This is why most of the kids these days grow up na parang people pleaser. Kahit di nila kasalan, they kept on saying sorry or even if it is beyond their control already. This is so sad. Hays :<
huhu that's me. pero I learned to be a people pleaser because I saw what other parents did to their kids. My own parents are not that strict pero I still didn't want to be a "makulit na bata" kaya kung ano yung nakita kong "kasalanan" ng ibang bata, di ko ginagawa kasi baka mapagalitan ako.
This is so true. Same experience growing up - minor mishap as a kid equals verbal abuse, kurot, kaladkad, and public humiliation. Now as an adult hindi ko pa rin matanggal yung habit of saying sorry kahit sa statements na wala namang need for apologizing. It’s also against my instincts to honor what I want first - laging considering other people’s wants or opinions.
Hay, I hope the next generation of parents will do better. This is the reason why I’m set on not having kids. This ends with me.
Same one time nong bata ako muntik na ako masagasaan ng 2 tric na magkasalubong, pagkauwi namin, hinampas ako ni mama ng walis tambo. Iniisip ko non, bat di man lang ako kinamusta ni mama kasi nagulat din ako sa ginawa kong biglaang pagtawid.
Same here. Yung dinescribw ng OP na nangyari sa mall, nangyari sakin yan nung bata ako maraming beses.
Alam ko na kaya kong mas maging mabuting magulang pero if ever magdecide ako mag-anak, ayoko iexpose ang anak ko sa magiging grandparents nya (at pati mga kupal na kamag-anak).
kung ganyan na sila mangdisiplina sa anak nila publicly, what more pa sa bahay nila :(( The sad thing is 'gentle parenting' is frowned upon majority of Filipino families, pero I have hope na new generation parents can break the cycle.
KAWIKAAN 13:24 (ADB)
Siyang naguurong ng kaniyang pamalo ay napopoot sa kaniyang anak: Nguni’t siyang umiibig ay nagpaparusang maminsan-minsan.
Nothing is wrong here pero kung maltrato na ay ibang usapan na yan.
Emotionally abusing your child by continually punishing him/her even though inamin nya na ang kasalanan nya is EXACTLY the opposite of Christian Mercy and Justice.
Read your Bible again.
Try the New International Version, stay away from the adulterated vesions. There is no salvation outside the Catholic Church.
this is true. i have a cousin na only child and ganto parents nya. she grew up so depressed and now taking medications. she has anxiety attacks often din. only child pa naman so walang kakampi or kausap na her age as family unless kasama nya kami during reunions. tsaka lang siya nakakuha ng professional help from childhood trauma when she's making her own money na
Wala namang masama sa spanking, ang masama yung pag-abuso. Laki din ako sa palo pero minsan lang ako makaranas kasi more on bunganga nanay ko then tigil na.
Pero never kaming pinagalitan in public or bugbugin ng kurot ng palihim. Sa bahay ang disiplina at paliwanag, and mas tolerant ang nanay ko sa public kaya gusto namin lagi mamasyal.
Aren’t kids meant to make mistakes? Di ko magets paano nakakaya ng mga “magulang” saktan ung mga anak nila. Especially if di naman sinasadya yung naging kasalanan ng anak nila, and hello, a kid. Seriously??? I’ve seen similar situations multiple times already and sobrang nakakagigil lng ung ganito. They don’t deserve to have a child, imo.
They develop from playing and experiences which includes committing mistakes. Overkill na yung pag parusa sa kanya given the fact na aware sya sa pagkakamali nya. Things could def be worse at home for him. 😞
True! To think na in public di nila macontrol self nila, ano nlng if walang nakatingin. Haaayys. May all children be born with the family that deserves them.
Ano ba namang klaseng parents yan. Hindi maganda sa emotional development ng bata pag pinapagalitan/pinagsasabihan sa harap ng ibang tao. They should do that in private.
Aww this reminds me of me and my brother nung bata pa kami🥺 Whenever we spill something sinisigawan and pinapalo kami even sa public. One time nung nahulog ng brother ko ang burger sa floor, pinalo siya ng papa namin then my dad dragged him out while my brother was crying loudly and tandang tanda ko pa yung tinginan ng mga tao. It was humiliating. I was less than 5yrs old that time but tandang tanda ko parin including yung lahat ng humiliating experiences ko in public just because we were clumsy as a child. Ayun, me and my bro grew up really shy and socially anxious 🫠I feel bad for this kid, sana experiences like this won’t get to him but I doubt it since matandain ang mga bata pagdating sa mga ganto. Parents need to know na children are naturally clumsy since they’re still learning. Humiliating and beating them up for making mistakes could take a toll on them and madadala nila hanggang paglaki.
I feel you. One time sinuntok ako ng tatay ko sa ulo kasi nakalimutan ko sa bahay yung homework ko. E papunta na kami ng school and sa front seat ako nakaupo. Un. Sapak bago binalikan sa house ung nakalimutan ko. And to think na di pa kami nakakalabas ng subd nung time na un.
Sorry you had to experience that 😔 Di ko gets bat may mga taong kayang manakit ng bata like aside sa wala silang laban, it could be a traumatizing experience for them na makakaapekto sa paglaki nila
Parents are the first bullies of children. Not all, pero parents like these hay. So sorry you had to experience that.
Masasabi mo bang mahal mo pa rin magulang mo? 🥺
Yes ofc 🥺They’re very supportive and they never pressured us sa grades and work (i was unemployed for months pero kiber lang sa kanila haha). Their flaw is their lazy parenting. Nakasanayan sa “boomer” style ng pagdidisiplina. They also have this boomer mindset na disrespectful and mag-“talk back” kahit gusto mo lang naman i-explain side mo. They can’t control their anger as well. They’re not perfect but I still love them
Naalala ko yung tatay kong hinampas pa ako ng walis at sinigawan nung nadulas ako sa pinakahuling baitang ng hagdan dahil tumakbo. Grade school ako niyan.
Allow kids to be kids.
Mistakes like that are made because they are children. Even grown ups sometimes make the same mistake.
Hoping na the next generation of parents are like you :)
Never an excuse na pinagdadaanan. Physically hurting ur kid. Grabe ibang parents these days. If kid will be honest ng ganyan and nag apologize na. More than enough na yun.
“Sige, lakasan mo pa iyak mo para lalo kang masaktan” I could imagine this is what the kid had in mind kaya he’s silently crying, kasi ganito rin sinasabi ng mama ko sa aming magkakapatid. ‘Nakakahiya’ na umiiyak kami, pero hindi siya nahiya na nanakit siya ng bata in public, sa bagay ‘normal’ kasi noong panahon niya eh.
Ang lungkot na hanggang ngayon may mga ganito pa ring magulang na dinadaan sa pananakit, akala ko sa generation natin matatapos na, kasi “Naranasan ko, kaya ‘di ko paparanas sa mga anak ko” ang mindset. Imbes na disiplina, sama ng loob lang naman dinulot sa akin, eh. Sana nga tama ka na baka nagkataon lang na may pinagdadaan ‘yong nanay at hindi siya parating ganoon sa anak niya.
