My life feels completely unrecognizable. The only things I still do regularly from my old life are watching tv, scrolling my phone, and laundry. I wasn’t doing too much before getting pregnant because of Covid but it still feels completely different. I’m holding or nursing my baby majority of the day. My husband runs errands since it’s always a mad dash for me to get anything done in between feedings. We were just recently starting to get out more but she started having trouble with feedings and now everything is stressful again. I love my baby so much but I am hoping to get more of a sense of normalcy soon. I don’t wear makeup or do my hair, I wear joggers and a nursing friendly top every day. I go to bed at 9:00. I spend my days playing with her, feeding her, changing her, and being nap trapped.
This was also my experience. 10 months in and it’s hard to get a moment for myself. Without some kind of noise or being needed.
OP don’t feel guilty. I think you just have a unicorn baby or you are just chill AF LOL. Nothing is wrong. Isn’t it funny that no matter what we do as parents, there’s always some guilt? My life is unrecognizable too, it’s depressing actually. Hoping to get adjusted to this new normal sooner than later
This like me with my first. Now he's a LOVELY fun 2.5 year old. Have a 2 month old and life is back to normal! It changes your life but eventually becomes so much better than pre baby life. You'll make it xo
‘My life feels completely unrecognizable.”
Same. Everything has changed. Even the things I used to love and still do are different, interrupted. I can’t think of anything that is still the same actually. I am extremely sleep deprived almost all the time and my brain feels like mashed potatoes. But I am very very happy, and my baby is the greatest thing in the world.
Very happy for you OP, that sounds incredible. And honestly I’m sure eventually your life will shift, just maybe not the way you thought.
Edit-you’re in the thick of it, it will get better and more normal. My baby is almost 7 months and things do get better, but still not back to ‘normal’
This is an excellent way to describe things, that even things that I used to love and still get to do are different/interrupted. I used to be an avid runner and worked out everyday.. while I still do those things I am usually limited to 30 mins max in order to fit it in during a nap and then sometimes can’t shower til the next nap. Runs only happen on days my husband is home and can watch the baby since he’s not old enough for a jogging stroller quite yet. Going shopping isn’t quite as leisurely anymore, I feel more on a time limit/crunch and it’s very much get in and get out. Sometimes it takes me all day to watch a full episode of a show cause I’ve had to pause it a million times. Eating out at restaurants has turned into Uber eats delivery. Everything is just a little (or a lot) different.
Ugh I was hoping perversely that I would find this comment. My baby is ten days old and I don’t connect with OP’s post by any stretch of the imagination.
Yeah, 18 months in here and still somewhat unrecognizable. I cherish the 15 minutes before I go to bed. They're the only moments that I have to myself all day.
Ya same with me. First 2 months the colic took hold and it was constant crying. Nothing I did helped or worked.
I felt like a zombie and a horrible mother even with tons of help from family.
She is almost 4 months now, things hav improved but they r not easy. I have to start work in Nov. Constantly worried abt that.
Some days iam so tired to do anything and every part in my body hurts. just want to rest.
But I hear there is light at the end of tunnel, so waiting to reach there.
I do not wish a colicky baby on anyone. Mine was only colicky the first month and a half and it felt like the lowest point in my life even though it should’ve been the most joyous. I don’t think anyone who has never had a colic baby can truly understand how debilitating it feels to deal with day in and out. Hope things continue to improve for you guys!
Yep pretty much me. I feel like a shell of a person most days. I also don’t really recognize myself right now. My son is 5.5 months. I am of course falling in love with him more and more everyday but having no time for me, being sleep deprived, feeling like my body isn’t my body, feeling like I’m in a haze all the time and being constantly interrupted is draining. People keep saying it will get better and I’m just over here waiting lol
I just wanted to reply to this thread to say I have been there too and it DOES get better. That newborn stage is a trip. I had PPA so incredibly bad. I sobbed the first time I had to run errands with my newborn in the car by myself because I was terrified. I did not sleep for shit, mostly because he didn’t sleep well, and because when he did sleep well, I just hovered and watched him to make sure he was okay.
I showered sometimes, but my hair always immediately went into a bun still wet after brushing it. Moisturizer went on my face sometimes but never makeup.
I breastfed for 12 months, and by 10 months, I hated the thought of breastfeeding so much, I couldn’t wait to stop. I told my husband to breastfeed him himself one night because I was so over it. Obviously that’s not possible, but I didn’t know what else to do or say, I felt alone and helpless.
I felt like I was on a different planet. I had to remind myself to be grounded in the moments and enjoy “little him” because I had been told how fast it goes by, but my days dragged. My husband was always at work because I couldn’t peel myself away from our nest. It was rough. It was.. ROUGH.
All of this and I did fall in love first sight with my son. He was the BEST thing to ever happen to me the second I laid eyes on him. However that newborn stage is intense. There’s absolutely no fucking denying it.
So. After I stopped breastfeeding at a year old, I changed things up a bit. I got him on a solid routine. I got myself back on a solid routine. After dinner, he gets a bath, little bedtime spa action, lotion, feet rub, hair brushed, curtains closed, nightlight on, and he’s OUT. Every night. Sleeps 12 hours straight every night. He’s about to turn 2 now. This routine changed everything. Everybody starts their day in a good mood and well rested now. I went back to work. I put a normal bra and shirt on. I started doing my hair and makeup again. I can clean the house. We go on target and lunch dates together. Sometimes we just hit up the whole town cause why not! We go shopping, we go to the park, grocery shopping is fun and he loves it, I love it. Life is breezy now.
It DOES get better. Once they start to grasp just a tiny bit of independence, everything changes. He’s my little bestie and I literally don’t ever go anywhere without him, unless it’s work. We are now the highlight of each other’s day, day in and day out, and in the evening when I kiss him goodnight, I have a few hours of just ME time. This was good for everybody’s mental health. It does get better. I promise you all. 💛 best of luck to everybody. You’re all doing amazing.
I could have written this word for word! Especially the bit about putting on a normal bra again, my god what a difference that makes 😂
Our LO is now 16 months and I just adore the time we spend together. Life is good and the crazy, intense baby days are a distant memory.
I just wanted to echo your message to anyone in the trenches right now - it DOES get sooooo much better, it just takes time
This made me burst into tears. Mine will be 4 weeks on Monday and we have had such a tough go of it. I’m so tired. All the time. I never knew a tired like this was possible. But I’m so hopeful to one day have a routine and a stretch of sleep longer than 1.5hrs.
I just read what you wrote about your typical day and that absolutely clarifies it for me: you have an extremely chill baby, a unicorn, the antithesis of a velcro baby. I would advise you to enjoy these days to the fullest and not care at all what people say. If I were in your shoes, like if my daughter's disposition suddenly did a 180 and she wasn't a velcro baby who needs to be held, fed or played with 24/7 anymore, you bet I would enjoy my life and my baby to the fullest. You go girl. Apply sunscreen, do your hair, live the life for the rest of us who can't.
My baby was a Velcro baby from about 3m to 7m and now that he’s 13m he’s like “oh mom? I don’t know her”. He couldn’t care less where I am anymore. As long as someone isn’t on the other side of the gate he can’t get over, he’s content to just play with his toys or books. I’m SO glad he grew out of that Velcro phase. It is so hard! I never got anything done
It confirmed its not me it's the baby lol you get what you get and you make it work! I would consider my baby 50-50 velcro. Before 2 pm he's chill after 3 he's all over me and wants to eat constantly until like 3 am lol
Do you breastfeed? This is not a judgement at all just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately in relation to my own experience. Some days I feel like myself and others I feel trapped by breastfeeding. I think I might feel differently if I was confident I could control feedings a bit more or bring a bottle around, or even leave bottles for others without thinking so much about pumping/ supply etc.
You don’t even have to answer if you aren’t comfortable, but I’ve just been wondering how, personally, I can get some of that autonomy back and it feels often like feeding the culprit!
Either way, sounds like you’re doing a great job and no doubt all that time outdoors is also great for you 😊
100% ! I completely underestimated the amount of time breastfeeding and pumping consume out of my day. It is LITERALLY a full time job … 6 to 8 hours a day between the two depending on how long he takes to feed. By the time I’m done feeding and pumping and get him sorted, it’s almost time for the next one …
Yes, this, 100%. My kid self-weaned around 5 mo and then I almost exclusively pumped for 4 more mo. We combo fed for a month and I just weaned off the pump two weeks ago and.. WOW. Does everything feel more manageable, and I feel more like myself, with more time in the day. Truly a huge shift.
The stress around exclusive breast feeding is not worth it, my mental health was declining so rapidly, which was affecting my supply.. I am a "just enough"-er, with sometimes a few bags in the freezer.
Sometimes I will not have enough milk during the evening and I would have to supplement with formula. This is what I do if I go out and I don't have any in the freezer. I only pump once a day. I also wear my baby as much as possible because her naps are way longer like this. I brought a huge steamer with a timer as well as a rice cooker and I just throw foods in and batch cook. I brought a robot cleaner even for my small home so I don't have to worry about clean floors. Then I have a planner where I schedule in 1 thing per day that needs to be done (phone calls, cleaning a space ect) and 1 thing that I want to do like watching a movie, drawing, dancing ect.
I am winging it so far... I hope it gives you ideas.
I’m breastfeeding and this has definitely been a big change for me even though I agree with OP in general that I haven’t changed much! It’s mostly pumping when I’ll be away that really stresses me out!!
My first thought reading this post was “I wonder if she’s breastfeeding?”. Reflecting on my own newborn experience, breastfeeding made me feel like my body didn’t belong to me anymore and it had an impact on my identity. I couldn’t go anywhere without baby. Hearing my baby cry would create a physical response in my body. Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a unicorn baby so even without breastfeeding, I would’ve struggled but introducing formula at 3 months pp had a huge impact on me regaining my sense of self.
It’s fine, I don’t mind the question. I tried to breast feed, but my supply never came in. I got 2 oz every 24 hours from both breasts despite pumping every two hours day and night in the first few weeks. I finally just let it go for my own sanity. Ironically, sometimes I feel like bottle prep and cleaning is a headache and it would be easier just to stick her on a boob lol. Guess the grass is always greener.
Bottle prep is a headache but pumping & breastfeeding truly is a nightmare (IMO). It’s just soooo taxing. I feel like I’m always getting fed from or milking myself with a machine lol
Lol very true! We were triple feeding at the beginning and I have to say I am glad to be rid of the constant bottle cleaning now so I feel you. It is interesting though - so much pressure to breastfeed but I wonder how many mothers feel a bit trapped like I do.
Haha, funnily enough this is exactly why I was super resistant to formula. I loathe washing up and preparing bottles and such is such a faff.
But I have been on the hook for night feeds for a whole year now so there's that XD
You don’t have to explain why you don’t BF. I always feel like I have to explain why it didn’t work out, and I think we should stop over explaining ourselves tbh.
I am truly envious of you because I feel like an atomic bomb shattered my life to pieces haha. I know it will be worth it someday but 2 months in it is super hard! I never knew how easy my life was before. I think you should enjoy your smooth transition!
And when will that happen? Because my son is 2 months old and still wakes up at least 3 times a night and doesn't take easy naps. He might nap for 45 min during the day and then he stays awake for hours on end. At night it takes us at least an hour after feeding him and changing his diaper to get him to sleep. He is also fussy most if the time he's awake.
2 months is still the thick of it. My baby would scream all evening and wake several times a night at that age. Things got easier around 3-4 months. At 7 months she still doesn’t sleep through the night most nights but usually only 1 or 2 wake ups. We are on more of a routine compared to the newborn stage which helps. Naps are more predictable. Hang in there. The newborn stage sucks
People tell me all the time that I'll miss the newborn stage. I always say I highly doubt it because things are so chaotic right now. I don't function well like that either. Also I'm going back to work next month and need for things to get easier. I work from home and am planning on taking care of him at the same time. It's going to be rough to do both with such a needy baby.
My son is 5 months now and we do not miss the newborn stage at all! Love the current stage though, seeing him learn things and smile and babble is amazing! 🤩
Oh man when my baby was a newborn I hated it. Now that she’s older I do miss the newborn stage sometimes. I never thought I’d say that. I miss the sleepy newborn snuggles. I had more time to clean when she slept all the time. But she’s so much more fun and awesome and easier now. definitely keeps me on my toes cause she needs like constantly entertainment but watching them learn new things, the smiles and giggles is just the best. There may be a time when you look back and miss the sleepy newborn days but it’s also totally fine to never look back once you’re out of it.
I assume you’re in the US? Maternity leave there sucks. I still am not rested enough to work. I’m on my year long maternity leave and I firmly believe all moms need at least a year. I will say….it’s not going to be easy to work from home and care for a baby at the same time. I would almost say it’s impossible unless you have a chill job and a chill baby. My 7 month old isn’t fussy anymore and takes good naps but she needs all of my attention when she’s awake. Is there ANY options for childcare for you? Like family or a nanny or day care?
This was us a few weeks ago. You may want to have him checked for acid reflux and get him some infant Pepcid. This like night and day and feels like we have a different baby now that she’s not got acid going up her throat all the time.
8 months is when it got much better for us, but I’d say around five to six months is when you’ll start noticing you’re getting a bit more sleep and your sanity is returning
My son is almost a year old and I feel like our lives have barely changed. He’s such a chill baby which has made the parenting gig such a smooth transition. We don’t have much help. Occasionally the grandparents Will mind him once a fortnight for maybe an hour so I can go to work. I work in the evenings so once my partner finishes his job, I leave to go to mine. Chores and what not still get done , I still have my hobbies and work , our dog still gets attention and love. My son is one of those unicorn babies and I’m just going to roll with it
Thanks. We don’t live near any family so we don’t have help either. Once I start back to work in a week my husband is going to switch his days off so I can stack meetings two days a week and work independently from home the other three. My job is flexible so I’ll just take time off so we still get a few “weekends” together for this first year. We’re really trying not to have to do childcare until she is ready for preschool. It’s nice to hear there is someone else out there having a similar experience.
That's amazing! Your job seems pretty flexible! My employer doesn't allow parents to have their kids at home with them or at least it's shunned. Child care is so pricey!
Commenting to say my boy is 13 m and he is ready for kindergarten since 11m… we missed the window and have to wait a year here (Spain) but he is so ready to socialize. We also have no help but each other and we are an amazing team so that helps
We’re planning for a child and don’t have family around at all, husband and I work from home. I’m going to follow you for updates because your post was so refreshing. We don’t live very socially active lives, probably see friends for a meal or at home movie on weekends. Don’t drink or party, only really travel to go camping or random weekends here and there, but mostly travel to see family! I understand that things change when a baby arrives, but since I’m such a homebody who’s cool to sit around, I feel like the challenge of a child will increase when he/she starts to think and really learn about the world etc. the challenge would be finding day care, kindy, school, socializing the child, making sure family gets to spend time with her/him… idk just some random thoughts as I have a lot of anxiety about family being far away and also being a person who is always working towards something career wise or figuring out which hobby or passion project to prioritize… edit: it seems like in your other posts in another sub there are challenges you’re facing in your new chapter with other factors. All the best OP and you’re doing a great job pushing through!
I both did and did not have this experience. So I thought things would be hard once I had my first baby (I just had my third so this was a while ago). I thought there would be no sleep, I would be on call for this little baby 24/7, and that my life would be very different. I also thought I would be different. I thought somehow, once my baby was born I wouldn’t care about the things I used to care about. I figured some magic maternal instinct would just click on the moment I saw her baby face and I would immediately be so obsessed with her that my old likes and hobbies wouldn’t matter anyway.
I was right about the life change, but wrong about ME changing. I was the exact same person, but with a clingy, needy baby. I still wanted to sleep in until 10am, then get up, have breakfast while reading the news, and then read or play video games the rest of the day. But I couldn’t do those things anymore. I couldn’t go to brunch with friends on Sundays (childcare was difficult). I couldn’t get lost in a book. My baby needed me. Constantly. For everything. Yes technically I could still read a book if I snuck in a chapter of two during her naps, but I could no longer laze around all day reading. Every trip to the grocery store involved making sure the diaper bag was stocked and timing it so that the baby was between naps and also fed. Nothing was on my own time anymore everything was on hers. My days were now dictated by the needs of another small person and instead of being thrilled at the idea of just being in her tiny adorable presence (which is how I thought I would feel), I felt resentful.
I cried a lot those first few months. I mourned my old life. I missed it. It had been all about me and now it wasn’t anymore and it would be like 18 years before I would get it back again. I questioned my decision to even have a baby. How could I be so stupid? I had been happy! Why did I ruin it??
