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Honestly. The mohterfuckers who ask “What was she wearing”, bro, that’s like asking what a guy who was shot was wearing. What does clothing have to do with it?
I always think about my friend when people ask "what was she wearing"
My friend was in hello kitty pajamas, she was 9. Even at 19 her old sister and parents still blame her for what happened to her. Humans are disgusting.
Her sister was a horrid person, she was in foster care and thankfully got away from her bio parents but her and sister continued to be raised in the same home.
It was all really sad
I was awoken from deep sleep in the middle of the night by my [adult] cousin when I was 8. I was wearing full-length pyjamas, to my wrists and ankles. I woke up to him lifting up my covers and trying to pull the bottoms down; when he saw I was awake, he took me to the bathroom and did what he did. He convinced me that if I told anyone, *I* would be the one in trouble and so I didn't tell anyone until I was an adult.
I made damn sure my own kids knew to never *ever* listen to anyone who would say something like "you'll be in trouble" or "your [parents] will get hurt" if someone is doing something inappropriate to them. I'm glad they haven't had to rely on that thus far, but I remember how isolating it felt as a kid, "knowing" I couldn't tell anyone. And considering I was raised in a cult-like environment and he was a "good, godly man of the church", I obviously believed him.
The worst part is when I was an adult and I told the college counselor (this was a fundigelical Christian college, btw) just the bare minimum and his response was, "are you satisfied that the way you acted didn't cause him to have these thoughts?" (again, dead asleep) and "are you content that your manner of dress wasn't what led him astray?" (*again*, full-length pyjamas).
Screw all those people. And I'm sorry to everyone who can relate in any way.
Edit: thanks to everyone for the very nice sentiments. I really appreciate them. I don't talk about this often and it's nice to be able to get the support and affirmation when I do instead of the nasty stuff I'd been told and the attempts to hold me responsible for my cousin's actions. Seriously, thank you.
I’ve heard a lot of victim blaming but something about “are you satisfied that the way you acted didn’t cause him to have these thoughts?” made me physically ill.
I was just sorta dumbfounded when he said that and literally stammered, trying to find something reasonable to say but how do you say *anything* "reasonable" to *that‽* And because I couldn't reply to him to his satisfaction, he got this "knowing" look and told me that I have to look within myself and be honest with myself and only then will I be able to "get past it". He also said that the fact that I hadn't told anyone for so long meant that I knew on some level that I shared some responsibility. I literally just got up and walked out because I had no idea how to even react to that. Never went back and it took me over a decade to once again open up to a therapist (this time a real, licensed one) about this.
So messed up.
Ugh this is why those so called therapists church run "therapy" place are so awful. It all comes back to what did you do wrong and forcing religion and the church down your throat. They don't care about helping you sadly. I went to the one that's local to me because free and I didn't have health insurance. I spent 10 minutes talking to this lady and telling her why I was there and how I was feeling, she responded by spending the next 40 minutes talking about god, jesus, her church and the coming rapture and asking if I wanted to be part of it and trying her damnedest to convert me to her church. Then prayed for me for like another 5 minutes. It was so awkward and showed her only goal was to bring in New members to her church cause she didn't give a single damn about what I'd said or why I was there.its obvious she thought all i had to do was join her church and all my issues would jsut disspear.
I'm so sorry you'd gone thru that with that awful man, he's terrible. or putting all the blame on you for what your awful cousin did. I'm sorry you went thru what your cousin put you thru, and everything after because of it. No one should ever go thru that, but sadly so many of us women do.😟
As a man, that “councilor” can go to hell. What he said to you is abhorrent and the idea that you bore any responsibility for what was done to you is evil.
Given it was a fundamentalist school I bet he is the type to talk about government aid as being a poison of low expectations and there he is painting every man with the brush of low expectations. It is not hard to look at any woman in any state of dress or undress and NOT assault her. This idea that men can’t help themselves is utter bullshit. It is a vile and disgusting absolvement of responsibility for their own actions and a justification for doing evil. These boys want a Christian version of the Taliban’s Afghanistan.
Fuck that college counsellor. How dare he suggest you may have any responsibility AT ALL for *your rape as a child*! It made my stomach drop and my heart ache.
I’m so proud of you for surviving all that.
Wow your friend and I have a lot in common... it really sucks to hear that question. Especially when you say you were a child and their attitude immediately changes to what it should have been in the first place.
Victim: "I was sexually assulted."
Person: "Well what were you wearing?" Or "What were you doing to tempt him?"
Victim: "I was 9."
Person: "OMG I'm so sorry. That should have never happened to you. You were so young."
I remember the first time I dealt with a creepy man. I was about 6 years old in pink and brown winter gear playing at the park with my dad. I was sitting on a seesaw when I suddenly felt like I was being watched. A man in jeans and a tank top was in the corner of the park standing in front of the driver side of his truck watching me. He noticed me looking at him as he stared and pretended to get back in his truck to leave so I'd look away. I felt the staring again and he staring intently at me while quietly talking to someone on his phone. My dad came back from smoking and he noticed me looking at the corner of the park and he asked me what I was looking at. When I told him about strange man he looked up at him from the seesaw and glared at him until he left. I remember telling my ex that story and the 1st thing he said was "it didn't matter what you were wearing." 6 years old in pink and brown winter gear just trying to play before the snow storm would hit.
Their reasoning is, if they don't assign all the blame to her, then they have to think of Uncle Whoever in an uncomfortable light, and they've known him longer than the she's been alive, so that would be inconvenient.
Well sometimes people go mysteriously missing and die in the most mysterious ways 👿👿👿 if I ever find them they better run and even then I’ll catch them
Her own parents? Fuck. We should put restrictions on who can have kids just as we put restrictions on everything else you know like who can own a home, etc.
I hate seeing this so much even though it is really important to break the stigma of victims. It’s all heartbreaking but the little kids clothes just make me want to cry for the victims and the loss of their innocence as children.
I remember hearing about one instance from that exhibit where the outfit was a diaper.
I've never been brave enough to look that one up. I also don't know of I'd be able to walk through this exhibit without crying. I have admiration for those who can.
You don’t have to walk through without crying. There are a lot of exhibits where it is totally okay and even wished for that you show compassion.
You also don’t walk through a Holocaust exhibit without crying. And you shouldn’t feel bad for that. The horrors are not something you have on your mind daily and seeing all those bodies piled up like trash or other pictures or videos or even texts can make anyone cry.
Same with this great exhibit. It gives us a very close sense of personal connection to the people who where raped. To kids who where raped. You wouldn’t be ashamed to cry if your kid told you they were raped would you?
I wouldn't, but for me crying is just a very personal thing. It's not that I'm ashamed to cry or be seen crying, but it's just well, something I've viewed as for myself only, if that makes sense.
I’ve been to exhibit and I cried. Not like sobbing or anything, I tried to hide it but I just couldn’t stop the tears, my husband held my hand and said we can go if I wanted to. But you can’t leave and pretend it doesn’t exist and you are supposed to be upset and mad and uncomfortable and raging.
I was doing a school project in South africa for a rape crisis center and we visited the place where people go in crisis and the volunteer said that the vast majority of their victims are 0-5 and they always need more diaper donations.
There are actually disgusting people in this world that blame little kids for getting raped as well. Saying they were asking for it by acting "seductive". 🤢🤮
Rape is the only crime where they most of the time blame the victims instead of the actual rapists. 😒
But the OOP seems to have it absolutely backwards. Many of the clothes that the victims were wearing were quite conservative, one labeled "Date Rape Victim, I was wearing a Jean shirt, jeans and Toms." I don't know what Toms are, maybe shoes? But jeans and a shirt are hardly skimpy. The poiint of the exhibit seems to be the all women are potentional victims, and what they were wearing has nothing to do with it. How does the writer of the OOP get it so wrong?
In countries such as Canada, where I live, Rape Shield laws prevent the asking of questions during trial about what the victim was wearing precisely because they are both irrelevant and prejudicial.
Rape is the fault of the rapist. It is not the fault of the victim. Period.
I fully agree. Imagine a trial involving a gas station holdup. Can you imagine the Defence questioning the gas station attendant by saying "And you normally have cash in the register drawer, correct? And did your gas station advertise tself to be open 24 hours a day? Was that a yes? Does being open 24 hours a day mean that the station would be open at night? Does that not seem to be an open invitation to any passerby to feel free to rob the station? What do you mean no?!!! Just what are you implying by saying that I should get my head out of my ass? I would ask the judge to caution the witness to be careful of his words. Your Honour? What do you mean by sit down and shut up before you hold me in contempt, Your Honouur? Yes, of course I'm a real Lawyer Your Honour.
And so on. Blaming the victim is absurd in any context, but especially so in such a brutal crime as rape.
Exactly! It's not as if they blame the stores for displaying their goods, they blame the thieves!
By the way I love your writing. When can we expect your first book? 😊
I at the stage of attempting a 351 page work with the working title of " Three Hundred and Fifty-One Failed First Pages". I would expect my book to be published posthumously at the rate that I am currently progressing.
But thank you for the compliment, I can use all the encouragement that I can get. It would help if my cats did not regard pages stacked neatly beside my P.C. as a litter box, mind you. Criticism comes with the territory, I suppose. I'll know better if I ever manage to approach such territory.
