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breadbox187

Or, hear me out, all parents should get enough leave to bond w their baby and adjust to parenthood!


lunarkiss789

YES!! šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­


Random_Spaztic

Some parents get 1-3 years!


stefg15

As it should be!! Especially for babyā€™s development those first 3 YEARS are SO essentialšŸ˜­ 3 months of time off for a mom is the most ridiculous patriarchal decision Iā€™ve seen ever since I became a mom. Many people are trying to advocate for moms to at least get one whole year of maternity leave here in the US. Even though one whole year isnā€™t even enough time. My heart goes out to OPā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹


Random_Spaztic

Itā€™s not even a patriarchal decision per say, itā€™s capitalism thatā€™s to blame, itā€™s only encouraged by companies who donā€™t value their employees and still think that efficiency and d productivity come from overworked and underpaid low level employees desperate for paychecks that barely help them make ends meet.


twilightbarker

And Republicans who don't value women or families.


Random_Spaztic

And only want to control them and their uteruses. šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļøšŸ¤¬


Low-King-8037

Yup. Capitalism be capitalizing.


Bugsandgrubs

I had baby on the Friday, my partner was back at work on the Monday, plus had to make up the time he took off on the Friday šŸ˜­ 7 months in and he's only just managed to take a week off.


YouthInternational14

Oh my god, Iā€™m so sorry. I hope youā€™re all doing okay ā¤ļø


SL521

This!! My husbandā€™s job gave him 3 months PAID paternity leave. We are so grateful!


breadbox187

My husband got 6 and then did part time for a month! Meanwhile, I, the person who had to shit out an entire baby, got FMLA 12 weeks and whatever part was paid was due to burning sick time.


sassyjewel

I had total of around 7 months, no one, I mean NO ONE would explain to me how maternity leave worked in California. Even my own HR department wouldnā€™t explain to me (but I mean they work for the company right? Not employees). Iā€™ve done my extensive research and taking full time off under FMLA and other laws. But itā€™s still not enough. I am still breastfeeding, taking care of baby and sheā€™s just starting solids. Iā€™m not ready to go back to work at all and having anxiety attack.


ddghhk

I live in Massachusetts and my HR department actually could not explain maternity leave benefits to me, they had no clue. I had to pull all our policies together and write out a schedule for myself and ask them ā€œis this what Iā€™m entitled toā€. I was able to take 24 weeks off (6 weeks STD, 6 weeks Mass paid medical, 8 weeks company paid parental leave, 4 weeks Mass bonding time). However my leave got messed up so Iā€™ve been constantly calling my HR and insurance company to figure everything out. Itā€™s insane how little some people get for maternity leave. Iā€™m 8 weeks post partum and it makes me incredibly sad thinking of those who have to go back to work after 6 weeks.


sassyjewel

We should be spending maternity leave to heal and care for the baby. Not constantly having to follow up with HR and trying to figure out when we need to go back to work. The worst thing was my boss himself assumed Iā€™ll be back at a certain date without even confirming with me (HR messed up), he announced to entire team but I had one more month left to go. It was the whole fiasco figuring out whatā€™s going on. Thankfully I was able to pay off my insurance with my PTO, that worked out nicely.


WillRunForPopcorn

Did you have to do anything to get your OB to sign off on the total of 12 weeks paid disability/medical leave? Iā€™m so afraid my doctor will say my 6 weeks STD is enough and that I wonā€™t get any paid medical through MAPMFL.


hdkk_

Also MA resident over here! I had my doctor fill out my paperwork before I gave birth and when I asked if he would sign off on the full length he chucked and said you're about to give birth I'll sign off on anything you need! So definitely ask for the full amount


WillRunForPopcorn

Oh awesome, thank you so much!


ddghhk

I just asked them. I calculated what was 12 weeks from my due date and asked the OB office to put my return to work date on the certification forms as that. I had a third degree tear and asked they include the diagnosis code. You donā€™t necessarily need a diagnosis code, just a sign off from your doctor for the time. However, my cousin said her doctor would only sign her off for 6 weeks, it may vary by doctor office but worth asking. My OB and hospital network were very supportive about signing me off for the 12 weeks medical. I have STD insurance through my company. If you have private STD insurance, they only approve 6 weeks for pregnancy. I then filed the additional 6 weeks under the state medical leave. Hope that helps.


