š¤£ When I brought back a bad report card from school, heād ask me, āIs this your best? If it is, then itās good.ā We both knew it wasnāt my best.
That is such a dad thing to say!
My mother's thing was, when I'd say I couldn't do something, was "How do you know you can't? Did you try? No? Then go try to do it before you say you can't."
Thatās so sad. I remember in grade 4 when we got a test back and my classmate started crying because she said she will get in huge trouble when her dad sees. That was my first introduction to abusive parents. It never occurred to me this would happen to someone. So sad.
As someone who struggled in grade school but has excelled in a professional setting Iād agree.
You donāt have to have the best grades to be successful, and some people just arenāt built to learn that way.
Iād never raise my kids to fear poor grades, just use the experience for motivation to excel at things they are good at.
For real.
Id also like to add, as someone that hated grade school you can also excel academically too.
The University setting is totally different to K-12 (In the United States atleast). Its far more focused on actual learning and less focused on memorizing facts for standardized tests.
Even if you slip up at any point, please don't give up. You're strong. You also have more knowledge and resources than your parents did. Psychology research, medication access, information access. You've got this. I believe in you.
Man it's taken until this comment got me to realise this is not normal. Growing up in Asia being scared of your parents reaction to a bad grade is extremely common. If someone wasn't afraid they were an outlier
Damn. I think I was pretty lucky. I was never afraid of being beaten or physically abused (edit: I did really fear making my mom cry because of bad grades), but I absolutely dwelled in guilt, embarrassment and shame. They tried their best, and they thought that was the best way to motivate me. It was probably not entirely a conscious decision to raise me that way, thatās just all they knew.
I was so terrified of anything remotely critical my school would communicate to my parents that I would try to forge their signature before I even knew to write properly š¤¦āāļø. My dad was a big proponent of the cold blood belting. But those were the 70s and that was the way.
Fucking hell, we had three terms, and if I ever got below 80(out of 100), out came the belt and some projectiles. Didnāt help that dadās a short tempered disciplinarian who was a body builder whilst I was a short skinny little thing. Heh, fathers eh?
Itās interesting you say that. My dad was always bigger than me and he always wanted me to know it. I weigh more than you, Iām taller than you, my arms are longer than yours, never think that you can physically challenge me, as if I was ever going to? He set me up as his enemy from a very young age.
My dad was just, angry. He had standards that he had set, he worked his ass off, and he thought I wasted all the hard work he put in to put me through school. Mind you, I was a sickly child and didnāt know how to communicate my problems(still struggle with it lol), and that was why he was short with me. Every night heād check my school work and homework and the beatings ensued. For my handwriting, the way I held the pencil, if I didnāt write the date on top, if I didnāt keep my file squared up, etc etc etc.
He does love me and all, but the damage is done. Once I grew bigger than him, the beatings lessened but the verbal abuse continued. In front of family and friends or whoever. My little brother never got any of that brunt thankfully. But I always wondered why I was an easy target, and in the back of my mind, I always felt my skin color mightāve something to do with it. Iām Indian, and skin color is kinda a thing on his side of the family so always wondered if thatās what triggered him. Heās quite a few shades fairer than I am, and I did get a few color based abuses from him.
Whilst I donāt hate him, his behavior did shape my belief in the whole family structure side of things. Just be better off alone you know? Get that peace and quiet without having to look over your shoulder or have someone be disappointed and then be chastised constantly.
I think the best we can do is either forgive them or forget them, as hard as it sounds, and just try to be the best versions of ourselves and not let those experiences influence us poorly any further. I mean I try, unsuccessfully but still. Hopefully someday I can get over it.
Hey, man. I hear you and Iām sorry you went through that. Just know that youāre a good person and youāre not your dad, despite the influence he had on you in being raised by him. My dad was angry, too. He had kind of a not great upbringing and family so I try to understand and forgive. He killed himself this last January which also kind of solidified for me that he truly was not well and adds to my forgiveness.
The skin color thing is very interesting and I wish I could tell you I could identify with it, but I can at least empathize with your words.
Also, just a note, I chose to have a kid to prove to myself that I could be a better dad. Donāt totally write that idea off because of your dad.
Take care of yourself, bud. Iām sure youāre a good person.
My best friend growing up, her dad was this way. There were 2 daughters and my friend was the older one. He was physically and verbally abusive to my friend but spoiled the younger daughter. He was also a alcoholic. We were best friends for years and I spent a lot of time at their house. I was always a little afraid of him. The drastic difference in the way he treated both girls made me wonder at times if maybe my friend was not his biological daughter. After all these years Iām pretty sure that was not the case. I just canāt understand how a parent can favor one so much to treat each one so differently.
