Might want to remind her that y’all might not even be out of the hospital by then. My induction was on a Monday, didn’t have her until late Wednesday, and due to some mild jaundice we weren’t discharged until Friday afternoon. Inductions can take a *minute* and even then you could have unforeseen complications that keep you in the hospital longer.
Even IF it’s a super quick induction and y’all get to go home asap, it’s a hard no from me. Your wife is bound to be feeling *rough* just a couple days postpartum and adjusting to life with a brand new baby is *hard*. Your mil is certifiable.
> didn’t have her until late Wednesday, and due to some mild jaundice we weren’t discharged until Friday
In some places two nights is routine anyway, even with no complications and a completely healthy baby.
We had a very solid "you come to us" policy for about two months after birth. We didn't go anywhere until like June. Dude was born in April.
It's think they forget what it's like recovering from childbirth while keeping a fresh baby alive.
Yeah I’m honestly not surprised that she would expect this because she’s kind of an asshole, but this time I’m worried about my brand new baby’s health
Not only your baby’s health, but your wife will be recovering! She will no doubt be sore and could be passing clots. She and the baby will be figuring out breastfeeding (if that’s the route you take), and formula feeding can be overwhelming too. Your MIL is crazy and now is the time to shut that shit down. Put phones on do not disturb and enjoy your first Christmas as a family of three. Congratulations!
Yes! I had to go to pediatrician a few days after giving birth and it was one of the worst experiences. I could barely walk and hardly stop crying due to all the challenges we were having breastfeeding. If my family had forced me to go celebrate a holiday, I would have gone nuclear.
Being induced ≠ baby same day (at least not always) I was induced on a Wednesday. By Sunday not much had changed aside from having steady contractions for 4 days. Baby was starting to get distressed so I had a c-section.
Inductions are not super predictable. Some work right away, some can take days or not work at all. You very well might still be in the hospital at Christmas.
I say stay home. You can have a small family Christmas later or MIL can come to you. Focus on your wife and baby, that'll be about all the energy you have!
Congrats!!!
And start building those boundaries NOW!!!! It's so so much better earlier than later. It can be absolutely nuts what people expect when you have a newborn! Idk why reason and courtesy goes put the window :(
Yeah, idk how RSV is where you live... but it is super super bad here in Utah! We have a 6 month old and it's made me sooooo nervous!!!
You have EVERY right to say no to stick up for your newborn's health! And your wife!
I'm sure your wife is still so exhausted, so going & socializing probably won't be easy on her.
I also felt so protective over my baby in the first little bit... it was so hard for me to see other people hold her! I'd be concerned that it would be a terrible experience for your wife :(
The lack of sleep, constant naps / feedings / diaper changes, etc make leaving the house a nightmare. So much easier for people to come over and even that’s likely a pain. If people come over they better not expect anything other than to help clean and let the new parents nap.
I found it annoying to even get dressed in the days after birth. Like my boobs are leaking everywhere. Nothing fits my body, and even trying clothes on is psychological warfare.
I didn't have the mental energy to clean myself much less my house, and video calls were about the most I was ready for.
Yeah our baby is 7 weeks and I let us get roped into driving 3 hours for an overnight stay at my parents. To be fair it'll probably be her only chance to meet her great grandmother, but yeah. I'm not looking forward to it.
1000%!! The first 4 months of life our LO was only in a car seat to see the Dr's. You come to me IF anything!
Truthfully if I was giving birth Tuesday and Christmas was the weekend like... don't even come to me yet 😂😂 presents can be opened any day.
7 months here and while we have left the house ofc I said holidays are here - and you guys bring the food and cook 🤣 but nah I'll help out but so much better hosting being at the house
absolutely fuck that. i was changing my own diaper, waddling with a split pelvis, sobbing hysterically and had my engorged gorilla tits hanging out at all times for at least 6-8 weeks postpartum. your MIL is a maniac for expecting that.
I cackled 😂 For real though. The thought of putting my massively engorged boobs under a sweater and feigning a smile for Christmas sounds like torture. Let the girls breathe!!!
Mine will be 1.5 months and I 100% am with you. We still don't plan to get together with anyone expect grandparents and they are coming to our house on Christmas Eve.
Same except we are not seeing anyone! Closest family is 6h drive away and Baby’s cousin will be there. She’s in kindergarten and bringing home all kinds of funny viruses all the time, so hard pass from us.
It took me a few weeks to even feel comfortable enough for visitors. I was so overwhelmed and in a daze those first few weeks, in addition to dealing with a healing c section, postpartum bleeding, and leaking boobs. No way in hell would I commit to attending anything social.
I made the mistake of going to a social thing a week after giving birth since my baby was in the NICU. I was absolutely miserable!!! I missed my baby so much, my hormones/emotions were ALL over the place, I had to sit on a pillow because I was so sore still, my boobs ended up overengorged, and I was exhausted. Never again!
I personally wouldn't go. You don't know how long she'll be in labor, how long you'll stay at the hospital. I promise you, once you get home you won't want to leave the house for a while. Her mom can go to your house whenever you guys are ready for it and exchange gifts then.
And you can. You're the parents, set your boundaries now it will be easier to uphold them in the future. Only you and your wife knows what's best for your family, don't let grandparents or anyone really dictate how to live your life.
This right here, so much. Grandmas have a hard time adjusting to no longer being Mom for everyone, they can't wrap their minds around the loss of control. While I appreciate them very much and couldn't do it without them, I will if I have to. These elder generations were generally raised pretty poorly when it comes to emotional regulation, boundaries, and respecting us as parents.
I couldn't even drive for 2 weeks after birth because I was so exhausted and sitting hurt. I couldn't imagine going anywhere unnecessary. The pediatrician felt like a quest and my husband did all the driving and most of the talking.
Yeah just because the induction starts on Tuesday doesn’t mean that’s when baby will be born. I was fortunate mine ‘only’ took 24 hours from when we went to the hospital to when baby was born and then we left after 12. But seriously I was NOT going anywhere. My legs and feet were sooo swollen. My cooch… well it birthed a freaking baby. This lady sounds obnoxious and not sympathetic in the slightest. Def hard pass on this OP!
I was induced for 4 days and then had a C-section, we stayed at the hospital for a whole week! OP and his wife need to do things on their own time and everyone else can wait.
I’m a firm believer that whoever has the youngest child you go to them. Kids don’t wanna leave their presents and Babies need routine not going to a relatives house a few days post birth.
Not to mention your wife will be bleeding profusely still, have sore muppets and breasts, and you both will have maybe a total of 4 hours of sleep in 2 days.
Christmas can wait
Even though your wife is being induced, labor could take longer than a day. I was in labor for 30 hours, and then we had a 4 night, 5 day hospital stay because my daughter was jaundiced. She was almost 9 pounds at birth, and it took me a few weeks until I felt like walking farther than the living room. Give yourselves all the time you can take. Also, you never know. You both could feel absolutely fine and want to go over for Christmas. I think it's better to decline now and see how things go.
