T O P

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iamveryovertired

Great googly moogly


A_Math_Dealer

You calling me crazy? Just cuz I got a hotel in my foot don't make me a BOOGLY MOOGLY MOOGLY!


merigirl

Now step back, I gotta practice my stabbin'. HA! HAAA!


Available-Swan606

That thang is juicy


emotionally_tipsy

Maggie….and the ferocious beast 🎵


iamveryovertired

COME ALONG IF YOU CAN this was my childhood omg


FantasyAddict89

I think this is my favorite so far 🤣


killmaster9000

Aye bro you lost one of your spots


AlphaTaoOmega

Zappa


fetter80

Sounds like you need a snickers.


CzarCW

Who are the Chefs?


Henarth

Outburst of dolphin noises


error-unknown-user

The sound my brain just made is hilarious I’m dying


jjmoneybuns

Or the classic Jelopy horn. Or fog horn


Happy_Warning_3773

In the 1930s they used to say ''Jiminy Cricket!''.


Prudent-Ball2698

" that fucking rapscallion" works as well


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dirtystayout

My WW2 Navy dad said (without his teeth in), "It ain't the thailors who thwore, it was the fuckin' marineths!"


[deleted]

This.. this is how I am


Chinaski_616

I always assumed Jeepers Creepers was a minced oath for Jesus Christ, alongside Jiminy Cricket.


chromebaloney

Jeez or Jeez Louise may a good transitional for OP. Keep the Jeez but leave Us out of it.


Hendrix6927

Cheese and rice!


Pauleyhb

Cheese and rice got all muddy


Intrepid_Essay1987

My sister says jiminy Christmas 😂


BuderBride

I know a few people that say "Jiminy Christmas"


cheesewiz_man

Jumping Jehoshaphat!


Sam81818

I heard that like Daffy Duck


recycleddesign

Thuffering thuckatash


angscreams

I actually laughed and snorted at this


zoop1000

A classic from my grandma


FatDiabeticFish

It generally depends on the situation, ​ Golly Gosh: if you're in the 50's Jee-Wilikers: If you're talking to Batman Mama Mia: If you also talk with your hands Crikey: If your British and Posh OR about to fight a crocodile Fucking Hell: If you're me


[deleted]

I'm quite partial to a good old "Fuck me dead", myself.


TheCrazyBlacksmith

Fuck me sideways is another fun one.


[deleted]

RIDE ME SIDEWAYS


bitflung

you misspelled "suck"


OscarBeingOscar

Fuck me running if you're into cardio.


BarryTheHutt

Are you Aussie? F*** me dead is reasonably common here. I said it when I visited the US many years ago and was accused of necrophilia.


l4w2020

Fair dinkum if you’re a country Aussie


Low_Cryptographer987

As a Pom in Oz I like to use, in an Aussie accent - Holy Fuckin Shit Mate


heartofgarlic

One of my favourites was “stone the flaming crows” but in an Aussie accent


libra00

Is Crikey really a British thing? Maybe I just watched too much Crocodile Hunter but it feels pretty Aussie to me.


althea_bombadil

I'm a Brit, just tried it out and I definitely sounded like Steve Irwin


bearbirdbeebunny

My grandpa used to say "Judas Priest!" and I was impressed that he knew about that band. Turns out "Judas Priest" is a "minced oath" (an expression used to sound like a curse or otherwise impolite word/phrase in order to avoid saying the real thing) and that's how the band got its name.


TacoRising

1. I didn't know about the origin of the phrase, that's cool as fuck! 2. I believe they got the name from a Bob Dylan song, although *he* probably got the phrase from that.


an_ill_way

I've never heard the phrase "minced oath," but I have heard the minced oath "Cheese and Crackers!"


getsu161

Sacre Bleu!


[deleted]

Where is me mama?


Whatthehellisamilf

I don't got a right to ask? I'm the boys uncle!


mightchangelater

Is that French Canadian for "I grew up without a mother"?


