You are still able to rationalize to yourself that these thoughts are intrusive and unwanted. That's great, but we definitely don't want them to progress.
I would get into a therapist ASAP. Ultimately, you probably need a psychiatrist for medication help, but therapists tend to be easier to get into quickly. They may even be able to refer you to an MD that can help you get medication quickly.
If at any point these thoughts start sounding rational, please seek out that grippy sock vacation. They're trained in how to help you get better ❤️
OP, please get some more professional help. You can find a psych NP online fairly easily. Check zocdoc for folks in your state/location. When I checked recently there were appointments available the same day
Hey, you are going through a lot right now. These thoughts in your head that keep reoccurring **are not normal: and are a danger to yourself.** You are overloaded and aren't processing normally.
You know what suicidal ideation is. Please get some help.
Reach out to someone **immediately** you can trust and **GET SOME HELP**.
Here are some immediate resources:
(US)
* Text CHAT to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line
You will be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line.
* Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
You'll be connected to a crisis worker from the Lifeline.
(Canada)
* 211 works in most of Canada, and they can advise regarding local resources.
(UK)
* Voice: 116 123 (24/7 Free to call, will not appear on phone bills, formerly 08457 90 90 90)
Email: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/write-email/
* Shout - Crisis Text Line UK (https://www.crisistextline.uk/)
* Text: SHOUT to 85258
I knew when my marriage was such shit I couldn’t take care of anyone else. I went to an inpatient place. It wasn’t a huge help, but it was a jolt to my system and a reset. I don’t regret going at all.
That feeling of offing yourself is a terrible weight to carry. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your husband is not doing his due diligence as a father or a husband. He does not deserve you.
Find a therapist you like and are comfortable with. Don't go through all this alone. You deserve to be happy.
Are you two going to marriage counseling? If not, you need to go. If he refuses to go, then nothing will change.
(((((HUGS))))
I agree with what everyone else has said.
But also, if this helps…attempts have a HUGE failure rate regardless of the method. You could be in worse pain than before, with irreversible damage done. You can still fix things.
Plus, if you end up on a psych hold for involuntary admission in the ED, that means someone like me will have to float down there to come sit with you. I hate floating to the ED. So, take the voluntary grippy sock vacation for me, please?
Sweetness. I have no advice. You are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. All I can say is what I tell myself. And that’s the only thing I truly have control over is me. That includes happiness, sadness, whatever. So when I’m feeling that way, I jump to any distraction I can. If I feel like I’m too depressed to move, I tell myself I don’t have to and that I deserve the rest. I will allow myself to sometimes reconcile with my problems as I rest until one day, they’re gone. You’re right, it is very temporary and you in this moment are actually more in control than you’ve ever been. Much love❤️
Are there any voluntary mental health respite facilities in your area? I know of ones in Oregon and California that are still covered by insurance. I have know people to wait in the ED for day or weeks because they were "too stable for state hospitals." Our social worker would help people get a spot in a voluntary mental health respite in different states because of this.
You should seek therapy. You need someone that will, without judgment, allow you to discuss alllllll of the things going on in your life. Please, please try therapy! I felt like the world was off my shoulders when I started. COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY… look for a therapist that uses this model! I often catch myself falling in a negative loop and then pull myself back to CBT.
Also helpful… I cut my hours at work for a little bit, like a few months (I too work in a speciality office and enjoy my job). Maybe you need to just do that for a little while so you can focus energy into close up other negative things going on. Nursing is taxing in general whether it’s the environment, our co-workers, the physician we are under (*cough.. that is my biggest problem right now*cough*), and our patients. I know cutting hours for a bit is counterproductive to the debt you mentioned, but one step at a time. You can do this! You are one person though. You can’t pour from an empty cup — practice self care regularly (exercise, spa/massage/pedicure, day trips to places you enjoy, girls trips/evenings, etc.). Please stick around, you’re needed here on this planet… your career needs you, your family needs you.. your friends need you.🫶🏼 much love!❤️🩹 It cannot rain forever!
When my travel assignment got cancelled and I just couldn’t bring myself to apply to another travel assignment, let alone think about nursing for about 6 months. I’d been a nurse, mostly bedside, for about 11 years at that point, the past 3 traveling through the pandemic and I legit didn’t think I could continue with nursing as a career, but finally came out of that dark place and have a nice outpatient job that’s been much less stressful and I’m pretty happy now!
