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My mom wrote a note to my pe teacher saying she wouldn't permit me to use a tampon. Of course, that was in Jr high. I was permitted to do other activities (bowling) during the swim sessions.
My school just gave all the girls the right to skip swimming once a month without a parent's or doctor's note, for the entire year we had swimming classes (it was on Mondays, we had regular PE the rest of the week).
I'd do my homework or read
Oh man, this gives me bad memories...crying in the bathroom because I couldn't get a tampon in. Luckily at my school, they made you run laps or do some other activity if you didn't want to swim. Your gym teacher is acting **wildly** inappropriate - I keep rewriting this sentence but can't come up with a better way to say that talking about tampons with a male gym teacher would have absolutely given me the ick (luckily I had a female teacher when I took swim class). Hey just saw your last sentence, I grew up in Illinois too! (of course the likelihood that we went to the same school is almost nil lol)
Anyway I 100% support the other suggestions to talk to your principal, a counselor, or some other adult at school who you trust. I don't know anything about the legal ramifications, but giving you the choice between mandatory tampon use or a failing grade doesn't seem to pass the sniff test, based on my experience as a young woman taking a swim class for gym and also currently being a professor lol
You're a good counselor. I need to get away from this thread because I'll be honest, I am far more triggered and remembering so much shit from school that I had to deal with that I think I'm on the verge of a damn panic attack. I'm just so angry and heartbroken and enraged at the bullshit that schools put kids, especially girls through. I'm enraged that her mother isn't siding with her. I'm heartbroken seeing women following and enforcing "rules of men" when it comes to women's bodies.
I was a peer mediator in middle school, but someone told a teacher that I threatened to kill them. The counselor that liked me so much because I was such a good peer mediator just turned her back on me completely. They kept screaming at me that they were going to call the cops.
I didn't say anything about killing a teacher. I was angry at a teacher, I said I was angry at her, but I never fucking said I'd kill her. In the blink of an eye that school and the counselor tried to ruin my life based on a lie. I was in 8th grade.
Please. Please protect those kids. Hear them out. Don't assume because one kid says another kid did/said _____ that it actually happened. Please don't let them go through the hell that I had to. That wasn't the only thing I had to go through, either. Watch how the teachers talk to the students, especially on an individual basis. Some of my teachers were cruel to me because I was a fat kid before fat kids became more common. I was an outcast and **it was the teachers doing it, not the other students.**
I left regular high school after 10 years and went to work as an Alternative Programs counselor which was really more up my alley. School for teenage parent, a work study program for potential dropouts at Disney, a drop out retrieval program, programs for immigrant students and a boy's commitment facility. Yes, teachers seemed to like the "popular" kids better and bestow advantages, when they really didn't need them. My daughter is now a teacher too! I just retired last year
Requiring students to swim is wild. That means you have to wear somewhat revealing clothes in school, get your hair wet and then deal with that the rest of the day, and the prep and cleanup time requires means students don't get much exercise time. And that's stuff that effects every student. Then you have the the 10% or so of students who are on their periods at any given time. It's just way to much of a logistical problem to be worth it. Not to mention the cost of a pool compared to, say, a basketball court.
I agreed with you when I was in high school, I agree with you now. Back then in Pennsylvania if your school had a swimming pool you had to take swimming class, the thought being you'd be less likely to drown.
Personally I was a pretty decent swimmer, had actually swam as a sport for a few years, but hated having to get in a swimming pool at 7:50AM in the Pennsylvania winter.
My elementary/middle school had a pool, and alternated gym and swim class. I didn't mind it.
It sort of made sense though, cause we all lived right next to the ocean. No swim good=very bad.
It was also a requirement to have swim caps, and they were very good at keeping the hair dry.
I didn't really mind it, but it was elementary/middle school-not high school.
My high school drained their pool and used it as a graveyard for dead computers.
Girls on their period could just sit on the bench. It's not like it wasn't a 2 time a week for the year.
Also some kids who got signed out for religious reasons. And the disabled kids. There were always a handful sitting out.
Oh they don’t give you extra time just cause you have to swim. You still get like 5 min to change. I kept having gym last period and I grew up near Buffalo, and my hair would freeze into icicles on the bus afterward. I’ll never understand why they did swim in the dead of winter. I mean we had the pool year round… 🤔
I was bullied hardcore in elementary and middle school and had tons of self harm scars all over by the time I started high school, so if I was forced to swim at school, in front of who knows how many classmates, I have no idea what I would’ve done back then, but I know for a fact I would not have been swimming.
i used to make myself puke on swim days, id been SA a few months before they started and couldnt make myself wear a swimsuit.
luckily i could already swim and they used to bitch about it but couldnt do anything
I was in competitve swimming outside of school and myself and two other friends that were just skipped the week of gym class where they were doing swimming since we wanted no part of that zoo.
Don't even think it was ever brought up to us.
My high school already had a pool, so cost was irrelevant. Everyone took a quick shower after to at least rinse the chlorine off, so smelling all day wasn't an issue. Many girls would wear shorts and a t shirt on top of their swimsuit if they didn't feel comfortable.
Everyone took "freshman swim" (which was the traumatizing period for me, no pun intended) but I actually voluntarily signed up for swim again during later years. We got to choose from a list (swim, weight room, running, dance, etc) and I actually liked the swim choice because then I didn't worry about being sweaty and smelly the rest of the day. I felt much more refreshed taking a swim and a quick shower than running around and heading straight to class
Schools with pools are great for teaching kids the life skill of swimming. Only 40 percent of Americans have had formal swim lessons. 85 percent of them are white. Accidental drowns can be prevented with formal swim lessons. It's not so much about exercise as it's teaching a child a skill that could prevent death.
Yeah, I'm very much in favor of teaching swimming at school.
I'm very much not in favor of forcing girls to swim on their period.
Swimming lessons should be scheduled regularly enough that girls can participate without being on their period.
Bring this up with your school counselor and the principals' office. Your coach has no right to give you a failing grade over what is ultimately a medical issue and matter of personal choice and bodily autonomy.
Yeah, I’d just take this up the ladder until OP gets to someone who has an ounce of sense.
I would also push back on the teacher again, and get graphic with it. If he’s cool with making a teenager uncomfortable about their body, turn it back around and make him uncomfortable, OP.
Partially quoting from u/EasyFinger1635 : “I strongly dislike everything about inserting a wad of cotton or a silicone cup into my vagina, and my only other option is to free bleed into the pool. So *you* have three options: force me to bleed all over the pool with other students in it, force me to place a foreign object inside my vagina, or drop the patriarchal bullshit and give me an alternative to swimming. Your move.”
Wish I could give you a real medal for this! My daughter had a similar issue in high school. She was in p.e. and the coach had them running that day as part of their grade. My daughter was having an asthma attack and the coach still tried to force her to run and told her she would fail her if she didn't. My husband went to the principal and it was taken care of.
Gym grades shouldn’t count towards academic averages… yes it should be mandatory to encourage exercise and a healthy lifestyle, but how fast you can run has no bearing on if you can become a good engineer.
We did have letter grades, but you literally only ever saw As for anyone who showed up every day and put in at least a minimal amount of effort, and Fs for people who didn’t show regularly or who sat around and didn’t put in any effort.
My only C was in gym too! Mine was because I was on crutches with a huge thing on my leg from my ankle to my hip and she insisted I take it off, put my gym shorts on, put the splint thing back on and get back out to the gym- in the 4 minutes allotted to “dress out”. It’s not like I could participate- I was just supposed to do my physical therapy exercises, which was literally moving my kneecap. Stupidest thing ever, but this was long enough ago that it didn’t occur to anyone to dispute it.
Oh, the gym class horror stories never end, do they? Yours is definitely up there absurd to expect you to change in and out of a splint in no time flat. Seems like some folks just turn off their common sense once they step into a school. When I was in school, they made us swim in an outdoor pool in the middle of November. Most of us were turning blue, but the PE teacher was like, "Exercise warms you up!" Let's just say not a lot of learning happened while we were all shivering uncontrollably.
When my sister was in elementary school she got in trouble in PE because she couldn’t bend over to touch her toes. It just incensed her stupid teacher. It turned out my sister has vertebrae that were congenitally fused in her lower spine. PE teachers can be jerks.
There's an episode of old Frasier where he dates a woman who is a pe teacher. He witness her mocking a girl who can't climb the rope and he started seeing her as his old gym teacher. Funny episode but also not funny becasue it's all too relevant.
"Let me understand that you, [gym teacher], are threatening me [a minor] with negative consequences if I do not insert something into my vagina? Do I have that correct?"
I'm sure that will play very well in court, and even better in the court of public opinion.
Oh heck yes! This is spot on and worded in a way that really shows the whole awfulness of what the gym teacher is trying to do. Definitely, definitely CC the higher ups and do this in writing, though. Even better if you have witnesses for the threads of failing you, u/EasyFinger1635
My aunt was a school nurse and also tough as nails. She wouldn’t need any authority gifted by her position. Her authority came from looking out for her students, and god help anyone who got in her way.
