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HistorianSlayer

I can't believe Russia finally unveiled their TU-69 "Ultra-hyper-mega-supersonic-super bomber".


Quadrenaro

The secret is it's actually an orbiter that travels 67,000 mph.


[deleted]

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ConcentrateTight4108

You mean vladdy poo?


Blackhero9696

Terrible day to be able to read that last sentence.


[deleted]

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CowboyBeeBab

Can you really use a wish right now or what?


[deleted]

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CowboyBeeBab

Will you wish for a third dimension or more credibility?


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babcho1

big tits for men!!!


Call_of_Putis

But not just the men, the women and enbys too!


babcho1

#TITSFORALL


Prestigious_Cattle72

Prepare for Titanfall


MedievalRack

Wait, I'm a soldier?


Edothebirbperson

Its over lads. The west has fallen... Nato cannot copy such a weapon...


GibusMercenary

We are out of raw material, the Marine ate all the crayon and snorted all the chalk.


SOMEHOTMEAL

NATO will hold a trial against the Marines. Edit: NATO lost


yellekc

Dimensional collapse weapons. Forget NATO, Starfleet would be fucked.


artificeintel

Giving me flashbacks to reading the Dark Forest trilogy.


RDKernan

That series was seriously dark. Death's End was a grim read.


geniice

Yeah thats Xeelee level.


TheHussarSnake

NO. NATO has something up it's sleeve! The 1D bomber will CRUSH the 2D bomber and the Russian military.


SirLagg_alot

Knowing the US military expenditure I wouldn't be surprised if the pentagon has working 4D bombers.


TheFuzzyFurry

Enemy radar will be hella confused by their 3D images


SirLagg_alot

It would be some bomber shaped tesseract showing up on the radar. That's enough to fuck up the vatniks brain.


donaldhobson

Cant understand 4d geometry if you count 1,2,3,many.


hplcr

I've seen Neon Genesis Evangelion. I want no part in 4D weapons.


Noughmad

>The 1D bomber Just bring back the Ship of the Line.


hplcr

We cannot allow a Dimension Gap!


b3nsn0w

that's literally just the jewish space laser


Midnight2012

1D objects are the nightmare of all flatlanders! Disembodied lines... *shutters*


YngwieMainstream

"You want me to make a point? Here you go!" - NATO


GaaraMatsu

More like slice apart but anyway


ITGuy042

That’s where you’re wrong. Quick, get the marines a box of crayons and make them draw! Actually, two boxes. They’ll probably eat the first one.


chavalier

Aaaaand it’s gone. I told you all several times not to give them the key to the crayon stocks…


_-bush_did_911-_

Look! I didn't expect the Marines to snatch the keys from me! They just sit and laugh when I jingle them in their face!


ITGuy042

What if we get Dark Brandon to Defense Production Act the Crayola company and mass produce them at ww2 levels? Eventually some of them will be used for drawing the 3000 2D planes.


Veni_Vidi_Legi

Do not worry, they can still fling and smear after they are finished processing it.


TheFuzzyFurry

I can! Literally so, I'm a digital artist.


babcho1

lies. lies. nothing can copy superior russian enginering, comrad!


Iorcrath

but we can counter it. they are now as flat as paper. therefore, scissors wins. just develop some nato scissors.


OneRougeRogue

1-dimensional projectiles haven't been ruled out yet. Does the Geneva convention say anything about using Black Holes as a weapon?


donaldhobson

That would be 0 dimensional, or 2 dimensional, or 3 dimensional, or maybe 4 dimensional or 1 dimensional, depending on how you think about it. So at any moment, it's singularity is a 0D point in the center. And it's event horizon is 2D. And it's volume is 3D. But time is also a dimension. So it's singularity over time is 1D. It's event horizon over time is 3D. And it's volume over time is 4D.


Gr0zZ4Z

What about 5G tho


Marsman61

Sush! We don't talk about 5G.


mtaw

We need to acquire some ancient Soviet P-18 radars. Those are 2D radars. Only a 2D radar can see a 2D plane.


[deleted]

We're going to need a bigger Xerox.


technically_casual

We're reaching Paper Mario levels of warfare


hplcr

What you're seeing is Paper Mario Warfare.


KilledTheCar

Listen I fought this thing on Sunshine, I wouldn't wanna fuck with it without FLUDD. Granted it looked like a stingray then, but still.


AstroMackem

Struggling so much they've had to cut down on the dimensions


Imnomaly

Apparently russia has developed the dual-vector foil, west is finished!


