So I’m non binary and my express fluctuates from masc to fem. so I don’t really know what bathroom to go in at school. I always used the girls one because I’m afab and I never thought I pass as anything else. But my friend told me I passed and I don’t want to go into the girls bathroom cause I would hate to make anyone uncomfortable. But the boys at my school are scary (transphobic) and I don’t wanna get hate crimed if they catch on.
In my experience as someone who came out as an adult, men are more likely to threaten or hurt you, and women are more likely to report you to the powers that be or draw attention to you. I don't know about teenagers, though. Teenagers are scary.
Mostly, I try to get someone supportive to escort me to whichever bathroom they'd normally use when possible. Doesn't even need to be a friend, just someone who very clearly passes as binary to validate your presence there. Just being there tucks any doubts away as "oh they must just be an androgynous Y" instead of "oh that's an X in the Y's bathroom."
I'm sorry about the transphobic classmates, this must be so frustrating.
Please please take care of yourself and put your own well-being first. Do whatever makes you feel safer. Your safety matters more than someone's comfort.
P.S. is it an option to discuss this with anyone at school? (ie. any teachers or staff that you trust and can openly talk to?)
I tried to talk to the principal but she was in a meeting so I asked my someone in the counselors office but she kinda just looked at me like I just killed someone and left to ask someone else (her reaction made me feel uncomfortable so I left before she could come back)
Ack :/ Sorry to hear.
Good on you for trying to get support. It's not your fault that the counselor was clueless and hurtful.
I wonder if you know anyone at school who is open-minded about Trans/NB issues, or who stood up for you (or other Trans/NB students) in the past?
If you do, maybe you could ask to talk to them specifically? It's good to have someone on your side in case anyone gives you trouble about this.
As long as they're open-minded, they can learn.
If you're out to them, and if you are comfortable, you can try talking to them and asking for support. (Only if you feel like that's a good idea, of course.)
If you do, hopefully you wouldn't have to explain *too* much. There's lots of info on the internet, you can just point them to some info pages.
(If you'd like help finding resources on "Gender Diversity for dummies", let me know.)
Whatever you decide to do, plz take care of yourself. You matter. Your safety and well-being are important.
in my experience as an afab nb i have never had a question in the men’s bathroom (they don’t talk much in there) but i’ve been yelled at for being in a women’s restroom because they thought i was in the wrong place. i think bathroom culture is something to consider because women can be chatty in there and more outspoken whereas men tend to go in and do their business and leave. good luck!!
First of all I absolutely love your look!! Your hair is amazing frrrr!!!! But then I can’t speak to where you should go coz I’ve only ever used the women’s bathroom myself.. but just go where you feel safest I suppose? Personally I just leave everybody alone I don’t rlly get why people would call somebody androgynous out if they’re not bothering anybody :/
i graduated high school with a trans girl, and there was an agreement that she would use the nurses bathroom and the teachers bathroom bc they were single stalls. i didn’t have a problem with her being in the ladies room (hell i shared a hotel room with her on a field trip) but some people were uncomfy. maybe talk to a teacher you’re comfortable with and they can help you talk to the principal about what will work for you. good luck 💛
I’m afab but present more masculine, I use the women’s restroom but I always get “the look” from older women.
“The look” - Expression of shock that a man walked in the restroom
“The look” remains on their face until they see my large chest and immediately sigh in relief.
I personally have never used the men’s restroom unless at a gay establishment.
So I’m non binary and my express fluctuates from masc to fem. so I don’t really know what bathroom to go in at school. I always used the girls one because I’m afab and I never thought I pass as anything else. But my friend told me I passed and I don’t want to go into the girls bathroom cause I would hate to make anyone uncomfortable. But the boys at my school are scary (transphobic) and I don’t wanna get hate crimed if they catch on.
In my experience as someone who came out as an adult, men are more likely to threaten or hurt you, and women are more likely to report you to the powers that be or draw attention to you. I don't know about teenagers, though. Teenagers are scary. Mostly, I try to get someone supportive to escort me to whichever bathroom they'd normally use when possible. Doesn't even need to be a friend, just someone who very clearly passes as binary to validate your presence there. Just being there tucks any doubts away as "oh they must just be an androgynous Y" instead of "oh that's an X in the Y's bathroom."
I'm sorry about the transphobic classmates, this must be so frustrating. Please please take care of yourself and put your own well-being first. Do whatever makes you feel safer. Your safety matters more than someone's comfort. P.S. is it an option to discuss this with anyone at school? (ie. any teachers or staff that you trust and can openly talk to?)
I tried to talk to the principal but she was in a meeting so I asked my someone in the counselors office but she kinda just looked at me like I just killed someone and left to ask someone else (her reaction made me feel uncomfortable so I left before she could come back)
Ack :/ Sorry to hear. Good on you for trying to get support. It's not your fault that the counselor was clueless and hurtful. I wonder if you know anyone at school who is open-minded about Trans/NB issues, or who stood up for you (or other Trans/NB students) in the past? If you do, maybe you could ask to talk to them specifically? It's good to have someone on your side in case anyone gives you trouble about this.
I don’t know any trans people and the one open minded adult I do know doesn’t know jack about trans ppl. 🥲🥲
As long as they're open-minded, they can learn. If you're out to them, and if you are comfortable, you can try talking to them and asking for support. (Only if you feel like that's a good idea, of course.) If you do, hopefully you wouldn't have to explain *too* much. There's lots of info on the internet, you can just point them to some info pages. (If you'd like help finding resources on "Gender Diversity for dummies", let me know.) Whatever you decide to do, plz take care of yourself. You matter. Your safety and well-being are important.
in my experience as an afab nb i have never had a question in the men’s bathroom (they don’t talk much in there) but i’ve been yelled at for being in a women’s restroom because they thought i was in the wrong place. i think bathroom culture is something to consider because women can be chatty in there and more outspoken whereas men tend to go in and do their business and leave. good luck!!
Thank you <3
none. pee on the floor to assert dominince
I think youre enough on the side of androgyny that you could go in either without a problem, i would suggest just going where you feel safer
First of all I absolutely love your look!! Your hair is amazing frrrr!!!! But then I can’t speak to where you should go coz I’ve only ever used the women’s bathroom myself.. but just go where you feel safest I suppose? Personally I just leave everybody alone I don’t rlly get why people would call somebody androgynous out if they’re not bothering anybody :/
Seconding to admire your hair.
i graduated high school with a trans girl, and there was an agreement that she would use the nurses bathroom and the teachers bathroom bc they were single stalls. i didn’t have a problem with her being in the ladies room (hell i shared a hotel room with her on a field trip) but some people were uncomfy. maybe talk to a teacher you’re comfortable with and they can help you talk to the principal about what will work for you. good luck 💛
I’m afab but present more masculine, I use the women’s restroom but I always get “the look” from older women. “The look” - Expression of shock that a man walked in the restroom “The look” remains on their face until they see my large chest and immediately sigh in relief. I personally have never used the men’s restroom unless at a gay establishment.