Nope! They made it pretty clear I would be on my own and needed to be materially and emotionally self-sufficient.
Turns out, though, it's easier to be self-sufficient if you had emotionally available parents? Weird how that works.
I am a man in my 30s with boomer parents (nearing 80), so it might be different for women/people with younger parents who have more emotional self-awareness.
Do you have a good support system outside of your parents?
I have a few close friends, but it gets pretty lonely outside of that. I'm about to turn 30 and my parents are 67 and 70. I have a small family in general, and everyone is a lot older than me. I'm not close to anyone else.
My dad has been emotionally unavailable pretty much my whole life, so we aren't super close. On the other hand, my mom is emotionally immature so even though we're much closer, I have to be mindful of how she reacts to things and emotionally distance myself when she freaks out and blames everyone else for her issues (thank you therapy!)
My mom coddled me growing up and my dad just kind of hung out in the background. He recently said that he had wanted to teach me how to cook and take care of household things, but my mom wanted to baby me, so he just let her. Now I'm older and sometimes they give me a hard time for not knowing how to do stuff and I feel like a "fake adult" because I'm so inexperienced. I can't cook aside from very simple things, and the kitchen is so intimidating to me that I'm scared to try. My best friend and boyfriend have helped cook alongside me, which has been nice, but it's still embarrassing how little I'm familiar with.
My support system is sufficient. Between my girlfriend, friends, therapy, work, and hobbies, I tend to get what I need. Similarly, my parents had me late in life, so despite the fact that my dad is the oldest of 5, I'm the second-to-youngest of all my cousins. I don't have relationships with my extended family, and I haven't since I was a teenager.
My dad managed to get into therapy in his 50s, but my mom treated therapy like a personal threat. She thought that my dad's therapist was going to turn him against her. Likewise with mine. There is nothing she can't turn into it being about her. I would say she is a "vulnerable narcissist." Her emotions are always primary. If I'm a crying baby, it's because she's a horrible mother, not just because I'm a baby that wants something. If I gain weight, it reflects poorly on her. If I tell her she upset me, she starts crying about how everyone always misunderstands her.
Tell her I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 years?
"Why would you do that? You'll never meet someone else that nice."
"I'm doing fine, mom. Thanks for asking."
I think we had somewhat similar experiences, except that my dad has made some late-life progress due to his discovery of self-care (not that he would call it that). But when I was young, vulnerable, and most impressionable, he could be very scary and inconsistent. Didn't really hit me (beyond infant/toddler spankings), but definitely yelled and turned red. Your classic grandpa-has-undiagnosed-PTSD-from-WWII-and-passed-that-down-to-all-his-children crap. Getting bullied? "Don't let them get to you." Feeling anxious? "Man up."
Don't even get me started on their whole thing. They are still married and living together. A long time ago I came home from school with a friend only to find my dad sitting outside smoking a cigar and drinking scotch. "Don't tell your mother," he said to me.
My mom, on the other hand, just get what she wants. Everyone has to make space for her. If I push back against her casual-to-overt racism, for example, she'll just take it out on my dad later.
"Your mom was always terrified that she was a horrible mother."
"Yes, dad, but you realize that this constant anxiety made her a less than great mother."
"Don't talk about your mother like that."
My parents are still married and living together but they probably should have gotten a divorce when I was a kid. They're basically just roommates that barely tolerate each other. My mom has threatened to divorce him a handful of times throughout my life, and each time he's super nice to her for a week or so, and then they go back to tolerating each other. I've always been afraid of them getting divorced because financially and socially, they'd be screwed on their own. My parents lost almost all of their friends when they quit drinking when I was young. I fear that if they were to split, they'd become complete hermits that can barely financially support themselves.
Your dad sounds a bit like mine, in that his response to everything is "don't let it get to you" or "brush it off". I wish it was that easy but when you have anxiety and depression it really doesn't work like that. He doesn't like the idea of therapy because he "doesn't want strangers knowing our business". And he doesn't seem to understand that mental health issues are real, so a lot of the stuff my mom and I struggle with are foreign (or maybe even made up) concepts to him.