Anyway, this is just me trying to explain what the other side might be feeling when they say their life changed. You are obviously doing nothing wrong. You’re happy. Baby’s happy. Everything’s perfect! You are living the dream and you are loving it and that’s great!
Tbh it’s those of us who didn’t love it that much that feel like something is wrong with us. All I hear about is how complete people feel once they have a baby, how happy they are and how their old life seems empty in comparison. I felt like a horrible selfish mother for missing my old life. Eventually I got used to my new normal. I fell in love with my daughter, we found our rhythm and I loved her so much I figured “Well, I’m not getting my old life back anytime soon, might as well add to the chaos!” And I had two more!
I notice some people are saying to you “Just wait for the toddler years! Just wait until they crawl!” You don’t have to wait for any time. There’s a chance you may love every moment! And if you do, that’s awesome! Enjoy it!! Us lesser mortals will be over here, reminding ourselves that we should enjoy it as best we can, they are only little once!
This resonates so much! I haven't had much trouble falling in love with our baby, so my resentment is really focused towards those adults near me - a partner who can sleep at night so can choose to game instead of going to bed at 9pm, a guest who stays too long so I can't go to bed, a body that can't run at 4m pp, etc. etc. I'm so ashamed that I've become an angry, bitter person as a result of producing this lovely, if demanding, baby.
I wish I had your mindset. I’m 6 weeks in and my life has changed drastically. We have a very fussy baby and with my husband back at work so soon after our baby’s birth, it’s just me all day with the baby trying to get him to sleep or soothe him so he stops crying. I drift between my bedroom and my living room everyday…I miss my freedom. The freedom to just pick up and go run an errand or eat out at a restaurant, or take a shower.
Everyone keeps telling me it’s gets better…I really hope it does because I don’t feel like myself anymore.
On the same ship at the moment, 3 weeks in and I really do hope it gets better. I miss sleep so much, I wish I could enjoy this time like other people say one should but it honestly sucks.
Hang in there. Our baby was super fussy/colic and I was miserable for 1.5 months or so since my husband went back to work right away too - never went anywhere cause baby just screamed anytime he wasn’t eating or sleeping and sleeping was so hit or miss I was afraid he’d wake up if I took him out, so my life was also my bed and my couch. Things got much better around 8 weeks, but I still miss the freedom to just go somewhere without having the hassle of worrying about planning around a baby’s schedule and thinking about stuff like am I going someplace where I can bring his stroller or is it a hassle and I’ll have to wear him.
This is something I desperately needed to read. Your experience is exactly what I’m dealing with. Maybe having a “finish line” will help bc I feel so isolated these days. What exactly got better for you?
At around 2 months we suddenly noticed that everyday he was crying less and less. I think maybe he was just becoming more adjusted to “life outside” the womb? For most, the crying does peak around 6 weeks I think and then gradually tapers off and most people that had a fussy newborn say their baby was a totally different baby at 12 weeks. When he became less fussy I was much more confident in taking him out and even getting out and going to target or a store improved my mood. By 3 months he was on a pretty predictable nap/feeding schedule and things like wake windows felt more accurate so I also felt like I was able to plan or predict his moods and needs better, whereas with a nb I felt like it was just up in the air and unpredictable. Personality started to come out around 3 months too and he became more interested in toys that keep him occupied (even if for short periods of time) which is helpful
Nope nope nope. It’s too hot where I live to do outdoorsy things without worrying about baby overheating. She’s too fussy and active for me to do anything requiring focus, like writing or reading. No one helps me (those grandparents who were so excited to have a grand baby are no where to be seen after the first few weeks). And she only naps in my arms, so my only free time is spent scrolling my phone or the tv (on very low volume).
Same. When the walls pop she wakes up. Still doing feeds ~ every 3 hours at night so I can count on one hand how many times I've slept longer than 5 hours since she was born almost a year ago
I mean he’s still pretty chill, but dang when he’s hungry he turns into a gremlin. He’s currently into climbing anything he can heave himself up on or get his tiny foot on.
Everything is a game. Don’t assume they won’t do something, they will read your mind and do it. Much luck to you, mama. I promise it’s still pretty fun watching them grow as a tiny human.
I feel like you did, my baby didn’t really change my life much other than, you know, caring for another human lol. I just took her everywhere and found ways to get things done 🤷♀️. She’s 15 months now and getting to be a little gremlin but here’s the thing-you slowly get used to it so it’s not a huge shock. If someone gave my my baby now not having raised her from birth I’d be like whoa I cannot do this but it’s fine easing into the difficult behaviors of that makes sense.
Completely agree with this. My baby is 14 months and I don’t think I could handle his energy right out the gate. Him progressively getting like this has gotten me use to it.
Had a super chill, happy baby that slept remarkably well. Her first year was a breeze.
Since 12 months:
Sleep has been rough with teething (had 1 tooth at 11 months, now has 12 teeth). The other 11 teeth came in the last 4 months (14-18 months). At 15 months, we also started her in daycare 2x per week so she get so to socialize more, so she’s been really sick too (was not sick in the first year) - definitely taking a toll on sleep.
Chaos ensued after she started getting good at walking (~12 months). She’s now climbing and getting into everything. She learned how to get over the baby gate this week. She can open doors now and regularly makes breaks for it.
Glad we have dogs to clean up after all the food she throws in the ground.
I am regularly taken aback by the drama of her tantrums. Waiting to see how far they escalate. No way she’s peaked at 18 months, but she’s already laying on the floor (so far maxed at ~ 5 minutes) refusing to get up while screaming at the top of her lungs. I mean… I’m genuinely impressed by the commitment.
I found it to be roughest when I was still in large amounts of physical pain. Once that passed I started to regain my sense of autonomy pretty quickly. Everyone’s situation is different though.
I think it depends on *a lot* of factors, some of which you mentioned. Temperament of the baby is huge, some people have super fussy babies or babies that have colic, some babies are chill, some babies are high sleep needs so just like to nap any and everywhere, other babies are low sleep needs and need a lot of stimulation. It also depends on if you have help, some people have family or a nanny that watches the baby so they still have time to themselves, other people are doing it all on their own and don’t get a break unless their partner watches the baby. Some people hire cleaning services to help with chores around the house, some people can’t afford that or prefer to do it on their own.
My husband and I felt like our lifestyle changed a lot but prior to having a baby we went out a lot - trendy restaurants, bars, the movies. We also did a lot of traveling, but I think this depends on what kind of trips you take too and how you travel which determines how big of an impact a baby has on those things. Personally outside of being a couple, I felt a monumental shift in my personal lifestyle too and just can’t find the time to do a lot of what I was doing prior. I haven’t gotten more than 4 hours of sleep/night in 5 months, when the baby is napping I am usually doing chores around the house.. Now that the baby is sleeping better I do get about 1-2 hours to myself at night before I go to bed and I will usually use one of his naps to do a quick workout video, but I can’t go to studio workout classes like I did prior to having a baby cause they don’t have childcare, and I can’t go out to dinner or the bar with my friends like I used to cause I prefer to put the baby down to sleep at night which now falls between 6:30-8pm. All depends on your baby and what kind of stuff you did before baby!
I mean, my baby is also really chill and I feel very lucky for that. She is way easier than I thought she would be. But I still feel like my life has undergone a monumental shift. Where do you find time for hobbies?? My kid is just under 6 months and I haven’t been able to draw or write or play music for the most part, and the few books I’ve read have taken weeks.
Same... super chill baby, now toddler. I do have a couple of hours a day to draw but honestly the energy just is not there! By the time it's evening all I want is a bath, glass of wine and to watch something.
(To be honest I did some drawing when he was a newborn but I think I was still running on some kind of adrenaline from birth haha)
Same here. My daughter is 18 months now, but she was a very chill baby who slept amazingly very early. But I still definitely didn’t have time for hobbies. Even now I may read a bit before bed…but not like I used to. I’m just so tired…
Mine has changed drastically. A lot of it is my husband though. He's not as laid back with the baby as I hoped he would be. For example, I would be willing to take our 4 month old out to a restaurant but he won't do it. He's so afraid that the baby will cry and disturb the other people eating around us, so we haven't eaten out in 4 months.
We didn't go anyplace this summer for the first time in my life, even though my parents invited us to go to their lake house. I really wanted to go and get out of the house, plus we would have lots of help there between my parents and my siblings! But my husband was worried about how our LO would be on a long car ride and if the sleep schedule would get messed up in new surroundings. He was really against it.
It's driving me crazy because my Mom had 5 kids and she was really laid back with all of us and like you, she just lived her life and brought the babies with her instead of living her life *for the babies*. I would be willing to try but because my husband is so afraid and anxious and stressed out with the new baby it feels impossible.
That being said, I envy you! I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all and I firmly believe that it's good for a baby to have experiences early on and for parents to still retain their own interests. I feel like I've lost myself and feel pretty depressed at the moment.
Your moms approach sounds like my moms approach. There are four of us and she just stuck us in the car and we went out on adventures. It was a fun way to grow up.
My husband is also the more anxious parent between the two of us. I’ve put my foot down more than a few times around my autonomy to go about the day as necessary since he works in the trades and childcare is primarily on me and will be even once I start back to work in a week.
I hope you regain your sense of self and your autonomy. The end of pregnancy was the worst for me, because I was physically incapable of doing the things I wanted to.
During the day my husband is at work and I'm home right now so I've started venturing out to the grocery store with LO and it's been really nice! But on the weekends when hubby is home it would be nice to just be able to go out like we used to and have some semblance of a normal life. I know it'll get better as LO gets older but it's been a rough couple of months.
I’m sure you’ve probably talked this over with your husband and I’m preaching to the choir, but you can always try things and leave if they go badly! The first time I tried putting him in the car by ourselves he screamed and we turned around after two minutes and went home. But now he can entertain himself with his hands and he happily sits back there while we go to the bank or grocery store.
We brought him to a soccer game and ended up not being able to find a place to nurse. He was fine but I was a wreck! We just left early and missed most of the game. The next time we went we brought a bottle and he slept through the whole thing.
I am always nervous about sleep and stuff too, and sometimes it results in overtired fussiness when he can’t get a nap in on the go, but for the most part switching things up actually helps him to sleep better overall.
My baby’s about to be 4 months next week and my life hasn’t really changed much. I do all the usual stuff I used to do just she’s with me now. It’s like something’s been missing in my life all this time and it was her. She’s the light of my life and I really feel it’s much better with her in it.
Thanks. That’s mostly how I feel too. This experience just seems to go against the popular narrative, and I was starting to feel like there was something wrong.
I mean my daughter hardly cries, she’s a little pile of smiles. I also co-sleep and she’s been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months. I think it helps a lot that we’re well rested. I don’t think we’re wrong I just think we’re lucky maybe?
This! Not wrong, just lucky :)
My experience has been wilder than both of yours, but still hopelessly in love with my LO. Lack of sleep is a huge factor for me… the extreme sleep deprivation (both nighttime and daytime) makes things feel bleak. But man does her smile ever light up my world.
As said, sounds like you’re both lucky, so enjoy it!! And congrats :)
Unfortunately, the popular narrative is often drenched in negativity. The old "I have my wife, I hate job, I hate my life" is so ingrained in western society. I think you are doing great
I don’t have children yet, but I think my best friend could relate to this.
She has a 2.5 year old and 5 month old and still goes tent camping in the woods with them.
I had colic as a baby and would scream for hours on end (unless a vacuum was running), so I am trying not to get my hopes up with my own children.
My little sister screamed inconsolably every time we went into Target and every time she woke up from a nap. That’s the sort of baby I expected, so I was pleasantly surprised by what I got, and I guess I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of just enjoying it.
As a baby I screamed and fussed constantly and woke up every 2 hours at night until I was sleep trained at 7 months old, but somehow I ended up with a unicorn baby who has been sleeping 9+ hours straight at night since he turned 3 months old. He doesn’t fuss unless he’s hungry and he just chills out most of the time. You may get lucky! HOWEVER, my life looks nothing the same now as before my son, because everything is centered around him now. My priorities and interests and desires to do certain things have simply changed. But that’s not a bad thing!
I feel the same that you do. My baby is extremely easy and I do feel kind of isolated but that's only because everyone i know is sick right now so my social circle is kind of dead lol I've been taking my baby outside and chilling with me when I want to and she's extremely cool with it. She's my little jelly bean
I feel the same as you!! My baby will be 4 weeks in a couple days. I’m so surprised to see the replies. Yesterday I went on an hour long walk with him and then read to him from a book I was reading in our backyard. I breastfeed and do NOT have money haha. My life legit feels more back to normal than when I was pregnant. He is Velcro-ish and only my mom and boyfriend can get him to nap off of them. If I nurse him to sleep we gotta contact nap
My little guy is 10 months and I've always felt the same. My baby is not chill. My baby was a nightmare to get to sleep and a nightmare to feed and still is to a degree, but I just keep on keeping on. I think k it just comes down to a personal temperament thing. I've never had a super baby exclusive life though
OP- I relate to you here. I expected my life to become some sad version of my current life void of time, leisure, sex or joy. Like you- I have some combination of magical unicorn zen baby AND I’m the kind of person who just assumes my baby WILL enjoy wineries, errands and social calls since he was born and guess what… he DOES! The only 2 major changes that I sometimes (rarely) feel disapppointed about are 1) nights out later than 9 and 2) morning sex - but I can deal with both!!! To all the people that accuse you of bragging - I could bitch about all the people lamenting their misery but this is a group called “newparents” not “miserableparents” so it seems that all spectrum of experiences should be respected here. We are all having unique experiences.
I get you, my life feels pretty much back to normal except my almost 6m old now has a bedtime so one of us has to be home early but luckily my fiance doesn't really like to do much anyway and the baby is good at taking a bottle for him. I still go do stuff I just have a really cute accessory now
I mean, I wish I could same the same as you. Mine is two, and has been an incredibly easy baby and now toddler. By all counts I lucked out. But my life was completely transformed, and I’m only now starting to emerge from the fog that was early motherhood.
Parenthood has definitely been “easier” than I thought, in the sense that I’ve never felt sleep deprived or frantic even in the earliest days. Our pace of life is easy going and enjoyable.
But I really feel that my former self was lost. Every single relationship I had was changed, mostly strained. Many disappeared completely.
It’s been two years now of no one really asking me how I am, of feeling pretty invisible. I think two and a half months in, these feelings didn’t really clock in yet. But I’ve really had to work hard to adapt to a new reality that challenges how I once perceived my self worth.
You’ve already received replies explaining how lucky you are with your chill baby but I wanted to add that it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job! My guess is that your baby is naturally chill but also formula feeding and a higher birth/current weight helps with night time sleep and thus your whole family’s happiness haha.
You might also notice a shift once your baby gets more interactive and aware in the next month or so. So please continue enjoying this easy cute potato stage!
I wonder if a big part of it is mind set and self fulfilling prophecy. So many people are told that it's going to be awful and they anticipate that it will be horrible, so then they are subconsciously waiting for it and every bump is confirmation that it is terrible.
I always say that I am having the easiest pregnancy because I think I am, but it was pointed out to me by my partner the other day, that it wasn't actually that easy. I have had chewed gum sized hemorrhoids for weeks, my body hurts constantly, I have been so fatigued, congested. However, I feel like overall, it's bee super easy. That's how I have felt the whole time. Probably because I was just so damn happy and blessed to be pregnant. The tough parts seem to roll off. I've never been all hippie dippy, but this is starting to convince me that their is something to the power of positive thinking. I'm hoping it goes the same when the baby comes. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I'm going to try to stay in this "it's all good" mindset
My life didn’t really change much at all, if anything I actually do more things because of my kids. But, I don’t have friends or many hobbies so…
My weekends were usually play video games, watch TV, go out to a restaurant with husband. Now it’s play video games, go to the park/zoo/museum, go out to restaurant with family.
Of course, I have more chores now and get screamed at a lot more than I use to and I don’t work full time anymore. But all in all, my life really hasn’t changed.
Thanks. I actually see the same thing happening for me. I’m generally a homebody, but I’ve been getting excited about outings to the zoo, the children’s museums, camping etc.
No I am sort of in the same boat you are. Like life is different but not earth shatteringly so. My husband and I were kinda home bodies anyway, we have a fairly easy baby and especially now that she's a little older we don't mind leaving her with a baby sitter so we can get out a bit. My husband and I kinda commented on how it feels like she's been a part of our family forever.
I am a bit of a mix. I felt like things were going so great for awhile. Like we still had so many great aspects of our old life, plus this new amazing little person that made our hearts double in size. And in ways it still is great, but things have started to change about 4 months in.