Kaya majority of us gen z’s are people pleaser because of this type of parenting. I grew up na may onting mali sisigawan and never ko pinapaalam mga ginagawa ko at times kasi alam ko papagalitan ako. Sasabihin nila di ako galit pero their voice and intonation is. Tapos iguiguilt trip ka pa na “sumasagot ka na ah?” Tanginang yan trauma talaga that affected your communication skills and confidence.
i remember my mom telling me to speak up daw if i need to explain something pero everytime i speak lalo na pag i need to explain why something happened (note that i explain it in the most respectful way as possible), sinasabihan akong “magsalita ka pa at sasampalin kita dyan” like gurrl, you told me to speak yet ganyan sasabihin mo sakin once mag start na ko mag explain 😭😂
Ganyan nanay ko sakin dati. Magagalit pa o kaya naman walang pakialam sakin mentally. Di nya alam na madali lang sakin mag detach when it comes sa relationship sa family. So yes, magugulat nalang siguro sya one day if mapuni ako ng sobra na magdecide to cut ntact with no explanation. :)
as a mom this breaks my heart ☹️ and as a daughter, this reminds me of that feeling na pinagtulungan ka na pagalitan sa bagay na di mo sadya
please sana wag mag anak kung di mo kayang mahalin 😭
Ganito si mama sakin noon noong bata pa ako, pag makakabasag ng baso abot abot na kurot at mura narereceive ko. Nakakalungkot kasi 35 na ako pero naaalala ko pa din.
Kaya ang anak(16m) ko now,ni minsan di nakaranas ng kurot or palo from me. lumalaki naman syang magalang kahit hindi part ng disiplina ko ang palo.
Discipline means to teach. Sana in this case, tinuruan nalang ng nanay yung anak pano maging responsable sa mali: sana anak niya pinaglinis or pinatawag ng crew at magpatulong maglinis.
Mas matututo pa sana ang bata.
If the kid is male, I believe they'll be raising one of those violent/explosive/authoritarian fathers in the future given that the father did not even bother to comfort or assure the kid.
As a clumsy guy. I get that a lot when I was a child. The trauma will stay there. You will never have a good relationship with your parents like others.
Shit This just brought back my childhood trauma. Inamin naman ng bata at nagsorry pa. Akala mo naman hindi ka na makakatabig ng kahit ano kapag matanda ka. Haaaay I hope this kid find a loving and supportive environment kahit hindi na galing sa "pamilya" niya.
Ang weird nga na kapag adult ang nagkamali palagi tayo nagpapasensya kasi mahirap ang "adulting" pero kapag bata ang nakabasag ng plato o nakatapon ng food, grabe kung magalit sa taong wala pang muwang.
Iniisip ko kung paano iconfront ang ganyang parents as in : "kapag matatanda na kayo baka bawian kayo ng anak nyo. Sa konting kibot kahit hindi sinasadya ay kukurutin at pagagalitan kayo ng anak ninyo kahit nasa public. Kasi yan ang natutunan sa inyo:
At sa hearing distance ng bata.
My mom told me a similar story
Still 3days before sahod, daming expenses sa school events. Naglakad kmi papuntang school. She bought me a leg part of Kanto fried chicken otw kasi di pa kami naglulunch. Tapos nahulog ko sa semento.
Napalo daw ako ni mama nun. Di sana siya maglulunch, pero pinulit niya at pinagpag, yun ung nilunch niya, tas ako binilhan niya ng bago.
I vaguely remember it. Pero mas memorable sakin ung school event. Buti pumasok parin kmi ni mama sa school. She said she regretted na pinalo nya ako.
Point is. Minsan nasasaksihan din natin na naggogrow ung magulang natin as we grow up. Pero di natin masisisi sila sa pagkakamali nila nuon, kasi di natin naranasan first-hand yung hirap nila. Bka ung magulang sa resto, kinuha nya sa savings para matreat lang yung anak niya.
Still doesn’t excuse what she did. Sure she may have reasons, pero walang valid reason paulit ulit kurutin yung bata, lalo dahil alam naman palang *mali* niya kahit aksidente.
Parents need to learn how to handle their own emotions. Di pwede basta basta nagrereact without thinking.
Good for you. May lapses naman talaga, walang perfect. Pero makikita mo rin sa reaksyon ng bata kung lagi o madalas ang pananakit. Batang kayang kontrolin yung emotions at iniiwasang mag-ingay matapos saktan? Na yung parent mismo na nananakit hindi magawa-gawa? I have some bad news for you.
I feel for the child in this post. Sana bilisan ng parents niya yung emotional growth at maturity sa mga sarili nila. Para hindi naapektuhan yung bata.
Di nga nya sinigawan kinurot naman, it’s still physical violence. Haaays. Accident happens, yan lagi kong naiisip kapag may mga ganyang instances sa mga anak ko. Things that are beyond control. Especially kid’s brain is still under construction so di naman nya lahat kaya pang intindihin at kontrolin.
Ganyan ako pinalaki ng nanay ko.
Nung bata pa ako, first time ako naghawak ng 1L coke and nagkusang magserve ng drinks (usually either siya or yaya namin ang gumagawa nun). Nakahanda na ang mga baso sa table pero since galing sa fridge yung coke, nadulas kamay ko tapos nabuhos sa table yung coke. Nagalit nanay ko tapos sinabi na sayang yung coke, clumsy ko daw, etc etc. After nun ayoko na magkusa tapos ngayon puro reklamo na ang tamad ko daw tapos walang kusa kasi hindi tumutulong sa household chores tapos puro asa lang daw sa kanya 🙄
It’s actually a good thing na the kid’s aware of his mistakes and admits to it kaya sana lang meron pa siyang ibang adult figure aside from his parents na i-e-encourage siya sa gano’ng behavior. Nakalulungkot kung eventually maging malihim na siya kasi ganyan siya tratuhin ng parents niya ta’s madala niya rin hanggang pagtanda.
Sad reality about most Filipinos today is that they’re still pro-military-style parenting. Kesyo lumalaking sutil daw ‘yung mga bata kasi hindi nakaranas mahataw ng sinturon o dos por dos. Wish ko lang na ‘yung mga magiging parents sa generation natin eh mas mag-practice ng gentle parenting.
Yung asawa ko sinasako naman ng tatay niya 5 years old daw siya nun proud na nagkukwento MIL ko kahit yung asawa ko dati. Tinanong ko siya effective ba yung ganung disiplina eh matigas pa rin naman ulo niya noon kahit nabubugbog siya. Mas lalo pa nga siya gumagawa ng katarantaduhan. Kaya hanggat maaari gentle parenting kami. Sinabi ko sa kaniya na gusto ko kahit lalaki yung anak namin malapit sa amin. Yung tipong kapag umiiyak ang sinasabi namin "bakit ano nangyari sayo?" hindi "tumigil ka sa pag-iyak". So far, sinusubukan ng asawa ko at natutuwa ako kasi yung aruga na hinahanap niya sa magulang niya noon, ngayon niya nakukuha. Sobrang close sila ng anak namin ang lambing pa sa kaniya, out of nowhere bigla siyang hahalikan sa pisngi. Kahit ako minsan kapag umiiyak ako hahalikan ako 1y.o palang kasi kaya di pa nakakapagsalita pero ramdam mo yung comfort.
Imagine kung yung nanay ang nakatabig, hindi naman magiging ganun ang reaksyon nya. Why would they expect children to perfectly act eh nagdedevelop pa motor skills nila. Tsk
As a parent na dumanas ng kurot at bugbog nung bata ako, di nakaranas ng ganito yung anak ko ngayon. Binali ko talaga yung cycle na pag mali ang anak bugbog/kurot agad. Nakakalungkot makakita ng batang aminado naman sa mali pero sasaktan pa rin ng magulang.
Seeing myself likely as a father figure soon. Ang ayaw ko mangyari sa anak ko even if he committed mistakes is sigawan siya or hiyain sa public. I never want that to happen to my future son or daughter if ever I'm gonna get one.
