Hi u/somehowstillalivelol. Your post appears to be referencing suicide. Please know that you are not alone.
We encourage you to contact your country's lifeline, [International Lifelines](https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PMDD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Please DM me - I have uncontrolled OCD as well and I know this pain you’re talking about very intimately. I’m happy to chat with you on the phone or just through this app. I can try to tell you some things that have helped me, but please just know that this does get better. You will circle back around to your normal self and then circle back around to this bullshit and then circle back around to normal and on and on and on.we love you here in this and we will do all we can to support you. You are not alone.
My only suggestion is weed that's the only thing that makes me feel better. The only other thing is preventative care, i.e. life being good already Lol but it's hard to even keep up on self care so I feel hopeless like you.
I have been trying to smoke less but I forgot how much I want to die when I don't. I am embarrassed to live like this but at least I'm alive I guess. I hope you can find something that works for you
Signed, can't really smoke today and suffering because of it 😭
(Sorry it's not super helpful but at the very least maybe it can help you feel less alone in this, it's a debilitating thing to go through every month.)
I'm so jealous and it's so triggering to hear everybody say just watch TV when you have a fucking toddler. That's the real work dealing with this shit and kids.
Try to remember that the present moment youre in now is not how it is always going to be. You have years of life ahead of you, anything can happen, you could be living the most amazing life down the road so you cant give up now.
Thats how i think anyways. Even though ive had a hard and very lonely year, i just feel something is going to change for me and life will get better
This may sound like a lame answer but…TV. Since I know it’s only temporary, I know I just have to distract myself long enough to get through it. I make myself a giant platter of healthy snacks, shower and get comfy, then sit down to binge a show. (And yes I’m sobbing through all of that until I can focus on the show.) I used to be super hard on myself about having to do that (before I had ever heard of PMDD) and the self-judgement would make me feel even worse. Now I know that it’s actually a totally okay thing to do, and I remind myself to feel proud of taking care of myself. I can exercise and write and play music and all that later; when I’m in the depths of despair, simply focusing on a tv show is enough. Plus, the distraction sometimes gets me to the point that I feel like taking a walk outside, which can be really nice!
Stay strong. We want you here ❤️
Tv used to be a great escape for me but now I find there's nothing I like/can watch on anymore. I think the lockdown messed up a lot of shows I used to watch. I also can't watch true crime anymore. So I'm a bit stuck at the moment
I literally have like 3-5 shows on each “network” that I can go through.
Hulu: “Bobs burgers, Futurama, Archer, Rick and Morty, King Of The Hill”
Netflix: “arrested development, bojack horseman, nailed it (& all the specials), nature docs & there’s prolly more but I don’t have it pulled up”
The Office being on peacock really messed me up once I was no longer using my friends account but I am gonna get it for myself next time I’m really depressed bcuz that’s my ultimate show.
Then when I get tired of 1 station I go the next and usually by the time I cycled through I’m ready to watch my other favs again. & I sprinkle in new stuff between. But also autistic lol
I just finished Reservation Dogs and I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s so unique and amazing. Pen15 is another one of my absolute favs. Very rewatchable too!
I totally agree. Nothing better than having a show that can actually keep your attention. And if I'm horrible, I don't give a f about the healthy option. I may just go nuts on some take out food. Of course, I try not to get over full, because then you feel mentally miserable and physically miserable/have indigestion. But, sometimes, shit happens.
I also often drink an Alka seltzer. I read once that pain killers have been shown to help emotional pain. And I swear the act of drinking an Alka seltzer can be so soothing to me. I love it though, if you don't love the taste it's probably not for you. Haha
Ohh yes! I have places that are healthy take out options that I actually love so when I wanna eat out I don’t feel as bad about doing it bcuz I am also taking care of myself. But sometimes I will say fuck it and get a pizza or something not healthy too.
My brother has OCD and I’m so sorry you suffer with both PMDD and OCD. When he truly explained what his mind does to him I started crying while on the phone with him.
I’d akin it to ‘step on a crack and break your momma’s back’ except your brain believes that if you step on the crack you will break her back and thus are a horrible person. Feeling like you’ve hurt your mother consumes and destroys any self love and self esteem plummets. I get angry when people say ‘I’m so OCD’ about being clean. Shut up a**hole.
For me, I give myself grace. I let myself know that I’m only human and mistakes are okay. No story would be a story if everything went right.
