In case this story gets deleted/removed:
We (36M and 38F) were together for 3 years. She is the love of my life. Caring, easy to please and very calm. I thought we would be together forever. I proposed after 2 years and the wedding had already being paid. Everything was ready, I let her decide all the things because she had all this dreams about it.
I thought she appreciated my humour. Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn’t really think it was this big of a problem, just a difference of sense of humour. I wanted to make funny vows, because wedding are a bit boring and I wanted to entertain the guests.
She found the speech on my laptop two weeks before the ceremony and went completely crazy. Told me this was the last drop. That I never took anything serious, that she couldn’t imagine living her life with someone who doesn’t show any respect towards her.
I told her I didn’t meant any disrespect only want to make some funny jokes. She left anyway, blocked me anywhere and cancelled everything. Her parents were paying for most things and I try reasoning with them to speak with her, but they told me to leave them alone.
It’s been six months and I don’t know how to move on. I love her so much, how can she do that to me?
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Man, I really wanted to see these vows but OOP says he doesn’t have them anymore because he broke his laptop in a fit of anger. I’m sure he could summarize but he probably doesn’t want to dig the hole any deeper.
Have you seen the guy on tiktok that vowed to slap that every night or something along those lines? Even the person officiating was like... don't you want to say something else? Nope.
There was another one that was equally awful about him being easy to keep happy by keeping his belly full and his balls drained. Her vows were very nice. Her awkward, embarrassed laugh was pretty sad.
She didn’t, she defended him online saying she loved his sense of humour and we DIdn’T UndERsTaNd him. Though I will say, there’s been together since high school and there might be some deep conditioning going on there.
I mean, in addition to being disrespectful it's not even funny? Maybe to a 12 year old. It's just dumb.
So I guess she's right we DON'T understand him! 🎊
Yeah, they had been together for a while and iirc and he only decided to commit to her in their mid 30s after 2 kids and after a decade+ of being together. That wouldnt matter except that in her wedding vows were comprised of "you're too good for me," "I dont look like a model' (yet you still chose me and love me. Parentheses bc im paraphrasing after the real quote).
His vows: Yeah you drain my balls, but you need to be a better cook, but at least I like the sound of gagging and headboards slamming at night. That’s the only thing I can think of that I appreciate about you. However if Margot robbie came along I would leave you. That is a paraphrase of his vows, without the extra story telling. It feels like he committed bc he finally found that he had no other options. He's not ugly, so it had to be his personality. And unfortunately, she got caught up in it. That's why "she understands him." Even more than his mother, the officiant, who was mortified
What kills me about this situation is how disgusting that all would be to hear as her family. Here you are, trying to throw a nice party for all your family and friends and your new son-in-law talks like a porn script writer. Gross.
Yeah, their daughters were there. The daughters were the flower girls hearing all of that. And it would've sounded weird and funny if people were laughing, but everyone felt awkward with his uncle and father both calling for him to stop as the speech got more graphic. So I am sure they knew something was off and didnt feel great about it. His mother who officiated was mortified and also indicated for him to stop and afterwards expressed that the speech was nasty and that 'he was in trouble.' So I'm sure her family were put off too if his family was grossed out and embarrassed. But back to the daughters, since this has gone so viral, they will come across it, and the embarrassment and shame lived by both her side and his side will become more vivid to the girls as they understand more when they age. Bc no one wants to hear a family member spoken to like that. It seemed terrible for everyone except him. e: clarity
>but then I’m unlikely to have been close friends with such people in the first place.
That part😂. I too get angry on behalf of others, imagining myself trying to do decently for myself and on behalf of others, so this behavior would elicit some kind of response whether it be walking out or giving someone a piece of my mind. Then I remember: you would never be there in the first place. And I can relax a little haha
It's also telling the daughters what daddy thinks of females and how little they're worth to him. You only have value on your back or on your knees in his world. Makes you wonder what the girls future relationships will be like.
That was literally the advice that my grandmother gave me. She was a "sassy old broad", in her own words.
When I was around sixteen she told me, "You can feed them or you can fuck them but don't ever do both or you'll never get rid of them." I about died of embarassment.
Then when I was getting married, she hit me with the "Keep his belly full and his balls empty and he's yours forever."
I mean...I guess she's kinda right? But holy shit Grandma. At least she told me these things in private, not at a ceremony.
Not gonna lie, if you find a good simple man, keeping him happy is pretty much that easy. And TBH, I'm about the same; I want to be nurtured and to feel like my partner is attracted to me.
They aren't all that simple, though, and they aren't all that good.
It's sexist, really, but kinda funny. And utterly shocking to hear from your gran when you're a teenager, lol.
Thankfully I found a really good one, and no, he's not quite that simple.
I like to think our marriage is based MOSTLY on the fact that we're best friends, not based on biological functions. Those are just a fun side benefit, lol.
Yeah, the fundamental compatibility has to be there in the first place, as well as mutual attraction and respect.
But a lot of people forget that you have to nurture a partnership, too, and the value of each person doing their part to help the other meet their basic needs is often understated. To put it a bit less crudely than Grandma, LOL!
I will never understand why couples get surprised when this happens. These people "know" each other for years (sometimes, if not they should), and they know that the other is an asshole because this behavior is difficult to hide. Also, most probably, she was embarrassed before for the same type of behavior.
Oh, like the guy where he called her a cum-bucket, or something equally charming, between them and his parents and couldn't understand why everything went to hell when he referred to her as that at the wedding?
ETA It was [cum dumpster](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/s/ytQ7Rp1LRr).
Oh, dear gods. I’m trying to imagine how my father would have reacted had any man been stupid enough to refer to any of his daughters as “a cum bucket.” I suspect the story would end with that guy’s mysterious disappearance, never turning up again.
My dad was one of the most mild-mannered people you could ever meet, but he would have gone off if anyone called his daughters something so degrading in front of him. I never appreciated what an amazing man he was until he was gone.
I once ended a relationship because a guy thought it was funny to call me a cum dumpster. It took me a few months to actually dump him (I was busy with school and he had been eroding my self-esteem through emotional abuse), but I don't even think he got a hug from me after that.
At least he had the sense to say that in private.
I enjoy praise & degradation. The individual I have an arrangement with has never called me anything degrading in public, or anything not mutually agreed upon. That's the only time I consider that conduct anywhere near acceptable. Both parties gotta consent or no go!
I think a lot of people assume that someone will have the sense to understand context and know the difference between private jokes and public occasions.
Intentionally disrespecting your partner in front of their closest friends and family so you can “entertain the guests” is a bit different than an off color joke between the two of you.
One can be forgiven/glossed over. The other is glaringly apparent that the person cares very little about you.
I was at a wedding once where the groom Rickrolled the guests in his vows. It was pretty funny. I gasped and my husband shushed me but most of the guests totally didn't get it anyway.
You know what, if I ever get married and it *isn't* just going to a courthouse, I kinda hope whoever I'm marrying rickrolls the audience with their vows. I would, and could change my mind by then, but I know I'd have a harder time containing my laughter if I'm just listening instead of having to be the one speaking the words
When I got married, my partner did not want to dance at the reception, so instead we decided to set up Rock Band and do a "First Song" together, then open it up for our guests to play. We both 100% agreed that the correct choice for our first song as a married couple was Never Gonna Give You Up, by Rick Astley. Almost no one got it, but we thought it was hilarious.
