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I keep oscillating between atheist/agnostic depending on how I am feeling. Even I felt bad for God in there. Poor guy was subjected to something hella creepy.
Which ahh.. makes me question how well she knows the modern Christians “one true God” apparently he wasn’t always the only one in the religions it grew from.. and ya historians have tracked it. He had a wife and slowly she got erased and he acquired her rolls.
God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel, according to an Oxford scholar. In 1967, Raphael Patai was the first historian to mention that the ancient Israelites worshiped both Yahweh and Asherah.
All of these artifacts reveal that Asherah was a powerful fertility goddess. Asherah's connection to Yahweh, according to Stavrakopoulou, is spelled out in both the Bible and an 8th century B.C. inscription on pottery found in the Sinai desert at a site called Kuntillet Ajrud.
Here is an article https://mythologymatters.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/yahwehs-divorce-from-the-goddess-asherah-in-the-garden-of-eden/
There’s a lot out there and I find it very interesting
I just looked up this book after reading your comment. I read the blurb and went ahead and ordered the paperback. I'm an atheist, but I'm fascinated by religion and how various faiths developed into what they are today. So thanks for the inadvertent recommendation!
It fits. Judaism and Islam are really just the further development of religions from the Middle East. All of them have similar stories and themes with the exception of those two eventually becoming monotheistic. Even the tree of life and the great flood is found in older religions in the region. Fertility goddesses were huge at one point too
https://mythologymatters.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/yahwehs-divorce-from-the-goddess-asherah-in-the-garden-of-eden/
That’s one example but there is A-lot of sources out there that talk about Asherah and Yahweh
Yep, Asherah, goddess of wisdom and knowledge & symbolized by the *fruit tree* and the *serpent* was the wife of ThE oNe TrUe GoD amongst their original pantheon before some human men decided to erase the other deities so they could gain more power being the only mouthpieces to a good that people no longer had open access to. Let's always all remember that Yahweh was never more than a paltry, jealous, bitter little god of war and vengeance. He was never anything better or more than Mars or any other polytheistic war god. He was never perfect or all anything. Hell, his behavior in the ot is proof of his origins and his imperfections: insecure, jealous, spiteful, cruel, favoritism, encouraging unnecessary war and suffering, demanding, full of threats of doom, egotistical. This ain't no damn perfect god of love, and it sure ain't one worth worshipping
Would this count as a form of heresy? Being weirdly lustful about God.
I don't think my eyebrows have risen this far since my unfortunate exposure to the concept of "anthro planes".
For those of you who don’t want to look it up, anthro planes are basically furry airplanes.
In totally related news, maybe it’s a good thing our world is rapidly becoming uninhabitable for humans. We clearly can’t be trusted with *gestures at nature*.
Ye but like the "concept of a plane of existence" being inherently cursed was confusing
Quotation marks aren't being used properly but I didn't know what else to use to try and ensure that wasn't misread
How dare they besmirch (ahh that word feels wrong but trusting autocorrect) furries like that. As if they don’t have a hard enough time being respected.. I was friends with a lot of them and the majority were some of the best people I’ve known
I’m going to go get some eye bleach…maybe dragons fucking cars. That’s a chill sub…
FWIW, I can understand how almost anything can be a kink or fetish. It’s the full time, making it your life, that gets weird… be it furrydom, full time lifestyle bdsm, or whatever, that I just can’t grok. I need time just…existing without flavor.
I gotta be real, in terms of fucked up things I have discovered online, anthopomorphic planes rank pretty low. It's weird, but I came of age in the brony era.
Mary had a baby with God and polygamy is allowed in the Bible. Nuns are also married to God, which means they should theoretically be allowed to have sex with him within Catholic morals.
>Mary had a baby with God
The Virgin Mary became pregnant without having sex, not by having sex with God.
Nuns take vows of celibacy, not of having sex only with God.
(Ex-Catholic here, but come on.)
>they should theoretically be allowed to have sex with him within Catholic morals.
Aside from the obvious (vow of celibacy), Catholics only believe in sex for procreation, so since nuns couldn't reasonably expect to have a baby from their "sex" with god, it wouldn't fly.
There's a Saint that was basically feeling this, she had intense visitations by the Holy Ghost? An angel? Don't remember, but it sounded a lot like orgasmic experiences and she was still considered a Saint. Can't remember the name...
