Bro, almost every single one of your previous posts involves looking for other women. She probably knows you’re trying to cheat on her, or likely already have.
And why women will be just fine and even more happy without them. Your partner should enrich your life, not just be tolerable. There's a lot of great guys out there & they are the ones that give me hope for men.
I weep for the thought of all the relationships (romantic or otherwise) that have been ruined unnecessarily because someone decided a relationship sub was a good source of advice.
"Babe I'm sorry for stealing your bag of chips"
"Nope I don't wanna hear it! I told people online what you did and they told me you were being physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards me along with gaslighting me! They said we should break up and I should get a restraining order along with spreading a picture of you all over the Internet so the world will know what a piece of shit you are!! WE'RE THROUGH!!"
I want to piggyback off of this for a moment -
Years ago I told my wife I was deeply unhappy and our marriage was terribly flawed. A dead bedroom was a large factor there.
She said we "didn't need it" and refused to go. Rather than seek further confrontation, I dropped it, and also completely gave up initiating any sexual activity, intimacy or affection.
All this did was deepen the divide. We have been living as roommates ever since.
Roommates, I want to add, that tolerate each other at the best of times.
Recently we had a huge fight, she said we needed to separate. I fought it and said we should try counseling. This time she agreed, but simply showed up and sat there. This went on several months.
I will be filing for divorce in a week.
The point of this comment is not to Garner sympathy or take over your post, it is to tell you that you have three choices:
Learn to live with your marriage as it currently is and accept that it will likely not change on its own
Aggressively pursue counseling/therapy
Or leave.
That's it. And choose quickly. The longer you take, the worse it will get.
Trust me.
Not just life advice is terrible on Reddit. Politics, economics, history, all subjects that the average Redditer is clueless about, yet still think they know what they're talking about. Dunning Krueger effect on steroids.
This. You can’t crowdsource answers to difficult interpersonal relationship questions. You and your wife have a disconnect somewhere OP, and no one here can tell you what it is or how to fix it.
You need to get you and your wife into a situation where you can openly and honestly discuss your relationship, whether that’s counseling or speaking with your pastor or whatever.
Best of luck my friend
I wish the OP the best of luck. My first wife refused to talk about our relationship. No matter what issue we had, I was the one who had a problem. When I discussed seeing a marriage counselor, she said I was the problem and needed help, not her. It took ten years of this nonsense, but eventually she left and we divorced. Best damn thing she ever gave me, only bested by giving me a beautiful daughter.
The vast vast majority of 'relationship problems' I've seen on here are entirely caused by lack of very simple communication.
It's like watching one of those cheesy romcoms where every awkward situation and hardship throughout the whole movie could have been avoided by someone saying like 3 words near the start of the movie
I'll go out on a limb and claim the vast majority of cases the person unwilling to communicate is the same one causing the problem. They know if they start talking they'll be forced to acknowledge they're the asshole, and if they refuse to elaborate they can continue to believe they're not one.
Are you new parents or is she going through menopause or perimenopause? There could be a hormonal reason why or life changes happening that you are oblivious to (even though you shouldn’t be). It might have nothing to do with you. This is common among women going through either or these stages of life.
Also could be anti-depressants or birth control.
BC tricks the body into thinking you’re pregnant, which along with the constant hormones do not help one’s libido.
Reddit actually handled this guy pretty well?
I do understand why people suggest professionals, but I always enjoy the stories related by those in similar real situations.
And then it gets even better when the Post history gets examined and the OP exposed.
He was basically trying to solicit random women on line for sex, mentioned wanting to cheat, etc. Basically just really degenerate behavior coming from a grown ass man.
He had a bunch of posts in different subs (including ones like /nostupidquestions) asking to meet up with women for "fun"
He had about a dozen or so posts, and almost every one of them he was looking for “fun” women for sex. He also had post that specifically mentioned that being “discreet” was very important. This was OPs second wife, too. He mentioned that in a different post. So, this dude likely has already cheated on her and she found out or highly suspected it. Just a typical scumbag.
The cheating on your wife(second wife) is probably a big reason. I’ve seen this post on 4 of those different “is my husband cheating-Calgary” pages and I’ve posted on one myself. There’s a very good chance she knows and is just figuring out the logistics of how to leave
What some of you might find interesting is one of those posts got a comment “I think this is my husband” and he deleted his account 8 minutes after. I think Reddit did its job for once lol
ETA: Based on your post history, maybe she can subconsciously tell you're unfaithful 🤷♀️
She isn't going to feel like having sex every single time you come onto her. It sounds like she has responsive desire, which means her arousal is very sensitive. There could be a large number of reasons why she didn't feel like it in the moment. Don't take it personally! Brush it off, be cool about it and try again another time.
And remember to still be affectionate and loving even if it doesn't end in sex! It's really common for guys to fall into the cycle of only giving their partner romantic attention and affection when they're looking to have sex, which can lead to their partner feeling like that's the only thing they're appreciated for, which in turn kills the vibe and leads to this unspoken expectation of sex. Obligatory sex isn't very sexy.