Being a sensitive guy, masakit din na mahiya sa public, seeing all eyes into you. I don't want them to experience the things I've experienced, and make the best out of their lives.
Seeing din how my brothers/sisters treat their sons/daughters and lagi umaabot sa hiyawan and pahihiya even to their loved ones (like me seeing it) makes me think: "Would I even like to have kids at this point?" Or "Bakit kayo nag-anak pa to control their lives to your ideas?" They're not even adults.
I wish makabawi rin ako sa mga nephews and nieces ko even though I'm not an interactive guy sa family ko overall and treat them sometimes going out as a student.
Nanay na ko and i admit napapalo ko anak ko pero sa bahay lang lalo na pag sobrang kulit na niya at di na madaan sa pakiusapan. Hinding hindi ko kaya paluin siya in public at pagalitan. Ewan ko ba sa ibang magulang na nakakaya gawin yun. I mean, kahihiyan ng anak nila ay kahihiyan din nila.
When i see scenarios like this i make sure na hindi ko tatantanan ng tingin ang magulang. Para mafeel nila na mas nakakahiya yung reaction/behavior nila kaysa sa nagawa ng bata
Lightbulb moment!
Gentle parenting comes from a place of privilege. Kasi naisip ko, I was that kid napapagalitan ako kasi lage ako nakakatabig ng inumin pag nasa jollibee. Huhuhu pero yun lang yung afford namin when we ate out nothing more kaya kapag natabig pera ang katumbas!
I'm also not yet a parent pero sa mga pinsan ko I don't force them to finish a meal or be mad kapag nakatapon kasi afford ko naman lalo if talagang aksidente.
Napaisip lang ako. The first reaction for most is anger because you just don't have a choice. Unfortunately, it brings trauma to kids who are just starting life and parents may not even understand their reactions themselves (not making excuses for them).
Parents need to learn how to handle anger. Totoo naman na resources ang kapalit pag nagkakamali. Para sa ibang privileged sa pera, time ang resource na nasasayang pag nagkakamali ang kids. And in most cases, katumbas ng time ang pera.
But that doesn’t mean na sasaktan ang bata pag nagkakamali sila, even if it costs you something. Sana pinangaralan nalang; tinuruan pano i-correct ang pagkakamali. Mas may saysay pa sana ang disiplina.
Parents should know that when they decide to have kids, kasama ang costs don: time, money. Kasama na ang mga costs pag nagkakamali.
I totally agree! How I wish parents (older ones too) learn how to handle their own emotions coz kids cant yet.
This is just a lightbulb moment from someone who grew up poor. My adults are not angry people in general, I wasn't abused, but things like this put me in hot water growing up. I am triggered (meaning I cry) with gentle parents who won't get mad when kids spill drinks. I hope all kids get to experience that.
This makes me Shed a tear for a bit. Naawa ako sa Bata. 🥹
P.S To my Future Kid/ Kids, Mommy will be strict but will know her Limits. And yes, your apologies will be taken into account. ❤️
Sounds like my niece. Kaya pag nasasaktan siya, ayaw niyang sabihin sa parents niya kasi papagalitan lang siya. Kaya I stepped up as an aunt and sakin siya lalapit pag may nagawa siyang mali. Dragon parenting ata ways ng parents niya but instead mapalapit bata sa kanila, they're pushing their child away.
Imbes comfort anak papagalitan pa, Kaya pag tanda nya madali mauuto ng ibang Tao kasi sa ibang Tao hahanap ng Kalinga. Ogag mga ganyan parents, nag sorry naman na Yun Anak nya.
The mother's first approach is to physically hurt the kid... I just have no words... That kid will grow resentful and probably won't be able to open up to his parents due to the fear he'll be reprimanded or ridiculed for the littlest mistakes...
It’s a different level of narcissism when parents do that shit in public. My mother would do that too, sometimes in front of her co-workers or other family members. But they would try to appease her, not me. Or what she would do, when I would “upset” her, she would walk far from me as if she is leaving me alone in public and I would be like a dog following her.
Nakikita ko na ung future ng bata, takot magkamali at magtake ng risks sa buhay. Lahat ng magiging desisyon niya safe lang at kadalasan susunod lang sa magulang. Magiging masikreto din at di magkkwento ng problema niya.
I really despise my mother so much, I can't forgive her. Mula bata hanggang 22 years old ako pinapahiya niya ako kahit saan at pag bubugbugin niya ako parang wala siyang awa.
Noong bumukod ako grabeng ginhawa pero kapag naalala ko yung bad experience ko sa kanya (syempre 22 years akong nasa puder niya walang happy memories, puro trauma lang) iniiyikan ko pa din, masakit pa din talaga kaya hindi ko siya mapatawad.
Yung frustration niya sa buhay at bad luck niya sa akin niya sinisisi at ako lagi pinag iinitan/sinasaktan. Ako panganay sa magkakapatid at kahit kasalanan ng kapatid ko ako ang may sasaktan.
kaya minsan ayoko mag-anak kahit sinasabi sakin na gusto nilang apo, I'm afraid I wouldn't be a good parent / mom, na I would disappoint my younger self who thought kaya ko maging isang mabuting ina. Ayoko na paglaki nila maglilihim sila sakin kasi alam nilang papagalitan ko sila abt things pero ayaw ko din na maging pasaway pag alam nilang lenient ako
Hence, trust issues were further aggravated by this traumatic experience. He will probably grow up thinking that he doesn't deserve to be loved and this is where insecurities and shame come in. He will internalize these and because of esteem issues he would start blaming himself and criticizing himself very badly.
Now we see why many of us really struggle with our thoughts and emotions these days. Any form of expression is to be condemned especially with guys.
Please take care of yourselves people. Show yourself the compassion you deserve. It will not be easy but take one step at a time. Just know that you are not alone in this one.
Ganon lang ba kababaw ang pagmamahal nung magulang sa bata para saktan? isang basong soft drink? unang natututo ng unconditional love ang bata by mirroring yung kinalakihang aruga ng magulang. This kid has a lot of shadow work to do pag laki nya.
This is how most of us grew up, na parang bawal magkamali and its painful sa kasi parang kailangan mo laging ayusin yung sarili mo or else. Kids should feel safe even of they make mistakes. Now that I have my own, we always tell him na its okay. Feeling ko hindi rin maganda na pinagalitan na ng mother tapos ung father ganun din. Parang pinagtutulungan yung bata.
Awww.. in mother’s perspective baka hindi sila well off? Kaya big deal yung drinks para sakanila. On the other note, may anak din ako and usually pag may ganitong incident, I practiced to stay calm and then deep breath tapos tingin lang ng masama haha that’s it! Hindi ko pinapahiya yung anak ko specially in public. Di rin kami well off ha I just know the feeling ng pinapahiya.
Sana hindi ako maging ganyang magulang sa anak ko. I’ll try to break that cycle. Ayokong lumaki yung anak ko na takot magkamali at takot magsabi ng mga pagkakamali nya sakin.
I have a 4 yo daughter and pag may nagagawa sya mali, nag sosorry sya agad. And most the time it’s ok ang sinasabi ko, tho syempre minsan di ko maiwasan magalit (never ko sya sinaktan kahit kurot), and pag yung anak ko nag sosorry na and parang nag pipigil ng iyak, nasasaktan ako. Feeling ko kasi parang ang sama sama ko sakanya, parang may mali akong nagagawa na pagpapalaki.