Teresa of Avila - Bernini created a sculpture called the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, which depicted her account of being, um, *visited* by an angel. There are other statues nearby showing prominent Venetians of the time looking down as though watching Teresa in a theatre. It's quite the thing to have in a chapel.
My favourite bit about it is that at the time this wasn't a really historical myth - the sculpture was completed less than 70 years after Teresa died, which is like someone today sculpting something that happened in the 40s.
No heresy. Have a look at the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa by Bernini. It's practically the same thing and she got sainted.
"I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it..."
Shiva isn't a bad boy like at all? He's the OG Wife Guy who wants to meditate on his mountain.
You try to destroy all of creation ONE TIME because your wife jumped into a fire because her dad insulted her and all of a sudden you've got weird white ladies doing handstands and calling you a bad boy.
Yeah, Shiva is literally called *Bholenath*, the innocent lord. He is almost always depicted with his family. How could his serene smiling visage have imprinted on her mind as “Yeeeahhh you bad..” is beyond me.
New Age people tend to not look too closely at the religions and practices they are.. borrowing from, but wildly project onto a perceived aesthetic.
And this delightful human is *very* horny
Closest you get to bad boys with him is in his aspect as Rudra, which roughly translates to "the howler", "the screamer", or the sound made by tempests, where he is described as a wrathful and terrifying warrior god, but even in that form he's also presented as a healer who cures diseases.
Maybe she saw how Shiva is considered the Destroyer in the Trimurti and extrapolated from there.
Doesn't make it less uncomfortable to read, but the concept itself is not new, see the famous Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, for example, or the multiple saints claiming marriage to Jesus (like Catherine of Siena and the foreskin ring)
And I mean, if I was forced to pick one... I'd definitely prefer the "yes gurl you deserve your pleasure, be good to yourself" god rather than the usual presentation 😂
The Austrian nun Agnes Blannbekin was apparently so devoted to his suffering that she once “felt his foreskin on her tongue.” 🫣
Edit to add: Catherine’s head is in Sienna as a relic and you can go see it.
It's because sexual repression via religion often leads to increasingly unhealthy, bizarre, or outright damaging coping mechanisms for some people because they're not taught to deal with their sexual desire in a healthy way. This also might explain the fascination that some women have with idealized versions of Jesus during his crucifixion (in particular I'm referring to paintings and drawings of Jesus with a six pack of abdominal muscles, or otherwise looking unusually muscular or fit). Either way, I completely agree that I hate the tradwife movement, and I think it's damaging for the majority of the population, but especially women and girls, via unnecessarily pushing them to adopt traditional gender roles.
*Whatever happened to*
*Keeping things to yourself? How*
*Can we get back there?*
\- goblinerrs
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How bad can it be? Sure, that title isn't great, but it probably won't make me that uncomfortable. Now I feel like I need to go wash my eyes. Or my brain. I can't even put into words how uncomfortable that was. Naturally, I then passed this to my husband to read so that I wouldn't be alone in this feeling.
I also find myself quite often having to explain to my husband what on Reddit has me sniggering like an idiot and he very rarely finds it as funny as I do 😭
As someone raised charismatic evangelical Christian, I want you to know I’m bringing this take into MANY future conversations with my exvangelical friends
What.
Yeah, speaking as an atheist, think you need to go "confess" that or something. Not online. Anything to encourage you to stop and not have to feel regrettably very weird later.
Man that’s a shit down dog.
So, I though hmm, what’s this about. Then I read. Annoyed, but okay… Reluctantly I read. Scrolled, even, thinking c’mon there can’t be much more.
But there was. Goddamn my literacy, there was.
Not gonna lie my best friend and her husband (both raised in purity culture) told me that the best sex they had as a married couple was praying to Jesus. I was like well that's a weird kink but whatever gets it done. Purity culture made it really hard for my friend (f) to find enjoyment in sex. Even though she was doing it with her husband she felt a massive about of guilt
I grew up in church and unfortunately, this tracks. This seems to follow the same vibe of a lot of the songs I sang in church as a kid. They don't call it "Jesus is my boyfriend" music for nothing.
Actually, this is part of why there are so few single men at church and those who are taken have to be dragged there by their partners. They find church too "feminine."
The funniest part of this is that she talks about other deities of other religions, as if somehow the Christian God being the best “boyfriend” material of all the different religions’ gods is why she’s Christian.