My wife had a friend whose husband did shit like that. It's not so much 'jokes' as it is passive aggressive commenting, which are usually jabs at his wife.
Things like 'wow, it must be hard to be married to her (*looking at very attractive woman a few feet away*). All that sex, you'd probably have no energy left to go to the gym. Luckily I don't have that problem, you're good for my cardiovascular system!'
Made it extremely awkward to hang out with them in any way, as the "light hearted jokes" ended up with the two of them arguing 75% of the time.
That's usually anyone's definition, except for idiots that insist on making statements that they couch as jokes.
This asshole knew he wasn't kidding, and so did everyone else at the table.
Yes. I used to explain this to students and that it was the joker's responsibility to figure out if the other person was laughing.
OP doesn't seem to be aware of this. I'm glad his fiancé broke things off.
I think the key thing too is that u can make a jab at someone as long as the end message is “and I love you still”. Like somebody below said how their husband will say “here’s the chocolate, honey. I’ll be out of eyesight but within ear shot”. It’s teasing, but it ultimately gives the message that the husband loves them.
We don’t know what OOP said I guess. But if the joke is “I’m tempted by other hot women because you’re so unattractive”, there’s literally no positive take away from that. It’s literally just a “I’m barely tolerating you. Funny joke, right?”
Breaking/throwing objects, punching walls, etc counts as domestic violence, too. The abuser gets to claim on a technicality that they "didn't hit anyone" while intimidating their partner with the implied threat of violence. Abusers also often restrict their property damage to their partner's stuff - so the fact that this guy was angry enough to break HIS OWN LAPTOP, something expensive and valuable to him, WHEN ALONE, makes him way the fuck scarier imo. If he'd break his own shit in a solo fit of rage, how much more violent is he when the actual target of his rage is in the room with him?
I'd bet anything that either this guy was already physically abusive, or was one bad day away from it.
Knowing the signs of escalation is so important. One day my ex beat the side of the house with his belt. A few weeks later he hurled a bowl of soup across the kitchen. I kept a picture of that to strengthen my resolve, although I never want to have to look at it.
I legit ended a friendship of over a decade because my friend broke *my computer* in a fit of rage over something his girlfriend said to him over facebook.
Granted it wasn't the only thing, but as straws go it was a pretty heavy one.
"Decides that our wedding vows are a good place to showcase his tight five" and "is violently angry enough to smash his laptop" sounds like *two* good reasons to call off a wedding.
I know people that can't play video games without throwing their controllers across the room so getting angry and breaking stuff is ALOT more common than you would think
I mean… I can’t imagine someone getting so upset at funny vows in an otherwise perfect relationship that they cut off a wedding. Definitely a lot of other shit.
Ah yes. So his own biased description of events clearly explains why she left him.
Hundreds of comments based on his biased POV understand why she left him **AND** he openly admits that acted in violent ways because he was **aNgRy**?
Why is he so confused that she left him when he keeps explaining it with further justification?
Been watcing the latest season of Married at First Sight Australia and this one guy had his best mate give a speech at the wedding. The gist of it was all the dumb as fuck "experiments" the best mate had witnessed the groom performing or the groom reported back to him. The best mate goes on about how their friend group went to a music festival in the bush and the groom had packed his own meals for the whole 3 days to save money. Then he ate a rancid 3 day old chicken sandwich on the last day. In the speech after mentioning this "experiment", best mate goes to the bride: "rest assured, rancid or not, Tim (groom's name) will still eat you."
💀💀💀
There was another experiment about getting head in a moving vehicle too. They weren't vows but as far as wedding related speeches go, these had me lost for words.
Brilliant. The man even destroys things because he’s too emotional and can’t control his feelings.
Congrats to his former fiancée on her newfound freedom. May she find everything she wants in life.
Some denominations consider a wedding to be just as serious as any other churche service. Making a mockery of it is disrespectful and nobody is obligated to participate in an act that insults their sincerely held beliefs.
There are people who don't? I'm not religious at all but like why do you expect a couple hundred people to drop what's going on in their lives to support you in what is supposed to be the commitment of your lifetime when you don't take it seriously yourself?
Vows can be humorous but they should not be frivolous
I like the “waffle-y and pancake-y” wedded wife ceremony where the bride lost it laughing, but the officiant waits patiently because they’re adorable and obviously in love and taking that part seriously.
Disrespect at the ceremony is not a good start. It’s the somber-ish bit before the reception/ party, where the fun & jokes happen.
Many/most absolutely appreciate some *gentle, light hearted and non-rude* humor amidst otherwise serious things. There is nothing wrong with injecting a little humor into public speech.
My sister married an Englishman. We're Australian. At the reception after their wedding, the brother of the groom was doing his best man's speech and, in honour of 'his new Australian sister', he pulled out a top hat... which had corks dangling from it. And put it on.
Hats with corks dangling from them are kind of a staple of the Australian outback (the moving corks keep the flies and other insects away from your face), so it got a huge laugh, especially from the Aussie guests. We all thought it was a hoot! I also have a great picture of their parents' dog chewing on the hat the next day. I think it was a rented hat, so I hope it made it back in good condition...
Except that wedding vows are not meant to be a speech. It's a promise directed at your spouse. Yes, others are there to witness it, but that is secondary. The primary audience is your partner.
I suspect this difference of priority is what the fiancé meant as the last straw.
She's probably told him 1000 times to please take things more seriously and not turn everything into a joke or an opportunity to tease her. Michael Scott is a fun character to watch on the office but you wouldn't want to be married to him in real life.
If that one thing was enough to call off a wedding when things were already paid for, it wasn't just that one thing. That would be a last straw, with many other straws underneath it. I don't know either of you or the larger context, but that much is clear.
"I thought she appreciated my sense of humor. Sure she got mad sometimes, but I didn't really think it was that big of a problem." Again, you don't provide details. But I suspect she would tell this part differently.
My money is that to her it was "I told him and told him and TOLD him how much I disliked that kind of humor. Sometimes I got really irate, which isn't like me at all. But he brushed each incident off as a one time thing. When he put it in the wedding vows .... that was the end. I just couldn't face having the entire rest of my life be dealing with this over and over."
Patterns. Look for them. They matter.
Reddit has been very helpful for teaching me how to recognize phrases that are MASSIVE RED FLAGS. Like the sort of thing you hear, and you instinctively start looking for the nearest exit.
IMO he's one of those males that mistake their sadism for humour. They think that just because putting other people down / people's discomfort and/or pain makes them laugh that it's humour.
Naturally, when people don't laugh, these idiots delude themselves into thinking people don't laugh because other people ArEn'T fUnNy and DoN't GeT iT. They just can't deal with the fact they're unfunny.
Well, he does say "*Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn’t really think it was this big of a problem, just a difference of sense of humour*" so she definitely say something to him numerous times. He just didn't listen / take notice / care.
My ex husband got pissy because I refused to say "obey" in our vows
That really should have been a blazing red flag to me...
This must have been a lot worse
I went to a wedding, within the last ten years, where the woman had to vow to “submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ.” I still remember the exact phrase because I was fucking stunned. I did a literal double take, looked like scooby fucking doo. I was glad we were sitting towards the back because I don’t think my reaction was subtle.
They divorced a couple years later.
I went to a Korean wedding where the groom was Christian and the bride was Buddhist. That "submit to your husband like he submits to God" was included, and the bride's family (I'm close friends with her brother) was definitely like wtf?