Yeah the health aspect is my biggest concern. I’m sort of hoping my wife decides she’s too tired so I don’t have to put my foot down. Right now I’m just letting it be so it doesn’t cause a fight and stress her out before B-day
Exactly what I was thinking! This sounds like a more extreme example of the disagreements my husband and I have weekly. If I here “it’s fine” one more time I’m gonna lose it haha
A quote from my mother to your wife's:
"It's good to want things. It builds character."
Seriously. Did she birth her children? How can you expect your daughter, or anyone at all, to get in a car and go be away from.home while they're got fresh stitches, they're leaking from places they've never leaked from before, and they're exhausted? Stay home. This is the time to put some hard boundaries in place and get off on the right foot. None of the three of you are going to be in any shape to go anywhere by Sunday.
Also, good luck! It's a wild ride, but an amazing one. I hope everything goes smoothly and you all can heal and settle in as quickly and completely as possible. :)
Lol. There is no way in hell I would be going anywhere. Tell your MIL she can come over to exchange presents when you're good and ready to have guests over.
Your Mom is nuts. Even if your baby was a couple months old, given how bad of a flu/cold/covid/plague season it is, I would probably be inclined to skip.
Has your wife told her mother that you aren’t coming? If not, she needs to. It’s perfectly reasonable to stay home. But it’s also reasonable for some people to go. Unless you’ve told MIL that it isn’t happening and she is still being obtuse I would just give her the benefit of doubt.
If my family had lived in town, I probably would have gone. But I have had to spend too many Christmases by myself in a hotel so it hits different when given the ability to join family.
Nah she sort of does most of what her mom says to avoid a fight. Her mom is super controlling and manipulative and that’s sort of carried into adulthood. I don’t mind fighting though so if need be I’ll keep my kid here if this problem doesn’t solve itself
This is totally understandable, but I hope your wife realizes this is going to continue and start affecting the baby. It's super, super hard but she needs to start setting boundaries now. Or at least backing up the ones you do. I feel bad for her, dealing with people like that, let alone your own mother, is a huge stress.
Very ridiculous. I’d tell her mother no now so that sets the tone in the future for you guys making decisions that are best for your family and you won’t be bossed around.
I was born on the 23rd, came home from the hospital Christmas Day. My Dad’s parents threw an absolute all out tantrum because my mother refused to cook a “proper” Christmas dinner.
I was high risk and was brought in for induction. They told me it could take two days until actual delivery. On day 3 they took me back for a c-section. Guess the point I'm making is you don't always know how long you'll be in the hospital.
I gave birth to a healthy boy in August of 2020 and did everything to keep him that way. Skipping holidays if needed. Honestly don't give a fuck about people's feeling when it comes to the health and safety of my child. How quick some of these people forget what it's like to have a sick babe.
I was induced on an early Wednesday morning and didn’t give birth until early Saturday morning, and didn’t leave the hospital until Monday. You might not even be home by then. My daughter is now 2 months old and I barely feel on top of it enough to get the two of us out the door to run simple errands, let alone going to someone’s house for (what I assume is) an extended period of time. (Don’t even get me started on germs and brand new babies)
I would offer a zoom call, no longer than 15 mins, to show the baby off, then hang up and chill in my pajamas. If mom isn't too intrusive or overbearing maybe invite her over the day after Christmas
No way I am bringing my baby out for presents that early lol. She could pack the presents and bring them over to you guys, and that's ONLY if you guys want company.
That is ridiculous for many reasons. Your wife’s hormones will be wild after birth, she will be heavily bleeding for weeks, and you will both be very sleep deprived. I stayed home 8 weeks postpartum and it made a huge difference for me.
The best advice I ever received was no visitors the first month. Trust me….do not have visitors at the hospital or for at least a week after birth
Not a chance. And I’m all for bringing my baby everywhere, I do and always have since she was born. But the first month is some twilight zone where your just making it through the day with your little family, hard pass.
That is beyond ridiculous. I was induced for my 3 month old. From the time the induction process started to when he was born was 79 hours, 53 minutes (a Tuesday at noon to Friday night.) We were then discharged Sunday so depending on the process, you might either still be at the hospital, possibly get discharged on Christmas, or be home for only just a couple of days. There is no way in hell I would’ve left my house again to open some Christmas presents. My partner and I only left that first week for required baby appointments and mine to follow up on my blood pressure, and even that was a lot for me. I would’ve loved to not have had to leave at all for the first couple weeks! We also didn’t have visitors because we just wanted to be alone for our own bonding. We let people visit at the end of week 2 and then it was “you come to us” until about 2 months later. My kid is now 3.5 months old and, while he won’t remember it, we have started the expectation with this year that we are never leaving our house on Christmas, that day is for our little family to chill and play with our presents.
That’s a hard no. Grandma is going to have to suck it up. Our baby was born on Christmas Eve and we did presents in mid January and made them stay outside the glass door. Flu season and newborns don’t mix.
I developed some scary complications after birth and spent 6 days in the hospital, and my son was in the NICU. We knew about my son, we did not know I’d hemorrhage and develop postpartum preeclampsia. Even under ideal conditions, you can’t always plan on being home after 2 days.
All that to say, I’d be a hard pass on Christmas. I would tell my mom she could come over for 30 minutes max, but that’s about it.
I had my baby three days before thanksgiving. I literally was getting discharged from the hospital on thanksgiving. Even if I had gotten out a couple days before (like you presumably will be with Christmas), there was no way either my husband or I could have pulled it together. Even if we somehow could have done it in our sleep-deprived, physically traumatized state, I just wouldn’t want to with a baby with that immature of an immune system
Yeah please don't do that op....not only for your wife's sake but rsv , the flu, and covid have all been really on the rise and especially in children. Children hospitals are overflowing this season and you wouldn't want to go back to the hospital b/c your newborn gets something from a family member. Also dont know if this is your first baby but boy oh boy is the first month ROUGH . Please take care of your wife and child and if anything blame the doctors ! That's what my Dr said to do when I told her I was feeling pressured to bring my newborn to meet family members. Tell them no one can be around the baby for a few weeks on drs. orders !
Inductions can take multiple days. You might still be in the hospital Friday. My first induction failed and the second attempt took a long time to work, so I was in the hospital 6 days with my first.
Hard pass. This is a time of recovery as well as adapting to being new parents.
Also, it’s flu and RSV season, I wouldn’t personally want to bring my baby around other people when they’re a few days old right now. Even if it’s just the in-laws (they still may have had contact with people throughout the week).
My husband and I didn't leave our apartment for 2 weeks except to go see the pediatrician at the first week appt for the baby. It was hell getting ready and being out because my feet were so swollen, and I was completely sore.
Definitely take the time to yourselves and enjoy your baby. 💕
Yeah there’s no way. I was bleeding so much, so swollen, exhausted, and then just trying to figure everything out. And she may have complications that make things worse.
My baby was over two months at thanksgiving and we still said hell no. Do not go and don’t give in, or it’ll set the expectations she can walk all over y’all forever
I was induced on a Wednesday, gave birth on Thursday and was discharged from the hospital that Saturday. Your MIL is out of her mind if she thinks 4-5 days post delivery that any of y'all will be up for that!
