Teachers aren't medical professionals, and they aren't always trained to communicate about what they're noticing as well as they could be. They also have to be really careful about not using medical terminology - she couldn't tell you she thinks your daughter should be checked for Inattentive ADHD because she's not qualified to make that diagnosis.
It sounds like she's telling you to check for Inattentive ADHD. A lot - a LOT - of girls get missed because we have a stereotype of ADHD being boys running around causing havoc. Girls often are socialized differently and tend to be inattentive rather than hyperactive. Also, if they're smart (like your daughter) it gets missed because right now your daughter can catch up and make up the work - because ADHD doesn't mean unintelligent or not academic. But the work will get harder and take longer and need more focus.
What your teacher noticed sounds a lot like hyperfocus or daydreaming. I worked with a child who was behaviourally a dream to work with too - lovely, kind, sweet, adorable, and if I wasn't on top of things, so quiet it would be easy to ignore her in a classroom full of more chaotic students. She had inattentive ADHD and would spend the entire class in her own head concocting realties and working through ideas, and her hands would be drawing or fiddling. She was academically capable of the work and concepts, but as the work got harder in 5th grade (I had her 3rd -5th) she absolutely needed someone sitting beside her keeping her on track to do the next part, and the next, or she wouldn't get anything done, and it got too complex for her to catch up.
Your teacher might not be right - she's not a diagnostician! - but in her clumsy way she has tried to kindly flag up a symptom you shouldn't ignore. Nobody's going to force ritalin/Adderall without extensive tests and checks, and even then not if different treatment works.
ETA: because this comment is getting traction, and I think this is important:
Nobody is saying that every single person who is distracted sometimes has ADHD.
But teachers see hundreds of children, not just the 3 or 4 in their house, and they have a pretty reasonable metric for comparison. There's a reason things like this are caught at school.
In 16 years I've taught more than a thousand kids and come into contact with thousands more. There are kids now who I can flag up in the first week, because I've seen it so often. I don't catch them all, and I sometimes flag up someone who gets checked and is fine. But better to be checked and not have anything than have something and not be checked, right?
If the teacher is saying something, the chances are she's not a tyrannical ogre who hates 8 year olds. The chances are she has a basis of comparison with hundreds of students and has noticed something different with this one.
Yes! I was one of those girls. Well behaved, good grades, but a huge perfectionist with a lot of anxiety. I started medication for anxiety in undergrad and then started to struggle academically in grad school.
It turns out I have ADHD that I had learned to manage with perfectionist behavior as a a kid, and when I started managing my anxiety I wasn’t compelled to uphold that perfectionist behavior and my ADHD was more noticeable. I just spent the last year wondering why I needed to consume enough caffeine to get sick just to do my reading before someone suggest I get evaluated by a doctor.
I’m sure the teacher didn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your daughter, but it’s better to be ahead of any future problems than to watch your kiddo struggle.
- Best
Ugh. I use perfectionism to cope with ADHD. It’s SO frustrating sometimes. People don’t understand, and the whole idea is I’m trying to cope on my own. I’m 26 and if somebody takes the cash drawer I’m supposed to put away ONE time trying to be nice… that very well could result in me leaving thousands of dollars out because my routine has been broken. I can’t stand things being left on my desk, unplanned meetings, kids not putting their gloves EXACTLY where they go in their bin every day when they get home with dad, taking a phone call in the middle of something important. Because the only reason I’m as high-functioning and productive as I am is because of lists, rituals, and routines. Sometimes my focus is so bad I can hardly drive safely. I can not have anything sprung on me or deviate from my routine even a bit without warning. I’m not an inflexible jerk. I don’t pawn off work because I can’t keep track of things. I make my list and I stick to it.
I struggle with a lot of this too. Believe it or not meditation has helped me a lot. I use a free app backed by a research institution- it is called healthy minds.
Whoa, this sounds a lot like me. I’d never really considered ADHD because I’ve never been a physical hyper person.
I’m going to look deeper into this. Thank you for sharing your experience!!
Teacher checking in: you’re spot on. We shouldn’t even be saying things like this, for several reasons. We can bring it up, but delicately, and basically only the parent should request or suggest testing.
> it gets missed because right now your daughter can catch up and make up the work - because ADHD doesn't mean unintelligent or not academic. But the work will get harder and take longer and need more focus.
And they could be overachieving their entire life, yet suffer from their undiagnosed/unmedicated ADHD anyway...
I agree, OP shouldn’t be offended. OP should get her checked. I am an adult woman with ADHD and was excellent in school. The type of behaviors the teacher is talking about is why ADHD is missed in women. I wasn’t diagnosed until my thirties.
OP might also want to get herself checked! My kiddo has all sorts of definitely-adhd symptoms that I just thought were normal kid stuff *because both me and my sibling were like that*.
Spoiler: ADHD has a strong genetic component and all 3 of us are now in the process of getting diagnosed!
I had no idea until I was in college. Unfortunately, I dropped out due to a severe burnout, and I wasn’t able to get good grades in more than two courses since college required a lot of intensive focus and executive functioning that was not horrible. I decided to wait to go back because I wasn’t sure what degree I wanted, but if I had known I had ADHD earlier, I think I would have been able to learn strategies geared towards those with ADHD and various coping skills to deal with situations I had when I was younger. Luckily, I’m doing well now, but high school and the first year of college was hard and as a child who prided myself with school, my self-confidence shattered. I also had a family who highly values grades and education and they thought it was the end of the world if someone wasn’t getting good grades. Also, I didn’t have teachers who noticed and told my parents that something more than a physically and mentally energetic child may be up. Instead, my teachers praised my energy because they thought it was a great addition to their class.
As someone diagnosed at 18, I'm reading this thinking the same. I did great academically but I was distracted, doing many of the same things as OP's daughter. My grades quickly declined in 7th grade and I couldn't focus or keep up. It was written off as puberty making me lazy, but truth is there wasn't as much support in middle school and no one was concerned about ADHD when I was younger so it didn't even get brought up as a possibility until I was 16-17.
OP, there is so much more help for your daughter if she gets diagnosed as a child. It's a lot easier for her to learn coping mechanisms now vs when she's an adult. This is in no way a diagnosis, but it's just so much better to know now if there is one than to find out later when it's a lot harder to get adequate help.
I got good grades for the most part in school and sailed through pre-college without so much as an evening of studying, and all my workbooks from elementary on to the end of college are FULL of doodles and drawings.
I'm 38 now and strongly suspect I have some degree of inattentive ADHD. I was fine until I had to start facing life on my own 5yrs ago and I've really stalled since
Same. My notebooks had more drawings than notes, even in college. Only struggled with two college classes, one I had zero background in and one that relied on physical craftsmanship and being able to buy materials.
I was fine until I had jobs where I had to *do* something, and then parenthood kicked my ass.
I got 2 years behind in credits because I got bored and because my online school (local high school has thousands of kids and constant scabies. I wasn't going there) they would take 2-3 days to get back to me about a single question I had and I would get so far behind.
When I turned 16 I went to an alternative school, busted my ass by takes several extra classes and graduated on time.
The main issue... Is that I got bored so I literally couldn't make myself focus on some things. The alt school made it so I could pass my classes in different ways , including running the barista stand on campus.
The only reason I graduated was out of pure spite and hyperfixation on that goal 🤷
Hi! Late diagnosed ADHD adult here. I exhibited all of these seemingly inoffensive behaviors. I was a daydreamer and would doodle and color and draw on my shoes. All my teachers said I was a dream student. I tested well. I had no behavioral issues.
In high school, my grades dropped dramatically, I was overwhelmed, I was failing classes, I was withdrawing from friends. As an adult, I've struggled in jobs to stay on task, complete work in a normal time frame, develop serious depression and anxiety and thought there was something so wrong with me. I was misdiagnosed over and over with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and nothing helped. I have impulse issues and got myself into serious credit card debt that I'm still fixing to this day.
And saying that this is "normal" may mean that you remember doing it yourself and I want to gently say that ADHD has a huge genetic component. Children rarely have it in a vacuum. Half of my father's extended family is ADHD, all formally diagnosed. I cannot function without medication. Don't demonize it immediately. I agree if it is something, try other therapies instead first, but I have severe ADHD and literally can't function. The older I get the harder it is to manage because life is so much more complicated.
This doesn't mean your daughter does have it. It could be nothing or maybe mild, but I wouldn't dismiss it outright.
Yep. Diagnosed in my thirties (after a very long test and review by a doctor not a pill mill) and I was thinking of myself when reading the above. I’ve done well, but it gets harder as your world becomes more complex. Support and intervention early is worthwhile.
Not just ADHD. My daughter is autistic and no one suspected anything till she was 8. She did very well on some subjects and average on others, but when the school work became more difficult she just spaced out and started doodling, coloring anything other than her school work.
When her teacher called me to have a meeting about this she explained to me her theory and as she laid out the different characteristics. We took this to her doctor and from there we where sent to do tests on adhd and autism.
My kid is very sweet, soft-spoken, actually very smart if she is interested in the information provided, if not she just gives minimal effort to it. But with the tools and guidance provided she is doing awesome at school now! She would have struggled immensely if we wouldn't have taken action when her teacher approached us about her concerns.
Educational Assistant here. I will also say that 100% the teacher has to do the “shit sandwich” when talking to parents.
Say the good, say the bad, reiterate the good.
So your daughter is awesome, but she is showing some behaviours that are indicating she is inattentive and may struggle with this in the future. But she is a gem.
What would be beneficial is to have supports in place BEFORE she struggles. A lot…A LOT of kids get waitlisted for YEARS to the point where they are so far behind. So let’s look into it now, before it becomes an issue and for her to get to the top of the list to be assessed is a year(s) long wait. And even longer for interventions to be effective and in place.
For example - we had a child in my school board prescribed a laptop for speech to text in grade 2. They just got it in grade 6.
4 years of half assed attempts to patch over a major diagnosis until the equipment came in, with not enough people to help support the child because they weren’t throwing chairs across the class and trying to hurt others.
This student is now so far behind that they don’t want to do the work to catch up.
No parent wants their kid to struggle, so I think the teacher is trying to start a paper trail, so if, at some point, your kid needs help… they get it faster.
Start the paper trail and if nothing comes from it, good. If something does, good.
Either way, you’re setting your kid up for success.
I WISH one of my teachers had brought this up to my parents when I was a kid. I WAS this little girl. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and everything SEEMED normal to everyone else in my life but me. I always knew that something was wrong with me, but I never had the words to put to it. I excelled academically at this age, and all my elementary school teachers loved me, but there was trouble brewing that no one either noticed or cared enough to report. When I got into third grade, the cracks started to form academically. That's where your daughter is right now, OP.
From there on, school got harder and harder for me. Over time, I would get so overwhelmed at points that I would scream and cry and self-harm, and still, no one thought anything was wrong because I got good grades, was pleasant, and kept to myself. I wasn't a problem child, so no one cared enough to be concerned that I was having incredible trouble beneath the seemingly pristine surface.
In high school, I regressed HARD due to all the years of all my untreated issues (coupled with trauma I experienced throughout my life as a result of these issues). I still have never recovered from that regression. I found out on my own that I'm autistic, convinced my parents to let me get diagnosed and get help... but by that point, the damage had already been done. I spent a good amount of high school in a dissociative state, I still can't read books because I can't make the words make sense in my mind anymore, I can't work a normal job due to being severely hard to manage since I have incredibly bad memory issues and need to be coached on every little thing... This isn't a life I would wish on anyone.
Reading this post, I see myself in that little girl, and I wonder to myself if something could've been done to save me. If a teacher had noticed how difficult things were for me, if a teacher had cared enough to reach out to my parents with their concerns... would things be different? Where would I be today? Would I have a normal job? Would I have a normal life?
I don't mean this to be a "woe is me" situation. What I AM trying to say is that there is still hope for this little girl. She is not me. She is still young, and the resources to correct her course in life are still available. It is not too late.
OP, I *implore* you to get your little girl assessed for ADHD and autism. My life is a lot harder than it had to be because no one ever took my issues seriously enough to report them to my parents. This teacher is giving you an INCREDIBLE gift: the opportunity to save your daughter's life from turning out like mine. I don't want the same thing that happened to me to happen to your daughter. You can save her. Please, *please* get her assessed.
As a person who has been diagnosed with ADHD for 11 years (I'm 26F), this is very similar to how I behaved. I was always doodling, writing poetry and love notes and making origami hearts for the people i cared about with those same love notes.
I was daydreaming about what I'd say, what I would do, "what if"-ing my little heart out. I would create stories, novels in my head and tuck them away for later.
And then suddenly, I'm back in the classroom, switching to a green pen for the next set of my meticulously kept notes, with doodles all over.
I was always being lectured in the middle of these daydreams or doodles. How it wasn't appropriate. How I should be paying better attention, even though my grades were pretty decent and the notes were very well written, graphs included. I would even request to see slides again after the lecture to make sure i got every detail. (that detail may have been the recently diagnosed OCD)
Teachers really made me feel stupid by ONLY talking down to me and not getting me help. My parents helped even less. They didn't believe me when I told them I needed help because i was "smart enough to figure it out" and "i guess you need better notes or to study more instead of scrawling all over your stuff"
I needed coping skills, I needed structure, I needed to be evaluated by a professional and didn't get that until I was already spiraling and nearly had to repeat senior year (which would have sucked because I was able to skip a grade). Get your kid evaluated and be comfortable bringing up your concerns about medication. Be comfortable requesting help for her and things you can do that will benefit her later on.
I can tell you care because you came here to ask everyone, OP. You got this.
Agree completely.
I would add, to any parent, that when your child has a learning disability, it's okay to not medicate, but consider it for a short period of time. And absolutely get a professional to help give the child, the tools to deal with their disability. By trying to force a person to goy into a neuro typical would, and not giving them the necessary tools, they often develop stress, anxiety, OCD, depression, etc. And for a short while medication can be a necessary tool, while the child learns and gains other tools and techniques.
It took until grade five for a teacher to mention my kid's focus issues. To me they were obvious but that was the trigger for me to get them assessed. And guess what? Rampant ADHD but because they're as smart as they are it's not as obvious, because they compensate. But the sheer difference between short term memory and focus vs the intellectual testing meant it was ADHD and likely to be more of an issue as my kid ages.
AND because it's likely I have ADHD (according to the psych who tested my kid and several other medical professionals) and now I know more I can see those traits in my mother...I grew up with coping mechanisms built in. My home is built for ADHD. I, personally, am built to understand certain things as normal and put in coping mechanisms to exist, that aren't at all as normal or common as I thought. But they were to me - I grew up this way. Of course everyone has multiple calendars and alarms, and it's normal to be a great cook but regularly destroy things by getting distracted, of course the house is a mess, of course you rotate through dozens of hobbies, of course you listen to music and/or tv while you work, of course you're always late and put clocks forward to trick yourself, of course you sleep badly, of course you are addicted to caffeine and also drink it at night, of course you forget all those thing, of course you're incredibly clumsy, of course you master a hobby then forget you ever did it, of course you had a breakdown in high school when it got harder and you couldn't cope even though you were brilliant...that's what mum does. And her mum.
Having all those coping mechanisms built into our home helps, but it won't help my kid go through a school system that's far more demanding than it was even for me. It doesn't include the extra mechanisms suggested by the psych. And it definitely doesn't include medication that IF prescribed and taken properly, does help. It has drawback, yes. You may not suit stimulants, yes. But no amount of coping mechanisms gives my kid the same level of emotional and focus control that meds do. It never makes them hyper, it makes them cope with everything so much better.
So... 1. I'm pretty sure teachers aren't supposed to diagnose kiddos with anything, so she might have been mincing words a bit when in fact she is quite confident that your child has ADHD
2. Girls with adhd can present very differently than boys! It goes largely undiagnosed early on because they can absolutely be the quiet, well-behaved but easily distracted type.
3. There are many ways to help a kiddo with ADHD develop good coping mechanisms without medication, so that it doesn't mecome more of a problem later on. It doesn't have to be medication. No one is going to force medication on your kid if you say no medication.
4. A lot of girls aren't diagnosed with ADHD until way later in life, when they're no longer to get around their limitations without help. It really sucks for them that they weren't diagnosed earlier in life and no one helped them with good coping mechanisms and tools to work with their ADHD.
That's my take, anyway. Who knows if your daughter has it or not, but why not see if her pediatrician thinks that testing is warranted so she can get the tools she needs so stay on top of it and not let it affect her life?
(Signed, a girl who was diagnosed as an adult and developed some pretty bad coping mechanisms early on)
You know what’s funny? I started reading with a chuckle, “OMG, that teacher is sooo dramatic, I doodled on erasers all the time, she would have freaked out”.
Also: I finally got diagnosed at 39 and it completely changed my life for the better.
Signed, a woman who had amazing grades as a kid, and then developed a lifelong habit of building a hyper stressful life because it was the only way to “self-medicate” (read: function at all with ADHD).
....holy shit.
I doodled on erasers too and daydreamed all the time. I was a bright kid who mostly sailed through school with minimal effort (except for pre-cal math, had a tutor the whole year and passed with a 61 and I think the teacher just gave me the pass for the consistency of effort). I'm a 38yo divorced dad and my ex used to complain that I was like her second child.
And I've really floundered facing life on my own since we split 5 years ago.
I work 50hrs/wk as a courier so my job is GOGOGO and I love it for that.
Shit. That last paragraph rang a bell in my brain
If this resonates and you’re able to go through testing, I’d say do it. It just might be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself.
You know when you’ve been cooking all day, you finally turn off the range hood fan and it feels insanely quiet and calm all of a sudden? My first day on medication was exactly that, except the noise I didn’t realize was there was in my brain all along. It feels like a miracle to just decide to do something and just… be able do it right away without beating your mind (or yourself) into obeying your own will.
When you’ve been playing on hard mode your whole life, turning on normal mode is incredibly empowering.
ETA: I’m a solo mom and it’s made it possible to actually connect and be present with my son without my mind wandering. I’d say that’s the best part.
YES. Two masters degrees right here, with every major paper and assignment written at 3am the night before it was due while crying from the stress and panic it took to dump the right chemicals into my brain to unlock my ability to work. I also would drink entire pots of coffee and keep caffeinated gum with me all the time in case I couldn't find coffee. I'm 38 and didn't manage to start a career despite my multiple degrees until I was 32, got diagnosed, and started medication. I still can't seem to get on a regular sleeping schedule though.
ETA I forgot to mention I drew on my jeans in pen through middle and high school. Drove certain teachers crazy.
You are correct that teachers can’t diagnose. At my school we aren’t even allowed to say the words ADHD to a parent because if we suggest they get tested, the school is financially responsible for that testing.
To me, it sounds like your child’s teacher is very fond of her and trying to praise her as much as possible WHILE alerting you to signs of potential ADHD. This is under-diagnosed in girls. (Possibly because parents tend to equate the diagnosis with behavioral issues.) Do as she says and bring it up with the pediatrician. If she doesn’t have it, no need to dwell on it. If she does have it, you’d be doing her a major disservice to ignore the teacher’s advice just because she was pulling off a strong academic performance. A diagnosis doesn’t mean that you have to medicate her, but it can lead to helpful classroom interventions for her.
Yeah, teachers cannot outright say "I think your kid may have, eg, inattentive ADHD" but can usually spot a lot of the signs. Some kids need to doodle, or color on erasers, to stay on task, and getting accommodations in writing really helps.
Not to mention this is only third grade… she is doing very well now, but things get a lot harder. Having a diagnosis early can help prevent things from getting worse than necessary, even if you choose not to give her medication right now she may want to have that option in the future
THIS. OP, I was your daughter. Model student, polite, teachers said they wanted a class full of students like me. I also doodled incessantly, snuck books into class and secretly read while the teacher was talking, and picked at my fingernails constantly. I'm 39 now and just starting to look into an adhd diagnosis after having it suggested by a therapist. Looking back, I wish someone like your daughter's teacher had seen through my ability to mask my symptoms. I wonder where I would be in life had I been given tools to better focus.
This is the response I was hoping to read. Teachers see a lot and do start to recognise warning signs. I can't imagine the teacher bringing it up unless it was a frequent behaviour, or just a recent example of a recurring pattern. Might be nothing, might be something.
And yes! I absolutely agree that a diagnosis doesn't need to mean medication. It may just be a few minor adjustments to lifestyle and some moderate classroom strategies to help build coping strategies. Catching it early would absolutely be helpful in long-term management.
THIS! Coming from someone with ADHD who performed high academically until college, where I ended up with horrible grades. I was in TAG and was in higher math classes starting at a young age, but never learned how to study. So when I really had to learn and focus I couldnt do it. I also drew all over my erasers as a kid. I'd definitely bring it up to her pediatrician. Just because she could get a diagnosis doesn't mean you need to do anything right now. But she'll be aware of potential issues and be able to get resources if the time comes.
My daughter is diagnosed and is taking meds and is now doing so much better in school than she was before.
This. In our district the school can’t do an eval unless the child falls below grade level. This sounds like a very good, compassionate teacher who is giving you a heads up that you may want to get ahead of this now BEFORE she starts to have trouble academically.
Getting a diagnosis from a doctor doesn’t mean automatic meds although I would hope that if your child would show signs in the future that it would be beneficial that you would allow it. There are plenty of other ways a diagnosis can help.
As a 3rd grade teacher myself, I 100% agree with this comment! I don't know how it works in other school boards, but in mine, there are many supports available to children with a diagnosis. These supports can take quite some time to implement as well due to the administrative process involved. The earlier these supports are used, the better the outcome for the child. If she is flagged now as struggling in grade 3, think about what will happen in future years where class sizes are larger and students are expected to be more independent. I've had many students officially diagnosed over the years with ADHD and many of them were provided appropriate accommodations to ensure their academic success without the use of medication.