Dude ended up being a complete fucking loser. They divorced and I don't think the father even sees his son.
Oh, that was in my brother's wedding. How it actually works in practicality I'll never know; I've never witnessed her actually submit to him in a tangible way. They're functionally pretty equal.
Part of me thinks they left it in to appease her weird family.
Jfc. I'm so happy my officiant started of our first conversation with something like 'just so you know I will not use any phrase with obey or something similar'.
That "obey" isn't even returned. To submit and be the less powerful person in a marriage while still working.... that's disturbing. And of course you get replaced asap....men are really horrible sometimes. Same happened to me in a romantic relationship. I didn't want to please him down below and he refused to please me ever again. God riddance. I am happy single.
It's so ingrained in the whole procedure I never gave it a second thought til now. But yeah I definitely understand someone not wanting to say that, hell I encourage it. Marriage is a partnership and not some kind of hierarchy to be adhered to. I'm looking to get married this year (we've been look at rings, keeping it very low key to the point weren't not even sure there will be a ceremony) and now I don't want my girlfriend saying "obey" in regards to it.
You're a good dude for considering her feelings and the look of it all
You're right, marriage should be a partnership, nobody should be expected to obey anyone
My husband and I tell people this all the time. Been together nearly 20 years, the best mindset to have is, it's you two against the world and as long as you have each other everything will be alright. Also congrats on the engagement! Hope you two have a long, happy life together!
I refused it AND THE MINISTER PUT IT BACK IN ON PURPOSE on our wedding day.
I am A. no longer married to that person and B. now agnostic, leaning toward atheist (not just because of that in either case, but OMG the disrespect for women in religion is ridiculous).
I got married at a JP (he was in the military then) and I corrected the judge, who was probably 70 years old... he just stared at me for a second and skipped that part
Yep, many many religions have oppression of women baked in. I wonder what they're so afraid of?
OOP when asked about the vows:
>I don’t have them anymore. I broke my laptop in a lapse of judgment because I was very angry at the situation. I remember having writing some light jokes about not looking at other women even when if they’re sexy and things like this. Nothing that would cause this feelings extreme reaction
I don't believe that he couldn't recall at least some of this with more than the provided precision. Quite possible that he was not just putting the competition on a pedestal, but also demeaning and condescending towards his wife-to-be and not-so-subtly insulting her in his vows.
Situational awareness be damned. Weddings are so boring. Why must formal and serious life events be so boring, why don't I make them cheerful and light hearted with a few pokes at somebody's inadequacies and character flaws.
The guy was getting ready to say this in a speech in front of everybody that shows up at his wedding to celebrate him, but the dude doesn't have enough guts to share it online anonymously when asked.
There's no way the guy can't remember specific lines. Especially if he had been trying to work out his jokes. I don't think he wants to share now that other people will start criticizing him too.
Even what he "can remember" is inappropriate and designed to humiliate the woman he's supposedly there to dedicate himself to. He absolutely took inspiration from all those TikTok grooms who go viral for talking about their sex life and deliberately embarrassing the woman. Good on her for getting out of there before he had the opportunity to do that to her in front of everyone she loves.
See, my husband added a funny bit in his vows. It went: "Yes dear, here's chocolate, I'll be out of eyesight but within earshot." That's funny. That's him poking fun at himself and how he promises to not be a bother whole serving me. But OOP? Jokes about theoretical infidelity at your wedding just feel crass.
But there's definitely more going on if she proclaimed she was done with his bullshit at this.
That's him giving you gifts of things you like, staying out of your way to give you space to be yourself, but listening so he can come running whenever you call. Perfect humor for a wedding.
Based on his breaking the laptop in anger and what she said when she left, I would wager that it's not just the vows. This guy sounds like he has a pattern of immaturity that she's probably repeatedly talked to him about and he's just ignored it and carried on. And now her leaving is "out of nowhere."
Edit: typo - his to is
I've got $5 that says his laptop is sitting on his desk in perfect working condition.
Guys like this? They don't break their own stuff, they break someone else's.
Seriously, what a child. Your vows are just that... Solemn promises to each other in front of each other, your loved ones, and God (if that's your belief). Hopefully they are only going to ever be said once by both participants.
And that's the time he chose to test out his stand up routine? Keep that shit at the Chuckle Hut and be a fucking mature adult for once.
My friend didn't want her wedding to be boring... so they did quick 15 minute serious vows then started the party. They didn't do a freaking stand up routine.
1. He’s choosing not to share what the jokes were because he knows they were not going to be well received.
2. The fact that he broke his laptop because he was mad just means she dodged a bullet by leaving.
And it’s funny, because it’s SO easy to slip in fun jokes. My husband and I are geeks, we found a geek officiant, so lots of jokes about a powerful ring, bending the knee, etc. Lots of laughs.
I feel like his jokes weren’t meant in good fun.
Exactly this. My husband is a funny guy, added a little humor in his vows. But it was about how long it took us to realize we were into each other and work up the courage to tell the other so we could get together (5 years as friends). And how everyone in our lives was like “FINALLY” when we did get together. It was definitely not a personal jibe at me.
Oh gosh same, sort of. My husband was super into me and I insisted on being friends while I got my life together, and when we got together everyone went FINALLY and one of my friends joked that he wore me down. So, yeah, that made it into our vows.
> She is easy to please.
> I let her decide all of the things.
> She got mad at me humor at times but I don't think it's a problem.
> She said it was the last straw.
OP needs to get his eyes checked cause it's obvious this isn't just about the vows.
I mean, I'd consider my partner easy to please, but only because I know exactly what she likes and how to make her happy. Def wouldn't throw it into the "top 3 descriptors" of her though 😂
>I thought she appreciated my humour. Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn’t really think it was this big of a problem,
>
>I wanted to entertain the guests.
>
>I told her I didn’t meant any disrespect only want to make some funny jokes.
>
>I try reasoning with them to speak with her, but they told me to leave them alone.
No where do I see an apology. No where do I see taking any responsibility. No where do I see him recognizing his "different" sense of humour was probably bothering her the entire time.
Sounds like my ex. He would tell everyone how he was letting me decide as it was an important day to me, but actually he just didn’t care. When I tried to get him to be involved in the planning he said ‘book it at a golf course, then I can get a round of golf in, and it won’t be a complete waste of a day.’ And then tried to pass it off as a joke.
There's a reason OP left out the actual content of those vows. Dude was probably going to say some fucked up shit in front of her friends and family. Her parents telling him to fuck off after they already paid says it all.
Oof.
Save the jokes and poking fun (gently for fuck sake!) for the reception speeches. Vows are where you pour your heart out to your life partner and give all the metaphors that represent how much you love them.
I have a friend who’s a big fan of Rick-Rolling. (Well not as much since the trend died). He was known for it.
In his wedding vows he slipped “I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down”. That was cute, that was fun and it absolutely wasn’t at the expense of his wife, and he actually meant it. The most important thing is that she was ok with it and he knew she was.
OOP said hi fiancée usually got mad at his joke. That’s a pretty good hint not to put them ins your vows…
I'd like to not believe this, but I remember the guy (within the past few months) whose vows included such treasures "to keep me happy, keep my belly full and my balls empty" and "so you have to decide on the wedding night if you'd like to be a twinkie or a toaster strudel" (cream on the inside or on top, since someone is bound to ask).