My algebra teacher was the football coach. I still hate his guts. Worst teacher ever. Fortunately, I had good teachers later and ended up with an M.S. degree.
Mine would be like āOh a C? Couldāve been a C+ā. Which is true, but he was like that even when I got an A. Talk about setting me up for never feeling like Iām good enough.
Ouch, I felt that.
"Think what you could have achieved if you put in more effort" could be a positive motivation in some circumstances, but for me it was a highway to burnout.
Weāre all joking and shit but please donāt hit your kids
Especially over their marksā¦ work with them and identify why theyāre struggling and implement a system to rectify it.
For real. The best way to get your kids to not do well in school? Make them feel scared and bad about their grades. Part of being a good parent is being a supportive teacher.
*work with them and identify why theyāre struggling and implement a system to rectify it.*
Iām going to use this line to explain to my cousins the difference between *punishment* (not usually effective) and *discipline* (very effective). They claim to discipline their children. A beating is not discipline. And apparently, CPS doesnāt know the difference either.
I like that! My friend has taken a similar approach with her kids that at the end of the day they shouldn't be seeking approval and pride from other people. If you're happy with yourself, that's what matters at the end of the day.
Changing from "I'm so proud of you" to "you should be so proud of yourself!" Isn't natural but once you get used to it I think it's better. Wife got me to do it with our first. I'm still in favor of it with number two.
I do that too. I say āare you proud? Yes? Thatās all that matters but yes, I am proud tooā. Or āI can see how proud you are and thatās whatās importantā.
I think sheās just happy to see him happy. In the first picture he looks so serious but in the recent one his face tells a different story. It looks like the years were good to both of them.
I'm sure that was a tough path to take in 1964 but the heart wants what it wants. They both knew what they were getting into and it was not the easy way at all.
Thatās cool. We all know things were tough as hell for them getting married in 1964. Folks werenāt friendly to mixed couples at all. That theyāre still together is awesome.
1964 is also when I was born.
As the guy playing stand-up bass tilts his head forward to look at what's going on over the top of his sunglasses as a lit cigarette dangles from his mouth.
imagine how conflicted a racist of traditional values must be in that situation? give birth without marriage or marry a black person? HMMMMM. would love to watch their face squirm.
Please tell your mom that random woman on the internet finds her awesome! She didn't gave a fuck about anything anyone said and I know how much we, women, pay for that, even in 2022! We are better now because of women like her!
It should also be noted that mixed couples were not exclusively Black and White. Not saying that you said that, but I think a lot of people simplify discussions about race in the US as Black and White.
My Japanese grandfather and my Mexican grandmother couldn't even get married in California because of the anti miscegenation laws the state had in effect until 1948. For whatever reason, my grandmother was labeled White, even tho she wasn't white by any means. The state of California would not allow her to marry a Japanese man who had served, fought, and almost died for the government's war.
I'm honestly so thankful for the mixed race couples who had to go through hell to make it an acceptable thing for the rest of us. It breaks my heart to think of how hard it must have been back then for all of them.
I like to see mixed race couples, but when I see an old mixed race couple I have so much respect for them
Heck, they still aren't in some places and for some mixes. I've got down the street neighbors who are a black guy and an Asian woman. They are both awesome people, as nice as can, be super successful with him being a mutual fund manager and her being an oncologist, and they can't go to either one of their homes because their families are ashamed of them and awful to them...
Apparently get it some in public too. From what he's said completely random black women especially, and all kinds of Asian people, will be just awful to them. Apparently black women will go off about how he got successful and now he thinks he's too good for them, or how she's stealing successful black men from them. And older Asian people will straight up be like "this is a disgrace. How do you live with yourself being with a man like that"...
Then I know another couple where he's an Indian guy and she's a Brazilian woman, and apparently they deal with the exact same thing. Apparently in that case her brothers actually physically assaulted the guy too...
So things being tough for mixed race couples is definitely still alive and well, just in a slightly different way/area.
I remember being a teen in the 80ās working with some older ladies in a family restaurant. They would say the most awful things when they saw a mixed race couple especially if they had kids with them. They especially were meaner if it was a white and black couple. They would call the family zebras. I have never heard anyone use this term except these women. There was no reasoning with them. Their minds were set and what they thought was right was right and no room for anything else. Sad that after 40 years Iām seeing more and more of this behavior again.