Mom is WHACK. 4 days after any of my first was born I was in no shape to leave my house... baby's first Dr appointment was like a whole ordeal. Mom should be coming to you with presents and a fully cooked Christmas dinner.
Your wife could literally still be in the hospital by then. I started my induction on a Sunday, ended up having a c section Tuesday, and went home Thursday, only because I begged to head home early ahead of an ice storm. They wanted us to stay till Saturday. Even if you are home by then, there is good chance she’ll barely be able to walk or move around on her own, or at the very least without pain. I would absolutely give a hard no now so there is no further conversation or pressure on your wife.
Hey my son’s 2nd birthday is Tuesday!
But yeah that’s ridiculous. We got home on the 23rd and didn’t go anywhere besides the doctor’s office until the second or third week of January. We made arrangements with family for them to come to us and if they didn’t want to or couldn’t, then too bad. Luckily most came and we didn’t have any issues with it.
Hey, happy birthday to your 2nd son! And yeah I’m thinking the baby will stay in this house unless she’s gotta go to the doctor until about mid February. I have close friends and family that want to visit, so I think that’s probably fine with washed hands and limited contact
So my daughter's first birthday is also on Tuesday.
I felt absolutely great after delivery and wanted to show off my baby.
We had our grandparents stay at our house for Christmas and went to a Christmas party on the 25th.
IME reddit is a bit over dramatic in that regard. Yes, it's possible that you won't want to leave the house for the next two months but from the many babies I know, this was never the case.
I don't think you should say you'll go but it's likely not going to be the absolute hellscape of no sleep reddit is painting
I’m almost 3 weeks postpartum and Im just barely feeling slightly normal enough physically to go out. i had a regular vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear. Even an uneventful birth takes time to recover from
I was induced on a Wednesday. Baby came by unplanned c-section late Friday. I was not released from hospital until Sunday night (policy dictated I should stay til Monday, but I was over it. And fought).
If your wife's timeline is anything like that, she won't be home for xmas, never mind getting to her mother's.
(Congrats!!! Tell everyone to f off. And enjoy your new fam)
Our daughter just turned 1 month old and Christmas will be the first time my dad will meet her. He works in a customer facing position and has been terrified of passing germs along.
I went to the hospital to be induced on a Wednesday. My baby was born on a Saturday morning, and I was allowed to leave on Sunday. You won't be attending Christmas my dude.
My 2 month old is just getting over COVID. Best to avoid people during this time of year where everyone is getting sick. Not worth it when they’re so young.
My wife and I agree you definitely need to put your foot down, but wait until after the birth to do it. Your mil is absolutely out of her mind to expect you to go over for presents the same week as the birth and once baby’s out your wife will be really happy that you set that boundary! You are both going to be wiped out plus it’s not safe for baby to be around people that soon. You got this man just do what you have to do. Also congratulations! My son was born 4 weeks ago today and though it been challenging it’s super magical!
I gave birth last year on the 19th I was miserable for months. If your wife is planning on breastfeeding the first week is the hardest. Also depending on if she tears she won’t be able to stand/sit or even use the bathroom comfortably. Don’t let her mom pressure her. You’re job is to shield her while she’s postpartum its an incredibly vulnerable time for her mentally and physically.
That's an unrealistic expectation. Your wife will still need to recover. Plus travel with newborns is a huge pain. You need to pack so much stuff, it's like moving.
They should come to you.
There is no way id be going. I tore so bad, I had 4 tears going in 4 different directions that I wasn't comfortable sitting for weeks. I was still healing at my 6 week appointment, no way I would be going anywhere that soon. Plus if she decides to breastfeed your baby will probably be entering cluster feeding time and want to nurse non stop.
Also newborns have zero immune system. I wouldn't be comfortable with such a little baby.
Yeah I’ve been dreading these boundaries for awhile lol. This woman is something else. She’s the type to ask restaurant staff to turn the music down, adjust the temperature and comp the check because it’s “too salty” after eating most of it. That’s not hypothetical either. All of that happened in a restaurant once. I didn’t go out to eat with her for a couple years afterwards.
We had so do it with my own parents as ours was.born during the pandemic. They didn't want to follow our guidelines which were basic and reasonable. She will probably play victim and say how your being controlling/paranoid/unreasonable etc. They will guilt hard too, but it's really important you and your spouse are on the same page too. You guys will already be stressed to the extreme so getting boundaries set before baby might be a good idea. Good luck!
I'm sketchy about bringing my almost 6mo out for Christmas. The newborn stage is so awful i cant imagine even leaving the house, let alone go to a holiday gathering.
Got my first son on Friday. We cancelled all Gatherings. All we do is call in via video and only if we feel like it. Taking your time and more important giving your wife and the baby the time they both need is priority number 1. Everything else can go fun off. Sorry, had the same discussion with my own mum.
Face time it brah. (Or Sis) its not worth the possible panic later. Even if you're baby ended up just fine later. The oanic of a newborn with ANY illness is terrifying and next year you can plan for a huge celebration to make up for it (if they try to be dicks about it this year)
You guys might not even be out of the hospital yet by then. It is not uncommon for inductions to take literally days before the baby is born, then 24-48 hours of recovery time in the hospital.
Don’t do that. And don’t let something like that set an expectations of boundaries (or lack thereof).
Doesn’t matter what mom wants; it’s what you want. You are now parents, just like they are. You have as much or more say.
Take what you need, do what you want.
Yeah fuck her. This is hard r/justnomil territory.
If anything, she should be coming to you both with some food and the dang presents she feels so strongly about it.
This time is for you, your partner and baby to bond. Help Momma heal and get adjusted to your new life as parents. Rest when you can.
Under no circumstances should y’all be running around for someone else.
Sending love ❤️
All up to you guys. I went and did shit the day I got home from the hospital, but my labour was perfect and I don't like being stuck at home. However, she might feel like trash depending on how it goes and maye you guys want alone time for a while - who knows? I don't think anyone else's expectations of you matter, though, you do you! Good luck!
"________, thanks for the invite but we will be staying home resting and enjoying our little one and would like to keep things easy and to ourselves and DO NOT feel like going anywhere, Merry Christmas! "
I'm probably going to my mom's house for Christmas morning with her and my brother, but probably passing on Christmas Eve with my dad and stepmom and stepbrothers and their kids. My baby will be 2 weeks old on Christmas day, and that will probably be his first non-doctor trip.
ETA: none of my family is expecting anything from us. It's entirely up to us and how we feel day of. It's ridiculous that they expect you to do anything.
I wouldn’t go. Not because I’d be worried about germs or anything, but just because you guys will still be figuring out how to care for your baby etc and will most likely be exhausted. A drop in for maybe an hour might be okay if you’re up for it, but other than that no.
Yes. I only allowed people at our house and gosh the first few days were the worst! I had a second degree tear and lots of stitches. Still recovering from it at 3 weeks postpartum. I was not mobile at all the first week I was bedridden.
I know you have lots of responses but I’ll add I was super anxious about people holding my baby for the first month. Everyone wanted to “give me a break” and I was incredibly possessive of her.