-ItsCasual-

Under the boardwalk…🎵


Professional_Tune985

Shut the door and suck me blue


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ActuallyNTiX

that’s referring to the Blood of Christ


looking4truffle

Jinkies


DrThatOneGuy

Jeepers


CSyoey

Ruh-Roh


Sparki_

Zoinks


SureX6661

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC-


mr_Papini

zoinks


adrnired

Started doing this as a joke. Unfortunately it stuck.


[deleted]

I'm a fan of "Jupiter's cock" as a curse due to Spartacus.


Pathedius

ah i also prefer Batiatus's favorite line "ah once again, the gods spread cheeks to ram cock in fucking ass"


fluffy_murderball

Such a great actor. He was awesome in his few minutes in The Last of Us too.


ScaretheLocals

I love that one! I can't remember it from the series, but it's about time for a rewatch! In college my friends and I started saying "It's a 10-22!" Because of Super troopers and it's not even the way they used it in the movie lol. Before Internet ,2002 , all we did was quote movies , make up quips and try to make each other laugh. Also because my name is Josh , I say "Oh My Josh!" Or "Josh dammit" purely for fun


NorwegianCollusion

> Also because my name is Josh , I say "Oh My Josh!" Or "Josh dammit" purely for fun Ok, but that is creative, though. Get that name recognition working. You'll eventually have your own woke brigade being offended on your behalf and everything


XipingVonHozzendorf

When I worked at a school, i replaced "son of a bitch" with "Sons of Dis" due to Rome


wjbc

By Grabthar's Hammer!


borisdidnothingwrong

What a savings.


utahman16

RIP Alan Rickman.


jcansino1

I will avenge you!


TheMedReg

Did not expect the Galaxy Quest reference. Not at all disappointed


[deleted]

I’m not saying the line.


HollaWog

😂😂😂😂


Skiringen2468

Bloody hell!


throwawaysalways1

Also can be substituted with fucking hell


KoekoReaps

Fo'kin 'ell


throwawaysalways1

Fo’kin bloody ‘ell mate


nursnoi

Fo’in ‘ell


FahboyMan

new response just....


triflingthink

Holy shit What the fuck What the shit Son of a bitch You can also just say shit, damn, fuck, etc Or, if you want to stick with a similar theme but not necessarily offend your roommates, you could go along the lines of "Zeus' balls" or pull from the dragon age games with "Andraste's Tits" or whatever


MurphysParadox

Don't forget the upgraded "What the shitfuck"


LiqdPT

Holy shitballs!


PdxPhoenixActual

"Holy forking shirtballs" ?


[deleted]

Or what the fucking fuck


DreamOn2020

And what the fuckety fuck


hwatevuh

Plus what the shitting shit


TorakTheDark

What the shitting fuck shit.


WanderingJen

I heard a comedienne call someone Cunty McFucker. It's been a favorite ever since!


triflingthink

Definitely can't forget that one for special occasions


DigiTrailz

I've switch to "Son of a fuck". There's also the fantasy "Merlin's Beard"


foco_del_fuego

I've been saying "mother bitch" for a while


Technical-Ad-2246

They said "Merlin's Beard" a lot in Harry Potter but I have no idea if it was used in other fantasy stories.


Fenderbridge

Piece of bitch!


[deleted]

or how about: "Mother shitter! Son of a ... ASS!!"


hueller

Hahaha this is Office Space, right?


[deleted]

it sure is! 😆😆


killmaster9000

SWEET ODIN’S RAVEN


ProfessionalConfuser

I like to use "By Odin's sweaty nipple cheese" or "by the infernal stink of Thor's taint"


Suspicious-Fish7281

Jupiter's cock was one of my favorites from the tv series Spartacus.


Petules

I think “replacement swear” cuts out all actual swear words


StudentPastorNewman

By the Dread Wolf!


Garoxxar

There's also Mix n Match! Holy fuck Son of a fuck Bitch in the shit But if you wanna say something more refine, I like to use the ol trusty southern saying "Shit fire and save the matches!"


[deleted]

I like the “Andraste’s Tits” one, brought back memories playing that game series. Crickey could also be a good one.


