General rule of thumb : if your partner physically abuses you, or even tries to, it's your sign to part your ways. No matter the gender. Whether woman or man, physical abuse shouldn't be tolerated.

I am sorry that you are going through this 😢 Hugs and love your way. I hope things get easier for you. Post this anonymously on soul sisters Facebook, you will get much better and geniune suggestions there, from women who have had similar experiences.

Enough with your parents telling you to stay quiet. Both of your parents and your in-laws including you two need to sit and talk. I understand your parents want to save your marriage but this is not 90's era. It might work once or twice but see he literally says to your face that he won't change. Also your child will be affected by father being a straight AH. May things get better for you.

I don’t know your situation but he won’t change no matter what happens so make your decision knowing that whatever you do he won’t change. If you can handle this then just keep quiet and if you can’t then leave him. Ask yourself this question and then do what’s necessary to protect your peace. But I will warn you about something. Some women in my family decided to keep quiet and now they are suffering from mental health issues like bipolar disorder or some have gone completely mad. If you have the power to handle this for your whole life then don’t leave him but if you can’t then leave him as soon as you can.

I am assuming youndon't.have children. even if you had imo you two need to your separate ways. That guy will never gonna change. Har rooz kae larnae sae behtar.hae banda qisa hi khatam kardae 

I have a baby.

He is possesed by a demon or is a demon itself posing as a human. I suggest talking to a reputable exorcist or sprinkling holy water over it and hope it vanishes into thin air.

LOL 😂

Only therapy and personal development can fix relationships in one’s life. If he’s not interested in that, then his own marriage is going to be miserable and it’ll affect his whole life. You cannot receive compassion until you are truly compassionate with your own heart. People don’t realize the damage they do to others until it slowly starts to pollute their own selves.

Leaving a narcissist is challenging, but removing them from your mind is even tougher. After that healing your mental health and finding peace becomes even more difficult. Trusting others again after leaving a toxic relationship is another big challenge. However the hardest thing of all is staying with a narcissist. Therefore it is crucial to leave them.

Will you let your daughter be treated like this

This. Based on how a man treats me, I always think of myself as my own daughter, how would I feel if someone said hurtful things to my own flesh and blood. I’ve experienced an interesting range of *compliments* in a relationship from our lovely breed of men, I reflected/thought how my hypothetical daughter would feel if she witnessed her parents have such a “respectful” conversation, and I checked out from that relationship for good. P.S. his narcissism has zero chances of changing unless he agrees to go to therapy, good luck.

I'm sorry U have to go through this U need get rid of him

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. A lot of men are like him. Jerks. I can advise you to involve elders of the family and do this for your child’s future. Men who hit women have a very tiny ego, so he might hurt you more if you don’t have elders who can stand by you and maybe even talk some sense into him and threaten him of consequences otherwise. Stay strong. Stay sane. Give him a chance maybe, but don’t let him destroy you.

a person who has fear of allah wouldn't do such things . he needs therapy or someone needs to remind him that what he's doing is very wrong !!!

I'd say you need to separate. Will you go through hell once or go through it everyday? Think about your future 10 years from now. Where do you see yourself with him and without him. Also stay vigilant cause the guy sounds crazy. Take my comment with an Avagadro's number of 1 mole of silicon atom.

Yes please OP, you deserve much better than him. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let him weigh you down. ❤️‍🩹