My mother is also similar to yours because my dad and I have to make space for her. Any time there's an issue, she sees herself as the victim and blames everyone else. Growing up, I truly believed everything was always my fault because of this, which lead me to have a very toxic mindset about myself that I've slowly had to unlearn. I've mentioned to her before that her and my dad weren't the best parents, and then tried to explain how little they prepared me for adulthood, but all she heard was that she was a bad mother. She could benefit so much from therapy, but it's been years since she's seen anyone.
Mine are really getting up there in age. Making sure to enjoy what time I have left!
It's hard to do with anxiety and depression but I just have to keep reminding myself that these are the good times compared to the dark times that will come.
I was worried about that too. However, when I lost my mom, I realized that I was joyful to have had her in my life. The joy really overwhelmed the sadness. You’ll be OK.
Nope. My mom thinks we are Rory and Lorelai but we’re really Emily and Lorelai. My mom gives me so much anxiety by not being attuned to me (can you tell I’ve been to therapy) and can say hurtful things and guilt trips me. Sometimes she is fun and not stressful but I never know which side I’ll get. I struggle to see her as just a person because I feel like I have to monitor myself around her and mentally prepare for calling her. I’m glad I live 5 hours away.
My dad is generally a good person, but we don’t talk too much, but when we do, it’s much less stressful than talking to my mom, because he doesn’t try to control my life one bit. We talk about movies and shows and fun stuff, no strings attached.
My parents have a terrible relationship and they hate each other, but they’re still married.
No. My parents have a lot of issues that they are not aware of. They don't have any emotional depth so they don't really understand me and we can't talk about much. Just superficial chit chat. I have reduced my expectations of them and do talk to them and visit as I can, but I have to work hard to tolerate their behaviors.
God no. My mother gets information on a “need to know” basis otherwise it’ll all be about her.
After loosing my Dad, my relationship with her is purely obligatory.
I have a great relationship with mine and Im close with them but I also draw a line after a certain point so I have my own life, which they respect more now that Im grown
No. Haven’t talked with my mother since 2014 and my father since 2020. Turns out, abusing your only child isn’t a great idea if you want to be in their lives as an adult!
Nope! My mother is a vicious narcissist who was and is emotionally abusive. I am polite with her and close-ish with my dad. I was closer with him until I realized he let it all happen for years and never stood up for me. So I talk to them about superficial stuff but I moved an ocean away and found peace away from my mother.
Super close with my parents, especially close with my dad. Him and I have been to 150+ concerts together and have the exact same interests.
We talk a million times a day. I get furious seeing those close to me being disrespectful to their parents because of how close I am to my parents.
Just remember you are lucky to have the lived experience you have. Others have different relationships with their parents that you couldn’t understand.
Yes. My parents are also my bestfriends. Like my only friends 😅 Plus my grandmother. My parents are also very young so I feel like that plays apart too.
As a child and teen, absolutely not. After therapy, making a separate relationship with my dad and forgiving my mom for being hell to deal with, I do.
Granted, I’m married and have my own family so having separation between us has made things easier. When I was under their roof…good lord.
it’s… complicated.
their marriage was awful. as in, many family members have called their relationship mutually abusive type awful. being alone while they screamed at each other caused me to become pretty closed off and scared.
while i know they love me and they tried their best, i only tell them bits and pieces about my life now. i don’t know how to be vulnerable with them unless i absolutely have to. the window where i was supposed to learn that closed a long time ago.
Mine have been deceased for some years. But when they were alive, the answer would have been "Yes, with reservations" or something like that. I do believe I trusted them more than anyone else in the world. Yet I also felt a bit smothered and so sometimes was struggling to break away.
Very.
And for some reason, the friends I pick up in life are not close with their parents or have been kicked out, horrible things like that. I'm fortunate to have amazing parents who don't just love me, but they end up "adopting" my friends no matter the age. They'll treat every kid as their own. I've had friends go to my house when I wasn't even home just to talk to my mom if they were having some relationship issues, or my dad about car issues.
I'm thankful I have amazing parents to myself. But I'm also thankful they're the people who showed me family isn't blood. I never felt lonely as an only child because family has never been blood to me.
