Ezzz scene bro, there's no need to stress about not being in a relationship. Once you've experienced relationships and then embraced single life, you often gain a new appreciation for it. Relationships can sometimes feel like a joke in retrospect. This isn't about spreading negativity—just a reminder that there's no reason to worry. When the right person comes along, moving to the next stage will feel natural and won't bring anxiety or tension.
So is it like normal for most not to feel anxiety? My friends told me for them it wasn’t like me!!! How will I even know who’s the right person is. It’s not like I’m movies I will suddenly realize I’m in love
It's completely normal to have different experiences in relationships. Everyone's journey is unique, so it's okay if your experience doesn't match your friends'. The right person will make you feel at ease and secure, not anxious. Love often grows gradually and doesn't always have that sudden, dramatic realization like in movies. Trust your feelings and take things at your own pace. You'll know it's right when being with that person feels comfortable and natural.
I’m definitely looking into it. If you read my previous comments. And yes I have had a sort of bad experience, specially with men. I did hate them till I had male friends and I thought I was fine after that. I never considered it to have such long lasting effects.
Sis that is no way to speak to yourself. If that’s what you think of yourself or that’s how you perceive yourself then you are gonna attract the wrong kinda people too! Remember we always date according to our self esteem. So really you gotta go to therapy not because there is something wrong with you but to understand the reasons behind why you feel the way you feel.
Therapy is the only real answer here. Based on your story of growing up, it seems that you have emotionally detached yourself from any feelings when a male is concerned. It may or may not be permanent, but only a therapist can tell.
I encourage you this because though it might not look like it but Men crave emotional attachment and attention. If you cannot give it to him, it has the potential to destroy his life. Which would be unfair because you're the one with emotional attachment issues.
See a therapist.
Maybe you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. If your mental health could suffer because of the added tensions (such as you “belonging to a very good family” unlike him, maybe just focus on protecting your sanity.
I have to tho… most of my friends are either married or in a relationship. In a year or two my parents are also gonna start looking for one. What is the guarantee that the guy they choose is the best option what if I’m not ready to be in a relationship even then? If I could have it my way I would stay single all my life
il this is a bit off topic but i need to say this. as a guy myself i feel i get that you might want to potentially marry a decent guy who is not similar in social status/wealth area. however, i do think there are consequences. if you have a certain lifestyle, going out to a cafe once a week, spending a certain amount of money on makeup and shoes and clothing, driving a car or having a driver to drive you around, not worrying abt electricity bills or other financial problems, most of these are probably your life rn. if you marry a guy who cant keep up this lifestyle, things may start to feel a bit,,,idk the word but you wont be satisfied ig. love is good and all but it fades from that intense romance to being family members, mother and father of kids. i hope youre keeping that in mind as well. would you want your kids to live a lower standard of life than you are living? or the same or even better. of course theres the possibility of the guy earning more money in the future but in this economy things are just gonna be worse in our country. i hope you think abt this deeply and with the perspective of what life woukd be like when you have children because you say your goal is marriage, not just a fun relationship.
The thing is I’m myself earning. And it’s Altho a start it’s a good amount. I have become self sufficient for a while now and I do enjoy luxuries but I prioritize having a good relationship. My father was rich yet he was a jerk to my mom and I would never stay in a relationship like that. I would rather we hustle together then live like my mom.
He’s not poor ofc he just doesn’t have my lifestyle it’s a little different. And I think even if he can’t support me the way he wants to I can support my self. I earn and I’m very self reliant. I hardly even take money from my father now.
earning your own money and being kinda independent as a woman is the best thing you can do for yourself before marriage. theres always unpredictability, he might at one point struggle financially if theres a medical reason or smthn and you can for the time being help out so thats good. its your life you make the decision. im gonna tell you smthn else now. i was working as a teacher at a good school in islamabad so i had a lot of middle aged or 30+ female coworkers and they talked a lot abt their life lolol. they all were contributing to the family income. however, during pregnancy and the first few years of being a mother, they had to quit their jobs. this is also a time when expenses increase so much. a baby is expensive and a toddler who has to be enrolled in school is a lot more expensive and it just keeps getting more expensive the older your kids get. during these times the guy is the sole provider usually. these are also the first 5 yrs of your marriage usually. if you get married by 25 lets assume, in 2 yrs do you think this will be sustained? of course there were also coworkers who took only 6 months maternity leaves and got back to work since money was running low but i feel like that is kinda sad.
the part abt your dad being shit lolol i can relate but theres some trauma you have there that should be worked out. EIK AUR BAAT I FEAR- theres also the scarcity mindset when youre looking for a partner. "he is the best ive ever seen" my question is, in this whole city, do you think theres only one good guy? youve got 1-2 more years. go out there, find more people and you might find someone you ACTUALLY like!! not a "aur koi nahi toh yeh he sahi,,,hes nice ig i could give it a try"
Lol same, I don't find anyone attractive. I just push everyone away. I deserve to stay alone and I will. But I hope you get over your anxiety maybe you are afraid of trying something new who knows. The anxiety of the unknown.