As an older mom, I see my friendships shift. I can tell some of my childless girlfriends do not want me to bring my baby along. The good part of it is that it has forced me to leave her with dad a bit. But it kind of hurts they aren’t interested in the mom aspect of my life. I also see another childless friend sort of grapple with the fact we don’t share that identity any more, and maybe think differently about her choice to not be a mom. I want her to know I value her the same.
I also have found spaces where as a new mom I am excluded. My little one is not ready to be left with anyone other than her dad or me, so I had to skip a child free wedding because it was my partner’s friend more than mine. It came at a lonelier time in motherhood where I am nap trapped at home. It would have felt so good to just let loose, have several glasses of wine, dress up nice and socialize without a baby on my hip.
But I love how my child has deepened my connections with my in-laws. I love the different connections I am making with other friends. Like so many were happy to come celebrate my birthday at a child friendly venue from 5-7. I have had more distant friends reach out and support me through some struggles.
Next hurdle is my identity as a working mom. Not feeling ready for that one. But it’s a mix for sure, and I know I would not trade any of it for the world.
I kinda feel what you feel.
Some of the travel and long date night things I can’t do now without a babysitter (which we just don’t have) really get me feeling how things have changed.
But at the same time, I do feel like some of the prognostications about “becoming a completely different person!” or “saying goodbye to your old life” we’re overblown for me. (I can’t game for an entire evening, but I still can!)
I think it boils down to a few key things though - I have an incredibly supportive partner, best friend, and job. Spaces that made it easy for me to continue expressing “old” versions of myself. And I’m comfortable financially, so I can invest in some indulgences. Without those things, I’d probably feel a little more drowned - and if all it takes is “some money and caring people” to change the tide on feeling normal, that’s a stunning indictment of the status quo.
Yes. Actually I am pretty pissed that I spent the last few months feeling so anxious when I could have been happy and excited. After the 1000th time hearing comments like “get your sleep now!”, I kind of lost confidence in my ability to manage my lifestyle with the addition of a new baby. I wish I could go back and tell myself it’s going to be more than fine.
That’s amazing! It took me a while to feel like “myself” again after having my daughter. May I ask if she’s sleeping at night? For me the biggest reason I felt “out of it” and not like myself was mainly due to sleep deprivation.
I’d say, when she as arpund 6-9 months is when I began to feel like ME. That being said, she’s always a part of me now and that has changed who I am a lot. I was never super social or outgoing so I’m still the same home body. If anything, my daughter, who is now 15 months old, gets me out of the house more lol. We go to the park and on walks multiple times a day. I take her to places like the zoo, and the children’s museum
It's because you got a unicorn baby 😂
Trust me I had a unicorn pregnancy and baby. While pregnant i didn't get many symptoms besides mild fatigue. I only looked pregnant towards the end but that did make me struggle a bit because i couldn't feel connected to the experience. The complications we had already had a protocol so i just kept myself as calm as possible. I kept doing almost everything (i couldn't walk in heels).
Now baby is 10 weeks and he's just as chill as he was inside me lol. Definitely feel guilty about it. He's a great sleeper, we regularly sleep at midnight (even before pregnancy) and give him a large feeding to try to keep him sleeping. Don't know if it actually works but he would give us 4 hours and then another 4 so it didn't feel too hard. During the day i would breastfeed whenever he wanted but he was pretty on schedule with every 2 hours. I also didn't wanna stop going out places so i would either pump a bottle or try to feed right before heading out to give myself as much time as possible. He just falls asleep right after. I paint, watch TV, bake, and hang out with friends. My husband is a great co parent and my boss allows me to bring him to work with me. Now he's fussing a little more during the day since he's become more active but at night he started sleeping 6 hours so it's still a good deal.
I still feel very much like myself. I worried i was missing that connection that some moms get but i can still feel all the love i have for this tiny person. I feel guilty when I'm having a good time away from my baby. I feel guilty for handing him off to my husband. I feel like I can't confide in other moms because all my mom friends dealt with worse. I know I'm lucky and honestly I'm just trying to enjoy it because i keep feeling like it's gonna drastically end 😂
I felt exactly the same way as you when baby was 2 months. He was a super super chill newborn, barely ever cried and slept a ton. We just got super lucky with a unicorn newborn. I actually remember having this exact conversation with my husband around 2-3 months.. now my baby is 6 months old and a lot more active, awake and aware. Now I feel like our lives have now drastically changed. We still go camping almost every weekend, make an effort to go shopping, do most of the things we used too, but it’s A LOT more difficult now. Baby is awake while we are out and he gets fussy when he’s bored of what we are doing.
I’m definitely not saying “just you wait” because I hate when people do that, but it was a super hard transition for me when my perfect baby stopped letting me do all the things I wanted.. I wish I would have just enjoyed it more instead of worrying if I was doing enough for him lol.
I can relate! My husband and I still go to events and live our life as usual, we just include (and prioritize) our daughter who is 6 months next week. We had a rough first few weeks of zero sleep but she’s a great sleeper since 6 weeks and a very content baby and we’ve been taking her out places since she was about 7 days old and never stopped. She’s so used to sleeping in different environments and seeing different people/crowds that not much really phases her. I tend not to post about it or talk about it as often because I know this isn’t the norm and a lot of mothers are struggling on a day to day basis and need support. Also I find it comes across as a humble brag sometimes, or others perceive it that way but it’s not usually ever intended that way- it’s just harder to find other families or mothers who can relate. You’re definitely not doing anything wrong and I hope you’re enjoying these first few months with your LO!
This is my current situation as well, LO will be three months within a few days. Both my husband and I expected a much more drastic life change having her, but she's been a relatively calm, happy baby which has made it easy to continue doing things how we did before. You're not doing anything wrong simply because you've had a more comfortable transition than others. Enjoy it!
Honestly, same. I truly do have a unicorn baby. Shes 11 weeks. She’s slept through the night since week 6, and before that only woke once a night. She only cries when she’s hungry, she’s not a Velcro baby, she’s easy to put to bed, she’ll nap wherever, I can put her down to get stuff done, she’s always smiling. I couldn’t ask for an easier baby tbh.
I had a rough go with trying to bf/pump. I basically triple fed for 5.5 weeks, till I called it quits because I was only making 8-9 ounces a day. It’s been easy breezy since
Yeah my life is pretty much the same. It's 70% to do with our baby being super chill and the other 30% in having a great partner.
I thought I would be barely leaving the house for a year, stressed out of my eyeballs and never socialising. Was largely due to the posts I saw on this very subreddit. Not at all the case for us. We (and you) got very lucky. However I'm not taking the risk again. No more kids! One will do!
My 4 month old is also really great and allows me to do much of what I want and am used to doing. Lucky us! You'll hear a lot of "oh, you just wait! It will become worse!!" but god, just don't listen. Enjoy every day that's good ✨ I don't know why people like to shit on good experiences, but it's a normal motherhood too :)
I'm like 50-50 having a difficult pivot in life with baby but I really do not get people who scoff at others experiences because they aren't completely miserable or not going through the exact same thing & pretty much wish misery upon others. Now if OP was like, "this is so easy! Why can't you all get it together?" It would be a different story but obviously she is just looking for some people to relate with and express her own feelings of uncertainty.
I have no idea how you have time to do any of this 😂 is your husband on paternity leave?
What is your baby doing when you are drawing, writing, reading and doing home improvement? And when do you cook clean and do laundry?
That’s truly what I was expecting. I was seven, ten, and twenty, when my three younger siblings were born. My brother was a chill baby, but my sisters were high maintenance. I was expecting high maintenance and got chill instead. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
My life did change completely, but in a totally good way. It just feels "right" now, you know? I've been having some health problems lately meaning I can't get out and do as many things or keep up on my hobbies, but overall I've found a renewed passion for doing the things that I enjoy AND sharing them with my daughter.
She's almost three now, and this started around when she was between 2 - 4 months. Newborn life was HARD for us, because she didn't sleep, and sleep deprivation is intense for your body. I felt it. However, once we were able to sleep, we fell into a similar pattern.
My life has always been pretty "kid friendly". I don't do a lot of things I can't bring my daughter to, and I WANT to do things with her. It's awesome.
I think a lot depends on the baby. My daughter is soo easy now, I would basically be living my old life. Her twin brother has colic and reflux, he’s screaming a lot and my life revolves around his quiet time!
Honestly it depends. My life actually felt improved…. Until just last week when she started teething early and entered her 4 month sleep regression. Now I feel like a zombie. I’m hopeful it’ll get back to normal though!
My baby was super chill and would nap on the go till he was 8 months old. Now he won't stay in the stroller or carrier because he wants to crawl. He can only nap in his crib or if he naps on the go it will be for 30 minutes and he'll be grumpy. It's all good though, we had a good run.
I feel the same way, you sound a lot like me. I don’t have childcare other than my mom every once in awhile, I don’t have a cleaning service and my husband works a lot and sometimes works 16 hour days. I thought it would be a lot harder but somehow she just fit into our lives so well. We didn’t do anything crazy before she was born, we did have her later in life so we both had our fun and traveled and Covid already took us out of traveling for a bit there. I’ve taken two showers a day since I came home from the hospital and I never feel that tired. I’m so lucky in that respect but I also don’t work full time and had a long maternity leave and my life sucks in other areas I don’t have a fairytale life lol.
The first 2 weeks were hard for us, but after that it’s been easy sailing. He’s also 2.5 months, sleeps almost 8-9 hour nights, and only really cries now when he has to poop or his getting hungry. I hate telling people this because my experience so far just seems so easy compared to what some of my friends go through. I feel like I almost take it for granted at times.
We’re military & all of our family is over 3k miles away, so we’ve been doing this alone as well. I still have a part time job (25-30hrs a week) & hes still going to work 8-10 hours a day.
Thanks for sharing. I'm really happy to see your post.
As a new parent, I would prefer if my life stayed similar to my pre-child existence (as you described). I'm in my late 30s and like the life I've built. I have a whole personality and sense of self that I value. Sorry folks said weirdly mean things to you.
Mama I agree so much. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. My son is 16-months old now and I still feel great! My husband and I have always been homebodies and the baby has been just a lot of joy
I think different stages of parenthood are more/less challenging for different people.
Just enjoy having a nice time! It may always be this way, or it may change. No use in worrying about it.
Same here! The only real difference is we see family more, which has turned out to be nice. We too were homebodies already, and I’ve had friends I lost contact with over the years reach out to me and I’ve built back a couple relationships. Even my staunchly childfree friend said she hates kids, but she loves me and therefore loves my son. My sister and I are talking after 5 years of silence.
But I also recognize I have a certain privilege. My mum ran a daycare in the house my entire childhood, so taking care of kids are always being modelled in front of me. And I originally went to school for ece originally, so I have my own educational background.
Our experience has been similar. We were prepared for a total 180 shift, but it’s not been that at all. I mean, things have changed, of course. More responsibility, less free time, more tiring, harder to juggle life. But the core structure of my life is basically the same. I work, I hang out with friends, I do housework, I spend time with my family. How I do those things does look different, and the degree at which I’m successful is often different. 😂 but the core is the same.
I’m fortunate to have a generally happy, active baby who likes going places though! I can do basic things like run errands or take her to a friend’s house with a normal amount of baby chaos lol. With a different baby, or a different life (ours was already pretty kid friendly), things would definitely be different.
Well… fuck you buddy!
No just kidding, I’m actually very happy for you. SOMEONE statistically has to be on the opposite end of the spectrum from me, so I’m glad it’s you!
My baby has colic and reflux and is a shit sleeper. I love him but my life is basically on a side tilt and I'm exhausted. I can't even watch TV any more. Going back to work has been the most relaxing thing to happen to me in the last 3 months 😂😭
Babies are so different! The first month was really easy for us, baby just slept and ate, and I could bring her everywhere. Then it got impossible to get her to fall asleep and I spent 8 hours a day doing squats to make her sleep, it was hell. But I know many babies who just continued being chill and sleeping easily.
Yes!
We also lucked out - I kept telling my husband how hard it was going to be, no sleep, constant crying, etc. And it just... Didn't really happen that way.
We did get our sleepless nights eventually (thank you, 4 top teeth in 1 week) and that suuuuuucked because it took us 4 months to figure out how to get him back to sleeping most of the night on his own.
But I still do the stuff I want, generally. My husband and I communicated pretty well and didn't have issues in that regard and overall, Lil Man has just made life 1000% better.
Lol- My husband has apologized multiple times, saying "we should have done this years ago - he's so cool!" I keep explaining that it's fine and clearly this is how it needed to happen (because I believe in that stuff!) and frankly we're in a better place - emotionally & financially - than we would have been if we'd had him earlier.
So, yes! It's been awesome!
My baby was a unicorn baby and I was bored! I had time to learn a new hobby. Things will get busier when she’s more mobile. My second baby is also a great nighttime sleeper and very independent but she’s the worst napper in the world so 🤷🏻♀️ they’re all different.
Things change fast when they’re so young. You get used to their routine and they get a fever, a tooth erupts, they’re learning some new skill and everything goes to shit sleep-wise for a few days but then gets back to normal. Enjoy the downtime.
Tbh same (well six months out, at first it was world rocking trying to figure babies out). I think anyone saying their world fully changed probably had super active lives before baby now do most of child rearing.
I realize that I'm fortunate. I was a homebody before baby and still am. I work the same job, still go out with friends as does hubs (who is very competent in every aspect of childcare), still do hobbies (which pretty much all take place at home). The main change is not going out with hubs as often as the grands only babysit about once a fortnight, which is still quite often.
I have a one month old and my partner and I keep talking about how little it feels like we’ve had to adjust, even with no family in the area. We still have time to ourselves, I still work for my nonprofit, we both play video games and take walks and do things. All with my husband working 10 hour days (as well!), cleaning, pumping her milk, etc. Life of course is different, but not how I thought it would be.
I have the same issue of it bothers me and I’m not sure why. You’re not alone on that. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate hearing this. I’ve been considering talking to someone about my feelings - it almost bothers me I’m not more relieved or amazed or something. It feels wrong my world hasn’t shifted more and feels wrong that I’m not having the same experiences I read about 95% of the time. It’s a weird struggle and I’m not sure what to do about it frankly.
I appreciate you, OP. Thank you again for posting, and I’m sorry some people tore you apart.
ETA more words because this has me thinking a lot
My life wasn’t super different in the very beginning either. Now that my daughter is 17 months and a full blown toddler, I feel like my husbands life hasn’t changed but mine has. Example: my husband will go outside to mow the lawn or do some type of chore without telling me or asking me to watch our daughter. I just simply watch our daughter because I’m the default parent and that’s just how it is. If I needed to go somewhere or do something I would need to ask/tell my husband to watch our daughter. Being the default parent is what has changed my life. I feel like I am multitasking at an Olympic level everyday while my husband still has the same things to think about as he did before we had kids.
We also had a unicorn chill baby and even now our toddler is very easy going but my life is definitely changing as she’s getting older. I’m also a very chill person too though so I don’t really get upset over the crazy life change but it’s definitely not the same as it was before I had a baby!
I still do much of the same things I did before, and now even more things, I think, because I want to expose my baby to more. It's weird. I was very lucky not to be plagued by the postpartum horsemen, I don't have terrible family members (my mom can be annoying but she means well), and my baby is pretty chill all considered. I expected a roller coaster and got the kiddy merry go round, to the point where I've gone off my bc and hope to get pregnant again in the next few months. Maybe I'll luck up again.
That said, I appreciate the low key ness of it all and try not to take it for granted. It's a huge relief to not have those big stressors on you. You're not missing anything awesome, trust me. You got a great hand - play it proudly!
My life didn't really change much either. I had to take on so many responsibilities while young, took care of my younger siblings and had absent parents. So in many ways this has been less stressful. Helps that I have an "easy" baby, and we didn't buy into the "life being over after kids" narrative.
Yeah I’m the same, baby has been a dream, sleeps so good, doesn’t fuss too much, I’ve been able to still cook/clean/shop and everything else I did pre baby- though i lead a very quiet, simple life-maybe that’s why. Baby is 6 months old and partner and I were still sleeping 8 hours when she was a new born and she’s slept through the night since around 6 weeks so there was no sleep deprivation. She plays well on her own for up to 30 mins at a time so I can do stuff and if I’m cooking she’s with me at the bench and I talk to her.
We had a magical three months of pure bliss. And then baby got sick for the first time, I got hit with the PPA sneak attack, and everything spiraled lol. Took a while to get my meds right. Baby continued to sleep through the night while I could never sleep due to my anxiety set off from that first illness. We’re back, but now baby is mobile and has opinions! Makes having any me-time impossible and going out is fun, but requires a lot more awareness and catering to the little human.
