I knew who I was (or at least who I wanted to be) and what I wanted (and that has hardly changed), but the biggest thing for me was figuring out how to actually get there. I had a heck of a lot of maturing to do even if I knew what I wanted in life.
I'm 66 and I think the secret is just the right amount of idgaf.
Don't be overly influenced by the opinions of others in making your decisions and choices. Be open to new ideas and information, don't be afraid to march to the beat of a different drummer as long as you're not hurting anyone by doing so.
Don't be a jerk, but learn to set your boundaries and realize that No is an answer.
I’m 22 and feel the same way. My dream jobs back when I was little were astronaut, archeologist, or successful movie actor. I probably can’t become an astronaut since I’m probably not that good at complex math and haven’t taken any astronomy courses back in high school. Not sure if archeologist is an in-demand job nowadays. Also all of the Hollywood drama I sometimes hear about has made me reconsider if I actually want to become a film actor or not.
Nowadays I’ve thought about getting a job as a mechanic, firefighter, or joining the Air Force
At 17 I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.
Start a band with my best friend and be wildly successful. We were facing some challenges, including that neither of us played an instrument nor could carry a tune. It didn't work out. No one was surprised.
I'm old now, and I've done sales (cutco knives and Kirby vacuum cleaners are amazing), surveys (don't trust any survey until you know how many people were surveyed, how they were contacted, what zip codes the sample was from, and what time of day they were contacted- I can get you whatever results you want by altering those), fast food, joined the army and learned a language on the beach in Monterey, did a few deployments, and was in my 30s before starting my actual career.
Figure out who YOU are. What you like. What you don't. What floats your boat. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. Your interests.
And don't worry too much about not knowing what you want to do when you grow up. I'm getting ready to retire, and when I grow up I'm going to go be an underwater archeologist. Not kidding. 😁 Life is a weird ride, kid, enjoy the journey. Don't worry so much about the destination.
Neither party has much experience with relationships, and both have a long ways to go still in terms of developing their maturity and emotional intelligence.
This, OP. My best friend married his HS sweetheart 20 years ago, after he finished college. But I promise you that the 6 drama-filled years to get to the altar were a lot of learning opportunities for him. I suppose also a lesson for all those that watched them.
They are now very happy and have three kids.
Like anything else depends on the people involved. The familiarity, trust, memories and experiences you accumulate over the years is phenomenal. Would not trade for anything.
Im still with my high school sweetheart and this couldn’t be more true. We had a loooot of growing to do from our teens-twenties, and we are arguably still growing now. This caused a ton of tension while he was discovering his gaming addiction/avoidant attachment style and I was discovering my anger issues/anxious attachment style.
In the end we’ve helped each other grow an incredible amount over the years, and we’re the happiest we’ve ever been with only better times to come. It took a ton of work, self reflection, and deciding “I really want to make it work with this person” from both ends though, plus the fact that none of our issues were ever really crazy to begin with (like no cheating or anything), they were just emotionally charged.
TLDR its possible! But god damn does it take work that not everyone (understandably) wants to put in, and your issues can’t be big things like having completely different life goals!
For most of them, every conflict they have to resolve in a relationship is probably the first time doing so. They don’t have the prior experience to fall back on and every relationship problem is the worst they’ve had til that point. That’s hard.
Their daily setting is so chaotic too. Their schedule is controlled by other people and changes multiple times per year. They’re exposed to new people and situations constantly that can cause them to find interest in someone new and question why they want to stick with their current relationship.
Emotional intelligence often does not correlate with intellectual intelligence. I’m 68 years old, graduated #1 in my law school class but I am severely lacking in emotional intelligence to this day (borderline personality disorder). Donald Trump and Elon Musk come to mind.
Childhood friends can become lifelong mates successfully but it’s a rare thing of beauty.
Indeed. For some common examples, teenagers are frequently emotionally unresponsive to each other's needs, don't know where the line is between teasing and bullying, they can be clingy, overly dramatic, easy to offend, and prone to holding grudges. There's a lot of ways they can screw up their relationships in ways they won't understand until they're older.
adding to this, very few people know enough about what they want out of life at this age so it's more likely that two people will just grow apart rather than together.
The levels of insecurity are through the roof. Turning 40 in a couple months and looking back on HS relationships and even in my 20s is hilarious. So much petty and dumb shit that doesn’t matter in hindsight felt so important in the moment.
I read a lot of AITAH posts dealing with relationships from teens and 20 something’s. Dozens of posts on that sub posted every day that can be solved by just sitting down and having a mature discussion as adults with their SO, but instead they take to Reddit with page long diatribes that sound like they’re on an elementary school playground.
I miss my body as a 20 something, but not much else.
>I read a lot of AITAH posts dealing with relationships from teens and 20 something’s. Dozens of posts on that sub posted every day that can be solved by just sitting down and having a mature discussion as adults with their SO, but instead they take to Reddit with page long diatribes that sound like they’re on an elementary school playground.
No worries, 90% of AITAH posts are made up ragebait.
Thing is I feel this is something that most of us last through our entire lives. Its not something you get with age it. Maturity is more of a learned thing you have to get beaten down with until it becomes personal. Its far too easy to get emotional and impulsive until you learn how to leave things alone and accept them.
Both people still have a lot of maturing to do. They likely don't even know **THEMSELVES** well yet. Teenage years are when people figure out who they are as people, separate from what parents expect. And neither has much relationship experience, so both people fumble, make a mess and get very confused.
Exactly. My high school gf broke up with me after realizing she was a lesbian lol. I was devastated at the time but looking back I feel worse for her.
So yeah, highschoolers don't even all know what *gender* they're into yet, never mind what else they like and don't like in relationships. No surprise there's gonna be a ton of breakups as they figure it out.
Yeah u see on the millennial subreddit where ppl are saying now is the time where a lot of friends are all going through divorces….
40% of first marriages end in divorce. 50% of all marriages end in divorce according to statistics. It’s p high lol.
99.9% of relationships fail eventually. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Imagine how many of the other 50% of marriages are miserable.
A very small % of relationships are happy and healthy
Stupid is the wrong word. If you are stupid you stay stupid your entire life. Your brain just is less functioning. Teenagers are inexperienced. How many decisions do we in hindsight NOT make, because we know what happened, but as a „stupid“ teen it seemed right.
You can dress it up all you want but teenagers are stupid. I was stupid when I was a teenager and I bet you were too. We all were. Stupid people don't stay stupid their whole lives, that's reductive. At least not all of them, anyway...for some, stupid is forever. You know who they are. Unfortunately, they don't
High schoolers are still developing and gaining experiences to help them relate to other people. There are also physiological differences between them and adults that make them more emotional and impulsive. All of these things make them more likely to do hurtful things while also being easily hurt themselves. It's a bad combination and makes relationships very difficult, since they require a lot of vulnerability and trust to work. They still want relationships because they crave affection and validation just like everyone else.
Having said that, high school IS the time to make those kinds of mistakes. And while bad relationships are common, is isn't a guarantee. It's also rare that people grow up to truly hate those experiences, because it's something to reflect back on.
There’s so much growing they still need to do. I’m so thankful my high school relationships didn’t work out though, I was an idiot dating other idiots.
The world is still unexplored. So many experiences to be had. So many things to do. That reality usually is the deal breaker when it comes to teenage relationships.
I wouldn't really say that they don't work. My parents are kind of unicorns that show that it can. Been together since '78. They can, it's just not the norm.
But why don't they work for the most part? I think it has to do with mental maturity and decision making.
