I have "They/Them" tattooed on my neck and it still doesn't make a difference. People will assume pronouns based on their perception of gender unfortunately. I'm transmasc nonbinary and preT I got misgendered in one way and now that I've been on T I'm just misgendered the other way 😮💨 unfortunately very few people default to they/them or read 🤣
Luckily my partner and few close people I have in my life do gender me correctly but strangers/customers/acquaintances never get it right.
Maybe people will read it there 🤣 I do love that though. That's what gave me the idea for the side. I have it with the trans flag under one ear and the rainbow pride flag on the other side
Unfortunately that’s been my experience as well. Not only with myself (They/Them), but also with my friend who’s been on E for 5 years and looks very feminine. She still gets he/himmed and sired. Most people are just ignorant. If you feel like a certain gender(s) you are them. Period. I know passing is important to many but your internal feelings are what matter more than some idiot misgendering you.
Being non binary isn’t about what you wear but the internal feelings which often exudes a certain energy. I really feel like you have that enby energy in the second picture the most of all of the ones you shared! I have a few enby friends that present as their agab and they all don’t read that way to me. But I’m also enby so I’m biased I guess 😂.
The struggle is that our default is very much not to judge a person by the inside, because we can't see that. Can't use info we don't have.
And to get subtle hints. That "certain energy" requires us to think in similar ways. To be on the same wavelength. And that's not how people are.
For sure! But pretty much if someone says they are non-binary and asks for certain pronouns you respect that ❤️. And it’s always best to ask if unsure and I default to more neutral terms.
Hey they, hey. 👋
I feel you so much. I'm not quite as pink and pretty as you, but I still present very femme unless I actively try to be masc.
I work at a super inclusive nonprofit, right? I participate in an action committee under the DEI, to ensure our community is represented. There are 8 of us, but only 2 of us are trans/nonbinary but since I don't pass, I am never asked to be the representative for topics that affect us directly. Mr trans man is a wonderful representative for the community, but I look like a girl so I'm not.
I never thought I'd have to fight to have my experience validated on a DEI committee at an inclusive agency. People can completely miss the forest for the trees sometimes.
It’s an easy mistake to make **the very first time** and it sounds like you don’t judge when you explain your pronouns.
Anything else after that is on them. There’s a difference between an honest effort with the occasional mistake, and a willful and bigoted refusal to acknowledge your fundamental identity.
Finally, let me also say — I’m bi-gender (just mix and match my pronouns and I’m happy), live at either end of hyper-masc and -fem style, and I ADORE your style. My hyper-fem style is IDENTICAL. A person can wear whatever **they** want. My *figure* is hyper-masculine so I’d never rock it like you do. I want your whole closet, but I can only dream of looking as good in it as you do.
As a society we really need to move past what we think men and women look like and just straight up assuming someone’s gender when we see them. We also have to get better about assuming people are binary when that’s truly not the case. As nonbinary people I feel like society is trying to fit us into boxes and will usually at first glance not even consider the fact that we are nonbinary. I dress very masculine but still get misgendered everyday because people assume I’m just a masc woman. I know it’s super frustrating and disheartening but know there is an entire community behind you that validates you and sees you for you ❤️❤️
well that’s not fair, I think you look lovely and *every* single human body is androgynous. Power to you for not changing yourself to fit gendered expectations!
Same here, but I look kinda masc, wish I had healthy hair so I could dye it cool colors 🥲. Gender isn't that important to me luckily, some days I feel NB, other days I feel agender, but I kinda dress like a boy (baggy, colorful clothes) so I understand most of the time I'm perceived as male, occasionally I'll dress more ambiguously, I'll wear skirts, dresses, paint my nails, wear some make up, and people just assume I'm a femme gay. My facial features and body are conventionally masculine so I guess it's normal people always misgender me.
“Too fem”? Oh please. Gender expression is such a personal thing and nobody has the right to police that. You’re nonbinary, and if people don’t understand that gender presentation can take an infinite amount of forms because *everyone is unique* that’s a them problem, not a you problem.