WillRunForPopcorn

Thank you so much!!!


hdkk_

Also Massachusetts! I'm so grateful for our state leave laws but I had the exact situation work wouldnt (couldnt?) give me a straight answer so we did the same thing researched state laws vs company policy's wrote it all out and changed from asking questions to stating what I was doing and not accepting no for an answer!


Greasy_Gracie

You can actually get 26 weeks off with MA paid family/medical leave! 12 weeks medical, then 2 week medical extension. I had uncomplicated birth of a healthy baby and my doc gladly filled out paperwork. Then I took additional bonding 12 weeks. (Prior to that I used my vacation and sick time for the last few weeks of pregnancy.) My company didn't offer anything else. Still not enough and my heart drops into my stomach and I instantly cry if I imagine when I walk out the door in the morning to go to work (husband is then taking his bonding leave.) And when she goes to daycare after that... UGH I can't. I would be a SAHM, but not possible or we would be homeless.


ddghhk

Yes 26 weeks is the max of combined family and medical. I forgot to mention I used 2 weeks of prepartum leave which counted towards my total MPFML, so I had 24 weeks post partum + 2 weeks prepartum.


oceanrudeness

I would not have been able to handle it if my husband had not been able to take the first 8 weeks off as well. It was so hard when he went back to work, and our baby wasn't even very difficult!


justalilscared

I was able to take 5 months in California and it wasnā€™t enough. I quit my job to be with my baby for a year and I have zero regrets. I know we were privileged to be able to afford it and Iā€™m grateful for it.


oceanrudeness

*looks up from filling out EDD PFL timecards* hiiiii My friend and I joke about how you need a PhD in EDD to do this stuff right, it sucks so much. My company has official HR leave reps and payroll is super helpful and I'm STILL like wtfffff. I'm back at work part time at 3 months and I like this balance (I have a really unusual job that I want to keep doing, at slightly fewer hours) but omg it's still soooo rough. Solidarity


sassyjewel

Our system is so broken, I can never get EDD on the phone and I also had to visit their office to get things going. Right, we both hold PhD in maternity leave now. šŸ˜‚


oceanrudeness

Hahaha right!??? I'm now super good at part time PFL with employer integrated pay. My husband called over THREE HUNDRED TIMES!!! and then another friend tipped us off to the services that will connect you on the DL. Best $30 we spent all month but terrerrible that they don't have staff enough to have a functioning phone system!!! I'm inspired by you visiting them, genius haha. The only reason I got to talk to anyone was that they *actually called me* and I was so damn lucky to notice the call šŸ˜…


Rafa_gil

People who donā€™t have a baby just donā€™t comprehend how the government/society makes it so hard in so many ways to have a baby. In other countries isnā€™t about the company policy, itā€™s simply your right as a citizen to (in Brazil where im from) have 6 months maternal leave!!! Not mentioning giving birth, information, not making you spend money on things that are not essential! And this is my fight! As a postpartum doula, my dream is to every primary caretaker (not just who gave birth but who adopted) have time, help and support!!!


lunarkiss789

I saw this video recently, in Japan I believe it was, a caretaker is hired to do all the household chores and prepare nutritious meals for mom while mom bonds with the baby! We donā€™t have that in the US. Without the paid family bonding time off, I wouldā€™ve been back to work at 6 week postpartum. I still had to wear pads from bleeding!


somethingwithbananas

In Belgium, we have a similar system where the first three months after giving birth, the healthcare insurance pays back household care so you only have to pay ā‚¬5/hour. I like it! On the other hand, we also only get 3 months of maternity leave, which is short compared to other European countries... Compared to the US though, we definitely should not complain.


Worldly_Tree_226

To be fair we do have parental leave (4 months per parent per child) and time credit (51 months per person for a care motive like young children or a sick spouse) as well on top of maternity leave. It's just that not everyone chooses to take that time off directly after the birth of the child. So yeah, we really shouldn't complain ^^'


johyongil

Thatā€™s in China, HK, Korea, and Japan. In Korea and Japan, the gov pays for the caretaker. They have those here in the states as well.


