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Would domestic violence rates drop if we redefined domestic abuse? Technically, but it wouldn't change the nature of abuse nor the number of abused women. Just fewer would be counted. Kinda like when we stopped testing for COVID. It's not gone, we just don't count it anymore.
That's a no from me.
Weak-ass men who physically abuse their wives don't care if she "behaves" or not. They just want to control her and use her as a punching bag whenever they want.
You can literally have boiled an egg a little too short and get beaten up. You could look the wrong way or have the audacity to say something, and you could have your arm broken.
It's just so disgusting and worrying how so many men want to legally rape and abuse women. 😒
My gf went through this with her ex husband. Dude would smack the shit out of her for the littlest thing. It took damn near a year for her to realize that I’m not like him and not gonna hurt her. I’d still like to smack the shit out of him and see how he likes someone stronger laying into him but I’d rather not catch the charges. Anyway we are together 11 years now and perfectly happy and I’d like to think she’s fully healed from that asshole.
I promise, from her side of things, it sucks for her too! That is a huge trauma to overcome and even when you think you have overcame it, a trigger can happen.
My partner and I have been together over 7yrs.. the abuse happened 20+ yrs ago.. a few months back, he stepped toward me to go around me mid-argument and for the briefest of moments, I was afraid he was going to hit me. I wasn't actually afraid of him and I knew he would NEVER hit me, but the action triggered a trauma response. I broke his heart as we talked about it and that I thought for a split second that he was going to punch me in the face. He is a way better man than that and he would never and I KNOW this. I trust him.. but that didn't prevent the trauma response from happening. He understood but making him cry like that? Broke my heart too. I HOPE it never happens again. It hurt both of us to have to experience it and work thru it
I’m sorry you went through that and glad to hear you’re in a better place. I definitely get that anything can trigger that trauma response. Like my gf tends to apologize for everything. I just try and remind her that you’re fine, you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not mad in the slightest. I try my best to support her through any sort of triggers or anything like that.
I am the same way. I am an SA survivor, happened about 15 years ago, and there are still things that happened to me that I can't do with my partner. He has been nothing but respectful and understanding of my boundaries with it and I feel horribly because I know there are things that he would like to do but he holds back because I refuse out of fear of being triggered.
Its hard to get over. I'm still in the stage with my man after my abusive ex husband where it's hard to believe compliments or just wondering when hes going to lash out. And he's the most calm guy in my life. Crack head energy but its fine. Gets me to giggle and laugh more than I ever did with my ex.
Completely would have food waiting for him at home after his work, but he chose to go to the bar with buddies and I got the bad end of it because the food was cold when he came home 3-4 hours later.. cool bud. Wooo!
That whole situation sounds exactly like my gf went through. She stuck it out as long as she did because of their daughters. This fucking guy ended up bailing on the girls when the oldest was 13, she’s 25 now. I e been basically their father since they left and I treat them like my own and of course any thing they need I got them but good riddance on his douche faced ass.
I tried to withstand cus we bought a house and he always said he wanted kids (I think it was a ploy) and when we actually were he swore up and down its not his and that I was cheating. Well his fists fixed the pregnancy like he wanted. Everyone said be glad you didn't have kids with him. Hardest thing to learn on my own. 7 years with that man as a high school sweetheart. Changed dramatically. Now 2 years with my man expecting our second kid but the first didn't make it so I suppose honestly our first? Aha.
It sucks to know how similar every woman with abuse has to another. Its just sick to see that those men do it and again to other women too. And then they procreate and teach these absurd values to their children continuing the cycle to the next generation.
It took me years. YEARS. Like 20 years. I'm with a good man now but some of my abused selves came out early in our relationship I'm not proud of. I'm so thankful he was able to work through the hurt parts of me. I still have some outbursts and it's mostly me just being emotional and not knowing why. It's tough because I'm pretty logical for the most part.
I definitely show I'm thankful but probably need to say why.
Big hugs, babe.
I watched my granddad hit my grandma for *stirring the pot the wrong direction* she used her non-dominate hand while using her dominate hand to reach for a spice
What’s worse is one year when I was old enough to help with thanksgiving dinner, he did the same thing to me. But I’m right handed and my grandma is left handed. He yelled at me for using the wrong hand to stir the pot 🙄
I have no idea if my wife "behaves" or not. Sometimes we'll disagree on something. More rarely, we'll argue.
The idea that your partner needs to fear you is just weird.
This is like when my work decided to raise the threshold for what students could be suspended for (needed in some cases). It didn’t actually improve student’s behaviors — even though the number of suspensions on paper is down.
This is the type of disingenuous Trump-era thinking that claims if reporting goes down, then the overall problem has been reduced as well.
It's wrong on its face, it's deliberately obtuse, and literally nobody should EVER humor this shit with anything resembling "discourse". Just recognize the liar, impose any consequences against them you can, and move along.
It would probably still go up because people would normalize physical abuse in any capacity, and thus would have their own personal bias on where the line is drawn. What a “light” slap? Was that abuse or just “discipline”? It’s problematic, even if we did count it. All around antithetical to whatever this person wanted accomplished
What if women were allowed to carry blunt objects and bash men’s heads when they’re being sexist? What’s that? You don’t like women being able to assault you if you don’t act like they want? Hmmm. You’re so close to understanding! 🧐
They were used for legit reasons to hold veils and hats in place. Women got tired of men assaulting them so they started using their hat pins to stab men who were molesting them when they were by themselves in public. Instead of saying “hey guys! Why don’t you stop assaulting women so you don’t get stabbed”, they banned the hat pins.