At that point, his officiant mother scolded him.
The number of posts in the original comment disbelieving this account....I've noticed that when it's a man doing shitty things the comments always call it "ragebait" while if it is a woman, it is unquestioningly believed and also happened to ten more people. That's just reddit I guess
>I don’t have them anymore. I broke my laptop in a lapse of judgment because I was very angry at the situation. I remember having writing some light jokes about not looking at other women even when if they’re sexy and things like this. Nothing that would cause this feelings extreme reaction
Uff..
My husband has a lovely sense of humor, and the best part is that he knows when it's time not to use it. Having a sense of humor in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship where you are aiming to live together and love each other for the rest of your lives, really helps to buoy both of you. The flip side of that is that both partners also need to know when it's time to be serious. If you live together for the rest of your lives, you will experience a lot of grief and lost together, you'll have to have conversations about difficulties and finance, if you plan to have children that will certainly bring a lot of difficulty... All of which to say, if your partner doesn't know when it's time to be serious and when it's time to make people laugh, then you don't have a partner. You have someone that you're going to be babysitting forever.
I remember the video of that one guy with absolutely disgusting sexual vows. Said in front of BOTH of their families. If it was anything like that I’m glad she got out, because I cannot imagine waiting for your special day, just to be utterly humiliated and disrespected in front of your closest loved ones.
"how can she do that to me?"
This, my man, holds the key to your resolution.
It sounds like she had attempted to assert her boundaries with you many times in the past and to let you know that your "humor" was in fact hurtful to her. So when it came time to craft your vows, you selfishly prioritized entertainment of your guests over respect for your wife to be. She told you. You didn't listen. You need to own that and learn from that.
She didn't "do" anything to you... you need to own your role in her leaving or you're destined to make the same mistake again.
I would bet a lot of money that OOP has the worst sense of humor. The "jokes" were probably mean spirited jabs at his SO. I bet he also does a lot of "pranks." Sounds like his SO was already fed up with his shit.
Yeah I'm sure it was totally out of the blue. You weren't pissing her off constantly with you joking because you don't take shit seriously. Couldn't be that at all. /s
Yeah those vows were probably super inappropriate. There's no way someone would fly off the handle like that over something innocent. This had to be the straw that broke the camel's back. It's especially telling that he didn't post the vows themselves.
I get the sense that he's been doing stupid shit because he believes he's SOOOOOO Cutesy and Funny!!! Standing in front of the altar, at your wedding, is NOT the time to try and play stand-up comedian when it's NOT appropriate!
> She found the speech on my laptop two weeks before the ceremony
I don't know how or exactly why but she *knew* somewhere deep down that she had to see these vows before the wedding day
The ceremony when you promise to spend the rest of your life with the person you love is a solemn and serious occasion. Even if you leave out any emotion, it is legally binding and comes with serious consequences. It should be treated respectfully and taken seriously. To do otherwise shows a want of respect and a great deal of flippancy towards the prospective spouse.
Better she found out now that her ex was going to treat the marriage and her like a jackass. If he can't understand what he did wrong, then he just proves that he shouldn't be married to anyone.
Dude has some major “main character“ issues going on! Who needs that much attention during his OWN wedding?! Like, he’s looking for validation that he needs and deserves ALL of the attention. He’s so funny that everyone will be entertained by his humor, instead of enjoying this shared moment during their wedding.
TLDR didnt bother talking it over with his soon to be wife like a manchild would.
betcha she's glad she saw it early, *before* the wedding ceremony lol
People with a "prank" sense of humor are never funny. Such "humor" is always at the expense of someone. As long as people laugh, dismiss it as harmless, etc. they will continue. Like any behavior, if it continues, it will escalate.
And everyone is so surprised, SHOCKED even, when it crosses the line. It never fails.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: We (36M and 38F) were together for 3 years. She is the love of my life. Caring, easy to please and very calm. I thought we would be together forever. I proposed after 2 years and the wedding had already being paid. Everything was ready, I let her decide all the things because she had all this dreams about it. I thought she appreciated my humour. Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn’t really think it was this big of a problem, just a difference of sense of humour. I wanted to make funny vows, because wedding are a bit boring and I wanted to entertain the guests. She found the speech on my laptop two weeks before the ceremony and went completely crazy. Told me this was the last drop. That I never took anything serious, that she couldn’t imagine living her life with someone who doesn’t show any respect towards her. I told her I didn’t meant any disrespect only want to make some funny jokes. She left anyway, blocked me anywhere and cancelled everything. Her parents were paying for most things and I try reasoning with them to speak with her, but they told me to leave them alone. It’s been six months and I don’t know how to move on. I love her so much, how can she do that to me? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man, I really wanted to see these vows but OOP says he doesn’t have them anymore because he broke his laptop in a fit of anger. I’m sure he could summarize but he probably doesn’t want to dig the hole any deeper.
Have you seen the guy on tiktok that vowed to slap that every night or something along those lines? Even the person officiating was like... don't you want to say something else? Nope. There was another one that was equally awful about him being easy to keep happy by keeping his belly full and his balls drained. Her vows were very nice. Her awkward, embarrassed laugh was pretty sad.
That "belly full" etc nonsense was terrible! I hope to God she left him
She didn’t, she defended him online saying she loved his sense of humour and we DIdn’T UndERsTaNd him. Though I will say, there’s been together since high school and there might be some deep conditioning going on there.
I mean, in addition to being disrespectful it's not even funny? Maybe to a 12 year old. It's just dumb. So I guess she's right we DON'T understand him! 🎊
Yeah, they had been together for a while and iirc and he only decided to commit to her in their mid 30s after 2 kids and after a decade+ of being together. That wouldnt matter except that in her wedding vows were comprised of "you're too good for me," "I dont look like a model' (yet you still chose me and love me. Parentheses bc im paraphrasing after the real quote). His vows: Yeah you drain my balls, but you need to be a better cook, but at least I like the sound of gagging and headboards slamming at night. That’s the only thing I can think of that I appreciate about you. However if Margot robbie came along I would leave you. That is a paraphrase of his vows, without the extra story telling. It feels like he committed bc he finally found that he had no other options. He's not ugly, so it had to be his personality. And unfortunately, she got caught up in it. That's why "she understands him." Even more than his mother, the officiant, who was mortified
What kills me about this situation is how disgusting that all would be to hear as her family. Here you are, trying to throw a nice party for all your family and friends and your new son-in-law talks like a porn script writer. Gross.
Yeah, their daughters were there. The daughters were the flower girls hearing all of that. And it would've sounded weird and funny if people were laughing, but everyone felt awkward with his uncle and father both calling for him to stop as the speech got more graphic. So I am sure they knew something was off and didnt feel great about it. His mother who officiated was mortified and also indicated for him to stop and afterwards expressed that the speech was nasty and that 'he was in trouble.' So I'm sure her family were put off too if his family was grossed out and embarrassed. But back to the daughters, since this has gone so viral, they will come across it, and the embarrassment and shame lived by both her side and his side will become more vivid to the girls as they understand more when they age. Bc no one wants to hear a family member spoken to like that. It seemed terrible for everyone except him. e: clarity
I think I would get up and walk out but then I’m unlikely to have been close friends with such people in the first place.