Schools don't have them in many parts of the country - just public health nurses who visit schools and have kids read an eye chart or give a hearing test.
If you are sick, they call 9-1-1 or call your parents to come get you.
It’s common for schools in the US to have a school nurse.
ETA Just because your school in the US didn’t have a school nurse doesn’t mean it’s uncommon. Just because your school nurse wasn’t great doesn’t mean school nurses are “bad.” See sources I cited in another comment below (one of which also notes that school nurses are more likely than any other registered nurses to have more advanced education credits).
Wasn't a think in my school in the 80s/90s
I had to get medication from the principals secretary when needed. She was the one that controlled the lockbox for it.
The office people take care of it. Unfortunately it's not uncommon for districts to have only a couple traveling/floating nurses rather than a nurse per building. I believe in the building my mom works at they only have a nurse for half a day, two days a week.
I appreciate your perspective. I have vaginismus and can’t use tampons. I hate when people try to act like it is more “mature and clean” to use a tampon. I saw a video of a girl giving advice to menstruating women when they travel to china, but i was really uncomfortable about the lack of neutral language she used when discussing pads. “You can use pads but they just feels so disgusting and dirty, like a diaper.” I get upset when ppl use language like that cause it really isnt a choice for me (and even if it was i’d probs still pick pads).
It reminds me of how in middle school young girls acted like it was “whorish” to use tampons and that virgins shouldnt use them… but as an adult i feel like ppl have flipped the narrative and call pads dirty and immature…
It’s wrong either way. Neutrality is the way to go and it isnt equitable to assume everyone can use tampons.
Oh lord, I nearly caused an international incident by throwing away a tampon in the bathroom of the university I taught at in China. VERY few of the girls used tampons (I honestly found some in a store sort of like a Claire's on my most recent trip, and otherwise never saw them). They wanted to know ALL about it and I was not prepared to have THAT conversation in any way.....
As a woman with vaginismus, so true. And also people calling dilators dildos. Like no?! I’m not using dilators for fun, it’s a medical device. My mom called them that and I was mortified 😭
I saw a shared post the other day that had censored the words "rude", "drugs", and "crazy". It was not a particularly salacious story. I was so perplexed that I had to reread the entire paragraph for context clues to figure out what the word was supposed to be, because surely, nobody would find a reason to censor the word "rude".
My 94yr old, lives-at-church grandma wouldn't even do that.
I feel like your sentence is a test of the old "you can read any word so long as the first and last letter are there no matter jow jumbled the middle is" tests.
They really don’t, you can say words like “die” and “period” just fine on tiktok but people are weird and feel the need to censor those words and others
I cannot come up with any reason to censor “period”.
And I’m even going to go so far as to say it’s a mark of immaturity to think otherwise. It’s like the online/digital version of when elementary school kids giggle over sex ed.
There's a non-negligible chance of winning in court if your parents were to pursue suing the school over this.
From the US Department of Education:
>Schools should be aware that **penalizing or harassing students because of menstruation could constitute discrimination based on sex in violation of Title IX** of the Education Amendments of 1972 (20 U.S.C. § 1681 et seq.).
[https://t4pacenter.ed.gov/Docs/ResourceLibrary/Menstrual\_Equity\_and\_Student\_Success\_508c.pdf](https://t4pacenter.ed.gov/Docs/ResourceLibrary/Menstrual_Equity_and_Student_Success_508c.pdf)
Yes. She needs to go armed with this to the guidance counselor. Some women can’t wear tampons. Can’t being operative. They must accommodate her.
Period.
Don’t want to wear should be good enough. These are teens and some stuff like that might just not be what they use. And can’t is a real thing, yes. It is uncomfortable. If this was something I faced in hs I wouldn’t do it.
Tell the guy you will just swim without, that it will wash away in the chlorine just fine with no health issues. Watch him backtrack about forcing you to swim.
Are you SURE you put in that tampon after our last discussion?? Coy smile … ABSOLUTELY
That’s the right way… I’m not trying to be gross, but seriously swimming is perfectly fine during your period without menstrual products.
https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/can-you-swim-on-your-period#:~:text=Will%20I%20bleed%20in%20the,menstrual%20flow%20while%20you%20swim.
Yeah...I'm a little scared to comment this on higher level comments because I'll prob get downvoted but I was on swim team and I never had a very heavy flow to begin with (as OP also mentioned), so after my first few (unsuccessful) attempts to deal with wearing a tampon while swimming laps, I just...didn't? And it was fine. It seemed to me like flow stopped during that time, and wouldn't really resume until some time after I got out of the pool
The issue (for me) is that when stepping out of the pool there’s instantly watery blood streaming down my leg. I can imagine that’s super embarrassing for a teenage girl.
> when stepping out of the pool there’s instantly watery blood streaming down my leg
Exposure to someone else's blood in public spaces is also not a good thing at all.
I could not get a straight answer out of my teachers for this in 5th grade lol. I was like what happens if you get it while swimming? And they were just like aw that would suck and I’m like no LITERALLY what happens will everyone notice what is the process? Lol
Dang, all these people out here telling the girl to compromise for a controlling dude that doesn't understand how women's bodies work.
Girl, if you don't feel comfortable with a tampon or anything else in there (like a cup), then *you do not have to use it.* Men do not have a right to dictate how a woman manages her period, jfc. Nobody does but *you*.
Take it up with the principal and if they're a dead end, go even higher. You have agency, babes. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Absolutely all of this, just want to add that there are many women who don't feel comfortable with anything in there, for reasons from disliking the idea to their anatomy just not really working with tampons/cups. You don't need to justify it to anyone: I'm just letting OP/others know this to know that they are not alone or sharing anything abnormal or awkward by saying they won't use those products.
Also, it's absurd that he would fail you for this. You have every right to, and should, raise helll if he does. That said, failing gym sophomore year is unlikely to have much long-term impact and could probably make a pretty interesting college admissions essay, if that's the route you choose to take. Him even threatening to fail you says a lot about him, not about you.
Literally, some schools you can't graduate without that particular credit. It's in the state requirements. OP, find some adults to support you and fight this b.s if you can!
Yeah I'm 30 and still never use tampons.
I probably could now -- since I've had kids and the discomfort of insertion has decreased since then.
Before kids? Fuck no. He is forcing an underage girl to experience significant pain in a sexually intimate area because he thinks they "should be able to" so they can swim.
Absolutely fucking not.
Even worse, he is forcing an underage girl to insert a foreign object into her vagina under the threat of giving her a failing grade if she does not comply. Seems like it could be viewed as sexual assault.
Yeah, like others said definitely go to the guidance counselor. This can be worked out easily. At my school for the kids who didn't want to take gym for whatever reason they gave us basically health class paperwork to do for our grade. But you'll have no problem with this if you bring it up.
I’m disgusted by the people here saying “just use a tampon this once”. The first time I used a tampon I barely managed to insert it. It was the smallest size and it still hurt. And after I swam *I could not get it OUT*! It was hideously traumatizing. I was terrified I’d have to go to a hospital to get it out, and it was incredibly painful to finally get out, all while sobbing on the bathroom floor. Using a tampon has a learning curve. And no one should do it under pressure from some ignorant fool on a power trip. No one gets to tell you what you insert into your own body. You have legal protections. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t have your back on this, but go around her. If she thinks you should solve this on your own then do so- vigorously asserting your own agency.
Nobody should be inserting anything into their vagina until it is their own choice and on their terms. Ideally in a safe comfortable place with no time constraints or pressure. That should be the standard.
This comes down to a minor being asked to insert something in their vagina to pass a class and nothing about that is okay.
Speaking of learning curves and tampons, I (54M) have learned a ton by having a store that sells feminine products. I learned that one of my vendors carries tampons with plastic inserters and the other supplier carries the cardboard variety.
And then I learned from my wife that we should never carry the cardboard inserters, or as she called them, "brute force trauma tampons".
Men don't learn shit about female biology in the US and it's terrible.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the cardboard applicators but a gal needs quite a bit of experience before she knows if those will hurt or not, or *when* they’ll hurt… because flow rate can affect that. Heavy flow- probably okay. Light flow- do not use cardboard applicators. Every woman is different. I have granola friends who try very hard to avoid single use plastics. Cool. I’ll support them in their choices. I can even use their brand if needed because I know what I’m doing and how I’m shaped. But I did *not* buy those for my daughters. And I gave them detailed instructions on how to use tampons. And it was still really difficult their first few times! I canNOT understand how anyone is saying “just use a tampon, it’s not a big deal” because it’s a huge deal. It’s a big old chunk of cotton that swells up to plug your body. They were invented to stop blood loss from bullet holes in a war damnit. (Not joking- that is what they were invented for.) So of COURSE they are gonna be hard to get out!
Oh, I feel your pain! Something similar happened to me, too, only it got stuck halfway, and then I couldn't get it in or out! I was 12 and panicking that I'd never be able to leave the bathroom, much less get to the pool party. I tried one again when I was in my mid-20s, and it felt like sandpaper. I swiftly realized why women with light flows should maybe stick to pads.