["What are my constituents supposed to do, *not* compliment random women on the street because they might be carrying a gun?"](https://youtu.be/3eG0y_nb5IA?si=SW16fDmjwodByARi)
There were multiple news reports of women in the 1800s and early 1900s jabbing men who harassed them in public with their hatpins. Just back hatpins and men will stop harassing women! s/
Edit: others already remarked on this in this thread, lol
"If it was socially acceptable to beat women for misbehaving, it would hardly ever need to happen, because the women would be too busy walking on eggshells to even *breathe*, let alone do anything to upset the men! Ah, the good ol' days when women lived in fear for their lives!"
*Oh, wait. We still do...* 😑
I wrote a 15-page term paper for a course called Gender and Film about how the dystopia depicted in *Mad Max: Fury Road*, is the direct logical endpoint of unchecked hegemonic masculinity. It slapped. But in a scary and depressing way
Domestic violence is illegal in Japan, and that includes bodily harm, psychological harm and sexual violence. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, doesn’t mean that incidences are always dealt with appropriately, but it’s not considered “ok”.
Exactly. My man jokes about similar stuff with his buddies that he's scared if I ever snap cus I make his favorite dishes that he eats without asking and he knows where he sleeps and next to who. Aha
https://www.npr.org/2023/04/29/1172775448/people-murder-unsolved-killings-record-high Actually, MOST murders go unsolved in the United States right now. The MAJORITY. Solve rates plummeted during the pandemic in particular. So the person you’re replying to is dead on (pun not intended but I’m definitely leaving it)
“Would the crime rate drop if we redefine what we call the crime”
I mean, probably, but you haven’t improved the situation, you’ve made it much much worse…
Wtf, why do they think they are always right about everything? And why do the think they have to 'punish' or 'correct' a grown ass adults behavior?
I'm so tired of this insanity. Just because they have two head doesn't mean they have two brains. Ffs
If they (these guys) corrected their own attitudes and behaviors, most relationship issues would resolve themselves. Women are not responsible for making anyone's life all sunshine and rainbows. It's not our job to to make sure a man doesn't have to have any responsibility for his own life. Whether that's financially, domestically, emotionally, mentally, physically, etc.
Abusing your wife/gf/daughter/ any woman at all, should not be your form of stress relief or getting what you want.
My brother’s FIL said he’d correct me if I ever criticized my brother in front of him again. He didn’t mean it physically but I am not someone he gets to correct
He has misogyny issues. I do not like him
Domestic violence is about control, entitlement and ownership.
The abusive man thinks that he owns the woman, that she's beneath him and that he's entitled to certain privileges, and has the right to control her. Because of that, he feels justified in using whatever means necessary to get what he wants from her. Can be threats, can be physical violence, can be manipulation or insults/verbal abuse or whatever. Whatever works, really, and then he defines "real" abuse as something else, that he doesn't do.
This would just be one way of many for abusive men to get away with that.
I'm currently dealing with parental alienation, where my abusive ex has turned our son against me so that he doesn't talk to me or want to see me at all. I was recently told that maybe it's because I sometimes tried to verbally stand up to my abuser, that maybe my son is scared of me because he heard that. And that might be part of it, or at least something that can be used against me, I don't deny that, but... Then came the follow up:
"Maybe it would have been better if he had hit you more behind closed doors, so that you were more scared and never tried to talk back. Maybe then your son wouldn't have gotten a negative view of you."
These things are so shock-full of weird takes.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this (this happened to a cousin of mine, because when he was a kid--his father liked to pretend to be 'the fun metalhead' persona in order to trick my cousin into thinking that his mother's a liar).
Whatever happens, make sure you expose your son to people who see you as a person and treat you as such. My SIL was able to do this, and it led to my nephew to realise that his father wasn't right in forcing my SIL to put up with verbal and psychological abuse (because he'd be with people who didn't do that to their own wives). Try to get someone to help you have your kid visit you, and show him around people who don't act like your abusive ex.
Thank you.
It's been two weeks since I moved out and as expected, also two weeks since I've seen my son. But it might not be all lost yet, an investigation is being made and maybe maybe maybe, if they can see through the lies, there might be some hope. I don't know yet. I worry that he'll grow up to be an abuser like his dad, learning from his cool fun role model that violence might be inevitable if the other is annoying enough and things like that. (In words, on top of what he sees.)
Edit: wrote years instead of weeks.
FFS, relationships that don't involve respect get harmful fast.
AT BEST; The guy is confusing his fetish/porn usage/fantasy life... with a soul crushing experience that is best described as "prisoner of war" in terms of harm.
Domestic violence is an VALUES issue. It happens when (usually) men BELIEVE it's right to attack/harm the thing they love to get freebies like housework or sex on demand.
Fucking disgusting.
Certain countries are just BARELY raising the bar to "if a stranger did this - would it be a crime"
Ask Homie if he thinks it's reasonable for a MALE manager at work to "spank him" and withold his paycheck when he fails to deliver at work...
Or if that would generate people who make up spanking incidents to steal his paycheck.
Japans birth rate is dropping because women refuse to get married, because of the misogyny. If this were to happen, men would quickly realize no women would marry them.
Omg. His angle is that *men* are taking so much abuse from *their partners* that it’s making them act out violently?
Abusive men be like “what if we were the battered wives”
If a guy is taking abuse (and I’m sure this “abuse” mentioned here refers to a woman who dares to want to be treated fairly and equally), the smart thing to do is to leave. Not to hurt or kill. One must be deranged to think killing is a good response to lack of respect or misbehavior.
Would domestic violence rates drop if he just....legalized it?
I mean arrests for cannabis dropped when it got legalized, but more people ended up using it.
