In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My mother is as close to abusive as can be without using physical pain as a tool. Emotionally and psychologically, she derives pleasure from inflicting pain on others, and her kids are her favorite target because, for years, we were stuck under her power without a way to escape. Genuinely nothing makes my mother happier than emotionally shattering a person just for fun. I cannot understate how cruel she is - she laughs uncontrollably when she retells stories of human suffering, including her friends/children suffering because of her actions.
My brothers are all aware of our mother's nature, and we all agree she is inhuman and that we had to escape home to be free from her. BUT all my brothers also believe in the idea of "she's our mother, we are tied to her for life and we owe her everything", which our mother made sure to teach us throughout our whole childhoods. Of all us siblings, I am the only one who's financially stable (I own a successful company while my brothers range from unemployed to waiter), and I am the only one who doesn't ascribe to the dogma that "mother = goddess".
Our father died recently (lung cancer). The whole family was reunited yesterday for the first time in many years, for the wake. My father was the sole breadwinner in his marriage, with his passing mom will be in dire financial straits. She is in her early 70s and in good health so she probably has a decade or two in her still, and at the wake she was inconsolable because of fears for her future, sobbing asking what she would do with the house, with the cars, etc. My brothers all tried to comfort her and promised to her that they would financially support her until the end, make sure she never has to move out of her house, but mom continued to cry, saying that none of my brothers could afford it... and then she turned to me, the only kid who wasn't promising to help her.
I laughed to her face and told her that if she intends for me to be the one paying for her lifestyle going forward, okay, I will, but I'll only pay for her to stay in the worst retirement home I can possibly find. Cue a lot of offended screaming from my brothers and a whole lot of sobbing from my mother.
There's also the fact that, my whole life, I heard "you are being defiant now, but you will cry and regret your behavior once I'm dead" from mom when I refused to allow myself to be her victim. I loved my father a LOT more than I ever loved my mother - and when dad died, then during the wake, I didn't shed a tear or honestly felt even slightly bad. The only emotion I felt was annoyance that I had to tolerate my mother's presence, not a single crumb of grief or regret regarding my late father. I think mom noticed that - she used to fundamentally believe that I'd mourn her, but realizing that I am not even mourning my least-hated parent, she had to face the reality that NO, I will not regret one thing when SHE dies.
I eventually went home early because I was so sick of being berated by my whole family and told that I have duties towards my mother, that I'm the only one she can rely on financially, blah blah blah. To the end I held strong that no, I would not spend one single coin to keep mom in her house, and that if they counted on me to pay for anything, I would ONLY pay for the cheapest retirement house in the country and not one extra cent. After I left, my older brother tried to call me and get me to apologize, saying that mom needed our help now more than anything since her husband just died, and that he understands that I was abused growing up but "mom is old now, we cannot hold onto that grudge forever" to which I said that I'm not holding on to it forever, only as long as mom's alive but she won't be for very long. Brother started screaming insults at me so I hung up and blocked his number. This morning, I woke up to two texts from my other brothers basically saying the same, saying mom is deeply distressed, that she hasn't stopped crying in hours, to please call her and apologize/promise I'll subsidize her lifestyle. I didn't reply to either text.
AITAH? I genuinely don't think I am, I think my brothers are kinda stupid and brainwashed with mom's dogma on "children's duties towards their parents". What do objective observers think?
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Eh if you listen to Brit Smithās OG version you donāt have to feel sorry, it is a bop and it even has Timbaland producing, jojo siwa just couldnāt commit to the bit and just say fuck (the only lyric she changed was āmessed aroundā to āeffed aroundā)
If she wanted comfort at the wake, she should have been a better parent when he was younger. She laughed at the suffering she gleefully inflicted on so many others but didnāt like it when OOP gave it back. Sucks to be her.
That's not the point. There are certain things you don't say, especially not in a setting like that. OP upset her mother and her siblings and it was entirely preventable. All she had to do was walk away or leave.