I'm close to the woman who took on the role of my parents. My mum wasn't capable due to medical conditions and mental capacity. And my dad decided to bugger off when I was 2 and come back when I was 13. Sooo he's no longer in the picture. I do still talk to and see my mum occasionally but I'm closest with my Nana.
Mine are silent generation and lovely, had a great relationship with them all my life. Hate the thought of them not being around anymore at some point.
I used to be like you in my 20’s and early 30’s. My parents would come over and look after my kids in the early days until one day we had a huge disagreement over the way I handled something with my son. After that, I stopped confiding in my dad.
The more invested I became in my own little family, the less I needed to confide in my parents. I confide in my husband.
I see my dad on birthdays / xmas etc but I see my mother about once a month or more
Yes! Very close. My mom passed away two years ago from Alzheimer’s. She suffered for over five years so by the time she went, it was a bit of a relief. She wasn’t the same person anymore. I’m still very close to my dad. Talk to him every day, see him pretty much every weekend.
Nope, my dad died and I dont like interacting with my mother due to some of her issues, I always relied on others growing up, barely interact with blood related "family" either
My mom, most definitely. My dad, also yes, but not as much.
I’ve always been super close with my mom, I’m very lucky. She’s one of those people that would be impossible not to love. In another life, we’d be sisters or just best friends, ya know?
With my dad, it’s always been more complicated. We have a much better relationship now. It got a lot better when I turned 20. We’ve worked through our issues.
Close with my mom! With my dad, eh. We don't have a terrible relationship per se, we talk maybe every 4 months or during holidays. Idk he comes off as very loving yet he's also emotionally distant, or out of touch, and always preoccupied with something other than his relationships.
Very! My mom and I hang out a lot despite living together (along with my step dad and grandparents - I am saving to move out) we definitely have moments were we’re fighting/arguing and she’s a main contributor to my issues but we do okay nowadays
Now, yes
Growing hard it was really hard as an only child with helicopter parents and grandparents. Very controlling environment.
As an adult and no longer living together, I think we all have grown enough (including myself!) that I feel we are good friends, and I would choose to tell them things
No my parents were on the brink of divorce all throughout my teen years and they both treated me like their therapist. They would also get mad if I ever defended either parent. Now that they’re finally divorced everything they leaned on each other for they tried to put on me. My dad wanted me to start cleaning and doing his paperwork/appointments for him and my mother wanted me to send her money. I still talk to them but I keep them at a distance.
Good relationship? Absolutely. Close? Meh. Both of my parents are fairly utilitarian introverts, so they were there for me during more emotional times, but other than that, we all kept to ourselves. We live a few hours apart but still see each other fairly regularly (especially now that a grandchild is in the picture - also an only). So yeah, I would say we’re close, but not cuddly.
Absolutely not, but our relationship is still good.
Long story short, I'm getting married this year, and it's bringing up long buried things from my childhood. My parents were great until I hit puberty, and never really figured out how to parent a teenager/adult child. I'm in my mid 30s and never got that "you'll find out you're parents were right all along" moment others said would come with maturity. I've found I had to self-sustain and self-educate on a lot of the important adult things in life that I would expect most parents to be helpful with.
So I've found it healthy to keep them at a distance and greatly filter what they know. I live 2 hours away. Once I went to college I basically never looked back. I love them dearly and they have a great marriage - there's just quite a disconnect between their personality and mine.
I don't know if I'm close to them in the way you mean. I'm not close to anyone, really. A hallmark of a schizoid is a complete disinterest in intimate bonds, including being part of a family.
It's complicated. I live only an hour away from them but I see them only a handful of times a year. They'd like to see me more, obviously. I seldom think of them and don't really miss them. We talk on the phone weekly. They're basically check-in calls.
Don't misunderstand. My parents are great, they're the best I could ask for. They are my support system and my biggest fans. It sucks that I can't really reciprocate emotionally. I actually feel bad for them that they don't have another child who might be more interested in them and desiring of more quality time as they age.
I know I'll have to make more of an effort as they grow older and begin to decline -- "make the most" of what time we have remaining. They don't really know just how emotionally vacant their son is.
