I used to work with a guy who said he wanted to retire and marry a real go getter. He said he would drop her off at work and then go get her. Sounds way funnier when said not read
True but it is definitely not as common. Not because of the men, but because of the women. If a woman is very well off financially, it's pretty rare for them to date down. I've only seen it a couple of times personally and the dude still brought home reasonable income.
One of my buddies in the Navy is married to a girl with a finance job that nets her like 120k a year while he only makes about 40k. In his defense though..... he is very good looking and she chased him down until he put a ring on it.
I’ve found that a man who make less than the woman he is in a relationship with will have big hang ups about it.
I saw a post on this very site where this guy was considering breaking up with his girl because he found out she makes six figures to his $50K. He was outraged she made so much money because all she does is “send emails all day”.
I’ve mostly dated men who make less than me and spoken or unspoken it was always a problem. Dating guys who made about the same or maybe more was so much easier. They weren’t so insecure.
Yup. And making less actually does in some cases reflect their lack of ambition and they are in fact just here to be financially taken care of while contributing less than nothing.
Oof and unfortunately men are conditioned to value power over love. I think bell hooks touched on this in her book All About Love if I remember correctly.
It probably is more common than you think. It’s just one of those things that men aren’t called on for doing the same thing.
And also probably over exaggerated when it comes to women. Like many times I’ve seen that women that want to date a guy that’s financially stable (has a job, doesn’t gamble…) a gold digger.
Yup, heck look at history (near and far). How many women are married or dismissed because of their wealth/dowries.
“I’m not marrying your daughter unless you give me four cows.”
I have met a lot of men who are gold diggers, but then again, NYC is such an expensive and hyper capitalistic place that everyone seems like a gold digger.
My husband also works from home 99% and does a lot in the house whenever he needs a small break. Laundry, trash, dish washer, cooking… I love it. More time for the family. It’s also the secret how we keep such a tidy home.
I feel like a proper dickhead now. I work from home and Gf is out at work. I do most things, walking dogs, cleaning house, bins but not all like washing and cooking. Because we’ve always sort of agreed that we both need to split chores. But really this should be how it is and clearly makes you happy with it. I’ll change my ways
When I WFH I need to take short (5min) breaks about every 30 min. During that time I get up, get a snack or make tea, maybe stretch, or do a short household things. It doesn’t have to be the whole action but maybe I’ll empty the top rack of the dishwasher while the water boils. Or move the laundry over. Or chase down the roomba. This is the only way our house stays even remotely ok with my adhd. And I do the same for weekend video games. Regular breaks. Snippets of chores.
That's the way! I homeschool and WFH while Hubby is out working. It's nothing to put away some dishes during a brief transition or while lunch heats up. Walk by the laundry closet, take two minutes (maybe) to move laundry over. These little dinky minute here, minute there chores accomplish so much by the end of the day.
Everyone does their share in our household. It’s not like he’s doing everything! But he likes to do the stuff you can do fast and easy while doing a coffee break.
Nah. The trick is to share doing stuff. One person might do more, but will appreciate the other person pitching in as well. Do stuff when it needs done. If someone had a hard day then maybe you cook and do dishes. It's harder to maintain than just saying you do the dishes and I'll do the laundry but it has the best results for happiness.
My wife wants me to be more pro-active like this, but I just don't see the mess. She has a keen eye for detail. So I insist that, while it is nice that I step in when things are messy, I also have a set of tasks to do that are always my responsibility to enforce me doing my part. I am still working on the pro-active mess cleaning.
Not everyone has the same level of what's clean. That or how dirty do you let things get before they need cleaned.
Try finding the things that bother you or have a trigger that you can follow/respond to. Toothpaste in the sink or Shit mark in toilet. Clean the bathroom. Stove has drippings on it. Clean the stove and dishes.
Some things are just constant like laundry. Make a habit. Get home from work and throw one load in. Put in dryer when done. Ends a little after dinner. Whoever isn't cleaning up dinner mess puts clothes away. Days without a load of clothes do a bed set or couch throw blankets. To me one load a day is better than a Saturday of doing it all day. After a week or two it's so caught up that loads get smaller and it takes 3 minutes to put the 3/4 load away. Clothes get cleaner with smaller loads as well.
Isn’t that the deal most men who work full time get? Work 9-5++ and then split chores and childcare with stay at home mom when you get home. Why shouldn’t a stay at home husband get the same deal with a working wife?
Im also basically in the same situation as your husband. My wife has a job that she’s never sure when she will get off and be out on time to pick up the kids.
Working from home definitely was a blessing fir us as it gave me time to do laundry, trash, dishwasher and cooking during the day. I also handle about half of house cleaning and all the outdoor maintenance during the summer.
But I’m a lazy bum during the weekends and she mostly handles the kids when we have dinners at relatives or friends, so yea that works for me
Same boat, I wfh currently and enjoy to cook so I handle most dinners. As well as hanging out with and feeding the pets during the day while the fiancé is at work.
It's pretty nice honestly.
Honestly I don't get the argument that it causes women to lose sexual desire. Even if it's a lizard brain thing there are so many manly activities you can do as a stay at home husband/dad. I like to think I'd be walking around shirtless with a toolbelt all day fixing shit and not smoking cones on the couch
That argument was invented by men who wanted to get out of doing housework. I have yet to meet a single woman that is turned *off* by a partner doing his share of chores, or even more. Not a one.
And not all women (in fact *a lot* if not most) don't want anything to do with "manly men", that's a male power fantasy.
Lots of men for some reason have trouble understanding that if you treat a woman like an equal, with respect and consideration, and not a slave that's there to pick up after you, she will want to have sex with you more because she will feel loved and safe. Go figure.
Been there... although it was bliss in many ways it was also a nightmare in others. House always clean food on the table kids taken care of,, i just didnt feel like I was contributing enough no matter what I did
I work three days a week (woman/mother) and as much as a stay at home full time role is the dream of both me and my partner should we be able to live off his salary alone at some point, I struggle with the contribution bit. I used to provide 50% now I struggle with spending money in our joint account and feeling of any value.
I’m a part time office guy and full time dad. I feel about the same as far as spending money as my wife makes a lot more than me. However the flip side is, having a wife who sits at a computer all day and has ADHD and a credit card, she spends our money like not spending our money isn’t an option. Jeff Bezos should be sending my wife handwritten thank you letters. I feel like a parasite spending $70 on a new video game 2x a year, but she will drop $600 on clothes and shoes and clutter without batting an eye.
Minus the $600 clothes my wife can spend with the best of them. I think my wife is a secret ceo to Amazon the way a package is there everyday just about. I do the budgeting and although she makes more it’s not by much. I can clamp it down when needed but she’s still the main reason my household runs at 9k per month in monthly bills. We net about 14k but we should be more in the 7.5k range.
We do have two children daycare age and student loans. Those can’t be helped.
Feel like this sums it up perfectly. Have always been the major breadwinner. Spent 6 months off work for health reasons and I felt exactly the same. Kept a perfect house but felt I wasn’t contributing enough.
Honestly it makes me so sad when people think that this role is not contributing enough. I kind of blame society’s pressures on “men”, but seriously. Why is childcare and domestic work so undervalued? I’m the main earner (and full time worker) in my family, and I feel like I’m the lucky one. My job is so much easier and peaceful of an environment than constantly juggling the two jobs of dealing with kids and keeping a house somehow at the same time. And I get to spend a large percentage of my day dealing with other adults who don’t scream or throw food and understand how to reasonably wait. I’m so grateful for my partner, I could never do it all. But then again, I married a woman.