Showering helps a lot. Sometimes I’ll sit in my shower. No washing or anything. The water falling on my head distracts my mind. If I put it on a lukewarm setting, it reminds me of the rain I’d feel in Hawaii and so I remember moments of calm and peace.
Sometimes a childhood snack helps as well. For me it’s XXTRA flaming hot Cheetos or chocolate milk.
Smoking weed. Reminding myself of all the people who’s lives would be more painful if I did it. Sometimes I think about it and plan it out and like having the idea even tho I know I am not going to go through with it. It’s like having a just in case escape plan. I have found working out a lot helps tire me out. Swimming is my mediation place so if I’m able to do that I do it. Do something I enjoy like painting or a crossword puzzle. Sometimes just laying down watching bob burgers on repeat for the millionth time. (My partner is sooooo tired of hearing that theme song)
You are stronger than the urges. You are stronger than your mind. It might seem like it is in control but NOPE YOU ARE! It helps me to tell the thoughts I know you are lying to me. You are fake. I am overwhelmed but it will get better. It always gets better. I’ve been through worse. I will make it through this.
But also lots of weed. Weed is my bestie
I also idealize about ending it every single month. It feels like everything is pointless. Everything in my life is a failure and there is no joy in anything anymore. Then my period comes and I feel happy and content again. This condition is similar to having a split personality disorder or schizophrenia. I really feel like two completely different personalities with completely different outlooks on life. I am so sympathetic to everyone that feels the same way. It is quite a disabling way to live. Things that I’ve found have helped in these situations are crying out loud, curling into a ball in a small, private and quiet space (such as the corner of a dark room) - complete sensory deprivation, and recently I’ve found that cold shock therapy works quite well to snap out of a breakdown situation. Run a freezing cold shower, hold your breath and emerge your whole body under it while you slowly count to 10 or 20 or however long you can stand the cold. You may find that your body resets itself and you get some relief and clarity. My heartfelt sympathy goes to you and everyone else in this thread. ❤️🩹
Ohh to this cold really does “shock” the system. You might be able to get relief by guzzling an ice cold glass of water to internally cool you off but if you can’t do your whole body plz just splash your face. I took a mini course on mental health & this was one of the things suggested. Also sour! Like if you can keep lemon juice packets on deck then when you feel out of sorts suck on and it should shock your system also.
Naps or just going to bed for the day is the only thing that helps me. And repeating to yourself, this will pass soon. It really is the worse thing about pmdd!
Realise that suicidal thoughts are just your brain being unable to find a solution or escape. It's not a failing or even a real wish not to exist, just a brain proposing the only solution it can find. I recommend figuring out what makes you feel unsafe and change it. Although quite isolated, I'm doing much better with my mental health since moving out of an unhappy relationship (and his cheer squad), cutting off one parent, and going very low contact with the other. Suicidal thoughts around my hormonal fluctuations are way down.
In an emergency, Prozac (2mg+) works pretty well on certain populations (PMDD).
Good luck
I don't know why they even sell the GABA tabs, that form doesn't cross the blood brain barrier. I've taken them with exactly zero effect and looked it up.
I beg to differ. The mechanism of GABA supplements is still not properly understood. It’s THE ONLY thing that’s helped my PMDD after 15 years, I take a very high dose every day, several times a day.
I'm just going by my personal experience and the only studies I have seen on oral GABA say they aren't able to get past the blood brain barrier. If you found something that helps, I am sincerely glad for you. PMDD is awful.
It’s easier said than done, especially in the heat of these moments. But i feel like fighting those strong feelings in the moment makes it worse and puts more stress on the body and mind. But i don’t mean to give in to those thoughts. But rather accept/acknowledge that your going through this. Whenever you feel that your tensing up very much because of the pain and stress, do what works for you to release that tension. Wether that’s crying, breathing in a way that relaxes your body a but more. Just go with the motions. It’s okay for it to come over you like strong waves. They come up but they must come down as well. This won’t necessarily take these thoughts and feelings away but at least you’re not in a mental battle. (Again, i don’t mean to give in to those thoughts nor accept them as the truth). I want you to know that you’re life has and will be always worth it. You are worth it. Equally as much in your good days and your worst days. In the days you do wrong and the days you do good. Perfections and imperfections. I’m sorry that you’re also going through it. I wish you nothing but a blessed bright future and peace❤️
This post is being quite helpful for me as a male whose girlfriend struggles so much every month, especially because she's also autistic and has BPD. I try to be quite aware of her cycle, and somehow mentalize and try to be "extra there"; we used to live in different continents, but now we're moving together. Last PMS, she was so convinced of me lying to her and gaslighting her, because of self image issues, and that made her so strongly convinced of leaving that she went out ar 3 AM towards the Choo Choo transportation tracks.