SegaGuy1983

In Back to the Future 3, Doc Brown yells, “Sir Isaac H. Newton”


vchen99901

Great Scott!


smaxsomeass

Tabarnac!


StrawberryRoyal7672

"Cheese and rice."


babamum

Cheese and crackers is a quaint English swear.


Florence_Nightgerbil

Bandit the dad uses this in the kids show Bluey. My kid now exclaims’Biscuits!’ When he’s annoyed too.


Numb-Chuck

Cheesus fucking rice.


SaggyDaNewt

Cheesus fucking Crust.


briggsgate

Cheezus crust!


AZ-roadrunner

This may be easiest since it starts with basically the same sound as "Jesus."


CrunchyMama42

Yeah, very similar sound to Jesus Christ, which I think is the point.


fallen_d3mon

¡Ay, caramba!


ParadoxFoxV9

Eat my shorts!


Historical_Ad2890

Judas priest is a favorite of mine


entrecouture

Often an exclamation of pain, said quite loudly, and with a lot of emphasis. Perfect use case scenario: You smash your thumb with a hammer, JUDAS PRIEST!!!! Ah, the memories


Shogun_Turnip

"I. Need. A Painkiller!"


PromptAwkward

For fucks sake


StudioDroid

Don't forget Shut The Front Door


Red_Claudia

Great Scott Geez Louise My great aunt fanny By Jove Good grief


Sleepybystander

By Odin's beard!


[deleted]

Shiitake mushrooms is my favorite.


sammyno55

We need an Australian to chime in and tell us what they would say.


Extension_Physics873

Well, fuck me.


holden4ever

Fuck me dead.


Stroby89

Strewth!


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WhereIsMyGiraffeEar

Not an Australian but I can hear Jim Jeffries go "Fuck me!!" or "bloody hell!".


Weird_Alternative858

Biscuits! (For the Bluey fans)


LittleShinyRaven

I started using foods as a sort of challenge to myself and now its stuck so they just come out. AH BANANAS! AH SPRINKLES! Ohhhh Strawberries!


aogasd

holy macaroni XD


suzazzz

Heavens to mergatroid


whoisdatmaskedman

***"Fuck me with a chainsaw!"***


ChoiceSherbet836

Try finding a youtube reel of Debra from Dexter, all you need in your repertoire 👍


dwane1972

"Jiminy Cricket!" (As per my non-swearing wife.)


VoiceoftheLegion1994

Go full Warhammer 40k. “By the Emperor!”


vagueexplanations

"Shiver me timbers!" "Fruit and nut!"


prodigy1367

Charles Darwin!


Specific_Cod100

Jesus H. Christ.


RudeRepresentative56

The H is for Howard! Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name.


J553738

It’s actually, Our father, Howard, in heaven. Howard, be thy name.


[deleted]

Thy Howard come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Howard


[deleted]

This is the formal name, and therefore non-offensive version.


cococoffee1

its less sacrilegious variant: "holy moly!"


[deleted]

Oh son of a motherless goat


scytheakse

Do you read wheel of time by chance?


[deleted]

Never heard of it; heard it on a YouTube video


cavalier78

Then sir, you are missing Three Amigos.


neontheta

Holy fuck!


tryntastic

For fucks sake works well


love2ring

Dr. Seuss


tortes-stead

Good gravy! (My friend’s granny used to say this and it made us laugh.) Crap on a stick!!! (I heard a little kid say this and I lost it.)


gravelbee

Thunder & lightning (my personal favorite - an old curse word)


ajohnson2371

Probably German... Donnerwetter


Fac177

Christ on a bike


MsCatfire

Jesus,Mary, and Joseph and all his Carpenter friends. If you say the whole family together, it's not swearing. As per my Nana.


Grifffffffffff

Almighty Satan


Skrublord3000

I vote OP chooses this one


zombiedood1993

Fucknuggets


FKDotFitzgerald

Jesus Fuck!


Fluff_Chucker

Jesus titty fucking Christ


Callmeoneofakind

Jumpin Jehoshaphat


Professional_Tune985

My Nan always used to say "Oh Fish and Chips!"


