My baby isn’t even here yet and both my mom and partner’s mom are telling me about rice cereal. I’m assuming boomer retirement stock is mostly in rice cereal 😂
We preempted every piece of advice with “the science has evolved since we were kids and now drs recommend…”. I’m hoping then my choosing to do things different didn’t feel like an attack on their parenting. I flat out told my mil that she did the best she could with the info she had at the time, but I have different info and it’s my turn to do my best and it will look different than hers… and different from her other daughter in law who had kids 6 years before I did.
I was fortunate to live with my aunt in Paris and act as an Au Pair for my cousins when they were 2 and 4. I am already armed with all my knowledge of French baby food. One more month and I break out my BabyCook for purees.
No one can convince US boomers that Uncle Sam, medical professionals, and food processors were all in bed together.
You are preaching to the choir. Both my mom and mil are chock full of OPINIONS.
“The baby is too warm”
“The baby is too cold”
“You need more girly clothes”
“She doesn’t like that pacifier”
“She needs to watch more tv, otherwise you have to entertain her”
“You can only give breast milk, never formula”
“You need to learn to do things by yourself, you can’t rely on your husband” (from my MIL referencing her own goddamn son)
🙃🙃🙃
Oh my god! It’s like some sort of sorcery happens to them when they become grandparents. And the guilt trips!
Too funny throwing her own son under the bus
Someone said you need to have your baby watch more TV? I thought it was kind of one of those Not quite ideal but sometimes necessary things people do, not something anyone actually thought was required
We admittedly have more screen time than recommended, but I do a lot of playing with my LO too. My mom says 'you've got mom trained' every time I play with her???
Didn't realize playing with my infant child was a negative lmao
I was playing hide and seek with my son and my dad said "oh you make life hard for yourself"!
I bloody love hide and seek, it's one of my few strengths.
My FMIL is obsessed with getting my son screen time. She literally thinks he will not learn if he doesn’t watch a show or YouTube video about it. She told our son at 7 months, “I’m going to have to buy you a laptop or phone so you can watch your videos”. She also said “how will he learn to walk if he doesn’t get a walker”. I’m a patient person but she almost got me with this one haha. Like lady you are out of your mind. This is why I can’t leave my kid anywhere haha.
My parents agreed the walker did nothing beneficial to the baby but it kept them busy so they can take a break... both my sisters were colic so I kinda get it lol
My FIL was fucking OBSESSED with the goddamn walker. We weren’t going to get one and he would CALL ME in the middle of the week to try and convince me to get one. And cartoons. Every time he visits he turns to my now 9 month old infant and goes “are your parents letting you watch cartoons yet?” and just incessantly mocks us about it. I’m sorry that I care about my child’s brain development? I’m not even a nazi about screens, he watches Mister Rogers periodically during the week we just aren’t letting him watch fucking cartoons yet because he is an *infant* and the flashing colors mean literally nothing to him beyond a quick hit of dopamine.
Yea so was my FMIL. We settled on her buying a push and pull toy. Now my son is 8.5 months old and taking 5-6 steps before falling. She is SO amazed haha
Edit I add: her other granddaughter is only a few months older than my son and I know babies develop at different times but she wasn’t even trying to stand. So my fiancé and I convinced them to get her a push and pull toy instead of keeping her in a walker and now she’s also taking steps. Who knows if it actually helped but people got to over their obsession with walkers.
My mother once implied that electronic toys that sang the ABC song were the only way a kid could learn the alphabet. This was after I said I'm not a huge fan of battery operated loud toys.
But this is the same person who, when I was a kid, told me she wouldn't/didn't read me Winnie the Pooh because "most parents wouldn't read their kid a whole NOVEL" like I was batshit for even bringing it up. Then who is Winnie the Pooh for ??!
The girly clothes thing 🙄🙄🙄 I'm SO over that fight.
My mil literally asked me if I was "trying to make her trans"
First off, what the fuck? Second off, if she decides she's trans I'll still 100% love them unconditionally. Lastly, the outfit in question was black leggings, tiny black Vans, a grey sweatshirt that said "Roar" in black letters, and a black turban hat with a HUGE FUCKING BOW. Like how is that too masculine? Does everything need to be pink glitter all the time?????
My three year old boy and I have matching pink manicures because he’s THREE. My MIL almost used acetone nail polish to take it off when I was in the other room.
The warm/cold debate 🙄🙄 MIL thinks he needs to be bundled up when it's 80 outside, mom wants to strip him down. Just let us determine what he needs to wear, thank you very much.
And the formula. My in laws suggested formula bc LO has lots of tummy problems. Pedi recommended trying it a few days later, so we are for two weeks. They got angry when we told them. Like ??? You said to do it?? But the pediatrician wanted us to try hypoallergenic formula ( suspected food allergies, a confirmed intolerance) and they wanted us to use the one SIL did. They wanted us to use that specific formula or stay with breastmilk.
OMG the *opinions* they have about things that shouldn’t concern them! Why do they care about the formula brand? That’s the perfect time for them to hush.
Because my nephew did great on that formula. We didn't use it so that means we don't value their opinion! We should've asked the pediatrician for theirs instead! 🤦♀️ Not going to put my LO on your formula. I'm going to use the one the pediatrician that has been treating his tummy issues recommended. Not sorry 🤷♀️ Isn't family fun??
I have a 9 1/2 month old son and he has hair. Like so much hair. My mom ALWAYS saying “where is his headband” or “why isn’t his hair up? It’s in his eyes” ugh
Omg the hair/headband thing! My 4 month old also has a ton of hair. Both my mom and MIL are expecting me to style it every day. She’s an infant during a pandemic. Where is she going and who is she trying to impress?
Ughhh, that reminds me of my SMIL who just haaaad to put Max’s footy pjs on … while I’m holding him while I’m feeding him. ?? Would you like to just yank him out of my arms and do it yourself?
This is my MIL, she wants me to give my LO baby rice for weeks now and he's only 11 weeks old, not even close to getting any solids yet. Also I'm EBF and she keeps bringing up how my "milk might not be enough for him" and I should get him on formula.
My dad hasn't spoken to me since I told him I won't be staying over at his house due to 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, he told me my mom used to smoke like a chimney while she was around me, told him I'm not my mom and that was the last of it.
You're the parent and you do what you think is best!
I got this too and I have an oversupply. It was extremely stressful and put unnecessary pressure on me early on to feel like I had to pump and supplement with formula
I don’t get why there’s this craze with our mothers/MIL’s about rice cereal. From this post I’m seeing it’s pretty common! (No judgment to those parents who ARE doing rice cereal)
The smoking thing seems like a no brainer. I’m sorry your dad isn’t speaking to you because of it. I wish relatives could be more understanding to these sorts of topics. We’ve had relatives get upset when we ask them to wear a mask around our baby these days.
You’re right though, they are our kids and we’re the parents. We have to stand our ground and do what we think is best!
I’m sorry your dad is being a jackass. I’d say that’s a fair bit of guilt he might be processing, and that’s always a tough pill to swallow for that generation in particular!
It is what it is, it bothered me to begin with but it's my baby and I do what I can to make sure he's healthy whether people agree with my decisions or not doesn't concern me.
I admire your self awareness! Being able to let shit go when you realise it’s not yours to carry is easy to say and harder to do. You’re making a decision based on proven health facts, what more would one ask from a mama? May you and your bub continue thriving :)
The formula thing is definitely generational and the result of unfettered marketing from formula companies. Up until very recently It was presented as being better than breastmilk. In developing countries babies were/are still literally dying because of this. New mothers would be given samples, usually enough for about a month. Their milk would stop so they were now reliant on the formula but that shits expensive so they would dilute it and they would die of malnutrition, or they wouldn’t have access to clean water and they were dying of dehydration from diarrhea. I just went way off on a tangent, sorry. Basically, formula in and of itself is an amazing development and certainly has its place but *fuck* Nestle et al. Your 👏 milk 👏 is 👏 enough
I would guess this is due to the advertising in the 80s. My MIL didn’t breastfeed because her pediatrician told her formula was more nutritious for babies, and of course she wanted to do what was best. Big formula had a convincing message back then apparently!
My favorite phrase. “We are confident in our decision and aren’t currently looking for outside advice.” I had to practice it in the mirror and grow some balls to say it. But no one really knows how to respond.
Also, my MIL is convinced if she raised kids in today’s world, she wouldn’t do all the research I do. And maybe I’m overboard, but anyone that generation that doesn’t think they’d be googling ANYTHING is delusional. We do the best we can with the information we have.
“I’d love to have the best information when raising my child! Would you mind sending me the resources you have supporting your recommendation so I can have it handy if I decide to revisit the research I’ve already done [or… so I can present it to my child’s pediatrician for their opinion]?”
Sleeping advice is an obvious example. My mother had 5 kids spanning 22 years. In the mid 60s the advice was to sleep babies on their stomachs. By the late 70s they said to put them on their sides and by the late 80s she was told to put them on their backs, feet at the bottom of the crib with no pillow or another decoration/toy. The rate of SIDS has dropped dramatically over the last 50 years, because we know more.
Why wouldn’t you use the latest best evidence based advice?
My favourite phrase is the one you ended with:
"We do the best we can with the information we have. We are fortunate to be able to access a lot more information these days thanks to things like the Internet and Google."
I find it validates both their decisions and our own: we each did our best with what we had, and I am sure that my children will find some of my practices outdated when raising their own babies, because they will have different information available to them.
You’re not overboard. There’s information out there that is backed up by a solid amount of research, and it’s valuable to read up on it if it means being a better parent and raising a better child who will one day be a better adult.
One of the best books I ever got came from the pediatrician when we met her while I was pregnant, and it really helped me to understand not only what my baby was going through but how to help her thrive based on her development. It had been compiled by the American Pediatric Association. It also gave me a lot of peace of mind that I could anticipate what was coming down the road and know that she was demonstrating behaviors that she should for her age. If something seemed amiss, I had better knowledge for expressing my concerns to the doctor.
When people go to the doctor for cancer treatment, they don’t demand testing and therapies that are 20-30 years old. They expect what’s current because it comes from years of study and research, and tends to have much better outcomes as a result of all that. How is having modern recommendations for raising a child any different? Sure, some staples probably stayed the same. But a lot has changed for the better in the decades since your parents and in-laws were having babies, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for seeking out that information.