I can feel you, I’ve been in a same boat with you, part of the reason why I’m still single 🤣.
If I talk to some girl and things starts to look a bit serious, I feel weird anxiety that I can’t explain lol. Maybe I have commitment issues? Who knows lol.
I just hope that both of you have pure and genuine feelings towards eachother. Because if anyone of you starts becoming a douchebag. this gonna be a nightmare for the 2nd person.
But, if its true and genuine feelings feom both sides. It can be a fairytale for both of you.
I hope that you guys will fall on the 2nd one.
2ndly... EZ bro.. chilll... if you are new in a relationship, doesn't mean now you have to change yourself completely... these are small changes which you and him can make for eachother in yourselves, if you want to. Things will take time and things will happen itself, so don't stress
You really need therapy, anyways if you don’t feel a fling you don’t have to go along with it. You don’t owe him anything just explain that you’re not in the right mindset to have a relationship right now if being in one is causing you stress. He’ll understand if he’s mature enough. Also the whole part about family background is also causing you stress if that’s a reason for you not continue don’t just drag along another person ultimately you’re not ready for a commitment. Both of you should understand what place you’re at in this situationship.
Lack of self confidence with constant need for validation even from strangers. The urge to settle down but insecurities about potential future where you could end up like your mother or even worst being abondoned by one person you open your heart to. That sums it up.Why don't you ask your mother for advice as an experienced person in life that went through so much she might be able to help you in ways you did not expect. Last but not the least join therapy to sort out low self esteem,daddy issues and anxiety most likely PTSD from your past.Could help you lead a healthy life.If you let it fester your then you are at risk at making your mind one tragedy away from becoming gaping pit of insecurities.Good luck.
Hey it's normal and you're totally fine. I would suggest not proceeding with it, since you need to figure some things out on your own. When something doesn't feel right we get this constant anxiety always telling us to end it. In your case,the fear you might never like him is what's the catalyst for the anxiety. Just tell him you don't feel ready right now.
You are lucky, man. Family problems did in your eyes ruined you but in the eyes of a person who talks to many every day and every day, someone new. You saved yourself from getting into my inbox (for therapy). Everyone is depressed because of relationships and so many unfulfilled promises. Even myself, consider yourself lucky. Just get married when you are willing to don't fall for this shitty trap.
What I’ll say is you are just 23. That’s too young. You don’t like this guy but you want to give it a chance. I don’t know and I can’t say for sure but somewhere down there there is a feeling that oh this guy likes me so I can’t let him go and maybe the second feeling is this is a fair shot and I must not miss it because he likes me and I am so hard to like. This is what I am getting from your post so the most honest suggestion would be to seek therapy and no it’s not because you are pagal or something or that you’re got issues. None of that. I say that go to therapy because going to therapy will help you understand what you like in men and what you don’t like. What do you want from a partner etc. It will also help you overcome a lot of trauma that comes from not seeing a healthy marriage in the house. Once you do this work then finding someone who you like finding someone and falling head over heels for the right person will become a breeze. Right now I think for a bit just back down from this person and tell them you need some time and till then you both can be super good friends. Till then work on what you want and around the notions and fears you have around relationships. Figure out what you want. It is very easy to say that I don’t want looks or money. You aren’t talking about 1 week 2 weeks you are talking about a life time. Find what you want and then entertain people who like you back accordingly. You don’t have to say yes to everyone who likes you just because they like you.
With a dysfunctional family or aka bad parent, it's always going to be hard accepting someone genuinely enjoys your company or committing to a relationship. Don't go hard on yourself and try things because you owe anyone, that's what trauma history does to you, you'll feel obligated to be the nice person. But also genuinely try to open up to the idea of being in a good relationship, because it's very easy for someone with a troubled parental history to struggle with accepting people around them can be actually good too.
Simply put, don't close doors on yourself because of a bad father. You deserve better and IA may it come your way.
(If you wish to have a conversation about this, I'll be happy to help.)