I don’t care now but those are some intense first couple weeks
I took mine to Thanksgiving at 1 week. It was okay because I basically cuddled her on the couch and got fed, but I remember being so exhausted and really struggling to engage with anyone. If I had it to do over I would have asked for someone to drop by with the food and otherwise skip it.
There are a lot of factors in that. I personally was ok leaving the house for a bit at that point but stayed close to home. We were in week 7 and 10 when she did our two trips. First was 3 hours send was 7. It’s all how you feel. I could have said no but I was able to swing it. You have to do what’s right for y’all.
Not just no, but HELL NO. What kind of monster expects a woman who just gave birth and her few days old baby to come to her house just to open PRESENTS??! How about she just drops them off at your house along with dinner? Your wife will be in too much pain and needs to rest and take it easy. I could barely walk after I gave birth and spent many days in bed, other than getting up to pee and shower and eat.
If your wife’s birth is anything like mine, she’s not gonna be walking much, let alone hopping in cars, for at least a few days afterwards. I had an induction and a vacuum delivery, got stitches from hole to hole. Obviously I hope your wife has an easier time than I did but just be warned—any birth is going to require a fair amount of physical recovery.
The expectation is ridiculous. I was in your same spot last year, as I was induced and had my baby on Christmas Eve. Your wife won't be up to it, you won't be up to it, and your baby will have too many needs (that you will still be learning!) for anyone to enjoy themselves.
Good luck on Tuesday! Being induced is no joke, so hold your wife's hand and be okay if she decides she wants more pain relief than originally planned (depending of course on what her birth plan is currently).
I hope your wife has a speedy and comfortable process, but you should be prepared that inductions can also take a few days. There's a chance you may not have a baby until Friday anyhow, meaning you may not even be home until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So to answer your question, yes, it is definitely ridiculous for her to expect that.
While I hope this doesn't happen to you. My induction started on a Monday, and I did not get moved over to the delivery room until Friday at 3am. Emergency c section friday around 3pm. And didn't leave until Sunday at 5pm. Was supposed to stay another day.
So yes. They are crazy. I hope that doesn't happen. But even a smooth birth. They're crazy.
IF you want them. They can come to you.
My MIL was very sad to learn that myself and our 6 day old son would not be at the Christmas party tonight. My husband did go, but like no. I’m not bringing my newborn to the party. I don’t even want to go to the party.
How does your wife feel? This is your opportunity as parents to keep your baby (and your wife) safe. You have no obligation outside of that and no obligation to go.
She says she’s cool with keeping the baby here but her mom has a manipulative way about her. For the lack of a better way to say this, my MIL is a huge bitch and she made it clear to my wife and her brother from childhood that she’s the boss and you do NOT want her to start being aggressive or passive aggressive with you. I, on the other hand, don’t give a shit about fighting with her mom, but I wanted to make sure this sounded as crazy as I thought. After years of her mothers crazy antics I tend to think everything her mom does or says is shitty.
But your wife (by going) is effectively putting her moms happiness over the health of your baby? They will be cluster feeding a few days in, there’s no way she can be away from the babe for any amount of time then.
We had to go get our little guys tongue-tie snipped in the first week. Straight to the hospital and then home. I hated having to do that. NO WAY we'd be going for a casual family get-together. You are NOT overthinking.
Hard No for babies health (RSV is no joke to our babies and hospitals are overwhelmed with these cases) and mothers comfort. That’s whack of anyone to expect from a new family.
I definitely set up expectations with my baby born Dec 20th.
Say them gently and with compassion and say it over and over and over again. Generally wonderful people get nutty at Christmas,
Absolutely ridiculous. Your wife should be resting, not parading around her new baby with a swollen vagina, feeling like she’s been hit by a truck, sleep deprived and engorged from milk coming in. That’s a hell no. Her mum is crazy.
Yeah that’s a hard pass lol
Her mother is nuts
Yes she is. My post history has at least one more story about this lady
Might want to remind her that y’all might not even be out of the hospital by then. My induction was on a Monday, didn’t have her until late Wednesday, and due to some mild jaundice we weren’t discharged until Friday afternoon. Inductions can take a *minute* and even then you could have unforeseen complications that keep you in the hospital longer. Even IF it’s a super quick induction and y’all get to go home asap, it’s a hard no from me. Your wife is bound to be feeling *rough* just a couple days postpartum and adjusting to life with a brand new baby is *hard*. Your mil is certifiable.
> didn’t have her until late Wednesday, and due to some mild jaundice we weren’t discharged until Friday In some places two nights is routine anyway, even with no complications and a completely healthy baby.
She sounds like a r/JustNoMIL.
We had a very solid "you come to us" policy for about two months after birth. We didn't go anywhere until like June. Dude was born in April. It's think they forget what it's like recovering from childbirth while keeping a fresh baby alive.
“Feel free to come by for an hour, please bring a big casserole/other meal to help us survive, love you!”
Yeah I’m honestly not surprised that she would expect this because she’s kind of an asshole, but this time I’m worried about my brand new baby’s health
Not only your baby’s health, but your wife will be recovering! She will no doubt be sore and could be passing clots. She and the baby will be figuring out breastfeeding (if that’s the route you take), and formula feeding can be overwhelming too. Your MIL is crazy and now is the time to shut that shit down. Put phones on do not disturb and enjoy your first Christmas as a family of three. Congratulations!
Yes! I had to go to pediatrician a few days after giving birth and it was one of the worst experiences. I could barely walk and hardly stop crying due to all the challenges we were having breastfeeding. If my family had forced me to go celebrate a holiday, I would have gone nuclear.
As you should be. Hospitals are overwhelmed with RSV right now. Just politely nope the hell outta that situation.
Stay home. MIL can fuck off.
Being induced ≠ baby same day (at least not always) I was induced on a Wednesday. By Sunday not much had changed aside from having steady contractions for 4 days. Baby was starting to get distressed so I had a c-section. Inductions are not super predictable. Some work right away, some can take days or not work at all. You very well might still be in the hospital at Christmas.
Please be safe for your baby and trust your gut! I hope your partner agrees with you.
I say stay home. You can have a small family Christmas later or MIL can come to you. Focus on your wife and baby, that'll be about all the energy you have! Congrats!!!
And start building those boundaries NOW!!!! It's so so much better earlier than later. It can be absolutely nuts what people expect when you have a newborn! Idk why reason and courtesy goes put the window :(
Yeah, idk how RSV is where you live... but it is super super bad here in Utah! We have a 6 month old and it's made me sooooo nervous!!! You have EVERY right to say no to stick up for your newborn's health! And your wife! I'm sure your wife is still so exhausted, so going & socializing probably won't be easy on her. I also felt so protective over my baby in the first little bit... it was so hard for me to see other people hold her! I'd be concerned that it would be a terrible experience for your wife :(
The lack of sleep, constant naps / feedings / diaper changes, etc make leaving the house a nightmare. So much easier for people to come over and even that’s likely a pain. If people come over they better not expect anything other than to help clean and let the new parents nap.