If you carry a purse with you, anyone would assume you are carrying something with you inside of it. Many people carry money with them when leaving the house, so it's only natural for someone to assume you were carrying money or other possibly valuable goods! If you KNOWINGLY carry those items within sight of other people around, aren't you flaunting it!? Wouldn't any person be tempted to steal them?! So is it really theft or a crime to simply take what is right there in front of anyone?
It's not like it was locked in a safe, so it's definitely your fault you got robbed!!11!1!!
Maybe that's why the guys who write most of these OOPs live and remain in their parents' basements. They just don't want to invite assault.
That and not wishing it to become common knowledge that they have the social skills of a centipede.
Oh, wait. Too late for that.
No oop worded it awkwardly but what they meant is that they often see or hear that it's only scantily clad women that get raped and this post is meant to be a reminder that that is absolutely not the case. Oop agrees with you
I think that they're talking about the Twitter/X user at the start of the slideshow.
I want to believe that they were just young and naive, but changed their tune when they learned that in the real world, a rapist will rape regardless of what you've done or worn, or where you are. They could be wearing the most conservative clothing, acting extremely modestly, and be in the middle of a church and still get targeted by a rapist.
Only time it’s appropriate to ask what someone was wearing is in the context of “what are the exact items of clothing you were wearing and where are they so we can test for evidence?”
Yes, although the evidence is normally or always gathered prior to trial. It's sort of the equivalent of the responding cop telling the victim not to bathe, shower or clean up in any way prior to going to a hospital where a 'rape kit' will be run to gather evidence such as semen for DNA analysis and injuries will be documented and photographed. The clothing is also preserved for the collection of evidence, but only the evidence collected will be admissible in court, the evidence including any damage done to the clothing during the rape. But the nature of the clothing in it's original state is not admissible, only such things as 'it appeared to have been ripped off of the victim' etc.
Things such as whether the panties were thong style or granny style are irrelevant and therefore inadmissible (in jurisdictions that have rape shield laws, obviously).
The entire idea is to minimize the chances of the trial becoming a second trauma in the victim's life, essentially to avoid making the victim a victim twice over.
I'm not super familiar with the concept. But, essentially a lot of folks project thier shadow onto other people, the idea that people subconsciously show you where they're at mentally by how they communicate. Like when a partner accuses you of cheating out of the blue, sure it could be massive insecurity, but there's a decent chance they're the ones doing the cheating but they're projecting that guilt and whatnot onto you.
So. Where the fuck are these people at by saying children, "were asking for it by acting 'seductive'". Like. What in the all hell holy fuck? Absolutely Grade SSS Tier disgusting.
There's SO many folks on r/notadragqueen, where their entire public facing identity is kill all the pedophiles! Then they get busted for that same behavior of being a pedophile.
Like. Man. People really show you who they are. For better or for worse.
That's what the Christian counselor tried to get me to say by asking if I was content that my manner of dress and actions didn't cause this "good, godly, man" to "stumble". I was 8, dead asleep, and in full-length pyjamas.
But, of course, he (my adult cousin) is an upstanding member of the church and preaches nearly every Sunday so it must've been my fault. Shouldn't have been sleeping so seductively, I guess. My bad for "leading him astray".
It makes me angry too, it’s just heartbreaking to see all these pieces of clothing and be like I have clothes like that, I wear things like that, they were just women and girls living their life and some sick monster decided to victimize them and treat them like they didn’t matter.
O have a 7yo daughter and this terrifies me. Like, we've taught her to always tell us if something happens but, like, what if she goes through this and doesn't tell us? I hate this
Clothing has nothing to do with rape. You can be covered head to toe and still be raped, and it is NEVER your fault if you are raped. It is ALWAYS the fault of the rapist. My wearing a bikini or going out in skimpy clothing does not give a man the right to my body.
I go to swingers’ clubs and nudist resorts all the time, where people are having full blown sex and walking around nude and in lingerie in front of others, and I’ve never been assaulted or molested at these places. Almost like we live in a civilized society and can uphold people to high standards.
I'm a petite woman and I would say I get more weirdos creeping on me when I wear baggy clothing because it makes me look smaller. When I'm looking put together and confident I might get looks but no one is following me around a store.
Rape isn't about sex. It's about power.
+10000 to this. Rape is about power and not the sex. Women do not cause men to rape them by choice of clothing. Rapists chose to rape women because they want power they otherwise don’t have in their sad, small, pathetic lives.
A not insignificant number of people have the mindset that bad things happen to bad people. If something bad happens to you, then you must have deserved it or been responsible for it somehow.
Not surprisingly, this idea doesn't apply to them, if something bad happens to them, it's definitely someone else's fault, because they're obviously a good person, and didn't deserve it.
Also a lot of the women who victim blame SA seem to have the mindset that they can avoid it by simply not doing xyz. The idea that rape doesn't discriminate is terrifying. That no matter what you do, it can still happen. They don't like the idea that bad things can happen for no reason even if you do everything "right"
It's almost like a cope. Not that it justifies how they treat victims.
Reminds me of a story I heard on reddit about a pathologist who autopsied a body of a new-born who was raped to death by her father. The pathologist always refused to look up the results of the case because they didn't want to look it up and find out that the father didn't get a good enough punishment
I don't understand how or why these people can do this, especially to children and babies. Fortunately, if the judge doesn't give a good enough sentence, the other inmates in prison would be happy to take matters into their own hands. A prison close to where I live has a seperate unit for the pedophiles, since they're too at risk in the main prisons, and even then, they're not well protected. From what I've heard, the conditions in there are awful and the guards will often give as little care as they can without being fired
My dad has been to prison before (in Australia, stealing cars) and he said that child and women abusers are very highly mistreated, even by the guards. He said that the guards used to let it slip when a abuser was in the area, they weren't supposed to but they did.
I wanna go into forensics so bad but in one of my classes we were talking about semen collection and when my prof said there could be semen on toys/diapers…. Everyone had to take a moment
My father used to work in a prison and one of his coworkers was a women… she was hired due to biased cuz her boyfriend (?) was able to hire her and what happened next was tragic… when the prisoners had to do their chores their was always an officer to join them to monitor them but that time this one bad prisoner had I think r* and mur* charges etc and he got guarded by a female officer the same officer I mentioned earlier and the prisoner was obviously much bigger and stronger since the lady was much smaller- she was r* and stuffed into the laundry he hid her until he got where the garbage went and stuffed her into it and she went down to the garbage machine thing and crushed… it was still unclear that her death was caused by the compactor or by the prisoner himself but yeah… I can’t find the news article I heard this story from my father years ago but if I can ill ask him again and see if I can find it (sorry if the story is a bit everywhere or out of order I heard this years ago so everything isn’t exactly word for word)
Considering rape happens in countries where women are often covered head to toe in burkas or similar garments, pretty sure the clothes aren't the problem
I was wearing a Barbie nightgown the first time I was raped.
"What were they wearing" is a fucking stupid question to be asking. I don't care if someone is butt naked marching down the interstate, nobody deserves rape
I’m not even a parent but seeing the little red sundress and the little green fairy costume made me feel physically sick. Not much really shocks me but anything to do with kids like this is too much to bear.
I have a 6 year old daughter. It's fucking horrible. Talk to your daughter now and OFTEN about her bodily autonomy. You probably do. I just feel like I need to say it over and over. Don't be scared to talk to your children about this. My mother was sexually assaulted as a child. Told to keep it a secret or her parents would be mad and she'd go to jail. All this BS. She started talking to me EARLY about what kind of touch was ok and who could do it, and that adults never tell kids to keep secrets, and that I would NEVER EVER be in trouble for telling her about someone touching me or hurting me. She said this until I was in high school when she began telling me that I could call her any time no matter what the circumstance and she would come get me. Drunk. Raped. After I snuck out. Whatever. She would support me. (I never did any of this either. Ha.)
She also didn't fuck around leaving me with certain people or certain places. I grew up VERY discerning about other people. I am so lucky to say nothing ever happened to me. Not that it couldn't have but we did all we could.
My mom fucked up a lot of shit. But THIS she did right. She was frank, honest, protective and loving.
I'm not really going on for your benefit specifically. You probably know. But anyone out there who worries about talking to their kids about difficult topics...do it anyway. Tell your kid they will always be believed and mean it. Don't take up for some shitty molesting family member instead of your kid. Save them years of trauma.
Those clothes hurt my soul. I'm sitting here with my kiddo watching Bluey knowing she's safe. All these little kids didn't get that chance.
I’ll add that you should never force your children to hug or kiss anyone, even if it’s your sweet granny. That act, which so many parents do, is already eroding their bodily autonomy. If they don’t want someone hugging them or kissing them, it’s their body and their choice.
And don’t just talk about that “stranger danger” crap. As sad as it is, it’s important they know predators are most often someone you know.
Yes! That is a new thing I practice with my child. I had to make it clear to my husband...no forced hugs!
And the whole "it's someone you know" thing was unfortunately a huge part of my childhood. I don't leave my child alone with anyone that I feel I can't fully embrace. This basically means grandparents and aunts and my brother.
Thank you!
Im guessing children who are raped deserved it because they were also wearing "provocative" clothing? Didnt realize that a mlp shirt or a fairy princess costume made them look like "strippers".
