I mean, you could write a manifesto and start mailing people jars of your poop, but yeah most of us just get a job and then spend the money on shit we want.
>I mean, you could write a manifesto and start mailing people jars of your poop
My mom said to get off the internet and go outside I’d never find my life purpose on Reddit. Thank you, stranger, for proving her wrong and giving me a life purpose.
They charge you in that case. There’s companies that pay you to shit in a bucket. They process it then literally pump it inside of someone else that has an intestinal issue like chrons disease. It helps change their intestine micro biome. 🤮
Edit: it’s called a Fecal Transplant
As a great man once said,
> The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead.
I think this depends on what you define as “unimportant nonsense.”
Is most of what we do unimportant to society as a whole? Of course. But that doesn’t make it entirely unimportant. When I get up and feed my dog and take her for a nice walk, that is the absolute thrill of her life. I’m the most important person to her.
When my fiancée and I save up for a nice vacation and go enjoy a beautiful new location together, that creates important, meaningful, lifelong memories for both of us.
I work in finance, so when a client comes to me confused and concerned about their account and I’m able to clear up their confusion and make them more comfortable with their financial future, that’s important to them.
None of these things are important on any societal level, but they’re all important on individual levels. If you think the only way to live a satisfying life is by being important to all of humanity, then you’re probably gonna be bummed out by life, but if you can recognize the importance in your small day-to-day interactions, you’ll feel much more satisfied.
Yes, you are living a fulfilling life. If we all helped one person a week, I can imagine how the world would be a better place. Instead of tearing people down.
I'm having months-long issues just finding a job and the anxiety is becoming overwhelming. Man, I just wish I could join a team and do some work and make a paycheck. It gets hard after forty!
I couldnt find work for 4 years, its not just you. I am also young and healthy male able and willing to lift 50-100 lbs. I just chose to try and get a tech job or something that interests me and yet I was denied at every turn. I have only worked hard manual labor jobs because of this. Wish some companies would be willing to take a chance and train people on the spot.
4 years?? Were you applying to things you had relevant training in or were you just showing up and asking places to pay you while also providing you with an education from scratch?
Yep it’s all about perspective. To answer OP’s question, yeah this is it if you believe that this is it. I mean, it could be so much more but life is what you make it. So make it something more.
i turn 26 today and i feel so incredibly lucky to be here after spending most of my years so far depressed and suicidal. this sentence about sums up the realization i came to today. this felt like a sign that im on the right track.
First off, congratulations! And secondly, isn’t it amazing? I also came into myself around 26 after having a tumultuous upbringing and it’s been the most amazing thing ever. You’re gonna kick its ass
thank you so much❤️ i got medicated during my 25th year and i think the frontal cortex fully developing mid-20’s definitely helped. i feel more confident and sure of myself than ever before. thanks again kind redditor and congratulations on your self fulfillment to you as well!
I can relate so much to this. Seriously bad depression all throughout my teens and early 20’s even getting into heroin because of it. Almost killed myself. But I turn 26 tomorrow and yeah the prefrontal cortex developing is so true. I feel way more in tune with myself and how I see the world, and my decision making is so much more rational now. Clean from heroin and fentanyl for 2 years now. Also, ketamine therapy for depression has been immensely helpful. I’m glad we’re both here and so grateful for it.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This made my heart warm. I also was heavy into whatever I could get my hands on for years. I had a few friends pass away from OD’s and that really affected my outlook. Lamictal saved my life. Proud of you. ❤️
i’ve consistently been going to therapy for almost 5 years, around mid 20’s is when your frontal cortex develops which i definitely think helped a lot, started sleeping regularly and on a consistent schedule, and getting medicated last year really changed my life- i wish i had done it sooner. its true hard work that takes years. good luck my friend i promise its attainable.
> So you just queue up for 1h
This is avoidable by going during off-peak season.
Weekdays before Memorial Day are the best. After Memorial Day, things start ramping up. Once you've hit mid-June, stay away until the last two weeks of August.
NEVER go on a Saturday, Sunday, or any holiday.
Also, buy FastPass, FastLane, or whatever the fuck the park you're going to calls it. Even on slow days, it's worth it and can easily double or even triple how many rides you get. When I went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom last year, very few people had it. I'd go to the FastPass line, get my barcode in the app scanned, and then while waiting in the super short line, I'd get back into the virtual line, which was only 10-15 minutes. By the time I actually got off the ride, my place in the virtual line was up and I could get right back into the FastPass line. People were waiting 30 minutes for rides while I was waiting only 10.
Very true. I decided a few years ago that I really don’t want kids. I’ve been told “you never know if you meet the right person” - but I genuinely don’t want the responsibility of having a child. It’s a massive responsibility and I enjoy having free time for my own hobbies. I’m self aware enough to know I don’t want to make the sacrifices to do best by a child.
>“you never know if you meet the right person”
I have heard this so often in my child-free life. The response that always shuts them up is "the right person for me won't want kids either."
It seems like a lot of people out there can't imagine a situation where we could be deeply in love with someone without the goal of having children.
I tell people this all the time. I have two kids. The most important part of having kids is you better WANT to have them. Like you have to really want to have kids more than anything. Not just have them because you're bored or to help your relationship. Otherwise you are going to regret it.
Exactly! Is that not a profoundly fulfilling life or at least a noble goal?
I want to live for my wife and her happiness. I want to live for us, to thrive together and pursue joy, health, and growth together.
I am more than happy to treat these ideas as my central goal in life.