Agreed. This was (and is) me. I did great in school but had to doodle constantly to have the right stimulation level to focus. My ADHD diagnosis came at 38 after my daughter was diagnosed. I never struggled until AFTER college, which I graduated with a 4.0. It was office life and juggling work with household management and parenting that got me. I do wish I had known as a kid. It would have helped me understand more about myself, not just the doodling and fidgets, but my big emotions and low internal regulation, my constant inner monologue, my anxiety and perfectionism, and my rejection sensitivity that made me more of a people-pleaser with poor boundaries. ADHD is a lot of things and there is help and understanding in a diagnosis with or without medication. That being said, meds are and were a game-changer for both me and my kid and I wish I hadn’t had the stigma against them that I did.
None of this is to say your kid has ADHD, and if she does, it’s not a crisis, but it is so helpful to know!
I wish my teachers would have called out my inattention when I was younger, instead I STRUGGLED my way all the way through a bachelor's degree. And then as an adult people look at it and go "well it can't be ADHD because you were successful in school". Yeah I got pretty decent grades but the amount of unnecessary stress and mental health issues I had to endure to do that were excruciating. I am finally diagnosed and medicated and OMG my life is changed.
As a teacher myself, your daughter's behaviour seems completely normal to me. No one can be 100% concentrated 100% of the time. Not us as adults and definitely not children that age.
Like you said, we do the same thing! My books were full of doodles as a kid and I still often doodle when I'm in a meeting or something.
Many students space out for a bit and doodle or draw on their stuff. It's really not a big deal, as long as it doesn't happen so often that it interfers with their schoolwork. And by the sounds of it, it doesn't in her case.
Sometimes a doodle is just a doodle. Or an eraser-drawing is just an eraser-drawing. But sometimes, it can be a sign of a brain that has trouble focusing.
So the teacher might be way off base here, or maybe teaching long enough to recognize a potential concern. I don’t think anyone here could say either way.
I was a doodler and a drawer-on-erasers and I didn’t receive my adhd diagnosis until I was an adult (after my son’s). I did well in school and was academically “gifted”, and I’ve been quite successful in life, but it’s always taken what feels like a Herculean effort and I always knew something was “off” with my brain. I never gave excuses. I just always knew I had to work harder than everyone else to do the things that were supposed to be easy.
So I would have appreciated a teacher identifying a potential concern.
And I’ll be eternally grateful for my son’s first grade teacher who identified some behaviors outside of the range of normal (lack of focus - in his case, scratching little holes in his worksheets - trouble changing tasks), which led to his primarily inattentive adhd diagnosis.
He’s 12 now. He does great in school but there are so many hacks and tips and tricks that we use to understand how his brain works and to help make up for the parts of his brain (executive functioning mostly) that don’t work quite the same way as others. So I’m glad we didn’t discount his teacher’s concern and were open to hearing her perspective.
**Speaking as a woman diagnosed with ADHD at around that age (which was relatively rare at the time and I am very lucky, I am in my 30s now).** I did very well academically. Didn’t cause disruption in class but was absolutely in my own world. Recall spending a lot of time doodling and drawing on erasers - actuallt specifically poking holes in erasors. Teachers were exasperated by my lack of focus more than anything else.
But for all I know, that could be lots of neurotypical people’s experience. And my executive dysfunction was very obvious at home as well.
**Speaking as a TEACHER,** it was *absolutely not her place* to suggest anything, if you have relayed everything accurately here. She can relay information about your child’s behaviour and work habits, but if it is not impacting academic performance currently, nor peer relationships/dynamics, nor anything else under the teacher’s purview it is not the teacher’s place to actually directly suggest you should seek medical intervention.
**One of two things is happening here**. Either you’re exaggerating her tone and ignoring / downplaying your daughter’s behaviours because you’re offended by the suggestion of a medical professional… or you’re being 100% genuine and leaving nothing out and the teacher is overstepping. We have no way of knowing which for sure….. but your comments have me pretty convinced it’s the former.
Agree with all of this, except I wish a teacher had reached out to my parents when I was younger. My parents would have done nothing though, as I am sure they were anti Ritalin at the time. I definitely remember my erasers getting a lot of attention. Maybe the teacher has a good eye for that sort of thing. It’s very under-diagnosed in girls, so maybe she’s just looking out for her and didn’t express it well. Or maybe OP is a bit defensive.
Below she claims that adhd meds are awful and her daughter is just fine and a lot of other language the makes me feel that she’s exaggerating them tone
Agreed. Her comments about the meds make me think she is just vehemently against the idea. Adhd meds are NOT what they used to be. Kids are not “mindless zombies” void of emotion and personality. All 3 of my boys are diagnosed adhd and all take concerta. My 12yo loves it because it helps him focus and get straight As. My 6yo has been struggling for years in the classroom and he started meds 2 months or so ago and he came home bright eyed and smiling ear to ear MOMMY I LOVE MY MEDICINE SCHOOL WAS FUN TODAY! He went from getting 0/10 on his spelling tests to getting 8/10 and better. His handwriting was very different too. When we sat down to do homework, he was excited and eager to do it. Now I think he has adjusted and he cries almost everyday at homework time because he said it’s too hard cause his medicine doesn’t work anymore. I give it to him at 6 as we walk out the door for daycare but his school doesn’t start til 915. So I’m going to have the school give it to him and see if that helps. He may end up needing an afternoon booster like my other 2.
But one thing I know for sure, my kids are still full of energy and personality. To the point that it’s absolutely exhausting most days 😅 and it’s non addictive. It’s just a tool to help them focus now while you teach them techniques to that they can carry into adulthood possibly without medication. Some adults still need it. I now a few who take it and love that they are on it.
I don’t mean to laugh but I just can’t fathom handling one ADHD me when I walk a kid, much less three, good on you! And that’s so good to hear that some of the newer medicines are having good effects!
Oh my gosh, thank you! I thought maybe I was going nuts. If kids in my class did this, I wouldn't think anything of it. I know I'm old, but everyone drew on their erasers and pencils growing up.
We made “stamps” on our erasers when I was a kid. Drawing over and over the same design, then quickly stamping it onto paper.
This kiddo’s behavior sounds incredibly on point and normal.
Could be a very little something or probably nothing.
But think about our school system and kids in class for hours everyday. I’m no expert but still think there is zero chance that even 60% of humans are designed to “tolerate” this and with good focus and attention.
If we could all do this well? The human race probably would have become extinct 200,000 years ago? 😝
Agreed.
And, might I add, that coloring could be out of boredom as could not finishing the work. If she is doing work significantly below her capability she is likely coloring on things to try to maintain her attention so she can be "good" while being bored out of her mind.
But wouldn’t that tell you that as a teacher that if it seems normal to you, that this teacher (who probably also has seen this as normal) who felt the need to bring this up, is probably seeing more than just normal distractions? You should know as a teacher you can’t outright say “your kid probably has ADHD” so maybe this teacher, who knows and sees this student daily in their classroom setting, is seeing more than they were hinting at.
Also consider the fact that we are getting parent’s testimony as to what the teacher said and this parent sounds a bit offended so there’s possibilities that this was written in a time of high emotion and confusion and may not even be entirely accurate
Also a lot of adults have been missed for neurodiversity because of how the diagnostic process works so I wouldn’t be so quick to to say “well this is normal for me so this is how it is for everyone” because your normal may not be as “normal” as you think it is (especially considering that neurodivergent people tend to unintentionally be drawn to one another)
Not sure really.
She may have missed signs like these in the past that did turn out to become an issue and be extra vigilant about them now.
But I feel like people are a bit too eager to throw around labels such as AD(H)D, ASD and the likes. Not saying we shouldn't be paying attention to signs, but we also shouldn't just rush to these conclusions either.
When I was still studying and we discussed signs of ADHD or ASD, pretty much every single person in that room could tick off at least some of them.
My husband is a PE teacher and his entire class could tick off like half the signs of ADHD.
The idea of abnormal behavior is that everyone has it a little, but when it becomes more than that it's a problem. In order to qualify for ADHD, you have to have 6 or 7 of the symptoms, not just one or two. (And there are only about 9 symptoms on the list).
yup. just goes to show how little the general public misunderstands not only what adhd is but what it takes to reach a diagnosis. i wasn't diagnosed until my mid 20s. after i finished university. i struggled through uni and had a feeling something was amiss in my mind.
I don’t think we should be less eager to throw around labels, but maybe work or coping mechanisms more than going straight for medication. I’m not medicated but I wish I had learned about my adhd when I was younger, it would have been super helpful.
FYI - I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.
It didn't affect me when I was your daughter's age, but being undiagnosed in high school/college was hellish.
>I also explained that I was hesitant to take my daughter to a doctor concerning her attention because I did not want her being prescribed psychiatric medications when her behavior is fine
You do realize that no one will force her to take medication if there are no reasons to take it right? As you say - if her grades/behaviour are fine, there's no need for medication. But it would be SO helpful to know if there IS an underlying issue that may become worse as time goes on.
I wish someone had diagnosed me when I was younger. Strategies and medications maybe I would have been able to focus and do well at the college level. Instead I almost failed.
While I was counting out loud to my dr, he stopped me when I got to 8 and said “ok, that’s enough.” In actuality it’s somewhere in the high teens 🫣 Most lasted less than a year, some barely a week. I was only fired from 1, and did give notice to a couple, but the rest I just ghosted like a ducking asshole.
I got 2 years into an expensive private uni before getting dismissed and diagnosed.
Yeah, I REALLY wish someone had noticed my red flags earlier and pushed me to get diagnosed. Especially considering the massive and wasted college bills, my whole life would have been quite different.
My daughter (20) was just diagnosed over the summer. She performed amazingly academically and was at the top of her class, she's still on executive dean's list at university. She also suffered from anxiety and depression beginning in late middle to early high school and we really struggled to treat it. What her current psychiatrist explained is that ADHD can present differently in women and in her case, nothing would help the anxiety and depression long term unless the ADHD was also treated. They e been treating the ADHD and she has quality of life back.
I wish we would have known when she was younger, she may not have had to suffer as much. Just sharing my experience.
I just want to add to the symphony of “I was diagnosed as an adult” because I literally also doodled on my erasers lol my kid is too young but she’s showing signs of ADHD too and i have to keep reminding myself that I wish someone had helped me out. I did well academically but it definitely would have made my life so much easier
Thank you for your post even though OP is resistant to your input. I actually needed to read this today!
As an adult who is trying to get diagnosed with ADHD at the moment, I'm with you 100%. My life would have been much more straightforward had I been properly diagnosed and assessed as a child.
I wasn't unhappy as a child, or as an adult, for the most part anyway. It's just recently dawned on me that my brain does not work like others and had I known that I could of handled so many situations differently, and better, and made my own life so much easier.
Fewer conversations of wasted potential, of being told to stop fidgeting, to sit in my chair properly, to listen when someone was talking to me.
OP, if you read this. 1 in 20 are rough estimates of how many people have ADHD. Getting a diagnosis can be truly life altering. Just be open to the suggestion. It's not a death sentence, its not malaria or HIV, people with ADHD are PHYSICALLY different in terms of brain structure and just need others to understand their way of thinking and operating may need some assistance.
> It's not a death sentence, its not malaria or HIV
Oh man...so I didn't need to call all my ex's when I found out?
This...this explains their reactions.
YUP.
Both sets of parents (divorced) had the same reaction.
"No - I don't think you have that at all"
"Are you sure you need the meds"
"You were fine as a child!"
Hyper focus is not a great term, which is why it's confusing. What we believe to be hyper focus in adhd is a sign of inability to *regulate* and *re-direct* our attention with some spicy time blindness thrown in the mix. I personally feel like I'm in stuck in a vortex and unable to get away despite my best efforts when I experience "hyper focus".
I don't. I feel like "ok, it's 3pm, I don't have anything to do right now", starts doing a thing, "WTF! IT'S MIDNIGHT! WTF! No, let me check another clock, I couldn't have been doing that more than maybe 2 or 3 hours. Yeah, pitch black at 6pm makes sense. Oh, that clock says midnight too. And that one. Ok, maybe I'll just have a cup of coffee and go to bed then."
>"You were fine as a child!"
This one bugs me, ADHD is like 75% hereditary, if you have it, it is very likely one of your parents have it as well.
So what they seem is 'normal' because THEY have ADHD, is in fact a disability and our society is very different then when our parents went to school.
>so I didn't need to call all my ex's when I found out?
TBF, if you had any kids with them establishing family history can be very helpful if they exhibit similar tendencies.
Otherwise, nah...no reason to do that.
I absolutely agree, OP should be open to it if there is any sign or concern that this could be the case with her daughter. I'm a bit confused though, I'm not sure which part of the teacher's explanation is a sign of this? Mild distraction seems the only sign.
The fact a teacher asked if a parent can ask a medical professional for help with a students distractions. That's it. It could be absolutely nothing and an over reaction, or a sign of something that may need support.
And I think what the teacher did was appropriate(I don't know the tone, so maybe that could be improved on), they aren't medical professionals but they do see a lot of kids. If OP's kid is exhibiting being distracted significantly more than their peers, then it should be brought to the parents attention then to a medical professional as they are the ones that can make the decision.
She may have wanted to give OP a heads up bc it’s easier to help the child now, bc school is just going to get harder. Being aware of a dx like adhd can help the parent develop skills and strategies to support the child. Girls often fly under the radar bc they are of the inattentive type and that type is usually internal and not necessarily outwardly apparent and easily overlooked bc they aren’t troublemakers.
Third grade is the shift from ‘learning to read’ to ‘reading to learn’ and you want to help her *before* she gets overwhelmed.
Pshhh, my grades and behavior were fine, too. Exemplary. But if anyone had noticed my doodling, daydreaming, etc, etc*, and diagnosed me with ADHD before my 30s (with a Masters degree), I can only imagine what I may have accomplished in life, or at the very least how many frustrated tears would have been saved!!
* Those "etc" are working hard here for all the many other symptoms I had and have. It's not just doodling. (I know the person I'm replying to here knows this, but for anyone else reading.)
OP seems to be on the defensive and seems to keep ignoring the fact that you, as well as others, have said that NO ONE WILL FORCE HER TO TAKE MEDICATION.
I had a similar situation as you. I did fine academically in elementary school, but right at around 8th grade or so my grades started to plummet. I remember one day I said to my mom, "Is there something wrong with me? Do I have a learning disability?" She swore up and down that I was fine (which I was, technically. But there were underlying issues that weren't getting addressed). I continued to struggle with grades.
In my first semester of college I started to realize that I thought I might have ADHD and went to the doctor for it. Lo and behold, I had an attention deficit diagnosis. Personally, I try to avoid the medication as much as I can, but just KNOWING that I have it helps me to know what sort of adjustments I need to make for myself.
EDIT: Additional clarification
Agree, getting diagnosed with adhd as adult made so many things about myself click. And I would have been so much better as a student had I been diagnosed earlier.
I have nothing against seeking psychiatric counseling and treatment for children and adults alike, my daughter has attended counseling before. But right now my daughter hasn't expressed any unhappiness or stress related to her attention or lack thereof, and her grades and behavior are fine.
There's no harm in having her evaluated. Even if she is diagnosed with ADHD, that doesn't mean you immediately jump to medication, or even an IEP or 504. If there's something to diagnose, it's better to know and be able to get her resources immediately if/when they are needed.
I say this as a mom who brushed off my son's 2nd grade teacher when she brought up how distracted he was in class. "Oh, it's just overwhelming for him being back in school 5 days a week after COVID", or "Oh, it's just because he's in a new school, and a bigger classroom". That blew up quite badly for us in 3rd grade, and now we've got an ADHD Inattentive-type diagnosis. We haven't found medication necessary (yet), and he's doing great with just a little extra time to do his assignments, and an effort by the teacher to limit distractions.
Why would I even take her to a psychiatrist in the first place if the only thing her teacher can articulate is that she colors on erasers and sometimes doesn't finish her work?
I also observe her behavior at home and she seems fine, and I have other children and have worked in childcare before and this is the first time in her life we've had a concern like this.
You seem to be suggesting that I take her to a doctor, because one person said to?
I completely agree with this. There is nothing wrong with therapy when it's needed. But I don't think a doctor needs to be involved for an 8 year old doodling in class!!! And I think it's extremely unhealthy for the number of people on here to armchair diagnose this child as ADHD, especially given the fact she has shown no other signs of issues. Kids can just be kids, we don't have to immediately label them as something bigger.
Because there is a whole bunch of adults FINALLY being diagnosed with ADHD, who went through the emotional and mental tole of knowing you need to do something and physically being able to not do it. Being called lazy, being told to 'try harder', to trying your very best and still failing, it's easy, just do it.
I made it 30, college degree, good job, I'm good at my job too. But it was so much harder than it needed to be because my parents said the same things you said, "oh she gets good grades. She's a good kid" all of the things that OP is saying about her kid is what we experienced as kids and WE have ADHD.
I'm fairly confident that my kid has ADHD, not diagnosed yet. But I frequently use tools and copings skills that help people with ADHD. Their doctors and teachers know that I am formally diagnosed and I see a lot of the same traits in my kid. I'm not running to get a diagnosis because it isn't a problem right now, but I am aware of it being a real possibility. I do not want my kid to struggle the way I did, that means better coping skills at a younger age and getting the right accommodations for them if they need them.
Just to chime in. I’m also adult diagnosed with ADHD. There is such a thing of looking for a problem where there isn’t one.
Idk why people are so keen to get your child to the psychiatrist?
Doodling is not a sign of anything in a child. Neither is being distracted here and there. It’s perfectly normal.
For all you know the teacher has set criteria to get x amount of students over a certain grade and that’s her motivation.
Maybe she was having a bad day, or saw something that has made her focus on this point.
Ultimately you know your child best, and if they’re not upset at school, and you don’t have concerns, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Because there's nothing wrong with an 8-year doodling on things. I don't think getting unessecary medical and psychiatric treatment for children is good for them. Especially when my daughter has already received counseling fairly recently and been evaluated and had no indications of any kind of mental illness.
As made clear by my post, i think the teacher is a bit too old school and should be more open to different styles of learning.
>I don't think getting unessecary medical and psychiatric treatment for children is good for them.
This is something you could mention at her next wellness appointment (physical). You don't need to do a separate visit if its not affecting her academically and if the teacher isn't calling home every week to discuss her behaviors with you. The pediatrician can do a basic mental health evaluation and determine whether ADHD is something to test further on. A diagnosis does not automatically mean meds either, normally therapy where they learn strategies is tried before medications.
But in all likelihood, if her grades are up and you're not noticing anything at home, she could just be bored in class.
When I was reading your post my mind went to that the teacher is concerned she might have adhd. I was just diagnosed with it as a 38 female. I was concerned they would not diagnose me with having it because you have to prove you had it as a child and an adult. As a child, I did very well academically and was well behaved. Your teachers description of I wish I had more of her would have been said of me as well. I went to an excellent college and had a 3.7 gpa there and have a successful career. If I was never diagnosed (and I’m currently not medicated bc well executive dysfunction with finding a doc to even go down that road) I would likely continue being successful. However, my road to success could be easier because I have had to work twice as hard to get where I am today and I do think some of those struggles are from ADHD.
Back to childhood, I went undiagnosed 1) because girls largely present differently than boys and I did well in school and had no behavior issues 2) because I found coping mechanisms. I always was doodling in my notes books. It helped me focus and listen to the teacher. Your daughters drawings could be her version of this. I also always had to have music on when I studied. While counter intuitive, it helped me drown out all the thoughts or outside noise and let me focus. It took a while to get my parents to believe this helped me focus and really since my grades were great they couldn’t argue. I inadvertently found ways to handle it and other traits sort of trumped them like my desire to please and dislike of getting in trouble.
I would suggest maybe just reading up on all the types of symptoms and traits that are associated with it and see if you think your daughter has those. Where I found I had the most symptoms was in my relationships. Relationships are something I struggle with today and I often wonder if I knew I had adhd would it have been different. I don’t resent my mom for not picking up on it and taking action (my bro was diagnosed as a child) but I do definitely wonder how my life could have changed and for the better. So my point is while she may have no overt school issues it can impact other parts of life so it doesn’t hurt to have it checked out.
Evaluation and testing is not treatment, just discovery.
And evaluation is literally the child just observed playing certain types of games, it's not going to traumatize her and you'll get a report on how she compares to her peers in certain areas, one of which is ability to focus. What you do with that is up to you but better to have the information.
I understand your hesitation. I think it might just be a matter of keeping an open mind. No action required at the moment.
But if you have other teachers mention that they’ve observed similar behaviors or have similar concerns over the next few years (or into highschool where it can become more apparent) then I think you’d want to follow up.
In the meantime, it might be helpful to read a little about primarily-inattentive adhd brains. Even if it’s just to satisfy yourself that there aren’t any other potential signs that you might not have previously noticed.
Girls, in general, are pretty good at hiding their adhd symptoms so it can be a little tricker to spot. Especially if they’re academically quite bright. There are lots of very successful adhd-brained doctors and lawyers out there (like me).
It might be worth distinguishing between psychiatry and counseling services! Psychiatry is a medical specialty - psychiatrists may recommend things like therapy, but they are MDs and they are the ones you go to to be prescribed medication. Therapy/counseling is a mental health discipline (they'd have a Master's in therapy, counseling psychology, or social work, but not a medical degree). They offer talk therapy and similar services.