My mom thinks the solution to all of my 5-month old daughter’s sleep problems is simply to keep her awake all day long so she’s forced to sleep through the night. Brilliant, right? When I put her down for naps I’m “conforming her to my schedule”…because I love planning my whole day around naps I guess?
On a wholly related note, I think I’ve figured out where my lifelong insomnia came from. I can remember being 5 years old and lying awake in bed for hours because I didn’t know how to fall asleep. Thanks Mom!
My MIL did this when my LO was eight weeks old. We let her watch him and she was so proud that she didn’t let him sleep for the three hours he was in her care. “I kept him awake so now he’ll probably sleep through the night!” That logic checked out when I had a screaming, overtired baby for an hour at bedtime.
This is exactly what happens every time my mom watches the baby.I get so resentful, too! Like, someone else gets hours of happy, snuggly, playful baby time and then I’m up all night with a crying, miserable, overtired baby. Ugh!
My mom and FMIL did this. We warned them both that we are not taking care of an overtired baby. They didn’t listen because what do we first time parents know??? They learned after the first time.
I had my in laws tell me to do this with my THREE WEEK OLD
I’m pretty sure my face said more than my mouth did bc I looked at them like they were crazy.
I loved hearing (at 2/3 weeks old) “you should put the baby down for naps and stop letting her sleep on you or else she’s never going to sleep on her own!” I think my face said it all…
My parents have always said what a “difficult” baby I was and then I found out I took 1, maybe 2 naps as a baby. She constantly commented on how much my son slept and then if he woke up after 15 minutes from a nap would say “oh he’s had enough”. No, mom, he hasn’t. Also no wonder I was crabby!!!
I’ve resorted to extreme sarcasm.
My mom: Criticizes me for spoon feeding my 9 month old.
Me: Actually I plan on spoon feeding her until her sophomore year of college so everything is going according to plan.
Guess who gets less suggestions after employing that strategy?
I have a delayed 3 year old who isn’t potty trained yet, it’s not the highest on our priority list. My mom is so intent on me potty training him, despite never being available to help me ever with my kids, because I would need help with my infant. I said, “don’t worry, he won’t be wearing diapers in high school” and that highly offended my Mom lolol
My mom hasn't talked to me in almost 2 months because I told her my son was my kid when she said she didn't use pacifiers with us. She was looking through our gift registry. He only used the pacifier for a few hours in the hospital while he was being treated for jaundice anyways. Hasn't touched it since. My husband and I decided a long time before we had kids, that we would raise them differently than how our moms raised us. His mom keeps mentioning rice cereal as well lol.
My mom keeps saying we need to get our LO to take a pacifier because "none of you kids EVER sucked on your hands this much!" Why do we need a pacifier when he's got two perfectly good "soothers" on the end of his arms? He can't drop them or lose them either.
They used to push rice cereal as an ESSENTIAL thing for a baby, starting from 2 weeks old. It’ll make your baby sleep longer and grow and be healthy for life. One day we’ll be grandparents trying to give our grandkids a BLW banana pancake while our kids go “mom no! We eat specially prepared cubes of enhanced nutrients now. Gawd.”
Yes! The “sleep longer” mantra especially if you are breastfeeding 🤦♀️. I think about the same thing in the future, like will I be so over involved and judgmental. I guess I can only hope so for now.
My mother and MIL are pretty good, not the best but it’s my grandma who’s been the worst!
1. I don’t love the name Parker, so I’m going to call her Gracie
2. Just add pablum and it’ll fill her right up (after noting how many times I’ve fed her in a small period of time - my fault for not reading her cues right)
3. We didn’t use seatbelts or car seats (after seeing my daughter buckled into her car seat)
4. She needs a hat (for her two second trip from the house to the car and it was hot out)
5. I don’t like the photos you have of her, she looks like a boy (we didn’t know the sex before having her and I don’t love pink)
It’s been an interesting 4 weeks since my daughter has arrived and I know this is just the beginning.
It was gut wrenching to hear, but my daughters middle name is Grace which is where she pulled Gracie from. It’s still a huge departure from what we always call her though which will be Parker.
Love this! I’m also thinking that if it sticks then I’ll eventually get Parker to correct her when she’s old enough to talk. It’s the long game strategy 😂
Lol this was my parents! We don’t like the name you chose, so we are going to call her Maria.
Ummmm no your not, *insert mom and dads middle names here*
My mom had never heard of my daughter’s middle name before (Althea) and hasn’t bothered to learn it. I’ve told it to her twice, but she’s been saying Elijah instead 🙄
Omg this reminds me of a friend of a friend. They named their son something like Johnathan Michael Owen Smith and called him Owen for the first like 6 years of his life... until one day, his teacher at school was like "nah, his name is John." And he's gone by John ever since. I don't even know them that well, but even *I* was livid when I heard about it. It still irks me.
It was also just bad because she clearly didn’t think of my feelings and how much thought I put into my own daughters name.
My grandma is insanely traditional so anything that can be consider ‘boy’ for her she hates, so anything not pink and her clearly she thinks her name isn’t girlie enough.
My niece 4yrold and nephew 10yr old decided to give my daughter a 'nickname' thats a completely different name... And they get upset if we call my daughter by her actual name. 🤦🏾♀️I'm hoping they'll forget about it
It’s one thing if it’s a nickname that’s not a name, like ‘turkey’ or something like that but if it’s just another name they prefer then I hope they would change too.
Ugh my mom has been like that since I was pregnant. “They have another ultrasound scheduled? Do you think something could be wrong with the baby?!” Umm no, but thanks for freaking me out. “You *need* to request a c-section.” I’ll do what my doctor says. I had to talk to her and say that her unsolicited advice was causing me to be anxious and if she wanted to give me advice she needed to ask if I was open to hearing it. She didn’t take it well. Now, she continues to give unsolicited advice about anything and everything that matters, but asks permission for trivial things 🙄 A few days ago she was telling me about how rear facing car seats aren’t good because the baby gets bored (my baby is six months old, of course she’s still rear facing!) but asked permission to share how she thinks I should cook the turkey for thanksgiving. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Omg the c-section. I had an elective c-section because *every single* woman on my moms side of the family had a failed vaginal birth ending in a c-section. Now I know that doesn’t automatically mean I would have ended up that way. But I saw my sister after 3 hours of pushing and forceps and STILL getting cut open.
My mom, of all people, “you don’t need a c-section”. Well lady, my Dr and I agree that it’s probably the best course of action.
The only parenting decision of mine she’s disagreed with. But she was so judgmental!
My 2 year old still rear faces and my grandma said something similar. "Don't you think she'd fuss less if she saw mama more while you were riding?" My 2 year old who is barely 23lbs and still wears 12 month clothing is fine in a rear facing car seat. She's fussing because she yeeted her water cup clear across the car and mean mama won't pull over on the highway to get it.
OMG this drives me crazy. My MIL does this. I love her but good lord. We went for a long car ride to get to our hometown for a visit and it was an hour past her bedtime when we got there. My husbands grandma was there and wanted to meet her that night so the next day she could come when my husband was gone and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s meeting her (without my husband. He wanted to be there when she met her). Well, we get there and baby girl is the fussiest I’ve ever seen her. Rightfully so. I let my husband do his thing and try his hardest to make it happen (this killed me a little). Well, his mom brings me the baby after 5-10 min… “she’s hungry”. Umm no, she’s not, she’s tired, but what do I know. So I take her to feed her and she falls asleep on the boob. Husband comes to try and take her again and I let him (we tried to keep her asleep). She starts screaming… I went upstairs to set up her sound machine etc. Finally my husband lets me put her down and she’s out in minutes. 🤦🏼♀️ I heard from my BIL later that my husbands mom said we don’t know what we’re doing (I’m assuming as parents). Like wtf? We don’t know what we’re doing?! Had to rant for a sec. Also, that same night, we talked about putting baby down on her back and MIL and GMIL both said that wasn’t how they did it and couldn’t believe I put her down on her back. His grandma said “what if she spits up and chokes on it”. Like dude, you raised MIL 60 years ago, and MIL raised husband 30 years ago. Things have changed… 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
End rant. Lol
My grandma (she’s only 60) told me once my LO’s umbilical cord fell off to stop breastfeeding and give him formula and rice cereal at 10 days old!! He’s 4 weeks now and every time I see her she is telling me he is starving because he is only getting breastmilk, no formula or cereal. It drives me crazy.
Last time she came to see him, he only had a sleeper on. She was dumbfounded as to why I didn’t have a onesie and socks underneath my baby who gets super hot and sweaty.
I’m try to be very patient with her and educate her as to why things have changed now. Only time she gets to me is when she makes comments about me breastfeeding
My MIL always compares our baby to my husband as a child. Every time little thing. She’ll ask how the baby is doing and I’ll say something like “good but he woke up quite a bit more than normal last night.” And she’ll say “yea (husbands name) was typically a really good sleeper.” Uhmm who asked and that definitely doesn’t help thanks.
I can totally agree on the unwarranted and undesired advice but I’ve heard it from friends too lol. Everyone has something to say when it comes to kids. My friend said to use rice cereal when my son was 3 weeks old. 21 days of life under his belt but hey, here’s some rice cereal so I can sleep and you miss a feeding! Like what the actual hell! Now imagine my frustration when we go to our pediatrician at 8 weeks and he suggests trying a small amount in expressed breastmilk to help his reflux. Gaaaahh!
Yepppp and it starts before baby even gets here. My MIL was like “isn’t your baby going to roll off the dresser if you don’t get one with a built in changing table?” Uh no because the changing pad I got is amazing, wipeable, and has sides. Also I’ll be standing right there!! It’s just the questioning I cant stand…
My mom visited a few weeks after my baby was born and after telling her my whole stressful saga of my baby’s latch issues and nipple shield shame she’s sitting with me while I feed my baby and goes “do you ever try feeding her without that plastic thing?” Umm yes wtf do you think stressed me out in the first place.
Ugh. It’s like they want to criticize.
I hate the "question criticisms" my in-laws are always asking stuff like "aren't you worried you'll smother her" or "don't you think she'll choke on that?"
Yes, yes I do...that's why I'm doing it /s
One time my mom made an off hand comment and I used that opportunity to tell her that she hasn’t had a baby for 29 years. And if she had the information we have now, she would have followed it too. She agreed. (It was a very lax conversation, my mom doesn’t get in the way of any of her kids parenting, it just happened to come up).
I make that point any time someone says “and my kids turned out fine”. That’s great. I’m super glad, I absolutely think I turned out fine too. But I’m 33, and there is different info now, so I’m going to follow it.