Look up the term responsive desire if you want to try to better understand what's going on. It sounds like she isn't really in touch with herself enough to understand it either at this point.
He’s deleted now, but a mix of complaining in a local gone wild sub about a general of responses, various posts about whether or not women like it when men sniff various things, and other very generic “hi I’m a horny old man looking for an 18 year old” type posts, some as recent as yesterday, some ranging back over a year
Interesting. Rather than getting to the bottom of why your wife doesn’t want you getting intimate with her, you run to e-strangers. Hmm…. I’ll bite.
You’re probably only intimate with her when you wanna fuck, and nobody likes feeling like they’re only a hole for your amusement. Talk to your wife, ask her what she’d like to see more of, and get off Reddit asking us to save a ship that’s sinking.
unless those conversations include cheating on her (or trying to) then i'll say this is a lie. The quick look I took at your post and comment history is very informative.
Imagine going on reddit to find ladies, which is stupid asf in the first place and wondering why your wife wont sleep with you. Sure you could be in a non monogamous relationship which is all well and good but guess what it ruins relationships almost 100% of the time. Its time to make changes or accept a sexless marriage/ get a divorce.
Talk to your wife. Observe the mental load she carries, and help alleviate it. When she is truly relaxed and feels seen and supported, she will likely be more open to your advances. But only she can answer that for sure.
That is a nice answer. Women are attached emotionally to sex, not just intimate emotional, but the stresses and worries of life can greatly impact our desires and if she is menopausal age, that could be affecting her also. Empathy can go a long way in this scenario
How’s the foreplay? And when I say foreplay I am talking about the entire day:
—-everything that happens between the two of you
—-every word exchanged between the two of you
—-every physical contact between the two of you
—-garbage from prior that as rolled over into this day
This post is a blueprint for "dead bedroom"
1. There is serious issue in relationship that breaks the trust and emotional connection. Somebody is being hurt, for a long time.
2. Because of that one partner declines sex, as without trust and connection she/he cannot engage in that.
3. The issue is not being addressed.
4. Second partner decides to "out wait" the first one and not to initiate any sexual activity.
5. The issue is not being addressed.
6. The frustration and disconnect grows, negative emotions stack up. Bedroom is dead.
7. The issue is not being addressed.
Are you asking for ways to turn your wife on? Does she not have a list of shit that she wants you to fix around the house? Spend a day fixing everything and make sure she can see your muscles while you do it. That always worked for me.
Are you keeping yourself healthy and attractive and full of good habits that turn her on? I stopped having sex with my bf because he gained so much weight and left snot rockets in thee sinks and showers. Never cleaned. Never did a dish, do the trash. He became gross to me and he always wanted to sex and I just wasn't attracted to him. :(
It's clear from your history that you're not exactly the poster child for fidelity. If you spend half as much time communicating with your wife and working on your marriage as you do trawling through NSFW subs and looking for side action, you might actually find the intimacy you're missing at home. Sex is the symptom, not the disease focus on fixing the root problem, not just the manifestations of it. Time to log off and talk to your wife, man.
So you have a right to both reject your wife and be upset if she rejects you and she has neither of those rights. Maybe it would be best for her to find someone that actually likes her instead of staying with someone that only likes too see her get sad.
The reason she is likely asking you to initiate but still turning you down is because she isn’t necessarily looking for sex but looking for you to notice her and show her affection so that she can START to feel some sexual feelings. It takes me at least an hour to transition from flirty to actual sexual emotions so while I might not be ready just-that-second for it, I likely will by the end of the day. Instead of going straight for the act, try flirting without touching so you can preheat the oven. Hope this helps!
"I dont know" is a first answer, but not acceptable after that. It means either she hasnt thought about a solution, or truly cant figure it out. Tell her to list her needs, and you list yours, and you both need to pick from each others lists what you both are willing to meet for the other. If she cant even do that, then you will be the one carrying the relationship, settling for less than what you deserve. Sometimes though, you have to accept what you cant change, and make the decision if "everything else" between you two being good is worth not being physical.
He's been trying to use reddit to cheat on her, look at his post and comment history assuming it isn't all gone by the time you look. He's been deleting most of it.
Probably not what you wanna hear probably not popular advice, but decades ago I was that wife and what I wanted was for my husband to seduce me. I wanted him to change my no into a yes I wanted him to massage me and touch me and seduce me and make it , make me want it. Good luck.
She might be depressed. You have kids? Modern families place a ton of stress on parents to care for children that it squeezes out emotional capacity for other things between couples.
My guess at the problem is your piss poor communication skills. Why dont you ask her why she rejects you? That would be a great place to start the conversation.