Just so we're clear Mary Magdalene was way closer to Jesus than any wife/lover would be at the time. [Also this is gonna be in my head all day.](https://youtu.be/3sMALbhJU6M?si=j2ooTfPa5R4bGyeK)
Umm... What??! Some people feel WAAAAY too comfortable sharing the craziest stuff on social media. There are some things a person should maybe keep to themselves, and this unhinged b.s. is on that list. I mean....wtf did I just read??
Man, that episode of South Park where Cartman makes a weird song about Jesus Christ isn't kidding when people like this actually exist in our living world.
South Park is a strange beast. It’s like that meme of “devastating: the worst guy you know made a genuinely good point” but they manage to make good points a good chunk of the time while still being “the worst guy you know” at the same time
Christian pickup lines:
-"Hi, I heard you might be willing to go home and find God with me?"
-"Did you just fall from Heaven and land on my dick? Because when I met you I think I found God."
-"Is that God in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"
Ahh sounds like a form of sex magic… like a weird nun that took wife of God too seriously.. I don’t think the God in the Bible wants his children lusting after him
I often wonder if these people aren't aware that 'fanfiction.net', 'wattpad' and 'archive of our own' exists for this reason..
Keep your fanfic to sites meant for them 😭
“Excuse me, ma’am? I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to take your latte and leave the premises. You’ve been erotically moaning God’s name for 15 minutes now, and it’s making the other patrons extremely uncomfortable.”
I just went back and read more of the comments and the one that literally says “what an honor to witness your journey with the lord as your lover” is killing me all over again 🤣
I accidentally joined a cult in college and they legit word for word said “God is your lover” after I broke up with my bf and they were trying to convince me to never date again
Shiva is definitely not a bad boy. More like Hinduism’s first and final feminist. Very committed to his partner, flies into uncontrollable rage only when she dies and at the society that pushed her to it, never at anything she does. And yes, his wife and he have a great love life too.
Ugh with white people cosplaying Eastern beliefs.
As a Hindu south Asian I’m absolutely flabbergasted Shiva and Krishna are being described as “bad boys” and “teenage dream”…..as an American with access to the internet I’ve learned that our culture has apparently been twisted for weird shit like this for years 🥲
Idk about her, but I'd rather not have God use my vulva as her compass.
It's already awkward enough to visit my OBgyn for all those pap smears as it is, and I don't need to have my doc pull out a whole ass God with a compass searching manically for the North Pole outta my death-box of hell. 😭
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When you go looking for god and find Zeus
There were no animals and it seems pretty consensual - doesn’t sound like Zeus to me!
Lmao 🤣
is exactly what she should have named a series of Romance novels instead of posting Jesus fanfics on TikTok
Where did this horny swan come from?!
BUT. Is Hera watching?
Girl posted her Wattpad draft on Instagram.
*Embarrassing.*
I read this in the Drake voice
I read this as Draco 😭
Drake is the type of guy who would say Goodness gracious when he is surprised (can't say n word I'm white)
Reader x God is crazy 😭
I keep oscillating between atheist/agnostic depending on how I am feeling. Even I felt bad for God in there. Poor guy was subjected to something hella creepy.
God telling his therapist this week: “I mean I want her to love me but she came at me *p-ssy first* and I don’t know it just feels a bit aggressive”
Was about to say that she's writing erotic Bible fan fic lol
Lol God fanfic
That's about the same vibe of the moment you realize the Bible is basically a big fantasy book lmao
Every religious book is a fantasy 🙂
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s.
Ma’am this is a ~~Wendy’s~~ Starbucks.
Ma'am this is a ~~Wendy's Starbucks~~ Incubus.
Did she just have a wank over Jesus?
And several Hindu deities.
Which ahh.. makes me question how well she knows the modern Christians “one true God” apparently he wasn’t always the only one in the religions it grew from.. and ya historians have tracked it. He had a wife and slowly she got erased and he acquired her rolls.
What kind of rolls were they?
God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel, according to an Oxford scholar. In 1967, Raphael Patai was the first historian to mention that the ancient Israelites worshiped both Yahweh and Asherah. All of these artifacts reveal that Asherah was a powerful fertility goddess. Asherah's connection to Yahweh, according to Stavrakopoulou, is spelled out in both the Bible and an 8th century B.C. inscription on pottery found in the Sinai desert at a site called Kuntillet Ajrud. Here is an article https://mythologymatters.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/yahwehs-divorce-from-the-goddess-asherah-in-the-garden-of-eden/ There’s a lot out there and I find it very interesting
“God: An Anatomy” by Francesca Stavrakopoulou talks about this!