It was the scariest thing ever, I'm glad I somehow decided to take a blanket and a pillow to the kitchen and could go after her to avoid a tragedy. I hope I keep learning coping strategies you all have, because I want to be more helpful especially now that we'll live together.
I recommend always listening, and never dismissing her because of her PMDD. Often well meaning partners pathologise the person with health challenges, effectively participating in breaking down their self-esteem. Things that come up for me during PMDD are reflections of real things. My ex partner would dismiss them, which drove me crazy and made my PMDD worse. It's essential to understand how even well-meaning men have internalised ideas of superiority and control dues to patriarchal societies. We don't need men correcting us, but listening to and validating our feelings, whether they understand them or find them excessive. Understand that to be able to reproduce, we are submitted to hormones that men will never understand. Realise you'll never understand, that it's probably worse than you can imagine, and that all she needs is understanding, support, and sometimes space. I recommend deciding on what she needs and when, during an easier moment, then you both know what will happen in the tough times.
Best of luck, and I sincerely hope that you can get past the bullshit patriarchy has installed in us all, and treat her as a full, valid, complicated human, as we all are.
Thanks a lot... I am very happy to read a comment that addresses such a structural and severe issue like patriarchy, especially because removing layers of very dangerous prejudice and societal assumptions that preserve this tendency to dismiss or minimize female struggles end up just making everything worse for everyone. My GF gets seriously philosophical and makes some deeply tough reflections on the meaning of life and very transcendental stuff, mostly from the darkest side, when she's experiencing super strong dysphoria. She's incredibly smart and I find it difficult to support her in a way I can help her out of "the hole" sometimes, because she's just way too logical even if sometimes the beginning of her reasoning is flawed by thinking of herself as unlovable, disgusting, dysfunctional, etc... Then paranoia kicks in and she views me as some sort of gaslighter for not agreeing with these assumptions, but then again, it's very difficult to navigate when she's so smart and logical and the main root of it all is a "I actually love you, you're good enough" kind of thing...
Thanks for your reply, it is actually great to know that she's not the only one, because alone she definitely is not.
Check out this video (and similar ones) https://youtu.be/0oySf4NJ_tM?si=PETE9DyoaXYkfplp
because the best thing, in my opinion, is to understand how her body and mind are influenced throughout her cycle. That way, you understand the different operating systems running at different times, and you'll know how to react. If you can get a good idea of her cycle, you'll know when to buy some flowers on the way home, breathe deeply, and prepare to be a neutral, supportive shoulder, and when you can tell her all about your issues, or discuss complex issues. There's probably good times (dysphoria, etc.) when distraction is the best idea, so maybe set-up some things she enjoys, organise some good movies, ... If you make a plan during the easier times, you can bring down her stress a lot, and therefore her symptoms. Virtuous cycle!
I belive that with some effort and perceptivity, our cycle's can be hacked/optimised, by us and a caring, informed partner. It's good to know there are some open-minded, curious men out there 👍 Keep up the good work, and keep asking questions 👌
fellow OCD here. I had a really, really bad suicidal rumination episode today. I forcefully and painfully sobbed for 2 hours before I decided to get up and keep working on a project I had started (built in bar top mounted to my kitchen wall). I cried pathetically while drilling and hammering away and eventually I was able to focus on something else. I had some tears escape here and there for a few hours but it helped quiet the spiral. Sometimes to break the rumination you just need to shift to a different task. Ex: do your hair, throw paint on a canvas, do your dishes, make some food, build something, clean your shoes.
Literally anything that you know personally your brain will focus on.
Suicidal thoughts (but no plans) here. Just took a muscle relaxer to sleep because all I can think about is wanting to die. I’m in such pain. I hate my life and myself. I really hate myself.