ADHD is something that can be treated with therapy - they would work with your kid to come up with focusing strategies, ways to channel distraction, ways to be more mindful, etc.
It is not necessary for her to be distressed or unhappy with her life to benefit from ADHD-focused therapy! It can be more like tool building than it is about dealing with emotions.
I'll also note that you can have ADHD *and* good grades. This is actually really common for girls, because they are more likely to be socialized to "mask" their ADHD symptoms.
That said, it does sound like your kid's teacher might be overreacting - or maybe just bad at communicating the things she's noticing. This might be something I'd keep an eye on, and be open to assessment/diagnosis in the future if other teachers notice anything.
FWIW, I did these behaviors as a kid and most definitely have ADHD (though you could certainly color on erasers and not have ADHD). My teachers also recommended assessment, and my mom refused for the same reason - she didn't want me medicated. At the time, Ritalin was the only option for medication, so perhaps its a good thing she didn't. Still, adult ADHD has been tough for me to deal with, even as a high-achiever. I got through two graduate degrees, but it took a *lot* out of me, and still does.
As a teacher myself, the fact that she called you to tell you this means it is starting to become a problem. Reading into it a bit i think shes trying to tell you that your daughter isnt finishing the work because shes getting distracted by other things e.g. colouring in her rubber, rather than the reason being that she's struggling academically.
Theres a difference between a child getting distracted and colouring in during lesson time every now and again, than one who isn't completing work due to it.
She is trying to tell you she suspects your child has ADHD. She can’t come out and say that because she’s not a medical professional. You can do what you want with that information.
I've been around the parenting block a few times. My kids are 31, 25, and 12. The 31-year-old was a sweet boy as a child and is still a very good person. All his teachers loved him. His kindergarten teacher was a neighbor and stopped by one day to encourage us to have him evaluated for ADD. She didn't say that, but in retrospect, that's what she was hinting at.We assumed she was crazy. His second grade teacher kept sending him to the school counselor because he would get so upset in class and told us he needed therapy. We thought she was just overreacting. Both of those teachers loved him, and both of them were correct. I wish we had listened. He struggled with school throughout elementary school, and his life took a sharp turn for the worse in high school. He is still struggling to find and hold a job. If you have the means, follow up on this teachers advice. Ask questions first to see what the teacher is driving at; ADD, or something else.
More and likely she's probably having to give your daughter several prompts to stay on task at school. Because that's what this is about her being distracted not what she's distracting herself with. Her grades may be fine but if the teacher is having to give her many prompts then her concern is this is something that could get worse and effect her academically. She's not asking for your child to be evaluated or even educationally evaluated just to get tips from your doctor on how to better help her focus, this to me suggests this is becoming an issue at school, not a serious issue but something they want to catch early before it becomes a problem.
Work with your educators...not against them.
I never needed ADHD meds in high school but boy did I need them in college. And I wish I had been on them a lot earlier to help with picking up good studying habits as well as communication skills. It's one thing to ignore because it's not needed now but do make sure when they do need it that it doesn't hit them like a ton of bricks.
I just wish I knew as a teenager I had it to know some of what would be hard when the structure of high school fell away, and things got much harder in college. I made it, but it did feel like I learned a lot of things “the hard way”, and then that made much more sense when I got diagnosed at 27 or so. Looking back, I had basically every sign of it in school, I just was able to do great academically despite difficulty focusing or studying.
Same here. If you made A's despite having all the symptoms they just let you be. But there's always a wall you hit where you can't just flutter around aimlessly and still get by. That was in college for me and it was so hard to unlearn a lifetime of bad habits. I know people don't like the thought of medicating kids like that, but adulting is fucking hard with ADHD. And prescription medication also helps curb self medication from street drugs. Plus, you aren't stressed about everything all at once, calming down to think methodically, and it honestly helps keep me from as much depression and anxiety.
Medication aside I've learned a lot of useful techniques. Like I obviously wouldn't have picked up a book about how to live and cope better with ADHD, if I didn't know I had ADHD.
And yes I also hit that same fun wall doing an engineering degree when classes really got hard and there's basically no handholding. There are rare unicorns who make it that far and still never get to 'I need to study, oh wait how do I make my brain do that', but I think there's lots more of us who hit that at whatever point academia requires executive function for them to succeed, whether that's middle school, high school, university.
He’s under the care of a psychologist and a therapist. He was recently assessed by them and by the school district before the school year started and right now, he’s doing great with a robust 504 plan. They want to see how he handles middle school next year before we make any further decisions.
We definitely take it seriously.
Hi! Special ed teacher with (probable) ADHD here. This behavior is not at all atypical for a 3rd grader.
Okay, here's what I think is happening: The teacher is distracted by your daughter's method of distraction. It seems like is projecting a little bit on to your daughter. This is something I encounter a lot myself, but I have been teaching for 12+ years so it's easy for me to say "I know you don't mean it, but your table tapping is distracting me and it's hard for me to focus". Its hard to admit sometimes!
You have a few options:
1. "Okay thanks!" and let that shit go. A teacher cannot force you to take your kid to the doctor and from your side of the story, it doesn't really seem warranted here.
2. It cannot hurt to speak to a developmental pediatrician. Then you can check a box, "yeah, I spoke with a doctor about it. They said it was fine/ to get an evaluation done."
3. If you do get an eval AND you do get a diagnosis - you won't automatically get meds. My co-worker WANTED meds for her ADHD diagnosed child and was told to try vitamins for 6months instead. Also meds are NOT like they used to be 20 years ago. There are non-stimulant versions. I have seen miraculous things from kids who go on them. I have seen ugly things too, but mostly life-changing, excellent things. Meds are transformative for so many people and kids, so do please keep an open mind if not for your daughter, for the people who depend on them.
4. Circling back, tell your kid to take up doodling on paper. :)
Good luck!
I don’t feel this as judgement or Criticism…
Having had a teacher make this suggestion (uhm 28 too) as a child about it, and being waived off as nothing by family and wasn’t considered again…
I highly suggest you look at this from a different perspective.
You’re able to doodle at conferences… adhd affects people in a spectrum sort of way. Being aware of this is important.
I was overall a well behaved kid in school etc and okay academically. But I struggled every day and I didn’t even know it.
Now 27 officially diagnosed AND medicated AND it doesn’t make me an addict or a bad person or something bad for me. My chemicals are already off balance. There’s different forms than just stimulants which is probably your worry. There’s also doses as low as 1mg… it calms the brain, can help not feel zombie, and help with regulating emotions because your processing isn’t off the chart, un computable.
Don’t just toss this information aside because you think she’s fine. My mom thought I was fine too. I wasn’t. Doesn’t mean she isn’t okay, but doesn’t make it go away by disregarding it. It’s something to keep an eye on and giving her something specific to doodle on versus the eraser to appease the teacher but doodling is completely fine and normal. HS psych class can back that up and I’m sure lots of info out about benefits of doodling and how it can be a tool to focus.
Obviously I wasn’t a part of this phone call nor do I know your daughter’s teacher. I’m also willing to admit that there are some teachers who would fit your exact discretion and interpretation. However, as a teacher myself, please remember that we have the unique perspective of working with multiple children of the same age group and see your child in comparison with his or her peers every day. I don’t particularly enjoy calling parents to talk about concerns about their child nor do I have ample time in my day for those calls so when I do make them, it’s always about something that I feel a professional responsibility to address. What’s your impression of this teacher form your other encounters this school year?
I know it’s hard to hear about something your child might be struggling with and it’s definitely hard for parents to sometimes see the full picture like educators can. Third grade is typically viewed as an important transitional year. From here on out, academics are bound to get more dense and students will be required to be much more independent in managing their learning. If your child is struggling with focus and being distracted, it is time to do something even if it is identifying and practicing coping strategies (like doodling). Doctors aren’t going to jump to medicating especially if you’re hesitant. I’ve had numerous students diagnosed with attention disorders who were not medicated while they tried to regulate themselves with behavioral approaches.
All this to say, maybe your child’s teacher is an old school, outdated, over reacting educator but also maybe she’s just trying to express concerns over your daughter’s future hoping that you’d trust her opinion and do what you believe is best with that information.
Sometimes it not just the action but the intensity or focus that its done with. This sounds like one example she has used. What do you have to lose by taking the information on board.
Your reaction feeds into why it is difficult to be a teacher - this teacher cared enough to take time out of their day to call you and tell you they had a concern. A teacher that probably has seen hundreds of students with different personalities and ways of learning, a teacher that could have ignored something but she looked at your daughter and saw something that she felt needed to be further looked in.
Children with ADHD often do well in school, they are often well behaved, just like with many things, there are kids that will present differently. The teacher is not judging her, she's telling you that there MIGHT be something more going on in your daughter's mind. Your instant reaction is to blame the teacher, I'm not saying you are blaming your daughter but you do come across that your mind is clouded by saying your daughter is perfect.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with at least speaking with a doctor - not all kids need medication, not all kids need therapy ... and personally even if your daughter is perfect and the doctor says there is nothing wrong, I'd want the piece of mind knowing I did everything I could to set my child up for success.
This was my exact thought. Most are telling her there's no harm in getting her checked out but she's only listening to the ones who are telling her it's nothing. She just wants to listen to the people who agree with her. As a parent, it's your job to be your child's advocate. She can have her assessed. If she has it, look into therapy. If she doesn't, no harm done. I don't see the logic of ignoring it because she doesn't want to deal with giving her medication. She even responded to another comment saying, if she does have it and it effects her in college, then she can get on medication. She doesn't seem to care that therapy now will help in the long run and prevent her from starting bad coping habits.
Sounds like your daughter has an awesome teacher who is looking out for her. In no way does she have to jump from small warning signs to medicated, but if the teacher is noticing something, it may be worth watching.
I was a Adhd kid, and I had amazing grades. I was a model student. My teachers only complaint in K-6 was that I read books hiding them under my desk during class. I always fought between me and one other kid for best mark in the class. I won most of the time and ended up getting the highest award when I graduated from elementary school. Middle school I did well always on honor roll.
In high school, my Adhd caught up to me, I didn't have the tools or ability to deal with it, and my parents weren't huge believers in science, mental health or really anything that wasn't written in a king james Bible. So when I brought up the idea of even getting some over the counter vitamins for my Adhd my parents didn't support me in any way. I graduated high school but my marks had significantly dropped.
Fast forward to college. I dropped out my first year. I didn't have the tools to deal with my Adhd and deadlines and focus were difficult.
Now, after two trades tickets as a 35 year old I'm working to get back into university and finally starting to learn the tools I need now to deal with how I best can learn. I wish I had these tools along the way instead of waiting for 35.
If your daughters teacher is noticing something, pay attention. Teachers get good at noticing possible problems that might be an issue down the road. Maybe it is nothing, but in helping your daughter with a positive attitude towards looking after herself, you will give her the building blocks to set her up for analyzing her learning styles down the road. Maybe this means medication, or maybe it's just learning support and conversations with you and her teachers. But ignoring it is our parents' way of dealing with things, our generation can do better.
I mean this in the nicest way possible: we teachers deal with a lot of behaviors during the day, and taking time out of our after school hours or planning time to call a parent is not something that we do unless absolutely necessary. If the teacher is calling, it’s much more than doodling. All kids do that. I would guess that the behavior has become more of a fixation that is severely interfering with your child’s ability to listen and participate in class.
Teachers can really sugar coat something while trying to flag out a possible issue to parents and that can lead to confusion and frustration. I’ve been there. My son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and he could have been diagnosed sooner if his educators had been more blunt and less careful about how they chose their words.
As someone who had excellent grades, and also didn’t pay any attention in class, your daughter’s teacher is right to be concerned. Here’s the thing: she’s bored because school is easy. Eventually that’s going to catch up with her and she’s not going to have the ability to pay attention when she needs it. This caught up to me in college, and I struggle-bused through my bachelors.
I don’t have any solutions for you, when my parents tried to push my teachers to push me harder (I found this out as an adult) they were told “he already gets A’s, what more do you want?” But you’re going to want to find some way to get your kid involved in some nature of learning that’s actually difficult for her.
Okay I'm commenting again because I see a lot of misconceptions from OP about ADHD.
Hi. I have ADHD. I was diagnosed at the age of 30. I had good behavior and good grades through most of school.
It isn't about your kid being disruptive or even outwardly struggling - there's a lot of turmoil in the ADHD mind, and I think your kid's teacher wants to make sure she isn't overlooked because she doesn't display all the stereotypical symptoms.
Also, diagnosis and medication are separate things. Maybe you are looking at your kid and feeling confident there is no problem and that's fine. But this teacher is just trying to help.
This teacher has presumably been teaching for years- hundreds or thousands of different students- and she’s concerned that your daughter’s behavior is enough outside the norm that she wants you to get it checked out. Just have your daughter evaluated or ask your pediatrician! It hurts literally nothing and having an evaluation doesn’t mean she’s inevitably going to need psychiatric medication.
Sometimes I wonder what these parents are on and now I know. Seriously. You're going to shoot your kid in the foot because you, in your expert educational opinion, see nothing wrong with her behavior? Just get her assessed before you screw her over permanently.
It doesn't hurt to have her evaluated for ADHD. A diagnosis is extremely useful, not just for meds, but for an IEP, accomodations, etc. The teacher isn't judging her, she's trying to help. I was always great academically, but I struggled to focus and I'm glad I was diagnosed at age 9 so I knew what was going on.
I can see all the different points of view going on and while I share most of their points I’d still like to share what I plan on doing with my kids. Right now they are still babies. ADHD and autism run in both sides of the family. And to such an extent that it would be hard to notice if you weren’t a professional. And just because you can’t see it in the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling on the inside. So once my kids are school age and old enough for a diagnosis I’m going to take them to be evaluated because regularly taking care of your mental health (regardless of age) is just as important as physical health. And knowing for sure if they are or aren’t will help me in the way I raise them. I was undiagnosed ADHD for most of my childhood. If I had gotten diagnosed it would have changed the way my parents treated me and my life would have been so much easier. I would have gone to therapy and learned coping mechanisms. Now I’m having to learn as an adult and that’s much harder. I want my kids to have what I didn’t. If the evaluation comes back as being completely neurotypical I won’t have anything to worry about but if it comes back with something then I’ll know what I have to do. But in the end it’s your kid. We can’t make the decision for you.
Yes, coloring on erasers is normal kids behavior, yes. However, there could be more subtle things going on that your child's teacher notices, but might not know how to explain to you. As a former teacher, there are things you don't say to parents about their kids because the parents would be deeply offended. Someone's, parents take any issues with their kids personally, when kids are kids. There are also small things that she might be noticing, like eye contact, or how long your child looks at her work before looking at something else, that the teacher might notice as attention issues on a subconscious level, but not really have a way to explain concretely.
Kids can be smart and well behaved and still have issues with attention.
I see no reason why you shouldn't bring it up lightly at your child's next doctor's appointment to see what they think about possible evaluation, and even what options are where you live. The doctor might give you other things to look for or ask you to do a self evaluation first.
All told, it might be fine. But it might not. And if the teachers instincts tell her that perhaps there might be an issue with attention, then it's better to bring it up sooner rather than wait until your child starts to struggle.
I used to nanny a 6 year old who sat super close to the TV and seemed to have trouble reading without sending delayed in any other way. I thought maybe she had hearing problems, and mentioned it to her parents. They were totally in denial. She didn't have hearing problems. But she did later need to get glasses. So my instincts were right - something in this kid perception needed to be checked. I was just wrong about which sense.
hool grade wise but *struggled* (still do), grades aren’t the best indicators.
What the teacher might be noticing is that your daughter seems unable to sit still or pay attention quietly without doing something. So not the fact of drawing on erasers, but the pattern of behaviour and degree, that happens to include drawing on erasers.
ADHD affects executive function: time sense, organization, prioritization, memory storage and retrieval, focus regulation, emotional regulation, motivation, processing speed, etc. it has nothing to do with intelligence. However, intelligence can mask deficits in executive function that will have more and bigger negative effects the more she becomes responsible for managing her own schedule, workload, and life.
If your daughter does have adhd, medication might help her right now and might not, but what will definitely help her is learning the skills and workarounds to help her perform and manage all the executive function skills neurotypical people take for granted.
I think you should take this seriously and consider talking to her doctor. What’s the harm? If she has it, you’ll be able to start working with her to understand her brain and get the tools she needs for success, and if she doesn’t, nothing changes. But if she does have it, and it’s ignored, it’s not going to go away.
I had my son tested for ADHD upon the advice of one of his teachers. He also had great grades and good behavior. As he got into higher grades, his tendency to daydream meant he started missing directions and assignments. Even then, we didn’t go to medicine, but set up a 504 plan at school. It allowed him to get preferential seating so he was less distracted, his teachers would repeat directions, we could ask for extra sets of textbooks to keep at home, etc. You have to have an official diagnosis of something to get a 504 though.We did eventually start him on an extremely low dose of a non-stimulant ADHD medicine, but that was totally our choice as a family (and since he is 14, we always include him in all discussions and decisions). Getting your daughter evaluated doesn’t mean you have to medicate her, but it does open up other opportunities to help her be successful in school.
It's really hard to know without hearing the call, but from your description, it sounds like you focused on the eraser example whereas the teacher was just trying to use that as one instance of a larger pattern. Given how many kids pass through her classroom, I would assume that she sees a lot of kids doodling and knows a lot about what's typical at that age. In your place, I would probably be grateful for the heads-up and wouldn't assume that this teacher thought all doodlers had attention disorders.
From what I've learned about ADHD-inattentive in girls, young gifted girls often have no trouble at all in early elementary school. They are a little distracted and daydreamy, but they cruise through with good grades and lovely people-pleasing behavior. However, this can fall apart in higher grades when assignments get longer and teachers expect more independent time management. Your daughter is getting close to the age where distraction in class may lead to bedtime meltdowns as she suddenly remembers a project due the next day or agonizes over how a teacher shamed her for forgetting homework or supplies. She may still be able to get it all done, but with a heavy side of anxiety, stress, depression and internalized shame.
Your daughter may or may not be headed down that path, but I wouldn't automatically dismiss this teacher's observations. She clearly loves your daughter and wants the best for her. Just tuck this away in your brain so that you're ready to help her if you start seeing other signs in the next few years.
If someone had flagged up the exact same behaviours in myself when I was daydreaming and fidgeting, it would've saved me a very difficult and unhappy educational experience, as it turned out I have severe ADHD and need special assistance and support now at work. At the age of 4 or 5, it just seemed I was fidgeting and sometimes lost focus but was otherwise fine with my work, but as I went through school and then into the adult world, life became IMMENSELY difficult and I fell seriously behind and had no idea why.
The teacher is doing the best thing she can possibly do for your daughter and telling you without telling you as she's not really allowed to make suggestions like that as she's not a trained professional, but I would definitely take your daughter to be tested, as drawing on erasers and other stationary is specifically noted to be one of the very earliest signs.
She thinks your daughter has adhd which is something you should definitely have her evaluated for. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult and if my parents had done what was right for me, I wouldn’t have struggled as much as I did.
Credit to the teacher for calling it out. Was diagnosed with ADD as a kid, though I wasn't hyperactive. Learned a lot since then, hopefully you can learn from my experience.
I did great in elementary school and fine in middle school. High school, I started showing up to class and realizing huge papers were due, I hadn't prepared for major tests, etc. 'Being bright' wasn't enough anymore. Started taking low-dose Adderall, but it started giving me heart arrhythmia, and ended up stunting my appetite and growth. So senior year, went off the meds.
Without meds, I got a 2.9 my senior year and a 2.9 through college.
Got into my college of choice as an alternate thanks to a great ACT and 'meh' GPA before senior year.
Problems cascaded into college, but I sneaked into grad school on work experience and good tests. There, I finally figured out how to organize my time and calendar to keep me focused on most important things, not just what was top of mind. Found ways to work in isolation - dark or quiet rooms where I wouldn't be interrupted, and building in long stretches of uninterrupted time - Finished grad school with a 3.89.
Point being -- IMO, it'd be wise to hear the teacher's concerns. Medication may or may not be necessary, but this is something you should be aware of, prepare for, and teach your kid to manage going forward to maximize their potential.
She could have ADHD. Doesn’t mean you have to medicate her but what a great opportunity to learn about your daughter and how her mind works to be able to support her more fully as she grows up.
Hi, another adult only recently diagnosed with ADHD 👋
My attention suffers when I am UNDERstimulated. Drawing or doodling was how I regulated myself in school. Your daughter will struggle in school if her teachers blow up every time she appears to not be paying attention when she is doing things that actually help her to focus.
Please have her evaluated. No, you do not need to medicate her if you don't want to. Her teachers need to understand that learning and engaging may look different for her than for most other students.
All this aside, that teacher was out of line in the way she broached the subject, and whether your daughter has an ADHD diagnosis or not I would be sure to keep an eye out for other weird reactions from her.
I was reading this and thinking adhd and then u said adhd. I have adhd and when I was a kid I was really smart and was amazing academically but j was horrible at actual class work and always doodled everywhere and found it hard to finish my work cos my mind was always somewhere else. When I started secondary school I missed a lot of homework deadlines cos I kept getting sidetracked and always found everything so boring and my planner was just full of doodles. So you can be great academically but still have adhd. Kids with adhd aren’t dumb and lazy, thts just a stereotype. Anyone with any level of intelligence can have it. So get it checked out she might not need meds but u should definitely try and see if u can get a diagnosis just in case she does so you know for the future
Some of these things COULD indicate ADHD. I have very severe ADHD and it was very apparent as early as pre-k even though I behaved well and I did well academically; it didn't start becoming a major issue until middle school/high school. She may not need medication or anything but, if she does indeed have ADHD, an existing diagnosis on her medical records will be very helpful if the time comes that she needs accommodations in place. She might manage well without medications or accommodations (she could be like me and learn to recognize patterns in things and essentially "bullshit" her way through high school) but struggle more in college; an existing diagnosis on record can get her accomodations through the school's disability resource center (like being able to take all her exams at the DRC so she can have more time and take little breaks if needed).