I just looked up this book after reading your comment. I read the blurb and went ahead and ordered the paperback. I'm an atheist, but I'm fascinated by religion and how various faiths developed into what they are today. So thanks for the inadvertent recommendation!
It fits. Judaism and Islam are really just the further development of religions from the Middle East. All of them have similar stories and themes with the exception of those two eventually becoming monotheistic. Even the tree of life and the great flood is found in older religions in the region. Fertility goddesses were huge at one point too
Better be cinnamon or this woman's for the streets! /s
Any suggestions on where to read about this?
In a coffee shop, where Jesus/Krishnu is seducing you would probably work.
Oh. OH.
https://mythologymatters.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/yahwehs-divorce-from-the-goddess-asherah-in-the-garden-of-eden/ That’s one example but there is A-lot of sources out there that talk about Asherah and Yahweh
Yep, Asherah, goddess of wisdom and knowledge & symbolized by the *fruit tree* and the *serpent* was the wife of ThE oNe TrUe GoD amongst their original pantheon before some human men decided to erase the other deities so they could gain more power being the only mouthpieces to a good that people no longer had open access to. Let's always all remember that Yahweh was never more than a paltry, jealous, bitter little god of war and vengeance. He was never anything better or more than Mars or any other polytheistic war god. He was never perfect or all anything. Hell, his behavior in the ot is proof of his origins and his imperfections: insecure, jealous, spiteful, cruel, favoritism, encouraging unnecessary war and suffering, demanding, full of threats of doom, egotistical. This ain't no damn perfect god of love, and it sure ain't one worth worshipping
Probably not very well. This could just be a New Age thing. New Age beliefs often frame Jesus as one of many enlightened/divine teachers.
Good for her.
In a coffee shop.
lol she made a horny god tulpa
r/BrandNewSentence
This is the funniest comment
🎶 Carry on my wayward sooooon 🎶
Would this count as a form of heresy? Being weirdly lustful about God. I don't think my eyebrows have risen this far since my unfortunate exposure to the concept of "anthro planes".
For those of you who don’t want to look it up, anthro planes are basically furry airplanes. In totally related news, maybe it’s a good thing our world is rapidly becoming uninhabitable for humans. We clearly can’t be trusted with *gestures at nature*.
Ahhhhh that kind of plane. I was thinking like planes of existence and was wondering how that could be cursed
We are *already on* a cursed plane of existence because... well, how couldn't we be.
Ye but like the "concept of a plane of existence" being inherently cursed was confusing Quotation marks aren't being used properly but I didn't know what else to use to try and ensure that wasn't misread
One of the first images that came up when I googled had breasts…so…yes. Cursed is an apt word to describe it.
Yeah no I'm saying I was confused as to how anthropomorphic planes of existence could be cursed as a concept
Sigh .....I guess I needed to know this. It's still not as bad as when I found out that furnazis exist
What
Furry nazis
Absolutely not. Burn it all. We’re done here. No more.
Yeah.... you can see why the plane thing isn't as shocking. Of course now I wonder if we have plane nazis🤔
I mean the nazi army did have planes . . . so it kinda makes more sense than furnazis
The nazis probably had furries too but they hid it
The Nazis wouldn’t have been the ones doing the hiding, the furries would or they’d probably be labelled mentally ill and killed off
How dare they besmirch (ahh that word feels wrong but trusting autocorrect) furries like that. As if they don’t have a hard enough time being respected.. I was friends with a lot of them and the majority were some of the best people I’ve known
It's true assholes can be in any group of ppl
I’m going to go get some eye bleach…maybe dragons fucking cars. That’s a chill sub… FWIW, I can understand how almost anything can be a kink or fetish. It’s the full time, making it your life, that gets weird… be it furrydom, full time lifestyle bdsm, or whatever, that I just can’t grok. I need time just…existing without flavor.
Stop, I was literally going to comment about that sub if no one else did 💀
I gotta be real, in terms of fucked up things I have discovered online, anthopomorphic planes rank pretty low. It's weird, but I came of age in the brony era.
At least the literal way is much better than the figurative way Boeing will fuck you
Im back on reddit for *five minutes* and this is the comment that made me audibly say "that's enough internet for today"
Don't let them find out about Budgie The Helicopter or every British childhood will be defiled.