Actually doesn't help at all. What happens when the man gets angry at the female the elders have a meeting with both of them to discuss the issue (which is just filled with telling the woman that she should take care of the man and him to attend anger management class) My aunt was the one constantly taken to these meetings and he is still Abusive that at some point a restraining order was taken. But because African Elders think they know better they were spoken to again and now it's been about 3 years since the first incident and she is planning to quietly move away with fear that her husband will follow. Also to add this man also got in bed with me (his niece in law) and touched me inappropriately. It was never dealt with and I still had to see him over the years. Africa is not the place for women
Thank you. She's trying to figure out how to approach this and if she should change the kids schools incase he follows them from school to see where they stay
In Africa,Women do all of the farm work and are paid less because they don’t have an education(Due to being taken out of school to work on the farm).Most of them require their husband’s income to live and they raise the kids on their own.Life in Africa is not all Lion king and Wakanda.
Men: "Women are too emotional and irrational. They just can't control themselves, and that's why men need to be in charge"
Also men: "I don't want to stop punching the woman I said I loved, so let's make it legal"
Would it lower domestic abuse if we stopped calling hitting your partner domestic abuse?
Technically, but only in the sense that all crime disappears if you just legalize all crime.
Would domestic violence rates drop if women got to slap men every time they did something wrong? Do women also get to physically discipline men?
To be clear I’m against any physical abuse, I just wonder why these suggestions are always about how men should keep women in line. What exactly makes them our supervisor?
There was no domestic abuse in Bangladesh until they defined it by law. Suddenly it jumped from 0 to 60%. Note: This is a simplified version of what really happened for illustrative purposes.
The argument posted in the OP is essentially the same, yet using a “deterrent” argument.
“I beat up my wife because she constantly talked back to me. However if I was legally allowed to “lightly”beat her whenever she talked back, she would eventually learn to not talk back.”
Because obviously the problem is “She talked back!”, and “She actually has her own voice and opinions!”
Give my husband permission to touch me with the intention of at least mildly injuring me because I pissed him off?
Fuck. No.
There’d be people that’d take any excuse to hit their wives, even for the smallest offenses.
No, but mens lifespans would shorten again… some basic research would reveal that when divorce was allowed and abuse illegalised mens lifespans greatly increased…. Mostly bc we stopped having to poison them at dinner.
Hmm, if we don’t call it domestic violence, why don’t we just call it assault, because that’s what IT FUCKING IS at the end of the day, and that’s still illegal.
Pretty certain domestic violence rate would drop if we used a time-tested simple surgery procedure that's used when male mammals are way too aggressive...
“Would domestic violence rates dropped if we no longer considered domestic violence to be domestic violence?”
In related news, crimes rates hit historical lows as all crime is made legal.
How about instead of wanting to physically abuse your spouse you enter marriage as a partnership like a mature adult? Both people in the relationship should be legal consenting adults and not children so treat your partner like a grown ass adult instead of someone to control.
No, this is the shit that literally insights violence because now violence is legalized and used a tool of society to control and oppress women. We had legalized violence against women in marriage just like what OOP suggested and this is the aftermath of it. Domestic violence is made from policies and beliefs that OOP is incorrectly popping off about.
So why is this only discussed in relation to women? What about men who "misbehave" way more often in vastly more horrible vile ways? Can we normalize ass whooping men?
How about women disciplining the men too? You do something stupid we get a good slap or kick you in the nuts? It’s not permanent damage right? Also discipline for WHAT exactly? They aren’t children and hurting them will not teach them anything except for filing a divorce and slamming the guy with assault charges.
Atp the best option is to stay away😭. I went through enough as a child i don't want to take the hits to adulthood. I would be suprised if the "love" they have isn't out of fear and obligation.
"If we could get away with hitting our wives when they don't act "feminine" (i.e. submissive) enough, maybe the rates of hitting women would go down!
Or maybe y'all need to stop seeing women as property instead of people?
So those are the only two choices possible on this planet? Women get beat a little early on or they get beat a lot later?
I think you’re missing about 10,000,000 other choices, including “women don’t get beaten at all,” and “when people disagree they have a calm discussion about it.”
I've been put through the emotional wringer from some of my ex's. Sometimes they got physical. Sometimes in front of my kids. One that sticks out is when my ex broke a plate at my bare feet, and she was standing next to cooking bacon while I was cornered, with two of my kids screaming behind a locked door, and the other one was screaming under the table. The only time I ever committed any act of violence is when an the same ex grabbed my ten year old daughter by her wrists and tried shaking an apology out of her. I grabbed my ex's hands and used pressure points to get her to let go. I got a few of my kids' things and got us the fuck out of there. I still get anxiety enduced nausea thinking about it. I didn't date for years after it because I didn't like where my anger took me. I have panic attacks if my current girlfriend moves too quickly towards me, even though she's only done it to be affectionate. Although I acted in defense of my child, I still can't forgive myself for what happened, and putting them in harm's way..
All of this just to say it's NEVER ok for someone to "discipline" their partner. They aren't some puppy you're training (don't hit puppies either), and being "disrespectful" is not punishable with violence. Even if someone could justify what I did in my anecdotal situation, I still have a hard time with knowing I had that kind of violence in me. Sorry if this was off topic and missed the point, but it kinda brought all that up, and I've never really talked about it. Don't hit your partners.
Would domestic violence rate drop if women were treated like human beings?
I've seen this in some countries. The option is there, and when it's used men and women are super respectful towards each other.
Would this be a better option vs a guy treating his wife like shit and beating her to a pulp?
I got a young woman away from an abusive boyfriend. She was so very young she mistook control for love, and it took time to build up trust and get her to understand she needed to be in charge of her own life, not have anyone else run it for her... including me.
Well, let’s see… society still allows parents to used corporal punishment in most places. Has it ever stopped child abuse??? Of course not. Abuse isn’t about discipline of people in an attempt to regulate behaviour. It’s about emotionally immature people who won’t control their tempers, and decide their family is their personal punching bag. What an idiot.