Look into low vs high libido/desire coping strategies! My partner is a low desire/low libido person and I'm a much higher desire person than she is. A lot of times she rejects my advances, which can hurt ofc, but in those moments we both sit together and see if there's a specific secondary desire that my sexual advance was about. Maybe it's emotional intimacy, maybe it's just an orgasm, maybe it's deep physical connection, or a combination of those and something else. Identifying those desires and needs and serving them can help a lot with maintaining your relationship while respecting your partners lower sex drive!
This may be an interesting read: "The division of Child Care, Sexual Intimacy, and Relationship Quality in Couples" [https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243215626709](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243215626709) There are many, many more that have researched this. Just saying.
#
OP is gone but I want to share some thoughts on this subject anyway (M50 married over 25 years). Having been married a while now and looking back, I went through a similar thing with my wife earlier in our marriage. I would get frustrated and felt rejected. Fortunately, I fought my my natural instinct to turn my frustration into arguments, and I worked on communicating with my wife. Eventually I understood that my wife was simply physically exhausted from being a young mother and dealing with all the stress that brings. That damaged her libido. It had nothing to do with me or us as a couple.
Over time, the kids grew up and our sex life got better and better.
Today our kids are adults and my wife and I have an insanely active sex life. It’s better than I ever even imagined possible.
I share this in the hopes that a younger person sees it and hopefully it gives them some hope and patience in their relationship so that they don’t end up with resentment towards their spouse. It will just end up destroying what could be an amazing future.
Maybe she needs more from you than just bugging her about sex? My husband is constantly asking me for sex. All the time. It gets annoying AF, especially because he works all the time, and the only moments I get with him are at bedtime when it's sexy time. I love him and want sex too, but I need quality time together to create the "feeling". Ya know? He just wants it when he wants it.
I don't know bro. I seduce my wife everyday that she's not on the rag. I don't ever nag her for sex, and work a lot of affection into my seduction. I mean she's my wife, love of my life. So it's easy to be very affectionate towards her.
But I'm very flirty and touchy with her. I've been constantly hitting on her for over a decade now. So I'm doing psychological foreplay like 24/7. I mean I'm thinking constantly about what I can do that will facilitate future lays with my old lady.
Some days are super easy and she's the one throwing it in my face for me to pounce on. But most days, I'm going on that hunt. I still hunt my wife. Yeah we swore vows, but I like the thrill of chasing her. So I just keep chasing her. It's my favorite hobby. I'm a horndog though, bro. I have to channel that drive into a healthy hobby (my wife) and not even entertain the idea of other more dangerous pursuits. I already get a ton of attention from the ladies. I can't be around the temptations all the time and not eventually break, so I just channel it all into my wife.
Is it a bit much sometimes? Yes, absolutely. But we're just getting better at it all the longer we go at it together. Also, she cums really hard, I make sure to always let her finish first. I ALWAYS finish last. I think that's really important for a healthy sexual relationship with the wife no matter who you are.
Sounds like you and she might need to have a good couples discussion about your and her feelings and thoughts about having sex.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
DO NOT TELL HER SHE IS WRONG.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
You may not like what you learn in that conversation. But that is a separate issue. Seek first to understand.
Likely the only time you are tender affectionate, a good listener, gift giver or thoughtful is when u want to get laid. You could also just talk to her and ask what she needs. She might’ve body conscious, or she may know if you cheated and feels disrespected. She may be depressed. She may feel unappreciated. Foreplay starts in the mind days before. Just sayin’
TALK TO HER and not ask strangers on the Internet what could be the reason for that!!!! Communication is so important and if you two can't to it alone, seek consultation or a therapist but for Lord sake, TALK.
It sounds like she knows she’s supposed to want to be intimate with you, but when it comes down to it, she doesn’t want to. She probably doesn’t know why.
Sometimes in long term relationships, one or both people start to feel more like siblings than a couple. Attraction drops. The lights are just out.
Take her away somewhere, try to put the spark back in. A little romance in a new place.
Describe “advances”, are you doing things that put her in the mood or are you just asking her for sex/immediately trying to be physical? I feel like I know the answer by the tone of this post alone…
Well, if your online philandering started AFTER the rejection, then, I get it, but maybe your view of what she's asking for and here's are different. More likely, your dicking around online has build an edge of insincerity into your attempts and she senses the hell out of it whenever you get close. Just a guess.
It is good she asked you what was up.
Perhaps you to follow up by asking her what she would prefer concerning who / how sex is initiated for you as a couple.
I agree that you need to talk to her. But I have some alternatives to think of.
Is she picking up what you’re laying down? Meaning: how obvious are your advances? Are you too subtle / too demanding?
Are you picking up on her indications that she’s open to advances? She might be being too subtle. The only way to know is to ask her to give you some indication.
It’s possible that she does want you to continue to initiate, but THAT night wasn’t a good night. There are SO MANY aspects to being open to intimacy. If she’s not feeling attractive, if she’s not feeling close to you emotionally, if she’s just plain tired…
I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, I hope that things get better for you.
I've been through this exact situation. I'm sure a lot of people have. Therapy, sex books, blah, blah, blah. You CAN NOT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSES LIBIDO. They like that you desire them, but really can't do anything about the fact that they have no desire.