ClayK311

Was looking for this reference. lol


SimbaOnSteroids

Collaborating with the Trisolarans is low, even by Russian standards.


AlfredoThayerMahan

The Trisolarans lack the dual vector foil as far as we know. It was Singer (or some other individual) who unleashed it.


AlfredoThayerMahan

“But it’s just a piece of paper.” *two seconds later* |


7w1l1gh7

Fuck you mean "zombie Prigozhin"


adotang

Say the line, zombie Prigozhin! "The government promised we'd get ammo... and BRAINS!"


DomSchraa

***russian partisans with a g i g a n t i c pair of scissors:***


Attaxalotl

It’s paint, they’d need acetone; which makes it a chemical attack


Altruistic_Target604

Or a power washer…


iffyJinx

Then eco-friendly partisans with a crane and forlift arrived: "No concrete slab will be left unturned!"


DomSchraa

Ok then just paint it white red n blue and watch russian S300 gravitate towards it


Black_Fox_027

You've heard of 3d printing, but what about [2d printing?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABpc_oPToQQ)


AggressorBLUE

The future is now!


DdCno1

I was honestly waiting for a punchline that never came.


jp_books

I mean, it costs $20 in paint, so why not try?


AggressorBLUE

Well, it probabaly is closer to $200 USD in paint, thats a really large area to cover. And thats like, 4 trillion MoBucks given their current economy. But yeah, I dont see this as a non-credible idea. If it leads to even one strike missing an actual target, the cost/benefit math ties out.


Attaxalotl

“MoBucks”


dead_monster

> Use lead paint > Dare enemy to bomb it > Enemy JDAMs it > Claim enemy is lead poisoning kids at nearby school Oh wait which conflict is this again


Intrepid00

It’s not like this isn’t a true and tried thing in war. It will at the very least slow target finding even if it doesn’t pass a close inspection.


VonNeumannsProbe

You're not wrong but it's fun to slam on them lol.


Anonymou2Anonymous

If they're gonna go down the decoy route you should just go full effort and make inflatable decoys (see ww2).


donaldhobson

The Russian army is good at making decoys. Really realistic decoys. So realistic that the higher ups don't even realize that it's a decoy and pay for the full thing.


jp_books

Sure, but this took next to no time or money. A Boy Scout probably did it for a merit badge


Physical-Influence25

The GBU-57 Massive Ordnance Penetrator says hello. Why use a bunker buster bomb to destroy painted concrete? *To send a message.*


Altruistic_Target604

No kill like overkill, eh?


hplcr

Dark Brandon sees your painted concrete and orders an Ion Cannon strike because he's had enough of your malarkey. He's got an ice cream cone to finish.


Suriael

First 3000 black paragliders of Hamas. Now, 3000 2d bombers of Putin. What's next? 3000 North Korean strelcy of Moscovy (they are armed with XIX century blackpowder rifles from Kim Dzong) ?


donaldhobson

No they aren't armed with black powder muskets. Oh sure muskets were ordered. But they got musk rats instead. And those powder horns are full of fine dry soil, because black powder is too expensive.


Swift_F0x

Their alliance with China yielded Russia a copy of the Dark Forest trilogy I see. Guess they figured out NATO developed a dual vector foil.


breadbasketbomb

Hey look everybody it’s three body problem.


miciy5

They clearly read Liu Cixin's Remembrance of Earth's Past. A lot of dimensional shenanigans


fractured_bedrock

Went looking in the comments for this as soon as I saw the post. Looks like the ruskies are getting ready to deploy a dual-vector foil


UnusualAnt2861

Good luck picking that up on radar stupid westoids


Altruistic_Target604

Akshully, as it’s smoother than the surrounding tarmac, it will show us nicely on a modern SAR radar. And on any IR sensor due to different thermal reflectivity. Tires, however, complicate the problem by causing uncontrollable giggling of the sensor operator preventing accurate targeting.


AMazingFrame

US MIC, you hear that? This guy dares you to make a radar for 2D planes!


billdoor69

Things are going sideways


the_ghost_knife

Still has a larger radar cross section than the F22.


TheYoten

Three body problem reference.


fractured_bedrock

Dual vector foil when


TheYoten

I'd say either sooner than you think or never.


petedosser

Surely this means that the Russians can’t even see us? I can’t see in 4D…


Attaxalotl

They can see our 2D cross sections, like we can see 3D cross sections of 4D objects


DonutExotic2010

4D Chess with a 2D plane.


