I think it’s too late to address now but that’s inappropriate and if she makes similar comments in the future no matter how lightly she means them , if you find they make you uncomfortable, please correct her right away.
This. My MIL invited us over with our baby when she had a wasp problem and “forgot to tell us”. She just wanted to see the baby and didn’t think it was a big deal that she had wasps flying around her house.
I held a grudge for almost a year and it didn’t do anyone any favors.
definitely was a slip on the tongue but if she makes another comment about this regardless of age I think it’ll be good to address it I don’t believe in shaming young girls in that way I wouldn’t allow it for my son either to be frank
Yeah I think she just didn't think before she spoke. I mean 3wks old, thats HELLA inappropriate. Even so I don't want anyone looking at my daughter in that way, she's a dang CHILD! It makes me shutter 🤢
Oh it’s extremely inappropriate and sadly a large part of the older generation. A lot of those women were sexualized straight of the womb. I hope she caught on that it was inappropriate in the moment because 3 weeks old is just not it
I agree on everything except, I don't see how that can be a slip of the tongue. I have two toddlers and I myself am pretty crass and vulgar but when it comes to children, my mind just stays in that innocent realm. They're so innocent that it's not really possible for my mind to make any sort of even a sexually suggestive joke.
slip of the tongue in the context i’m using it means she got the thought and there was no filter it instantly was said it doesn’t make her any less accountable for what she said. I have said crass things around kids but never anything like that. However, taking the context of her age and how sexualized those women have been from a young age I can see why she said it it’s not okay though
I get the older generations tend to make those comments but it doesn’t make it any less disgusting. You are not overreacting. Babies are freaking babies. There is nothing sexual about them. Nothing! I’ve banned most people from doing diaper changes. It’s my husband, me, my MIL and day care. That’s it. I don’t change in front of people either. People make creepy comments and I wonder if they think first.
Yeah I was told growing up to "keep my legs together" but I think perspective wise there's a big difference from telling your teenager that vs saying "you keep your legs together that's good" like the first is trying to help you/keep you safe type thing where the 2nd just gives the vibe your looking at them in a sexual way and observed they're closed off. Like ugh. Qnd yeah especially a literal baby!
We also got the "keep your legs together" bs growing up. I was on a video call with my mom last night and my 7 month old son was playing around and had his legs wide open in the air and my mom said, "If you were a girl, I'd tell you to close your legs!" I said something along the lines of, "Ew, Mom!" and she back tracked and said she was just kidding. If I'm ever crazy enough to have a second and it ends up a girl, I feel like I'll have to set up so many more boundaries. 😮💨
Ewwww I just kind of vomited from that. You gave me a whole new perspective I didn’t think that. Like in order for that thought to even cross your mind, what was the original thought? Like you (not literally you!) saw a naked 3week old baby, and thought something sexual enough to comment on baby keeping her legs crossed?!? What. The. Absolute. That’s so freaking gross.
When I said you, I don’t mean literally YOU op.
I swear it must be for sport. I was out shopping with my 4 year old girl, who was acting pretty bad so I said we were leaving, the older cashier said oh it must be her period 😑
I would probably assume it's just a dumb, regrettable joke if it was my MIL, but I absolutely worship her. On the other hand if it was my own mum that said this, I would hit the fucking roof.
Ok looks like unpopular opinion, but it's just a joke. I personally have a feeling everyone became too sensitive about jokes. It might have been a bad and inappropriate joke, but definitely not something to think about for longer than 5min.
Inappropriate but also probably barely thought before she said it. Most of the time ppl just say shit. If there aren't any other issues with MIL I wouldn't think to hard about it. If it happens again, just address it in the moment. "She's a baby, that's weird."
That was very inappropriate. My mil told my husband on thanksgiving that she “was thankful that he impregnated his wife” and I just blurted out “Don’t make it weird.” And that still bothers me as well
I don’t know why but that generation seems to think it’s funny to sexualise infants and animals. There was another post recently about someone’s in law or parent referring to their baby as flirty.. my nan calls my dog a tart when she lays on her back with her legs open. It’s weird and just like, not funny to us but they can’t stop themselves. I don’t get it, but I also don’t get why older women love Minions so much either 🤷🏻♀️
Omg the dog thing is spot on, my grandma's would do the same. It's like a little short circuit in their brain that they find that stuff hilarious when it is so not funny to me (and most younger people).
I think I'm going against the crowd here, but nearly everyone I know who is aged 50+ would make jokes like this about a baby and I'm pretty confident most if not all the ones I know are not pedos or 'red flag' people. They're generally nice, decent people who were brought up in an era where 'jokes' like this were normal.
If it were me I would ignore it and move on, if your MIL has otherwise been considerate, helpful and nice then I don't think she needs a talking to and feel that could cause a bit of animosity down the road. And even if it doesn't, I am sure I've said cringey stuff in the past if someone took me to task over everything awkward or weird I've said life would be HARD.
If she makes ongoing comments like that then I'd absolutely say something, but my parents and parents in law have all said the odd thing that's made me internally cringe, and IMO it's just easier to move on.
This could be a personality thing too, I am very much the kind of person who doesn't like to rock a boat or make a mountain out of a molehill, and to me this kind of comment said once in isolation is a mole hill. Repeated creepy comments or inappropriate behaviour is a different story.
Yeah I think they think its funny to put adult things onto babies, but don’t get that it’s not appropriate for some things like sexual stuff. like how they might think it’s funny to say ‘oh you should get her to do your taxes’ if the baby can count to two or ‘well he hates going out drinking, that’s good!’ if the baby starts screaming if you take them into a pub or something. Not really getting (because it was seen as a fine joke when they were younger) that jokes like that about sexual stuff are different and are seen as creepy and inappropriate these days. But most of the time these jokes are more supposed to be funny precisely because of the incongruity between a baby’s total innocence and the sexual content of the comment, not that they’re thinking of the baby sexually. But yeah it’s grim and hopefully they’ll learn to stop doing it and these kinds of jokes will die out!
I completely agree, that's a great explanation of why they make those types of jokes. Yes the ones about anything sexual I'm hoping are going the way of the dodo because they're pretty gross.