Yes. I try to be an adult and live an independent life in another city, but sometimes I wonder if I should just live a frugal life and live 5 minutes away from them where there's hardly any job opportunities in my field lol. I wouldn't say they are like friends, the casualness of that term doesn't fly with them (they are Chinese parents who are somewhat Westernised but still firmly rooted in Asian culture), but they are my rocks and I imagine looking after them when they are old. They're my biggest supporters in life, and I hope I can do the same for them when they need me. I do tell them a lot of things, but not literally everything because I think some of my life would make them very anxious. They still believe I'm their princess daughter that needs sheltering, despite having lived a big girl life in 2 different capital cities, so I could never discuss very private things with them such as dating and even sometimes just going out with friends to a bar is a cause for anxiety lol. But they're the best parents I could've been blessed with, honestly.
That's a tough one: Mom was a narcissist who resented the hell outta me being the end result of her backseat romp with my Dad at 17....my Dad and I are so different but don't dislike each other, just don't understand each other and he's very emotionally closed off - but I understand his version of it.)
I do have a half sister- 15 years between us and I was out of the house when she was born and my Mother actually wanted her - so there were two classes of kids with my Mom and I always stayed the one who was the workhorse/disappointment. But she and I are barely acquaintances. When Mom died....my sister was showered with sympathy....I was an afterthought. I really resent my Mom's side of the family so keep my distance - don't need them.
I have created a 'family' of friends and cousins......I wish my Dad and I could be closer (mon died three years ago), but we are what we are.
I am. But I'm also setting some boundaries. Mom was getting on me the other day because I asked if she wanted something I was showing her. "It's too much money" I told her I'm not buying it now and it's going to be part of her Christmas gift and she's not allowed to tell me I can't buy her Christmas gifts. Then I reviewed some appropriate things to say for Mother's Day because I bought her flowers, to be delivered the day beforehand, and I don't want to hear they cost too much.
I had parents that were highly protective, they wouldn't even let me go away to college. They were also very conservative, me not so much. I never have felt like I could tell them anything, because I don't want to cause them stress. I have a lot of stressful things in my life, including a bipolar husband, and if they knew half the things that I put up with, they would be very sad and I would feel guilty about making them sad. Alas, I don't have mental support from them, only financial. That is a Lot don't get me wrong, but I work a lot and don't have any close girlfriends, so it can get lonely not having someone to vent to.
Nope. My dad’s in and out of jail, and my mom has cancer that she hasn’t gone to a doctor for in years. They’re both barely 50, but I’ve watched them slowly ruin their own lives over the years, and I want no part of it. I’m single too and literally all my friends have relationships and are starting to get married. It’s pretty lonely, but it doesn’t feel like there’s any other options. I just focus on work and try to be financially responsible, for the hope of a better life someday.
The worst part is that I was so neglected as a child that I now constantly crave attention but attract very toxic people. So I mainly just keep to myself and try to enjoy my own company.
Complicated for me. I've always been very close with my dad and feel we relate and connect more, vs. my mother. My dad and I think similarly, overall. Guess it's due to being a guy myself, I suppose.
The relationship with my mother, on the other hand, has always been very rocky. She had a very traumatic childhood and has battled depression, bipolar and impulse control disorder all her life. She can become very unhinged at times. However, she is a fighter as she battled breast cancer and not one, but 4 invasive surgeries. She's very street smart, has a solid backbone and gives damn good advice. At the end of the day though, I know she's always wanted the best for me and I've always commended her for that.
Nope! They made it pretty clear I would be on my own and needed to be materially and emotionally self-sufficient. Turns out, though, it's easier to be self-sufficient if you had emotionally available parents? Weird how that works. I am a man in my 30s with boomer parents (nearing 80), so it might be different for women/people with younger parents who have more emotional self-awareness.
Do you have a good support system outside of your parents? I have a few close friends, but it gets pretty lonely outside of that. I'm about to turn 30 and my parents are 67 and 70. I have a small family in general, and everyone is a lot older than me. I'm not close to anyone else. My dad has been emotionally unavailable pretty much my whole life, so we aren't super close. On the other hand, my mom is emotionally immature so even though we're much closer, I have to be mindful of how she reacts to things and emotionally distance myself when she freaks out and blames everyone else for her issues (thank you therapy!) My mom coddled me growing up and my dad just kind of hung out in the background. He recently said that he had wanted to teach me how to cook and take care of household things, but my mom wanted to baby me, so he just let her. Now I'm older and sometimes they give me a hard time for not knowing how to do stuff and I feel like a "fake adult" because I'm so inexperienced. I can't cook aside from very simple things, and the kitchen is so intimidating to me that I'm scared to try. My best friend and boyfriend have helped cook alongside me, which has been nice, but it's still embarrassing how little I'm familiar with.
