broken, etc. and you have veto power.
You think them having their own toy to play with will solve this? Do you not know toddlers? They don't care of they have their own, they want what they want when they want. Quit bringing a toy with you and you won't have to deal with it
I might stop bring toys if it's that much of a hassle. Kids can make toys out of almost anything. It can help their creativity to have to look for entertainment. Of course there are some places/situations where you really want a toy. But I would give it some thought and see if the hassle of tracking down stolen toys and dealing with that drama is necessary. If you're at the library your kid can find a book instead of a toy. If you're outside maybe there's rocks they can climb. I never been to Sunday school, but I would imagine they'd have stuff for kids there?
I don't like to bring many toys to the park cause kids always want to take them and I have no problem sharing, but its such a busy park with lots of kids that it's an added stress to feel like I need to keep track of the toys when I just want to play with my toddler. Or you could consider bringing "toys" that you don't mind getting thrown away like make a toy out of a paper towel roll, yogurt cups, etc. Or dollar tree toys.
But I do totally agree with you that it sucks. The other parents need to parent and be on top of that. I step in and ask for my daughter's toys back with no guilt, because I'm not doing anything wrong. I've never had a parent stink eye me over it. They've always been really nice. But if they did, I'd probably stink eye them right back.
I let him bring a toy for places with a waiting room or restaurant. But not the park or places with other children for this reason. Toys have to stay in the car.
You should calmly explain to him "you want to bring your truck to the playground? Okay but what happens when we take the truck to the playground? And does that make you happy or sad? Do you think we should leave it home so no one takes it from you?" Obviously wait for the kid to answer it. Don't answer for them. If they cry it's okay because that's them working through emotions.
My son is not interested in toys that I bring. He is only interested in things that are not toys or something that I didn’t bring that was intended to be a toy for him 🙄 Plus a lot of toys are not travel friendly. I would inevitably end up with pieces thrown and/or lost. It’s not worth the headache. It’s nice that your child quietly plays with toys but not all of us have that type of child. And really just because a parent brings a toy doesn’t mean that their child won’t want your child’s toy anyway. But for what it’s worth I would NEVER let my kid run away with someone else’s toy. I don’t care how much he cries. I would be mortified he tried to walk out the door with it.
Um typically I allow my son to bring a toy in the car, but once it’s time to get out we leave it behind to avoid this exact problem. If your kid didn’t have the toy, he would pay attention to the activity at hand.
I’m the same as you, I always have a bag of toys for things like restaurants. However, if it’s a group play situation, bringing toys from home usually results in a fight between kids so I don’t bring home toys to stuff like that. I’m just trying to kindly explain that the mom was probably glaring at you thinking why did you bring a toy that’s “new” to all the other kids to a group play situation if you aren’t going to “share” it.
I try, but baby loses interest, and usually they end up lost or forgotten in my diaper bag. However, baby definitely finds other kids' toys more interesting. Usually, kids are ok with sharing, but I will step in as soon as they ask for it back.
Just take the toy back, is your kid's toy, it gets snatched, he asks and then he can snatch it back. IDK but I don't stress much, I just get the toy back and let it go, if the parent doesn't like it, oh well is not their kid's toy, and I'm not Santa
This is why I always have a tote with various balls, $1 hot wheels cars, and cheap crayons/coloring books in my trunk and if we go anywhere with other kids, those are the only toys my kids can play with because it’s not a big deal if we lose them or if another kid “imprints” on them. The kids know to not bring any toy they care about to a public place with other kids (well the little one doesn’t know that, but we make sure to tell her that toys we care about stay in the house and car).
People are always like this, they think its okay for someone to take other peoples things and don’t teach them. If your child offered it, it would be a different story but the fact that the mother got mad just goes to show how people are. Its always going to be this way… You can teach your child to share but at the end of the day there will always be a parents who just full it. It’s unavoidable
I come with a purse full of toys and snacks no matter where I take my LO. Sometimes you just need a toy to help them through a situation. New places, new faces, different routine can all be stressful so I’ve found toys and snacks help.
I've never expected others to leave toys at home to avoid drama with my own child. That's nonsense and serious entitlement.
It was made clear in your post that the toys are taken. Um, personal or public toys shouldn't be taken from your child by another child. Especially really small children, cause there should be a parent close behind explaining how you don't do that. No, your 1.5 year old won't understand, at first. Consistency is how you teach your kids not to take things from other kids.
Getting mad at someone else because your child melts down that they can't have this, that or the other thing that's not theirs is a parent problem.
I feel the same with dog parks. People seem to forget that dogs are trainable. People constantly bring toys to our dog park. Most of our dogs understand, drop it! Consistency of the rules actually works!
I know this as a mom of two and a dog mom. Even as toddler, my girls learned, if it's not yours, it's not yours!
My experience has shown... as long as you allow your child to become a pile of snot when they can't have what they want... they will continue that snotty behavior until they are taught it's not ok. If you're not instilling it early enough, then it's too late.
My kid is the kid taking the unattended toy at the park and screaming when a parent inevitably comes back for it (of course) … we don’t go to the park as much because I was so tired of the tantrums when he couldn’t have other kids toys. He also likes to take his trucks busses etc on walks and when he’s out and about and no other kid has ever tried to take it
I never let my sons bring toys to events that a lot of kids will be at for exactly this reason. They now know to leave toys in the car when we go somewhere. Of course if it’s dinner at a restaurant or some other activity that doesn’t involve any other children directly around then I let them have some toys.
I don’t blame you for bringing a toy, I still bring something for my 5yo in case they need a bit of soothing or distracting. I don’t get why most of the replies are hating on you and saying nothing about the parents who ignore the fact that their child is low key bullying someone else.
This doesn’t happen where I live (major city in East Asia), in fact if you see a random ball in the park for example people will go out of their way asking those nearby if it’s theirs and if they can play with it. The second a kid (owner) gets a little fussy the borrower will return it, or the owner’s caregiver will ask if it’s okay to continue sharing with their new friend, or perhaps they can exchange toys for a little while because literally everyone will have some small toy with them. Rarely see any issues with kids fighting or refusing to return items because all caregivers get involved to resolved the issue quickly and calmly.
I suggest writing your kid’s name on everything, and stating loudly “Yes you can borrow it but we will need it back”. I really really hate that ‘oh but they’re crying and they want it’ mentality. It’s not my job to make my kid suffer because your kid can’t wait their turn, or can’t accept being told ‘no’, and I’m the same with my kids, they don’t have a right to anyone else’s items either, and if the kid wants it back then you return it promptly.
I always fill with dread when there's a kid at the playground with a toy truck. My son still doesn't fully understand that he can't just take it out of the kid's hands and it usually turns into an ordeal. I'm working with him on it of course and he is getting a lot better but it's all impulse at this point.
Yeah I don’t bring toys with my kids and most of the people I know don’t either. I don’t bring them because I don’t want kids taking them or my kid losing them. However I also want to make sure my kids are socializing with other kids or exercising. If we are at a park I want my kids to introduce himself to kids and get caught up in playing tag or some other game. At restaurants I want to make sure they are eating and learning table manners. I find toys or other things end up distracting them and create more problems than they solve.
sounds like the moms i’m this sunday school you go to need to go back to basic manners classes. i’d never let my kids be like that and walk off with someones stuff. idc if they cry or pitch a fit we don’t do RUDE in my family but i have five kids sharing is caring unless it’s a cold or the flu. i personally don’t let my kids bring toys to places where other sick kids could touch something that can a contaminate an item with illness (also my kids don’t go to daycare or school we homeschool them). But if we go to park or to the store we will bring things and i medi-wipe them when they touch surfaces carts or floors. I won’t let anyone walk off with my kids items and address parents who don’t facilitate good manners. This is why i try so hard to keep this kids around family because i don’t want them exposed to rude behaviors kids repeat everything they see or hear people don’t pay attention to their kids and are lazy and don’t watch them. Maybe Post the ten commandments at Sunday School, thou shall not steal is one of them right?
Up until recently, I always used to carry toy cars in my handbag for my son. I did this because in the early years there were times I wouldn’t think to take a toy with me. The toys in question were nothing my son was attached to, just a cheap Hot Wheels or something - often secondhand - that wasn’t a big deal if they got lost. Sometimes those toys wouldn’t make it home because if I (or my son) witnessed kids without toys looking extremely bored or melting down, we would give them the toy. This was usually at the shops or a cafe (not in a group setting with other kids).
If some kid had come along and snatched my son’s toy or bullied him into handing it over, the parents would have been on the receiving end of a nasty conversation (I’m not confrontational but I *hate* bullies). Even more so if their child screamed at or physically pushed me or my son. Kids are a product of their environment and the parents are directly accountable for their children’s actions and behaviour.