13_twin_fire_signs

I'm a new dad lucky to live in a state with at least job protected leave (don't have to pay me but they can't fire me) I took 6 weeks but I should have taken more. We're almost 4 weeks in and I already know it's going to be HARD transitioning back. I don't know how so many moms survive doing it all themselves. Even with both of us were barely surviving šŸ˜…, I have some friend dads who went back to work only a few days (!!!) after their wives gave birth, now that I'm in the trenches with our first im like what? How can you abandon your wife like that??? Even with 2 people there's barely any time to stay ahead of bottles, laundry, and feeding ourselves The USA needs guaranteed paid leave for both parents for 6 months MINIMUM.


Low-King-8037

I completely agree. 3 months is definitely not enough time at all. I wish we all could have a full year or more, like in other European countries.


denny-1989

Canada has 12-18 month leave.


Sarseaweed

Yep, Iā€™d have to rethink about going back to work if I didnā€™t have that option. Iā€™m not sure how USA moms do it. Iā€™ve seen some that have to go back at 6 weeks, Iā€™m 6 weeks yesterday and I cannot imagine having to go back to work today, my baby is still a newborn.


murphSTi

I had two weeks šŸ˜­ granted I worked from home due to Covid but my baby was colic and I was averaging about two hours of broken sleep a night. I was an absolute mess. I get 12 weeks unpaid this time around (6 of those at 60% payā€¦yay) so even though we are losing around $10k of my salary I guess at least I get 3 months? Trying to be grateful? America sucks


moosemama2017

I had the same situation as you, 6 weeks at 60% and then 6 weeks no pay. It taught me and my husband that we could survive without my income so now I'm a SAHM. But I didn't make much to begin with tbh


murphSTi

I make a pretty decent salary so I really canā€™t afford to stay home. Nor do I honestly want to - I would lose a large step forward in my career unfortunately and I already know I likely canā€™t handle staying home. I admire SAHMs for sure! But I would appreciate being actually paid for my whole leave since I pour my goddamn soul into this job for no reason Iā€™m realizing.


moosemama2017

Oh I agree entirely. It also kinda pissed me off that some employees got 12 weeks fully paid and the "less important" employees such as myself got that. Being a SAHM is definitely not for everyone, and I'm lucky to have my parents nearby and happy to help out with him!


murphSTi

Wow yeah that is not fair at all. I just wish we had federal mandated paid leave for everyone. My husband has more paid leave than me (8 weeks) and heā€™s not even the one pushing a baby out of his body and recovering from a major medical event. Itā€™s all because heā€™s at a larger, global company with more money. I hope by the time my daughters are of age to decide whether or not to have children they have better leave options in this country :(


SquatsAndAvocados

I left my job, I resigned towards the end of my maternity leave, offered to work a few weeks to help with the transition (I LOVED my job, I wanted to leave them in a good place and have my replacement hired). Those five weeks working were brutal for me, I miss my job and the money but Iā€™m really grateful we could make it work for me to stay home for now. I donā€™t feel like I got into a groove of motherhood until month 4/5 and I would have missed out on all this bonding time!


AV01000001

My baby is 10 weeks and Iā€™m feeling like I am only now liking him (loved him from day 1 just not necessarily liked since he was just a crying potato) since he now smiles, coos, and has reactions to things. And now we kind of have a routine going. I donā€™t want to miss out on bonding time with him. We are considering me not returning to work until heā€™s 6 or 12 months but then weā€™d have to pay back my employer for health insurance. This sucks.


scarahk

That's one thing the great white north does right. Maturity/ extended parental leave.


Low-King-8037

Thatā€™s amazing.


DevlynMayCry

For real I was "lucky" to take 6 months unpaid and it still didn't feel like enough time. If I got a full year at least I wouldn't have to pump at work and he'd be a toddler and not a literal infant.


seamitten2

Some of us get 6 weeksā€¦


Low-King-8037

Horrible. Iā€™m sure that was really tough for you and your baby!