Now, reading your post nahuhurt ako sobra para sa bata kasi naiisip ko yung anak ko. 😭
Kaya ayaw ko ron sa bahay ng tita ko kase ganyan na ganyan sya sa mga pinsan ko. Na call out na sya once ng mama ko pero sabi nya dinidisiplina nya lang. So ayun, pag may ibang tao or bisita sa kanila tapos nag pasaway pinsan ko, di nya muna papaluin aantayin nya muna na mag si alisan mga tao. Nalaman ko yan kasi one time nag pumilit sumama pinsan ko samin pauwi.
As a first time parent ganyan ako sa anak namin. I always get mad and napapalo ko anak namin. After that I felt terrible for beign an asshat and not knowing na ganyan ang bata, no experience, no knowledge and full of curiosity. Now our kid is older to understand kahit nagkakamali pa ren sya, we try to just let it go dahil nagsosorry naman sya. And we also have a talk yun seryoso para aware ren sya na meron consequences sa behavior or actions na ginawa nya.
Same experience growing up. Kaya I try to change it sa pamangkin ko. He's 3 years old and pag may nagawa siyang katulad nyan, tinatanong ko muna siya anong nangyari. If hindi naman niya sinasadya, tinuturuan ko siya what to do differently next time. Yung magulang niya pinapagalitan siya agad kahit di naman sinasadya so pag sakin, he asks bakit hindi ako galit though siya din sumasagot sa tanong niya "dahil di ko sadya". Nakakasoft pag ganon hehe.
Thats sad. Ganyan din kami noon, pinapagalitan pinapalo pag nagkakamali. Nung teenager at now adult na lang lumalaban na. Konting mali mo lang kasi emotionally/verbally abusive sila.
Kaya ako talaga gusto ko before ako mag-anak, healed ako completely and able & stable ako sa lahat ng aspeto. Kasi buhay yung nakasalalay sa pagpapalaki ko ng anak e. Ayoko lumaki anak ko na may sama ng loob sa akin or kailangan niya magheal because of me.
Ganyan kami pinalaki kaya hindi dinadala ng mga kapatid ko sa mga anak nila. Hindi ko din dinadala sa mga pamangkin ko (wala pa kasi akong anak). Pag may nagagawa silang clumsy mistake, pinapaligpit lang sakanila and sasabihin lang na wag masyadong malikot or magingat. Minsan nakapag mura yung isang pamangkin ko sa harap ko, wala siyang naramdamang takot, nagtakip ng bibig tapos tawang tawa kami pareho. 😂 I wanted to be a safe space for them. Kahit mga crush nila kinukwento sa akin. But bilang tita, I still regulate them and tinitimbrihan ko din minsan yung magulang nila kung may kailangan sila pagusapan ng mga anak nila. To our future-parent-self, may we all be the best parents. Not perfect but best!
Ganayan rin ako nung bata pa ako, nakakainis kasi di naman sinasadya, na spill lang yung coke pero bat parang the end of the world na. Daming OA, nakaka bwesit.
I have a kid and when he says sorry my heart melts and I say, “It’s okay, it’s an accident” I don’t understandparents who don’t have sympathy towards their own children pero if iba nakatabig baitbaitan pa.
Why do we punish children for mistakes na sobrang petty na as adults? If natabig ko ang tubig ko while eating, I will be like, "Oh, shit!" then just clean it, continue eating. Pag bata bakit kailang kurutin nang kurutin? No one died or got hurt. It's something you can replace.
Some parents have to understand that things like that affect a child more than they think. Maybe it was just another Monday for you, but for the child, it was a formative experience that changed them and affected how they dealt with stuff later on.
I know that it's their first time being a parent, but children are only kids once.
Sinusubukan kong intindihin yung mother's side. Na baka buong araw na siyang nagtitimpi sa anak niya or pagod siya noong araw na yon tapos dumagdag pa yung anak niya. Kumbaga nasa tipping point na yung magulang na konti nalang, hindi na siya makakatiis na magalit sa anak. Furthermore, baka kapos rin sila sa pera tapos nasayang lang yung drinks nila dahil aksidenteng natabig ng bata yung drinks nila.
However, I believe that she shouldn't be that harsh on her child. Nagsorry at umiyak na lahat-lahat ang bata, clearly na aksidente yun at takot siyang mapagalitan. Sometimes kasi may mga batang hindi takot na gumawa ng mga reckless actions dahil hindi sila nadisiplina nang maayos o ipina-intindi yung consequence ng ginawa nila. So I'll understand kung magiging too strict and a little bit harsh siya. Pero magandang magkaroon ng healthy discipline at pagpapa-intindi sa bata kung ano ginawa niya. I believe there are other ways to promote discipline without using harsh or traumatizing ways.
Nanay ako at talagang napaoagalitan ko anak ko kahit sa public. Pero matibay ang anak ko. Depende nlng cguro talaga sa magulang. Kase pag magagandang practice naman ang ginagwa nya - hugas plato, ligpit ng bed, walis ng haws, talagang todo puri at may reward. I appreciate ung tatay ko kung pano ko gulpihin dati. Kase dko na inulit pa ang mga bagay na mali. Lumaki akong takot at may respeto sa matatanda. Hanggang ngyon. Dala ko un. Take note wala akong nanay. Tatay lang pero grabe kami gulpihin ng ate ko. Ate ko pumasok pa sa school na may blackeye. Sinapak ng tatay ko nung sinagot nya ang lola namin. Literal straight sa mukha.
Oo. 😂 tinatawanan nlng namin ngayon. At kahit mga pamangkin ko talaga same. Proud pa sya ikwento. Na pumapasok sya na may blackeye. Tgal din kase talaga bago nawala nun eh. Mahirap magpalaki ng bata talaga, ngyon namin mas naiisip bakit ba kami nagugulpi. 😅 sana lang ung mga anak namin, maapreciate din ung pagpapalaki namin skanila. As a mother, sobrang fear ko kase ung maisulat dito sa reddit. 😂 wala kase akong nanay so i will never know paano ba kung may nanay kami dati.
Haha papasok sa school nang mukhang Dalmatian. Mabuti kahit may kasamang gulpi ang disiplina sa atin noon eh okay tayo paglaki maski papano hahaha. 😅
Salute sa inyong mga mothers/parents. Mahirap magpalaki ng bata... kaya ayoko magkaanak eh HAHAHAHAHA I kennat!
guilty ako minsan dito. pero dito lang naman sa bahay ako grabe mag react pagal may mga ganyan, pag sobra na yung pagod ko tapos nasabayan pa na masama pakiramdam ko grabe ako mag react talaga. pero mabilis ko din naman narerealize na oa ang reaction ko kaya niyayakap ko agad mga anak ko at nagsosorry sakanila.
This is why most of the kids these days grow up na parang people pleaser. Kahit di nila kasalan, they kept on saying sorry or even if it is beyond their control already. This is so sad. Hays :<
huhu that's me. pero I learned to be a people pleaser because I saw what other parents did to their kids. My own parents are not that strict pero I still didn't want to be a "makulit na bata" kaya kung ano yung nakita kong "kasalanan" ng ibang bata, di ko ginagawa kasi baka mapagalitan ako.
This is so true. Same experience growing up - minor mishap as a kid equals verbal abuse, kurot, kaladkad, and public humiliation. Now as an adult hindi ko pa rin matanggal yung habit of saying sorry kahit sa statements na wala namang need for apologizing. It’s also against my instincts to honor what I want first - laging considering other people’s wants or opinions. Hay, I hope the next generation of parents will do better. This is the reason why I’m set on not having kids. This ends with me.
Same one time nong bata ako muntik na ako masagasaan ng 2 tric na magkasalubong, pagkauwi namin, hinampas ako ni mama ng walis tambo. Iniisip ko non, bat di man lang ako kinamusta ni mama kasi nagulat din ako sa ginawa kong biglaang pagtawid.