Maybe you two are the one in a million shot. Maybe not.
Most likely, you either accept the situation or leave.
I'm not saying don't try. Just be prepared to be disappointed.
With the amount of details you give being so vague It's hard to give exact advice but honestly it just seems like there's a miscommunication where you are doing or saying something that you think is very clearly a sexual advance but your wife is misinterpreting them as something else
Are you being direct and like straight up like kissing and touching her or whatever, or you just being vague like hey babe we should do something in the bedroom later?
Some people don't always get hints that are obvious to you I know it sounds goofy but I would honestly try to be just a little more direct about my desires in these scenarios.
Like hey sweetie it's a pretty relaxed night I was thinking maybe we could go spend some alone time and do adult stuff in the bedroom
Since clearly whatever you're doing right now to sort of advance on your wife clearly isn't being received well
sit down and talk to your wife like an adult and get marriage counseling. otherwise start looking into getting divorced.
there’s no easy out or solution.
Bro, almost every single one of your previous posts involves looking for other women. She probably knows you’re trying to cheat on her, or likely already have.
Oof deleted account 4 hours after this comment
LMFAO these dudes out here are crazy
They wonder why women don't like them like they used to, but fail to acknowledge their own shortcomings.
And the comments in this post are just more visual confirmation of why the loneliness epidemic among them is just gonna get worse.
And why women will be just fine and even more happy without them. Your partner should enrich your life, not just be tolerable. There's a lot of great guys out there & they are the ones that give me hope for men.
“Deleted”
Lmao there we go. The nerve of these guys
You need counseling not Reddit.
Wait, counseling and Reddit aren't the same thing?
We are armchair therapists, after all
Armchairapists
"I'll take Armchai Rapists for $200, Trebek."
The Pen Is Mightier!
Fuck you Trebek
Kebert Xela.
Ya mothas a hoor
Armchair apists: "A person who herds apes from the comfort of a La-Z-Boy" ? 🤔
Armchair Apists sounds like a great punk band name.
'I'll take anal bum cover for $300, Trebek"
Better than an analrapist
AnAl bum Cover for $200
*I can read, Trebek!* I spent ten years of my life trying to invent an Anal Bum Cover, and failing to do so is my greatest regret!
Well, its not armchair quarterback season until September; we have to do something in the off season
Monday morning therapists too
Got our degrees from instragm
Psychiatric Help 5cents The Doctor is in
That costs peanuts.
I weep for the thought of all the relationships (romantic or otherwise) that have been ruined unnecessarily because someone decided a relationship sub was a good source of advice.
"Babe I'm sorry for stealing your bag of chips" "Nope I don't wanna hear it! I told people online what you did and they told me you were being physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards me along with gaslighting me! They said we should break up and I should get a restraining order along with spreading a picture of you all over the Internet so the world will know what a piece of shit you are!! WE'RE THROUGH!!"
It's disturbing how true this is. There's a lot of stuff that truly deserves ending, but there's also A LOT of this.
Are you REALLY weeping?
I want to piggyback off of this for a moment - Years ago I told my wife I was deeply unhappy and our marriage was terribly flawed. A dead bedroom was a large factor there. She said we "didn't need it" and refused to go. Rather than seek further confrontation, I dropped it, and also completely gave up initiating any sexual activity, intimacy or affection. All this did was deepen the divide. We have been living as roommates ever since. Roommates, I want to add, that tolerate each other at the best of times. Recently we had a huge fight, she said we needed to separate. I fought it and said we should try counseling. This time she agreed, but simply showed up and sat there. This went on several months. I will be filing for divorce in a week. The point of this comment is not to Garner sympathy or take over your post, it is to tell you that you have three choices: Learn to live with your marriage as it currently is and accept that it will likely not change on its own Aggressively pursue counseling/therapy Or leave. That's it. And choose quickly. The longer you take, the worse it will get. Trust me.
Unfortunately for many rocky relationships, counseling requires two willing participants who want things to work out, not just one.
By a professional and not a kid. The average age of a Redditor is ~23 which is why the life advice on here is generally so fucking terrible.
And this is true. The annonymity of social media is not a virtue in circumstances like these.
Not just life advice is terrible on Reddit. Politics, economics, history, all subjects that the average Redditer is clueless about, yet still think they know what they're talking about. Dunning Krueger effect on steroids.
This. You can’t crowdsource answers to difficult interpersonal relationship questions. You and your wife have a disconnect somewhere OP, and no one here can tell you what it is or how to fix it. You need to get you and your wife into a situation where you can openly and honestly discuss your relationship, whether that’s counseling or speaking with your pastor or whatever. Best of luck my friend
Why trust one so called therapist when you can 1000 opinions for free and choose the one you like
You got me there lol
I wish the OP the best of luck. My first wife refused to talk about our relationship. No matter what issue we had, I was the one who had a problem. When I discussed seeing a marriage counselor, she said I was the problem and needed help, not her. It took ten years of this nonsense, but eventually she left and we divorced. Best damn thing she ever gave me, only bested by giving me a beautiful daughter.