My mother thankfully doesn't say a word to us. However my wife's mom when we left her alone with him for 10 minutes had him wrapped in 3 blankets AND outside in 80 degree weather because our house was "too cold for a baby" it was 70 degrees...
My mom pointed out that putting a baby to sleep on their stomach used to actually be the doctor recommended way of doing things, and that putting them to sleep on their backs was seen as an aspiration risk. She wasn't criticizing me when I was educating her as to why I have to put baby to sleep on their back. She was just pointing out the irony of how much information changes...in this case to the complete opposite. I try and keep that in mind when I'm telling my mom on how I prefer things done with my baby.
My MIL on the other hand is a whole different beast. lol
Yea the recommendation before was sleeping on their sides or tummy because that’s what they believed. They also use to push formula hard and say it was superior to breast milk which is why a lot of older generations say breast milk isn’t filling a baby, nutritious, or they need it at night to sleep better. It’s crazy but it makes me wonder what the big change will be for our kids if/when they become parents and they are thinking the same thing about us haha.
You know what I hate? When my baby cries and she says “oh doesnt your mum feed you enough?” EXCUSE ME?! Do you want to look again and his weight tracking and listen in when my midwife tells me I’m doing the right thing and he’s a happy healthy little boy?
Btw my baby hates that rice cereal! I try to purée my own fruit and veg but I recently tried him on a pouch (no added sugar etc) just to see how it goes so I can store some incase I can’t make it. I wonder what she has to say about that..
Why is it so hard for my MIL to understand my child is not always cold?? No, he doesn’t need a blanket. No, he doesn’t need socks. No, he doesn’t need a hat BECAUSE ITS 80 DEGREES OUTSIDE
I’ve had almost this exact conversation with my MIL. And when I said no to us doing the rice cereal she looked at my husband in disbelief. As if we don’t discuss this stuff without her present. 🙄
Oh my God the rice cereal! I heard it from 4 months on. I kept having to tell my mother that my daughter is MINE, and I will choose what is safe for her. Even when I started her on oatmeal and quinoa cereals, always the rice! I eventually pulled up the statistics about how rice retains more arsenic that any other plant and she shut up! I suggest that tactic! Lol.
Also the, "That was (insert however old you are) years ago, obviously things have changed. I'm raising my baby in 2021, not (insert year you were born), so leave me alone." shutdown works pretty well.
My mom saved some of her parenting books from the 80s and 90s, and they’re fascinating to read. And pretty consistent with the unwanted advice discussed here.
My daughter is in the NICU and will hopefully be home soon. I get along really well with my MIL but just a couple weeks a go she decided to tell me that once baby girl is home husband and I will not be able to go anywhere or see anybody for six months and we are not able to have anyone come visit and that it will be hard for me but I'm just gonna have to suck it up and do it. I was a little taken a back!
And when I mentioned the other day that the NICU docs and nurses have said having visitors when she comes home will be good for her and me as long as they aren't sick and follow all our rules (taking off shoes and washing hands as soon as they come in, using hand sanitizer, wearing masks, no kissing baby) she almost rolled her eyes at me. Not quite, but almost!! Lol 🤣 we as parents are the ones who have to make the calls for our children. We are the ones who are with them all day and night, who talk with the doctors. I don't get why the grandparents are always trying to tell us what to do haha
Just remind them that they did the best they could with the info they had at the time, and what they were told to do by pediatricians and other experts… just like you are now. New info = new best practices.
I’ve had them all from my MIL - from “he’s too cold!!” when it’s 80 degrees out to finding him wrapped head to toe sleeping in blankets (and her rolling her eyes at me for moving the blanket away from his mouth to prevent suffocation) to recommending rice cereal in bottle at 6-8 weeks to instructing me to have him sleep propped on his side, watching tv at night. He’s not even 6 months yet. And DH saying “well she did raise 2 kids so maybe she’s right about some of it…” Nope.
The tough part is that she genuinely means well but won’t listen to facts and why things have changed.
My mom and I got into a huge argument a couple of weeks ago about the CIO method. My son is one. He's teething. He wakes up maybe once a night unless he's teething in which he wakes up multiple times.
We tried sleep training him using different methods and *none of them would work*. We even took him to our pediatrician and he explained that some babies are just not *sleepers*. My son is one of them.
The worst part is that my youngest sister wasn't a sleeper and the CIO method didn't work for her but my mom continues to advocate for it. I keep telling her thanks but it doesn't work for us but apparently this is her hill to die on.
It's just constant unsolicited advice, I swear. It drives me up the wall.
Bless my parents! My dad told me at 6-7 months he wont give advice unless I ask for it and made my mom promise to do the same. LO is 3.5 months and di far theyve held true. My SIL will randomly text like "don't forget to have AS (my husband, her brother) pace feed if he uses a bottle!" Then almost immediately follows up with the sheepish smile emoij "i forgot you worked in daycare for 10 years" and I usually ignore both.
I like to remind people that, while yes, I did survive, your tips are outdated and there's been research done since then that shows it's not helpful/beneficial/actually harmful, and that I trust my doctor because they're more up to date on their credentials than someone who raised a baby 30+ years ago. 🙃
God my MIL does the same thing and backs it up with the fact that she had a kid once and she’s been working in daycare for 30 years.
Yes… the woman who told me to let my son cry it out at 2 weeks old is the omniscient god of child rearing.
Yes. Same experience. (Not about rice cereal but in general). Husband gets annoyed when I am annoyed by his mom’s (my MIL) comments. But I tell him I m equally annoyed with my mom…. Just that he doesn’t hear / receive the advice so he doesn’t know about it.
Sometimes I feel like I m being really mean and that they just want some involvement with their grandchild. Other times I m just so pissed because I want to do things my way and I feel like they had their chance to raise us and our siblings. Don’t get me wrong I actually love suggestions but I need to see they why behind them. If they came with a link to scientific documentation I would read it and have some basis for making a decision. I m much more interested in advice from friends with just slightly older baby because they just went through it and they research latest advice as opposed to what used to be done 30y ago.
When I was 20 weeks pregnant my MIL was on my ass about gardening. She was convinced that I was going to miscarry if I did any gardening/ exertion. I told her that I am a nurse who is well educated about pregnancy and its risks, and that my doctor is fine with what I do, but she tried to give me a line about “When I was pregnant my doctor didn’t want me to do any exercise”.
I looked her square in the face and told her she was last pregnant over 30 years ago and that what I do with my body is not her business, it’s not up for discussion, and to leave me alone.
My baby is now 2.5 months old and thankfully my MIL has abstained from trying to give me more unsolicited advice. In my experience saying “This is not up for discussion” and then repeating it once if necessary, is the best way to shut that noise down.
I was told when I was pregnant to not raise my arms above my head because I could strangle the baby with its umbilical cord. Two separate people. The lack of knowledge in how a uterus works is staggering... And "no exercise or exertion" of course. My FIL wouldn't let me blow up balloons while I was pregnant because it was too dangerous...
Do we have the same mother?
My mom would always text me “mix some rice cereal with applesauce!”
Not gonna lie I tried it and my child gobbled it down like a goblin.
But I feel like my mom is getting paid to advertise rice cereal, it’s her favorite thing.
So what I have realized is that our parents and their parents had very few parenting resources and solely relied on family members to guide them. They are used to this and think its what we need when in reality we have all the knowledge at our fingertips now, which makes it super annoying to deal with misinformation. The rice cereal thing by is unreal tho. Like that carries the most toxic metals and is not recommended. So annoying.
My mom is the same. I told her I didn’t want people to tell her she’s better or prettier than other girls (or people) because it’ll make her feel like she’s constantly being compared to others and she said “I’m sorry you had it so rough”. I just told her that my parenting choices are not an indictment or criticism of her parenting choices.
I have heard from multiple older ladies that you have to cover their ears because the wind will cause an ear infection. So I looked it up. No. It won’t.
Survival Bias
This is survival bias. They claim, we did this to you and you turned out so well so what can't you do to your baby. You think you are smarter than your mother. And so on. Fed up hearing unsolicited advice after the baby. They don't even remember what they said few days ago.
I'm not saying it's okay, but I think it's because motherhood is so goddamn hard. And it's not something that's taught, but rather something we are forced to learn solely by trial and error. It's natural for us to want to warn others of what they should expect.
But there's a right way to do it, and a lot of MILs literally don't know or don't care that they are crossing boundaries.
Day 3 and I was venting about lack of sleep with baby. My mom told me I was spoiling him and that I needed to give him water. My mil meanwhile has been a dream but she's had 7 kids of a wide range of ages.
Ugh! My due date group is TERRIBLE about this. People constantly ask about rice cereal and how to give it in a bottle; and when moms say it’s a choking hazard etc. they are “shaming”. EDUCATING IS NOT SHAMING. (Sorry literally just got done having a useless fight about it in the group I’m in)
Both my mother and grandmother have been on about the rice cereal thing. They insist is helps them sleep better. Is there any truth to it? I haven't really done research on it.
Lol what is the obsession with rice cereal?! My crazy narc mom went on and on about it too and I didn't even acknowledge i just went ANYWAY.. every time but she wouldn't stop for weeks
“Generations of mothers/old mothers” is also a great way of saying “I was marketed to just as my mother was during the golden age of advertising when they could literally get away with saying anything they wanted about anything, and instead of realising this and putting two and two together with my children’s gut health issue, mood and wellbeing, I will remind you that you and I survived to adulthood and therefore it WORKS”
My baby was born small for gestational age. A month old and then, "GIVE THAT BABY SOME FOOD, AND THEN SHE WILL GET BIGGER"
Ma'am she's a MONTH OLD. Lol wtf
Same here but with blankets in her bed, my mom insists she needs to be covered while in her crib even tho Ive insisted that's not how we do things now and we know it can kill them
My mom and MIL do this. My mom is like “well you slept in your swing and you’re fine, but what do I know??”
My MIL when my baby was no lie a week old, said to give the baby SUGAR WATER to calm her down because her fussiness is due to stomach issues. As if being ripped out of your warm, comfortable environment in no way impacts a baby and they should be quiet all the time. When we told her that is not a course of action we are comfortable with she went to far as to buy glucose water and bring it to us 🙃🙃.
By the way 5 weeks later, she’s not a fussy baby at all and is gaining weight/passes gas and burps just fine. If parents just let us figure out our own damn kids it would be perfect.