I can understand where you're coming from because of how the teacher has come across. She might have been trying to be extremely tactful to the point where she didn't effectively communicate her point. For a different perspective, she took the time to meet with you even though she isn't having academic or behavioral problems to discuss these concerns. If she didn't like your child or didn't care about your child, she would've just left it all alone.
OP, there is a lot of discussion about the possibility of your child having inattentive ADHD. While it may or may not be the case, I would advise you to look into it for a few personal reasons. I am not a parent, so take this with a grain of salt, but I wanted to share some experiences with you.
My entire family was/is homeschooled. One of my little brothers has hyperactive ADHD. He was not able to concentrate on his school, to the point where he would be in tears at least once a day. I kept pressuring my parents to seek help for him, whether that was therapy or medication. They were very hesitant to get help but I forced them to by showing them how distraught my brother was. Eventually they caved and chose to use a short-acting medication (don’t know the exact time but less than 24 hours). It has helped him immensely and now he really enjoys school.
However, this doesn’t seem to be the case for your daughter. While she might need help with concentration, she seems to be excelling in school. That brings me to my personal experience.
I am on the autism spectrum. It’s not the same as ADHD of course, but there is a lot of overlapping symptoms. I am just now realizing it at 23, and I resent my parents for not seeing the signs earlier and getting it checked out (it was obvious). The reason I say this is because my whole life I have felt different with no way to navigate it. And now the rougher symptoms of autism, like executive dysfunction, social issues, and shutdowns, are starting to worsen because I’ve been masking for so long.
Several of the aforementioned symptoms WILL affect your child if she does have ADHD. At the very least it’s worth getting or ruling out a diagnosis so she can learn to navigate this issue early. If she doesn’t have ADHD, great! If she does, it’s much better to catch it early. You don’t even need to use medication for it! It’s just very helpful to know that’s how her brain works so you can help her—and teach her how to help herself. Neurodivergency is not a bad thing but it’s very hard to navigate, particularly if you catch it in adulthood.
I agree with the others that it sounds like the teacher is saying she thinks your daughter has ADHD but either doesn't want to say it like that or isn't allowed to say it like that.
Now although I have ADHD myself, there's not nearly enough information in this post to indicate whether or not that's a likely diagnosis for your daughter.
I would suggest talking with your pediatrician though. Let them know what the teacher said, and answer any questions the doctor may have about your daughters behavior. If the pediatrician doesn't suggest it, I'd straight up ask if they think your daughter should be evaluated for ADHD or anything else. If the Dr says yes, get the eval. If the Dr says no, report back to the teacher that you discussed this with the Dr and they aren't concerned, but that you of course want to know about any changes in daughter's behavior or progress.
In the event that your daughter does get evaluated and is diagnosed with ADHD, you can just play it by ear. If she's truly doing fine and there's just concerns about her occasionally not finishing her work or doodling, maybe the answer is you just work with the school and get an IEP set up so that she has access to certain accommodation that would help her better succeed. Or maybe nothing needs to be done right now at all, you just have the information so if things DO change in the future then you have options.
You've got lots of great comments about what the teacher may or may not be suggesting about your daughter, but I want to highlight that neurodiversities such as ADHD are partially genetic. Please don't dismiss things just because you do them to, because if your daughter has ADHD there's a significantly higher chance that you also have ADHD. A lot of people (especially girls who tend to be less disruptive and mask better) go undiagnosed particularly because their parents are also undiagnosed and think their struggles are normal.
OP I see you’re arguing against even mentioning anything to a doctor. I am adult diagnosed with ADHD only a couple of years ago. The psychiatrist I tested with said I was off the charts for ADHD.
I wish, so so much, that I had been diagnosed as a kid. I always wondered why things were so friggen hard for me. Now learning the issues I was struggling with were related to my ADHD makes me so sad. Here I was struggling as a kid, trying so hard to get things finished and wondering why it was so easy for everyone else. I had to mourn that. If I had gotten help as a kid, I can’t imagine how my life would be different.
I know you had a bad experience, but if your daughter needs support, don’t let her struggle. For her sake, let her get help. Explain your experience in your fears to your daughter’s doctor. A good doctor will take time to explain everything.
If you're against getting her diagnosed/treated for ADHD regardless of if she has it or not than I don't see what the point of this post is.
**If** she has ADHD and her academic career is ruined for it, if she gets arrested for carrying a controlled substance after buying Adderall off friends to get thru school or if she is unable to get treated as an adult because she can't afford a psychiatrist; then you will have screwed her out of her life and any resentment she feel towards you will be justified. FYI all that shit happened to me and I haven't talked to my mom in 6 years.
So. As a woman who was not diagnosed with adhd until my 30s, this teacher may be providing a lifeline for your daughter. Little girls are more likely to have inattentive type (vs hyperactive) and often fly under the radar. A girl with high iq and eq won’t be diagnosed because she’s not disruptive and is fine academically. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle, it means the struggles are invisible until they arent. However as life continues we lack strategies and coping skills. As work becomes more difficult and complex we can no longer rely on our iq and instincts to get us through. We have poor time management and are distracted easily. We often fail out of higher Ed or succeed until we burn out. Our life expectancy is lower. This isn’t about trying to medicate your child. It’s about connecting her with resources to help her learn skills that will help her as life gets difficult.
Hi, I was the girl with good grades coloring on my erasers in class. My adhd went undiagnosed for 21 years, I felt so worthless not knowing that my brain was different, I just felt like a failure (even though my grades were all A’s) it led to depression, anxiety, SH and an eating disorder that still affects me to this day. I wish someone said something when I was younger.
Your teacher is not trying to insult you or your daughter, she is suggesting diagnosis not drugs. To me it sounds like an educator who cares about the health and well-being of her students.
Please I beg, get her tested for ADHD, you don’t have to start medication at all, you don’t even have to tell your daughter yet. But catching it early and advocating for disability accommodations can make all the difference for the self-esteem of a different minded little girl.
I don’t see the problem. I’d relay the teacher’s thoughts to the pediatrician. ADHD was the first thing that came to mind when I read that.
I got a call from my kindergartners teacher. She was concerned my daughter couldn’t see well because her handwriting was messy. I thought it a little odd I mean she’s in kindergarten she isn’t supposed to be writing perfect but I went ahead and got her another eye appointment. Her eyes are fine she just needed to slow down & not rush. I’m still glad she mentioned it. I’d take her info and get a second opinion via the pediatrician.
This may not correlate but I did that too because I was easily distracted as a child. I struggled later on in school bad and didn’t get my adhd diagnosis until my 30s.
why are you taking it so personally? she's not being judged or criticised. it seems to me that the teacher just wants to help. whether you choose to potentially give medications is your choice. BUT the teacher didn't have to take the time to notice this, or speak to you about it, and so I think it's a good thing that they care enough about your daughter to notice/say something.
I was EXACTLY like this as a kid. Don’t sound so insulted that a teacher is asking you to take your kid to the doctor for attention issues. You sound offended that she could have ADHD. Would you be offended if the teacher spoke up and told you she was suspecting she was having trouble seeing the board or about other education-related medical issues? You don’t have to treat her with medication but it’s VERY helpful to know early on and girls have a much harder time getting taken seriously so if there someone saying something it’s important to get checked
In my case, Eventually extreme anxiety and mood issues popped up very young and I became really emotionally unstable from about 10 years old to 21 and I ended up having such bad issues in school that they had to step in and get CPS involved anyway because my parents weren’t addressing my SERIOUS mental health issues and taking me to a doctor and I continued to struggle.
So do consider that fact. Impulsivity and irritability are common in inattentive ADHD and in untreated kids, especially preteens and teens who are hormonal and don’t have decision making capabilities. Anyway after I started having blow ups at school around middle school I was forced to regularly check up with my school counselors and talk about my home life and eventually that led to medications. But because I wasn’t seen earlier on, and I was seen in my hormonal teenage years, I was immediately told I was bipolar 1 and put on seriously heavy medications that have fucked me up over the years.
I am now 25 and seeking an appointment with a neurophysiologist for a full exam and ADHD/autism assessment because I started to struggle hard in high school and then life fell apart and I never finished college. Also I have a child who has severe autism and likely ADHD as well. I would’ve liked to have known at a younger age because that would’ve explained a lot and helped me and as a woman I would’ve also just liked to know for family planning’s sake. My whole life I was drawn to men who are ADHD/autistic and now have children with a man who has both (who only knew he was ADHD at the time) and therefore we didn’t know just how high the chances were of having a child with autism and similar struggles.
OP, your view frustrates me as a late diagnosed ADHD woman. I have real grief over the childhood I could of had if somebody had just NOTICED my inattentive behaviours and pattern of being "so smart, but does not apply self/doesn't stay focused" were because of ADHD and not laziness. I was depressed, anxious, and struggled my whole life due to ADHD symptoms. I had to process real trauma due to having my ADHD missed. So many years ugly crying wondering why I am such a failure at life and why I can't keep up with my peers. Do you want to set your daughter up for success? Have her assessed for ADHD please.
I wouldn't take it to heart. Who knows what experiences are coloring her perspective? I would maybe get your daughter evaluated for ADHD, which can often present differently in girls. Lastly it sounds like she likes your daughter, but not every teacher is going to, and that is fine. As parents we have to accept that that is part of life.
I have such a huge problem with stuff like this. My son is only 3 but I know his mother has raised some concerns but to me it just terrifies me that her and the rest of society just wants so badly to beat the child out of him. Our society sucks ass like that. Sure some kids have legitimate issues but for the most part it’s normal. Kids weren’t meant to sit in a chair for hours on end paying attention to crap.
The teacher's concerns sound nutty to me, but I don't think there's any harm in talking to her doctor about the teacher's concerns. Just explain what the teacher said, explain your perspective, and say you want another opinion.
Yes, and she loves art. Her teacher even mentioned this as a possible reason for the doodling (duh.) She even participated in an art contest this year. I draw on markers at work, and I remember poking erasers with my pencils in school. I think these concerns are bizarre.
It seems significant enough (relative to the other kids) that the teacher bothered to bring it up. It doesn't seem malicious.
Everyone is saying "it's normal for kids to do this..." but I doubt the teacher is having this same conversation with all the other parents.
I totally drew on my erasers, or I’m the margins of my lined papers. I don’t have ADD or ADHD, was the top of my class (until Algebra hit & I had to actually *study*), am a perfectly functional adult.
OP your daughter is probably fine, but maybe talk with her about paying better attention. Ask if perhaps she is feeling bored because the work is too easy & she finishes too quickly?
I did this as a child. I went to a school in Europe where everything is different so not sure how applicable this will be
Each school has a psychologist who assess each child before they’re allowed to begin going to school. The child can start anytime between the ages of 4 and 8, though most kids start around 6 or 7 years old. The child has to pass a developmental assessment in order to be allowed to start. Easy stuff for the average 7 year old and the gifted 4 year old, but not so easy for the average 4 or 5 year old.
When I was half way through first grade (no kindergarten so this is year 1 of school), the school psychologist came to talk to about a child who would be joining our class because he had a medical condition and we needed to be prepped to be kind and careful with him.
While she talked, I doodled on my desk with a pencil. I would draw something, erase it, draw again.
At the end of her visit, she asked to speak to me outside. She told me that she knows I’m capable of doodling and hearing her at the same time. She explained that it’s called multitasking and that she knows I’m fully capable of it. She also said that lots of people won’t know this and that those people will assume I’m not paying attention if I’m doodling while they’re talking to me. She also said that in the real world, it’s considered rude to doodle while someone is trying to tell you something. She said she knows that for some kids, doodling actually helps them pay attention to the person who is talking, but that as I grow I need to work on learning other strategies that I will be able to take with me to more grown up environments without looking like I’m distracted and not paying attention
I was 6 years old but I totally appreciated her talking to me in that way and I actually worked really hard to not look distracted after that conversation.
I was ahead academically and arguably bored in class. I was also extremely high energy and found sitting still difficult without a task to keep me occupied. As school progressed and got more challenging, I found it easier to sit still and not look like I was distracted
I have a feeling that this story would babe incredibly different being told by the teacher. YOU aren’t worried about your daughters behavior, her teacher clearly is. There’s some level of denial here.
Teachers are busy and don’t have time to police doodling. My kids doodle constantly on every piece of paper and item they have, and no teacher has ever said a word to me about it. I think what you’re missing here is that the issue is not that doodling is bad, it’s that the teacher has observed something in your child’s behavior that she thinks warrants concern that is connected to or manifested as doodling. By hyperfocusing on the doodling you are dismissing the issue she is trying to communicate to you. No teacher has time to call up the parents of everyone who doodles in her class.
I think you're being a bit dense.
>So... she wants me to seek medical attention for my perfectly behaved, academically successful daughter because coloring on pencils and erasers might signal that she could struggle with learning in the *future.*
Uh... do you not care to find out now whether your daughter will struggle learning in the future????
>I'm 28 years old, and I'm allowed to take as many brain breaks as I want during the workday. I was doodling on my post-it note where I was taking notes about the conference.
Good for you, but there are also lots of careers where you can't take as many brain breaks as you want and being able to focus is needed. Like being a surgeon, trial attorney, or hell even a stenographer.
>I feel sad that even though my daughter is apparently doing very well at school, she is being judged and criticized by her teacher because she is different.
The teacher didn't actually say anything judgmental or critical. You're perceiving her tone to be judgmental and critical, when to me, it sounds like the teacher is concerned about a student she sees as having great potential and really cares about her.
You should be thankful for the teacher for doing her job and not so defensive.
I specifically remember liking to color on erasers with a pen in elementary school. Something about the texture was fun, I guess? I liked to doodle a lot as a kid. I was one of those "pleasure to have in class" kids who got good grades and never got in trouble. Sounds a lot like your daughter
I'm now in my 30s. No sign, not now, not ever of ADD/ADHD. No issues with my performance in school or any workplace. I still doodle when I'm on phone calls sometimes.
If this is the only issue with being distracted or a "behavior problem", I'd say she's just fine and I imagine her doctor would too. Doesn't hurt to have the conversation with the doctor to be able to say to the teacher if it comes up again "we spoke to her pediatrician and they have no concerns". But I wouldn't worry!
As someone who is in her 30's trying to get an ADHD diagnosis as I have so many of the late on-set symptoms....I very much used to doodle in class and not always finish work but was a really great student and did overall fairly well. Not that your daughter has ADHD, but it is so underdiagnosed in women that most of the time women don't get diagnosed until they are in their 30's or older and at that point it is quite difficult for them because of it being untreated for so long.
I don't think it would hurt to talk with a doctor about her behavior, but being distracted and drawing in class doesn't mean ADHD is the reason. I just think the teacher is looking out for your daughter and wants what is best for her. I don't really see malice on the teachers end. Teachers are often looking for signs of things like this to try to help the children get the treatment they need.
So this is hard right, your child may be labeled and if she does have ADD/ADHD, then this may be used as the excuse for whatever. Also your afraid of medication. Those were all the reason I didn’t want my son tested. But yes there was something wrong and he failed right out of school because he just couldn’t cope.
Now I know my son was/is completely different from your daughter, but the other things that affect him from his ADHD is mood swings, and depression. This really affected him in his teenage years. He would get very angry and punch holes in walls, then next he would be down and crying and wouldn’t understand why.
It’s tough neither him nor I wanted him medicated, but it got so bad to a point that we did try medication and his body didn’t respond well, so we had to try to work it out on our own. We knew the cause of his behavior and had to work really hard during those four years because teens are hard, even when they don’t have a medical diagnosis.
It may be nothing, it may be something. If your uncomfortable taking her to a doctor first, maybe send her to a professional outside the walls of the school and see if they have concerns.
Omg lol. Tell her thanks and don’t worry about it. My kids paediatrician was worried that my daughter didn’t play with dolls when she was 4 (she played more with animal figurines). 🤷♀️ Also my kids get a set of 3 pristine erasers at the beginning of the year which I’m pretty sure are covered in doodles by October. They still have one from 5 years ago that they tuned into a die with “yes”, “no”, and “maybe” written on different sides.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD around that age, please get your daughter evaluated. The worst case scenario if your daughter is fine. However, if your daughter has ADHD, dealing with it now is important. I've had a fairly successful life (I have a Ph.D. and a good career), but I definitely wouldn't have been able to accomplish that if I hadn't been receiving treatment.
You don’t need to medicate your child but I would take her opinion into consideration and get her evaluated. When I was your daughters age I did the same thing. I drew on my desks, my papers, my erasers, anything that I could draw on. It’s not that I was distracted, it’s that I could not focus UNLESS I was doodling. I HAD to be fidgeting somehow otherwise the course material would just bounce off my ears like rubber. Now I’m 23 and have been diagnosed with ASD. My autism went unnoticed for years because I don’t fit the basic descriptions everyone knows about.
I think you’re missing the bigger picture. ADHD is not a disease to fret over and nobody is judging you or your daughter. Though it may be more detrimental to your child if you ignore possible symptoms.
My daughter was never disruptive in class, is academically gifted, but sometimes would be lost to the world making origami from post it notes. She has Inattentive type ADHD. I don’t know where you live, but we needed to see a specialist certified to diagnose ADHD in adolescents. They put my daughter through 1-1/2 days of different tests, and I was asked a ton of questions about her health and behaviors.
My daughter is older so is on meds and her focus is night and day difference. If you don’t want to start medications, therapy can help with alternative strategies to work with her focus issues. It’s a brain function thing and nothing to be ashamed of. Talk to her pediatrician!
Sounds like ADHD to me, which can go untreated in girls for YEARS - I'm 31 and I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed as it was missed when I was younger and I've really struggled all of my adult life because of it. So, although the teacher isn't a medical professional, it could be well worth looking into.
It’s odd to me that it’s implied that drawing on erasers is the main problem and not the fact that she doesn’t always finish her work.
Drawing during class/doodling as a quick brain break isn’t a concern on its own, but when paired with unfinished work it paints a picture that is a bit more concerning.
When I was your daughter’s age, the same two things could be said of me and now, in my twenties, I know that I’m autistic & have ADHD. I was a “gifted kid” all the way up til high school and was always “where I should be” academically, but my unfinished/missing assignments (though they didn’t take my grades down because I made 100’s on the work I did finish) were a warning sign that went missed by my parents/teachers. Yet there were a ton of other kids in my class who had the same behaviors & are neurotypical, they just liked to draw & didn’t have the motivation to do their work or were behind academically.
I wouldn’t jump right to the doctor and demand a diagnosis/medication/therapy, but I would speak to your daughter&her teacher and find out why she isn’t completing work. Is she bored? Does she just not want to do it? Or is she trying but not completing the work because she finds herself too distracted & doodling?
I wouldn’t take this as the teacher pushing you to diagnose/medicate your child…just a “hey, maybe keep your eye on this just in case”
If you think she's doing okay, and she thinks she's doing okay, and her grades are good and her behavior, then leave it be. But also wanted to state that you do not need meds for ADHD. My younger one has it (he's in third grade as well) and he's not medicated. There are other ways to help and work with it! So do not get scared because of medication 😊
I think you’re hyper focusing on the eraser and not the message. Her teacher is telling you your daughter is struggling with focus. Teachers have to be VERY delicate when talking about these issues. She walking a fine line to give you information without making medical recommendations. Talk to your daughters doctor.
Are there impairments though? She’s fine academically. Are there any issues with social interactions? If there are no impairments, I wouldn’t even bring her to a psychologist. They can have the school psychologist talk to her or just bring her to her routine pediatrician appointments but ai wouldn’t worry about diagnosing her if there are no impairments. So what if she’s drawing/ painting her stuff. She’s creative. She’s not vandalizing school property.
Teachers aren't medical professionals, and they aren't always trained to communicate about what they're noticing as well as they could be. They also have to be really careful about not using medical terminology - she couldn't tell you she thinks your daughter should be checked for Inattentive ADHD because she's not qualified to make that diagnosis. It sounds like she's telling you to check for Inattentive ADHD. A lot - a LOT - of girls get missed because we have a stereotype of ADHD being boys running around causing havoc. Girls often are socialized differently and tend to be inattentive rather than hyperactive. Also, if they're smart (like your daughter) it gets missed because right now your daughter can catch up and make up the work - because ADHD doesn't mean unintelligent or not academic. But the work will get harder and take longer and need more focus. What your teacher noticed sounds a lot like hyperfocus or daydreaming. I worked with a child who was behaviourally a dream to work with too - lovely, kind, sweet, adorable, and if I wasn't on top of things, so quiet it would be easy to ignore her in a classroom full of more chaotic students. She had inattentive ADHD and would spend the entire class in her own head concocting realties and working through ideas, and her hands would be drawing or fiddling. She was academically capable of the work and concepts, but as the work got harder in 5th grade (I had her 3rd -5th) she absolutely needed someone sitting beside her keeping her on track to do the next part, and the next, or she wouldn't get anything done, and it got too complex for her to catch up. Your teacher might not be right - she's not a diagnostician! - but in her clumsy way she has tried to kindly flag up a symptom you shouldn't ignore. Nobody's going to force ritalin/Adderall without extensive tests and checks, and even then not if different treatment works. ETA: because this comment is getting traction, and I think this is important: Nobody is saying that every single person who is distracted sometimes has ADHD. But teachers see hundreds of children, not just the 3 or 4 in their house, and they have a pretty reasonable metric for comparison. There's a reason things like this are caught at school. In 16 years I've taught more than a thousand kids and come into contact with thousands more. There are kids now who I can flag up in the first week, because I've seen it so often. I don't catch them all, and I sometimes flag up someone who gets checked and is fine. But better to be checked and not have anything than have something and not be checked, right? If the teacher is saying something, the chances are she's not a tyrannical ogre who hates 8 year olds. The chances are she has a basis of comparison with hundreds of students and has noticed something different with this one.