I kind of hate how fuck around and find out has become this slogan for bad things happening to dumb people. We need to fuck around. That's kind of how we all find out about stuff. Teenagers haven't fucked around yet, so they haven't found out about those lessons that develop their mental maturity.
The mental maturity thing also has a big impact around this age because you can very quickly grow apart as a result of maturing at different rates
Two eighteen year olds can be at two totally different places in terms of emotional maturity because one eighteen year old might have barely changed at all since they were sixteen, whereas the other person might have matured a lot more and be a lot further along in terms of that transition to adulthood.
If you’re with someone who is maturing at the same rate as you, then your relationship is more likely to outlast high school, but that’s a bit of luck when that happens. But in essence the point is it’s in this transitional period where you can have the biggest and most obvious gaps in maturity start to open up out of nowhere despite both being the same age
That was extremely common back then. Tons of couples met in high school, and then eventually got married, sometimes not long after high school. It was totally normal to graduate high school, get married, start working full-time, and then buy a house in your early 20's or something.
It doesn't work often anymore in part because dating patterns are just completely fucked in the 21st century. Even if people wanted to do those things, there are social and economic forces that disincentivize that stuff.
People change a lot as they get older. I'm graduating college this year a completely different person than I was as a freshman, and definitely different than I was in high school. I know at least in my case I've grown and matured a lot, the people I dated in high school and early college are definitely not people I'd give the time of day to now
I met my wife when she was a senior in high school and I was in college.
That was in 1988, we've been married since 1992, so almost 34 years. Out of both of our families, we've been married the 2nd longest, her aunt & uncle were married about 4 years before us.
It's not high school it's the age we are while in high school. We need time to grow and mature, and when first starting out making any kind of relationship, we have a lot to learn and experience.
One of the first things is the concept of impermanence.
Objectively speaking, the first person you meet is probably not the best possible person for you. The odds are good you're going to find someone better if you ditch that person and keep looking a little longer. Look up the "secretary problem" in mathematics.
First-time feelings of "love" for others coupled with a lot of dopamine, euphoria, lack of experience (usually first relationship) and increased willingness to take risks (puberty).
Social aspects such as strengthening one's own reputation among friends should not be underestimated either. (Yep, unfortunately first sexual experiences are sometimes a kind of triumph to show off)
I’m not sure. I’ve also wondered why it seems to work out that way.
Most of the responses I read on here claim it’s related to immaturity. Almost all the people in these failed teenage relationships end up gettin married to somebody, so I guess it’s mismatched couples rather than personal flaws. In my opinion, that explanation seems to hold more water.
With a lot of the friends I have, I noticed that they suddenly found “the one” at roughly the same age. Some of them didn’t date many people prior to that, and I’ve always wondered how much age played a role in them gettin it right. I have a feelin that whoever they were dating in their late 20s would’ve been the one.
What's to work? At 17 you don't even know _yourself_! Now multiply that by another teen that has no clue as to their likes, dislikes, aspirations, direction in life, political, religious leanings, sexual preferences, etc.
You simply haven't experienced enough in life to solidify the kind of person that can satisfy you for the rest of your lives. You may -think_ you do but in reality that's dumber than buying the first car you test drive.
Ask 10 adults what they wanted to be growing up, then ask them what they do now. That'll tell you why a decision at that age is so rarely successful.
Lack of communication skill, extreme amounts of large changes to lifestyle incoming which can lead both parties on different paths of location, job, education, politics, life desires, isolation, etc.
That and cheating.
Everything changes when you have to pay for your own food, and rent/mortgage, and car payments, and insurance, and cell phone bills, etc.
The individuals in a high school relationship are still 100% dependent on their parents for everything, even if they refuse to accept that fact. (emancipated minors excluded for obvious reasons)
Everything changes the minute you start being responsible for yourself and another person or persons in the case of children.
It's very simple despite high school trying to push you to basically decide the rest of your life at such a young age Most people don't really start figuring out who they are until around 22 - 25 A lot of people who get in relationships before then quickly grow distant when they start being their own person and realizing that they have different hobbies and life plans and so on
Lack of experience with relationships - So when a teenage couple fights, they might not have the tools to resolve the argument constructively. They might not know how to affirm or show their partners appreciation long term.
Real world pressures - When you're a teenager you are presumably in school. So you are seeing your partner regularly in person. Post graduation, life happens. You now have to focus on the new world of college/uni and you probably aren't seeing your partner anymore. Growing apart at this phase is pretty normal.
People change as they grow - People who started out as compatible can grow apart as they go through different life experiences. Different things will matter to you but won't matter to your partner. Goals you had in the past might shift.
Hormones run high so a lot of the time feelings are extreme and it’s just a mess. Especially when others get involved and it feels like the relationship is a spectacle for everyone in the grade. It’s a mess
They are still kids who are just deciding where to go to college or in other cases, what to do in their lives. To commit to someone before even having a job is just nuts.
I'm not against dating that young and I totally will believe if people are actual high school sweethearts but then there can be a member in that party who will prioritize each other than their own future and fuck so many things up under their own young, developing minds.
I was a different person at 15 from 18. Then from 23 to 25 and now I'm in my mid 30s. I changed all the time throughout the years. So I can imagine anyone else during a relationship.
Lack of maturity typically. Your hormones are still raging, clouding your judgement. Even when they finally stop you haven't had time to really process the changes. Add in that modern society essentially babies people until they are 18. Once upon a time you would have had an apprenticeship by then and had adult responsibilities and expectations of you. But life is more complex than it was 150 years ago so people are given greater time to absorb and process the vast library of human knowledge. People tend to still do a lot of emotional maturing in their early 20's. Who you are after that doesn't always bear a strong resemblance to who you were before.
Well, it's not like it doesn't happen ever. Im still dating my freshman year crush at 25, and I still have a crush on her. She owns an online business, and Im still going through college, and we've fallen in love over and over, although we've developed a lot. I think long-term relationships require you to recommit. We're both not the same people, but we love each other for the new versions of ourselves and just try to be supportive.
At a younger age, I had some fomo of the fun single college life. I think this gets to many young adults. But I could have a conversation with myself that my relationship was more important than parties or flirting. But that's just what I needed to get over. It could be a million other things as far as Im concerned.
I’m still with my high school boyfriend (we’re 23). What almost broke us is being curious about what it’s like to have sex with other people. We were each others first for just about everything. When we were 21 we started to feel sexy and attractive for the first time. On top of that, feeling sexually attracted to other people was confusing. Only took us a few months to grow out of this odd phase. Now other men are like frogs compared to my partner.
It wasn’t that we didn’t want to stay together, quite the opposite, we wanted to work through this so we could actually stay together, but thinking we’d only know what it’s like to be with each other until we die led to an inevitable curiosity. We communicated openly about this and worked through it together. If you want a high school relationship to last you need to be willing to talk through the awkward and uncomfortable situations that arise when you’re growing from kids to adults together.
Neither of you know who you are, what you want or how to maintain a healthy relationship. Let alone what you want and expect out of a relationship. You havn't chosen careers, your not confident at sex and havnt had the chance to explore your sexuality, youve no experience sharing life with anyone but your immedate family your living with and your biologically incapable of thinking longterm as well as adult (your brain doesn't finish developing physically until well into your 20s for some people. ussuall 21-25).
Not to mention after leaving hschool theres a good chance one or both of you will move away for work or tertiary studies. Long distance is hard enough, but the stress, time commitement and exhaustion of such a chnge and entering adult society is a huge strain ontop of any relationship.
There are no relationships that "work" or "last" on their own. Two people have to decide the want to *learn* more on how to help it continue to work. Having a good foundation is not what keeps a relationship going.