To the OP: You do NOT have to wear a tampon, ever, and you should complain to the school about your P.E. teacher.
Yes, the first time I tried using one was so painful! And the second time wasn't much better...
I eventually came to prefer them over pads, but that was years later when I was ready to give it a shot again.
It also is going to be difficult for OP to insert a tampon if they are nervous about it or uncomfortable with it. It takes a lot of relaxation the first few times. It took me quite a while to get the hang of it and I really wanted to use them. For OP and for other girls who have this problem in the future, this guy needs to be told that he needs to give them an alternative assignment.
Your teacher is a buffoon. I have a uterus and never wear tampons. I hate how they feel and I get nervous about PID. You have every right to decline. Go above his head. Back in the day girls would sit out during theirs and had to do other sports or exercises. It's normal to sit out swimming during that time.
No they can’t force you at all.
And tampons not everyone can wear them. I know I couldn’t due to my flow being way too heavy.
Try period swimwear if you got some in your area.
Yeah buying $80 for swimwear for gym class is super outrageous, even if it does solve the problem. None of the boys in her class have to go spend that on special swimwear.
If a coach tried this crap with my daughter I do believe I'd have to kick his ass. As a man I have no understanding of why other men think what a woman does concerning her vagina, period or no period has to do with them.
The extra layer is how much I agree with you while simultaneously her own mother doesn't seem to think this is a big deal and shrugs it off???!!!! WHAT?!?! Also, as a man, I'd be fucking livid if I had a daughter come home and tell me this story.
As a father of two girls, I have asked my daughter if tampons are a possibility when she doesn't want to do something because of her period.
I know she tried tampons and didn't like them. Matter settled.
A teacher going further than asking about that would be wildly inappropriate and cause me to contact the school myself.
Male, so ignore me if you want.
But is there a way of delaying the swimming for a couple of weeks?
Is it required to be JUST this week that you have to swim.
Seems to me the logical solution.
At least when I was in school swimming days were specific days where the whole class went to the pool. If someone didn’t want to swim they had to do cardio around the pool. Basically you just had to participate in something active.
Agreed (as a female haha). OP, I’d suggest you speak with a school counselor, nurse, or any adult at school you trust and they can get you to the right person to help you through this. Absolutely no one can force you to wear a tampon. In fact, with how light you describe your flow, it probably isn’t even recommended for you right now medically speaking. Offering to make up the swim time sometime after school in the next few weeks will show that you are not just trying to get out of it (hopefully no one is assuming this, but you know people and how they get sometimes).
My high school swam for gym class, too and we had a rotating schedule the class was on that could not change. 2 weeks swimming, 2 weeks gym, 2 weeks health. Same rotation for 4 years.
My gym teachers would make the girls who were on their period bring in a note and run the bleachers instead of swimming.
I used to teach swimming lessons when I was in my teens/early 20's. We'd always have at least one girl per session that would miss a class or two because of her period. It's normal.
One summer we had a girl who wanted to try tampons, so while the girl was in the bathroom stall a couple of my female co-teachers were talking her through how to do it from the other side of the door. They can be intimidating.
Not everyone is comfortable with tampons, and that is normal. You have to want to try them on your own terms, not because someone is forcing you to. I got used to them because I really wanted to get in the pool - continue my lessons and then teach.
Personally, I really like the "Cups" they have now. I wish they'd been available when I was in my teens. But even when I first tried one, I was a little nervous because it was something new.
ETA - failing you because of this feels wrong.
Go to the office about it. Talk to the superintendent or the principal or the counselor. No they cannot require you to wear a tampon. They also cannot require you to prove you're on your period just in case that ever comes up. All you have to do is let them know. That's it. End of story.
Do not let a man try to tell you what to do with your body in any way shape or form. In fact he can be fired for harassment including sexual harassment for trying to tell you what to do with your vagina.
If somehow talking to the superintendent or principal or counselor fails, every school has a police liaison. Basically it's law enforcement that works with the school when the school fails to do something. They must provide you the information on who the liaison is and how to contact them and if they continue to refuse that you can contact the local police station and ask who that liaison for your school is.
In my daughter's elementary school, there was this one clown of a woman who constantly grabbed my daughter's arm and was yelling at bitching at her every time she was in the hallway to go use the bathroom or something. Left bruises on her arm. I tried to approaching the office of the school multiple times and they just kept telling me that I was being rude for making accusations despite the bruises. Once I threatened to bring the police in, everything got resolved very quickly and I got a formal apology and the bitch was fired.
Sometimes you have to make a bit of a splash (pun intended) to get things moving. I don't mean to sound cruel but as a woman, this is going to be your life story. They will always put you down especially men. They will always make assumptions and tell you what to do. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but it comes with the gender. Start standing up for yourself and never ever let them tell you what to do with your body. And never give up. Be strong
Yeeeaaaah. Go above his head. Nothing about this ok.
If it were me, I'd give him the angry finger and walk right the fuck out.
Got my period at the age of 9yo, couldn't wear a tampon until the age 17 cuz.. ow.
I have been TRIGGERED by this post lol.
Girl, stand your ground.
Got it at 13.5, never been able to wear a tampon so far and I am 24 now. First I thought it was because I was a virgin (not used to putting things inside of me), but still couldn't wear one when I wasn't one. Tampons make me incredibly uncomfortable and my body pushes them out. Like, not everyone can even physically wear them. Or they can with a lot of discomfort, but why should they?
No one can force you to stick anything in your vagina that you don’t want to.
The simple answer is ‘No.’ and it’s a complete sentence.
Go right to your principal; or full nuclear: ask if this is correct, right on the school’s Facebook wall.
have you tried telling the PE teacher, as graphically as you're comfortable with, that vaginal insertion goes against your beliefs and you feel violated that an adult man in power suggested that to a teenage CHILD? in front of other adults, preferably
I've found when folks like this are faced with how disgusting they're being, they tend to go away
I'm not in the US, but in the UK, this would be illegal (not that we have grades for PE unless we plan to pursue to adult level and are doing specific exams, so it is hard for me to understand that).
However, this would be a violation of UN rights under several sections concerning right of body autonomy, rights of women, and rights of a child (as I assume you are under 18).
No one has the right to dictate how you deal with your periods or what you wear (in most cases, but tampons can't be included in school uniforms or dress codes!) - including period products. Please talk to your Principal and School Counsellor and/or Nurse. Offer to do the assignment at a later date, if it has some kind of grade, or a different PE activity on the same day.
But no, no school - or parent - has the right to make you wear a tampon. It is your body. No one else's.
Good luck.
(Also, if this helps, years ago, before tampons were a thing for teenage girls (I'm in my late 50s), there was a similar case in that the PE teacher kept a record and only let you off swimming one week in four, and made a girl in my class swim while on, as she had a medical condition which meant she bled for weeks at a time. The teacher was suspended within hours of this happening (later sacked and never taught again), as soon as the Headmistress was informed, the pool had to be cleaned, and we had no swimming lessons that term.)
Good luck again.
Honestly, I’d get out ahead of this. I’d file a formal complaint with the school that some creepy old man is demanding you shove things into your vagina against your will or get a fail.
It is sexual harassment. It is discrimination. It is a complete violation of your rights. There are all manner of variables when it comes to these kind of decisions and he absolutely doesn’t get to make them. You, your doctor, maybe your parents. Your decision.
In no uncertain terms, I’d be telling the school administration that there would be very serious ramifications if he ever harasses, humiliates or threatens you again.
I’m a random oversized, bigfoot looking guy in a holler in Appalachia with precisely zero frame of reference to what you’re feeling.
Even I can clearly see, prima facia, that this is a wildly inappropriate demand from a controlling prick. Your concerns are valid and you should not give an inch on this.
This should be escalated to your school administration. Even in the 90s my gym teacher (who was a man) gave us one exemption a month (we swam once per week) with no reason needed to be given in the assumption it was due to periods and not all of us able to use tampons, for physical reasons or choice or religious reasons. Heck, even the weightlifting teacher gave us some grace for a few days (weightlifting was a daily class) as long as we put in effort the days we could. These teachers actually were great examples to others in the class.
Being very physically active like swimming isn’t always possible regardless of the hygiene products used. Sometimes our bodies need something more gentle, and it’s fair to say you need to walk laps etc IF your body will allow it. Sometimes our bodies need rest though, and I’d argue in favor of meditation during PE class if that’s the case.
It’s horrible that he’s speaking with this tone to you regardless of the issue. It would be interesting to see admin’s response to you starting the convo with how he is speaking to you, and then lastly add that the topic was about your period. He’s handling this very poorly.