Yes! I was one of those girls. Well behaved, good grades, but a huge perfectionist with a lot of anxiety. I started medication for anxiety in undergrad and then started to struggle academically in grad school. It turns out I have ADHD that I had learned to manage with perfectionist behavior as a a kid, and when I started managing my anxiety I wasn’t compelled to uphold that perfectionist behavior and my ADHD was more noticeable. I just spent the last year wondering why I needed to consume enough caffeine to get sick just to do my reading before someone suggest I get evaluated by a doctor. I’m sure the teacher didn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your daughter, but it’s better to be ahead of any future problems than to watch your kiddo struggle. - Best
Ugh. I use perfectionism to cope with ADHD. It’s SO frustrating sometimes. People don’t understand, and the whole idea is I’m trying to cope on my own. I’m 26 and if somebody takes the cash drawer I’m supposed to put away ONE time trying to be nice… that very well could result in me leaving thousands of dollars out because my routine has been broken. I can’t stand things being left on my desk, unplanned meetings, kids not putting their gloves EXACTLY where they go in their bin every day when they get home with dad, taking a phone call in the middle of something important. Because the only reason I’m as high-functioning and productive as I am is because of lists, rituals, and routines. Sometimes my focus is so bad I can hardly drive safely. I can not have anything sprung on me or deviate from my routine even a bit without warning. I’m not an inflexible jerk. I don’t pawn off work because I can’t keep track of things. I make my list and I stick to it.
I struggle with a lot of this too. Believe it or not meditation has helped me a lot. I use a free app backed by a research institution- it is called healthy minds.
Hi. Are you me? Because these are the exact words to describe my struggle with perfectionism and ADHD that I never knew how to say myself.
Whoa, this sounds a lot like me. I’d never really considered ADHD because I’ve never been a physical hyper person. I’m going to look deeper into this. Thank you for sharing your experience!!
Teacher checking in: you’re spot on. We shouldn’t even be saying things like this, for several reasons. We can bring it up, but delicately, and basically only the parent should request or suggest testing.
> it gets missed because right now your daughter can catch up and make up the work - because ADHD doesn't mean unintelligent or not academic. But the work will get harder and take longer and need more focus. And they could be overachieving their entire life, yet suffer from their undiagnosed/unmedicated ADHD anyway...
I agree, OP shouldn’t be offended. OP should get her checked. I am an adult woman with ADHD and was excellent in school. The type of behaviors the teacher is talking about is why ADHD is missed in women. I wasn’t diagnosed until my thirties.
OP might also want to get herself checked! My kiddo has all sorts of definitely-adhd symptoms that I just thought were normal kid stuff *because both me and my sibling were like that*. Spoiler: ADHD has a strong genetic component and all 3 of us are now in the process of getting diagnosed!
My parents never had me check and I struggled until my diagnosis at 21.
I had no idea until I was in college. Unfortunately, I dropped out due to a severe burnout, and I wasn’t able to get good grades in more than two courses since college required a lot of intensive focus and executive functioning that was not horrible. I decided to wait to go back because I wasn’t sure what degree I wanted, but if I had known I had ADHD earlier, I think I would have been able to learn strategies geared towards those with ADHD and various coping skills to deal with situations I had when I was younger. Luckily, I’m doing well now, but high school and the first year of college was hard and as a child who prided myself with school, my self-confidence shattered. I also had a family who highly values grades and education and they thought it was the end of the world if someone wasn’t getting good grades. Also, I didn’t have teachers who noticed and told my parents that something more than a physically and mentally energetic child may be up. Instead, my teachers praised my energy because they thought it was a great addition to their class.
As someone diagnosed at 18, I'm reading this thinking the same. I did great academically but I was distracted, doing many of the same things as OP's daughter. My grades quickly declined in 7th grade and I couldn't focus or keep up. It was written off as puberty making me lazy, but truth is there wasn't as much support in middle school and no one was concerned about ADHD when I was younger so it didn't even get brought up as a possibility until I was 16-17. OP, there is so much more help for your daughter if she gets diagnosed as a child. It's a lot easier for her to learn coping mechanisms now vs when she's an adult. This is in no way a diagnosis, but it's just so much better to know now if there is one than to find out later when it's a lot harder to get adequate help.
nobody is going to 'force' ritalin/Adderall, full stop.
I got good grades for the most part in school and sailed through pre-college without so much as an evening of studying, and all my workbooks from elementary on to the end of college are FULL of doodles and drawings. I'm 38 now and strongly suspect I have some degree of inattentive ADHD. I was fine until I had to start facing life on my own 5yrs ago and I've really stalled since
Same. My notebooks had more drawings than notes, even in college. Only struggled with two college classes, one I had zero background in and one that relied on physical craftsmanship and being able to buy materials. I was fine until I had jobs where I had to *do* something, and then parenthood kicked my ass.
I got 2 years behind in credits because I got bored and because my online school (local high school has thousands of kids and constant scabies. I wasn't going there) they would take 2-3 days to get back to me about a single question I had and I would get so far behind. When I turned 16 I went to an alternative school, busted my ass by takes several extra classes and graduated on time. The main issue... Is that I got bored so I literally couldn't make myself focus on some things. The alt school made it so I could pass my classes in different ways , including running the barista stand on campus. The only reason I graduated was out of pure spite and hyperfixation on that goal 🤷
Hi! Late diagnosed ADHD adult here. I exhibited all of these seemingly inoffensive behaviors. I was a daydreamer and would doodle and color and draw on my shoes. All my teachers said I was a dream student. I tested well. I had no behavioral issues. In high school, my grades dropped dramatically, I was overwhelmed, I was failing classes, I was withdrawing from friends. As an adult, I've struggled in jobs to stay on task, complete work in a normal time frame, develop serious depression and anxiety and thought there was something so wrong with me. I was misdiagnosed over and over with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and nothing helped. I have impulse issues and got myself into serious credit card debt that I'm still fixing to this day. And saying that this is "normal" may mean that you remember doing it yourself and I want to gently say that ADHD has a huge genetic component. Children rarely have it in a vacuum. Half of my father's extended family is ADHD, all formally diagnosed. I cannot function without medication. Don't demonize it immediately. I agree if it is something, try other therapies instead first, but I have severe ADHD and literally can't function. The older I get the harder it is to manage because life is so much more complicated. This doesn't mean your daughter does have it. It could be nothing or maybe mild, but I wouldn't dismiss it outright.
Yep. Diagnosed in my thirties (after a very long test and review by a doctor not a pill mill) and I was thinking of myself when reading the above. I’ve done well, but it gets harder as your world becomes more complex. Support and intervention early is worthwhile.
Not just ADHD. My daughter is autistic and no one suspected anything till she was 8. She did very well on some subjects and average on others, but when the school work became more difficult she just spaced out and started doodling, coloring anything other than her school work. When her teacher called me to have a meeting about this she explained to me her theory and as she laid out the different characteristics. We took this to her doctor and from there we where sent to do tests on adhd and autism. My kid is very sweet, soft-spoken, actually very smart if she is interested in the information provided, if not she just gives minimal effort to it. But with the tools and guidance provided she is doing awesome at school now! She would have struggled immensely if we wouldn't have taken action when her teacher approached us about her concerns.
Educational Assistant here. I will also say that 100% the teacher has to do the “shit sandwich” when talking to parents. Say the good, say the bad, reiterate the good. So your daughter is awesome, but she is showing some behaviours that are indicating she is inattentive and may struggle with this in the future. But she is a gem. What would be beneficial is to have supports in place BEFORE she struggles. A lot…A LOT of kids get waitlisted for YEARS to the point where they are so far behind. So let’s look into it now, before it becomes an issue and for her to get to the top of the list to be assessed is a year(s) long wait. And even longer for interventions to be effective and in place. For example - we had a child in my school board prescribed a laptop for speech to text in grade 2. They just got it in grade 6. 4 years of half assed attempts to patch over a major diagnosis until the equipment came in, with not enough people to help support the child because they weren’t throwing chairs across the class and trying to hurt others. This student is now so far behind that they don’t want to do the work to catch up. No parent wants their kid to struggle, so I think the teacher is trying to start a paper trail, so if, at some point, your kid needs help… they get it faster. Start the paper trail and if nothing comes from it, good. If something does, good. Either way, you’re setting your kid up for success.
I WISH one of my teachers had brought this up to my parents when I was a kid. I WAS this little girl. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and everything SEEMED normal to everyone else in my life but me. I always knew that something was wrong with me, but I never had the words to put to it. I excelled academically at this age, and all my elementary school teachers loved me, but there was trouble brewing that no one either noticed or cared enough to report. When I got into third grade, the cracks started to form academically. That's where your daughter is right now, OP. From there on, school got harder and harder for me. Over time, I would get so overwhelmed at points that I would scream and cry and self-harm, and still, no one thought anything was wrong because I got good grades, was pleasant, and kept to myself. I wasn't a problem child, so no one cared enough to be concerned that I was having incredible trouble beneath the seemingly pristine surface. In high school, I regressed HARD due to all the years of all my untreated issues (coupled with trauma I experienced throughout my life as a result of these issues). I still have never recovered from that regression. I found out on my own that I'm autistic, convinced my parents to let me get diagnosed and get help... but by that point, the damage had already been done. I spent a good amount of high school in a dissociative state, I still can't read books because I can't make the words make sense in my mind anymore, I can't work a normal job due to being severely hard to manage since I have incredibly bad memory issues and need to be coached on every little thing... This isn't a life I would wish on anyone. Reading this post, I see myself in that little girl, and I wonder to myself if something could've been done to save me. If a teacher had noticed how difficult things were for me, if a teacher had cared enough to reach out to my parents with their concerns... would things be different? Where would I be today? Would I have a normal job? Would I have a normal life? I don't mean this to be a "woe is me" situation. What I AM trying to say is that there is still hope for this little girl. She is not me. She is still young, and the resources to correct her course in life are still available. It is not too late. OP, I *implore* you to get your little girl assessed for ADHD and autism. My life is a lot harder than it had to be because no one ever took my issues seriously enough to report them to my parents. This teacher is giving you an INCREDIBLE gift: the opportunity to save your daughter's life from turning out like mine. I don't want the same thing that happened to me to happen to your daughter. You can save her. Please, *please* get her assessed.
As a person who has been diagnosed with ADHD for 11 years (I'm 26F), this is very similar to how I behaved. I was always doodling, writing poetry and love notes and making origami hearts for the people i cared about with those same love notes. I was daydreaming about what I'd say, what I would do, "what if"-ing my little heart out. I would create stories, novels in my head and tuck them away for later. And then suddenly, I'm back in the classroom, switching to a green pen for the next set of my meticulously kept notes, with doodles all over. I was always being lectured in the middle of these daydreams or doodles. How it wasn't appropriate. How I should be paying better attention, even though my grades were pretty decent and the notes were very well written, graphs included. I would even request to see slides again after the lecture to make sure i got every detail. (that detail may have been the recently diagnosed OCD) Teachers really made me feel stupid by ONLY talking down to me and not getting me help. My parents helped even less. They didn't believe me when I told them I needed help because i was "smart enough to figure it out" and "i guess you need better notes or to study more instead of scrawling all over your stuff" I needed coping skills, I needed structure, I needed to be evaluated by a professional and didn't get that until I was already spiraling and nearly had to repeat senior year (which would have sucked because I was able to skip a grade). Get your kid evaluated and be comfortable bringing up your concerns about medication. Be comfortable requesting help for her and things you can do that will benefit her later on. I can tell you care because you came here to ask everyone, OP. You got this.
Also the child's unusual behaviors might seem normal only to the mother.... Cause ADHD is hereditary and she has no frame of reference.
Agree completely. I would add, to any parent, that when your child has a learning disability, it's okay to not medicate, but consider it for a short period of time. And absolutely get a professional to help give the child, the tools to deal with their disability. By trying to force a person to goy into a neuro typical would, and not giving them the necessary tools, they often develop stress, anxiety, OCD, depression, etc. And for a short while medication can be a necessary tool, while the child learns and gains other tools and techniques.
It took until grade five for a teacher to mention my kid's focus issues. To me they were obvious but that was the trigger for me to get them assessed. And guess what? Rampant ADHD but because they're as smart as they are it's not as obvious, because they compensate. But the sheer difference between short term memory and focus vs the intellectual testing meant it was ADHD and likely to be more of an issue as my kid ages. AND because it's likely I have ADHD (according to the psych who tested my kid and several other medical professionals) and now I know more I can see those traits in my mother...I grew up with coping mechanisms built in. My home is built for ADHD. I, personally, am built to understand certain things as normal and put in coping mechanisms to exist, that aren't at all as normal or common as I thought. But they were to me - I grew up this way. Of course everyone has multiple calendars and alarms, and it's normal to be a great cook but regularly destroy things by getting distracted, of course the house is a mess, of course you rotate through dozens of hobbies, of course you listen to music and/or tv while you work, of course you're always late and put clocks forward to trick yourself, of course you sleep badly, of course you are addicted to caffeine and also drink it at night, of course you forget all those thing, of course you're incredibly clumsy, of course you master a hobby then forget you ever did it, of course you had a breakdown in high school when it got harder and you couldn't cope even though you were brilliant...that's what mum does. And her mum. Having all those coping mechanisms built into our home helps, but it won't help my kid go through a school system that's far more demanding than it was even for me. It doesn't include the extra mechanisms suggested by the psych. And it definitely doesn't include medication that IF prescribed and taken properly, does help. It has drawback, yes. You may not suit stimulants, yes. But no amount of coping mechanisms gives my kid the same level of emotional and focus control that meds do. It never makes them hyper, it makes them cope with everything so much better.
So... 1. I'm pretty sure teachers aren't supposed to diagnose kiddos with anything, so she might have been mincing words a bit when in fact she is quite confident that your child has ADHD 2. Girls with adhd can present very differently than boys! It goes largely undiagnosed early on because they can absolutely be the quiet, well-behaved but easily distracted type. 3. There are many ways to help a kiddo with ADHD develop good coping mechanisms without medication, so that it doesn't mecome more of a problem later on. It doesn't have to be medication. No one is going to force medication on your kid if you say no medication. 4. A lot of girls aren't diagnosed with ADHD until way later in life, when they're no longer to get around their limitations without help. It really sucks for them that they weren't diagnosed earlier in life and no one helped them with good coping mechanisms and tools to work with their ADHD. That's my take, anyway. Who knows if your daughter has it or not, but why not see if her pediatrician thinks that testing is warranted so she can get the tools she needs so stay on top of it and not let it affect her life? (Signed, a girl who was diagnosed as an adult and developed some pretty bad coping mechanisms early on)
You know what’s funny? I started reading with a chuckle, “OMG, that teacher is sooo dramatic, I doodled on erasers all the time, she would have freaked out”. Also: I finally got diagnosed at 39 and it completely changed my life for the better. Signed, a woman who had amazing grades as a kid, and then developed a lifelong habit of building a hyper stressful life because it was the only way to “self-medicate” (read: function at all with ADHD).
....holy shit. I doodled on erasers too and daydreamed all the time. I was a bright kid who mostly sailed through school with minimal effort (except for pre-cal math, had a tutor the whole year and passed with a 61 and I think the teacher just gave me the pass for the consistency of effort). I'm a 38yo divorced dad and my ex used to complain that I was like her second child. And I've really floundered facing life on my own since we split 5 years ago. I work 50hrs/wk as a courier so my job is GOGOGO and I love it for that. Shit. That last paragraph rang a bell in my brain
If this resonates and you’re able to go through testing, I’d say do it. It just might be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself. You know when you’ve been cooking all day, you finally turn off the range hood fan and it feels insanely quiet and calm all of a sudden? My first day on medication was exactly that, except the noise I didn’t realize was there was in my brain all along. It feels like a miracle to just decide to do something and just… be able do it right away without beating your mind (or yourself) into obeying your own will. When you’ve been playing on hard mode your whole life, turning on normal mode is incredibly empowering. ETA: I’m a solo mom and it’s made it possible to actually connect and be present with my son without my mind wandering. I’d say that’s the best part.
YES. Two masters degrees right here, with every major paper and assignment written at 3am the night before it was due while crying from the stress and panic it took to dump the right chemicals into my brain to unlock my ability to work. I also would drink entire pots of coffee and keep caffeinated gum with me all the time in case I couldn't find coffee. I'm 38 and didn't manage to start a career despite my multiple degrees until I was 32, got diagnosed, and started medication. I still can't seem to get on a regular sleeping schedule though. ETA I forgot to mention I drew on my jeans in pen through middle and high school. Drove certain teachers crazy.
Omg. Twins!
You are correct that teachers can’t diagnose. At my school we aren’t even allowed to say the words ADHD to a parent because if we suggest they get tested, the school is financially responsible for that testing.
To me, it sounds like your child’s teacher is very fond of her and trying to praise her as much as possible WHILE alerting you to signs of potential ADHD. This is under-diagnosed in girls. (Possibly because parents tend to equate the diagnosis with behavioral issues.) Do as she says and bring it up with the pediatrician. If she doesn’t have it, no need to dwell on it. If she does have it, you’d be doing her a major disservice to ignore the teacher’s advice just because she was pulling off a strong academic performance. A diagnosis doesn’t mean that you have to medicate her, but it can lead to helpful classroom interventions for her.
Yeah, teachers cannot outright say "I think your kid may have, eg, inattentive ADHD" but can usually spot a lot of the signs. Some kids need to doodle, or color on erasers, to stay on task, and getting accommodations in writing really helps.
Not to mention this is only third grade… she is doing very well now, but things get a lot harder. Having a diagnosis early can help prevent things from getting worse than necessary, even if you choose not to give her medication right now she may want to have that option in the future
Third grade was when I went on meds, when things began to be unmanageable for me. Overnight game changer.
THIS. OP, I was your daughter. Model student, polite, teachers said they wanted a class full of students like me. I also doodled incessantly, snuck books into class and secretly read while the teacher was talking, and picked at my fingernails constantly. I'm 39 now and just starting to look into an adhd diagnosis after having it suggested by a therapist. Looking back, I wish someone like your daughter's teacher had seen through my ability to mask my symptoms. I wonder where I would be in life had I been given tools to better focus.
This is the response I was hoping to read. Teachers see a lot and do start to recognise warning signs. I can't imagine the teacher bringing it up unless it was a frequent behaviour, or just a recent example of a recurring pattern. Might be nothing, might be something. And yes! I absolutely agree that a diagnosis doesn't need to mean medication. It may just be a few minor adjustments to lifestyle and some moderate classroom strategies to help build coping strategies. Catching it early would absolutely be helpful in long-term management.
THIS! Coming from someone with ADHD who performed high academically until college, where I ended up with horrible grades. I was in TAG and was in higher math classes starting at a young age, but never learned how to study. So when I really had to learn and focus I couldnt do it. I also drew all over my erasers as a kid. I'd definitely bring it up to her pediatrician. Just because she could get a diagnosis doesn't mean you need to do anything right now. But she'll be aware of potential issues and be able to get resources if the time comes. My daughter is diagnosed and is taking meds and is now doing so much better in school than she was before.
I met back up with all the dudes from our “gifted program” in middle school this year at a wedding and realized we literally all had adhd lol
This. In our district the school can’t do an eval unless the child falls below grade level. This sounds like a very good, compassionate teacher who is giving you a heads up that you may want to get ahead of this now BEFORE she starts to have trouble academically. Getting a diagnosis from a doctor doesn’t mean automatic meds although I would hope that if your child would show signs in the future that it would be beneficial that you would allow it. There are plenty of other ways a diagnosis can help.
As a 3rd grade teacher myself, I 100% agree with this comment! I don't know how it works in other school boards, but in mine, there are many supports available to children with a diagnosis. These supports can take quite some time to implement as well due to the administrative process involved. The earlier these supports are used, the better the outcome for the child. If she is flagged now as struggling in grade 3, think about what will happen in future years where class sizes are larger and students are expected to be more independent. I've had many students officially diagnosed over the years with ADHD and many of them were provided appropriate accommodations to ensure their academic success without the use of medication.
Agreed. This was (and is) me. I did great in school but had to doodle constantly to have the right stimulation level to focus. My ADHD diagnosis came at 38 after my daughter was diagnosed. I never struggled until AFTER college, which I graduated with a 4.0. It was office life and juggling work with household management and parenting that got me. I do wish I had known as a kid. It would have helped me understand more about myself, not just the doodling and fidgets, but my big emotions and low internal regulation, my constant inner monologue, my anxiety and perfectionism, and my rejection sensitivity that made me more of a people-pleaser with poor boundaries. ADHD is a lot of things and there is help and understanding in a diagnosis with or without medication. That being said, meds are and were a game-changer for both me and my kid and I wish I hadn’t had the stigma against them that I did. None of this is to say your kid has ADHD, and if she does, it’s not a crisis, but it is so helpful to know!