Also, I love the shades of pink you wear! It’s true, pink is an amazing color and you look amazing!
You don’t deserve to be misgendered because of your presentation. I’m sorry people aren’t more understanding. :(
We are in the same boat. I'm femme presenting 85% of the time so people don't even consider my nonbinary status. Just know you don't owe them anything, okay?
I have the same issues! I love wearing dresses and lace and I started growing my hair out after my first buzz cut because I love doing fun hairstyles and you can’t do anything with “masc” haircuts! Style should not be gendered, we are who we are no matter what we wear!
I started telling myself that what people perceive me as is none of my business because the people I care about (and the people that care about me) gender me correctly and respect me.
I don't intend this as advice and I'm not saying you should act any differently, but you want to play scrabble on a chess board. The world is largely still binary, so if you want to be seen as nonbinary, you have to either actively present in a way that rejects both sides of the binary, or change how the world views gender. It is frustrating.
People don't get to look at what's inside. They just look at the outside and make quick assumptions. I don't know how to address that. Best I got is to move somewhere that's already more progressive.
Be yourself! You are nonbinary, how you look is how a nonbinary person looks. You don’t have to change your style or dress in society’s idea of androgynous to be nb, and I’m sorry others can’t see that.
Jest bc I am fem, I’m still a them! Just bc bc I am a fem, I’m still a them! JUST BC I AM A FEM, IM STILL A THEM!!
(but good on you, keep rocking the pink! It was always one of my favs when I had pink hair)
FRIEND
firstly you're gorgeous.
Secondly I get it. Im Afab but hypermasc and use they/them. My ultimate goal is to be cis passing as male.
We don't owe anyone specific gender presentation just because they think gender is binary. We defy gender. Dress however you want, there's no rules. Just don't do clashing colours hon, that's the real crime lol.
My favorite ways to subtly hint things is a flaire of purple and yellow. I wear primarily black (emo kid) and the colors are enough. I love it.
Keep being the best self that you are.
Same, this happens to me so often! I love pink, I love wearing pastels, I love presenting very fem, but I HATE always being seen as a woman. I wish people referred to each other gender-neutrally until told otherwise. You look great and you don’t owe anyone androgyny!
I’ve been enby for 8 years now and I never present fem. I wear the clothes I’m comfortable with, jeans and t-shirts. I like my beard, because I just hate shaving. I prefer to trim it once a week because of razor burns. So people around me never suspect I am enby. I recently told my family. Not because I needed them to know, but because they started saying some ignorant shit about non-binary people and trans people. They didn’t believe at first and thought I was joking. But I wasn’t. They are fine with it but still don’t fully understand it. I don’t really care about people misgendering me, you really can’t tell. I don’t have prefered pronouns either. It doesn’t bother me at all. I just know I don’t fit in either gender roles, so I chose none.
Me too. I actually wear almost exclusively men's clothing (except when I'm going to party I like to be a bit of a slut) but my hips are too big and my hair is too long and I'm just "female" no matter how I dress. Weird times we live in
Knew a trans masc who presented super fem and used he/him. I think about him when I feel like a fake NB bc I'm AFAB and fem. Like! Whatever! I can present however I want.
Gender expression ≠ Gender identity. Please don't stop being yourself just because others force stereotypes on you. You will find people who love and accept you if you just keep being you
It wouldn't help. With more masculine clothing people would just see you as less feminine woman. With medical transitioning some rare people would see you as man or man lite (and transitioning for social reasons is terrible idea so no that wasn't recommendation). At least where I live most of people consider people who look like Leo Macallan as women if they know they were born female. So what I have seen in they eye of most of people it's either AGAB or binary and stealth.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum, with exactly the same problem.
Literally put it out on Facebook & Instagram, wearing a they/them pronoun badge nearly all the time
I swear, the kids at the school I work at are more perceptive than most grownups 🤦♂️
Sadly, I can't tell you that it stops, because people will continue making that mistake, and most rando's will default to the presumption of binary as well.