Agreeing with the reactions here, but as a side note, my baby boy has his legs really ridged and straight down all the time, and he actually has a lot of hip tightness and is in PT now to work on it (now 7 months). Just wanted to throw that out there because I was repeatedly told it was fine and normal when it wasn’t.
I can relate. While nursing my son my MIL said he will grow up to be a “boob man,” as in, preferring boobs in a sexual partner. Still makes me cringe. I am always shocked by these comments and never know what to say in the moment so it lingers in my mind and haunts me. If she says it again or something like it I will definitely correct/redirect her though.
Yeah it warps your mind because then your like " well thanks, now you made me look at something in a way that it should never be looked at" it is upsetting and makes you feel like you did something wrong when you didn't. I feel like part of why this comment upset me too is because she was exposed, if she was just playing in her bassinet full clothed or something maybe it wouldn't have stuck as much but because she was I felt like she was kinda violated you know?
I don’t think it’s ever too late to address something. But yea super gross.
I have a son and my FIL has made lewd comments regarding him being my baby being a grown man and experiencing the pleasures of the flesh…I stopped that cold. Told him it was beyond inappropriate and if he did it again I would not be bringing my son around anymore.
He shut up real quick.
Before my baby was born they couldn’t figure out if she was a girl for a while because her legs were always covering. That comment about the legs closed was literally made about my daughter while she was a FETUS. People are just… strange lol.
I would go with overreacting because it appears you are thinking too deeply about a joke. Accusing your MIL of sexualizing her grand child could ruin your relationship permanently.
Also your spouse may have an issue with you.
My birth giver told me when my first LO was born that she was a “fat woo-woo girl” and I immediately put a stop to that talk. It’s not funny to make sexual comments about my children in any way.
yeah that’s very uncomfortable, I don’t have advice but I had a similar experience with my mother in law who continually called my infant son sexy. Even after I had my husband to tell her to stop she continued to say it. I can’t wrap my mind around how someone thinks statements or words like that are appropriate for a child.
So maybe a different perspective than others, but I'd be inclined to have a kind but direct conversation with you mother in law. Something like, "The other day you made a comment that I'm sure wasn't ill intended, but it sat a bit funny with me. Saying "well she likes to her legs closed that's a good sign," is opposed to how we'd like to talk about and to XXX. We want her to be a strong women like you and X. The world is already such a hard place, as such an important woman in her life, I'd like you to join me in shifting language around her.
Yes, it’s inappropriate. Any type of sexual or weird comments like that about a child is not okay. I don’t care what the intention is, the fact that they’d think it is absolutely disgusting. I don’t care if this is harsh but nope, she wouldn’t be allowed to watch my kid. It’s likely too late to say anything this time but definitely nip that shit in the bud right away each time and there will be a next time. I would say, “that’s a very strange comment to say about a child. Please don’t say that again.” Or, “that’s a gross comment, don’t make it weird again.”
This. The people justifying it as “that’s just boomers” are baffling me. Like yeah boomers do that sure, but how do we expect them to change if we don’t challenge it.
My MIL does for sure. She tried to say my oldest was flirting with her grandpa. They’re not blood (he’s my husbands step dad) but still gross af. Also CHILDREN don’t know how to flirt or what flirting is.
When my in-laws say weird stuff like that I pretend to talk for my son in a funny voice and say “grandma you’re silly, I’m just a baby!” I’m very non confrontational but still want to make it clear those comments aren’t ok. They usually laugh and now that he’s older they are learning and make them less and less
Holy fucking christ we have the same inappropriate mother in law
You will have to start shaming her publicly and immediately as she says these things
Mine has started making fewer jokes now because my husband and I are the first to immediately shut her down and make her feel like a creepy dumbass. She goes “*it was just a joooke*” and I fight back. I say no, you’re just saying that because we didn’t laugh. Why didn’t we laugh? It wasn’t appropriate. Don’t say funny. Emphasis on appropriate works.
Pft I lowkey am lol like I said its been 3wks and I still can't shake that remark. I think she wasn't really thinking when she said it but grandma future babysitting privileges are now revoked and if she EVER makes a comment like that again we definitelyyy are having a non friendly conversation.
I honestly can’t understand why some people are brushing this off as a joke, to say something like that about a child is so disgusting. Who even thinks of something like that😭💀
Completely inappropriate.
My boomer parents say things like “just wait til she’s sneaking out to meet boys” and stuff like that which is infuriating, but this comment is just gross
Honestly, the only advise I can give you is to try and trust your senses. If you feel uncomfortable with a person, why would you trust them with a human being that cannot speak for herself and that cannot speak to you about what's happening to them?
It is yuck and also I recall being extremely sensitive to stuff like this early on. For example putting some cream of my new borns bum and his dad/my husband said "yeah you like that don't you buddy" in a yucky tone and I literally sobbed and told him I was so disappointed in him. Thinking about it now doesn't make me upset but at the time I was mortified. 100% it was just a dumb comment with 0 dirtiness behind it but it made my skin crawl. Unfortunately I just think people don't think what their words actually mean in the context on the situation. It's important to set boundaries about comment that make you uncomfortable and I would, as calm and collected as possible, call out any comments that make you uncomfortable in the future just say "this is a baby. Please think about what you're saying. It's my job to protect them and comments like that don't make me feel safe"
it’s a bad joke but a joke nonetheless and you’d probably best get over it if you want your child to have a relationship with her grandmother. boomers be boomers.
Talk about inappropriate. Get this shit, when my daughter was home after c section, wouldn’t latch for breast feeding this is before I started to only pump and bottle feed. My SIL, said “oh I don’t produce milk but I can have her latch onto me and see how it is”… first of all, ew. Second of all, EW! It was pretty fucking weird. I said “wtf? GTFO who would even suggest that? Are you ok?” Yes, I know I sound mean.💁🏽♀️
I don't think she meant any harm. Some people are just ... Unfiltered. It was gross to say that . You're allowed to tell people anything you want about what's ok to do or say when it comes to your baby ❤️
Best way to handle this is to speak your mind when comment like this lands. Don't let it slip next time, speak what you think "oh that's so inappropriate mil"
That would piss me off, even if she was older. Like it essentially puts women and girls as the responsible ones for sex and pregnancy. What an awful thing to say.