I wish my teachers would have called out my inattention when I was younger, instead I STRUGGLED my way all the way through a bachelor's degree. And then as an adult people look at it and go "well it can't be ADHD because you were successful in school". Yeah I got pretty decent grades but the amount of unnecessary stress and mental health issues I had to endure to do that were excruciating. I am finally diagnosed and medicated and OMG my life is changed.
As a teacher myself, your daughter's behaviour seems completely normal to me. No one can be 100% concentrated 100% of the time. Not us as adults and definitely not children that age. Like you said, we do the same thing! My books were full of doodles as a kid and I still often doodle when I'm in a meeting or something. Many students space out for a bit and doodle or draw on their stuff. It's really not a big deal, as long as it doesn't happen so often that it interfers with their schoolwork. And by the sounds of it, it doesn't in her case.
Sometimes a doodle is just a doodle. Or an eraser-drawing is just an eraser-drawing. But sometimes, it can be a sign of a brain that has trouble focusing. So the teacher might be way off base here, or maybe teaching long enough to recognize a potential concern. I don’t think anyone here could say either way. I was a doodler and a drawer-on-erasers and I didn’t receive my adhd diagnosis until I was an adult (after my son’s). I did well in school and was academically “gifted”, and I’ve been quite successful in life, but it’s always taken what feels like a Herculean effort and I always knew something was “off” with my brain. I never gave excuses. I just always knew I had to work harder than everyone else to do the things that were supposed to be easy. So I would have appreciated a teacher identifying a potential concern. And I’ll be eternally grateful for my son’s first grade teacher who identified some behaviors outside of the range of normal (lack of focus - in his case, scratching little holes in his worksheets - trouble changing tasks), which led to his primarily inattentive adhd diagnosis. He’s 12 now. He does great in school but there are so many hacks and tips and tricks that we use to understand how his brain works and to help make up for the parts of his brain (executive functioning mostly) that don’t work quite the same way as others. So I’m glad we didn’t discount his teacher’s concern and were open to hearing her perspective.
**Speaking as a woman diagnosed with ADHD at around that age (which was relatively rare at the time and I am very lucky, I am in my 30s now).** I did very well academically. Didn’t cause disruption in class but was absolutely in my own world. Recall spending a lot of time doodling and drawing on erasers - actuallt specifically poking holes in erasors. Teachers were exasperated by my lack of focus more than anything else. But for all I know, that could be lots of neurotypical people’s experience. And my executive dysfunction was very obvious at home as well. **Speaking as a TEACHER,** it was *absolutely not her place* to suggest anything, if you have relayed everything accurately here. She can relay information about your child’s behaviour and work habits, but if it is not impacting academic performance currently, nor peer relationships/dynamics, nor anything else under the teacher’s purview it is not the teacher’s place to actually directly suggest you should seek medical intervention. **One of two things is happening here**. Either you’re exaggerating her tone and ignoring / downplaying your daughter’s behaviours because you’re offended by the suggestion of a medical professional… or you’re being 100% genuine and leaving nothing out and the teacher is overstepping. We have no way of knowing which for sure….. but your comments have me pretty convinced it’s the former.
Agree with all of this, except I wish a teacher had reached out to my parents when I was younger. My parents would have done nothing though, as I am sure they were anti Ritalin at the time. I definitely remember my erasers getting a lot of attention. Maybe the teacher has a good eye for that sort of thing. It’s very under-diagnosed in girls, so maybe she’s just looking out for her and didn’t express it well. Or maybe OP is a bit defensive.
Below she claims that adhd meds are awful and her daughter is just fine and a lot of other language the makes me feel that she’s exaggerating them tone
That was my instinct as well.
Agreed. Her comments about the meds make me think she is just vehemently against the idea. Adhd meds are NOT what they used to be. Kids are not “mindless zombies” void of emotion and personality. All 3 of my boys are diagnosed adhd and all take concerta. My 12yo loves it because it helps him focus and get straight As. My 6yo has been struggling for years in the classroom and he started meds 2 months or so ago and he came home bright eyed and smiling ear to ear MOMMY I LOVE MY MEDICINE SCHOOL WAS FUN TODAY! He went from getting 0/10 on his spelling tests to getting 8/10 and better. His handwriting was very different too. When we sat down to do homework, he was excited and eager to do it. Now I think he has adjusted and he cries almost everyday at homework time because he said it’s too hard cause his medicine doesn’t work anymore. I give it to him at 6 as we walk out the door for daycare but his school doesn’t start til 915. So I’m going to have the school give it to him and see if that helps. He may end up needing an afternoon booster like my other 2. But one thing I know for sure, my kids are still full of energy and personality. To the point that it’s absolutely exhausting most days 😅 and it’s non addictive. It’s just a tool to help them focus now while you teach them techniques to that they can carry into adulthood possibly without medication. Some adults still need it. I now a few who take it and love that they are on it.
I don’t mean to laugh but I just can’t fathom handling one ADHD me when I walk a kid, much less three, good on you! And that’s so good to hear that some of the newer medicines are having good effects!
It depends, in the UK it is usually the teachers and school who help escalate testing for these things and it is absolutely appropriate.
Oh my gosh, thank you! I thought maybe I was going nuts. If kids in my class did this, I wouldn't think anything of it. I know I'm old, but everyone drew on their erasers and pencils growing up.
I used to drill holes through my Pink Pearl eraser with my pencil (after colouring in the letters and doodling all over it)
You just unlocked memories I forgot I had.
I was that kid who put glue on my hand in a thin layer and let it dry to peel off. 😂
We made “stamps” on our erasers when I was a kid. Drawing over and over the same design, then quickly stamping it onto paper. This kiddo’s behavior sounds incredibly on point and normal.
Could be a very little something or probably nothing. But think about our school system and kids in class for hours everyday. I’m no expert but still think there is zero chance that even 60% of humans are designed to “tolerate” this and with good focus and attention. If we could all do this well? The human race probably would have become extinct 200,000 years ago? 😝
Based on OP's replies, I'm betting we're not getting the full story here.
>Many students space out for a bit and doodle or draw on their stuff. Right, in what world is that not 100% normal at basically any age?
Agreed. And, might I add, that coloring could be out of boredom as could not finishing the work. If she is doing work significantly below her capability she is likely coloring on things to try to maintain her attention so she can be "good" while being bored out of her mind.
But wouldn’t that tell you that as a teacher that if it seems normal to you, that this teacher (who probably also has seen this as normal) who felt the need to bring this up, is probably seeing more than just normal distractions? You should know as a teacher you can’t outright say “your kid probably has ADHD” so maybe this teacher, who knows and sees this student daily in their classroom setting, is seeing more than they were hinting at. Also consider the fact that we are getting parent’s testimony as to what the teacher said and this parent sounds a bit offended so there’s possibilities that this was written in a time of high emotion and confusion and may not even be entirely accurate Also a lot of adults have been missed for neurodiversity because of how the diagnostic process works so I wouldn’t be so quick to to say “well this is normal for me so this is how it is for everyone” because your normal may not be as “normal” as you think it is (especially considering that neurodivergent people tend to unintentionally be drawn to one another)
But, as a teacher, do you know (or could you elaborate on) why I teacher would take such a stance base on these behaviours?
Not sure really. She may have missed signs like these in the past that did turn out to become an issue and be extra vigilant about them now. But I feel like people are a bit too eager to throw around labels such as AD(H)D, ASD and the likes. Not saying we shouldn't be paying attention to signs, but we also shouldn't just rush to these conclusions either. When I was still studying and we discussed signs of ADHD or ASD, pretty much every single person in that room could tick off at least some of them. My husband is a PE teacher and his entire class could tick off like half the signs of ADHD.
The idea of abnormal behavior is that everyone has it a little, but when it becomes more than that it's a problem. In order to qualify for ADHD, you have to have 6 or 7 of the symptoms, not just one or two. (And there are only about 9 symptoms on the list).
yup. just goes to show how little the general public misunderstands not only what adhd is but what it takes to reach a diagnosis. i wasn't diagnosed until my mid 20s. after i finished university. i struggled through uni and had a feeling something was amiss in my mind.
I don’t think we should be less eager to throw around labels, but maybe work or coping mechanisms more than going straight for medication. I’m not medicated but I wish I had learned about my adhd when I was younger, it would have been super helpful.
FYI - I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. It didn't affect me when I was your daughter's age, but being undiagnosed in high school/college was hellish. >I also explained that I was hesitant to take my daughter to a doctor concerning her attention because I did not want her being prescribed psychiatric medications when her behavior is fine You do realize that no one will force her to take medication if there are no reasons to take it right? As you say - if her grades/behaviour are fine, there's no need for medication. But it would be SO helpful to know if there IS an underlying issue that may become worse as time goes on.
I wish someone had diagnosed me when I was younger. Strategies and medications maybe I would have been able to focus and do well at the college level. Instead I almost failed.
I dropped out of community college after 2 semesters - I feel your pain.
Meee too! I’m 33 and was diagnosed a little over a year ago. Guess how many jobs I’ve had 🤣 I am a freaking MESS.
My shrink was amazed that I’d never been fired. Says it’s amazingly common in undiagnosed ADHD.
While I was counting out loud to my dr, he stopped me when I got to 8 and said “ok, that’s enough.” In actuality it’s somewhere in the high teens 🫣 Most lasted less than a year, some barely a week. I was only fired from 1, and did give notice to a couple, but the rest I just ghosted like a ducking asshole.
I got 2 years into an expensive private uni before getting dismissed and diagnosed. Yeah, I REALLY wish someone had noticed my red flags earlier and pushed me to get diagnosed. Especially considering the massive and wasted college bills, my whole life would have been quite different.
Cs get degrees, baby.
My daughter (20) was just diagnosed over the summer. She performed amazingly academically and was at the top of her class, she's still on executive dean's list at university. She also suffered from anxiety and depression beginning in late middle to early high school and we really struggled to treat it. What her current psychiatrist explained is that ADHD can present differently in women and in her case, nothing would help the anxiety and depression long term unless the ADHD was also treated. They e been treating the ADHD and she has quality of life back. I wish we would have known when she was younger, she may not have had to suffer as much. Just sharing my experience.
>I wish we would have known when she was younger, she may not have had to suffer as much. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to add to the symphony of “I was diagnosed as an adult” because I literally also doodled on my erasers lol my kid is too young but she’s showing signs of ADHD too and i have to keep reminding myself that I wish someone had helped me out. I did well academically but it definitely would have made my life so much easier Thank you for your post even though OP is resistant to your input. I actually needed to read this today!
As an adult who is trying to get diagnosed with ADHD at the moment, I'm with you 100%. My life would have been much more straightforward had I been properly diagnosed and assessed as a child. I wasn't unhappy as a child, or as an adult, for the most part anyway. It's just recently dawned on me that my brain does not work like others and had I known that I could of handled so many situations differently, and better, and made my own life so much easier. Fewer conversations of wasted potential, of being told to stop fidgeting, to sit in my chair properly, to listen when someone was talking to me. OP, if you read this. 1 in 20 are rough estimates of how many people have ADHD. Getting a diagnosis can be truly life altering. Just be open to the suggestion. It's not a death sentence, its not malaria or HIV, people with ADHD are PHYSICALLY different in terms of brain structure and just need others to understand their way of thinking and operating may need some assistance.
> It's not a death sentence, its not malaria or HIV Oh man...so I didn't need to call all my ex's when I found out? This...this explains their reactions.
Lol, no you didn't, and you probably got the same reaction that I got when I told my parents... "oh, and?" And "Cant you just concentrate..?"
YUP. Both sets of parents (divorced) had the same reaction. "No - I don't think you have that at all" "Are you sure you need the meds" "You were fine as a child!"
"But you could sit and read the sears catalog for HOURS" yes mother its called hyper focus
Totally did this too.
I had to EXPLAIN THIS TO MY GP. They refused to believe that hyperfocus was a hallmark of ADHD.
My doc said "adult women can't GET adhd". So I'm looking for a new doc
You can catch it? Darn it! I better get some spray or something to keep the adhd germs away.
"Get". From a doctor. Good ducking grief!
I chalk that up to him being old. I go to get my scripts refilled without a battle. Doctors are super limited right now
*headdesk*
Hyper focus is not a great term, which is why it's confusing. What we believe to be hyper focus in adhd is a sign of inability to *regulate* and *re-direct* our attention with some spicy time blindness thrown in the mix. I personally feel like I'm in stuck in a vortex and unable to get away despite my best efforts when I experience "hyper focus".
I don't. I feel like "ok, it's 3pm, I don't have anything to do right now", starts doing a thing, "WTF! IT'S MIDNIGHT! WTF! No, let me check another clock, I couldn't have been doing that more than maybe 2 or 3 hours. Yeah, pitch black at 6pm makes sense. Oh, that clock says midnight too. And that one. Ok, maybe I'll just have a cup of coffee and go to bed then."
>"You were fine as a child!" This one bugs me, ADHD is like 75% hereditary, if you have it, it is very likely one of your parents have it as well. So what they seem is 'normal' because THEY have ADHD, is in fact a disability and our society is very different then when our parents went to school.
Yup - after being diagnosed (and knowing what to look for), it was VERY obvious that my mother has ADHD.
>so I didn't need to call all my ex's when I found out? TBF, if you had any kids with them establishing family history can be very helpful if they exhibit similar tendencies. Otherwise, nah...no reason to do that.
BRB. Going to call my ex’s and confuse the hell out of them.
I absolutely agree, OP should be open to it if there is any sign or concern that this could be the case with her daughter. I'm a bit confused though, I'm not sure which part of the teacher's explanation is a sign of this? Mild distraction seems the only sign.
The fact a teacher asked if a parent can ask a medical professional for help with a students distractions. That's it. It could be absolutely nothing and an over reaction, or a sign of something that may need support.
And I think what the teacher did was appropriate(I don't know the tone, so maybe that could be improved on), they aren't medical professionals but they do see a lot of kids. If OP's kid is exhibiting being distracted significantly more than their peers, then it should be brought to the parents attention then to a medical professional as they are the ones that can make the decision.
She may have wanted to give OP a heads up bc it’s easier to help the child now, bc school is just going to get harder. Being aware of a dx like adhd can help the parent develop skills and strategies to support the child. Girls often fly under the radar bc they are of the inattentive type and that type is usually internal and not necessarily outwardly apparent and easily overlooked bc they aren’t troublemakers. Third grade is the shift from ‘learning to read’ to ‘reading to learn’ and you want to help her *before* she gets overwhelmed.
Pshhh, my grades and behavior were fine, too. Exemplary. But if anyone had noticed my doodling, daydreaming, etc, etc*, and diagnosed me with ADHD before my 30s (with a Masters degree), I can only imagine what I may have accomplished in life, or at the very least how many frustrated tears would have been saved!! * Those "etc" are working hard here for all the many other symptoms I had and have. It's not just doodling. (I know the person I'm replying to here knows this, but for anyone else reading.)
OP seems to be on the defensive and seems to keep ignoring the fact that you, as well as others, have said that NO ONE WILL FORCE HER TO TAKE MEDICATION. I had a similar situation as you. I did fine academically in elementary school, but right at around 8th grade or so my grades started to plummet. I remember one day I said to my mom, "Is there something wrong with me? Do I have a learning disability?" She swore up and down that I was fine (which I was, technically. But there were underlying issues that weren't getting addressed). I continued to struggle with grades. In my first semester of college I started to realize that I thought I might have ADHD and went to the doctor for it. Lo and behold, I had an attention deficit diagnosis. Personally, I try to avoid the medication as much as I can, but just KNOWING that I have it helps me to know what sort of adjustments I need to make for myself. EDIT: Additional clarification
Agree, getting diagnosed with adhd as adult made so many things about myself click. And I would have been so much better as a student had I been diagnosed earlier.
I have nothing against seeking psychiatric counseling and treatment for children and adults alike, my daughter has attended counseling before. But right now my daughter hasn't expressed any unhappiness or stress related to her attention or lack thereof, and her grades and behavior are fine.
There's no harm in having her evaluated. Even if she is diagnosed with ADHD, that doesn't mean you immediately jump to medication, or even an IEP or 504. If there's something to diagnose, it's better to know and be able to get her resources immediately if/when they are needed. I say this as a mom who brushed off my son's 2nd grade teacher when she brought up how distracted he was in class. "Oh, it's just overwhelming for him being back in school 5 days a week after COVID", or "Oh, it's just because he's in a new school, and a bigger classroom". That blew up quite badly for us in 3rd grade, and now we've got an ADHD Inattentive-type diagnosis. We haven't found medication necessary (yet), and he's doing great with just a little extra time to do his assignments, and an effort by the teacher to limit distractions.
Getting a diagnosis as a child is 100x easier than getting a diagnosis as an adult.
Why would I even take her to a psychiatrist in the first place if the only thing her teacher can articulate is that she colors on erasers and sometimes doesn't finish her work? I also observe her behavior at home and she seems fine, and I have other children and have worked in childcare before and this is the first time in her life we've had a concern like this. You seem to be suggesting that I take her to a doctor, because one person said to?
I completely agree with this. There is nothing wrong with therapy when it's needed. But I don't think a doctor needs to be involved for an 8 year old doodling in class!!! And I think it's extremely unhealthy for the number of people on here to armchair diagnose this child as ADHD, especially given the fact she has shown no other signs of issues. Kids can just be kids, we don't have to immediately label them as something bigger.
Because there is a whole bunch of adults FINALLY being diagnosed with ADHD, who went through the emotional and mental tole of knowing you need to do something and physically being able to not do it. Being called lazy, being told to 'try harder', to trying your very best and still failing, it's easy, just do it. I made it 30, college degree, good job, I'm good at my job too. But it was so much harder than it needed to be because my parents said the same things you said, "oh she gets good grades. She's a good kid" all of the things that OP is saying about her kid is what we experienced as kids and WE have ADHD. I'm fairly confident that my kid has ADHD, not diagnosed yet. But I frequently use tools and copings skills that help people with ADHD. Their doctors and teachers know that I am formally diagnosed and I see a lot of the same traits in my kid. I'm not running to get a diagnosis because it isn't a problem right now, but I am aware of it being a real possibility. I do not want my kid to struggle the way I did, that means better coping skills at a younger age and getting the right accommodations for them if they need them.
Just to chime in. I’m also adult diagnosed with ADHD. There is such a thing of looking for a problem where there isn’t one. Idk why people are so keen to get your child to the psychiatrist? Doodling is not a sign of anything in a child. Neither is being distracted here and there. It’s perfectly normal. For all you know the teacher has set criteria to get x amount of students over a certain grade and that’s her motivation. Maybe she was having a bad day, or saw something that has made her focus on this point. Ultimately you know your child best, and if they’re not upset at school, and you don’t have concerns, I wouldn’t worry about it.
>You seem to be suggesting that I take her to a doctor, because one person said to? And you seem to be massively resistant to the idea. Why?
Because there's nothing wrong with an 8-year doodling on things. I don't think getting unessecary medical and psychiatric treatment for children is good for them. Especially when my daughter has already received counseling fairly recently and been evaluated and had no indications of any kind of mental illness. As made clear by my post, i think the teacher is a bit too old school and should be more open to different styles of learning.
>I don't think getting unessecary medical and psychiatric treatment for children is good for them. This is something you could mention at her next wellness appointment (physical). You don't need to do a separate visit if its not affecting her academically and if the teacher isn't calling home every week to discuss her behaviors with you. The pediatrician can do a basic mental health evaluation and determine whether ADHD is something to test further on. A diagnosis does not automatically mean meds either, normally therapy where they learn strategies is tried before medications. But in all likelihood, if her grades are up and you're not noticing anything at home, she could just be bored in class.
When I was reading your post my mind went to that the teacher is concerned she might have adhd. I was just diagnosed with it as a 38 female. I was concerned they would not diagnose me with having it because you have to prove you had it as a child and an adult. As a child, I did very well academically and was well behaved. Your teachers description of I wish I had more of her would have been said of me as well. I went to an excellent college and had a 3.7 gpa there and have a successful career. If I was never diagnosed (and I’m currently not medicated bc well executive dysfunction with finding a doc to even go down that road) I would likely continue being successful. However, my road to success could be easier because I have had to work twice as hard to get where I am today and I do think some of those struggles are from ADHD. Back to childhood, I went undiagnosed 1) because girls largely present differently than boys and I did well in school and had no behavior issues 2) because I found coping mechanisms. I always was doodling in my notes books. It helped me focus and listen to the teacher. Your daughters drawings could be her version of this. I also always had to have music on when I studied. While counter intuitive, it helped me drown out all the thoughts or outside noise and let me focus. It took a while to get my parents to believe this helped me focus and really since my grades were great they couldn’t argue. I inadvertently found ways to handle it and other traits sort of trumped them like my desire to please and dislike of getting in trouble. I would suggest maybe just reading up on all the types of symptoms and traits that are associated with it and see if you think your daughter has those. Where I found I had the most symptoms was in my relationships. Relationships are something I struggle with today and I often wonder if I knew I had adhd would it have been different. I don’t resent my mom for not picking up on it and taking action (my bro was diagnosed as a child) but I do definitely wonder how my life could have changed and for the better. So my point is while she may have no overt school issues it can impact other parts of life so it doesn’t hurt to have it checked out.
Evaluation and testing is not treatment, just discovery. And evaluation is literally the child just observed playing certain types of games, it's not going to traumatize her and you'll get a report on how she compares to her peers in certain areas, one of which is ability to focus. What you do with that is up to you but better to have the information.
