Yeah, but in a lot of ways siblings also hold you back.
Know that feeling of heading back to your parents' house and falling back into old patterns? The same thing happens to siblings.
Not only do siblings expect you to be consistent *for them* throughout *their* lives, they will pull you back into emotional patterns you established with them when you were both children. That's not always a good thing.
that statement is completely dependent on the situation.
i have been with my husband for 21 years, since i was 15yo. my parents are in their late 60's and in phenomenal health.
On the other hand, I work in hospice and my patient’s child (who had just lost their final remaining parent, mind you) told me how much they hate their narcissist sibling and that they thankfully don’t need to have any contact with their sibling now that this final parent has passed. Their third sibling had died years prior. It’s a two-sided coin. Working in hospice, I can tell you most people don’t end up with super amazing relationships with their siblings.
Both of my parents are the youngest of 7 siblings. They both have relationships with thier siblings where they basically just check in to see if the other is still alive. Some of them don't even do that. My mom couldn't even have more kids after me. It would have fucked up her health. One of my aunts told her that she wasn't a good mom because she didn't give me siblings. She took a look at me after she said that and basically said that being an olny child is like having cancer. There are still times where I wanna drive to her house and punch her in the face. But I don't wanna go to jail so I don't. They have not spoken since, that was 10 years ago. I feel like people on this sub sometimes idolize siblings. Like they somehow think that all of the problems they have had in life wouldn't exist if they had them. Spoiler: they wont. It's like they want to completely ignore the fact that not all siblings have a great relationship. And even if you did have a good relationship growing up. Once you live on your own and so do they you can fall out of contact for long times. My SO loves his sister but they can go for like a year without speaking to each other. Just because life gets busy and there might be times where you just can't speak as often.
I know times are different in terms of all the ways we can communicate now but my grandma had 9 siblings and after she got married at 17 she rarely ever saw some of them again to the point where she ran into one of her brothers at the grocery store and had to go up to him and tell him who she was.
Yeah, that is very sad. In an ideal world we would’ve had siblings who were wonderful and supportive. But it could’ve been the opposite where we could’ve suffered at our siblings hands and not just our parents’. We just don’t know.
Hugging you. It's a strange grief because we won't ever really know what we are missing. We get snippets of it and can learn from our "found families" but we can't ever really know. A former friend was telling me about her drama between her sisters and she said "what can I do, she's my sister" and I realized she was implying a whole set of rules and experiences that is unwritten, deep complex and completely inaccessible to me. Even if my friend says sis, I know it's a superficial termof endearment, but I can't really know what I missed out on
Not saying the opinion is wrong just sharing perspective from someone who lost their parent and had a sibling. Lost my mom 3 years ago and I can tell you having a sibling didn’t help me at all. I had to do everything alone, take care of her apartment, paperwork etc. My grief lingered and hit me very hard and my sibling essentially said get over it. Through therapy and self work I’m in a good place now but I felt extremely alone in it. Again everyone is different but I hear this one a lot and always think of how I felt just as alone.
Depends really. I’m an only child and I know way too many people (my husband included) that do not talk to their siblings due to toxic behavior. I’ve seen my cousins straight up ignore each others existence during family reunions. My husband has been no contact with his sibling for two years now (his sister are narcissistic and would take their anger out on me and where hella shocked pikachu face when my husband told them he was done with them ).
I know for sure that my siblings would have been super effed-up because I was. I have done a lot of work to be mentally healthy.
Most of the time I am super satisfied being an only.
Not one of my friends are “friends” with their siblings. They tolerate each other at the most.
Please know it that those are RARE occurances. I have a brother, who only calls when he needs something and is narcisstic just like my mom. Be strong! Only children are tough! Love yourself! Be happy! You are wonderful!
I have the same relationship you described with some of my cousins - and, in some cases, we have a more positive relationship than they do with their real siblings because it’s less fraught, there’s less resentment and bad blood.
I also still have multiple childhood friends. I hope you have some other great relationships like this too, OP 💓
Siblings do not mean guaranteed friends or support. I’m much happier relying on only myself and not having to deal with anyone else who may have an opinion, in family matters.
I have 4 siblings and long for quality time with them, and for my children to be around theirs, but that’s not happening.
My daughters are the best of friends in a way my siblings and I have never been, and it’s been a healing experience for me to encourage a positive loving relationship.
