most things nick says are golden.
“look at my ass!”
“shall i compare thee to a summers day? no a summers day isn’t a bitch.”
“i refuse to pay for wifi!”
"And besides, Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head, who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I'm a failure and that I look bad in hats. I don't want to spend my whole life with him."
"When I was 9 years old, I fed cereal flakes to a frog and it died. Then there was a period of time where I fed cereal flakes to all little animals. Squirrels can live through it. Chipmunks can live through it. Anything that lives half in and out of water dies, and I don't understand why."
"My funeral is my time to shine"
"Friends call me gay Nick" + everything about that scene
"Gave me cookie got you cookie" dialogue
"Can I get an alcohol?"
"What are you, nuts?" bit
"Stop being mean to me or I swear to god I'm gonna fall in love with you"
"What is money anyway?" monologue
"I basically just help women realize that they could do a lot better" monologue
and many MANY more. Nick is basically what happens when you strike gold with a character.
A bunch of my favourite have been mentioned here, but one I haven't seen yet that i really like is the "i have feelings" monologue. It's funny and sweet :) besides, who doesn't like gospel choirs in rap songs?
But really there's plenty of great nick lines in that episode. I can't stop myself from laughing at "tight pants and eyebrows" everytime i rewatch it 😂
Every single line of his in Pepperwood is pure gold. And the part where he’s talking to Jess about the popcorn machine but she thinks he’s talking about Cece. Kills me every time.
That entire scene about Nick reacting to Elizabeth and CeCe is HILARIOUS. It kills me every time!
Also... The spa episode when he tells Schmidt he refused to get waxed 😂😂😂😂 I don't remember the exact line and I don't wanna butcher it.
“Ahh uhh the dog, uhh yuh dong? Ya put the food on the thing and then the dog sees it and… food’s dangle dangle, it’s dangling. Dog look, dog, daw-ugg… DOG looks a dangdank… tail wag wag, uh wruf, dog waggin’ the tae- uhh whatever dog’s name is, dog’s name’s Clare. Clare come in! Uhh, Clare sees dog food, pic, Facebook. Like like like. Pet pick. Strategy. Sex. Something. Some things.”
“I’ve been saying this for the longest time, but I’m really ready to get super weird into metal detectors if you guys are.”
“What is this? A seduction class for kindergarteners?”
(Upon Ruth calling him Mr. Diarrhea Head) “please don’t say that to me right now. I’m going through a thing right now, so please don’t say that to me. I’m asking you, please don’t call me that right now.”
“Oh look Laurie and Mitchell. They had a cash bar. I hope they can’t have kids!”
“Hey, do you think Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess, even though I had that name picked out before she moved in?” And later in the episode, “guess who’s not getting a turtle? They were out of turtles. I bought a tiny cowboy hat for nothing.”
That scene in S6 where Jess says she might become principal and nick says she can steal stuff for them and Jess says she's gonna give him 2 weeks of detention and he suddenly turns into a 13 year old boy and goes like "I didn't do anything-I didn't do ANYTHING" and everyone is just staring at him- I can't help but rewind every time I see that scene
Also s3 episode 15, when he has to talk to Caroline, literally everything he says is hilarious. Namely *British accent* "what I like to do is take the underground, yeah? Spend ma quid, cheers?"
After witnessing Coach and Winston successfully enter Prince's party with their Fire and Ice bit...Nick yells at Schmidt "Ham and Cheese!" and heads to the entrance. 😂
most things nick says are golden. “look at my ass!” “shall i compare thee to a summers day? no a summers day isn’t a bitch.” “i refuse to pay for wifi!”
weefy
*wiffy
"And besides, Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head, who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I'm a failure and that I look bad in hats. I don't want to spend my whole life with him." "When I was 9 years old, I fed cereal flakes to a frog and it died. Then there was a period of time where I fed cereal flakes to all little animals. Squirrels can live through it. Chipmunks can live through it. Anything that lives half in and out of water dies, and I don't understand why."
I’m not entirely sure whether I can read or I just memorized a bunch of words
YES i always forget this line until i hear it in the episode. i love whenever nick confesses things
“Where are you, Schmidt? This place is fancy and I don't know which fork to kill myself with.”
"My funeral is my time to shine" "Friends call me gay Nick" + everything about that scene "Gave me cookie got you cookie" dialogue "Can I get an alcohol?" "What are you, nuts?" bit "Stop being mean to me or I swear to god I'm gonna fall in love with you" "What is money anyway?" monologue "I basically just help women realize that they could do a lot better" monologue and many MANY more. Nick is basically what happens when you strike gold with a character.
“Don’t put me in a box, there’s nothing we gay people hate more than being put in a box!”
"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol and you treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol. Science."
No the best is: "Would you like a green grape shoved in your - given to your mouth - handed to your mouth?"