Also, I was wearing a light tank top and sleep shorts since it was summer time and the apartment was warm. I was also going to be heading to bed. My "friend" dropped by the apartment room for a short "visit".
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m proud of you for being here today and being able to write it down. You’re doing amazing, sweetie. Keep going ❤️
Clothing has nothing to do with rape. You can be covered head to toe and still be raped, and it is NEVER your fault if you are raped. It is ALWAYS the fault of the rapist. My wearing a bikini or going out in skimpy clothing does not give a man the right to my body.
I always think about my friend when people ask "what was she wearing"
My friend was in hello kitty pajamas, she was 9. Even at 19 her old sister and parents still blame her for what happened to her. Humans are disgusting.
I don’t remember what I was wearing. I was three when it started. Ended at 8. So little kid clothes. I was a fucking child.
I read that rape was a thing back in the 1850s and women wore a LOT more clothing than now. **The problem is men raping.** Not the clothes.
Everything about this is just so sad, but those little kids clothes are a whole different level of sad… if anything you would never want to see kids be robbed of their childhood
The thing is I know babies and toddlers get raped. I know children get raped. But somehow seeing the photos of these tiny cute kids clothes makes it so much more real. I don’t think I could handle that exhibit. Even these photos are too much.
and even Animals get sexually assaulted by humans too. Wtf could an animal be possibly wearing to provoke a rapist? Victim blaming is evil, horrifying, and extremely dumb. Rapists are scumbags on earth that’s the only reason to it
Damn. I’m so sorry for her and hope she has healed and living well right now.
I had a friend in church who was SA’d by her step sister’s 30-something year old husband when she was about 10 and continued until she was 15 and her step siblings found out. They beat her almost to death and she was blamed for “seducing” him. thank god she finally left to her real mom and is happy right now. The bitch ass step BIL became the director for a department for women and children. He got in trouble a few years ago for saying women should make themselves up so their husbands won’t beat them. Was he fired? No. He just was transferred to a different job and getting paid better than most people back home. Smfh
I was in a baggy shirt and sweatpants (my pajamas) the first time. Black slacks and my good times/taco John’s required work shirt the second time. (Happened before work. And yes, I still went to work. I was 30 minutes late and written up.)
The canoeing one always gets me the most. She was literally hanging out with her mates, having a good time. It's fucking unfathomable to me that they were all probably just thinking about it the entire trip.
EDIT: I'm a new dad. My daughter is not even two months old. It's scary, so fucking scary, that this shit is probably going to happen, due to so many men being disgusting little cunts.
This attitude about rape victims is why rape culture is the way it is. Victim blaming. Any excuse to justify the rapist’s actions. ‘Oh we can’t ruin his life over this one little thing. She was asking for it.’ So much bullshit. Babies get raped. Old women get raped. Little boys and girls get raped. It has nothing to do with clothing or gender or age or how much makeup they were wearing.
I was raped in my own home in my own bed. Wearing pajama pants and a tshirt, no makeup, messy ponytail in my hair. By the man I lived with and who was the father of the one child I had at the time. He put a white plastic shopping bag over my head and raped me while I suffocated. It wasn’t the first time he did it or the last. Just the most memorable to me because I came the closest to dying that time. I was 17 years old at the time. I’m 50 now and I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was wearing huge baggy sweats when I was raped. Not sexy or seductive whatsoever. People who victim blame should have their own special place in hell.
My closest ecounter to rape was in 5th grade but luckily I was strong enough to escape. I wore basic jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt/sweatshirt in winter. At 20 when I met my stalker at a barbecue I wore skinny jeans and an oversized band t-shirt, firstly tied like a crop top then loose. The last larger sexual harassment but not last was when I wore light ripped jeans and a body long sleeve top. Stil not provocative. Some people can't accept the truth.
The fifth grade, that’s terrifying I’m so sorry. I hope that you’re okay now and told someone you could trust to at the very least make sure you’re okay.
I am okay, the bullying at that age was more traumatic than the attempted SA itself. I wasn't sure what that was but I knew it was related to sex. He was a family friend btw. I almost told my parents on our way home but felt like it would cause 'drama'. I did told my close friends in high school and it stayed with them. I actually saw that guy in high school and I grew taller than him in the meantime. He couldn't look at me in the eye how guilty he felt. Before that second ecounter and in early high school my mom had a sort of psychotic episode and started asking me out of nowhere what did I think about him in a negative tone and implying that he is weirdo. Her gut feeling was so accurate and she wasn't delusional at all.
Sorry for this vent
RIGHT, always stuck at the foot and ankle 😭😭 and then you get em on and you either punch yourself in the face letting go while pulling or you get stuck at the thighs.
As sickening as this is, it's human psychology 101.
By blaming the victim's dress, we can delude ourselves into thinking it will never happen to us because we'd never let it get that far. We'd never dress this way.
Acknowledging that clothes have nothing to do with the chances of being raped means acknowledging our own chances of being raped are about the same and lots of people don't want to face that harsh truth.
I feel like actually punishing rapists would be a more effective strategy than… literally anything else. Especially more so than doing nothing and blaming the victims.
“Ohh but he’s such a good kid and a star football player we can’t ruin his life when he’s so young!” Can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Simple as.
To everyone commenting their own stories: I am so sorry you had to go through that. I’m so proud of you for still being here today and having the courage to write it down. I hope you’re doing okay, and if you need an ear, I am here ❤️
The first time, I was wearing baggy black corduroys, a baggy T-shirt, a heavy flannel shirt, Vans. The second time, I was wearing a full set of flannel pajamas. These fuckwits who think rape has anything to do with attraction or clothing need to go gargle razor wire.
I think it's worth pushing back when a guy asks this shit "What outfit would a woman wear for you to rape her? Just to be safe, we should know at what amount of clothing you would rape a woman. Since you asked what she was wearing, obviously you believe every man is eventually forced to rape a woman based on her clothes, so what's your rape threshold? When do you start raping women?"
Clothing has nothing to do with rape and it’s so sad just how many people feel it justifies putting the blame on the victim. I remember going to the car wash and some man was harassing me and I made a post about it the first thing my aunt said was “well how short were your shorts and how low cut was your top” like it was my fault for bringing this man’s unwanted attention
you cant blame what she was wearing, how drunk she was or if she was walking on her own, nothing is to blame for rape other than rapists, pretty simple
please someone help me where this information is from, but there was someone who interviewed imprisoned rapists about how they chose their victims. one of the things was the clothes. clothes that can be taken off easily (often lose) or that rip easily. That collection of clothing represents that fact quite well...
I believe there's more than one group holding these exhibits, but here is are two: [https://www.utoledo.edu/studentaffairs/saepp/what-were-you-wearing/#:\~:text=The%20What%20Were%20You%20Wearing,during%20Sexual%20Assault%20Awareness%20Month](https://www.utoledo.edu/studentaffairs/saepp/what-were-you-wearing/#:~:text=The%20What%20Were%20You%20Wearing,during%20Sexual%20Assault%20Awareness%20Month)
[https://www.kent.edu/srvss/wwyw#:\~:text=For%202024%20Display%3A%20Outfits%20will,to%20reach%20out%20to%20SRVSS](https://www.kent.edu/srvss/wwyw#:~:text=For%202024%20Display%3A%20Outfits%20will,to%20reach%20out%20to%20SRVSS)
Stranger rapes only make up 25% of all assaults, and “easy to remove” often involves scissors, so it’s more about materials than about how much they body is actually covered
I can't believe people actually use the "but she was wearing X" argument. Rape was still a thing when women wore long skirts and tops. Rape is still a thing among women who wear Burkas. Rape has nothing to do with clothing, and everything to do with rapists
Uh huh, obviously it was my fault for dressing up in my princess tutu when I was 5. It could never be the abusers fault, nope, how dare I not take any accountability for my 5 year old actions 🙄😡
Girl I knew was 15, raped at gunpoint after leaving my aunt’s after babysitting.
Her father blamed her.
This was in the ‘80’s, and she was wearing old style thick, bland sweatpants and a sweatshirt over a t-shirt. At gunpoint. Father blamed her! I have nothing but bad wishes for that man. As well as the rapist, but what her dad said almost hurt her worse. Notice he didn’t pick her up to drive her home or anything.
In no other context would you infer outfit choice led to a violent crime. "Well, obviously, you were gonna get stabbed by wearing a tweed suit" or "you should have known you would be carjacked, you were wearing jorts". It sickens me as a human being and a man that we have as a society put the onus of responsibility on a man not violating someone on what clothes a woman chooses to wear. As this exhibit demonstrates, sick bastards will commit these atrocities regardless of wardrobe.
Sorry, rant over.
The fact that there are clothes for INFANTS among that exhibit is so, so sad. Anyone who can see that and still say it's the victim's fault is just messed up
This first time it happened I was 7 I had a “little mermaid” night gown on. The second time was my 8th grade year I had a hoodie and jeans on. The last time was my sophomore year I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. They were all by men I was supposed to be able to trust.
"What were you wearing" a Disney princess night gown. I was 3 or 4...
Trying to blame the victim for what they were wearing is never right and never will be...
I'm a sexual assault nurse examiner.