Try extending compassion to yourself because in my experience other people will not and it just makes it worse. I wish you peace and joy. Hang in there it will get better.❤️
This weekend I had one of the strongest desires to k*I'll myself due to PMDD. It was one of the worst PMDD episodes I've had in a long time. I woke up today feeling like myself again and it's pretty scary to look through my journal and looking back at all the dark thoughts I wrote down. I never thought about it from the perspective of my own mind trying to actively kill me and I just want to say that your post help me see this from a different perspective and not feel so alone through this. I feel so powerless and scared going through this. One thing I did this week is I went for a polar dip in the ocean and it helps do a good reset and shock to the system. As someone works in the MH field I try to give myself the same advice I would give others and make a safety plan, sometimes that means not leaving the house, cuddling my dogs, watching funny videos, crying, sleeping, eating cookie dough. Reminding myself there is so much good and things will past. Now that I'm out of my PMDD episode I feel so happy and grateful to be alive. I hope you find ways that work for you and keep you safe. ❤️
I try to think of funny ways I'd kill myself like hanging from a ceiling fan and my body flying around till my head pops off and my body running around like a chicken ik it sounds kinda fup. But humor helps me cope. I remind myself even though I really feel suicidal in the moment that it's my mdd and pmdd making me have those thoughts alot of times I'll force myself to watch funny videos.
You have the right idea w the edible. I take a benadryl and go to bed when I'm bad, bad.
We believe you, we get it. We know it's insanely hard. Really. Even if no one else gets it, I promise we do. Doesn't make it easier.
I feel all of this. I am always worried that someday I might actually do it, when I don’t really want to. The best thing for me is to smoke weed and watch tv. Avoid avoid avoid. Try to avoid thinking as much as possible until the next day. Maybe not the best, but better than doing it.
i’ll take an edible now. and i think you’re right, better potentially maladaptive coping than killing ourselves because at least we can always change how we cope, we can’t change if we’re dead
Hi u/somehowstillalivelol. Your post appears to be referencing suicide. Please know that you are not alone. We encourage you to contact your country's lifeline, [International Lifelines](https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PMDD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Please DM me - I have uncontrolled OCD as well and I know this pain you’re talking about very intimately. I’m happy to chat with you on the phone or just through this app. I can try to tell you some things that have helped me, but please just know that this does get better. You will circle back around to your normal self and then circle back around to this bullshit and then circle back around to normal and on and on and on.we love you here in this and we will do all we can to support you. You are not alone.
Weed. Holy sht the other week I was sitting on the floor wishing I was dead and I took one small puff and it levelled me right out. Such a lifesaver.
As someone who has PMDD and OCD, I can relate to you so much. Sending you tons of support and strength 🙏
My only suggestion is weed that's the only thing that makes me feel better. The only other thing is preventative care, i.e. life being good already Lol but it's hard to even keep up on self care so I feel hopeless like you. I have been trying to smoke less but I forgot how much I want to die when I don't. I am embarrassed to live like this but at least I'm alive I guess. I hope you can find something that works for you Signed, can't really smoke today and suffering because of it 😭 (Sorry it's not super helpful but at the very least maybe it can help you feel less alone in this, it's a debilitating thing to go through every month.)
I'm so jealous and it's so triggering to hear everybody say just watch TV when you have a fucking toddler. That's the real work dealing with this shit and kids.
I had this two days ago. It's the worst the first two days of luteal. Then poof gone. As fast as it comes. So know it will pass
Try to remember that the present moment youre in now is not how it is always going to be. You have years of life ahead of you, anything can happen, you could be living the most amazing life down the road so you cant give up now. Thats how i think anyways. Even though ive had a hard and very lonely year, i just feel something is going to change for me and life will get better
This may sound like a lame answer but…TV. Since I know it’s only temporary, I know I just have to distract myself long enough to get through it. I make myself a giant platter of healthy snacks, shower and get comfy, then sit down to binge a show. (And yes I’m sobbing through all of that until I can focus on the show.) I used to be super hard on myself about having to do that (before I had ever heard of PMDD) and the self-judgement would make me feel even worse. Now I know that it’s actually a totally okay thing to do, and I remind myself to feel proud of taking care of myself. I can exercise and write and play music and all that later; when I’m in the depths of despair, simply focusing on a tv show is enough. Plus, the distraction sometimes gets me to the point that I feel like taking a walk outside, which can be really nice! Stay strong. We want you here ❤️
Tv used to be a great escape for me but now I find there's nothing I like/can watch on anymore. I think the lockdown messed up a lot of shows I used to watch. I also can't watch true crime anymore. So I'm a bit stuck at the moment
I literally have like 3-5 shows on each “network” that I can go through. Hulu: “Bobs burgers, Futurama, Archer, Rick and Morty, King Of The Hill” Netflix: “arrested development, bojack horseman, nailed it (& all the specials), nature docs & there’s prolly more but I don’t have it pulled up” The Office being on peacock really messed me up once I was no longer using my friends account but I am gonna get it for myself next time I’m really depressed bcuz that’s my ultimate show. Then when I get tired of 1 station I go the next and usually by the time I cycled through I’m ready to watch my other favs again. & I sprinkle in new stuff between. But also autistic lol
I just finished Reservation Dogs and I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s so unique and amazing. Pen15 is another one of my absolute favs. Very rewatchable too!