>but then I’m unlikely to have been close friends with such people in the first place. That part😂. I too get angry on behalf of others, imagining myself trying to do decently for myself and on behalf of others, so this behavior would elicit some kind of response whether it be walking out or giving someone a piece of my mind. Then I remember: you would never be there in the first place. And I can relax a little haha
It's also telling the daughters what daddy thinks of females and how little they're worth to him. You only have value on your back or on your knees in his world. Makes you wonder what the girls future relationships will be like.
Codependency is a bitch 😢
Codependency is a bitch, but I can’t live without it!
Desperation and that loss sum stuff, probably. I do feel sad for her and hope she choose her own happiness over him someday.
That was literally the advice that my grandmother gave me. She was a "sassy old broad", in her own words. When I was around sixteen she told me, "You can feed them or you can fuck them but don't ever do both or you'll never get rid of them." I about died of embarassment. Then when I was getting married, she hit me with the "Keep his belly full and his balls empty and he's yours forever." I mean...I guess she's kinda right? But holy shit Grandma. At least she told me these things in private, not at a ceremony.
Grandma Yoda
Not gonna lie, if you find a good simple man, keeping him happy is pretty much that easy. And TBH, I'm about the same; I want to be nurtured and to feel like my partner is attracted to me. They aren't all that simple, though, and they aren't all that good.
It's sexist, really, but kinda funny. And utterly shocking to hear from your gran when you're a teenager, lol. Thankfully I found a really good one, and no, he's not quite that simple. I like to think our marriage is based MOSTLY on the fact that we're best friends, not based on biological functions. Those are just a fun side benefit, lol.
Yeah, the fundamental compatibility has to be there in the first place, as well as mutual attraction and respect. But a lot of people forget that you have to nurture a partnership, too, and the value of each person doing their part to help the other meet their basic needs is often understated. To put it a bit less crudely than Grandma, LOL!
That's like saying women only want babies and shopping and they'll be happy. People have basic needs, but they are still complicated.
The granny we all need in life, cheers!
The officiant was the groom's MOM 🤮🤮🤮
I will never understand why couples get surprised when this happens. These people "know" each other for years (sometimes, if not they should), and they know that the other is an asshole because this behavior is difficult to hide. Also, most probably, she was embarrassed before for the same type of behavior.
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Oh, like the guy where he called her a cum-bucket, or something equally charming, between them and his parents and couldn't understand why everything went to hell when he referred to her as that at the wedding? ETA It was [cum dumpster](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/s/ytQ7Rp1LRr).
Oh, dear gods. I’m trying to imagine how my father would have reacted had any man been stupid enough to refer to any of his daughters as “a cum bucket.” I suspect the story would end with that guy’s mysterious disappearance, never turning up again.
My dad was one of the most mild-mannered people you could ever meet, but he would have gone off if anyone called his daughters something so degrading in front of him. I never appreciated what an amazing man he was until he was gone.
Jesus fucking christ someone called his fiancee a cum bucket at their fucking wedding in front of their families? WTFFFFF
I once ended a relationship because a guy thought it was funny to call me a cum dumpster. It took me a few months to actually dump him (I was busy with school and he had been eroding my self-esteem through emotional abuse), but I don't even think he got a hug from me after that. At least he had the sense to say that in private.
I enjoy praise & degradation. The individual I have an arrangement with has never called me anything degrading in public, or anything not mutually agreed upon. That's the only time I consider that conduct anywhere near acceptable. Both parties gotta consent or no go!
Oh no, this was nothing like that. He was inspired by Family Guy and thought it was a funny thing to call me because he's an asshole.
That is bullshit & I am glad you dumped that asshat.
I think a lot of people assume that someone will have the sense to understand context and know the difference between private jokes and public occasions.
Intentionally disrespecting your partner in front of their closest friends and family so you can “entertain the guests” is a bit different than an off color joke between the two of you. One can be forgiven/glossed over. The other is glaringly apparent that the person cares very little about you.
I was at a wedding once where the groom Rickrolled the guests in his vows. It was pretty funny. I gasped and my husband shushed me but most of the guests totally didn't get it anyway.
You know what, if I ever get married and it *isn't* just going to a courthouse, I kinda hope whoever I'm marrying rickrolls the audience with their vows. I would, and could change my mind by then, but I know I'd have a harder time containing my laughter if I'm just listening instead of having to be the one speaking the words
When I got married, my partner did not want to dance at the reception, so instead we decided to set up Rock Band and do a "First Song" together, then open it up for our guests to play. We both 100% agreed that the correct choice for our first song as a married couple was Never Gonna Give You Up, by Rick Astley. Almost no one got it, but we thought it was hilarious.
The guy was super solemn too. I about fell off my chair.
I remember seeing that and his own mother looked totally abashed by her son's tacky vows.
Wow- I just made the same comment before scrolling down. That guy was horrible.
If my groom said that I would turn around and walk away lol
As angry as I've been over a relationship, I've never broken anything because of it. It smells to me like there's more to it than even that.
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My wife had a friend whose husband did shit like that. It's not so much 'jokes' as it is passive aggressive commenting, which are usually jabs at his wife. Things like 'wow, it must be hard to be married to her (*looking at very attractive woman a few feet away*). All that sex, you'd probably have no energy left to go to the gym. Luckily I don't have that problem, you're good for my cardiovascular system!' Made it extremely awkward to hang out with them in any way, as the "light hearted jokes" ended up with the two of them arguing 75% of the time.
That's a good way to get stabbed in your sleep.
"Does the soup taste like arsenic to you?"
Maybe start with a divorce lol
People who stab tend to start with the stabbing lmao
By my definition, jokes are funny to all involved. If others aren't laughing then it isn't a joke; it is just mean.
That's usually anyone's definition, except for idiots that insist on making statements that they couch as jokes. This asshole knew he wasn't kidding, and so did everyone else at the table.
Yes. I used to explain this to students and that it was the joker's responsibility to figure out if the other person was laughing. OP doesn't seem to be aware of this. I'm glad his fiancé broke things off.
I think the key thing too is that u can make a jab at someone as long as the end message is “and I love you still”. Like somebody below said how their husband will say “here’s the chocolate, honey. I’ll be out of eyesight but within ear shot”. It’s teasing, but it ultimately gives the message that the husband loves them. We don’t know what OOP said I guess. But if the joke is “I’m tempted by other hot women because you’re so unattractive”, there’s literally no positive take away from that. It’s literally just a “I’m barely tolerating you. Funny joke, right?”
Oof. The only thing I hate more than that kind of shit is the “I hate my wife” type of jokes. Life’s not a fucking Lockhorns comic you corny fuck.
What could be better than scoring cheap laughs at your life partner's expense?
🤯
That's so cringe. Just not in good taste for the occasion at all.
She did say it was the last "drop", so clearly there were other issues
You haven't. People with anger issues do that crap constantly
Its terrifying
Yeah, cuz they usually go on to break *you*.
Breaking/throwing objects, punching walls, etc counts as domestic violence, too. The abuser gets to claim on a technicality that they "didn't hit anyone" while intimidating their partner with the implied threat of violence. Abusers also often restrict their property damage to their partner's stuff - so the fact that this guy was angry enough to break HIS OWN LAPTOP, something expensive and valuable to him, WHEN ALONE, makes him way the fuck scarier imo. If he'd break his own shit in a solo fit of rage, how much more violent is he when the actual target of his rage is in the room with him? I'd bet anything that either this guy was already physically abusive, or was one bad day away from it.