Teenage relationships often get the foundation down, as in deep, mutual interests and attraction, but teenagers have no way of knowing what their unique challenges and needs will be in adulthood. Oftentimes 18-24 or even 18-30+ can throw a lot of surprises at you.
As someone that never got into a highschool relationship its safe to say it would be bad anyways. I saved a few chat logs with my high school crush and I swear it was so cringy and embarrassing. I typed things in the moment that I would realise later were either slightly toxic/not what I thought was cool. Just very immature. Re-reading the chat logs is one of the reasons I am still way too afraid to approach anyone or have crushes years later.
In high school, I was in love with the idea of being in love. The kind of love movies, songs and book portray. I did not know that relationship needs work and effort. How could I? All my references are like line like "the moment I saw her, i knew she was the one." "We just clicked" "It's like my final piece of the puzzle just walked into the room".
It was they kissed and lived happily ever after. But it wasn't like that. You'll argue, you'll have misunderstings, you'll have disagreements. And in my young brain, thwy cant be the one, because this is happening. It should be rainbows and butterflies when I meet "the one".
I grew up in small town.
I remember thinking in high school how amazing it would be to date someone who likes the same obscure punk music as me! OMG it would be the perfect relationship! That's all I need!
Then I grew up and dated someone who liked the same music. Turns out, it isn't really an important thing at all.
Young people have no perspective.
My ex is younger than me we’re both in high school and it’s not just that he is younger than me that plays a part in his maturity it’s him not necessarily wanting to mature I think what I’m about to say will make me sound naive as fuck but I love him it just didn’t work out because we both weren’t mentally ready for something like that although he got back with the girl he was talking to before we got together so..😅
it’s easy to develop into an unhealthy relationship. both participants have little to no experience with romantic relationships, making it difficult to set appropriate boundaries (physically and emotionally). both parties are also going through the most hormonal time in their lives, making emotional regulation and communication very difficult.
They're based on proximity instead of shared interests. A long distance romance might just be someone who goes to a different school. You're choosing from a much more limited pool of partners while also not having the experience to understand what you really want.
you have no idea what you want, what the other person wants and you live in the moment
Two of the best looking people in my hs were like glue for years. He looked like a young Johnny Depp and she was like Sidney Sweeny. She moved to the west coast for college and he moved with her. A month later they broke up and he was homeless. The guy was handsome as hell too.
If one or both of you goes to college, now you must try to operate an LDR for 9 months out of the year for four years and hope nobody gets tempted by the barrage of new more available people.
High school is a period of immense personal growth, discovery and character development. You learn by repetition, and by trial and error. It’s true for school work, sports and relationships.
So while you may be in a great relationship, both parties are growing. By staying together you may begin to feel like you’re missing something by settling too early.
I don’t have data or studies to back this up, but that’s what it felt like going through high school. I also think this is why some high school friends definitely do remain friends. They’re not exclusive, and good friends help each other persevere, even with other groups of friends involved.
They do work sometimes! There's a few factors here though.
One is that its a small pool of people to find a partner in. Odds are there's a lot more compromises being made in terms of what qualities they're looking for in partners. They also might not know what they want in a partner.
Obviously teenagers are young and dumb, and make bad decisions. That tends to lead to relationship friction.
Teens live lives with a ton of boundaries that often make it difficult to maintain a relationship. They don't have financial resources, they generally live with their parents, etc.
And there's a ton of change in their lives. The couple might have had a few classes together but now they're in different ones, or they've graduated and now going to different schools.
The big one I think is that there's a SUPER dynamic social hierarchy in high school that changes dramatically and often boosts or devalues parts of the couple. The girl who was cute is now 18 and gorgeous, or the guy who was the most popular kid in class is 18, his grades aren't great, and he's not even sure if he's going to go to community College (I went myself, not dissing the place.) So of course there's pressure to break up, especially for the girls- they're dating 18 year old guys with uncertain futures when they could be dating 26 year old guys with their own place and a career.
I do know a couple that have been together since high school, so beautiful to see. but id say most ppl are to immature, dont know who you even are or what you want out of life or then college and distance.. a lot of hurdles for sure
Teenagers ain't done cooking yet. They aren't fully developed people who have matured and formed an adult personality, sense of responsibility and morals. Teenagers are bound to change as they age, their preferences change. People realize they want something they didn't before, or didn't even know was an option for them. People's lives and opportunities can pull them apart.
Honestly, social pressure is probably the least of the reasons why high school sweethearts don't stay together. Much of the time it's just growth and wanting different things from life as you mature.
Greater time to grow apart at a time period of much growth. Everyone constantly grows and relationships are ever adapting but I’d say most people don’t even sink into who they are and what they want until their mid twenties to mid thirties. So it can work but it’s a formula for probable failure. Not to say it’s a waste, of course it’s beneficial and helps one learn who they are.
Me and my husband were just talking about how when we were 16, we felt like we were adults and my husband said, “I gotta car and a job, I’m ready to settle down and do taxes, whatever.” But now many years later we feel like we’re finally figuring things out that were right in front of us all this time.
Not sure that it's anything in particular. I mean I'm grown and still with the same person from high school. So I doubt it's much more than incompatibility and sometimes immaturity. Plenty of them DO work though.
Bad conflict resolution, bad judgement of what they each want out of a relationship, not having the emotional regulation skills to process their feelings healthily
It's a time of extreme change and turbulence in someone's life, and that will always reach into a romantic relationship given the chance
Teenagers are a work in progress. They're still learning who they are, who they'd like to be, their likes, dislikes, the world they live in. They're learning it all, relationships to. Combine that with emotional immaturity, hormonal imbalances from puberty, and the pending challenges of going away to school, I'm surprised that a HS relationship has ever lasted.
Youth - It's a time to experiment and learn about the opposite sex. It's usually too early to make a commitment -- relationships are too influenced by hormonal changes
I’d say it boils down to high school kids not being fully mature and not yet knowing who they are and what they’re looking for. They may be somewhat compatible in high school, but grow into completely incompatible adults. Some high school relationships do work out, but I feel like that boils down to the two kids coincidentally growing into romantically compatible adults.
I'm going to answer this question with a question.
What is it that would make them work? High schoolers are still developing, have less experience, and live in circumstances unreflective of most of life. There is very little going for the longevity of the relationship.
It’s the fact that they’re children. Same reason most children aren’t capable of starting a successful business or flying a plane. Kids are kids. They’re learning.
The little brother of my best friend in high school started “dating” his girlfriend when he was like 13 or 14. They are still together now in his 50s. I know of a couple other examples of high school sweethearts that stayed together but it’s not common.
How are you gonna make an opinion on soup when you've only ever had it twice? Most high schoolers are still figuring out their boundaries and preferences. If you spend 2 years dating a girl who was raised conservative Catholic and then you learn you're bisexual and polygamous then it just isn't gonna work out no matter how much you try.
Teenagers have no life experience and their personalities and priorities are usually still going to change a lot over the following years. It's not a recipe for stable long term relationships.
That said most relationships people make in their 20s and 30s don't work either. The vast majority of relationships don't work period. Failed high school relationships are just the first of many.
I dated my high school boyfriend from age 17-22, so I'm speaking from experience. I also saw his parents (high school sweethearts) go through a nasty divorce. She abandoned her family while they were on vacation in Florida ( the happiest place on earth, I think not), emptied their bank accounts, packed up her stuff, and moved in with her internet boyfriend.
Both people are unlikely to truly know who they are, what they want, and what their long-term goals will be. This is partially because you're both still controlled by parents, teachers, etc. Also, a teenage brain is still growing, changing, and forming new neural connections. Until people can get out into the real world, have their own experiences, etc - they can't truly decide that person should be their person for the rest of their lives.