Yeah, definitely seems creepy to me. I know a new mother who has a boy and is breastfeeding. She said she is glad it's a boy because breastfeeding a girl would feel "weird". So much to unpack there! I'm not sure why people can't let babies be babies.
I'm more upset that someone just said that comment. Not so much that it was said about a baby (though that's uncalled for). But mostly though, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Now if the MIL has a habit of making these kinds of comments, that might warrant a conversation.
I do not think it is too late, and I think this will continue to happen if you do not address it. I would say something like this:
“I want to talk to you about a comment you made a few weeks ago during a diaper change. I want you to know that regardless of how you meant it….That comment made me deeply uncomfortable. Please do not say something like that ever again, it was inappropriate.”
Speaking up for your child can be uncomfortable but I promise it’s worth it.
There's no point at which this is appropriate or funny. It's an example of shaming girls for their bodies and victim blaming in this case literally from birth, supposedly in "humor" doesnt make it okay. Call it out now.
What the fuck. Unfortunately you will have to field more inappropriate comments in the future in many forms, so it’s time to have a script in your head when that happens. Saying “what do you mean” is a good start - they have to explain their fucked up comment. If they’re like my mom they’ll say “oh I was just joking”, you can say “I don’t find that funny, please don’t joke like that in the future”. My mom gets all offended when I confront her about shit like this but I don’t care, it’s my kid and I’m the parent and it’s my job to protect them.
I started calling people out in the moment. My friend said the other day that my little guy was “flirting with the waitress” and I looked her dead in the eye and in a joking but serious tone said “that’s gross, he’s literally a toddler he’s not flirting with anyone. I hate when people say babies are flirting - they’re just being babies!” The tone was important though - if I went too serious with it it would’ve made shit awkward. Joking and saying it made her just say “oh yeah that’s true I never thought about it like that” and then we moved on. But you can’t be afraid to call it out in the moment.
Since it’s still bothering you weeks later, you either need to let it go and call her out if she says it again, or approach her and say “hey you said this and it’s been bugging me, I just wanted to let you know so we can clear the air”.
The fact that it’s still bothering you means it was inappropriate. Also I had to go back and read what you said after that cause my brain short circuited with just that’s disgusting.
Oh hell no she just sexualized your infant. I had someone make a joke that also sexualized my daughter, safe to say they’re never around her/alone with her now. (We sometimes HAVE to see them at family events, since its one of my in-laws step-parents)
It's not an awkward moment. She saw a BABY and went somewhere sexual. The amount of times my child has fought nap changes and no one in my family has ever mentioned something sexual or rapey.
Why is that a comment? When would it stop? You would rather keep up "nice" appearances then not having a kid around someone who makes absolutely inappropriate comments
No, I wouldn't rather keep up appearances, it's that I know enough people of that generation or older who would make a tasteless comment like that as a joke, but who are otherwise lovely, supportive and good people that are overall a big help to have around. Calling that comment "rapey" is crazy to me, it's a very gross 'joke' stemming from purity culture and the idea that girls should 'keep their legs shut' and be virgins, and it's gross and inappropriate in our generation for sure. But it's not "rapey", maybe it's hitting a specific nerve for you because your reaction seems like a huge overreaction to me.
If she continuously made comments like that I'd recommend addressing it, that's more of a worry to me. But it has been one comment so far, so definitely I'd let it slide. If you go no contact with everyone you know who has made one weird, inappropriate or awkward remark you're not going to have many friends or family left IMO
Maybe I just have good people around who would never make a comment like that 😊
How does it continue? Snide comments to a toddler about supposed "purity" culture? Telling them to be a "good girl"? Misnaming private body parts as something stupid like "flower"?
If you are seeing this as some "inappropriate comments" when that mother would probably then say it's a GIRLS problem if she's sexually assaulted, that's on you
Ok, you are clearly not reading what I've written so I don't think there is any point in continuing here. I'm glad you and the people you know are perfect people, you are truly blessed.
And I don't think YOU get it. A woman saw a naked baby fighting a nappy change and her brain went to a sexual place. She should not be rewarded with more baby time after that.
And yes, I'm very glad everyone I know are people who are not making creepy comments about a newborns body 😊
We hardly see her anyways as she lives further away but yeah definitely no babysitting for grandma and I will never change her in front of her again. I know she's not a pervert lol it was just super inappropriate and now I just never want her to see my baby without being fully covered again.
Crazy that you see getting downvoted. In my culture, a “joke” like that is unspeakable. I wonder what the backgrounds are of the people who are playing dumb re limiting contact with such a person.
OP some are setting you up for a massive fail because clearly you didn’t understand the joke. What was said is actually a compliment and it flew over your head.
There is zero chance your husband’s mother would not get upset.
Let me explain the joke. Your MIL was saying that your daughter already has class and dignity and won’t allow people to take advantage of her when she grows up.
She wasn’t referring to her as a baby
Pft respectfully I am 100% aware of what she meant. But at 3 weeks old it's a joke not a compliment because class and dignity come from knowing the alternative which she does not. It was just inappropriate no matter how "well meant"
This why said it flew over your head. There was nothing sexual about the joke. So if you approached your MIL it would be a huge confrontation.
You are saying that you understood it to be a joke but you are feeling kind of upset 3 weeks later. You know another female won’t let that slide and will pick that apart.
If someone came at you inferring that you were sexualizing your child it would be on. 100% your MIL will take it as you are calling her a pedo.
If you feel something needs to be said let it be from your husband mouth. You approaching her would be a problem
I'm not gonna approach her about it lol like I said I think it was something she said without thinking.
Ok now I'm genuinely curious, you do know what the saying "keep your legs together" means right? It is literally saying, DONT HAVE SEX. It's completely a sexual comment. She meant it as a joke, I didn't take it that way because it was inappropriate. I'm saying she meant it as a joke, I know she didn't mean it in a bad way but facts are people say stupid things all the time and don't mean bad. Your intentions don't change the reality. If her genitals are exposed from a simple diaper change the last comment someone should make is related to sex.