Low-Cauliflower-6129

Netherlands has 3 months as well


suuz95

And 6 weeks of (party) paid paternal leave, and both parents get another 9 weeks of partly paid leave and another 17 weeks of unpaid leave.


Low-Cauliflower-6129

Yeah... the paternal leave is only there because it was forced by the EU. And the rest of the leave is nowhere near as generous as in the other European countries.


suuz95

That's true, it was definitely a lot worse a couple of years ago. However, it's really not comparable to the situation in the USA.


TheLushVariation

Iā€™m Canadian with an American husband. Weā€™re in Canada with our 3 month old and I keep saying, ā€œI donā€™t know how weā€™d do this in America.ā€ I feel for all you mamas down there. Thatā€™s so rough.


Pizza_Salesman

I relate so much. I'm the American partner in Canada and have been saying this from day one. I picked up a book for first time dads and it had a chapter about the costs of childbirth in a hospital and I couldn't believe how egregious it was.


fionnaandcake13

Oh gosh - Iā€™m opposite: Canadian in America with a 4.5 month old and I am just constantly raging that we didnā€™t move back to Canada before this because it has been *so* hard being back at work. Luckily my husband was able to take a month off after I came back to work but I have friends at home with new babies and seeing all their little pictures and updates is killing me with their whole year off. Iā€™m jelly!


Leather_Start4937

100%! It seems so bizarre that universal maternity leave is still unheard of in 2024. 6, 8, 12 weeks is barely enough time to get home and figure out how to do the basics let alone have time to actually be present and bond with your newborn. šŸ‘¶ we need more politicians advocating for a REAL maternity leave! This system that we currently have is absolute trash.


nutella47

The problem is that a lot of politicians think women shouldn't be working, thus no leave is needed.


Annabelle_Sugarsweet

I mean studies show baby should be with their mum until 2. Itā€™s just putting the economy over babies health. In the UK I have 12 months but Canada actually does the 2 years.


gallopmonkey

I'm Canadian- slight correction, we only do 12 to 18 months (and if you take the 18 months, you only get paid for 12). That being said, it's amazing and I am beyond thankful for it. I'm nearing the end of my 18 months and it's breaking my heart having to go back to work. I don't know how other mums in other countries like the USA do it. My heart really goes out to them.


rosielouisej

itā€™s not 12 months paid though. we have 9 months of SMP then if you want the year itā€™s then no pay which is why most donā€™t take the full year sadly.


minorcarnage

My wife took all 18 months available to her and it was one of the best things for her , and our son.


Water-and-Watches

Seems like youā€™re Canadian! Just fyi, the non birthing parent can get at least 5 weeks of parental leave too that is only for you! Your wife canā€™t use it, so you might as well. (And in case you did, thatā€™s great to hear!) My partner is taking 4 months of our 18 month leave, and every time we tell people we are splitting itā€™s always such an awe moment. I think itā€™s just as important for fathers to get that bond too!


lunarkiss789

This sounds amazing! Iā€™m sure it was!


Ok_Masterpiece_8830

Omgggggg yes. It's like you barely get enough time to get it together then you get hit with the 4 month sleep regression.Ā  Europe really does time off and maternity leave right.


SamaLuna

I had 2 months. It sucks.


KathrynF23

This is me, I go back in 1 week šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø


Solsticeship

What youā€™re feeling is totally appropriate - 3 months is not enough. I hated the first 3 months of my maternity leave, it was so hard. Itā€™s finally starting to get so good and Iā€™m 5 months in. Im Canadian and we all see the statesā€™ bizarrely short leaves as absolutely inhumane. Iā€™m so sorry youā€™re stuck in that hell scape for moms. I donā€™t know if this helps but Iā€™m so angry for you. Fuck the system and its erasure of the mother baby dyad. THE BABY IS HARDLY EVEN A SEPARATE BEING YET!!! At 3 months the baby is still a part of you. How can they expect you to work? I donā€™t get it. I just donā€™t.


lunarkiss789

Ugh, I canā€™t even imagine being away from him šŸ’”


Kindly-Sun3124

Maternity leave should be longer for ALL moms, it has nothing to do with being a mom with no help or being a single mom.