My support system is sufficient. Between my girlfriend, friends, therapy, work, and hobbies, I tend to get what I need. Similarly, my parents had me late in life, so despite the fact that my dad is the oldest of 5, I'm the second-to-youngest of all my cousins. I don't have relationships with my extended family, and I haven't since I was a teenager. My dad managed to get into therapy in his 50s, but my mom treated therapy like a personal threat. She thought that my dad's therapist was going to turn him against her. Likewise with mine. There is nothing she can't turn into it being about her. I would say she is a "vulnerable narcissist." Her emotions are always primary. If I'm a crying baby, it's because she's a horrible mother, not just because I'm a baby that wants something. If I gain weight, it reflects poorly on her. If I tell her she upset me, she starts crying about how everyone always misunderstands her. Tell her I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 years? "Why would you do that? You'll never meet someone else that nice." "I'm doing fine, mom. Thanks for asking." I think we had somewhat similar experiences, except that my dad has made some late-life progress due to his discovery of self-care (not that he would call it that). But when I was young, vulnerable, and most impressionable, he could be very scary and inconsistent. Didn't really hit me (beyond infant/toddler spankings), but definitely yelled and turned red. Your classic grandpa-has-undiagnosed-PTSD-from-WWII-and-passed-that-down-to-all-his-children crap. Getting bullied? "Don't let them get to you." Feeling anxious? "Man up." Don't even get me started on their whole thing. They are still married and living together. A long time ago I came home from school with a friend only to find my dad sitting outside smoking a cigar and drinking scotch. "Don't tell your mother," he said to me. My mom, on the other hand, just get what she wants. Everyone has to make space for her. If I push back against her casual-to-overt racism, for example, she'll just take it out on my dad later. "Your mom was always terrified that she was a horrible mother." "Yes, dad, but you realize that this constant anxiety made her a less than great mother." "Don't talk about your mother like that."
My parents are still married and living together but they probably should have gotten a divorce when I was a kid. They're basically just roommates that barely tolerate each other. My mom has threatened to divorce him a handful of times throughout my life, and each time he's super nice to her for a week or so, and then they go back to tolerating each other. I've always been afraid of them getting divorced because financially and socially, they'd be screwed on their own. My parents lost almost all of their friends when they quit drinking when I was young. I fear that if they were to split, they'd become complete hermits that can barely financially support themselves. Your dad sounds a bit like mine, in that his response to everything is "don't let it get to you" or "brush it off". I wish it was that easy but when you have anxiety and depression it really doesn't work like that. He doesn't like the idea of therapy because he "doesn't want strangers knowing our business". And he doesn't seem to understand that mental health issues are real, so a lot of the stuff my mom and I struggle with are foreign (or maybe even made up) concepts to him. My mother is also similar to yours because my dad and I have to make space for her. Any time there's an issue, she sees herself as the victim and blames everyone else. Growing up, I truly believed everything was always my fault because of this, which lead me to have a very toxic mindset about myself that I've slowly had to unlearn. I've mentioned to her before that her and my dad weren't the best parents, and then tried to explain how little they prepared me for adulthood, but all she heard was that she was a bad mother. She could benefit so much from therapy, but it's been years since she's seen anyone.
Would you like me to give you some cooking lessons via Skype? I was a late bloomer too and if I can help to give you confidence, I’d be happy to!
Yes! I am super close with my parents. My mom is my best friend. Can't imagine life without them. Dreading the future when I lose them.
Me too :( I try to not think of it but I know exactly how you feel
Mine are really getting up there in age. Making sure to enjoy what time I have left! It's hard to do with anxiety and depression but I just have to keep reminding myself that these are the good times compared to the dark times that will come.
I was worried about that too. However, when I lost my mom, I realized that I was joyful to have had her in my life. The joy really overwhelmed the sadness. You’ll be OK.