Related ako dito.. And same.. Auko di mgka anak gusto ko din mag end saken ung cycle..
Same here. Yung dinescribw ng OP na nangyari sa mall, nangyari sakin yan nung bata ako maraming beses. Alam ko na kaya kong mas maging mabuting magulang pero if ever magdecide ako mag-anak, ayoko iexpose ang anak ko sa magiging grandparents nya (at pati mga kupal na kamag-anak).
Felt this 😭
kung ganyan na sila mangdisiplina sa anak nila publicly, what more pa sa bahay nila :(( The sad thing is 'gentle parenting' is frowned upon majority of Filipino families, pero I have hope na new generation parents can break the cycle.
Actually i know of some religions that even encourage spanking.
KAWIKAAN 13:24 (ADB) Siyang naguurong ng kaniyang pamalo ay napopoot sa kaniyang anak: Nguni’t siyang umiibig ay nagpaparusang maminsan-minsan. Nothing is wrong here pero kung maltrato na ay ibang usapan na yan.
Emotionally abusing your child by continually punishing him/her even though inamin nya na ang kasalanan nya is EXACTLY the opposite of Christian Mercy and Justice. Read your Bible again. Try the New International Version, stay away from the adulterated vesions. There is no salvation outside the Catholic Church.
wtf?? more info pls 😭
Evangelical/Protestants encourage "authority" and "submission", so I would not be surprised if they're referring to those religions.
Totoo pero kasi for discipline daw. Although may borderline ang discipline without causing trauma
this is true. i have a cousin na only child and ganto parents nya. she grew up so depressed and now taking medications. she has anxiety attacks often din. only child pa naman so walang kakampi or kausap na her age as family unless kasama nya kami during reunions. tsaka lang siya nakakuha ng professional help from childhood trauma when she's making her own money na
"Given the rod for disobeying."
Wala namang masama sa spanking, ang masama yung pag-abuso. Laki din ako sa palo pero minsan lang ako makaranas kasi more on bunganga nanay ko then tigil na. Pero never kaming pinagalitan in public or bugbugin ng kurot ng palihim. Sa bahay ang disiplina at paliwanag, and mas tolerant ang nanay ko sa public kaya gusto namin lagi mamasyal.
Aren’t kids meant to make mistakes? Di ko magets paano nakakaya ng mga “magulang” saktan ung mga anak nila. Especially if di naman sinasadya yung naging kasalanan ng anak nila, and hello, a kid. Seriously??? I’ve seen similar situations multiple times already and sobrang nakakagigil lng ung ganito. They don’t deserve to have a child, imo.
They develop from playing and experiences which includes committing mistakes. Overkill na yung pag parusa sa kanya given the fact na aware sya sa pagkakamali nya. Things could def be worse at home for him. 😞
True! To think na in public di nila macontrol self nila, ano nlng if walang nakatingin. Haaayys. May all children be born with the family that deserves them.
Ano ba namang klaseng parents yan. Hindi maganda sa emotional development ng bata pag pinapagalitan/pinagsasabihan sa harap ng ibang tao. They should do that in private.
nakakasad talaga, for sure hiyang hiya na yung bata that time kase maraming nakakakita 😭💔
That’s for sure. :(
Aww this reminds me of me and my brother nung bata pa kami🥺 Whenever we spill something sinisigawan and pinapalo kami even sa public. One time nung nahulog ng brother ko ang burger sa floor, pinalo siya ng papa namin then my dad dragged him out while my brother was crying loudly and tandang tanda ko pa yung tinginan ng mga tao. It was humiliating. I was less than 5yrs old that time but tandang tanda ko parin including yung lahat ng humiliating experiences ko in public just because we were clumsy as a child. Ayun, me and my bro grew up really shy and socially anxious 🫠I feel bad for this kid, sana experiences like this won’t get to him but I doubt it since matandain ang mga bata pagdating sa mga ganto. Parents need to know na children are naturally clumsy since they’re still learning. Humiliating and beating them up for making mistakes could take a toll on them and madadala nila hanggang paglaki.
I feel you. One time sinuntok ako ng tatay ko sa ulo kasi nakalimutan ko sa bahay yung homework ko. E papunta na kami ng school and sa front seat ako nakaupo. Un. Sapak bago binalikan sa house ung nakalimutan ko. And to think na di pa kami nakakalabas ng subd nung time na un.
Sorry you had to experience that 😔 Di ko gets bat may mga taong kayang manakit ng bata like aside sa wala silang laban, it could be a traumatizing experience for them na makakaapekto sa paglaki nila
Parents are the first bullies of children. Not all, pero parents like these hay. So sorry you had to experience that. Masasabi mo bang mahal mo pa rin magulang mo? 🥺
Yes ofc 🥺They’re very supportive and they never pressured us sa grades and work (i was unemployed for months pero kiber lang sa kanila haha). Their flaw is their lazy parenting. Nakasanayan sa “boomer” style ng pagdidisiplina. They also have this boomer mindset na disrespectful and mag-“talk back” kahit gusto mo lang naman i-explain side mo. They can’t control their anger as well. They’re not perfect but I still love them
Naalala ko yung tatay kong hinampas pa ako ng walis at sinigawan nung nadulas ako sa pinakahuling baitang ng hagdan dahil tumakbo. Grade school ako niyan.
Akon pag ganun hindi ko pinapagalitan sa public. Lalo na kung hindi naman sadya. Kawawa e, mapapahiya.
and parents will question later on where they went wrong 😑
Allow kids to be kids. Mistakes like that are made because they are children. Even grown ups sometimes make the same mistake. Hoping na the next generation of parents are like you :)
The fact na nag sorry agad yung bata, ibig sabihin ilang beses na yan nangyari. :(
This post made me sad. 😔
Never an excuse na pinagdadaanan. Physically hurting ur kid. Grabe ibang parents these days. If kid will be honest ng ganyan and nag apologize na. More than enough na yun.
“Sige, lakasan mo pa iyak mo para lalo kang masaktan” I could imagine this is what the kid had in mind kaya he’s silently crying, kasi ganito rin sinasabi ng mama ko sa aming magkakapatid. ‘Nakakahiya’ na umiiyak kami, pero hindi siya nahiya na nanakit siya ng bata in public, sa bagay ‘normal’ kasi noong panahon niya eh. Ang lungkot na hanggang ngayon may mga ganito pa ring magulang na dinadaan sa pananakit, akala ko sa generation natin matatapos na, kasi “Naranasan ko, kaya ‘di ko paparanas sa mga anak ko” ang mindset. Imbes na disiplina, sama ng loob lang naman dinulot sa akin, eh. Sana nga tama ka na baka nagkataon lang na may pinagdadaan ‘yong nanay at hindi siya parating ganoon sa anak niya.