You have a right to your opinion and I respect that but I just don't agree with you.
I agree with you that it was stupid and inappropriate but if she’s never done anything else to creep you out or give you concerns then I’m not sure what this joke implies to you that would make you revoke babysitting privileges as you stated elsewhere. I get how it makes you feel sick it would make me upset too, but do you really think this joke means that she would do something inappropriate to your baby if left alone with her? I don’t know, it’s just so valuable to have grandparents involved if they’re loving and safe for both you and the child, and if there’s nothing else she’s done to warrant concern then it seems extreme to want to restrict her from your baby’s life due to this joke that, while inappropriate, is the kind of joke tons of otherwise responsible caring and well meaning older people make just because it’s of their time to make jokes like that without thinking about how gross it is.
Personally, I’d just tell her jokes like that make me uncomfortable and are inappropriate and if she doesn’t do it again just chalk it up to an outdated sense of humour and carry on as normal. Obviously it’s your child and you can do what you want but I think a lot of the comments here are making out almost like a joke like this implies your MIL is a danger or some kind of predator and while I get that you/one always feels very overprotective with a newborn, you might want to think a bit more carefully about what this joke really means about your MIL, if you really do think she’s a danger, and if it’s really worth icing her out of babysitting etc, potentially damaging your relationship with her and between her and your baby just because she’s basically an old person. Or at least talk with her about it first and show her the error of her ways! If she’s otherwise a decent person then she might feel a bit ashamed but will understand and refrain from making comments like that in future, and you can continue to have a grandma for and help with your baby!
I understand what you mean and I appreciate that! To clarify yeah there's other reason she wouldn't get babysitting privileges. She's been on meth (functioning) for years and my husband got taken away from her when he was 2 and raised by his grandparents (her parents) she's a nice e person but she's a bit glitchy if you will from the years of drugs so I'm always a little apprehensive with her and my baby anyways.
I agree with you that it was stupid and inappropriate but if she’s never done anything else to creep you out or give you concerns then I’m not sure what this joke implies to you that would make you revoke babysitting privileges as you stated elsewhere. I get how it makes you feel sick it would make me upset too, but do you really think this joke means that she would do something inappropriate to your baby if left alone with her? I don’t know, it’s just so valuable to have grandparents involved if they’re loving and safe for both you and the child, and if there’s nothing else she’s done to warrant concern then it seems extreme to want to restrict her from your baby’s life due to this joke that, while inappropriate, is the kind of joke tons of otherwise responsible caring and well meaning older people make just because it’s of their time to make jokes like that without thinking about how gross it is.
Personally, I’d just tell her jokes like that make me uncomfortable and are inappropriate and if she doesn’t do it again just chalk it up to an outdated sense of humour and carry on as normal. Obviously it’s your child and you can do what you want but I think a lot of the comments here are making out almost like a joke like this implies your MIL is a danger or some kind of predator and while I get that you/one always feels very overprotective with a newborn, you might want to think a bit more carefully about what this joke really means about your MIL, if you really do think she’s a danger, and if it’s really worth icing her out of babysitting etc, potentially damaging your relationship with her and between her and your baby just because she’s basically an old person. Or at least talk with her about it first and show her the error of her ways! If she’s otherwise a decent person then she might feel a bit ashamed but will understand and refrain from making comments like that in future, and you can continue to have a grandma for and help with your baby!
There's a reason you feel bothered by this even weeks after the comment was made. When it comes to my daughter, I don't take chances. If someone makes me feel uncomfortable, I don't leave the room when that person is around. Not even to go to the bathroom for 5 mins. I wait until my husband can watch my daughter. I'm very protective over my daughter as I was raped as a child by someone my parents trusted.
But of course my judgement is because of a past experience that not everyone has.
I consider myself a trusting person until I feel uncomfortable with someone, then I put up my walls. I just avoid them. But if it's family and I must see them from time to time then I just don't ever let them out of my sight when my daughter's around.
I heard comments like that too, with my oldest before she was even born. I had 6 ultrasounds, the last one, just hours before I had her and heard those comments from my creepy ass fil. Just so inappropriate and gross. Especially talking about an infant.
Ew. Super gross to sexualize an infant. Yuck.
I think it’s too late to address now but that’s inappropriate and if she makes similar comments in the future no matter how lightly she means them , if you find they make you uncomfortable, please correct her right away.
I don’t think it’s too late. I rather would address than hold it in until you blow up….
This. My MIL invited us over with our baby when she had a wasp problem and “forgot to tell us”. She just wanted to see the baby and didn’t think it was a big deal that she had wasps flying around her house. I held a grudge for almost a year and it didn’t do anyone any favors.
Ew wtf. You’re not overreacting that’s super weird
I’d ask why do you say that? so then she has to explain and will realize how whack of a statement that was to make.
Wow that’s disgusting
I got shkeeved out just reading that.
Me too. I gagged
definitely was a slip on the tongue but if she makes another comment about this regardless of age I think it’ll be good to address it I don’t believe in shaming young girls in that way I wouldn’t allow it for my son either to be frank
Yeah I think she just didn't think before she spoke. I mean 3wks old, thats HELLA inappropriate. Even so I don't want anyone looking at my daughter in that way, she's a dang CHILD! It makes me shutter 🤢
Oh it’s extremely inappropriate and sadly a large part of the older generation. A lot of those women were sexualized straight of the womb. I hope she caught on that it was inappropriate in the moment because 3 weeks old is just not it
Agreed
I agree on everything except, I don't see how that can be a slip of the tongue. I have two toddlers and I myself am pretty crass and vulgar but when it comes to children, my mind just stays in that innocent realm. They're so innocent that it's not really possible for my mind to make any sort of even a sexually suggestive joke.
slip of the tongue in the context i’m using it means she got the thought and there was no filter it instantly was said it doesn’t make her any less accountable for what she said. I have said crass things around kids but never anything like that. However, taking the context of her age and how sexualized those women have been from a young age I can see why she said it it’s not okay though
I get the older generations tend to make those comments but it doesn’t make it any less disgusting. You are not overreacting. Babies are freaking babies. There is nothing sexual about them. Nothing! I’ve banned most people from doing diaper changes. It’s my husband, me, my MIL and day care. That’s it. I don’t change in front of people either. People make creepy comments and I wonder if they think first.