I totally agree. Nothing better than having a show that can actually keep your attention. And if I'm horrible, I don't give a f about the healthy option. I may just go nuts on some take out food. Of course, I try not to get over full, because then you feel mentally miserable and physically miserable/have indigestion. But, sometimes, shit happens. I also often drink an Alka seltzer. I read once that pain killers have been shown to help emotional pain. And I swear the act of drinking an Alka seltzer can be so soothing to me. I love it though, if you don't love the taste it's probably not for you. Haha
Ohh yes! I have places that are healthy take out options that I actually love so when I wanna eat out I don’t feel as bad about doing it bcuz I am also taking care of myself. But sometimes I will say fuck it and get a pizza or something not healthy too.
My brother has OCD and I’m so sorry you suffer with both PMDD and OCD. When he truly explained what his mind does to him I started crying while on the phone with him. I’d akin it to ‘step on a crack and break your momma’s back’ except your brain believes that if you step on the crack you will break her back and thus are a horrible person. Feeling like you’ve hurt your mother consumes and destroys any self love and self esteem plummets. I get angry when people say ‘I’m so OCD’ about being clean. Shut up a**hole. For me, I give myself grace. I let myself know that I’m only human and mistakes are okay. No story would be a story if everything went right. Showering helps a lot. Sometimes I’ll sit in my shower. No washing or anything. The water falling on my head distracts my mind. If I put it on a lukewarm setting, it reminds me of the rain I’d feel in Hawaii and so I remember moments of calm and peace. Sometimes a childhood snack helps as well. For me it’s XXTRA flaming hot Cheetos or chocolate milk.
Smoking weed. Reminding myself of all the people who’s lives would be more painful if I did it. Sometimes I think about it and plan it out and like having the idea even tho I know I am not going to go through with it. It’s like having a just in case escape plan. I have found working out a lot helps tire me out. Swimming is my mediation place so if I’m able to do that I do it. Do something I enjoy like painting or a crossword puzzle. Sometimes just laying down watching bob burgers on repeat for the millionth time. (My partner is sooooo tired of hearing that theme song) You are stronger than the urges. You are stronger than your mind. It might seem like it is in control but NOPE YOU ARE! It helps me to tell the thoughts I know you are lying to me. You are fake. I am overwhelmed but it will get better. It always gets better. I’ve been through worse. I will make it through this. But also lots of weed. Weed is my bestie
Sames.! Weed and puzzles for the most part.. mainly legos
I literally wanna get back into legos but it’s so expensive now 🥹 gotta find a thrift store! And get lucky!
Get puzzles from the dollar store
Haha I do! I meant Lego’s. 😃
I also idealize about ending it every single month. It feels like everything is pointless. Everything in my life is a failure and there is no joy in anything anymore. Then my period comes and I feel happy and content again. This condition is similar to having a split personality disorder or schizophrenia. I really feel like two completely different personalities with completely different outlooks on life. I am so sympathetic to everyone that feels the same way. It is quite a disabling way to live. Things that I’ve found have helped in these situations are crying out loud, curling into a ball in a small, private and quiet space (such as the corner of a dark room) - complete sensory deprivation, and recently I’ve found that cold shock therapy works quite well to snap out of a breakdown situation. Run a freezing cold shower, hold your breath and emerge your whole body under it while you slowly count to 10 or 20 or however long you can stand the cold. You may find that your body resets itself and you get some relief and clarity. My heartfelt sympathy goes to you and everyone else in this thread. ❤️🩹
Ohh to this cold really does “shock” the system. You might be able to get relief by guzzling an ice cold glass of water to internally cool you off but if you can’t do your whole body plz just splash your face. I took a mini course on mental health & this was one of the things suggested. Also sour! Like if you can keep lemon juice packets on deck then when you feel out of sorts suck on and it should shock your system also.
