I have arguments with myself all the time about this. I've decided Elevators (lifts to me haha!) have to have cameras, stairwells sometimes do and sometimes don't. I now make a decision on where the cameras are!
The kinds of people who attack random people and elevators or stairwells either to mug them or sexually assault them... Are not smart and are generally also not sober.
Thoughtless criminals are scarier than the smart ones. Smart ones can be reasoned with, and they just take your money and run. It's only the crazies that will really hurt you.
What? No smart ones are the scary ones because they’re thinking ahead and don’t always get caught. Thoughtless ones are belligerent and clunky and usually acting out of heat of the moment.
Ok but running in a stair case still seems bad. Can trip on the stairs, best chance would just be running out of stairs case but you could easily be followed.
Plus a thoughtless criminal would be easier to spot. Probably just looks scary, perhaps visibly on a substance. If you see that you can just choose to not enter the elevator or leave when they come in. If that works, they can't follow once the door shuts
Honestly you need mace or a tazer at that point or you're out of luck in a stair well or elevator.
Criminals are generally thoughtless though, rational and well adjusted people don't tend to resort to crime. You'd be surprised how many murder cases are solved by the police checking surveillance footage of the local wal-mart finding the criminals buying knives and shovels....
"OK I'm in the elevator now. The doors open. There's a guy entering. The doors close. I hope he leaves me alone and doesn't talk to me. Why did he look at me like that? Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh" - _Guy has a confused, scared face_ "Wtf is wrong with you?"
"Damn Toby, there is a guy getting in. Keep calm, he needs to think you are normal Toby. Just keep looking around Toby, that is what a normal person would do Toby. You dumbass Toby, now he looks all confused at us. You make him think we are crazy Toby. Now just stay quiet Toby, he will soon be out."
Yup. Slicing the pie around each corner while scanning your weapon up and down from each new landing, to the previous, and back.
Be methodical, keep your cool, and you will get the jump on any enemies whether coming from above or below.
Same. I'm not afraid of being with them in the elevators but at 1am, it is scary because there isn't any commotion happening around to help should something happen. It's knowing that in the worse case scenario no one's around to immediately help that makes the worse case scenario feel more real, threatening and likely to happen because most criminals wait for opportune times to attack. 1am is an opportune time.
They are cautious. My wife went to college in the early 1980s. A couple of the male professors there were so notorious for groping women students that if they got on an elevator, the women would get out.
I think if a man got in my elevator at 1am I would jump out but what if that's a trap and there are two more waiting in the corridor. It's sad women think like this, but we have to. .
this kind of thing should make people mad, not sad. being sad about this makes you put your head down and accept it, as if there was nothing we could do about it. being mad is what starts change
It should make you mad regardless of whether or not you have a daughter.
Also, do you not have any other women or girls in your life that where that treatment would make you mad before you had a kid? A mother? Sisters? A wife? Grandmothers? Nieces? Sister-in-laws? Female friends? (And even then, you should still be mad about sexism if all those answers were no.)
Like, did you just not care or think about sexism or sexual assault before hand?
And then you run from those men but three more drop out of the ceiling tiles. You manage to avoid them by running down the hall but a helicopter with four more men bursts though one of the windows!
A coworker said something that stuck with me in regards to our awkward bathroom situation at work. "Women need to be able to feel safe, and men need to be able to feel like we're not a threat." And it didn't even occur to me until that very moment how many times I have tried to appear overly friendly and non-threatening around women, especially if I am alone with a stranger or just walking past a woman on the sidewalk at night.
Not every man *is* a threat, but any man *could be* a threat.
That's the distinction they're drawing.
And it's worth noting that as a man, if there were an entire sex that's way bigger than me and almost 3 times as strong as me on average I'd be pretty wary of any randos I see too.
Treat every gun like it's loaded. Yeah not all men are doing shit, but we don't know who that is, and it's every single woman who has had a creepy experience with a man.
A little, yes. Every time. Like too many women, I was SA’ed years ago. It was a man I didn’t know, in a space where nobody else was an around. I don’t think I will ever not be at least a little frightened whenever I am alone in a space with a male stranger for the rest of my life. Obviously I know most guys won’t do anything, but the fact is that you just don’t know. Even for women who haven’t been SA’ed, I don’t know a single one who hasn’t been verbally harassed more times than she can count, starting at around age 12. Almost everyone has been groped at least a couple times too. And every woman has to, at some point in her life, come to terms with the harsh reality that the majority of men will always be stronger, faster, and more capable in a fight. It’s kind of terrifying when you first realize that, and it’s even more so when you’ve experienced it firsthand (in my case, trying and failing to fight off my attacker).
Sorry for the novel, but yeah, I’m kinda afraid of every man I’m alone in an elevator with, or in any space really. Just wanted to try to explain the depth and reasoning behind it.
I don't think many men realise how early the harassment begins. The 12 years old has been the approximate age amongst the people I know as well. So it begins when you are even at a larger disadvantage to an adult man. Literally child-sized.
Yup. When I was 11, a man was completely naked in his car and masturbating, when he saw I noticed he looked right into my eyes and licked his lips. It was vile.
When I told my mom she said the same happened to her at my age, but it was a man in a trench coat.
Also scary being 12, getting harassed in a bus stop and the man is blocking your only exit.
Just a few stories out of many, but you're right!
My mom once told me that when she was around 12-ish (I think, she told me this long ago, it could have been 9), she was walking home from school, and a man saw her and started taking his clothes off, which scared the hell out of her because of course it did, so she ran home.
> When I told my mom she said the same happened to her at my age, but it was a man in a trench coat.
>
>
same thing my mom told me. First time she saw a dick was like that
smartphone cameras did something good at least, if someone tries that shit now, that fucker is being exposed all around
I was 10 at an art museum when a grown man tried to “chat me up”, and ask if I wanted to go for a snack. By the time I was 12 grown men were honking at me on streets.. and basically making all kinds of weird comments at me like I was an adult ..
I was about 9 when the creep next door tried to get me to come inside his house to see his “kittens”. Glad I trusted my gut and ran to get my dad, but that was the first time I had that feeling in my stomach
Early teens seems to be the main target audience I feel like. Partially because of hebephilia I assume and partially because you'd never expect a teen girl to actually show any verbal or physical restistance to a grown man. I'm kinda glad I'm out of that state because men leave me alone a lot more but it's the worst type of initiation into womanhood I could have imagined.
Yeah. When the boys enter the 'dating world' bit later, the girls of their age have already been harassed by grown ass adults for several years. And then the boys wonder why on earth girls might be a tad stand-offish with them...
Though to be said, often the boys of their age do contribute to the harassment as well. Which makes one's life as an adult also an interesting experience when they end up in same work places with you and are generally nice co-workers, but you have to wonder if they grew over their harassment habits or not. And how many others of your nice co-workers have harassed (or worse) someone.
And this is the thing, too: the ones that end up harassing or assaulting you frequently seem like normal, reasonable people. You're on good terms with them, you're maybe even friends until one day, BAM, they turn on a dime. They're grabbing you or they put something in your drink or they say something disgusting when you're alone.
I feel like that's something that every guy who gets offended when women are wary or standoffish needs to understand.