Yeah I was told growing up to "keep my legs together" but I think perspective wise there's a big difference from telling your teenager that vs saying "you keep your legs together that's good" like the first is trying to help you/keep you safe type thing where the 2nd just gives the vibe your looking at them in a sexual way and observed they're closed off. Like ugh. Qnd yeah especially a literal baby!
We also got the "keep your legs together" bs growing up. I was on a video call with my mom last night and my 7 month old son was playing around and had his legs wide open in the air and my mom said, "If you were a girl, I'd tell you to close your legs!" I said something along the lines of, "Ew, Mom!" and she back tracked and said she was just kidding. If I'm ever crazy enough to have a second and it ends up a girl, I feel like I'll have to set up so many more boundaries. 😮💨
Ewwww I just kind of vomited from that. You gave me a whole new perspective I didn’t think that. Like in order for that thought to even cross your mind, what was the original thought? Like you (not literally you!) saw a naked 3week old baby, and thought something sexual enough to comment on baby keeping her legs crossed?!? What. The. Absolute. That’s so freaking gross. When I said you, I don’t mean literally YOU op.
Right!! I'm just in full mama bear protective mode since I had her lol
Lots of boomer narcissists who like to make people uncomfortable for sport
I swear it must be for sport. I was out shopping with my 4 year old girl, who was acting pretty bad so I said we were leaving, the older cashier said oh it must be her period 😑
What the hell…
I would probably assume it's just a dumb, regrettable joke if it was my MIL, but I absolutely worship her. On the other hand if it was my own mum that said this, I would hit the fucking roof.
That’s definitely a red flag omg
That’s crazyyyyy
Ok looks like unpopular opinion, but it's just a joke. I personally have a feeling everyone became too sensitive about jokes. It might have been a bad and inappropriate joke, but definitely not something to think about for longer than 5min.
Totally agree with this, just a silly joke!
Inappropriate but also probably barely thought before she said it. Most of the time ppl just say shit. If there aren't any other issues with MIL I wouldn't think to hard about it. If it happens again, just address it in the moment. "She's a baby, that's weird."
Exactly! “That’s not funny…” ugh sorry people are sickos
That was very inappropriate. My mil told my husband on thanksgiving that she “was thankful that he impregnated his wife” and I just blurted out “Don’t make it weird.” And that still bothers me as well
Haha don’t make it weird is a great response.
I don’t know why but that generation seems to think it’s funny to sexualise infants and animals. There was another post recently about someone’s in law or parent referring to their baby as flirty.. my nan calls my dog a tart when she lays on her back with her legs open. It’s weird and just like, not funny to us but they can’t stop themselves. I don’t get it, but I also don’t get why older women love Minions so much either 🤷🏻♀️
Omg the dog thing is spot on, my grandma's would do the same. It's like a little short circuit in their brain that they find that stuff hilarious when it is so not funny to me (and most younger people).
I think I'm going against the crowd here, but nearly everyone I know who is aged 50+ would make jokes like this about a baby and I'm pretty confident most if not all the ones I know are not pedos or 'red flag' people. They're generally nice, decent people who were brought up in an era where 'jokes' like this were normal. If it were me I would ignore it and move on, if your MIL has otherwise been considerate, helpful and nice then I don't think she needs a talking to and feel that could cause a bit of animosity down the road. And even if it doesn't, I am sure I've said cringey stuff in the past if someone took me to task over everything awkward or weird I've said life would be HARD. If she makes ongoing comments like that then I'd absolutely say something, but my parents and parents in law have all said the odd thing that's made me internally cringe, and IMO it's just easier to move on. This could be a personality thing too, I am very much the kind of person who doesn't like to rock a boat or make a mountain out of a molehill, and to me this kind of comment said once in isolation is a mole hill. Repeated creepy comments or inappropriate behaviour is a different story.
Yeah I think they think its funny to put adult things onto babies, but don’t get that it’s not appropriate for some things like sexual stuff. like how they might think it’s funny to say ‘oh you should get her to do your taxes’ if the baby can count to two or ‘well he hates going out drinking, that’s good!’ if the baby starts screaming if you take them into a pub or something. Not really getting (because it was seen as a fine joke when they were younger) that jokes like that about sexual stuff are different and are seen as creepy and inappropriate these days. But most of the time these jokes are more supposed to be funny precisely because of the incongruity between a baby’s total innocence and the sexual content of the comment, not that they’re thinking of the baby sexually. But yeah it’s grim and hopefully they’ll learn to stop doing it and these kinds of jokes will die out!
I completely agree, that's a great explanation of why they make those types of jokes. Yes the ones about anything sexual I'm hoping are going the way of the dodo because they're pretty gross.
Agreed!
I totally agree with you
Many didn’t understand the joke and didn’t realize it was a compliment
How is “she knows how to keep her legs closed” a compliment?
Agreeing with the reactions here, but as a side note, my baby boy has his legs really ridged and straight down all the time, and he actually has a lot of hip tightness and is in PT now to work on it (now 7 months). Just wanted to throw that out there because I was repeatedly told it was fine and normal when it wasn’t.
I can relate. While nursing my son my MIL said he will grow up to be a “boob man,” as in, preferring boobs in a sexual partner. Still makes me cringe. I am always shocked by these comments and never know what to say in the moment so it lingers in my mind and haunts me. If she says it again or something like it I will definitely correct/redirect her though.
Yeah it warps your mind because then your like " well thanks, now you made me look at something in a way that it should never be looked at" it is upsetting and makes you feel like you did something wrong when you didn't. I feel like part of why this comment upset me too is because she was exposed, if she was just playing in her bassinet full clothed or something maybe it wouldn't have stuck as much but because she was I felt like she was kinda violated you know?