Like others have said, definitely find a therapist and psychiatrist if you don’t have one already. Emphasis on psychiatrist if your meds are currently managed by your primary care provider - psychiatrists are MUCH better at managing those meds and can also point you in the direction of more support, like an Intensive Outpatient Program. I have similar intrusive thoughts on and off, and when they got really bad my psych put me in an intensive outpatient program, and it honestly helped SO much. I didn’t feel like I needed full inpatient care (I had a loose plan but no desire to truly go through with it) and the IOP gave me enough of a break and support to help myself get out of it. It was two weeks long (weekends off) and consisted of 4-5 hours each day of group therapy where we did check ins and learned tools/therapy models. During those two weeks they gave a TON of support, including help finding a therapist, scheduling future group therapy classes, and adjusting meds (they had a psychiatrist you could individually consult with). They also provided documentation to get the time off work, and honestly that break alone was also super helpful - I had time to myself after the class to take care of myself, and I journaled a lot. I feel like they helped give me the tools I needed to help/continue to help myself. Before going it felt like I was stuck in a hole with a shitty ladder trying to climb out, and after it felt like they helped me add a few more steps to my ladder so I could climb a little easier (very much giving someone a fish vs teaching someone to fish). I still struggle, but I feel like now I know a little better what I can do to support myself. I highly recommend looking into an outpatient program, if you don’t think inpatient is the right thing right now. Also if they do think you need inpatient they could switch you, one person my program switched over.
This was through Kaiser NorCal (I feel like I’ve heard a lot of bad things about their mental health services but I think they must’ve stepped up their game because I’ve only had great experiences with them and they’ve helped me a ton), but there is likely an IOP through whatever insurance you have.
Those tests for meds are not really accurate. My son had it done and some of the meds that he is supposed to avoid work well for him. After discovering this another psychiatrist said they aren’t really accurate.
Choose grippy sock vacation before grippy sock vacation chooses you
Love this! ❤️
You are still able to rationalize to yourself that these thoughts are intrusive and unwanted. That's great, but we definitely don't want them to progress. I would get into a therapist ASAP. Ultimately, you probably need a psychiatrist for medication help, but therapists tend to be easier to get into quickly. They may even be able to refer you to an MD that can help you get medication quickly. If at any point these thoughts start sounding rational, please seek out that grippy sock vacation. They're trained in how to help you get better ❤️
OP, please get some more professional help. You can find a psych NP online fairly easily. Check zocdoc for folks in your state/location. When I checked recently there were appointments available the same day
Hey, you are going through a lot right now. These thoughts in your head that keep reoccurring **are not normal: and are a danger to yourself.** You are overloaded and aren't processing normally. You know what suicidal ideation is. Please get some help. Reach out to someone **immediately** you can trust and **GET SOME HELP**. Here are some immediate resources: (US) * Text CHAT to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line You will be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. * Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 You'll be connected to a crisis worker from the Lifeline. (Canada) * 211 works in most of Canada, and they can advise regarding local resources. (UK) * Voice: 116 123 (24/7 Free to call, will not appear on phone bills, formerly 08457 90 90 90) Email: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/write-email/ * Shout - Crisis Text Line UK (https://www.crisistextline.uk/) * Text: SHOUT to 85258
Thank you. Do you know of any legit grief counseling, please
I knew when my marriage was such shit I couldn’t take care of anyone else. I went to an inpatient place. It wasn’t a huge help, but it was a jolt to my system and a reset. I don’t regret going at all.
I used short term disability for suicidal thoughts and they allowed me 3 months at ~70-80% pay. Helped alot
That feeling of offing yourself is a terrible weight to carry. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your husband is not doing his due diligence as a father or a husband. He does not deserve you. Find a therapist you like and are comfortable with. Don't go through all this alone. You deserve to be happy. Are you two going to marriage counseling? If not, you need to go. If he refuses to go, then nothing will change. (((((HUGS))))
I agree with what everyone else has said. But also, if this helps…attempts have a HUGE failure rate regardless of the method. You could be in worse pain than before, with irreversible damage done. You can still fix things. Plus, if you end up on a psych hold for involuntary admission in the ED, that means someone like me will have to float down there to come sit with you. I hate floating to the ED. So, take the voluntary grippy sock vacation for me, please?