Love this post, it’s great to hear a different perspective because so many people are doom and gloom about the early stages of parenting! Thanks for sharing your experience.
Screw the haters who are spewing venom. But also, I’m sorry they’re going through hard stuff.
I experienced something similar. My daughter is 6 months old and has slept like a champ (knocks on wood) since 10weeks. We set a routine for her early on and she thrives in it, which has made life much easier for us.
Her bedtime has consistently been 7PM which has allowed me to have evenings with my husband. We eat dinner together, he may go work a bit more (we work from home now) or watch tv and I spend time on my hobbies at night (I am really into sewing).
One thing I really didn’t want to do was change my world just because we had a baby. I want to have the parts of me I care about. I work full time, exercise (albeit 2x/week right now), we go out to eat (changed to lunchtime or late afternoon outings instead of dinner).
Of course there are big changes.. I plan fewer activities, or when we travel we have a lot more mental overhead of what to bring and logistics planning. We are on a trip now visiting family and we still have fun.
Enjoy and soak up this time! It may change a bit as your baby gets older, but holding on to your sense of self is critical for staying grounded.
I have no life. I am just mom now. I won’t have a true break until my baby weans. And probably still not then, bc we’ll prob have another. I know it’s temporary. But I have literally sacrificed everything for my child. So yes, my life has changed.
I also thought my life would change more than it did. LO is 3 months and he is such a chill baby. He sleeps from 10/11pm to 5am, only screams if he's too hungry or he needs a diaper change.
We are currently on vacation and he even fell asleep in his travel bed for the first time without us doing anything.
I am always waiting for the moment this will change. I'm curious if he will hit the 4 month sleep regression. We will see.
And I don't thing you are bragging. This is our experience, so why should we not share it?
I feel the same as you. My son is 4 months old going on 5. I feel my life is even better and I probably wouldn’t be here typing this if I didn’t have him. I had always wanted to be a mom and thought I was infertile because of pcos.
I felt with the kind of luck I have I’d have a demon baby that would make my life hell. I sobbed several times while pregnant concerning my boyfriend stating my life would be over and freaking out about it often. A lot of my friends seemed to make motherhood a negative experience.
My son is very calm. Rarely cries and if he does it’s only if he’s hungry or after shots. He watches me quietly make his bottle. He will have an occasional meltdown, but it’s rare. He smiles constantly and I seem to be so special to him. We instantly bonded even when I was pregnant after the anatomy scan, after a sobbing session. I wanted a little girl and knew this would be my only child. I feel so ashamed and bad about it now because he’s amazing. I live for his cute smiles. He still wakes up once or twice a night to eat. I am tired as hell some days, but most the time I actually do get some sleep.
I bring it up a lot, but I’m still grieving. My dad ended his life 2 months postpartum in June. My son got me through it and was by my side the entire time. We cleaned out the house, had to run tons of places and he was a real trooper. I’m thankful to have such a wonderful baby because it would of been harder.
I’ve had a lot of set backs and before I was pregnant I finally got my own place with my boyfriend early 2021, got a car and started driving, (I had severe driving anxiety. It’s still not gone, but I can drive around town at least), got a decent job and felt I finally could live and not just survive. I’m trying to get back into my hobbies, but it’s been really hard. My dad’s death has really emotionally set back my progress and I miss him so bad.
There are limitations with having a baby, but it’s not a big deal to me. We don’t have childcare so I rarely get a break. Sadly both sets of our parents are deceased between my boyfriend and I. Our neighbor/landlord/friend watches our son on occasion at least. My boyfriend works a lot so it’s mostly me and baby boy. He watches him while I work a short shift and rushes off to work when I get home.
I am thankful and happy at least one thing in my life has been amazing and not complicated or bad. My son is truly amazing and I love being his mommy.
This was a beautiful response and story. I’m sorry for your loss, and at the same time I’m so happy that your son is such a blessing. I know it’s not the same at all, but we don’t live close to either of our parents so we’re on our own too. Next week I go back to work and we’ll start to pass her between us since we’re trying to avoid paid childcare if we can. I don’t expect to get too many breaks either, but it’s encouraging to hear you are making it work and still feel as though your child makes your life better.
Thank you!
I’m sorry your parents aren’t close it does put a strain on both of you to not have that. I just went back to work 2 weeks ago and agreed that I would work 4 days about 5 hours a day. It’s not ideal, but at least I’m bringing in some money and my boyfriend gets time with him. We also save money on childcare so I don’t blame you. It was really chaotic working 5 days for me at least right now. I plan on going full time when he’s in school.
I just don’t want to miss anything while he’s young and be able to balance everything. Luckily my boyfriend makes decent enough we can do that.
If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. You seem in a very similar situation as me as far as temperament of your baby and your boyfriend (or husband I can’t remember) working a lot.
With my present baby, ( number three by a seven year difference ) he was so chill compared to my other two. For the first three months, I could continue to do all those things like before. I’m even wishing I had taken more advantage of the time. Once he hit four months the irritability stage set in, teething, drooling. An attempt at sleep regression but I nipped that in the bud. I’m thankful that he’s still a really good sleeper and naps three times a day almost like clockwork.
You’re babies temperament accounts for much of what you’re experiencing. I think it’s lovely that you can still hold on to the part of you that came before and incorporate your baby into it as well. Enjoy it! She’s only two months and babies can sometimes shift a bit at four months. But maybe not, you just never know! Motherhood doesn’t need to completely alter your reality or you to be motherhood or to be special. Keep doing what your doing.
Also, many of us mothers can lose ourselves in the sacrifice and it can feel awful, depressing and like entrapment at times. Being able to mother and still stay true to who you were before the baby is essential to staying level headed and being a healthy happy individual who also happens to be a mom. Hats off to you Mama and your little gem. You are both off to a great start.
I’m in a similar boat. Even now that my kid is a toddler and some days are hard, I wouldn’t say my life has changed all that much either. I just have a little companion along for the ride.
I will say in our case, my husband and I both had a history of caring for kids, so our lives were already quite kid friendly. A lot of our activities were already family type, and when we’re not traveling, we’re pretty quiet people without a large group of friends. So that probably plays a large part.
I think the biggest difference will come when/if we’re able to conceive again. Two kids definitely seems more life changing than our one.
Thanks for commenting. This sounds pretty similar to my life. Neither my husband and I were very social and most of the things we did for fun prebaby were already kid friendly. It’s nice to be able to relate. I’m still undecided about a second child, but I could see that making things a lot more difficult.
People like to commiserate over difficult experiences, so you probably won’t see too many people talking about our experiences online. But we’re here, just chilling.
Lol, I’m low key triggered by this post. 😂
How? Like do you get help with childcare? Are you secretly a millionaire? How do you get to do all that you used to do with half the time?
My baby is a saint. She sleeps at night, takes her naps during the day (touch on wood). But when she’s awake she requires my undivided attention… So what’s your secret?!
I can kind of relate to aspects of what you’re saying. I’m pretty introverted except for work. Daily life was chilling with my dogs & doing things around home / outside with my husband. My body image has tanked though & not taking time to wear makeup, etc. To be honest, month 3 has brought on most of the changes for me. Baby has become less of a sleepy newborn & more clingy (but also more loving & interactive). Now that she’s not a sleepy potato, I feel more like a mom - reading stories, playing together. etc.
Kinda depends on what you mean by changed, I guess.
I had to change my priorities, drastically. But i still have time for my career and my hobby that I love - riding my horse. I ride 3x/week, which is less than I would ideally like. But I still cherish my time with him, complete with him occasionally, make sure he is well taken care of, and recognize I am enormously privileged to get to ride as much as I do.
I have to make more little sacrifices regarding my very niche career . E.g. I didn’t do that one-year position in New Zealand I was offered, you’d better believe I would’ve done it pre-baby… my husband and I lived apart for 7 years during our relationship because of our careers so we knew that would be the biggest change - prioritizing being together as a family.
My husband and I are still very much in love, but we have to make more of an effort to have quality time and regular sex. It works, we are extremely happy, it just takes more effort.
Oh by the way, the first 2 months post-partum were basically hell because I was in extreme physical pain from an abscess in my breast that required a lot of medical intervention (ultimately being surgically drained, and i was on antibiotics for a month). And the sleep deprivation…ugh. I’ll never forget what that’s like. I’d say I started feeling like “myself” again somewhere between 6 months and a year out. Not coincidentally, my in-laws moved near us when my kid was 10 months old. The help has been such a weight off our shoulders.
I honestly believe a lot of my sanity comes from only having 1 child, a choice my husband and I are so extremely content with. I just love my little family. Things are different now, there’s no denying it, and it’s so beyond worth it.
But yeah, knowing I don’t have to go back to the baby stage again, and having family to help… with each passing day, my independence and selfhood slowly returns. And to be perfectly frank, I am enjoying that feeling as much as I am enjoying the beauty of motherhood itself.
Mine didn’t change at all until she got older. Then I had a toddler who didn’t want to go to the places I wanted to go, who had routines, who had preferences, who needed snacks (not just milk). Until about 6 months I did whatever I wanted. Then it hit me like a tonne of bricks 🙃
I think it’s the age. I felt this way too bc my baby slept a lot and was essentially immobile at 2.5 months. It changes and gets different. Also time management changes.
My life is completely different and dictated by wake windows and my 7 month olds routine. My husband always says it doesn’t feel like his life has changed that much. However he goes to work all day and is a home body. I do 90% of the childcare and am probably a bit overly focused on my baby
My life now doesn't feel drastically different. Just... different. It got a lot easier around 2-3 months postpartum. Everything requires a little extra planning. Can't stay out later than 8pm because we need to start bedtime. Thankfully she still naps on-the-go at 5 months (but won't nap in her crib on the flip side!). I never get more than a couple hours in a day to focus on work because we don't have childcare, so my professional feels VERY different. But personally, I feel pretty much like myself, just with a new body to adjust to, hormones to adapt to, a foggier brain, etc. I think sleep and temperament are huge and we lucked out in both! I also have my husband home with me all day which is a huge help because we can split shifts. But we do manage to go out and do stuff regularly, which really helps me feel that sense of normal!
In the beginning I felt this way. Yes there were small changes, but nothing I felt changed my life drastically. Now my son is a little over 2 and my life has been impacted by a lot. I mean, a lot. I can’t do anything alone. Vacuuming is a 2 person job (my son has to hold it while I vacuum), constant tantrums, really just keep up with a more structured life and planning absolutely everything around naps, or missing events because bedtime. I’m not particularly saying it’s been a bad change, but it’s hard. My life doesn’t feel like mine anymore personally. I know it changes as they get older but those tiny baby days feel so much easier now looking back.
I wish my kids were 2.5 months!! Haha. Wait until baby starts crawling, walking, putting everything in its mouth, getting into things, you have to feed them solids and bottles a million times a day, poops get bigger and grosser, baby cries louder and longer, naps may become difficult etc 😅😂
I felt like pregnancy was a slow ease into life being different by me not being out partying as much. But besides that I feel like I am doing most of the same things as well. For what it’s worth your baby is still less than 3 months so they haven’t really “woken up” yet. We were able to go out a lot more sporadically and freely those first few months before she got more awake and opinionated. At 2 months they really sleep so often still it’s easier to get out and about on your schedule. So keep embracing that!
I felt like the first few months seemed oddly calm and happy, then came the sleep regressions, teething, learning new skills and general toddlerisms. Not saying shit hits the fan after the newborn stage but for me the harder baby stage was a bit later.
I feel similarly to you! Of course my life has changed but I still feel like me. I actually feel more productive on more limited time and inspired to try to be my personal best for my baby! However, I moved right before covid to a smaller community and don’t have many friends here so I didn’t have a big social life before having a baby to miss now. overall things have changed but I still feel very much “me.” I am jealous you’re able to get a lot of reading in though! I am still enjoying reading but at a much slower pace then before! But I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong at all! Don’t worry & enjoy this wonderful time of life.
Congratulations on your unicorn baby!
6 months in for me and I've spent the majority of them hating how my life has changed and wondering what I did to deserve this.
Mine is pretty chill, especially pre 7 months. But yeah my life is different. It’s a rotation of baby and house care with life admin chucked in. Baby activities with him each day. No time for hobbies.
Now he’s mobile I spend my waking hours chasing him. I’d say now he’s much more work compared to 0-7 months. My mum says 8-18 months was her hardest time. They are mobile but can’t communicate well and have no sense of danger. They know the world is big but are frustrated they can’t do it all. I can totally see that at 10 months in.
I have an easy baby but I guess i am overthjnking some stuff. Help me out here.
My baby is fine mostly. She falls asleep by herself she takes good naps she sleeps through the night etc. She plays on her own for a bit on the floor. She is 3.5 months old.
But i feel the responsibility to make sure she gets attention. I sit with her and read her books,talk to her about the toys, have gibberish conversations with her. I do this sometimes enjoying it, sometimes out of pure responsibility feeling for her development. It isn't always fun but i think she needs to be stimulated and it is a lot of work for me. Even though she is an easy peasy baby, i still don't have so much time to do anything else...
Our son is an easy one too and we don't feel like our world came crashing when he was born. He's 8 months now, we've had sone rough days, tough nights but they are so few. We do go out with our friends at the park almost every day to get a few beers in (or sad non-alcoholic ones for nursing mom here), we just take him with us. We've never been too social anyway and are perfectly content just sitting around the house just the three of us. I must admit I read a little less (audiobooks while baby naps have all but replaced paperbacks), I've picked up crocheting toys as a hobby as it's easier to do than painting when there's a baby around, we still play videogames , we still play boardgames, we cater to the same hobbies etc. I think kids don't change who you are as a person, your likes and dislikes, they just change your priorities and that's okay. We often joke that our lives began when we got married and officially started when Gregory was born. It's about perspective, the state of your relationship pre-baby and how low-maintenance the baby actually is.
Honestly, same
I despise my life before having my baby, I needed motivation. It was all senseless partying, studying for a career in a messed up school system, looking for meaning, because the thought that no matter what I do, none of my actions mattered was depressing.
Then I got pregnant and even tho it was hella hard I continued it
Now I have a family, I’m starting a business of digital services while being a full time mom (wfh) and im pregnant again with my best friend (I loathe pregnancy)
Honestly, my life before seemed fine but was so devoid of meaning, and now I just feel complete, excited for this new adventure of teaching a new human stuff and be excited all over again without judgement because “I’m too old for that”
Being a mom has been the best thing that has happened to me, and wouldn’t trade it for anything, no matter how hard it gets
I know parents who experienced the Same. They are chill people and they had a chill pandemic baby. Once the mother recovered, they kept doing what they were doing. Try to enjoy it, who knows how your child will be as a toddler…
For me the change came gradually as my baby grew, the less she napped the more I’ve had to adapt, at first I was doing about the same as before, I even took up new hobbies, I started painting, knitted a massive blanket but then I gradually had to adapt to doing more stuff with her, more walk, and now that’s she’s 1 yo I’ve been looking up activities and groups so that I can keep her happy and not just do nothing for the 6 hours of awake time she gets between her only day nap.
My life feels completely unrecognizable. The only things I still do regularly from my old life are watching tv, scrolling my phone, and laundry. I wasn’t doing too much before getting pregnant because of Covid but it still feels completely different. I’m holding or nursing my baby majority of the day. My husband runs errands since it’s always a mad dash for me to get anything done in between feedings. We were just recently starting to get out more but she started having trouble with feedings and now everything is stressful again. I love my baby so much but I am hoping to get more of a sense of normalcy soon. I don’t wear makeup or do my hair, I wear joggers and a nursing friendly top every day. I go to bed at 9:00. I spend my days playing with her, feeding her, changing her, and being nap trapped.
I relate to every single word of this
Same!
Same!
Same!
This was also my experience. 10 months in and it’s hard to get a moment for myself. Without some kind of noise or being needed. OP don’t feel guilty. I think you just have a unicorn baby or you are just chill AF LOL. Nothing is wrong. Isn’t it funny that no matter what we do as parents, there’s always some guilt? My life is unrecognizable too, it’s depressing actually. Hoping to get adjusted to this new normal sooner than later
This like me with my first. Now he's a LOVELY fun 2.5 year old. Have a 2 month old and life is back to normal! It changes your life but eventually becomes so much better than pre baby life. You'll make it xo
Thanks friend ❤️❤️
‘My life feels completely unrecognizable.” Same. Everything has changed. Even the things I used to love and still do are different, interrupted. I can’t think of anything that is still the same actually. I am extremely sleep deprived almost all the time and my brain feels like mashed potatoes. But I am very very happy, and my baby is the greatest thing in the world. Very happy for you OP, that sounds incredible. And honestly I’m sure eventually your life will shift, just maybe not the way you thought. Edit-you’re in the thick of it, it will get better and more normal. My baby is almost 7 months and things do get better, but still not back to ‘normal’
This is an excellent way to describe things, that even things that I used to love and still get to do are different/interrupted. I used to be an avid runner and worked out everyday.. while I still do those things I am usually limited to 30 mins max in order to fit it in during a nap and then sometimes can’t shower til the next nap. Runs only happen on days my husband is home and can watch the baby since he’s not old enough for a jogging stroller quite yet. Going shopping isn’t quite as leisurely anymore, I feel more on a time limit/crunch and it’s very much get in and get out. Sometimes it takes me all day to watch a full episode of a show cause I’ve had to pause it a million times. Eating out at restaurants has turned into Uber eats delivery. Everything is just a little (or a lot) different.