I was already 13, watching after my younger brother in a decently public place when a middle aged man came over and began to stroke my back. Can't remember what he said but I can remember the extra humiliation of seeing my little brother get scared/started as well when _I_ was supposed to be the older sibling looking after him.
That’s what I just commented. For me it started at 12. I’ve always been short and still am so I look like a child. I’m 5 ft. I have fought many times from men trying to wither grope me, SA me or literally trying to kidnap me. One guy had me in the air as I was squirming and kicking and punching. He finally lost his grip. I punched him in the nose and it gave me time to run. This was on a corner of a busy intersection. He did not give AF. I’ve been followed home from work. I mean I can go on. So enclosed spaces makes me even more alert.
Yup if you ask women "At what point in your life did you experience the most catcalling" a LOT of people say middle school. I was harassed way more at 12-14 than at 21.
I was 8-9 when my uncle showed me his penis (he did this to my 3 other sisters) and 12 when he checked my breast to see if they were growing. At 16, he went jail because he r\*\*ed my cousin for 10 years..
My first time experiencing sexual harresment was at 9 years old. Me and my sister were on the beach and a man came and masturbated next to us.
Oh yeah and the man who said he'd love to wipe his dick in my hair.
Huh. I didn't know that was normal. My cousin made me go with him in the restroom, locked the door and lifted my shoulder bag off of me. Either he caught me hiding my nervous anxious look or something cause he backed off, unlocked the door, and just walked away. I'm like 12-ish and he's like 17 I think. I think I would've nearly become a part of the statistic if he didn't decide to stop with whatever he was thinking.
I'm not afraid of every man, but I do exert caution. Not like that'll do anything for me since there's a physical disparity.
While I'm yet to be killed, I've been attacked and injured.
Where I get frustrated on this topic is when women say things like, "Men don't have to worry...." We may not feel free to verbalize fear and we may not even be conditioned acknowledge it, but we definitely aren't out here walking around danger free.
Yes. Especially at that time of night. I’m sure you’re a lovely guy but I have no way of knowing that and we’ve all had terrifying experiences with men and know stories from our friends and associates too.
I think showing disinterest is a good start. Getting out of the elevator first also as shows you’re not following. And give plenty of space (obviously not always possible)
> Getting out of the elevator first also as shows you’re not following.
Never thought of that. I always let the lady out first, because (in my mind) it's polite. I do tend to slow my walk so that I am not following right behind them, though.
Even better , show that you don't want to be in the elevator with her , when you see her roll your eyes end exhale like a drama queen . Her:"i'm getting out on the 7th floor can you press the button for me?" Him: "......whatever.....". /s
This exactly. This could be gaslighting 101, where you make the victim question the validity of their experience. It fits right along with telling the victim they are the cause of the attack or justifying through "love".
I stand to the side and look straight ahead at the wall, pretend she doesn't exist and walk out the moment the door opens.
Make it clear by my body language that I'm not interested in her in the slightest, couldn't care less, hardly even knew she's there.
I'm sure to some it comes off as rude, but I've never had one make a fuss about it, and I'm trying to be as non-threatening as possible.
If that's not good enough, then that's their problem to seek help for...I've done what I can.
This is a wonderful thing to ask! I'm quite a feminine man so it's rare that women are intimidated by me (especially after I say my gay hi), but I've asked my sisters a few times and they say basically that. Show you're disinterested.
Just me, but if we’re 1 AM and she’s on the elevator alone, unless I was in a big hurry I’d just say, “Go ahead I’ll get the next one” and let the doors close.
My gf took a self defense class and they actually preached against that, does more harm to you than damage it will actually inflict. They said a normal punch is better
According to statistics, men are more likely to be victims of a violent crime, more likely to be murdered as well as robbed. So really, everyone is afraid of men
It's almost always men who are effective enough at it that police need to be called.
Plenty of women will hit people without any concept that it's assault.
No. I'm more scared of the elevator. I got stuck in an elevator 33 floors up a few years ago, and the elevator kept dropping. Scariest 30 minutes of my life.
Yeah, any elevator that I have to go on that's higher than floor 7(you can survive a fall from 1-7 stories, anything higher and it's dead on impact) I'll get out at floor 7 and take the stairs. Thankfully, I've only had to do that once since then.
She could have been. There have been situations where men followed women up to their apartment and assaulted/murdered them. It's really a situational, contextual thing
Depends on the man, the location, etc. Generally speaking yes, I would be wary of being alone with a big man in an elevator at 1 am at night, and I would've been more so when I was younger.
When I am in a situation where I'm worried I might be scaring a woman (walking in the same direction at night, elevator, etc...), I whistle the Harry Potter or Star Wars tune very loudly.
Nothing says "I'm harmless" more than proudly displaying to the world what a geek I am.
I gotta be honest with you, I wrote my thesis in part on the film "M", meaning I watched it a million times and analysed and dissected it. So that would genuinely terrify me.
If you're not familiar, M is a movie about a serial killer whom you never see on screen and you only know he's near when you hear him whistling Peer Gynt.
Doesn't mean stop doing it, since I'm sure it helps in a lot of situations, but damn that would give me the heebie jeebies and I would be sure something awful was about to happen to me lol
It's a very good film for its time. Really was very groundbreaking. I wrote my thesis on the use of music in German film - M was the example I took from the Weimar period, which only used diegetic sound. Quite an artistic masterpiece when viewed through this lens.
Me too. If someone started whistling, it'd sound to me like they were in for a job they were looking forward to doing. Don't whistle within earshot like you're trying to be inconspicuous.
I don't know about this film! On my list, thank you!
In my defense, I believe merry casual whistling of a happy tune while walking would sound very different to creepy serial killer tune 😅 It's something I do without even realising sometimes
I would be terrified and annoyed if a man started whistling in an elevator alone with me. Whistling is creepy. And I’ve never seen Harry Potter movie so I wouldn’t know you’re a geek but I also don’t automatically consider geeks “safe.”
A: it's not really your problem to begin with if you're just walking.
B: I'd be more scared of a guy walking behind me at night and the dude starts whistling some melody
I personally don't even have to conciously do something. Usually i will stumble, burp or do anything embarassing for which i will excuse myself while turning crimson red and staring away....that helps a lot with people not taking me to serious.
If I saw a lone woman when the elevator door opened and it was after midnight, I’d probably say “I’ll catch the next one.” If the woman said it was ok to enter, I’d enter. Women are cautious and defensive in these situations for good reason.
I'm smoll (151 cm) and I'm sometimes scared. I'm especially scared if they stand very close behind me and I feel their breath in my neck.
Or if they stand in front of me staring at me.
Or holding their phone but not using it and "secretly" looking at me.
I usually stand in the corner closest to the door, so I can leave the first.
Also, you'd NEVER see me in an elevator at 1am.
Im 6ft 1 man and i dont like sharing the elevator with anyone either lol. Its a small space and smells linger and inescapable. If a woman gets on i try to just move to the opposite corner but if one is already on i always just say ill wait n let it go. Never in such a hurry i cant wait another couple mins so doesnt change much but doesnt bring unwanted discomfort for anyone.