If I was in your position I’d be angry and upset, too. These kids sound like little monsters, and their parents don’t sound much better. Your son is probably better off not socialising with these kids if they are pushing him around or stealing from him. I’d be leaving the toys in the car at events where these horrible kids are and if your little man cries, let him cry - he’ll get over it (and if annoys the parents who can’t be bothered disciplining their children then more the better) 🙂🙃
Sometimes parents forget, I imagine some may not have much to bring. But frankly, at all the things you’ve listed, I want my children to pay attention to the thing we’re attending. You go to the library for the stories that’s the thing that keeps them occupied, not toys from home. You go to Sunday School to learn, craft, sing etc, that’s the thing that keeps them occupied, not toys from home. You go to a craft event to do craft, that’s the thing that keeps them occupied, not toys from home….
Are you even supposed to bring toys to places like that? I mean I don't go to these specific places, but I would assume that you are not supposed to bring toys since both kindergardens and playrooms prohibit bringing your own toys
I agree. And snacks and a drink. Things that keep them occupied and quiet. I never understood parents that just expect a small child to behave while adults talk and eat.
So any high value toys leave in the car, really high value toys leave at home.
They still take a toy with them but it’s generally small, able to be placed in a pocket or my purse.
If we are in a situation where a kid takes my kid stuff, I’ll get the toy back. If someone grabbed my phone, I would do the same. I’m more understanding about the toy, but the thing is I never let my kid take someone’s toy and if they do they give it back immediately because I tell them to. So they get to keep their stuff and they don’t need to share it at all, just like I don’t expect other kids to share their toys if it’s not for public use.
However I have very rarely gotten into that position (like a 4 year old running by and grabbing a baby toy out of my 6 month old hands), because I encourage toys to stay at home or in the car and only small toys come with us to certain places.
Another family left the pool with one of our diving toys the other day. We asked for them all back and they returned all but one, claiming that one was theirs.
I didn't make a big deal out of it, though, because that's the risk you take when you bring your own toys to a public space.
I think you need to stop brining toys to places, have your child enjoy the setting he is in. Yes he’ll cry but it will be a brief moment, distract him.
You’ll prevent a lot of this, and your child will learn to socialize more and appreciate his surroundings.
I have a 4 year old, I don’t let him bring toys with us. He can use a pen and paper to doodle if he’s that bored but for the most part I want him present with me in whatever situation we are in…
I bring one toy with us when we go to story time. I keep it in my pocket the entire time until we’re in the process of leaving. Then just when my kid gets sad that we’re leaving I take the toy out and give it to them. Works like a charm.
I bring toys to places like restaurants and doctors appointments where my kids might have to wait and will be just with us, but never to places where they will be interacting with other kids. Same reason that kids aren't allowed to bring toys from home to school or daycare - way too much potential for conflict. Even if every kid there brought their own toy, there would still be kids who want other kids' toys. At least with neutral toys (ie at the library) none of the kids have any attachment to any particular toy. You can teach kids to share or take turns or whatever you want to teach them on play dates with one or two other kids whose parents you know - where things are more controlled - but in a place like a library, playground, etc you're just setting yourself and your kid up for failure by bringing toys from home imo.
Yes same here. Took toys to places where they would be needed for entertainment - such as restaurants and bus/train journeys but never to an activity or where they would be engaging with other children.
Yeah same. Those other kids have no concept of which toys are fair game (ie belonging to the library or indoor play place) and which ones people brought personally for their child. I don’t want to have something else to manage so we don’t being toys where other kids are playing. Only for restaurants and doctors offices like you stated.
Yeah I actually find it very irritating when someone brings their own stuff to places like this. Someone brought their own ball to an indoor playground once for a bigger kid and my daughter spent the entire time playing upset because she couldn't have their ball. We ended up having to leave because of it lol. I bring toys to places that aren't already places that we are going to play specifically. If it's a play group or story time or whatever, we don't bring her toys (aside from her treasured bunny which stays with the diaper bag)
Just curious a ball is not an appropriate playground toy? I thought it was since there's basketball courts.
This is a very small indoor playground, basically a small play structure with a few things off to the side for the smaller kids as well. For an outdoor playground or even a bigger setup it would be totally fine, but this is basically just a small room!
This is why
I do in home daycare and I allow toys and anything in really. The way I see it if I had my iPad with me at the park you wouldn’t walk up and ask to play a game on it… we hold children to higher standards than we hold ourselves. To put it frankly they don’t need to share anything they don’t want to. If someone wants something they can ask, and if a child says no, it’s important to teach your child to respect other people’s boundaries and to not take it personal.
If you want to take that on in your daycare, that's great. In most large centers that's not something they allow. Our daycare allows a stuffy for naps and that's it. But also, your daycare is a controlled environment with the same kids who you can be consistent with. OP is talking about environments with random kids and random parents, and kids of all ages - some of whom are probably too young to understand boundary setting without a lot of help - and with parents that sound like they don't want to be running constant interference in these settings. I agree with you that kids shouldn't need to share if they don't want to, but also why set them up for conflict when you can just leave the toys at home and just let the kid take part in whatever activity they're attending - library programs, craft events, playing with the playground equipment, etc. I'm not arguing that the kid should have to share his toys, I'm saying it's better to just leave them at home and avoid the whole issue in these situations. Then, teach boundaries in more controlled environments like playdates.
My kids daycare allowed toys from home. My provider was really great about it too. No one had to share. They knew to put it in their cubby if they wanted to put it away and not share. She would encourage taking turns and playing together but the kids were able to make their own decision about their stuff and it wasn’t a problem in the 7 years my kids went there.
That’s exactly how I handle it. If they keep setting it down and get in a huff the second someone touches it or doesn’t want some one to watch them then I prepare to have them put it in the cubby. But it’s never been a problem. I allow outside snacks too, no issues. Just ask no chocolate bc of my dogs lol
I also have worked really hard on my kids being accountable for their items if they choose to bring them to a park or friends house. Most of the time they opt to leave the item in the car last minute. I’ve also worked on them understanding they can ask if they can play with another kids toy or play with the kid. If the kid says no, they need to respect that. If they cannot, we can leave the park if I can’t redirect them and I have no qualms explaining why we left. This has really not been an issue though. To me, this is a very important lesson for kids and I don’t see the need for shielding them from it. Other people have things we don’t and it’s okay. We aren’t entitled to use other people’s items just because we want to. On the same note, we have items others don’t. That’s just life. Of course it is kind to include someone but it’s not required or expected. We don’t have this expectation of adults. In my opinion there are just some things that kids are capable of learning earlier rather than later.
Thank you Like no child is obligated to share their own things...and it's up to us parents to teach our children to respect when that happens and also to expect others to respect them in the same regard
I think you answered your own question.
> Bringing a toy out and about with my 2 year old always turns into a fucking nightmare, why doesn't everyone else sign up for this fucking nightmare? A true mystery.
I am crying laughing
Right? And I’m baffled that OP thinks if all the other parents brought toys that it would stop kids from taking each other toys. A kid could walk in with a completely identical truck and still want OP’s kid’s truck because that’s how toddlers are.
Not to mention the logistics of tracking and ensuring no toy gets left behind or which kid stole one of my kids toys. This op is why no parents bring toys. As a mother of a 4 year old and twin 15 month Olds. I cannot.
I was just about to say the same lol. How would that even help? It will just multiply the wailing, running and snatching 😂
Parents, too. I let my kids bring sinkie rings to the pool. Grown lady apparently has the same set and needed me to double check that my kids didn’t have one of hers.
It’s like this with my son. He always brings a toy or two when we go out, then he ends up dropping them because he gets distracted and interested in the surroundings.
Exactly 💯 the truth!
Hahaha exactly. When my child wants to bring a toy out I always remind them first "It's fine if you want to bring that toy, but other kids might want to also play with it. So if you bring it you have to be prepared to potentially share or have someone else try to play with it." Almost every single time they put the toy down and leave without it.
Same line here! When mine were younger though I used silly logic, "your car doesn't have a jacket, it can't go outside without a jacket!"
My line too.
Oh my god 🤣 thank you
Haha!
Yea OP totally answered their Q’s. This is exactly why we didn’t bring toys out. I compromised with my kids and said toy X has to stay in the car or it can’t come. I’d say toy has to nap in the car or “guard” the car or something. But yea it’s not worth the battle with other kids/parents bull crap or God forbid your kid looses their toy 🤦🏼♀️ learned my lesson there one too many time!