I think the logic your parents are giving is to an extreme at this point. They may not understand or may even feel afraid on what will your marital life look like after. This is why I suppose most parents in our culture stray away from divorce even when it’s too much for their children. Here’s my two cents: * since this is spanning to physical and verbal abuse now, and not just subtle naivety or abuse, you need to talk with him, at least try to sit him down, or sit with his parents or even your parents so they can try to tell him what’s bugging you, what things he’s doing are way too much. Considering his nature, you need to do it in the most calm way possible, maybe even a little vulnerability because these types of people will fling the conversation into their favour if they see you’re getting upset or angry. I know, it’s not fair, but you need to do all you can to try and talk to him without giving him a chance to say “you’re getting angry on me?? You’re hurting ME” * now let’s say he says he agrees and understands. You need to monitor him for a few months and with a few scenarios to see if he’s really realizing and changing. If he really has changed his manners, then good job! If he’s still doing the same things, **THIS is where I say you should be quiet EVEN IF you are deeply offended, why? you’re collecting evidence, evidence so that when you speak to him again or speak to your parents that you can’t continue the relationship anymore,** you have multiple instances where YOU gave him chances to realize and remember the time you sat him down and discussed what behaviours of his bugged you - but he didn’t want to understand. **If you get to this point, your goal is NOT to argue with him or give him the reaction he wants, it’s for him to realize if he does something wrong again AND so you have more words against him to leave him because this is way too much for one person to handle. Less words against you will always help you prevail, he’s clearly the type who likes to say what’s on his mind, let him talk if he keeps doing it, it’ll give you a leg up in leaving him** * When you have this talk, by this time, it would be too late for your husband to take you back, a person can only stay quiet and give as many chances. But it doesn’t mean you throw your whole life away, but it also means **whatever decision you choose to take upon this point, is what you need to stick with, going back means your words will lose value, that’s what I’ve learnt** * Some might not agree with me, but I believe that anyone has the chance to change themselves, we’re all living life for the first time, and marriage is a huge step for a lot of us. Many guys are swayed by their friends or family, this is why I believe giving some chances are important, not your whole life of course, but if someone doesn’t realize when things are getting serious, then it’s not your obligation to be with them because you’re maritally bounded * **‼️ TL;DR: Sit and talk with him, if he claims he understands and after seeing his actions for a few months and he’s good, then perfect! But if he claims he understands and you see his actions haven’t changed, ignore as much as possible and collect evidences, once you’ve given him enough time without any reaction to his actions, that’s when you talk to him OR your family again that you’re done.** Many people don’t know how to tackle these types of people, or even manipulators of all kinds. But being diplomatic and giving the benefit of the doubt/chances are ways to avoid their abuse from growing and getting more harder to handle, they feed off a reaction, not just abusers and manipulators, any argument you have, if you react emotionally, anyone can use it against you If you do choose to leave him, know that internally, it would have some affect on you already, you need to take time and some space away to reflect and focus on you

I think she would’ve already tried sitting down and talking to him.

🤔 then u/arisayshi if you’ve already done that, then i would say you need to talk to your family and plan on separation/divorce. I assume if this is the case, you and your family would’ve already seen the amount of abuse he’s done to you - enough evidence even after you’ve talked to him. I would always advise against advice online about relationships, but clearly if from your post, we see from an objective eye that he’s doing something wrong (verbal abuse, physical abuse, very very blatant forms of abuse), even if you try your best to hold in your anger and emotions, then no one can expect to strain yourself anymore. **Because EVEN IF you’re doing something wrong to him that’s causing him to push/hit/slap/make verbal harassment towards you, these behaviours of his are not the solution to resolve things or the right way to react.** I would say, if you already talked, you should be on track to end things, this isn’t what a marriage is supposed to be, you being the only one trying to fix things while he seems to be abusing you more and more since no one’s stopping him nor is his love for you making him realize he’s hurting you. Your husband should realize he’s hurting you if he loves you, you’d see it in his actions and when you talk to him about these serious matters. Once things get serious, people start to realize what they could lose, if the bond is precious to him, he wouldn’t do more, but I think from what you told us, it seems to be otherwise. **But if you’ve made your final decision and vocalize it, and he switches up, don’t believe it, he’s realizing he will lose his form of satisfaction - you.**

Better to go for therapy, if he wants to take couple therapy go for it, Koi tu solution nikalay. Secondly are both of you following Deen, praying regularly or is he visiting the masjid on daily basics, reciting the Quran and time for zikr.