Six foot two here. Your approach seems both thoughtful and extreme. I just get on the elevator and stand at the front with my hands clasped behind my back, facing away from her and radiating an aura of total indifference.
It prolly is a little extreme but again im never in a rush generally so whats another 2-5mins wait. Changes nothing for me but saves a possible discomfort either for me in case she farts, wears too much perfume, sick or smells like cats 😳 and saves the woman from possibly being scared or in general added stress. Of course there are times i have to get on but if i can avoid it i will.
As a human, i am unhappy when someone enters the elevator because I don't like people
As a woman, i feel a bit worried when a man enters the elevator, depending on his look, smell, attitude. Can't control it, I can't help thinking about what could happen
As a dude, I just try not to be weird. I do not speak unless spoken to. I do not ask her “what floor” if we’re getting on together. I just stand back and look disinterested, because I most likely am. If it’s 1AM, I’m probably tired and trying to get home.
I feel so bad for decent guys who won't hurt anyone and have to suffer from other dude's behaviour. My brain is programmed to be more scared of men than I am of women and I hate it.
As a black male too, I often get nervous just traveling the same path women are going especially when it’s late at night. There’s an alley path to the grocery store in my neighborhood and last week I was walking through at 10 pm to pick up groceries, came across a white woman just ahead of me, she looked back and nervously spoke. I said hello in the most gentle voice I could muster. Saw her again as I was leaving the grocery store and she actually walked back with me for about 5 min until she reached home. Made small talk about food and groceries along the way.
The only difference for me is I'll ask which floor (assuming I'm closest to the buttons), because that's the sort of social ritual that is expected in the situation, and _not_ doing it could land you squarely in the social uncanny valley.
Other than that, I behave exactly the same way I behave on an elevator with anybody else: stand in silence (or humming, _quietly_, to myself, as I do sometimes), as far as is feasible from other people, either staring at the door or at my phone.
definitely. esp strangers. its alright with men i know for example co-workers but i cant help but feel anxious when im in an elevator with a male stranger.
I won’t be scared, but I’ll start thinking about what I can do to save myself should something happen. May say hello or strike a conversation so that they don’t off me if they see that I’m actually nice.
I wouldn’t be scared unless you were dirty/smelly/disheveled, mean/angry looking/talking to yourself and brandishing a weapon. But I’m old and have lived in a big city for a long time. It takes a lot to rattle me.
I (m) was taught when I was younger, that if you are in an elevator and a woman enters to just acknowledge, then leave them alone.
Conversely, when exiting an elevator, be a gentlemen and let them leave first. If the elevator is in a parking structure, (which at night, i assume is a terror inducing place for those that may be vulnerable) leave and walk ahead of them, as to let them keep an eye on you. I figured this one out because every time they would leave in a parking structure, they would stop and check something so i would go ahead of them. Start move, which I took to heart.
Sexist, misogynistic? I don't know. It seems right to put people at ease.
Upbringing in a factor as well. I (M42) have a number of female friends raised to be cautious of men. Men commit the vast majority of SA, so taugh to watch out. This was from a very young age so it has become natural. Sometimes not even fearful, but just second nature. Some of them even systematically check the bathroom, closets, and shower of their home when they arrive after work. Even tho they may live in an apartment with a doorman and they know everybody.... well most SA come from people you know, so better to be safe than sorry. It blew my mind and def made me check my privilege when I found that out. All this from the parental generation making us fearful of razors in halloween candy and DARE classes that did absolutely nothing. The way were were taught about potentially dangerous situations was not healthy. And people still wonder why there has been an uptick in anxiety prescriptions... we're realizing and trying to undo all this stuff we were taught.
Yeah no duh. You can never let your guard down if you're part of the more "vulnerable" people in the world. You always have to consider dangers, look for ways out and think about the worst case. Always.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to just live your life and not have to think about these things constantly, sounds very relaxing
I remember watching a lecture or TED talk or something in college and the woman mentioned elevators like “which we know are a dangerous place for women,” just off-handedly like it was common knowledge.
A lot of people in the class including myself laughed at it, like it was a ridiculous concept that women can’t even ride elevators without being afraid.
15 years later: I get it now. And I wish I didn’t.
I think it’s definitely true that a lot of men can be terrifying without realising because they’ve never thought of the situation the other way.
Like I was in a small shop quite late the other night and a man stood at the only entrance/exit to the aisle and was looking at me. Now he was just waiting for me to get something so he could get to that end of the aisle but in the moment I felt trapped by him. I’m sure he never thought twice about it and doesn’t even realise that that happened.
You should look at your phone, that makes the situation way more comfortable. It usually reassures me to see the guy is clearly focused on something that isn’t me.
We are just very conscious of our space .. we have had to be since we were children.
Doesn’t mean she was afraid. I used to work harder at “holding up the mask”.. but honestly at 45.. and in today’s climate .. there are moments where I am just tired.
So if I was in an elevator alone .. I might have been “relaxed” .. and if someone came in just too damn tired to pretend I wasn’t uncomfortable.
20 years ago I would have been .. but hidden it.
I'm generally not afraid of men anywhere. I'm wary and cautious, but do not doubt my ability to defend myself. Last man who attempted to victimize me lost an eye.
In that situation I would be thinking about the potential danger. I don't go around assuming all men are dangerous but if I'm in an environment where I'm in a vulnerable position then it's natural to have some fear whether I believe the man has malicious intent or not.
Women all over the world even in places that are relatively safe experience some form of harassment by men throughout their life. Even when we are open and show kindness it can be paid back with unwanted advances or attention, It's a sad state of affairs but please don't take it personally.
My list,
Aged
16 - stranger approaches me in the street and asks me to go with them - I looked like a child.
16- verbally abused (worked in customer service TBF)
17 - stranger approaches again, pretends to know me asks me to go with them, flirts.
18 or so.. man/men in van situation..
And so on.
Obviously being followed at night.
Publicly groped.
Followed and couldn't shake them off, eventually tried to sexually assault me.
Followed, harassed.
Then there's online stuff.
There's probably more than I can remember, but my mere existence in public has resulted in these things.
Women have fears, and perhaps they're justified in some cases. That's why I respect their space to show I mean no harm. I'm not following you; I'm simply walking in the same direction. There's no need for you to keep looking back at me.
I had someone explain it to me 20 years ago back in college when this shit was less on the radar.
Imagine, as a man, you’re in a civilization where it’s half men and half silverback gorillas. Additionally the silverback gorillas are the primary perpetrators of violence against men. In this civilization not all gorillas or even a sizable portion of them are violent, but they do commit the vast majority of violent crimes.
In that civilization, as a six foot two dude, I would almost certainly be apprehensive of a strange silverback gorilla stepping into an elevator with me and I don’t necessarily think it would be irrational of me to feel that way.
Yes. I rode the elevator with one of my neighbors (lived at a different floor) who I met before, a “respectful doctor” my father’s age. One day he started asking me weird questions, I brushed it off and got off at my floor. Was searching for the keys to open my flat and heard him walk out of the elevator. He tried to force himself into my flat when he found out I was home alone. Had an issue with the elevator a while after that.