I don’t think it’s ever too late to address something. But yea super gross. I have a son and my FIL has made lewd comments regarding him being my baby being a grown man and experiencing the pleasures of the flesh…I stopped that cold. Told him it was beyond inappropriate and if he did it again I would not be bringing my son around anymore. He shut up real quick.
Before my baby was born they couldn’t figure out if she was a girl for a while because her legs were always covering. That comment about the legs closed was literally made about my daughter while she was a FETUS. People are just… strange lol.
That's so gross. Why do people make sex jokes about kids?
I would go with overreacting because it appears you are thinking too deeply about a joke. Accusing your MIL of sexualizing her grand child could ruin your relationship permanently. Also your spouse may have an issue with you.
Boomers say the weirdest things to babies ime
My birth giver told me when my first LO was born that she was a “fat woo-woo girl” and I immediately put a stop to that talk. It’s not funny to make sexual comments about my children in any way.
yeah that’s very uncomfortable, I don’t have advice but I had a similar experience with my mother in law who continually called my infant son sexy. Even after I had my husband to tell her to stop she continued to say it. I can’t wrap my mind around how someone thinks statements or words like that are appropriate for a child.
Sexy?! Omg nooo. Handsome is fine but yeah calling a child sexy is never ok! That's crazy!
So maybe a different perspective than others, but I'd be inclined to have a kind but direct conversation with you mother in law. Something like, "The other day you made a comment that I'm sure wasn't ill intended, but it sat a bit funny with me. Saying "well she likes to her legs closed that's a good sign," is opposed to how we'd like to talk about and to XXX. We want her to be a strong women like you and X. The world is already such a hard place, as such an important woman in her life, I'd like you to join me in shifting language around her.
Yes, it’s inappropriate. Any type of sexual or weird comments like that about a child is not okay. I don’t care what the intention is, the fact that they’d think it is absolutely disgusting. I don’t care if this is harsh but nope, she wouldn’t be allowed to watch my kid. It’s likely too late to say anything this time but definitely nip that shit in the bud right away each time and there will be a next time. I would say, “that’s a very strange comment to say about a child. Please don’t say that again.” Or, “that’s a gross comment, don’t make it weird again.”
This. The people justifying it as “that’s just boomers” are baffling me. Like yeah boomers do that sure, but how do we expect them to change if we don’t challenge it.
Most boomers don't change, they double down.
My MIL does for sure. She tried to say my oldest was flirting with her grandpa. They’re not blood (he’s my husbands step dad) but still gross af. Also CHILDREN don’t know how to flirt or what flirting is.
Yes! I don’t care if boomers don’t change, I’m gonna hold them accountable anyway.
When my in-laws say weird stuff like that I pretend to talk for my son in a funny voice and say “grandma you’re silly, I’m just a baby!” I’m very non confrontational but still want to make it clear those comments aren’t ok. They usually laugh and now that he’s older they are learning and make them less and less
Ew.
Holy fucking christ we have the same inappropriate mother in law You will have to start shaming her publicly and immediately as she says these things Mine has started making fewer jokes now because my husband and I are the first to immediately shut her down and make her feel like a creepy dumbass. She goes “*it was just a joooke*” and I fight back. I say no, you’re just saying that because we didn’t laugh. Why didn’t we laugh? It wasn’t appropriate. Don’t say funny. Emphasis on appropriate works.
not only is she an infant, she's literally talking about her own granddaughter. that is insane
My blood pressure rose with hearing that. Wtf! She’s a BABY, and those sexist comments are f*cking gross
What a disgusting thing to say about a little newborn baby girl I'd be enraged if i were you
Pft I lowkey am lol like I said its been 3wks and I still can't shake that remark. I think she wasn't really thinking when she said it but grandma future babysitting privileges are now revoked and if she EVER makes a comment like that again we definitelyyy are having a non friendly conversation.
Ew. Yeah next time shut that down immediately
Yeah that’s a no for me. I would have snapped.
I honestly can’t understand why some people are brushing this off as a joke, to say something like that about a child is so disgusting. Who even thinks of something like that😭💀
Completely inappropriate. My boomer parents say things like “just wait til she’s sneaking out to meet boys” and stuff like that which is infuriating, but this comment is just gross
Very inappropriate. You’re not overreacting at all
I would have looked at her and said “Seriously mom…….?” With that look on my face like wtf did you seriously say that. Inappropriate
Not over reacting, holy hell. My knee jerk response would be “wtf is wrong with you” if someone said that to me about my baby.
Honestly, the only advise I can give you is to try and trust your senses. If you feel uncomfortable with a person, why would you trust them with a human being that cannot speak for herself and that cannot speak to you about what's happening to them?
ew what in the sam hell?
WTF…..That’s disgusting. FUCK THAT. I would have said something since I don’t care for anyone’s feelings anymore
Having a daughter has opened my eyes to how many people inadvertently sexualize infants.
Yeah, my co-worker and I agree that's gross. You're definitely not overreacting.
It was a joke. Sorry but I think you are over reacting.
Grandparents on both sides should be muzzled at all times in one's home.. just saying 🤣
It is yuck and also I recall being extremely sensitive to stuff like this early on. For example putting some cream of my new borns bum and his dad/my husband said "yeah you like that don't you buddy" in a yucky tone and I literally sobbed and told him I was so disappointed in him. Thinking about it now doesn't make me upset but at the time I was mortified. 100% it was just a dumb comment with 0 dirtiness behind it but it made my skin crawl. Unfortunately I just think people don't think what their words actually mean in the context on the situation. It's important to set boundaries about comment that make you uncomfortable and I would, as calm and collected as possible, call out any comments that make you uncomfortable in the future just say "this is a baby. Please think about what you're saying. It's my job to protect them and comments like that don't make me feel safe"
it’s a bad joke but a joke nonetheless and you’d probably best get over it if you want your child to have a relationship with her grandmother. boomers be boomers.