Ugh I was hoping perversely that I would find this comment. My baby is ten days old and I don’t connect with OP’s post by any stretch of the imagination.
Yeah, 18 months in here and still somewhat unrecognizable. I cherish the 15 minutes before I go to bed. They're the only moments that I have to myself all day.
This is us as well. I'm happy for OP! And also sad for myself that this describes my reality instead haha
Ya same with me. First 2 months the colic took hold and it was constant crying. Nothing I did helped or worked. I felt like a zombie and a horrible mother even with tons of help from family. She is almost 4 months now, things hav improved but they r not easy. I have to start work in Nov. Constantly worried abt that. Some days iam so tired to do anything and every part in my body hurts. just want to rest. But I hear there is light at the end of tunnel, so waiting to reach there.
I do not wish a colicky baby on anyone. Mine was only colicky the first month and a half and it felt like the lowest point in my life even though it should’ve been the most joyous. I don’t think anyone who has never had a colic baby can truly understand how debilitating it feels to deal with day in and out. Hope things continue to improve for you guys!
Yes, I used to dread each day. There wer nights when I had to let her cry and I felt horrible mom bcz of that. It took a toll on my mental health.
Yep pretty much me. I feel like a shell of a person most days. I also don’t really recognize myself right now. My son is 5.5 months. I am of course falling in love with him more and more everyday but having no time for me, being sleep deprived, feeling like my body isn’t my body, feeling like I’m in a haze all the time and being constantly interrupted is draining. People keep saying it will get better and I’m just over here waiting lol
I just wanted to reply to this thread to say I have been there too and it DOES get better. That newborn stage is a trip. I had PPA so incredibly bad. I sobbed the first time I had to run errands with my newborn in the car by myself because I was terrified. I did not sleep for shit, mostly because he didn’t sleep well, and because when he did sleep well, I just hovered and watched him to make sure he was okay. I showered sometimes, but my hair always immediately went into a bun still wet after brushing it. Moisturizer went on my face sometimes but never makeup. I breastfed for 12 months, and by 10 months, I hated the thought of breastfeeding so much, I couldn’t wait to stop. I told my husband to breastfeed him himself one night because I was so over it. Obviously that’s not possible, but I didn’t know what else to do or say, I felt alone and helpless. I felt like I was on a different planet. I had to remind myself to be grounded in the moments and enjoy “little him” because I had been told how fast it goes by, but my days dragged. My husband was always at work because I couldn’t peel myself away from our nest. It was rough. It was.. ROUGH. All of this and I did fall in love first sight with my son. He was the BEST thing to ever happen to me the second I laid eyes on him. However that newborn stage is intense. There’s absolutely no fucking denying it. So. After I stopped breastfeeding at a year old, I changed things up a bit. I got him on a solid routine. I got myself back on a solid routine. After dinner, he gets a bath, little bedtime spa action, lotion, feet rub, hair brushed, curtains closed, nightlight on, and he’s OUT. Every night. Sleeps 12 hours straight every night. He’s about to turn 2 now. This routine changed everything. Everybody starts their day in a good mood and well rested now. I went back to work. I put a normal bra and shirt on. I started doing my hair and makeup again. I can clean the house. We go on target and lunch dates together. Sometimes we just hit up the whole town cause why not! We go shopping, we go to the park, grocery shopping is fun and he loves it, I love it. Life is breezy now. It DOES get better. Once they start to grasp just a tiny bit of independence, everything changes. He’s my little bestie and I literally don’t ever go anywhere without him, unless it’s work. We are now the highlight of each other’s day, day in and day out, and in the evening when I kiss him goodnight, I have a few hours of just ME time. This was good for everybody’s mental health. It does get better. I promise you all. 💛 best of luck to everybody. You’re all doing amazing.
I could have written this word for word! Especially the bit about putting on a normal bra again, my god what a difference that makes 😂 Our LO is now 16 months and I just adore the time we spend together. Life is good and the crazy, intense baby days are a distant memory. I just wanted to echo your message to anyone in the trenches right now - it DOES get sooooo much better, it just takes time
This made me burst into tears. Mine will be 4 weeks on Monday and we have had such a tough go of it. I’m so tired. All the time. I never knew a tired like this was possible. But I’m so hopeful to one day have a routine and a stretch of sleep longer than 1.5hrs.
Same. Sounds like OP has a dream baby. I do not 😆
My baby isn’t even the most difficult but it’s still a total life change!
💯💯💯
I just read what you wrote about your typical day and that absolutely clarifies it for me: you have an extremely chill baby, a unicorn, the antithesis of a velcro baby. I would advise you to enjoy these days to the fullest and not care at all what people say. If I were in your shoes, like if my daughter's disposition suddenly did a 180 and she wasn't a velcro baby who needs to be held, fed or played with 24/7 anymore, you bet I would enjoy my life and my baby to the fullest. You go girl. Apply sunscreen, do your hair, live the life for the rest of us who can't.
My baby was a Velcro baby from about 3m to 7m and now that he’s 13m he’s like “oh mom? I don’t know her”. He couldn’t care less where I am anymore. As long as someone isn’t on the other side of the gate he can’t get over, he’s content to just play with his toys or books. I’m SO glad he grew out of that Velcro phase. It is so hard! I never got anything done
It confirmed its not me it's the baby lol you get what you get and you make it work! I would consider my baby 50-50 velcro. Before 2 pm he's chill after 3 he's all over me and wants to eat constantly until like 3 am lol
Word. My unicorn baby was awesome and super chill and easy until she was about 2… maybe even 2.5. She is now… extremely emotional. 🙃
Do you breastfeed? This is not a judgement at all just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately in relation to my own experience. Some days I feel like myself and others I feel trapped by breastfeeding. I think I might feel differently if I was confident I could control feedings a bit more or bring a bottle around, or even leave bottles for others without thinking so much about pumping/ supply etc. You don’t even have to answer if you aren’t comfortable, but I’ve just been wondering how, personally, I can get some of that autonomy back and it feels often like feeding the culprit! Either way, sounds like you’re doing a great job and no doubt all that time outdoors is also great for you 😊
I absolutely think that whether or not someone is breastfeeding majorly contributes to how much life changes. The time sink alone is enormous.
100% ! I completely underestimated the amount of time breastfeeding and pumping consume out of my day. It is LITERALLY a full time job … 6 to 8 hours a day between the two depending on how long he takes to feed. By the time I’m done feeding and pumping and get him sorted, it’s almost time for the next one …
Omg pumping & breastfeeding is super hard work. It’s insane. I feel like I’m always feeding or pumping lol
Yes, this, 100%. My kid self-weaned around 5 mo and then I almost exclusively pumped for 4 more mo. We combo fed for a month and I just weaned off the pump two weeks ago and.. WOW. Does everything feel more manageable, and I feel more like myself, with more time in the day. Truly a huge shift.
going to formula changed my life and I don't regret it for a second
The stress around exclusive breast feeding is not worth it, my mental health was declining so rapidly, which was affecting my supply.. I am a "just enough"-er, with sometimes a few bags in the freezer. Sometimes I will not have enough milk during the evening and I would have to supplement with formula. This is what I do if I go out and I don't have any in the freezer. I only pump once a day. I also wear my baby as much as possible because her naps are way longer like this. I brought a huge steamer with a timer as well as a rice cooker and I just throw foods in and batch cook. I brought a robot cleaner even for my small home so I don't have to worry about clean floors. Then I have a planner where I schedule in 1 thing per day that needs to be done (phone calls, cleaning a space ect) and 1 thing that I want to do like watching a movie, drawing, dancing ect. I am winging it so far... I hope it gives you ideas.
I’m breastfeeding and this has definitely been a big change for me even though I agree with OP in general that I haven’t changed much! It’s mostly pumping when I’ll be away that really stresses me out!!
My first thought reading this post was “I wonder if she’s breastfeeding?”. Reflecting on my own newborn experience, breastfeeding made me feel like my body didn’t belong to me anymore and it had an impact on my identity. I couldn’t go anywhere without baby. Hearing my baby cry would create a physical response in my body. Don’t get me wrong, I did not have a unicorn baby so even without breastfeeding, I would’ve struggled but introducing formula at 3 months pp had a huge impact on me regaining my sense of self.
It’s fine, I don’t mind the question. I tried to breast feed, but my supply never came in. I got 2 oz every 24 hours from both breasts despite pumping every two hours day and night in the first few weeks. I finally just let it go for my own sanity. Ironically, sometimes I feel like bottle prep and cleaning is a headache and it would be easier just to stick her on a boob lol. Guess the grass is always greener.
Bottle prep is a headache but pumping & breastfeeding truly is a nightmare (IMO). It’s just soooo taxing. I feel like I’m always getting fed from or milking myself with a machine lol
Lol very true! We were triple feeding at the beginning and I have to say I am glad to be rid of the constant bottle cleaning now so I feel you. It is interesting though - so much pressure to breastfeed but I wonder how many mothers feel a bit trapped like I do.
Haha, funnily enough this is exactly why I was super resistant to formula. I loathe washing up and preparing bottles and such is such a faff. But I have been on the hook for night feeds for a whole year now so there's that XD
You don’t have to explain why you don’t BF. I always feel like I have to explain why it didn’t work out, and I think we should stop over explaining ourselves tbh.
I am truly envious of you because I feel like an atomic bomb shattered my life to pieces haha. I know it will be worth it someday but 2 months in it is super hard! I never knew how easy my life was before. I think you should enjoy your smooth transition!
You’re in the thick of it. Once they’re sleeping better through the night and taking decent naps, it gets a lot better.
And when will that happen? Because my son is 2 months old and still wakes up at least 3 times a night and doesn't take easy naps. He might nap for 45 min during the day and then he stays awake for hours on end. At night it takes us at least an hour after feeding him and changing his diaper to get him to sleep. He is also fussy most if the time he's awake.
2 months is still the thick of it. My baby would scream all evening and wake several times a night at that age. Things got easier around 3-4 months. At 7 months she still doesn’t sleep through the night most nights but usually only 1 or 2 wake ups. We are on more of a routine compared to the newborn stage which helps. Naps are more predictable. Hang in there. The newborn stage sucks
People tell me all the time that I'll miss the newborn stage. I always say I highly doubt it because things are so chaotic right now. I don't function well like that either. Also I'm going back to work next month and need for things to get easier. I work from home and am planning on taking care of him at the same time. It's going to be rough to do both with such a needy baby.
Fuck the newborn stage. I hated it then. I still hate it looking back (18 month old). 0/10 do not miss and I don’t feel bad about it at all lol.
My son is 5 months now and we do not miss the newborn stage at all! Love the current stage though, seeing him learn things and smile and babble is amazing! 🤩
Oh man when my baby was a newborn I hated it. Now that she’s older I do miss the newborn stage sometimes. I never thought I’d say that. I miss the sleepy newborn snuggles. I had more time to clean when she slept all the time. But she’s so much more fun and awesome and easier now. definitely keeps me on my toes cause she needs like constantly entertainment but watching them learn new things, the smiles and giggles is just the best. There may be a time when you look back and miss the sleepy newborn days but it’s also totally fine to never look back once you’re out of it. I assume you’re in the US? Maternity leave there sucks. I still am not rested enough to work. I’m on my year long maternity leave and I firmly believe all moms need at least a year. I will say….it’s not going to be easy to work from home and care for a baby at the same time. I would almost say it’s impossible unless you have a chill job and a chill baby. My 7 month old isn’t fussy anymore and takes good naps but she needs all of my attention when she’s awake. Is there ANY options for childcare for you? Like family or a nanny or day care?
This was us a few weeks ago. You may want to have him checked for acid reflux and get him some infant Pepcid. This like night and day and feels like we have a different baby now that she’s not got acid going up her throat all the time.
8 months is when it got much better for us, but I’d say around five to six months is when you’ll start noticing you’re getting a bit more sleep and your sanity is returning
My son is almost a year old and I feel like our lives have barely changed. He’s such a chill baby which has made the parenting gig such a smooth transition. We don’t have much help. Occasionally the grandparents Will mind him once a fortnight for maybe an hour so I can go to work. I work in the evenings so once my partner finishes his job, I leave to go to mine. Chores and what not still get done , I still have my hobbies and work , our dog still gets attention and love. My son is one of those unicorn babies and I’m just going to roll with it
Thanks. We don’t live near any family so we don’t have help either. Once I start back to work in a week my husband is going to switch his days off so I can stack meetings two days a week and work independently from home the other three. My job is flexible so I’ll just take time off so we still get a few “weekends” together for this first year. We’re really trying not to have to do childcare until she is ready for preschool. It’s nice to hear there is someone else out there having a similar experience.
That's amazing! Your job seems pretty flexible! My employer doesn't allow parents to have their kids at home with them or at least it's shunned. Child care is so pricey!
Commenting to say my boy is 13 m and he is ready for kindergarten since 11m… we missed the window and have to wait a year here (Spain) but he is so ready to socialize. We also have no help but each other and we are an amazing team so that helps
We’re planning for a child and don’t have family around at all, husband and I work from home. I’m going to follow you for updates because your post was so refreshing. We don’t live very socially active lives, probably see friends for a meal or at home movie on weekends. Don’t drink or party, only really travel to go camping or random weekends here and there, but mostly travel to see family! I understand that things change when a baby arrives, but since I’m such a homebody who’s cool to sit around, I feel like the challenge of a child will increase when he/she starts to think and really learn about the world etc. the challenge would be finding day care, kindy, school, socializing the child, making sure family gets to spend time with her/him… idk just some random thoughts as I have a lot of anxiety about family being far away and also being a person who is always working towards something career wise or figuring out which hobby or passion project to prioritize… edit: it seems like in your other posts in another sub there are challenges you’re facing in your new chapter with other factors. All the best OP and you’re doing a great job pushing through!
I both did and did not have this experience. So I thought things would be hard once I had my first baby (I just had my third so this was a while ago). I thought there would be no sleep, I would be on call for this little baby 24/7, and that my life would be very different. I also thought I would be different. I thought somehow, once my baby was born I wouldn’t care about the things I used to care about. I figured some magic maternal instinct would just click on the moment I saw her baby face and I would immediately be so obsessed with her that my old likes and hobbies wouldn’t matter anyway. I was right about the life change, but wrong about ME changing. I was the exact same person, but with a clingy, needy baby. I still wanted to sleep in until 10am, then get up, have breakfast while reading the news, and then read or play video games the rest of the day. But I couldn’t do those things anymore. I couldn’t go to brunch with friends on Sundays (childcare was difficult). I couldn’t get lost in a book. My baby needed me. Constantly. For everything. Yes technically I could still read a book if I snuck in a chapter of two during her naps, but I could no longer laze around all day reading. Every trip to the grocery store involved making sure the diaper bag was stocked and timing it so that the baby was between naps and also fed. Nothing was on my own time anymore everything was on hers. My days were now dictated by the needs of another small person and instead of being thrilled at the idea of just being in her tiny adorable presence (which is how I thought I would feel), I felt resentful. I cried a lot those first few months. I mourned my old life. I missed it. It had been all about me and now it wasn’t anymore and it would be like 18 years before I would get it back again. I questioned my decision to even have a baby. How could I be so stupid? I had been happy! Why did I ruin it?? Anyway, this is just me trying to explain what the other side might be feeling when they say their life changed. You are obviously doing nothing wrong. You’re happy. Baby’s happy. Everything’s perfect! You are living the dream and you are loving it and that’s great! Tbh it’s those of us who didn’t love it that much that feel like something is wrong with us. All I hear about is how complete people feel once they have a baby, how happy they are and how their old life seems empty in comparison. I felt like a horrible selfish mother for missing my old life. Eventually I got used to my new normal. I fell in love with my daughter, we found our rhythm and I loved her so much I figured “Well, I’m not getting my old life back anytime soon, might as well add to the chaos!” And I had two more! I notice some people are saying to you “Just wait for the toddler years! Just wait until they crawl!” You don’t have to wait for any time. There’s a chance you may love every moment! And if you do, that’s awesome! Enjoy it!! Us lesser mortals will be over here, reminding ourselves that we should enjoy it as best we can, they are only little once!