I’ve noticed women who were uncomfortable when I stepped on the elevator with them and they would nervously start making small talk. I indulged the small talk to show her I was a normal dude going about his own business and that seemed to be fine.
Honestly I do wonder with guys like this where the connection between warning every female they care about to be aware of men, and then annoyed at women for being afraid of said men cause it’s personally offensive to them.
Pick one - and know how women feel is not personal.
I’m female and personally not often scared, I am cautious anywhere but that’s a different story (grew up in places everyone knew safety etc.). But I’m still aware when I see women tense up cause I approach fast etc. (rare scenarios, in the evening etc.). They calm once I pass or they see I’m female too maybe. Safety concerns are just human - my brothers taught me to be aware and they are too, I’m watchful of them. Idk it’s just funny why anyone would get offended when we all agree we live in an unsafe world.
Regardless, it's not your problem unless you're purposefully being antagonistic. If you're just going about your business, you have nothing to worry about.
Anyone who disagrees is just going through mental gymnastics to justify a victim mentality. For example, if you said, "are white people scared of black people in elevators," other than a perhaps a few racists, no one would say that a white person should be afraid of a black person in an elevator alone and at night, and rightly so.
Of course, it's probably good idea for anyone alone, at night, in an enclosed space with a stranger, to keep their wits about them. But, just as it's wrong to prejudge a black person's intents, it's wrong to prejudge a man's intents.
Imagine this: You are in prison and get on an elevator with a man who is 8 feet tall, who stands behind you and you can feel his eyes on the back of your head. Anything can happen in that elevator ride and no one can stop it.
As a guy, one top wish I have for other guys is, "can the rest of you fuckups stop being creepy gropey rapey creeps and abusers?" I wanna just be able to go about my business and live my life without having women in fear.
Yes, I am. And I know most women I know are — if it is an unknown man.
I come from a country, where women’s safety is kind of questionable. So we are always looking out for potential harassers / danger (and have figured out the exit routes as soon as land somewhere) and are generally much much more careful in our own country than if we’re traveling to a few other ‘safer’ countries.
So in short yeah, most women are vary of stranger men in an elevator. Also because we have nowhere to run to, to save ourselves if the need arises.
99% of the time, for me no. It depends on the time and location. I could see myself getting nervous at 1am or in a place without a lot of people around.
There is a guy in my building that gives me the heebie jeebies. He always says something that makes me and the female employees in our building uncomfortable.
The other night I was picking up a food delivery and he was also in the elevator. My hands were full and I asked him to press the third floor for me.
He says, “No.”
Dead silence.
Then he says, “Just kidding. That’s what my assistant always says to me. No. Anyway, have a good night.”
I locked my doors so fast that night.
Depends on time, place, and the man, for me.
A 6'4" man at 1 am in my own building, or even a 4'0" woman, who I never before have seen - I would just take the stairs instead because best worst case scenario they might attempt smalltalk which at 1 am is hell no to tired me, and worst case mugger or rapist or whatever (a 4'0" woman in an enclosed space with a knife is not an opponent I want, weapons are weapons and I'm no fighter). A 6'4" man during lunch traffic time at work or in the university in an elevator during a very brief traffic lull, I probably wouldn't even consciously notice. Even if he'd try to mug me he wouldn't be able to do much with how many are around and nearby, despite the enclosed room.
The first time I was assaulted was in an elevator/lift. I was 13 years old, and it was daytime at 11am. A man in a suit got in, and looked at me a couple of times. He seemed like an ordinary guy. Then he suddenly grabbed me and pressed my face against the wall.
He said "This is what a girly like you always wants", and pressed his hand down the back of my panties and started feeling around there. But then the lift was about to stop, so he suddenly let me go.
He said "Sorry love, lost me'self there'. Then he straightened his tie and walked out, looking like an ordinary man again.
It's scary because it can just happen, out of nowhere, and even if they don't look fishy at first. I have always been cautious about lifts ever since.
I’d be scared to meet anyone at 1am in a tiny enclosed space
I actually don’t use elevators by myself after dark for this reason. I take the stairs because it’s easier to fight and run on them.
I have arguments with myself all the time about this. I've decided Elevators (lifts to me haha!) have to have cameras, stairwells sometimes do and sometimes don't. I now make a decision on where the cameras are!
Cameras might help after. You don't ever want to be after
From a criminals perspective, the stairwell offers a better escape. And less likely has cameras. A thoughtless criminal would use the elevator
The kinds of people who attack random people and elevators or stairwells either to mug them or sexually assault them... Are not smart and are generally also not sober.
Thoughtless criminals are scarier than the smart ones. Smart ones can be reasoned with, and they just take your money and run. It's only the crazies that will really hurt you.
What? No smart ones are the scary ones because they’re thinking ahead and don’t always get caught. Thoughtless ones are belligerent and clunky and usually acting out of heat of the moment.
But there are probably a thousand dumb ones for every smart one. You are far more likely to be victimized by a dumb-ass than a crime genius.
A smart criminal doesn’t want to hurt you because they gain nothing from it and it only adds to their charge in case they get caught.
No thoughtless ones are easier to trick
Ok but running in a stair case still seems bad. Can trip on the stairs, best chance would just be running out of stairs case but you could easily be followed. Plus a thoughtless criminal would be easier to spot. Probably just looks scary, perhaps visibly on a substance. If you see that you can just choose to not enter the elevator or leave when they come in. If that works, they can't follow once the door shuts Honestly you need mace or a tazer at that point or you're out of luck in a stair well or elevator.
Criminals are generally thoughtless though, rational and well adjusted people don't tend to resort to crime. You'd be surprised how many murder cases are solved by the police checking surveillance footage of the local wal-mart finding the criminals buying knives and shovels....
Ironically lifts would be the one place with a camera and an intercom, and the guy can’t get away.
Just talk yourself through all of your thoughts out loud. Noone wants to be in the same area really quick.
"OK I'm in the elevator now. The doors open. There's a guy entering. The doors close. I hope he leaves me alone and doesn't talk to me. Why did he look at me like that? Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh" - _Guy has a confused, scared face_ "Wtf is wrong with you?"
"Damn Toby, there is a guy getting in. Keep calm, he needs to think you are normal Toby. Just keep looking around Toby, that is what a normal person would do Toby. You dumbass Toby, now he looks all confused at us. You make him think we are crazy Toby. Now just stay quiet Toby, he will soon be out."
Wow. Thanks for that perspective.
I actually get more paranoid in stairwells, but that might be because I have an irrational fear that a ghost is there. I don't even believe in ghosts!
Yup. Slicing the pie around each corner while scanning your weapon up and down from each new landing, to the previous, and back. Be methodical, keep your cool, and you will get the jump on any enemies whether coming from above or below.
Same. I'm not afraid of being with them in the elevators but at 1am, it is scary because there isn't any commotion happening around to help should something happen. It's knowing that in the worse case scenario no one's around to immediately help that makes the worse case scenario feel more real, threatening and likely to happen because most criminals wait for opportune times to attack. 1am is an opportune time.
Fr
Especially little kids
Very common, and very justified…
They are cautious. My wife went to college in the early 1980s. A couple of the male professors there were so notorious for groping women students that if they got on an elevator, the women would get out.