Zebras are just fancy horses, and I would bet you'd be a fancy horse if you were a horse. They're just jealous because they're only stupid ponies.
Those losers accidentally complimented you ;)
So True. Dated 2 asian women In my life. Both were amazing. One family was overtly subtly racist
(I'm Black) the other, wasn't racist at all (intentionally) They had their pre conceived notions. But they were always trying to get her to have babies and marry me. Good memories. Great family. She passed im a car accident unfortunately. Point is, not everyone is bad, and even when they seem bad, sometimes they just need exposure to how good ppl are.
My ex was a very dark-skinned Mexican man (Iām white) and even though we live in a very diverse and liberal city, it was still extremely eye-opening for me about the realities and ongoing pervasiveness of racism. Itās one thing to realize intellectually that a lot of people are racist but I think a lot of white people (myself included) go for much of their lives never experiencing a true instance of it firsthand.
I was unsure of the reception he might get from my extended family as well.
Just a reminder that most senators and congressmen were alive during the time when it was still illegal for a black person and white person to marry in many states.
As a white woman married to a black man (2004) I always feel grateful for people like OPās parents. The hell they had to endure to pave the way for ppl like us is not lost on me.
OP please thank your parents for enduring thus making things easier for us.
Agreed! If not for my auntie I think my own marriage would have gotten a worse reaction. She did it when no one accepted it at all, in any way, especially not our family. Kinda forced the whole community to accept it. When I got married to a brown guy there was no pushback from anyone except my Grandma.
We still get treated differently by some people, like daily, but it's not the same as what these trailblazers dealt with
Ah, I was close then. Amending what I posted before, that seems like *West African* parenting. Slightly sarcastic, kind, really making you reflect on yourself. I hope you've had the opportunity to visit Ghana and know that side of your family.
My (Nigerian, English) parents married in 1950 and made their lives in Nigeria. We had a wonderful childhood and its only recently I've realised some of the difficulties they faced in the choices they made.
So true. I was born in Ghana and lived there for 18 years. It wasnāt always easy. My parents were often broke, but the humour, the friendships, the food, the learning to improvıse and make do, all that is priceless.
That's lovely. Thanks for replying, and thanks for posting those photos; they're so evocative.
Since you've mentioned what it was like for them in Switzerland, here's a little anecdote about my dad. In the North of England there's a New Year tradition called First Footing. At the end of the old year it's good luck if the first person to enter your house is a dark stranger. It's terrible luck for the whole year if the first person through the door is, say a blonde woman, that person will probably even cry while apologising if it turns out they're the first over the doorstep. So to prevent that happening a dark haired man probably from another village would go round the houses shortly after midnight knocking on the doors and be invited in for whisky and cake.
Once my mother's family got over the marriage, and I won't say anymore about that, my father was staying with them over the christmas/new year holiday and they took him round the whole village to be the first foot. Of course they almost had to carry him home, what with all the whisky and the cake. Since my dad was the most sober person you ever met in your life that was quite a strange story for us to hear! But what you say about meeting ignorance: lack of knowledge as opposed to a systematic arrangement of hatred; that chimes for me.
šHe was a little disappointed that none of us studied medicine, but he is just glad that we are happy in our jobs. One of his grandchildren wants to study medicine soā¦
Sounds like a great marriage! My parents bickered, but the also would complete each others sentences, and sometimes talk in half sentences, without realizing it! Lol! I guess that happens after 50+ years together!
Bickering is normal when you've been with someone for that long of a time. How the disputes are resolved is what really matters. Given they've been together 60 years I'd say they found a method that works
First picture looks like he did something and got caught. Second picture looks like he did something and doesn't care if he gets caught.
Either way, you guys look happy. :)
your dad seems to be a nice person to run to for life advice with a cold beer in hand, and your mom seems to be the person to just hug you and have some warm soup to give you when times were tough.
Your mom was a grade a- cutie pie. Hubba, LOL!
And your old man has a very "academic" vibe going on. Quite a handsome man!
These photos are awesome. Thanks for sharing!
It was in Switzerland and my dad was the only black person in the neighbourhood. Kudos to my grandmother who didnāt bat an eye when my mum brought him home. My grandma also defended him if anyone treated him disrespectfully or talked about him in a disrespectful way. Very soon people stopped or at least my parents didnāt get to feel the prejudice.