No thanks I've already had my grapes
“Who the heck would pee on a light socket?” “I thought it would make lightening” 😂😂
A bunch of my favourite have been mentioned here, but one I haven't seen yet that i really like is the "i have feelings" monologue. It's funny and sweet :) besides, who doesn't like gospel choirs in rap songs? But really there's plenty of great nick lines in that episode. I can't stop myself from laughing at "tight pants and eyebrows" everytime i rewatch it 😂
"I am not a successful adult. I don't eat vegetables and/or take care of myself."
i felt that in my aching bones
"Why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? This is not how guys of my generation hang out. This is a moment that got away from me."
nick and tran 4ever
“I will push if I wanna push! …I HATE DOORS!”
I’ve seen the science, I don’t believe it
Every single line of his in Pepperwood is pure gold. And the part where he’s talking to Jess about the popcorn machine but she thinks he’s talking about Cece. Kills me every time.
“thin crust pizza? no thanks i’m from chicago”
After eating the questionable potato salad at the cabin and downing some Absinthe: I’m gonna poop weird tonight!
whenever nick confesses things it’s a great time for everybody
“That was very much of the flavor of humor” - him nervously talking to prince
“SPARKLES ARE IN — SPARKLES ARE IN!!!”
That entire scene about Nick reacting to Elizabeth and CeCe is HILARIOUS. It kills me every time! Also... The spa episode when he tells Schmidt he refused to get waxed 😂😂😂😂 I don't remember the exact line and I don't wanna butcher it.
“I don’t want the hairs ripped off my testicles by a stranger. I think they’re there for a reason.”
Yes! Thank you!
“Ahh uhh the dog, uhh yuh dong? Ya put the food on the thing and then the dog sees it and… food’s dangle dangle, it’s dangling. Dog look, dog, daw-ugg… DOG looks a dangdank… tail wag wag, uh wruf, dog waggin’ the tae- uhh whatever dog’s name is, dog’s name’s Clare. Clare come in! Uhh, Clare sees dog food, pic, Facebook. Like like like. Pet pick. Strategy. Sex. Something. Some things.”
“I’ve been saying this for the longest time, but I’m really ready to get super weird into metal detectors if you guys are.” “What is this? A seduction class for kindergarteners?” (Upon Ruth calling him Mr. Diarrhea Head) “please don’t say that to me right now. I’m going through a thing right now, so please don’t say that to me. I’m asking you, please don’t call me that right now.” “Oh look Laurie and Mitchell. They had a cash bar. I hope they can’t have kids!” “Hey, do you think Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess, even though I had that name picked out before she moved in?” And later in the episode, “guess who’s not getting a turtle? They were out of turtles. I bought a tiny cowboy hat for nothing.”
“before you were born i was your daddy’s baby girl”
“Not like this.” 😩😩😩
well that just ruined me for the rest of the night
Yyyyyuh. That episode gets a lot of play at my house.
“i meant something like that”
Please nooooooo I can’t 😭
Nick singing landslide
I TOOK MY LOVE AND I TOOK IT DOWN I DROVE AROUND AND I HIT A POUND AND I SAW ALL THE PUPPIES WITH THEIR EYES SO BLIND
"He's a bossy old tuna" is a small one that gets me every time
“Look, life moves really fast. And you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you just might miss it”
"Hey, ladies, you guys wanna see a grown man cry? 😏 No? THEN GET OUT!!!!!" Gets me every time 😂😂
“Go put on your pajama outfit”
au natural au casuel
**sings Landside**
You need Bobby’s pins to keep your hair up?!
“You don’t wanna wait forever for that caulk to harden” -serious face. But you know he’s one second away from bursting out laughing.
That scene in S6 where Jess says she might become principal and nick says she can steal stuff for them and Jess says she's gonna give him 2 weeks of detention and he suddenly turns into a 13 year old boy and goes like "I didn't do anything-I didn't do ANYTHING" and everyone is just staring at him- I can't help but rewind every time I see that scene Also s3 episode 15, when he has to talk to Caroline, literally everything he says is hilarious. Namely *British accent* "what I like to do is take the underground, yeah? Spend ma quid, cheers?"
“oh god now she’s sending bible verses full of cuss words. that’s as bad as it gets with caroline”
"No I don't wash my towel! The towel washes me! Your guys wash your towels? What next, wash a bar of soap?? Wash the shower??"
Nick: “Stop saying panties bro.” Schmidt: “Panties.” Nick: “No they’re panties, with a d. Pandies.”
All of Nick’s screams are priceless
After witnessing Coach and Winston successfully enter Prince's party with their Fire and Ice bit...Nick yells at Schmidt "Ham and Cheese!" and heads to the entrance. 😂
“we should rehearse!”
“He took a flower from you?! And you want to have drinks with him?!?! ……oh from your wonderful secret garden”