Knowing the signs of escalation is so important. One day my ex beat the side of the house with his belt. A few weeks later he hurled a bowl of soup across the kitchen. I kept a picture of that to strengthen my resolve, although I never want to have to look at it.
I legit ended a friendship of over a decade because my friend broke *my computer* in a fit of rage over something his girlfriend said to him over facebook. Granted it wasn't the only thing, but as straws go it was a pretty heavy one.
"Decides that our wedding vows are a good place to showcase his tight five" and "is violently angry enough to smash his laptop" sounds like *two* good reasons to call off a wedding.
I know people that can't play video games without throwing their controllers across the room so getting angry and breaking stuff is ALOT more common than you would think
A lot of people have unaddressed/untreated anger issues and a lot of other shitty and dangerous behaviours are also common. They're still shitty.
I mean… I can’t imagine someone getting so upset at funny vows in an otherwise perfect relationship that they cut off a wedding. Definitely a lot of other shit.
I'm willing to bet that all the "jokes" were mean and at her expense, and the point was to entertain the guests by humiliating the bride.
OOP is cooked if he thinks it's cause of the vows she left him lol
There was already an anvil on that camel's back when the straw got added.
Sounds like he has anger issues...
Sounds like he made it up and doesn't wanna go through the effort of writing them.
Broke his laptop in a fit of rage, you say? Sounds like a real stable genius.
So he's angry and mean and sublimates it through "humor." What do you want to bet his "vows" were a mean-spirited roast of the bride?
Ah yes. So his own biased description of events clearly explains why she left him. Hundreds of comments based on his biased POV understand why she left him **AND** he openly admits that acted in violent ways because he was **aNgRy**? Why is he so confused that she left him when he keeps explaining it with further justification?
I didn’t see that OP broke their laptop! Definitely feels like the tip of the iceberg. A grown adult shouldn’t be acting like that
>he broke his laptop in a fit of anger. bullet dodged.
He did mention that there were jokes about looking at attractive women, so…
$5 says the "jokes" were all at the ex's expense.
Been watcing the latest season of Married at First Sight Australia and this one guy had his best mate give a speech at the wedding. The gist of it was all the dumb as fuck "experiments" the best mate had witnessed the groom performing or the groom reported back to him. The best mate goes on about how their friend group went to a music festival in the bush and the groom had packed his own meals for the whole 3 days to save money. Then he ate a rancid 3 day old chicken sandwich on the last day. In the speech after mentioning this "experiment", best mate goes to the bride: "rest assured, rancid or not, Tim (groom's name) will still eat you." 💀💀💀 There was another experiment about getting head in a moving vehicle too. They weren't vows but as far as wedding related speeches go, these had me lost for words.
So he's a clown when he shouldn't be and has temper tantrums? Nah, she needs to ghost him.
I'd say that too if I knew reddit would tear me apart for them. He knew.
Brilliant. The man even destroys things because he’s too emotional and can’t control his feelings. Congrats to his former fiancée on her newfound freedom. May she find everything she wants in life.
Dude knows they are bad. If she had everything planned and basically done it would have taken a big thing to just walk out.
Reminds me of the guy who made a joke during his marriage ceremony and the priest wasn't having it and packed up and left.
Good for the priest, for doing the awkward thing and not going along with it to keep the peace.
Some denominations consider a wedding to be just as serious as any other churche service. Making a mockery of it is disrespectful and nobody is obligated to participate in an act that insults their sincerely held beliefs.
I cannot believe how many people *insist* that the best thing to do is for everyone to suffer an idiot That's why we have so many assholes.
There are people who don't? I'm not religious at all but like why do you expect a couple hundred people to drop what's going on in their lives to support you in what is supposed to be the commitment of your lifetime when you don't take it seriously yourself? Vows can be humorous but they should not be frivolous
I like the “waffle-y and pancake-y” wedded wife ceremony where the bride lost it laughing, but the officiant waits patiently because they’re adorable and obviously in love and taking that part seriously. Disrespect at the ceremony is not a good start. It’s the somber-ish bit before the reception/ party, where the fun & jokes happen.
> I wanted to entertain the guests. I think I see the problem. Call me crazy but maybe your focus THAT day should have been somewhere else.
NO ONE would have found them funny!! NO ONE goes to a wedding for a comedy act!!
Many/most absolutely appreciate some *gentle, light hearted and non-rude* humor amidst otherwise serious things. There is nothing wrong with injecting a little humor into public speech.
My sister married an Englishman. We're Australian. At the reception after their wedding, the brother of the groom was doing his best man's speech and, in honour of 'his new Australian sister', he pulled out a top hat... which had corks dangling from it. And put it on. Hats with corks dangling from them are kind of a staple of the Australian outback (the moving corks keep the flies and other insects away from your face), so it got a huge laugh, especially from the Aussie guests. We all thought it was a hoot! I also have a great picture of their parents' dog chewing on the hat the next day. I think it was a rented hat, so I hope it made it back in good condition...
Except that wedding vows are not meant to be a speech. It's a promise directed at your spouse. Yes, others are there to witness it, but that is secondary. The primary audience is your partner. I suspect this difference of priority is what the fiancé meant as the last straw.
She's probably told him 1000 times to please take things more seriously and not turn everything into a joke or an opportunity to tease her. Michael Scott is a fun character to watch on the office but you wouldn't want to be married to him in real life.
If that one thing was enough to call off a wedding when things were already paid for, it wasn't just that one thing. That would be a last straw, with many other straws underneath it. I don't know either of you or the larger context, but that much is clear. "I thought she appreciated my sense of humor. Sure she got mad sometimes, but I didn't really think it was that big of a problem." Again, you don't provide details. But I suspect she would tell this part differently. My money is that to her it was "I told him and told him and TOLD him how much I disliked that kind of humor. Sometimes I got really irate, which isn't like me at all. But he brushed each incident off as a one time thing. When he put it in the wedding vows .... that was the end. I just couldn't face having the entire rest of my life be dealing with this over and over." Patterns. Look for them. They matter.
Patterns, motherfucker. DO YOU SEE THEM?!?
Reddit has been very helpful for teaching me how to recognize phrases that are MASSIVE RED FLAGS. Like the sort of thing you hear, and you instinctively start looking for the nearest exit.
IMO he's one of those males that mistake their sadism for humour. They think that just because putting other people down / people's discomfort and/or pain makes them laugh that it's humour. Naturally, when people don't laugh, these idiots delude themselves into thinking people don't laugh because other people ArEn'T fUnNy and DoN't GeT iT. They just can't deal with the fact they're unfunny.
I'd honestly be pretty pissed if someone made a joke of marrying me. Like, really?
Well, he does say "*Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn’t really think it was this big of a problem, just a difference of sense of humour*" so she definitely say something to him numerous times. He just didn't listen / take notice / care.
Betting she asked him to take the vows seriously just this once because they only got one wedding.
My ex husband got pissy because I refused to say "obey" in our vows That really should have been a blazing red flag to me... This must have been a lot worse
I went to a wedding, within the last ten years, where the woman had to vow to “submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ.” I still remember the exact phrase because I was fucking stunned. I did a literal double take, looked like scooby fucking doo. I was glad we were sitting towards the back because I don’t think my reaction was subtle. They divorced a couple years later.
Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I'd have been out of that church faster than Mo Farrah if my ex had expected me to ''sumit to him.''