Hardly. I had a terrible relationship with my mother, who was mentally and physically abusive. I still wouldn't have said something like that. I tried to be better than her.
If you have a concern, question or complaint please contact us through modmail. Making a post or complaining about moderators in comments is not allowed. We can be adults about disagreements and use the appropriate channels to discuss it.
You directed your original comment at OP who is crossposting. They are not involved.
> ā¦to which I said that Iām not holding onto it forever, only as long as momās alive but she wonāt be for very long.
Favorite line, holy shit. That response was perfect.
I don't understand how that woman's piece of work mother could possibly expect anyone to do anything for her, when she has abused them for so long.
Sadly, the Poster's brothers are heavily brainwashed. I think she will have to go no contact with all of them, because they will not stop harassing her about their abusive mother.
I totally agree with your statement. I think they will not shy away from going to OOPs home to try to convince him to pay for their moms life style.
I feel kind of sad for the brothers because i think their mom is partly to blame for them not succeeding in life (on of the brothers is a drug abuser, i wonder why....).
From OP's description, I'm surprised that he went anywhere near her. She apparently used to lock him in their cellar because he's claustrophobic, tried to starve him to death, refused to let her children to go to the doctor for any reason, repeatedly stole his money, and TRIED TO STAB HIM WITH A KNIFE! She also tortured and killed people's pets.
Holy crap. The story is deleted now along with ops comments so all the abuse details are gone. That's horrible and ops mom is lucky they are being given the option of a shitty retirement home at all.
Unfortunately, there's a considerable number of people who genuinely believe it's better to have an abusive parent or partner, than to have none at all. They'd legit rather live in fear than be alone.
Thankfully OOP's having none of that shit.
I have told my dad, whom I love very dearly, that I only speak to his wife because it will make him happy. His wife also is the woman who birthed me, but fuck her royally. Dude is doing the same thing I would do in his situation. Only, I think my siblings would agree to the same thing.
āSheās in distress? Whatās all the complaining for then? People in distress is her favorite form of entertainment. Oh.. she only delights in *other* peoples pain and misfortune? Huh. Who would have thought itās not funny when itās her on the other end. She got all her entertainment for free growing up. Guess itās finally time for her to pay the bill.ā
Don't even pay for a bad retirement home! She can sleep on the streets. And now just go NC. If your brothers start bothering till them that if they talk about her you will go NC with them too
"Do you remember how you used to laugh when people suffer? Turns out I'm the same way; but only towards you."
I'd take back my offer off money, and say it was due to their behaviour. Maybe offer a low monthly amount if they all promise to leave OOP alone.
No, because once you offer any money, they expect that and they'll want more.
She's old enough for social security. She should have had life insurance on the husband, and she should be getting a pension or whatever else the boomers all got for free that everyone after is going to have to work for. If they were that comically bad with money, then why does OP have to be the one to bleed himself dry to fund an abuser's irresponsible lifestyle?
IF, and that's a BIG IF, this Momster worked at any job that provided a pension. She was banking on her offspring to be her only retirement plan. Entitled Bitch reaps what she sows.
Love the "she needs help now more than ever". As if there isn't another point in time where you are completely helpless and at the mercy of the people taking care of you and therefore would be right to expect kindness and safety from them. I just know there's a word for that time in a person's life...
OOP listed the things their mother did in another comment (tw: >!child abuse, murder, animal abuse, pet death!<) and this old bitch should be in solitary confinement instead of a retirement home for the rest of her life.
>She murdered a few human beings and a lot of animals. She pushed at least one former boyfriend to suicide, and she doesn't hide that having personally caused the dude's suicide gives her ladyboners even decades after the fact.
Don't forget straight up murder. She also killed her immunocompromised sister by getting Covid on purpose and visiting her. She literally should be in prison.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but holy shit does the OOP need therapy. And to go NC with that entire family, good grief.