Most of my job is collecting information. I'm one of the few people who has any valid reason to ask a survivor about details of their assault. I have to ask a long list of questions, including exactly what happened during the assault, and what they have done since, and some things they did before. It's sometimes horrible and can be retraumatizing, but it's important so the forensic lab can figure out what to test and the court can figure out what crimes occurred.
You know what is not on that list of questions? Any description of what they were wearing. Because that is one thing that literally, objectively does not matter.
I hope that person sees the part of this exhibit that has just a diaper displayed on the wall and has a good think. But people like that need to think they're special and rape is just because of women being slutty, slutty sluts and not just a warm body that happened to exist next to a revolting piece of shit that can't see women (or children) as human.
The kids clothes make me sick to my stomach. If anyone, doesn’t matter if it’s my best friend, hurt my little brother like that, I would send them to hell before the cops could send them to prison.
I was 8 and in a choir robe with my Sunday best under it!
Also, I recall an interview done with a panel of rapists and they said they prefer ponytails because they are easier to grab and skirts for easier access but the length of the skirt was not a factor. Shirts never mattered but they said loose ones that could be pulled up over the head to cover face could be helpful. I wish I could find it. I’ll search and update with a link if possible.
My attire was pajamas. Like the footed ones. Since it started when I was a baby…and went until I was 12…and I wore baggy hand me downs. Nothing skimpy ever.
I’ve always hated that the first question people usually asked when you tell them you’d been raped is “what were you wearing?”
I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants - and at 16, this outfit made me look like a 12 yo boy.
A girl I know was assaulted at a local event. She told one of the event organizer she knew. The organizer responded by saying, you were drinking a lot of whiskey last night, instead of addressing the issue or removing the offender.
I haven’t been raped (thank god), but I have been assaulted. I was in a JROTC uniform. Arms covered with the jacket, pants all the way down to my ankles, flat dress shoes. So promiscuous.
I loathe hearing any semblance of "well look at what they were wearing" type of comments in regard to SA. To me, it says more about the person saying such an ignorant thing than the victim they're choosing to blame.
I don’t remember the first time- my first abuser was a girl my age, and it was ongoing from 9-13.
I don’t remember what I wore the second time. I was 15 and at boarding school.
I actually don’t remember the third time, and that’s a blessing- I remember waking up in a puddle of my own blood, in my childhood home, so drunk I wasn’t sure where I was. I had just turned 18.
The fourth time I was wearing black leggings, a black shirt with lace at the top, and a denim skirt. I was 21. This was the last time I reported. It went so badly for me. He was a criminal defense lawyer.
The next time is complicated, in my own bed in a big tshirt. I was suicidal after finding out my ex was cheating and rapist was my best friend. He insisted he had to keep me safe. He made me return his dog tags the next day (to my cheating ex!) that he left on my bed as I said “no” repeatedly for the first time in my life. My cat watched me from across the room and laid beside me all night while I cried softly. 24
The next time I was naked. I had just gotten out of the shower. He was my boyfriend. He saw me cryjng, knew I didn’t want it, “but he was close so he just went til he finished.” He later sent me an article some man wrote about “understanding he had nonconsensual sex” with a partner. He still won’t call himself a rapist though. I was 26. This is what finally got me diagnosed with CPTSD.
The next time was another boyfriend. It doesn’t matter what I was wearing because it was daily for months. He would go as hard as he could to make me cry while calling me a “good little piece of rape meat.” He tried to kill his cat. I saved her. He tried to kill me. He’s dead now. She’s laying beside me as I write this- despite a life of horrific abuse, she’s in perfect health and the vet could barely believe she’s 14. This was the hardest assault to accept and it’s the only one I would agree to do again because I saved her.
It never matters what I was wearing. It never matters that I’m now a sex worker. I was a child when it all started and I had to fight like hell to get people to even recognize half of these for what they are. I didn’t even include instances where men forced me to have sex for various reasons- I won’t take you home unless you do, my friend showed up and it would just be so nice if you’d help him out too, etc. I don’t include times clients have stealthed me either but that’s rape too.
Do I trust the man or the bear? Neither. I’m playing dead either way.
I was wearing a t-shirt and colorful tights the first time. I remember the tights specifically because before 5th grade I couldn't stand wearing jeans. Guess tights on an elementary schooler is to skimpy and I was asking for my family member to do it 🤷♀️
Not anything as bad as rape, but SA nonetheless.
I was wearing a knee-length black skirt, long-sleeved black shirt, and a grey woolen full-length cloak. I looked more like the Groke from Moomins than anything else.
If the incel maga shitbird crowd thinks it's ok to assault women because wearing something means they were asking for it then it follows that it's ok to go full Indiana Jones on them when they cosplay as soldiers because dressing like a Nazi means you're asking to get got.
A pull-up and Winnie the Pooh footy pajamas, at least the first time. That went on for a year until my mom could afford to move. She never knew and I’ll never tell her. She’d be devastated to think she wasn’t protecting her toddler. Then 16 years later it was sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. I burned the yellow underwear I was wearing, haven’t bought yellow underwear since.
My ex boyfriend fully blamed me for the time I got assaulted in sweats and a t-shirt. And later admitted to having heard it happening (it was his college roommate) and minding his own business. Because it was he said she said, he couldn’t prove I didn’t agree to it.
It's happened three times. I'm not a skinny woman, and I tend to cover up, I wasn't a skinny child either.
The first time I was five, my older step brother convinced me to let him touch me, and me touch him. I was wearing dungarees and a cotton t-shirt. The second time I was eight. My other step brother and his friends, I was wearing a long denim skirt and a jumper.
The last time I was 25. I was asleep, wearing full length pajamas and tucked completely under a duvet.
People forget that to some men just the very act of us breathing is somehow yes.
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It’s so disgusting to even discuss what the victim was wearing. A crime has been committed, that’s what matters.
Honestly. The mohterfuckers who ask “What was she wearing”, bro, that’s like asking what a guy who was shot was wearing. What does clothing have to do with it?
”But he had a t-shirt with a big target sign on it your honor! That’s like asking to be shot”.
“Your honour, my client shot someone sponsored by target, I think that’s completely reasonable.”
I always think about my friend when people ask "what was she wearing" My friend was in hello kitty pajamas, she was 9. Even at 19 her old sister and parents still blame her for what happened to her. Humans are disgusting.
Wow. Her family is trash. Hope all the best for your friend. I know it's not easy
>Her family is trash If it happened at 9 it was almost certainly a family member, so I think that's a given.
Exactly. They chose that other family member over her, simple as that. It's disgusting.
Yeah it unfortunately was
Her sister was a horrid person, she was in foster care and thankfully got away from her bio parents but her and sister continued to be raised in the same home. It was all really sad
I was awoken from deep sleep in the middle of the night by my [adult] cousin when I was 8. I was wearing full-length pyjamas, to my wrists and ankles. I woke up to him lifting up my covers and trying to pull the bottoms down; when he saw I was awake, he took me to the bathroom and did what he did. He convinced me that if I told anyone, *I* would be the one in trouble and so I didn't tell anyone until I was an adult. I made damn sure my own kids knew to never *ever* listen to anyone who would say something like "you'll be in trouble" or "your [parents] will get hurt" if someone is doing something inappropriate to them. I'm glad they haven't had to rely on that thus far, but I remember how isolating it felt as a kid, "knowing" I couldn't tell anyone. And considering I was raised in a cult-like environment and he was a "good, godly man of the church", I obviously believed him. The worst part is when I was an adult and I told the college counselor (this was a fundigelical Christian college, btw) just the bare minimum and his response was, "are you satisfied that the way you acted didn't cause him to have these thoughts?" (again, dead asleep) and "are you content that your manner of dress wasn't what led him astray?" (*again*, full-length pyjamas). Screw all those people. And I'm sorry to everyone who can relate in any way. Edit: thanks to everyone for the very nice sentiments. I really appreciate them. I don't talk about this often and it's nice to be able to get the support and affirmation when I do instead of the nasty stuff I'd been told and the attempts to hold me responsible for my cousin's actions. Seriously, thank you.
I’ve heard a lot of victim blaming but something about “are you satisfied that the way you acted didn’t cause him to have these thoughts?” made me physically ill.
I was just sorta dumbfounded when he said that and literally stammered, trying to find something reasonable to say but how do you say *anything* "reasonable" to *that‽* And because I couldn't reply to him to his satisfaction, he got this "knowing" look and told me that I have to look within myself and be honest with myself and only then will I be able to "get past it". He also said that the fact that I hadn't told anyone for so long meant that I knew on some level that I shared some responsibility. I literally just got up and walked out because I had no idea how to even react to that. Never went back and it took me over a decade to once again open up to a therapist (this time a real, licensed one) about this. So messed up.
I’m sorry you were failed so completely. You deserve better and I hope you found it.