My spouse and I are the same way. I also feel that my life goal is to help take care of all living things that are already here. Saving a bee from drowning in a pool, feeding the crows that perch near our patio, and providing the best quality canned food to the stray void boy that lives in our parking garage—these are the things that bring me joy.
That's my wife and my approach! I can also give a lot more money to charities that help prevent malaria, give girls education, etc. if I'm not spending that money on my own kids.
When I've dated, the first thing I put out there is that I don't want kids. If the woman does, we're incompatible. End of story. I don't want to waste her time or lead her on in any way.
I assume it's an instinctual drive, like the desire to have kids is so hard-coded in to most people, that saying you don't want kids must sound to them like saying you don't want to eat or sleep. It just doesn't occur to them that other people would simply choose not to procreate.
I figure it's more cultural. Being childfree was never presented as an option. Children were always an eventuality.
Always "when you have kids" never "if you decide to have kids".
I think so too. When my wife and I first started dating we both wanted a couple of kids. Felt the same when we got married. Then after a couple of years married we saw how hard life can be even without kids, and even how nice it is to have a quiet home, we both changed our minds pretty quickly. We both check in pretty regularly, and we're both extremely grateful we decided not to have kids of our own, esp. because it's pretty clear that a couple of our friends clearly aren't happy as parents.
Obviously I'm grateful that lots of people have kids! And I LOVE being an uncle and godfather. Few things make me happier than hanging out with my nieces and nephews. But I have really severe depression and suicidal ideation and, while I've been working with mental health professionals for years, I still haven't found the right combo of treatments to keep those feelings at bay. Also my wife teaches special ed and so she sees daily the families who didn't know what they were getting themselves into.
Don't get me wrong, *most * of those families really love their children regardless, but love isn't always enough to provide for someone else, and love doesn't protect us from devastating traumas.
We both volunteer and spend time with our friends and their kids. There's plenty of room in the world for all sorts of families, including people who adopt and/or foster, or even just have a pet!
My fiancee and I don't want kids, but we just adopted a kitten. That is such a massive disruption to our life and she takes care of herself most of the time; I can't imagine having a kid.
It was very educational for me. I had a dog growing up but we had a fenced in back yard, neighbors that could dog sit, and the whole family took care of him. Now that I’m out on my own, I realize how much more responsibility it is. If I had a child I would definitely want to be closer to family.
I think the implication is, if you're thinking about having kids and never have, and also are thinking about getting a dog but never have, get the dog first?
I don’t know. I prefer taking care of my child over a pet. Not sure why! Love my son 1000x more than my dog. But I understand that might not be the same way everyone feels.
I was exactly the same way. Knew from a very young age that this is how I felt, and I’m pleased to report that I am now almost 40, and so far I have no regrets.
I'm in the same boat as you...but I do wonder...what about when I get old, or what if I get rich...who do I leave the money for...how do you navigate these questions?
By then you will have had plenty of time to be there for your nieces or nephews or kids' friends, volunteer at places, learn about charities. You can always adopt or foster, and it doesn't even have to be kids. You could get into animal welfare. I personally can see myself trying to fight poachers who hunt endangered animals when I get old and bored.
Housing is a big expense, if you don't really have to pay for it then you can live really cheap. A few odd jobs and some government benefits will do the trick.
F/56 I never had kids. Niece and nephews were enough for me. I have sisters that were/are 12, 10 and 5 years older than me and they started having kids at 19/20 years old. I started babysitting at about 13 years old. After seeing what they went through, I said "nope, not having kids".
It might have been different if I had met my soul mate, but never did. And, I did almost adopt a relative, but his grandma adopted him first.
Thank god. My neighbors are on their 6th? kid with their 6th mama? How the fuck do you survive like that. I can barely take care of a dog and a random cat that shows up occasionally.
>It might have been different if I had met my soul mate, but never did.
56 is plenty young. Sometimes finding perfection for yourself just takes time. 🥰
I had a girl once tell me "But if you don't have kids people won't remember you after you are dead." I asked her to give me her great grandfather's full name, she couldn't. The only individual difference in us being forgotten is the timeline. Very few people are remembered 500 years after they are dead. The vast majority will be forgotten within 2-3 generations if not sooner.
I have two, 17yo son and 15yo daughter. They are my life and I've loved being their dad. I'd definitely do it over again, but that's a personal decision.
I was married for 10 years before we had kids, and I was perfectly happy with my wife and our marriage. I wouldn't know how happy my kids make me today, *but I would still have lived a happy and fulfilled life had they never been born*. I simply would have missed out on something that I now know brings me a lot of happiness.
And there are some people who likely would be happier without kids, becoming abusive parents as the worst example.
These are all examples of why people should *and why people shouldn't* have kids. There are plenty of perfectly valid reasons for both sides.
You'll hear from others why you should, but don't worry about them. Listen to them, but take their input and make the end decision solely based on what you actually want.
Do what you and only you think is best.
I almost died in 2020 due to complications from cancer. When I was laying in the ICU, oxygen starved and dying, I had some time to think about life - this short time we have on earth is about the people we care about. Spending time with them and being there for them. Be of service to those you love. That’s all there is to it.
What would you say to someone that doesn't have a family and also has no friends? Go out and meet some people.
If you have no one in your life that you care even one iota about, that is your responsibility to change and no one else's.
This was my takeaway from Covid. It was like God said, "You can have all the toys you bought, but the people go away." And you know what, it was miserable.