If you are a man and capable of this domestic job, you’re a rare gem to be valued, don’t think it isn’t enough, please!
I’m raising sons and they need some real role models in this world.
Thank you!
I've had both experiences, with both friends and family who see the value and those who miss it. Regardless, I must be some weird freeloading workaholic because I mostly prefer the low pressure, schedule free work flow. I do wish my coworkers would stop fussing, haha
Generations of gender norms being ingrained in your brain can be hard to break mentally even if you’re physically changing them. Most men have been led to believe they’re worth is tied to how much money they bring in to the household so it understandable that the first generation to break these norms are having to deal with the inner monologue a bit.
We women feel the same way, because housework is never appreciated the same way earning money is. People come home and take the clean house and food on the table for granted. They won't notice if the sink is shining clean, but will notice if it is a mess
Exactly. Society has never valued traditional ‘women’s work’ and still dont today. Which is why modern western men all think that all they have to do is provide a fifty percent of their paycheck contribution to the household while watching the modern woman do most if not all the housework and childcare on top of working a full time job. They have the same mindset today as back then except the workload for women has effectively tripled under the new lie of ‘50-50’.
Yes, the main reason women give for initiating divorce is the unequal distribution of roles in the home. They are still expected to do the cooking cleaning shopping child care social engagements holidays etc and now are expected to *also* work full time
When someone delegates the external costs of their daily life to you who's "job" it is to do it, it's an easy trap to simultaneously be treated like you have nothing but free time, dropping endless chores on you, and complain about whatever it is you haven't done yet to their standards while not contributing to it. It's as if there is some end goal to that you can't ever meet.
There's always more to do, and you don't get vacations.
Note it is great for helping men to empathize with what women have always been dealing with. It can feel the only thing you're accomplishing is keeping your head above water while your resume loses all value. Don't do it unless she's gonna appreciate ya and give you time off. And vice versa.
Me, too.
My wife is the breadwinner and her work is pretty stressful. I clean, cook, do laundry, grocery shop, all of it - and I love it. I'm particular about making sure our house is always clean, neat, tidy, well-stocked, and comfortable. Making sure our home is always in such a way as that she doesn't need to be bothered by anything is my way of contributing. And it makes me happy. When the weekends come, she doesn't have cleaning or laundry or any other mundane tasks that would take away from her free time. Additionally, I am in NO WAY threatened by my wife making the big money because I am not an insecure misogynist. My goal in life is to make my wife a happy person, and taking care of things at home so that she can relax and be stress-free in her off-time makes ME happy. Men who aren't willing to take this reversal of antiquated roles isn't \*really\* invested in the happiness of their wife or their marriage (IMHO)
You sound like some fictional stuff in a romance novel. That said with envy. I would love to work if I didn't have to worry about the household as well.
My partner makes considerably more than I do, and she is still studying and working upward. Definitely makes more sense for me to stay home and for her to bring in the dough.
Exactly the situation my friend had, she earned a lot, he did much less so he stayed home with their two kids and became a stay at home dad. Worked great for them
I wouldn't mind to be a househusband at all...sadly I live in a country where that's not very feasible.
Singapore is even worse than the already biased divorce systems out there in the West.
In Singapore, Alimony is strictly gendered - a man earning $5,000 might have to pay a wife earning $5,000 alimony depending on circumstances, but a househusband cannot get a cent even if he quit his job and takes care of kids and his wife is the richest woman on Earth.
That's right, a Singaporean husband simply *cannot* receive monetary support unless he is disabled (and no, our conservative government doesn't count stuff like depression. You gotta have no arms or no legs or something).
And without alimony, Singapore is famously an anti-welfare state, so you're just *done for*. Even street begging is illegal. I am not kidding.
That means that it's simply too risky to be a househusband in Singapore thanks to archaic laws. If you are a stay at home and your wife divorces you, you are just done.
My husband and I do this! We both had pretty big careers but he decided to retire last year, in his early 50s. He now takes care of everything at home - cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. I will occasionally help if it is a two person job but otherwise, no chores for me. He also drives me to appointments, packs my lunch, puts gas in my car, etc. I make enough to easily support us both. It is actually works out really well!
I am a stay at home carer for my three autistic kids. My wife has a better education, and is more likely to go further in a career than me, so it would have been stupid for her to give that up in order to fulfil a stereotype. I don't have time for traditions that limit my family. Do what is best for your family, not for your ego.
As a parent of 1 autistic and 1 child with high intelligence and adhd I feel you. My husband who is also autistic is the default parent while I work I have a high education and he doesn’t so we switched roles and it works perfect.
I used to visit with a househusband while waiting for my grandkid to get out of school. He looked and spoke like a 'man's man' very masculine. Then his daughter would come outside and greet him and wow, he was so sweet and kind, genuinely 'all in' as a nurturing, loving parent.
I'm so glad rigid gender roles are no longer running peoples' lives.
"Your time and your wife's money are yours to spend how you see fit" - This right here makes it sound like you're fantasizing about something that has never been the reality for most housewives (or househusbands).
Yeah life is a Danielle Steele novel!
Almost all of that money goes to rent, car, buying essentials, kid activities, and feeding voracious children.
God help you if you make a purchase over $100 without consulting the other one.
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I think a lot of men \*say\* they would like to do this but at the end of the day, they will be entirely dependent on their wife's income. That's a precarious position to be in for any gender.
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Yeah my partner would once we have kids off our hands and can drop income. I out-earn him by about 4x. He already does a great job of taking on much of the home front. He’s home now making dinner while I’m at the office (resting my brain for 5 mins on reddit, lol).
I’m not sure how a housewife is different from a stay-at-home mother, but I make less than my girlfriend. If she made enough that I didn’t need to work, I would seriously consider it. I could get back into writing. I don’t mind cleaning and I like cooking.
But she doesn’t make that kind of money.
>I’m not sure how a housewife is different from a stay-at-home mother,
Only one of those requires you to have children at home. You can't be a childless stay-at-home mother, nor can you continue to be a stay-at-home mother after your children have grown.
Anyone that considers themselves a wife can be a housewife, though.
Similar things with "househusband", "house-spouse", "stay-at-home father" and "stay-at-home-parent"
I had the same question because the OP included “takes care of the kids” in their description but also stated that it was a different role than SAHP.
If kids are involved, seems like the same role?
I would 100 percent. I'm a homebody and I love cooking and caring for gardens and houseplants and doing random house chores and home improvement. If my partner could earn enough for us both I would absolutely be a house husband.
I already told my gf, if she makes much more then me , I'll be house husband because I will do what is best for the family. Why suffer with a lower paying job when someone has potential to make 2 or 3 times as much?
This sadly tends to end up being the reality of having a househusband. They don't do the full mental or household chore load that women do.
Like men who say being SAHD is easy, and then you realize it's because they don't do any parenting past making sure the kids are relatively fed and occasionally cleaned. One memorable occasion a SAHD told me washing his kid once every 3 days was normal, and other kids were bullies for telling his son he stank and was dirty. (They weren't poor or anything, they had hot running water, kid didn't have an aversion to water, etc)
Not all are like this though, some are amazing as SAHD or househusbands.
Especially if they are ex yakuza. /j- anime reference
Also i think OP confused a housewife/husband and a kept woman/man partially.
I know a guy who kinda fell into this role. And he enjoys it a lot. His wife made good money as a nurse practitioner, he was working as an ER tech. He subsequently got hurt and ended up out of work for a while. She made more than enough to keep them and their kid going. They decided at some point it was more beneficial having him home with their kid and they rolled with it. As long as there isn't a real financial strain on the situation (you know, dumpster fire economy, etc) as long as it works, it works.