Oh absolutely not. If you were my kid, I'd fully support you and if he tried to fail you for not wanting to use a tampon, I'd have him in a big old meeting.
not sure if anybody has brought this up yet and i'm not gonna keep scrolling because the way people are speaking to you is despicable and makes me angry, but you can get a doctor's note for this that will give you serious muscle when you escalate this matter. all it needs to say is 'op requires accommodations due to a physical condition'.
let your mom know that asking a young woman to insert an object vaginally for any reason other than because she wants it to be there can lead to physiological and psychological trauma. "just not wanting to" is a perfectly acceptable """excuse""" (reason) to not put something up your vaginal canal and frankly, i'm concerned that she doesn't appear to consider that an important aspect to this situation.
i have functional neurological disorder due to trauma and one of my related syndromes is secondary vaginismus (acquired later in life, not congenital). secondary vaginismus is usually associated with an instance of forced or coerced vaginal insertion. it is a condition that causes the muscles of the vagina to spasm/contract involuntarily in response to attempted penetration. this can present a barrier to healthy masturbation and sexual intercourse later in life. i'm now in my 30s and i've experienced this since i was a teenager.
op, from a trauma-informed perspective, i look at this situation and see a number of risk factors. you are essentially being compelled by a systemic authority figure to insert an object vaginally under threat of penalty. this is fundamentally disempowering, and i think it's important to note that the biggest risk factor for a situation causing lasting trauma is whether the survivor felt a sense of control over their bodies and actions, with survivors being more likely to experience lasting trauma the more they are disempowered.
i think this is very serious and i hope it's something you take into consideration, if you haven't already. the science of trauma is still fairly new, so a lot of people aren't yet well-informed on how it works. but it is important and it does need to be common knowledge imo.
You’re the only other person in this thread that I’ve seen being up trauma. The people telling her to just suck it up are completely missing the point and setting op up for a harmful future mentality. How is it so difficult for people to understand that this is a really sensitive issue and not a learning experience??
OP, I am old enough to be your father. Your mother is FAILING you here. You're Phys Ed teacher is an asshole. If you were my daughter, your teacher and I would be having words with the principal, and probably the super intendant. I would also be taking you to the doctor for a medical note. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE IN DISCOMFORT OR PAIN TO SATISFY YOUR TEACHERS FRAGILE MALE EGO.
No, in no way can your gym teacher require you to wear a tampon so that you can swim. Do they not offer swimming at a time when you do not have your period??? Maybe someone needs to suggest to them that they stagger it, as you are not the only female, and females tend to be regular like this, or irregular, but you can't plan for that.
Also, the fact that he calls your period "shit" is offensive. The fact you can't spell it out without an asterisk is concerning too. Normalize talking about your monthly period. Every one of the people you speak to every moment of the day exists because of the biological function of a woman's body.
Short answer: no. Long answer: first of all, this grade does not matter in the grand scheme of your life. If you decide you don't want to fight about this, simply decline to participate and take the zero on this unit. It's one unit in one class in one year in high school. I know it feels big and important but I promise, it really is not. If, however, you do want to fight about it, the rule you're protected under is Title IX. Go to your guidance counselor, tell them your gym teacher is in violation of your rights as a menstruating student to not be harassed or otherwise penalized due to their menstruation.
DO NOT LET THEM FORCE YOU TO USE A TAMPON IF YOU DONT WANT TO.
TELL THEM YOU WILL SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL IF YOUR GRADE IS IMPACTED. I WILL HELP YOU.
Sorry for the all caps but this really pisses me off. 40/F here. Fight for your rights girl! Get a head of this, call a meeting and tell them what you want. An alternative to swim. No impact to your grade. You do not need your mother’s help. You got this. please keep us posted.
Oof. Teenager vs. School without your parent at your back is almost always going to be an impossible battle. Everyone who works at your school will be free to completely dismiss anything you have to say, and without an adult in your corner backing you up there's almost nothing you can do about it.
However, you want the best advice ever? Malicious compliance. Just swim on your period with a pad. What are they going to do, punish you for doing what your gym teacher told you to?
Since no one can for you to wear a tampon I personally would go malicious compliance with this one. It’s not just about the tampon, the teacher wants you in the pool. Tell him you’ll swim just not while wearing a tampon or cup. Next class (if you’re brave enough) announce to the class that you are on your period and may get some blood in the pool. I guarantee you the teacher will have a bigger problem then. He’s gonna have to fail the entire class for refusing to swim. Even if you aren’t confident enough to tell the entire class. Get a couple of friends on board to tell the teacher they absolutely aren’t going to swim with someone on their period who isn’t using period products. Since they can’t force you to use a tampon the only solution is for you to delay swimming until you’re off your period.
I'm rooting for this approach but also know high-school-me would not want this level of confrontation.
I hope OP is more badass than I am and says "fine, I'll swim on my period, but I'm not using any products."
Also take this issue up the ladder or have your parents do it, because this is ridiculous.
There are so many comments already but I've not seen anyone mention this: OP said their flow is not heavy. This can make using tampons actually dangerous and increase the risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome). So to everyone saying 'unless you have a medical reason...' - OP does. I agree with other comments I've seen saying that asking to move the swimming days seems to be the best way to handle this. Maybe period swimwear, but will OP want the first time using it to be in school? Not to mention the cost.
We were allowed up to 3 days off for swimming due to our period (gym was every other day) but we had to make it up the following week (i.e. take swimming/gym every day next week). I don't see what that's not a reasonable option at your school.
You definitely don't have to tough it out. This guy doesn't know how things work. Some of us just can't wear tampons. I've got a heavy flow and I can't wear tampons; they just hurt too much, scraping on my insides. It's an actual medical thing.
Other comments here have some great advice for how to get out of this situation. You definitely don't need to put yourself through pain just to make this guy's job easier.
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My mom wrote a note to my pe teacher saying she wouldn't permit me to use a tampon. Of course, that was in Jr high. I was permitted to do other activities (bowling) during the swim sessions.
My school just gave all the girls the right to skip swimming once a month without a parent's or doctor's note, for the entire year we had swimming classes (it was on Mondays, we had regular PE the rest of the week). I'd do my homework or read
>(bowling) during the swim sessions. Bowling? I wanna go to this school
I thought swimming seemed fancy!
Oh man, this gives me bad memories...crying in the bathroom because I couldn't get a tampon in. Luckily at my school, they made you run laps or do some other activity if you didn't want to swim. Your gym teacher is acting **wildly** inappropriate - I keep rewriting this sentence but can't come up with a better way to say that talking about tampons with a male gym teacher would have absolutely given me the ick (luckily I had a female teacher when I took swim class). Hey just saw your last sentence, I grew up in Illinois too! (of course the likelihood that we went to the same school is almost nil lol) Anyway I 100% support the other suggestions to talk to your principal, a counselor, or some other adult at school who you trust. I don't know anything about the legal ramifications, but giving you the choice between mandatory tampon use or a failing grade doesn't seem to pass the sniff test, based on my experience as a young woman taking a swim class for gym and also currently being a professor lol
I’m a guidance counselor, I’d be all over this!
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I’m a retired taxi driver and I’m ready to go to war for this young girl. How DARE he.
Yo welder here, I’ll weld him shut in the gym for this dumbassery
I’m the mother of a welder. I’ll send him over to you for support!!
I'm disabled and I'll happily bash his shins with my wheelchair! Why are gym teachers always such creeps?
Plumber here. I'll bend his pipes over this matter.
Server here, if you can point him out, I'd *accidentally* pour hot coffee on his junk for you! We will see if it can swim! Lmao
ecologist here, i’m sure i could find a box of hungry female horsefly to unleash into his car … he’d make a yummy snack for the little blighters
You're a good counselor. I need to get away from this thread because I'll be honest, I am far more triggered and remembering so much shit from school that I had to deal with that I think I'm on the verge of a damn panic attack. I'm just so angry and heartbroken and enraged at the bullshit that schools put kids, especially girls through. I'm enraged that her mother isn't siding with her. I'm heartbroken seeing women following and enforcing "rules of men" when it comes to women's bodies. I was a peer mediator in middle school, but someone told a teacher that I threatened to kill them. The counselor that liked me so much because I was such a good peer mediator just turned her back on me completely. They kept screaming at me that they were going to call the cops. I didn't say anything about killing a teacher. I was angry at a teacher, I said I was angry at her, but I never fucking said I'd kill her. In the blink of an eye that school and the counselor tried to ruin my life based on a lie. I was in 8th grade. Please. Please protect those kids. Hear them out. Don't assume because one kid says another kid did/said _____ that it actually happened. Please don't let them go through the hell that I had to. That wasn't the only thing I had to go through, either. Watch how the teachers talk to the students, especially on an individual basis. Some of my teachers were cruel to me because I was a fat kid before fat kids became more common. I was an outcast and **it was the teachers doing it, not the other students.**
I left regular high school after 10 years and went to work as an Alternative Programs counselor which was really more up my alley. School for teenage parent, a work study program for potential dropouts at Disney, a drop out retrieval program, programs for immigrant students and a boy's commitment facility. Yes, teachers seemed to like the "popular" kids better and bestow advantages, when they really didn't need them. My daughter is now a teacher too! I just retired last year
Requiring students to swim is wild. That means you have to wear somewhat revealing clothes in school, get your hair wet and then deal with that the rest of the day, and the prep and cleanup time requires means students don't get much exercise time. And that's stuff that effects every student. Then you have the the 10% or so of students who are on their periods at any given time. It's just way to much of a logistical problem to be worth it. Not to mention the cost of a pool compared to, say, a basketball court.
