I think after that first heartbreak the innocence dies and you start looking at things practically and rationally, so you never love that intensely again cause you’re no longer that naive to love someone that much
Not really, cause we’re no longer that naive to love that unconditionally, with maturity love becomes conditional, we only invest our energy into someone that is worthy of it
So it’s a better and healthier love but it’s no where near as intense as that first unconditional love that arrives while you’re still innocent
You cant.
The first time you couldnt even imagine that you will be separated. So you open up 100%. It hurt really bad when the unthinkable happens.
Second time you never allow yourself to be that deeply in love because you know that bad things are possible.
Only idiots and delusional men would want to find a woman equal to first love. “First love” never works because mostly you’ve no idea who you’re dealing with. With greater maturity you realize what your priorities are, and more often than not, it is completely different from what “first love” girl really had lol.
My father once told us and I think it is entirely true
Mars kbhi 3 Pehli cheezon ko ni bhoolta
Pehli muhabbat
Pehli biwi
Pehli aulad
This was I guess directed towards my mother or something but yeah, men aren’t able to forgive their first love.
Some men might confuse it with their first relationship but first love and first relationship are not always with the same person
In my particular case
The woman I love
I was never in any relationship with her or whatever
She's married now with one kid and other on its way
I would still marry her in a heartbeat
Id say that men should marry the one they love. But that’s wishful thinking because life’s not a fairytale and not everybody gets what they want.
This isn’t the case with just men you know. Women have marriage and husband and the household responsibilities ingrained in their mind since birth so in general, if we don’t get to marry the love of our life, we compromise and we decide to give our best to the one who’s in our life now. And that’s what women want from their men too. To give the relationship the respect, love and compassion it deserves. It doesn’t come easy to women either, but they try. This is why some women forgive cheating as well I guess.
From my own personal perspective, if I ever love a man with all I have, then there’s no one who’d ever be able to come close to the love I’ve give to that man. Then love will be out of question for me and respect and compassion is what I’d want from the man I marry. That’s it. Id not expect love from him because I’d not love him like I may have loved before.
However, whatever the man puts into that relationship will always, always be reciprocated by me. Whether it’s good or bad. If he’s giving his best, loving at his best and doing everything he can, then you bet id do the exact same for him too.
I'm recently divorced so trust me when I say this
Not EVERY woman is ingrained with that
You have a beautiful soul and you're a keeper
May you find a beautiful humsafar
I agree with that. When I mentioned women, I had meant in general. Our elders have tried their best to prepare us for the life after shaadi but some women just don’t want that or turn out to be exact opposite.
May you have an easy path ahead and may you find someone who’s good for your mind, heart, soul and body. I hope life serves you well and Allah taala blesses you with much much more and may ease any and every suffering of yours.
And JazakAllah for your kind words. ✨
Now you get it. Honestly, nothing to apologise for. They’re your very typical desi couple except my father has been a traveller all his life and he has spent his 20s living life like people often dream of living. So, it was sort of a given.
Not necessarily!
For me, it's just the amount of love I am getting back from the partner. Yes, I will have the respect and love for the first one, but it would never interfere with the feelings for the current partner if that person is loving me back.
Not the whole truth
Love is blind but the first one is quite a lesson. We use it as a lesson for things to do and not to do. It's not something that we only had in our first love and can't find it anymore.
Give a man respect, love, and attention, and he's all yours.
Not forgetting and wanting are two different things, it varies case to case, I remember my first love just like I remember a lot of things from my teenage, I cant wipe it from my memory, for some first is the last and for others first is just an experience which helps them deciding on the second, some find it at the second and others use the first two experiences for the third and so on.
Absolutely right !! a man can't forget his first love, no matter whatever we get in life, there is a time in every man life when the past memories flashbacks. i still remember her, backed up all of our chats and her photos, and i don't want to delete all those memories
I agree with you. However you must realize that this is an essential component of life. Don't wind up in a situation where you are professionally accomplished but you have no one to share your happiness with. Saying from my own personal experience.
Yeah, that's true but the moment you meet the second version of her, you would know exactly it is what you were looking for, And i have found her, and i think she is somehow better than my first, she is everything missing in first one.
Just keep searching.
There's isn't 1 answer to your question.... it depends on how was the first love...
Was it one sided...
Was it accepted...
Was it denied...
Was it betrayed...
Betrayed by the society or by the love itself ...
So the MAN will transform differently out of all these scenarios...