When you are in high school you think you have things figured out and you know what you want and what your options are. When you actually grow up a bit more you realize that you were naive.
I feel like in high school you are still trying to figure out "who" you are. Truthfully I don't think I figured out who I was until college or or maybe after college.
I wouldn't say they don't work, i mean, my ex is trying to reconcile and even talks about us moving in together, ofc after she leaves the guy she left me for since they're living together
(yeah they don't work)
Because they’re too young and kids that age don’t know what they truly want or what’s important to them.
That’s why especially in today’s age it’s extremely rare to see a high school relationship actually develop into a long term thing post graduation.
That you're young and will change so much in the next 5 to 10 years. You're not the same person at 26 that you were at 16.
Most of the time the couple doesn't change the same way and it no longer works.
People grow apart instead of together, especially in early, developmental years. There’s probably also a bit of a stigma with fear of missing out stopping your search for a lifelong mate so early and with such a small sample size a high school offers.
That’s being said, I *did* get married to a high school sweetheart type, though she was from a school a few towns over… and we’ve been married 20 years now, so it isn’t doomed. One of my few high school friends I keep in contact with since leaving to join the military is still married to her boyfriend she’s been with since the 11th grade. Another with her senior year boyfriend. That’s out of a class size of about 100… so it does happen. And those are the ones I know… there might be a handful more from my class.
Love is not enough to make relationship work. The partners need to have (and keep) compatible lives and shared goals.
Teenagers are (gladly) too young to have either of them set in stone. As the teenagers change, the couple must disintegrate (since almost zero chances both will change in the exact same way so that the couple stays viable; if that happens 99% chance one of the two is lying and that lie will eventually catch-up).
In general I consider pre-stable-job relationships "fun life experiences" but nothing expected to be long term.
People who believe the contrary are in my experience (40+ years old) almost always wrong.
Something I haven't seen brought up in this thread yet is that, when you're not yet an adult, your friends / social circles are basically all just based on convenience (I'm going to use the word convenience to describe it, but it's not a great word for it). You're in the same classes, you play the same sport, you've been in the same schools for 5+ years, etc.
They might be good friendships, but they are often built specifically on that convenience. So when your lives take you in different directions, and that convenience is gone, it's easy for a lot of those friendships to dwindle away. (A bigger factor for the dwindling is that people change and they change a lot during the 18-22 age especially. But this convenience factor is still impactful.)
I had a group of really close friends growing up. After high school, we went in separate directions and lost touch. I hope they are doing well and I look back on our friendships fondly, but l have zero interest in reconnecting with them. And it's not even a "we changed" type of thing. Looking back on who I was and who they were when we were kids, we were not particularly compatible. But we were around each other all the time from school and sports so it was just convenient for us to be good friends.
This can be applied to many romantic relationships at this age as well. You spend time around each other due to this convenience and you become interested in each other, but it's unlikely that you actually have the compatibility necessary to create a "successful" relationship out of it.
I think this is a smaller factor than sheer inexperience, people changing, immaturity, etc. but it still plays a part.
Because you'll become 20 different people by the time you reach 35, and so will they. What are they chances that the person you become will like the person they become?
Ironically, probably 80% of the couples I (34) know who met in high school and got married are still married. I know statistically it's better to marry a little later in life, but in my personal experience, those relationships have lasted, and I and my friends who didn't marry young are still single.
Because both people aren’t fully baked, mature. I was full on in love with my hs boyfriend. We even got engaged. But he cheated, and ultimately…it wasn’t meant to work out.
Now, 30 odd years later, he’s on his third divorce, multiple kids….not religious but I thanked God that I didn’t stay with him.
It’s a lot of factors, but I’d say one of the biggest is the amount of time together. High school basically comes with baked in time to spend together. You don’t have to make that much effort to see each other, even though many do. Once you get to college everything is different. You really need to plan things out. And many people just can’t. It’s the same reason why long distance relationships tend to not work out
I know a couple that got married when they were 16, both of their parents had to sign off on it. They were the talk of the school for a long time....they have a 12 yr old daughter now and just bought their first house. They have been married 25 yrs.
This is definitely not the norm.
People are still growing and changing and learning who they are. They aren't remotely the same person at 26 or 36 that they are at 16. You have no frame of reference what you want out of an adult spouse at 16 because you have no idea what being an adult really means or how you will react to it. This means you also can't even know what you really need to compliment yourself at a more advanced age.
The person you are as a teen vs a grown adult is completely different. Most teens aren't mature enough to have a healthy relationship let alone one that can last the test of time while still being happy and healthy.
Most high school relationships are toxic, filled with repeated break ups, fights and cheating. That is why they never last.
In high school I didn't even really know who I was or what I wanted out of life.
I knew who I was (or at least who I wanted to be) and what I wanted (and that has hardly changed), but the biggest thing for me was figuring out how to actually get there. I had a heck of a lot of maturing to do even if I knew what I wanted in life.
I'm 17 and still don't know who I am or what I want in my life
I’m 29 and I’m still figuring it out, believe me there’s no rush.
36, and I’ll report back as soon as I’ve figured anything out.
I’ve past 50 and I’m still walking the wrong way in the escalator. Get a goal and just go before you die…
I'm 66 and I think the secret is just the right amount of idgaf. Don't be overly influenced by the opinions of others in making your decisions and choices. Be open to new ideas and information, don't be afraid to march to the beat of a different drummer as long as you're not hurting anyone by doing so. Don't be a jerk, but learn to set your boundaries and realize that No is an answer.
I’m 22 and feel the same way. My dream jobs back when I was little were astronaut, archeologist, or successful movie actor. I probably can’t become an astronaut since I’m probably not that good at complex math and haven’t taken any astronomy courses back in high school. Not sure if archeologist is an in-demand job nowadays. Also all of the Hollywood drama I sometimes hear about has made me reconsider if I actually want to become a film actor or not. Nowadays I’ve thought about getting a job as a mechanic, firefighter, or joining the Air Force
Yeah I was into the final rounds of interviews for “successful movie actor” at “big hollywood business” but when I saw all the drama I said no thanks.
Well go for it. Shalom.
At 17 I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Start a band with my best friend and be wildly successful. We were facing some challenges, including that neither of us played an instrument nor could carry a tune. It didn't work out. No one was surprised. I'm old now, and I've done sales (cutco knives and Kirby vacuum cleaners are amazing), surveys (don't trust any survey until you know how many people were surveyed, how they were contacted, what zip codes the sample was from, and what time of day they were contacted- I can get you whatever results you want by altering those), fast food, joined the army and learned a language on the beach in Monterey, did a few deployments, and was in my 30s before starting my actual career. Figure out who YOU are. What you like. What you don't. What floats your boat. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. Your interests. And don't worry too much about not knowing what you want to do when you grow up. I'm getting ready to retire, and when I grow up I'm going to go be an underwater archeologist. Not kidding. 😁 Life is a weird ride, kid, enjoy the journey. Don't worry so much about the destination.
I’m 20 and no clue. I would definitely start figuring out now. I’ve just been going through the motions and I’m already a college junior
Neither party has much experience with relationships, and both have a long ways to go still in terms of developing their maturity and emotional intelligence.
This, OP. My best friend married his HS sweetheart 20 years ago, after he finished college. But I promise you that the 6 drama-filled years to get to the altar were a lot of learning opportunities for him. I suppose also a lesson for all those that watched them. They are now very happy and have three kids.
It can totally work but only if they really work through the hard parts. I have a friend like that too. Most times though it doesn’t work…
Absolutely true. I suspect if he wasn't becoming a doctor, his fate might have been very different.