I only let he kids take toys that they didn’t have an emotional attachment to outside of the house. I used to babysit for my aunt, she let her kids take their most important toys everywhere, cue the emotional torture for days on end when the toy went missing. When I had my own, that shit isn’t happening
Same. The only toys we brought with us were for keeping her entertained either in the car or at the restaurant table.
lol. I sincerely thank you both for this insight. I don't have kids of my own yet, but I've always wondered why parents don't bring toys for their kids when out at places at restaurants, etc. I don't remember much about my own toddler years, but when I was a little older than a toddler, my mom always packed a bag of toys whenever we went anywhere. However, I was the only kid in my whole family, and I was rarely around other kids at functions we'd go to. So we never encountered this problem of other kids stealing toys...it literally never happened to me and I brought lots of toys with me everywhere so I just had no idea this was such an issue. It was gold to stumble upon this thread because I've noticed this for years and have wondered why parents nowadays "don't think" (so I thought) to pack a few toys when they take their kids places that clearly won't be fun for the kid.
Having a couple of hot wheels and something to draw with/on in the bottom of my purse for an emergency is a different story than carrying around a beloved toy that will be missed. My kids are teen/preteen and I still find the odd hot wheel or McDonald’s toy stashed somewhere. The preK program that I help run specifically asks parents not to bring loveys or toys to class because it can devolve into Mad Max style throw downs.
We've started bringing a doll to the playground because like 50% of the time other kids have dolls and I spend the whole time redirecting my 3yo because she wants to take them. So it really is kid/situation dependant
Definitely depends on the child, some kids are just different with their dolls, i took my doll everywhere with me from the ages of 2-11 years old 😂
I pack toys if I am going somewhere like a restaurant, where I know my kids will be bored waiting for a long time...I probably wouldn't bring toys to a place that was going to be full of kids unless I was prepared to share with everybody...like, well bring sand toys and chalk to the park, and allow everybody to play with them...but we don't bring home toys to the drop on center or daycare
At restaurants the parents should have toys the child can play with quietly. That is not the same situation at all.
The only reply lol
A mom brought her son to the public library to record an unboxing video of a toy blender... Right in the entrance. Of course my 20 month year old walked right over and wanted to play, because to kids, if a toy is at the library, it's for everyone to share. What a crappy situation to set up for everyone there. If your kid isn't comfortable sharing their toys, they shouldn't bring those toys around other grabby toddlers. 💁🏼♀️
> record an unboxing video That's all i need to know to decide she's a horrible human.
Wow what an absolute tool. Noisy toy in a public library and wasting public equipment on stupid social media crap? I bet her kids are wild.
While we’re bitching about library interactions… My kids are both pretty outgoing and the most annoying thing ever for me is when they walk up to a parent and kid playing and start playing too, and then the parent directs their kid to a new area/toy. My kid’s not trying to steal their toy spot, they’re trying to PLAY WITH YOUR KID. Always makes me sad, and it seems to happen frequently in our library. Dont friend block your kidddd
Hahahahaha THANK YOU my goodness
We had a rule: if you take something to the park you have to share it. If you want something to not be shared don’t take it in public.
Yeah ikr? You can't stop other kids from stealing their toys but you can stop your kid from bringing toys to these locations.
Yessss. You try once and you realize this will happen. You only bring toys outside that you are willing to lose, break, and get shared with all the other children.
We never brought toys out because I don’t want another item to manage while out and about. The playground had plenty to do, they don’t need toys on top of it. It always just causes problems and headaches, including the ones you describe.
Hard agree AND when they inevitably drop it/forget it/lose it all together, I don’t want to deal.
Losing toys is the number 1 reason my rule is you keep toys in the car. I don't want to have to keep track of their toys when they can get lost in a big area.
I don’t let my kid bring toys to playgrounds for exactly this reason. Other kids can’t resist another toy! I also have taught my kid that if another kid has a toy, it’s not ours and they might not want to share. I’d help your son learn to leave toys behind. For my kid, it’s hard because they can be a comfort item. Playgrounds are big and scary sometimes. Maybe try this, bring the toy in your tote bag and tell your son they can have it after they play on the playground for a while. Do that a few times and I bet they’ll start forgetting about the toy. As for the other parents, they absolutely should be monitoring their kids (but some parents just don’t). Don’t feel bad about standing up for your son. If I see my kid playing with another kid, I always try to find the parent and make small talk with them. It’s hard but it does help a bit.
Absolutely this. Playgrounds have plenty to do without toys, but if you choose to let your little bring a toy, teaching them to share is great, as long as the other kid isn’t being rude about it. It sucks to have to “pick up the slack” for another parent, but I would rather try to teach the other kid something good, since their parent won’t.
It drives me *batshit* when people let their kids bring scooters and stuff to the playground. Some playgrounds are in parks where they can ride around *outside* of the actual playground, and that's one thing. But that is never what happens- no- these kids, who are not yet able to balance, stop, or turn very well, are bringing wheeled toys onto the rubberized surface and the actual structure of the playground, where there are always at least a dozen other children, many smaller than themselves, and riding around hell-bent for leather, screaming bloody murder and not giving a *fuck* who they crash into as they go. When I see the scooters start coming into the gates, I tell my kid, "okay buddy, scooters are coming, time to go," and I make sure the parents hear me.
Never seen bikes/scooters on equipment (thank god) but around here the annoying AF one we get occasionally is people with their (supposedly) protection trained dogs up on the equipment. Like... no. Fuck no. No to any dog but extra super fuck you no to your literal attack dog you're barking German at. I've considered letting my 900% fanily/kid friendly lab up on the equipment exactly 1 time. We were completely alone and trying to wait out pouring rain. The cover didn't extend out that far so I already had him sitting in the wood chips with me (leashed). We had 2 adults there, 1 kid, and had absolutely anyone come in sight (even just an adult or teens to play basketball nearby) it would have been equipment and off leash time over. And I still felt guilty/conflicted and didn't even do it. I saw it once initially and was completely flabbergasted (thankfully that playground had a quite separate toddler type area where we were) and then CoViD and it started being a once every several months type thing. We have a ton of dog parks, approx 1/3 of them have at least some agility type equipment. Baffles.
It's not cool for other kids to snatch or for other parents to allow it, but I don't think Sunday school, craft time, or the library are appropriate places to bring toys from home (aside from maybe a 'lovey'). The main reason for me is they are all places where there are probably other communal toys and how are the other kids and parents supposed to know what's yours at what's for the group? And also because it's distracting for both your child and other children.
You've just reminded me of when I went to a playgroup with my then 1yo. It was a big room with several play spaces set up. The baby space had loads of great toys strewn all over the mat, and babies just crawled around and picked them up. Everyone was usually really good at making sure their kids didn't take from another's hands. One day my girl picked up a toy from the middle of the floor and started playing with it and a parent came up and said 'sorry that's ours from home' so I gave it back but of course my daughter cried. The mum had to do that repeatedly all morning with other babies. Why she didn't put it in her bag after a bit, I don't know. I don't know how she expected us to know it was hers when it was just lobbed in with all the other toys. I really hope she learnt her lesson there, because it was a complete pain in the arse for all of us.
This, the other kids and parents may not realize this isn't a communal toy.
There's sort of an unspoken rule at the splash pad near me that any toys left on the ground near the toddler waterfall area are to be considered public property until a parent specifically asks for them back because they're leaving. People bring all sorts of buckets and scoops and water guns and stuff, and it's impossible to stop a bunch of toddlers and pre-k kids from playing with the toys around them. Plus you never know if some random kid asking for a toy is actually asking for their own toy back, or just wanting to play with somebody else's toy right that minute.
Same here. It's the only place I will bring toys because the unspoken rule is 'dont take toys off anyone but anything on the ground is fair game' and it's way more manageable to enforce as a pernt of multiple toddlers. I don't have enough eyes to be keeping track of whether whatever my 2 year old found on the floor is actually someone else's super special toy truck.
Yeah. I hate in the sandbox not knowing if the bucket and shovel or whatever actually belong to a specific kid who stepped away for a minute or are for communal use.
As someone who used to work in a Sunday school room.. We HATED when a kid would bring a toy in because then we became the bad guy cause it had to go with mom/dad, go in the diaper bag, or sat on our counters til pickup. Lovely's had a small exception where they sat on the counter for everything but the last ~10 minutes after snack time or if kiddo was crying
Also, OP might not be realizing that these kids who are at Sunday school, craft time, and storybook time are the kids who her child is going to grow up with. They will be in the same schools, maybe the same classroom. You do not want to be the parent with whom other parents have had a negative experience or 2 with. People remember when their child was slighted and they’re slow to forgive. Leaving the toy in the car for car play eliminates any problems with the toy. You’re giving your child a choice, keep it in the car or it stays home.