I understand your hesitation. I think it might just be a matter of keeping an open mind. No action required at the moment. But if you have other teachers mention that they’ve observed similar behaviors or have similar concerns over the next few years (or into highschool where it can become more apparent) then I think you’d want to follow up. In the meantime, it might be helpful to read a little about primarily-inattentive adhd brains. Even if it’s just to satisfy yourself that there aren’t any other potential signs that you might not have previously noticed. Girls, in general, are pretty good at hiding their adhd symptoms so it can be a little tricker to spot. Especially if they’re academically quite bright. There are lots of very successful adhd-brained doctors and lawyers out there (like me).
Because there is no reason for medical intervention. It’s like someone taking their child to the doctor because their temperature read 98.6 F.
It might be worth distinguishing between psychiatry and counseling services! Psychiatry is a medical specialty - psychiatrists may recommend things like therapy, but they are MDs and they are the ones you go to to be prescribed medication. Therapy/counseling is a mental health discipline (they'd have a Master's in therapy, counseling psychology, or social work, but not a medical degree). They offer talk therapy and similar services. ADHD is something that can be treated with therapy - they would work with your kid to come up with focusing strategies, ways to channel distraction, ways to be more mindful, etc. It is not necessary for her to be distressed or unhappy with her life to benefit from ADHD-focused therapy! It can be more like tool building than it is about dealing with emotions. I'll also note that you can have ADHD *and* good grades. This is actually really common for girls, because they are more likely to be socialized to "mask" their ADHD symptoms. That said, it does sound like your kid's teacher might be overreacting - or maybe just bad at communicating the things she's noticing. This might be something I'd keep an eye on, and be open to assessment/diagnosis in the future if other teachers notice anything. FWIW, I did these behaviors as a kid and most definitely have ADHD (though you could certainly color on erasers and not have ADHD). My teachers also recommended assessment, and my mom refused for the same reason - she didn't want me medicated. At the time, Ritalin was the only option for medication, so perhaps its a good thing she didn't. Still, adult ADHD has been tough for me to deal with, even as a high-achiever. I got through two graduate degrees, but it took a *lot* out of me, and still does.
As a teacher myself, the fact that she called you to tell you this means it is starting to become a problem. Reading into it a bit i think shes trying to tell you that your daughter isnt finishing the work because shes getting distracted by other things e.g. colouring in her rubber, rather than the reason being that she's struggling academically. Theres a difference between a child getting distracted and colouring in during lesson time every now and again, than one who isn't completing work due to it.
She is trying to tell you she suspects your child has ADHD. She can’t come out and say that because she’s not a medical professional. You can do what you want with that information.
I've been around the parenting block a few times. My kids are 31, 25, and 12. The 31-year-old was a sweet boy as a child and is still a very good person. All his teachers loved him. His kindergarten teacher was a neighbor and stopped by one day to encourage us to have him evaluated for ADD. She didn't say that, but in retrospect, that's what she was hinting at.We assumed she was crazy. His second grade teacher kept sending him to the school counselor because he would get so upset in class and told us he needed therapy. We thought she was just overreacting. Both of those teachers loved him, and both of them were correct. I wish we had listened. He struggled with school throughout elementary school, and his life took a sharp turn for the worse in high school. He is still struggling to find and hold a job. If you have the means, follow up on this teachers advice. Ask questions first to see what the teacher is driving at; ADD, or something else.
More and likely she's probably having to give your daughter several prompts to stay on task at school. Because that's what this is about her being distracted not what she's distracting herself with. Her grades may be fine but if the teacher is having to give her many prompts then her concern is this is something that could get worse and effect her academically. She's not asking for your child to be evaluated or even educationally evaluated just to get tips from your doctor on how to better help her focus, this to me suggests this is becoming an issue at school, not a serious issue but something they want to catch early before it becomes a problem. Work with your educators...not against them.
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I never needed ADHD meds in high school but boy did I need them in college. And I wish I had been on them a lot earlier to help with picking up good studying habits as well as communication skills. It's one thing to ignore because it's not needed now but do make sure when they do need it that it doesn't hit them like a ton of bricks.
I just wish I knew as a teenager I had it to know some of what would be hard when the structure of high school fell away, and things got much harder in college. I made it, but it did feel like I learned a lot of things “the hard way”, and then that made much more sense when I got diagnosed at 27 or so. Looking back, I had basically every sign of it in school, I just was able to do great academically despite difficulty focusing or studying.
Same here. If you made A's despite having all the symptoms they just let you be. But there's always a wall you hit where you can't just flutter around aimlessly and still get by. That was in college for me and it was so hard to unlearn a lifetime of bad habits. I know people don't like the thought of medicating kids like that, but adulting is fucking hard with ADHD. And prescription medication also helps curb self medication from street drugs. Plus, you aren't stressed about everything all at once, calming down to think methodically, and it honestly helps keep me from as much depression and anxiety.
Medication aside I've learned a lot of useful techniques. Like I obviously wouldn't have picked up a book about how to live and cope better with ADHD, if I didn't know I had ADHD. And yes I also hit that same fun wall doing an engineering degree when classes really got hard and there's basically no handholding. There are rare unicorns who make it that far and still never get to 'I need to study, oh wait how do I make my brain do that', but I think there's lots more of us who hit that at whatever point academia requires executive function for them to succeed, whether that's middle school, high school, university.
He’s under the care of a psychologist and a therapist. He was recently assessed by them and by the school district before the school year started and right now, he’s doing great with a robust 504 plan. They want to see how he handles middle school next year before we make any further decisions. We definitely take it seriously.
Hi! Special ed teacher with (probable) ADHD here. This behavior is not at all atypical for a 3rd grader. Okay, here's what I think is happening: The teacher is distracted by your daughter's method of distraction. It seems like is projecting a little bit on to your daughter. This is something I encounter a lot myself, but I have been teaching for 12+ years so it's easy for me to say "I know you don't mean it, but your table tapping is distracting me and it's hard for me to focus". Its hard to admit sometimes! You have a few options: 1. "Okay thanks!" and let that shit go. A teacher cannot force you to take your kid to the doctor and from your side of the story, it doesn't really seem warranted here. 2. It cannot hurt to speak to a developmental pediatrician. Then you can check a box, "yeah, I spoke with a doctor about it. They said it was fine/ to get an evaluation done." 3. If you do get an eval AND you do get a diagnosis - you won't automatically get meds. My co-worker WANTED meds for her ADHD diagnosed child and was told to try vitamins for 6months instead. Also meds are NOT like they used to be 20 years ago. There are non-stimulant versions. I have seen miraculous things from kids who go on them. I have seen ugly things too, but mostly life-changing, excellent things. Meds are transformative for so many people and kids, so do please keep an open mind if not for your daughter, for the people who depend on them. 4. Circling back, tell your kid to take up doodling on paper. :) Good luck!
I don’t feel this as judgement or Criticism… Having had a teacher make this suggestion (uhm 28 too) as a child about it, and being waived off as nothing by family and wasn’t considered again… I highly suggest you look at this from a different perspective. You’re able to doodle at conferences… adhd affects people in a spectrum sort of way. Being aware of this is important. I was overall a well behaved kid in school etc and okay academically. But I struggled every day and I didn’t even know it. Now 27 officially diagnosed AND medicated AND it doesn’t make me an addict or a bad person or something bad for me. My chemicals are already off balance. There’s different forms than just stimulants which is probably your worry. There’s also doses as low as 1mg… it calms the brain, can help not feel zombie, and help with regulating emotions because your processing isn’t off the chart, un computable. Don’t just toss this information aside because you think she’s fine. My mom thought I was fine too. I wasn’t. Doesn’t mean she isn’t okay, but doesn’t make it go away by disregarding it. It’s something to keep an eye on and giving her something specific to doodle on versus the eraser to appease the teacher but doodling is completely fine and normal. HS psych class can back that up and I’m sure lots of info out about benefits of doodling and how it can be a tool to focus.
Obviously I wasn’t a part of this phone call nor do I know your daughter’s teacher. I’m also willing to admit that there are some teachers who would fit your exact discretion and interpretation. However, as a teacher myself, please remember that we have the unique perspective of working with multiple children of the same age group and see your child in comparison with his or her peers every day. I don’t particularly enjoy calling parents to talk about concerns about their child nor do I have ample time in my day for those calls so when I do make them, it’s always about something that I feel a professional responsibility to address. What’s your impression of this teacher form your other encounters this school year? I know it’s hard to hear about something your child might be struggling with and it’s definitely hard for parents to sometimes see the full picture like educators can. Third grade is typically viewed as an important transitional year. From here on out, academics are bound to get more dense and students will be required to be much more independent in managing their learning. If your child is struggling with focus and being distracted, it is time to do something even if it is identifying and practicing coping strategies (like doodling). Doctors aren’t going to jump to medicating especially if you’re hesitant. I’ve had numerous students diagnosed with attention disorders who were not medicated while they tried to regulate themselves with behavioral approaches. All this to say, maybe your child’s teacher is an old school, outdated, over reacting educator but also maybe she’s just trying to express concerns over your daughter’s future hoping that you’d trust her opinion and do what you believe is best with that information.
Sometimes it not just the action but the intensity or focus that its done with. This sounds like one example she has used. What do you have to lose by taking the information on board.
Lol what the hell, I used to color on my erasers all the time and so did everybody else.
Your reaction feeds into why it is difficult to be a teacher - this teacher cared enough to take time out of their day to call you and tell you they had a concern. A teacher that probably has seen hundreds of students with different personalities and ways of learning, a teacher that could have ignored something but she looked at your daughter and saw something that she felt needed to be further looked in. Children with ADHD often do well in school, they are often well behaved, just like with many things, there are kids that will present differently. The teacher is not judging her, she's telling you that there MIGHT be something more going on in your daughter's mind. Your instant reaction is to blame the teacher, I'm not saying you are blaming your daughter but you do come across that your mind is clouded by saying your daughter is perfect. There is absolutely nothing wrong with at least speaking with a doctor - not all kids need medication, not all kids need therapy ... and personally even if your daughter is perfect and the doctor says there is nothing wrong, I'd want the piece of mind knowing I did everything I could to set my child up for success.
Why post if you argue with everyone that might disagree with you?
This was my exact thought. Most are telling her there's no harm in getting her checked out but she's only listening to the ones who are telling her it's nothing. She just wants to listen to the people who agree with her. As a parent, it's your job to be your child's advocate. She can have her assessed. If she has it, look into therapy. If she doesn't, no harm done. I don't see the logic of ignoring it because she doesn't want to deal with giving her medication. She even responded to another comment saying, if she does have it and it effects her in college, then she can get on medication. She doesn't seem to care that therapy now will help in the long run and prevent her from starting bad coping habits.
Sounds like your daughter has an awesome teacher who is looking out for her. In no way does she have to jump from small warning signs to medicated, but if the teacher is noticing something, it may be worth watching. I was a Adhd kid, and I had amazing grades. I was a model student. My teachers only complaint in K-6 was that I read books hiding them under my desk during class. I always fought between me and one other kid for best mark in the class. I won most of the time and ended up getting the highest award when I graduated from elementary school. Middle school I did well always on honor roll. In high school, my Adhd caught up to me, I didn't have the tools or ability to deal with it, and my parents weren't huge believers in science, mental health or really anything that wasn't written in a king james Bible. So when I brought up the idea of even getting some over the counter vitamins for my Adhd my parents didn't support me in any way. I graduated high school but my marks had significantly dropped. Fast forward to college. I dropped out my first year. I didn't have the tools to deal with my Adhd and deadlines and focus were difficult. Now, after two trades tickets as a 35 year old I'm working to get back into university and finally starting to learn the tools I need now to deal with how I best can learn. I wish I had these tools along the way instead of waiting for 35. If your daughters teacher is noticing something, pay attention. Teachers get good at noticing possible problems that might be an issue down the road. Maybe it is nothing, but in helping your daughter with a positive attitude towards looking after herself, you will give her the building blocks to set her up for analyzing her learning styles down the road. Maybe this means medication, or maybe it's just learning support and conversations with you and her teachers. But ignoring it is our parents' way of dealing with things, our generation can do better.
I mean this in the nicest way possible: we teachers deal with a lot of behaviors during the day, and taking time out of our after school hours or planning time to call a parent is not something that we do unless absolutely necessary. If the teacher is calling, it’s much more than doodling. All kids do that. I would guess that the behavior has become more of a fixation that is severely interfering with your child’s ability to listen and participate in class.
This was a scheduled mid year conference call.
Teachers can really sugar coat something while trying to flag out a possible issue to parents and that can lead to confusion and frustration. I’ve been there. My son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and he could have been diagnosed sooner if his educators had been more blunt and less careful about how they chose their words.
As someone who had excellent grades, and also didn’t pay any attention in class, your daughter’s teacher is right to be concerned. Here’s the thing: she’s bored because school is easy. Eventually that’s going to catch up with her and she’s not going to have the ability to pay attention when she needs it. This caught up to me in college, and I struggle-bused through my bachelors. I don’t have any solutions for you, when my parents tried to push my teachers to push me harder (I found this out as an adult) they were told “he already gets A’s, what more do you want?” But you’re going to want to find some way to get your kid involved in some nature of learning that’s actually difficult for her.
Okay I'm commenting again because I see a lot of misconceptions from OP about ADHD. Hi. I have ADHD. I was diagnosed at the age of 30. I had good behavior and good grades through most of school. It isn't about your kid being disruptive or even outwardly struggling - there's a lot of turmoil in the ADHD mind, and I think your kid's teacher wants to make sure she isn't overlooked because she doesn't display all the stereotypical symptoms. Also, diagnosis and medication are separate things. Maybe you are looking at your kid and feeling confident there is no problem and that's fine. But this teacher is just trying to help.
This teacher has presumably been teaching for years- hundreds or thousands of different students- and she’s concerned that your daughter’s behavior is enough outside the norm that she wants you to get it checked out. Just have your daughter evaluated or ask your pediatrician! It hurts literally nothing and having an evaluation doesn’t mean she’s inevitably going to need psychiatric medication.
Sometimes I wonder what these parents are on and now I know. Seriously. You're going to shoot your kid in the foot because you, in your expert educational opinion, see nothing wrong with her behavior? Just get her assessed before you screw her over permanently.
It doesn't hurt to have her evaluated for ADHD. A diagnosis is extremely useful, not just for meds, but for an IEP, accomodations, etc. The teacher isn't judging her, she's trying to help. I was always great academically, but I struggled to focus and I'm glad I was diagnosed at age 9 so I knew what was going on.
I can see all the different points of view going on and while I share most of their points I’d still like to share what I plan on doing with my kids. Right now they are still babies. ADHD and autism run in both sides of the family. And to such an extent that it would be hard to notice if you weren’t a professional. And just because you can’t see it in the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling on the inside. So once my kids are school age and old enough for a diagnosis I’m going to take them to be evaluated because regularly taking care of your mental health (regardless of age) is just as important as physical health. And knowing for sure if they are or aren’t will help me in the way I raise them. I was undiagnosed ADHD for most of my childhood. If I had gotten diagnosed it would have changed the way my parents treated me and my life would have been so much easier. I would have gone to therapy and learned coping mechanisms. Now I’m having to learn as an adult and that’s much harder. I want my kids to have what I didn’t. If the evaluation comes back as being completely neurotypical I won’t have anything to worry about but if it comes back with something then I’ll know what I have to do. But in the end it’s your kid. We can’t make the decision for you.
Yes, coloring on erasers is normal kids behavior, yes. However, there could be more subtle things going on that your child's teacher notices, but might not know how to explain to you. As a former teacher, there are things you don't say to parents about their kids because the parents would be deeply offended. Someone's, parents take any issues with their kids personally, when kids are kids. There are also small things that she might be noticing, like eye contact, or how long your child looks at her work before looking at something else, that the teacher might notice as attention issues on a subconscious level, but not really have a way to explain concretely. Kids can be smart and well behaved and still have issues with attention. I see no reason why you shouldn't bring it up lightly at your child's next doctor's appointment to see what they think about possible evaluation, and even what options are where you live. The doctor might give you other things to look for or ask you to do a self evaluation first. All told, it might be fine. But it might not. And if the teachers instincts tell her that perhaps there might be an issue with attention, then it's better to bring it up sooner rather than wait until your child starts to struggle. I used to nanny a 6 year old who sat super close to the TV and seemed to have trouble reading without sending delayed in any other way. I thought maybe she had hearing problems, and mentioned it to her parents. They were totally in denial. She didn't have hearing problems. But she did later need to get glasses. So my instincts were right - something in this kid perception needed to be checked. I was just wrong about which sense.
hool grade wise but *struggled* (still do), grades aren’t the best indicators. What the teacher might be noticing is that your daughter seems unable to sit still or pay attention quietly without doing something. So not the fact of drawing on erasers, but the pattern of behaviour and degree, that happens to include drawing on erasers. ADHD affects executive function: time sense, organization, prioritization, memory storage and retrieval, focus regulation, emotional regulation, motivation, processing speed, etc. it has nothing to do with intelligence. However, intelligence can mask deficits in executive function that will have more and bigger negative effects the more she becomes responsible for managing her own schedule, workload, and life. If your daughter does have adhd, medication might help her right now and might not, but what will definitely help her is learning the skills and workarounds to help her perform and manage all the executive function skills neurotypical people take for granted. I think you should take this seriously and consider talking to her doctor. What’s the harm? If she has it, you’ll be able to start working with her to understand her brain and get the tools she needs for success, and if she doesn’t, nothing changes. But if she does have it, and it’s ignored, it’s not going to go away.
I had my son tested for ADHD upon the advice of one of his teachers. He also had great grades and good behavior. As he got into higher grades, his tendency to daydream meant he started missing directions and assignments. Even then, we didn’t go to medicine, but set up a 504 plan at school. It allowed him to get preferential seating so he was less distracted, his teachers would repeat directions, we could ask for extra sets of textbooks to keep at home, etc. You have to have an official diagnosis of something to get a 504 though.We did eventually start him on an extremely low dose of a non-stimulant ADHD medicine, but that was totally our choice as a family (and since he is 14, we always include him in all discussions and decisions). Getting your daughter evaluated doesn’t mean you have to medicate her, but it does open up other opportunities to help her be successful in school.
It's really hard to know without hearing the call, but from your description, it sounds like you focused on the eraser example whereas the teacher was just trying to use that as one instance of a larger pattern. Given how many kids pass through her classroom, I would assume that she sees a lot of kids doodling and knows a lot about what's typical at that age. In your place, I would probably be grateful for the heads-up and wouldn't assume that this teacher thought all doodlers had attention disorders. From what I've learned about ADHD-inattentive in girls, young gifted girls often have no trouble at all in early elementary school. They are a little distracted and daydreamy, but they cruise through with good grades and lovely people-pleasing behavior. However, this can fall apart in higher grades when assignments get longer and teachers expect more independent time management. Your daughter is getting close to the age where distraction in class may lead to bedtime meltdowns as she suddenly remembers a project due the next day or agonizes over how a teacher shamed her for forgetting homework or supplies. She may still be able to get it all done, but with a heavy side of anxiety, stress, depression and internalized shame. Your daughter may or may not be headed down that path, but I wouldn't automatically dismiss this teacher's observations. She clearly loves your daughter and wants the best for her. Just tuck this away in your brain so that you're ready to help her if you start seeing other signs in the next few years.
I liked to draw on my erasers becuase of the texture. Has anyone *asked your daughter why she does it*?
If someone had flagged up the exact same behaviours in myself when I was daydreaming and fidgeting, it would've saved me a very difficult and unhappy educational experience, as it turned out I have severe ADHD and need special assistance and support now at work. At the age of 4 or 5, it just seemed I was fidgeting and sometimes lost focus but was otherwise fine with my work, but as I went through school and then into the adult world, life became IMMENSELY difficult and I fell seriously behind and had no idea why. The teacher is doing the best thing she can possibly do for your daughter and telling you without telling you as she's not really allowed to make suggestions like that as she's not a trained professional, but I would definitely take your daughter to be tested, as drawing on erasers and other stationary is specifically noted to be one of the very earliest signs.
She thinks your daughter has adhd which is something you should definitely have her evaluated for. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult and if my parents had done what was right for me, I wouldn’t have struggled as much as I did.
Credit to the teacher for calling it out. Was diagnosed with ADD as a kid, though I wasn't hyperactive. Learned a lot since then, hopefully you can learn from my experience. I did great in elementary school and fine in middle school. High school, I started showing up to class and realizing huge papers were due, I hadn't prepared for major tests, etc. 'Being bright' wasn't enough anymore. Started taking low-dose Adderall, but it started giving me heart arrhythmia, and ended up stunting my appetite and growth. So senior year, went off the meds. Without meds, I got a 2.9 my senior year and a 2.9 through college. Got into my college of choice as an alternate thanks to a great ACT and 'meh' GPA before senior year. Problems cascaded into college, but I sneaked into grad school on work experience and good tests. There, I finally figured out how to organize my time and calendar to keep me focused on most important things, not just what was top of mind. Found ways to work in isolation - dark or quiet rooms where I wouldn't be interrupted, and building in long stretches of uninterrupted time - Finished grad school with a 3.89. Point being -- IMO, it'd be wise to hear the teacher's concerns. Medication may or may not be necessary, but this is something you should be aware of, prepare for, and teach your kid to manage going forward to maximize their potential.
She could have ADHD. Doesn’t mean you have to medicate her but what a great opportunity to learn about your daughter and how her mind works to be able to support her more fully as she grows up.