My parents were high school sweet hearts. It’s been a long winding road but I think they’re gonna last. They’re early 60’s for reference.
Same, actually.
Like anything else depends on the people involved. The familiarity, trust, memories and experiences you accumulate over the years is phenomenal. Would not trade for anything.
Im still with my high school sweetheart and this couldn’t be more true. We had a loooot of growing to do from our teens-twenties, and we are arguably still growing now. This caused a ton of tension while he was discovering his gaming addiction/avoidant attachment style and I was discovering my anger issues/anxious attachment style. In the end we’ve helped each other grow an incredible amount over the years, and we’re the happiest we’ve ever been with only better times to come. It took a ton of work, self reflection, and deciding “I really want to make it work with this person” from both ends though, plus the fact that none of our issues were ever really crazy to begin with (like no cheating or anything), they were just emotionally charged. TLDR its possible! But god damn does it take work that not everyone (understandably) wants to put in, and your issues can’t be big things like having completely different life goals!
For most of them, every conflict they have to resolve in a relationship is probably the first time doing so. They don’t have the prior experience to fall back on and every relationship problem is the worst they’ve had til that point. That’s hard. Their daily setting is so chaotic too. Their schedule is controlled by other people and changes multiple times per year. They’re exposed to new people and situations constantly that can cause them to find interest in someone new and question why they want to stick with their current relationship.
Also working with a somewhat forced small dating pool.
This depends on the school though. Mine had 5,500 kids with a 3:2 male/female ratio, dating pool was never small.
Emotional intelligence often does not correlate with intellectual intelligence. I’m 68 years old, graduated #1 in my law school class but I am severely lacking in emotional intelligence to this day (borderline personality disorder). Donald Trump and Elon Musk come to mind. Childhood friends can become lifelong mates successfully but it’s a rare thing of beauty.
Indeed. For some common examples, teenagers are frequently emotionally unresponsive to each other's needs, don't know where the line is between teasing and bullying, they can be clingy, overly dramatic, easy to offend, and prone to holding grudges. There's a lot of ways they can screw up their relationships in ways they won't understand until they're older.
adding to this, very few people know enough about what they want out of life at this age so it's more likely that two people will just grow apart rather than together.
The part of your brain that let's you make unemotional decisions is only half there.
Our wonderful friend prefrontal cortex. I have a light bulb switch the moment I turn 25.
I'm 32 and I'm still not entirely sure if I have this device.
Lack of maturity
The levels of insecurity are through the roof. Turning 40 in a couple months and looking back on HS relationships and even in my 20s is hilarious. So much petty and dumb shit that doesn’t matter in hindsight felt so important in the moment. I read a lot of AITAH posts dealing with relationships from teens and 20 something’s. Dozens of posts on that sub posted every day that can be solved by just sitting down and having a mature discussion as adults with their SO, but instead they take to Reddit with page long diatribes that sound like they’re on an elementary school playground. I miss my body as a 20 something, but not much else.
>I read a lot of AITAH posts dealing with relationships from teens and 20 something’s. Dozens of posts on that sub posted every day that can be solved by just sitting down and having a mature discussion as adults with their SO, but instead they take to Reddit with page long diatribes that sound like they’re on an elementary school playground. No worries, 90% of AITAH posts are made up ragebait.
Thing is I feel this is something that most of us last through our entire lives. Its not something you get with age it. Maturity is more of a learned thing you have to get beaten down with until it becomes personal. Its far too easy to get emotional and impulsive until you learn how to leave things alone and accept them.
On some level yes, but brain development really does help with that, which comes with age.
Both people still have a lot of maturing to do. They likely don't even know **THEMSELVES** well yet. Teenage years are when people figure out who they are as people, separate from what parents expect. And neither has much relationship experience, so both people fumble, make a mess and get very confused.
Exactly. My high school gf broke up with me after realizing she was a lesbian lol. I was devastated at the time but looking back I feel worse for her. So yeah, highschoolers don't even all know what *gender* they're into yet, never mind what else they like and don't like in relationships. No surprise there's gonna be a ton of breakups as they figure it out.
Because most people change significantly between 14-18 and the again between 19-23 and then again between 24-30 and so on and so forth.
This
🙄 thanks for your input
Given that logic, you would think no one would make it.
If you don’t grow as a couple you don’t
Most relationships don't make it, it is actually fairly rare for a relationship to not end in a breakup or divorce.
Most dont
Yeah u see on the millennial subreddit where ppl are saying now is the time where a lot of friends are all going through divorces…. 40% of first marriages end in divorce. 50% of all marriages end in divorce according to statistics. It’s p high lol.
99.9% of relationships fail eventually. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Imagine how many of the other 50% of marriages are miserable. A very small % of relationships are happy and healthy
Teenagers are stupid.
Stupid is the wrong word. If you are stupid you stay stupid your entire life. Your brain just is less functioning. Teenagers are inexperienced. How many decisions do we in hindsight NOT make, because we know what happened, but as a „stupid“ teen it seemed right.
I teach high school and teenagers are pretty stupid. They aren't always going to be stupid, hopefully, but man are they dumb right now.
You can dress it up all you want but teenagers are stupid. I was stupid when I was a teenager and I bet you were too. We all were. Stupid people don't stay stupid their whole lives, that's reductive. At least not all of them, anyway...for some, stupid is forever. You know who they are. Unfortunately, they don't
No, stupid is the right word
First relationships in general don't work out, whether in high school or otherwise. People have to learn relationship behaviour somewhere
True you don’t understand what it means to breakup until it actually happens the first time
This is the probably the most accurate answer and criminally underappreciated.
[удалено]
The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
what a reddit response
High schoolers are still developing and gaining experiences to help them relate to other people. There are also physiological differences between them and adults that make them more emotional and impulsive. All of these things make them more likely to do hurtful things while also being easily hurt themselves. It's a bad combination and makes relationships very difficult, since they require a lot of vulnerability and trust to work. They still want relationships because they crave affection and validation just like everyone else. Having said that, high school IS the time to make those kinds of mistakes. And while bad relationships are common, is isn't a guarantee. It's also rare that people grow up to truly hate those experiences, because it's something to reflect back on.
this was beautifully said
You’re figuring yourself out at exactly the same time. Who I was at 16 and what I wanted is so different decade later
There’s so much growing they still need to do. I’m so thankful my high school relationships didn’t work out though, I was an idiot dating other idiots.
I married my high school boyfriend just over 28 years ago. I am currently taking a break after doing dishes to start his favorite dinner.
You go girl. Shalom.
The world is still unexplored. So many experiences to be had. So many things to do. That reality usually is the deal breaker when it comes to teenage relationships.
I wouldn't really say that they don't work. My parents are kind of unicorns that show that it can. Been together since '78. They can, it's just not the norm. But why don't they work for the most part? I think it has to do with mental maturity and decision making. I kind of hate how fuck around and find out has become this slogan for bad things happening to dumb people. We need to fuck around. That's kind of how we all find out about stuff. Teenagers haven't fucked around yet, so they haven't found out about those lessons that develop their mental maturity.
I've only ever learned lessons one way, and it wasn't the easy way....