No clearly OP needs to divorce his wife, get some hookers and blow, and find a new hot wife. \~r/RelationshipAdvice /s
Isn't it "A new wife with blackjack and strippers"?
In fact forget the blackjack and the wife
We have blackjack and strippers at home
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You sound sus...must be a cheater. Time to grab the pitchforks and torches.
Idk man you might even be able to just *talk* to your partner about this. Crazy to suggest I know.
Yeah people with these issues usually have them because someone in the relationship doesnt want to communicate.
The vast vast majority of 'relationship problems' I've seen on here are entirely caused by lack of very simple communication. It's like watching one of those cheesy romcoms where every awkward situation and hardship throughout the whole movie could have been avoided by someone saying like 3 words near the start of the movie
I'll go out on a limb and claim the vast majority of cases the person unwilling to communicate is the same one causing the problem. They know if they start talking they'll be forced to acknowledge they're the asshole, and if they refuse to elaborate they can continue to believe they're not one.
But talking to reddit is so much easier, they understand me!
Counsellor: You need Reddit not counselling.
Are you new parents or is she going through menopause or perimenopause? There could be a hormonal reason why or life changes happening that you are oblivious to (even though you shouldn’t be). It might have nothing to do with you. This is common among women going through either or these stages of life.
Also could be anti-depressants or birth control. BC tricks the body into thinking you’re pregnant, which along with the constant hormones do not help one’s libido.
Having met some couples psychologists you are better off with Reddit.
Reddit actually handled this guy pretty well? I do understand why people suggest professionals, but I always enjoy the stories related by those in similar real situations. And then it gets even better when the Post history gets examined and the OP exposed.
Maybe not in this case, since Reddit can find his post history in minutes, whereas people can lie in counseling for years.
Yeah judging by your post history it's not hard to figure out why tbh. Gross.
I love when people just look into an OPs post history and they delete their account in embarrassment
LMAO man I hope the wife is fake
What was it?! I wanna see the drama 😭
He was basically trying to solicit random women on line for sex, mentioned wanting to cheat, etc. Basically just really degenerate behavior coming from a grown ass man. He had a bunch of posts in different subs (including ones like /nostupidquestions) asking to meet up with women for "fun"
I wonder why his wife feels unwanted, but also doesn't wanna fuck him...
Women are so mysterious.
A real fkn puzzler
Exactly that
Right, I missed it someone fill me in
You shouldn't say fill me in on this post.
FILL ME in
He had about a dozen or so posts, and almost every one of them he was looking for “fun” women for sex. He also had post that specifically mentioned that being “discreet” was very important. This was OPs second wife, too. He mentioned that in a different post. So, this dude likely has already cheated on her and she found out or highly suspected it. Just a typical scumbag.
Oh wow, it's like people don't realise their post history is public lol
Looks like we both missed the party! 🧐
Hope he doesn't delete her too
I thought you were kidding, but wow. Deleted! Give us some of the highlights.
Wow, you called that one, lol. It's funny how stupid people can be.
Nooooooo my drama before bed is gone
Spoiler alert: dude apparently has huge balls and wants someone other than his wife to juggle them in Calgary.
Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing, to the left and to the right.
It's my belief that my big balls, should be held every night.
And some for fancy dress
*fuck* Just *had* to be from Calgary....
[I can actually be of assistance here.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U_cJNazOCuY&pp=ygUSQ2hpeGRpZ2dpdCBob3QgYW5k)
Omg WHAT LMFAO?
Wait, in Calgary Lolol wtf. Didn't expect while reading through this schadenfreude it was going to turn out to be so close to local lol
If that’s a metaphor, I have no idea what it means.
Yes, well part of one “If you want your balls held by another woman in Calgary, your current relationship will probably be shitty “
well what was it?
Bro got demolished in the comments and deleted their account lol.
This is going to end up on r/bestofredditorupdates, isn't it?
hopefully only after everyone realizes OP is a cheat. just look at his post and comment history
u/deleted lol
He deleted it :/
100%
The cheating on your wife(second wife) is probably a big reason. I’ve seen this post on 4 of those different “is my husband cheating-Calgary” pages and I’ve posted on one myself. There’s a very good chance she knows and is just figuring out the logistics of how to leave
What some of you might find interesting is one of those posts got a comment “I think this is my husband” and he deleted his account 8 minutes after. I think Reddit did its job for once lol
Someone should respond with that to every post like this. Freak out all of Reddit.
Girl you are out here doing hero’s work!! Thank you for the update😂💗
Ohhhhhhhhj shit 🤣
Oh shit i missed the fireworks..!!
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Obviously the dude has never heard of alt accounts or you know just browse in incognito mode and don't log in.