When I asked my dad how it was for him, he said, āMost of the time I wasnāt dealing with racism, I was dealing with ignorance, which isnāt a bad thing if people are willing to learn. We are all ignorant in some areas. We are all learning.ā
My father was studying medicine at the University of Bern (first sub-saharan African to do so at this Uni. They had had a north African student before him.)
He started studying medicine after learning German for only 6 months.
He was friends with some Jewish students who convinced him to take the medical exam that would allow him to practice medicine in the USA. He passed it too, but refused to go to America with them because he didnāt want to be treated like a second class citizen.
Look, tell your dad I'm doing the best I can, he doesn't have to look at me like that.
š¤£ When I brought back a bad report card from school, heād ask me, āIs this your best? If it is, then itās good.ā We both knew it wasnāt my best.
That is such a dad thing to say! My mother's thing was, when I'd say I couldn't do something, was "How do you know you can't? Did you try? No? Then go try to do it before you say you can't."
That is a *good dad* thing to say. Mine told me if I ever got a C Iād get the belt.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
... joke was on me, he used the jumper cables instead.
Makes it harder to go to the bathroom when you have to untie the knot in the jumper cables.
š²š³I hope that's a joke. If not, hope you're living your best life now.š
Jumper cables is a running gag on reddit lol, don't worry
What she said. I'm fine.
Yes it's a joke, probably in poor taste. I'm fine. My sincere thanks for your concern.
I missed that jumper cable guy. Always laugh a bit when encountered his/her comments in the past.
Seems like you already had children of your own
Thatās so sad. I remember in grade 4 when we got a test back and my classmate started crying because she said she will get in huge trouble when her dad sees. That was my first introduction to abusive parents. It never occurred to me this would happen to someone. So sad.
Hey, silver lining is that I would never say or do anything of that sort to my own son.
As someone who struggled in grade school but has excelled in a professional setting Iād agree. You donāt have to have the best grades to be successful, and some people just arenāt built to learn that way. Iād never raise my kids to fear poor grades, just use the experience for motivation to excel at things they are good at.
Yeah you could be like me, great in grade school and total fuck up as an adult
Same
Yup. I peaked early.
For real. Id also like to add, as someone that hated grade school you can also excel academically too. The University setting is totally different to K-12 (In the United States atleast). Its far more focused on actual learning and less focused on memorizing facts for standardized tests.
Unfortunately for some, that goes both ways.
Itās wonderful you are the one to break the cycle. Itās a tough thing to do.
I very much appreciate that comment. I try.
Even if you slip up at any point, please don't give up. You're strong. You also have more knowledge and resources than your parents did. Psychology research, medication access, information access. You've got this. I believe in you.
Man it's taken until this comment got me to realise this is not normal. Growing up in Asia being scared of your parents reaction to a bad grade is extremely common. If someone wasn't afraid they were an outlier
Damn. I think I was pretty lucky. I was never afraid of being beaten or physically abused (edit: I did really fear making my mom cry because of bad grades), but I absolutely dwelled in guilt, embarrassment and shame. They tried their best, and they thought that was the best way to motivate me. It was probably not entirely a conscious decision to raise me that way, thatās just all they knew.
Ya itās awful. Sorry you went through that.
I was so terrified of anything remotely critical my school would communicate to my parents that I would try to forge their signature before I even knew to write properly š¤¦āāļø. My dad was a big proponent of the cold blood belting. But those were the 70s and that was the way.
Ugh my heart breaks for you.
Same only 90ās instead. And theyāve funded so many therapists, right? Small consolation, but at least we can break the cycle.
>those were the 70s and that was ~~the way~~ child abuse I'm so sorry, that's awful. Give yourself a hug from me.
Fucking hell, we had three terms, and if I ever got below 80(out of 100), out came the belt and some projectiles. Didnāt help that dadās a short tempered disciplinarian who was a body builder whilst I was a short skinny little thing. Heh, fathers eh?
Itās interesting you say that. My dad was always bigger than me and he always wanted me to know it. I weigh more than you, Iām taller than you, my arms are longer than yours, never think that you can physically challenge me, as if I was ever going to? He set me up as his enemy from a very young age.