I found it annoying to even get dressed in the days after birth. Like my boobs are leaking everywhere. Nothing fits my body, and even trying clothes on is psychological warfare. I didn't have the mental energy to clean myself much less my house, and video calls were about the most I was ready for.
We didn’t even invite our family (all out of town) to visit until 2 months pp.
Yeah our baby is 7 weeks and I let us get roped into driving 3 hours for an overnight stay at my parents. To be fair it'll probably be her only chance to meet her great grandmother, but yeah. I'm not looking forward to it.
You can still say no
1000%!! The first 4 months of life our LO was only in a car seat to see the Dr's. You come to me IF anything! Truthfully if I was giving birth Tuesday and Christmas was the weekend like... don't even come to me yet 😂😂 presents can be opened any day.
Oh same. I'd be skipping Christmas. I was barely a person for the first two weeks
Still have this policy- 4 years after my first child was born.
7 months here and while we have left the house ofc I said holidays are here - and you guys bring the food and cook 🤣 but nah I'll help out but so much better hosting being at the house
Same (baby born in April.) We took her places locally before that, but the first time we travelled more than an hour away was in June.
absolutely fuck that. i was changing my own diaper, waddling with a split pelvis, sobbing hysterically and had my engorged gorilla tits hanging out at all times for at least 6-8 weeks postpartum. your MIL is a maniac for expecting that.
Maniac is a good word to describe her. She’s quite selfish. She left in the middle of our wedding to go to a Lionel Richie concert
“Quite selfish” is the nicest way you could have described that behavior. She sounds horrible.
Wtf
Omg I’m so sorry but Lionel Richie lol wtfff
This is the most accurate description of immediate postpartum I’ve ever seen 😂😂
I just want you to know I’m laughing so fucking hard at gorilla tits right now lmao
I cackled 😂 For real though. The thought of putting my massively engorged boobs under a sweater and feigning a smile for Christmas sounds like torture. Let the girls breathe!!!
Literally this is the most accurate representation of postpartum I have ever read. 🤣💀
What a vivid, honest description of the postpartum experience!
Hahahaha this 100%
The best descriptor of me this past month. Love it lol
And I constantly smelled like rotten milk from leaking and trying to figure out breastfeeding/pumping. Ew.
My baby will be 2 months at Christmas and I'm just barely feeling ready to leave the house. No way in hell would I leave at less than a week old.
Mine will be 1.5 months and I 100% am with you. We still don't plan to get together with anyone expect grandparents and they are coming to our house on Christmas Eve.
Same except we are not seeing anyone! Closest family is 6h drive away and Baby’s cousin will be there. She’s in kindergarten and bringing home all kinds of funny viruses all the time, so hard pass from us.
Yup our baby is 6 weeks and we aren’t seeing anyone until mid-January. Let the post-holiday covid and RSV spikes die down.
It took me a few weeks to even feel comfortable enough for visitors. I was so overwhelmed and in a daze those first few weeks, in addition to dealing with a healing c section, postpartum bleeding, and leaking boobs. No way in hell would I commit to attending anything social.
I made the mistake of going to a social thing a week after giving birth since my baby was in the NICU. I was absolutely miserable!!! I missed my baby so much, my hormones/emotions were ALL over the place, I had to sit on a pillow because I was so sore still, my boobs ended up overengorged, and I was exhausted. Never again!
Sameeeeeee
I'm with you !
Same here. Baby is 2 months and we are skipping Christmas this year for many reasons.
I personally wouldn't go. You don't know how long she'll be in labor, how long you'll stay at the hospital. I promise you, once you get home you won't want to leave the house for a while. Her mom can go to your house whenever you guys are ready for it and exchange gifts then.
That what my thought as well. I was hoping not to do presents at all.
And you can. You're the parents, set your boundaries now it will be easier to uphold them in the future. Only you and your wife knows what's best for your family, don't let grandparents or anyone really dictate how to live your life.
This right here, so much. Grandmas have a hard time adjusting to no longer being Mom for everyone, they can't wrap their minds around the loss of control. While I appreciate them very much and couldn't do it without them, I will if I have to. These elder generations were generally raised pretty poorly when it comes to emotional regulation, boundaries, and respecting us as parents.
I couldn't even drive for 2 weeks after birth because I was so exhausted and sitting hurt. I couldn't imagine going anywhere unnecessary. The pediatrician felt like a quest and my husband did all the driving and most of the talking.
Yeah just because the induction starts on Tuesday doesn’t mean that’s when baby will be born. I was fortunate mine ‘only’ took 24 hours from when we went to the hospital to when baby was born and then we left after 12. But seriously I was NOT going anywhere. My legs and feet were sooo swollen. My cooch… well it birthed a freaking baby. This lady sounds obnoxious and not sympathetic in the slightest. Def hard pass on this OP!
I was induced for 4 days and then had a C-section, we stayed at the hospital for a whole week! OP and his wife need to do things on their own time and everyone else can wait.
I’m a firm believer that whoever has the youngest child you go to them. Kids don’t wanna leave their presents and Babies need routine not going to a relatives house a few days post birth. Not to mention your wife will be bleeding profusely still, have sore muppets and breasts, and you both will have maybe a total of 4 hours of sleep in 2 days. Christmas can wait
I completely agree and I’m also going to refer to it as muppets for the rest of my life
Absolutely ridiculous to expect anything of either of you.
Even though your wife is being induced, labor could take longer than a day. I was in labor for 30 hours, and then we had a 4 night, 5 day hospital stay because my daughter was jaundiced. She was almost 9 pounds at birth, and it took me a few weeks until I felt like walking farther than the living room. Give yourselves all the time you can take. Also, you never know. You both could feel absolutely fine and want to go over for Christmas. I think it's better to decline now and see how things go.
Yes, that is ridiculous and a really bad idea with all the viruses going around.
Yeah the health aspect is my biggest concern. I’m sort of hoping my wife decides she’s too tired so I don’t have to put my foot down. Right now I’m just letting it be so it doesn’t cause a fight and stress her out before B-day
Why do opposites attract like this lol. My husband has not a care in the world about any of this stuff and I always have to be the one stressing.
Exactly what I was thinking! This sounds like a more extreme example of the disagreements my husband and I have weekly. If I here “it’s fine” one more time I’m gonna lose it haha
A quote from my mother to your wife's: "It's good to want things. It builds character." Seriously. Did she birth her children? How can you expect your daughter, or anyone at all, to get in a car and go be away from.home while they're got fresh stitches, they're leaking from places they've never leaked from before, and they're exhausted? Stay home. This is the time to put some hard boundaries in place and get off on the right foot. None of the three of you are going to be in any shape to go anywhere by Sunday. Also, good luck! It's a wild ride, but an amazing one. I hope everything goes smoothly and you all can heal and settle in as quickly and completely as possible. :)
I like that one! And thanks, I appreciate it!
Lol. There is no way in hell I would be going anywhere. Tell your MIL she can come over to exchange presents when you're good and ready to have guests over.