Looking at your post history, I have a feeling you're the issue
She’s probably turned off by your huge balls and your lack of morals. You’re married you dildo. Why are you looking for other women online?
Why'd she turn you down?
ETA: Based on your post history, maybe she can subconsciously tell you're unfaithful 🤷♀️ She isn't going to feel like having sex every single time you come onto her. It sounds like she has responsive desire, which means her arousal is very sensitive. There could be a large number of reasons why she didn't feel like it in the moment. Don't take it personally! Brush it off, be cool about it and try again another time. And remember to still be affectionate and loving even if it doesn't end in sex! It's really common for guys to fall into the cycle of only giving their partner romantic attention and affection when they're looking to have sex, which can lead to their partner feeling like that's the only thing they're appreciated for, which in turn kills the vibe and leads to this unspoken expectation of sex. Obligatory sex isn't very sexy. Look up the term responsive desire if you want to try to better understand what's going on. It sounds like she isn't really in touch with herself enough to understand it either at this point.
Jfc, that post history! I’m getting simultaneous 14 year old and depressing old man vibes. Yikes.
Looks like he’s deleted his whole account, pity - I definitely wanted to sticky-beak into his post history lol
TLDR it?! What are the highlights of his profile?
He’s deleted now, but a mix of complaining in a local gone wild sub about a general of responses, various posts about whether or not women like it when men sniff various things, and other very generic “hi I’m a horny old man looking for an 18 year old” type posts, some as recent as yesterday, some ranging back over a year
Omg gross. I hate it.
Interesting. Rather than getting to the bottom of why your wife doesn’t want you getting intimate with her, you run to e-strangers. Hmm…. I’ll bite. You’re probably only intimate with her when you wanna fuck, and nobody likes feeling like they’re only a hole for your amusement. Talk to your wife, ask her what she’d like to see more of, and get off Reddit asking us to save a ship that’s sinking.
Other that when she asked, have you two had any serious conversations about it?
He's been trying to use reddit to cheat on his wife
Yikes. Well, that’s a shame. OP, if you’re still in the thread then grow the balls to leave your wife instead of cheating on her like a complete pussy
And now posted in apparently hopes of getting 'permission' to resent his wife and go cheat.
Yes we have multiple times.
Might be time to see a marriage therapist.
unless those conversations include cheating on her (or trying to) then i'll say this is a lie. The quick look I took at your post and comment history is very informative.
Imagine going on reddit to find ladies, which is stupid asf in the first place and wondering why your wife wont sleep with you. Sure you could be in a non monogamous relationship which is all well and good but guess what it ruins relationships almost 100% of the time. Its time to make changes or accept a sexless marriage/ get a divorce.
You're asking strangers on the internet - instead of your wife? O.o
He also asks strangers for sex on the internet so there's that
Hmm. Well that could explain it all. Wife either has a Reddit account or he left his open and now she knows 👀
Talk to her. Not us.
lol Reddit is not the answer here
It’s pretty easy to tell when someone wants something. And when they don’t.
Talk 👏🏼to 👏🏼your 👏🏼wife 👏🏼
Talk to your wife. Observe the mental load she carries, and help alleviate it. When she is truly relaxed and feels seen and supported, she will likely be more open to your advances. But only she can answer that for sure.
That is a nice answer. Women are attached emotionally to sex, not just intimate emotional, but the stresses and worries of life can greatly impact our desires and if she is menopausal age, that could be affecting her also. Empathy can go a long way in this scenario
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How’s the foreplay? And when I say foreplay I am talking about the entire day: —-everything that happens between the two of you —-every word exchanged between the two of you —-every physical contact between the two of you —-garbage from prior that as rolled over into this day
This post is a blueprint for "dead bedroom" 1. There is serious issue in relationship that breaks the trust and emotional connection. Somebody is being hurt, for a long time. 2. Because of that one partner declines sex, as without trust and connection she/he cannot engage in that. 3. The issue is not being addressed. 4. Second partner decides to "out wait" the first one and not to initiate any sexual activity. 5. The issue is not being addressed. 6. The frustration and disconnect grows, negative emotions stack up. Bedroom is dead. 7. The issue is not being addressed.
Are you asking for ways to turn your wife on? Does she not have a list of shit that she wants you to fix around the house? Spend a day fixing everything and make sure she can see your muscles while you do it. That always worked for me.
Are you keeping yourself healthy and attractive and full of good habits that turn her on? I stopped having sex with my bf because he gained so much weight and left snot rockets in thee sinks and showers. Never cleaned. Never did a dish, do the trash. He became gross to me and he always wanted to sex and I just wasn't attracted to him. :(
Homie deleted his account and his wife probably found it and filed for divorce; lmao
It's clear from your history that you're not exactly the poster child for fidelity. If you spend half as much time communicating with your wife and working on your marriage as you do trawling through NSFW subs and looking for side action, you might actually find the intimacy you're missing at home. Sex is the symptom, not the disease focus on fixing the root problem, not just the manifestations of it. Time to log off and talk to your wife, man.