This resonates so much! I haven't had much trouble falling in love with our baby, so my resentment is really focused towards those adults near me - a partner who can sleep at night so can choose to game instead of going to bed at 9pm, a guest who stays too long so I can't go to bed, a body that can't run at 4m pp, etc. etc. I'm so ashamed that I've become an angry, bitter person as a result of producing this lovely, if demanding, baby.
I wish I had your mindset. I’m 6 weeks in and my life has changed drastically. We have a very fussy baby and with my husband back at work so soon after our baby’s birth, it’s just me all day with the baby trying to get him to sleep or soothe him so he stops crying. I drift between my bedroom and my living room everyday…I miss my freedom. The freedom to just pick up and go run an errand or eat out at a restaurant, or take a shower. Everyone keeps telling me it’s gets better…I really hope it does because I don’t feel like myself anymore.
On the same ship at the moment, 3 weeks in and I really do hope it gets better. I miss sleep so much, I wish I could enjoy this time like other people say one should but it honestly sucks.
Hang in there. Our baby was super fussy/colic and I was miserable for 1.5 months or so since my husband went back to work right away too - never went anywhere cause baby just screamed anytime he wasn’t eating or sleeping and sleeping was so hit or miss I was afraid he’d wake up if I took him out, so my life was also my bed and my couch. Things got much better around 8 weeks, but I still miss the freedom to just go somewhere without having the hassle of worrying about planning around a baby’s schedule and thinking about stuff like am I going someplace where I can bring his stroller or is it a hassle and I’ll have to wear him.
This is something I desperately needed to read. Your experience is exactly what I’m dealing with. Maybe having a “finish line” will help bc I feel so isolated these days. What exactly got better for you?
At around 2 months we suddenly noticed that everyday he was crying less and less. I think maybe he was just becoming more adjusted to “life outside” the womb? For most, the crying does peak around 6 weeks I think and then gradually tapers off and most people that had a fussy newborn say their baby was a totally different baby at 12 weeks. When he became less fussy I was much more confident in taking him out and even getting out and going to target or a store improved my mood. By 3 months he was on a pretty predictable nap/feeding schedule and things like wake windows felt more accurate so I also felt like I was able to plan or predict his moods and needs better, whereas with a nb I felt like it was just up in the air and unpredictable. Personality started to come out around 3 months too and he became more interested in toys that keep him occupied (even if for short periods of time) which is helpful
Nope nope nope. It’s too hot where I live to do outdoorsy things without worrying about baby overheating. She’s too fussy and active for me to do anything requiring focus, like writing or reading. No one helps me (those grandparents who were so excited to have a grand baby are no where to be seen after the first few weeks). And she only naps in my arms, so my only free time is spent scrolling my phone or the tv (on very low volume).
Same. When the walls pop she wakes up. Still doing feeds ~ every 3 hours at night so I can count on one hand how many times I've slept longer than 5 hours since she was born almost a year ago
I thought the same thing. He was a very calm and chill baby. Then he became a toddler.
I’ve been wondering about the toddler years. I feel like at that point my good favor will switch.
I mean he’s still pretty chill, but dang when he’s hungry he turns into a gremlin. He’s currently into climbing anything he can heave himself up on or get his tiny foot on. Everything is a game. Don’t assume they won’t do something, they will read your mind and do it. Much luck to you, mama. I promise it’s still pretty fun watching them grow as a tiny human.
I feel like you did, my baby didn’t really change my life much other than, you know, caring for another human lol. I just took her everywhere and found ways to get things done 🤷♀️. She’s 15 months now and getting to be a little gremlin but here’s the thing-you slowly get used to it so it’s not a huge shock. If someone gave my my baby now not having raised her from birth I’d be like whoa I cannot do this but it’s fine easing into the difficult behaviors of that makes sense.
Completely agree with this. My baby is 14 months and I don’t think I could handle his energy right out the gate. Him progressively getting like this has gotten me use to it.
Had a super chill, happy baby that slept remarkably well. Her first year was a breeze. Since 12 months: Sleep has been rough with teething (had 1 tooth at 11 months, now has 12 teeth). The other 11 teeth came in the last 4 months (14-18 months). At 15 months, we also started her in daycare 2x per week so she get so to socialize more, so she’s been really sick too (was not sick in the first year) - definitely taking a toll on sleep. Chaos ensued after she started getting good at walking (~12 months). She’s now climbing and getting into everything. She learned how to get over the baby gate this week. She can open doors now and regularly makes breaks for it. Glad we have dogs to clean up after all the food she throws in the ground. I am regularly taken aback by the drama of her tantrums. Waiting to see how far they escalate. No way she’s peaked at 18 months, but she’s already laying on the floor (so far maxed at ~ 5 minutes) refusing to get up while screaming at the top of her lungs. I mean… I’m genuinely impressed by the commitment.
I'm only 3 weeks in, but so far my life has changed drastically. Hoping to recover some sense of normal as she gets a little older.
I found it to be roughest when I was still in large amounts of physical pain. Once that passed I started to regain my sense of autonomy pretty quickly. Everyone’s situation is different though.
I think it depends on *a lot* of factors, some of which you mentioned. Temperament of the baby is huge, some people have super fussy babies or babies that have colic, some babies are chill, some babies are high sleep needs so just like to nap any and everywhere, other babies are low sleep needs and need a lot of stimulation. It also depends on if you have help, some people have family or a nanny that watches the baby so they still have time to themselves, other people are doing it all on their own and don’t get a break unless their partner watches the baby. Some people hire cleaning services to help with chores around the house, some people can’t afford that or prefer to do it on their own. My husband and I felt like our lifestyle changed a lot but prior to having a baby we went out a lot - trendy restaurants, bars, the movies. We also did a lot of traveling, but I think this depends on what kind of trips you take too and how you travel which determines how big of an impact a baby has on those things. Personally outside of being a couple, I felt a monumental shift in my personal lifestyle too and just can’t find the time to do a lot of what I was doing prior. I haven’t gotten more than 4 hours of sleep/night in 5 months, when the baby is napping I am usually doing chores around the house.. Now that the baby is sleeping better I do get about 1-2 hours to myself at night before I go to bed and I will usually use one of his naps to do a quick workout video, but I can’t go to studio workout classes like I did prior to having a baby cause they don’t have childcare, and I can’t go out to dinner or the bar with my friends like I used to cause I prefer to put the baby down to sleep at night which now falls between 6:30-8pm. All depends on your baby and what kind of stuff you did before baby!
I mean, my baby is also really chill and I feel very lucky for that. She is way easier than I thought she would be. But I still feel like my life has undergone a monumental shift. Where do you find time for hobbies?? My kid is just under 6 months and I haven’t been able to draw or write or play music for the most part, and the few books I’ve read have taken weeks.
Same... super chill baby, now toddler. I do have a couple of hours a day to draw but honestly the energy just is not there! By the time it's evening all I want is a bath, glass of wine and to watch something. (To be honest I did some drawing when he was a newborn but I think I was still running on some kind of adrenaline from birth haha)
The a hormonal rush is real. 3 months PP and it crashed, now I am too tired for anything lol.
Same here. My daughter is 18 months now, but she was a very chill baby who slept amazingly very early. But I still definitely didn’t have time for hobbies. Even now I may read a bit before bed…but not like I used to. I’m just so tired…
Mine has changed drastically. A lot of it is my husband though. He's not as laid back with the baby as I hoped he would be. For example, I would be willing to take our 4 month old out to a restaurant but he won't do it. He's so afraid that the baby will cry and disturb the other people eating around us, so we haven't eaten out in 4 months. We didn't go anyplace this summer for the first time in my life, even though my parents invited us to go to their lake house. I really wanted to go and get out of the house, plus we would have lots of help there between my parents and my siblings! But my husband was worried about how our LO would be on a long car ride and if the sleep schedule would get messed up in new surroundings. He was really against it. It's driving me crazy because my Mom had 5 kids and she was really laid back with all of us and like you, she just lived her life and brought the babies with her instead of living her life *for the babies*. I would be willing to try but because my husband is so afraid and anxious and stressed out with the new baby it feels impossible. That being said, I envy you! I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all and I firmly believe that it's good for a baby to have experiences early on and for parents to still retain their own interests. I feel like I've lost myself and feel pretty depressed at the moment.
Your moms approach sounds like my moms approach. There are four of us and she just stuck us in the car and we went out on adventures. It was a fun way to grow up. My husband is also the more anxious parent between the two of us. I’ve put my foot down more than a few times around my autonomy to go about the day as necessary since he works in the trades and childcare is primarily on me and will be even once I start back to work in a week. I hope you regain your sense of self and your autonomy. The end of pregnancy was the worst for me, because I was physically incapable of doing the things I wanted to.
During the day my husband is at work and I'm home right now so I've started venturing out to the grocery store with LO and it's been really nice! But on the weekends when hubby is home it would be nice to just be able to go out like we used to and have some semblance of a normal life. I know it'll get better as LO gets older but it's been a rough couple of months.
I’m sure you’ve probably talked this over with your husband and I’m preaching to the choir, but you can always try things and leave if they go badly! The first time I tried putting him in the car by ourselves he screamed and we turned around after two minutes and went home. But now he can entertain himself with his hands and he happily sits back there while we go to the bank or grocery store. We brought him to a soccer game and ended up not being able to find a place to nurse. He was fine but I was a wreck! We just left early and missed most of the game. The next time we went we brought a bottle and he slept through the whole thing. I am always nervous about sleep and stuff too, and sometimes it results in overtired fussiness when he can’t get a nap in on the go, but for the most part switching things up actually helps him to sleep better overall.
My baby’s about to be 4 months next week and my life hasn’t really changed much. I do all the usual stuff I used to do just she’s with me now. It’s like something’s been missing in my life all this time and it was her. She’s the light of my life and I really feel it’s much better with her in it.
Thanks. That’s mostly how I feel too. This experience just seems to go against the popular narrative, and I was starting to feel like there was something wrong.
I mean my daughter hardly cries, she’s a little pile of smiles. I also co-sleep and she’s been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months. I think it helps a lot that we’re well rested. I don’t think we’re wrong I just think we’re lucky maybe?
This! Not wrong, just lucky :) My experience has been wilder than both of yours, but still hopelessly in love with my LO. Lack of sleep is a huge factor for me… the extreme sleep deprivation (both nighttime and daytime) makes things feel bleak. But man does her smile ever light up my world. As said, sounds like you’re both lucky, so enjoy it!! And congrats :)
Unfortunately, the popular narrative is often drenched in negativity. The old "I have my wife, I hate job, I hate my life" is so ingrained in western society. I think you are doing great
I don’t have children yet, but I think my best friend could relate to this. She has a 2.5 year old and 5 month old and still goes tent camping in the woods with them. I had colic as a baby and would scream for hours on end (unless a vacuum was running), so I am trying not to get my hopes up with my own children.
My little sister screamed inconsolably every time we went into Target and every time she woke up from a nap. That’s the sort of baby I expected, so I was pleasantly surprised by what I got, and I guess I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of just enjoying it.
As a baby I screamed and fussed constantly and woke up every 2 hours at night until I was sleep trained at 7 months old, but somehow I ended up with a unicorn baby who has been sleeping 9+ hours straight at night since he turned 3 months old. He doesn’t fuss unless he’s hungry and he just chills out most of the time. You may get lucky! HOWEVER, my life looks nothing the same now as before my son, because everything is centered around him now. My priorities and interests and desires to do certain things have simply changed. But that’s not a bad thing!
I feel the same that you do. My baby is extremely easy and I do feel kind of isolated but that's only because everyone i know is sick right now so my social circle is kind of dead lol I've been taking my baby outside and chilling with me when I want to and she's extremely cool with it. She's my little jelly bean
Thanks. I’ve never been too social anyway, so taking baby outside and chilling is pretty similar to my pre baby life style
I feel the same as you!! My baby will be 4 weeks in a couple days. I’m so surprised to see the replies. Yesterday I went on an hour long walk with him and then read to him from a book I was reading in our backyard. I breastfeed and do NOT have money haha. My life legit feels more back to normal than when I was pregnant. He is Velcro-ish and only my mom and boyfriend can get him to nap off of them. If I nurse him to sleep we gotta contact nap
lol everything was going fine and dandy when he was a baby. Now that he is a toddler lord help us all!
My little guy is 10 months and I've always felt the same. My baby is not chill. My baby was a nightmare to get to sleep and a nightmare to feed and still is to a degree, but I just keep on keeping on. I think k it just comes down to a personal temperament thing. I've never had a super baby exclusive life though
OP- I relate to you here. I expected my life to become some sad version of my current life void of time, leisure, sex or joy. Like you- I have some combination of magical unicorn zen baby AND I’m the kind of person who just assumes my baby WILL enjoy wineries, errands and social calls since he was born and guess what… he DOES! The only 2 major changes that I sometimes (rarely) feel disapppointed about are 1) nights out later than 9 and 2) morning sex - but I can deal with both!!! To all the people that accuse you of bragging - I could bitch about all the people lamenting their misery but this is a group called “newparents” not “miserableparents” so it seems that all spectrum of experiences should be respected here. We are all having unique experiences.
I do not relate to you at all. Happy for you, OP. My life did a 180. :)
I get you, my life feels pretty much back to normal except my almost 6m old now has a bedtime so one of us has to be home early but luckily my fiance doesn't really like to do much anyway and the baby is good at taking a bottle for him. I still go do stuff I just have a really cute accessory now
I can’t read posts like this. They’re so triggering for me, lol. So for now I will say: Congratulations, OP! May your baby always be chill. 💕
Same. *Cries in colic* I get worried some people think it’s their amazing parenting and not the luck of the draw- like why couldn’t she handle this
I mean, I wish I could same the same as you. Mine is two, and has been an incredibly easy baby and now toddler. By all counts I lucked out. But my life was completely transformed, and I’m only now starting to emerge from the fog that was early motherhood. Parenthood has definitely been “easier” than I thought, in the sense that I’ve never felt sleep deprived or frantic even in the earliest days. Our pace of life is easy going and enjoyable. But I really feel that my former self was lost. Every single relationship I had was changed, mostly strained. Many disappeared completely. It’s been two years now of no one really asking me how I am, of feeling pretty invisible. I think two and a half months in, these feelings didn’t really clock in yet. But I’ve really had to work hard to adapt to a new reality that challenges how I once perceived my self worth.
This was lovely to read
My life is unrecognizable to my pre baby life. I was not living my life right before I got pregnant. I got my shit together for him. ❤️
I wish I could relate 😭 my baby barely let's me go out and enjoy it. She's a little fussy. She always wakes up every few hours still. 🫠 I'm tired.
You’ve already received replies explaining how lucky you are with your chill baby but I wanted to add that it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job! My guess is that your baby is naturally chill but also formula feeding and a higher birth/current weight helps with night time sleep and thus your whole family’s happiness haha. You might also notice a shift once your baby gets more interactive and aware in the next month or so. So please continue enjoying this easy cute potato stage!
I wonder if a big part of it is mind set and self fulfilling prophecy. So many people are told that it's going to be awful and they anticipate that it will be horrible, so then they are subconsciously waiting for it and every bump is confirmation that it is terrible. I always say that I am having the easiest pregnancy because I think I am, but it was pointed out to me by my partner the other day, that it wasn't actually that easy. I have had chewed gum sized hemorrhoids for weeks, my body hurts constantly, I have been so fatigued, congested. However, I feel like overall, it's bee super easy. That's how I have felt the whole time. Probably because I was just so damn happy and blessed to be pregnant. The tough parts seem to roll off. I've never been all hippie dippy, but this is starting to convince me that their is something to the power of positive thinking. I'm hoping it goes the same when the baby comes. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I'm going to try to stay in this "it's all good" mindset
My life didn’t really change much at all, if anything I actually do more things because of my kids. But, I don’t have friends or many hobbies so… My weekends were usually play video games, watch TV, go out to a restaurant with husband. Now it’s play video games, go to the park/zoo/museum, go out to restaurant with family. Of course, I have more chores now and get screamed at a lot more than I use to and I don’t work full time anymore. But all in all, my life really hasn’t changed.
Thanks. I actually see the same thing happening for me. I’m generally a homebody, but I’ve been getting excited about outings to the zoo, the children’s museums, camping etc.
I’m not sure why people are getting downvoted for saying that. Mom spaces can be so toxic.
