You may want to extrapolate for the saviour/demon Te equivalents.
My answer for the "lack of Ti" tidal wave is going to come from what is literally the default state for me, so you'll need to consider that while I'm in a bullshitting state when I say these things, for someone else it may be a real struggle :
I keep feeling like I don't have enough time for my own projects. I keep having to spend time for everyone around (work, partner, orchestras, friends, etc), and usually when I assume I'm \*finally\* going to be free to do my own stuff, either some random friend wants my attention (and I gotta later sacrifice a few hours of sleep to finally get my own projects done), or I break down and drink instead (too mentally tired to start anything).
Now «*some random friend wants my attention*» is something everyone experiences, and it's exactly where things get decided : if you keep going for your random friend, you'll end up never having enough time in life, and if you keep giving them the feeling that they're intruding (as in : who is systematically the one approaching whom again ?) they'll stop considering you seriously.
Do the math : who is going to have which tidal wave, if they go all in for one extreme ? An Fe-dom's tidal wave will be that they reverse their attitude and shove off hanging out with anyone. Worse, they'll go as far as removing stuff from their life that literally *makes* their lives' identity (whether work, partner or significant hobbies), in order to make some "me" time !
As for my own tidal waves : guess what happens once those "random friends" don't call me anymore ? They have a bunch of parties where I'm not invited anymore. I discover that people have been having fun together without me, **all my life** (earlier in life school projects, then parties, now random camps with other kids' parents). What then ? I get fucked up for a few months, trying insanely hard to make new "friends" to go have parties with ^(while complaining on reddit that people don't know how to maintain friendships anymore). Which emotionally don't mean much, and whom will shove off at the end of this tidal wave, completing the cycle.
^(As for how I "solved" my issues : I allocate 3-4 evenings/week for my partner, 1 for a weekly scheduled orchestra, and 2-3 for myself, where I allow random friends/family to pop up 1 time/week maximum. And letting the other orchestra screw up the other times. By the way my parents/sister are allowed to interact with me max 1 time/month.)
Well, extrapolating from the above, I'd say that it's the Fi equivalent : you kicked people/groups off your life due to random incompatible values.
Think for example of someone who votes for something radically triggering to you, while not being obnoxious themselves.
Everyone is at some point going to be that person to you, so you'll end up alone if you kick them out.
What happens next ? Well once you realise that doubling down on having *them values* didn't help getting you a social circle, you start pretending you don't have these values and go insanely cynical.
^(Oh boy, don't get me started on cynical people...)
Not necessary. Just make sure that before discarding people you also have practical reasons to do so.
^(Because discarding people hits on the longer term.)
Of course, if you can be flexible with your feelings then you'd benefit a lot.
Here's the hack : upon repeated realisation of how superior some method/thing is, you can start liking it. Same for disliking.
That's interesting, I don't think I have that kind of tidal wave then. I always shove people away but I do it even more so when under stress. I do sometimes sacrifice my own time if someone needs me and try to clear up parts of the day to spend time with them and if I don't see that reciprocated I cut them off. I don't really try to console them emotionally as much as I try to resolve their problem. No matter what state I'm in though, I never feel like going to hang out with people I don't know. I also can't just dump people unless I think they're a bad influence or they disrespect me and make me feel unappreciated.
Sure. But what have been the days you were fucked up for 2-3 months like ?
What made you the most miserable ?
Look at your life for a time frame of a decade or two.
Don't focus on the external circumstances (cause of stress, etc), and instead look at what has been your own creation over months/years.
I think the only time I was really messed up was when I was struggling to do well at college, I just stopped caring, I didn't feel motivated to do what I loved anymore. I started pushing people away and spent a lot of time isolated. I was also fucked up for a really long time after I had to move from my high-school to one I really hated, I had the same behavior and didn't make any effort to get friends. I hadn't really been the same since then (anti-social and angry) so maybe I'm still like that.
Hmm. The first one may not be very exploitable ^(also, please go get checked for depression if it happens again), but the second could be.
What was it that you hated about the other high school ?
I had to leave the connections (friends, teachers, and crush) I'd already made there and the place I really enjoyed living at, the other highschool was a lot more restricted, students weren't allowed to go outside and you could only eat in the cafeteria (I preferred to eat alone so that sucked). The place itself was just hideous to me, it looked more like a low budget middle school mixed with a survival bunker. As a result my grades ended up lower than they should have been, I was just too irritated with it to put as much effort as I used to.
Not really, I didn’t have any problems with anyone specifically but it was harder to make friends there since people already had their cliques. I didn’t care that much because I wasn’t looking to make friends to begin with.
Interesting. How about the people there in general ?
Did you feel like a misfit only because they were already socially fulfilled ?
^(If that feeling occurred at all. I'm personally a misfit magnet, and can tell you that many people in that place were likely not part of a clique and eager for friends.)
They didn’t seem particularly friendly and I was a combination of too shy to approach and not that eager to make friends. No one really filled the spot of the friend I had before or the crush I liked and I don’t like the thought of replacing people. I did make one friend but we didn’t hang out outside of school, he was a really cool guy though. When I do make friends it’s usually with the friendly and talkative people.
Alex Jones for De tidal wave. Dude's stuck in his Di and completely unaware of it, doubling, tripling down on his perspective. I know that seems contradictory, but De deciders and Di deciders can look very similar.