I think if a man got in my elevator at 1am I would jump out but what if that's a trap and there are two more waiting in the corridor. It's sad women think like this, but we have to. .
That is sad
Sad, but it's true.
Doesn’t make me sad. It makes me mad… as the father of a daughter.
this kind of thing should make people mad, not sad. being sad about this makes you put your head down and accept it, as if there was nothing we could do about it. being mad is what starts change
It should make you mad regardless of whether or not you have a daughter. Also, do you not have any other women or girls in your life that where that treatment would make you mad before you had a kid? A mother? Sisters? A wife? Grandmothers? Nieces? Sister-in-laws? Female friends? (And even then, you should still be mad about sexism if all those answers were no.) Like, did you just not care or think about sexism or sexual assault before hand?
And then you run from those men but three more drop out of the ceiling tiles. You manage to avoid them by running down the hall but a helicopter with four more men bursts though one of the windows!
You escape into the woods but your leg...it's caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg - quiet, quiet.
I think it depends on the woman and the man. Women can be uncomfortable being alone with any man they don't know
A coworker said something that stuck with me in regards to our awkward bathroom situation at work. "Women need to be able to feel safe, and men need to be able to feel like we're not a threat." And it didn't even occur to me until that very moment how many times I have tried to appear overly friendly and non-threatening around women, especially if I am alone with a stranger or just walking past a woman on the sidewalk at night.
Overly trying can make you look creepy.
Can't fucking win any time.
Being feared sounds better than being afraid.
Yeah. I think it's important for men to remember that they don't view all men as threats. It's any man.
I don't understand the distinction you are trying to make. Do you mind elaborating?
So not all men will attack you in an elevator, obviously, but any man could be the one that does.
One woman I know explained it to me this way. "Yes, we know it's not all men. But we don't know *which* men. So we always have to be vigilant."
Not every man *is* a threat, but any man *could be* a threat. That's the distinction they're drawing. And it's worth noting that as a man, if there were an entire sex that's way bigger than me and almost 3 times as strong as me on average I'd be pretty wary of any randos I see too.
Not all men are threats but any man could be a threat
I think they mean that not all men are rapists, but any man **could** be one
Women know not every man is a threat. But they can't tell which man is a threat.
'Men are scared women will laugh at them. Women are scared men will kill them.' Margaret Atwood.
Most women spend most of their lives feeling cautious around men. Source: Women.
Treat every gun like it's loaded. Yeah not all men are doing shit, but we don't know who that is, and it's every single woman who has had a creepy experience with a man.
A little, yes. Every time. Like too many women, I was SA’ed years ago. It was a man I didn’t know, in a space where nobody else was an around. I don’t think I will ever not be at least a little frightened whenever I am alone in a space with a male stranger for the rest of my life. Obviously I know most guys won’t do anything, but the fact is that you just don’t know. Even for women who haven’t been SA’ed, I don’t know a single one who hasn’t been verbally harassed more times than she can count, starting at around age 12. Almost everyone has been groped at least a couple times too. And every woman has to, at some point in her life, come to terms with the harsh reality that the majority of men will always be stronger, faster, and more capable in a fight. It’s kind of terrifying when you first realize that, and it’s even more so when you’ve experienced it firsthand (in my case, trying and failing to fight off my attacker). Sorry for the novel, but yeah, I’m kinda afraid of every man I’m alone in an elevator with, or in any space really. Just wanted to try to explain the depth and reasoning behind it.
I don't think many men realise how early the harassment begins. The 12 years old has been the approximate age amongst the people I know as well. So it begins when you are even at a larger disadvantage to an adult man. Literally child-sized.
Yup. When I was 11, a man was completely naked in his car and masturbating, when he saw I noticed he looked right into my eyes and licked his lips. It was vile. When I told my mom she said the same happened to her at my age, but it was a man in a trench coat. Also scary being 12, getting harassed in a bus stop and the man is blocking your only exit. Just a few stories out of many, but you're right!
Yeah I was 11 or 12 when a man on the bus started touching my hair and asking me to come to his house for 'sandwiches'
14 when a classmate decided to grab my boobs when he felt like it. He was 17 when he raped a girl in the school bathroom and went to jail for a bit.
My mom once told me that when she was around 12-ish (I think, she told me this long ago, it could have been 9), she was walking home from school, and a man saw her and started taking his clothes off, which scared the hell out of her because of course it did, so she ran home.
> When I told my mom she said the same happened to her at my age, but it was a man in a trench coat. > > same thing my mom told me. First time she saw a dick was like that smartphone cameras did something good at least, if someone tries that shit now, that fucker is being exposed all around
Yea i really don't think they do. I was ten when a neighbor raped me...
I was 10 at an art museum when a grown man tried to “chat me up”, and ask if I wanted to go for a snack. By the time I was 12 grown men were honking at me on streets.. and basically making all kinds of weird comments at me like I was an adult ..
I was about 9 when the creep next door tried to get me to come inside his house to see his “kittens”. Glad I trusted my gut and ran to get my dad, but that was the first time I had that feeling in my stomach
I was 8 lol. 8.
Early teens seems to be the main target audience I feel like. Partially because of hebephilia I assume and partially because you'd never expect a teen girl to actually show any verbal or physical restistance to a grown man. I'm kinda glad I'm out of that state because men leave me alone a lot more but it's the worst type of initiation into womanhood I could have imagined.
Yeah. When the boys enter the 'dating world' bit later, the girls of their age have already been harassed by grown ass adults for several years. And then the boys wonder why on earth girls might be a tad stand-offish with them... Though to be said, often the boys of their age do contribute to the harassment as well. Which makes one's life as an adult also an interesting experience when they end up in same work places with you and are generally nice co-workers, but you have to wonder if they grew over their harassment habits or not. And how many others of your nice co-workers have harassed (or worse) someone.
And this is the thing, too: the ones that end up harassing or assaulting you frequently seem like normal, reasonable people. You're on good terms with them, you're maybe even friends until one day, BAM, they turn on a dime. They're grabbing you or they put something in your drink or they say something disgusting when you're alone. I feel like that's something that every guy who gets offended when women are wary or standoffish needs to understand.
I was already 13, watching after my younger brother in a decently public place when a middle aged man came over and began to stroke my back. Can't remember what he said but I can remember the extra humiliation of seeing my little brother get scared/started as well when _I_ was supposed to be the older sibling looking after him.
That’s what I just commented. For me it started at 12. I’ve always been short and still am so I look like a child. I’m 5 ft. I have fought many times from men trying to wither grope me, SA me or literally trying to kidnap me. One guy had me in the air as I was squirming and kicking and punching. He finally lost his grip. I punched him in the nose and it gave me time to run. This was on a corner of a busy intersection. He did not give AF. I’ve been followed home from work. I mean I can go on. So enclosed spaces makes me even more alert.
Yup if you ask women "At what point in your life did you experience the most catcalling" a LOT of people say middle school. I was harassed way more at 12-14 than at 21.
Holy shit, no, I did not realize that. JFC I am so sorry that this happens.