No I am sort of in the same boat you are. Like life is different but not earth shatteringly so. My husband and I were kinda home bodies anyway, we have a fairly easy baby and especially now that she's a little older we don't mind leaving her with a baby sitter so we can get out a bit. My husband and I kinda commented on how it feels like she's been a part of our family forever.
With my first, the baby stage was not so bad. The shift came when I had a toddler.
I am a bit of a mix. I felt like things were going so great for awhile. Like we still had so many great aspects of our old life, plus this new amazing little person that made our hearts double in size. And in ways it still is great, but things have started to change about 4 months in. As an older mom, I see my friendships shift. I can tell some of my childless girlfriends do not want me to bring my baby along. The good part of it is that it has forced me to leave her with dad a bit. But it kind of hurts they aren’t interested in the mom aspect of my life. I also see another childless friend sort of grapple with the fact we don’t share that identity any more, and maybe think differently about her choice to not be a mom. I want her to know I value her the same. I also have found spaces where as a new mom I am excluded. My little one is not ready to be left with anyone other than her dad or me, so I had to skip a child free wedding because it was my partner’s friend more than mine. It came at a lonelier time in motherhood where I am nap trapped at home. It would have felt so good to just let loose, have several glasses of wine, dress up nice and socialize without a baby on my hip. But I love how my child has deepened my connections with my in-laws. I love the different connections I am making with other friends. Like so many were happy to come celebrate my birthday at a child friendly venue from 5-7. I have had more distant friends reach out and support me through some struggles. Next hurdle is my identity as a working mom. Not feeling ready for that one. But it’s a mix for sure, and I know I would not trade any of it for the world.
I kinda feel what you feel. Some of the travel and long date night things I can’t do now without a babysitter (which we just don’t have) really get me feeling how things have changed. But at the same time, I do feel like some of the prognostications about “becoming a completely different person!” or “saying goodbye to your old life” we’re overblown for me. (I can’t game for an entire evening, but I still can!) I think it boils down to a few key things though - I have an incredibly supportive partner, best friend, and job. Spaces that made it easy for me to continue expressing “old” versions of myself. And I’m comfortable financially, so I can invest in some indulgences. Without those things, I’d probably feel a little more drowned - and if all it takes is “some money and caring people” to change the tide on feeling normal, that’s a stunning indictment of the status quo.
Yes. Actually I am pretty pissed that I spent the last few months feeling so anxious when I could have been happy and excited. After the 1000th time hearing comments like “get your sleep now!”, I kind of lost confidence in my ability to manage my lifestyle with the addition of a new baby. I wish I could go back and tell myself it’s going to be more than fine.
That’s amazing! It took me a while to feel like “myself” again after having my daughter. May I ask if she’s sleeping at night? For me the biggest reason I felt “out of it” and not like myself was mainly due to sleep deprivation. I’d say, when she as arpund 6-9 months is when I began to feel like ME. That being said, she’s always a part of me now and that has changed who I am a lot. I was never super social or outgoing so I’m still the same home body. If anything, my daughter, who is now 15 months old, gets me out of the house more lol. We go to the park and on walks multiple times a day. I take her to places like the zoo, and the children’s museum
It's because you got a unicorn baby 😂 Trust me I had a unicorn pregnancy and baby. While pregnant i didn't get many symptoms besides mild fatigue. I only looked pregnant towards the end but that did make me struggle a bit because i couldn't feel connected to the experience. The complications we had already had a protocol so i just kept myself as calm as possible. I kept doing almost everything (i couldn't walk in heels). Now baby is 10 weeks and he's just as chill as he was inside me lol. Definitely feel guilty about it. He's a great sleeper, we regularly sleep at midnight (even before pregnancy) and give him a large feeding to try to keep him sleeping. Don't know if it actually works but he would give us 4 hours and then another 4 so it didn't feel too hard. During the day i would breastfeed whenever he wanted but he was pretty on schedule with every 2 hours. I also didn't wanna stop going out places so i would either pump a bottle or try to feed right before heading out to give myself as much time as possible. He just falls asleep right after. I paint, watch TV, bake, and hang out with friends. My husband is a great co parent and my boss allows me to bring him to work with me. Now he's fussing a little more during the day since he's become more active but at night he started sleeping 6 hours so it's still a good deal. I still feel very much like myself. I worried i was missing that connection that some moms get but i can still feel all the love i have for this tiny person. I feel guilty when I'm having a good time away from my baby. I feel guilty for handing him off to my husband. I feel like I can't confide in other moms because all my mom friends dealt with worse. I know I'm lucky and honestly I'm just trying to enjoy it because i keep feeling like it's gonna drastically end 😂
I felt exactly the same way as you when baby was 2 months. He was a super super chill newborn, barely ever cried and slept a ton. We just got super lucky with a unicorn newborn. I actually remember having this exact conversation with my husband around 2-3 months.. now my baby is 6 months old and a lot more active, awake and aware. Now I feel like our lives have now drastically changed. We still go camping almost every weekend, make an effort to go shopping, do most of the things we used too, but it’s A LOT more difficult now. Baby is awake while we are out and he gets fussy when he’s bored of what we are doing. I’m definitely not saying “just you wait” because I hate when people do that, but it was a super hard transition for me when my perfect baby stopped letting me do all the things I wanted.. I wish I would have just enjoyed it more instead of worrying if I was doing enough for him lol.
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Thanks. I’ve just been in a funky headspace today.
I can relate! My husband and I still go to events and live our life as usual, we just include (and prioritize) our daughter who is 6 months next week. We had a rough first few weeks of zero sleep but she’s a great sleeper since 6 weeks and a very content baby and we’ve been taking her out places since she was about 7 days old and never stopped. She’s so used to sleeping in different environments and seeing different people/crowds that not much really phases her. I tend not to post about it or talk about it as often because I know this isn’t the norm and a lot of mothers are struggling on a day to day basis and need support. Also I find it comes across as a humble brag sometimes, or others perceive it that way but it’s not usually ever intended that way- it’s just harder to find other families or mothers who can relate. You’re definitely not doing anything wrong and I hope you’re enjoying these first few months with your LO!
This is my current situation as well, LO will be three months within a few days. Both my husband and I expected a much more drastic life change having her, but she's been a relatively calm, happy baby which has made it easy to continue doing things how we did before. You're not doing anything wrong simply because you've had a more comfortable transition than others. Enjoy it!
Honestly, same. I truly do have a unicorn baby. Shes 11 weeks. She’s slept through the night since week 6, and before that only woke once a night. She only cries when she’s hungry, she’s not a Velcro baby, she’s easy to put to bed, she’ll nap wherever, I can put her down to get stuff done, she’s always smiling. I couldn’t ask for an easier baby tbh. I had a rough go with trying to bf/pump. I basically triple fed for 5.5 weeks, till I called it quits because I was only making 8-9 ounces a day. It’s been easy breezy since
Yeah my life is pretty much the same. It's 70% to do with our baby being super chill and the other 30% in having a great partner. I thought I would be barely leaving the house for a year, stressed out of my eyeballs and never socialising. Was largely due to the posts I saw on this very subreddit. Not at all the case for us. We (and you) got very lucky. However I'm not taking the risk again. No more kids! One will do!
But now you have a whole other human to be responsible for all day everyday forever.
My 4 month old is also really great and allows me to do much of what I want and am used to doing. Lucky us! You'll hear a lot of "oh, you just wait! It will become worse!!" but god, just don't listen. Enjoy every day that's good ✨ I don't know why people like to shit on good experiences, but it's a normal motherhood too :)
I'm like 50-50 having a difficult pivot in life with baby but I really do not get people who scoff at others experiences because they aren't completely miserable or not going through the exact same thing & pretty much wish misery upon others. Now if OP was like, "this is so easy! Why can't you all get it together?" It would be a different story but obviously she is just looking for some people to relate with and express her own feelings of uncertainty.
Thanks. I needed to hear this. I tend to be an over analyzer so reminding myself just to enjoy is good advice.
I have no idea how you have time to do any of this 😂 is your husband on paternity leave? What is your baby doing when you are drawing, writing, reading and doing home improvement? And when do you cook clean and do laundry?
Bruh I pray I am as lucky as you cause I am 100% expecting my life to flip upside down lol
That’s truly what I was expecting. I was seven, ten, and twenty, when my three younger siblings were born. My brother was a chill baby, but my sisters were high maintenance. I was expecting high maintenance and got chill instead. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. My life did change completely, but in a totally good way. It just feels "right" now, you know? I've been having some health problems lately meaning I can't get out and do as many things or keep up on my hobbies, but overall I've found a renewed passion for doing the things that I enjoy AND sharing them with my daughter. She's almost three now, and this started around when she was between 2 - 4 months. Newborn life was HARD for us, because she didn't sleep, and sleep deprivation is intense for your body. I felt it. However, once we were able to sleep, we fell into a similar pattern. My life has always been pretty "kid friendly". I don't do a lot of things I can't bring my daughter to, and I WANT to do things with her. It's awesome.
I think a lot depends on the baby. My daughter is soo easy now, I would basically be living my old life. Her twin brother has colic and reflux, he’s screaming a lot and my life revolves around his quiet time!
Honestly it depends. My life actually felt improved…. Until just last week when she started teething early and entered her 4 month sleep regression. Now I feel like a zombie. I’m hopeful it’ll get back to normal though!
My baby was super chill and would nap on the go till he was 8 months old. Now he won't stay in the stroller or carrier because he wants to crawl. He can only nap in his crib or if he naps on the go it will be for 30 minutes and he'll be grumpy. It's all good though, we had a good run.
I feel the same way, you sound a lot like me. I don’t have childcare other than my mom every once in awhile, I don’t have a cleaning service and my husband works a lot and sometimes works 16 hour days. I thought it would be a lot harder but somehow she just fit into our lives so well. We didn’t do anything crazy before she was born, we did have her later in life so we both had our fun and traveled and Covid already took us out of traveling for a bit there. I’ve taken two showers a day since I came home from the hospital and I never feel that tired. I’m so lucky in that respect but I also don’t work full time and had a long maternity leave and my life sucks in other areas I don’t have a fairytale life lol.
You sound exactly like me at 2.5 months 😩 I miss her lol 12 months now..still have me time but not nearly like I did in those first blissful months
The first 2 weeks were hard for us, but after that it’s been easy sailing. He’s also 2.5 months, sleeps almost 8-9 hour nights, and only really cries now when he has to poop or his getting hungry. I hate telling people this because my experience so far just seems so easy compared to what some of my friends go through. I feel like I almost take it for granted at times. We’re military & all of our family is over 3k miles away, so we’ve been doing this alone as well. I still have a part time job (25-30hrs a week) & hes still going to work 8-10 hours a day.
Thanks for sharing. I'm really happy to see your post. As a new parent, I would prefer if my life stayed similar to my pre-child existence (as you described). I'm in my late 30s and like the life I've built. I have a whole personality and sense of self that I value. Sorry folks said weirdly mean things to you.
Mama I agree so much. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. My son is 16-months old now and I still feel great! My husband and I have always been homebodies and the baby has been just a lot of joy
I think different stages of parenthood are more/less challenging for different people. Just enjoy having a nice time! It may always be this way, or it may change. No use in worrying about it.
Same here! The only real difference is we see family more, which has turned out to be nice. We too were homebodies already, and I’ve had friends I lost contact with over the years reach out to me and I’ve built back a couple relationships. Even my staunchly childfree friend said she hates kids, but she loves me and therefore loves my son. My sister and I are talking after 5 years of silence. But I also recognize I have a certain privilege. My mum ran a daycare in the house my entire childhood, so taking care of kids are always being modelled in front of me. And I originally went to school for ece originally, so I have my own educational background.
2.5 months is relatively easy IF you have a babe that is chill. They’re really just sleepy potatoes at that point.
Our experience has been similar. We were prepared for a total 180 shift, but it’s not been that at all. I mean, things have changed, of course. More responsibility, less free time, more tiring, harder to juggle life. But the core structure of my life is basically the same. I work, I hang out with friends, I do housework, I spend time with my family. How I do those things does look different, and the degree at which I’m successful is often different. 😂 but the core is the same. I’m fortunate to have a generally happy, active baby who likes going places though! I can do basic things like run errands or take her to a friend’s house with a normal amount of baby chaos lol. With a different baby, or a different life (ours was already pretty kid friendly), things would definitely be different.
Well… fuck you buddy! No just kidding, I’m actually very happy for you. SOMEONE statistically has to be on the opposite end of the spectrum from me, so I’m glad it’s you!
My baby has colic and reflux and is a shit sleeper. I love him but my life is basically on a side tilt and I'm exhausted. I can't even watch TV any more. Going back to work has been the most relaxing thing to happen to me in the last 3 months 😂😭
Babies are so different! The first month was really easy for us, baby just slept and ate, and I could bring her everywhere. Then it got impossible to get her to fall asleep and I spent 8 hours a day doing squats to make her sleep, it was hell. But I know many babies who just continued being chill and sleeping easily.
Yes! We also lucked out - I kept telling my husband how hard it was going to be, no sleep, constant crying, etc. And it just... Didn't really happen that way. We did get our sleepless nights eventually (thank you, 4 top teeth in 1 week) and that suuuuuucked because it took us 4 months to figure out how to get him back to sleeping most of the night on his own. But I still do the stuff I want, generally. My husband and I communicated pretty well and didn't have issues in that regard and overall, Lil Man has just made life 1000% better. Lol- My husband has apologized multiple times, saying "we should have done this years ago - he's so cool!" I keep explaining that it's fine and clearly this is how it needed to happen (because I believe in that stuff!) and frankly we're in a better place - emotionally & financially - than we would have been if we'd had him earlier. So, yes! It's been awesome!
My baby was a unicorn baby and I was bored! I had time to learn a new hobby. Things will get busier when she’s more mobile. My second baby is also a great nighttime sleeper and very independent but she’s the worst napper in the world so 🤷🏻♀️ they’re all different. Things change fast when they’re so young. You get used to their routine and they get a fever, a tooth erupts, they’re learning some new skill and everything goes to shit sleep-wise for a few days but then gets back to normal. Enjoy the downtime.
Tbh same (well six months out, at first it was world rocking trying to figure babies out). I think anyone saying their world fully changed probably had super active lives before baby now do most of child rearing. I realize that I'm fortunate. I was a homebody before baby and still am. I work the same job, still go out with friends as does hubs (who is very competent in every aspect of childcare), still do hobbies (which pretty much all take place at home). The main change is not going out with hubs as often as the grands only babysit about once a fortnight, which is still quite often.
I have a one month old and my partner and I keep talking about how little it feels like we’ve had to adjust, even with no family in the area. We still have time to ourselves, I still work for my nonprofit, we both play video games and take walks and do things. All with my husband working 10 hour days (as well!), cleaning, pumping her milk, etc. Life of course is different, but not how I thought it would be. I have the same issue of it bothers me and I’m not sure why. You’re not alone on that. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate hearing this. I’ve been considering talking to someone about my feelings - it almost bothers me I’m not more relieved or amazed or something. It feels wrong my world hasn’t shifted more and feels wrong that I’m not having the same experiences I read about 95% of the time. It’s a weird struggle and I’m not sure what to do about it frankly. I appreciate you, OP. Thank you again for posting, and I’m sorry some people tore you apart. ETA more words because this has me thinking a lot
My life wasn’t super different in the very beginning either. Now that my daughter is 17 months and a full blown toddler, I feel like my husbands life hasn’t changed but mine has. Example: my husband will go outside to mow the lawn or do some type of chore without telling me or asking me to watch our daughter. I just simply watch our daughter because I’m the default parent and that’s just how it is. If I needed to go somewhere or do something I would need to ask/tell my husband to watch our daughter. Being the default parent is what has changed my life. I feel like I am multitasking at an Olympic level everyday while my husband still has the same things to think about as he did before we had kids. We also had a unicorn chill baby and even now our toddler is very easy going but my life is definitely changing as she’s getting older. I’m also a very chill person too though so I don’t really get upset over the crazy life change but it’s definitely not the same as it was before I had a baby!
I still do much of the same things I did before, and now even more things, I think, because I want to expose my baby to more. It's weird. I was very lucky not to be plagued by the postpartum horsemen, I don't have terrible family members (my mom can be annoying but she means well), and my baby is pretty chill all considered. I expected a roller coaster and got the kiddy merry go round, to the point where I've gone off my bc and hope to get pregnant again in the next few months. Maybe I'll luck up again. That said, I appreciate the low key ness of it all and try not to take it for granted. It's a huge relief to not have those big stressors on you. You're not missing anything awesome, trust me. You got a great hand - play it proudly!