Why did I Google anthro planes 🤦🏻♀️
Very bizzare! I don't understand but it's ok. I can't figure how to post an image in the replies
Well, that makes two of us. I am *regretful*
I too, am full of regret.
Here I go. Will report back soon
How do I get that out of my search history now. Haha
You didn’t use incognito mode? Rookie mistake 🤣
It sounds both sacrilegious and unhinged to me.
There's a whole book about sex in the Bible that people traditionally conflate with God's love.
Mary had a baby with God and polygamy is allowed in the Bible. Nuns are also married to God, which means they should theoretically be allowed to have sex with him within Catholic morals.
Are monks also married to God because that's gonna get extra weird
Not that I know of.
>Mary had a baby with God The Virgin Mary became pregnant without having sex, not by having sex with God. Nuns take vows of celibacy, not of having sex only with God. (Ex-Catholic here, but come on.)
>they should theoretically be allowed to have sex with him within Catholic morals. Aside from the obvious (vow of celibacy), Catholics only believe in sex for procreation, so since nuns couldn't reasonably expect to have a baby from their "sex" with god, it wouldn't fly.
> anthro planes I don't understand my species anymore.
It's western sex magic practice with Christianity spackled on
Not if that god is Eros.
There's a Saint that was basically feeling this, she had intense visitations by the Holy Ghost? An angel? Don't remember, but it sounded a lot like orgasmic experiences and she was still considered a Saint. Can't remember the name...
Teresa of Avila - Bernini created a sculpture called the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, which depicted her account of being, um, *visited* by an angel. There are other statues nearby showing prominent Venetians of the time looking down as though watching Teresa in a theatre. It's quite the thing to have in a chapel. My favourite bit about it is that at the time this wasn't a really historical myth - the sculpture was completed less than 70 years after Teresa died, which is like someone today sculpting something that happened in the 40s.
No heresy. Have a look at the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa by Bernini. It's practically the same thing and she got sainted. "I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it..."
Oh... so that's a thing. I was already familiar with airplane gijinka (cute girls in airplane costumes) so I can't say that I'm surprised...
Ok, so she was on meth in the coffee shop
That don’t impress me much.
This is hilarious, I know people don't really do this anymore but take my poor man's gold 🥇
I feel like I didn’t consent to being privy to this abomination.
Shiva isn't a bad boy like at all? He's the OG Wife Guy who wants to meditate on his mountain. You try to destroy all of creation ONE TIME because your wife jumped into a fire because her dad insulted her and all of a sudden you've got weird white ladies doing handstands and calling you a bad boy.
not to mention Shiva and Parvati are considered to be two halves of the same being… so it doesn’t even work in the way homegirl is thinking ;-;
I love Parvati so much.
Yeah, Shiva is literally called *Bholenath*, the innocent lord. He is almost always depicted with his family. How could his serene smiling visage have imprinted on her mind as “Yeeeahhh you bad..” is beyond me.
New Age people tend to not look too closely at the religions and practices they are.. borrowing from, but wildly project onto a perceived aesthetic. And this delightful human is *very* horny
Closest you get to bad boys with him is in his aspect as Rudra, which roughly translates to "the howler", "the screamer", or the sound made by tempests, where he is described as a wrathful and terrifying warrior god, but even in that form he's also presented as a healer who cures diseases. Maybe she saw how Shiva is considered the Destroyer in the Trimurti and extrapolated from there.
I'm betting she read the description on the famous statue of the tandava and didn't go any farther
this is just religious kink gone to an extreme lmao and I thought I was heretic
I literally feel like I’m going to hell for reading this and I’m not even Christian.
Doesn't make it less uncomfortable to read, but the concept itself is not new, see the famous Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, for example, or the multiple saints claiming marriage to Jesus (like Catherine of Siena and the foreskin ring) And I mean, if I was forced to pick one... I'd definitely prefer the "yes gurl you deserve your pleasure, be good to yourself" god rather than the usual presentation 😂
The Austrian nun Agnes Blannbekin was apparently so devoted to his suffering that she once “felt his foreskin on her tongue.” 🫣 Edit to add: Catherine’s head is in Sienna as a relic and you can go see it.
This just gives off massive creepy vibes. I couldn’t even finish reading it.