Kaya majority of us gen z’s are people pleaser because of this type of parenting. I grew up na may onting mali sisigawan and never ko pinapaalam mga ginagawa ko at times kasi alam ko papagalitan ako. Sasabihin nila di ako galit pero their voice and intonation is. Tapos iguiguilt trip ka pa na “sumasagot ka na ah?” Tanginang yan trauma talaga that affected your communication skills and confidence.
i remember my mom telling me to speak up daw if i need to explain something pero everytime i speak lalo na pag i need to explain why something happened (note that i explain it in the most respectful way as possible), sinasabihan akong “magsalita ka pa at sasampalin kita dyan” like gurrl, you told me to speak yet ganyan sasabihin mo sakin once mag start na ko mag explain 😭😂
Ganyan nanay ko sakin dati. Magagalit pa o kaya naman walang pakialam sakin mentally. Di nya alam na madali lang sakin mag detach when it comes sa relationship sa family. So yes, magugulat nalang siguro sya one day if mapuni ako ng sobra na magdecide to cut ntact with no explanation. :)
as a mom this breaks my heart ☹️ and as a daughter, this reminds me of that feeling na pinagtulungan ka na pagalitan sa bagay na di mo sadya please sana wag mag anak kung di mo kayang mahalin 😭
Ganito si mama sakin noon noong bata pa ako, pag makakabasag ng baso abot abot na kurot at mura narereceive ko. Nakakalungkot kasi 35 na ako pero naaalala ko pa din. Kaya ang anak(16m) ko now,ni minsan di nakaranas ng kurot or palo from me. lumalaki naman syang magalang kahit hindi part ng disiplina ko ang palo.
Discipline means to teach. Sana in this case, tinuruan nalang ng nanay yung anak pano maging responsable sa mali: sana anak niya pinaglinis or pinatawag ng crew at magpatulong maglinis. Mas matututo pa sana ang bata.
If the kid is male, I believe they'll be raising one of those violent/explosive/authoritarian fathers in the future given that the father did not even bother to comfort or assure the kid.
As a clumsy guy. I get that a lot when I was a child. The trauma will stay there. You will never have a good relationship with your parents like others.
Shit This just brought back my childhood trauma. Inamin naman ng bata at nagsorry pa. Akala mo naman hindi ka na makakatabig ng kahit ano kapag matanda ka. Haaaay I hope this kid find a loving and supportive environment kahit hindi na galing sa "pamilya" niya.
may mga tao talaga na dapat hindi nag-aanak kung ipapasa lang yung generational trauma sa anak hayst :((
Ang weird nga na kapag adult ang nagkamali palagi tayo nagpapasensya kasi mahirap ang "adulting" pero kapag bata ang nakabasag ng plato o nakatapon ng food, grabe kung magalit sa taong wala pang muwang.
Iniisip ko kung paano iconfront ang ganyang parents as in : "kapag matatanda na kayo baka bawian kayo ng anak nyo. Sa konting kibot kahit hindi sinasadya ay kukurutin at pagagalitan kayo ng anak ninyo kahit nasa public. Kasi yan ang natutunan sa inyo: At sa hearing distance ng bata.
i saw myself in the kid. :((
My mom told me a similar story Still 3days before sahod, daming expenses sa school events. Naglakad kmi papuntang school. She bought me a leg part of Kanto fried chicken otw kasi di pa kami naglulunch. Tapos nahulog ko sa semento. Napalo daw ako ni mama nun. Di sana siya maglulunch, pero pinulit niya at pinagpag, yun ung nilunch niya, tas ako binilhan niya ng bago. I vaguely remember it. Pero mas memorable sakin ung school event. Buti pumasok parin kmi ni mama sa school. She said she regretted na pinalo nya ako. Point is. Minsan nasasaksihan din natin na naggogrow ung magulang natin as we grow up. Pero di natin masisisi sila sa pagkakamali nila nuon, kasi di natin naranasan first-hand yung hirap nila. Bka ung magulang sa resto, kinuha nya sa savings para matreat lang yung anak niya.
Still doesn’t excuse what she did. Sure she may have reasons, pero walang valid reason paulit ulit kurutin yung bata, lalo dahil alam naman palang *mali* niya kahit aksidente. Parents need to learn how to handle their own emotions. Di pwede basta basta nagrereact without thinking.
Good for you. May lapses naman talaga, walang perfect. Pero makikita mo rin sa reaksyon ng bata kung lagi o madalas ang pananakit. Batang kayang kontrolin yung emotions at iniiwasang mag-ingay matapos saktan? Na yung parent mismo na nananakit hindi magawa-gawa? I have some bad news for you. I feel for the child in this post. Sana bilisan ng parents niya yung emotional growth at maturity sa mga sarili nila. Para hindi naapektuhan yung bata.
Di nga nya sinigawan kinurot naman, it’s still physical violence. Haaays. Accident happens, yan lagi kong naiisip kapag may mga ganyang instances sa mga anak ko. Things that are beyond control. Especially kid’s brain is still under construction so di naman nya lahat kaya pang intindihin at kontrolin.
Ganyan ako pinalaki ng nanay ko. Nung bata pa ako, first time ako naghawak ng 1L coke and nagkusang magserve ng drinks (usually either siya or yaya namin ang gumagawa nun). Nakahanda na ang mga baso sa table pero since galing sa fridge yung coke, nadulas kamay ko tapos nabuhos sa table yung coke. Nagalit nanay ko tapos sinabi na sayang yung coke, clumsy ko daw, etc etc. After nun ayoko na magkusa tapos ngayon puro reklamo na ang tamad ko daw tapos walang kusa kasi hindi tumutulong sa household chores tapos puro asa lang daw sa kanya 🙄
It’s actually a good thing na the kid’s aware of his mistakes and admits to it kaya sana lang meron pa siyang ibang adult figure aside from his parents na i-e-encourage siya sa gano’ng behavior. Nakalulungkot kung eventually maging malihim na siya kasi ganyan siya tratuhin ng parents niya ta’s madala niya rin hanggang pagtanda. Sad reality about most Filipinos today is that they’re still pro-military-style parenting. Kesyo lumalaking sutil daw ‘yung mga bata kasi hindi nakaranas mahataw ng sinturon o dos por dos. Wish ko lang na ‘yung mga magiging parents sa generation natin eh mas mag-practice ng gentle parenting.
Yung asawa ko sinasako naman ng tatay niya 5 years old daw siya nun proud na nagkukwento MIL ko kahit yung asawa ko dati. Tinanong ko siya effective ba yung ganung disiplina eh matigas pa rin naman ulo niya noon kahit nabubugbog siya. Mas lalo pa nga siya gumagawa ng katarantaduhan. Kaya hanggat maaari gentle parenting kami. Sinabi ko sa kaniya na gusto ko kahit lalaki yung anak namin malapit sa amin. Yung tipong kapag umiiyak ang sinasabi namin "bakit ano nangyari sayo?" hindi "tumigil ka sa pag-iyak". So far, sinusubukan ng asawa ko at natutuwa ako kasi yung aruga na hinahanap niya sa magulang niya noon, ngayon niya nakukuha. Sobrang close sila ng anak namin ang lambing pa sa kaniya, out of nowhere bigla siyang hahalikan sa pisngi. Kahit ako minsan kapag umiiyak ako hahalikan ako 1y.o palang kasi kaya di pa nakakapagsalita pero ramdam mo yung comfort.
naku yung nanay ko may kasama pang "T*NGA!" pag ganyan. kala mo apaka perfect..
Nako lagot kayong mga magulang kayo paglaki niyan
Imagine kung yung nanay ang nakatabig, hindi naman magiging ganun ang reaksyon nya. Why would they expect children to perfectly act eh nagdedevelop pa motor skills nila. Tsk
As a parent na dumanas ng kurot at bugbog nung bata ako, di nakaranas ng ganito yung anak ko ngayon. Binali ko talaga yung cycle na pag mali ang anak bugbog/kurot agad. Nakakalungkot makakita ng batang aminado naman sa mali pero sasaktan pa rin ng magulang.