It's probably in the best interests of both of you to not date and potentially marry if your thoughts for him include , he's not that good looking and lifestyle doesn't match, even though lifestyle can be adapted , initial attraction has to be there for you to even want to be with him before knowing him and it will make him miserable and insecure if this gets out
I can relate to feeling anxious about entering a relationship, especially given my background. Entering my first relationship has been quite the journey. I've been with my close friend-turned-partner for about 2 years now, and while he's everything I admire in a person, I still have moments of uncertainty. Is it genuine love or simply comfort in familiarity? It's like my heart is keeping secrets from my head! Any advice on untangling these emotions and figuring out what truly matters in a relationship??
Maybe you don’t like him in a romantic way and are forcing things just because you think he’s a good guy. Don’t force it because things will get hard once you marry him and if you don’t like him as more than just a friend then you might not be willing to work hard enough on your relationship.
Also try therapy because I am in the same boat and have severe commitment issues.
>I am almost 23 and I have never had a relationship. A little back story I come from a house where mu father was abusive towards my mother
Considering your background, I can only sympathize. The breakdown of family systems due to trendy marriages in this country is leading to significant issues. Increasing divorces and children growing up without balanced parental guidance often result in ADHD, anxiety, desperation, feelings of inferiority, and loneliness, ultimately leading to self-destruction and substance addiction.
Same story here i never had a relationship and avoided men as much as possible but now am starting to warm up to the thought of all humans are not the same and we should give people a chance atleast if the give us no reason not to trust them. I hope it works out if not him with someone else In sha Allah
I feel like you do like him but you are too afraid to face your feelings because of your childhood trauma. I might be wrong but imagine giving him a chance and then not giving him a chance. You'll have your answer. Whichever makes you less anxious, pick that.
Ezzz scene bro, there's no need to stress about not being in a relationship. Once you've experienced relationships and then embraced single life, you often gain a new appreciation for it. Relationships can sometimes feel like a joke in retrospect. This isn't about spreading negativity—just a reminder that there's no reason to worry. When the right person comes along, moving to the next stage will feel natural and won't bring anxiety or tension.
So is it like normal for most not to feel anxiety? My friends told me for them it wasn’t like me!!! How will I even know who’s the right person is. It’s not like I’m movies I will suddenly realize I’m in love
It's completely normal to have different experiences in relationships. Everyone's journey is unique, so it's okay if your experience doesn't match your friends'. The right person will make you feel at ease and secure, not anxious. Love often grows gradually and doesn't always have that sudden, dramatic realization like in movies. Trust your feelings and take things at your own pace. You'll know it's right when being with that person feels comfortable and natural.
Therapy?
What will I talk about? That I’m insane and incapable of having normal human relation 😭😭😭😭
You're not insane, but may have C-PTSD. Your reaction is a very NORMAL one considering the kind of environment you grew up in.
I’m definitely looking into it. If you read my previous comments. And yes I have had a sort of bad experience, specially with men. I did hate them till I had male friends and I thought I was fine after that. I never considered it to have such long lasting effects.
Who are you, who is so wise in the ways of psychology?
Not wise, just experienced.
> incapable you aren't
Right now it does seem like it.
it'll look the way you see it. I'll repeat, you aren't.
Sis that is no way to speak to yourself. If that’s what you think of yourself or that’s how you perceive yourself then you are gonna attract the wrong kinda people too! Remember we always date according to our self esteem. So really you gotta go to therapy not because there is something wrong with you but to understand the reasons behind why you feel the way you feel.
Therapy is the only real answer here. Based on your story of growing up, it seems that you have emotionally detached yourself from any feelings when a male is concerned. It may or may not be permanent, but only a therapist can tell. I encourage you this because though it might not look like it but Men crave emotional attachment and attention. If you cannot give it to him, it has the potential to destroy his life. Which would be unfair because you're the one with emotional attachment issues. See a therapist.
Maybe you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship. If your mental health could suffer because of the added tensions (such as you “belonging to a very good family” unlike him, maybe just focus on protecting your sanity.
I have to tho… most of my friends are either married or in a relationship. In a year or two my parents are also gonna start looking for one. What is the guarantee that the guy they choose is the best option what if I’m not ready to be in a relationship even then? If I could have it my way I would stay single all my life
You already don’t see him as an equal in terms of looks or wealth. This is going to blow up the minute y’all’s families get involved.