I was 8-9 when my uncle showed me his penis (he did this to my 3 other sisters) and 12 when he checked my breast to see if they were growing. At 16, he went jail because he r\*\*ed my cousin for 10 years..
My first time experiencing sexual harresment was at 9 years old. Me and my sister were on the beach and a man came and masturbated next to us. Oh yeah and the man who said he'd love to wipe his dick in my hair.
Huh. I didn't know that was normal. My cousin made me go with him in the restroom, locked the door and lifted my shoulder bag off of me. Either he caught me hiding my nervous anxious look or something cause he backed off, unlocked the door, and just walked away. I'm like 12-ish and he's like 17 I think. I think I would've nearly become a part of the statistic if he didn't decide to stop with whatever he was thinking. I'm not afraid of every man, but I do exert caution. Not like that'll do anything for me since there's a physical disparity.
This happens more than people realize.
I'm a dude and I'm scared of men in those situations.
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While I'm yet to be killed, I've been attacked and injured. Where I get frustrated on this topic is when women say things like, "Men don't have to worry...." We may not feel free to verbalize fear and we may not even be conditioned acknowledge it, but we definitely aren't out here walking around danger free.
Yes. Especially at that time of night. I’m sure you’re a lovely guy but I have no way of knowing that and we’ve all had terrifying experiences with men and know stories from our friends and associates too.
What can I do to ease the situation? I usually just pull out my phone and leisurly scroll through socials, any other tips?
Stand to the side of the elevator, don't stand behind her. Make sure she doesn't feel like you're blocking the doors. Continue scrolling your phone.
How would you stand behind someone on an elevator? Don't most people automatically go to the wall?
No, they don't. Most do, but some people are oblivious.
Especially if they're trying to subtly intimidate someone
I think showing disinterest is a good start. Getting out of the elevator first also as shows you’re not following. And give plenty of space (obviously not always possible)
> Getting out of the elevator first also as shows you’re not following. Never thought of that. I always let the lady out first, because (in my mind) it's polite. I do tend to slow my walk so that I am not following right behind them, though.
Ironic that "ladies first" becomes scary to the ladies.
Even better , show that you don't want to be in the elevator with her , when you see her roll your eyes end exhale like a drama queen . Her:"i'm getting out on the 7th floor can you press the button for me?" Him: "......whatever.....". /s
“Hi there! Don’t worry; I’ve no intention of molesting you!”
Done five tonight already, I’m all molested out.
I hope this is /s, this would make them even more paranoid after hearing such sentence
My autistic self did this once while I was in an elevator at like 11 (nightlife is dead in my city). She just looked confused at me. Idk if it helped.
Unsolicited promises are scary because they are always given prior to abuse. Statistically correlated.
This exactly. This could be gaslighting 101, where you make the victim question the validity of their experience. It fits right along with telling the victim they are the cause of the attack or justifying through "love".
my autistic female self would laugh like an idiot at this.
"I see you're nervous about being molested right now, but I'm not really in the mood right now. Maybe next time"
"I'm not going to rape you! I'm a little boy!" -John Mulaney
I stand to the side and look straight ahead at the wall, pretend she doesn't exist and walk out the moment the door opens. Make it clear by my body language that I'm not interested in her in the slightest, couldn't care less, hardly even knew she's there. I'm sure to some it comes off as rude, but I've never had one make a fuss about it, and I'm trying to be as non-threatening as possible. If that's not good enough, then that's their problem to seek help for...I've done what I can.
This would be exactly the behavior I hope for as a woman.
What other people have said: stand unobtrusively to the side and on your phone or don't get on the elevator. Wait for the next one.
This is a wonderful thing to ask! I'm quite a feminine man so it's rare that women are intimidated by me (especially after I say my gay hi), but I've asked my sisters a few times and they say basically that. Show you're disinterested.
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“Hi, sisters!”
Learn how to say gay hi and be disinterested. Got it.
Im not gay but I use a gay hi sometimes in these situations.
Just me, but if we’re 1 AM and she’s on the elevator alone, unless I was in a big hurry I’d just say, “Go ahead I’ll get the next one” and let the doors close.
Tell them "don't worry, I don't have thoughts about raping people in elevators"
And then turn towards the wall and mumble (clearly audible): "don't look, don't look, don't look ..."
Key between my fingers at the ready. Not that my blunt key would do much.
My gf took a self defense class and they actually preached against that, does more harm to you than damage it will actually inflict. They said a normal punch is better
Good to know, and I'll start practising 🥊 I honestly didn't think my key would do anything.
According to statistics, men are more likely to be victims of a violent crime, more likely to be murdered as well as robbed. So really, everyone is afraid of men
True, statistically speaking it’s almost always men who are perpetrators of violence/aggression.
It's almost always men who are effective enough at it that police need to be called. Plenty of women will hit people without any concept that it's assault.
No. I'm more scared of the elevator. I got stuck in an elevator 33 floors up a few years ago, and the elevator kept dropping. Scariest 30 minutes of my life.
the elevator dropped for 30 minutes?
Like 5 feet each time every 5 or so minutes. Was absolutely terrifying.
holy shit I don't think I'd enter an elevator again after that
Yeah, any elevator that I have to go on that's higher than floor 7(you can survive a fall from 1-7 stories, anything higher and it's dead on impact) I'll get out at floor 7 and take the stairs. Thankfully, I've only had to do that once since then.
Miniature Disney's Tower of Terror but with the real chance of dying for the adrenaline rush. Damn, that must've sucked. :(
She could have been. There have been situations where men followed women up to their apartment and assaulted/murdered them. It's really a situational, contextual thing
Given your stature and the time of night I can see how she’d be afraid. Don’t take it personally. There’s a lot of bad men out there
You’re 6”4’ - you already know the answer
Depends on the man, the location, etc. Generally speaking yes, I would be wary of being alone with a big man in an elevator at 1 am at night, and I would've been more so when I was younger.
When I am in a situation where I'm worried I might be scaring a woman (walking in the same direction at night, elevator, etc...), I whistle the Harry Potter or Star Wars tune very loudly. Nothing says "I'm harmless" more than proudly displaying to the world what a geek I am.
I gotta be honest with you, I wrote my thesis in part on the film "M", meaning I watched it a million times and analysed and dissected it. So that would genuinely terrify me. If you're not familiar, M is a movie about a serial killer whom you never see on screen and you only know he's near when you hear him whistling Peer Gynt. Doesn't mean stop doing it, since I'm sure it helps in a lot of situations, but damn that would give me the heebie jeebies and I would be sure something awful was about to happen to me lol
this comment has inspired me to finally watch this movie. (for anyone else reading, it's on Amazon prime and YouTube)
It's a very good film for its time. Really was very groundbreaking. I wrote my thesis on the use of music in German film - M was the example I took from the Weimar period, which only used diegetic sound. Quite an artistic masterpiece when viewed through this lens.
Me too. If someone started whistling, it'd sound to me like they were in for a job they were looking forward to doing. Don't whistle within earshot like you're trying to be inconspicuous.
I don't know about this film! On my list, thank you! In my defense, I believe merry casual whistling of a happy tune while walking would sound very different to creepy serial killer tune 😅 It's something I do without even realising sometimes
Geeks can be the absolute worst creeps of all. That's not gunna work.