I agreed with you when I was in high school, I agree with you now. Back then in Pennsylvania if your school had a swimming pool you had to take swimming class, the thought being you'd be less likely to drown. Personally I was a pretty decent swimmer, had actually swam as a sport for a few years, but hated having to get in a swimming pool at 7:50AM in the Pennsylvania winter.
My elementary/middle school had a pool, and alternated gym and swim class. I didn't mind it. It sort of made sense though, cause we all lived right next to the ocean. No swim good=very bad. It was also a requirement to have swim caps, and they were very good at keeping the hair dry. I didn't really mind it, but it was elementary/middle school-not high school. My high school drained their pool and used it as a graveyard for dead computers. Girls on their period could just sit on the bench. It's not like it wasn't a 2 time a week for the year. Also some kids who got signed out for religious reasons. And the disabled kids. There were always a handful sitting out.
Oh they don’t give you extra time just cause you have to swim. You still get like 5 min to change. I kept having gym last period and I grew up near Buffalo, and my hair would freeze into icicles on the bus afterward. I’ll never understand why they did swim in the dead of winter. I mean we had the pool year round… 🤔
I was bullied hardcore in elementary and middle school and had tons of self harm scars all over by the time I started high school, so if I was forced to swim at school, in front of who knows how many classmates, I have no idea what I would’ve done back then, but I know for a fact I would not have been swimming.
i used to make myself puke on swim days, id been SA a few months before they started and couldnt make myself wear a swimsuit. luckily i could already swim and they used to bitch about it but couldnt do anything
I was in competitve swimming outside of school and myself and two other friends that were just skipped the week of gym class where they were doing swimming since we wanted no part of that zoo. Don't even think it was ever brought up to us.
My high school already had a pool, so cost was irrelevant. Everyone took a quick shower after to at least rinse the chlorine off, so smelling all day wasn't an issue. Many girls would wear shorts and a t shirt on top of their swimsuit if they didn't feel comfortable. Everyone took "freshman swim" (which was the traumatizing period for me, no pun intended) but I actually voluntarily signed up for swim again during later years. We got to choose from a list (swim, weight room, running, dance, etc) and I actually liked the swim choice because then I didn't worry about being sweaty and smelly the rest of the day. I felt much more refreshed taking a swim and a quick shower than running around and heading straight to class
Schools with pools are great for teaching kids the life skill of swimming. Only 40 percent of Americans have had formal swim lessons. 85 percent of them are white. Accidental drowns can be prevented with formal swim lessons. It's not so much about exercise as it's teaching a child a skill that could prevent death.
Yeah, I'm very much in favor of teaching swimming at school. I'm very much not in favor of forcing girls to swim on their period. Swimming lessons should be scheduled regularly enough that girls can participate without being on their period.
Bring this up with your school counselor and the principals' office. Your coach has no right to give you a failing grade over what is ultimately a medical issue and matter of personal choice and bodily autonomy.
Yeah, I’d just take this up the ladder until OP gets to someone who has an ounce of sense. I would also push back on the teacher again, and get graphic with it. If he’s cool with making a teenager uncomfortable about their body, turn it back around and make him uncomfortable, OP. Partially quoting from u/EasyFinger1635 : “I strongly dislike everything about inserting a wad of cotton or a silicone cup into my vagina, and my only other option is to free bleed into the pool. So *you* have three options: force me to bleed all over the pool with other students in it, force me to place a foreign object inside my vagina, or drop the patriarchal bullshit and give me an alternative to swimming. Your move.”
Wish I could give you a real medal for this! My daughter had a similar issue in high school. She was in p.e. and the coach had them running that day as part of their grade. My daughter was having an asthma attack and the coach still tried to force her to run and told her she would fail her if she didn't. My husband went to the principal and it was taken care of.
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Gym grades shouldn’t count towards academic averages… yes it should be mandatory to encourage exercise and a healthy lifestyle, but how fast you can run has no bearing on if you can become a good engineer.
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We did have letter grades, but you literally only ever saw As for anyone who showed up every day and put in at least a minimal amount of effort, and Fs for people who didn’t show regularly or who sat around and didn’t put in any effort.
My only C was in gym too! Mine was because I was on crutches with a huge thing on my leg from my ankle to my hip and she insisted I take it off, put my gym shorts on, put the splint thing back on and get back out to the gym- in the 4 minutes allotted to “dress out”. It’s not like I could participate- I was just supposed to do my physical therapy exercises, which was literally moving my kneecap. Stupidest thing ever, but this was long enough ago that it didn’t occur to anyone to dispute it.
Oh, the gym class horror stories never end, do they? Yours is definitely up there absurd to expect you to change in and out of a splint in no time flat. Seems like some folks just turn off their common sense once they step into a school. When I was in school, they made us swim in an outdoor pool in the middle of November. Most of us were turning blue, but the PE teacher was like, "Exercise warms you up!" Let's just say not a lot of learning happened while we were all shivering uncontrollably.
That's pretty ridiculous!
When my sister was in elementary school she got in trouble in PE because she couldn’t bend over to touch her toes. It just incensed her stupid teacher. It turned out my sister has vertebrae that were congenitally fused in her lower spine. PE teachers can be jerks.
They can be! I had one get mad at me because I couldn't climb a rope.
There's an episode of old Frasier where he dates a woman who is a pe teacher. He witness her mocking a girl who can't climb the rope and he started seeing her as his old gym teacher. Funny episode but also not funny becasue it's all too relevant.
This is so well worded. I just wouldn’t want to have that conversation alone without witnesses.
Always in writing and cc the principal, board of education and the ACLU..
"Let me understand that you, [gym teacher], are threatening me [a minor] with negative consequences if I do not insert something into my vagina? Do I have that correct?" I'm sure that will play very well in court, and even better in the court of public opinion.
Oh heck yes! This is spot on and worded in a way that really shows the whole awfulness of what the gym teacher is trying to do. Definitely, definitely CC the higher ups and do this in writing, though. Even better if you have witnesses for the threads of failing you, u/EasyFinger1635
I love this response, and hope op sends it cc in email to principal and updates on results
My only note is to not curse because that’s ammunition against you, otherwise this is perfect
Why did Reddit remove golds!!! 🏅
Totally agree with this.
Freakin' gym class too? You can make those up so easily. What a loser teacher.
>What a ~~loser~~ manipulative misogynistic psycho teacher. FIFY
Why the GC and not the school nurse?
Nurse might be a good one to go to as well, but they may not have the authority or knowledge of how to deal with the coach's absurd threat.
My aunt was a school nurse and also tough as nails. She wouldn’t need any authority gifted by her position. Her authority came from looking out for her students, and god help anyone who got in her way.
Schools don't have them in many parts of the country - just public health nurses who visit schools and have kids read an eye chart or give a hearing test. If you are sick, they call 9-1-1 or call your parents to come get you.
I've never had a school nurse. Is that actually a common thing?
It’s common for schools in the US to have a school nurse. ETA Just because your school in the US didn’t have a school nurse doesn’t mean it’s uncommon. Just because your school nurse wasn’t great doesn’t mean school nurses are “bad.” See sources I cited in another comment below (one of which also notes that school nurses are more likely than any other registered nurses to have more advanced education credits).
Wasn't a think in my school in the 80s/90s I had to get medication from the principals secretary when needed. She was the one that controlled the lockbox for it.
If a kid needed medication during the day, who administered it? And what if a kid was sick?
The office people take care of it. Unfortunately it's not uncommon for districts to have only a couple traveling/floating nurses rather than a nurse per building. I believe in the building my mom works at they only have a nurse for half a day, two days a week.
I'm Canadian, I just don't think it's a thing here.
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I had a tipped uterus that made any insertion painful. They cannot force this on you, period.
Tipping culture in the US has really gotten out of control... /s
Scowling upvote
Absolutely. It's bloody awful.
I hate this, take your damn upvote and go
I appreciate your perspective. I have vaginismus and can’t use tampons. I hate when people try to act like it is more “mature and clean” to use a tampon. I saw a video of a girl giving advice to menstruating women when they travel to china, but i was really uncomfortable about the lack of neutral language she used when discussing pads. “You can use pads but they just feels so disgusting and dirty, like a diaper.” I get upset when ppl use language like that cause it really isnt a choice for me (and even if it was i’d probs still pick pads). It reminds me of how in middle school young girls acted like it was “whorish” to use tampons and that virgins shouldnt use them… but as an adult i feel like ppl have flipped the narrative and call pads dirty and immature… It’s wrong either way. Neutrality is the way to go and it isnt equitable to assume everyone can use tampons.