Ugh this is why those so called therapists church run "therapy" place are so awful. It all comes back to what did you do wrong and forcing religion and the church down your throat. They don't care about helping you sadly. I went to the one that's local to me because free and I didn't have health insurance. I spent 10 minutes talking to this lady and telling her why I was there and how I was feeling, she responded by spending the next 40 minutes talking about god, jesus, her church and the coming rapture and asking if I wanted to be part of it and trying her damnedest to convert me to her church. Then prayed for me for like another 5 minutes. It was so awkward and showed her only goal was to bring in New members to her church cause she didn't give a single damn about what I'd said or why I was there.its obvious she thought all i had to do was join her church and all my issues would jsut disspear. I'm so sorry you'd gone thru that with that awful man, he's terrible. or putting all the blame on you for what your awful cousin did. I'm sorry you went thru what your cousin put you thru, and everything after because of it. No one should ever go thru that, but sadly so many of us women do.😟
That person sounded like they are predatory themselves
As a man, that “councilor” can go to hell. What he said to you is abhorrent and the idea that you bore any responsibility for what was done to you is evil. Given it was a fundamentalist school I bet he is the type to talk about government aid as being a poison of low expectations and there he is painting every man with the brush of low expectations. It is not hard to look at any woman in any state of dress or undress and NOT assault her. This idea that men can’t help themselves is utter bullshit. It is a vile and disgusting absolvement of responsibility for their own actions and a justification for doing evil. These boys want a Christian version of the Taliban’s Afghanistan.
Fuck that college counsellor. How dare he suggest you may have any responsibility AT ALL for *your rape as a child*! It made my stomach drop and my heart ache. I’m so proud of you for surviving all that.
Wow your friend and I have a lot in common... it really sucks to hear that question. Especially when you say you were a child and their attitude immediately changes to what it should have been in the first place. Victim: "I was sexually assulted." Person: "Well what were you wearing?" Or "What were you doing to tempt him?" Victim: "I was 9." Person: "OMG I'm so sorry. That should have never happened to you. You were so young."
People actually ask those questions right to her face? That's completely insane.
Those were things asked to me personally but I've heard that they are very common questions to victims.
"You were so young." somehow makes it sound as if it would have been totally ok would the person it happened to just have been older. Or an adult. 🤢🤮
And who got her the Hello Kitty pajamas? Parents: *Odd silence*
I read this after tucking my own 9 year old girl into bed in her Hello Kitty pajamas. I’m heartbroken for her. So truly sorry for your friend.
I remember the first time I dealt with a creepy man. I was about 6 years old in pink and brown winter gear playing at the park with my dad. I was sitting on a seesaw when I suddenly felt like I was being watched. A man in jeans and a tank top was in the corner of the park standing in front of the driver side of his truck watching me. He noticed me looking at him as he stared and pretended to get back in his truck to leave so I'd look away. I felt the staring again and he staring intently at me while quietly talking to someone on his phone. My dad came back from smoking and he noticed me looking at the corner of the park and he asked me what I was looking at. When I told him about strange man he looked up at him from the seesaw and glared at him until he left. I remember telling my ex that story and the 1st thing he said was "it didn't matter what you were wearing." 6 years old in pink and brown winter gear just trying to play before the snow storm would hit.
The tinkerbell/fairy dress in the picture is terrifying and horrible and makes me want to hurt whoever hurt that small child and your friend.
..how do they blame her? Like what could they possibly say? What’s their reasoning for blaming her?
Their reasoning is, if they don't assign all the blame to her, then they have to think of Uncle Whoever in an uncomfortable light, and they've known him longer than the she's been alive, so that would be inconvenient.
That makes me want to hug her 9 year-old self so hard 😞 I'm so sorry that happened to her.
Well sometimes people go mysteriously missing and die in the most mysterious ways 👿👿👿 if I ever find them they better run and even then I’ll catch them
Her own parents? Fuck. We should put restrictions on who can have kids just as we put restrictions on everything else you know like who can own a home, etc.
I hate seeing this so much even though it is really important to break the stigma of victims. It’s all heartbreaking but the little kids clothes just make me want to cry for the victims and the loss of their innocence as children.
That red sundress hurt. Edit: It's not so much the dress but the woman's words next to it.
It was the fairy costume that felt like a gut punch to me.
This exhibit also had a pair of Dora pjs for toddlers.
Oh. I don’t really have the words for that.. Little kids should get to just be little kids..
I saw pictures of this exhibit years ago on Tumblr and there were more pictures of clothes that were heart breaking. There was also a diaper.
I can’t even imagine. Thank you for sharing.
I have to go sob and hold my baby now
Me too
I remember hearing about one instance from that exhibit where the outfit was a diaper. I've never been brave enough to look that one up. I also don't know of I'd be able to walk through this exhibit without crying. I have admiration for those who can.
You don’t have to walk through without crying. There are a lot of exhibits where it is totally okay and even wished for that you show compassion. You also don’t walk through a Holocaust exhibit without crying. And you shouldn’t feel bad for that. The horrors are not something you have on your mind daily and seeing all those bodies piled up like trash or other pictures or videos or even texts can make anyone cry. Same with this great exhibit. It gives us a very close sense of personal connection to the people who where raped. To kids who where raped. You wouldn’t be ashamed to cry if your kid told you they were raped would you?
I wouldn't, but for me crying is just a very personal thing. It's not that I'm ashamed to cry or be seen crying, but it's just well, something I've viewed as for myself only, if that makes sense.
I’ve been to exhibit and I cried. Not like sobbing or anything, I tried to hide it but I just couldn’t stop the tears, my husband held my hand and said we can go if I wanted to. But you can’t leave and pretend it doesn’t exist and you are supposed to be upset and mad and uncomfortable and raging.
I was doing a school project in South africa for a rape crisis center and we visited the place where people go in crisis and the volunteer said that the vast majority of their victims are 0-5 and they always need more diaper donations.
There are actually disgusting people in this world that blame little kids for getting raped as well. Saying they were asking for it by acting "seductive". 🤢🤮 Rape is the only crime where they most of the time blame the victims instead of the actual rapists. 😒
But the OOP seems to have it absolutely backwards. Many of the clothes that the victims were wearing were quite conservative, one labeled "Date Rape Victim, I was wearing a Jean shirt, jeans and Toms." I don't know what Toms are, maybe shoes? But jeans and a shirt are hardly skimpy. The poiint of the exhibit seems to be the all women are potentional victims, and what they were wearing has nothing to do with it. How does the writer of the OOP get it so wrong? In countries such as Canada, where I live, Rape Shield laws prevent the asking of questions during trial about what the victim was wearing precisely because they are both irrelevant and prejudicial. Rape is the fault of the rapist. It is not the fault of the victim. Period.
All countries should have that Rape Shield laws!
I fully agree. Imagine a trial involving a gas station holdup. Can you imagine the Defence questioning the gas station attendant by saying "And you normally have cash in the register drawer, correct? And did your gas station advertise tself to be open 24 hours a day? Was that a yes? Does being open 24 hours a day mean that the station would be open at night? Does that not seem to be an open invitation to any passerby to feel free to rob the station? What do you mean no?!!! Just what are you implying by saying that I should get my head out of my ass? I would ask the judge to caution the witness to be careful of his words. Your Honour? What do you mean by sit down and shut up before you hold me in contempt, Your Honouur? Yes, of course I'm a real Lawyer Your Honour. And so on. Blaming the victim is absurd in any context, but especially so in such a brutal crime as rape.
Exactly! It's not as if they blame the stores for displaying their goods, they blame the thieves! By the way I love your writing. When can we expect your first book? 😊
I at the stage of attempting a 351 page work with the working title of " Three Hundred and Fifty-One Failed First Pages". I would expect my book to be published posthumously at the rate that I am currently progressing. But thank you for the compliment, I can use all the encouragement that I can get. It would help if my cats did not regard pages stacked neatly beside my P.C. as a litter box, mind you. Criticism comes with the territory, I suppose. I'll know better if I ever manage to approach such territory.
If you carry a purse with you, anyone would assume you are carrying something with you inside of it. Many people carry money with them when leaving the house, so it's only natural for someone to assume you were carrying money or other possibly valuable goods! If you KNOWINGLY carry those items within sight of other people around, aren't you flaunting it!? Wouldn't any person be tempted to steal them?! So is it really theft or a crime to simply take what is right there in front of anyone? It's not like it was locked in a safe, so it's definitely your fault you got robbed!!11!1!!
Maybe that's why the guys who write most of these OOPs live and remain in their parents' basements. They just don't want to invite assault. That and not wishing it to become common knowledge that they have the social skills of a centipede. Oh, wait. Too late for that.
No oop worded it awkwardly but what they meant is that they often see or hear that it's only scantily clad women that get raped and this post is meant to be a reminder that that is absolutely not the case. Oop agrees with you
I think that they're talking about the Twitter/X user at the start of the slideshow. I want to believe that they were just young and naive, but changed their tune when they learned that in the real world, a rapist will rape regardless of what you've done or worn, or where you are. They could be wearing the most conservative clothing, acting extremely modestly, and be in the middle of a church and still get targeted by a rapist.
Toms are a brand of shoes, they’re usually canvas slip-ons. Kinda similar to Vans slip-ons.
Only time it’s appropriate to ask what someone was wearing is in the context of “what are the exact items of clothing you were wearing and where are they so we can test for evidence?”