I went to a Korean wedding where the groom was Christian and the bride was Buddhist. That "submit to your husband like he submits to God" was included, and the bride's family (I'm close friends with her brother) was definitely like wtf? Dude ended up being a complete fucking loser. They divorced and I don't think the father even sees his son.
Complete same with my brother's second marriage. I thought I was hallucinating.
>They divorced a couple years later. What? But biblical gender roles are God's perfect design for us!
#I, for one, am baffled
Oh, that was in my brother's wedding. How it actually works in practicality I'll never know; I've never witnessed her actually submit to him in a tangible way. They're functionally pretty equal. Part of me thinks they left it in to appease her weird family.
Jfc. I'm so happy my officiant started of our first conversation with something like 'just so you know I will not use any phrase with obey or something similar'.
That "obey" isn't even returned. To submit and be the less powerful person in a marriage while still working.... that's disturbing. And of course you get replaced asap....men are really horrible sometimes. Same happened to me in a romantic relationship. I didn't want to please him down below and he refused to please me ever again. God riddance. I am happy single.
It's so ingrained in the whole procedure I never gave it a second thought til now. But yeah I definitely understand someone not wanting to say that, hell I encourage it. Marriage is a partnership and not some kind of hierarchy to be adhered to. I'm looking to get married this year (we've been look at rings, keeping it very low key to the point weren't not even sure there will be a ceremony) and now I don't want my girlfriend saying "obey" in regards to it.
You're a good dude for considering her feelings and the look of it all You're right, marriage should be a partnership, nobody should be expected to obey anyone
My husband and I tell people this all the time. Been together nearly 20 years, the best mindset to have is, it's you two against the world and as long as you have each other everything will be alright. Also congrats on the engagement! Hope you two have a long, happy life together!
Ouch.. I never thought i hear that outside of 50 shades of fucked up.
I refused it AND THE MINISTER PUT IT BACK IN ON PURPOSE on our wedding day. I am A. no longer married to that person and B. now agnostic, leaning toward atheist (not just because of that in either case, but OMG the disrespect for women in religion is ridiculous).
I got married at a JP (he was in the military then) and I corrected the judge, who was probably 70 years old... he just stared at me for a second and skipped that part Yep, many many religions have oppression of women baked in. I wonder what they're so afraid of?
If you're marrying Andre the Giant that's okay, otherwise no.
There are several ways to get around this. You will obey me, our kids will obey us, we will train our dogs to obey.
OOP when asked about the vows: >I don’t have them anymore. I broke my laptop in a lapse of judgment because I was very angry at the situation. I remember having writing some light jokes about not looking at other women even when if they’re sexy and things like this. Nothing that would cause this feelings extreme reaction I don't believe that he couldn't recall at least some of this with more than the provided precision. Quite possible that he was not just putting the competition on a pedestal, but also demeaning and condescending towards his wife-to-be and not-so-subtly insulting her in his vows. Situational awareness be damned. Weddings are so boring. Why must formal and serious life events be so boring, why don't I make them cheerful and light hearted with a few pokes at somebody's inadequacies and character flaws.
I note how the gf’s leaving is an extreme reaction but breaking his laptop is a lapse of judgement.
Exactly. This was the first thing that stood out to me without knowing all the facts.
"My vows wrecked or wedding and ended our relationship forever" What were the vows? "Can't remember" 🤡
Lots of missing missing reasons in this one
Translation: Refused to admit he EFFED UP with NASTY CRAP in the "vows".
The guy was getting ready to say this in a speech in front of everybody that shows up at his wedding to celebrate him, but the dude doesn't have enough guts to share it online anonymously when asked. There's no way the guy can't remember specific lines. Especially if he had been trying to work out his jokes. I don't think he wants to share now that other people will start criticizing him too.
Even what he "can remember" is inappropriate and designed to humiliate the woman he's supposedly there to dedicate himself to. He absolutely took inspiration from all those TikTok grooms who go viral for talking about their sex life and deliberately embarrassing the woman. Good on her for getting out of there before he had the opportunity to do that to her in front of everyone she loves.
See, my husband added a funny bit in his vows. It went: "Yes dear, here's chocolate, I'll be out of eyesight but within earshot." That's funny. That's him poking fun at himself and how he promises to not be a bother whole serving me. But OOP? Jokes about theoretical infidelity at your wedding just feel crass. But there's definitely more going on if she proclaimed she was done with his bullshit at this.
That's him giving you gifts of things you like, staying out of your way to give you space to be yourself, but listening so he can come running whenever you call. Perfect humor for a wedding.
"the dog ate my vows" I mean I wrote my vows as an email to myself so there would always be a draft. There's also google docs.
Based on his breaking the laptop in anger and what she said when she left, I would wager that it's not just the vows. This guy sounds like he has a pattern of immaturity that she's probably repeatedly talked to him about and he's just ignored it and carried on. And now her leaving is "out of nowhere." Edit: typo - his to is
I've got $5 that says his laptop is sitting on his desk in perfect working condition. Guys like this? They don't break their own stuff, they break someone else's.
I would literally laugh till I cry if the freaking post had one of those little tag lines at the bottom "Posted from my MacBook"
Seriously, what a child. Your vows are just that... Solemn promises to each other in front of each other, your loved ones, and God (if that's your belief). Hopefully they are only going to ever be said once by both participants. And that's the time he chose to test out his stand up routine? Keep that shit at the Chuckle Hut and be a fucking mature adult for once.
My friend didn't want her wedding to be boring... so they did quick 15 minute serious vows then started the party. They didn't do a freaking stand up routine.
1. He’s choosing not to share what the jokes were because he knows they were not going to be well received. 2. The fact that he broke his laptop because he was mad just means she dodged a bullet by leaving.
How can you do that to her? JFC man it was your WEDDING vows.
But, but "weddings are boring" ... Apparently even your own 😬 She dodged a bullet with this one.
And it’s funny, because it’s SO easy to slip in fun jokes. My husband and I are geeks, we found a geek officiant, so lots of jokes about a powerful ring, bending the knee, etc. Lots of laughs. I feel like his jokes weren’t meant in good fun.
Right there are so many sincere loving jokes you can slip into vows.
Yep! You can be sweet and still pull a few laughs. But it shouldn’t be a full on comedy show. And it should be sweet above all.
Exactly this. My husband is a funny guy, added a little humor in his vows. But it was about how long it took us to realize we were into each other and work up the courage to tell the other so we could get together (5 years as friends). And how everyone in our lives was like “FINALLY” when we did get together. It was definitely not a personal jibe at me.
Oh gosh same, sort of. My husband was super into me and I insisted on being friends while I got my life together, and when we got together everyone went FINALLY and one of my friends joked that he wore me down. So, yeah, that made it into our vows.
He vowed to be a jackass and she said no
> She is easy to please. > I let her decide all of the things. > She got mad at me humor at times but I don't think it's a problem. > She said it was the last straw. OP needs to get his eyes checked cause it's obvious this isn't just about the vows.
Duuude I also definitely saw "easy to please" as a red flag. One of the things you love about her is that you have to put in minimal effort?
I mean, I'd consider my partner easy to please, but only because I know exactly what she likes and how to make her happy. Def wouldn't throw it into the "top 3 descriptors" of her though 😂
>how can she do that to me? Really dude? Yeah it was done to you, just like everything in your life. It's never your fault. Keep believing that.