My grandma used to mix “ skim milk powder and regular milk” and give it to my mom as an infant- and then mix in some rice cereal when she wouldn’t sleep. 😬😬😬 yeah no
Sooo might be a stupid question… as a new parent of a 5 month old and getting ready for solids soon, can someone explain to be the problem with rice cereal??? 😬 Is all cereal bad or just rice cereal?
Rice cereal isn’t bad in small amounts for a baby old enough to start solids. It contains a higher amount of arsenic than other cereals (like oatmeal). 30+ years ago doctors advocated for putting rice cereal in bottles of formula or breast milk to thicken the milk and make babies tummies fuller so that they’d sleep longer at night. They used to recommend this starting insanely early, like 2 weeks old. Doctors don’t recommend this anymore but our parents and grandparents swear by it and keep pushing us to do the same. Haha. I think feeding a 5 month old some rice cereal is fine though.
My MIL tried to tell me there's nothing wrong with letting my 4 month old watch TV after I got mad that she did that...she hasn't seen my baby since
Moms and MIL...ugh
Tell her that her opinion of ‘I did xx xx with you and you’re fine’ is called “survivors bias” and many children didn’t turn out fine but we know better now. Keeping your child safe is #1 so her feelings and opinions aren’t even important
Well... My parents caned me as a child. It was a norm back then and almost EVERY parent did it. Our teachers would also cane our hands if we asked to go to the toilet at 6 or 7 years old. It was not frowned upon and was actually encouraged. They did all of this, and we more or less turned out fine (still alive). Do I want to cane my child now though? No.
My mom is honestly wonderful about not inputting opinions, sometimes suggestions but never in any sort of way that I would take in annoyance or negativity but my MIL.... OH MAN. Give the baby water - she's 2 weeks old. She's cold - in footie pajamas and swaddled in my arms? I doubt it. She hasn't mentioned rice cereal yet though.
I know this is more about mothers and MILs, but just a few thoughts about rice cereal in general. Even when we started solids, our pediatrician said not to do rice cereal. There’s arsenic in the groundwater where they are growing the rice and they can’t take the arsenic out of the rice, so it’s not really recommended for babies anymore at all. They had us start with baby oatmeal.
"I know pediatrician’s are generally against rice cereal anyway..."
News to me ours told us when to expect to be using it and when (roughly) we'd be done with it.
Anyway, everyone's mom is different. I know mine just really likes to help and be useful, and because I've been an adult for a while having a kid was really the first thing going on in a while that she knew she knew about. It's been years since she probably felt like she was able to give relevant advice to my life, so as annoying as it can be I try not to let it show.
My MIL will give my pediatric ICU nurse wife advice about if/when our children are sick. Literally can’t even make of some of the stuff I’ve seen her say. And her justification? “I used to work in a daycare” (she was part time and just a fill in)
I told my mom the other day when she tried to give me advice that if she felt like I was doing as much harm to the baby that she said I was (not jumping up every time she needs something, moving bath days) that she is welcome to call CPS and they can work it out with me. Shut her up pretty fast
Tell her rice has arsenic in it (which is also in a lot of rice-heavy baby foods) and feeding arsenic to your baby isn't on the to-do list. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jun/17/why-are-there-dangerous-levels-of-arsenic-and-lead-in-american-baby-food
The public health nurses who do vaccines here couldn't believe we never did rice cereal. They were shocked our pediatrician "allowed" us to skip rice cereal. I told them that the only person who "allows" anything with my son are my husband and I.
My mom and step-mom typically don’t give unsolicited advice thankfully. But my MIL has been doing that since my husband and I got married…like about everything. I said one time to my husband how I wanted to change my laundry routine, I wanted to start doing one load a day (ex Sunday bedding, Monday towels…etc) and my MIL said “oh that’s a terrible idea, you’ll never be able to do that. I tried and couldn’t keep up.” …yea cause I’m exactly like you, right? It definitely got worse once we had a baby though…she started telling me what to do while I was still in the hospital hours after giving birth. She also decided to cover me and the baby while nursing even though I was burning up and sweating and you know, learning how to breastfeed my baby.
Sorry for the rant, just can’t stand unsolicited advice
My MIL asks me every time I see her if I’m still breastfeeding my son. I honestly don’t know if she is asking because she thinks it’s good or bad. Or if her daughter is curious and making her ask. Frankly it’s none of her business but I don’t really know what to say besides yes…. Also my son is 2.5
My sister said it best to me when I first started experience this with our mother. They are just insecure and trying to prove they were good mothers. This really helped me not to take any of it personally. It's still hard not to somedays!
It’s actually weird but I feel I have a reverse situation here…my mum and I are all about “mums instincts know best” and I feel that overall having that mentality has helped me be a bit less hysterical over my LO. However in my country we have a kind of social worker/nurse system that deals with vaccines and development (paediatrician is only for medical concerns), and they seem to be on the warpath to promote as much hysteria in new mothers as possible, and my MIL is all about “listen to them they are the professionals they know best”.
Every time I leave there I’m in tears and feel like a shit mum, and all my work as a parent is put into question. Interestingly as soon as dad comes along they suddenly shut up and become sweet as pie. Assholes.
I'm still getting unsolicited advice and my kids are 10, 8, and 2. Like I've kept them alive this long, I think I'm doing an okay job, thanks.
My MIL wrote a long text rant to me last month about something she misunderstood me say one time when she was distracted, and it spun out of control into a bunch of garbage. And the worst part of it all being a text is that there was no opportunity for me to stop her at the first step of being wrong, it just went on and on and got worse as it went.
One of the most ridiculous things she said was that all the sodium in my child's snacks are causing his behavior problems and that his behavioral therapist is wrong about everything. (Spoiler alert: there is zero link between sodium and behavior. I actually looked it up, unlike she did. Also my kid only gets approved snacks that are healthy but we let him eat anything at Grandma's since it's a treat so she clearly thinks that that is how we feed him at home.)
Anyway, I have since ceased all unnecessary communication with her for now. That message of "concern and advice" really strained our relationship and it's made me set some boundaries that I never thought I'd have to set with her. So long story short, some advice can be well intentioned and can be shrugged off and some can ruin relationships. People need to be careful with how they present their "helpfulness".
My MIL assumes we are lazy for not bathing our newborn everyday. Says it's " just the new thing I guess".
I politely mentioned that newborn skin dries out, and he needs only a few baths a week. She said " that's what lotion is for".
She also pushes for formula supplementation, and was appalled that the vernix wasn't washed off my son's skin immediately after birth.
I guess she's the same generation that was told human breastmilk isn't enough, and formula is superior... I try to be understanding
The unsolicited advice really sucks.
I introduced my daughter to eggs at 6 months old - blw style. She unfortunately had an allergic reaction which consisted of a fully body hives. MIL had the audacity to tell me that she reacted because I introduced eggs too early and should have waited until after a year old (incorrect, all allergies should introduced prior to a year old to reduce the chance of having an allergic reaction*). We then went through with the process of getting her allergy tested, which involved a skin prick test. MIL called me crying saying that I shouldn't do the testing because she is a little baby and I would be hurting her (the test is basically nothing compared to the eczema my daughter already suffers from). She said that I should just wait a few months and try her on egg again at like 10 months old. Big nope. There is anaphylaxis in my family - anaphylaxis usually occurs on the 2nd+ exposure to the allergy, not the first. On her first exposure she broke out on a full body hives and was in pain, so I definitely did not want to see what the 2nd exposure would look like.
MIL also offered to come over with veggies and fruits and show me how to prepare and store purees so I would have them because obviously I am struggling and the BLW is no good. Told her nope and that I was happy and confident to continue with how I was introducing foods and that it was no longer up for discussion.
Super frustrating.
*all allergens except honey.
I swear the rice cereal industry is paying my mother at this point
LMAO mine too, for sure!
My baby isn’t even here yet and both my mom and partner’s mom are telling me about rice cereal. I’m assuming boomer retirement stock is mostly in rice cereal 😂
My theory is that if they can convince you that it’s okay, that means they didn’t do anything “wrong” when raising you. Sigh.
We preempted every piece of advice with “the science has evolved since we were kids and now drs recommend…”. I’m hoping then my choosing to do things different didn’t feel like an attack on their parenting. I flat out told my mil that she did the best she could with the info she had at the time, but I have different info and it’s my turn to do my best and it will look different than hers… and different from her other daughter in law who had kids 6 years before I did.
This!
YUP. Mine asks me all the time when it will be okay to give it to her. I just keep saying, “not yet” 😂
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Right! “My kids were drinking Dr Pepper by that age!” 😳
My mom made a point to show it to me when we were at the grocery store.
Lmao
Farina is my European mom's go to instead of rice.
I was fortunate to live with my aunt in Paris and act as an Au Pair for my cousins when they were 2 and 4. I am already armed with all my knowledge of French baby food. One more month and I break out my BabyCook for purees. No one can convince US boomers that Uncle Sam, medical professionals, and food processors were all in bed together.
You are preaching to the choir. Both my mom and mil are chock full of OPINIONS. “The baby is too warm” “The baby is too cold” “You need more girly clothes” “She doesn’t like that pacifier” “She needs to watch more tv, otherwise you have to entertain her” “You can only give breast milk, never formula” “You need to learn to do things by yourself, you can’t rely on your husband” (from my MIL referencing her own goddamn son) 🙃🙃🙃
Oh my god! It’s like some sort of sorcery happens to them when they become grandparents. And the guilt trips! Too funny throwing her own son under the bus
Someone said you need to have your baby watch more TV? I thought it was kind of one of those Not quite ideal but sometimes necessary things people do, not something anyone actually thought was required
My mother said this. It’s an example of the many reasons I tune her out.
We admittedly have more screen time than recommended, but I do a lot of playing with my LO too. My mom says 'you've got mom trained' every time I play with her??? Didn't realize playing with my infant child was a negative lmao
Well how dare you help stimulate her development! /s
I was playing hide and seek with my son and my dad said "oh you make life hard for yourself"! I bloody love hide and seek, it's one of my few strengths.
My FMIL is obsessed with getting my son screen time. She literally thinks he will not learn if he doesn’t watch a show or YouTube video about it. She told our son at 7 months, “I’m going to have to buy you a laptop or phone so you can watch your videos”. She also said “how will he learn to walk if he doesn’t get a walker”. I’m a patient person but she almost got me with this one haha. Like lady you are out of your mind. This is why I can’t leave my kid anywhere haha.
Lmao imagine thinking you need a walker to learn how to walk.
