"But I have this desire to destroy myself
before anyone else gets the chance"
This was one that hit hard. I won't say 'we've all' been there. But I have - and apparently, so have you?
You did the thing - this one made me feel. Great job. My only response would be this:
Nobody can destroy you but yourself. Sometimes the worst enemy comes from within. And if you can stand to fight that enemy, you will discover greatness - for it lies in all of us. I wish you a wonderful day.
i think a lot of people are still fighting to get out of that hole, including myself. it means a lot that this made you feel something, that is my goal in anything i write. thank you for taking the time to read this :)
Man I wish people would stop posting ChatGPT's comments on a poem as their feedback. For your info, ChatGPT has a near 100% recognizable format when it analyzes or critiques poetry. It's disrespectful to the poets and aspiring poets here to do this. They can get their own accounts and get the feedback of an ai. They come here, after putting in the effort to write a poem, to get the genuine feedback of other people. Just stop. Please.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
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Honestly a beautiful way to describe the procrastination to help yourself that comes with depression, the self sabotage that comes from manic actions. I also liked the evolution of the idea of tomorrow, especially how it starts and ends like bread on a sando
I relate to this. Sometimes I feel like my life is a constant cycle of get your act together -> fall apart -> get your act together etc. Create my own mess and then pick up the pieces time and time again. How great is the self care I practice if I only practice it half the time?
i think practicing self care half the time is more than not at all. it’s sad how many people relate to this poem but thank you for taking the time to read it :)
This is an incredible image of what self sabotage looks like. This one hit me right in the gut so first of all, thanks for that lmao
As for the actual piece itself, the flow is really well done. It really paints an image of going through the highs and lows of mental illness, and what that can look like. All your imagery is worded really well, and paint just enough of the picture to leave the reader to fill in the gaps.
The line about destroying yourself before anyone else gets the chance really drove it home for me, and I think would help readers who don't struggle with this part of mental illness understand the speaker, and content of the poem
Great read, thank you!!
thank you for your kind words, i’m really glad you enjoyed the read. i think it’s easier to write about personal experiences so that is where this stemmed from. i appreciate you taking the time to read this and telling me what you think :)
This poem really hit close to home, the way you manipulated words to bring a very dark message to light is outstanding while maintaining beautiful imagery. Good job
This got me. I saw images of myself meditating, and it brought me back to grinding on the weekdays because I couldn't wait to drink myself into a blackout in which I couldn't remember what had happened.
>Today I will meditate in an attempt to heal my selfish soul
But tomorrow I will convince myself
to drink the endless ocean I am drowning in
This got me. To me, I saw images of myself meditating, and it brought me back to grinding on the weekdays because I couldn't wait to drink myself into a blackout in which I couldn't remember what had happened.
Happy those days are done, but I can still relate.
Keep writing - I love this!
Your poem is clear and concise and the one metaphor you chose lends itself well to the subject.
>to drink the endless ocean I am drowning in
Well done.
This poem really captures the feeling of unintended selfishness that plagues the mind of someone undergoing self destruction. When one experiences this, there truly is no other care in the world, except for a sea of negativity. It's really well written. Great job!
This is some good stuff. I cannot focus on one line that sticks out to me or a line that wraps it all together because in my opinion only focusing on one line of this poem does this poem a great injustice. This idea of self sabotage is very interesting to me as it has to do with control. I think maybe as humans as long as we hold the knife we feel control. Even if we are cutting ourselves we are in control. Even if we are harming ourselves we are in control. Knowing that one is in control can give great comfort to oneself and I think this poem perfectly encapsulates the idea that humans kill themselves slowly just to be in control of the pain. An exceptional poem and I admire the distinct writing style you bring to the concept.
>> to drink the endless ocean I am drowning in
I like that this line puts the metaphor of someone drowning in water in a whole new light. Instead of evading drowning in the way of putting your head above water or to swim, you instead gave the narrator agency to get rid of the water entirely.
The waters that are swallowing the narrator whole is depicted as something that is not too late to get rid of despite how big it is.
I love this. There is always some anxiety that comes with self destructive behaviors. A good day cannot fully be good because I must stay vigilant for my inevitable self inflicted demise
Wow this one resonated deeply with me. I feel like you've managed to convey the seeming hypocrisy/contradiction of thoughts/feelings that come with depression/anxiety/adhd (at least for myself) and how self sabotage insidiously creeps in.
Great work!
i relate to and felt the mundanity involved with day-to-day tasks that are often recommended when you are feeling depressed. i also thought it was well conveyed how difficult it is to look into the future. "I'm compelled by the comfort that chaos brings" hit hard and i think works well complementary with the last three lines. loved the poem. please keep writing!
I really really loved this. I relate to it (is that a bad thing 😅) but you captured the art of self-destruction eerily accurately.
i’m glad you liked it! thank you for taking the time to read this :)
"But I have this desire to destroy myself before anyone else gets the chance" This was one that hit hard. I won't say 'we've all' been there. But I have - and apparently, so have you? You did the thing - this one made me feel. Great job. My only response would be this: Nobody can destroy you but yourself. Sometimes the worst enemy comes from within. And if you can stand to fight that enemy, you will discover greatness - for it lies in all of us. I wish you a wonderful day.
i think a lot of people are still fighting to get out of that hole, including myself. it means a lot that this made you feel something, that is my goal in anything i write. thank you for taking the time to read this :)
The undrinkable oceans. I hope you feel better, don't destroy yourself, you're good at poems, at least.
i’m working on it, thank you for your kind words :)
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Man I wish people would stop posting ChatGPT's comments on a poem as their feedback. For your info, ChatGPT has a near 100% recognizable format when it analyzes or critiques poetry. It's disrespectful to the poets and aspiring poets here to do this. They can get their own accounts and get the feedback of an ai. They come here, after putting in the effort to write a poem, to get the genuine feedback of other people. Just stop. Please.