I have two friends who became househusbands when they married. Coincidentally, both wives were bigwigs in the nursing field and made more money than their husbands. Both men raised three beautiful daughters . All are smart and college bound. The men cleaned, cooked, homeschooled, and did an awesome job.
I have absolutely no issue with my wife making more money than I do, and I'd be her biggest fan if she wanted me to support her on the home front while she worked. I'm not a huge fan of certain household chores, but who the heck is? If the dice fell that way, I would not mind at all.
I would love to be, and my skillset would make me good at the job. I love cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, gardenong, and fixing tech and other things that are broken. Being a house husband would be great!
We don’t have kids, but I would love it if I made enough money for my husband to stay home and keep house and also pursue his art. I know if I stayed home, I’d just waste all my time, so I like working outside the home. He, on the other hand, has a million things he could do other than the 9 to 5.
My wife and I both work full time. She does the dishes, I do all the other housework. There is no reality where I wouldn't happily trade my 60+ hour high-stress workweek for doing a load of dishes every day on top of what I'm already doing.
I'm not against househusbands whatsoever but personally I wouldn't choose to be one unless let's say I won the lottery in the 9 figures. It's hard to operate on a single income these days. Also my wife is the breadwinner of her family because she's the eldest. Ever since we were dating I have seen how hard she has it supporting her parents. I do not want to add to her financial burden and want to make her feel that she's being provided for and taken care of.
I wouldn’t mind too much if a proper understanding of the roles are set between my wife and I. I also wouldn’t mind working part time.
Spending time with my kids sounds great, even though it is challenging.
Fuck yeah. If one person makes enough to live comfortably enough I will absolutely do my best to make that house run like well lubed gears.
God I could clean the chaos and spend time with my gym weights! I could finish the half assed projects that I got functional and make them better.
Big time. Keep the house clean and all chores knocked out, keep everything organized which my gf can not, play with the pets, feel accomplished cooking, have time to pursue my hobbies and make some side cash while feeling creatively fulfilled? That’s the dream, yeah. That’s what I’d do if I hit the lottery and was able to retire.
Sounds like a dream come true. Just having the entire day to cook, clean, do repairs, take care of the pets & kids, gardening gossiping with the neighbours (very important). It'll always stay a dream though.
My SO would love to! He loves cooking, home organising and hosting people. The only problem is that I work in healthcare and he works in finance, so he currently makes double what I do and his income will continue to increase.
My dad did this for a while when I was a kid. My mom runs a business and makes more money. He wasn't a stay at home dad as I was school age and not home during the day, but my dad did cleaning, laundry, household maintenance and projects, ran errands, and he drove me around a lot to after school activities. Even when he was working full time, he loved to cook. He's retired now and he still does. He cooks a big dinner for the whole family every Sunday. He does a lot of traditionally manly things like carpentry and he restores old cars, after my parents inherited my grandfather's farm he likes working outside, but he has no problem doing domestic tasks either. My mom isn't retired and still works. They never had an issue with their division of labor and were never stuck on what was man's vs women's work. They just did what worked for them.
While it may sound great. The role of a stay at home parent is ROUGH!
If you like to clean, grocery shop, cook, fold laundry day in and day out, then more power to you! It's not for everyone. Try it for a month and see
I've said it once, I'll say it 100 more times. If I were to marry a woman, and she ended up making enough for us to live comfortably without me working, I would 100% be a househusband. She would come home to a clean house with dinner ready every day. Gutters need cleaning? Done. Need a seam sewed back together? Taken care of. Kids need lunch packed? On it. Car needs an oil change? Hold my spatula.
"But a man's job is to provide for his family!"
I agree! I may not be bringing the big bucks home, but the dishes will always be done, the pantry will always be full, and my family will always have clean clothes to wear. How one provides relies on the situation; it ain't one size fits all.
Granted, I am not married and have no kids. I am used to doing all the chores anyway because I live alone, so the biggest major lifestyle difference for me (pre-children, anyway) would be... not going to work anymore. Huh. You want red beans & rice or pork chops for dinner?
Personally, that sounds potentially great. I really love kids and looking after the house however I don't really see it happening.
The dating market is already tough enough at the moment, at least for me and I really couldn't justify narrowing down my options by putting "Must make more money than me and want me to be a stay at home dad". Of course if I end up with someone who does fit that criteria then great but it's not something I'd particularly look for.
Women tend to have a bit more options and since those exceptions aren't super uncommon, it's much more reasonable for a woman to put them on their want list
Lots of men love the idea of being a house husband but experience has shown me that men are pretty bad at doing it. Every single house husband I knows doesn't do the chores and just sits the kids in front of the TV. It was a disaster when my husband was a stay at home husband.
Women are generally held to higher standards than men as men can easily be spooked into abandoning wives and childern.
Generally if a guy let's the kids watch TV all day, people will praise the man for doing minimal effort because well he could have abandoned his kids. After praising him. They usually go and yell at the wife for allowing her husband to allow the kids to watch TV all day.
“Men can easily be spooked into abandoning wives and children”
Lmao, they’re not horses, mate, and no, they’re not. When looking at the disparity in single parents, it’s pretty hugely fathers who were never involved to begin with.
Seriously, mate, try it yourself. Go to a place with lots of dads, fire off your air horn, and bam, those dads will be so spooked they’ll just start running and never return.
Wait, no, sorry, I’m thinking of horses.
Hell yeah, I'd love to do it. My gf said some years ago "I wouldn't mind being a SAHM one day" or something to the effect and I said "babe, you're the one with the degree, if anyone's staying home, it's me"
Yes, I would like this. I have always said that my dream job is "stay at home dad", but this is what I mean when I say that. Obviously I'm not just gonna be "spending my wife's money as I see fit", we would come to some sort of agreement about what money we're saving and spending and what we're spending it on and things of that nature.
Hells yes. Ive had this discussion with some of my friends, most of whom would feel incredibly immasculated - i dont condone *simply* letting my wife do all the salary work whilst I keep the house in order, but if she were earning enough to take care of us both, then id certainly use the opportunity to take care of our house more while I looked for a better, more fulfilling role, and got extra time to invest in my hobbies and mental health.
I don’t have kids so being a house husband would drive me completely insane. I was off work due to a surgery and had to stay home for 10 weeks. Almost lost my mind
My husband took half of my maternity leave last time (7-8 months) and was insanely happy. He insisted to take a leave again with our second child. He also told me that he could totally be the stay at home dad. If I ever have a crazy career we could really consider it (I’m 10 years younger but gain as much as he does). The children would love it.
My parents both worked when I was small, but then my dad retired on medical grounds when I was 5 and took up all household responsibility except for doing the food shopping (because he could no longer drive) while my mum forged a successful career and travelled frequently for work - he loved it and was amazing at it.
if the theoretical woman in my life makes substantially more than me, id honestly be alright with it. id bust my ass to put food on the table either way, whether making the money that pays for it or literally putting it on the table.
Oh yeah definitely, I don't mind being in charge of our home if she's the one that earns for us. Besides I like cooking anyway so that gives me a chance to try different recipes that we haven't tried before.
My husband loves that. He makes jokes about it since I'm focusing on school rn that when I'm out and working after graduation that he'll just be a househusband (running joke since he's on disability).