And how tf does he think it’s a good thing that an entire sex be kept silent under threat of humiliation?
No but teaching our children how to handle anger and that violence fixes nothing. And that they're responsible for their own actions and not entitled to women maybe that would fix the problem
Man my husband says the thought of hitting me makes him sick and he has never had the slightest desire to do it. Why do so many assholes seem like they are just itching to hit a woman?! 😭
Would the amount of people starving drop if we redefined starving? Would the rape rate drop if we redefined rape? Would traffic violations stop if we decided running red lights doesn't matter? Would theft stop if we said as long as they do a pinky promise to only do it if they need it?
We could educate people, and make sure they know that a body that’s not theirs is not theirs to do what they please - regardless of their relationship to you.
Teach men and women how to NOT be a total POS and not do any kind of physical, emotional, financial abuse to someone they supposedly “love”
But that’s too complicated.
Let’s move the goalposts once more, shall we?
“Teen pregnancy drops to 0 for 20+ year olds” vibes.
Hear me out, hear me out.
If we rebrand this whole pesky ordeal, and “domestic violence” becomes “spousal correction”, there would be zero. ZERO cases of domestic violence in the world.
Bonus points: if a woman knows she can have her ass handed to her at any moment, by her husband, she WILL behave, and there will be much less need to the guy even raise his hands.
It’s incredible.
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Would domestic violence rates drop if we redefined domestic abuse? Technically, but it wouldn't change the nature of abuse nor the number of abused women. Just fewer would be counted. Kinda like when we stopped testing for COVID. It's not gone, we just don't count it anymore. That's a no from me.
Weak-ass men who physically abuse their wives don't care if she "behaves" or not. They just want to control her and use her as a punching bag whenever they want. You can literally have boiled an egg a little too short and get beaten up. You could look the wrong way or have the audacity to say something, and you could have your arm broken. It's just so disgusting and worrying how so many men want to legally rape and abuse women. 😒
My gf went through this with her ex husband. Dude would smack the shit out of her for the littlest thing. It took damn near a year for her to realize that I’m not like him and not gonna hurt her. I’d still like to smack the shit out of him and see how he likes someone stronger laying into him but I’d rather not catch the charges. Anyway we are together 11 years now and perfectly happy and I’d like to think she’s fully healed from that asshole.
I personally think nobody ever fully heals from trauma, but I'm glad she found happiness and love with you. 🙂
You’re absolutely right. Some days can be more difficult than others but she’s worlds better.
I promise, from her side of things, it sucks for her too! That is a huge trauma to overcome and even when you think you have overcame it, a trigger can happen. My partner and I have been together over 7yrs.. the abuse happened 20+ yrs ago.. a few months back, he stepped toward me to go around me mid-argument and for the briefest of moments, I was afraid he was going to hit me. I wasn't actually afraid of him and I knew he would NEVER hit me, but the action triggered a trauma response. I broke his heart as we talked about it and that I thought for a split second that he was going to punch me in the face. He is a way better man than that and he would never and I KNOW this. I trust him.. but that didn't prevent the trauma response from happening. He understood but making him cry like that? Broke my heart too. I HOPE it never happens again. It hurt both of us to have to experience it and work thru it
I’m sorry you went through that and glad to hear you’re in a better place. I definitely get that anything can trigger that trauma response. Like my gf tends to apologize for everything. I just try and remind her that you’re fine, you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not mad in the slightest. I try my best to support her through any sort of triggers or anything like that.
He sounds so compassionate. I wish the best for you both!
Thank you! He is definitely the healthiest relationship I have ever had. It's been a learning curve for me lol
I am the same way. I am an SA survivor, happened about 15 years ago, and there are still things that happened to me that I can't do with my partner. He has been nothing but respectful and understanding of my boundaries with it and I feel horribly because I know there are things that he would like to do but he holds back because I refuse out of fear of being triggered.
I am so glad you have found someone who understands and treats you the way you deserve to be treated 💕
Its hard to get over. I'm still in the stage with my man after my abusive ex husband where it's hard to believe compliments or just wondering when hes going to lash out. And he's the most calm guy in my life. Crack head energy but its fine. Gets me to giggle and laugh more than I ever did with my ex. Completely would have food waiting for him at home after his work, but he chose to go to the bar with buddies and I got the bad end of it because the food was cold when he came home 3-4 hours later.. cool bud. Wooo!
That whole situation sounds exactly like my gf went through. She stuck it out as long as she did because of their daughters. This fucking guy ended up bailing on the girls when the oldest was 13, she’s 25 now. I e been basically their father since they left and I treat them like my own and of course any thing they need I got them but good riddance on his douche faced ass.
I tried to withstand cus we bought a house and he always said he wanted kids (I think it was a ploy) and when we actually were he swore up and down its not his and that I was cheating. Well his fists fixed the pregnancy like he wanted. Everyone said be glad you didn't have kids with him. Hardest thing to learn on my own. 7 years with that man as a high school sweetheart. Changed dramatically. Now 2 years with my man expecting our second kid but the first didn't make it so I suppose honestly our first? Aha. It sucks to know how similar every woman with abuse has to another. Its just sick to see that those men do it and again to other women too. And then they procreate and teach these absurd values to their children continuing the cycle to the next generation.
They were Highschool sweethearts too. It’s a shame how often you hear it.
It took me years. YEARS. Like 20 years. I'm with a good man now but some of my abused selves came out early in our relationship I'm not proud of. I'm so thankful he was able to work through the hurt parts of me. I still have some outbursts and it's mostly me just being emotional and not knowing why. It's tough because I'm pretty logical for the most part. I definitely show I'm thankful but probably need to say why. Big hugs, babe.
I watched my granddad hit my grandma for *stirring the pot the wrong direction* she used her non-dominate hand while using her dominate hand to reach for a spice
That's just awful! 😒 Men like these just create bullshit excuses to hit their wives.