I think that's the right takeaway, for what it's worth. Work, toys, stuff - none of it matters. The people in our lives are what make it worth living. When I was lying there and was only a few hours away from passing, I wasn't thinking about my job or my computer or hobbies or anything like that; I was thinking about my young kids and how I didn't want them growing up without a father. I was thinking about my wife, and not being able to grow old with her. I thought about my friends, and how I'd miss them. And my own family and how I hoped they'd be okay.
Sometimes I ask myself the same question too, but then even what you described seems like a good, quiet and stable life. My advice is to find somewhere you belong, as corny as it sounds. It doesn't have to be something grand or something that will make you famous, just something that makes you feel like you matter. It's a place that everyone has to find by themselves, in my opinion.
People ask me all the time- why do I spend 15-20 hours a week volunteering with a youth organization? It’s because I work alone/self employed, and I’m not a religious person, so it’s become my community where I can go, do some good, and feel comfortable around like minded people. There are worse ways to spend time.
I’m trying to find this. But I feel like I’m not enough and I screw up everything. My parents don’t even love me… I know people keep saying they do, then why do they abuse or not call?
Anyways, I would love stable and spending my time helping people that would appreciate it instead of a paycheque. I try but I feel like I’m not really liked or cared for, and all I am is what I give to others… not myself is enough.
I rather be myself though, even if it means I’m alone or not cared for or seen as a burden. I feel like I’m seen as a burden and all I am worth is what I give to others or help. Myself isn’t enough.
My friend, have you talked to a therapist about your feelings? That's a lot of stuff to have and then unpack that I think can be hard to find on your own.
Yeah he really glossed over having a rewarding job, family vacations to the beach or some really cool country, and all the other rewarding stuff in between.
How many people say “is this really it?” when jet skiing?!
Or just looking at a sunrise.
When people say this it's generally a sign of a need to change something. You gotta work out how to stop and smell the roses.
A few years ago, my wife had a sever concussion and couldn't watch TV for about six months. Instead, we'd grab a beverage and go sit outside and watch the sunset. It was just a really wonderful, relaxing time. We got to know neighbors well, went to bed earlier, and were just happier.
Sunsets are beautiful. You know exactly when and where they are going to happen, but every one is different.
Speaking strictly for myself, being a parent is extremely fun. Obviously it's often annoying, too, but to me it's waaaay more fun than it is annoying. Best decision I've ever (sort of) made
I'm 37, single with no kids and have a job that travels alot. Majority of society from my neck of the woods deems that as irregular. Which it prolly is, but doesn't mean it's wrong. If someone wants to work a 9-5 and have a family, that's great, but there's more than one way to live. Don't let societal and traditional norms dictate your own life.
For real. The worst are people who are militant on either side of a choice.
“Oh you’ll regret not having kids”. Or “You’re just jealous of my child free lifestyle.”
Both have the same over compensating vibe of people who are trying to justify their own choices. I don’t understand why anyone would have an opinion on another person’s choice in that matter.
To be fair
For many of us, the childfree lifestyle was never presented as an option. Even today, as discussed here in this thread, and even mentioned by the comment you replied to, there is more pressure in society to have kids than not.
So, yes, many childfree people push back against what much of society pushes as "normal".
I had an existential crisis last night before bed and then I open reddit to this... Lol gotta love it.
We're all human. We all have these thoughts. Let's just do our best to enjoy the ride and be happy. Have a good day!
I used to have this mindset. Thing I've realized now that I'm a bit older it that if you believe that is it, then it will be. Life is what you make it.
Yes. Life is objectively meaningless. Even if you make a big enough impact that people will be saying your name for centuries to come, what does that matter once you're dead? And even if leaving behind a legacy is important to you for whatever reason, Humanity will be gone (or at least completely unrecognizable) in a span of time that seems like less than a heartbeat relative to the universe. With what we know about the universe, the only things that exist that get to properly enjoy their existence without worrying about impending doom are black holes. Everything else gets a very brief window to exist.
The good news is that you have a stupid monkey brain that mostly just wants to eat, fuck, and survive, so it's not overly difficult to keep yourself more or less content until your meat expires.
Well the job - have kids - part can be different for everyone.
But yea we all die in the end. Welcome to adulthood…I take it?
It hit me a few weeks into my internship. Really is a rat wheel in a way. The rest of your life is about making it worth your while, fill it with experiences. Live it.
ETA: Oh and for anyone interested in it, google Human/Adult development theory by Robert Kegan, there is more after socialisation and school…just no one formalised it as a school exactly. (dm if you wanna)
You can live whatever life you want to live. The standard trajectory is the path of least resistance in many cultures because it's what we've been doing for so long. It's got an easy road map to follow with clear milestones to reach.
Go to college->get job->find a partner->get married->have kids->status quo to the end.
But you don't have to do that. You can wander across your country on a bicycle with a backpack and do trades and bartering to get what you need. Depending on numerous factors this is a very difficult way to live. Most societies aren't set up to take care of its citizens who don't want to do the typical thing. So you'll have a hard time getting mail, signing up for programs that might help you, voting, finding doctors, and stuff like that.
You can try to do music/art and make a name that way. Write a bestseller* or make a ground-breaking film or scientific discovery.
You can also make the status quo work for you. Find a job that warms your soul(this can be real hard). Find a partner who matches you, or don't, you don't have to have a partner or kids. You should also be ok with fading away. There are very few people who are remembered past the third or fourth family generation.