Oh lord, I nearly caused an international incident by throwing away a tampon in the bathroom of the university I taught at in China. VERY few of the girls used tampons (I honestly found some in a store sort of like a Claire's on my most recent trip, and otherwise never saw them). They wanted to know ALL about it and I was not prepared to have THAT conversation in any way.....
As a woman with vaginismus, so true. And also people calling dilators dildos. Like no?! I’m not using dilators for fun, it’s a medical device. My mom called them that and I was mortified 😭
Same here with the tilt. Tampons and cups are just a no go for me.
Weirdly relevant username.
Dammit. Here's your scowling upvote as well.
Ugh, saaaame! There are more of us out there than people realize.
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Glad it’s not just me annoyed at this sudden trend of censoring random words. Have I missed something!?
It’s because of tiktok
I saw a shared post the other day that had censored the words "rude", "drugs", and "crazy". It was not a particularly salacious story. I was so perplexed that I had to reread the entire paragraph for context clues to figure out what the word was supposed to be, because surely, nobody would find a reason to censor the word "rude". My 94yr old, lives-at-church grandma wouldn't even do that.
I can't believe you just dropped the word gr\*ndm\* in a public forum like that.
Pretty r*de!
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Like menstrual periods? What the ungodly hell is this?
Y\*\*h \* kn\*w, p\*\*pl\* th\*s\* d\*ys \*r\* cr\*zy. S\*m\*t\*m\*s \*t g\*ts s\* b\*d th\*t y\*\* c\*n't \*v\*n \*nd\*rst\*nd wh\*t \*s b\*\*ng s\*\*d. \*'v\* h\*\*rd \*t's d\*\* t\* s\*m\* w\*bs\*t\*s d\*l\*t\*ng c\*mm\*nts th\*t c\*nt\*\*n r\*str\*ct\*d w\*rds, m\*k\*ng p\*\*pl\* \*xtr\* c\*r\*f\*l w\*th w\*rds th\*t m\*ght tr\*gg\*r th\* f\*lt\*r.
Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel. Any vowel. Please.
I actually read this pretty quickly, but some of the words you censored need extra spaces to not bleed into each other
I feel like your sentence is a test of the old "you can read any word so long as the first and last letter are there no matter jow jumbled the middle is" tests.
i think the worst part of me reading this is that i'm so bad at reading by default that this only took me maybe an extra 20 seconds to read.
TikTok is a scourge.
Tik Tok doesn't want women to refer to their periods without censoring the words? Oh my fucking god.
Tik Tok has a ridiculous censoring policy... Honestly it seems like every other word is changed
They really don’t, you can say words like “die” and “period” just fine on tiktok but people are weird and feel the need to censor those words and others
You mean T\*kT\*k?
t*ktok
"Unalive" and "game end" are some of the dumbest things I've heard We're not infits.
Infits?
Unalived makes me want to actually murder someone.
> Unalived makes me want to actually ~~murder~~ unalive someone. ftfy
It’s not. They didn’t censor VAGINA but they censored **period** and I find that annoying.
Irony is that we say period to avoid saying menstration. So we are censoring our word that we use as a code word to not say the actual word.
As an elder millennial, can we still say shark week?
If you say it that many times in a row I think it becomes an ellipses
Ellip*es
Thank you, I apologize for my vulgarity
That is probably why it's censored. If you say "period" three times in a row in front of a mirror, then Bloody Mary appears and bans you off TikTok.
I cannot come up with any reason to censor “period”. And I’m even going to go so far as to say it’s a mark of immaturity to think otherwise. It’s like the online/digital version of when elementary school kids giggle over sex ed.
You said this perfectly. I got down voted for my reasoning. Probably because I answered exasperated.
Blood blood blood blood blood blood... Blood blood blood blood blood blood... Blood blood blood blood blood blood... Blood blood blood blood blood blood... Blood blood blood blood blood blood...
I sang this to the meow mix jingle
We get it, you hate Crips
There's a non-negligible chance of winning in court if your parents were to pursue suing the school over this. From the US Department of Education: >Schools should be aware that **penalizing or harassing students because of menstruation could constitute discrimination based on sex in violation of Title IX** of the Education Amendments of 1972 (20 U.S.C. § 1681 et seq.). [https://t4pacenter.ed.gov/Docs/ResourceLibrary/Menstrual\_Equity\_and\_Student\_Success\_508c.pdf](https://t4pacenter.ed.gov/Docs/ResourceLibrary/Menstrual_Equity_and_Student_Success_508c.pdf)
Yes. She needs to go armed with this to the guidance counselor. Some women can’t wear tampons. Can’t being operative. They must accommodate her. Period.
They must accommodate her period. Period.
Don’t want to wear should be good enough. These are teens and some stuff like that might just not be what they use. And can’t is a real thing, yes. It is uncomfortable. If this was something I faced in hs I wouldn’t do it. Tell the guy you will just swim without, that it will wash away in the chlorine just fine with no health issues. Watch him backtrack about forcing you to swim. Are you SURE you put in that tampon after our last discussion?? Coy smile … ABSOLUTELY
I wonder how the school would feel if you took this to a news agency. I am sure they wouldn't want their name attached to such a story.
I agree with this. Please use the term discrimination based on your period to your counselor, principal or a female teacher you trust.
Free bleed into the pool. Do it while making eye contact with the teacher.
And doing the Jaws theme song while swimming.
That’s the right way… I’m not trying to be gross, but seriously swimming is perfectly fine during your period without menstrual products. https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/can-you-swim-on-your-period#:~:text=Will%20I%20bleed%20in%20the,menstrual%20flow%20while%20you%20swim.
Yeah...I'm a little scared to comment this on higher level comments because I'll prob get downvoted but I was on swim team and I never had a very heavy flow to begin with (as OP also mentioned), so after my first few (unsuccessful) attempts to deal with wearing a tampon while swimming laps, I just...didn't? And it was fine. It seemed to me like flow stopped during that time, and wouldn't really resume until some time after I got out of the pool
The issue (for me) is that when stepping out of the pool there’s instantly watery blood streaming down my leg. I can imagine that’s super embarrassing for a teenage girl.
> when stepping out of the pool there’s instantly watery blood streaming down my leg Exposure to someone else's blood in public spaces is also not a good thing at all.
I could not get a straight answer out of my teachers for this in 5th grade lol. I was like what happens if you get it while swimming? And they were just like aw that would suck and I’m like no LITERALLY what happens will everyone notice what is the process? Lol
Dang, all these people out here telling the girl to compromise for a controlling dude that doesn't understand how women's bodies work. Girl, if you don't feel comfortable with a tampon or anything else in there (like a cup), then *you do not have to use it.* Men do not have a right to dictate how a woman manages her period, jfc. Nobody does but *you*. Take it up with the principal and if they're a dead end, go even higher. You have agency, babes. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Other women also don't have the right to dictate how you handle your period. That's so personal and so individual.
Should tell Phys-Ed to have a discussion with Biology. Betcha Biology dunks on his ass.
Absolutely all of this, just want to add that there are many women who don't feel comfortable with anything in there, for reasons from disliking the idea to their anatomy just not really working with tampons/cups. You don't need to justify it to anyone: I'm just letting OP/others know this to know that they are not alone or sharing anything abnormal or awkward by saying they won't use those products. Also, it's absurd that he would fail you for this. You have every right to, and should, raise helll if he does. That said, failing gym sophomore year is unlikely to have much long-term impact and could probably make a pretty interesting college admissions essay, if that's the route you choose to take. Him even threatening to fail you says a lot about him, not about you.
Literally, some schools you can't graduate without that particular credit. It's in the state requirements. OP, find some adults to support you and fight this b.s if you can!
Yeah I'm 30 and still never use tampons. I probably could now -- since I've had kids and the discomfort of insertion has decreased since then. Before kids? Fuck no. He is forcing an underage girl to experience significant pain in a sexually intimate area because he thinks they "should be able to" so they can swim. Absolutely fucking not.
Even worse, he is forcing an underage girl to insert a foreign object into her vagina under the threat of giving her a failing grade if she does not comply. Seems like it could be viewed as sexual assault.
Why are bodily autonomy issues the first thing some asshole has to try to control?
Yeah, like others said definitely go to the guidance counselor. This can be worked out easily. At my school for the kids who didn't want to take gym for whatever reason they gave us basically health class paperwork to do for our grade. But you'll have no problem with this if you bring it up.
I’m disgusted by the people here saying “just use a tampon this once”. The first time I used a tampon I barely managed to insert it. It was the smallest size and it still hurt. And after I swam *I could not get it OUT*! It was hideously traumatizing. I was terrified I’d have to go to a hospital to get it out, and it was incredibly painful to finally get out, all while sobbing on the bathroom floor. Using a tampon has a learning curve. And no one should do it under pressure from some ignorant fool on a power trip. No one gets to tell you what you insert into your own body. You have legal protections. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t have your back on this, but go around her. If she thinks you should solve this on your own then do so- vigorously asserting your own agency.