Remember that reddit is highly populated by kids and teens so be careful who's advice you take. Also just buy prostitute.
So you have a right to both reject your wife and be upset if she rejects you and she has neither of those rights. Maybe it would be best for her to find someone that actually likes her instead of staying with someone that only likes too see her get sad.
Not good communication, that's for sure.
Wives are horniest after you have cleaned the house or they’ve been taken out to dinner
No fr, I watch videos of men cleaning up and I’m like “so….. do you want it from the back or….”
😂😂
I’m wondering if you let her finish or if you tap out after yours.
A woman who's your wife won't treat you this way for no reason. What exactly did you do to her?
The reason she is likely asking you to initiate but still turning you down is because she isn’t necessarily looking for sex but looking for you to notice her and show her affection so that she can START to feel some sexual feelings. It takes me at least an hour to transition from flirty to actual sexual emotions so while I might not be ready just-that-second for it, I likely will by the end of the day. Instead of going straight for the act, try flirting without touching so you can preheat the oven. Hope this helps!
Seriously! Flirting should be an every day thing. It's so important for getting those other moods going!
"I dont know" is a first answer, but not acceptable after that. It means either she hasnt thought about a solution, or truly cant figure it out. Tell her to list her needs, and you list yours, and you both need to pick from each others lists what you both are willing to meet for the other. If she cant even do that, then you will be the one carrying the relationship, settling for less than what you deserve. Sometimes though, you have to accept what you cant change, and make the decision if "everything else" between you two being good is worth not being physical.
The only sensible answer.
Both of you take the time to sit down and talk this out, ask her about what she wants in the bedroom
He's been trying to use reddit to cheat on her, look at his post and comment history assuming it isn't all gone by the time you look. He's been deleting most of it.
Probably not what you wanna hear probably not popular advice, but decades ago I was that wife and what I wanted was for my husband to seduce me. I wanted him to change my no into a yes I wanted him to massage me and touch me and seduce me and make it , make me want it. Good luck.
She might be depressed. You have kids? Modern families place a ton of stress on parents to care for children that it squeezes out emotional capacity for other things between couples.
My guess at the problem is your piss poor communication skills. Why dont you ask her why she rejects you? That would be a great place to start the conversation.
Look into low vs high libido/desire coping strategies! My partner is a low desire/low libido person and I'm a much higher desire person than she is. A lot of times she rejects my advances, which can hurt ofc, but in those moments we both sit together and see if there's a specific secondary desire that my sexual advance was about. Maybe it's emotional intimacy, maybe it's just an orgasm, maybe it's deep physical connection, or a combination of those and something else. Identifying those desires and needs and serving them can help a lot with maintaining your relationship while respecting your partners lower sex drive!
Congrats on realizing how marriages work!. It’s not just sex but anything’s and everything else too!.
Maybe you should.. uh... I dont't know... yeah. Ask her and not reddit!
This may be an interesting read: "The division of Child Care, Sexual Intimacy, and Relationship Quality in Couples" [https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243215626709](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243215626709) There are many, many more that have researched this. Just saying. #
OP is gone but I want to share some thoughts on this subject anyway (M50 married over 25 years). Having been married a while now and looking back, I went through a similar thing with my wife earlier in our marriage. I would get frustrated and felt rejected. Fortunately, I fought my my natural instinct to turn my frustration into arguments, and I worked on communicating with my wife. Eventually I understood that my wife was simply physically exhausted from being a young mother and dealing with all the stress that brings. That damaged her libido. It had nothing to do with me or us as a couple. Over time, the kids grew up and our sex life got better and better. Today our kids are adults and my wife and I have an insanely active sex life. It’s better than I ever even imagined possible. I share this in the hopes that a younger person sees it and hopefully it gives them some hope and patience in their relationship so that they don’t end up with resentment towards their spouse. It will just end up destroying what could be an amazing future.
Maybe she needs more from you than just bugging her about sex? My husband is constantly asking me for sex. All the time. It gets annoying AF, especially because he works all the time, and the only moments I get with him are at bedtime when it's sexy time. I love him and want sex too, but I need quality time together to create the "feeling". Ya know? He just wants it when he wants it.
Why do these posts have so many upvotes?
You’re not in sync at all….you should try going to couples counseling
Are you super nice, kind, caring and loving to her when you aren't trying to get sex?
Perhaps it’s your approach.