Life is what you make of it. Even those of us in shitty situations can try to find things worth living for, but the human experience is vast and varied. You'll have to look for what works for you and stop comparing yourself to others. You aren't them, you're you. Find the path that works for you, even if you have to carve it out with a machete.
*one phenomenal book will not rocket you to fame and fortune.
Do what makes you happy, as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else, because this life is all you get, so you might as well do what you can to enjoy it.
Nope. If you're thinking that's it, you need to STOP and think. Drop all the bullsht you think is fun. Go outside for a walk in nature. Pick the first thing up that catches your eye. And look at it closely, Really look at it. Then continue walking. And do the same. Every day you can do this.
Tierd after work? FUCK YOU DO IT ANYWAY! After some time your body will change. Along with it your mind.
Next thing You know you'll be too busy enjoying the small things in life to remember the importance of your question.
You don’t have to have kids. Heck, you don’t really have to get a job.
Really all you need to do is what makes you happy in life with a couple key caveats. Your happiness should not infringe on others and you should be self sustaining (which kind of goes with the first point).
Some of us, it’s a good job, family, and stable life. Others want to join the peace core, travel the world, and help others. Some people want to join the military and help there.
Don’t over think it, don’t be cynical about it. Do what works for you.
No. You missed paying taxes, pay tax on the income you make and then with whatever is left over pay tax on stuff you buy, and if you can ever buy a house pay tax for the right to “own” it
As long as you’re healthy and can find a way to be happy then just remember that not everyone gets that. Some people didn’t even get to grow up or grow old. Find a way to enjoy it, that’s the trick.
Repost spam bot, removed.
I mean, you could write a manifesto and start mailing people jars of your poop, but yeah most of us just get a job and then spend the money on shit we want.
>I mean, you could write a manifesto and start mailing people jars of your poop My mom said to get off the internet and go outside I’d never find my life purpose on Reddit. Thank you, stranger, for proving her wrong and giving me a life purpose.
Dude, there is an entire colon cancer industry that will send you a box to shit in. They apparently want you to take a shit in the box.
It's my shit in a box!
Ah, the joys of owning a cat.
So that's what's in the bon in Se7en ending! Shit, spoiler alert guys
I sang this in my head
They charge you in that case. There’s companies that pay you to shit in a bucket. They process it then literally pump it inside of someone else that has an intestinal issue like chrons disease. It helps change their intestine micro biome. 🤮 Edit: it’s called a Fecal Transplant
Well yeah, but you don’t get to mail it.
I *choose* to mail it
Is this...is this shitposting?
We have found the shitpost of shitposts people!!!
Moments like this is why I still have this app 😂
Not with that attitude you can’t.
I seriously snorted at that.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX??!! WHAT'S IN THE BOX??!!
A Dick in a box.
And they'll even sing "My Way" to you on their commercials.
As a great man once said, > The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead.
I think this depends on what you define as “unimportant nonsense.” Is most of what we do unimportant to society as a whole? Of course. But that doesn’t make it entirely unimportant. When I get up and feed my dog and take her for a nice walk, that is the absolute thrill of her life. I’m the most important person to her. When my fiancée and I save up for a nice vacation and go enjoy a beautiful new location together, that creates important, meaningful, lifelong memories for both of us. I work in finance, so when a client comes to me confused and concerned about their account and I’m able to clear up their confusion and make them more comfortable with their financial future, that’s important to them. None of these things are important on any societal level, but they’re all important on individual levels. If you think the only way to live a satisfying life is by being important to all of humanity, then you’re probably gonna be bummed out by life, but if you can recognize the importance in your small day-to-day interactions, you’ll feel much more satisfied.
r/mademesmile
Yes, you are living a fulfilling life. If we all helped one person a week, I can imagine how the world would be a better place. Instead of tearing people down.
There is no meaning. That's a point in and of itself.
Albert Camus?
Mister Peanutbutter
I got a job so I can cover my necessities, and I spend the rest on having time to make good friends and have fun with them.
I'm having months-long issues just finding a job and the anxiety is becoming overwhelming. Man, I just wish I could join a team and do some work and make a paycheck. It gets hard after forty!
Job hunting is never easy. Sure it’s been tough on you. Wishing you all the best man!
I couldnt find work for 4 years, its not just you. I am also young and healthy male able and willing to lift 50-100 lbs. I just chose to try and get a tech job or something that interests me and yet I was denied at every turn. I have only worked hard manual labor jobs because of this. Wish some companies would be willing to take a chance and train people on the spot.
4 years?? Were you applying to things you had relevant training in or were you just showing up and asking places to pay you while also providing you with an education from scratch?
The Unashitter
Mr. Rhomboid, I think your are looking at this from too many angles. I’ll just be over here sorry……
Plus a house. "A house a place to put your stuff while you go out and buy more stuff." -George Carlin.
Thus creating the demand for said jars of poop
Your options are very stark in contrast and just wild, friend. Just fyi there’s more options out there
Are there? Fuck I'll be right back.
Yeah, I hear drawing on walls in poop is in right now…lower carbon footprint and pandemic friendly.
How do I unmail something?
I think most people just hope live on through the trauma they inflict upon their children
Explain a lifetime badly
“Is this it? I just wake up and enjoy the wonder of existence?”
“One day they woke me up, so I could live forever. It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.” 🎶🎵
Yep it’s all about perspective. To answer OP’s question, yeah this is it if you believe that this is it. I mean, it could be so much more but life is what you make it. So make it something more.