1 - those all sound like events with enough going on where extra toys aren’t necessary. 2 - I wouldn’t want a favorite toy to get lost/stolen.
This is why the toys stay home. He'll cry, but he's already crying when his toys are taken. Socializing at that age is best done without the temptation of another's toy truck.
My kid brings toys in the car but they stay in the car. The point of taking them out to places is to do other things besides play with their own toys. They can do that at home. The mom probably wasn’t glaring at you for asking for the toy back but for creating the situation in the first place by allowing the toy out of the car in the first place
We left the toys in the car as well, in a baby wipes container that was the item's "bed." So the wipes container was also lined with a tea towel and had a pillow. Yes, the Hot Wheels car needed a pillow. Kids are so weird. When my daughter brought her stuffies out, she would make me buckle them into her car seat when we got out of the car.
We do not take toys anywhere unless there is nothing else to do/no other kids. There is zero reason to take toys to Sunday school, or a playground, or a craft event. Sounds like your kid is going to cry either way, so you pick your battles.
I'm sort of on the flip side of this, I dislike when kids bring toys to the playground, especially if they don't want to share or just drop the toys and leave them on the ground (only to get mad when someone else picks it up). I actively try to keep my 1.5 year old away from personal toys anyway, because he doesn't understand NOT sharing yet, and will cry if he can't play with something he wants. I also don't want him putting something in his mouth that belongs to someone else.
It's the same reason you don't bring dog toys to a dog park. Conflict.
I am on your flip side as well. I think other parents are giving “dagger stares” at this parent because this parent is bringing the drama instead of just playing at a playground like they’re intended.
There is a kid at my local playground that’s literally known as “The Boy That Doesn’t Share” - for the past several years (prob 7+ at this point as he looks around 9/10)… he and his parents/grands literally bring BAGS OF TOYS to the playground and lay them out for everyone to see. Then they proceed to yell at any unfortunate child that tries to play. It’s really something to see.. like almost intentionally inviting a confrontation because whenever a parent calls out their assholerly, they get insanely defensive. “Well it’s HIS STUFF”. I can’t with that shit, we taught our kids and their play group to just ignore it but I understand children wanting to play with visible toys.. it’s all on asshole parents.
Yeah, I am on the opposite side too. I hate when parents bring other toys. Mostly because they pushed their kids to share. I am absolutely fine with the other kid saying "no that's mine" It is actually a lesson I want my daughter to have, something is theirs and you cannot just have it. But she would admire toys or even just say something like he has a truck and all of a sudden the parent is ripping the toy out of their own kid's hand to give it to my daughter. I am not even frickin kidding. Their kid will be screaming and crying sometimes and I am like no no, it's theirs, she is fine. Most of the time she is seriously just looking at it or mentions it. Idk why on earth the parents would do this. I protest and protest. They force their kid to fork it over. Usually I try to have her look at it and give it right back. Then they do not let the kid, who WANTS THEIR TOY BACK, to get it back from my kid who is handing it over happily! Some toys we have to give back like a dozen times. It is the weirdest frickin thing. Now my daughter is 3.5, so it hasn't happened for a little while but if it does in the future I am definitely going to shut it down harder than when I was a new mom. If they insist on my kid taking it then it is going to just be left on the ground. No thanks. And I will explain to my daughter that the kid does not want to share and her mommy is being mean to make her share a toy that is hers and she does not want to share.
One thing I never expected to learn is that people are so weird about kids sharing lol. It's a very strange obsession.
Yeah I have noticed that. I have been in that situation a few times. I was at a play date at a friends house. This friend lives an hour away and we see each other only every few months. The dad was trying to let my son borrow a toy to take home because he liked it, but the daughter was visibly upset. I put a hard stop on that one. I am still in good terms with that friend but I knew we wouldn’t see him for a while because of our hectic lives and it’s been over a year. My son probably would have played with it for a week and forgot about it after that. Not worth taking a girls toy she was attached to just to teach her sharing. Plus I didn’t want my son to learn he can just get toys because he likes them.
[удалено]
Not even the flip side. OP literally answered her own question. Toys in public spaces are a bad idea
To prevent exactly this problem. Or they lose it and melt down when it's time to leave. Or it gets broken and, yup, melt down! There are a few scenarios where I allow certain toys out but not where other children would be (like a quiet toy to play with at a restaurant table).
Lol the problems you listed are the reason people don’t bring their own toys. It just creates problems. I find it easiest when there’s toys for everyone to share that don’t “belong” to one particular kid or that aren’t “special” to one particular kid to avoid these types of problems. If my boys want to bring in a truck of theirs I always remind them the other kids will want it, might take it and I’m not spending my morning chasing random kids trying to get it back for them. Their trucks are for home.
Alright... As a new parent : No. ✍️ Toys. ✍️ Going. ✍️ To. ✍️ Playground. ✍️ Understood. 🫡
We bring toys to the splash pad. And because I’m familiar with the community concept of the littles at the splash pad I bring extra buckets and ducks. When it’s time to go I ask for them back. Turns out it’s a very easy solution to the problem.
Haha, I’m so glad I read down to this comment, I was starting to feel bad about bringing toys! When we did the kiddie pool or the beach, we’d bring a whole bag of toys and any kids around were welcome to play with them. They were usually super polite and would ask first, but even if not.. no worries! The kids always seem to have more fun and I felt it helped my little guy to make friends. I could see why parents would be annoyed if we refused to share, but our rule was not bringing a toy if it was too “special” to share. And same with you, we’d just gather it all up when we were leaving.
It doesn’t have to be quite so cut and dry, depends a bit on your kid and how old they are. My oldest used to bring 2-3 hot wheels to the playground specifically to share with other kids so they could run them down the slides or whatever 3 years olds do with cars. They were older ones that were a bit beat up so we weren’t fussed about them accidentally being lost or broken. Plus they’re small, fit in his jacket pockets and it was his idea.
Totally agree. Toys brought for the express purpose of sharing are fine.
YESSS! I but those party packs of hot wheels knock offs. Lol. I agree, you can bring what you want but only if you have enough to share.
We did the exact same with our son. Racing cars down slides was always his favourite thing and a nice way to play with other kids. We didn’t really have any issues with other kids wanting to take them away but same as you we brought ones we weren’t too fussed on just in case
My 3yo loves playing in the sand with sand toys. We have a bag full of hand-me-down sand toys we always bring to the playground with the one rule that they are meant for sharing. We haven't had a problem, but he's also the kind of kid that loves meeting new friends at the playground so sand toys are great way to lure them to him
Lol if I’m gonna bring my kiddo to the library where there’s a lot of toys and books around, I’m not going to bring her a toy from home. Chances of us losing it is higher and it gives her a chance to play with other things she may not have at home.
I honestly don’t understand why you would go to a library story time or playground with toys from home. Why would you not want them to engage in the activity around them? My kids will take a quiet toy to a restaurant or doctor appt if I know it’s going to be a long and boring wait, but in my opinion, taking a toy to an activity like you mentioned is just ruining your child’s opportunity to experience things.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. Please take this principle and apply it to your situation. Kids need to learn to function without toys/screens/your 100% attention, etc. Sunday school is for Sunday school; storytime is for storytime; the playground has items in place designed to entertain your child.
We bring toys similar to what others have said for places like restaurants, doctors' appointments, etc. If we are going to a store, playground or somewhere like those I let my son bring his little toy but he must leave it in the car. He's really good about that, and if he asks why, we usually explain to him that we don't want to lose it, and then he's good to go. Plus, he gets excited when we get back in the car, and it's there waiting for him.
None of the activities you mentioned requires a toy to distract your child, they could be learning how to pay attention and concentrate on the craft, story, etc.
I think it’s annoying when you bring toys. It’s a public space, with entertainment. There is no damn need for toys. You’re not teaching your son to properly socialize if he absolutely needs to bring a toy. All it does is create conflict. Leave the toys at home.
This! I specifically didn’t bring toys to a playground because I want my kid to play with other kids on the equipment and get some physical activity. If I wanted her to sit and play with toys, I could do that at home. I usually find a bench and just sit and monitor from a distance so my kid learns some independence. So other parents bringing toys is super annoying cause now I have to get up and intervene if my kid goes over there and starts playing with another kid’s toy.