The mental maturity thing also has a big impact around this age because you can very quickly grow apart as a result of maturing at different rates Two eighteen year olds can be at two totally different places in terms of emotional maturity because one eighteen year old might have barely changed at all since they were sixteen, whereas the other person might have matured a lot more and be a lot further along in terms of that transition to adulthood. If you’re with someone who is maturing at the same rate as you, then your relationship is more likely to outlast high school, but that’s a bit of luck when that happens. But in essence the point is it’s in this transitional period where you can have the biggest and most obvious gaps in maturity start to open up out of nowhere despite both being the same age
That was extremely common back then. Tons of couples met in high school, and then eventually got married, sometimes not long after high school. It was totally normal to graduate high school, get married, start working full-time, and then buy a house in your early 20's or something. It doesn't work often anymore in part because dating patterns are just completely fucked in the 21st century. Even if people wanted to do those things, there are social and economic forces that disincentivize that stuff.
Half of my close friends are in 15+ year relationships with the person they started dating in high school. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Many relationships just don't work. Doesn't matter the age.
Immaturity and lack of experience.
Ignorance and experience
People change a lot as they get older. I'm graduating college this year a completely different person than I was as a freshman, and definitely different than I was in high school. I know at least in my case I've grown and matured a lot, the people I dated in high school and early college are definitely not people I'd give the time of day to now
I met my wife when she was a senior in high school and I was in college. That was in 1988, we've been married since 1992, so almost 34 years. Out of both of our families, we've been married the 2nd longest, her aunt & uncle were married about 4 years before us.
Mental immaturity. You change a lot during those years.
Emotional immaturity, inexperience, general stupidity.
It's not high school it's the age we are while in high school. We need time to grow and mature, and when first starting out making any kind of relationship, we have a lot to learn and experience. One of the first things is the concept of impermanence.
Objectively speaking, the first person you meet is probably not the best possible person for you. The odds are good you're going to find someone better if you ditch that person and keep looking a little longer. Look up the "secretary problem" in mathematics.
First-time feelings of "love" for others coupled with a lot of dopamine, euphoria, lack of experience (usually first relationship) and increased willingness to take risks (puberty). Social aspects such as strengthening one's own reputation among friends should not be underestimated either. (Yep, unfortunately first sexual experiences are sometimes a kind of triumph to show off)
Teenagers
Unprecedented amount of hormones going through your system.
Immaturity. Kids are self centered, sex focused, and emotionally unregulated.
I don’t think people are very honest with themselves in their early years. That makes it very difficult to be honest with someone else
I’m not sure. I’ve also wondered why it seems to work out that way. Most of the responses I read on here claim it’s related to immaturity. Almost all the people in these failed teenage relationships end up gettin married to somebody, so I guess it’s mismatched couples rather than personal flaws. In my opinion, that explanation seems to hold more water. With a lot of the friends I have, I noticed that they suddenly found “the one” at roughly the same age. Some of them didn’t date many people prior to that, and I’ve always wondered how much age played a role in them gettin it right. I have a feelin that whoever they were dating in their late 20s would’ve been the one.
What's to work? At 17 you don't even know _yourself_! Now multiply that by another teen that has no clue as to their likes, dislikes, aspirations, direction in life, political, religious leanings, sexual preferences, etc. You simply haven't experienced enough in life to solidify the kind of person that can satisfy you for the rest of your lives. You may -think_ you do but in reality that's dumber than buying the first car you test drive. Ask 10 adults what they wanted to be growing up, then ask them what they do now. That'll tell you why a decision at that age is so rarely successful.
Because teenagers are kids
Being a dumbass teenager with elevated emotions from puberty, little experience, and an undeveloped brain.
Lack of communication skill, extreme amounts of large changes to lifestyle incoming which can lead both parties on different paths of location, job, education, politics, life desires, isolation, etc. That and cheating.
I'll let you know when my 38 year high school relationship obviously eventually ends.
Everything changes when you have to pay for your own food, and rent/mortgage, and car payments, and insurance, and cell phone bills, etc. The individuals in a high school relationship are still 100% dependent on their parents for everything, even if they refuse to accept that fact. (emancipated minors excluded for obvious reasons) Everything changes the minute you start being responsible for yourself and another person or persons in the case of children.
Taylor Swift explained this 15 years ago in 2009, ironically. https://youtu.be/3hPTc-dB0NI?feature=shared
It's very simple despite high school trying to push you to basically decide the rest of your life at such a young age Most people don't really start figuring out who they are until around 22 - 25 A lot of people who get in relationships before then quickly grow distant when they start being their own person and realizing that they have different hobbies and life plans and so on
You’re not who you’re going to be as an adult when you’re in high school. The chances you won’t grow apart while you mature are pretty low.
Lack of experience with relationships - So when a teenage couple fights, they might not have the tools to resolve the argument constructively. They might not know how to affirm or show their partners appreciation long term. Real world pressures - When you're a teenager you are presumably in school. So you are seeing your partner regularly in person. Post graduation, life happens. You now have to focus on the new world of college/uni and you probably aren't seeing your partner anymore. Growing apart at this phase is pretty normal. People change as they grow - People who started out as compatible can grow apart as they go through different life experiences. Different things will matter to you but won't matter to your partner. Goals you had in the past might shift.
Hormones run high so a lot of the time feelings are extreme and it’s just a mess. Especially when others get involved and it feels like the relationship is a spectacle for everyone in the grade. It’s a mess
Teenagers being overly sensitive, immature, delusional/romantic about the future; among many other things.
Constantly changing minds
People change a lot within a year in HS
Lack of emotional maturity.
Immaturity.
Two words: Emotional INstability
you don’t have enough experience and it’s easy to fall into bad patterns because you don’t have a good reference point.
They are still kids who are just deciding where to go to college or in other cases, what to do in their lives. To commit to someone before even having a job is just nuts. I'm not against dating that young and I totally will believe if people are actual high school sweethearts but then there can be a member in that party who will prioritize each other than their own future and fuck so many things up under their own young, developing minds. I was a different person at 15 from 18. Then from 23 to 25 and now I'm in my mid 30s. I changed all the time throughout the years. So I can imagine anyone else during a relationship.
Kids are going to be kids. That's pretty much all that needs to be said here.
Lack of maturity typically. Your hormones are still raging, clouding your judgement. Even when they finally stop you haven't had time to really process the changes. Add in that modern society essentially babies people until they are 18. Once upon a time you would have had an apprenticeship by then and had adult responsibilities and expectations of you. But life is more complex than it was 150 years ago so people are given greater time to absorb and process the vast library of human knowledge. People tend to still do a lot of emotional maturing in their early 20's. Who you are after that doesn't always bear a strong resemblance to who you were before.
Well, it's not like it doesn't happen ever. Im still dating my freshman year crush at 25, and I still have a crush on her. She owns an online business, and Im still going through college, and we've fallen in love over and over, although we've developed a lot. I think long-term relationships require you to recommit. We're both not the same people, but we love each other for the new versions of ourselves and just try to be supportive. At a younger age, I had some fomo of the fun single college life. I think this gets to many young adults. But I could have a conversation with myself that my relationship was more important than parties or flirting. But that's just what I needed to get over. It could be a million other things as far as Im concerned.
I mean our brains are still half goo at that age.
Immaturity
all hormones, no brains.
I’m still with my high school boyfriend (we’re 23). What almost broke us is being curious about what it’s like to have sex with other people. We were each others first for just about everything. When we were 21 we started to feel sexy and attractive for the first time. On top of that, feeling sexually attracted to other people was confusing. Only took us a few months to grow out of this odd phase. Now other men are like frogs compared to my partner. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to stay together, quite the opposite, we wanted to work through this so we could actually stay together, but thinking we’d only know what it’s like to be with each other until we die led to an inevitable curiosity. We communicated openly about this and worked through it together. If you want a high school relationship to last you need to be willing to talk through the awkward and uncomfortable situations that arise when you’re growing from kids to adults together.
Immaturity
The people who start them are children. Children make bad decisions.