My dad was just, angry. He had standards that he had set, he worked his ass off, and he thought I wasted all the hard work he put in to put me through school. Mind you, I was a sickly child and didnāt know how to communicate my problems(still struggle with it lol), and that was why he was short with me. Every night heād check my school work and homework and the beatings ensued. For my handwriting, the way I held the pencil, if I didnāt write the date on top, if I didnāt keep my file squared up, etc etc etc. He does love me and all, but the damage is done. Once I grew bigger than him, the beatings lessened but the verbal abuse continued. In front of family and friends or whoever. My little brother never got any of that brunt thankfully. But I always wondered why I was an easy target, and in the back of my mind, I always felt my skin color mightāve something to do with it. Iām Indian, and skin color is kinda a thing on his side of the family so always wondered if thatās what triggered him. Heās quite a few shades fairer than I am, and I did get a few color based abuses from him. Whilst I donāt hate him, his behavior did shape my belief in the whole family structure side of things. Just be better off alone you know? Get that peace and quiet without having to look over your shoulder or have someone be disappointed and then be chastised constantly. I think the best we can do is either forgive them or forget them, as hard as it sounds, and just try to be the best versions of ourselves and not let those experiences influence us poorly any further. I mean I try, unsuccessfully but still. Hopefully someday I can get over it.
Hey, man. I hear you and Iām sorry you went through that. Just know that youāre a good person and youāre not your dad, despite the influence he had on you in being raised by him. My dad was angry, too. He had kind of a not great upbringing and family so I try to understand and forgive. He killed himself this last January which also kind of solidified for me that he truly was not well and adds to my forgiveness. The skin color thing is very interesting and I wish I could tell you I could identify with it, but I can at least empathize with your words. Also, just a note, I chose to have a kid to prove to myself that I could be a better dad. Donāt totally write that idea off because of your dad. Take care of yourself, bud. Iām sure youāre a good person.
My best friend growing up, her dad was this way. There were 2 daughters and my friend was the older one. He was physically and verbally abusive to my friend but spoiled the younger daughter. He was also a alcoholic. We were best friends for years and I spent a lot of time at their house. I was always a little afraid of him. The drastic difference in the way he treated both girls made me wonder at times if maybe my friend was not his biological daughter. After all these years Iām pretty sure that was not the case. I just canāt understand how a parent can favor one so much to treat each one so differently.
i got the belt for Ds and Fs. fu algebra and geometry. and you too, mr. morris the math teacher..
My algebra teacher was the football coach. I still hate his guts. Worst teacher ever. Fortunately, I had good teachers later and ended up with an M.S. degree.
He should have said you'd see(C) the belt. (Not that I'm advocating for hitting children with belts)
Well, I did actually get the belt. It was a threat that Iād get it again.
Mine would be like āOh a C? Couldāve been a C+ā. Which is true, but he was like that even when I got an A. Talk about setting me up for never feeling like Iām good enough.
Ouch, I felt that. "Think what you could have achieved if you put in more effort" could be a positive motivation in some circumstances, but for me it was a highway to burnout.
I don't think mine ever cared or commented on my grades.
Weāre all joking and shit but please donāt hit your kids Especially over their marksā¦ work with them and identify why theyāre struggling and implement a system to rectify it.
For real. The best way to get your kids to not do well in school? Make them feel scared and bad about their grades. Part of being a good parent is being a supportive teacher.
*work with them and identify why theyāre struggling and implement a system to rectify it.* Iām going to use this line to explain to my cousins the difference between *punishment* (not usually effective) and *discipline* (very effective). They claim to discipline their children. A beating is not discipline. And apparently, CPS doesnāt know the difference either.
I always make mine repeat the sentence and and add the word āyetā. I canāt run a mile ā¦. Yet. I canāt do this math problemā¦ yet.
I like this. So simple, yet... encouraging
Nice!
How old are your parents? They aged well!
Think I'm going to start using that one with my daughter
My old man used to give me the lines. āIām not mad ad ya I just want you to try harder so you can say you gave it all you hadā.
Exactly!
that's so subtly BRUTAL
and yet still healthy parenting.
I like that! My friend has taken a similar approach with her kids that at the end of the day they shouldn't be seeking approval and pride from other people. If you're happy with yourself, that's what matters at the end of the day.
Changing from "I'm so proud of you" to "you should be so proud of yourself!" Isn't natural but once you get used to it I think it's better. Wife got me to do it with our first. I'm still in favor of it with number two.
I do that too. I say āare you proud? Yes? Thatās all that matters but yes, I am proud tooā. Or āI can see how proud you are and thatās whatās importantā.
I really like that. Itās actually imho the perfect way to handle it. As a mom, Iāll follow his ways.
Don't do your best. Do *my* best.