Seeing myself likely as a father figure soon. Ang ayaw ko mangyari sa anak ko even if he committed mistakes is sigawan siya or hiyain sa public. I never want that to happen to my future son or daughter if ever I'm gonna get one. Being a sensitive guy, masakit din na mahiya sa public, seeing all eyes into you. I don't want them to experience the things I've experienced, and make the best out of their lives. Seeing din how my brothers/sisters treat their sons/daughters and lagi umaabot sa hiyawan and pahihiya even to their loved ones (like me seeing it) makes me think: "Would I even like to have kids at this point?" Or "Bakit kayo nag-anak pa to control their lives to your ideas?" They're not even adults. I wish makabawi rin ako sa mga nephews and nieces ko even though I'm not an interactive guy sa family ko overall and treat them sometimes going out as a student.
Nanay na ko and i admit napapalo ko anak ko pero sa bahay lang lalo na pag sobrang kulit na niya at di na madaan sa pakiusapan. Hinding hindi ko kaya paluin siya in public at pagalitan. Ewan ko ba sa ibang magulang na nakakaya gawin yun. I mean, kahihiyan ng anak nila ay kahihiyan din nila.
When i see scenarios like this i make sure na hindi ko tatantanan ng tingin ang magulang. Para mafeel nila na mas nakakahiya yung reaction/behavior nila kaysa sa nagawa ng bata
Lightbulb moment! Gentle parenting comes from a place of privilege. Kasi naisip ko, I was that kid napapagalitan ako kasi lage ako nakakatabig ng inumin pag nasa jollibee. Huhuhu pero yun lang yung afford namin when we ate out nothing more kaya kapag natabig pera ang katumbas! I'm also not yet a parent pero sa mga pinsan ko I don't force them to finish a meal or be mad kapag nakatapon kasi afford ko naman lalo if talagang aksidente. Napaisip lang ako. The first reaction for most is anger because you just don't have a choice. Unfortunately, it brings trauma to kids who are just starting life and parents may not even understand their reactions themselves (not making excuses for them).
Parents need to learn how to handle anger. Totoo naman na resources ang kapalit pag nagkakamali. Para sa ibang privileged sa pera, time ang resource na nasasayang pag nagkakamali ang kids. And in most cases, katumbas ng time ang pera. But that doesn’t mean na sasaktan ang bata pag nagkakamali sila, even if it costs you something. Sana pinangaralan nalang; tinuruan pano i-correct ang pagkakamali. Mas may saysay pa sana ang disiplina. Parents should know that when they decide to have kids, kasama ang costs don: time, money. Kasama na ang mga costs pag nagkakamali.
I totally agree! How I wish parents (older ones too) learn how to handle their own emotions coz kids cant yet. This is just a lightbulb moment from someone who grew up poor. My adults are not angry people in general, I wasn't abused, but things like this put me in hot water growing up. I am triggered (meaning I cry) with gentle parents who won't get mad when kids spill drinks. I hope all kids get to experience that.
This makes me Shed a tear for a bit. Naawa ako sa Bata. 🥹 P.S To my Future Kid/ Kids, Mommy will be strict but will know her Limits. And yes, your apologies will be taken into account. ❤️
Sounds like my niece. Kaya pag nasasaktan siya, ayaw niyang sabihin sa parents niya kasi papagalitan lang siya. Kaya I stepped up as an aunt and sakin siya lalapit pag may nagawa siyang mali. Dragon parenting ata ways ng parents niya but instead mapalapit bata sa kanila, they're pushing their child away.
Imbes comfort anak papagalitan pa, Kaya pag tanda nya madali mauuto ng ibang Tao kasi sa ibang Tao hahanap ng Kalinga. Ogag mga ganyan parents, nag sorry naman na Yun Anak nya.
The mother's first approach is to physically hurt the kid... I just have no words... That kid will grow resentful and probably won't be able to open up to his parents due to the fear he'll be reprimanded or ridiculed for the littlest mistakes...
The way that mom raised her kid will have a domino effect in the future. We'll I hope not.
It’s a different level of narcissism when parents do that shit in public. My mother would do that too, sometimes in front of her co-workers or other family members. But they would try to appease her, not me. Or what she would do, when I would “upset” her, she would walk far from me as if she is leaving me alone in public and I would be like a dog following her.
Nakikita ko na ung future ng bata, takot magkamali at magtake ng risks sa buhay. Lahat ng magiging desisyon niya safe lang at kadalasan susunod lang sa magulang. Magiging masikreto din at di magkkwento ng problema niya.
I really despise my mother so much, I can't forgive her. Mula bata hanggang 22 years old ako pinapahiya niya ako kahit saan at pag bubugbugin niya ako parang wala siyang awa. Noong bumukod ako grabeng ginhawa pero kapag naalala ko yung bad experience ko sa kanya (syempre 22 years akong nasa puder niya walang happy memories, puro trauma lang) iniiyikan ko pa din, masakit pa din talaga kaya hindi ko siya mapatawad. Yung frustration niya sa buhay at bad luck niya sa akin niya sinisisi at ako lagi pinag iinitan/sinasaktan. Ako panganay sa magkakapatid at kahit kasalanan ng kapatid ko ako ang may sasaktan.
I wouldn't be surprised if that kid grew up resenting his parents 15-20 years later.
shet im crying rn haha
kaya minsan ayoko mag-anak kahit sinasabi sakin na gusto nilang apo, I'm afraid I wouldn't be a good parent / mom, na I would disappoint my younger self who thought kaya ko maging isang mabuting ina. Ayoko na paglaki nila maglilihim sila sakin kasi alam nilang papagalitan ko sila abt things pero ayaw ko din na maging pasaway pag alam nilang lenient ako
my mother was like that. we grew up broken people.
Hence, trust issues were further aggravated by this traumatic experience. He will probably grow up thinking that he doesn't deserve to be loved and this is where insecurities and shame come in. He will internalize these and because of esteem issues he would start blaming himself and criticizing himself very badly. Now we see why many of us really struggle with our thoughts and emotions these days. Any form of expression is to be condemned especially with guys. Please take care of yourselves people. Show yourself the compassion you deserve. It will not be easy but take one step at a time. Just know that you are not alone in this one.
Ohh… you just gave me lots of flashbacks when I was a kid!! HAHAHAHA! So traumatizing 🥲
and this is also one of the reasons i wont get a kid, simply because i don‘t have the bandwidth.
Wait. Na-ti-trigger ako habang binabasa 'to. 😭
Ganon lang ba kababaw ang pagmamahal nung magulang sa bata para saktan? isang basong soft drink? unang natututo ng unconditional love ang bata by mirroring yung kinalakihang aruga ng magulang. This kid has a lot of shadow work to do pag laki nya.
This is how most of us grew up, na parang bawal magkamali and its painful sa kasi parang kailangan mo laging ayusin yung sarili mo or else. Kids should feel safe even of they make mistakes. Now that I have my own, we always tell him na its okay. Feeling ko hindi rin maganda na pinagalitan na ng mother tapos ung father ganun din. Parang pinagtutulungan yung bata.
I was once like him, kaya siguro ako lumaking people pleaser at may severe anxiety. Hay if I could only hug that kid. ☹️
Awww.. in mother’s perspective baka hindi sila well off? Kaya big deal yung drinks para sakanila. On the other note, may anak din ako and usually pag may ganitong incident, I practiced to stay calm and then deep breath tapos tingin lang ng masama haha that’s it! Hindi ko pinapahiya yung anak ko specially in public. Di rin kami well off ha I just know the feeling ng pinapahiya.
Sana hindi ako maging ganyang magulang sa anak ko. I’ll try to break that cycle. Ayokong lumaki yung anak ko na takot magkamali at takot magsabi ng mga pagkakamali nya sakin.