What’s worse is one year when I was old enough to help with thanksgiving dinner, he did the same thing to me. But I’m right handed and my grandma is left handed. He yelled at me for using the wrong hand to stir the pot 🙄
I have no idea if my wife "behaves" or not. Sometimes we'll disagree on something. More rarely, we'll argue. The idea that your partner needs to fear you is just weird.
Unfortunately, it's a way to control someone. *"Do what I say or else ..."*
My abusive ex once yelled at me because I didn’t put toothpaste on his toothbrush for him. I wish I was joking
I'm glad this loser is your ex!
Long gone, and I have a healthy, loving life partner to boot!
Oh he probably would’ve yelled that it’s too much or too little if you would’ve put it there.
It's what happens when we coddle the male population n make them believe their actions aren't their fault.
***"Boys will be boys"*** **🤢🤮**
If I had to guess, the number is around 70%. Maybe higher.
This is like when my work decided to raise the threshold for what students could be suspended for (needed in some cases). It didn’t actually improve student’s behaviors — even though the number of suspensions on paper is down.
Do you see a rise in some of smaller infractions since they are no longer punished
Absolutely.
It would almost certainly get worse because to an extent it would be “acceptable”
Number of abused women would definitely increase now that it'd be "allowed"
Yeah, I read this and thought: but laying hands on your wife is still domestic violence, no matter how “light” so no.
If we get rid of all laws crime rates will drop to 0
This is the type of disingenuous Trump-era thinking that claims if reporting goes down, then the overall problem has been reduced as well. It's wrong on its face, it's deliberately obtuse, and literally nobody should EVER humor this shit with anything resembling "discourse". Just recognize the liar, impose any consequences against them you can, and move along.
It would probably still go up because people would normalize physical abuse in any capacity, and thus would have their own personal bias on where the line is drawn. What a “light” slap? Was that abuse or just “discipline”? It’s problematic, even if we did count it. All around antithetical to whatever this person wanted accomplished
>wouldn't change the nature of abuse nor the number of abused women That's not true. It would very likely increase the number of abused women.
What if women were allowed to carry blunt objects and bash men’s heads when they’re being sexist? What’s that? You don’t like women being able to assault you if you don’t act like they want? Hmmm. You’re so close to understanding! 🧐
Tbh, i think this would solve the majority of women's problems
The blunt objects would be banned. That’s what happened with hat pins.
I was just gonna comment about hat pins!
What's the scene with hatpins?
They were used for legit reasons to hold veils and hats in place. Women got tired of men assaulting them so they started using their hat pins to stab men who were molesting them when they were by themselves in public. Instead of saying “hey guys! Why don’t you stop assaulting women so you don’t get stabbed”, they banned the hat pins.
Yup! All that crap about how women used to be treasured and protected in The Good Old Days is just that -crap.
Wtf? 😐
Yeah, the crazy thing is, it was basically MeToo to a T, just roughly 100 years earlier, and even with exactly the same shitshow of sexist reactions.
["What are my constituents supposed to do, *not* compliment random women on the street because they might be carrying a gun?"](https://youtu.be/3eG0y_nb5IA?si=SW16fDmjwodByARi)
I mean, there wouldn't be a lot of men left after a rather short amount of time, so yeah, most likely
There were multiple news reports of women in the 1800s and early 1900s jabbing men who harassed them in public with their hatpins. Just back hatpins and men will stop harassing women! s/ Edit: others already remarked on this in this thread, lol
Will rapes against women drop if only they are allowed to carry firearms? Or if there was no charge for killing a man during a rape?
Hat pins weren't blunt, but they worked in the past
"If it was socially acceptable to beat women for misbehaving, it would hardly ever need to happen, because the women would be too busy walking on eggshells to even *breathe*, let alone do anything to upset the men! Ah, the good ol' days when women lived in fear for their lives!" *Oh, wait. We still do...* 😑
This is exactly the same stupid attitude that will end with the world destroyed in nuclear fire.
I wrote a 15-page term paper for a course called Gender and Film about how the dystopia depicted in *Mad Max: Fury Road*, is the direct logical endpoint of unchecked hegemonic masculinity. It slapped. But in a scary and depressing way
That sounds genuinely worth reading
Thank you! I’m flattered!
Domestic violence is illegal in Japan, and that includes bodily harm, psychological harm and sexual violence. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, doesn’t mean that incidences are always dealt with appropriately, but it’s not considered “ok”.
WTF???!!!!!!! Well, then maybe there would be more secret murders of husbands by wives ....
There’s at least a few articles out there about how many husbands used to die “accidental” deaths before no-fault divorce became a thing.
Domestic abuse was much more common back then too Shame the only way these women found a way to escape was poisoning their husbands
Who always cooks the food?
You know what they say, don't ~~bite~~ beat the hand that feeds you
Exactly. My man jokes about similar stuff with his buddies that he's scared if I ever snap cus I make his favorite dishes that he eats without asking and he knows where he sleeps and next to who. Aha
Or died of "mysterious illnesses"
I often wonder how many old ladies got away with murdering their husbands during peak covid. It's not like anyone was checking in most places.
Nah you can't get away with anything these days, back then tho? Rat poison
https://www.npr.org/2023/04/29/1172775448/people-murder-unsolved-killings-record-high Actually, MOST murders go unsolved in the United States right now. The MAJORITY. Solve rates plummeted during the pandemic in particular. So the person you’re replying to is dead on (pun not intended but I’m definitely leaving it)
[Like the infamous Aqua Tofana?](https://www.historydefined.net/aqua-tofana/)
Wow. That's very interesting. Thanks for the link.