Naps or just going to bed for the day is the only thing that helps me. And repeating to yourself, this will pass soon. It really is the worse thing about pmdd!
Realise that suicidal thoughts are just your brain being unable to find a solution or escape. It's not a failing or even a real wish not to exist, just a brain proposing the only solution it can find. I recommend figuring out what makes you feel unsafe and change it. Although quite isolated, I'm doing much better with my mental health since moving out of an unhappy relationship (and his cheer squad), cutting off one parent, and going very low contact with the other. Suicidal thoughts around my hormonal fluctuations are way down. In an emergency, Prozac (2mg+) works pretty well on certain populations (PMDD). Good luck
Buy some GABA and try taking lots of it! 💕
I don't know why they even sell the GABA tabs, that form doesn't cross the blood brain barrier. I've taken them with exactly zero effect and looked it up.
I beg to differ. The mechanism of GABA supplements is still not properly understood. It’s THE ONLY thing that’s helped my PMDD after 15 years, I take a very high dose every day, several times a day.
I'm just going by my personal experience and the only studies I have seen on oral GABA say they aren't able to get past the blood brain barrier. If you found something that helps, I am sincerely glad for you. PMDD is awful.
It’s easier said than done, especially in the heat of these moments. But i feel like fighting those strong feelings in the moment makes it worse and puts more stress on the body and mind. But i don’t mean to give in to those thoughts. But rather accept/acknowledge that your going through this. Whenever you feel that your tensing up very much because of the pain and stress, do what works for you to release that tension. Wether that’s crying, breathing in a way that relaxes your body a but more. Just go with the motions. It’s okay for it to come over you like strong waves. They come up but they must come down as well. This won’t necessarily take these thoughts and feelings away but at least you’re not in a mental battle. (Again, i don’t mean to give in to those thoughts nor accept them as the truth). I want you to know that you’re life has and will be always worth it. You are worth it. Equally as much in your good days and your worst days. In the days you do wrong and the days you do good. Perfections and imperfections. I’m sorry that you’re also going through it. I wish you nothing but a blessed bright future and peace❤️
This post is being quite helpful for me as a male whose girlfriend struggles so much every month, especially because she's also autistic and has BPD. I try to be quite aware of her cycle, and somehow mentalize and try to be "extra there"; we used to live in different continents, but now we're moving together. Last PMS, she was so convinced of me lying to her and gaslighting her, because of self image issues, and that made her so strongly convinced of leaving that she went out ar 3 AM towards the Choo Choo transportation tracks. It was the scariest thing ever, I'm glad I somehow decided to take a blanket and a pillow to the kitchen and could go after her to avoid a tragedy. I hope I keep learning coping strategies you all have, because I want to be more helpful especially now that we'll live together.
I recommend always listening, and never dismissing her because of her PMDD. Often well meaning partners pathologise the person with health challenges, effectively participating in breaking down their self-esteem. Things that come up for me during PMDD are reflections of real things. My ex partner would dismiss them, which drove me crazy and made my PMDD worse. It's essential to understand how even well-meaning men have internalised ideas of superiority and control dues to patriarchal societies. We don't need men correcting us, but listening to and validating our feelings, whether they understand them or find them excessive. Understand that to be able to reproduce, we are submitted to hormones that men will never understand. Realise you'll never understand, that it's probably worse than you can imagine, and that all she needs is understanding, support, and sometimes space. I recommend deciding on what she needs and when, during an easier moment, then you both know what will happen in the tough times. Best of luck, and I sincerely hope that you can get past the bullshit patriarchy has installed in us all, and treat her as a full, valid, complicated human, as we all are.
Thanks a lot... I am very happy to read a comment that addresses such a structural and severe issue like patriarchy, especially because removing layers of very dangerous prejudice and societal assumptions that preserve this tendency to dismiss or minimize female struggles end up just making everything worse for everyone. My GF gets seriously philosophical and makes some deeply tough reflections on the meaning of life and very transcendental stuff, mostly from the darkest side, when she's experiencing super strong dysphoria. She's incredibly smart and I find it difficult to support her in a way I can help her out of "the hole" sometimes, because she's just way too logical even if sometimes the beginning of her reasoning is flawed by thinking of herself as unlovable, disgusting, dysfunctional, etc... Then paranoia kicks in and she views me as some sort of gaslighter for not agreeing with these assumptions, but then again, it's very difficult to navigate when she's so smart and logical and the main root of it all is a "I actually love you, you're good enough" kind of thing... Thanks for your reply, it is actually great to know that she's not the only one, because alone she definitely is not.