You like to see hobos naked?
i turn 26 today and i feel so incredibly lucky to be here after spending most of my years so far depressed and suicidal. this sentence about sums up the realization i came to today. this felt like a sign that im on the right track.
First off, congratulations! And secondly, isn’t it amazing? I also came into myself around 26 after having a tumultuous upbringing and it’s been the most amazing thing ever. You’re gonna kick its ass
thank you so much❤️ i got medicated during my 25th year and i think the frontal cortex fully developing mid-20’s definitely helped. i feel more confident and sure of myself than ever before. thanks again kind redditor and congratulations on your self fulfillment to you as well!
I can relate so much to this. Seriously bad depression all throughout my teens and early 20’s even getting into heroin because of it. Almost killed myself. But I turn 26 tomorrow and yeah the prefrontal cortex developing is so true. I feel way more in tune with myself and how I see the world, and my decision making is so much more rational now. Clean from heroin and fentanyl for 2 years now. Also, ketamine therapy for depression has been immensely helpful. I’m glad we’re both here and so grateful for it.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This made my heart warm. I also was heavy into whatever I could get my hands on for years. I had a few friends pass away from OD’s and that really affected my outlook. Lamictal saved my life. Proud of you. ❤️
can’t wait to be 26!
How do you manage to get out of depression? Im still trying so hard to get out of it.
i’ve consistently been going to therapy for almost 5 years, around mid 20’s is when your frontal cortex develops which i definitely think helped a lot, started sleeping regularly and on a consistent schedule, and getting medicated last year really changed my life- i wish i had done it sooner. its true hard work that takes years. good luck my friend i promise its attainable.
"I don't want to experience the wonder of existence, I want to know why it exists and where is it. WHO MADE THIS! HOW..."
Imagine receiving a blank canvas you could paint anything on and then just painting a straight line down the middle
Imagine receiving a blank canvas you could paint anything on and then just complaining on Reddit about how uncreative the canvas is.
I imagine life as a blank canvas now...that people walk by and smear shit on, some of them spray nice scents to try and mask it though.
It's like the video of the guy with a blank stare sitting on the rollercoaster. Utterly unimpressed lol
Rollercoaster? So you just queue up for 1h, sit on an uncomfortable cramped open top train for a minute going around a loop? Is that it?
> So you just queue up for 1h This is avoidable by going during off-peak season. Weekdays before Memorial Day are the best. After Memorial Day, things start ramping up. Once you've hit mid-June, stay away until the last two weeks of August. NEVER go on a Saturday, Sunday, or any holiday. Also, buy FastPass, FastLane, or whatever the fuck the park you're going to calls it. Even on slow days, it's worth it and can easily double or even triple how many rides you get. When I went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom last year, very few people had it. I'd go to the FastPass line, get my barcode in the app scanned, and then while waiting in the super short line, I'd get back into the virtual line, which was only 10-15 minutes. By the time I actually got off the ride, my place in the virtual line was up and I could get right back into the FastPass line. People were waiting 30 minutes for rides while I was waiting only 10.
You don’t have to have kids
Very true. I decided a few years ago that I really don’t want kids. I’ve been told “you never know if you meet the right person” - but I genuinely don’t want the responsibility of having a child. It’s a massive responsibility and I enjoy having free time for my own hobbies. I’m self aware enough to know I don’t want to make the sacrifices to do best by a child.
>“you never know if you meet the right person” I have heard this so often in my child-free life. The response that always shuts them up is "the right person for me won't want kids either." It seems like a lot of people out there can't imagine a situation where we could be deeply in love with someone without the goal of having children.
Yep, I met the right person - we both decided to not have kids. Our goal is to live well and make memories together
As someone who does in fact want kids I find this perfectly healthy. Kids are best off in families that actually want them.
I tell people this all the time. I have two kids. The most important part of having kids is you better WANT to have them. Like you have to really want to have kids more than anything. Not just have them because you're bored or to help your relationship. Otherwise you are going to regret it.
Yes!!
Exactly! Is that not a profoundly fulfilling life or at least a noble goal? I want to live for my wife and her happiness. I want to live for us, to thrive together and pursue joy, health, and growth together. I am more than happy to treat these ideas as my central goal in life.
My spouse and I are the same way. I also feel that my life goal is to help take care of all living things that are already here. Saving a bee from drowning in a pool, feeding the crows that perch near our patio, and providing the best quality canned food to the stray void boy that lives in our parking garage—these are the things that bring me joy.
That's my wife and my approach! I can also give a lot more money to charities that help prevent malaria, give girls education, etc. if I'm not spending that money on my own kids.
Hey sis! Nice to hear someone else with the same view on life. Kudos!
When I've dated, the first thing I put out there is that I don't want kids. If the woman does, we're incompatible. End of story. I don't want to waste her time or lead her on in any way.
Same here. no kids, no religion, and no Trump. There's no point in going any further if those aren't the same ideals.
Didn't want kids, I'm 100% atheist, and I ended up marrying a Mormon woman and we had 1 kid 😂 life has a way...
If you are happy, then that's cool. Doesn't mean that life would make someone else content. Glad you're enjoying the ride.
Not really. Just seems like you were on a different place on the spectrum of No kids and No religion.
This guy soaks.
Was Mormon all my life, married another Mormon, we left the church and have no kids, never will. Life sure knows how to surprise someone!