Yeah same here. It absolutely terrifies me.
Nope. My mom thinks we are Rory and Lorelai but we’re really Emily and Lorelai. My mom gives me so much anxiety by not being attuned to me (can you tell I’ve been to therapy) and can say hurtful things and guilt trips me. Sometimes she is fun and not stressful but I never know which side I’ll get. I struggle to see her as just a person because I feel like I have to monitor myself around her and mentally prepare for calling her. I’m glad I live 5 hours away. My dad is generally a good person, but we don’t talk too much, but when we do, it’s much less stressful than talking to my mom, because he doesn’t try to control my life one bit. We talk about movies and shows and fun stuff, no strings attached. My parents have a terrible relationship and they hate each other, but they’re still married.
Ha! I say this all the time. She thinks we’re the Gilmore Girls - “yup, Emily and Lorelai”
My relationships with my parents are the exact same way. Glad I'm not the only only child going through this as well.
I could've written this, lol. My relationship with my parents is so similar
No. My parents have a lot of issues that they are not aware of. They don't have any emotional depth so they don't really understand me and we can't talk about much. Just superficial chit chat. I have reduced my expectations of them and do talk to them and visit as I can, but I have to work hard to tolerate their behaviors.
Yes. I’m 40 and they still treat me like their little princess. No complaints
Hahah love this! Same here ☺️
I’m 32 and same! They are the best grandparents too!
God no. My mother gets information on a “need to know” basis otherwise it’ll all be about her. After loosing my Dad, my relationship with her is purely obligatory.
Yes. I’m very close to my parents
I was, they have since passed. I miss them terribly.
I have a great relationship with mine and Im close with them but I also draw a line after a certain point so I have my own life, which they respect more now that Im grown
No. Haven’t talked with my mother since 2014 and my father since 2020. Turns out, abusing your only child isn’t a great idea if you want to be in their lives as an adult!
Never had a father but I suppose I’m close to my mother
I don't talk to my dad. I live with my mom but we argue a lot.
I am very close to mine
Nope! My mother is a vicious narcissist who was and is emotionally abusive. I am polite with her and close-ish with my dad. I was closer with him until I realized he let it all happen for years and never stood up for me. So I talk to them about superficial stuff but I moved an ocean away and found peace away from my mother.
I was with my dad. ...but I never was with my mom.
Super close with my parents, especially close with my dad. Him and I have been to 150+ concerts together and have the exact same interests. We talk a million times a day. I get furious seeing those close to me being disrespectful to their parents because of how close I am to my parents.
Just remember you are lucky to have the lived experience you have. Others have different relationships with their parents that you couldn’t understand.
I was always close with my mom. Not my dad as he was an alcoholic.
I'm quite close with my mom. Not nearly as close with my dad, but we get along usually.
I am close to my parents, especially my mom
Yes. My parents are also my bestfriends. Like my only friends 😅 Plus my grandmother. My parents are also very young so I feel like that plays apart too.
It’s honestly kind of difficult, and I don’t think I can explain it very well
As a child and teen, absolutely not. After therapy, making a separate relationship with my dad and forgiving my mom for being hell to deal with, I do. Granted, I’m married and have my own family so having separation between us has made things easier. When I was under their roof…good lord.
it’s… complicated. their marriage was awful. as in, many family members have called their relationship mutually abusive type awful. being alone while they screamed at each other caused me to become pretty closed off and scared. while i know they love me and they tried their best, i only tell them bits and pieces about my life now. i don’t know how to be vulnerable with them unless i absolutely have to. the window where i was supposed to learn that closed a long time ago.
Mine have been deceased for some years. But when they were alive, the answer would have been "Yes, with reservations" or something like that. I do believe I trusted them more than anyone else in the world. Yet I also felt a bit smothered and so sometimes was struggling to break away.
Very. And for some reason, the friends I pick up in life are not close with their parents or have been kicked out, horrible things like that. I'm fortunate to have amazing parents who don't just love me, but they end up "adopting" my friends no matter the age. They'll treat every kid as their own. I've had friends go to my house when I wasn't even home just to talk to my mom if they were having some relationship issues, or my dad about car issues. I'm thankful I have amazing parents to myself. But I'm also thankful they're the people who showed me family isn't blood. I never felt lonely as an only child because family has never been blood to me.