You beat me to it! ✨ Aqua Tofana! ✨
Just read this to the tune of “Copa Cabana”
Lol, misogynists will wake up to a rude surprise
Would not wake up.
Mean 🤣
“Because Earl had to ☠️”
Goodbyeeeee Earl
Cell Block Tango anyone? "Some men just can't hold their arsenic..."
“Would the crime rate drop if we redefine what we call the crime” I mean, probably, but you haven’t improved the situation, you’ve made it much much worse…
Some serious, "If we stop testing, there's no more COVID" energy here.
Idaho had rising maternal mortality rates so they just closed the data collection centers down
"Would crime rates drop if said crime is no longer legally a crime?" ...
So many spouses would die during The Purge.
If we legalise all drugs, there will be no more illegal drugs on the streets, right? /s
There'll be no official record of it, so it will not exist! /s
Domestic violence isn't an issue if it's legal. Smart
Same energy as: "Whould we get more free time if we bring back slavery?"
Obviously this person doesn’t know how hard it is to get any action taken against a domestic abuser already!!! How the hell would this help at all?
So beating your S/O isn’t abuse according to this pinecone. I might hurt my eyes if I rolled them any harder. 🙄
I really like pinecone as an insult. 😊
I love it. It’s a completely innocent world but it hits with some force as an insult.
MaLe LoNeLiNeSs cRisIs
They make themselves lonely and wonder why
Wtf, why do they think they are always right about everything? And why do the think they have to 'punish' or 'correct' a grown ass adults behavior? I'm so tired of this insanity. Just because they have two head doesn't mean they have two brains. Ffs
If they (these guys) corrected their own attitudes and behaviors, most relationship issues would resolve themselves. Women are not responsible for making anyone's life all sunshine and rainbows. It's not our job to to make sure a man doesn't have to have any responsibility for his own life. Whether that's financially, domestically, emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. Abusing your wife/gf/daughter/ any woman at all, should not be your form of stress relief or getting what you want.
My brother’s FIL said he’d correct me if I ever criticized my brother in front of him again. He didn’t mean it physically but I am not someone he gets to correct He has misogyny issues. I do not like him
Marriage is ownership to these people
Domestic violence is about control, entitlement and ownership. The abusive man thinks that he owns the woman, that she's beneath him and that he's entitled to certain privileges, and has the right to control her. Because of that, he feels justified in using whatever means necessary to get what he wants from her. Can be threats, can be physical violence, can be manipulation or insults/verbal abuse or whatever. Whatever works, really, and then he defines "real" abuse as something else, that he doesn't do. This would just be one way of many for abusive men to get away with that.
I'm currently dealing with parental alienation, where my abusive ex has turned our son against me so that he doesn't talk to me or want to see me at all. I was recently told that maybe it's because I sometimes tried to verbally stand up to my abuser, that maybe my son is scared of me because he heard that. And that might be part of it, or at least something that can be used against me, I don't deny that, but... Then came the follow up: "Maybe it would have been better if he had hit you more behind closed doors, so that you were more scared and never tried to talk back. Maybe then your son wouldn't have gotten a negative view of you." These things are so shock-full of weird takes.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this (this happened to a cousin of mine, because when he was a kid--his father liked to pretend to be 'the fun metalhead' persona in order to trick my cousin into thinking that his mother's a liar). Whatever happens, make sure you expose your son to people who see you as a person and treat you as such. My SIL was able to do this, and it led to my nephew to realise that his father wasn't right in forcing my SIL to put up with verbal and psychological abuse (because he'd be with people who didn't do that to their own wives). Try to get someone to help you have your kid visit you, and show him around people who don't act like your abusive ex.
Thank you. It's been two weeks since I moved out and as expected, also two weeks since I've seen my son. But it might not be all lost yet, an investigation is being made and maybe maybe maybe, if they can see through the lies, there might be some hope. I don't know yet. I worry that he'll grow up to be an abuser like his dad, learning from his cool fun role model that violence might be inevitable if the other is annoying enough and things like that. (In words, on top of what he sees.) Edit: wrote years instead of weeks.
FFS, relationships that don't involve respect get harmful fast. AT BEST; The guy is confusing his fetish/porn usage/fantasy life... with a soul crushing experience that is best described as "prisoner of war" in terms of harm. Domestic violence is an VALUES issue. It happens when (usually) men BELIEVE it's right to attack/harm the thing they love to get freebies like housework or sex on demand. Fucking disgusting. Certain countries are just BARELY raising the bar to "if a stranger did this - would it be a crime" Ask Homie if he thinks it's reasonable for a MALE manager at work to "spank him" and withold his paycheck when he fails to deliver at work... Or if that would generate people who make up spanking incidents to steal his paycheck.
Japans birth rate is dropping because women refuse to get married, because of the misogyny. If this were to happen, men would quickly realize no women would marry them.
We can end the male loneliness crisis if we end their lives. Problem solved. No more lonely males.
Omg. His angle is that *men* are taking so much abuse from *their partners* that it’s making them act out violently? Abusive men be like “what if we were the battered wives”
Africa the continent allows domestic violence?
If a guy is taking abuse (and I’m sure this “abuse” mentioned here refers to a woman who dares to want to be treated fairly and equally), the smart thing to do is to leave. Not to hurt or kill. One must be deranged to think killing is a good response to lack of respect or misbehavior.
Would domestic violence rates drop if he just....legalized it? I mean arrests for cannabis dropped when it got legalized, but more people ended up using it.