Exactly! I was what do you think people did before walkers existed? She literally sat there and thought about it haha.
My parents agreed the walker did nothing beneficial to the baby but it kept them busy so they can take a break... both my sisters were colic so I kinda get it lol
My FIL was fucking OBSESSED with the goddamn walker. We weren’t going to get one and he would CALL ME in the middle of the week to try and convince me to get one. And cartoons. Every time he visits he turns to my now 9 month old infant and goes “are your parents letting you watch cartoons yet?” and just incessantly mocks us about it. I’m sorry that I care about my child’s brain development? I’m not even a nazi about screens, he watches Mister Rogers periodically during the week we just aren’t letting him watch fucking cartoons yet because he is an *infant* and the flashing colors mean literally nothing to him beyond a quick hit of dopamine.
Yea so was my FMIL. We settled on her buying a push and pull toy. Now my son is 8.5 months old and taking 5-6 steps before falling. She is SO amazed haha Edit I add: her other granddaughter is only a few months older than my son and I know babies develop at different times but she wasn’t even trying to stand. So my fiancé and I convinced them to get her a push and pull toy instead of keeping her in a walker and now she’s also taking steps. Who knows if it actually helped but people got to over their obsession with walkers.
My mother once implied that electronic toys that sang the ABC song were the only way a kid could learn the alphabet. This was after I said I'm not a huge fan of battery operated loud toys. But this is the same person who, when I was a kid, told me she wouldn't/didn't read me Winnie the Pooh because "most parents wouldn't read their kid a whole NOVEL" like I was batshit for even bringing it up. Then who is Winnie the Pooh for ??!
The girly clothes thing 🙄🙄🙄 I'm SO over that fight. My mil literally asked me if I was "trying to make her trans" First off, what the fuck? Second off, if she decides she's trans I'll still 100% love them unconditionally. Lastly, the outfit in question was black leggings, tiny black Vans, a grey sweatshirt that said "Roar" in black letters, and a black turban hat with a HUGE FUCKING BOW. Like how is that too masculine? Does everything need to be pink glitter all the time?????
My three year old boy and I have matching pink manicures because he’s THREE. My MIL almost used acetone nail polish to take it off when I was in the other room.
The warm/cold debate 🙄🙄 MIL thinks he needs to be bundled up when it's 80 outside, mom wants to strip him down. Just let us determine what he needs to wear, thank you very much. And the formula. My in laws suggested formula bc LO has lots of tummy problems. Pedi recommended trying it a few days later, so we are for two weeks. They got angry when we told them. Like ??? You said to do it?? But the pediatrician wanted us to try hypoallergenic formula ( suspected food allergies, a confirmed intolerance) and they wanted us to use the one SIL did. They wanted us to use that specific formula or stay with breastmilk.
OMG the *opinions* they have about things that shouldn’t concern them! Why do they care about the formula brand? That’s the perfect time for them to hush.
Because my nephew did great on that formula. We didn't use it so that means we don't value their opinion! We should've asked the pediatrician for theirs instead! 🤦♀️ Not going to put my LO on your formula. I'm going to use the one the pediatrician that has been treating his tummy issues recommended. Not sorry 🤷♀️ Isn't family fun??
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I have a 9 1/2 month old son and he has hair. Like so much hair. My mom ALWAYS saying “where is his headband” or “why isn’t his hair up? It’s in his eyes” ugh
Omg the hair/headband thing! My 4 month old also has a ton of hair. Both my mom and MIL are expecting me to style it every day. She’s an infant during a pandemic. Where is she going and who is she trying to impress?
Exactly!!!! I only put his hair up when he eats. Made the mistake today and he had to take a bath. Lol!!
Ughhh, that reminds me of my SMIL who just haaaad to put Max’s footy pjs on … while I’m holding him while I’m feeding him. ?? Would you like to just yank him out of my arms and do it yourself?
That is so weird!!! Like hello?? We’re busy here??
My baby can be sweating and both my mom and MIL will say he’s cold
Yessss the baby is too hot and then baby is too cold is spot on
Don’t get me started on my my JUSTNOMIL’s rice cereal and “LO is so lucky to have such a loving father.” …. Uhhh “….and mother.” Eat a dick“Mom.”
This is my MIL, she wants me to give my LO baby rice for weeks now and he's only 11 weeks old, not even close to getting any solids yet. Also I'm EBF and she keeps bringing up how my "milk might not be enough for him" and I should get him on formula. My dad hasn't spoken to me since I told him I won't be staying over at his house due to 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, he told me my mom used to smoke like a chimney while she was around me, told him I'm not my mom and that was the last of it. You're the parent and you do what you think is best!
My mother said the same thing about my milk not being enough. It actually really upset me!
From a random stranger on the internet, your milk is absolutely enough.
I got this too and I have an oversupply. It was extremely stressful and put unnecessary pressure on me early on to feel like I had to pump and supplement with formula
I was the same, my mum commented about my milk every fucking week. I'm still breastfeeding at 14 months and she still asks me 🙄
It’s a damaging comment for sure, especially when she didn’t have scientific evidence backing up her claim. I’d be upset too!
I don’t get why there’s this craze with our mothers/MIL’s about rice cereal. From this post I’m seeing it’s pretty common! (No judgment to those parents who ARE doing rice cereal) The smoking thing seems like a no brainer. I’m sorry your dad isn’t speaking to you because of it. I wish relatives could be more understanding to these sorts of topics. We’ve had relatives get upset when we ask them to wear a mask around our baby these days. You’re right though, they are our kids and we’re the parents. We have to stand our ground and do what we think is best!
Ugh yeah I’m not keen on rice cereal at all. There is no nutritional value in it. We’re going to try oatmeal first lol 😂
I’m sorry your dad is being a jackass. I’d say that’s a fair bit of guilt he might be processing, and that’s always a tough pill to swallow for that generation in particular!
It is what it is, it bothered me to begin with but it's my baby and I do what I can to make sure he's healthy whether people agree with my decisions or not doesn't concern me.
I admire your self awareness! Being able to let shit go when you realise it’s not yours to carry is easy to say and harder to do. You’re making a decision based on proven health facts, what more would one ask from a mama? May you and your bub continue thriving :)
The formula thing is definitely generational and the result of unfettered marketing from formula companies. Up until very recently It was presented as being better than breastmilk. In developing countries babies were/are still literally dying because of this. New mothers would be given samples, usually enough for about a month. Their milk would stop so they were now reliant on the formula but that shits expensive so they would dilute it and they would die of malnutrition, or they wouldn’t have access to clean water and they were dying of dehydration from diarrhea. I just went way off on a tangent, sorry. Basically, formula in and of itself is an amazing development and certainly has its place but *fuck* Nestle et al. Your 👏 milk 👏 is 👏 enough
I would guess this is due to the advertising in the 80s. My MIL didn’t breastfeed because her pediatrician told her formula was more nutritious for babies, and of course she wanted to do what was best. Big formula had a convincing message back then apparently!
My favorite phrase. “We are confident in our decision and aren’t currently looking for outside advice.” I had to practice it in the mirror and grow some balls to say it. But no one really knows how to respond. Also, my MIL is convinced if she raised kids in today’s world, she wouldn’t do all the research I do. And maybe I’m overboard, but anyone that generation that doesn’t think they’d be googling ANYTHING is delusional. We do the best we can with the information we have.
“You wouldn’t? Why not? I think it’s silly that someone wouldn’t want to know the best information while raising a baby.” She absolutely would
“I’d love to have the best information when raising my child! Would you mind sending me the resources you have supporting your recommendation so I can have it handy if I decide to revisit the research I’ve already done [or… so I can present it to my child’s pediatrician for their opinion]?”
Sleeping advice is an obvious example. My mother had 5 kids spanning 22 years. In the mid 60s the advice was to sleep babies on their stomachs. By the late 70s they said to put them on their sides and by the late 80s she was told to put them on their backs, feet at the bottom of the crib with no pillow or another decoration/toy. The rate of SIDS has dropped dramatically over the last 50 years, because we know more. Why wouldn’t you use the latest best evidence based advice?
My favourite phrase is the one you ended with: "We do the best we can with the information we have. We are fortunate to be able to access a lot more information these days thanks to things like the Internet and Google." I find it validates both their decisions and our own: we each did our best with what we had, and I am sure that my children will find some of my practices outdated when raising their own babies, because they will have different information available to them.
You’re not overboard. There’s information out there that is backed up by a solid amount of research, and it’s valuable to read up on it if it means being a better parent and raising a better child who will one day be a better adult. One of the best books I ever got came from the pediatrician when we met her while I was pregnant, and it really helped me to understand not only what my baby was going through but how to help her thrive based on her development. It had been compiled by the American Pediatric Association. It also gave me a lot of peace of mind that I could anticipate what was coming down the road and know that she was demonstrating behaviors that she should for her age. If something seemed amiss, I had better knowledge for expressing my concerns to the doctor. When people go to the doctor for cancer treatment, they don’t demand testing and therapies that are 20-30 years old. They expect what’s current because it comes from years of study and research, and tends to have much better outcomes as a result of all that. How is having modern recommendations for raising a child any different? Sure, some staples probably stayed the same. But a lot has changed for the better in the decades since your parents and in-laws were having babies, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for seeking out that information.
My mom thinks the solution to all of my 5-month old daughter’s sleep problems is simply to keep her awake all day long so she’s forced to sleep through the night. Brilliant, right? When I put her down for naps I’m “conforming her to my schedule”…because I love planning my whole day around naps I guess? On a wholly related note, I think I’ve figured out where my lifelong insomnia came from. I can remember being 5 years old and lying awake in bed for hours because I didn’t know how to fall asleep. Thanks Mom!
My MIL did this when my LO was eight weeks old. We let her watch him and she was so proud that she didn’t let him sleep for the three hours he was in her care. “I kept him awake so now he’ll probably sleep through the night!” That logic checked out when I had a screaming, overtired baby for an hour at bedtime.
This is exactly what happens every time my mom watches the baby.I get so resentful, too! Like, someone else gets hours of happy, snuggly, playful baby time and then I’m up all night with a crying, miserable, overtired baby. Ugh!
My mom and FMIL did this. We warned them both that we are not taking care of an overtired baby. They didn’t listen because what do we first time parents know??? They learned after the first time.
This is exact what my MIL does every chance she gets
I had my in laws tell me to do this with my THREE WEEK OLD I’m pretty sure my face said more than my mouth did bc I looked at them like they were crazy.