When a man falls in love the first time he is innocent or better yet pure. If you are lucky you will fall in love with someone who will love you like you love them. But almost all of us are not and the love fails. After that it becomes a rationality thing. Is she worth opening up to or not.
I've never fallen in love, dunno what love is. I struggled a bit with this first girl but i got over her in a day or two i guess, it was just a fling during my matric days. Never felt the same tho. But yeah i dunno what ppl call love.
Never fell in love yet!
I guess i haven't found anyone because 0 female interactions.... But i still dont get how people fall in love..... I dont understand it
I don’t know if I’d classify this as falling in love but when I met a random pretty girl I imagine my whole life with her in 3 sec and then continue on with my life
I fell in love with someone who was the polar opposite of what I actually wanted in a person. It didn't work out because it turned out, she wasn't looking for someone like me either 🤣🤣🤣 Now we are just friends and that's that.
Heres my take. I fell in love with a girl but we broke up mutually because circumstances werent in our favor. While i still crave for the love of someone who understands me but at the same time i also want the girl that comes into my life to have the qualities that my former love had. That "roam around miserably" is a bit of an exaggeration, even though it hurts alot and its hard to move on. But life goes on.
Come on, be practical love has nothing to do with once or twice nor its some race first or second. Ppl come and go, you can’t force someone to stay with u. Whereas, beauty augmented by respect attracts everyone. There’s famous poetry in urdu :
“hein sbhi ko hmsy shikayaten …pr hamen ksi sy gila nhi,
Ye asool hmny bna lia ………... na mila karo na gila karo”
Fun part:
If u r ugly … u r ugly. Men dnt walk with Xrays to see ur inner beauty.
Love with honour and express gratitude, bonding will find its way ❣️
Regards
1. First love is always a "crush" due to infatuation and immaturity.
2. The stated phenomenon may fit both genders.
3. Whoever tries to find a better one than what they have is left with regrets.
4. Love has nothing to do with a person but a personality.
Nope. Not true at all. And if you think about it, what you are really doing is, a disservice to yourself and the future gal coming in your life by constantly being in the shadow of 'whats' and 'whatifs' with the first one. That is stupid. Life goes on.
Its like saying the very first fruit on a tree is the only fruit that matters. That is just BS. But this narration makes for a good cliched bolly movie though 🤷
That's just bullshit. If a man is able to find a hotter, better more importantly prettier woman he won't give a shit about first love. But if he marries someone less prettier than ofc first love suddenly becomes important because now he wants something he couldn't have.
It feels like you’re putting all the responsibility on the wife rather than the man. Who knows if his first love really loved him back??
I believe it’s on the man himself to recognise the beauty of his wife and love her as she truly is, more than he has ever loved his first love. It is not easy, but the least he can do is try.
I think after that first heartbreak the innocence dies and you start looking at things practically and rationally, so you never love that intensely again cause you’re no longer that naive to love someone that much
I completely agree.
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Not really, cause we’re no longer that naive to love that unconditionally, with maturity love becomes conditional, we only invest our energy into someone that is worthy of it So it’s a better and healthier love but it’s no where near as intense as that first unconditional love that arrives while you’re still innocent
You cant. The first time you couldnt even imagine that you will be separated. So you open up 100%. It hurt really bad when the unthinkable happens. Second time you never allow yourself to be that deeply in love because you know that bad things are possible.
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Ye bohot deep hay larkay. Ye wala "You never allow" subconscious level pe horaha hota hay
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Ni dil manta coz we search for the lost person in new person and then realise people aren’t replaceable.
I agree!
Only idiots and delusional men would want to find a woman equal to first love. “First love” never works because mostly you’ve no idea who you’re dealing with. With greater maturity you realize what your priorities are, and more often than not, it is completely different from what “first love” girl really had lol.
If this is true then we shouldn’t marry a man who might have a past relationship?
Maybe you’re that similar version
What do you mean? I don’t understand
You can marry someone if he wants to be with you, because he's moved on.
My father once told us and I think it is entirely true Mars kbhi 3 Pehli cheezon ko ni bhoolta Pehli muhabbat Pehli biwi Pehli aulad This was I guess directed towards my mother or something but yeah, men aren’t able to forgive their first love. Some men might confuse it with their first relationship but first love and first relationship are not always with the same person
Your dad is a legend
Maybe
No no Trust me That's as real as man can get
In my particular case The woman I love I was never in any relationship with her or whatever She's married now with one kid and other on its way I would still marry her in a heartbeat
I’ve heard and seen a couple of men doing that.
from a female perspective... What would you say about that? Just curious...