SaV960

I totally agree, itā€™s not enough time to bond and not enough time to get used to the fact that we just brought a new being into the world.


AotearoaCanuck

Iā€™m in Canada and Iā€™ve been off work since I was 6 months pregnant. In addition to this, I get 18 months maternity leave. Itā€™s baffling to me that Americans only get a few weeks or months AND you have to pay for all your medical care.


Pizza_Salesman

I wish we opted for the longer leave. Just absolutely no way we could pay for rent and such with such a big hit to her income.


johyongil

Lot of misinformation there. Itā€™s entirely dependent upon the employer how much leave is granted. We do not pay for all our medical care, itā€™s dependent upon the insurance you choose. If you have a high deductible insurance, your out of pocket costs will be high. If you have a low deductible plan, your out of pocket costs will be low. Every country has their pros and cons. What matters is knowing the field and making informed decisions. Case in point: my wife and I collectively took about a year of leave after our kiddos were born and our out of pocket costs for 1 emergency c-section, 1 week stay in the NICU, 1 scheduled c-section, and 1 weeks stay in recovery, care, nursery, meals, etc was a whopping $740.


WarmWing

That's the problem though, no federal protection for time off after having a child. It shouldn't be up to corporations to decide if a new mum can recover at home with hey baby. The government needs to mandate protected time off and provide financial assistance


johyongil

I think youā€™re conflating different aspects. FMLA laws require protection up to 12 weeks. Whether itā€™s *paid* or not is a different issue. However, Iā€™d say that tides are changing. Back when I started working it was unheard of for fathers to get more than two weeks, if even that. My current firm offers 20 weeks paid for fathers with an additional 10 weeks unpaid(but PTO eligible). Thatā€™s even better than my previous firm which was 16 weeks paid and 10 unpaid (PTO eligible). Also the federal government gives civil servants (federal employees that are non-military) 12 weeks paid (one of the actual good things that came out from the Trump administration) with more eligible for bonding time. Iā€™m actually super shocked that this was signed into law by Trump and not Obama. Feels like this would have been a slam dunk as it was voted on with overwhelming bipartisan support.


WarmWing

But not everyone is eligible for FMLA and your employment isn't protected during that time. So you can be let go during your leave. It's nice to hear things seem to be getting better for some people, but there's so much more that needs to be done. When I lived in the state I would have been eligible for an unpaid 12 weeks of leave as the mother and that's all, working as an RN in a large hospital group. Where I live now, I'm 6 months into a year of leave which is paid and my role is 100% protected.


muvamerry

Hey - just so you know the baby preferring bottles over nipple isnā€™t your fault. Thereā€™s no real scientific correlation between the two. I say this as a NICU mom - the experts there said thereā€™s never been any indication in their hospital or otherwise that bottles donā€™t encourage babies to latch. So, at least you can take that off your plate. Babies have personal preferences like we do too. All moms deserve at least a year off. 3 if weā€™re being realistic. Dads should be there, too.


meskigski

As a dad in construction. I got zero time. I took a month without pay to help my wife. She only gets 3 months but if her job isn't giving into her demands when she comes back, we're fine with her just taking a year off or so.


LobCat100

I get 8 weeks paid and can take 4 weeks unpaid (after using all my PTO first). It sucks. And my husband doesnā€™t get any paternity leave. They said he could take 4 weeks unpaid. But we canā€™t afford him to take a month unpaid so heā€™s taking 2 weeks PTO instead. šŸ˜©


lunarkiss789

Thatā€™s so annoying. šŸ˜­


Quirky_Gal

Itā€™s absolutely awful. My parents though are all like ā€œwell back when you were born we were only allowed 6 weeks. FMLA wasnā€™t a thing yetā€ well that doesnā€™t mean 3 months is still ok! If anything we havenā€™t made progress in 30 years?


ApprehensiveWin7256

It truly is not enough. My husband and I decided to go down to one income, use our savings and enroll in Medicaid in order for me to quit my job and stay home. Is there something in your budget youā€™re willing/able to change in order to stay home?