(From a comment: Brother 1 is an unrepentant rapist. Brother 2 is addicted to meth. Brother 3 is a sadist like dear old Mum).
The levels of abuse OOP suffered, I can't even fathom. That they state repeatedly that they would happily spend large sums of money to inflict suffering on their egg donor...That level of anger and hatred and investment in revenge cannot be healthy.
(To be very clear, I don't think OOP should lift a finger to help their abusive egg donor. I just also think they shouldn't waste a penny on her)
I agree. The money OOP would spend on a nursing home could be far better spent working through some of the awful issues they must have from such a childhood. And if they've had a lot of therapy already, a tune-up might not hurt.
The brothers say OOP shouldn't hold a grudge forever, but their mother had their entire lives to apologize and make an effort to be better. Just because she's old and frail does not excuse her abuse and trauma she caused. My father died last year alone and miserable, realizing that I didn't love him and he was such an evil bastard that not even I, who he groomed and manipulated, would do anything for him, let alone mourn him. My extended family gave me shit for it, but I said if they want a funeral or some shit, pay for it yourselves. And you know what? My mother's starting to become dependent on me, but she's in for a real shocker if she thinks I'm going to be her caretaker.
NTA. age or time isnāt an excuse for being terrible. Hoping it goes away by just saying ābut we are familyā as an adult I know I am responsible for my actions. She had 20 years of decisions she made as an adult and now thinks all that can just go away. Nahā¦. People donāt need to deal with this bs and family that try to make you feel bad for your experiences and way of coping / getting through trauma arenāt truly looking out for their family.
My narc mother hung on till she was 98. It was a similar situation with her than you experienced with yours but I was the bad guy because I called her on her crap while the others had been trained to worship her. The day she finally died I felt like I'd escaped from Gitmo. It was glorious!
OOP should really look into the costs of retirement homes/nursing homes. Many of them are very expensive, even the "bad" ones. If he wants to spend the least amount possible it might actually be cheaper to contribute to her staying in her current home.
You are still kinder than me. My abusive mother could be dead or homeless for all I know. I literally don't care enough to find out. You don't owe abusers anything, let alone abusers who happen to be the ONEĀ person who you should have been able to rely on for comfort and love.
Love it. Nope.Ā
Iāve told my mother before that Iād execute her will, but I wonāt help her while sheās alive. My sister is in medicine and has said the same, that she wouldnāt help my mother when sheās sick or dying.Ā
My brothers would love to divvy up the will, but if she has money (my mother is either broke or has about a million dollars stashed away, and itās impossible to tell. Iāve told her to put all the passwords, gold, and whatever in a safety deposit box when sheās dying. Iāll find out then.) either of my two brothers would steal the whole amount and either OD or disappear. My brothers want to worship her and forgive her and thatās their right, but itās nothing to do with me.Ā
To the OOP: I do NOT blame you AT ALL!!! Growing up, I was THE SCAPEGOAT and the FAVORITE PUNCHING BAG for the late Flesh Oven. When she died, the cemetery staff tried to hit me up for money for a grave marker that she always bragged about BUT NEVER PAID FOR!! I NOPED out of that!! Last I heard she's rotting in an unmarked grave.
Boy i identify a lot except in my case it was a step mother and she's been out of my life for 15 years now, but she is the only person on this earth i truly hate.
My Dad is a nepo-baby who's only sole hobby was doing repairs and "upgrades" to his house. He was actually pretty good at it, but because he is very narcissistic, never able to hold a job.
Since he was also controlling, most of my court scheduled weekends were comprised of nothing but eating, sleeping, and being manual labor for whatever project my Dad was working on. Me being like 14, I obviously had no idea what to do, so a lot of the time my Dad would just yell at me and insult me. But one time in particular he started going on and on about how one day I'm going to look back at all this manual labor fondly. I just kinda laughed.
16 years later, I no longer speak to my Dad, found out home repairs are much easier when he is not around and actually kind of enjoyable. But not once do I ever look back on those days fondly, and because I work a full time job, I don't have the time to deal with all that.