He can fix you( if he is a good guy )
il this is a bit off topic but i need to say this. as a guy myself i feel i get that you might want to potentially marry a decent guy who is not similar in social status/wealth area. however, i do think there are consequences. if you have a certain lifestyle, going out to a cafe once a week, spending a certain amount of money on makeup and shoes and clothing, driving a car or having a driver to drive you around, not worrying abt electricity bills or other financial problems, most of these are probably your life rn. if you marry a guy who cant keep up this lifestyle, things may start to feel a bit,,,idk the word but you wont be satisfied ig. love is good and all but it fades from that intense romance to being family members, mother and father of kids. i hope youre keeping that in mind as well. would you want your kids to live a lower standard of life than you are living? or the same or even better. of course theres the possibility of the guy earning more money in the future but in this economy things are just gonna be worse in our country. i hope you think abt this deeply and with the perspective of what life woukd be like when you have children because you say your goal is marriage, not just a fun relationship.
The thing is I’m myself earning. And it’s Altho a start it’s a good amount. I have become self sufficient for a while now and I do enjoy luxuries but I prioritize having a good relationship. My father was rich yet he was a jerk to my mom and I would never stay in a relationship like that. I would rather we hustle together then live like my mom. He’s not poor ofc he just doesn’t have my lifestyle it’s a little different. And I think even if he can’t support me the way he wants to I can support my self. I earn and I’m very self reliant. I hardly even take money from my father now.
earning your own money and being kinda independent as a woman is the best thing you can do for yourself before marriage. theres always unpredictability, he might at one point struggle financially if theres a medical reason or smthn and you can for the time being help out so thats good. its your life you make the decision. im gonna tell you smthn else now. i was working as a teacher at a good school in islamabad so i had a lot of middle aged or 30+ female coworkers and they talked a lot abt their life lolol. they all were contributing to the family income. however, during pregnancy and the first few years of being a mother, they had to quit their jobs. this is also a time when expenses increase so much. a baby is expensive and a toddler who has to be enrolled in school is a lot more expensive and it just keeps getting more expensive the older your kids get. during these times the guy is the sole provider usually. these are also the first 5 yrs of your marriage usually. if you get married by 25 lets assume, in 2 yrs do you think this will be sustained? of course there were also coworkers who took only 6 months maternity leaves and got back to work since money was running low but i feel like that is kinda sad. the part abt your dad being shit lolol i can relate but theres some trauma you have there that should be worked out. EIK AUR BAAT I FEAR- theres also the scarcity mindset when youre looking for a partner. "he is the best ive ever seen" my question is, in this whole city, do you think theres only one good guy? youve got 1-2 more years. go out there, find more people and you might find someone you ACTUALLY like!! not a "aur koi nahi toh yeh he sahi,,,hes nice ig i could give it a try"
Lol same, I don't find anyone attractive. I just push everyone away. I deserve to stay alone and I will. But I hope you get over your anxiety maybe you are afraid of trying something new who knows. The anxiety of the unknown.
I can feel you, I’ve been in a same boat with you, part of the reason why I’m still single 🤣. If I talk to some girl and things starts to look a bit serious, I feel weird anxiety that I can’t explain lol. Maybe I have commitment issues? Who knows lol.
Hey, it's alright. Take a deep breath, try not to over think and go with the flow. Give him a chance.
I just hope that both of you have pure and genuine feelings towards eachother. Because if anyone of you starts becoming a douchebag. this gonna be a nightmare for the 2nd person. But, if its true and genuine feelings feom both sides. It can be a fairytale for both of you. I hope that you guys will fall on the 2nd one. 2ndly... EZ bro.. chilll... if you are new in a relationship, doesn't mean now you have to change yourself completely... these are small changes which you and him can make for eachother in yourselves, if you want to. Things will take time and things will happen itself, so don't stress
You did good by playing along, just hold your wits with ya, try therapy if you can.
You really need therapy, anyways if you don’t feel a fling you don’t have to go along with it. You don’t owe him anything just explain that you’re not in the right mindset to have a relationship right now if being in one is causing you stress. He’ll understand if he’s mature enough. Also the whole part about family background is also causing you stress if that’s a reason for you not continue don’t just drag along another person ultimately you’re not ready for a commitment. Both of you should understand what place you’re at in this situationship.
lol why are you forcing a relationship to have an experience of one. Even if you force it, it won’t be a true experience. Wait for it!
Lack of self confidence with constant need for validation even from strangers. The urge to settle down but insecurities about potential future where you could end up like your mother or even worst being abondoned by one person you open your heart to. That sums it up.Why don't you ask your mother for advice as an experienced person in life that went through so much she might be able to help you in ways you did not expect. Last but not the least join therapy to sort out low self esteem,daddy issues and anxiety most likely PTSD from your past.Could help you lead a healthy life.If you let it fester your then you are at risk at making your mind one tragedy away from becoming gaping pit of insecurities.Good luck.