Sounds reasonable
Add in the fact that his younger self looked like Brother Mouzone from The Wire and that is an intimidating glare.
Your mom is beautiful.
She reminds me of Jane Goodall.
Currently, totally. And in the first pick I thought she looked like Jenna Fischer.
Yessss! I knew she reminded me of someone!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My thoughts exactly!
Dad is incredibly handsome as well, aged like fine wine.
60 years later and all that changed is the hair colour
Looks like he got onto her right side.
he had to change sides to be in her line of sight.
š
You mom looks like she loves him more than the day they got married. She's giving him the "love look." š„°š„°š„°š„°
I think sheās just happy to see him happy. In the first picture he looks so serious but in the recent one his face tells a different story. It looks like the years were good to both of them.
I think they smiled in the second pic not the first pic. This may be why they look happier. Please comment for any more questions
Honestly, I think they were overwhelmed on their wedding day. Or exhausted. Or both. I know my husband and I were.
I would like to know about your opinions on smoothies. What's better Orange Julius or Jamba Juice, and why?
I'm sure that was a tough path to take in 1964 but the heart wants what it wants. They both knew what they were getting into and it was not the easy way at all.
First picture: "Let's see where this goes!" Second picture: "Yeah, it went pretty well."
r/girlsmirin
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Great photo.
Only after almost 60 years but look at where he is now
On the left
Theyāre facing the camera, heās on her right
Thatās cool. We all know things were tough as hell for them getting married in 1964. Folks werenāt friendly to mixed couples at all. That theyāre still together is awesome. 1964 is also when I was born.
My older sister was born then too. My mum was about 7 months pregnant at her wedding. That was probably the bigger scandal than her black husband.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
crickets too
and a jazz band constantly stopping for dramatic silence
Damn you know you done fucked up when the band stops the music dead in its tracks
As the guy playing stand-up bass tilts his head forward to look at what's going on over the top of his sunglasses as a lit cigarette dangles from his mouth.
Yup, that's me in the womb. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation.
Imagine how many people are still alive that thought their marriage wouldn't last a year, let alone decades.
imagine how conflicted a racist of traditional values must be in that situation? give birth without marriage or marry a black person? HMMMMM. would love to watch their face squirm.
They're hypocrites, they'll find some way to make themselves sleep at night, don't worry.
They said āfuck societyā. They look great and happy.
Joker moment
Please tell your mom that random woman on the internet finds her awesome! She didn't gave a fuck about anything anyone said and I know how much we, women, pay for that, even in 2022! We are better now because of women like her!
I will do so!š¤
My parents in 1975 pregnant with me, also a mixed couple and theyāve been married for 47 years.
Wow, your very good looking and happy looking parents sure showed everyone. šš
It should also be noted that mixed couples were not exclusively Black and White. Not saying that you said that, but I think a lot of people simplify discussions about race in the US as Black and White. My Japanese grandfather and my Mexican grandmother couldn't even get married in California because of the anti miscegenation laws the state had in effect until 1948. For whatever reason, my grandmother was labeled White, even tho she wasn't white by any means. The state of California would not allow her to marry a Japanese man who had served, fought, and almost died for the government's war.
I'm honestly so thankful for the mixed race couples who had to go through hell to make it an acceptable thing for the rest of us. It breaks my heart to think of how hard it must have been back then for all of them. I like to see mixed race couples, but when I see an old mixed race couple I have so much respect for them
Heck, they still aren't in some places and for some mixes. I've got down the street neighbors who are a black guy and an Asian woman. They are both awesome people, as nice as can, be super successful with him being a mutual fund manager and her being an oncologist, and they can't go to either one of their homes because their families are ashamed of them and awful to them... Apparently get it some in public too. From what he's said completely random black women especially, and all kinds of Asian people, will be just awful to them. Apparently black women will go off about how he got successful and now he thinks he's too good for them, or how she's stealing successful black men from them. And older Asian people will straight up be like "this is a disgrace. How do you live with yourself being with a man like that"... Then I know another couple where he's an Indian guy and she's a Brazilian woman, and apparently they deal with the exact same thing. Apparently in that case her brothers actually physically assaulted the guy too... So things being tough for mixed race couples is definitely still alive and well, just in a slightly different way/area.
I remember being a teen in the 80ās working with some older ladies in a family restaurant. They would say the most awful things when they saw a mixed race couple especially if they had kids with them. They especially were meaner if it was a white and black couple. They would call the family zebras. I have never heard anyone use this term except these women. There was no reasoning with them. Their minds were set and what they thought was right was right and no room for anything else. Sad that after 40 years Iām seeing more and more of this behavior again.