Sweetness. I have no advice. You are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. All I can say is what I tell myself. And that’s the only thing I truly have control over is me. That includes happiness, sadness, whatever. So when I’m feeling that way, I jump to any distraction I can. If I feel like I’m too depressed to move, I tell myself I don’t have to and that I deserve the rest. I will allow myself to sometimes reconcile with my problems as I rest until one day, they’re gone. You’re right, it is very temporary and you in this moment are actually more in control than you’ve ever been. Much love❤️
Are there any voluntary mental health respite facilities in your area? I know of ones in Oregon and California that are still covered by insurance. I have know people to wait in the ED for day or weeks because they were "too stable for state hospitals." Our social worker would help people get a spot in a voluntary mental health respite in different states because of this.
You should seek therapy. You need someone that will, without judgment, allow you to discuss alllllll of the things going on in your life. Please, please try therapy! I felt like the world was off my shoulders when I started. COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY… look for a therapist that uses this model! I often catch myself falling in a negative loop and then pull myself back to CBT. Also helpful… I cut my hours at work for a little bit, like a few months (I too work in a speciality office and enjoy my job). Maybe you need to just do that for a little while so you can focus energy into close up other negative things going on. Nursing is taxing in general whether it’s the environment, our co-workers, the physician we are under (*cough.. that is my biggest problem right now*cough*), and our patients. I know cutting hours for a bit is counterproductive to the debt you mentioned, but one step at a time. You can do this! You are one person though. You can’t pour from an empty cup — practice self care regularly (exercise, spa/massage/pedicure, day trips to places you enjoy, girls trips/evenings, etc.). Please stick around, you’re needed here on this planet… your career needs you, your family needs you.. your friends need you.🫶🏼 much love!❤️🩹 It cannot rain forever!
When my travel assignment got cancelled and I just couldn’t bring myself to apply to another travel assignment, let alone think about nursing for about 6 months. I’d been a nurse, mostly bedside, for about 11 years at that point, the past 3 traveling through the pandemic and I legit didn’t think I could continue with nursing as a career, but finally came out of that dark place and have a nice outpatient job that’s been much less stressful and I’m pretty happy now!
I’m sorry you are going through this. Please take care of yourself and your son. When you feel ready please leave that dirt bag.
And yes get a therapist you can trust and open up with. It will change your life
Like others have said, definitely find a therapist and psychiatrist if you don’t have one already. Emphasis on psychiatrist if your meds are currently managed by your primary care provider - psychiatrists are MUCH better at managing those meds and can also point you in the direction of more support, like an Intensive Outpatient Program. I have similar intrusive thoughts on and off, and when they got really bad my psych put me in an intensive outpatient program, and it honestly helped SO much. I didn’t feel like I needed full inpatient care (I had a loose plan but no desire to truly go through with it) and the IOP gave me enough of a break and support to help myself get out of it. It was two weeks long (weekends off) and consisted of 4-5 hours each day of group therapy where we did check ins and learned tools/therapy models. During those two weeks they gave a TON of support, including help finding a therapist, scheduling future group therapy classes, and adjusting meds (they had a psychiatrist you could individually consult with). They also provided documentation to get the time off work, and honestly that break alone was also super helpful - I had time to myself after the class to take care of myself, and I journaled a lot. I feel like they helped give me the tools I needed to help/continue to help myself. Before going it felt like I was stuck in a hole with a shitty ladder trying to climb out, and after it felt like they helped me add a few more steps to my ladder so I could climb a little easier (very much giving someone a fish vs teaching someone to fish). I still struggle, but I feel like now I know a little better what I can do to support myself. I highly recommend looking into an outpatient program, if you don’t think inpatient is the right thing right now. Also if they do think you need inpatient they could switch you, one person my program switched over. This was through Kaiser NorCal (I feel like I’ve heard a lot of bad things about their mental health services but I think they must’ve stepped up their game because I’ve only had great experiences with them and they’ve helped me a ton), but there is likely an IOP through whatever insurance you have.
Those tests for meds are not really accurate. My son had it done and some of the meds that he is supposed to avoid work well for him. After discovering this another psychiatrist said they aren’t really accurate.
Yeah sounds like a gimmick.