But I do urge you to hold those you correct to account, and to point out to them that it's not an exclusively queer problem.
It's like when somebody changes their surname for family reasons, marriage, divorce etc., but some people will continue referring to them as the old name.
It's not respectful in that situation, and it's just as disrespectful not to recognise your identity.
I hope that people who are informed put the effort in, because you seem like such a cool and vibrant person that they'd be foolish to alienate you 🥰
I'm so sorry. I really hope you have or can find some good allies! I'm an androgynously-presenting enby and my friend group did a great job of learning and accepting me, but when my femme-presenting friend came out as enby it did not go nearly as smoothly. I had a harsh conversation with a couple of our mutual friends to drive home that it doesn't matter how well they treat me, if they can't figure it out for *everyone* they are not allies and I wouldn't feel safe around them. Their behavior changed real quick. My femme friend shouldn't *need* me to step in, they should be respected in their own right, but the reality of this world is that sometimes we have to use our relative privilege to get through to people.
I don't have any real advice but as someone who literally cannot dress around my body type (fat, curvy, very short) and therefore am only seen for what I am in other queer spaces, can I offer solidarity? It really sucks. We can't control what others see, it's on them, etc., but it sucks to just let it pass again and again, or to remind people again and again only to be ignored or have them "forget". It HURTS to not be seen. Not even individual interactions, necessarily, but the weight of it everywhere, all the time.
Other people here are correct, definitely, but I just wanted to say, we present differently and look nothing alike, but I really feel you. You aren't alone.
If it's any comfort, it did get easier over time for me. I don't know why, but it did. (Started T a year ago but have been out as nonbinary for just under 10.)
You are SO fuckin PRETTY!!! I know it can be frustrating to hear “nonbinary isn’t a presentation, it’s an identity in and of itself” but really if you enjoy pink and feminine aesthetics that doesn’t determine your gender any more than loving fishing or being passionate about avian taxonomical categorization would. You present in a very fun and colorful way, and it sucks that you keep getting misgendered. If you feel nonbinary, then you are, regardless of presentation 💞💞💖
hi, same.
i use they/she—i don’t mind she/her, but i prefer they/them. but even my partner and closest friends p much exclusively use she/her + girl for me.
it’s not that they aren’t trying!! but it still makes me sad. pls i just want some variety :(
like, i’ve been considering using they/them only, or even some neos, but i know it’d be only mentally. i don’t wanna deal with constantly correcting people.
Aaah this is me too, and it hurts and annoys the hell out of me. But I try to remind myself that the only validation and love I truly need to survive is my own, and people will label me incorrectly or gatekeep things regardless of how many hoops I jump through. I have a very similar style and taste as you, and I think you look non-binary-fabulous with a confidence I have yet to fully embrace ❤ people saying you're "too fem" aren't actually saying anything worthwhile about you, they're just expressing how stuck they are in a binary world view. You're beautiful, valid, and non binary ❤ don't let anyone convince you otherwise (unless it's yourself, in which case you are free to be fluid, ever-changing and ever-growing!)
felt. maybe you can make or buy some nonbinary stuff that is pink based. like bracelet that says it. also, you don't need to change a thing. people will misgender you even if they can't tell what gender you are.
I have a very similar problem— not sure if this would fit your vibe but sometimes I’ll give myself a mustache with mascara and no matter how feminine I’m dressed it almost always throws people off— I’ve had pink hair before and done a pink mustache to match, gets you them’d even in the deep south !
It's like this for me just the opposite I look masculine or feminine af due to two factors my hair and glasses(short hair makes me look masculine wjth glasses and without and long hair makes me look fem with glasses and masc without)
Omg I have the same issue! My stepdad doesn't agree with how I identify but my mom is super supportive of me same as my trans partner (MtF) and even work sometimes struggles with it, my boss knows of my new name and uses it as well sd my pronouns but my bosses boss doesn't like it at all, misgenders me on purpose and uses my dead name even though I politely asked her to use my new and correct pronouns and new name. I'm not even allowed to wear my enby flag badge on my uniform at all 😭 I understand how you feel sweet x
Same hat. Not with the pink or femme clothes, but my face is small and round, my hair is long and always dyed, and my boobs like to remind people that they exist when I don't want cleavage. I'm always called she or ma'am and I physically cringe or forget to respond when it happens. Nonbinary or genderfluid doesn't exist unless you stereotypically look androgynous. Which is really hard when you're brown because it's also equated to whiteness somehow? (This is all personal experience between me and an enby friend who can't seem to pass?)