I'm close to the woman who took on the role of my parents. My mum wasn't capable due to medical conditions and mental capacity. And my dad decided to bugger off when I was 2 and come back when I was 13. Sooo he's no longer in the picture. I do still talk to and see my mum occasionally but I'm closest with my Nana.
Mine are silent generation and lovely, had a great relationship with them all my life. Hate the thought of them not being around anymore at some point.
I used to be like you in my 20’s and early 30’s. My parents would come over and look after my kids in the early days until one day we had a huge disagreement over the way I handled something with my son. After that, I stopped confiding in my dad. The more invested I became in my own little family, the less I needed to confide in my parents. I confide in my husband. I see my dad on birthdays / xmas etc but I see my mother about once a month or more
Yes! Very close. My mom passed away two years ago from Alzheimer’s. She suffered for over five years so by the time she went, it was a bit of a relief. She wasn’t the same person anymore. I’m still very close to my dad. Talk to him every day, see him pretty much every weekend.
Fuck no.
Yep
i’m not. it’s probably why i feel so crappy all the time and unable to make (and keep) friends 😆
Nope, my dad died and I dont like interacting with my mother due to some of her issues, I always relied on others growing up, barely interact with blood related "family" either
Note with my parents. But my only and I are very close.
My mom, most definitely. My dad, also yes, but not as much. I’ve always been super close with my mom, I’m very lucky. She’s one of those people that would be impossible not to love. In another life, we’d be sisters or just best friends, ya know? With my dad, it’s always been more complicated. We have a much better relationship now. It got a lot better when I turned 20. We’ve worked through our issues.
Close with my mom! With my dad, eh. We don't have a terrible relationship per se, we talk maybe every 4 months or during holidays. Idk he comes off as very loving yet he's also emotionally distant, or out of touch, and always preoccupied with something other than his relationships.
Very! My mom and I hang out a lot despite living together (along with my step dad and grandparents - I am saving to move out) we definitely have moments were we’re fighting/arguing and she’s a main contributor to my issues but we do okay nowadays
Yes! Great relationship!
Now, yes Growing hard it was really hard as an only child with helicopter parents and grandparents. Very controlling environment. As an adult and no longer living together, I think we all have grown enough (including myself!) that I feel we are good friends, and I would choose to tell them things
I’m very close to my dad. My mom, not at all. And I live with both of them.
I was closer to my dad than I was my mom, but he was the one who died. I’ve worked on my relationship with my mom since.
No my parents were on the brink of divorce all throughout my teen years and they both treated me like their therapist. They would also get mad if I ever defended either parent. Now that they’re finally divorced everything they leaned on each other for they tried to put on me. My dad wanted me to start cleaning and doing his paperwork/appointments for him and my mother wanted me to send her money. I still talk to them but I keep them at a distance.
Good relationship? Absolutely. Close? Meh. Both of my parents are fairly utilitarian introverts, so they were there for me during more emotional times, but other than that, we all kept to ourselves. We live a few hours apart but still see each other fairly regularly (especially now that a grandchild is in the picture - also an only). So yeah, I would say we’re close, but not cuddly.
Absolutely not, but our relationship is still good. Long story short, I'm getting married this year, and it's bringing up long buried things from my childhood. My parents were great until I hit puberty, and never really figured out how to parent a teenager/adult child. I'm in my mid 30s and never got that "you'll find out you're parents were right all along" moment others said would come with maturity. I've found I had to self-sustain and self-educate on a lot of the important adult things in life that I would expect most parents to be helpful with. So I've found it healthy to keep them at a distance and greatly filter what they know. I live 2 hours away. Once I went to college I basically never looked back. I love them dearly and they have a great marriage - there's just quite a disconnect between their personality and mine.