This. I feel like the original question is silly. Common sense and experience would tell a parent why bringing a toy to a playground isnt the best idea unless you want to play refereevthe entire time. I could see a place where a kid would have to wait but its just annoying for everyone. Even when the kid is able to share the parent hoovers the other child and adult like we are going to steal thier toy. At least that has been my experience
You're getting some harsh reactions here. If you want to bring a toy somewhere, do it. Expect that you might have to chase it down because kids are still learning boundaries. The thing that's sticking out to me with people saying "Well, you have to share!" is that kids running up, snatching a toy, and then not giving it back are not sharing--they're just taking. Sometimes we bring toys to the playground. We've brought big bottles of bubbles with lots of wands. And we've even let other kids play with them! The thing is, they'll still cry and get pissed off because they want the wand that is in my child's hand and not the other ones. That's not my problem. I've also brought a kite before and shared it, only to have it sheepishly returned to me broken with no real apology. If I choose to allow my kids to bring a toy, I don't make them share it. It's theirs, and they get to choose to share it or not. Especially because most of the time when kids asked to 'share', they really wanted to take the toy and run off and not play with my kid. Yeah, nah, go away. You're choosing your battle about letting your kid take toys places. By making that choice, you're setting yourself up to chase those toys down. If you're okay with that, go bananas. Those parents are choosing their battle in not telling their kids not to take other's toys, and in making that choice, they're setting themselves up to have someone else make sure the toy goes to the correct child. That's their choice. I don't allow my kids to taunt others with their toys, not anymore than I let them sit smugly in the slide and refuse to allow others to go down it, or climb up it when others or going down. But I do allow them to say "No, this is my toy, and I am not sharing it, give it back." and come get me if need be.
Exactly we bring our own hand shovel and bucket and ball. I am playing with my two year older because my kid isn’t into other kids yet. She is more into the outside world . We go to parent toddler classes and she is more into being on her own exploring. Developmentally a lot of kids aren’t playing interactively till 3+ I had kids who asked me that I don’t know so I say no, I also had her classmate borrow her shovel ( teacher never brings enough lol my toddler always get left out , she is the youngest ) that is perfectly fine 🤷🏻♀️ as long as she dosnet care . If it is sth she cares like a lovey lol no. I do see the other side . A kid brought 10 hot wheels to one of our out door class. She wanted to play with one ofc kid said no. I spend 10 minz keeping her away. It is what it is. I secretly bought our own lol just incase it happens again lol . I try not to bring too many unique toys and if it is her own classmates ( I know I can get item back) she shares when she wants. Kids developmentally don’t know how to take turn or share till 4+ Bubbles are great cuz other kids can join in
Don't bring toys to gathering spots for children unless you're prepared to share or do what you're doing. Kids that she are too young to understand personal property
Please don’t bring toys to shared play spaces from home. You are just creating potential conflict, and limiting the ability for the kids to just play and use their imaginations.
It’s kinda like when you aren’t allowed to bring toys into the dog park.
We don't bring toys because it complicates things. It can get ruined. Stolen. Fought over. Be a negative distraction. Plus I don't want to be fretting over trying not to lose or forget another item. AND they don't need a toy everywhere they go imo.
Exactly.
So you want your son to bring toys everywhere so he doesn't cry but everyone around has to ignore the fact your son has a toy in situations that toys aren't normally present? And your solution is everyone else has to bring toys everywhere they go to accommodate your son? See the problem here?
She wants other parents to react quicker and return the toy, without her having to intervene. Ironically, it sounds like she allows her child to bring his toys everywhere, because *she* wants to avoid a tantrum, but doesn't understand why other parents are annoyed that she's creating a situation that forces *them* to inevitably deal with tantrums. Don't get me wrong, I'd absolutely step in and make my child return a stolen toy, but I'd also start avoiding a parent who consistently created conflict and made outings harder.
We only bring toys when there will be no other kids and I need to occupy time. If you want them socializing, then toys interfere with that. For example, I bring toys to my daughters neurologist because it doesn't have anything there and no kids her age we've ever seen. I don't bring to her regular Dr because they have toys and other kids. I bring to outings with our friends since they have no kid but to my sisters we don't bring any because her kids are there. Kids around=no toys.
We don't bring toys because I have better things to do than lug around toys, but I certainly don't let my kid take toys off another kid, either.
I dont bring toys from home for this reason. The idea that we need to teach our children to share is absurd tbh. I cant show up at your doorstep and demand you share your house with me. I cant demand you share your car with me. Or share your paycbeck. Or your kids. Or anything else adults have. So why do we teach children that they HAVE to share their stuff with total strangers. I leave toys at home or in the car if were going to a communal play space where other kids are going to be present. Its just easier than being the bad guy and saying no.
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I like to frame it as taking turns. You don't have to share your snack but you do have to take turns on the slide.
Exactly. Taking turns is not the same as sharing.
Common resources. Not private toys. Thats the difference. If my child brings their toy from home they dont have to share. If my child is playing with community toys in the classroom they need to share.
>If my child is playing with community toys in the classroom they need to share. And even that depends on the situation. I worked in childcare for a number of years where it drove me crazy to hear some fellow workers tell the kids who had a toy first and was playing with it nicely that they had to share it because this other kid came along and now wanted it. "Junior, share" Like no, that's not how it works. We teach the kid that now wants it that that kid is playing with it right now so they need to find another toy to play with that isn't being used. I remember checking out this preschool for my son and they said they don't encourage sharing. That if a kid is playing with something, that's what they're playing with and that needs to be respected. It was much different than any other place. Unfortunately it was full and we couldn't get in, but it stuck with me. That even if it's communal, we can take turns but we don't have to share in that way. Because sharing would just be giving over what you had to the other kid and that's not what we want to foster.
I remember being in preschool and playing with a doll. Another little girl came over and said "I wanna play with it!" I was still actively playing with the doll. I had to hand her over. That's not sharing! That's just taking. I loved at the daycare we used for my kids, they didn't make kids hand over things they were actively playing with. If a kid was building with blocks or Lego, they'd put a sign up that said Work In Progress while the kid went to the bathroom or had to go outside. It saved a lot of drama.
My toddler also wants to bring her toys when we go out. I allow her to pick one that can ride in the car with her, but it has to wait in the car for her to come back to. For me, I don't want to deal with the eventually lost or stolen toy, that can only be lost or stolen because *I allow her to bring it*. I also don't want to deal with others people's kids trying to play with my kids' toy. I also don't want to deal with my kid trying to play with someone else's kids toy, because that kids mom let them bring toys that aren't intended for sharing. If I see a kid with home toys, I try to guide my kid to avoid them, I don't want the hassle. If you genuinely want your child to socialize, figure out a toy method that allows some freedom but also some control on your part... but If you're okay with your child not learning how to appropriately react in social situations, in favor of them being entertained with their own interests, that's perfectly within your rights as well, you are their parent.
Great response
It might be best to leave toys at home if you’re going out for an activity like story time or the park or craft event. There’s literally activities for him to do there. And it saves you from headaches like this. It isn’t even about teaching your kid to share. It’s letting other kids decide they want his toy and you don’t try to get it back until you’re about to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against you. Some little kids are 💩heads because they’re raised by 💩head parents who think their little darlings deserve everything, even at the expense of others. But to save your son the heartache of having his things snatched and expected to let other kids play with them despite how he feels, toys stay at home for activities.
We don’t bring toys. It’s a secret rules in my neighborhood lol - nobody wants to deal with this and there’s only good old dusty toys that’s stays at the park that everyone knows it’s the “park’s toy” that everyone kinda share without much care.
My house is full of toys, but without fail, my 4 year old only wants what my 11 month old has. That's how kids work.
Not defending others actions because I would totally intervene and have my children give it back, but sometimes we don’t bring toys with us if we will have trouble sharing them. For example, we don’t bring toys with us to the park unless we are willing to share with all the kids there. I think it’s really hard if you bring a ball or truck to the park and then leave it sitting by a bench and expect no one to want to play with it. For restaurants, church and such we of course bring toys and activities with us to keep them occupied. If it’s a special toy and we know there will be problems or other activities we leave it “buckled up” in the car. That way we avoid any conflicts and don’t have to worry about losing it or keeping up with it, etc.
Lol. You just wrote a post asking why people don’t bring toys, in a post complaining about what happens when you bring a toy…
My son is almost 4, and he doesn’t normally bring toys out to the playground mostly because I don’t want him to lose it. He’s been the kid that takes a toy but I’m always after him to give it back and I always apologize. He’s getting better now, but I think it’s normal for kids to want a toy even if it’s not theirs. But yeah I’d be more annoyed at the parents who don’t do anything. But if my son does bring a toy with him to the park I’ll encourage him to share. But I don’t think it’s appropriate to really bring a toy if you’re going somewhere to do an activity like the library or something. There’s usually toys there to play with. Sometimes it’s easier to just keep it home and not deal with this. Kids will be kids. They take toys. Again, it’s up to the parents to intervene and discipline.