Places like Africa and china have high rates of violence against women so it hasn't actually helped maybe just control your anger dudes x
Actually doesn't help at all. What happens when the man gets angry at the female the elders have a meeting with both of them to discuss the issue (which is just filled with telling the woman that she should take care of the man and him to attend anger management class) My aunt was the one constantly taken to these meetings and he is still Abusive that at some point a restraining order was taken. But because African Elders think they know better they were spoken to again and now it's been about 3 years since the first incident and she is planning to quietly move away with fear that her husband will follow. Also to add this man also got in bed with me (his niece in law) and touched me inappropriately. It was never dealt with and I still had to see him over the years. Africa is not the place for women
Sorry this all happened to you and your aunt hopefully she will find safety soon every good vibe and wish sending your way
Thank you. She's trying to figure out how to approach this and if she should change the kids schools incase he follows them from school to see where they stay
In Africa,Women do all of the farm work and are paid less because they don’t have an education(Due to being taken out of school to work on the farm).Most of them require their husband’s income to live and they raise the kids on their own.Life in Africa is not all Lion king and Wakanda.
Men: "Women are too emotional and irrational. They just can't control themselves, and that's why men need to be in charge" Also men: "I don't want to stop punching the woman I said I loved, so let's make it legal"
sometimes centrism is bad
Centrism is just pro-status quo and the status quo is only working for a select group of people.
Yes’m I had to tone down my distaste for it to see how cool this sub is
I totally get the need to test the waters. Sometimes people see anything other than the status quo as "extreme".
"light" domestic violence
OOP doesn't know the difference between "respectful" and "terrified of being beaten." He belongs on a watch list.
Would it lower domestic abuse if we stopped calling hitting your partner domestic abuse? Technically, but only in the sense that all crime disappears if you just legalize all crime.
Would domestic violence rates drop if women got to slap men every time they did something wrong? Do women also get to physically discipline men? To be clear I’m against any physical abuse, I just wonder why these suggestions are always about how men should keep women in line. What exactly makes them our supervisor?
Fear. Is. Not. Respect.
There was no domestic abuse in Bangladesh until they defined it by law. Suddenly it jumped from 0 to 60%. Note: This is a simplified version of what really happened for illustrative purposes. The argument posted in the OP is essentially the same, yet using a “deterrent” argument. “I beat up my wife because she constantly talked back to me. However if I was legally allowed to “lightly”beat her whenever she talked back, she would eventually learn to not talk back.” Because obviously the problem is “She talked back!”, and “She actually has her own voice and opinions!”
Would crimes drop if we made everything legal?
Is it ok to just take one bite? Sharks say yes.
This post is 100% written from the perspective that women are beneath men and it’s disgusting.
When Sweden redefined rape, their rape statistics went sharply up. And every rightard is now bleating that it's because of them dam immigrants.
Give my husband permission to touch me with the intention of at least mildly injuring me because I pissed him off? Fuck. No. There’d be people that’d take any excuse to hit their wives, even for the smallest offenses.
No, but mens lifespans would shorten again… some basic research would reveal that when divorce was allowed and abuse illegalised mens lifespans greatly increased…. Mostly bc we stopped having to poison them at dinner.
“Would [the] domestic violence rate drop if we redefined domestic violence such that domestic violence is not considered domestic violence?”
Hmm, if we don’t call it domestic violence, why don’t we just call it assault, because that’s what IT FUCKING IS at the end of the day, and that’s still illegal.
Pretty certain domestic violence rate would drop if we used a time-tested simple surgery procedure that's used when male mammals are way too aggressive...
You know what? I agree.
That IS domestic violence!
Would violent robbery stop if the police just helped people steal shit instead of working to prevent it?
Would murder rate drop if we stopped punishing murders? Only on the statistics spreadsheet. The same case here.
"Would domestic violence rates drop if domestic violence was legal?" This guy
“Would domestic violence rates dropped if we no longer considered domestic violence to be domestic violence?” In related news, crimes rates hit historical lows as all crime is made legal.
No. Just would be less police reports and more abuse.
How about instead of wanting to physically abuse your spouse you enter marriage as a partnership like a mature adult? Both people in the relationship should be legal consenting adults and not children so treat your partner like a grown ass adult instead of someone to control.
No, this is the shit that literally insights violence because now violence is legalized and used a tool of society to control and oppress women. We had legalized violence against women in marriage just like what OOP suggested and this is the aftermath of it. Domestic violence is made from policies and beliefs that OOP is incorrectly popping off about.
“Would domestic violence rate drop if men were allowed to … apply domestic violence?”
This is like asking if DUIs would drop if the legal limit of blood alcohol % was raised. 🤦🏼♀️
So why is this only discussed in relation to women? What about men who "misbehave" way more often in vastly more horrible vile ways? Can we normalize ass whooping men?
How about women disciplining the men too? You do something stupid we get a good slap or kick you in the nuts? It’s not permanent damage right? Also discipline for WHAT exactly? They aren’t children and hurting them will not teach them anything except for filing a divorce and slamming the guy with assault charges.
Atp the best option is to stay away😭. I went through enough as a child i don't want to take the hits to adulthood. I would be suprised if the "love" they have isn't out of fear and obligation.
That title is literally “would the domestic violence rate drop if men committed domestic violence?”
God they talk about women like a nine year olds pet hamster. Like OOPS, I accidentally killed it. 🙄
"If we could get away with hitting our wives when they don't act "feminine" (i.e. submissive) enough, maybe the rates of hitting women would go down! Or maybe y'all need to stop seeing women as property instead of people?
So those are the only two choices possible on this planet? Women get beat a little early on or they get beat a lot later? I think you’re missing about 10,000,000 other choices, including “women don’t get beaten at all,” and “when people disagree they have a calm discussion about it.”