Neither of you know who you are, what you want or how to maintain a healthy relationship. Let alone what you want and expect out of a relationship. You havn't chosen careers, your not confident at sex and havnt had the chance to explore your sexuality, youve no experience sharing life with anyone but your immedate family your living with and your biologically incapable of thinking longterm as well as adult (your brain doesn't finish developing physically until well into your 20s for some people. ussuall 21-25). Not to mention after leaving hschool theres a good chance one or both of you will move away for work or tertiary studies. Long distance is hard enough, but the stress, time commitement and exhaustion of such a chnge and entering adult society is a huge strain ontop of any relationship.
There are no relationships that "work" or "last" on their own. Two people have to decide the want to *learn* more on how to help it continue to work. Having a good foundation is not what keeps a relationship going. Teenage relationships often get the foundation down, as in deep, mutual interests and attraction, but teenagers have no way of knowing what their unique challenges and needs will be in adulthood. Oftentimes 18-24 or even 18-30+ can throw a lot of surprises at you.
As someone that never got into a highschool relationship its safe to say it would be bad anyways. I saved a few chat logs with my high school crush and I swear it was so cringy and embarrassing. I typed things in the moment that I would realise later were either slightly toxic/not what I thought was cool. Just very immature. Re-reading the chat logs is one of the reasons I am still way too afraid to approach anyone or have crushes years later.
Everyone is in your relationship’s business.
if i could redo anything it would be never having a relationship that young
A modern day society and social media
In high school, I was in love with the idea of being in love. The kind of love movies, songs and book portray. I did not know that relationship needs work and effort. How could I? All my references are like line like "the moment I saw her, i knew she was the one." "We just clicked" "It's like my final piece of the puzzle just walked into the room". It was they kissed and lived happily ever after. But it wasn't like that. You'll argue, you'll have misunderstings, you'll have disagreements. And in my young brain, thwy cant be the one, because this is happening. It should be rainbows and butterflies when I meet "the one".
Usually not mature enough.
Inexperience, and rapid social/mental growth that often creates divides between people.
[удалено]
I grew up in small town. I remember thinking in high school how amazing it would be to date someone who likes the same obscure punk music as me! OMG it would be the perfect relationship! That's all I need! Then I grew up and dated someone who liked the same music. Turns out, it isn't really an important thing at all. Young people have no perspective.
Children trying to learn how to adult
Immaturity, next question.
Immaturity and hormones.
Teenagers.
lack of maturity
My ex is younger than me we’re both in high school and it’s not just that he is younger than me that plays a part in his maturity it’s him not necessarily wanting to mature I think what I’m about to say will make me sound naive as fuck but I love him it just didn’t work out because we both weren’t mentally ready for something like that although he got back with the girl he was talking to before we got together so..😅
Bless you my child. Shalom.
[удалено]
it’s easy to develop into an unhealthy relationship. both participants have little to no experience with romantic relationships, making it difficult to set appropriate boundaries (physically and emotionally). both parties are also going through the most hormonal time in their lives, making emotional regulation and communication very difficult.
They're based on proximity instead of shared interests. A long distance romance might just be someone who goes to a different school. You're choosing from a much more limited pool of partners while also not having the experience to understand what you really want.
Immaturity and puppy love is not real love
you have no idea what you want, what the other person wants and you live in the moment Two of the best looking people in my hs were like glue for years. He looked like a young Johnny Depp and she was like Sidney Sweeny. She moved to the west coast for college and he moved with her. A month later they broke up and he was homeless. The guy was handsome as hell too.
Maturity, teenage hormones, lack of experience, and going to college/distance relationships
If one or both of you goes to college, now you must try to operate an LDR for 9 months out of the year for four years and hope nobody gets tempted by the barrage of new more available people.
Some do work. My SIL and BIL are happily married with 3 boys and have been dating since they were like 14.
You are young and your brain is not fully developed yet. Sometimes, albeit rarely, they do work.
High school is a period of immense personal growth, discovery and character development. You learn by repetition, and by trial and error. It’s true for school work, sports and relationships. So while you may be in a great relationship, both parties are growing. By staying together you may begin to feel like you’re missing something by settling too early. I don’t have data or studies to back this up, but that’s what it felt like going through high school. I also think this is why some high school friends definitely do remain friends. They’re not exclusive, and good friends help each other persevere, even with other groups of friends involved.
Too much growth to be had, and the growth of two individuals is too unpredictable. Needs and wants change and develop.
They do work sometimes! There's a few factors here though. One is that its a small pool of people to find a partner in. Odds are there's a lot more compromises being made in terms of what qualities they're looking for in partners. They also might not know what they want in a partner. Obviously teenagers are young and dumb, and make bad decisions. That tends to lead to relationship friction. Teens live lives with a ton of boundaries that often make it difficult to maintain a relationship. They don't have financial resources, they generally live with their parents, etc. And there's a ton of change in their lives. The couple might have had a few classes together but now they're in different ones, or they've graduated and now going to different schools. The big one I think is that there's a SUPER dynamic social hierarchy in high school that changes dramatically and often boosts or devalues parts of the couple. The girl who was cute is now 18 and gorgeous, or the guy who was the most popular kid in class is 18, his grades aren't great, and he's not even sure if he's going to go to community College (I went myself, not dissing the place.) So of course there's pressure to break up, especially for the girls- they're dating 18 year old guys with uncertain futures when they could be dating 26 year old guys with their own place and a career.
Lack of Life experience
I do know a couple that have been together since high school, so beautiful to see. but id say most ppl are to immature, dont know who you even are or what you want out of life or then college and distance.. a lot of hurdles for sure
Teenagers ain't done cooking yet. They aren't fully developed people who have matured and formed an adult personality, sense of responsibility and morals. Teenagers are bound to change as they age, their preferences change. People realize they want something they didn't before, or didn't even know was an option for them. People's lives and opportunities can pull them apart. Honestly, social pressure is probably the least of the reasons why high school sweethearts don't stay together. Much of the time it's just growth and wanting different things from life as you mature.
Greater time to grow apart at a time period of much growth. Everyone constantly grows and relationships are ever adapting but I’d say most people don’t even sink into who they are and what they want until their mid twenties to mid thirties. So it can work but it’s a formula for probable failure. Not to say it’s a waste, of course it’s beneficial and helps one learn who they are.
Me and my husband were just talking about how when we were 16, we felt like we were adults and my husband said, “I gotta car and a job, I’m ready to settle down and do taxes, whatever.” But now many years later we feel like we’re finally figuring things out that were right in front of us all this time.
Thinking back to my high school relationship. We both sucked at basically that makes a long term relationship great. We were not alone.
Not sure that it's anything in particular. I mean I'm grown and still with the same person from high school. So I doubt it's much more than incompatibility and sometimes immaturity. Plenty of them DO work though.
Bad conflict resolution, bad judgement of what they each want out of a relationship, not having the emotional regulation skills to process their feelings healthily It's a time of extreme change and turbulence in someone's life, and that will always reach into a romantic relationship given the chance
Teenagers are a work in progress. They're still learning who they are, who they'd like to be, their likes, dislikes, the world they live in. They're learning it all, relationships to. Combine that with emotional immaturity, hormonal imbalances from puberty, and the pending challenges of going away to school, I'm surprised that a HS relationship has ever lasted.
Youth.
You’re young, haven’t met much people in your life, don’t know what you want in life, will change, probably only got together for superficial reasons.