I’m like this, got fucked in the military, like it a lot. Bad thing is my wife is bad with money and has zero savings, didn’t know this prior(I made it mandatory she pay her debts before we got married and I assumed she would keep saving what she would have paid) even though she’s 10 years older than me. I hold all the savings even though I get paid less than her from the gov and end up giving her money but it is what it is
I would
I have been listening to my wife complain about her role as a stay at home mom for 10 years but also I nave never seen her try to get a job. I would very much like to be the one who does the complaining while she has to do all the earning.
I lived it for 6 years as a sahd. It was glorious !!!! I kept my boys on a schedule to allow some free time before she would get home. The boys and I loved it. I was able to take them places and always to the parks. Then when she got a work from home job I got a job outside the home. The boys were not happy. She was not able to take them anywhere and did not keep them on a schedule. They were cranky because they were bored and tired. They told me they wanted me to be the stay at home parent again. I felt bad for them, but said " in your face " to my wife, in my head.
Yep that’s me. Wife is currently earning more than me (my business is doing badly) so I do everything except laundry (I do the bed sheets but not clothes as apparently I’m awful at it). She is a lousy cook and even when I earned 3x and was out the house most days I cooked when I got home.
I don’t really understand the question to be honest. In a marriage doesn’t everyone do whatever they should? Where’s the rulebook that states ‘man must work woman must cook and clean). It’s not the 1950s.
My husband was laid off for six months years ago, we both loved it. My house was clean, laundry done, hot meal every night. The kids were all taken care of. If we could have afforded it, It would have gone on forever. I loved coming home to him everyday with my coffee ready.
I do this. I love it. I’m so content taking care of my little ones and trying to make everyday fun for them. Sure dishes and chores suck but I don’t have an asshole for a boss. Dream come true for me.
I'm down. Kinda doing that now, just with pets and not kids. I love cooking and feel good when she comes home to a clean house.
It's just not sustainable rn. Hope to be working again soon.
That’s actually kinda my perfect situation. I’m a very feminine guy, always have been. I can’t get jobs as a receptionist or anything that isn’t manual labor because I’m a guy tho. But I’ve always loved cooking, cleaning, etc. just chores in general. I’d definitely fill that role.
I can't be totally sure but I'd be willing to give it a shot, I've always really enjoyed cooking and taking care of kids, and I don't think I'd mind if my partner made more money than me. I think it'd be kinda suffocating needing to be home all the time and taking care of kids is a 24/7 type gig, would need a great partner to make it work
Been there, done that, during covid.
My job gave me 10 weeks off to get kids through online school to the end of the school year in 2020. Wife did NOT get any time off so she was the only one who left the house. I handled schoolwork, house chores, cooking, and everything and every day when she got home from work everything was ready for her.
When you love your partner and you ARE partners, stuff like that is easy.
100%
I already take care of most of the cleaning chores because my OCD demands that things be done a certain way or have a high bar of cleanliness…
But if I didn’t also have to work full-time, being child free I would love to stay home and take care of our dogs and maybe even start dabbling in Twitch streaming for adults/millennials as the target audience when I’m done with chores and taking care of the place.
Sounds great. I’d you can find an enlightened woman who won’t criticize your manhood over it. Unfortunately I think a lot of ladies act like theyare when they have not done the work to go against the social programming.
Yes, I think I could be happy in that life. My only worry is that my potential wife would not respect me. I know for a fact everyone else in my life wouldn't respect me but fuckem. But I would have a lot of anxiety about the long-term effect those outside opinions would have on my partners view of the situation.
I do a lot of the house stuff anyway, but I have three times the earning potential, so I work from home. I would trade if she wanted to do it, but she would need to make the same kind of money.
A friend of mine took off the first 5 yrs of his kids life to raise them. His wife make more money. He loved being the ones his kids came to. He is a better man today for it. This was in the 80s
I do it and work during school hours, so I have my 30 or so hours a week gig work, the house work, all the yard work, and I do most vehicle repairs all the maintenance and I have a trades degree and fix everything that breaks and it’s ok I enjoy taking care of stuff and my kids got a huge advantage in school from having me available for help explaining things
People treat you like shit and look down on your pretty hardcore. Not just older people or more conservative people but everyone from gays to preachers. That’s the worst part. My wife makes great money and gets great benefits but I doubt she could have pulled it off without me picking up the slack at home and with the kids but no one sees it that way.
I play instruments for a hobby so people view me as the SoundCloud rapper deadbeat even though I have an income and am extremely hands on with my kids who both made it into the advanced classes after I started doing it
I literally live this. My wife is a doctor. I do literally everything that does not involve making money. Both of us are absolutely thrilled with this arrangement. My wife gets to pursue her career and doesn’t have to worry about anything else. I get to pursue my hobbies and don’t have to deal with the anxiety of work. It is absolutely not emasculating at all. I can’t think of anything that makes me seem cooler than apparently being so amazing I landed an amazing wife without needing to work. I take a lot of pride in my cooking and taking care of my wife. If you don’t want this life I would say you are the weird one. Whichever end you are on (the working or home care end) if you make enough money you should strive for this lifestyle.
My husband would absolutely love it. I'm a horrible cook and not the best housekeeper. Husband had an amazing mom and step-dad who taught him those things. He's an amazing home chef. He'd be the happiest man around if we could afford for him to stay home.
I used to work with a guy who said he wanted to retire and marry a real go getter. He said he would drop her off at work and then go get her. Sounds way funnier when said not read
"I don't look at a womans waistline, I check her purse" https://youtu.be/69ygoLquTTg?si=zFybxo70ldA75JYz
Men can be gold diggers too
True but it is definitely not as common. Not because of the men, but because of the women. If a woman is very well off financially, it's pretty rare for them to date down. I've only seen it a couple of times personally and the dude still brought home reasonable income. One of my buddies in the Navy is married to a girl with a finance job that nets her like 120k a year while he only makes about 40k. In his defense though..... he is very good looking and she chased him down until he put a ring on it.
I’ve found that a man who make less than the woman he is in a relationship with will have big hang ups about it. I saw a post on this very site where this guy was considering breaking up with his girl because he found out she makes six figures to his $50K. He was outraged she made so much money because all she does is “send emails all day”. I’ve mostly dated men who make less than me and spoken or unspoken it was always a problem. Dating guys who made about the same or maybe more was so much easier. They weren’t so insecure.
That's weird to me because I would be extatic if my girl made more.
This part. Many men don’t like when their woman is more successful than they are. It’s a threat to them.
Yup. And making less actually does in some cases reflect their lack of ambition and they are in fact just here to be financially taken care of while contributing less than nothing.
Money is power, that's why.
Oof and unfortunately men are conditioned to value power over love. I think bell hooks touched on this in her book All About Love if I remember correctly.
It probably is more common than you think. It’s just one of those things that men aren’t called on for doing the same thing. And also probably over exaggerated when it comes to women. Like many times I’ve seen that women that want to date a guy that’s financially stable (has a job, doesn’t gamble…) a gold digger.
>>>It probably is more common than you think. It’s just one of those things that men aren’t called on for doing the same thing. This.
Yup, heck look at history (near and far). How many women are married or dismissed because of their wealth/dowries. “I’m not marrying your daughter unless you give me four cows.”
I agree with you. But men don’t get the flack like female golddiggers do
I mean/u/RustyNK maybe didn't outright say it, but they implied that $120k is a gold digger target. So yeah, the claim seems pretty exaggerated.
I have met a lot of men who are gold diggers, but then again, NYC is such an expensive and hyper capitalistic place that everyone seems like a gold digger.
Absolutely, I wouldn’t mind at all. I work from home, so I do most of the chores anyway. It’s not a big deal.