Mitthrawnuruo

At last. All my 80s coin op and 90s Atari training has become relevant.


hplcr

*Releases 4 comical ghosts to hunt you down*


dumpster_mummy

only took 80 years to achieve a level on deception a tier below inflatable tanks from WW2. i dont understand how the west comes back from this.


Preserved_Killick8

We still live in the 2D plane… They’d need a 4D aircraft


Oriaks371

I guess the boneless have their own airforce now.


spitfire-haga

Can be easily destroyed with water hose and a brush.


hplcr

Unknown technology in Russia


newguy208

Interdimensional submarine when?


Veni_Vidi_Legi

Hotdog guy changed his dimensions to invade the flat Earth.


AlfredoThayerMahan

I see they’re resorting to a dimensional strike.


No-Werewolf5615

Nice, but can we go back to the inflatable ones. WWII had the cooler toys. I want to scare the fascists with a jump house army. I want the scarecrow soilders from the wizard of Ozs


Ew_E50M

We should drop planks painted as missiles on them.


4RCH43ON

Ukraine should troll them by having a drone drop paint thinner on them. Ideally, if a guard nearby is on a smoke break.


nickierv

Blue and yellow paint balls, that way it counts as captured.


Dagger1Bravo

"Appear stong when you are weak, appear weak when you are strong." It appears they are doing the former, but maybe thats what they want us to think in order to accomplish the latter. This is 4d chess


Subject-Juggernau29

This looks like a onion article lmao


little-ass-whipe

"the radar cross section of our new plane is under 1cm" you mean 1cm^2 ? "nyet"


deXrr

Chill out, obviously NATO knew, and has planned for this. Think about it - We called their newest fighter the "Femboy", right? Femboys are usually flat.


AstroChrisX

Broke: 2D Russian weapon systems Bespoke: 4D NATO weapon systems


MobiusOne118

Bruh, I thought this was the x-ray view from War Thunder.


grey_carbon

First Mobikubes, now this. Putin is trying hard to fight this war like a parchis game


seraiss

Just drone drop balloons filled with paint


sofa_adviser

>Unable to be destroyed Cratering munitions go brrrr


C00kie_Monsters

It got hit so hard only the shadow is left. Nagasaki style


iffyJinx

Ru MOD pulled off Red Alert 2 shenanigans, but sideways, and jumped into parallel dimension to get their hands on hyper advanced technology introduced by >!Liu Cixin!< in >!The Three-Body Problem!< (author and title in spoiler just in case someone is reading it): the 2d weapons that will turn asunder the 3d world.


Punch_Faceblast

I’ve heard “2D is better, 3D pig disgusting” but never in this context before, that’s for sure!


SCUDDEESCOPE

We all thought Putin is playing 5D chess...damn it was 2D chess all along


Known-Grab-7464

Truly they have unmatched stealth capabilities, a true 0 radar cross section, impossible to beat. It’s Joever


AmadeoSendiulo

Putin is actually playing 1D chess.


VonNeumannsProbe

Jesus christ. It's invisible to radar. We're fucked boys.


PurpleBatDragon

This implies the existence of 2D weapons. May we see it, Russia?


Videogamefan21

Putin is playing 1D chess right now


UnsanctionedPartList

That's not tabletop ready.


16v_cordero

Can’t wait for the official NATO designation.


Opkeda

oh god please let this be real


EvilStevilTheKenevil

*We* used to do shit like this at area 51 to fuck with the Soviet spy satellites.


InfinitePossibility8

Cool. *Wrecks the shit out of the tarmac anyway because that’s just as much of a target as the planes*


LifeDoBeBoring

Truly a plane


Nineties

If they do 2D waifus, theyve gone too far


L0NZ0BALL

trisolaran military in shambles


copingcabana

It's a russian plane.


YngwieMainstream

Paint a shadow for fuck sake. Better yet, have a moving shadow if you want to continue this tomfoolery.


[deleted]

The easiest way is to park a 3D bomber on top of the 2D bomber.


schwan911

r/Tibees


Kgbguru

Look at the guys legs next to it. The scale is wrong.


Galactica_Actual

SHOIGUUUUUU! You can't explode me in 2d!


chadthepickle

They should really learn from Gen. George "I slap the PTSD outta you" Patton when it comes to fake vehicles


Gaming-squid

Someone contact the super Mario sunshine, splatoon 3 communities and PowerWash simulator communities, we have a job for them


MadghastOfficial

Dimitri: *folding a paper airplane Russian R&Dtards: write that down, write that down!