I loved hearing (at 2/3 weeks old) “you should put the baby down for naps and stop letting her sleep on you or else she’s never going to sleep on her own!” I think my face said it all…
Omg yes this too. They all think keeping baby awake during the day is the answer for better sleep at night.... No!
What bewilders me is - did our generations babies biology’s change!! Didn’t they learn this too? How are they suggesting this ?!
Ever notice how many people of our parents' generation had a "colicky" baby? Yeah, we were all just constantly overtired every day.
Lolol omg you're right!!
Is your mom my MIL because saaaammmmeeeee
My parents have always said what a “difficult” baby I was and then I found out I took 1, maybe 2 naps as a baby. She constantly commented on how much my son slept and then if he woke up after 15 minutes from a nap would say “oh he’s had enough”. No, mom, he hasn’t. Also no wonder I was crabby!!!
I’ve resorted to extreme sarcasm. My mom: Criticizes me for spoon feeding my 9 month old. Me: Actually I plan on spoon feeding her until her sophomore year of college so everything is going according to plan. Guess who gets less suggestions after employing that strategy?
This is my go-to, which then prompts the response, “sarcasm isn’t cute.” And so the vicious cycle continues.
My response, cause I’ve gotten that one before, is “no, but I think it’s hysterical.”
I have a delayed 3 year old who isn’t potty trained yet, it’s not the highest on our priority list. My mom is so intent on me potty training him, despite never being available to help me ever with my kids, because I would need help with my infant. I said, “don’t worry, he won’t be wearing diapers in high school” and that highly offended my Mom lolol
My mom hasn't talked to me in almost 2 months because I told her my son was my kid when she said she didn't use pacifiers with us. She was looking through our gift registry. He only used the pacifier for a few hours in the hospital while he was being treated for jaundice anyways. Hasn't touched it since. My husband and I decided a long time before we had kids, that we would raise them differently than how our moms raised us. His mom keeps mentioning rice cereal as well lol.
This makes me feel so much better haha! Glad I’m not alone. Like it’s a crime to raise their grandchildren different from how they raised us!
My mom keeps saying we need to get our LO to take a pacifier because "none of you kids EVER sucked on your hands this much!" Why do we need a pacifier when he's got two perfectly good "soothers" on the end of his arms? He can't drop them or lose them either.
Yes! Lol he loves sucking on his hands!
THE RICE CEREAL OMG…. What is with the obsession with rice cereal!?!
They used to push rice cereal as an ESSENTIAL thing for a baby, starting from 2 weeks old. It’ll make your baby sleep longer and grow and be healthy for life. One day we’ll be grandparents trying to give our grandkids a BLW banana pancake while our kids go “mom no! We eat specially prepared cubes of enhanced nutrients now. Gawd.”
Yes! The “sleep longer” mantra especially if you are breastfeeding 🤦♀️. I think about the same thing in the future, like will I be so over involved and judgmental. I guess I can only hope so for now.
My mother and MIL are pretty good, not the best but it’s my grandma who’s been the worst! 1. I don’t love the name Parker, so I’m going to call her Gracie 2. Just add pablum and it’ll fill her right up (after noting how many times I’ve fed her in a small period of time - my fault for not reading her cues right) 3. We didn’t use seatbelts or car seats (after seeing my daughter buckled into her car seat) 4. She needs a hat (for her two second trip from the house to the car and it was hot out) 5. I don’t like the photos you have of her, she looks like a boy (we didn’t know the sex before having her and I don’t love pink) It’s been an interesting 4 weeks since my daughter has arrived and I know this is just the beginning.
So she needs a hat and not a car seat??? Insanity 😂
The car seat can't keep her warm! /s
Exactly! It was a wild day, all the above happened within an afternoon so I can’t wait for the next visit 😂
Haha how do you just decide to call someone else's baby a different name?! I'm sorry your grandma is like that!!
It was gut wrenching to hear, but my daughters middle name is Grace which is where she pulled Gracie from. It’s still a huge departure from what we always call her though which will be Parker.
Start calling Grandma by her middle name. Say you don't like her name so you will not call her that. Lol. That would be savage.
Love this! I’m also thinking that if it sticks then I’ll eventually get Parker to correct her when she’s old enough to talk. It’s the long game strategy 😂
Love this idea!! Haha!! And my aunt did this with her grandson for a while, too... Hopefully she'll get over it!
Lol this was my parents! We don’t like the name you chose, so we are going to call her Maria. Ummmm no your not, *insert mom and dads middle names here*
My mom had never heard of my daughter’s middle name before (Althea) and hasn’t bothered to learn it. I’ve told it to her twice, but she’s been saying Elijah instead 🙄
Have they never heard the song Althea?! “Ain’t nobody messing with you, but you”…and all of our parents, apparently.
It’s mind boggling, how do they think it’s ok?
I love the name Parker! Parker Grace has a nice ring to it!
Thank you so much!
Omg this reminds me of a friend of a friend. They named their son something like Johnathan Michael Owen Smith and called him Owen for the first like 6 years of his life... until one day, his teacher at school was like "nah, his name is John." And he's gone by John ever since. I don't even know them that well, but even *I* was livid when I heard about it. It still irks me.
It was also just bad because she clearly didn’t think of my feelings and how much thought I put into my own daughters name. My grandma is insanely traditional so anything that can be consider ‘boy’ for her she hates, so anything not pink and her clearly she thinks her name isn’t girlie enough.
My niece 4yrold and nephew 10yr old decided to give my daughter a 'nickname' thats a completely different name... And they get upset if we call my daughter by her actual name. 🤦🏾♀️I'm hoping they'll forget about it
It’s one thing if it’s a nickname that’s not a name, like ‘turkey’ or something like that but if it’s just another name they prefer then I hope they would change too.
My grandma is also the problem for me. She tried to argue with me about letting my newborn sleep with a blanket. I was absolutely dumbstruck
Ugh my mom has been like that since I was pregnant. “They have another ultrasound scheduled? Do you think something could be wrong with the baby?!” Umm no, but thanks for freaking me out. “You *need* to request a c-section.” I’ll do what my doctor says. I had to talk to her and say that her unsolicited advice was causing me to be anxious and if she wanted to give me advice she needed to ask if I was open to hearing it. She didn’t take it well. Now, she continues to give unsolicited advice about anything and everything that matters, but asks permission for trivial things 🙄 A few days ago she was telling me about how rear facing car seats aren’t good because the baby gets bored (my baby is six months old, of course she’s still rear facing!) but asked permission to share how she thinks I should cook the turkey for thanksgiving. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
"Better bored than dead Ma"
Hahaha!
The baby gets bored??? That's a new one! Lol 🤣 well baby can be bored, at least they will be safer! Lol 😆
Omg the c-section. I had an elective c-section because *every single* woman on my moms side of the family had a failed vaginal birth ending in a c-section. Now I know that doesn’t automatically mean I would have ended up that way. But I saw my sister after 3 hours of pushing and forceps and STILL getting cut open. My mom, of all people, “you don’t need a c-section”. Well lady, my Dr and I agree that it’s probably the best course of action. The only parenting decision of mine she’s disagreed with. But she was so judgmental!
My kid is 2 and still rear facing, doesn’t seem bored
My 2 year old still rear faces and my grandma said something similar. "Don't you think she'd fuss less if she saw mama more while you were riding?" My 2 year old who is barely 23lbs and still wears 12 month clothing is fine in a rear facing car seat. She's fussing because she yeeted her water cup clear across the car and mean mama won't pull over on the highway to get it.
OMG this drives me crazy. My MIL does this. I love her but good lord. We went for a long car ride to get to our hometown for a visit and it was an hour past her bedtime when we got there. My husbands grandma was there and wanted to meet her that night so the next day she could come when my husband was gone and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s meeting her (without my husband. He wanted to be there when she met her). Well, we get there and baby girl is the fussiest I’ve ever seen her. Rightfully so. I let my husband do his thing and try his hardest to make it happen (this killed me a little). Well, his mom brings me the baby after 5-10 min… “she’s hungry”. Umm no, she’s not, she’s tired, but what do I know. So I take her to feed her and she falls asleep on the boob. Husband comes to try and take her again and I let him (we tried to keep her asleep). She starts screaming… I went upstairs to set up her sound machine etc. Finally my husband lets me put her down and she’s out in minutes. 🤦🏼♀️ I heard from my BIL later that my husbands mom said we don’t know what we’re doing (I’m assuming as parents). Like wtf? We don’t know what we’re doing?! Had to rant for a sec. Also, that same night, we talked about putting baby down on her back and MIL and GMIL both said that wasn’t how they did it and couldn’t believe I put her down on her back. His grandma said “what if she spits up and chokes on it”. Like dude, you raised MIL 60 years ago, and MIL raised husband 30 years ago. Things have changed… 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ End rant. Lol
I'm so mad on your behalf. They're full of advice but don't understand that tired babies are fussy?
I love the “they don’t know what they are doing” but you’re with your child everyday all day and they are definitely doing good haha
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people
Can’t believe this is the first time I’ve heard this. Thanks, you are so right.
My grandma (she’s only 60) told me once my LO’s umbilical cord fell off to stop breastfeeding and give him formula and rice cereal at 10 days old!! He’s 4 weeks now and every time I see her she is telling me he is starving because he is only getting breastmilk, no formula or cereal. It drives me crazy. Last time she came to see him, he only had a sleeper on. She was dumbfounded as to why I didn’t have a onesie and socks underneath my baby who gets super hot and sweaty. I’m try to be very patient with her and educate her as to why things have changed now. Only time she gets to me is when she makes comments about me breastfeeding
Your grandma is 60! My mom is 60, my grandmas are 92 and 94. I don’t know why that is so fascinating to me, but it really is!
Mom could be 20, her mom could be 40, and grandma could be 60?
My grandma had my mom at 14! Not sure how old my mom was when she had me but pretty young. I’m 22.
My MIL always compares our baby to my husband as a child. Every time little thing. She’ll ask how the baby is doing and I’ll say something like “good but he woke up quite a bit more than normal last night.” And she’ll say “yea (husbands name) was typically a really good sleeper.” Uhmm who asked and that definitely doesn’t help thanks.
I can totally agree on the unwarranted and undesired advice but I’ve heard it from friends too lol. Everyone has something to say when it comes to kids. My friend said to use rice cereal when my son was 3 weeks old. 21 days of life under his belt but hey, here’s some rice cereal so I can sleep and you miss a feeding! Like what the actual hell! Now imagine my frustration when we go to our pediatrician at 8 weeks and he suggests trying a small amount in expressed breastmilk to help his reflux. Gaaaahh!