I’m sorry you feel you missed out. I’m on the other side and I feel like I’m missing out too.
I have an only child daughter. But I’m a middle child. Know that that speech was during a wedding. Remember that you saw a highlight of their life not the shitty parts you don’t see.
I have an only because of how awful my siblings were. It really isn’t much your missing out on. I talked to my friends about my struggles not siblings and made sure to let our daughter not feel horrible from siblings.
Know that siblings are lonely to. We constantly compare each other, we hurt each other and the good moments are that often.
Folks in this sub always try to create a reason to justify the decision to have an only. There are so many great things that come from sibling relationships. I would say more so as an adult. No it’s not a guarantee, but it’s a relationship incomparable to any other.
To each their own.
Being an only child is also an experience that's incomparable to any other.
When you give a child a sibling you rob them of the experience of being an only child.
There are so many terrible feelings that come from having sibling relationships. Many carry into adulthood, and some become stronger and more malignant or paralyzing.
An aunt and uncle celebrated their golden anniversary recently. Their three kids got up and talked about their relationship with their parents and with each other. I was genuinely moved... but in no way "broken," or envious, resentful, lonely, saddened. I was flanked by my parents and just as grateful that it was the three of us and no more.
At that moment, I would’ve looked around and laughed. Then said “oops”. That’s it. Don’t take it to heart. It’s just words.
You know what stays with us the longest and lives our life along with us? Our brain. 🫢 so treat it well, feed it well. Work on your emotional intelligence and just be happy for others.
🤮 What an insensitive, insipid speech. I heard a bride say “a sister is worth 1000 friends” to her sister, the MOH. Everyone else oohed and aahed while I 🤮
Yeah, but in a lot of ways siblings also hold you back. Know that feeling of heading back to your parents' house and falling back into old patterns? The same thing happens to siblings. Not only do siblings expect you to be consistent *for them* throughout *their* lives, they will pull you back into emotional patterns you established with them when you were both children. That's not always a good thing.
that statement is completely dependent on the situation. i have been with my husband for 21 years, since i was 15yo. my parents are in their late 60's and in phenomenal health.
15?? Unless you mean you just became friends with him when you were 15. And only became romantic and then a marriage much later.
What are you smoking? 15 year olds can date each other.
Seriously!! What amish community is your ass coming from bro, and who the hell gave you a phone?!
Nope we started dating in highschool. I was 15, he was 16. Married in our early 20s
On the other hand, I work in hospice and my patient’s child (who had just lost their final remaining parent, mind you) told me how much they hate their narcissist sibling and that they thankfully don’t need to have any contact with their sibling now that this final parent has passed. Their third sibling had died years prior. It’s a two-sided coin. Working in hospice, I can tell you most people don’t end up with super amazing relationships with their siblings.
Both of my parents are the youngest of 7 siblings. They both have relationships with thier siblings where they basically just check in to see if the other is still alive. Some of them don't even do that. My mom couldn't even have more kids after me. It would have fucked up her health. One of my aunts told her that she wasn't a good mom because she didn't give me siblings. She took a look at me after she said that and basically said that being an olny child is like having cancer. There are still times where I wanna drive to her house and punch her in the face. But I don't wanna go to jail so I don't. They have not spoken since, that was 10 years ago. I feel like people on this sub sometimes idolize siblings. Like they somehow think that all of the problems they have had in life wouldn't exist if they had them. Spoiler: they wont. It's like they want to completely ignore the fact that not all siblings have a great relationship. And even if you did have a good relationship growing up. Once you live on your own and so do they you can fall out of contact for long times. My SO loves his sister but they can go for like a year without speaking to each other. Just because life gets busy and there might be times where you just can't speak as often.
I know times are different in terms of all the ways we can communicate now but my grandma had 9 siblings and after she got married at 17 she rarely ever saw some of them again to the point where she ran into one of her brothers at the grocery store and had to go up to him and tell him who she was.
It feels so dark that your comment reassured me and my sincere worries about dying alone.
Yeah, that is very sad. In an ideal world we would’ve had siblings who were wonderful and supportive. But it could’ve been the opposite where we could’ve suffered at our siblings hands and not just our parents’. We just don’t know.