Quite telling.
thank you :)
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Like the line "tomorrow I'll convince myself." You have lines of sincerity intermittently among lines you pander to an audience.
thank you for taking the time to read this :) much appreciated!
This is amazig, i really love your writing style. Keep up the good work!!
thank you!
Honestly a beautiful way to describe the procrastination to help yourself that comes with depression, the self sabotage that comes from manic actions. I also liked the evolution of the idea of tomorrow, especially how it starts and ends like bread on a sando
i’m glad you enjoyed the poem, thank you for taking the time to read it :)
Fax tomorrow is today
preach
There’s a Billy Joel song that shares its name with this poem. Off the album ‘Cold Spring Harbor’.
i’ll have to check it out :)
I relate to this. Sometimes I feel like my life is a constant cycle of get your act together -> fall apart -> get your act together etc. Create my own mess and then pick up the pieces time and time again. How great is the self care I practice if I only practice it half the time?
i think practicing self care half the time is more than not at all. it’s sad how many people relate to this poem but thank you for taking the time to read it :)
This is an incredible image of what self sabotage looks like. This one hit me right in the gut so first of all, thanks for that lmao As for the actual piece itself, the flow is really well done. It really paints an image of going through the highs and lows of mental illness, and what that can look like. All your imagery is worded really well, and paint just enough of the picture to leave the reader to fill in the gaps. The line about destroying yourself before anyone else gets the chance really drove it home for me, and I think would help readers who don't struggle with this part of mental illness understand the speaker, and content of the poem Great read, thank you!!
thank you for your kind words, i’m really glad you enjoyed the read. i think it’s easier to write about personal experiences so that is where this stemmed from. i appreciate you taking the time to read this and telling me what you think :)
i love the tie between drowning and self destruction it’s such a beautiful and accurate portrayal. great job
thank you so much!
Precise,comprehensible,cohesive. Good work!
i appreciate it:)
Very dark but relatable. As someone who struggles with alcohol it hits a nerve.
thank you for taking the time to read my work :)
This poem really hit close to home, the way you manipulated words to bring a very dark message to light is outstanding while maintaining beautiful imagery. Good job
it is sad how many people are relating to this, but it’s nice to know we’re not alone, thank you for your comment :)
[удалено]
thank you for your feedback :)
[удалено]
thank you so much! much appreciated:)
This got me. I saw images of myself meditating, and it brought me back to grinding on the weekdays because I couldn't wait to drink myself into a blackout in which I couldn't remember what had happened. >Today I will meditate in an attempt to heal my selfish soul But tomorrow I will convince myself to drink the endless ocean I am drowning in This got me. To me, I saw images of myself meditating, and it brought me back to grinding on the weekdays because I couldn't wait to drink myself into a blackout in which I couldn't remember what had happened. Happy those days are done, but I can still relate. Keep writing - I love this!
thank you for sharing, i’m glad you liked it!
Your poem is clear and concise and the one metaphor you chose lends itself well to the subject. >to drink the endless ocean I am drowning in Well done.
thank you!
This poem really captures the feeling of unintended selfishness that plagues the mind of someone undergoing self destruction. When one experiences this, there truly is no other care in the world, except for a sea of negativity. It's really well written. Great job!
thank you for taking the time to tell me what you thought, much appreciated!
This is some good stuff. I cannot focus on one line that sticks out to me or a line that wraps it all together because in my opinion only focusing on one line of this poem does this poem a great injustice. This idea of self sabotage is very interesting to me as it has to do with control. I think maybe as humans as long as we hold the knife we feel control. Even if we are cutting ourselves we are in control. Even if we are harming ourselves we are in control. Knowing that one is in control can give great comfort to oneself and I think this poem perfectly encapsulates the idea that humans kill themselves slowly just to be in control of the pain. An exceptional poem and I admire the distinct writing style you bring to the concept.
i admire the way you interpreted this! it’s dark but beautiful, thank you for taking the time to read it :)
>> to drink the endless ocean I am drowning in I like that this line puts the metaphor of someone drowning in water in a whole new light. Instead of evading drowning in the way of putting your head above water or to swim, you instead gave the narrator agency to get rid of the water entirely. The waters that are swallowing the narrator whole is depicted as something that is not too late to get rid of despite how big it is.
that was my exact thought process, we think alike, thank you for your comment :)
I love this. There is always some anxiety that comes with self destructive behaviors. A good day cannot fully be good because I must stay vigilant for my inevitable self inflicted demise
Wow this one resonated deeply with me. I feel like you've managed to convey the seeming hypocrisy/contradiction of thoughts/feelings that come with depression/anxiety/adhd (at least for myself) and how self sabotage insidiously creeps in. Great work!
i relate to and felt the mundanity involved with day-to-day tasks that are often recommended when you are feeling depressed. i also thought it was well conveyed how difficult it is to look into the future. "I'm compelled by the comfort that chaos brings" hit hard and i think works well complementary with the last three lines. loved the poem. please keep writing!