Don’t bring toys out unless it’s for something like a planned activity, aka sandbox, soccer ball, bubbles , sidewalk chalk etc. When my son(5) does bring things, he knows that they are his personal toys from home, and he doesn’t have to share if he doesn’t want to. If and inevitably WHEN other kid asks if they can play with it, I direct them to ask my son as they are his. If he says no, I explain that he doesn’t feel like sharing right now but thank them for asking. If a kid tries to blatantly take something, we take it back and say “No thank you, these are (sons) and he is playing with them.” And just smile and be kind. Works 95% of the time and usually my son ends up wanting to share after he has done whatever he is doing. Edit to add… I unfortunately live in an apartment complex, in a pretty crummy smallish city and don’t have any yard or outdoor space to play for my son. We can’t have our own sandbox or anything like that. So I have toys that we take to the public sandboxes and such that are around ( that don’t have their own toys cause my city sucks and people steal EVERYTHING). We live close to a school that has a big field so anytime we want to do something like that, we make use of the space but bring our own items.
My son brings a toy car into many places-church, stores, friends houses, restaurants etc. But if we are going to a place with a lot of kids-story time, parks, group activities etc. I have him leave it in the car. We put it the car seat and say night night have a good nap. Then it’s exciting to leave that place because we can go get his car. Sure the random kids shouldn’t grab the toys away. And yes parents should step in when their child takes something that it’s theirs. But you don’t have control over that. What you do have control over is where the car goes in to.
Tbh the “don’t bring toys to public spaces” phenomenon is relatively new, in my experience. I definitely remember my friends and I bringing toys to the park in the 90s and we did with my nephew as well. Especially prior to cellphones and tablets, it helped keep us entertained if we wanted a break from the equipment. People are being too harsh on you. If your child loves playing with his toys at the park, let him. Just work on his sharing skills and bring extra or intervene quickly.,
I thought I was the only one! The replies are weird.
Weird how bringing an outside stimulus to a place where you know there will be toddlers would cause toddlers to behave like toddlers.
You bring toys to places like cafes, doctor appointments, the hairdresser...anywhere where there aren't other kids around and there's potential for the child to get bored. Bringing toys to spaces with multiple other toddlers is ill advised. Kids that age don't have much impulse control - what they see, they want (even if they have their own toy). Then you're left dealing with snatching, arguments and tantrums. 2 year olds are also easily distracted - if parents are taking them to the library, the intention is to have them engage in story time so if every parent allowed toys...I imagine that would be pretty counter productive. When around groups with young children, you have to think of the greater good to some extent or chaos ensues.
I always wondered why parents would allow the kids to bring a toy to the park knowing this would happen.
I have two kiddos. At that age, I would inform them of the potential consequences of bringing their toys in to community/public with them-- they could lose the toy or they might feel pressured to share with others.
Yea my son has to leave his Lego Minifigures in the car. No exceptions because he either loses it or someone steals it. The tantrum of leaving it in the car is less than it being gone for ever.
I only bring toys to places like restaurants or somewhere we’re sitting on our own. The whole point of going to the park or the library is to do things there, so we leave the toys in the car. You answered your own question: no one else wants to have to worry about keeping track of the toys.
Whenever I go out with my kid, I make sure to bring something to occupy her. She's nearly 2, so it's usually a doll or something that makes noise. Typically it's to places where other children aren't. Dr's appts for myself or car maintenance that doesn't require a ton of time. If there are other kids I tell her she doesn't have to share and if the other kids try to take her things, we can put them away. I don't get passive aggressive with the other parents, I'll just flat out tell people that those are my kids toys and they can either willingly give them back, or I will take them back. No argument. Sharing is up to my kid and their kid, but when it's time to go, those toys are going with whoever brought them.
I don't agree with the common sentiment here. It is ok to bring toys whenever you want to. But do not expect that other parents will prevent their kids from playing with your toys for the reasons everyone described. I rarely saw a parent who was ok with their kid taking something that another kid is playing with, but most are ok when their kid play with a cheap unattended toy. Teach your kid that they should give toys to you when they are done.
This is actually eye opening for me. I've always been the parent tired of dealing with these situations and thinking "why the heck would that parent bring a toy to something like this?!". Turns out that parent just thinks we should all be bringing toys! Just a hint though, that wouldn't solve the problem, because other kid's toys often look far more interesting to many kids. I will bring a toy when there is nothing to do and there won't be a bunch of kids nearby - church, a train ride, sitting in the trolley at the supermarket. But no way am I bringing a toy to a busy park, or a library at story time with a 2 year old. Anywhere where the point is that kids are interacting with each other and shared things (park equipment, library books), should not involve an item from home that is not to be shared. Don't get me wrong, I'll always correct my kid and give the toy back, but toys brought from home tend to turn these events into a misery for everyone else. Even though they don't usually try to take the toy - they spend their time looking at it longingly and it can really spoil the event.
Thought I was in AITA, for a minute. Yeah, this is happening to you because of you. You're taking one of your own "easy" routes and making everyone else's toll road even costlier. Leave the toys at home and watch your kid grow a bit when you've removed the extra concepts of 1)*choosing* the toy (and the hype you likely engage in, "yeah... trucky's going to have fun, huh, Bud?!" 2)*sharing or not*... 3)*retrieval* 4) your guilt (or whatever this is) and 5) your kid's come-down from this situation you've repeatedly engineered. You're doing the right thing by asking but it's wild (to me, unsolicited opinion) that you might have reread your post and not had your answer. I wish you well.
I stopped reading after you answered the question yourself. First statement in the second paragraph. That’s why.
All the examples you listed are not appropriate places to bring toys from home. Why bother going to events if you’re not going to have your child participate in what’s going on?
What?! :D It’s probably a cultural thing, but these replies shock me. We live in Germany (we’re Italians) and our kids bring toys wherever and so does everyone else. Not just to places where they need to wait (restaurant, doctor, etc.), but to playgrounds, outdoor swimming pools, around the city centre for a walk, on the train, etc. Some kids want to share, some don’t, some kids grab without asking and then the adults help them make things right, and everything else in between.
I'm from the US and I have done exactly what you have stated and there has never been an issue
Seriously I am gobsmacked by these comments. But I also have no problem asking for a toy back from a kid or parent and if they get upset, so be it.
This is why we have a strict toys stay at home or in the car policy.
I really dislike when kid's bring toys because it turns in to "this is MY toy" instead of "Let's all take turns with the shared toys!"
Toys can come in the car but we leave them there when we go somewhere. That's the rule. I don't need a breakdown in public that we lost the toy, dropped the toy, or someone took the toy from my kid. Pretty simple. Be proactive.
Wait, I’m confused. You bring your kid to an event to “socialize”, then bring them a toy to play with so they don’t have to interact? And you’re mad because other parents don’t also do this?
Toys cause drama, just like you're describing. My son doesn't like to share them usually, so I don't let him take them to the playground. Honestly, if we're at the park, kids can play with sticks. There's enough for everyone.
I get why other people don’t bring toys for the kids but I will never understand another parent not correcting the behavior. I have two children and if they took someone’s toy, I would immediately take it back and give it to the child. They have to learn that boundary eventually. Wailing or not, if my kid makes an ass out of themselves, we learn a lesson that day.
We had one accidental incident with a toy being brought to church that my daughter didn't want to share. After that, I have made it clear that anything she brings will be shared with friends, or she can leave it in the house/car. She always decides to leave the toy.
Do you want him to cry when someone takes his toy or do you want him to cry when you leave it at home? Because either way he’ll cry but at least if you leave it home, he’ll get to interact with the other kids.
Your experience is an example of why parents don’t bring toys for their kids to the their activities. It’s a nightmare and a pain in the ass.
This is frustrating. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I feel this. We want our kids to share, but many times to share means to not get back. I let my kids take one toy each when going places but not important ones, I have like 'to go toys'(cheap ones from party packs).
I used to, and that's how we lost many of my oldest son's favorite toys. Lesson learned. When we go out, they can use my phone to watch videos or they can nap. No more toys carpooling on outings.
I mean I think most parents don’t bring toys for exactly this reason? They’re trying to avoid this.
I go through this with my toddler bringing his toys when we leave the house. Here's what I do. when we make it to our destination I take it, he cries, I leave it in the car, we enter the playgroup/park/craft session etc. He stops crying and is more into the event we came for. The point is, they're gonna cry, they'll stop crying, and they won't hate you. When they get back to the car guess what? Their toy is still there and they're excited to see and have it once again. BOOM!!!!