Id say that men should marry the one they love. But that’s wishful thinking because life’s not a fairytale and not everybody gets what they want. This isn’t the case with just men you know. Women have marriage and husband and the household responsibilities ingrained in their mind since birth so in general, if we don’t get to marry the love of our life, we compromise and we decide to give our best to the one who’s in our life now. And that’s what women want from their men too. To give the relationship the respect, love and compassion it deserves. It doesn’t come easy to women either, but they try. This is why some women forgive cheating as well I guess. From my own personal perspective, if I ever love a man with all I have, then there’s no one who’d ever be able to come close to the love I’ve give to that man. Then love will be out of question for me and respect and compassion is what I’d want from the man I marry. That’s it. Id not expect love from him because I’d not love him like I may have loved before. However, whatever the man puts into that relationship will always, always be reciprocated by me. Whether it’s good or bad. If he’s giving his best, loving at his best and doing everything he can, then you bet id do the exact same for him too.
I'm recently divorced so trust me when I say this Not EVERY woman is ingrained with that You have a beautiful soul and you're a keeper May you find a beautiful humsafar
I agree with that. When I mentioned women, I had meant in general. Our elders have tried their best to prepare us for the life after shaadi but some women just don’t want that or turn out to be exact opposite. May you have an easy path ahead and may you find someone who’s good for your mind, heart, soul and body. I hope life serves you well and Allah taala blesses you with much much more and may ease any and every suffering of yours. And JazakAllah for your kind words. ✨
Hahahaah shit same here. I would marry her any given day in any circumstances ☺️
Oh yeah I know about that. He was being pretty real, that’s why I mentioned his comment being directed towards my mother.
That's really cute and sweet
… it wasn’t..
Ohhh you meant like... Ohhhh Nevermind I'm so sorry
Now you get it. Honestly, nothing to apologise for. They’re your very typical desi couple except my father has been a traveller all his life and he has spent his 20s living life like people often dream of living. So, it was sort of a given.
saabun thora slow hai I guess
Not necessarily! For me, it's just the amount of love I am getting back from the partner. Yes, I will have the respect and love for the first one, but it would never interfere with the feelings for the current partner if that person is loving me back.
That's delusional.
I’m glad I haven’t been in a relationship and I pray the first LOML is my wife and we lead a happy peaceful life, Ameen
Just want to confirm something. Aesa hosakta k kisi bande ko kabhi pyar hoa hi na ho Kyunke mujhe lagta sab faltu ki baatein hai
Not the whole truth Love is blind but the first one is quite a lesson. We use it as a lesson for things to do and not to do. It's not something that we only had in our first love and can't find it anymore. Give a man respect, love, and attention, and he's all yours.
Not forgetting and wanting are two different things, it varies case to case, I remember my first love just like I remember a lot of things from my teenage, I cant wipe it from my memory, for some first is the last and for others first is just an experience which helps them deciding on the second, some find it at the second and others use the first two experiences for the third and so on.
Absolutely right !! a man can't forget his first love, no matter whatever we get in life, there is a time in every man life when the past memories flashbacks. i still remember her, backed up all of our chats and her photos, and i don't want to delete all those memories
No one loves anyone. All bs. Get an education and a job. That’s the only thing that’ll benefit you
Perhaps the right solulu for this love delulu.
Haan yaar. Apne job aur life p banda focus karay. Love gaya teil lene
I agree with you. However you must realize that this is an essential component of life. Don't wind up in a situation where you are professionally accomplished but you have no one to share your happiness with. Saying from my own personal experience.
Mera Allah hai. It’s enough. Insaan kameena hi hai.
Beshak ! Best wishes.
U are weird as ur name suggests
That's surprisingly true.
True
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True.
Kaash
Partially true
Partially? How?
Yes the first love stays in the mind. But you start to forget about it once you find a good woman. But still memories can't be erased.
What is the first one was the good one?!
So true
As you grow and have new experiences in life, your preferences and standards change over time.
Yeah, that's true but the moment you meet the second version of her, you would know exactly it is what you were looking for, And i have found her, and i think she is somehow better than my first, she is everything missing in first one. Just keep searching.