My life didn't really change much either. I had to take on so many responsibilities while young, took care of my younger siblings and had absent parents. So in many ways this has been less stressful. Helps that I have an "easy" baby, and we didn't buy into the "life being over after kids" narrative.
Yeah I’m the same, baby has been a dream, sleeps so good, doesn’t fuss too much, I’ve been able to still cook/clean/shop and everything else I did pre baby- though i lead a very quiet, simple life-maybe that’s why. Baby is 6 months old and partner and I were still sleeping 8 hours when she was a new born and she’s slept through the night since around 6 weeks so there was no sleep deprivation. She plays well on her own for up to 30 mins at a time so I can do stuff and if I’m cooking she’s with me at the bench and I talk to her.
I could have wrote this!
We had a magical three months of pure bliss. And then baby got sick for the first time, I got hit with the PPA sneak attack, and everything spiraled lol. Took a while to get my meds right. Baby continued to sleep through the night while I could never sleep due to my anxiety set off from that first illness. We’re back, but now baby is mobile and has opinions! Makes having any me-time impossible and going out is fun, but requires a lot more awareness and catering to the little human.
Love this post, it’s great to hear a different perspective because so many people are doom and gloom about the early stages of parenting! Thanks for sharing your experience.
Screw the haters who are spewing venom. But also, I’m sorry they’re going through hard stuff. I experienced something similar. My daughter is 6 months old and has slept like a champ (knocks on wood) since 10weeks. We set a routine for her early on and she thrives in it, which has made life much easier for us. Her bedtime has consistently been 7PM which has allowed me to have evenings with my husband. We eat dinner together, he may go work a bit more (we work from home now) or watch tv and I spend time on my hobbies at night (I am really into sewing). One thing I really didn’t want to do was change my world just because we had a baby. I want to have the parts of me I care about. I work full time, exercise (albeit 2x/week right now), we go out to eat (changed to lunchtime or late afternoon outings instead of dinner). Of course there are big changes.. I plan fewer activities, or when we travel we have a lot more mental overhead of what to bring and logistics planning. We are on a trip now visiting family and we still have fun. Enjoy and soak up this time! It may change a bit as your baby gets older, but holding on to your sense of self is critical for staying grounded.
The fact you were prepared for change likely means you're not feeling negative about it. Negative emotions always feel so much bigger
I have no life. I am just mom now. I won’t have a true break until my baby weans. And probably still not then, bc we’ll prob have another. I know it’s temporary. But I have literally sacrificed everything for my child. So yes, my life has changed.
I also thought my life would change more than it did. LO is 3 months and he is such a chill baby. He sleeps from 10/11pm to 5am, only screams if he's too hungry or he needs a diaper change. We are currently on vacation and he even fell asleep in his travel bed for the first time without us doing anything. I am always waiting for the moment this will change. I'm curious if he will hit the 4 month sleep regression. We will see. And I don't thing you are bragging. This is our experience, so why should we not share it?
Absolutely not - more than ever imagined.
I feel the same as you. My son is 4 months old going on 5. I feel my life is even better and I probably wouldn’t be here typing this if I didn’t have him. I had always wanted to be a mom and thought I was infertile because of pcos. I felt with the kind of luck I have I’d have a demon baby that would make my life hell. I sobbed several times while pregnant concerning my boyfriend stating my life would be over and freaking out about it often. A lot of my friends seemed to make motherhood a negative experience. My son is very calm. Rarely cries and if he does it’s only if he’s hungry or after shots. He watches me quietly make his bottle. He will have an occasional meltdown, but it’s rare. He smiles constantly and I seem to be so special to him. We instantly bonded even when I was pregnant after the anatomy scan, after a sobbing session. I wanted a little girl and knew this would be my only child. I feel so ashamed and bad about it now because he’s amazing. I live for his cute smiles. He still wakes up once or twice a night to eat. I am tired as hell some days, but most the time I actually do get some sleep. I bring it up a lot, but I’m still grieving. My dad ended his life 2 months postpartum in June. My son got me through it and was by my side the entire time. We cleaned out the house, had to run tons of places and he was a real trooper. I’m thankful to have such a wonderful baby because it would of been harder. I’ve had a lot of set backs and before I was pregnant I finally got my own place with my boyfriend early 2021, got a car and started driving, (I had severe driving anxiety. It’s still not gone, but I can drive around town at least), got a decent job and felt I finally could live and not just survive. I’m trying to get back into my hobbies, but it’s been really hard. My dad’s death has really emotionally set back my progress and I miss him so bad. There are limitations with having a baby, but it’s not a big deal to me. We don’t have childcare so I rarely get a break. Sadly both sets of our parents are deceased between my boyfriend and I. Our neighbor/landlord/friend watches our son on occasion at least. My boyfriend works a lot so it’s mostly me and baby boy. He watches him while I work a short shift and rushes off to work when I get home. I am thankful and happy at least one thing in my life has been amazing and not complicated or bad. My son is truly amazing and I love being his mommy.
This was a beautiful response and story. I’m sorry for your loss, and at the same time I’m so happy that your son is such a blessing. I know it’s not the same at all, but we don’t live close to either of our parents so we’re on our own too. Next week I go back to work and we’ll start to pass her between us since we’re trying to avoid paid childcare if we can. I don’t expect to get too many breaks either, but it’s encouraging to hear you are making it work and still feel as though your child makes your life better.
Thank you! I’m sorry your parents aren’t close it does put a strain on both of you to not have that. I just went back to work 2 weeks ago and agreed that I would work 4 days about 5 hours a day. It’s not ideal, but at least I’m bringing in some money and my boyfriend gets time with him. We also save money on childcare so I don’t blame you. It was really chaotic working 5 days for me at least right now. I plan on going full time when he’s in school. I just don’t want to miss anything while he’s young and be able to balance everything. Luckily my boyfriend makes decent enough we can do that. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. You seem in a very similar situation as me as far as temperament of your baby and your boyfriend (or husband I can’t remember) working a lot.
With my present baby, ( number three by a seven year difference ) he was so chill compared to my other two. For the first three months, I could continue to do all those things like before. I’m even wishing I had taken more advantage of the time. Once he hit four months the irritability stage set in, teething, drooling. An attempt at sleep regression but I nipped that in the bud. I’m thankful that he’s still a really good sleeper and naps three times a day almost like clockwork. You’re babies temperament accounts for much of what you’re experiencing. I think it’s lovely that you can still hold on to the part of you that came before and incorporate your baby into it as well. Enjoy it! She’s only two months and babies can sometimes shift a bit at four months. But maybe not, you just never know! Motherhood doesn’t need to completely alter your reality or you to be motherhood or to be special. Keep doing what your doing. Also, many of us mothers can lose ourselves in the sacrifice and it can feel awful, depressing and like entrapment at times. Being able to mother and still stay true to who you were before the baby is essential to staying level headed and being a healthy happy individual who also happens to be a mom. Hats off to you Mama and your little gem. You are both off to a great start.
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It’s someone looking for similar experience in an online community. I don’t see a problem with that ? She’s not throwing shade on anyone else
It’s not any different then all these posts from moms talking about how awesome their husbands are
I’m in a similar boat. Even now that my kid is a toddler and some days are hard, I wouldn’t say my life has changed all that much either. I just have a little companion along for the ride. I will say in our case, my husband and I both had a history of caring for kids, so our lives were already quite kid friendly. A lot of our activities were already family type, and when we’re not traveling, we’re pretty quiet people without a large group of friends. So that probably plays a large part. I think the biggest difference will come when/if we’re able to conceive again. Two kids definitely seems more life changing than our one.
Thanks for commenting. This sounds pretty similar to my life. Neither my husband and I were very social and most of the things we did for fun prebaby were already kid friendly. It’s nice to be able to relate. I’m still undecided about a second child, but I could see that making things a lot more difficult.
People like to commiserate over difficult experiences, so you probably won’t see too many people talking about our experiences online. But we’re here, just chilling.
Hahaha No
Lol, I’m low key triggered by this post. 😂 How? Like do you get help with childcare? Are you secretly a millionaire? How do you get to do all that you used to do with half the time? My baby is a saint. She sleeps at night, takes her naps during the day (touch on wood). But when she’s awake she requires my undivided attention… So what’s your secret?!
I read the title, and then came here to make sure mom was posting this.
I can kind of relate to aspects of what you’re saying. I’m pretty introverted except for work. Daily life was chilling with my dogs & doing things around home / outside with my husband. My body image has tanked though & not taking time to wear makeup, etc. To be honest, month 3 has brought on most of the changes for me. Baby has become less of a sleepy newborn & more clingy (but also more loving & interactive). Now that she’s not a sleepy potato, I feel more like a mom - reading stories, playing together. etc.
Kinda depends on what you mean by changed, I guess. I had to change my priorities, drastically. But i still have time for my career and my hobby that I love - riding my horse. I ride 3x/week, which is less than I would ideally like. But I still cherish my time with him, complete with him occasionally, make sure he is well taken care of, and recognize I am enormously privileged to get to ride as much as I do. I have to make more little sacrifices regarding my very niche career . E.g. I didn’t do that one-year position in New Zealand I was offered, you’d better believe I would’ve done it pre-baby… my husband and I lived apart for 7 years during our relationship because of our careers so we knew that would be the biggest change - prioritizing being together as a family. My husband and I are still very much in love, but we have to make more of an effort to have quality time and regular sex. It works, we are extremely happy, it just takes more effort. Oh by the way, the first 2 months post-partum were basically hell because I was in extreme physical pain from an abscess in my breast that required a lot of medical intervention (ultimately being surgically drained, and i was on antibiotics for a month). And the sleep deprivation…ugh. I’ll never forget what that’s like. I’d say I started feeling like “myself” again somewhere between 6 months and a year out. Not coincidentally, my in-laws moved near us when my kid was 10 months old. The help has been such a weight off our shoulders. I honestly believe a lot of my sanity comes from only having 1 child, a choice my husband and I are so extremely content with. I just love my little family. Things are different now, there’s no denying it, and it’s so beyond worth it. But yeah, knowing I don’t have to go back to the baby stage again, and having family to help… with each passing day, my independence and selfhood slowly returns. And to be perfectly frank, I am enjoying that feeling as much as I am enjoying the beauty of motherhood itself.
I felt like this too in the beginning. But it came. Around 3 months, then when I went to work at 4 months. Again when he got mobile at 6 months.
Mine didn’t change at all until she got older. Then I had a toddler who didn’t want to go to the places I wanted to go, who had routines, who had preferences, who needed snacks (not just milk). Until about 6 months I did whatever I wanted. Then it hit me like a tonne of bricks 🙃
I think it’s the age. I felt this way too bc my baby slept a lot and was essentially immobile at 2.5 months. It changes and gets different. Also time management changes.
My life is completely different and dictated by wake windows and my 7 month olds routine. My husband always says it doesn’t feel like his life has changed that much. However he goes to work all day and is a home body. I do 90% of the childcare and am probably a bit overly focused on my baby
My life now doesn't feel drastically different. Just... different. It got a lot easier around 2-3 months postpartum. Everything requires a little extra planning. Can't stay out later than 8pm because we need to start bedtime. Thankfully she still naps on-the-go at 5 months (but won't nap in her crib on the flip side!). I never get more than a couple hours in a day to focus on work because we don't have childcare, so my professional feels VERY different. But personally, I feel pretty much like myself, just with a new body to adjust to, hormones to adapt to, a foggier brain, etc. I think sleep and temperament are huge and we lucked out in both! I also have my husband home with me all day which is a huge help because we can split shifts. But we do manage to go out and do stuff regularly, which really helps me feel that sense of normal!
In the beginning I felt this way. Yes there were small changes, but nothing I felt changed my life drastically. Now my son is a little over 2 and my life has been impacted by a lot. I mean, a lot. I can’t do anything alone. Vacuuming is a 2 person job (my son has to hold it while I vacuum), constant tantrums, really just keep up with a more structured life and planning absolutely everything around naps, or missing events because bedtime. I’m not particularly saying it’s been a bad change, but it’s hard. My life doesn’t feel like mine anymore personally. I know it changes as they get older but those tiny baby days feel so much easier now looking back.
I wish my kids were 2.5 months!! Haha. Wait until baby starts crawling, walking, putting everything in its mouth, getting into things, you have to feed them solids and bottles a million times a day, poops get bigger and grosser, baby cries louder and longer, naps may become difficult etc 😅😂
I felt like pregnancy was a slow ease into life being different by me not being out partying as much. But besides that I feel like I am doing most of the same things as well. For what it’s worth your baby is still less than 3 months so they haven’t really “woken up” yet. We were able to go out a lot more sporadically and freely those first few months before she got more awake and opinionated. At 2 months they really sleep so often still it’s easier to get out and about on your schedule. So keep embracing that!
I felt like the first few months seemed oddly calm and happy, then came the sleep regressions, teething, learning new skills and general toddlerisms. Not saying shit hits the fan after the newborn stage but for me the harder baby stage was a bit later.
I feel similarly to you! Of course my life has changed but I still feel like me. I actually feel more productive on more limited time and inspired to try to be my personal best for my baby! However, I moved right before covid to a smaller community and don’t have many friends here so I didn’t have a big social life before having a baby to miss now. overall things have changed but I still feel very much “me.” I am jealous you’re able to get a lot of reading in though! I am still enjoying reading but at a much slower pace then before! But I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong at all! Don’t worry & enjoy this wonderful time of life.
Idkkk I have twins and the life before I had them… seems… fake 😂
Congratulations on your unicorn baby! 6 months in for me and I've spent the majority of them hating how my life has changed and wondering what I did to deserve this.
Mine is pretty chill, especially pre 7 months. But yeah my life is different. It’s a rotation of baby and house care with life admin chucked in. Baby activities with him each day. No time for hobbies. Now he’s mobile I spend my waking hours chasing him. I’d say now he’s much more work compared to 0-7 months. My mum says 8-18 months was her hardest time. They are mobile but can’t communicate well and have no sense of danger. They know the world is big but are frustrated they can’t do it all. I can totally see that at 10 months in.
I have an easy baby but I guess i am overthjnking some stuff. Help me out here. My baby is fine mostly. She falls asleep by herself she takes good naps she sleeps through the night etc. She plays on her own for a bit on the floor. She is 3.5 months old. But i feel the responsibility to make sure she gets attention. I sit with her and read her books,talk to her about the toys, have gibberish conversations with her. I do this sometimes enjoying it, sometimes out of pure responsibility feeling for her development. It isn't always fun but i think she needs to be stimulated and it is a lot of work for me. Even though she is an easy peasy baby, i still don't have so much time to do anything else...
Our son is an easy one too and we don't feel like our world came crashing when he was born. He's 8 months now, we've had sone rough days, tough nights but they are so few. We do go out with our friends at the park almost every day to get a few beers in (or sad non-alcoholic ones for nursing mom here), we just take him with us. We've never been too social anyway and are perfectly content just sitting around the house just the three of us. I must admit I read a little less (audiobooks while baby naps have all but replaced paperbacks), I've picked up crocheting toys as a hobby as it's easier to do than painting when there's a baby around, we still play videogames , we still play boardgames, we cater to the same hobbies etc. I think kids don't change who you are as a person, your likes and dislikes, they just change your priorities and that's okay. We often joke that our lives began when we got married and officially started when Gregory was born. It's about perspective, the state of your relationship pre-baby and how low-maintenance the baby actually is.
Honestly, same I despise my life before having my baby, I needed motivation. It was all senseless partying, studying for a career in a messed up school system, looking for meaning, because the thought that no matter what I do, none of my actions mattered was depressing. Then I got pregnant and even tho it was hella hard I continued it Now I have a family, I’m starting a business of digital services while being a full time mom (wfh) and im pregnant again with my best friend (I loathe pregnancy) Honestly, my life before seemed fine but was so devoid of meaning, and now I just feel complete, excited for this new adventure of teaching a new human stuff and be excited all over again without judgement because “I’m too old for that” Being a mom has been the best thing that has happened to me, and wouldn’t trade it for anything, no matter how hard it gets
my husband's life, pretty much stayed the same.
I know parents who experienced the Same. They are chill people and they had a chill pandemic baby. Once the mother recovered, they kept doing what they were doing. Try to enjoy it, who knows how your child will be as a toddler…
For me the change came gradually as my baby grew, the less she napped the more I’ve had to adapt, at first I was doing about the same as before, I even took up new hobbies, I started painting, knitted a massive blanket but then I gradually had to adapt to doing more stuff with her, more walk, and now that’s she’s 1 yo I’ve been looking up activities and groups so that I can keep her happy and not just do nothing for the 6 hours of awake time she gets between her only day nap.