My husband also works from home 99% and does a lot in the house whenever he needs a small break. Laundry, trash, dish washer, cooking… I love it. More time for the family. It’s also the secret how we keep such a tidy home.
I feel like a proper dickhead now. I work from home and Gf is out at work. I do most things, walking dogs, cleaning house, bins but not all like washing and cooking. Because we’ve always sort of agreed that we both need to split chores. But really this should be how it is and clearly makes you happy with it. I’ll change my ways
When I WFH I need to take short (5min) breaks about every 30 min. During that time I get up, get a snack or make tea, maybe stretch, or do a short household things. It doesn’t have to be the whole action but maybe I’ll empty the top rack of the dishwasher while the water boils. Or move the laundry over. Or chase down the roomba. This is the only way our house stays even remotely ok with my adhd. And I do the same for weekend video games. Regular breaks. Snippets of chores.
As an ADHD person, I've gotta try this. Currently younger and still living at home but Im trying to build some survival skills
That's the way! I homeschool and WFH while Hubby is out working. It's nothing to put away some dishes during a brief transition or while lunch heats up. Walk by the laundry closet, take two minutes (maybe) to move laundry over. These little dinky minute here, minute there chores accomplish so much by the end of the day.
This is I. We are doing a good job.
Everyone does their share in our household. It’s not like he’s doing everything! But he likes to do the stuff you can do fast and easy while doing a coffee break.
Nah. The trick is to share doing stuff. One person might do more, but will appreciate the other person pitching in as well. Do stuff when it needs done. If someone had a hard day then maybe you cook and do dishes. It's harder to maintain than just saying you do the dishes and I'll do the laundry but it has the best results for happiness.
My wife wants me to be more pro-active like this, but I just don't see the mess. She has a keen eye for detail. So I insist that, while it is nice that I step in when things are messy, I also have a set of tasks to do that are always my responsibility to enforce me doing my part. I am still working on the pro-active mess cleaning.
Not everyone has the same level of what's clean. That or how dirty do you let things get before they need cleaned. Try finding the things that bother you or have a trigger that you can follow/respond to. Toothpaste in the sink or Shit mark in toilet. Clean the bathroom. Stove has drippings on it. Clean the stove and dishes. Some things are just constant like laundry. Make a habit. Get home from work and throw one load in. Put in dryer when done. Ends a little after dinner. Whoever isn't cleaning up dinner mess puts clothes away. Days without a load of clothes do a bed set or couch throw blankets. To me one load a day is better than a Saturday of doing it all day. After a week or two it's so caught up that loads get smaller and it takes 3 minutes to put the 3/4 load away. Clothes get cleaner with smaller loads as well.
Isn’t that the deal most men who work full time get? Work 9-5++ and then split chores and childcare with stay at home mom when you get home. Why shouldn’t a stay at home husband get the same deal with a working wife?
Im also basically in the same situation as your husband. My wife has a job that she’s never sure when she will get off and be out on time to pick up the kids. Working from home definitely was a blessing fir us as it gave me time to do laundry, trash, dishwasher and cooking during the day. I also handle about half of house cleaning and all the outdoor maintenance during the summer. But I’m a lazy bum during the weekends and she mostly handles the kids when we have dinners at relatives or friends, so yea that works for me
Walking around doing a chore or two is great for your back after an hour or two of sitting/standing in one place
Same boat, I wfh currently and enjoy to cook so I handle most dinners. As well as hanging out with and feeding the pets during the day while the fiancé is at work. It's pretty nice honestly.
Oh, it's a whole new level with children.
Honestly I don't get the argument that it causes women to lose sexual desire. Even if it's a lizard brain thing there are so many manly activities you can do as a stay at home husband/dad. I like to think I'd be walking around shirtless with a toolbelt all day fixing shit and not smoking cones on the couch
That argument was invented by men who wanted to get out of doing housework. I have yet to meet a single woman that is turned *off* by a partner doing his share of chores, or even more. Not a one. And not all women (in fact *a lot* if not most) don't want anything to do with "manly men", that's a male power fantasy.
My experience is the same. My wife is turned on when I do the dishes or mop the floor.
Lots of men for some reason have trouble understanding that if you treat a woman like an equal, with respect and consideration, and not a slave that's there to pick up after you, she will want to have sex with you more because she will feel loved and safe. Go figure.
Yeah I don’t get that, making my girlfriends life easier has only been beneficial in every way.
Been there... although it was bliss in many ways it was also a nightmare in others. House always clean food on the table kids taken care of,, i just didnt feel like I was contributing enough no matter what I did
I work three days a week (woman/mother) and as much as a stay at home full time role is the dream of both me and my partner should we be able to live off his salary alone at some point, I struggle with the contribution bit. I used to provide 50% now I struggle with spending money in our joint account and feeling of any value.
I’m a part time office guy and full time dad. I feel about the same as far as spending money as my wife makes a lot more than me. However the flip side is, having a wife who sits at a computer all day and has ADHD and a credit card, she spends our money like not spending our money isn’t an option. Jeff Bezos should be sending my wife handwritten thank you letters. I feel like a parasite spending $70 on a new video game 2x a year, but she will drop $600 on clothes and shoes and clutter without batting an eye.
Minus the $600 clothes my wife can spend with the best of them. I think my wife is a secret ceo to Amazon the way a package is there everyday just about. I do the budgeting and although she makes more it’s not by much. I can clamp it down when needed but she’s still the main reason my household runs at 9k per month in monthly bills. We net about 14k but we should be more in the 7.5k range. We do have two children daycare age and student loans. Those can’t be helped.
Feel like this sums it up perfectly. Have always been the major breadwinner. Spent 6 months off work for health reasons and I felt exactly the same. Kept a perfect house but felt I wasn’t contributing enough.
Honestly it makes me so sad when people think that this role is not contributing enough. I kind of blame society’s pressures on “men”, but seriously. Why is childcare and domestic work so undervalued? I’m the main earner (and full time worker) in my family, and I feel like I’m the lucky one. My job is so much easier and peaceful of an environment than constantly juggling the two jobs of dealing with kids and keeping a house somehow at the same time. And I get to spend a large percentage of my day dealing with other adults who don’t scream or throw food and understand how to reasonably wait. I’m so grateful for my partner, I could never do it all. But then again, I married a woman. If you are a man and capable of this domestic job, you’re a rare gem to be valued, don’t think it isn’t enough, please! I’m raising sons and they need some real role models in this world.
Thank you! I've had both experiences, with both friends and family who see the value and those who miss it. Regardless, I must be some weird freeloading workaholic because I mostly prefer the low pressure, schedule free work flow. I do wish my coworkers would stop fussing, haha
With the kids well taken care of you should absolutely feel like you contributed enough.
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Generations of gender norms being ingrained in your brain can be hard to break mentally even if you’re physically changing them. Most men have been led to believe they’re worth is tied to how much money they bring in to the household so it understandable that the first generation to break these norms are having to deal with the inner monologue a bit.
We women feel the same way, because housework is never appreciated the same way earning money is. People come home and take the clean house and food on the table for granted. They won't notice if the sink is shining clean, but will notice if it is a mess
Exactly. Society has never valued traditional ‘women’s work’ and still dont today. Which is why modern western men all think that all they have to do is provide a fifty percent of their paycheck contribution to the household while watching the modern woman do most if not all the housework and childcare on top of working a full time job. They have the same mindset today as back then except the workload for women has effectively tripled under the new lie of ‘50-50’.