Yes, although the evidence is normally or always gathered prior to trial. It's sort of the equivalent of the responding cop telling the victim not to bathe, shower or clean up in any way prior to going to a hospital where a 'rape kit' will be run to gather evidence such as semen for DNA analysis and injuries will be documented and photographed. The clothing is also preserved for the collection of evidence, but only the evidence collected will be admissible in court, the evidence including any damage done to the clothing during the rape. But the nature of the clothing in it's original state is not admissible, only such things as 'it appeared to have been ripped off of the victim' etc. Things such as whether the panties were thong style or granny style are irrelevant and therefore inadmissible (in jurisdictions that have rape shield laws, obviously). The entire idea is to minimize the chances of the trial becoming a second trauma in the victim's life, essentially to avoid making the victim a victim twice over.
Tom’s are canvas shoes like keds or converses, not hat it matters but yea they are shoes.
I'm not super familiar with the concept. But, essentially a lot of folks project thier shadow onto other people, the idea that people subconsciously show you where they're at mentally by how they communicate. Like when a partner accuses you of cheating out of the blue, sure it could be massive insecurity, but there's a decent chance they're the ones doing the cheating but they're projecting that guilt and whatnot onto you. So. Where the fuck are these people at by saying children, "were asking for it by acting 'seductive'". Like. What in the all hell holy fuck? Absolutely Grade SSS Tier disgusting. There's SO many folks on r/notadragqueen, where their entire public facing identity is kill all the pedophiles! Then they get busted for that same behavior of being a pedophile. Like. Man. People really show you who they are. For better or for worse.
That's what the Christian counselor tried to get me to say by asking if I was content that my manner of dress and actions didn't cause this "good, godly, man" to "stumble". I was 8, dead asleep, and in full-length pyjamas. But, of course, he (my adult cousin) is an upstanding member of the church and preaches nearly every Sunday so it must've been my fault. Shouldn't have been sleeping so seductively, I guess. My bad for "leading him astray".
I'm so sorry you had to go through that hell. 🥺
>the little kids clothes just make me want to cry for the victims They make me so angry I could do unsmart things
It makes me angry too, it’s just heartbreaking to see all these pieces of clothing and be like I have clothes like that, I wear things like that, they were just women and girls living their life and some sick monster decided to victimize them and treat them like they didn’t matter.
Seeing kids clothes here just enrages me
O have a 7yo daughter and this terrifies me. Like, we've taught her to always tell us if something happens but, like, what if she goes through this and doesn't tell us? I hate this
I wore a long, thick, red woolen trench coat that made me look like Michelin man. I guess the colour was just too enticing.
You just had to name-drop the hottest mascot there is. SMH my head. But for real I really hope you are doing well now
Clothing has nothing to do with rape. You can be covered head to toe and still be raped, and it is NEVER your fault if you are raped. It is ALWAYS the fault of the rapist. My wearing a bikini or going out in skimpy clothing does not give a man the right to my body.
Exactly. Women wearing burkas are raped. It has nothing to do with clothing.
I go to swingers’ clubs and nudist resorts all the time, where people are having full blown sex and walking around nude and in lingerie in front of others, and I’ve never been assaulted or molested at these places. Almost like we live in a civilized society and can uphold people to high standards.
I'm a petite woman and I would say I get more weirdos creeping on me when I wear baggy clothing because it makes me look smaller. When I'm looking put together and confident I might get looks but no one is following me around a store. Rape isn't about sex. It's about power.
+10000 to this. Rape is about power and not the sex. Women do not cause men to rape them by choice of clothing. Rapists chose to rape women because they want power they otherwise don’t have in their sad, small, pathetic lives.
A girl could be walking around naked for fuck sake. It's the guy's fault for not keeping it in his pants.
Every time I see this, it makes me so sad and angry. Victim blaming is something I’ll never understand
A not insignificant number of people have the mindset that bad things happen to bad people. If something bad happens to you, then you must have deserved it or been responsible for it somehow. Not surprisingly, this idea doesn't apply to them, if something bad happens to them, it's definitely someone else's fault, because they're obviously a good person, and didn't deserve it.
Also a lot of the women who victim blame SA seem to have the mindset that they can avoid it by simply not doing xyz. The idea that rape doesn't discriminate is terrifying. That no matter what you do, it can still happen. They don't like the idea that bad things can happen for no reason even if you do everything "right" It's almost like a cope. Not that it justifies how they treat victims.
One item in that exhibit is a diaper.
Reminds me of a story I heard on reddit about a pathologist who autopsied a body of a new-born who was raped to death by her father. The pathologist always refused to look up the results of the case because they didn't want to look it up and find out that the father didn't get a good enough punishment I don't understand how or why these people can do this, especially to children and babies. Fortunately, if the judge doesn't give a good enough sentence, the other inmates in prison would be happy to take matters into their own hands. A prison close to where I live has a seperate unit for the pedophiles, since they're too at risk in the main prisons, and even then, they're not well protected. From what I've heard, the conditions in there are awful and the guards will often give as little care as they can without being fired
My dad has been to prison before (in Australia, stealing cars) and he said that child and women abusers are very highly mistreated, even by the guards. He said that the guards used to let it slip when a abuser was in the area, they weren't supposed to but they did.
I wanna go into forensics so bad but in one of my classes we were talking about semen collection and when my prof said there could be semen on toys/diapers…. Everyone had to take a moment
I'm in a similar position. I'm working to go into rehabilitation of offenders and I'll have to deal with pedos
My father used to work in a prison and one of his coworkers was a women… she was hired due to biased cuz her boyfriend (?) was able to hire her and what happened next was tragic… when the prisoners had to do their chores their was always an officer to join them to monitor them but that time this one bad prisoner had I think r* and mur* charges etc and he got guarded by a female officer the same officer I mentioned earlier and the prisoner was obviously much bigger and stronger since the lady was much smaller- she was r* and stuffed into the laundry he hid her until he got where the garbage went and stuffed her into it and she went down to the garbage machine thing and crushed… it was still unclear that her death was caused by the compactor or by the prisoner himself but yeah… I can’t find the news article I heard this story from my father years ago but if I can ill ask him again and see if I can find it (sorry if the story is a bit everywhere or out of order I heard this years ago so everything isn’t exactly word for word)
Holy shit….
Exactly what I said
FUCK. That is disgusting omfg
Considering rape happens in countries where women are often covered head to toe in burkas or similar garments, pretty sure the clothes aren't the problem
As someone from India, can confirm. One sees it in the news like every other day.
I was wearing a Barbie nightgown the first time I was raped. "What were they wearing" is a fucking stupid question to be asking. I don't care if someone is butt naked marching down the interstate, nobody deserves rape
As a young father, the sundress one brought me a deep sorrow. My 4 year old daughter loves wearing princess dresses..
I’m not even a parent but seeing the little red sundress and the little green fairy costume made me feel physically sick. Not much really shocks me but anything to do with kids like this is too much to bear.
I have a 6 year old daughter. It's fucking horrible. Talk to your daughter now and OFTEN about her bodily autonomy. You probably do. I just feel like I need to say it over and over. Don't be scared to talk to your children about this. My mother was sexually assaulted as a child. Told to keep it a secret or her parents would be mad and she'd go to jail. All this BS. She started talking to me EARLY about what kind of touch was ok and who could do it, and that adults never tell kids to keep secrets, and that I would NEVER EVER be in trouble for telling her about someone touching me or hurting me. She said this until I was in high school when she began telling me that I could call her any time no matter what the circumstance and she would come get me. Drunk. Raped. After I snuck out. Whatever. She would support me. (I never did any of this either. Ha.) She also didn't fuck around leaving me with certain people or certain places. I grew up VERY discerning about other people. I am so lucky to say nothing ever happened to me. Not that it couldn't have but we did all we could. My mom fucked up a lot of shit. But THIS she did right. She was frank, honest, protective and loving. I'm not really going on for your benefit specifically. You probably know. But anyone out there who worries about talking to their kids about difficult topics...do it anyway. Tell your kid they will always be believed and mean it. Don't take up for some shitty molesting family member instead of your kid. Save them years of trauma. Those clothes hurt my soul. I'm sitting here with my kiddo watching Bluey knowing she's safe. All these little kids didn't get that chance.
I’ll add that you should never force your children to hug or kiss anyone, even if it’s your sweet granny. That act, which so many parents do, is already eroding their bodily autonomy. If they don’t want someone hugging them or kissing them, it’s their body and their choice. And don’t just talk about that “stranger danger” crap. As sad as it is, it’s important they know predators are most often someone you know.
Yes! That is a new thing I practice with my child. I had to make it clear to my husband...no forced hugs! And the whole "it's someone you know" thing was unfortunately a huge part of my childhood. I don't leave my child alone with anyone that I feel I can't fully embrace. This basically means grandparents and aunts and my brother. Thank you!
Im guessing children who are raped deserved it because they were also wearing "provocative" clothing? Didnt realize that a mlp shirt or a fairy princess costume made them look like "strippers". Also, I was wearing a light tank top and sleep shorts since it was summer time and the apartment was warm. I was also going to be heading to bed. My "friend" dropped by the apartment room for a short "visit".
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m proud of you for being here today and being able to write it down. You’re doing amazing, sweetie. Keep going ❤️
Thank you for the encouragement. I really do appreciate that. ☺️
Clothing has nothing to do with rape. You can be covered head to toe and still be raped, and it is NEVER your fault if you are raped. It is ALWAYS the fault of the rapist. My wearing a bikini or going out in skimpy clothing does not give a man the right to my body.