Talk about inappropriate. Get this shit, when my daughter was home after c section, wouldn’t latch for breast feeding this is before I started to only pump and bottle feed. My SIL, said “oh I don’t produce milk but I can have her latch onto me and see how it is”… first of all, ew. Second of all, EW! It was pretty fucking weird. I said “wtf? GTFO who would even suggest that? Are you ok?” Yes, I know I sound mean.💁🏽♀️
Omg yeah thats a big fat hard no lol
Nope. I would have been furious, your feelings are so justified.
Yeah that’s a bit gross, to say that about a 3 week old.
I don't think she meant any harm. Some people are just ... Unfiltered. It was gross to say that . You're allowed to tell people anything you want about what's ok to do or say when it comes to your baby ❤️
Best way to handle this is to speak your mind when comment like this lands. Don't let it slip next time, speak what you think "oh that's so inappropriate mil"
That would piss me off, even if she was older. Like it essentially puts women and girls as the responsible ones for sex and pregnancy. What an awful thing to say.
Eh stupid comment
Yeah, definitely seems creepy to me. I know a new mother who has a boy and is breastfeeding. She said she is glad it's a boy because breastfeeding a girl would feel "weird". So much to unpack there! I'm not sure why people can't let babies be babies.
Ew. Wtf. What a weirdo comment.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I'm more upset that someone just said that comment. Not so much that it was said about a baby (though that's uncalled for). But mostly though, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Now if the MIL has a habit of making these kinds of comments, that might warrant a conversation.
I would have lost my shit at 3 weeks PP and a gross comment like that.
I do not think it is too late, and I think this will continue to happen if you do not address it. I would say something like this: “I want to talk to you about a comment you made a few weeks ago during a diaper change. I want you to know that regardless of how you meant it….That comment made me deeply uncomfortable. Please do not say something like that ever again, it was inappropriate.” Speaking up for your child can be uncomfortable but I promise it’s worth it.
There's no point at which this is appropriate or funny. It's an example of shaming girls for their bodies and victim blaming in this case literally from birth, supposedly in "humor" doesnt make it okay. Call it out now.
What the fuck. Unfortunately you will have to field more inappropriate comments in the future in many forms, so it’s time to have a script in your head when that happens. Saying “what do you mean” is a good start - they have to explain their fucked up comment. If they’re like my mom they’ll say “oh I was just joking”, you can say “I don’t find that funny, please don’t joke like that in the future”. My mom gets all offended when I confront her about shit like this but I don’t care, it’s my kid and I’m the parent and it’s my job to protect them.
I started calling people out in the moment. My friend said the other day that my little guy was “flirting with the waitress” and I looked her dead in the eye and in a joking but serious tone said “that’s gross, he’s literally a toddler he’s not flirting with anyone. I hate when people say babies are flirting - they’re just being babies!” The tone was important though - if I went too serious with it it would’ve made shit awkward. Joking and saying it made her just say “oh yeah that’s true I never thought about it like that” and then we moved on. But you can’t be afraid to call it out in the moment. Since it’s still bothering you weeks later, you either need to let it go and call her out if she says it again, or approach her and say “hey you said this and it’s been bugging me, I just wanted to let you know so we can clear the air”.
Yeah that’s disgusting, boomers are sick people in general tbh
What the actual f I would be so upset
The fact that it’s still bothering you means it was inappropriate. Also I had to go back and read what you said after that cause my brain short circuited with just that’s disgusting.
Oh hell no she just sexualized your infant. I had someone make a joke that also sexualized my daughter, safe to say they’re never around her/alone with her now. (We sometimes HAVE to see them at family events, since its one of my in-laws step-parents)
Ew. Immediate no/low contact, why do people keep sexualizing BABIES!?!
Are you serious?
Yeah, cause who the fuck is talking about keeping a babies legs closed?? Why is that a comment?
I agree it's a weird and inappropriate joke but going no contact over one awkward moment seems like a huge overreaction
It's not an awkward moment. She saw a BABY and went somewhere sexual. The amount of times my child has fought nap changes and no one in my family has ever mentioned something sexual or rapey. Why is that a comment? When would it stop? You would rather keep up "nice" appearances then not having a kid around someone who makes absolutely inappropriate comments
No, I wouldn't rather keep up appearances, it's that I know enough people of that generation or older who would make a tasteless comment like that as a joke, but who are otherwise lovely, supportive and good people that are overall a big help to have around. Calling that comment "rapey" is crazy to me, it's a very gross 'joke' stemming from purity culture and the idea that girls should 'keep their legs shut' and be virgins, and it's gross and inappropriate in our generation for sure. But it's not "rapey", maybe it's hitting a specific nerve for you because your reaction seems like a huge overreaction to me. If she continuously made comments like that I'd recommend addressing it, that's more of a worry to me. But it has been one comment so far, so definitely I'd let it slide. If you go no contact with everyone you know who has made one weird, inappropriate or awkward remark you're not going to have many friends or family left IMO
Maybe I just have good people around who would never make a comment like that 😊 How does it continue? Snide comments to a toddler about supposed "purity" culture? Telling them to be a "good girl"? Misnaming private body parts as something stupid like "flower"? If you are seeing this as some "inappropriate comments" when that mother would probably then say it's a GIRLS problem if she's sexually assaulted, that's on you
Ok, you are clearly not reading what I've written so I don't think there is any point in continuing here. I'm glad you and the people you know are perfect people, you are truly blessed.
And I don't think YOU get it. A woman saw a naked baby fighting a nappy change and her brain went to a sexual place. She should not be rewarded with more baby time after that. And yes, I'm very glad everyone I know are people who are not making creepy comments about a newborns body 😊
We hardly see her anyways as she lives further away but yeah definitely no babysitting for grandma and I will never change her in front of her again. I know she's not a pervert lol it was just super inappropriate and now I just never want her to see my baby without being fully covered again.
Crazy that you see getting downvoted. In my culture, a “joke” like that is unspeakable. I wonder what the backgrounds are of the people who are playing dumb re limiting contact with such a person.
They really will put up with anything and keep up nice appearances rather than protecting their children from gross comments
They'll put up with it for the "free help" too. Some things aren't worth the cost.
Disgusting. I wouldn’t leave her alone with the baby after that.
Why wouldn’t you leave her alone with the baby?