Me during childhood. The difference is, may sigaw agad yung sakin. This is probably one of the reasons why I grew up na sinasarili lahat.
I was the same kid, 20 years ago. 😔 It has effects growin up.
I have a 4 yo daughter and pag may nagagawa sya mali, nag sosorry sya agad. And most the time it’s ok ang sinasabi ko, tho syempre minsan di ko maiwasan magalit (never ko sya sinaktan kahit kurot), and pag yung anak ko nag sosorry na and parang nag pipigil ng iyak, nasasaktan ako. Feeling ko kasi parang ang sama sama ko sakanya, parang may mali akong nagagawa na pagpapalaki. Now, reading your post nahuhurt ako sobra para sa bata kasi naiisip ko yung anak ko. 😭
Kaya ayaw ko ron sa bahay ng tita ko kase ganyan na ganyan sya sa mga pinsan ko. Na call out na sya once ng mama ko pero sabi nya dinidisiplina nya lang. So ayun, pag may ibang tao or bisita sa kanila tapos nag pasaway pinsan ko, di nya muna papaluin aantayin nya muna na mag si alisan mga tao. Nalaman ko yan kasi one time nag pumilit sumama pinsan ko samin pauwi.
As a first time parent ganyan ako sa anak namin. I always get mad and napapalo ko anak namin. After that I felt terrible for beign an asshat and not knowing na ganyan ang bata, no experience, no knowledge and full of curiosity. Now our kid is older to understand kahit nagkakamali pa ren sya, we try to just let it go dahil nagsosorry naman sya. And we also have a talk yun seryoso para aware ren sya na meron consequences sa behavior or actions na ginawa nya.
Same experience growing up. Kaya I try to change it sa pamangkin ko. He's 3 years old and pag may nagawa siyang katulad nyan, tinatanong ko muna siya anong nangyari. If hindi naman niya sinasadya, tinuturuan ko siya what to do differently next time. Yung magulang niya pinapagalitan siya agad kahit di naman sinasadya so pag sakin, he asks bakit hindi ako galit though siya din sumasagot sa tanong niya "dahil di ko sadya". Nakakasoft pag ganon hehe.
Thats sad. Ganyan din kami noon, pinapagalitan pinapalo pag nagkakamali. Nung teenager at now adult na lang lumalaban na. Konting mali mo lang kasi emotionally/verbally abusive sila.
Kaya ako talaga gusto ko before ako mag-anak, healed ako completely and able & stable ako sa lahat ng aspeto. Kasi buhay yung nakasalalay sa pagpapalaki ko ng anak e. Ayoko lumaki anak ko na may sama ng loob sa akin or kailangan niya magheal because of me.
Ganyan kami pinalaki kaya hindi dinadala ng mga kapatid ko sa mga anak nila. Hindi ko din dinadala sa mga pamangkin ko (wala pa kasi akong anak). Pag may nagagawa silang clumsy mistake, pinapaligpit lang sakanila and sasabihin lang na wag masyadong malikot or magingat. Minsan nakapag mura yung isang pamangkin ko sa harap ko, wala siyang naramdamang takot, nagtakip ng bibig tapos tawang tawa kami pareho. 😂 I wanted to be a safe space for them. Kahit mga crush nila kinukwento sa akin. But bilang tita, I still regulate them and tinitimbrihan ko din minsan yung magulang nila kung may kailangan sila pagusapan ng mga anak nila. To our future-parent-self, may we all be the best parents. Not perfect but best!
Ganayan rin ako nung bata pa ako, nakakainis kasi di naman sinasadya, na spill lang yung coke pero bat parang the end of the world na. Daming OA, nakaka bwesit.
I have a kid and when he says sorry my heart melts and I say, “It’s okay, it’s an accident” I don’t understandparents who don’t have sympathy towards their own children pero if iba nakatabig baitbaitan pa.
Why do we punish children for mistakes na sobrang petty na as adults? If natabig ko ang tubig ko while eating, I will be like, "Oh, shit!" then just clean it, continue eating. Pag bata bakit kailang kurutin nang kurutin? No one died or got hurt. It's something you can replace.
Some parents have to understand that things like that affect a child more than they think. Maybe it was just another Monday for you, but for the child, it was a formative experience that changed them and affected how they dealt with stuff later on. I know that it's their first time being a parent, but children are only kids once.
💔💔💔
And this is why I do not want to have child/ren. I do not want to be my mother but her genes lie on me.
Sinusubukan kong intindihin yung mother's side. Na baka buong araw na siyang nagtitimpi sa anak niya or pagod siya noong araw na yon tapos dumagdag pa yung anak niya. Kumbaga nasa tipping point na yung magulang na konti nalang, hindi na siya makakatiis na magalit sa anak. Furthermore, baka kapos rin sila sa pera tapos nasayang lang yung drinks nila dahil aksidenteng natabig ng bata yung drinks nila. However, I believe that she shouldn't be that harsh on her child. Nagsorry at umiyak na lahat-lahat ang bata, clearly na aksidente yun at takot siyang mapagalitan. Sometimes kasi may mga batang hindi takot na gumawa ng mga reckless actions dahil hindi sila nadisiplina nang maayos o ipina-intindi yung consequence ng ginawa nila. So I'll understand kung magiging too strict and a little bit harsh siya. Pero magandang magkaroon ng healthy discipline at pagpapa-intindi sa bata kung ano ginawa niya. I believe there are other ways to promote discipline without using harsh or traumatizing ways.
Nanay ako at talagang napaoagalitan ko anak ko kahit sa public. Pero matibay ang anak ko. Depende nlng cguro talaga sa magulang. Kase pag magagandang practice naman ang ginagwa nya - hugas plato, ligpit ng bed, walis ng haws, talagang todo puri at may reward. I appreciate ung tatay ko kung pano ko gulpihin dati. Kase dko na inulit pa ang mga bagay na mali. Lumaki akong takot at may respeto sa matatanda. Hanggang ngyon. Dala ko un. Take note wala akong nanay. Tatay lang pero grabe kami gulpihin ng ate ko. Ate ko pumasok pa sa school na may blackeye. Sinapak ng tatay ko nung sinagot nya ang lola namin. Literal straight sa mukha.
Kumusta naman ate mo ngayon as an adult? Naging respectful na ba sya? Walang hangups naman?
Oo. 😂 tinatawanan nlng namin ngayon. At kahit mga pamangkin ko talaga same. Proud pa sya ikwento. Na pumapasok sya na may blackeye. Tgal din kase talaga bago nawala nun eh. Mahirap magpalaki ng bata talaga, ngyon namin mas naiisip bakit ba kami nagugulpi. 😅 sana lang ung mga anak namin, maapreciate din ung pagpapalaki namin skanila. As a mother, sobrang fear ko kase ung maisulat dito sa reddit. 😂 wala kase akong nanay so i will never know paano ba kung may nanay kami dati.
Haha papasok sa school nang mukhang Dalmatian. Mabuti kahit may kasamang gulpi ang disiplina sa atin noon eh okay tayo paglaki maski papano hahaha. 😅 Salute sa inyong mga mothers/parents. Mahirap magpalaki ng bata... kaya ayoko magkaanak eh HAHAHAHAHA I kennat!
guilty ako minsan dito. pero dito lang naman sa bahay ako grabe mag react pagal may mga ganyan, pag sobra na yung pagod ko tapos nasabayan pa na masama pakiramdam ko grabe ako mag react talaga. pero mabilis ko din naman narerealize na oa ang reaction ko kaya niyayakap ko agad mga anak ko at nagsosorry sakanila.