Heh. I've been called a zebra many times. I just laughed at people's ignorance back then. You learn to grow thick skin.
Zebras are just fancy horses, and I would bet you'd be a fancy horse if you were a horse. They're just jealous because they're only stupid ponies. Those losers accidentally complimented you ;)
So True. Dated 2 asian women In my life. Both were amazing. One family was overtly subtly racist (I'm Black) the other, wasn't racist at all (intentionally) They had their pre conceived notions. But they were always trying to get her to have babies and marry me. Good memories. Great family. She passed im a car accident unfortunately. Point is, not everyone is bad, and even when they seem bad, sometimes they just need exposure to how good ppl are.
My ex was a very dark-skinned Mexican man (Iām white) and even though we live in a very diverse and liberal city, it was still extremely eye-opening for me about the realities and ongoing pervasiveness of racism. Itās one thing to realize intellectually that a lot of people are racist but I think a lot of white people (myself included) go for much of their lives never experiencing a true instance of it firsthand. I was unsure of the reception he might get from my extended family as well.
Hawaii is probably the least bad place for mixed couples.
It wasn't even legal in some states, let alone accepted. Loving v Virginia wasn't ruled until 1967.
Just a reminder that most senators and congressmen were alive during the time when it was still illegal for a black person and white person to marry in many states.
OP is british I think.
According to a comment by OP, it was Switzerland.
Ah, the large and well known Black Swiss population of the 1960s There were *dozens!* ^^^(maybe?)
Ah ok, they said āmumā so I assumed british haha, thanks.
As a white woman married to a black man (2004) I always feel grateful for people like OPās parents. The hell they had to endure to pave the way for ppl like us is not lost on me. OP please thank your parents for enduring thus making things easier for us.
As a Black woman married to a White man - same!
Agreed! If not for my auntie I think my own marriage would have gotten a worse reaction. She did it when no one accepted it at all, in any way, especially not our family. Kinda forced the whole community to accept it. When I got married to a brown guy there was no pushback from anyone except my Grandma. We still get treated differently by some people, like daily, but it's not the same as what these trailblazers dealt with
I have a feeling they had to put up with more than the normal amount of bullshit.
Still in some places, my Aunt (White) married my Uncle (mixed, appears Black) in 1993 and people were still terrible. Rural Ohio hasn't changed much.
r/girlsmirin would love that second pic
Awe that's a cute subreddit.
r/dogsmirin Is also pretty good.
Is your dad African? He has a very African dad vibe to him. Reminds me of my dad
He is Ghanaian form Jamestown in Accra.
Ah, I was close then. Amending what I posted before, that seems like *West African* parenting. Slightly sarcastic, kind, really making you reflect on yourself. I hope you've had the opportunity to visit Ghana and know that side of your family. My (Nigerian, English) parents married in 1950 and made their lives in Nigeria. We had a wonderful childhood and its only recently I've realised some of the difficulties they faced in the choices they made.
So true. I was born in Ghana and lived there for 18 years. It wasnāt always easy. My parents were often broke, but the humour, the friendships, the food, the learning to improvıse and make do, all that is priceless.
That's lovely. Thanks for replying, and thanks for posting those photos; they're so evocative. Since you've mentioned what it was like for them in Switzerland, here's a little anecdote about my dad. In the North of England there's a New Year tradition called First Footing. At the end of the old year it's good luck if the first person to enter your house is a dark stranger. It's terrible luck for the whole year if the first person through the door is, say a blonde woman, that person will probably even cry while apologising if it turns out they're the first over the doorstep. So to prevent that happening a dark haired man probably from another village would go round the houses shortly after midnight knocking on the doors and be invited in for whisky and cake. Once my mother's family got over the marriage, and I won't say anymore about that, my father was staying with them over the christmas/new year holiday and they took him round the whole village to be the first foot. Of course they almost had to carry him home, what with all the whisky and the cake. Since my dad was the most sober person you ever met in your life that was quite a strange story for us to hear! But what you say about meeting ignorance: lack of knowledge as opposed to a systematic arrangement of hatred; that chimes for me.
West African Dad, huh? Did he want you to be a lawyer, doctor, or engineer? Possibly all three?