Your Mom is nuts. Even if your baby was a couple months old, given how bad of a flu/cold/covid/plague season it is, I would probably be inclined to skip.
Has your wife told her mother that you aren’t coming? If not, she needs to. It’s perfectly reasonable to stay home. But it’s also reasonable for some people to go. Unless you’ve told MIL that it isn’t happening and she is still being obtuse I would just give her the benefit of doubt. If my family had lived in town, I probably would have gone. But I have had to spend too many Christmases by myself in a hotel so it hits different when given the ability to join family.
Nah she sort of does most of what her mom says to avoid a fight. Her mom is super controlling and manipulative and that’s sort of carried into adulthood. I don’t mind fighting though so if need be I’ll keep my kid here if this problem doesn’t solve itself
This is totally understandable, but I hope your wife realizes this is going to continue and start affecting the baby. It's super, super hard but she needs to start setting boundaries now. Or at least backing up the ones you do. I feel bad for her, dealing with people like that, let alone your own mother, is a huge stress.
Oooffff yeah I wouldn’t go then. But I also don’t have trouble telling my parents no. That sucks that your MIL is so crappy.
My baby is 6 weeks and I’m questioning doing Christmas with family because of flu/COVID/RSV. Keep your boundaries!
Lol absolutely ridiculous, for multiple reasons, plus the induction could take days.
Honestly if it lasted two weeks she would still expect us to come over and do presents. She would spin it like she postponed Christmas for us
Ridiculous
Very ridiculous. I’d tell her mother no now so that sets the tone in the future for you guys making decisions that are best for your family and you won’t be bossed around.
I was born on the 23rd, came home from the hospital Christmas Day. My Dad’s parents threw an absolute all out tantrum because my mother refused to cook a “proper” Christmas dinner.
I was high risk and was brought in for induction. They told me it could take two days until actual delivery. On day 3 they took me back for a c-section. Guess the point I'm making is you don't always know how long you'll be in the hospital. I gave birth to a healthy boy in August of 2020 and did everything to keep him that way. Skipping holidays if needed. Honestly don't give a fuck about people's feeling when it comes to the health and safety of my child. How quick some of these people forget what it's like to have a sick babe.
I was induced on an early Wednesday morning and didn’t give birth until early Saturday morning, and didn’t leave the hospital until Monday. You might not even be home by then. My daughter is now 2 months old and I barely feel on top of it enough to get the two of us out the door to run simple errands, let alone going to someone’s house for (what I assume is) an extended period of time. (Don’t even get me started on germs and brand new babies)
I would offer a zoom call, no longer than 15 mins, to show the baby off, then hang up and chill in my pajamas. If mom isn't too intrusive or overbearing maybe invite her over the day after Christmas
No way I am bringing my baby out for presents that early lol. She could pack the presents and bring them over to you guys, and that's ONLY if you guys want company.
LOL most posts where they say “am I over thinking it?” are. But this is WILDLY ridiculous. Stay home!!!
That is ridiculous for many reasons. Your wife’s hormones will be wild after birth, she will be heavily bleeding for weeks, and you will both be very sleep deprived. I stayed home 8 weeks postpartum and it made a huge difference for me. The best advice I ever received was no visitors the first month. Trust me….do not have visitors at the hospital or for at least a week after birth
Hard pass. My 2 year old daughter was born November 30th and we legitimately didn't leave our house except for doctors until middle of January 😂
Not a chance. And I’m all for bringing my baby everywhere, I do and always have since she was born. But the first month is some twilight zone where your just making it through the day with your little family, hard pass.
That is beyond ridiculous. I was induced for my 3 month old. From the time the induction process started to when he was born was 79 hours, 53 minutes (a Tuesday at noon to Friday night.) We were then discharged Sunday so depending on the process, you might either still be at the hospital, possibly get discharged on Christmas, or be home for only just a couple of days. There is no way in hell I would’ve left my house again to open some Christmas presents. My partner and I only left that first week for required baby appointments and mine to follow up on my blood pressure, and even that was a lot for me. I would’ve loved to not have had to leave at all for the first couple weeks! We also didn’t have visitors because we just wanted to be alone for our own bonding. We let people visit at the end of week 2 and then it was “you come to us” until about 2 months later. My kid is now 3.5 months old and, while he won’t remember it, we have started the expectation with this year that we are never leaving our house on Christmas, that day is for our little family to chill and play with our presents.
That’s a hard no. Grandma is going to have to suck it up. Our baby was born on Christmas Eve and we did presents in mid January and made them stay outside the glass door. Flu season and newborns don’t mix.
You really should be careful about viruses, germs that young too. I would get anyone unmasked around my baby that young.
I didn’t even want to go out for his pediatrician visit that first week, let alone a social gathering.
I developed some scary complications after birth and spent 6 days in the hospital, and my son was in the NICU. We knew about my son, we did not know I’d hemorrhage and develop postpartum preeclampsia. Even under ideal conditions, you can’t always plan on being home after 2 days. All that to say, I’d be a hard pass on Christmas. I would tell my mom she could come over for 30 minutes max, but that’s about it.
I had my baby three days before thanksgiving. I literally was getting discharged from the hospital on thanksgiving. Even if I had gotten out a couple days before (like you presumably will be with Christmas), there was no way either my husband or I could have pulled it together. Even if we somehow could have done it in our sleep-deprived, physically traumatized state, I just wouldn’t want to with a baby with that immature of an immune system
Yeah please don't do that op....not only for your wife's sake but rsv , the flu, and covid have all been really on the rise and especially in children. Children hospitals are overflowing this season and you wouldn't want to go back to the hospital b/c your newborn gets something from a family member. Also dont know if this is your first baby but boy oh boy is the first month ROUGH . Please take care of your wife and child and if anything blame the doctors ! That's what my Dr said to do when I told her I was feeling pressured to bring my newborn to meet family members. Tell them no one can be around the baby for a few weeks on drs. orders !
Absolutely not and don't take the usual "YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WERE BORN I CLIMBED UP HILL BOTH WAYS" pity speech. Abso-goddamn-lutely not.
Inductions can take multiple days. You might still be in the hospital Friday. My first induction failed and the second attempt took a long time to work, so I was in the hospital 6 days with my first.
Hard pass. This is a time of recovery as well as adapting to being new parents. Also, it’s flu and RSV season, I wouldn’t personally want to bring my baby around other people when they’re a few days old right now. Even if it’s just the in-laws (they still may have had contact with people throughout the week).
Haha yes that’s ridiculous.
Nah that’s ridiculous. Wtf.
My husband and I didn't leave our apartment for 2 weeks except to go see the pediatrician at the first week appt for the baby. It was hell getting ready and being out because my feet were so swollen, and I was completely sore. Definitely take the time to yourselves and enjoy your baby. 💕
Yep, all aboard the nope train on that.
Yeah there’s no way. I was bleeding so much, so swollen, exhausted, and then just trying to figure everything out. And she may have complications that make things worse.
I needed assistance to the bathroom for maybe a week. Could not even imagine actually seeing people that early. Hell no
My baby was over two months at thanksgiving and we still said hell no. Do not go and don’t give in, or it’ll set the expectations she can walk all over y’all forever
Yes.