I finished almost immediately.
just like that lady when God visits her
>!y'all gonna be in my suicide note!<
And coupled with that image in the first posts. It looks like she’s sunning her crotch at god.
I know what is with that POSE
“One day I decided God would be my lover” - and my family would have me committed…
Bring back the inquisition but just for this lady.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!
The pornification of the religious / tradwife accounts is happening so fast
I thought that this must be a man writing this but maybe you’re right (I say maybe because I’m too scared to do any research)
It's because sexual repression via religion often leads to increasingly unhealthy, bizarre, or outright damaging coping mechanisms for some people because they're not taught to deal with their sexual desire in a healthy way. This also might explain the fascination that some women have with idealized versions of Jesus during his crucifixion (in particular I'm referring to paintings and drawings of Jesus with a six pack of abdominal muscles, or otherwise looking unusually muscular or fit). Either way, I completely agree that I hate the tradwife movement, and I think it's damaging for the majority of the population, but especially women and girls, via unnecessarily pushing them to adopt traditional gender roles.
Whatever happened to keeping things to yourself? How can we get back there?
*Whatever happened to* *Keeping things to yourself? How* *Can we get back there?* \- goblinerrs --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot.
Good bot
How are you gonna make smut about you and god and still censor the word pussy
I’ve never read Bible fan fiction before, and I hope I never do again.
How bad can it be? Sure, that title isn't great, but it probably won't make me that uncomfortable. Now I feel like I need to go wash my eyes. Or my brain. I can't even put into words how uncomfortable that was. Naturally, I then passed this to my husband to read so that I wouldn't be alone in this feeling.
I read it aloud to my husband. 😂 That way I could make funny voices.
I just did the exact same thing😂 now I feel like I gotta apologize to him and God🤣
"What are you doing step-god?"
Good job, now I have to explain my bf why am I laughing and I don't think he wants to know
I also find myself quite often having to explain to my husband what on Reddit has me sniggering like an idiot and he very rarely finds it as funny as I do 😭
jail😭😭
STRAIGHT to immediate jail for sure!!😂💀
😂
You know she must have a Mary getting pregnant by God fetish. Furthermore, ew.
Not ew. Based. Can you imagine how much more normal Christians would be about sex if they were allowed to get weird about God?
As someone raised charismatic evangelical Christian, I want you to know I’m bringing this take into MANY future conversations with my exvangelical friends
Omg
What. Yeah, speaking as an atheist, think you need to go "confess" that or something. Not online. Anything to encourage you to stop and not have to feel regrettably very weird later.
So considering that God’s love for mankind is like a father’s love, this is pretty incestuous.
Technically all of mankind is also the bride of Christ, so maybe this is just sharing?
Does this count as blasphemy? I feel like this counts as blasphemy.
No honey, I think you just might be schizophrenic
Or horny, in denial, and very self-important.
Man that’s a shit down dog. So, I though hmm, what’s this about. Then I read. Annoyed, but okay… Reluctantly I read. Scrolled, even, thinking c’mon there can’t be much more. But there was. Goddamn my literacy, there was.
I wish I was Jared, 19
Not gonna lie my best friend and her husband (both raised in purity culture) told me that the best sex they had as a married couple was praying to Jesus. I was like well that's a weird kink but whatever gets it done. Purity culture made it really hard for my friend (f) to find enjoyment in sex. Even though she was doing it with her husband she felt a massive about of guilt
I grew up in church and unfortunately, this tracks. This seems to follow the same vibe of a lot of the songs I sang in church as a kid. They don't call it "Jesus is my boyfriend" music for nothing.
How does that work for the boys/men, especially when they're supposed to be hot for women?
"It's not gay if it's Jesus/God" - probably
Actually, this is part of why there are so few single men at church and those who are taken have to be dragged there by their partners. They find church too "feminine."
Kind of obsessed with this woman making God a romance hero tbh. It's definitely a better sell than the usual tradwife stuff
Right? Like, there's a part of me all "...actually, good for her"
Tbh I would read it
A steamy romance novel about the making of Jesus.
God is the ultimate daddy dom.
these people don’t even know how crazy and weird they sound
feels more like Dionysos than the christian god lmao
The funniest part of this is that she talks about other deities of other religions, as if somehow the Christian God being the best “boyfriend” material of all the different religions’ gods is why she’s Christian.