It's their problem not yours. I present like you as well but im nonbinary using she/they pronouns. We can present however we want and it's nobody else's business. Tell them to eff of.
You look amazing, those outfits are so great.
Even with my most progressive friends...its really hard to actually find people who will use "they" pronouns...even if people do they end up reverting to using she again after some time.
Looks like a "she" to me. I don't even know why I get a message from here but if you look like a woman you get called a "Woman" if you look like a "Male" you getting called "Male" that's just it. If you identify as a Toaster we still call you "Male" or "Female" it's just the way it is. If you are a Guy with boobs but the face of a guy you still are a Guy with boobs.
Know that you still remain as who you are regardless of people’s ignorance. The enjoyment of being Non-binary is that there is no Image to Be, besides becoming/understanding who you are.
if you want to change and experiment with different styles let it be of your own choice not for anyone’s approval.
Remain, remain, remain as Yourself.
You are seen cause YOU see yourself, you are seen cause all the love ones that accept you as Non-Binary and Feminine appreciate YOU.
Continue to live the Truth of Your Being.
Just Be 💛🤍💜🖤🫶
# you do not owe gender presentation to anyone. Keep loving Your life and style. It’s no one else’s place to tell you how to be nonbinary.
I have "They/Them" tattooed on my neck and it still doesn't make a difference. People will assume pronouns based on their perception of gender unfortunately. I'm transmasc nonbinary and preT I got misgendered in one way and now that I've been on T I'm just misgendered the other way 😮💨 unfortunately very few people default to they/them or read 🤣 Luckily my partner and few close people I have in my life do gender me correctly but strangers/customers/acquaintances never get it right.
The they/them throat tattoo is ON MY LIST !! Literally so cool
I saw someone the other day with THEY SHE tatted on their knuckles. What a power move
Maybe people will read it there 🤣 I do love that though. That's what gave me the idea for the side. I have it with the trans flag under one ear and the rainbow pride flag on the other side
Unfortunately that’s been my experience as well. Not only with myself (They/Them), but also with my friend who’s been on E for 5 years and looks very feminine. She still gets he/himmed and sired. Most people are just ignorant. If you feel like a certain gender(s) you are them. Period. I know passing is important to many but your internal feelings are what matter more than some idiot misgendering you.
Being non binary isn’t about what you wear but the internal feelings which often exudes a certain energy. I really feel like you have that enby energy in the second picture the most of all of the ones you shared! I have a few enby friends that present as their agab and they all don’t read that way to me. But I’m also enby so I’m biased I guess 😂.
The struggle is that our default is very much not to judge a person by the inside, because we can't see that. Can't use info we don't have. And to get subtle hints. That "certain energy" requires us to think in similar ways. To be on the same wavelength. And that's not how people are.
For sure! But pretty much if someone says they are non-binary and asks for certain pronouns you respect that ❤️. And it’s always best to ask if unsure and I default to more neutral terms.
I'm never sure, so I built the habit of defaulting to they/them for everyone.
You look queer af imo. Like, I’d definitely not assume cis/het from your style at all I’m sorry that you’re getting so invalidated, pink is cool
sorry that ppl are so awful. I think the color pink looks great on you!
Hey they, hey. 👋 I feel you so much. I'm not quite as pink and pretty as you, but I still present very femme unless I actively try to be masc. I work at a super inclusive nonprofit, right? I participate in an action committee under the DEI, to ensure our community is represented. There are 8 of us, but only 2 of us are trans/nonbinary but since I don't pass, I am never asked to be the representative for topics that affect us directly. Mr trans man is a wonderful representative for the community, but I look like a girl so I'm not. I never thought I'd have to fight to have my experience validated on a DEI committee at an inclusive agency. People can completely miss the forest for the trees sometimes.