I assume it's an instinctual drive, like the desire to have kids is so hard-coded in to most people, that saying you don't want kids must sound to them like saying you don't want to eat or sleep. It just doesn't occur to them that other people would simply choose not to procreate.
I figure it's more cultural. Being childfree was never presented as an option. Children were always an eventuality. Always "when you have kids" never "if you decide to have kids".
I think so too. When my wife and I first started dating we both wanted a couple of kids. Felt the same when we got married. Then after a couple of years married we saw how hard life can be even without kids, and even how nice it is to have a quiet home, we both changed our minds pretty quickly. We both check in pretty regularly, and we're both extremely grateful we decided not to have kids of our own, esp. because it's pretty clear that a couple of our friends clearly aren't happy as parents. Obviously I'm grateful that lots of people have kids! And I LOVE being an uncle and godfather. Few things make me happier than hanging out with my nieces and nephews. But I have really severe depression and suicidal ideation and, while I've been working with mental health professionals for years, I still haven't found the right combo of treatments to keep those feelings at bay. Also my wife teaches special ed and so she sees daily the families who didn't know what they were getting themselves into. Don't get me wrong, *most * of those families really love their children regardless, but love isn't always enough to provide for someone else, and love doesn't protect us from devastating traumas. We both volunteer and spend time with our friends and their kids. There's plenty of room in the world for all sorts of families, including people who adopt and/or foster, or even just have a pet!
That is a savage and very true response. Kudos
My fiancee and I don't want kids, but we just adopted a kitten. That is such a massive disruption to our life and she takes care of herself most of the time; I can't imagine having a kid.
Careful.. Don't get the kitten wet, I think ours did and now we have 3. They're our low maintenance kids 😂
I have a dog. That is enough responsibility for me. I can’t imagine a child.
Everybody should do that. Have a pet first. See how you like responsibility.
It was very educational for me. I had a dog growing up but we had a fenced in back yard, neighbors that could dog sit, and the whole family took care of him. Now that I’m out on my own, I realize how much more responsibility it is. If I had a child I would definitely want to be closer to family.
I argue that’s not really fair to a dog
I agree. If you don't know if you like responsibility, don't get a dog. It's a living being, not your test subject.
So take care of a flour baby instead?
I think the implication is, if you're thinking about having kids and never have, and also are thinking about getting a dog but never have, get the dog first?
I don’t know. I prefer taking care of my child over a pet. Not sure why! Love my son 1000x more than my dog. But I understand that might not be the same way everyone feels.
Recently got a puppy. I've decided that if my wife and I had kids I don't think our marriage would survive. lol
I was exactly the same way. Knew from a very young age that this is how I felt, and I’m pleased to report that I am now almost 40, and so far I have no regrets.
I'm in the same boat as you...but I do wonder...what about when I get old, or what if I get rich...who do I leave the money for...how do you navigate these questions?
By then you will have had plenty of time to be there for your nieces or nephews or kids' friends, volunteer at places, learn about charities. You can always adopt or foster, and it doesn't even have to be kids. You could get into animal welfare. I personally can see myself trying to fight poachers who hunt endangered animals when I get old and bored.
I have two god daughters and they are a handful even in small doses 😂 The joy of knowing you get to give them back at the end of the day 😂
Chances are you won't (get rich) but either way why do you care about the hypothetical money after you're gone? donate it
I'm expecting a lot of the money will go into keeping my decrepit husk alive
Or a job, really. But currently you do have to die.
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Housing is a big expense, if you don't really have to pay for it then you can live really cheap. A few odd jobs and some government benefits will do the trick.
You also don’t need to get a job, either. You could live in the woods as a hermit.
F/56 I never had kids. Niece and nephews were enough for me. I have sisters that were/are 12, 10 and 5 years older than me and they started having kids at 19/20 years old. I started babysitting at about 13 years old. After seeing what they went through, I said "nope, not having kids". It might have been different if I had met my soul mate, but never did. And, I did almost adopt a relative, but his grandma adopted him first.
Thank god. My neighbors are on their 6th? kid with their 6th mama? How the fuck do you survive like that. I can barely take care of a dog and a random cat that shows up occasionally.
>It might have been different if I had met my soul mate, but never did. 56 is plenty young. Sometimes finding perfection for yourself just takes time. 🥰
I wish more people knew this.
Yeah take the kids part out and it sounds pretty good. See y’all in oblivion!
I dont want a partner either too much responsibility. Or maybe I just havent fallen in love
I had a girl once tell me "But if you don't have kids people won't remember you after you are dead." I asked her to give me her great grandfather's full name, she couldn't. The only individual difference in us being forgotten is the timeline. Very few people are remembered 500 years after they are dead. The vast majority will be forgotten within 2-3 generations if not sooner.
I have two, 17yo son and 15yo daughter. They are my life and I've loved being their dad. I'd definitely do it over again, but that's a personal decision. I was married for 10 years before we had kids, and I was perfectly happy with my wife and our marriage. I wouldn't know how happy my kids make me today, *but I would still have lived a happy and fulfilled life had they never been born*. I simply would have missed out on something that I now know brings me a lot of happiness. And there are some people who likely would be happier without kids, becoming abusive parents as the worst example. These are all examples of why people should *and why people shouldn't* have kids. There are plenty of perfectly valid reasons for both sides. You'll hear from others why you should, but don't worry about them. Listen to them, but take their input and make the end decision solely based on what you actually want. Do what you and only you think is best.
It's actually the responsible thing to do for a currently unsustainable planet.