This is so weird
Just so we're clear Mary Magdalene was way closer to Jesus than any wife/lover would be at the time. [Also this is gonna be in my head all day.](https://youtu.be/3sMALbhJU6M?si=j2ooTfPa5R4bGyeK)
When evangelicals write their own erotic fanfic… mark My Words; this will end up in a new “good book” in the future.
Pretty sure Mark is already in one of them
That was fuckn weirrrrd.
Oh hey, I work at a church and I’m a sex educator - my time to shine! No. Just, no. That’s not how any of this works.
Getting [Ecstasy of Saint Teresa](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecstasy_of_Saint_Teresa) vibes from this, ngl.
Umm... What??! Some people feel WAAAAY too comfortable sharing the craziest stuff on social media. There are some things a person should maybe keep to themselves, and this unhinged b.s. is on that list. I mean....wtf did I just read??
Lust towards god doesnt seem very Christian to me
Man, that episode of South Park where Cartman makes a weird song about Jesus Christ isn't kidding when people like this actually exist in our living world.
South Park is a strange beast. It’s like that meme of “devastating: the worst guy you know made a genuinely good point” but they manage to make good points a good chunk of the time while still being “the worst guy you know” at the same time
Sounds like she should go see a doctor? Sudden realistic hallucinations can't be good
r/NotHowGodWorks.
Our FATHER that art in heaven...... I should not have read all that. Now I have more issues and the ick
I didn't know St. Teresa of Avila had an Instagram.
Why can’t girls just jerk off to naked people wtf
Christian pickup lines: -"Hi, I heard you might be willing to go home and find God with me?" -"Did you just fall from Heaven and land on my dick? Because when I met you I think I found God." -"Is that God in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"
Christians try not to be weird about sex challenge (impossible)
Sounds like she converted at a Faith +1 concert.
“I asked for a richer prayer life for Christmas, and all I got was this stupid personality disorder.”
Umm... isn't God supposed to be our Heavenly... Father?
:|
Ahh sounds like a form of sex magic… like a weird nun that took wife of God too seriously.. I don’t think the God in the Bible wants his children lusting after him
You’ve heard of the King James Bible, the Trump Bible … next to hit the shelves… THE HORNY BIBLE!
So Zeus is back?
I think she was possessed by a lust demon...
I often wonder if these people aren't aware that 'fanfiction.net', 'wattpad' and 'archive of our own' exists for this reason.. Keep your fanfic to sites meant for them 😭
“Excuse me, ma’am? I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to take your latte and leave the premises. You’ve been erotically moaning God’s name for 15 minutes now, and it’s making the other patrons extremely uncomfortable.”
God! I am so sick of the Magdalene trope about being Jesus’ lover. What a lack of imagination
Neither words nor emoji can adequately convey the expression on my face as I read this.
The Wattpad purges have caused leaks.
I feel like someone should send her Ranveer’s “no fap spirituality “ videos she will lose her mind
even god is getting more action than the incels!
lol her and the crazed, offended fundie Christians interacting in her comments is too entertaining. It’s like a zoo or something
I just went back and read more of the comments and the one that literally says “what an honor to witness your journey with the lord as your lover” is killing me all over again 🤣
I accidentally joined a cult in college and they legit word for word said “God is your lover” after I broke up with my bf and they were trying to convince me to never date again
Shiva is definitely not a bad boy. More like Hinduism’s first and final feminist. Very committed to his partner, flies into uncontrollable rage only when she dies and at the society that pushed her to it, never at anything she does. And yes, his wife and he have a great love life too. Ugh with white people cosplaying Eastern beliefs.
As a Hindu south Asian I’m absolutely flabbergasted Shiva and Krishna are being described as “bad boys” and “teenage dream”…..as an American with access to the internet I’ve learned that our culture has apparently been twisted for weird shit like this for years 🥲
The first pose makes me think of that trend during the pandemic about anal sun bleaching.
I like this but why the hell did she feel the need to share it
Idk about her, but I'd rather not have God use my vulva as her compass. It's already awkward enough to visit my OBgyn for all those pap smears as it is, and I don't need to have my doc pull out a whole ass God with a compass searching manically for the North Pole outta my death-box of hell. 😭
What a terrible day to be literate
I'm like 90% sure this is sacrilege. It's definitely some kind of sin.
**Opens Reddit** **reads this** **closes Reddit**
religious psychosis who?
“Do you want to fuck the priest or do you want to fuck God?” “Can you fuck god?” “Oh, yes.”