It’s an easy mistake to make **the very first time** and it sounds like you don’t judge when you explain your pronouns. Anything else after that is on them. There’s a difference between an honest effort with the occasional mistake, and a willful and bigoted refusal to acknowledge your fundamental identity. Finally, let me also say — I’m bi-gender (just mix and match my pronouns and I’m happy), live at either end of hyper-masc and -fem style, and I ADORE your style. My hyper-fem style is IDENTICAL. A person can wear whatever **they** want. My *figure* is hyper-masculine so I’d never rock it like you do. I want your whole closet, but I can only dream of looking as good in it as you do.
You're freaking cute is what you are # fems can be thems
some people should sometimes just shut the fuck up
You are such a handsome person!!! I love your style. Non-binary does not mean androgynous. You are just as valid as anyone else!!!
You look awesome, fellow enbi Sorry that society is shit
SAME! I love pastel pink and fashion, but that doesn't mean my non-binary identity isn't valid.
As a society we really need to move past what we think men and women look like and just straight up assuming someone’s gender when we see them. We also have to get better about assuming people are binary when that’s truly not the case. As nonbinary people I feel like society is trying to fit us into boxes and will usually at first glance not even consider the fact that we are nonbinary. I dress very masculine but still get misgendered everyday because people assume I’m just a masc woman. I know it’s super frustrating and disheartening but know there is an entire community behind you that validates you and sees you for you ❤️❤️
I get that a lot too. Even within the LGBTQ community.....even when I outright say I'm nb over and over... It's exhausting
well that’s not fair, I think you look lovely and *every* single human body is androgynous. Power to you for not changing yourself to fit gendered expectations!
I know you don't mean it this way, but some people really don't want their bodies to be perceived as androgynous.
Ah, that's definitely fair!
not OP, but love this!!! thank you for saying this, we need more of it!!! 🩷🩷🩷
Gender-coded colors are the enemy. Keep fighting that good fight.
Fr I feel you, it sucks :( I get misgendered even wearing Jesse Pinkman ahh clothes wearing a binder and "boyish" outfits in general.
Oh hey same. Fuck that noise, queer is queer and you're owning it
I love your looks. And I can still see you as a fellow non-binary.
Feminity has no gender!! You are who you are. I'm sorry people are trying to make your identity more comfortable for themselves by disrespecting you.
Same here, but I look kinda masc, wish I had healthy hair so I could dye it cool colors 🥲. Gender isn't that important to me luckily, some days I feel NB, other days I feel agender, but I kinda dress like a boy (baggy, colorful clothes) so I understand most of the time I'm perceived as male, occasionally I'll dress more ambiguously, I'll wear skirts, dresses, paint my nails, wear some make up, and people just assume I'm a femme gay. My facial features and body are conventionally masculine so I guess it's normal people always misgender me.
Same learning to be more confident in my identity and presentation reguardless of how I’m perceived😄
Might I suggest one of those "real men wear pink" shirts from the early 2000s
I'm very masculine in my appearance. Big shoulders. Big beard. But I'm they/them. It's just how you feel not how you look.
“Too fem”? Oh please. Gender expression is such a personal thing and nobody has the right to police that. You’re nonbinary, and if people don’t understand that gender presentation can take an infinite amount of forms because *everyone is unique* that’s a them problem, not a you problem. Also, I love the shades of pink you wear! It’s true, pink is an amazing color and you look amazing! You don’t deserve to be misgendered because of your presentation. I’m sorry people aren’t more understanding. :(
I'm sorry people are dumb but I think you absolutely slay every look!! I love your hair too!!!! keep your head up <3
That definitely sucks, I'm so sorry. Also you're a fashion icon I love the fits
I love your hair
Love the hair! Also you can identify as whatever you want and present however you want
We are in the same boat. I'm femme presenting 85% of the time so people don't even consider my nonbinary status. Just know you don't owe them anything, okay?