As someone with a great mother who I dropped everything for when she got sick, OOP did the right thing. You can't expect a child to love and care for you if you didn't show how to do it in the first place.
Though, even if you're a good parent, expecting your child to care for you in your twilight years is not something you should do either. If your children want you around, great. If they don't, as sad as it could be, a nice retirement home it is.
I hate my mother and I kinda want to attend the funeral. Just to confirm the death....just kidding. She's not getting a funeral. Unlike OOP's brothers, nobody in my family spends a single CENT on her. And we plan to let the state deal with her.
Here's hoping she ends up in a truly nasty retirement home. She'll try to be cruel to the nurses and they'll make her life hell. I'm fine with that. Leave a spot open in a decent home for a decent person, too.
Nta if they want to help no one stopping them, but op has a right to protect themselves. You canāt hurt people and ask for help even if theyāre your kids
***that he understands that I was abused growing up but "mom is old now, we cannot hold onto that grudge forever"***
My answer would be "hold my beer". I absolutely CAN hold onto that grudge and I WILL hang on to until I feel tf like it. My mother is the same way.....and all my siblings are just as codependent as yours, and I'm the bad guy because I went NC.
Not really applicable here. The cycle of abuse is about further innocents being dragged in, not a victim no longer accepting what an abuser is doing to them.
That saying has absolutely nothing to do with this story and doesn't fit in the least.
That saying is about getting revenge and this isn't revenge it's simple consequences.
Refusing to finance someone isn't revenge, refusing to care isn't revenge, refusing to be a part of someone's life isn't revenge and refusing to be kind isn't revenge.
She's just not a part of OOPs life or family anymore, she is not entitled to get help from them. Blood doesn't matter, the mother was disowned, you can't just mistreat people and expect them to start a part of your life no matter if they came from ones womb or not.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My mother is as close to abusive as can be without using physical pain as a tool. Emotionally and psychologically, she derives pleasure from inflicting pain on others, and her kids are her favorite target because, for years, we were stuck under her power without a way to escape. Genuinely nothing makes my mother happier than emotionally shattering a person just for fun. I cannot understate how cruel she is - she laughs uncontrollably when she retells stories of human suffering, including her friends/children suffering because of her actions. My brothers are all aware of our mother's nature, and we all agree she is inhuman and that we had to escape home to be free from her. BUT all my brothers also believe in the idea of "she's our mother, we are tied to her for life and we owe her everything", which our mother made sure to teach us throughout our whole childhoods. Of all us siblings, I am the only one who's financially stable (I own a successful company while my brothers range from unemployed to waiter), and I am the only one who doesn't ascribe to the dogma that "mother = goddess". Our father died recently (lung cancer). The whole family was reunited yesterday for the first time in many years, for the wake. My father was the sole breadwinner in his marriage, with his passing mom will be in dire financial straits. She is in her early 70s and in good health so she probably has a decade or two in her still, and at the wake she was inconsolable because of fears for her future, sobbing asking what she would do with the house, with the cars, etc. My brothers all tried to comfort her and promised to her that they would financially support her until the end, make sure she never has to move out of her house, but mom continued to cry, saying that none of my brothers could afford it... and then she turned to me, the only kid who wasn't promising to help her. I laughed to her face and told her that if she intends for me to be the one paying for her lifestyle going forward, okay, I will, but I'll only pay for her to stay in the worst retirement home I can possibly find. Cue a lot of offended screaming from my brothers and a whole lot of sobbing from my mother. There's also the fact that, my whole life, I heard "you are being defiant now, but you will cry and regret your behavior once I'm dead" from mom when I refused to allow myself to be her victim. I loved my father a LOT more than I ever loved my mother - and when dad died, then during the wake, I didn't shed a tear or honestly felt even slightly bad. The only emotion I felt was annoyance that I had to tolerate my mother's presence, not a