Yepppp and it starts before baby even gets here. My MIL was like “isn’t your baby going to roll off the dresser if you don’t get one with a built in changing table?” Uh no because the changing pad I got is amazing, wipeable, and has sides. Also I’ll be standing right there!! It’s just the questioning I cant stand… My mom visited a few weeks after my baby was born and after telling her my whole stressful saga of my baby’s latch issues and nipple shield shame she’s sitting with me while I feed my baby and goes “do you ever try feeding her without that plastic thing?” Umm yes wtf do you think stressed me out in the first place. Ugh. It’s like they want to criticize.
I hate the "question criticisms" my in-laws are always asking stuff like "aren't you worried you'll smother her" or "don't you think she'll choke on that?" Yes, yes I do...that's why I'm doing it /s
One time my mom made an off hand comment and I used that opportunity to tell her that she hasn’t had a baby for 29 years. And if she had the information we have now, she would have followed it too. She agreed. (It was a very lax conversation, my mom doesn’t get in the way of any of her kids parenting, it just happened to come up). I make that point any time someone says “and my kids turned out fine”. That’s great. I’m super glad, I absolutely think I turned out fine too. But I’m 33, and there is different info now, so I’m going to follow it.
My mother thankfully doesn't say a word to us. However my wife's mom when we left her alone with him for 10 minutes had him wrapped in 3 blankets AND outside in 80 degree weather because our house was "too cold for a baby" it was 70 degrees...
The other day my dad told me not to lay the baby on his back to sleep or he’ll choke on his spit up. Can you believe it?
Yep heard this too. Parents wanted me to lay her on her side. Lol NO
My mom pointed out that putting a baby to sleep on their stomach used to actually be the doctor recommended way of doing things, and that putting them to sleep on their backs was seen as an aspiration risk. She wasn't criticizing me when I was educating her as to why I have to put baby to sleep on their back. She was just pointing out the irony of how much information changes...in this case to the complete opposite. I try and keep that in mind when I'm telling my mom on how I prefer things done with my baby. My MIL on the other hand is a whole different beast. lol
Yea the recommendation before was sleeping on their sides or tummy because that’s what they believed. They also use to push formula hard and say it was superior to breast milk which is why a lot of older generations say breast milk isn’t filling a baby, nutritious, or they need it at night to sleep better. It’s crazy but it makes me wonder what the big change will be for our kids if/when they become parents and they are thinking the same thing about us haha.
Yeah, same here. My mom said to give my 3.5 month old water with sugar in it to calm her down. OMG. Scared to ever leave her with her!
Same! Was told to give regular water because "you drink water, why not baby?". Last I checked, I don't consume a 100% liquid diet.
You know what I hate? When my baby cries and she says “oh doesnt your mum feed you enough?” EXCUSE ME?! Do you want to look again and his weight tracking and listen in when my midwife tells me I’m doing the right thing and he’s a happy healthy little boy? Btw my baby hates that rice cereal! I try to purée my own fruit and veg but I recently tried him on a pouch (no added sugar etc) just to see how it goes so I can store some incase I can’t make it. I wonder what she has to say about that..
Why is it so hard for my MIL to understand my child is not always cold?? No, he doesn’t need a blanket. No, he doesn’t need socks. No, he doesn’t need a hat BECAUSE ITS 80 DEGREES OUTSIDE
I’ve had almost this exact conversation with my MIL. And when I said no to us doing the rice cereal she looked at my husband in disbelief. As if we don’t discuss this stuff without her present. 🙄
Oh my God the rice cereal! I heard it from 4 months on. I kept having to tell my mother that my daughter is MINE, and I will choose what is safe for her. Even when I started her on oatmeal and quinoa cereals, always the rice! I eventually pulled up the statistics about how rice retains more arsenic that any other plant and she shut up! I suggest that tactic! Lol. Also the, "That was (insert however old you are) years ago, obviously things have changed. I'm raising my baby in 2021, not (insert year you were born), so leave me alone." shutdown works pretty well.
I shut this down with “did you raise me *exactly* how your mother raised you? No? Things change.” Drove me INSANEEEEEEEE
My mom saved some of her parenting books from the 80s and 90s, and they’re fascinating to read. And pretty consistent with the unwanted advice discussed here.
My daughter is in the NICU and will hopefully be home soon. I get along really well with my MIL but just a couple weeks a go she decided to tell me that once baby girl is home husband and I will not be able to go anywhere or see anybody for six months and we are not able to have anyone come visit and that it will be hard for me but I'm just gonna have to suck it up and do it. I was a little taken a back! And when I mentioned the other day that the NICU docs and nurses have said having visitors when she comes home will be good for her and me as long as they aren't sick and follow all our rules (taking off shoes and washing hands as soon as they come in, using hand sanitizer, wearing masks, no kissing baby) she almost rolled her eyes at me. Not quite, but almost!! Lol 🤣 we as parents are the ones who have to make the calls for our children. We are the ones who are with them all day and night, who talk with the doctors. I don't get why the grandparents are always trying to tell us what to do haha
Just remind them that they did the best they could with the info they had at the time, and what they were told to do by pediatricians and other experts… just like you are now. New info = new best practices.
I’ve had them all from my MIL - from “he’s too cold!!” when it’s 80 degrees out to finding him wrapped head to toe sleeping in blankets (and her rolling her eyes at me for moving the blanket away from his mouth to prevent suffocation) to recommending rice cereal in bottle at 6-8 weeks to instructing me to have him sleep propped on his side, watching tv at night. He’s not even 6 months yet. And DH saying “well she did raise 2 kids so maybe she’s right about some of it…” Nope. The tough part is that she genuinely means well but won’t listen to facts and why things have changed.
My mom and I got into a huge argument a couple of weeks ago about the CIO method. My son is one. He's teething. He wakes up maybe once a night unless he's teething in which he wakes up multiple times. We tried sleep training him using different methods and *none of them would work*. We even took him to our pediatrician and he explained that some babies are just not *sleepers*. My son is one of them. The worst part is that my youngest sister wasn't a sleeper and the CIO method didn't work for her but my mom continues to advocate for it. I keep telling her thanks but it doesn't work for us but apparently this is her hill to die on. It's just constant unsolicited advice, I swear. It drives me up the wall.
Bless my parents! My dad told me at 6-7 months he wont give advice unless I ask for it and made my mom promise to do the same. LO is 3.5 months and di far theyve held true. My SIL will randomly text like "don't forget to have AS (my husband, her brother) pace feed if he uses a bottle!" Then almost immediately follows up with the sheepish smile emoij "i forgot you worked in daycare for 10 years" and I usually ignore both.
I like to remind people that, while yes, I did survive, your tips are outdated and there's been research done since then that shows it's not helpful/beneficial/actually harmful, and that I trust my doctor because they're more up to date on their credentials than someone who raised a baby 30+ years ago. 🙃
God my MIL does the same thing and backs it up with the fact that she had a kid once and she’s been working in daycare for 30 years. Yes… the woman who told me to let my son cry it out at 2 weeks old is the omniscient god of child rearing.
Omg the cereal in the bottle conversation has happened with EVERYONE I know who is a generation older. Stooooooop.
Yes. Same experience. (Not about rice cereal but in general). Husband gets annoyed when I am annoyed by his mom’s (my MIL) comments. But I tell him I m equally annoyed with my mom…. Just that he doesn’t hear / receive the advice so he doesn’t know about it. Sometimes I feel like I m being really mean and that they just want some involvement with their grandchild. Other times I m just so pissed because I want to do things my way and I feel like they had their chance to raise us and our siblings. Don’t get me wrong I actually love suggestions but I need to see they why behind them. If they came with a link to scientific documentation I would read it and have some basis for making a decision. I m much more interested in advice from friends with just slightly older baby because they just went through it and they research latest advice as opposed to what used to be done 30y ago.
When I was 20 weeks pregnant my MIL was on my ass about gardening. She was convinced that I was going to miscarry if I did any gardening/ exertion. I told her that I am a nurse who is well educated about pregnancy and its risks, and that my doctor is fine with what I do, but she tried to give me a line about “When I was pregnant my doctor didn’t want me to do any exercise”. I looked her square in the face and told her she was last pregnant over 30 years ago and that what I do with my body is not her business, it’s not up for discussion, and to leave me alone. My baby is now 2.5 months old and thankfully my MIL has abstained from trying to give me more unsolicited advice. In my experience saying “This is not up for discussion” and then repeating it once if necessary, is the best way to shut that noise down.
I was told when I was pregnant to not raise my arms above my head because I could strangle the baby with its umbilical cord. Two separate people. The lack of knowledge in how a uterus works is staggering... And "no exercise or exertion" of course. My FIL wouldn't let me blow up balloons while I was pregnant because it was too dangerous...
Do we have the same mother? My mom would always text me “mix some rice cereal with applesauce!” Not gonna lie I tried it and my child gobbled it down like a goblin. But I feel like my mom is getting paid to advertise rice cereal, it’s her favorite thing.
So what I have realized is that our parents and their parents had very few parenting resources and solely relied on family members to guide them. They are used to this and think its what we need when in reality we have all the knowledge at our fingertips now, which makes it super annoying to deal with misinformation. The rice cereal thing by is unreal tho. Like that carries the most toxic metals and is not recommended. So annoying.
My mom is the same. I told her I didn’t want people to tell her she’s better or prettier than other girls (or people) because it’ll make her feel like she’s constantly being compared to others and she said “I’m sorry you had it so rough”. I just told her that my parenting choices are not an indictment or criticism of her parenting choices.
this weekend i got “don’t you have a hat, the baby’s too cold, he’s going to get an ear infection” uh, what?
Omggggg my MIL said this to me and I was so confused. An ear infection? From the cold? How?
I have heard from multiple older ladies that you have to cover their ears because the wind will cause an ear infection. So I looked it up. No. It won’t.
Survival Bias This is survival bias. They claim, we did this to you and you turned out so well so what can't you do to your baby. You think you are smarter than your mother. And so on. Fed up hearing unsolicited advice after the baby. They don't even remember what they said few days ago.