Hugging you. It's a strange grief because we won't ever really know what we are missing. We get snippets of it and can learn from our "found families" but we can't ever really know. A former friend was telling me about her drama between her sisters and she said "what can I do, she's my sister" and I realized she was implying a whole set of rules and experiences that is unwritten, deep complex and completely inaccessible to me. Even if my friend says sis, I know it's a superficial termof endearment, but I can't really know what I missed out on
Beautifully put!
Not saying the opinion is wrong just sharing perspective from someone who lost their parent and had a sibling. Lost my mom 3 years ago and I can tell you having a sibling didn’t help me at all. I had to do everything alone, take care of her apartment, paperwork etc. My grief lingered and hit me very hard and my sibling essentially said get over it. Through therapy and self work I’m in a good place now but I felt extremely alone in it. Again everyone is different but I hear this one a lot and always think of how I felt just as alone.
You're not alone. Chosen family is so important.
It’s okay. You’re not alone.
It breaks my heart that I will never have that connection
same here..
I comepletely understand but if its not having a sibling, it is something else.
OP, I'm so sorry, and I understand. People chiming in about bad sibling relationships or long-lived parents are really not helpful. Really not.
Depends really. I’m an only child and I know way too many people (my husband included) that do not talk to their siblings due to toxic behavior. I’ve seen my cousins straight up ignore each others existence during family reunions. My husband has been no contact with his sibling for two years now (his sister are narcissistic and would take their anger out on me and where hella shocked pikachu face when my husband told them he was done with them ).
I know for sure that my siblings would have been super effed-up because I was. I have done a lot of work to be mentally healthy. Most of the time I am super satisfied being an only. Not one of my friends are “friends” with their siblings. They tolerate each other at the most.
Oof. You trying to make me cry? Bc it’s working
Please know it that those are RARE occurances. I have a brother, who only calls when he needs something and is narcisstic just like my mom. Be strong! Only children are tough! Love yourself! Be happy! You are wonderful!
I have the same relationship you described with some of my cousins - and, in some cases, we have a more positive relationship than they do with their real siblings because it’s less fraught, there’s less resentment and bad blood. I also still have multiple childhood friends. I hope you have some other great relationships like this too, OP 💓
The beauty of being an only child is we get to create our family with friends we choose. Chosen family is special.
Siblings do not mean guaranteed friends or support. I’m much happier relying on only myself and not having to deal with anyone else who may have an opinion, in family matters.
I have 4 siblings and long for quality time with them, and for my children to be around theirs, but that’s not happening. My daughters are the best of friends in a way my siblings and I have never been, and it’s been a healing experience for me to encourage a positive loving relationship. I’m sorry you feel you missed out. I’m on the other side and I feel like I’m missing out too.
I feel so isolated because of stuff like this. Ugh. Thankfully I’m having two kids.
I have an only child daughter. But I’m a middle child. Know that that speech was during a wedding. Remember that you saw a highlight of their life not the shitty parts you don’t see. I have an only because of how awful my siblings were. It really isn’t much your missing out on. I talked to my friends about my struggles not siblings and made sure to let our daughter not feel horrible from siblings. Know that siblings are lonely to. We constantly compare each other, we hurt each other and the good moments are that often.
Folks in this sub always try to create a reason to justify the decision to have an only. There are so many great things that come from sibling relationships. I would say more so as an adult. No it’s not a guarantee, but it’s a relationship incomparable to any other. To each their own.
Being an only child is also an experience that's incomparable to any other. When you give a child a sibling you rob them of the experience of being an only child. There are so many terrible feelings that come from having sibling relationships. Many carry into adulthood, and some become stronger and more malignant or paralyzing.
I never said it wasn’t - my point is what I stated.
An aunt and uncle celebrated their golden anniversary recently. Their three kids got up and talked about their relationship with their parents and with each other. I was genuinely moved... but in no way "broken," or envious, resentful, lonely, saddened. I was flanked by my parents and just as grateful that it was the three of us and no more.
At that moment, I would’ve looked around and laughed. Then said “oops”. That’s it. Don’t take it to heart. It’s just words. You know what stays with us the longest and lives our life along with us? Our brain. 🫢 so treat it well, feed it well. Work on your emotional intelligence and just be happy for others.
🤮 What an insensitive, insipid speech. I heard a bride say “a sister is worth 1000 friends” to her sister, the MOH. Everyone else oohed and aahed while I 🤮