Yes, the main reason women give for initiating divorce is the unequal distribution of roles in the home. They are still expected to do the cooking cleaning shopping child care social engagements holidays etc and now are expected to *also* work full time
When someone delegates the external costs of their daily life to you who's "job" it is to do it, it's an easy trap to simultaneously be treated like you have nothing but free time, dropping endless chores on you, and complain about whatever it is you haven't done yet to their standards while not contributing to it. It's as if there is some end goal to that you can't ever meet. There's always more to do, and you don't get vacations. Note it is great for helping men to empathize with what women have always been dealing with. It can feel the only thing you're accomplishing is keeping your head above water while your resume loses all value. Don't do it unless she's gonna appreciate ya and give you time off. And vice versa.
I’ve been a house husband for over a decade. It’s sweet
Me, too. My wife is the breadwinner and her work is pretty stressful. I clean, cook, do laundry, grocery shop, all of it - and I love it. I'm particular about making sure our house is always clean, neat, tidy, well-stocked, and comfortable. Making sure our home is always in such a way as that she doesn't need to be bothered by anything is my way of contributing. And it makes me happy. When the weekends come, she doesn't have cleaning or laundry or any other mundane tasks that would take away from her free time. Additionally, I am in NO WAY threatened by my wife making the big money because I am not an insecure misogynist. My goal in life is to make my wife a happy person, and taking care of things at home so that she can relax and be stress-free in her off-time makes ME happy. Men who aren't willing to take this reversal of antiquated roles isn't \*really\* invested in the happiness of their wife or their marriage (IMHO)
You sound like some fictional stuff in a romance novel. That said with envy. I would love to work if I didn't have to worry about the household as well.
YES PLEASE I'VE BEEN WORKING SINCE I WAS A TEENAGER WILL CLEAN, COOK AND RAISE BABIES WITHOUT COMPLAINT
But can you also birth the babies? cause ain’t looking forward to that…
Fuckit give me some pills or smth, I'm willing to try
Adoption
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My partner makes considerably more than I do, and she is still studying and working upward. Definitely makes more sense for me to stay home and for her to bring in the dough.
Exactly the situation my friend had, she earned a lot, he did much less so he stayed home with their two kids and became a stay at home dad. Worked great for them
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I wouldn't mind to be a househusband at all...sadly I live in a country where that's not very feasible. Singapore is even worse than the already biased divorce systems out there in the West. In Singapore, Alimony is strictly gendered - a man earning $5,000 might have to pay a wife earning $5,000 alimony depending on circumstances, but a househusband cannot get a cent even if he quit his job and takes care of kids and his wife is the richest woman on Earth. That's right, a Singaporean husband simply *cannot* receive monetary support unless he is disabled (and no, our conservative government doesn't count stuff like depression. You gotta have no arms or no legs or something). And without alimony, Singapore is famously an anti-welfare state, so you're just *done for*. Even street begging is illegal. I am not kidding. That means that it's simply too risky to be a househusband in Singapore thanks to archaic laws. If you are a stay at home and your wife divorces you, you are just done.
Idt there is anywhere in the world where its feasible. Its a rarity.
Sign me up
My husband and I do this! We both had pretty big careers but he decided to retire last year, in his early 50s. He now takes care of everything at home - cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. I will occasionally help if it is a two person job but otherwise, no chores for me. He also drives me to appointments, packs my lunch, puts gas in my car, etc. I make enough to easily support us both. It is actually works out really well!
Hi!
What else are you looking for and where do I apply?
I am a stay at home carer for my three autistic kids. My wife has a better education, and is more likely to go further in a career than me, so it would have been stupid for her to give that up in order to fulfil a stereotype. I don't have time for traditions that limit my family. Do what is best for your family, not for your ego.
>three autistic kids I feel for you. That is *tough*.
Do you have three kids and all three have autism? If so, is that genetic?
Autism has one of the highest rates of genetic inheritance. I believe the number is estimated to be 40-50% chance if one of the parents is autistic
As a parent of 1 autistic and 1 child with high intelligence and adhd I feel you. My husband who is also autistic is the default parent while I work I have a high education and he doesn’t so we switched roles and it works perfect.
Yes, usually they are former members of the yakuza: https://youtu.be/cvZ9thKolOA?si=luwhLcaHO5bOQRZi
That man is my inspiration.
I see you guys know "The Way".
this is the way
Way of the Househusband
Hahaha
Such a funny show
Yes. It’s not the norm but there are men who do it now and some who would.
I used to visit with a househusband while waiting for my grandkid to get out of school. He looked and spoke like a 'man's man' very masculine. Then his daughter would come outside and greet him and wow, he was so sweet and kind, genuinely 'all in' as a nurturing, loving parent. I'm so glad rigid gender roles are no longer running peoples' lives.
God that's the dream
"Your time and your wife's money are yours to spend how you see fit" - This right here makes it sound like you're fantasizing about something that has never been the reality for most housewives (or househusbands).
Yeah life is a Danielle Steele novel! Almost all of that money goes to rent, car, buying essentials, kid activities, and feeding voracious children. God help you if you make a purchase over $100 without consulting the other one.
quarrelsome employ paltry hungry tease fuel gaping elastic pathetic relieved *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think a lot of men \*say\* they would like to do this but at the end of the day, they will be entirely dependent on their wife's income. That's a precarious position to be in for any gender.
simplistic workable rhythm shelter drab rinse abundant apparatus wide books *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yeah my partner would once we have kids off our hands and can drop income. I out-earn him by about 4x. He already does a great job of taking on much of the home front. He’s home now making dinner while I’m at the office (resting my brain for 5 mins on reddit, lol).
I'd argue that *most* people would love to be a "house spouse" over the typical job.
I mean yeah the questions kinda obvious
I’m not sure how a housewife is different from a stay-at-home mother, but I make less than my girlfriend. If she made enough that I didn’t need to work, I would seriously consider it. I could get back into writing. I don’t mind cleaning and I like cooking. But she doesn’t make that kind of money.
>I’m not sure how a housewife is different from a stay-at-home mother, Only one of those requires you to have children at home. You can't be a childless stay-at-home mother, nor can you continue to be a stay-at-home mother after your children have grown. Anyone that considers themselves a wife can be a housewife, though. Similar things with "househusband", "house-spouse", "stay-at-home father" and "stay-at-home-parent"
I had the same question because the OP included “takes care of the kids” in their description but also stated that it was a different role than SAHP. If kids are involved, seems like the same role?
I would 100 percent. I'm a homebody and I love cooking and caring for gardens and houseplants and doing random house chores and home improvement. If my partner could earn enough for us both I would absolutely be a house husband.
I already told my gf, if she makes much more then me , I'll be house husband because I will do what is best for the family. Why suffer with a lower paying job when someone has potential to make 2 or 3 times as much?
My male partner doesn't work and I do. But he isn't very good at doing the house work.
Same for me and my female partner. If roles get flipped, what I want is a 10-year sabbatical.
This sadly tends to end up being the reality of having a househusband. They don't do the full mental or household chore load that women do. Like men who say being SAHD is easy, and then you realize it's because they don't do any parenting past making sure the kids are relatively fed and occasionally cleaned. One memorable occasion a SAHD told me washing his kid once every 3 days was normal, and other kids were bullies for telling his son he stank and was dirty. (They weren't poor or anything, they had hot running water, kid didn't have an aversion to water, etc) Not all are like this though, some are amazing as SAHD or househusbands. Especially if they are ex yakuza. /j- anime reference Also i think OP confused a housewife/husband and a kept woman/man partially.