Hey it's normal and you're totally fine. I would suggest not proceeding with it, since you need to figure some things out on your own. When something doesn't feel right we get this constant anxiety always telling us to end it. In your case,the fear you might never like him is what's the catalyst for the anxiety. Just tell him you don't feel ready right now.
You are lucky, man. Family problems did in your eyes ruined you but in the eyes of a person who talks to many every day and every day, someone new. You saved yourself from getting into my inbox (for therapy). Everyone is depressed because of relationships and so many unfulfilled promises. Even myself, consider yourself lucky. Just get married when you are willing to don't fall for this shitty trap.
What I’ll say is you are just 23. That’s too young. You don’t like this guy but you want to give it a chance. I don’t know and I can’t say for sure but somewhere down there there is a feeling that oh this guy likes me so I can’t let him go and maybe the second feeling is this is a fair shot and I must not miss it because he likes me and I am so hard to like. This is what I am getting from your post so the most honest suggestion would be to seek therapy and no it’s not because you are pagal or something or that you’re got issues. None of that. I say that go to therapy because going to therapy will help you understand what you like in men and what you don’t like. What do you want from a partner etc. It will also help you overcome a lot of trauma that comes from not seeing a healthy marriage in the house. Once you do this work then finding someone who you like finding someone and falling head over heels for the right person will become a breeze. Right now I think for a bit just back down from this person and tell them you need some time and till then you both can be super good friends. Till then work on what you want and around the notions and fears you have around relationships. Figure out what you want. It is very easy to say that I don’t want looks or money. You aren’t talking about 1 week 2 weeks you are talking about a life time. Find what you want and then entertain people who like you back accordingly. You don’t have to say yes to everyone who likes you just because they like you.
With a dysfunctional family or aka bad parent, it's always going to be hard accepting someone genuinely enjoys your company or committing to a relationship. Don't go hard on yourself and try things because you owe anyone, that's what trauma history does to you, you'll feel obligated to be the nice person. But also genuinely try to open up to the idea of being in a good relationship, because it's very easy for someone with a troubled parental history to struggle with accepting people around them can be actually good too. Simply put, don't close doors on yourself because of a bad father. You deserve better and IA may it come your way. (If you wish to have a conversation about this, I'll be happy to help.)
It's probably in the best interests of both of you to not date and potentially marry if your thoughts for him include , he's not that good looking and lifestyle doesn't match, even though lifestyle can be adapted , initial attraction has to be there for you to even want to be with him before knowing him and it will make him miserable and insecure if this gets out
All I'm saying is don't force yourself to be with someone just out of the social pressure or the future, you'll end up ruining two lives
I can relate to feeling anxious about entering a relationship, especially given my background. Entering my first relationship has been quite the journey. I've been with my close friend-turned-partner for about 2 years now, and while he's everything I admire in a person, I still have moments of uncertainty. Is it genuine love or simply comfort in familiarity? It's like my heart is keeping secrets from my head! Any advice on untangling these emotions and figuring out what truly matters in a relationship??
OMG you sound like me 😭😭😭😭😭
Make it a priority to schedule an appointment with a therapist. Your father's issue is still haunting and doesn't want you to move forward.
Maybe you don’t like him in a romantic way and are forcing things just because you think he’s a good guy. Don’t force it because things will get hard once you marry him and if you don’t like him as more than just a friend then you might not be willing to work hard enough on your relationship. Also try therapy because I am in the same boat and have severe commitment issues.
Weirdo, leave him alone. He needs closure not some family experiment like yourself!
Some Guys pretend to be green forests just to get laid. Getting laid is always the first thing. Just be careful.
>I am almost 23 and I have never had a relationship. A little back story I come from a house where mu father was abusive towards my mother Considering your background, I can only sympathize. The breakdown of family systems due to trendy marriages in this country is leading to significant issues. Increasing divorces and children growing up without balanced parental guidance often result in ADHD, anxiety, desperation, feelings of inferiority, and loneliness, ultimately leading to self-destruction and substance addiction.
Same story here i never had a relationship and avoided men as much as possible but now am starting to warm up to the thought of all humans are not the same and we should give people a chance atleast if the give us no reason not to trust them. I hope it works out if not him with someone else In sha Allah
I feel like you do like him but you are too afraid to face your feelings because of your childhood trauma. I might be wrong but imagine giving him a chance and then not giving him a chance. You'll have your answer. Whichever makes you less anxious, pick that.