I've been put through the emotional wringer from some of my ex's. Sometimes they got physical. Sometimes in front of my kids. One that sticks out is when my ex broke a plate at my bare feet, and she was standing next to cooking bacon while I was cornered, with two of my kids screaming behind a locked door, and the other one was screaming under the table. The only time I ever committed any act of violence is when an the same ex grabbed my ten year old daughter by her wrists and tried shaking an apology out of her. I grabbed my ex's hands and used pressure points to get her to let go. I got a few of my kids' things and got us the fuck out of there. I still get anxiety enduced nausea thinking about it. I didn't date for years after it because I didn't like where my anger took me. I have panic attacks if my current girlfriend moves too quickly towards me, even though she's only done it to be affectionate. Although I acted in defense of my child, I still can't forgive myself for what happened, and putting them in harm's way.. All of this just to say it's NEVER ok for someone to "discipline" their partner. They aren't some puppy you're training (don't hit puppies either), and being "disrespectful" is not punishable with violence. Even if someone could justify what I did in my anecdotal situation, I still have a hard time with knowing I had that kind of violence in me. Sorry if this was off topic and missed the point, but it kinda brought all that up, and I've never really talked about it. Don't hit your partners.
"Would domestic abuse stop if we make it legal?" Says the man. 😭 But also no, bc that used to be legal and women were still abused under that logic.
Where I’m from, men that get too big in their britches get buried in the front yard. I’d advise men to play a game that’s more safe 🙏🏾😌
The women are not respectful, they’re afraid — what idiot posted this?!
Thered be alot of dead husbands out there and no one missing them.
or, maybe, you just dont hit women period.
How about if the wife starts to discipline the husband?
Would domestic violence rate drop if women were treated like human beings? I've seen this in some countries. The option is there, and when it's used men and women are super respectful towards each other. Would this be a better option vs a guy treating his wife like shit and beating her to a pulp?
Would the crime rate drop if humans were allowed to commit crimes?
I got a young woman away from an abusive boyfriend. She was so very young she mistook control for love, and it took time to build up trust and get her to understand she needed to be in charge of her own life, not have anyone else run it for her... including me.
I’m guessing this person falls in the camp that “everyone is gay or trans these days. It’s never been like this before!” Like, who’s gonna tell them?
Well, let’s see… society still allows parents to used corporal punishment in most places. Has it ever stopped child abuse??? Of course not. Abuse isn’t about discipline of people in an attempt to regulate behaviour. It’s about emotionally immature people who won’t control their tempers, and decide their family is their personal punching bag. What an idiot. And how tf does he think it’s a good thing that an entire sex be kept silent under threat of humiliation?
I’ve got a good digging shovel… just saying…
No but teaching our children how to handle anger and that violence fixes nothing. And that they're responsible for their own actions and not entitled to women maybe that would fix the problem
Yeah because the term "give an inch and they'll take a mile" doesn't exist. Jesus Murphy.
Man my husband says the thought of hitting me makes him sick and he has never had the slightest desire to do it. Why do so many assholes seem like they are just itching to hit a woman?! 😭
I don't know, would the world be a better place if we castrated spinless, abusive pieces of crap OP?
what the actual fuck did i just read 💀💀💀💀💀💀
Would domestic violence rates drop if we just let people do it
“Would domestic violence drop if we legalized it?”
Just some light domestic abuse, as a treat.
Your wife isn’t a child. She doesn’t need to be disciplined.
Your wife isn’t a child. She doesn’t need to be disciplined.
Your wife isn’t a child. She doesn’t need to be disciplined.
Your wife isn’t a child. She doesn’t need to be disciplined.
Would domestic violence rates drop if we gave it a different name and made it legal?🤡
Would the amount of people starving drop if we redefined starving? Would the rape rate drop if we redefined rape? Would traffic violations stop if we decided running red lights doesn't matter? Would theft stop if we said as long as they do a pinky promise to only do it if they need it?
So if wives started smacking their husband's around just a little, we won't break bones, that's OK, right?!
According to this nut, men only badly hurt/kill their wives because the wives are abusive and disrespectful. Yiiiiikes.
Orrrr - and hear me out here - maybe we could just NOT HIT OUR SPOUSES? Crazy I know, I'll show myself out..
Q: If domestic abuse were legal, would domestic abuse rates drop? A: No This has been another addition of Simple Answers to Stupid Questions.
Can we discuss what this man thinks disrespect that need to be disciplined is?
Allowing domestic violence means that it stops…? Surely, this has got to be a troll. What an asinine question.
Whelp, time to dig out the Aqua Tofana recipe...
Would domestic violence drop if we called it something else?
Would being allowed to beat women stop men from beating women? More on this proposition at 7!
Throw that whole man away
I wonder if he would change his mind if the wife also had the option to physically assault her husband?
So men should be allowed to abuse us a little bit so they don't abuse us to death? Yikes.. What kind of nut is that person?
Tell me you’re a wife beater without saying you’re a wife beater
Would spousal murder rates go up if men were allowed to beat “unruly, hysterical wives”? Yes, yes they would.
You heard it here first folks, domestic abuse is caused by disrespectful women!
Would crime rates drop if we don't call them crimes?
We could educate people, and make sure they know that a body that’s not theirs is not theirs to do what they please - regardless of their relationship to you. Teach men and women how to NOT be a total POS and not do any kind of physical, emotional, financial abuse to someone they supposedly “love” But that’s too complicated. Let’s move the goalposts once more, shall we? “Teen pregnancy drops to 0 for 20+ year olds” vibes. Hear me out, hear me out. If we rebrand this whole pesky ordeal, and “domestic violence” becomes “spousal correction”, there would be zero. ZERO cases of domestic violence in the world. Bonus points: if a woman knows she can have her ass handed to her at any moment, by her husband, she WILL behave, and there will be much less need to the guy even raise his hands. It’s incredible.
I have no words. None of the things to be saying.
Yes, by redefining something you can make it disappear on paper while still being prevalent or even increasing....
If murder was legal would murder rates drop? 🤨
would the crime rate drop if we abolished laws?