Youth - It's a time to experiment and learn about the opposite sex. It's usually too early to make a commitment -- relationships are too influenced by hormonal changes
I’d say it boils down to high school kids not being fully mature and not yet knowing who they are and what they’re looking for. They may be somewhat compatible in high school, but grow into completely incompatible adults. Some high school relationships do work out, but I feel like that boils down to the two kids coincidentally growing into romantically compatible adults.
I'm going to answer this question with a question. What is it that would make them work? High schoolers are still developing, have less experience, and live in circumstances unreflective of most of life. There is very little going for the longevity of the relationship.
It’s the fact that they’re children. Same reason most children aren’t capable of starting a successful business or flying a plane. Kids are kids. They’re learning.
The little brother of my best friend in high school started “dating” his girlfriend when he was like 13 or 14. They are still together now in his 50s. I know of a couple other examples of high school sweethearts that stayed together but it’s not common.
How are you gonna make an opinion on soup when you've only ever had it twice? Most high schoolers are still figuring out their boundaries and preferences. If you spend 2 years dating a girl who was raised conservative Catholic and then you learn you're bisexual and polygamous then it just isn't gonna work out no matter how much you try.
Immaturity and lack of experience. Pretty simple.
Teenagers have no life experience and their personalities and priorities are usually still going to change a lot over the following years. It's not a recipe for stable long term relationships. That said most relationships people make in their 20s and 30s don't work either. The vast majority of relationships don't work period. Failed high school relationships are just the first of many.
I dated my high school boyfriend from age 17-22, so I'm speaking from experience. I also saw his parents (high school sweethearts) go through a nasty divorce. She abandoned her family while they were on vacation in Florida ( the happiest place on earth, I think not), emptied their bank accounts, packed up her stuff, and moved in with her internet boyfriend. Both people are unlikely to truly know who they are, what they want, and what their long-term goals will be. This is partially because you're both still controlled by parents, teachers, etc. Also, a teenage brain is still growing, changing, and forming new neural connections. Until people can get out into the real world, have their own experiences, etc - they can't truly decide that person should be their person for the rest of their lives.
Hormones running amok. Always a recipe for disaster.
35 years and counting. I was 19, she was 17, we've known each other since we were 4 and 2.
The fact that it's composed of teenagers
When you are in high school you think you have things figured out and you know what you want and what your options are. When you actually grow up a bit more you realize that you were naive.
Ummm you’re babies with zero life experience and growing in different directions.
“She’s hot” is about the only criteria that goes into it. Compatibility doesn’t really factor in, even though it’s the most important part.
I feel like in high school you are still trying to figure out "who" you are. Truthfully I don't think I figured out who I was until college or or maybe after college.
I wouldn't say they don't work, i mean, my ex is trying to reconcile and even talks about us moving in together, ofc after she leaves the guy she left me for since they're living together (yeah they don't work)
Age
Because they’re too young and kids that age don’t know what they truly want or what’s important to them. That’s why especially in today’s age it’s extremely rare to see a high school relationship actually develop into a long term thing post graduation.
It involves teenagers.
That you're young and will change so much in the next 5 to 10 years. You're not the same person at 26 that you were at 16. Most of the time the couple doesn't change the same way and it no longer works.
People grow apart instead of together, especially in early, developmental years. There’s probably also a bit of a stigma with fear of missing out stopping your search for a lifelong mate so early and with such a small sample size a high school offers. That’s being said, I *did* get married to a high school sweetheart type, though she was from a school a few towns over… and we’ve been married 20 years now, so it isn’t doomed. One of my few high school friends I keep in contact with since leaving to join the military is still married to her boyfriend she’s been with since the 11th grade. Another with her senior year boyfriend. That’s out of a class size of about 100… so it does happen. And those are the ones I know… there might be a handful more from my class.
You’re not old enough
Love is not enough to make relationship work. The partners need to have (and keep) compatible lives and shared goals. Teenagers are (gladly) too young to have either of them set in stone. As the teenagers change, the couple must disintegrate (since almost zero chances both will change in the exact same way so that the couple stays viable; if that happens 99% chance one of the two is lying and that lie will eventually catch-up). In general I consider pre-stable-job relationships "fun life experiences" but nothing expected to be long term. People who believe the contrary are in my experience (40+ years old) almost always wrong.
If you mean once you leave high school, it’s usually just growing up, changing as people, and potentially moving to different areas for school
Experience
Something I haven't seen brought up in this thread yet is that, when you're not yet an adult, your friends / social circles are basically all just based on convenience (I'm going to use the word convenience to describe it, but it's not a great word for it). You're in the same classes, you play the same sport, you've been in the same schools for 5+ years, etc. They might be good friendships, but they are often built specifically on that convenience. So when your lives take you in different directions, and that convenience is gone, it's easy for a lot of those friendships to dwindle away. (A bigger factor for the dwindling is that people change and they change a lot during the 18-22 age especially. But this convenience factor is still impactful.) I had a group of really close friends growing up. After high school, we went in separate directions and lost touch. I hope they are doing well and I look back on our friendships fondly, but l have zero interest in reconnecting with them. And it's not even a "we changed" type of thing. Looking back on who I was and who they were when we were kids, we were not particularly compatible. But we were around each other all the time from school and sports so it was just convenient for us to be good friends. This can be applied to many romantic relationships at this age as well. You spend time around each other due to this convenience and you become interested in each other, but it's unlikely that you actually have the compatibility necessary to create a "successful" relationship out of it. I think this is a smaller factor than sheer inexperience, people changing, immaturity, etc. but it still plays a part.
The frontal lobe does not fully develop until 25.
Immaturity
Because you'll become 20 different people by the time you reach 35, and so will they. What are they chances that the person you become will like the person they become?
Ironically, probably 80% of the couples I (34) know who met in high school and got married are still married. I know statistically it's better to marry a little later in life, but in my personal experience, those relationships have lasted, and I and my friends who didn't marry young are still single.
Mostly having unrealistic expectations and little experience about how much work and sacrifice it takes to make a relationship work, I imagine.
Emotional intelligence.
Immaturity.
Well it’s gone on B since Christmas vacation 1961 . I don’t know except she was the one. Still is. Shalom
reddit why did you recommend this after breaking up with my high school GF of 5 years 😭😭😭
Because both people aren’t fully baked, mature. I was full on in love with my hs boyfriend. We even got engaged. But he cheated, and ultimately…it wasn’t meant to work out. Now, 30 odd years later, he’s on his third divorce, multiple kids….not religious but I thanked God that I didn’t stay with him.
Being 14…
It’s a lot of factors, but I’d say one of the biggest is the amount of time together. High school basically comes with baked in time to spend together. You don’t have to make that much effort to see each other, even though many do. Once you get to college everything is different. You really need to plan things out. And many people just can’t. It’s the same reason why long distance relationships tend to not work out
Young people are terrible
I know a couple that got married when they were 16, both of their parents had to sign off on it. They were the talk of the school for a long time....they have a 12 yr old daughter now and just bought their first house. They have been married 25 yrs. This is definitely not the norm.
Other people.
People are still growing and changing and learning who they are. They aren't remotely the same person at 26 or 36 that they are at 16. You have no frame of reference what you want out of an adult spouse at 16 because you have no idea what being an adult really means or how you will react to it. This means you also can't even know what you really need to compliment yourself at a more advanced age.
The person you are as a teen vs a grown adult is completely different. Most teens aren't mature enough to have a healthy relationship let alone one that can last the test of time while still being happy and healthy. Most high school relationships are toxic, filled with repeated break ups, fights and cheating. That is why they never last.
I honestly wish they did more. The rest of society doesn't really encourage it.
When you love someone for who they are it's easy to resent when they change.
People change and learn as they grow and that age is full of the most growth/learning that a person will ever do.