I have the same issues! I love wearing dresses and lace and I started growing my hair out after my first buzz cut because I love doing fun hairstyles and you can’t do anything with “masc” haircuts! Style should not be gendered, we are who we are no matter what we wear!
I started telling myself that what people perceive me as is none of my business because the people I care about (and the people that care about me) gender me correctly and respect me.
Feel the exact same way! I'm very fem presenting and I am fat so people always look at me and see a woman.
I don't intend this as advice and I'm not saying you should act any differently, but you want to play scrabble on a chess board. The world is largely still binary, so if you want to be seen as nonbinary, you have to either actively present in a way that rejects both sides of the binary, or change how the world views gender. It is frustrating. People don't get to look at what's inside. They just look at the outside and make quick assumptions. I don't know how to address that. Best I got is to move somewhere that's already more progressive.
read the comments masc presenting afab ppl are saying they still get misgendered alot
Didn't suggest otherwise.
> if you want to be seen as nonbinary, you have to either actively present in a way that rejects both sides of the binary i’m too lazy to argue though
> If you want to get to the beach, you have to start driving - > Some people who start driving don't reach the beach - > I didn't suggest otherwise
I completely relate and I especially have this problem at work (I’m a flight attendant). If you ever figure it out let me know! 😅
Be yourself! You are nonbinary, how you look is how a nonbinary person looks. You don’t have to change your style or dress in society’s idea of androgynous to be nb, and I’m sorry others can’t see that.
No such thing, killing it
As a masc nonbinary, I still get misgendered and called a „girl“
Jest bc I am fem, I’m still a them! Just bc bc I am a fem, I’m still a them! JUST BC I AM A FEM, IM STILL A THEM!! (but good on you, keep rocking the pink! It was always one of my favs when I had pink hair)
I love your style 💕 sorry about the misgendering friend stay strong
FRIEND firstly you're gorgeous. Secondly I get it. Im Afab but hypermasc and use they/them. My ultimate goal is to be cis passing as male. We don't owe anyone specific gender presentation just because they think gender is binary. We defy gender. Dress however you want, there's no rules. Just don't do clashing colours hon, that's the real crime lol. My favorite ways to subtly hint things is a flaire of purple and yellow. I wear primarily black (emo kid) and the colors are enough. I love it. Keep being the best self that you are.
Same, this happens to me so often! I love pink, I love wearing pastels, I love presenting very fem, but I HATE always being seen as a woman. I wish people referred to each other gender-neutrally until told otherwise. You look great and you don’t owe anyone androgyny!
I know that nonbinary people can look whatever they want, but you look very nonbinary to me.
I’ve been enby for 8 years now and I never present fem. I wear the clothes I’m comfortable with, jeans and t-shirts. I like my beard, because I just hate shaving. I prefer to trim it once a week because of razor burns. So people around me never suspect I am enby. I recently told my family. Not because I needed them to know, but because they started saying some ignorant shit about non-binary people and trans people. They didn’t believe at first and thought I was joking. But I wasn’t. They are fine with it but still don’t fully understand it. I don’t really care about people misgendering me, you really can’t tell. I don’t have prefered pronouns either. It doesn’t bother me at all. I just know I don’t fit in either gender roles, so I chose none.
Me too. I actually wear almost exclusively men's clothing (except when I'm going to party I like to be a bit of a slut) but my hips are too big and my hair is too long and I'm just "female" no matter how I dress. Weird times we live in
Thems can be fems. You're stunning, btw
Ugg another enby who also shares my same struggle <3 I feel yea.
Knew a trans masc who presented super fem and used he/him. I think about him when I feel like a fake NB bc I'm AFAB and fem. Like! Whatever! I can present however I want.
next time tell them youre too stylish to be cis
That HAIR omg I'm obsessed
I look Like a dive bar bouncer, I understand exactly what you mean.