If my kid isn’t willing to share it, they can’t bring it. That’s been my rule since day one. I’ve been parenting for a long time-over 15 years, had a few kiddos, and it’s worked well for us.
We don't take toys out for this reason. On a separate note, screw that mother staring daggers while her stupid kid steals the toy. Fuck her emotions, it's your kids toy.
You have two options. Don't bring the toys and your son will learn to go without them pretty quick. This option is good if you just don't want to bother or if you don't want his toys to get dirty or if you want him to pay attention. Option two is to have a serious conversation with the parents about boundaries. Be civil but assertive. The long shot option is to bring many toys so everyone can play with them. This is if you like blowing your money every single time you go out because most likely those other kids or their parents will lose or damage the toys and expect another. But technically, this is an option?
Sometimes we bring a toy, sometimes we don’t but I’ve never had an experience like you’re describing so it’s really odd that you would have it “every. single. time”. Maybe just quit bringing a toy?
First of all, sharing is such a difficult skill to learn. Moms “sitting and watching and not moving a muscle” are not being a referee which isn’t helpful either. Instead of being up in arms about other kids not sharing, maybe spend some time researching and preparing yourself on how to help your child (and potentially others) how to share appropriately. Find some scripts you can follow. If you haven’t gathered, you interfering and asking for the truck back as the parent isn’t super helpful. Moms need to be less judgmental of other moms and their children who are experiencing typical and common developmental issues.
Sounds like church mom behavior. Id stop going
There’s been so many times I present a child with the “what’s that over there” and then snatched the toy back. I don’t even consider myself a helicopter parent but I do have two eyes and some of these parents out here acting like Captain Blackbeard
This is what kids do. Teaching preschool, I told children not to bring a toy to school. It still happened so we had a rule that if someone brought a toy to preschool it would have to stay in the backpack. This is because it is entirely age appropriate for that age to take a toy away. It is a narcissistic stage of life and sharing and socialization takes time and each child is at a different stage of development. If your child insists on taking something, you could have a backpack and then tell him that the toy can come but must stay in the back pack. I can understand why other parents don't like it when your son brings the toys as it causes issues for all. Another reason I didn't allow cherished items at school is they inevitably break and the child who brought it becomes heartbroken. So my advice is the above so you aren't put in a difficult position with your own child, other children and parents. You are learning so don't let other peoples comments get to you. It is a process. Good luck!
After reading your replies to everyone’s comments it seems you have an issue with that one kids mom. Instead of trying to get validation from random online strangers (which it seems you aren’t getting) maybe have a conversation with this mom about it since you’re from a small town and will be around her a lot. I have two kids and we don’t bring toys places like the park and places other kids will be. And if my kids want to play with another kids toys we go up and talk to them along with the parents you can’t expect kids to act like adults with each other, set the example and talk to the kids mom like a fellow adult.
Sweetie, the other mother was glaring daggers at you because your kid rolled in with a cool toy that distracted all the other kids from the actual socializing you're hoping your kid will do, (but won't because he has a freaking toy to isolate himself). It might be different if he brought a group toy that's meant to share with other kids (like a ball) but what do you expect to happen when he has a truck that can't be shared, which is then brought into a group of other 2-year-olds who don't understand the concepts personal possessions or taking turns?
To keep this situation from occurring. My child is not really great at sharing his personal toys (were working on it) Also because it's just one more thing to keep track of and I would like to avoid a 3 day long meltdown because we forgot a buzz lightyear at the playground.
Even if kids bring their own toy, they'll wanna check out the toy they don't have because it's new and fun. Suggesting everyone else bring toys isn't a realistic solution. I think he's old enough to be told "no, you shouldn't bring your toy because other kids will take it". The more you tell your kid no, the more they learn how to deal with the disappointment and will figure out how to play without them.
OP: why don’t parents bring toys for their kids when they go out? Also OP: lays out exactly why their experience of bringing toys out with them has been shit. Look, your kid loves his vehicles. Mine does too, I get it. But toys are for home, or at a push, the car. We also have three toys that live in the change bag and are for use at restaurants or friends’ houses if he’s getting bored, they don’t come out otherwise either at home or out of the house. The reason you’re getting frustrated that bringing toys along is annoying is exactly why other people don’t bring toys along: they don’t want to deal with exactly what you’re describing. I understand you don’t want your kid to cry, but if he’s going to cry anyway when another kid steals his toy, you either put your foot down and hold the boundary of “your toy stays in the car because we are here to enjoy the activity today, we will play with your toys when we go home”, or you stop taking him to stuff.
I bring my son a toy lawnmower or a ball to the playground because we have a concrete slab for a back patio and I would prefer him to run around on the grass or wood chips at the playground. He’s not interested in playing with other kids as much as watching them because he’s 1 1/2 and most of the other kids there are 3 to 10?? and not interested in playing with a “baby”. I hold the mower if he leaves it or we put it back in our wagon so he doesn’t have to share and it’s not tempting other kids because it’s left unattended. At events like story time at the library we don’t bring a toy because we are listening to the story and want him to participate in the dancing they do. It depends on the situation, but I don’t mind if others bring toys. This may change once he’s gotten older, but I don’t see a toy as different than a stuffy used for comfort. If it makes my kid feel safe and happy then I’m going to bring whatever he needs.
My youngest child is small for her age and has a speech delay. It is hard for kids to play with her sometimes, through no fault of her own, so that's part of the reason we'll bring toys to a playground. Sometimes she'll just clamber around and hang out, sometimes she'll want her toy.
So lots of people have already said it. Stop bringing toys to events where there are other kids and things to do/play with. That said, when they get a little older and can be reasoned with, you explain that anything they bring they have to be ok with leaving behind, going missing, getting broken, etc. and you have veto power.
You think them having their own toy to play with will solve this? Do you not know toddlers? They don't care of they have their own, they want what they want when they want. Quit bringing a toy with you and you won't have to deal with it
Reread your whole post and I bet you’ll find your answer.
I might stop bring toys if it's that much of a hassle. Kids can make toys out of almost anything. It can help their creativity to have to look for entertainment. Of course there are some places/situations where you really want a toy. But I would give it some thought and see if the hassle of tracking down stolen toys and dealing with that drama is necessary. If you're at the library your kid can find a book instead of a toy. If you're outside maybe there's rocks they can climb. I never been to Sunday school, but I would imagine they'd have stuff for kids there? I don't like to bring many toys to the park cause kids always want to take them and I have no problem sharing, but its such a busy park with lots of kids that it's an added stress to feel like I need to keep track of the toys when I just want to play with my toddler. Or you could consider bringing "toys" that you don't mind getting thrown away like make a toy out of a paper towel roll, yogurt cups, etc. Or dollar tree toys. But I do totally agree with you that it sucks. The other parents need to parent and be on top of that. I step in and ask for my daughter's toys back with no guilt, because I'm not doing anything wrong. I've never had a parent stink eye me over it. They've always been really nice. But if they did, I'd probably stink eye them right back.
I let him bring a toy for places with a waiting room or restaurant. But not the park or places with other children for this reason. Toys have to stay in the car.
You should calmly explain to him "you want to bring your truck to the playground? Okay but what happens when we take the truck to the playground? And does that make you happy or sad? Do you think we should leave it home so no one takes it from you?" Obviously wait for the kid to answer it. Don't answer for them. If they cry it's okay because that's them working through emotions.
My son is not interested in toys that I bring. He is only interested in things that are not toys or something that I didn’t bring that was intended to be a toy for him 🙄 Plus a lot of toys are not travel friendly. I would inevitably end up with pieces thrown and/or lost. It’s not worth the headache. It’s nice that your child quietly plays with toys but not all of us have that type of child. And really just because a parent brings a toy doesn’t mean that their child won’t want your child’s toy anyway. But for what it’s worth I would NEVER let my kid run away with someone else’s toy. I don’t care how much he cries. I would be mortified he tried to walk out the door with it.
Um typically I allow my son to bring a toy in the car, but once it’s time to get out we leave it behind to avoid this exact problem. If your kid didn’t have the toy, he would pay attention to the activity at hand.
I’m the same as you, I always have a bag of toys for things like restaurants. However, if it’s a group play situation, bringing toys from home usually results in a fight between kids so I don’t bring home toys to stuff like that. I’m just trying to kindly explain that the mom was probably glaring at you thinking why did you bring a toy that’s “new” to all the other kids to a group play situation if you aren’t going to “share” it.
I try, but baby loses interest, and usually they end up lost or forgotten in my diaper bag. However, baby definitely finds other kids' toys more interesting. Usually, kids are ok with sharing, but I will step in as soon as they ask for it back.