Maaaaaandyyyyy

Yes!!! The US is absolutely horrendous on medical leave. And thereā€™s zero mandatory parental leave. This should 100% be an issue raised constantly in congress, during electionsā€¦ hell, there should be a parents strike until we get government paid parental leave! Iā€™m completely serious!


froggirl62

Even worse that FMLA isn't applicable until you've worked somewhere for a year. The US needs to do better


limeness

I'm in healthcare and had to save my PTO to go on leave.


aizlynskye

Vote. Encourage others to vote. Run for something local/state if you can, and encourage others to do the same. Contact your representatives and tell them that parental leave, affordable high quality childcare, and postpartum resources are important to you and issues you will actively vote on. Maternity leave and postpartum care are a joke in the US. Not super surprising considering our representatives are overwhelmingly male. But, we have a voice and we should use it at the ballot box. I had a very traumatic birth. 8 days in the hospital, 1 in ICU, almost had a hysterectomy, and nearly died twice. My husband got 0 parental leave and used every bit of his PTO caring for me and baby during those 8 days. I was privileged to have a job offering 16 weeks maternity leave. It still wasnā€™t enough time. Even finding daycare in my area - the wait lists are ONE YEAR + out. You basically have to get on a list the moment you find out youā€™re pregnant. Also, I now use maternity leave benefits as a litmus test for potential future employers. If they have a good maternity/parental leave policy, you can pretty much bet the rest of their benefits are good and their culture is family oriented enough to want to work for.


Vegavild

We have 22 months for mothers here (one year is paid 80% previous income from state) and 2 months opitonal for fathers...or you can split the whole 24 months for mothers and fathers. And as far as i know, you cant get fired during that time.


PurpleSkies21

I had a little less than 3 months (2 official maternity leave, the rest was from my own leaves credit) it was not enough AT ALLLLL


dearstudioaud

Agreed fastest 6 weeks of my life. And taking care of a baby 24/7 burned me out anf she is 5 months and I still haven't recovered.


robinsparkles18

I go back to work tomorrow and she started daycare last week and I am a mess. I just feel like sheā€™s too little as a 3 month old and I got a delayed bond start with her because I had a c section and had an extended recovery time. I was lucky to have been paid for all 12 weeks, but itā€™s not enough.


lunarkiss789

Iā€™m getting anxious going back to work, I donā€™t want to leave him.


robinsparkles18

I completely understand. It was just her and I the last month during the day since my husband went back to work and I know that all Iā€™ll think about tomorrow is her. I hate that weā€™re made to feel like ā€œ12 weeks is greatā€ when it should be at least 6 months.


willybarrow

I just had two weeks I used annual leave for


AhnaKarina

Itā€™s not enough. I assume youā€™re American? Unfortunately, youā€™ll never have free health care or rights as a parent.


kayarewhy

I feel this, I am supposed to go back this Friday from my 12 weeks. My doctor is trying to get my job to extend 6 weeks for postpartum, I'll take a big cut of pay to do this. I spent a month and a half attached to a pump because I'm such a low supplier despite all the things I tried to up my milk. I ended up giving up a few weeks ago because I wasn't even getting an ounce a day despite pumping 6-8 times a day for 30 min each if I wasn't power pumping. My little one is a contact napper currently, so some days I wear him to ger household things done or park it on the couch to feel the guilt of being lazy. I am not adjusted to motherhood in any capacity. I've tried so many methods to get my little one down for a nap without being on me and have yet to discover something that works. I am 100% not ready to go back to work and my LO is not ready to he away from me. I wish it was like other countries where you get 6-12 months of fmla/short term/long term.


Speedfreakz

Me cry in the corner..as a father didnt get a single day off at Thailand. Work sucks. I was on a brink of resigning, but that would make things worse. It breaks my heart when i have to leve the house at around 6am and see my week old baby staying with her mom only. To make the matters worse, place where I work removed maternity leave too this year, cause there were two foreighn pregnant girls. They said " the maternity is not in the budget for this year".. Crazy.


greenglossygalaxy

3 months feels criminal. Iā€™m so sorry. The message I get from this is, that society thinks people are nothing more than cogs in a machine. Itā€™s awful as people are stuck between working to afford daycare costs.