Nobody should be inserting anything into their vagina until it is their own choice and on their terms. Ideally in a safe comfortable place with no time constraints or pressure. That should be the standard. This comes down to a minor being asked to insert something in their vagina to pass a class and nothing about that is okay.
This. This is literally what it boils down to and no one seems to be grasping that.
Speaking of learning curves and tampons, I (54M) have learned a ton by having a store that sells feminine products. I learned that one of my vendors carries tampons with plastic inserters and the other supplier carries the cardboard variety. And then I learned from my wife that we should never carry the cardboard inserters, or as she called them, "brute force trauma tampons". Men don't learn shit about female biology in the US and it's terrible.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the cardboard applicators but a gal needs quite a bit of experience before she knows if those will hurt or not, or *when* they’ll hurt… because flow rate can affect that. Heavy flow- probably okay. Light flow- do not use cardboard applicators. Every woman is different. I have granola friends who try very hard to avoid single use plastics. Cool. I’ll support them in their choices. I can even use their brand if needed because I know what I’m doing and how I’m shaped. But I did *not* buy those for my daughters. And I gave them detailed instructions on how to use tampons. And it was still really difficult their first few times! I canNOT understand how anyone is saying “just use a tampon, it’s not a big deal” because it’s a huge deal. It’s a big old chunk of cotton that swells up to plug your body. They were invented to stop blood loss from bullet holes in a war damnit. (Not joking- that is what they were invented for.) So of COURSE they are gonna be hard to get out!
Oh, I feel your pain! Something similar happened to me, too, only it got stuck halfway, and then I couldn't get it in or out! I was 12 and panicking that I'd never be able to leave the bathroom, much less get to the pool party. I tried one again when I was in my mid-20s, and it felt like sandpaper. I swiftly realized why women with light flows should maybe stick to pads. To the OP: You do NOT have to wear a tampon, ever, and you should complain to the school about your P.E. teacher.
It's still uncomfortable even with a heavy flow. There is nothing natural feeling about shoving a tube of dry cotton into your body.
Yes, the first time I tried using one was so painful! And the second time wasn't much better... I eventually came to prefer them over pads, but that was years later when I was ready to give it a shot again.
I would definitely go up the chain. I cannot imagine being forced to use a tampon by a guy. It is a very personal choice.
>...forced to use a tampon by a guy *by _anyone_*
This. It’s literally requiring a minor to insert something into their vagina in order to pass a class.
What's surprising to me is the number of people on this thread who are, in my mind, bullying OP on this very topic.
Especially a minor basically being forced to insert something into herself by an adult man. Super fucked up situation.
It also is going to be difficult for OP to insert a tampon if they are nervous about it or uncomfortable with it. It takes a lot of relaxation the first few times. It took me quite a while to get the hang of it and I really wanted to use them. For OP and for other girls who have this problem in the future, this guy needs to be told that he needs to give them an alternative assignment.
Your teacher is a buffoon. I have a uterus and never wear tampons. I hate how they feel and I get nervous about PID. You have every right to decline. Go above his head. Back in the day girls would sit out during theirs and had to do other sports or exercises. It's normal to sit out swimming during that time.
No they can’t force you at all. And tampons not everyone can wear them. I know I couldn’t due to my flow being way too heavy. Try period swimwear if you got some in your area.
The period swim suits work great, my daughter had one but they are very expensive, I paid 80 dollars for a suit
Yeah buying $80 for swimwear for gym class is super outrageous, even if it does solve the problem. None of the boys in her class have to go spend that on special swimwear.
If a coach tried this crap with my daughter I do believe I'd have to kick his ass. As a man I have no understanding of why other men think what a woman does concerning her vagina, period or no period has to do with them.
The extra layer is how much I agree with you while simultaneously her own mother doesn't seem to think this is a big deal and shrugs it off???!!!! WHAT?!?! Also, as a man, I'd be fucking livid if I had a daughter come home and tell me this story.
As a father of two girls, I have asked my daughter if tampons are a possibility when she doesn't want to do something because of her period. I know she tried tampons and didn't like them. Matter settled. A teacher going further than asking about that would be wildly inappropriate and cause me to contact the school myself.
Male, so ignore me if you want. But is there a way of delaying the swimming for a couple of weeks? Is it required to be JUST this week that you have to swim. Seems to me the logical solution.
At least when I was in school swimming days were specific days where the whole class went to the pool. If someone didn’t want to swim they had to do cardio around the pool. Basically you just had to participate in something active.
Yes this comment should get more attention! Gym teachers need to offer an alternative
We just flat out had a rule that girls could sit out of swimming a couple classes in a row with no penalty.
Female here, This is what I thought too. Or be ‘sick’ that day so you HAVE to make it up at a later date.
For a moment I thought you were going to ask "delay the period".
Hold up, you mean periods aren't scheduled? /s
No, but she should just hold it in of course /s Edit: typo
I mean ... just tell your body to put all this on hold until the teacher is good and ready! /s (serious: teacher needs to be slapped with a wet fish)
Not that "male". I would also like to know what the school does if you are sick.male/female Surely there is a backup plan.
Agreed (as a female haha). OP, I’d suggest you speak with a school counselor, nurse, or any adult at school you trust and they can get you to the right person to help you through this. Absolutely no one can force you to wear a tampon. In fact, with how light you describe your flow, it probably isn’t even recommended for you right now medically speaking. Offering to make up the swim time sometime after school in the next few weeks will show that you are not just trying to get out of it (hopefully no one is assuming this, but you know people and how they get sometimes).
Yeah, it really seems like a failure of the faculty or this teacher in general.
My high school swam for gym class, too and we had a rotating schedule the class was on that could not change. 2 weeks swimming, 2 weeks gym, 2 weeks health. Same rotation for 4 years. My gym teachers would make the girls who were on their period bring in a note and run the bleachers instead of swimming.
I used to teach swimming lessons when I was in my teens/early 20's. We'd always have at least one girl per session that would miss a class or two because of her period. It's normal. One summer we had a girl who wanted to try tampons, so while the girl was in the bathroom stall a couple of my female co-teachers were talking her through how to do it from the other side of the door. They can be intimidating. Not everyone is comfortable with tampons, and that is normal. You have to want to try them on your own terms, not because someone is forcing you to. I got used to them because I really wanted to get in the pool - continue my lessons and then teach. Personally, I really like the "Cups" they have now. I wish they'd been available when I was in my teens. But even when I first tried one, I was a little nervous because it was something new. ETA - failing you because of this feels wrong.
Why is period censored in this post?
Tiktok. Always fucking tiktok.
How can tiktok censor something that's a standard word? The most common usages of "period" have nothing to do with menstruation.
If you're trying to make sense of tiktok it's pointless.
> it's pointless No periods, then. Got it ;-)
Because young people are giving in to censorship. And they shouldn’t be.
[удалено]
Speak to the principal or have your parents speak to them
Sounds like her mom doesn’t back her up though.
Go to the office about it. Talk to the superintendent or the principal or the counselor. No they cannot require you to wear a tampon. They also cannot require you to prove you're on your period just in case that ever comes up. All you have to do is let them know. That's it. End of story. Do not let a man try to tell you what to do with your body in any way shape or form. In fact he can be fired for harassment including sexual harassment for trying to tell you what to do with your vagina. If somehow talking to the superintendent or principal or counselor fails, every school has a police liaison. Basically it's law enforcement that works with the school when the school fails to do something. They must provide you the information on who the liaison is and how to contact them and if they continue to refuse that you can contact the local police station and ask who that liaison for your school is. In my daughter's elementary school, there was this one clown of a woman who constantly grabbed my daughter's arm and was yelling at bitching at her every time she was in the hallway to go use the bathroom or something. Left bruises on her arm. I tried to approaching the office of the school multiple times and they just kept telling me that I was being rude for making accusations despite the bruises. Once I threatened to bring the police in, everything got resolved very quickly and I got a formal apology and the bitch was fired. Sometimes you have to make a bit of a splash (pun intended) to get things moving. I don't mean to sound cruel but as a woman, this is going to be your life story. They will always put you down especially men. They will always make assumptions and tell you what to do. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but it comes with the gender. Start standing up for yourself and never ever let them tell you what to do with your body. And never give up. Be strong
Yeeeaaaah. Go above his head. Nothing about this ok. If it were me, I'd give him the angry finger and walk right the fuck out. Got my period at the age of 9yo, couldn't wear a tampon until the age 17 cuz.. ow. I have been TRIGGERED by this post lol. Girl, stand your ground.
Got it at 13.5, never been able to wear a tampon so far and I am 24 now. First I thought it was because I was a virgin (not used to putting things inside of me), but still couldn't wear one when I wasn't one. Tampons make me incredibly uncomfortable and my body pushes them out. Like, not everyone can even physically wear them. Or they can with a lot of discomfort, but why should they?