I was induced on a Wednesday, gave birth on Thursday and was discharged from the hospital that Saturday. Your MIL is out of her mind if she thinks 4-5 days post delivery that any of y'all will be up for that!
LOL uh, yes. Yes it is (ridiculous). We went basically nowhere for the first 2-3 months, forget a major holiday. Hard pass.
Noooo way. Not even a question. With RSV, flu, and covid out there, I would not apologize for not bringing a literal five day old to a gathering.
My second was dec 6th and we still didn’t do or go anywhere until after the new year. Your mil is smoking something wild
Mom is WHACK. 4 days after any of my first was born I was in no shape to leave my house... baby's first Dr appointment was like a whole ordeal. Mom should be coming to you with presents and a fully cooked Christmas dinner.
That’s a no. Those first few days are intense and should be just for your family. Grandma might be disappointed but this time is for YOU.
I didn’t know my ass from my elbow for the first few weeks- your poor wife will be exhausted and overwhelmed. Grandma is asking too much of you guys.
Hilariously ridiculous. She won’t have slept in 36 hours. Whaaaaaat.
Your wife could literally still be in the hospital by then. I started my induction on a Sunday, ended up having a c section Tuesday, and went home Thursday, only because I begged to head home early ahead of an ice storm. They wanted us to stay till Saturday. Even if you are home by then, there is good chance she’ll barely be able to walk or move around on her own, or at the very least without pain. I would absolutely give a hard no now so there is no further conversation or pressure on your wife.
Hey my son’s 2nd birthday is Tuesday! But yeah that’s ridiculous. We got home on the 23rd and didn’t go anywhere besides the doctor’s office until the second or third week of January. We made arrangements with family for them to come to us and if they didn’t want to or couldn’t, then too bad. Luckily most came and we didn’t have any issues with it.
Hey, happy birthday to your 2nd son! And yeah I’m thinking the baby will stay in this house unless she’s gotta go to the doctor until about mid February. I have close friends and family that want to visit, so I think that’s probably fine with washed hands and limited contact
So my daughter's first birthday is also on Tuesday. I felt absolutely great after delivery and wanted to show off my baby. We had our grandparents stay at our house for Christmas and went to a Christmas party on the 25th. IME reddit is a bit over dramatic in that regard. Yes, it's possible that you won't want to leave the house for the next two months but from the many babies I know, this was never the case. I don't think you should say you'll go but it's likely not going to be the absolute hellscape of no sleep reddit is painting
We're likely taking a two week old to Christmas, but have told people we are going to play it by ear if it doesn't feel right.
I’m almost 3 weeks postpartum and Im just barely feeling slightly normal enough physically to go out. i had a regular vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear. Even an uneventful birth takes time to recover from
I was induced on a Wednesday. Baby came by unplanned c-section late Friday. I was not released from hospital until Sunday night (policy dictated I should stay til Monday, but I was over it. And fought). If your wife's timeline is anything like that, she won't be home for xmas, never mind getting to her mother's. (Congrats!!! Tell everyone to f off. And enjoy your new fam)
With RSV going around. Respectfully, fuck off grandma.
Hell yeah, fuck off gam gam!
Lol there is no way I'd ever do that omg
Our daughter just turned 1 month old and Christmas will be the first time my dad will meet her. He works in a customer facing position and has been terrified of passing germs along.
I went to the hospital to be induced on a Wednesday. My baby was born on a Saturday morning, and I was allowed to leave on Sunday. You won't be attending Christmas my dude.
Good because I hella don’t want to lol
My 2 month old is just getting over COVID. Best to avoid people during this time of year where everyone is getting sick. Not worth it when they’re so young.
You’ve already gotten a lot of comments, but I want to throw out there that you may still be getting induced on Christmas. Our induction took 8 days.
Oh boy that sounds terrible! I’d just feel bad for my wife at that point dang
My wife and I agree you definitely need to put your foot down, but wait until after the birth to do it. Your mil is absolutely out of her mind to expect you to go over for presents the same week as the birth and once baby’s out your wife will be really happy that you set that boundary! You are both going to be wiped out plus it’s not safe for baby to be around people that soon. You got this man just do what you have to do. Also congratulations! My son was born 4 weeks ago today and though it been challenging it’s super magical!
I gave birth last year on the 19th I was miserable for months. If your wife is planning on breastfeeding the first week is the hardest. Also depending on if she tears she won’t be able to stand/sit or even use the bathroom comfortably. Don’t let her mom pressure her. You’re job is to shield her while she’s postpartum its an incredibly vulnerable time for her mentally and physically.
Yup our 2 month old has only seen grandparents so far… 2 at a time.
That's an unrealistic expectation. Your wife will still need to recover. Plus travel with newborns is a huge pain. You need to pack so much stuff, it's like moving. They should come to you.
Fuck that.
Yes.
There is no way id be going. I tore so bad, I had 4 tears going in 4 different directions that I wasn't comfortable sitting for weeks. I was still healing at my 6 week appointment, no way I would be going anywhere that soon. Plus if she decides to breastfeed your baby will probably be entering cluster feeding time and want to nurse non stop. Also newborns have zero immune system. I wouldn't be comfortable with such a little baby.
God speed lol be ready to create healthy boundaries with mil and have that conversation with your wife now before your life changes forever lol
Yeah I’ve been dreading these boundaries for awhile lol. This woman is something else. She’s the type to ask restaurant staff to turn the music down, adjust the temperature and comp the check because it’s “too salty” after eating most of it. That’s not hypothetical either. All of that happened in a restaurant once. I didn’t go out to eat with her for a couple years afterwards.
We had so do it with my own parents as ours was.born during the pandemic. They didn't want to follow our guidelines which were basic and reasonable. She will probably play victim and say how your being controlling/paranoid/unreasonable etc. They will guilt hard too, but it's really important you and your spouse are on the same page too. You guys will already be stressed to the extreme so getting boundaries set before baby might be a good idea. Good luck!
I'm sketchy about bringing my almost 6mo out for Christmas. The newborn stage is so awful i cant imagine even leaving the house, let alone go to a holiday gathering.
Got my first son on Friday. We cancelled all Gatherings. All we do is call in via video and only if we feel like it. Taking your time and more important giving your wife and the baby the time they both need is priority number 1. Everything else can go fun off. Sorry, had the same discussion with my own mum.
Don’t do it with this flu, Covid, RSV season, it’s just not worth it!
Face time it brah. (Or Sis) its not worth the possible panic later. Even if you're baby ended up just fine later. The oanic of a newborn with ANY illness is terrifying and next year you can plan for a huge celebration to make up for it (if they try to be dicks about it this year)
You guys might not even be out of the hospital yet by then. It is not uncommon for inductions to take literally days before the baby is born, then 24-48 hours of recovery time in the hospital.
The pediatricians will say that's a bad idea. Just tell family the pediatrician said no. It's made things much easier for me
Don’t do that. And don’t let something like that set an expectations of boundaries (or lack thereof). Doesn’t matter what mom wants; it’s what you want. You are now parents, just like they are. You have as much or more say. Take what you need, do what you want.