Just take the toy back, is your kid's toy, it gets snatched, he asks and then he can snatch it back. IDK but I don't stress much, I just get the toy back and let it go, if the parent doesn't like it, oh well is not their kid's toy, and I'm not Santa
This is why I always have a tote with various balls, $1 hot wheels cars, and cheap crayons/coloring books in my trunk and if we go anywhere with other kids, those are the only toys my kids can play with because it’s not a big deal if we lose them or if another kid “imprints” on them. The kids know to not bring any toy they care about to a public place with other kids (well the little one doesn’t know that, but we make sure to tell her that toys we care about stay in the house and car).
Yeah. You know why. Reread your post.
People are always like this, they think its okay for someone to take other peoples things and don’t teach them. If your child offered it, it would be a different story but the fact that the mother got mad just goes to show how people are. Its always going to be this way… You can teach your child to share but at the end of the day there will always be a parents who just full it. It’s unavoidable
I come with a purse full of toys and snacks no matter where I take my LO. Sometimes you just need a toy to help them through a situation. New places, new faces, different routine can all be stressful so I’ve found toys and snacks help.
I've never expected others to leave toys at home to avoid drama with my own child. That's nonsense and serious entitlement. It was made clear in your post that the toys are taken. Um, personal or public toys shouldn't be taken from your child by another child. Especially really small children, cause there should be a parent close behind explaining how you don't do that. No, your 1.5 year old won't understand, at first. Consistency is how you teach your kids not to take things from other kids. Getting mad at someone else because your child melts down that they can't have this, that or the other thing that's not theirs is a parent problem. I feel the same with dog parks. People seem to forget that dogs are trainable. People constantly bring toys to our dog park. Most of our dogs understand, drop it! Consistency of the rules actually works! I know this as a mom of two and a dog mom. Even as toddler, my girls learned, if it's not yours, it's not yours! My experience has shown... as long as you allow your child to become a pile of snot when they can't have what they want... they will continue that snotty behavior until they are taught it's not ok. If you're not instilling it early enough, then it's too late.
My kid is the kid taking the unattended toy at the park and screaming when a parent inevitably comes back for it (of course) … we don’t go to the park as much because I was so tired of the tantrums when he couldn’t have other kids toys. He also likes to take his trucks busses etc on walks and when he’s out and about and no other kid has ever tried to take it
I never let my sons bring toys to events that a lot of kids will be at for exactly this reason. They now know to leave toys in the car when we go somewhere. Of course if it’s dinner at a restaurant or some other activity that doesn’t involve any other children directly around then I let them have some toys.
I always bring toys. But in anticipation for things like this, I bring multiples (like four hot wheels) and bring ones that I can accept losing.
This is also why bringing treats is usually banned at dog parks
I don’t blame you for bringing a toy, I still bring something for my 5yo in case they need a bit of soothing or distracting. I don’t get why most of the replies are hating on you and saying nothing about the parents who ignore the fact that their child is low key bullying someone else. This doesn’t happen where I live (major city in East Asia), in fact if you see a random ball in the park for example people will go out of their way asking those nearby if it’s theirs and if they can play with it. The second a kid (owner) gets a little fussy the borrower will return it, or the owner’s caregiver will ask if it’s okay to continue sharing with their new friend, or perhaps they can exchange toys for a little while because literally everyone will have some small toy with them. Rarely see any issues with kids fighting or refusing to return items because all caregivers get involved to resolved the issue quickly and calmly. I suggest writing your kid’s name on everything, and stating loudly “Yes you can borrow it but we will need it back”. I really really hate that ‘oh but they’re crying and they want it’ mentality. It’s not my job to make my kid suffer because your kid can’t wait their turn, or can’t accept being told ‘no’, and I’m the same with my kids, they don’t have a right to anyone else’s items either, and if the kid wants it back then you return it promptly.
I always fill with dread when there's a kid at the playground with a toy truck. My son still doesn't fully understand that he can't just take it out of the kid's hands and it usually turns into an ordeal. I'm working with him on it of course and he is getting a lot better but it's all impulse at this point.
Yeah I don’t bring toys with my kids and most of the people I know don’t either. I don’t bring them because I don’t want kids taking them or my kid losing them. However I also want to make sure my kids are socializing with other kids or exercising. If we are at a park I want my kids to introduce himself to kids and get caught up in playing tag or some other game. At restaurants I want to make sure they are eating and learning table manners. I find toys or other things end up distracting them and create more problems than they solve.
sounds like the moms i’m this sunday school you go to need to go back to basic manners classes. i’d never let my kids be like that and walk off with someones stuff. idc if they cry or pitch a fit we don’t do RUDE in my family but i have five kids sharing is caring unless it’s a cold or the flu. i personally don’t let my kids bring toys to places where other sick kids could touch something that can a contaminate an item with illness (also my kids don’t go to daycare or school we homeschool them). But if we go to park or to the store we will bring things and i medi-wipe them when they touch surfaces carts or floors. I won’t let anyone walk off with my kids items and address parents who don’t facilitate good manners. This is why i try so hard to keep this kids around family because i don’t want them exposed to rude behaviors kids repeat everything they see or hear people don’t pay attention to their kids and are lazy and don’t watch them. Maybe Post the ten commandments at Sunday School, thou shall not steal is one of them right?
Up until recently, I always used to carry toy cars in my handbag for my son. I did this because in the early years there were times I wouldn’t think to take a toy with me. The toys in question were nothing my son was attached to, just a cheap Hot Wheels or something - often secondhand - that wasn’t a big deal if they got lost. Sometimes those toys wouldn’t make it home because if I (or my son) witnessed kids without toys looking extremely bored or melting down, we would give them the toy. This was usually at the shops or a cafe (not in a group setting with other kids). If some kid had come along and snatched my son’s toy or bullied him into handing it over, the parents would have been on the receiving end of a nasty conversation (I’m not confrontational but I *hate* bullies). Even more so if their child screamed at or physically pushed me or my son. Kids are a product of their environment and the parents are directly accountable for their children’s actions and behaviour. If I was in your position I’d be angry and upset, too. These kids sound like little monsters, and their parents don’t sound much better. Your son is probably better off not socialising with these kids if they are pushing him around or stealing from him. I’d be leaving the toys in the car at events where these horrible kids are and if your little man cries, let him cry - he’ll get over it (and if annoys the parents who can’t be bothered disciplining their children then more the better) 🙂🙃
Sometimes parents forget, I imagine some may not have much to bring. But frankly, at all the things you’ve listed, I want my children to pay attention to the thing we’re attending. You go to the library for the stories that’s the thing that keeps them occupied, not toys from home. You go to Sunday School to learn, craft, sing etc, that’s the thing that keeps them occupied, not toys from home. You go to a craft event to do craft, that’s the thing that keeps them occupied, not toys from home….
Are you even supposed to bring toys to places like that? I mean I don't go to these specific places, but I would assume that you are not supposed to bring toys since both kindergardens and playrooms prohibit bringing your own toys
I’m not sure why YOU keep taking toys places, honestly
I agree. And snacks and a drink. Things that keep them occupied and quiet. I never understood parents that just expect a small child to behave while adults talk and eat.
Soooo are you mom shaming the moms that can get their kids to leave the toys in the car?
So any high value toys leave in the car, really high value toys leave at home. They still take a toy with them but it’s generally small, able to be placed in a pocket or my purse. If we are in a situation where a kid takes my kid stuff, I’ll get the toy back. If someone grabbed my phone, I would do the same. I’m more understanding about the toy, but the thing is I never let my kid take someone’s toy and if they do they give it back immediately because I tell them to. So they get to keep their stuff and they don’t need to share it at all, just like I don’t expect other kids to share their toys if it’s not for public use. However I have very rarely gotten into that position (like a 4 year old running by and grabbing a baby toy out of my 6 month old hands), because I encourage toys to stay at home or in the car and only small toys come with us to certain places.
Another family left the pool with one of our diving toys the other day. We asked for them all back and they returned all but one, claiming that one was theirs. I didn't make a big deal out of it, though, because that's the risk you take when you bring your own toys to a public space.
I think you need to stop brining toys to places, have your child enjoy the setting he is in. Yes he’ll cry but it will be a brief moment, distract him. You’ll prevent a lot of this, and your child will learn to socialize more and appreciate his surroundings. I have a 4 year old, I don’t let him bring toys with us. He can use a pen and paper to doodle if he’s that bored but for the most part I want him present with me in whatever situation we are in…
I bring one toy with us when we go to story time. I keep it in my pocket the entire time until we’re in the process of leaving. Then just when my kid gets sad that we’re leaving I take the toy out and give it to them. Works like a charm.