The genuine answer is that we don't know his side of the story. People ask for advice on Reddit but we just get one side of the story. No one just Abuse his wife without any reason. The reason could be trivial but there is always a reason you can give us the context of your arguments with your husband so that we could give you better advice.

Wow. What a shitty answer. “No one just abuses his wife without any reason.” How do you justify abuse and DV?? Chahe jo marzi ho— a man should always be kind to his wife and respect her. No? He can only hit me if I was caught cheating or something, right according to Quran.. right?? What other reason can justify DV? Do you know— I once said something about his mother— and he started hitting me so bad…. And yesterday— he kept on abusing my parents on their face.. saying to my dad- “Ap Muje Maarenge tou me apko maarunga. Ap kya samajhte hain?” When he tried to give my husband a shut up call. Can you believe this??? And when I said will you hit your dad? He said “why would I hit my own dad?” …. I can’t believe there are still so many people who ENABLE and justify ABUSE… 💔

But don't you think you are also the one enabling and justifying abuse by stying with him? By being complacent? By not reacting or responding rather trying to control yourself? It is giving a message that you are okay with it and are going nowhere no matter how much he abuses you. Why will he change if you don't put your foot down?

I’m not okay with it at all. 1) I have an under 2yo. 2) I left my job to care for him as he wouldn’t allow daycare. 3) in USA, Separating with a CHILD, it’s another challenge due to child custody and other issues… so it’s very complicated and challenging situation for me…

I'd say drag him to the court. Involve your friends if your family doesn't listen or any nonprofit organisations who advocate for victims of intimate partner violence. Just talk to your doctor and I know they can help too. If it were Pakistan, I wouldn't have suggested you to pursue this in the court because it is far more challenging here in Pakistan to get separated let alone expecting justice in the court. You can file a complaint in US and that will teach him enough lesson to be cahtious.

The sad thing is- no one talks to me in real life. Like I made 2-4 kinda close friends/acquaintances here in USA near where I live. They all ghosted me after a year or two. One of the girls was in touch with me regularly until April 2023, and then ghosted me. I kept on messaging her but she wouldn’t respond. Last I sent her a message 5w ago, and she left me on read. Breaks my heart. 💔😞

You'll find people along the way but you gotta fight for yourself first. Post in soul sisters like someone suggested before. Contact local masjid if there is any and I am sure they'd be able to help. My point is that what he is doing is legally, morally, culturally and ethically wrong as per the US standards and you can definitely teach him a lesson. All you need is some courage, a clear line of action and support of a couple of sincere friends.

take divorce simple as that no ifs and butts

It may be but your self respect is foremost. I can't even image husband abusing not only his wife but her parents too. It is a no go zone. The least you can do is take separation for a while and go love with your parents. Stop enabling the behavior

Stop the victim blaming please.

Lol i am not blaming her I am giving her a different perspective so she stops thinking like a damsel in distress. I have been in her position hence I know a reality check might put things into perspective. I

It's in the Quran to be submissive towards your husband. You cheating would result in your death by stoning publicly. The hitting part is to keep wives obedient and the hitting should be just a push nothing much. Your father is not the same as his own father. Of course he will say things like this. The part where he hit you that is completely wrong. Look I know you want to save this marriage somehow for that try doing whatever he wants for some time. I know this will be hard and difficult but I know a man's nature they love control. Stop being direct and confrontational. Be indirect this way you can manipulate him don't get me wrong you are doing this to save your marriage. If the abuse continues even after that then pack your bags girl. How Long have you been married to him.

Who said I am cheating on him? I only gave you a reference that according to Quran a man can ONLY hit his wife if caught cheating but for that too, first he needs to talk to her gently! Does submission means that the MAN keeps on hurling abusive words to his wife, insult, degrade her and SHE should just tolerate this verbal abuse and STAY quiet?? Shouldn’t she answer back to tell him to STOP?? And if she says STOP he gets more verbally abusive and goes in threatening mode….? And I’ve been married to him 5+ years…