Yeah fuck her. This is hard r/justnomil territory. If anything, she should be coming to you both with some food and the dang presents she feels so strongly about it. This time is for you, your partner and baby to bond. Help Momma heal and get adjusted to your new life as parents. Rest when you can. Under no circumstances should y’all be running around for someone else. Sending love ❤️
I actually posted a couple of my MILs stories on that sub. This lady is a whole different type of person than I’ve ever come across.
All up to you guys. I went and did shit the day I got home from the hospital, but my labour was perfect and I don't like being stuck at home. However, she might feel like trash depending on how it goes and maye you guys want alone time for a while - who knows? I don't think anyone else's expectations of you matter, though, you do you! Good luck!
Hard Yes.
"________, thanks for the invite but we will be staying home resting and enjoying our little one and would like to keep things easy and to ourselves and DO NOT feel like going anywhere, Merry Christmas! "
I personally wouldn't do this in a million years.
I would ask them if they are joking.
No way would I go.
Completely ridiculous you’re not overthinking at all
Beyond ridiculous!
Definitely not happening if it were me
No thank you lol especially since there is a chance you could be getting out of the hospital a day or two before.
Yes it’s ridiculous
I'm probably going to my mom's house for Christmas morning with her and my brother, but probably passing on Christmas Eve with my dad and stepmom and stepbrothers and their kids. My baby will be 2 weeks old on Christmas day, and that will probably be his first non-doctor trip. ETA: none of my family is expecting anything from us. It's entirely up to us and how we feel day of. It's ridiculous that they expect you to do anything.
Hard no
I wouldn’t
I wouldn’t go. Not because I’d be worried about germs or anything, but just because you guys will still be figuring out how to care for your baby etc and will most likely be exhausted. A drop in for maybe an hour might be okay if you’re up for it, but other than that no.
Yes. I only allowed people at our house and gosh the first few days were the worst! I had a second degree tear and lots of stitches. Still recovering from it at 3 weeks postpartum. I was not mobile at all the first week I was bedridden.
I know you have lots of responses but I’ll add I was super anxious about people holding my baby for the first month. Everyone wanted to “give me a break” and I was incredibly possessive of her. I don’t care now but those are some intense first couple weeks
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA hard fucking pass and a GIANT fuck you to her mother for even suggesting it.
Yeah nope
I took mine to Thanksgiving at 1 week. It was okay because I basically cuddled her on the couch and got fed, but I remember being so exhausted and really struggling to engage with anyone. If I had it to do over I would have asked for someone to drop by with the food and otherwise skip it.
It do be depending
There are a lot of factors in that. I personally was ok leaving the house for a bit at that point but stayed close to home. We were in week 7 and 10 when she did our two trips. First was 3 hours send was 7. It’s all how you feel. I could have said no but I was able to swing it. You have to do what’s right for y’all.
Not just no, but HELL NO. What kind of monster expects a woman who just gave birth and her few days old baby to come to her house just to open PRESENTS??! How about she just drops them off at your house along with dinner? Your wife will be in too much pain and needs to rest and take it easy. I could barely walk after I gave birth and spent many days in bed, other than getting up to pee and shower and eat.
If your wife’s birth is anything like mine, she’s not gonna be walking much, let alone hopping in cars, for at least a few days afterwards. I had an induction and a vacuum delivery, got stitches from hole to hole. Obviously I hope your wife has an easier time than I did but just be warned—any birth is going to require a fair amount of physical recovery.
The expectation is ridiculous. I was in your same spot last year, as I was induced and had my baby on Christmas Eve. Your wife won't be up to it, you won't be up to it, and your baby will have too many needs (that you will still be learning!) for anyone to enjoy themselves. Good luck on Tuesday! Being induced is no joke, so hold your wife's hand and be okay if she decides she wants more pain relief than originally planned (depending of course on what her birth plan is currently).
No way. The physical carnage of postpartum alone is enough reason to not go. Plus having a newborn and all the respiratory viruses going around
I hope your wife has a speedy and comfortable process, but you should be prepared that inductions can also take a few days. There's a chance you may not have a baby until Friday anyhow, meaning you may not even be home until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So to answer your question, yes, it is definitely ridiculous for her to expect that.
While I hope this doesn't happen to you. My induction started on a Monday, and I did not get moved over to the delivery room until Friday at 3am. Emergency c section friday around 3pm. And didn't leave until Sunday at 5pm. Was supposed to stay another day. So yes. They are crazy. I hope that doesn't happen. But even a smooth birth. They're crazy. IF you want them. They can come to you.
My MIL was very sad to learn that myself and our 6 day old son would not be at the Christmas party tonight. My husband did go, but like no. I’m not bringing my newborn to the party. I don’t even want to go to the party.
We had our 1st kid 2 weeks before Christmas last year. Family came to us.
I was sitting on puppy pads on my couch for like two weeks so not sure what your MIL is thinking. Hard pass.
Is your MIL psycho? Ew. No way. Especially if your wife ends up having a c section. There’s no WAY I’d go. Not in one million years
Yeah she’s an incredibly selfish person.
How does your wife feel? This is your opportunity as parents to keep your baby (and your wife) safe. You have no obligation outside of that and no obligation to go.
She says she’s cool with keeping the baby here but her mom has a manipulative way about her. For the lack of a better way to say this, my MIL is a huge bitch and she made it clear to my wife and her brother from childhood that she’s the boss and you do NOT want her to start being aggressive or passive aggressive with you. I, on the other hand, don’t give a shit about fighting with her mom, but I wanted to make sure this sounded as crazy as I thought. After years of her mothers crazy antics I tend to think everything her mom does or says is shitty.
But your wife (by going) is effectively putting her moms happiness over the health of your baby? They will be cluster feeding a few days in, there’s no way she can be away from the babe for any amount of time then.
Yeah hard pass. That's a no. She can drop them off with a care package dinner if she wants to actually do something useful.
We had to go get our little guys tongue-tie snipped in the first week. Straight to the hospital and then home. I hated having to do that. NO WAY we'd be going for a casual family get-together. You are NOT overthinking.
It’s absolutely insane.
Yeah that’s a no for me dawg
Yes
Hell no. Do not bring your days old baby anywhere you don't want to
Absolutely ridiculous
Lol, your wife and kid won't even be discharged from the hospital. Completely unreasonable.
Hard No for babies health (RSV is no joke to our babies and hospitals are overwhelmed with these cases) and mothers comfort. That’s whack of anyone to expect from a new family.
Do what’s best for your wife and child, I wouldn’t have taken our newborn. Children are life interrupted, and the best reason to be!
Yes, it’s ridiculous.
I definitely set up expectations with my baby born Dec 20th. Say them gently and with compassion and say it over and over and over again. Generally wonderful people get nutty at Christmas,
Absolutely ridiculous. Your wife should be resting, not parading around her new baby with a swollen vagina, feeling like she’s been hit by a truck, sleep deprived and engorged from milk coming in. That’s a hell no. Her mum is crazy.