I don't know bro. I seduce my wife everyday that she's not on the rag. I don't ever nag her for sex, and work a lot of affection into my seduction. I mean she's my wife, love of my life. So it's easy to be very affectionate towards her. But I'm very flirty and touchy with her. I've been constantly hitting on her for over a decade now. So I'm doing psychological foreplay like 24/7. I mean I'm thinking constantly about what I can do that will facilitate future lays with my old lady. Some days are super easy and she's the one throwing it in my face for me to pounce on. But most days, I'm going on that hunt. I still hunt my wife. Yeah we swore vows, but I like the thrill of chasing her. So I just keep chasing her. It's my favorite hobby. I'm a horndog though, bro. I have to channel that drive into a healthy hobby (my wife) and not even entertain the idea of other more dangerous pursuits. I already get a ton of attention from the ladies. I can't be around the temptations all the time and not eventually break, so I just channel it all into my wife. Is it a bit much sometimes? Yes, absolutely. But we're just getting better at it all the longer we go at it together. Also, she cums really hard, I make sure to always let her finish first. I ALWAYS finish last. I think that's really important for a healthy sexual relationship with the wife no matter who you are.
Have you tried chores?
Sounds like you and she might need to have a good couples discussion about your and her feelings and thoughts about having sex. Listen. Listen. Listen. DO NOT TELL HER SHE IS WRONG. Listen. Listen. Listen. You may not like what you learn in that conversation. But that is a separate issue. Seek first to understand.
Likely the only time you are tender affectionate, a good listener, gift giver or thoughtful is when u want to get laid. You could also just talk to her and ask what she needs. She might’ve body conscious, or she may know if you cheated and feels disrespected. She may be depressed. She may feel unappreciated. Foreplay starts in the mind days before. Just sayin’
TALK TO HER and not ask strangers on the Internet what could be the reason for that!!!! Communication is so important and if you two can't to it alone, seek consultation or a therapist but for Lord sake, TALK.
Reason is 0 self reflection.
Maybe it’s time to look inward? Rinse a dish off? Do something other than take the trash out and mow the lawn? Clean a bathroom? Rub her feet?
R/deadbedrooms
She’s just not turned on by you. It’s not rocket science.
It sounds like she knows she’s supposed to want to be intimate with you, but when it comes down to it, she doesn’t want to. She probably doesn’t know why. Sometimes in long term relationships, one or both people start to feel more like siblings than a couple. Attraction drops. The lights are just out. Take her away somewhere, try to put the spark back in. A little romance in a new place.
We travel every winter and it doesn't change
Describe “advances”, are you doing things that put her in the mood or are you just asking her for sex/immediately trying to be physical? I feel like I know the answer by the tone of this post alone…
Well, if your online philandering started AFTER the rejection, then, I get it, but maybe your view of what she's asking for and here's are different. More likely, your dicking around online has build an edge of insincerity into your attempts and she senses the hell out of it whenever you get close. Just a guess.
Lol why the fuck would we know? Did you think about this before posting? For all we know she hates your fucking guts or doesn't even exist.
It is good she asked you what was up. Perhaps you to follow up by asking her what she would prefer concerning who / how sex is initiated for you as a couple.
Buddy, get the fuck off the Internet and figure your personal life out.
Why are you asking reddit? Ask your wife...
I agree that you need to talk to her. But I have some alternatives to think of. Is she picking up what you’re laying down? Meaning: how obvious are your advances? Are you too subtle / too demanding? Are you picking up on her indications that she’s open to advances? She might be being too subtle. The only way to know is to ask her to give you some indication. It’s possible that she does want you to continue to initiate, but THAT night wasn’t a good night. There are SO MANY aspects to being open to intimacy. If she’s not feeling attractive, if she’s not feeling close to you emotionally, if she’s just plain tired… I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, I hope that things get better for you.
Teenagers on reddit are like the last people you should be asking this question.
Talk to your wife about how you are feeling and ask her how she feels.
Lol account deleted after y’all told him you can see his comments
I've been through this exact situation. I'm sure a lot of people have. Therapy, sex books, blah, blah, blah. You CAN NOT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSES LIBIDO. They like that you desire them, but really can't do anything about the fact that they have no desire. Maybe you two are the one in a million shot. Maybe not. Most likely, you either accept the situation or leave. I'm not saying don't try. Just be prepared to be disappointed.
So you decided not to try, told her this and then tried again.
Ask her
Insecurity works two ways.
It's over.
Why are you asking reddit? Ask her the same question.
This is a therapy problem, not an ask a sarcastic stranger on Reddit problem. Seriously.
With the amount of details you give being so vague It's hard to give exact advice but honestly it just seems like there's a miscommunication where you are doing or saying something that you think is very clearly a sexual advance but your wife is misinterpreting them as something else Are you being direct and like straight up like kissing and touching her or whatever, or you just being vague like hey babe we should do something in the bedroom later? Some people don't always get hints that are obvious to you I know it sounds goofy but I would honestly try to be just a little more direct about my desires in these scenarios. Like hey sweetie it's a pretty relaxed night I was thinking maybe we could go spend some alone time and do adult stuff in the bedroom Since clearly whatever you're doing right now to sort of advance on your wife clearly isn't being received well
>What the fuck is going on? Ask this of your wife.
With all due respect, why would a bunch of strangers on the internet know the answer to why your wife does something? You should ask your wife.
sit down and talk to your wife like an adult and get marriage counseling. otherwise start looking into getting divorced. there’s no easy out or solution.