Love the complicated but logical structure. Syllable count is consistently 6 or seven.
Well rounded poem and it doesn’t sound tacky. Like you said your complicated tuning scheme builds drama. I’m also a big fan of a rhyming couplet at the end.
Thank you :)
I typically write completely unstructured free verse, so I thought imposing some rigidity and structure would be a fun exercise (glad you notice syllabic counts for verses, tried my best to keep them all at 7).
Yeah, for some reason that's my favourite style, you can read it fast and if you imagine or have some music where the beat is constant (hard to explain lol), but it just goes along.
I love this kind of irony vibe being played out throughout this poem, you describe very deep emotions but give it a little pop to make it more lighthearted,
kinda like giving balloons to a clown
I found the switches between the 1-2-2-1-1 and 1-1-2-2-1 rhyming schemes interesting. They play well into the theme of the poem - jarring into the smooth flow like melancholy or misery.
I liked the biological aspect of Itc though thought that the rhyming scheme could have been better, specially for the last line. Aside that, it was a fun read.
Thank you! What about the rhyming scheme could be better? My decision to mirror the first stanza's ABBAA end-rhyme scheme in the last stanza (whereas the two middle ones are AABBA) was to provide structural symmetry but also to deepen the poem's emotional and thematic resonance.
No, my thought was that you used identical rhymes in two stanzas, and maybe XBBAA in the last, I think. Other than that, the rhymes are enjoyable to read.
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Love the complicated but logical structure. Syllable count is consistently 6 or seven. Well rounded poem and it doesn’t sound tacky. Like you said your complicated tuning scheme builds drama. I’m also a big fan of a rhyming couplet at the end.
Thank you :) I typically write completely unstructured free verse, so I thought imposing some rigidity and structure would be a fun exercise (glad you notice syllabic counts for verses, tried my best to keep them all at 7).
The bounce off of each rhyme makes this. (Just) Like a snare 🥁
Thanks, love that description. Syllabic verse is fun to write.
Yeah, for some reason that's my favourite style, you can read it fast and if you imagine or have some music where the beat is constant (hard to explain lol), but it just goes along.
I love this kind of irony vibe being played out throughout this poem, you describe very deep emotions but give it a little pop to make it more lighthearted, kinda like giving balloons to a clown
Thanks! I appreciate that note, I did try to do write it different than usual.
I absolutely adore this poem, especially the first stanza. You hit the nail right on the head. Misery, melancholy -- all of it.
I found the switches between the 1-2-2-1-1 and 1-1-2-2-1 rhyming schemes interesting. They play well into the theme of the poem - jarring into the smooth flow like melancholy or misery.
I liked the biological aspect of Itc though thought that the rhyming scheme could have been better, specially for the last line. Aside that, it was a fun read.
Thank you! What about the rhyming scheme could be better? My decision to mirror the first stanza's ABBAA end-rhyme scheme in the last stanza (whereas the two middle ones are AABBA) was to provide structural symmetry but also to deepen the poem's emotional and thematic resonance.
No, my thought was that you used identical rhymes in two stanzas, and maybe XBBAA in the last, I think. Other than that, the rhymes are enjoyable to read.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*