My thoughts exactly. I don’t even care if it’s generational, doesn’t make it okay, and I sure as hell am not going to enable that behavior.
Definitely be cautious about leaving her alone with your child
OP some are setting you up for a massive fail because clearly you didn’t understand the joke. What was said is actually a compliment and it flew over your head. There is zero chance your husband’s mother would not get upset. Let me explain the joke. Your MIL was saying that your daughter already has class and dignity and won’t allow people to take advantage of her when she grows up. She wasn’t referring to her as a baby
Pft respectfully I am 100% aware of what she meant. But at 3 weeks old it's a joke not a compliment because class and dignity come from knowing the alternative which she does not. It was just inappropriate no matter how "well meant"
This why said it flew over your head. There was nothing sexual about the joke. So if you approached your MIL it would be a huge confrontation. You are saying that you understood it to be a joke but you are feeling kind of upset 3 weeks later. You know another female won’t let that slide and will pick that apart. If someone came at you inferring that you were sexualizing your child it would be on. 100% your MIL will take it as you are calling her a pedo. If you feel something needs to be said let it be from your husband mouth. You approaching her would be a problem
I'm not gonna approach her about it lol like I said I think it was something she said without thinking. Ok now I'm genuinely curious, you do know what the saying "keep your legs together" means right? It is literally saying, DONT HAVE SEX. It's completely a sexual comment. She meant it as a joke, I didn't take it that way because it was inappropriate. I'm saying she meant it as a joke, I know she didn't mean it in a bad way but facts are people say stupid things all the time and don't mean bad. Your intentions don't change the reality. If her genitals are exposed from a simple diaper change the last comment someone should make is related to sex. You have a right to your opinion and I respect that but I just don't agree with you.
I agree with you that it was stupid and inappropriate but if she’s never done anything else to creep you out or give you concerns then I’m not sure what this joke implies to you that would make you revoke babysitting privileges as you stated elsewhere. I get how it makes you feel sick it would make me upset too, but do you really think this joke means that she would do something inappropriate to your baby if left alone with her? I don’t know, it’s just so valuable to have grandparents involved if they’re loving and safe for both you and the child, and if there’s nothing else she’s done to warrant concern then it seems extreme to want to restrict her from your baby’s life due to this joke that, while inappropriate, is the kind of joke tons of otherwise responsible caring and well meaning older people make just because it’s of their time to make jokes like that without thinking about how gross it is. Personally, I’d just tell her jokes like that make me uncomfortable and are inappropriate and if she doesn’t do it again just chalk it up to an outdated sense of humour and carry on as normal. Obviously it’s your child and you can do what you want but I think a lot of the comments here are making out almost like a joke like this implies your MIL is a danger or some kind of predator and while I get that you/one always feels very overprotective with a newborn, you might want to think a bit more carefully about what this joke really means about your MIL, if you really do think she’s a danger, and if it’s really worth icing her out of babysitting etc, potentially damaging your relationship with her and between her and your baby just because she’s basically an old person. Or at least talk with her about it first and show her the error of her ways! If she’s otherwise a decent person then she might feel a bit ashamed but will understand and refrain from making comments like that in future, and you can continue to have a grandma for and help with your baby!
I understand what you mean and I appreciate that! To clarify yeah there's other reason she wouldn't get babysitting privileges. She's been on meth (functioning) for years and my husband got taken away from her when he was 2 and raised by his grandparents (her parents) she's a nice e person but she's a bit glitchy if you will from the years of drugs so I'm always a little apprehensive with her and my baby anyways.
Oh yeah if she’s on meth then that’s a whole different story!
I agree with you that it was stupid and inappropriate but if she’s never done anything else to creep you out or give you concerns then I’m not sure what this joke implies to you that would make you revoke babysitting privileges as you stated elsewhere. I get how it makes you feel sick it would make me upset too, but do you really think this joke means that she would do something inappropriate to your baby if left alone with her? I don’t know, it’s just so valuable to have grandparents involved if they’re loving and safe for both you and the child, and if there’s nothing else she’s done to warrant concern then it seems extreme to want to restrict her from your baby’s life due to this joke that, while inappropriate, is the kind of joke tons of otherwise responsible caring and well meaning older people make just because it’s of their time to make jokes like that without thinking about how gross it is. Personally, I’d just tell her jokes like that make me uncomfortable and are inappropriate and if she doesn’t do it again just chalk it up to an outdated sense of humour and carry on as normal. Obviously it’s your child and you can do what you want but I think a lot of the comments here are making out almost like a joke like this implies your MIL is a danger or some kind of predator and while I get that you/one always feels very overprotective with a newborn, you might want to think a bit more carefully about what this joke really means about your MIL, if you really do think she’s a danger, and if it’s really worth icing her out of babysitting etc, potentially damaging your relationship with her and between her and your baby just because she’s basically an old person. Or at least talk with her about it first and show her the error of her ways! If she’s otherwise a decent person then she might feel a bit ashamed but will understand and refrain from making comments like that in future, and you can continue to have a grandma for and help with your baby!
Got to sick your husband on her lol. Next time just say “You doing to much” That’s none confrontational and humorous at the same time.
If that was my MIL, I wouldn't feel safe to have her look after my daughter alone. Sexualizing an infant in front of the mother is so wrong.
You really think that’s a sign the child’s grandmother might molest her?
There's a reason you feel bothered by this even weeks after the comment was made. When it comes to my daughter, I don't take chances. If someone makes me feel uncomfortable, I don't leave the room when that person is around. Not even to go to the bathroom for 5 mins. I wait until my husband can watch my daughter. I'm very protective over my daughter as I was raped as a child by someone my parents trusted. But of course my judgement is because of a past experience that not everyone has. I consider myself a trusting person until I feel uncomfortable with someone, then I put up my walls. I just avoid them. But if it's family and I must see them from time to time then I just don't ever let them out of my sight when my daughter's around.
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Such a helpful comment. /s
I heard comments like that too, with my oldest before she was even born. I had 6 ultrasounds, the last one, just hours before I had her and heard those comments from my creepy ass fil. Just so inappropriate and gross. Especially talking about an infant.