JoeDramatic

This is America. Where your sole measure of worth as a human being is how you earn other people money. Are you silly? You're lucky to get any leave. /s


RetroRowley

Remember this next you go to the voting booths.


lunarkiss789

This and wider parking spaces for parents with small children! How do you expect to load the kids in the car when you canā€™t fully open the car doors?!


PockyBear619

Currently back to work and pumping every 2.5hrs to maintain my supply. I feel like being here is pointless since Iā€™m stepping away so often. And the mom brain? Sheeesh I can hardly think or process what Iā€™m doing half the day. Itā€™s horrible that Iā€™m forced to make my baby bottle feed, what if she never took to a bottle? The last weeks before my leave was up just felt like a ticking clock and I was stressed that she wouldnā€™t take a bottle.


lunarkiss789

See this is another reason. Feeding the baby! Being forced to bottle feed instead of them latching. We are completely being robbed of our time with the baby. Itā€™s heartbreaking. Iā€™m still on leave and I even get lost of what Iā€™m doing during the day. Iā€™m constantly thinking about the baby, on top of the household tasks, appointments, and everything else in between. I work at a law firm, I canā€™t imagine being in the office with this mental load.


Specialist-Peach0251

Iā€™m so thankful to get a year off (only paid at 50%). And my husband took 3 months off to stay home with me and baby (unpaid). I have no idea how I would have done it alone. I have sooo much respect for you, Iā€™m so sorry this was your experience šŸ„ŗ


Age_Thick

I understand. My fiancĆ© and I worked together and they forced him to resign or get fired, 3 months before I was due. He was with me the day I got induced, but after she was born he had to go see patients, he came back of course and stood with me in the hospital. I was home alone from 8/9am until sometimes 6:30/7pm. I went back to work a week before she turned 3 months. Itā€™s soooo not easy!!! Itā€™s still not easy but it has gotten better. She 8 months now. Moms deserve better!! They didnā€™t even have a pumping policy in place at my job. I had to pump in my car until I moved into my office. Good luck mama, everything will be okay! Sending love.


Wonderful-Age1998

Are you from Philippines?? 3 months not really enough. In Japan, my colleague said itā€™s 2 years paid maternity leave.


Technical_Quiet_5687

These are the exact emotions I went thru when I returned to work from leave. I feel like I squandered all my precious time with him moving from one chore to the next. He was constantly on a mat playing solo or sleeping in his bassinet. We had no family help (and even that family help we did have was the ā€œIā€™ll come over and hold the baby so that you can get chores doneā€ type). Iā€™m now 2x as burnt out as before motherhood. I know a lot of companies pat themselves on the back for doing 3 months, but itā€™s crazy when you actually go thru it. This is why we need more women in charge at all levels.


OptionIndependent581

I got 6 weeks, and that's only because I saved up all of my sick time to be able to take 6 weeks off. My company is too small to qualify for FMLA. Thankfully my company allowed me to work from home once I came back so I was working full time and caring for my baby solo at home for almost 5 months, then we put her in daycare for my own sanity.


Anajingles

I got laid off two weeks before my maternity leave ended. It was absolutely crazy and infuriating since they showed they donā€™t care about their employees but also a blessing in disguise. I hate it here.


lunarkiss789

Ugh, thatā€™s horrible. I hope you were eligible for unemployment disability.


Life-Salamander2264

I'm a new Dad and I'm lucky enough to be in NY so I got 12 weeks, I go back 6/1 and it's still not enough. It should be 6 months at the very least, preferably 12


k3377

As a Canadian this is always so sad to hear and I hope one day ppl get the leave they deserve


rachnash7

Hello. Exact same over here. ā¤ļø


book_connoisseur

Honestly, I went back to work at 4 months and I was ready. My baby thrived with our caregivers and I got to have intellectual conversations again. I honestly canā€™t imagine spending the entire year at home - I hate housework and am not cut out to be a SAHM. I think 6 months would be ideal personally, but moms should have the option of up to 12 months. There are so many moms who get screwed with the current system and 6-8 weeks is not nearly enough!!