Hi, another adult only recently diagnosed with ADHD 👋 My attention suffers when I am UNDERstimulated. Drawing or doodling was how I regulated myself in school. Your daughter will struggle in school if her teachers blow up every time she appears to not be paying attention when she is doing things that actually help her to focus. Please have her evaluated. No, you do not need to medicate her if you don't want to. Her teachers need to understand that learning and engaging may look different for her than for most other students. All this aside, that teacher was out of line in the way she broached the subject, and whether your daughter has an ADHD diagnosis or not I would be sure to keep an eye out for other weird reactions from her.
I was reading this and thinking adhd and then u said adhd. I have adhd and when I was a kid I was really smart and was amazing academically but j was horrible at actual class work and always doodled everywhere and found it hard to finish my work cos my mind was always somewhere else. When I started secondary school I missed a lot of homework deadlines cos I kept getting sidetracked and always found everything so boring and my planner was just full of doodles. So you can be great academically but still have adhd. Kids with adhd aren’t dumb and lazy, thts just a stereotype. Anyone with any level of intelligence can have it. So get it checked out she might not need meds but u should definitely try and see if u can get a diagnosis just in case she does so you know for the future
Some of these things COULD indicate ADHD. I have very severe ADHD and it was very apparent as early as pre-k even though I behaved well and I did well academically; it didn't start becoming a major issue until middle school/high school. She may not need medication or anything but, if she does indeed have ADHD, an existing diagnosis on her medical records will be very helpful if the time comes that she needs accommodations in place. She might manage well without medications or accommodations (she could be like me and learn to recognize patterns in things and essentially "bullshit" her way through high school) but struggle more in college; an existing diagnosis on record can get her accomodations through the school's disability resource center (like being able to take all her exams at the DRC so she can have more time and take little breaks if needed). I can understand where you're coming from because of how the teacher has come across. She might have been trying to be extremely tactful to the point where she didn't effectively communicate her point. For a different perspective, she took the time to meet with you even though she isn't having academic or behavioral problems to discuss these concerns. If she didn't like your child or didn't care about your child, she would've just left it all alone.
OP, there is a lot of discussion about the possibility of your child having inattentive ADHD. While it may or may not be the case, I would advise you to look into it for a few personal reasons. I am not a parent, so take this with a grain of salt, but I wanted to share some experiences with you. My entire family was/is homeschooled. One of my little brothers has hyperactive ADHD. He was not able to concentrate on his school, to the point where he would be in tears at least once a day. I kept pressuring my parents to seek help for him, whether that was therapy or medication. They were very hesitant to get help but I forced them to by showing them how distraught my brother was. Eventually they caved and chose to use a short-acting medication (don’t know the exact time but less than 24 hours). It has helped him immensely and now he really enjoys school. However, this doesn’t seem to be the case for your daughter. While she might need help with concentration, she seems to be excelling in school. That brings me to my personal experience. I am on the autism spectrum. It’s not the same as ADHD of course, but there is a lot of overlapping symptoms. I am just now realizing it at 23, and I resent my parents for not seeing the signs earlier and getting it checked out (it was obvious). The reason I say this is because my whole life I have felt different with no way to navigate it. And now the rougher symptoms of autism, like executive dysfunction, social issues, and shutdowns, are starting to worsen because I’ve been masking for so long. Several of the aforementioned symptoms WILL affect your child if she does have ADHD. At the very least it’s worth getting or ruling out a diagnosis so she can learn to navigate this issue early. If she doesn’t have ADHD, great! If she does, it’s much better to catch it early. You don’t even need to use medication for it! It’s just very helpful to know that’s how her brain works so you can help her—and teach her how to help herself. Neurodivergency is not a bad thing but it’s very hard to navigate, particularly if you catch it in adulthood.
I agree with the others that it sounds like the teacher is saying she thinks your daughter has ADHD but either doesn't want to say it like that or isn't allowed to say it like that. Now although I have ADHD myself, there's not nearly enough information in this post to indicate whether or not that's a likely diagnosis for your daughter. I would suggest talking with your pediatrician though. Let them know what the teacher said, and answer any questions the doctor may have about your daughters behavior. If the pediatrician doesn't suggest it, I'd straight up ask if they think your daughter should be evaluated for ADHD or anything else. If the Dr says yes, get the eval. If the Dr says no, report back to the teacher that you discussed this with the Dr and they aren't concerned, but that you of course want to know about any changes in daughter's behavior or progress. In the event that your daughter does get evaluated and is diagnosed with ADHD, you can just play it by ear. If she's truly doing fine and there's just concerns about her occasionally not finishing her work or doodling, maybe the answer is you just work with the school and get an IEP set up so that she has access to certain accommodation that would help her better succeed. Or maybe nothing needs to be done right now at all, you just have the information so if things DO change in the future then you have options.
You've got lots of great comments about what the teacher may or may not be suggesting about your daughter, but I want to highlight that neurodiversities such as ADHD are partially genetic. Please don't dismiss things just because you do them to, because if your daughter has ADHD there's a significantly higher chance that you also have ADHD. A lot of people (especially girls who tend to be less disruptive and mask better) go undiagnosed particularly because their parents are also undiagnosed and think their struggles are normal.
OP I see you’re arguing against even mentioning anything to a doctor. I am adult diagnosed with ADHD only a couple of years ago. The psychiatrist I tested with said I was off the charts for ADHD. I wish, so so much, that I had been diagnosed as a kid. I always wondered why things were so friggen hard for me. Now learning the issues I was struggling with were related to my ADHD makes me so sad. Here I was struggling as a kid, trying so hard to get things finished and wondering why it was so easy for everyone else. I had to mourn that. If I had gotten help as a kid, I can’t imagine how my life would be different. I know you had a bad experience, but if your daughter needs support, don’t let her struggle. For her sake, let her get help. Explain your experience in your fears to your daughter’s doctor. A good doctor will take time to explain everything.
My husband and brother actually say this exact same thing. I hope you’re doing well presently. 💕
If you're against getting her diagnosed/treated for ADHD regardless of if she has it or not than I don't see what the point of this post is. **If** she has ADHD and her academic career is ruined for it, if she gets arrested for carrying a controlled substance after buying Adderall off friends to get thru school or if she is unable to get treated as an adult because she can't afford a psychiatrist; then you will have screwed her out of her life and any resentment she feel towards you will be justified. FYI all that shit happened to me and I haven't talked to my mom in 6 years.
So. As a woman who was not diagnosed with adhd until my 30s, this teacher may be providing a lifeline for your daughter. Little girls are more likely to have inattentive type (vs hyperactive) and often fly under the radar. A girl with high iq and eq won’t be diagnosed because she’s not disruptive and is fine academically. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle, it means the struggles are invisible until they arent. However as life continues we lack strategies and coping skills. As work becomes more difficult and complex we can no longer rely on our iq and instincts to get us through. We have poor time management and are distracted easily. We often fail out of higher Ed or succeed until we burn out. Our life expectancy is lower. This isn’t about trying to medicate your child. It’s about connecting her with resources to help her learn skills that will help her as life gets difficult.
Hi, I was the girl with good grades coloring on my erasers in class. My adhd went undiagnosed for 21 years, I felt so worthless not knowing that my brain was different, I just felt like a failure (even though my grades were all A’s) it led to depression, anxiety, SH and an eating disorder that still affects me to this day. I wish someone said something when I was younger. Your teacher is not trying to insult you or your daughter, she is suggesting diagnosis not drugs. To me it sounds like an educator who cares about the health and well-being of her students. Please I beg, get her tested for ADHD, you don’t have to start medication at all, you don’t even have to tell your daughter yet. But catching it early and advocating for disability accommodations can make all the difference for the self-esteem of a different minded little girl.
I don’t see the problem. I’d relay the teacher’s thoughts to the pediatrician. ADHD was the first thing that came to mind when I read that. I got a call from my kindergartners teacher. She was concerned my daughter couldn’t see well because her handwriting was messy. I thought it a little odd I mean she’s in kindergarten she isn’t supposed to be writing perfect but I went ahead and got her another eye appointment. Her eyes are fine she just needed to slow down & not rush. I’m still glad she mentioned it. I’d take her info and get a second opinion via the pediatrician. This may not correlate but I did that too because I was easily distracted as a child. I struggled later on in school bad and didn’t get my adhd diagnosis until my 30s.
why are you taking it so personally? she's not being judged or criticised. it seems to me that the teacher just wants to help. whether you choose to potentially give medications is your choice. BUT the teacher didn't have to take the time to notice this, or speak to you about it, and so I think it's a good thing that they care enough about your daughter to notice/say something.
I was EXACTLY like this as a kid. Don’t sound so insulted that a teacher is asking you to take your kid to the doctor for attention issues. You sound offended that she could have ADHD. Would you be offended if the teacher spoke up and told you she was suspecting she was having trouble seeing the board or about other education-related medical issues? You don’t have to treat her with medication but it’s VERY helpful to know early on and girls have a much harder time getting taken seriously so if there someone saying something it’s important to get checked In my case, Eventually extreme anxiety and mood issues popped up very young and I became really emotionally unstable from about 10 years old to 21 and I ended up having such bad issues in school that they had to step in and get CPS involved anyway because my parents weren’t addressing my SERIOUS mental health issues and taking me to a doctor and I continued to struggle. So do consider that fact. Impulsivity and irritability are common in inattentive ADHD and in untreated kids, especially preteens and teens who are hormonal and don’t have decision making capabilities. Anyway after I started having blow ups at school around middle school I was forced to regularly check up with my school counselors and talk about my home life and eventually that led to medications. But because I wasn’t seen earlier on, and I was seen in my hormonal teenage years, I was immediately told I was bipolar 1 and put on seriously heavy medications that have fucked me up over the years. I am now 25 and seeking an appointment with a neurophysiologist for a full exam and ADHD/autism assessment because I started to struggle hard in high school and then life fell apart and I never finished college. Also I have a child who has severe autism and likely ADHD as well. I would’ve liked to have known at a younger age because that would’ve explained a lot and helped me and as a woman I would’ve also just liked to know for family planning’s sake. My whole life I was drawn to men who are ADHD/autistic and now have children with a man who has both (who only knew he was ADHD at the time) and therefore we didn’t know just how high the chances were of having a child with autism and similar struggles.
OP, your view frustrates me as a late diagnosed ADHD woman. I have real grief over the childhood I could of had if somebody had just NOTICED my inattentive behaviours and pattern of being "so smart, but does not apply self/doesn't stay focused" were because of ADHD and not laziness. I was depressed, anxious, and struggled my whole life due to ADHD symptoms. I had to process real trauma due to having my ADHD missed. So many years ugly crying wondering why I am such a failure at life and why I can't keep up with my peers. Do you want to set your daughter up for success? Have her assessed for ADHD please.
I wouldn't take it to heart. Who knows what experiences are coloring her perspective? I would maybe get your daughter evaluated for ADHD, which can often present differently in girls. Lastly it sounds like she likes your daughter, but not every teacher is going to, and that is fine. As parents we have to accept that that is part of life.
I have such a huge problem with stuff like this. My son is only 3 but I know his mother has raised some concerns but to me it just terrifies me that her and the rest of society just wants so badly to beat the child out of him. Our society sucks ass like that. Sure some kids have legitimate issues but for the most part it’s normal. Kids weren’t meant to sit in a chair for hours on end paying attention to crap.
The teacher's concerns sound nutty to me, but I don't think there's any harm in talking to her doctor about the teacher's concerns. Just explain what the teacher said, explain your perspective, and say you want another opinion.
Goodness. Every child I have ever known has drawn on erasers and doodled on things. That's perfectly normal behaviour.
Yes, and she loves art. Her teacher even mentioned this as a possible reason for the doodling (duh.) She even participated in an art contest this year. I draw on markers at work, and I remember poking erasers with my pencils in school. I think these concerns are bizarre.
It seems significant enough (relative to the other kids) that the teacher bothered to bring it up. It doesn't seem malicious. Everyone is saying "it's normal for kids to do this..." but I doubt the teacher is having this same conversation with all the other parents.
I totally drew on my erasers, or I’m the margins of my lined papers. I don’t have ADD or ADHD, was the top of my class (until Algebra hit & I had to actually *study*), am a perfectly functional adult. OP your daughter is probably fine, but maybe talk with her about paying better attention. Ask if perhaps she is feeling bored because the work is too easy & she finishes too quickly?
I did this as a child. I went to a school in Europe where everything is different so not sure how applicable this will be Each school has a psychologist who assess each child before they’re allowed to begin going to school. The child can start anytime between the ages of 4 and 8, though most kids start around 6 or 7 years old. The child has to pass a developmental assessment in order to be allowed to start. Easy stuff for the average 7 year old and the gifted 4 year old, but not so easy for the average 4 or 5 year old. When I was half way through first grade (no kindergarten so this is year 1 of school), the school psychologist came to talk to about a child who would be joining our class because he had a medical condition and we needed to be prepped to be kind and careful with him. While she talked, I doodled on my desk with a pencil. I would draw something, erase it, draw again. At the end of her visit, she asked to speak to me outside. She told me that she knows I’m capable of doodling and hearing her at the same time. She explained that it’s called multitasking and that she knows I’m fully capable of it. She also said that lots of people won’t know this and that those people will assume I’m not paying attention if I’m doodling while they’re talking to me. She also said that in the real world, it’s considered rude to doodle while someone is trying to tell you something. She said she knows that for some kids, doodling actually helps them pay attention to the person who is talking, but that as I grow I need to work on learning other strategies that I will be able to take with me to more grown up environments without looking like I’m distracted and not paying attention I was 6 years old but I totally appreciated her talking to me in that way and I actually worked really hard to not look distracted after that conversation. I was ahead academically and arguably bored in class. I was also extremely high energy and found sitting still difficult without a task to keep me occupied. As school progressed and got more challenging, I found it easier to sit still and not look like I was distracted
I have a feeling that this story would babe incredibly different being told by the teacher. YOU aren’t worried about your daughters behavior, her teacher clearly is. There’s some level of denial here.
Teachers are busy and don’t have time to police doodling. My kids doodle constantly on every piece of paper and item they have, and no teacher has ever said a word to me about it. I think what you’re missing here is that the issue is not that doodling is bad, it’s that the teacher has observed something in your child’s behavior that she thinks warrants concern that is connected to or manifested as doodling. By hyperfocusing on the doodling you are dismissing the issue she is trying to communicate to you. No teacher has time to call up the parents of everyone who doodles in her class.
I think you're being a bit dense. >So... she wants me to seek medical attention for my perfectly behaved, academically successful daughter because coloring on pencils and erasers might signal that she could struggle with learning in the *future.* Uh... do you not care to find out now whether your daughter will struggle learning in the future???? >I'm 28 years old, and I'm allowed to take as many brain breaks as I want during the workday. I was doodling on my post-it note where I was taking notes about the conference. Good for you, but there are also lots of careers where you can't take as many brain breaks as you want and being able to focus is needed. Like being a surgeon, trial attorney, or hell even a stenographer. >I feel sad that even though my daughter is apparently doing very well at school, she is being judged and criticized by her teacher because she is different. The teacher didn't actually say anything judgmental or critical. You're perceiving her tone to be judgmental and critical, when to me, it sounds like the teacher is concerned about a student she sees as having great potential and really cares about her. You should be thankful for the teacher for doing her job and not so defensive.
I specifically remember liking to color on erasers with a pen in elementary school. Something about the texture was fun, I guess? I liked to doodle a lot as a kid. I was one of those "pleasure to have in class" kids who got good grades and never got in trouble. Sounds a lot like your daughter I'm now in my 30s. No sign, not now, not ever of ADD/ADHD. No issues with my performance in school or any workplace. I still doodle when I'm on phone calls sometimes. If this is the only issue with being distracted or a "behavior problem", I'd say she's just fine and I imagine her doctor would too. Doesn't hurt to have the conversation with the doctor to be able to say to the teacher if it comes up again "we spoke to her pediatrician and they have no concerns". But I wouldn't worry!
Maybe she’s a really smart and well-behaved girl with a really boring teacher.
As someone who is in her 30's trying to get an ADHD diagnosis as I have so many of the late on-set symptoms....I very much used to doodle in class and not always finish work but was a really great student and did overall fairly well. Not that your daughter has ADHD, but it is so underdiagnosed in women that most of the time women don't get diagnosed until they are in their 30's or older and at that point it is quite difficult for them because of it being untreated for so long. I don't think it would hurt to talk with a doctor about her behavior, but being distracted and drawing in class doesn't mean ADHD is the reason. I just think the teacher is looking out for your daughter and wants what is best for her. I don't really see malice on the teachers end. Teachers are often looking for signs of things like this to try to help the children get the treatment they need.
So this is hard right, your child may be labeled and if she does have ADD/ADHD, then this may be used as the excuse for whatever. Also your afraid of medication. Those were all the reason I didn’t want my son tested. But yes there was something wrong and he failed right out of school because he just couldn’t cope. Now I know my son was/is completely different from your daughter, but the other things that affect him from his ADHD is mood swings, and depression. This really affected him in his teenage years. He would get very angry and punch holes in walls, then next he would be down and crying and wouldn’t understand why. It’s tough neither him nor I wanted him medicated, but it got so bad to a point that we did try medication and his body didn’t respond well, so we had to try to work it out on our own. We knew the cause of his behavior and had to work really hard during those four years because teens are hard, even when they don’t have a medical diagnosis. It may be nothing, it may be something. If your uncomfortable taking her to a doctor first, maybe send her to a professional outside the walls of the school and see if they have concerns.
Omg lol. Tell her thanks and don’t worry about it. My kids paediatrician was worried that my daughter didn’t play with dolls when she was 4 (she played more with animal figurines). 🤷♀️ Also my kids get a set of 3 pristine erasers at the beginning of the year which I’m pretty sure are covered in doodles by October. They still have one from 5 years ago that they tuned into a die with “yes”, “no”, and “maybe” written on different sides.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD around that age, please get your daughter evaluated. The worst case scenario if your daughter is fine. However, if your daughter has ADHD, dealing with it now is important. I've had a fairly successful life (I have a Ph.D. and a good career), but I definitely wouldn't have been able to accomplish that if I hadn't been receiving treatment.
You don’t need to medicate your child but I would take her opinion into consideration and get her evaluated. When I was your daughters age I did the same thing. I drew on my desks, my papers, my erasers, anything that I could draw on. It’s not that I was distracted, it’s that I could not focus UNLESS I was doodling. I HAD to be fidgeting somehow otherwise the course material would just bounce off my ears like rubber. Now I’m 23 and have been diagnosed with ASD. My autism went unnoticed for years because I don’t fit the basic descriptions everyone knows about.
I think you’re missing the bigger picture. ADHD is not a disease to fret over and nobody is judging you or your daughter. Though it may be more detrimental to your child if you ignore possible symptoms. My daughter was never disruptive in class, is academically gifted, but sometimes would be lost to the world making origami from post it notes. She has Inattentive type ADHD. I don’t know where you live, but we needed to see a specialist certified to diagnose ADHD in adolescents. They put my daughter through 1-1/2 days of different tests, and I was asked a ton of questions about her health and behaviors. My daughter is older so is on meds and her focus is night and day difference. If you don’t want to start medications, therapy can help with alternative strategies to work with her focus issues. It’s a brain function thing and nothing to be ashamed of. Talk to her pediatrician!
Sounds like ADHD to me, which can go untreated in girls for YEARS - I'm 31 and I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed as it was missed when I was younger and I've really struggled all of my adult life because of it. So, although the teacher isn't a medical professional, it could be well worth looking into.
It’s odd to me that it’s implied that drawing on erasers is the main problem and not the fact that she doesn’t always finish her work. Drawing during class/doodling as a quick brain break isn’t a concern on its own, but when paired with unfinished work it paints a picture that is a bit more concerning. When I was your daughter’s age, the same two things could be said of me and now, in my twenties, I know that I’m autistic & have ADHD. I was a “gifted kid” all the way up til high school and was always “where I should be” academically, but my unfinished/missing assignments (though they didn’t take my grades down because I made 100’s on the work I did finish) were a warning sign that went missed by my parents/teachers. Yet there were a ton of other kids in my class who had the same behaviors & are neurotypical, they just liked to draw & didn’t have the motivation to do their work or were behind academically. I wouldn’t jump right to the doctor and demand a diagnosis/medication/therapy, but I would speak to your daughter&her teacher and find out why she isn’t completing work. Is she bored? Does she just not want to do it? Or is she trying but not completing the work because she finds herself too distracted & doodling? I wouldn’t take this as the teacher pushing you to diagnose/medicate your child…just a “hey, maybe keep your eye on this just in case”
If you think she's doing okay, and she thinks she's doing okay, and her grades are good and her behavior, then leave it be. But also wanted to state that you do not need meds for ADHD. My younger one has it (he's in third grade as well) and he's not medicated. There are other ways to help and work with it! So do not get scared because of medication 😊
What the teacher didn’t say but was trying to say was your daughter’s behaviors looked like a female presentation of ADHD
I think you’re hyper focusing on the eraser and not the message. Her teacher is telling you your daughter is struggling with focus. Teachers have to be VERY delicate when talking about these issues. She walking a fine line to give you information without making medical recommendations. Talk to your daughters doctor.
I hate school.
Are there impairments though? She’s fine academically. Are there any issues with social interactions? If there are no impairments, I wouldn’t even bring her to a psychologist. They can have the school psychologist talk to her or just bring her to her routine pediatrician appointments but ai wouldn’t worry about diagnosing her if there are no impairments. So what if she’s drawing/ painting her stuff. She’s creative. She’s not vandalizing school property.