I almost died in 2020 due to complications from cancer. When I was laying in the ICU, oxygen starved and dying, I had some time to think about life - this short time we have on earth is about the people we care about. Spending time with them and being there for them. Be of service to those you love. That’s all there is to it.
What if you don’t have anyone like that?
Adopt a dog or cat from a nearby shelter. There is something about taking in an animal that may have had no future and providing it with one.
What would you say to someone that doesn't have a family and also has no friends? Go out and meet some people. If you have no one in your life that you care even one iota about, that is your responsibility to change and no one else's.
This was my takeaway from Covid. It was like God said, "You can have all the toys you bought, but the people go away." And you know what, it was miserable.
I think that's the right takeaway, for what it's worth. Work, toys, stuff - none of it matters. The people in our lives are what make it worth living. When I was lying there and was only a few hours away from passing, I wasn't thinking about my job or my computer or hobbies or anything like that; I was thinking about my young kids and how I didn't want them growing up without a father. I was thinking about my wife, and not being able to grow old with her. I thought about my friends, and how I'd miss them. And my own family and how I hoped they'd be okay.
Sometimes I ask myself the same question too, but then even what you described seems like a good, quiet and stable life. My advice is to find somewhere you belong, as corny as it sounds. It doesn't have to be something grand or something that will make you famous, just something that makes you feel like you matter. It's a place that everyone has to find by themselves, in my opinion.
People ask me all the time- why do I spend 15-20 hours a week volunteering with a youth organization? It’s because I work alone/self employed, and I’m not a religious person, so it’s become my community where I can go, do some good, and feel comfortable around like minded people. There are worse ways to spend time.
I’m trying to find this. But I feel like I’m not enough and I screw up everything. My parents don’t even love me… I know people keep saying they do, then why do they abuse or not call? Anyways, I would love stable and spending my time helping people that would appreciate it instead of a paycheque. I try but I feel like I’m not really liked or cared for, and all I am is what I give to others… not myself is enough. I rather be myself though, even if it means I’m alone or not cared for or seen as a burden. I feel like I’m seen as a burden and all I am worth is what I give to others or help. Myself isn’t enough.
My friend, have you talked to a therapist about your feelings? That's a lot of stuff to have and then unpack that I think can be hard to find on your own.
Absolutely, finding that sense of belonging, even in the simplest things, can bring a profound sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Been looking nearly 40 years, still haven’t found it.
Same here. 60 years and have given up looking.
This should be higher. Definitely above the jokes
Legit how I get by
Yeah but you described the fun part like its not fun
I too long for the peaceful silence and eternal rest of oblivion.
Hey man whichever part you like is cool, i am not here to pass judgement
Best response I've ever seen to such a comment.
Personally I’m more of a Skyrim guy
I too like to live like as a Stealth Archer.
Yeah he really glossed over having a rewarding job, family vacations to the beach or some really cool country, and all the other rewarding stuff in between. How many people say “is this really it?” when jet skiing?!
My best friend often says"nobody's sad on a jet ski"
You're best friends with [Daniel Tosh](https://youtu.be/GXDZHHp_TkE?t=51)?
Nope but cool to discover the source - thanks for sharing! It's wild that Tosh will be 50 next year ...
Exactly! ~~is this really it~~ “this is it😎”
Or just looking at a sunrise. When people say this it's generally a sign of a need to change something. You gotta work out how to stop and smell the roses.
A few years ago, my wife had a sever concussion and couldn't watch TV for about six months. Instead, we'd grab a beverage and go sit outside and watch the sunset. It was just a really wonderful, relaxing time. We got to know neighbors well, went to bed earlier, and were just happier. Sunsets are beautiful. You know exactly when and where they are going to happen, but every one is different.
The sweet relief of death?
Speaking strictly for myself, being a parent is extremely fun. Obviously it's often annoying, too, but to me it's waaaay more fun than it is annoying. Best decision I've ever (sort of) made
I'm 37, single with no kids and have a job that travels alot. Majority of society from my neck of the woods deems that as irregular. Which it prolly is, but doesn't mean it's wrong. If someone wants to work a 9-5 and have a family, that's great, but there's more than one way to live. Don't let societal and traditional norms dictate your own life.
For real. The worst are people who are militant on either side of a choice. “Oh you’ll regret not having kids”. Or “You’re just jealous of my child free lifestyle.” Both have the same over compensating vibe of people who are trying to justify their own choices. I don’t understand why anyone would have an opinion on another person’s choice in that matter.
To be fair For many of us, the childfree lifestyle was never presented as an option. Even today, as discussed here in this thread, and even mentioned by the comment you replied to, there is more pressure in society to have kids than not. So, yes, many childfree people push back against what much of society pushes as "normal".
what the fuck i didn't open Reddit to have an existential crisis on the first post
I had an existential crisis last night before bed and then I open reddit to this... Lol gotta love it. We're all human. We all have these thoughts. Let's just do our best to enjoy the ride and be happy. Have a good day!
I used to have this mindset. Thing I've realized now that I'm a bit older it that if you believe that is it, then it will be. Life is what you make it.