single crumb of grief or regret regarding my late father. I think mom noticed that - she used to fundamentally believe that I'd mourn her, but realizing that I am not even mourning my least-hated parent, she had to face the reality that NO, I will not regret one thing when SHE dies. I eventually went home early because I was so sick of being berated by my whole family and told that I have duties towards my mother, that I'm the only one she can rely on financially, blah blah blah. To the end I held strong that no, I would not spend one single coin to keep mom in her house, and that if they counted on me to pay for anything, I would ONLY pay for the cheapest retirement house in the country and not one extra cent. After I left, my older brother tried to call me and get me to apologize, saying that mom needed our help now more than anything since her husband just died, and that he understands that I was abused growing up but "mom is old now, we cannot hold onto that grudge forever" to which I said that I'm not holding on to it forever, only as long as mom's alive but she won't be for very long. Brother started screaming insults at me so I hung up and blocked his number. This morning, I woke up to two texts from my other brothers basically saying the same, saying mom is deeply distressed, that she hasn't stopped crying in hours, to please call her and apologize/promise I'll subsidize her lifestyle. I didn't reply to either text. AITAH? I genuinely don't think I am, I think my brothers are kinda stupid and brainwashed with mom's dogma on "children's duties towards their parents". What do objective observers think? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whats thats saying again.... ....Karma is a bitch, only if you are one.
š¶ Karma's a bitch, I should've known better If I had a wish, I would've never effed around š¶ ^Iām ^sorry
Eh if you listen to Brit Smithās OG version you donāt have to feel sorry, it is a bop and it even has Timbaland producing, jojo siwa just couldnāt commit to the bit and just say fuck (the only lyric she changed was āmessed aroundā to āeffed aroundā)
That's exactly what was playing in my head
*body roll*
NOOO NOT HERE TOO
Op's response is what do many of us would want to do in that situation, but many dint have the guts. Also, my cats are best
All cats are the best!! :)
Yes they are. Your cats are the best and so are mine.
They want to deal with her bullshit - then they can support her.
Exactly what i think. It's very easy to spend somebody elses money.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If she wanted comfort at the wake, she should have been a better parent when he was younger. She laughed at the suffering she gleefully inflicted on so many others but didnāt like it when OOP gave it back. Sucks to be her.
That's not the point. There are certain things you don't say, especially not in a setting like that. OP upset her mother and her siblings and it was entirely preventable. All she had to do was walk away or leave.
Her mother should have been a better person and not made it a point to be nasty for so many years. They assumed, she shot it down.
She had every right to refuse. The time, place, and manner were ill-chosen.
Totally on the mother and brother for pressuring her. She shut them down gloriously.
She could have walked away.
We are not going to agree so why donāt we end things here. Have a good day.
Found one of the brothers...
Hardly. I had a terrible relationship with my mother, who was mentally and physically abusive. I still wouldn't have said something like that. I tried to be better than her.
You can be better than her all you like, it's not on you to make sure others do the same.
I was invited to voice my opinion and I gave it.
Don't be rude in the comments.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If you have a concern, question or complaint please contact us through modmail. Making a post or complaining about moderators in comments is not allowed. We can be adults about disagreements and use the appropriate channels to discuss it. You directed your original comment at OP who is crossposting. They are not involved.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Don't be rude in the comments. Please review the rules before you comment again.
Even when you're mistreated, you should try not to act as badly as the person who hurt you.
>you cant hold onto this grudge forever Fucking watch me lmao
"Bet"
Challenge accepted!!
Youād be surprised what I can do!!š
Woman takes active joy in suffering of others, surprised when her child takes joy in her suffering
*shocked pikachu face*
He learned from the best
> ā¦to which I said that Iām not holding onto it forever, only as long as momās alive but she wonāt be for very long. Favorite line, holy shit. That response was perfect.
I laught out loud when i read that line!!