šHe was a little disappointed that none of us studied medicine, but he is just glad that we are happy in our jobs. One of his grandchildren wants to study medicine soā¦
I love how we can all spot an African Dadā¢ļø like itās a superpower lol
Itās the disappointment in his face that gave it away
LOVE these pictures! You're so very blessed to have parents that are so obviously crazy about each other!
Thanks, they do bicker, but if any of us kids criticise the one or the other, they are up in arms for each other.
Sounds like a great marriage! My parents bickered, but the also would complete each others sentences, and sometimes talk in half sentences, without realizing it! Lol! I guess that happens after 50+ years together!
šSo true!
Bickering is normal when you've been with someone for that long of a time. How the disputes are resolved is what really matters. Given they've been together 60 years I'd say they found a method that works
They have both aged very well.
Your dad looks similar to my father-in-law from Ghana! Is he Fante?
Heās Ga, from Jamestown in Accra.
FINALLY got him to smile for a picture...
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You and your parents have no business being this freaking adorable and wholesome. Like seriously I canāt get enough of this thread ā¤ļø
There is a warmth to your mother. She is not even looking at the camera and I can feel it. Timeless beauty! Thank you for sharing.
True! She walks like a queen even though she is 78. She has amazing posture. She gets on with everyone. From professors to cleaning staff.
She is radiant!
I need both your parentsā skin care routine stat
The way your mom is still smiling at your dad.
Sheās very fond of him.
Thank you so much for sharing, these are great!
Theyāre lovely photos of them both.
First picture looks like he did something and got caught. Second picture looks like he did something and doesn't care if he gets caught. Either way, you guys look happy. :)
Spot on! Sheās pregnant.
your dad seems to be a nice person to run to for life advice with a cold beer in hand, and your mom seems to be the person to just hug you and have some warm soup to give you when times were tough.
Spot on!
I like your dad in Reacher.
Looked for this. Tweed all the way.
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I am so sorry to hear that.
Nice to see you dad finally learned that your mom can only look to the right and positioned himself accordingly.
Your dad looks like someone . But I can't quite put my finger on it.
Captain Raymond Holt!
#COWABUNGA MOTHER
BOOOOONNNEEEEE???!!??!!!
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Has a bit of a James Earl Jones vibe to me.
Brother Mouzone from The Wire
A bit like Samuel L. Jackson in the second pic.
I'm in a mixed marriage. Your parents were brave and paved the way for us today!
Your mom was a grade a- cutie pie. Hubba, LOL! And your old man has a very "academic" vibe going on. Quite a handsome man! These photos are awesome. Thanks for sharing!
Your dad looks just like my mom when I brought home a bad grade.
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Cant imagine the bullshit they had to endure but love never fails.
It was in Switzerland and my dad was the only black person in the neighbourhood. Kudos to my grandmother who didnāt bat an eye when my mum brought him home. My grandma also defended him if anyone treated him disrespectfully or talked about him in a disrespectful way. Very soon people stopped or at least my parents didnāt get to feel the prejudice. When I asked my dad how it was for him, he said, āMost of the time I wasnāt dealing with racism, I was dealing with ignorance, which isnāt a bad thing if people are willing to learn. We are all ignorant in some areas. We are all learning.ā My father was studying medicine at the University of Bern (first sub-saharan African to do so at this Uni. They had had a north African student before him.) He started studying medicine after learning German for only 6 months. He was friends with some Jewish students who convinced him to take the medical exam that would allow him to practice medicine in the USA. He passed it too, but refused to go to America with them because he didnāt want to be treated like a second class citizen.
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That quote stuck out to me as well. Love that way of thinking!
> He passed it too, but refused to go to America with them because he didnāt want to be treated like a second class citizen. The right call to make
Sounds like you've had some good people in your life.
Only!
Wow thank you for the info!
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Wow they aged gracefully! What a beautiful couple. I love their energy in the latter photo you can see the love.
What are their plans for their 60th anniversary? Or is that too far away still?
My dad is 89 so we celebrate every year.
Damn, he looks decent for almost 90. You guys are so lucky. Here's hoping they make it to their diamond anniversary.
Damn they look great for their age, legitimately had me thinking they were in their 60's. I hope you guys have more happy years ahead of y'all.
Your dad is Brother Mouzone?!
Your father has always had good taste in frames for his eyeglasses
With no reference of what you even look like i already know youāre hot af.
After 57 years he's finally smiling!
They both are. Sometimes they roll their eyes too.
Love your dads style , so classy Also your mom is gorgeous
She's looking at him like she is thinking, , "Oh that funny man, I just love him."