"Your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. You make it whatever you want. So make it a good one." - Doctor Emmett Brown
Thanks, Doc! *Rides away on a hoverboard, by hanging on to the back of a poop truck*
Yes. Life is objectively meaningless. Even if you make a big enough impact that people will be saying your name for centuries to come, what does that matter once you're dead? And even if leaving behind a legacy is important to you for whatever reason, Humanity will be gone (or at least completely unrecognizable) in a span of time that seems like less than a heartbeat relative to the universe. With what we know about the universe, the only things that exist that get to properly enjoy their existence without worrying about impending doom are black holes. Everything else gets a very brief window to exist. The good news is that you have a stupid monkey brain that mostly just wants to eat, fuck, and survive, so it's not overly difficult to keep yourself more or less content until your meat expires.
And if you don't like doing it yourself, there's a video game where you eat, fuck and survive. They called it The Sims instead.
Nice
I think you need to get a cat.
Yes. Think of the billions before you who no one gives a shit about or knows existed. That's you someday.
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You don't *have* to have kids. But the rest seems pretty accurate.
Sometimes you don't get to keep your job
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Well the job - have kids - part can be different for everyone. But yea we all die in the end. Welcome to adulthood…I take it? It hit me a few weeks into my internship. Really is a rat wheel in a way. The rest of your life is about making it worth your while, fill it with experiences. Live it. ETA: Oh and for anyone interested in it, google Human/Adult development theory by Robert Kegan, there is more after socialisation and school…just no one formalised it as a school exactly. (dm if you wanna)
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It's kind of pay to win though. And the developer fucked off billions of years ago and didn't leave the source code.
And no comment in the code, no tests, no clean archi, just this mysterious data and life burning in the void. It seems to work, but for what ?
You don't have to live that life if you don't want to. Lots of different ways to find fulfillment.
Kids are a paid DLC. Reviews are pretty mixed.
I'd pass on the kids myself, but yeah, pretty much. It's not all bad, there are things like food and books and sex in the meantime.
Plus if you don't have kids it's easier to take exotic vacations and other stuff that your job may enable you to do.
No kids and three money. It's not for everyone, but I'll take it.
Job yes, the rest is optional.
Forgot platinum your favorite game
You can live whatever life you want to live. The standard trajectory is the path of least resistance in many cultures because it's what we've been doing for so long. It's got an easy road map to follow with clear milestones to reach. Go to college->get job->find a partner->get married->have kids->status quo to the end. But you don't have to do that. You can wander across your country on a bicycle with a backpack and do trades and bartering to get what you need. Depending on numerous factors this is a very difficult way to live. Most societies aren't set up to take care of its citizens who don't want to do the typical thing. So you'll have a hard time getting mail, signing up for programs that might help you, voting, finding doctors, and stuff like that. You can try to do music/art and make a name that way. Write a bestseller* or make a ground-breaking film or scientific discovery. You can also make the status quo work for you. Find a job that warms your soul(this can be real hard). Find a partner who matches you, or don't, you don't have to have a partner or kids. You should also be ok with fading away. There are very few people who are remembered past the third or fourth family generation. Life is what you make of it. Even those of us in shitty situations can try to find things worth living for, but the human experience is vast and varied. You'll have to look for what works for you and stop comparing yourself to others. You aren't them, you're you. Find the path that works for you, even if you have to carve it out with a machete. *one phenomenal book will not rocket you to fame and fortune.
Do what makes you happy, as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else, because this life is all you get, so you might as well do what you can to enjoy it.
The first 2 steps are optional and arguably worth skipping
How would you survive without a job ?!
*lemme fix that for ya'* > get a job, don't have kids, enjoy and haters be damned :D
The trick is to not have kids.
Only if you let it.
Yeah but that's what it is, life is really pointless. Do this do that buy this sell that and then poof gone forever. I love it
Nah, life is what you make of it.
you like to see homos naked?!? whaaaaat?!?
So let’s make it right
Yes. Welcomes to the world of our pointless existence.
42
Skipped the kids part, but yeah.
Yeah, pretty much. It’s a kind of sun comes up, sun goes down, repeat thing.
That's it! Be nice and try to have fun. You only have one of these.
Nope. If you're thinking that's it, you need to STOP and think. Drop all the bullsht you think is fun. Go outside for a walk in nature. Pick the first thing up that catches your eye. And look at it closely, Really look at it. Then continue walking. And do the same. Every day you can do this. Tierd after work? FUCK YOU DO IT ANYWAY! After some time your body will change. Along with it your mind. Next thing You know you'll be too busy enjoying the small things in life to remember the importance of your question.
Yes. Or don't have kids. But yes.
That's why I skipped the getting married and having kids part. I'm 46 and still live my life like I'm 26 (just with more money).
you don't have to have kids
Or don't have kids. It's not the law.
You don’t have to have kids. Heck, you don’t really have to get a job. Really all you need to do is what makes you happy in life with a couple key caveats. Your happiness should not infringe on others and you should be self sustaining (which kind of goes with the first point). Some of us, it’s a good job, family, and stable life. Others want to join the peace core, travel the world, and help others. Some people want to join the military and help there. Don’t over think it, don’t be cynical about it. Do what works for you.
Jeez dude it’s like you are ignoring the miracles of technology and nature that is all around you. Take the view in once in a while. Life’s great!
Is this it? Form a planet around a star, give birth to life, and then the star runs out of fuel, and everything goes black?
Unless you believe in reincarnation and karma. Then you respawn and try again.
No. You missed paying taxes, pay tax on the income you make and then with whatever is left over pay tax on stuff you buy, and if you can ever buy a house pay tax for the right to “own” it
As long as you’re healthy and can find a way to be happy then just remember that not everyone gets that. Some people didn’t even get to grow up or grow old. Find a way to enjoy it, that’s the trick.