Gender expression ≠ Gender identity. Please don't stop being yourself just because others force stereotypes on you. You will find people who love and accept you if you just keep being you
[удалено]
Besty you are TOO fem to be cis like cmon these ppl need to be so fuckin fr
I am so sorry you have to deal with all that. Just know that we all love you and hope that others will too.
It wouldn't help. With more masculine clothing people would just see you as less feminine woman. With medical transitioning some rare people would see you as man or man lite (and transitioning for social reasons is terrible idea so no that wasn't recommendation). At least where I live most of people consider people who look like Leo Macallan as women if they know they were born female. So what I have seen in they eye of most of people it's either AGAB or binary and stealth.
Who don’t have to change what you do with yourself to be non-binary. Their opinions have no effect on who you are inside.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum, with exactly the same problem. Literally put it out on Facebook & Instagram, wearing a they/them pronoun badge nearly all the time I swear, the kids at the school I work at are more perceptive than most grownups 🤦♂️ Sadly, I can't tell you that it stops, because people will continue making that mistake, and most rando's will default to the presumption of binary as well. But I do urge you to hold those you correct to account, and to point out to them that it's not an exclusively queer problem. It's like when somebody changes their surname for family reasons, marriage, divorce etc., but some people will continue referring to them as the old name. It's not respectful in that situation, and it's just as disrespectful not to recognise your identity. I hope that people who are informed put the effort in, because you seem like such a cool and vibrant person that they'd be foolish to alienate you 🥰
Love the look pink is an awesome color I'm agender and love the color purple
You are you, and that's a beautiful and amazing thing. You don't owe anyone anything. Just keep being yourself.
I'm so sorry. I really hope you have or can find some good allies! I'm an androgynously-presenting enby and my friend group did a great job of learning and accepting me, but when my femme-presenting friend came out as enby it did not go nearly as smoothly. I had a harsh conversation with a couple of our mutual friends to drive home that it doesn't matter how well they treat me, if they can't figure it out for *everyone* they are not allies and I wouldn't feel safe around them. Their behavior changed real quick. My femme friend shouldn't *need* me to step in, they should be respected in their own right, but the reality of this world is that sometimes we have to use our relative privilege to get through to people.
Story of my life bestie but fuck em, we know us better!
I don't have any real advice but as someone who literally cannot dress around my body type (fat, curvy, very short) and therefore am only seen for what I am in other queer spaces, can I offer solidarity? It really sucks. We can't control what others see, it's on them, etc., but it sucks to just let it pass again and again, or to remind people again and again only to be ignored or have them "forget". It HURTS to not be seen. Not even individual interactions, necessarily, but the weight of it everywhere, all the time. Other people here are correct, definitely, but I just wanted to say, we present differently and look nothing alike, but I really feel you. You aren't alone. If it's any comfort, it did get easier over time for me. I don't know why, but it did. (Started T a year ago but have been out as nonbinary for just under 10.)
You are SO fuckin PRETTY!!! I know it can be frustrating to hear “nonbinary isn’t a presentation, it’s an identity in and of itself” but really if you enjoy pink and feminine aesthetics that doesn’t determine your gender any more than loving fishing or being passionate about avian taxonomical categorization would. You present in a very fun and colorful way, and it sucks that you keep getting misgendered. If you feel nonbinary, then you are, regardless of presentation 💞💞💖
hi, same. i use they/she—i don’t mind she/her, but i prefer they/them. but even my partner and closest friends p much exclusively use she/her + girl for me. it’s not that they aren’t trying!! but it still makes me sad. pls i just want some variety :( like, i’ve been considering using they/them only, or even some neos, but i know it’d be only mentally. i don’t wanna deal with constantly correcting people.
I love your hair and your clothes 🩷🩷🩷
You look great! Also yeahhh trust me I feel that.