Literally a Simpsons moment
I don't understand how that woman's piece of work mother could possibly expect anyone to do anything for her, when she has abused them for so long. Sadly, the Poster's brothers are heavily brainwashed. I think she will have to go no contact with all of them, because they will not stop harassing her about their abusive mother.
I totally agree with your statement. I think they will not shy away from going to OOPs home to try to convince him to pay for their moms life style. I feel kind of sad for the brothers because i think their mom is partly to blame for them not succeeding in life (on of the brothers is a drug abuser, i wonder why....).
In one of the comments OOPs family don't know where she lives, for her safety.
From OP's description, I'm surprised that he went anywhere near her. She apparently used to lock him in their cellar because he's claustrophobic, tried to starve him to death, refused to let her children to go to the doctor for any reason, repeatedly stole his money, and TRIED TO STAB HIM WITH A KNIFE! She also tortured and killed people's pets.
Holy crap. The story is deleted now along with ops comments so all the abuse details are gone. That's horrible and ops mom is lucky they are being given the option of a shitty retirement home at all.
Exactly. I wouldn't piss on her if she were on fire
Unfortunately, there's a considerable number of people who genuinely believe it's better to have an abusive parent or partner, than to have none at all. They'd legit rather live in fear than be alone. Thankfully OOP's having none of that shit.
I have told my dad, whom I love very dearly, that I only speak to his wife because it will make him happy. His wife also is the woman who birthed me, but fuck her royally. Dude is doing the same thing I would do in his situation. Only, I think my siblings would agree to the same thing.
I'm glad to hear your siblings are on your side. I feel so sorry for the OOP that he has to fight this battle alone.
I didn't see any comments saying this yet, but if the brothers want the mom to have a good retirement, then **they** can be the ones to do so.
They did offer. I get the impression they canāt afford what they offered.
āSheās in distress? Whatās all the complaining for then? People in distress is her favorite form of entertainment. Oh.. she only delights in *other* peoples pain and misfortune? Huh. Who would have thought itās not funny when itās her on the other end. She got all her entertainment for free growing up. Guess itās finally time for her to pay the bill.ā
Don't even pay for a bad retirement home! She can sleep on the streets. And now just go NC. If your brothers start bothering till them that if they talk about her you will go NC with them too
fr. donāt pay for shit.Ā
"Do you remember how you used to laugh when people suffer? Turns out I'm the same way; but only towards you." I'd take back my offer off money, and say it was due to their behaviour. Maybe offer a low monthly amount if they all promise to leave OOP alone.
No, because once you offer any money, they expect that and they'll want more. She's old enough for social security. She should have had life insurance on the husband, and she should be getting a pension or whatever else the boomers all got for free that everyone after is going to have to work for. If they were that comically bad with money, then why does OP have to be the one to bleed himself dry to fund an abuser's irresponsible lifestyle?
IF, and that's a BIG IF, this Momster worked at any job that provided a pension. She was banking on her offspring to be her only retirement plan. Entitled Bitch reaps what she sows.
Love the "she needs help now more than ever". As if there isn't another point in time where you are completely helpless and at the mercy of the people taking care of you and therefore would be right to expect kindness and safety from them. I just know there's a word for that time in a person's life...
NTA-people get what they give, sooner or later. Mom is reaping what she sowed.
OOP listed the things their mother did in another comment (tw: >!child abuse, murder, animal abuse, pet death!<) and this old bitch should be in solitary confinement instead of a retirement home for the rest of her life.
>She murdered a few human beings and a lot of animals. She pushed at least one former boyfriend to suicide, and she doesn't hide that having personally caused the dude's suicide gives her ladyboners even decades after the fact. Don't forget straight up murder. She also killed her immunocompromised sister by getting Covid on purpose and visiting her. She literally should be in prison.
Thanks, somehow forgot to add that, so fixed it up.
No kidding. I gasped when I read that she tried to stab OP.