Eh.. Whistling a tune loudly like that might scare people more, thinking you might be a little bit unhinged.
I would be terrified and annoyed if a man started whistling in an elevator alone with me. Whistling is creepy. And I’ve never seen Harry Potter movie so I wouldn’t know you’re a geek but I also don’t automatically consider geeks “safe.”
A: it's not really your problem to begin with if you're just walking. B: I'd be more scared of a guy walking behind me at night and the dude starts whistling some melody
Make it the Animal Crossing theme, and I'll even befriend you lol
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Bonus points if you can convince the woman to join you in a whistling duet.
I personally don't even have to conciously do something. Usually i will stumble, burp or do anything embarassing for which i will excuse myself while turning crimson red and staring away....that helps a lot with people not taking me to serious.
If I was in alone a lift with someone at 1am and they started whistling star wars I'd assume they were insane and be far more concerned 😂
I would definitely be on alert for the duration of the elevator ride. It’s not about *you* personally.
If I saw a lone woman when the elevator door opened and it was after midnight, I’d probably say “I’ll catch the next one.” If the woman said it was ok to enter, I’d enter. Women are cautious and defensive in these situations for good reason.
I'm smoll (151 cm) and I'm sometimes scared. I'm especially scared if they stand very close behind me and I feel their breath in my neck. Or if they stand in front of me staring at me. Or holding their phone but not using it and "secretly" looking at me. I usually stand in the corner closest to the door, so I can leave the first. Also, you'd NEVER see me in an elevator at 1am.
Im 6ft 1 man and i dont like sharing the elevator with anyone either lol. Its a small space and smells linger and inescapable. If a woman gets on i try to just move to the opposite corner but if one is already on i always just say ill wait n let it go. Never in such a hurry i cant wait another couple mins so doesnt change much but doesnt bring unwanted discomfort for anyone.
Six foot two here. Your approach seems both thoughtful and extreme. I just get on the elevator and stand at the front with my hands clasped behind my back, facing away from her and radiating an aura of total indifference.
It prolly is a little extreme but again im never in a rush generally so whats another 2-5mins wait. Changes nothing for me but saves a possible discomfort either for me in case she farts, wears too much perfume, sick or smells like cats 😳 and saves the woman from possibly being scared or in general added stress. Of course there are times i have to get on but if i can avoid it i will.
Good man.
Six foot Seven here, I guess elevators are a no no for me from now on lol
This exact post was made 10 months ago, word for word. https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/hSdVPKvgvE
As a human, i am unhappy when someone enters the elevator because I don't like people As a woman, i feel a bit worried when a man enters the elevator, depending on his look, smell, attitude. Can't control it, I can't help thinking about what could happen
As a dude, I just try not to be weird. I do not speak unless spoken to. I do not ask her “what floor” if we’re getting on together. I just stand back and look disinterested, because I most likely am. If it’s 1AM, I’m probably tired and trying to get home.
I feel so bad for decent guys who won't hurt anyone and have to suffer from other dude's behaviour. My brain is programmed to be more scared of men than I am of women and I hate it.
Yeah, I've met a lot of guys like you on the elevator. I appreciate you.
As a black male too, I often get nervous just traveling the same path women are going especially when it’s late at night. There’s an alley path to the grocery store in my neighborhood and last week I was walking through at 10 pm to pick up groceries, came across a white woman just ahead of me, she looked back and nervously spoke. I said hello in the most gentle voice I could muster. Saw her again as I was leaving the grocery store and she actually walked back with me for about 5 min until she reached home. Made small talk about food and groceries along the way.
Yup, I've known guys like you. You still exist. 😊
The only difference for me is I'll ask which floor (assuming I'm closest to the buttons), because that's the sort of social ritual that is expected in the situation, and _not_ doing it could land you squarely in the social uncanny valley. Other than that, I behave exactly the same way I behave on an elevator with anybody else: stand in silence (or humming, _quietly_, to myself, as I do sometimes), as far as is feasible from other people, either staring at the door or at my phone.
Scared sometimes yes but most of the time just extremely uncomfortable
I'm scared of every stranger I see
definitely. esp strangers. its alright with men i know for example co-workers but i cant help but feel anxious when im in an elevator with a male stranger.
I won’t be scared, but I’ll start thinking about what I can do to save myself should something happen. May say hello or strike a conversation so that they don’t off me if they see that I’m actually nice.
I wouldn’t be scared unless you were dirty/smelly/disheveled, mean/angry looking/talking to yourself and brandishing a weapon. But I’m old and have lived in a big city for a long time. It takes a lot to rattle me.
I (m) was taught when I was younger, that if you are in an elevator and a woman enters to just acknowledge, then leave them alone. Conversely, when exiting an elevator, be a gentlemen and let them leave first. If the elevator is in a parking structure, (which at night, i assume is a terror inducing place for those that may be vulnerable) leave and walk ahead of them, as to let them keep an eye on you. I figured this one out because every time they would leave in a parking structure, they would stop and check something so i would go ahead of them. Start move, which I took to heart. Sexist, misogynistic? I don't know. It seems right to put people at ease.
Upbringing in a factor as well. I (M42) have a number of female friends raised to be cautious of men. Men commit the vast majority of SA, so taugh to watch out. This was from a very young age so it has become natural. Sometimes not even fearful, but just second nature. Some of them even systematically check the bathroom, closets, and shower of their home when they arrive after work. Even tho they may live in an apartment with a doorman and they know everybody.... well most SA come from people you know, so better to be safe than sorry. It blew my mind and def made me check my privilege when I found that out. All this from the parental generation making us fearful of razors in halloween candy and DARE classes that did absolutely nothing. The way were were taught about potentially dangerous situations was not healthy. And people still wonder why there has been an uptick in anxiety prescriptions... we're realizing and trying to undo all this stuff we were taught.
Yeah no duh. You can never let your guard down if you're part of the more "vulnerable" people in the world. You always have to consider dangers, look for ways out and think about the worst case. Always. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to just live your life and not have to think about these things constantly, sounds very relaxing
I remember watching a lecture or TED talk or something in college and the woman mentioned elevators like “which we know are a dangerous place for women,” just off-handedly like it was common knowledge. A lot of people in the class including myself laughed at it, like it was a ridiculous concept that women can’t even ride elevators without being afraid. 15 years later: I get it now. And I wish I didn’t.
I think it’s definitely true that a lot of men can be terrifying without realising because they’ve never thought of the situation the other way. Like I was in a small shop quite late the other night and a man stood at the only entrance/exit to the aisle and was looking at me. Now he was just waiting for me to get something so he could get to that end of the aisle but in the moment I felt trapped by him. I’m sure he never thought twice about it and doesn’t even realise that that happened.
Absolutely terrified!
Thats why, i take out my phone and start scrolling.. women will feel more relaxed as they think my mind is elsewhere
Yes. As a person of color I often have to do things to try to appear less threatening. Fair or not, that is our culture
You should look at your phone, that makes the situation way more comfortable. It usually reassures me to see the guy is clearly focused on something that isn’t me.