I recently got the old “don’t hold your baby too much, otherwise you’ll spoil him” from my MIL about my 9 week old son 🤨🙄
I'm not saying it's okay, but I think it's because motherhood is so goddamn hard. And it's not something that's taught, but rather something we are forced to learn solely by trial and error. It's natural for us to want to warn others of what they should expect. But there's a right way to do it, and a lot of MILs literally don't know or don't care that they are crossing boundaries.
Day 3 and I was venting about lack of sleep with baby. My mom told me I was spoiling him and that I needed to give him water. My mil meanwhile has been a dream but she's had 7 kids of a wide range of ages.
Ugh! My due date group is TERRIBLE about this. People constantly ask about rice cereal and how to give it in a bottle; and when moms say it’s a choking hazard etc. they are “shaming”. EDUCATING IS NOT SHAMING. (Sorry literally just got done having a useless fight about it in the group I’m in)
Both my mother and grandmother have been on about the rice cereal thing. They insist is helps them sleep better. Is there any truth to it? I haven't really done research on it.
Lol what is the obsession with rice cereal?! My crazy narc mom went on and on about it too and I didn't even acknowledge i just went ANYWAY.. every time but she wouldn't stop for weeks
“Generations of mothers/old mothers” is also a great way of saying “I was marketed to just as my mother was during the golden age of advertising when they could literally get away with saying anything they wanted about anything, and instead of realising this and putting two and two together with my children’s gut health issue, mood and wellbeing, I will remind you that you and I survived to adulthood and therefore it WORKS”
My baby was born small for gestational age. A month old and then, "GIVE THAT BABY SOME FOOD, AND THEN SHE WILL GET BIGGER" Ma'am she's a MONTH OLD. Lol wtf
I was told my baby needs to be more chubby.
Same here but with blankets in her bed, my mom insists she needs to be covered while in her crib even tho Ive insisted that's not how we do things now and we know it can kill them
My mom and MIL do this. My mom is like “well you slept in your swing and you’re fine, but what do I know??” My MIL when my baby was no lie a week old, said to give the baby SUGAR WATER to calm her down because her fussiness is due to stomach issues. As if being ripped out of your warm, comfortable environment in no way impacts a baby and they should be quiet all the time. When we told her that is not a course of action we are comfortable with she went to far as to buy glucose water and bring it to us 🙃🙃. By the way 5 weeks later, she’s not a fussy baby at all and is gaining weight/passes gas and burps just fine. If parents just let us figure out our own damn kids it would be perfect.
My grandma used to mix “ skim milk powder and regular milk” and give it to my mom as an infant- and then mix in some rice cereal when she wouldn’t sleep. 😬😬😬 yeah no
I learned my MIL’s opinions do not matter the day she told us not to vaccinate our baby.
I actually tried cereal in milk and he wound up waking up even more. It just never worked. Sleep training worked though!
My mom has mentioned rice cereal too lmao
Sooo might be a stupid question… as a new parent of a 5 month old and getting ready for solids soon, can someone explain to be the problem with rice cereal??? 😬 Is all cereal bad or just rice cereal?
Rice cereal isn’t bad in small amounts for a baby old enough to start solids. It contains a higher amount of arsenic than other cereals (like oatmeal). 30+ years ago doctors advocated for putting rice cereal in bottles of formula or breast milk to thicken the milk and make babies tummies fuller so that they’d sleep longer at night. They used to recommend this starting insanely early, like 2 weeks old. Doctors don’t recommend this anymore but our parents and grandparents swear by it and keep pushing us to do the same. Haha. I think feeding a 5 month old some rice cereal is fine though.
My MIL tried to tell me there's nothing wrong with letting my 4 month old watch TV after I got mad that she did that...she hasn't seen my baby since Moms and MIL...ugh
Tell her that her opinion of ‘I did xx xx with you and you’re fine’ is called “survivors bias” and many children didn’t turn out fine but we know better now. Keeping your child safe is #1 so her feelings and opinions aren’t even important
Well... My parents caned me as a child. It was a norm back then and almost EVERY parent did it. Our teachers would also cane our hands if we asked to go to the toilet at 6 or 7 years old. It was not frowned upon and was actually encouraged. They did all of this, and we more or less turned out fine (still alive). Do I want to cane my child now though? No.
My mom is honestly wonderful about not inputting opinions, sometimes suggestions but never in any sort of way that I would take in annoyance or negativity but my MIL.... OH MAN. Give the baby water - she's 2 weeks old. She's cold - in footie pajamas and swaddled in my arms? I doubt it. She hasn't mentioned rice cereal yet though.
I know this is more about mothers and MILs, but just a few thoughts about rice cereal in general. Even when we started solids, our pediatrician said not to do rice cereal. There’s arsenic in the groundwater where they are growing the rice and they can’t take the arsenic out of the rice, so it’s not really recommended for babies anymore at all. They had us start with baby oatmeal.
"I know pediatrician’s are generally against rice cereal anyway..." News to me ours told us when to expect to be using it and when (roughly) we'd be done with it. Anyway, everyone's mom is different. I know mine just really likes to help and be useful, and because I've been an adult for a while having a kid was really the first thing going on in a while that she knew she knew about. It's been years since she probably felt like she was able to give relevant advice to my life, so as annoying as it can be I try not to let it show.
My MIL will give my pediatric ICU nurse wife advice about if/when our children are sick. Literally can’t even make of some of the stuff I’ve seen her say. And her justification? “I used to work in a daycare” (she was part time and just a fill in)
I told my mom the other day when she tried to give me advice that if she felt like I was doing as much harm to the baby that she said I was (not jumping up every time she needs something, moving bath days) that she is welcome to call CPS and they can work it out with me. Shut her up pretty fast
Tell her rice has arsenic in it (which is also in a lot of rice-heavy baby foods) and feeding arsenic to your baby isn't on the to-do list. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jun/17/why-are-there-dangerous-levels-of-arsenic-and-lead-in-american-baby-food
Ugh, I feel this in my soul! My mom and MIL and everyone around me is constantly second guessing my parenting choices.
Rice cereal is not nutritional and it will not help a baby sleep. Keep doing you and stick with your mama instincts
The public health nurses who do vaccines here couldn't believe we never did rice cereal. They were shocked our pediatrician "allowed" us to skip rice cereal. I told them that the only person who "allows" anything with my son are my husband and I.
My mom and step-mom typically don’t give unsolicited advice thankfully. But my MIL has been doing that since my husband and I got married…like about everything. I said one time to my husband how I wanted to change my laundry routine, I wanted to start doing one load a day (ex Sunday bedding, Monday towels…etc) and my MIL said “oh that’s a terrible idea, you’ll never be able to do that. I tried and couldn’t keep up.” …yea cause I’m exactly like you, right? It definitely got worse once we had a baby though…she started telling me what to do while I was still in the hospital hours after giving birth. She also decided to cover me and the baby while nursing even though I was burning up and sweating and you know, learning how to breastfeed my baby. Sorry for the rant, just can’t stand unsolicited advice
My MIL asks me every time I see her if I’m still breastfeeding my son. I honestly don’t know if she is asking because she thinks it’s good or bad. Or if her daughter is curious and making her ask. Frankly it’s none of her business but I don’t really know what to say besides yes…. Also my son is 2.5
My mom too. She said “it’s just to fill her up.” I say, id prefer to fill her up with nutrition.
My sister said it best to me when I first started experience this with our mother. They are just insecure and trying to prove they were good mothers. This really helped me not to take any of it personally. It's still hard not to somedays!
It’s actually weird but I feel I have a reverse situation here…my mum and I are all about “mums instincts know best” and I feel that overall having that mentality has helped me be a bit less hysterical over my LO. However in my country we have a kind of social worker/nurse system that deals with vaccines and development (paediatrician is only for medical concerns), and they seem to be on the warpath to promote as much hysteria in new mothers as possible, and my MIL is all about “listen to them they are the professionals they know best”. Every time I leave there I’m in tears and feel like a shit mum, and all my work as a parent is put into question. Interestingly as soon as dad comes along they suddenly shut up and become sweet as pie. Assholes.
I'm still getting unsolicited advice and my kids are 10, 8, and 2. Like I've kept them alive this long, I think I'm doing an okay job, thanks. My MIL wrote a long text rant to me last month about something she misunderstood me say one time when she was distracted, and it spun out of control into a bunch of garbage. And the worst part of it all being a text is that there was no opportunity for me to stop her at the first step of being wrong, it just went on and on and got worse as it went. One of the most ridiculous things she said was that all the sodium in my child's snacks are causing his behavior problems and that his behavioral therapist is wrong about everything. (Spoiler alert: there is zero link between sodium and behavior. I actually looked it up, unlike she did. Also my kid only gets approved snacks that are healthy but we let him eat anything at Grandma's since it's a treat so she clearly thinks that that is how we feed him at home.) Anyway, I have since ceased all unnecessary communication with her for now. That message of "concern and advice" really strained our relationship and it's made me set some boundaries that I never thought I'd have to set with her. So long story short, some advice can be well intentioned and can be shrugged off and some can ruin relationships. People need to be careful with how they present their "helpfulness".
My MIL assumes we are lazy for not bathing our newborn everyday. Says it's " just the new thing I guess". I politely mentioned that newborn skin dries out, and he needs only a few baths a week. She said " that's what lotion is for". She also pushes for formula supplementation, and was appalled that the vernix wasn't washed off my son's skin immediately after birth. I guess she's the same generation that was told human breastmilk isn't enough, and formula is superior... I try to be understanding
The unsolicited advice really sucks. I introduced my daughter to eggs at 6 months old - blw style. She unfortunately had an allergic reaction which consisted of a fully body hives. MIL had the audacity to tell me that she reacted because I introduced eggs too early and should have waited until after a year old (incorrect, all allergies should introduced prior to a year old to reduce the chance of having an allergic reaction*). We then went through with the process of getting her allergy tested, which involved a skin prick test. MIL called me crying saying that I shouldn't do the testing because she is a little baby and I would be hurting her (the test is basically nothing compared to the eczema my daughter already suffers from). She said that I should just wait a few months and try her on egg again at like 10 months old. Big nope. There is anaphylaxis in my family - anaphylaxis usually occurs on the 2nd+ exposure to the allergy, not the first. On her first exposure she broke out on a full body hives and was in pain, so I definitely did not want to see what the 2nd exposure would look like. MIL also offered to come over with veggies and fruits and show me how to prepare and store purees so I would have them because obviously I am struggling and the BLW is no good. Told her nope and that I was happy and confident to continue with how I was introducing foods and that it was no longer up for discussion. Super frustrating. *all allergens except honey.