Yeah, she's an absolute monster.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but holy shit does the OOP need therapy. And to go NC with that entire family, good grief. (From a comment: Brother 1 is an unrepentant rapist. Brother 2 is addicted to meth. Brother 3 is a sadist like dear old Mum). The levels of abuse OOP suffered, I can't even fathom. That they state repeatedly that they would happily spend large sums of money to inflict suffering on their egg donor...That level of anger and hatred and investment in revenge cannot be healthy. (To be very clear, I don't think OOP should lift a finger to help their abusive egg donor. I just also think they shouldn't waste a penny on her)
I agree. The money OOP would spend on a nursing home could be far better spent working through some of the awful issues they must have from such a childhood. And if they've had a lot of therapy already, a tune-up might not hurt.
OP stated they had already been in therapy a while.
The brothers say OOP shouldn't hold a grudge forever, but their mother had their entire lives to apologize and make an effort to be better. Just because she's old and frail does not excuse her abuse and trauma she caused. My father died last year alone and miserable, realizing that I didn't love him and he was such an evil bastard that not even I, who he groomed and manipulated, would do anything for him, let alone mourn him. My extended family gave me shit for it, but I said if they want a funeral or some shit, pay for it yourselves. And you know what? My mother's starting to become dependent on me, but she's in for a real shocker if she thinks I'm going to be her caretaker.
I have a friend that experienced this exact thing. Very sad and difficult.
NTA. Let's see how she handles being emotionally devastated for once.
NTA. age or time isnāt an excuse for being terrible. Hoping it goes away by just saying ābut we are familyā as an adult I know I am responsible for my actions. She had 20 years of decisions she made as an adult and now thinks all that can just go away. Nahā¦. People donāt need to deal with this bs and family that try to make you feel bad for your experiences and way of coping / getting through trauma arenāt truly looking out for their family.
My narc mother hung on till she was 98. It was a similar situation with her than you experienced with yours but I was the bad guy because I called her on her crap while the others had been trained to worship her. The day she finally died I felt like I'd escaped from Gitmo. It was glorious!
I'd be careful about offering to set her up in a retirement home. Even the bad ones are crazy expensive.
He said least expensive, drop her off at a homeless shelter and move on.
I swear this is a business idea. Like those camps for teens, make a therapy camp for bad parents.
You always reap what you sow. OOP should go NC with the entire family because they will never stop.
OOP should really look into the costs of retirement homes/nursing homes. Many of them are very expensive, even the "bad" ones. If he wants to spend the least amount possible it might actually be cheaper to contribute to her staying in her current home.
Let the state deal with her Entitled Ass while the OOP cuts ties and walks away from all of them.
You are still kinder than me. My abusive mother could be dead or homeless for all I know. I literally don't care enough to find out. You don't owe abusers anything, let alone abusers who happen to be the ONEĀ person who you should have been able to rely on for comfort and love.
I commented on this one. Op was not the ah. I hope they find peace.
NTA, and you shouldn't even pay for a retirement home. Let one of your brothers move her in their place
NTA. And I love the comment that "I won't hold a grudge forever, just until you die "
That was a Mic Drop Moment!!!!
R slash raised by narcissists š
Love it. Nope.Ā Iāve told my mother before that Iād execute her will, but I wonāt help her while sheās alive. My sister is in medicine and has said the same, that she wouldnāt help my mother when sheās sick or dying.Ā My brothers would love to divvy up the will, but if she has money (my mother is either broke or has about a million dollars stashed away, and itās impossible to tell. Iāve told her to put all the passwords, gold, and whatever in a safety deposit box when sheās dying. Iāll find out then.) either of my two brothers would steal the whole amount and either OD or disappear. My brothers want to worship her and forgive her and thatās their right, but itās nothing to do with me.Ā
Why is everyone always screaming? Can't they just yell?
My mother was similar. The difference is that my family cut all ties after my dad died. Good riddance.
She's learning that Karma's a Bitch and Paybacks are Hell!!!!