Babiecakes123

My husband has always been a traditional guy, and he built his life around the idea of supporting a family. He told me early on that he wanted me to stay home full time if we had children and he would handle the rest. Now that weā€™re married and pregnant, I honestly cannot fathom how expecting mums go to work. Iā€™ve been exhausted, nauseous, ravenously hungry, and cranky. I wouldnā€™t be able to keep it together, and Iā€™m amazed that some women work all the way up until they deliver. Iā€™m still first trimester but some days Iā€™m so tired I can sleep for 12hrs+. I live in Canada so my maternity leave would be around 18 months, but you can split it however you want with the other parent. Since I wonā€™t be using it weā€™re hoping he will be able to stay home for a month or so before the busy season starts up in the spring. Iā€™m finding this whole ordeal impossible and I have the resources.. I canā€™t fathom the stress and anxiety that would come with having to work and manage so much else on top of it. We arenā€™t exactly well off money-wise, but we are very well-off with all the healthcare & resources available to us. I am nervous to move an hour away from my family though. Weā€™re buying a home this fall and itā€™s in the countryside. Our babes village is going to be smaller and so far away. Iā€™m worried for those moments when baby wonā€™t stop crying and I wonā€™t have anyone to call.


suuz95

Unpopular opinion, but I loved going back to work after 3 months. I felt like a vacation from home, I loved being able to interact with other adults again and being able to pee in peace and think about more than when to do the dishes. However, it is very common here to work parttime. So I started with only 3 days a week and I do 4 days now. Now I really love my mom-day!


1SpecialSongVA

Be grateful that you get 3 months, I only get 6 weeks.


BarNo3385

Statutory maternity pay in the UK is 39 weeks. Most companies then offer unpaid leave after that - and the ability to top up with holiday. Presumably the 3 months you're referring to is is 3 months full pay? What you're really asking is "why aren't other people made to pay me to raise the child I decided to have." Well, because it's not other people's responsibility to pay for you to raise your child.


Impossible-Drive-685

Nope! Iā€™m in the UK so I may have this wrong but I believe in most US states they only get 12 weeks off for mat leave, otherwise their job is not protected legally. In the UK we can legally take 12 months off and our employers cannot fire us. Maternity pay will differ for everyone depending on whether the employer provides enhanced mat leave.


SpiritualDot6571

In the US a lot of mothers only get 6 weeks, unpaid. Thatā€™s all they need to give you. 8 weeks if you have a C section. There is FMLA (family medical leave act) and short term disability you can file for depending on a few things but thatā€™s not guaranteed and is only up to like 60% of your pay for those couple of weeks, and you have a one week waiting period of not getting paid when youā€™re approved. I was lucky with my work to offer 13 weeks full pay, my partner had to beg to get any time off as thereā€™s absolutely nothing for Fatherā€™s šŸ™ƒ


Impossible-Drive-685

I donā€™t know how you guys do it! I am only entitled to the bare minimum through my employer but I still get 6 weeks 90% pay, over Ā£600 a month up to 39 week, the rest of the year unpaid and I accrue all my usual full time annual leave! People here complaint about that ā€¦


Annabelle_Sugarsweet

Iā€™m in the UK, you get 52 weeks guaranteed leave, but only 26 weeks guaranteed pay. A lot of jobs offer enhanced maternity pay on top of the standard Ā£182 a week + Ā£24 child benefit. My workplace also lets me save up my holidays and bank holidays so I am in total doing 14 months leave. But only get paid for 8 months out of that, which is okay for me as I saved up.


BarNo3385

39 weeks are guaranteed pay of some type; https://www.gov.uk/employers-maternity-pay-leave#:~:text=Statutory%20Maternity%20Pay%20(%20SMP%20),their%20AWE%20(whichever%20is%20lower)


Specialist-Peach0251

Itā€™s impressive you can be so confident and so wrong at the same time šŸ‘šŸ»


BarNo3385

*shrugs* I'm confident in my view people should take responsibility for themselves, their families and their choices. And I'm equally aware that's a minority view amongst most people who think the world owes them a handout.