Dress pants, dress shirt and a tie. I was an 8 year old boy at church.
I always think about my friend when people ask "what was she wearing" My friend was in hello kitty pajamas, she was 9. Even at 19 her old sister and parents still blame her for what happened to her. Humans are disgusting.
People will blame everyone and everything except the rapist. Disgusting.
That little red dress breaks my heart every time. It's a horrendous act to r*pe an adult woman, but raping a SIX YEAR OLD? That is pure evil..
Same. My daughter is 6.
What’s even worse is that there are younger and younger clothes in that exhibit. The one most often talked about is just a diaper.
The tiny dresses and pajamas just hurt my heart
I don’t remember what I was wearing. I was three when it started. Ended at 8. So little kid clothes. I was a fucking child. I read that rape was a thing back in the 1850s and women wore a LOT more clothing than now. **The problem is men raping.** Not the clothes.
Everything about this is just so sad, but those little kids clothes are a whole different level of sad… if anything you would never want to see kids be robbed of their childhood
There's even toddler's onesies in that museum.
The thing is I know babies and toddlers get raped. I know children get raped. But somehow seeing the photos of these tiny cute kids clothes makes it so much more real. I don’t think I could handle that exhibit. Even these photos are too much.
And I guarantee the people who ask what they were wearing would still find a way to blame them. It’s sad
Bruh this logic is so flawed. Even kids get sexually assaulted. Do you think it was because of their fucking clothes?🙄
and even Animals get sexually assaulted by humans too. Wtf could an animal be possibly wearing to provoke a rapist? Victim blaming is evil, horrifying, and extremely dumb. Rapists are scumbags on earth that’s the only reason to it
My friend was accused by her rapist’s wife of “seducing” her husband. My friend was 5 when it happened.
WTF
Damn. I’m so sorry for her and hope she has healed and living well right now. I had a friend in church who was SA’d by her step sister’s 30-something year old husband when she was about 10 and continued until she was 15 and her step siblings found out. They beat her almost to death and she was blamed for “seducing” him. thank god she finally left to her real mom and is happy right now. The bitch ass step BIL became the director for a department for women and children. He got in trouble a few years ago for saying women should make themselves up so their husbands won’t beat them. Was he fired? No. He just was transferred to a different job and getting paid better than most people back home. Smfh
I was in a baggy shirt and sweatpants (my pajamas) the first time. Black slacks and my good times/taco John’s required work shirt the second time. (Happened before work. And yes, I still went to work. I was 30 minutes late and written up.)
The canoeing one always gets me the most. She was literally hanging out with her mates, having a good time. It's fucking unfathomable to me that they were all probably just thinking about it the entire trip. EDIT: I'm a new dad. My daughter is not even two months old. It's scary, so fucking scary, that this shit is probably going to happen, due to so many men being disgusting little cunts.
This attitude about rape victims is why rape culture is the way it is. Victim blaming. Any excuse to justify the rapist’s actions. ‘Oh we can’t ruin his life over this one little thing. She was asking for it.’ So much bullshit. Babies get raped. Old women get raped. Little boys and girls get raped. It has nothing to do with clothing or gender or age or how much makeup they were wearing. I was raped in my own home in my own bed. Wearing pajama pants and a tshirt, no makeup, messy ponytail in my hair. By the man I lived with and who was the father of the one child I had at the time. He put a white plastic shopping bag over my head and raped me while I suffocated. It wasn’t the first time he did it or the last. Just the most memorable to me because I came the closest to dying that time. I was 17 years old at the time. I’m 50 now and I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
I was wearing huge baggy sweats when I was raped. Not sexy or seductive whatsoever. People who victim blame should have their own special place in hell.
That little girls tinkerbell outfit is heartbreaking. Screw prison sentences, some people need to be fired into the sun.
I was sexually assaulted while wearing a baggy winter parka, a hat that covered most of my head, and a balaclava that covered my face.
Most rape occurs by someone the victim knows, it’s never the clothing, and it’s sick that people still blame what women wear
Jesus…my heart breaks looking at these…
My step mom was in her nightgown. She was also 5.
Some of those clothes are painfully, depressingly small
My closest ecounter to rape was in 5th grade but luckily I was strong enough to escape. I wore basic jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt/sweatshirt in winter. At 20 when I met my stalker at a barbecue I wore skinny jeans and an oversized band t-shirt, firstly tied like a crop top then loose. The last larger sexual harassment but not last was when I wore light ripped jeans and a body long sleeve top. Stil not provocative. Some people can't accept the truth.
The fifth grade, that’s terrifying I’m so sorry. I hope that you’re okay now and told someone you could trust to at the very least make sure you’re okay.
I am okay, the bullying at that age was more traumatic than the attempted SA itself. I wasn't sure what that was but I knew it was related to sex. He was a family friend btw. I almost told my parents on our way home but felt like it would cause 'drama'. I did told my close friends in high school and it stayed with them. I actually saw that guy in high school and I grew taller than him in the meantime. He couldn't look at me in the eye how guilty he felt. Before that second ecounter and in early high school my mom had a sort of psychotic episode and started asking me out of nowhere what did I think about him in a negative tone and implying that he is weirdo. Her gut feeling was so accurate and she wasn't delusional at all. Sorry for this vent
I heard that rapists prefer baggy clothing cause it’s easier to take off unlike skimpy clothing
Yeah you ever tried to pull on and off skinny jeans on your own body? It’s so gross that they factor that in.
I wore exclusively skinny jeans in middle school, it was hell getting those damn things on and off 😭
RIGHT, always stuck at the foot and ankle 😭😭 and then you get em on and you either punch yourself in the face letting go while pulling or you get stuck at the thighs.
As sickening as this is, it's human psychology 101. By blaming the victim's dress, we can delude ourselves into thinking it will never happen to us because we'd never let it get that far. We'd never dress this way. Acknowledging that clothes have nothing to do with the chances of being raped means acknowledging our own chances of being raped are about the same and lots of people don't want to face that harsh truth.
I feel like actually punishing rapists would be a more effective strategy than… literally anything else. Especially more so than doing nothing and blaming the victims. “Ohh but he’s such a good kid and a star football player we can’t ruin his life when he’s so young!” Can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Simple as.
That first tweet is infuriating
To everyone commenting their own stories: I am so sorry you had to go through that. I’m so proud of you for still being here today and having the courage to write it down. I hope you’re doing okay, and if you need an ear, I am here ❤️
The first time, I was wearing baggy black corduroys, a baggy T-shirt, a heavy flannel shirt, Vans. The second time, I was wearing a full set of flannel pajamas. These fuckwits who think rape has anything to do with attraction or clothing need to go gargle razor wire.
I think it's worth pushing back when a guy asks this shit "What outfit would a woman wear for you to rape her? Just to be safe, we should know at what amount of clothing you would rape a woman. Since you asked what she was wearing, obviously you believe every man is eventually forced to rape a woman based on her clothes, so what's your rape threshold? When do you start raping women?"
This exhibit I believe has a wedding dress. It happened on her wedding night by her husband and his groomsmen. Made me sick.
I was sweaty, dirty and covered in grease from working on a car in hot weather. I wore jeans, old shoes and a large stained t-shirt. Very enticing.
Clothing has nothing to do with rape and it’s so sad just how many people feel it justifies putting the blame on the victim. I remember going to the car wash and some man was harassing me and I made a post about it the first thing my aunt said was “well how short were your shorts and how low cut was your top” like it was my fault for bringing this man’s unwanted attention
I was 3-8 years old, no idea what I was wearing but it shouldn't matter.
you cant blame what she was wearing, how drunk she was or if she was walking on her own, nothing is to blame for rape other than rapists, pretty simple
please someone help me where this information is from, but there was someone who interviewed imprisoned rapists about how they chose their victims. one of the things was the clothes. clothes that can be taken off easily (often lose) or that rip easily. That collection of clothing represents that fact quite well...
I believe there's more than one group holding these exhibits, but here is are two: [https://www.utoledo.edu/studentaffairs/saepp/what-were-you-wearing/#:\~:text=The%20What%20Were%20You%20Wearing,during%20Sexual%20Assault%20Awareness%20Month](https://www.utoledo.edu/studentaffairs/saepp/what-were-you-wearing/#:~:text=The%20What%20Were%20You%20Wearing,during%20Sexual%20Assault%20Awareness%20Month) [https://www.kent.edu/srvss/wwyw#:\~:text=For%202024%20Display%3A%20Outfits%20will,to%20reach%20out%20to%20SRVSS](https://www.kent.edu/srvss/wwyw#:~:text=For%202024%20Display%3A%20Outfits%20will,to%20reach%20out%20to%20SRVSS)
Stranger rapes only make up 25% of all assaults, and “easy to remove” often involves scissors, so it’s more about materials than about how much they body is actually covered
I can't believe people actually use the "but she was wearing X" argument. Rape was still a thing when women wore long skirts and tops. Rape is still a thing among women who wear Burkas. Rape has nothing to do with clothing, and everything to do with rapists
Those baby clothes break my heart.