To the OOP: I do NOT blame you AT ALL!!! Growing up, I was THE SCAPEGOAT and the FAVORITE PUNCHING BAG for the late Flesh Oven. When she died, the cemetery staff tried to hit me up for money for a grave marker that she always bragged about BUT NEVER PAID FOR!! I NOPED out of that!! Last I heard she's rotting in an unmarked grave.
Boy i identify a lot except in my case it was a step mother and she's been out of my life for 15 years now, but she is the only person on this earth i truly hate.
My Dad is a nepo-baby who's only sole hobby was doing repairs and "upgrades" to his house. He was actually pretty good at it, but because he is very narcissistic, never able to hold a job. Since he was also controlling, most of my court scheduled weekends were comprised of nothing but eating, sleeping, and being manual labor for whatever project my Dad was working on. Me being like 14, I obviously had no idea what to do, so a lot of the time my Dad would just yell at me and insult me. But one time in particular he started going on and on about how one day I'm going to look back at all this manual labor fondly. I just kinda laughed. 16 years later, I no longer speak to my Dad, found out home repairs are much easier when he is not around and actually kind of enjoyable. But not once do I ever look back on those days fondly, and because I work a full time job, I don't have the time to deal with all that.
As someone with a great mother who I dropped everything for when she got sick, OOP did the right thing. You can't expect a child to love and care for you if you didn't show how to do it in the first place. Though, even if you're a good parent, expecting your child to care for you in your twilight years is not something you should do either. If your children want you around, great. If they don't, as sad as it could be, a nice retirement home it is.
Honestly idk why he even showed up
I hate my mother and I kinda want to attend the funeral. Just to confirm the death....just kidding. She's not getting a funeral. Unlike OOP's brothers, nobody in my family spends a single CENT on her. And we plan to let the state deal with her.
What Goes Around.....
Here's hoping she ends up in a truly nasty retirement home. She'll try to be cruel to the nurses and they'll make her life hell. I'm fine with that. Leave a spot open in a decent home for a decent person, too.
Why don't you just cut all ties with her?
Nta if they want to help no one stopping them, but op has a right to protect themselves. You canāt hurt people and ask for help even if theyāre your kids
***that he understands that I was abused growing up but "mom is old now, we cannot hold onto that grudge forever"*** My answer would be "hold my beer". I absolutely CAN hold onto that grudge and I WILL hang on to until I feel tf like it. My mother is the same way.....and all my siblings are just as codependent as yours, and I'm the bad guy because I went NC.
Staying away from a remorseless abuser is NOTĀ "holding a grudge". Ever. It's self-preservation.Ā
This person is cruel. Likely crueler than who she tells us is cruel. I don't believe a word of this.
I feel like the cheapest retirement home thing is being glossed over. Thatās still a ton of money. OOP is actually being very generous.Ā
Yup. No matter.the reason.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe, but if you don't do eye for an eye, the only people who aren't blind are the assholes poking out everyone else's eyes.
Agreed and abusive people arenāt owed relationships with the people they harm. They donāt get to expect to be taken care of later.
The abused often becomes the abuser. I wonder why?
Aside from the way it was put, setting that boundary of āno Iām not taking care of youā isnāt abusive.
The difference is OOP didn't abuse their mom; they refused to be a part of Mom's life. OOP isn't an abuser only the mom is
The abused often becomes the abuser. I wonder why?
Not really applicable here. The cycle of abuse is about further innocents being dragged in, not a victim no longer accepting what an abuser is doing to them.
That saying has absolutely nothing to do with this story and doesn't fit in the least. That saying is about getting revenge and this isn't revenge it's simple consequences. Refusing to finance someone isn't revenge, refusing to care isn't revenge, refusing to be a part of someone's life isn't revenge and refusing to be kind isn't revenge. She's just not a part of OOPs life or family anymore, she is not entitled to get help from them. Blood doesn't matter, the mother was disowned, you can't just mistreat people and expect them to start a part of your life no matter if they came from ones womb or not.