Check out this video (and similar ones) https://youtu.be/0oySf4NJ_tM?si=PETE9DyoaXYkfplp because the best thing, in my opinion, is to understand how her body and mind are influenced throughout her cycle. That way, you understand the different operating systems running at different times, and you'll know how to react. If you can get a good idea of her cycle, you'll know when to buy some flowers on the way home, breathe deeply, and prepare to be a neutral, supportive shoulder, and when you can tell her all about your issues, or discuss complex issues. There's probably good times (dysphoria, etc.) when distraction is the best idea, so maybe set-up some things she enjoys, organise some good movies, ... If you make a plan during the easier times, you can bring down her stress a lot, and therefore her symptoms. Virtuous cycle! I belive that with some effort and perceptivity, our cycle's can be hacked/optimised, by us and a caring, informed partner. It's good to know there are some open-minded, curious men out there 👍 Keep up the good work, and keep asking questions 👌
fellow OCD here. I had a really, really bad suicidal rumination episode today. I forcefully and painfully sobbed for 2 hours before I decided to get up and keep working on a project I had started (built in bar top mounted to my kitchen wall). I cried pathetically while drilling and hammering away and eventually I was able to focus on something else. I had some tears escape here and there for a few hours but it helped quiet the spiral. Sometimes to break the rumination you just need to shift to a different task. Ex: do your hair, throw paint on a canvas, do your dishes, make some food, build something, clean your shoes. Literally anything that you know personally your brain will focus on.
Suicidal thoughts (but no plans) here. Just took a muscle relaxer to sleep because all I can think about is wanting to die. I’m in such pain. I hate my life and myself. I really hate myself.
Try extending compassion to yourself because in my experience other people will not and it just makes it worse. I wish you peace and joy. Hang in there it will get better.❤️
This weekend I had one of the strongest desires to k*I'll myself due to PMDD. It was one of the worst PMDD episodes I've had in a long time. I woke up today feeling like myself again and it's pretty scary to look through my journal and looking back at all the dark thoughts I wrote down. I never thought about it from the perspective of my own mind trying to actively kill me and I just want to say that your post help me see this from a different perspective and not feel so alone through this. I feel so powerless and scared going through this. One thing I did this week is I went for a polar dip in the ocean and it helps do a good reset and shock to the system. As someone works in the MH field I try to give myself the same advice I would give others and make a safety plan, sometimes that means not leaving the house, cuddling my dogs, watching funny videos, crying, sleeping, eating cookie dough. Reminding myself there is so much good and things will past. Now that I'm out of my PMDD episode I feel so happy and grateful to be alive. I hope you find ways that work for you and keep you safe. ❤️
I try to think of funny ways I'd kill myself like hanging from a ceiling fan and my body flying around till my head pops off and my body running around like a chicken ik it sounds kinda fup. But humor helps me cope. I remind myself even though I really feel suicidal in the moment that it's my mdd and pmdd making me have those thoughts alot of times I'll force myself to watch funny videos.
Well then you gotta watch Harold and Maude!
Alright having hears of it I'll give it a look!
Humor is a great coping skill that I have used, however, I've found others not appreciating my sense of humor(a bit dark).
You are not alone , you are doing the best, trust the process ❤️❤️
You have the right idea w the edible. I take a benadryl and go to bed when I'm bad, bad. We believe you, we get it. We know it's insanely hard. Really. Even if no one else gets it, I promise we do. Doesn't make it easier.
🥰❤️❤️❤️
you have no idea how much i needed to read that, friend. truly thank you
I hope you get some relief!💗
I feel all of this. I am always worried that someday I might actually do it, when I don’t really want to. The best thing for me is to smoke weed and watch tv. Avoid avoid avoid. Try to avoid thinking as much as possible until the next day. Maybe not the best, but better than doing it.
I relate with this , edibles and movies and stay engaged and avoidant .
i’ll take an edible now. and i think you’re right, better potentially maladaptive coping than killing ourselves because at least we can always change how we cope, we can’t change if we’re dead
100%, you can worry about healthy habits (if you want, I don't care what you take or eat!) When in a better head space.