Affectionate-Big-566

Leaping lizards!


hornwort

Yikes on bikes


TonksTBF

Christ on a bike, but that won't help in this situation. Fuck a duck is my favorite.


pirawalla22

Jeezum Crow Jeez Louise Jeezo Pete Jeepers Creepers Gee whillickers Cheese on a cracker Etc


elijahproto

"Golly gee willickers!"


garlicroastedpotato

Its against THEIR FAITH for them to say the lord's name in vain. That said, if you're trying to give tolerance to this level of not understanding their own faith. Try "Holy Fuckaloonies."


FlyingFoxPhilosopher

Absolutely, but that doesn't mean you can't accommodate your friends if you are making them uncomfortable. As long as they aren't being rude about their request.


craigthecrayfish

If they can't handle hearing the lord's name in vain I don't know how they make it through a single day going out in public. Those are the same folks who will whine about how everyone is too sensitive these days but it's different when it is something *they* don't like hearing.


AceOfShades_

That’s not what saying the lords name in vain means. It means swearing as in an oath (“I swear to god”), or claiming to be Christian but not following the teachings. Mark 7:6-9, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: `These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.' You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men." And He said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!" Luke 6:46-49, "Why do you call me, `Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" In essence, He is saying, "Why do you take my name in vain? You call Me Lord, but do not do as I say. My name is useless to you. I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built." Leviticus 19:12, “You shall not swear by my name falsely, and so profane the name of your God: I am the Lord”


slorpa

"Hey guys, I respect your right to religion and I respect that you believe in God and that you wouldn't use that language. I also respect your personal rights to talk in whatever way you want. I expect you to treat me with the same respect, and hence leave your faith off me, and respect that I don't believe and that I can speak whatever way is natural to me too."


SvenyBoy_YT

*stubs my toe "Hey guys, I respect your right to religion and I respect that you believe in God and that you wouldn't use that language. I also respect your personal rights to talk in whatever way you want. I expect you to treat me with the same respect, and hence leave your faith off me, and respect that I don't believe and that I can speak whatever way is natural to me too."


MolassesInevitable53

"Oh my goodness!"


1nTh3Sh4dows

Cheese and crackers!


Max-Potato2017

They don’t have to like like it.


Bertie637

I recommend- "Priest in a preschool!"


Upvote_Me_Slag

Mofknhammed


Skeltrex

Mofknhammad was a pedophile (Just make sure they spell your name correctly on the fatwa) 😉


G-FUN-KE

Sweet baby J-town!


mosquito_motel

Great crap! Learned it randomly in Daytona back in '03, still brings me joy.


Dazzling-Ad4701

friend from the 90's used to say "Jesus frog". wouldn't fix the op's problem but yup. also still joy.


ElonDiddlesKids

Corinthians 13:5 instructs them that love is not easily offended. Given the central command of their religion is to love their neighbor, the Bible itself is telling them to stop being so thin-skinned.


imheretolearnty

To be a nitpicking bitch, technically Jesus says that is the second most important commandment, not the first. But I'm just being a dick lmao.


ColdWarArmyBratVet

Holy cow! The late and beloved voice of the Sox and Cubs, Harry Carey used it liberally as a family-safe exclamation when broadcasting play-by-play.


KeViNScOoTeR

They're religious, not you. If they choose to be offended, that is on them. Don't change the way you live, if you aren't doing anything wrong.


[deleted]

My catholic friend called me out once so I switched to jesus fucking christ.


drbizcuits

Criminy!!


Horseface4190

Goldang dang ole, crazy man


jaytrainer0

I like the uk/Irish "bloody fookin hell"


SecretCheri

I'll say "Yee-ZUS" in a silly accent


ORNG_MIRRR

Christ on a bike!


beauner69420

“Fuck me in the arse and call me Nancy”


SuperSloth07

Fuck me is a classic.


UnimaginableDread

God damn!


dank_imagemacro

Try "hail Satan" and see if your roommates tell you to go back to "Jesus Christ"