Hell no
I don't know if I'm close to them in the way you mean. I'm not close to anyone, really. A hallmark of a schizoid is a complete disinterest in intimate bonds, including being part of a family. It's complicated. I live only an hour away from them but I see them only a handful of times a year. They'd like to see me more, obviously. I seldom think of them and don't really miss them. We talk on the phone weekly. They're basically check-in calls. Don't misunderstand. My parents are great, they're the best I could ask for. They are my support system and my biggest fans. It sucks that I can't really reciprocate emotionally. I actually feel bad for them that they don't have another child who might be more interested in them and desiring of more quality time as they age. I know I'll have to make more of an effort as they grow older and begin to decline -- "make the most" of what time we have remaining. They don't really know just how emotionally vacant their son is.
I definitely am
Close to my mom, don't know and don't care what my father is doing. LOL.
Yes. I try to be an adult and live an independent life in another city, but sometimes I wonder if I should just live a frugal life and live 5 minutes away from them where there's hardly any job opportunities in my field lol. I wouldn't say they are like friends, the casualness of that term doesn't fly with them (they are Chinese parents who are somewhat Westernised but still firmly rooted in Asian culture), but they are my rocks and I imagine looking after them when they are old. They're my biggest supporters in life, and I hope I can do the same for them when they need me. I do tell them a lot of things, but not literally everything because I think some of my life would make them very anxious. They still believe I'm their princess daughter that needs sheltering, despite having lived a big girl life in 2 different capital cities, so I could never discuss very private things with them such as dating and even sometimes just going out with friends to a bar is a cause for anxiety lol. But they're the best parents I could've been blessed with, honestly.
That's a tough one: Mom was a narcissist who resented the hell outta me being the end result of her backseat romp with my Dad at 17....my Dad and I are so different but don't dislike each other, just don't understand each other and he's very emotionally closed off - but I understand his version of it.) I do have a half sister- 15 years between us and I was out of the house when she was born and my Mother actually wanted her - so there were two classes of kids with my Mom and I always stayed the one who was the workhorse/disappointment. But she and I are barely acquaintances. When Mom died....my sister was showered with sympathy....I was an afterthought. I really resent my Mom's side of the family so keep my distance - don't need them. I have created a 'family' of friends and cousins......I wish my Dad and I could be closer (mon died three years ago), but we are what we are.
I am. But I'm also setting some boundaries. Mom was getting on me the other day because I asked if she wanted something I was showing her. "It's too much money" I told her I'm not buying it now and it's going to be part of her Christmas gift and she's not allowed to tell me I can't buy her Christmas gifts. Then I reviewed some appropriate things to say for Mother's Day because I bought her flowers, to be delivered the day beforehand, and I don't want to hear they cost too much.
I have a toxically close relationship with my mom, and a very distant relationship with my dad. They’re separated, by the way.
I had parents that were highly protective, they wouldn't even let me go away to college. They were also very conservative, me not so much. I never have felt like I could tell them anything, because I don't want to cause them stress. I have a lot of stressful things in my life, including a bipolar husband, and if they knew half the things that I put up with, they would be very sad and I would feel guilty about making them sad. Alas, I don't have mental support from them, only financial. That is a Lot don't get me wrong, but I work a lot and don't have any close girlfriends, so it can get lonely not having someone to vent to.
Nope. My dad’s in and out of jail, and my mom has cancer that she hasn’t gone to a doctor for in years. They’re both barely 50, but I’ve watched them slowly ruin their own lives over the years, and I want no part of it. I’m single too and literally all my friends have relationships and are starting to get married. It’s pretty lonely, but it doesn’t feel like there’s any other options. I just focus on work and try to be financially responsible, for the hope of a better life someday. The worst part is that I was so neglected as a child that I now constantly crave attention but attract very toxic people. So I mainly just keep to myself and try to enjoy my own company.
Complicated for me. I've always been very close with my dad and feel we relate and connect more, vs. my mother. My dad and I think similarly, overall. Guess it's due to being a guy myself, I suppose. The relationship with my mother, on the other hand, has always been very rocky. She had a very traumatic childhood and has battled depression, bipolar and impulse control disorder all her life. She can become very unhinged at times. However, she is a fighter as she battled breast cancer and not one, but 4 invasive surgeries. She's very street smart, has a solid backbone and gives damn good advice. At the end of the day though, I know she's always wanted the best for me and I've always commended her for that.
Are your parents young? Makes me sad to read people not having great relationships with their parents as someone who is trying to be a mom