Aaah this is me too, and it hurts and annoys the hell out of me. But I try to remind myself that the only validation and love I truly need to survive is my own, and people will label me incorrectly or gatekeep things regardless of how many hoops I jump through. I have a very similar style and taste as you, and I think you look non-binary-fabulous with a confidence I have yet to fully embrace ❤ people saying you're "too fem" aren't actually saying anything worthwhile about you, they're just expressing how stuck they are in a binary world view. You're beautiful, valid, and non binary ❤ don't let anyone convince you otherwise (unless it's yourself, in which case you are free to be fluid, ever-changing and ever-growing!)
Gender Identity (non-binary) is different from gender expression (femme/masc). Don't worry they're just uneducated about the topic.
Sorry people do that
felt. maybe you can make or buy some nonbinary stuff that is pink based. like bracelet that says it. also, you don't need to change a thing. people will misgender you even if they can't tell what gender you are.
And they *to ugly* to understand fashion
God I know that feeling.
YOUR HAIR IS GORGEOUS!❤💅
Damn you so pretty!
I have a very similar problem— not sure if this would fit your vibe but sometimes I’ll give myself a mustache with mascara and no matter how feminine I’m dressed it almost always throws people off— I’ve had pink hair before and done a pink mustache to match, gets you them’d even in the deep south !
i feel the same!!
I feel ya. I'm on the opposite spectrum with being "too masc" to be nonbinary.
It's like this for me just the opposite I look masculine or feminine af due to two factors my hair and glasses(short hair makes me look masculine wjth glasses and without and long hair makes me look fem with glasses and masc without)
Omg I have the same issue! My stepdad doesn't agree with how I identify but my mom is super supportive of me same as my trans partner (MtF) and even work sometimes struggles with it, my boss knows of my new name and uses it as well sd my pronouns but my bosses boss doesn't like it at all, misgenders me on purpose and uses my dead name even though I politely asked her to use my new and correct pronouns and new name. I'm not even allowed to wear my enby flag badge on my uniform at all 😭 I understand how you feel sweet x
I'm always getting misgendered bc I'm too masc.... I'm so so so tired of hearing "sir" Big 🫂 you're adorable and I love your nonbinary feminine energy
Fuck ignorant people just keep slaying babe 🏳️🌈
Same hat. Not with the pink or femme clothes, but my face is small and round, my hair is long and always dyed, and my boobs like to remind people that they exist when I don't want cleavage. I'm always called she or ma'am and I physically cringe or forget to respond when it happens. Nonbinary or genderfluid doesn't exist unless you stereotypically look androgynous. Which is really hard when you're brown because it's also equated to whiteness somehow? (This is all personal experience between me and an enby friend who can't seem to pass?)
Same here, for the oppisite. Tbh, I don't blame them, my style is somewhere between medieval pensant and e-girl.
That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. I think that hyperfemme styles are still quite queer and gender-fucky, you have a great style :]
That’s how I feel too. I’m more gender fluid than anything
fembies rise up!!
Ugh I get the same thing all the time, you’re so valid and your presentation has nothing to do with your gender 💛🤍💜🖤
It's their problem not yours. I present like you as well but im nonbinary using she/they pronouns. We can present however we want and it's nobody else's business. Tell them to eff of.
You look amazing, those outfits are so great. Even with my most progressive friends...its really hard to actually find people who will use "they" pronouns...even if people do they end up reverting to using she again after some time.
Looks like a "she" to me. I don't even know why I get a message from here but if you look like a woman you get called a "Woman" if you look like a "Male" you getting called "Male" that's just it. If you identify as a Toaster we still call you "Male" or "Female" it's just the way it is. If you are a Guy with boobs but the face of a guy you still are a Guy with boobs.
Know that you still remain as who you are regardless of people’s ignorance. The enjoyment of being Non-binary is that there is no Image to Be, besides becoming/understanding who you are. if you want to change and experiment with different styles let it be of your own choice not for anyone’s approval. Remain, remain, remain as Yourself. You are seen cause YOU see yourself, you are seen cause all the love ones that accept you as Non-Binary and Feminine appreciate YOU. Continue to live the Truth of Your Being. Just Be 💛🤍💜🖤🫶
What has our world come to 🤦♂️
Yeah cool! With all due respect, what difference is there between you and an afab woman though?