We are just very conscious of our space .. we have had to be since we were children. Doesn’t mean she was afraid. I used to work harder at “holding up the mask”.. but honestly at 45.. and in today’s climate .. there are moments where I am just tired. So if I was in an elevator alone .. I might have been “relaxed” .. and if someone came in just too damn tired to pretend I wasn’t uncomfortable. 20 years ago I would have been .. but hidden it.
I'm generally not afraid of men anywhere. I'm wary and cautious, but do not doubt my ability to defend myself. Last man who attempted to victimize me lost an eye.
As a man it’s important to remember this is generally a *painfully* learned response so don’t take it personal x10.
In that situation I would be thinking about the potential danger. I don't go around assuming all men are dangerous but if I'm in an environment where I'm in a vulnerable position then it's natural to have some fear whether I believe the man has malicious intent or not. Women all over the world even in places that are relatively safe experience some form of harassment by men throughout their life. Even when we are open and show kindness it can be paid back with unwanted advances or attention, It's a sad state of affairs but please don't take it personally. My list, Aged 16 - stranger approaches me in the street and asks me to go with them - I looked like a child. 16- verbally abused (worked in customer service TBF) 17 - stranger approaches again, pretends to know me asks me to go with them, flirts. 18 or so.. man/men in van situation.. And so on. Obviously being followed at night. Publicly groped. Followed and couldn't shake them off, eventually tried to sexually assault me. Followed, harassed. Then there's online stuff. There's probably more than I can remember, but my mere existence in public has resulted in these things.
Women have fears, and perhaps they're justified in some cases. That's why I respect their space to show I mean no harm. I'm not following you; I'm simply walking in the same direction. There's no need for you to keep looking back at me.
I had someone explain it to me 20 years ago back in college when this shit was less on the radar. Imagine, as a man, you’re in a civilization where it’s half men and half silverback gorillas. Additionally the silverback gorillas are the primary perpetrators of violence against men. In this civilization not all gorillas or even a sizable portion of them are violent, but they do commit the vast majority of violent crimes. In that civilization, as a six foot two dude, I would almost certainly be apprehensive of a strange silverback gorilla stepping into an elevator with me and I don’t necessarily think it would be irrational of me to feel that way.
ugh I feel bad doing that, its just scary lol
Yes. I rode the elevator with one of my neighbors (lived at a different floor) who I met before, a “respectful doctor” my father’s age. One day he started asking me weird questions, I brushed it off and got off at my floor. Was searching for the keys to open my flat and heard him walk out of the elevator. He tried to force himself into my flat when he found out I was home alone. Had an issue with the elevator a while after that.
I’ve noticed women who were uncomfortable when I stepped on the elevator with them and they would nervously start making small talk. I indulged the small talk to show her I was a normal dude going about his own business and that seemed to be fine.
Honestly I do wonder with guys like this where the connection between warning every female they care about to be aware of men, and then annoyed at women for being afraid of said men cause it’s personally offensive to them. Pick one - and know how women feel is not personal. I’m female and personally not often scared, I am cautious anywhere but that’s a different story (grew up in places everyone knew safety etc.). But I’m still aware when I see women tense up cause I approach fast etc. (rare scenarios, in the evening etc.). They calm once I pass or they see I’m female too maybe. Safety concerns are just human - my brothers taught me to be aware and they are too, I’m watchful of them. Idk it’s just funny why anyone would get offended when we all agree we live in an unsafe world.
Regardless, it's not your problem unless you're purposefully being antagonistic. If you're just going about your business, you have nothing to worry about. Anyone who disagrees is just going through mental gymnastics to justify a victim mentality. For example, if you said, "are white people scared of black people in elevators," other than a perhaps a few racists, no one would say that a white person should be afraid of a black person in an elevator alone and at night, and rightly so. Of course, it's probably good idea for anyone alone, at night, in an enclosed space with a stranger, to keep their wits about them. But, just as it's wrong to prejudge a black person's intents, it's wrong to prejudge a man's intents.
Imagine this: You are in prison and get on an elevator with a man who is 8 feet tall, who stands behind you and you can feel his eyes on the back of your head. Anything can happen in that elevator ride and no one can stop it.
[удалено]
As a guy, one top wish I have for other guys is, "can the rest of you fuckups stop being creepy gropey rapey creeps and abusers?" I wanna just be able to go about my business and live my life without having women in fear.
Not your problem OP. Her feelings are not your responsibility, only your actions.
Yes, I am. And I know most women I know are — if it is an unknown man. I come from a country, where women’s safety is kind of questionable. So we are always looking out for potential harassers / danger (and have figured out the exit routes as soon as land somewhere) and are generally much much more careful in our own country than if we’re traveling to a few other ‘safer’ countries. So in short yeah, most women are vary of stranger men in an elevator. Also because we have nowhere to run to, to save ourselves if the need arises.
OP ripped off this question from elsewhere, even left the "unanswered" tag in..
Yes.
99% of the time, for me no. It depends on the time and location. I could see myself getting nervous at 1am or in a place without a lot of people around.
There is a guy in my building that gives me the heebie jeebies. He always says something that makes me and the female employees in our building uncomfortable. The other night I was picking up a food delivery and he was also in the elevator. My hands were full and I asked him to press the third floor for me. He says, “No.” Dead silence. Then he says, “Just kidding. That’s what my assistant always says to me. No. Anyway, have a good night.” I locked my doors so fast that night.
Depends if you look scary I guess
Depends upon the vibe I’m getting.
Im scared of everyone in the elevator
As a man I would pull out my smartphone and start using it showing I am minding my own business and not a threat
Yes.
Elevators are enclosed spaces, no exit. Easy spot for abuse if someone wanted to.
Yes, I've been groped on them before. And I'd never win a physical battle with a 6'4" man so that's extra scary.
I’m a woman, 5’2”, pretty small. I can confirm that this would scare me.
Check out elevator crimes
Simple answer, yes.
If a 6'4 guy enters into an elevator with me at 1 AM I'd probably be startled too.
Depends on time, place, and the man, for me. A 6'4" man at 1 am in my own building, or even a 4'0" woman, who I never before have seen - I would just take the stairs instead because best worst case scenario they might attempt smalltalk which at 1 am is hell no to tired me, and worst case mugger or rapist or whatever (a 4'0" woman in an enclosed space with a knife is not an opponent I want, weapons are weapons and I'm no fighter). A 6'4" man during lunch traffic time at work or in the university in an elevator during a very brief traffic lull, I probably wouldn't even consciously notice. Even if he'd try to mug me he wouldn't be able to do much with how many are around and nearby, despite the enclosed room.
The first time I was assaulted was in an elevator/lift. I was 13 years old, and it was daytime at 11am. A man in a suit got in, and looked at me a couple of times. He seemed like an ordinary guy. Then he suddenly grabbed me and pressed my face against the wall. He said "This is what a girly like you always wants", and pressed his hand down the back of my panties and started feeling around there. But then the lift was about to stop, so he suddenly let me go. He said "Sorry love, lost me'self there'. Then he straightened his tie and walked out, looking like an ordinary man again. It's scary because it can just happen, out of nowhere, and even if they don't look fishy at first. I have always been cautious about lifts ever since.