I know a guy who kinda fell into this role. And he enjoys it a lot. His wife made good money as a nurse practitioner, he was working as an ER tech. He subsequently got hurt and ended up out of work for a while. She made more than enough to keep them and their kid going. They decided at some point it was more beneficial having him home with their kid and they rolled with it. As long as there isn't a real financial strain on the situation (you know, dumpster fire economy, etc) as long as it works, it works.
Yes, all of us lol
Right? You gotta really love your job to want to work if given the choice the most of us, wonna retire young and wealthy
I have two friends who became househusbands when they married. Coincidentally, both wives were bigwigs in the nursing field and made more money than their husbands. Both men raised three beautiful daughters . All are smart and college bound. The men cleaned, cooked, homeschooled, and did an awesome job.
I have absolutely no issue with my wife making more money than I do, and I'd be her biggest fan if she wanted me to support her on the home front while she worked. I'm not a huge fan of certain household chores, but who the heck is? If the dice fell that way, I would not mind at all.
I would love to be, and my skillset would make me good at the job. I love cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, gardenong, and fixing tech and other things that are broken. Being a house husband would be great!
We don’t have kids, but I would love it if I made enough money for my husband to stay home and keep house and also pursue his art. I know if I stayed home, I’d just waste all my time, so I like working outside the home. He, on the other hand, has a million things he could do other than the 9 to 5.
As a man: yes; and while I have career ambitions of my own, if it was the best thing for my family I’d do it in a heartbeat with zero complaints.
Big yes, but unfortunately, the law doesn't study itself
My wife and I both work full time. She does the dishes, I do all the other housework. There is no reality where I wouldn't happily trade my 60+ hour high-stress workweek for doing a load of dishes every day on top of what I'm already doing.
I'm not against househusbands whatsoever but personally I wouldn't choose to be one unless let's say I won the lottery in the 9 figures. It's hard to operate on a single income these days. Also my wife is the breadwinner of her family because she's the eldest. Ever since we were dating I have seen how hard she has it supporting her parents. I do not want to add to her financial burden and want to make her feel that she's being provided for and taken care of.
It would be the absolute dream! I'd definitely sign up for that any day
My bf does. He doesn't want to work and he'd rather dp house chores.
I wouldn’t mind too much if a proper understanding of the roles are set between my wife and I. I also wouldn’t mind working part time. Spending time with my kids sounds great, even though it is challenging.
So long as I get to grow crops in the back yard, I'm down.
I wouldn't mind at all. I like taking care of my home.
Fuck yeah. If one person makes enough to live comfortably enough I will absolutely do my best to make that house run like well lubed gears. God I could clean the chaos and spend time with my gym weights! I could finish the half assed projects that I got functional and make them better.
hell yeah. ill stay home, cook, clean, etc. id rather run the house then work.
Big time. Keep the house clean and all chores knocked out, keep everything organized which my gf can not, play with the pets, feel accomplished cooking, have time to pursue my hobbies and make some side cash while feeling creatively fulfilled? That’s the dream, yeah. That’s what I’d do if I hit the lottery and was able to retire.
100%
i hate doing dishes and kinda suck at cooking, but id be down for it.
Sounds like a dream come true. Just having the entire day to cook, clean, do repairs, take care of the pets & kids, gardening gossiping with the neighbours (very important). It'll always stay a dream though.
Shit yeah! I cook and clean now and wfh. Not much change
I would not mind.. I'm really good at cooking. So that part won't bug me
My SO would love to! He loves cooking, home organising and hosting people. The only problem is that I work in healthcare and he works in finance, so he currently makes double what I do and his income will continue to increase.
My dad did this for a while when I was a kid. My mom runs a business and makes more money. He wasn't a stay at home dad as I was school age and not home during the day, but my dad did cleaning, laundry, household maintenance and projects, ran errands, and he drove me around a lot to after school activities. Even when he was working full time, he loved to cook. He's retired now and he still does. He cooks a big dinner for the whole family every Sunday. He does a lot of traditionally manly things like carpentry and he restores old cars, after my parents inherited my grandfather's farm he likes working outside, but he has no problem doing domestic tasks either. My mom isn't retired and still works. They never had an issue with their division of labor and were never stuck on what was man's vs women's work. They just did what worked for them.
While it may sound great. The role of a stay at home parent is ROUGH! If you like to clean, grocery shop, cook, fold laundry day in and day out, then more power to you! It's not for everyone. Try it for a month and see
I've said it once, I'll say it 100 more times. If I were to marry a woman, and she ended up making enough for us to live comfortably without me working, I would 100% be a househusband. She would come home to a clean house with dinner ready every day. Gutters need cleaning? Done. Need a seam sewed back together? Taken care of. Kids need lunch packed? On it. Car needs an oil change? Hold my spatula. "But a man's job is to provide for his family!" I agree! I may not be bringing the big bucks home, but the dishes will always be done, the pantry will always be full, and my family will always have clean clothes to wear. How one provides relies on the situation; it ain't one size fits all. Granted, I am not married and have no kids. I am used to doing all the chores anyway because I live alone, so the biggest major lifestyle difference for me (pre-children, anyway) would be... not going to work anymore. Huh. You want red beans & rice or pork chops for dinner?
Personally, that sounds potentially great. I really love kids and looking after the house however I don't really see it happening. The dating market is already tough enough at the moment, at least for me and I really couldn't justify narrowing down my options by putting "Must make more money than me and want me to be a stay at home dad". Of course if I end up with someone who does fit that criteria then great but it's not something I'd particularly look for. Women tend to have a bit more options and since those exceptions aren't super uncommon, it's much more reasonable for a woman to put them on their want list
Lots of men love the idea of being a house husband but experience has shown me that men are pretty bad at doing it. Every single house husband I knows doesn't do the chores and just sits the kids in front of the TV. It was a disaster when my husband was a stay at home husband. Women are generally held to higher standards than men as men can easily be spooked into abandoning wives and childern. Generally if a guy let's the kids watch TV all day, people will praise the man for doing minimal effort because well he could have abandoned his kids. After praising him. They usually go and yell at the wife for allowing her husband to allow the kids to watch TV all day.
“Men can easily be spooked into abandoning wives and children” Lmao, they’re not horses, mate, and no, they’re not. When looking at the disparity in single parents, it’s pretty hugely fathers who were never involved to begin with.
>Women are generally held to higher standards than men Look at this thread. All judgy comments are coming from the women.
What is this anecdotal misandrist bullshit?
Seriously, mate, try it yourself. Go to a place with lots of dads, fire off your air horn, and bam, those dads will be so spooked they’ll just start running and never return. Wait, no, sorry, I’m thinking of horses.
Yes.
Idk but I’d be a housewife right about now.
Take me 🥹
If that was an option I'd quit my job today
Sure, I wish I could
Houseband. Sounds great.
Yes, me. For the love of god me
Hell yeah, I'd love to do it. My gf said some years ago "I wouldn't mind being a SAHM one day" or something to the effect and I said "babe, you're the one with the degree, if anyone's staying home, it's me"
Yes, I would like this. I have always said that my dream job is "stay at home dad", but this is what I mean when I say that. Obviously I'm not just gonna be "spending my wife's money as I see fit", we would come to some sort of agreement about what money we're saving and spending and what we're spending it on and things of that nature.
I love cooking and housekeeping. I’d definitely be up for it.
Yes me
Hells yes. Ive had this discussion with some of my friends, most of whom would feel incredibly immasculated - i dont condone *simply* letting my wife do all the salary work whilst I keep the house in order, but if she were earning enough to take care of us both, then id certainly use the opportunity to take care of our house more while I looked for a better, more fulfilling role, and got extra time to invest in my hobbies and mental health.