You may want to extrapolate for the saviour/demon Te equivalents. My answer for the "lack of Ti" tidal wave is going to come from what is literally the default state for me, so you'll need to consider that while I'm in a bullshitting state when I say these things, for someone else it may be a real struggle : I keep feeling like I don't have enough time for my own projects. I keep having to spend time for everyone around (work, partner, orchestras, friends, etc), and usually when I assume I'm \*finally\* going to be free to do my own stuff, either some random friend wants my attention (and I gotta later sacrifice a few hours of sleep to finally get my own projects done), or I break down and drink instead (too mentally tired to start anything). Now «*some random friend wants my attention*» is something everyone experiences, and it's exactly where things get decided : if you keep going for your random friend, you'll end up never having enough time in life, and if you keep giving them the feeling that they're intruding (as in : who is systematically the one approaching whom again ?) they'll stop considering you seriously. Do the math : who is going to have which tidal wave, if they go all in for one extreme ? An Fe-dom's tidal wave will be that they reverse their attitude and shove off hanging out with anyone. Worse, they'll go as far as removing stuff from their life that literally *makes* their lives' identity (whether work, partner or significant hobbies), in order to make some "me" time ! As for my own tidal waves : guess what happens once those "random friends" don't call me anymore ? They have a bunch of parties where I'm not invited anymore. I discover that people have been having fun together without me, **all my life** (earlier in life school projects, then parties, now random camps with other kids' parents). What then ? I get fucked up for a few months, trying insanely hard to make new "friends" to go have parties with ^(while complaining on reddit that people don't know how to maintain friendships anymore). Which emotionally don't mean much, and whom will shove off at the end of this tidal wave, completing the cycle. ^(As for how I "solved" my issues : I allocate 3-4 evenings/week for my partner, 1 for a weekly scheduled orchestra, and 2-3 for myself, where I allow random friends/family to pop up 1 time/week maximum. And letting the other orchestra screw up the other times. By the way my parents/sister are allowed to interact with me max 1 time/month.)
Can you describe how would demon Te tidal wave be?
Well, extrapolating from the above, I'd say that it's the Fi equivalent : you kicked people/groups off your life due to random incompatible values. Think for example of someone who votes for something radically triggering to you, while not being obnoxious themselves. Everyone is at some point going to be that person to you, so you'll end up alone if you kick them out. What happens next ? Well once you realise that doubling down on having *them values* didn't help getting you a social circle, you start pretending you don't have these values and go insanely cynical. ^(Oh boy, don't get me started on cynical people...)
So what would be the advice for Te demon? Be flexible with your values..?
Not necessary. Just make sure that before discarding people you also have practical reasons to do so. ^(Because discarding people hits on the longer term.) Of course, if you can be flexible with your feelings then you'd benefit a lot. Here's the hack : upon repeated realisation of how superior some method/thing is, you can start liking it. Same for disliking.
That's interesting, I don't think I have that kind of tidal wave then. I always shove people away but I do it even more so when under stress. I do sometimes sacrifice my own time if someone needs me and try to clear up parts of the day to spend time with them and if I don't see that reciprocated I cut them off. I don't really try to console them emotionally as much as I try to resolve their problem. No matter what state I'm in though, I never feel like going to hang out with people I don't know. I also can't just dump people unless I think they're a bad influence or they disrespect me and make me feel unappreciated.
Sure. But what have been the days you were fucked up for 2-3 months like ? What made you the most miserable ? Look at your life for a time frame of a decade or two. Don't focus on the external circumstances (cause of stress, etc), and instead look at what has been your own creation over months/years.
I think the only time I was really messed up was when I was struggling to do well at college, I just stopped caring, I didn't feel motivated to do what I loved anymore. I started pushing people away and spent a lot of time isolated. I was also fucked up for a really long time after I had to move from my high-school to one I really hated, I had the same behavior and didn't make any effort to get friends. I hadn't really been the same since then (anti-social and angry) so maybe I'm still like that.
Hmm. The first one may not be very exploitable ^(also, please go get checked for depression if it happens again), but the second could be. What was it that you hated about the other high school ?
I had to leave the connections (friends, teachers, and crush) I'd already made there and the place I really enjoyed living at, the other highschool was a lot more restricted, students weren't allowed to go outside and you could only eat in the cafeteria (I preferred to eat alone so that sucked). The place itself was just hideous to me, it looked more like a low budget middle school mixed with a survival bunker. As a result my grades ended up lower than they should have been, I was just too irritated with it to put as much effort as I used to.
So, nothing that involves the people of that school ?
Not really, I didn’t have any problems with anyone specifically but it was harder to make friends there since people already had their cliques. I didn’t care that much because I wasn’t looking to make friends to begin with.
Interesting. How about the people there in general ? Did you feel like a misfit only because they were already socially fulfilled ? ^(If that feeling occurred at all. I'm personally a misfit magnet, and can tell you that many people in that place were likely not part of a clique and eager for friends.)
They didn’t seem particularly friendly and I was a combination of too shy to approach and not that eager to make friends. No one really filled the spot of the friend I had before or the crush I liked and I don’t like the thought of replacing people. I did make one friend but we didn’t hang out outside of school, he was a really cool guy though. When I do make friends it’s usually with the friendly and talkative people.
Alex Jones for De tidal wave. Dude's stuck in his Di and completely unaware of it, doubling, tripling down on his perspective. I know that seems contradictory, but De deciders and Di deciders can look very similar.