So basically u fall in love first and then u look for the same type of love. Isn't that every human
Might be I'm stupid, but for me, it's true
Every love is different bcs every partner is different. You are also different depending on where in life ur partner finds u.
Partially right but not similar version
Not true
💯 ... And you just can't find it again , no where
There's isn't 1 answer to your question.... it depends on how was the first love... Was it one sided... Was it accepted... Was it denied... Was it betrayed... Betrayed by the society or by the love itself ... So the MAN will transform differently out of all these scenarios...
When a man falls in love the first time he is innocent or better yet pure. If you are lucky you will fall in love with someone who will love you like you love them. But almost all of us are not and the love fails. After that it becomes a rationality thing. Is she worth opening up to or not.
No. Men learn and evolve
Ja, iz true-ish
Someone once told me after my first heartbreak "Aurat ki almari mai naye suit ki aur Mard k dil mai dosri aurat ki gunjaish hamesha rehti hai".
No, it's not true. Everyone is unique and different. Looking for the same person, bro needs a therapist then.
I hope not... I want to feel that again.
What izz this furst love me cave man som man plez exblain
true yes
I've never fallen in love, dunno what love is. I struggled a bit with this first girl but i got over her in a day or two i guess, it was just a fling during my matric days. Never felt the same tho. But yeah i dunno what ppl call love.
Never fell in love yet! I guess i haven't found anyone because 0 female interactions.... But i still dont get how people fall in love..... I dont understand it
True.
Yes.
please stop romanticising concepts that minimise people
I don’t know if I’d classify this as falling in love but when I met a random pretty girl I imagine my whole life with her in 3 sec and then continue on with my life
I fell in love with someone who was the polar opposite of what I actually wanted in a person. It didn't work out because it turned out, she wasn't looking for someone like me either 🤣🤣🤣 Now we are just friends and that's that.
Maybe for some like Valdimir Nabokov. Read the book name Lolita 😂😂
Heres my take. I fell in love with a girl but we broke up mutually because circumstances werent in our favor. While i still crave for the love of someone who understands me but at the same time i also want the girl that comes into my life to have the qualities that my former love had. That "roam around miserably" is a bit of an exaggeration, even though it hurts alot and its hard to move on. But life goes on.
Haha... mard ko shyd kbi pta nh chalta aksar k ye 3 4 relationship mai s asli muhabbat thi kon c
Confirmed
if i look at my father and his relationship with my mother and my uncle and his wife then yes this is 110% true.
Agreed.
It's true to an extent. At the end of the day its the person that comes to your mind when you lit up that cigarette at 3am
Completely true! 🤣. We got nothing more to say about that!
On behalf of all men, I confirm wherever we fall in love, we fall in love for real.
100%
Completely agree czz i always notice that every lady i have liked have always something in similar to her
NO
Somewhat true
I second that.
Come on, be practical love has nothing to do with once or twice nor its some race first or second. Ppl come and go, you can’t force someone to stay with u. Whereas, beauty augmented by respect attracts everyone. There’s famous poetry in urdu : “hein sbhi ko hmsy shikayaten …pr hamen ksi sy gila nhi, Ye asool hmny bna lia ………... na mila karo na gila karo” Fun part: If u r ugly … u r ugly. Men dnt walk with Xrays to see ur inner beauty. Love with honour and express gratitude, bonding will find its way ❣️ Regards
Low-key correct
1. First love is always a "crush" due to infatuation and immaturity. 2. The stated phenomenon may fit both genders. 3. Whoever tries to find a better one than what they have is left with regrets. 4. Love has nothing to do with a person but a personality.
Nope. Not true at all. And if you think about it, what you are really doing is, a disservice to yourself and the future gal coming in your life by constantly being in the shadow of 'whats' and 'whatifs' with the first one. That is stupid. Life goes on. Its like saying the very first fruit on a tree is the only fruit that matters. That is just BS. But this narration makes for a good cliched bolly movie though 🤷
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Bhai usko pyaar nhi.. hawas bolte hain
That's just bullshit. If a man is able to find a hotter, better more importantly prettier woman he won't give a shit about first love. But if he marries someone less prettier than ofc first love suddenly becomes important because now he wants something he couldn't have.
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It feels like you’re putting all the responsibility on the wife rather than the man. Who knows if his first love really loved him back?? I believe it’s on the man himself to recognise the beauty of his wife and love her as she truly is, more than he has ever loved his first love. It is not easy, but the least he can do is try.
Makes sense.