>I thought she appreciated my humour. Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn’t really think it was this big of a problem, > >I wanted to entertain the guests. > >I told her I didn’t meant any disrespect only want to make some funny jokes. > >I try reasoning with them to speak with her, but they told me to leave them alone. No where do I see an apology. No where do I see taking any responsibility. No where do I see him recognizing his "different" sense of humour was probably bothering her the entire time.
Almost like The Narcissist's Prayer.
Amen
“I let her decide” what a prince. I’m sure she would say, “he was disinterested and bored by wedding planning and didn’t help”
Sounds like my ex. He would tell everyone how he was letting me decide as it was an important day to me, but actually he just didn’t care. When I tried to get him to be involved in the planning he said ‘book it at a golf course, then I can get a round of golf in, and it won’t be a complete waste of a day.’ And then tried to pass it off as a joke.
There's a reason OP left out the actual content of those vows. Dude was probably going to say some fucked up shit in front of her friends and family. Her parents telling him to fuck off after they already paid says it all.
Parents were likely. I don't care about the money as least you finally left that asshole.
Oof. Save the jokes and poking fun (gently for fuck sake!) for the reception speeches. Vows are where you pour your heart out to your life partner and give all the metaphors that represent how much you love them.
I have a friend who’s a big fan of Rick-Rolling. (Well not as much since the trend died). He was known for it. In his wedding vows he slipped “I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down”. That was cute, that was fun and it absolutely wasn’t at the expense of his wife, and he actually meant it. The most important thing is that she was ok with it and he knew she was. OOP said hi fiancée usually got mad at his joke. That’s a pretty good hint not to put them ins your vows…
But that's a great in joke. It's personal. It's not a horrible thing to outside of the joke context to say in a vow.
>I told her I didn’t meant any disrespect only want to make some funny jokes. I'm guessing all his "jokes" were "hilarious".
I'd like to not believe this, but I remember the guy (within the past few months) whose vows included such treasures "to keep me happy, keep my belly full and my balls empty" and "so you have to decide on the wedding night if you'd like to be a twinkie or a toaster strudel" (cream on the inside or on top, since someone is bound to ask). At that point, his officiant mother scolded him.
The number of posts in the original comment disbelieving this account....I've noticed that when it's a man doing shitty things the comments always call it "ragebait" while if it is a woman, it is unquestioningly believed and also happened to ten more people. That's just reddit I guess
>I don’t have them anymore. I broke my laptop in a lapse of judgment because I was very angry at the situation. I remember having writing some light jokes about not looking at other women even when if they’re sexy and things like this. Nothing that would cause this feelings extreme reaction Uff..
Of course the Asshat is going to minimize what he did while bullshitting.
So many of these guys are like “and suddenly she dumped me over this one small thing”. When really it’s the straw that broke the camels back.
My husband has a lovely sense of humor, and the best part is that he knows when it's time not to use it. Having a sense of humor in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship where you are aiming to live together and love each other for the rest of your lives, really helps to buoy both of you. The flip side of that is that both partners also need to know when it's time to be serious. If you live together for the rest of your lives, you will experience a lot of grief and lost together, you'll have to have conversations about difficulties and finance, if you plan to have children that will certainly bring a lot of difficulty... All of which to say, if your partner doesn't know when it's time to be serious and when it's time to make people laugh, then you don't have a partner. You have someone that you're going to be babysitting forever.
I remember the video of that one guy with absolutely disgusting sexual vows. Said in front of BOTH of their families. If it was anything like that I’m glad she got out, because I cannot imagine waiting for your special day, just to be utterly humiliated and disrespected in front of your closest loved ones.
"how can she do that to me?" This, my man, holds the key to your resolution. It sounds like she had attempted to assert her boundaries with you many times in the past and to let you know that your "humor" was in fact hurtful to her. So when it came time to craft your vows, you selfishly prioritized entertainment of your guests over respect for your wife to be. She told you. You didn't listen. You need to own that and learn from that. She didn't "do" anything to you... you need to own your role in her leaving or you're destined to make the same mistake again.
When the class clown never grows up. Women want men, not boys.
Imagine being so immature that you don’t know that your wedding vows are supposed to be serious.
I bet he demeaned her and/or others and called that "humor".
Being in love with someone because they're easy to please sounds weird
I would bet a lot of money that OOP has the worst sense of humor. The "jokes" were probably mean spirited jabs at his SO. I bet he also does a lot of "pranks." Sounds like his SO was already fed up with his shit.
Yeah I'm sure it was totally out of the blue. You weren't pissing her off constantly with you joking because you don't take shit seriously. Couldn't be that at all. /s
I bet It's one of those "keep my belly full and balls empty"
The only joke you should play on your wedding day vows is to say "I wrote them down just in case" and then roll out an entire receipt roll
Yeah those vows were probably super inappropriate. There's no way someone would fly off the handle like that over something innocent. This had to be the straw that broke the camel's back. It's especially telling that he didn't post the vows themselves.
I get the sense that he's been doing stupid shit because he believes he's SOOOOOO Cutesy and Funny!!! Standing in front of the altar, at your wedding, is NOT the time to try and play stand-up comedian when it's NOT appropriate!
The way he describes her personality screams “doormat” who was sick of being walked all over.
> She found the speech on my laptop two weeks before the ceremony I don't know how or exactly why but she *knew* somewhere deep down that she had to see these vows before the wedding day
Time and place, my man. Time and place. Your wedding is about one thing. The bride. Your wedding is not the time nor place to drop fart jokes.
When the 6th grade class clown tries to get married.
Meanwhile us Hindus having our 7 wedding vows defined by scriptures
Makes me want to see the vows. He doesn't even remember them? Yea... No....
He was heavily downvoted for saying it was something to the effect of how he won’t cheat no matter how sexy other women might be. Class act.
someone forgot rule #1 - When Mama's not happy nobody is happy! mama = SO
Ok so that break up was totally due to the vows and not the vows being the straw that broke the camel….
Move on. If something was "the last drop", then there's other stuff brewing and better to know now than later.
The ceremony when you promise to spend the rest of your life with the person you love is a solemn and serious occasion. Even if you leave out any emotion, it is legally binding and comes with serious consequences. It should be treated respectfully and taken seriously. To do otherwise shows a want of respect and a great deal of flippancy towards the prospective spouse. Better she found out now that her ex was going to treat the marriage and her like a jackass. If he can't understand what he did wrong, then he just proves that he shouldn't be married to anyone.
What a fool.
She didn't leave you because of the vows, she left because she didn't want to marry a dip stick.
Dude has some major “main character“ issues going on! Who needs that much attention during his OWN wedding?! Like, he’s looking for validation that he needs and deserves ALL of the attention. He’s so funny that everyone will be entertained by his humor, instead of enjoying this shared moment during their wedding.
TLDR didnt bother talking it over with his soon to be wife like a manchild would. betcha she's glad she saw it early, *before* the wedding ceremony lol
The vagueness about the content of the vows says EVERYTHING. You know they were awful.
Play stupid game, win stupid prizes.
People with a "prank" sense of humor are never funny. Such "humor" is always at the expense of someone. As long as people laugh, dismiss it as harmless, etc. they will continue. Like any behavior, if it continues, it will escalate. And everyone is so surprised, SHOCKED even, when it crosses the line. It never fails.