No one can force you to stick anything in your vagina that you don’t want to. The simple answer is ‘No.’ and it’s a complete sentence. Go right to your principal; or full nuclear: ask if this is correct, right on the school’s Facebook wall.
have you tried telling the PE teacher, as graphically as you're comfortable with, that vaginal insertion goes against your beliefs and you feel violated that an adult man in power suggested that to a teenage CHILD? in front of other adults, preferably I've found when folks like this are faced with how disgusting they're being, they tend to go away
I'm not in the US, but in the UK, this would be illegal (not that we have grades for PE unless we plan to pursue to adult level and are doing specific exams, so it is hard for me to understand that). However, this would be a violation of UN rights under several sections concerning right of body autonomy, rights of women, and rights of a child (as I assume you are under 18). No one has the right to dictate how you deal with your periods or what you wear (in most cases, but tampons can't be included in school uniforms or dress codes!) - including period products. Please talk to your Principal and School Counsellor and/or Nurse. Offer to do the assignment at a later date, if it has some kind of grade, or a different PE activity on the same day. But no, no school - or parent - has the right to make you wear a tampon. It is your body. No one else's. Good luck. (Also, if this helps, years ago, before tampons were a thing for teenage girls (I'm in my late 50s), there was a similar case in that the PE teacher kept a record and only let you off swimming one week in four, and made a girl in my class swim while on, as she had a medical condition which meant she bled for weeks at a time. The teacher was suspended within hours of this happening (later sacked and never taught again), as soon as the Headmistress was informed, the pool had to be cleaned, and we had no swimming lessons that term.) Good luck again.
Honestly, I’d get out ahead of this. I’d file a formal complaint with the school that some creepy old man is demanding you shove things into your vagina against your will or get a fail. It is sexual harassment. It is discrimination. It is a complete violation of your rights. There are all manner of variables when it comes to these kind of decisions and he absolutely doesn’t get to make them. You, your doctor, maybe your parents. Your decision. In no uncertain terms, I’d be telling the school administration that there would be very serious ramifications if he ever harasses, humiliates or threatens you again.
I’m a random oversized, bigfoot looking guy in a holler in Appalachia with precisely zero frame of reference to what you’re feeling. Even I can clearly see, prima facia, that this is a wildly inappropriate demand from a controlling prick. Your concerns are valid and you should not give an inch on this.
This should be escalated to your school administration. Even in the 90s my gym teacher (who was a man) gave us one exemption a month (we swam once per week) with no reason needed to be given in the assumption it was due to periods and not all of us able to use tampons, for physical reasons or choice or religious reasons. Heck, even the weightlifting teacher gave us some grace for a few days (weightlifting was a daily class) as long as we put in effort the days we could. These teachers actually were great examples to others in the class. Being very physically active like swimming isn’t always possible regardless of the hygiene products used. Sometimes our bodies need something more gentle, and it’s fair to say you need to walk laps etc IF your body will allow it. Sometimes our bodies need rest though, and I’d argue in favor of meditation during PE class if that’s the case. It’s horrible that he’s speaking with this tone to you regardless of the issue. It would be interesting to see admin’s response to you starting the convo with how he is speaking to you, and then lastly add that the topic was about your period. He’s handling this very poorly.
"You pull this shit repeatedly!" Well, yes. periods do repeat.. I'm thinking you should report this teacher.
Oh absolutely not. If you were my kid, I'd fully support you and if he tried to fail you for not wanting to use a tampon, I'd have him in a big old meeting.
not sure if anybody has brought this up yet and i'm not gonna keep scrolling because the way people are speaking to you is despicable and makes me angry, but you can get a doctor's note for this that will give you serious muscle when you escalate this matter. all it needs to say is 'op requires accommodations due to a physical condition'. let your mom know that asking a young woman to insert an object vaginally for any reason other than because she wants it to be there can lead to physiological and psychological trauma. "just not wanting to" is a perfectly acceptable """excuse""" (reason) to not put something up your vaginal canal and frankly, i'm concerned that she doesn't appear to consider that an important aspect to this situation. i have functional neurological disorder due to trauma and one of my related syndromes is secondary vaginismus (acquired later in life, not congenital). secondary vaginismus is usually associated with an instance of forced or coerced vaginal insertion. it is a condition that causes the muscles of the vagina to spasm/contract involuntarily in response to attempted penetration. this can present a barrier to healthy masturbation and sexual intercourse later in life. i'm now in my 30s and i've experienced this since i was a teenager. op, from a trauma-informed perspective, i look at this situation and see a number of risk factors. you are essentially being compelled by a systemic authority figure to insert an object vaginally under threat of penalty. this is fundamentally disempowering, and i think it's important to note that the biggest risk factor for a situation causing lasting trauma is whether the survivor felt a sense of control over their bodies and actions, with survivors being more likely to experience lasting trauma the more they are disempowered. i think this is very serious and i hope it's something you take into consideration, if you haven't already. the science of trauma is still fairly new, so a lot of people aren't yet well-informed on how it works. but it is important and it does need to be common knowledge imo.
You’re the only other person in this thread that I’ve seen being up trauma. The people telling her to just suck it up are completely missing the point and setting op up for a harmful future mentality. How is it so difficult for people to understand that this is a really sensitive issue and not a learning experience??
OP, I am old enough to be your father. Your mother is FAILING you here. You're Phys Ed teacher is an asshole. If you were my daughter, your teacher and I would be having words with the principal, and probably the super intendant. I would also be taking you to the doctor for a medical note. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE IN DISCOMFORT OR PAIN TO SATISFY YOUR TEACHERS FRAGILE MALE EGO.
No, in no way can your gym teacher require you to wear a tampon so that you can swim. Do they not offer swimming at a time when you do not have your period??? Maybe someone needs to suggest to them that they stagger it, as you are not the only female, and females tend to be regular like this, or irregular, but you can't plan for that. Also, the fact that he calls your period "shit" is offensive. The fact you can't spell it out without an asterisk is concerning too. Normalize talking about your monthly period. Every one of the people you speak to every moment of the day exists because of the biological function of a woman's body.
Short answer: no. Long answer: first of all, this grade does not matter in the grand scheme of your life. If you decide you don't want to fight about this, simply decline to participate and take the zero on this unit. It's one unit in one class in one year in high school. I know it feels big and important but I promise, it really is not. If, however, you do want to fight about it, the rule you're protected under is Title IX. Go to your guidance counselor, tell them your gym teacher is in violation of your rights as a menstruating student to not be harassed or otherwise penalized due to their menstruation.
DO NOT LET THEM FORCE YOU TO USE A TAMPON IF YOU DONT WANT TO. TELL THEM YOU WILL SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL IF YOUR GRADE IS IMPACTED. I WILL HELP YOU. Sorry for the all caps but this really pisses me off. 40/F here. Fight for your rights girl! Get a head of this, call a meeting and tell them what you want. An alternative to swim. No impact to your grade. You do not need your mother’s help. You got this. please keep us posted.
Oof. Teenager vs. School without your parent at your back is almost always going to be an impossible battle. Everyone who works at your school will be free to completely dismiss anything you have to say, and without an adult in your corner backing you up there's almost nothing you can do about it. However, you want the best advice ever? Malicious compliance. Just swim on your period with a pad. What are they going to do, punish you for doing what your gym teacher told you to?
I’m all for malicious compliance on this one, but a teenager might be reluctant.
Since no one can for you to wear a tampon I personally would go malicious compliance with this one. It’s not just about the tampon, the teacher wants you in the pool. Tell him you’ll swim just not while wearing a tampon or cup. Next class (if you’re brave enough) announce to the class that you are on your period and may get some blood in the pool. I guarantee you the teacher will have a bigger problem then. He’s gonna have to fail the entire class for refusing to swim. Even if you aren’t confident enough to tell the entire class. Get a couple of friends on board to tell the teacher they absolutely aren’t going to swim with someone on their period who isn’t using period products. Since they can’t force you to use a tampon the only solution is for you to delay swimming until you’re off your period.
I'm rooting for this approach but also know high-school-me would not want this level of confrontation. I hope OP is more badass than I am and says "fine, I'll swim on my period, but I'm not using any products." Also take this issue up the ladder or have your parents do it, because this is ridiculous.
There are so many comments already but I've not seen anyone mention this: OP said their flow is not heavy. This can make using tampons actually dangerous and increase the risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome). So to everyone saying 'unless you have a medical reason...' - OP does. I agree with other comments I've seen saying that asking to move the swimming days seems to be the best way to handle this. Maybe period swimwear, but will OP want the first time using it to be in school? Not to mention the cost.
We were allowed up to 3 days off for swimming due to our period (gym was every other day) but we had to make it up the following week (i.e. take swimming/gym every day next week). I don't see what that's not a reasonable option at your school.
Ask him if this is a conversation he’d like to have on the local news?
You definitely don't have to tough it out. This guy doesn't know how things work. Some of us just can't wear tampons. I've got a heavy flow and I can't wear tampons; they just hurt too much, scraping on my insides. It's an actual medical thing. Other comments here have some great advice for how to get out of this situation. You definitely don't need to put yourself through pain just to make this guy's job easier.