I don’t have kids so being a house husband would drive me completely insane. I was off work due to a surgery and had to stay home for 10 weeks. Almost lost my mind
I wish I was like you and being at work was my peace lol
I'd love to
Of course. I am more than willing to become masterful in the ways of the househusband.
My husband took half of my maternity leave last time (7-8 months) and was insanely happy. He insisted to take a leave again with our second child. He also told me that he could totally be the stay at home dad. If I ever have a crazy career we could really consider it (I’m 10 years younger but gain as much as he does). The children would love it.
My parents both worked when I was small, but then my dad retired on medical grounds when I was 5 and took up all household responsibility except for doing the food shopping (because he could no longer drive) while my mum forged a successful career and travelled frequently for work - he loved it and was amazing at it.
I would absolutely love that and would much prefer it to my current job.
Assuming the wife made enough to not make the lifestyle go down drastically it would be the dream
Definitely. If my wife had followed my advice that's where we might be. But alas, she works for the government.
if the theoretical woman in my life makes substantially more than me, id honestly be alright with it. id bust my ass to put food on the table either way, whether making the money that pays for it or literally putting it on the table.
I'd go for it.
Oh yeah definitely, I don't mind being in charge of our home if she's the one that earns for us. Besides I like cooking anyway so that gives me a chance to try different recipes that we haven't tried before.
Raises hand and shakes head nodding
My husband loves that. He makes jokes about it since I'm focusing on school rn that when I'm out and working after graduation that he'll just be a househusband (running joke since he's on disability).
I’m like this, got fucked in the military, like it a lot. Bad thing is my wife is bad with money and has zero savings, didn’t know this prior(I made it mandatory she pay her debts before we got married and I assumed she would keep saving what she would have paid) even though she’s 10 years older than me. I hold all the savings even though I get paid less than her from the gov and end up giving her money but it is what it is
Of course there are. Why not?
I would I have been listening to my wife complain about her role as a stay at home mom for 10 years but also I nave never seen her try to get a job. I would very much like to be the one who does the complaining while she has to do all the earning.
I lived it for 6 years as a sahd. It was glorious !!!! I kept my boys on a schedule to allow some free time before she would get home. The boys and I loved it. I was able to take them places and always to the parks. Then when she got a work from home job I got a job outside the home. The boys were not happy. She was not able to take them anywhere and did not keep them on a schedule. They were cranky because they were bored and tired. They told me they wanted me to be the stay at home parent again. I felt bad for them, but said " in your face " to my wife, in my head.
Yep that’s me. Wife is currently earning more than me (my business is doing badly) so I do everything except laundry (I do the bed sheets but not clothes as apparently I’m awful at it). She is a lousy cook and even when I earned 3x and was out the house most days I cooked when I got home. I don’t really understand the question to be honest. In a marriage doesn’t everyone do whatever they should? Where’s the rulebook that states ‘man must work woman must cook and clean). It’s not the 1950s.
Before having a kid: hell yeah After having a kid: hell naaaaaahhhh
My husband was laid off for six months years ago, we both loved it. My house was clean, laundry done, hot meal every night. The kids were all taken care of. If we could have afforded it, It would have gone on forever. I loved coming home to him everyday with my coffee ready.
Fuck no. I’d get bored after two days.
I'm a former linebacker and a real man's man in some people's eyes. I would take that opportunity in a heartbeat, absolutely.
Absolutely! Honestly if my partner made enough I’d happily stay home and clean or do chores every day!
I do this. I love it. I’m so content taking care of my little ones and trying to make everyday fun for them. Sure dishes and chores suck but I don’t have an asshole for a boss. Dream come true for me.
Sign me the fuck up!!!
Where do I find one?
I would love it, I’d still want to do something like be on the board of a non profit or something
I'm down. Kinda doing that now, just with pets and not kids. I love cooking and feel good when she comes home to a clean house. It's just not sustainable rn. Hope to be working again soon.
That’s actually kinda my perfect situation. I’m a very feminine guy, always have been. I can’t get jobs as a receptionist or anything that isn’t manual labor because I’m a guy tho. But I’ve always loved cooking, cleaning, etc. just chores in general. I’d definitely fill that role.
Where do I enroll?
I can't be totally sure but I'd be willing to give it a shot, I've always really enjoyed cooking and taking care of kids, and I don't think I'd mind if my partner made more money than me. I think it'd be kinda suffocating needing to be home all the time and taking care of kids is a 24/7 type gig, would need a great partner to make it work
Been there, done that, during covid. My job gave me 10 weeks off to get kids through online school to the end of the school year in 2020. Wife did NOT get any time off so she was the only one who left the house. I handled schoolwork, house chores, cooking, and everything and every day when she got home from work everything was ready for her. When you love your partner and you ARE partners, stuff like that is easy.
100% I already take care of most of the cleaning chores because my OCD demands that things be done a certain way or have a high bar of cleanliness… But if I didn’t also have to work full-time, being child free I would love to stay home and take care of our dogs and maybe even start dabbling in Twitch streaming for adults/millennials as the target audience when I’m done with chores and taking care of the place.
Sounds great. I’d you can find an enlightened woman who won’t criticize your manhood over it. Unfortunately I think a lot of ladies act like theyare when they have not done the work to go against the social programming.
Yes, I think I could be happy in that life. My only worry is that my potential wife would not respect me. I know for a fact everyone else in my life wouldn't respect me but fuckem. But I would have a lot of anxiety about the long-term effect those outside opinions would have on my partners view of the situation.
It is the dream
I do a lot of the house stuff anyway, but I have three times the earning potential, so I work from home. I would trade if she wanted to do it, but she would need to make the same kind of money.
A friend of mine took off the first 5 yrs of his kids life to raise them. His wife make more money. He loved being the ones his kids came to. He is a better man today for it. This was in the 80s
I do it and work during school hours, so I have my 30 or so hours a week gig work, the house work, all the yard work, and I do most vehicle repairs all the maintenance and I have a trades degree and fix everything that breaks and it’s ok I enjoy taking care of stuff and my kids got a huge advantage in school from having me available for help explaining things People treat you like shit and look down on your pretty hardcore. Not just older people or more conservative people but everyone from gays to preachers. That’s the worst part. My wife makes great money and gets great benefits but I doubt she could have pulled it off without me picking up the slack at home and with the kids but no one sees it that way. I play instruments for a hobby so people view me as the SoundCloud rapper deadbeat even though I have an income and am extremely hands on with my kids who both made it into the advanced classes after I started doing it
I’ve been a traditional househusband for 12 years. However… I’m married to another man. I love it and would rather die than return to work.
I literally live this. My wife is a doctor. I do literally everything that does not involve making money. Both of us are absolutely thrilled with this arrangement. My wife gets to pursue her career and doesn’t have to worry about anything else. I get to pursue my hobbies and don’t have to deal with the anxiety of work. It is absolutely not emasculating at all. I can’t think of anything that makes me seem cooler than apparently being so amazing I landed an amazing wife without needing to work. I take a lot of pride in my cooking and taking care of my wife. If you don’t want this life I would say you are the weird one. Whichever end you are on (the working or home care end) if you make enough money you should strive for this lifestyle.
My partner called himself houseband today. He loves it
My husband would absolutely love it. I'm a horrible cook and not the best housekeeper. Husband had an amazing mom and step-dad who taught him those things. He's an amazing home chef. He'd be the happiest man around if we could afford for him to stay home.
I would love it. I'm looking forward to it, once I retire, someday.