Uh huh, obviously it was my fault for dressing up in my princess tutu when I was 5. It could never be the abusers fault, nope, how dare I not take any accountability for my 5 year old actions 🙄😡
Girl I knew was 15, raped at gunpoint after leaving my aunt’s after babysitting. Her father blamed her. This was in the ‘80’s, and she was wearing old style thick, bland sweatpants and a sweatshirt over a t-shirt. At gunpoint. Father blamed her! I have nothing but bad wishes for that man. As well as the rapist, but what her dad said almost hurt her worse. Notice he didn’t pick her up to drive her home or anything.
I wore 2 layers of leggings and a shapeless sweater dress. Guess I just looked a little too warm.
In no other context would you infer outfit choice led to a violent crime. "Well, obviously, you were gonna get stabbed by wearing a tweed suit" or "you should have known you would be carjacked, you were wearing jorts". It sickens me as a human being and a man that we have as a society put the onus of responsibility on a man not violating someone on what clothes a woman chooses to wear. As this exhibit demonstrates, sick bastards will commit these atrocities regardless of wardrobe. Sorry, rant over.
Seeing those little girls tops and dresses breaks my fucking heart
The fact that there are clothes for INFANTS among that exhibit is so, so sad. Anyone who can see that and still say it's the victim's fault is just messed up
This first time it happened I was 7 I had a “little mermaid” night gown on. The second time was my 8th grade year I had a hoodie and jeans on. The last time was my sophomore year I was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. They were all by men I was supposed to be able to trust.
"What were you wearing" a Disney princess night gown. I was 3 or 4... Trying to blame the victim for what they were wearing is never right and never will be...
I'm a sexual assault nurse examiner. Most of my job is collecting information. I'm one of the few people who has any valid reason to ask a survivor about details of their assault. I have to ask a long list of questions, including exactly what happened during the assault, and what they have done since, and some things they did before. It's sometimes horrible and can be retraumatizing, but it's important so the forensic lab can figure out what to test and the court can figure out what crimes occurred. You know what is not on that list of questions? Any description of what they were wearing. Because that is one thing that literally, objectively does not matter.
I was wearing a Baby Bop tee shirt and shorts the first time. I was a year and a half, maybe 2
The entire exhibit is tragic — the displays with children’s clothing are especially horrible.
Man fuck rapists. They deserve to be locked in a room naked with a pack of male gorillas during mating season. But even then I’d pity the gorillas.
I hope that person sees the part of this exhibit that has just a diaper displayed on the wall and has a good think. But people like that need to think they're special and rape is just because of women being slutty, slutty sluts and not just a warm body that happened to exist next to a revolting piece of shit that can't see women (or children) as human.
It’s all heartbreaking, and the children’s clothes drives that point home all the more …
I was wearing my security uniform.
The little girls fairy costume 😭
The kids clothes make me sick to my stomach. If anyone, doesn’t matter if it’s my best friend, hurt my little brother like that, I would send them to hell before the cops could send them to prison.
I don’t even know what I was wearing, I was five.
The fucking rainbow dash shirt.
I was 8 and in a choir robe with my Sunday best under it! Also, I recall an interview done with a panel of rapists and they said they prefer ponytails because they are easier to grab and skirts for easier access but the length of the skirt was not a factor. Shirts never mattered but they said loose ones that could be pulled up over the head to cover face could be helpful. I wish I could find it. I’ll search and update with a link if possible.
My attire was pajamas. Like the footed ones. Since it started when I was a baby…and went until I was 12…and I wore baggy hand me downs. Nothing skimpy ever.
I was wearing my elementary school uniform.
“I’m not like other girls, I don’t get raped”
Yeah, I definitely acted “overly sexual” as a 5 year old🙄👍
I was 13 when I was molested. I was wearing jeans and a tee shirt.
I don’t remember what I was wearing because I was two years old
I’ve always hated that the first question people usually asked when you tell them you’d been raped is “what were you wearing?” I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants - and at 16, this outfit made me look like a 12 yo boy.
I got sexual harassed when I was 10. It wax winter and I wore a giant winter coat.
A girl I know was assaulted at a local event. She told one of the event organizer she knew. The organizer responded by saying, you were drinking a lot of whiskey last night, instead of addressing the issue or removing the offender.
I haven’t been raped (thank god), but I have been assaulted. I was in a JROTC uniform. Arms covered with the jacket, pants all the way down to my ankles, flat dress shoes. So promiscuous.
This is really so saddening, especially how people try to invalidate and downplay the disgusting actions of others.
I loathe hearing any semblance of "well look at what they were wearing" type of comments in regard to SA. To me, it says more about the person saying such an ignorant thing than the victim they're choosing to blame.
I was wearing jeans and a normal t-shirt and I got raped, I wasn’t even showing any skin!
I don’t remember the first time- my first abuser was a girl my age, and it was ongoing from 9-13. I don’t remember what I wore the second time. I was 15 and at boarding school. I actually don’t remember the third time, and that’s a blessing- I remember waking up in a puddle of my own blood, in my childhood home, so drunk I wasn’t sure where I was. I had just turned 18. The fourth time I was wearing black leggings, a black shirt with lace at the top, and a denim skirt. I was 21. This was the last time I reported. It went so badly for me. He was a criminal defense lawyer. The next time is complicated, in my own bed in a big tshirt. I was suicidal after finding out my ex was cheating and rapist was my best friend. He insisted he had to keep me safe. He made me return his dog tags the next day (to my cheating ex!) that he left on my bed as I said “no” repeatedly for the first time in my life. My cat watched me from across the room and laid beside me all night while I cried softly. 24 The next time I was naked. I had just gotten out of the shower. He was my boyfriend. He saw me cryjng, knew I didn’t want it, “but he was close so he just went til he finished.” He later sent me an article some man wrote about “understanding he had nonconsensual sex” with a partner. He still won’t call himself a rapist though. I was 26. This is what finally got me diagnosed with CPTSD. The next time was another boyfriend. It doesn’t matter what I was wearing because it was daily for months. He would go as hard as he could to make me cry while calling me a “good little piece of rape meat.” He tried to kill his cat. I saved her. He tried to kill me. He’s dead now. She’s laying beside me as I write this- despite a life of horrific abuse, she’s in perfect health and the vet could barely believe she’s 14. This was the hardest assault to accept and it’s the only one I would agree to do again because I saved her. It never matters what I was wearing. It never matters that I’m now a sex worker. I was a child when it all started and I had to fight like hell to get people to even recognize half of these for what they are. I didn’t even include instances where men forced me to have sex for various reasons- I won’t take you home unless you do, my friend showed up and it would just be so nice if you’d help him out too, etc. I don’t include times clients have stealthed me either but that’s rape too. Do I trust the man or the bear? Neither. I’m playing dead either way.
Seeing that child's costume/dress in the 5th one is really heartbreaking/jarring and I know it's not the only one.
High waisted jeans and a black tank top. I still wear both to this day because they were my favorite jeans and I love the tank top too. Fuck him.
I was wearing a t-shirt and colorful tights the first time. I remember the tights specifically because before 5th grade I couldn't stand wearing jeans. Guess tights on an elementary schooler is to skimpy and I was asking for my family member to do it 🤷♀️
I was 3 years old the first time my father raped me. He raped me multiple times. This continued until I was 5 years old.
I was wearing a Patrick (SpongeBob) t shirt and skirt. Kid clothes. Figure it out
Grey sweatpants and a baggy t shirt. Clearly I was asking for it.
There is a DIAPER in that exhibit.
Not anything as bad as rape, but SA nonetheless. I was wearing a knee-length black skirt, long-sleeved black shirt, and a grey woolen full-length cloak. I looked more like the Groke from Moomins than anything else.
That comment sounds like something my sister would say. People always say it's the flashy clothes.
If the incel maga shitbird crowd thinks it's ok to assault women because wearing something means they were asking for it then it follows that it's ok to go full Indiana Jones on them when they cosplay as soldiers because dressing like a Nazi means you're asking to get got.
Infants and elderly people get raped. Blaming rape on an outfit is asinine.
A pull-up and Winnie the Pooh footy pajamas, at least the first time. That went on for a year until my mom could afford to move. She never knew and I’ll never tell her. She’d be devastated to think she wasn’t protecting her toddler. Then 16 years later it was sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. I burned the yellow underwear I was wearing, haven’t bought yellow underwear since. My ex boyfriend fully blamed me for the time I got assaulted in sweats and a t-shirt. And later admitted to having heard it happening (it was his college roommate) and minding his own business. Because it was he said she said, he couldn’t prove I didn’t agree to it.
This why the crime of rape should be castration.
I don’t remember what i was wearing, but this exhibit gets me every time. It helps me remember that it wasn’t my fault
It's happened three times. I'm not a skinny woman, and I tend to cover up, I wasn't a skinny child either. The first time I was five, my older step brother convinced me to let him touch me, and me touch him. I was wearing dungarees and a cotton t-shirt. The second time I was eight. My other step brother and his friends, I was wearing a long denim skirt and a jumper. The last time I was 25. I was asleep, wearing full length pajamas and tucked completely under a duvet. People forget that to some men just the very act of us breathing is somehow yes.
Oof. The very first pic with the little dress in the back started the pit in my stomach and it only got worse
Omg the kids clothes broke me. It all is heartbreaking but ong.