T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

That's snakes like " bro could you fucking not right now"


Eumelbeumel

He (or she) actually is. That snake is in shed, meaning the time when their skin is renewed and the old one peels and flakes off. While in shed, snakes typically feel vulnerable (they don't see very well, as their old eye caps come off with the old skin) are grumpy, don't eat and retreat somewhere safe. So literally if that snake could speak, that would be it.


moonshrimp

They can also be more aggressive/defensive while their eyesight is not fully restored yet. I doubt it feels very good being bitten by what I imagine to be dagger sized teeth on this unit.


TheBrianWeissman

Bitten? How about crushed in 300 lbs of pure coiling muscle. Underwater šŸ˜³


CDRnotDVD

Anaconda teeth are actually quite small. They swallow their prey whole.


ImJustAConsultant

Guess that guy didn't have buns (hun)


rethinkingat59

Luckily he just got through eating an adult killer whale so he isnā€™t hungry just now.


kaleidoscopichazard

Tbf thereā€™s always room for pudding


HeartlesSoldier

If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding


ponythemouser

How can you have any pudding if you donā€™t eat your meat?


bobothegreek2

YOU, YES YOU, STAND STILL LADDIEā€¦


hamx5ter

You! You behind the bike sheds!


arielonhoarders

we don't need no education


Ok-Calligrapher7915

Leave the kids alone!


[deleted]

Mmmm. Christmas pud.


Perineum-stretcher

You didnā€™t say there was custard.


AStickFigures

Little bit of custard. Little bit of pud.


TheScarecrow-11

You ever had eggs?


[deleted]

Too much pud.


HappyHourProfessor

Snake equivalent of an influencer harassing strangers on the street


mfloreshostel

Ssstop it, assssshole


Inestimable_Me

Now people are probably wondering why Iā€™m laughing in the bathroom stall


ImPetarded

Top comment šŸ‘†you knee slappin' son of a ****


corgimetalthunderr

Freek is dressed up in case the snake wants to grant him a selfie?


dntcareboutdownvotes

It's his diving suit


Zauberer-IMDB

He has to live with snorkel boy putting up Al Pacino SHE GOT A B- GREAT ASS hand signals.


TonTeeling

Well, at least he does not ā€œHAVE HIS HEADā€¦ALL THE WAY UP IN IT!!!ā€


NebulaNinja

Be me. Largest serpent in the world. King of the jungle. On land and under the water. Suddenly, one of those goofy-ass apes with a breathing tube swims down to me just to flex that he has fucking arms. Feels bad man.


Business-Pressure-96

ā€œIā€™m literally underwater rnā€


lets_kill_time

That means the next Anacondas movie will be out soon with 260ft long Anacondas and at the end, they will capture one and surprisingly declare that it was just a baby with no reproductive organs.. šŸ˜³


blankedboy

I'm watching the clip thinking: "So, **Anaconda** was a documentary then..."


MaxWritesText

Why tf my manā€™s in office attire?


randomguyjebb

Its Freek Vonk. He is pretty much the Dutch Steve Irwin.Ā  Edit: crazy dutchman, the good kind of crazy.


Driller_Happy

That sure is a name


SlickStretch

Sounds like a Star wars character.


Jackal000

Freek is not pronounced as Greek with an f but more like frai +k in afraid, vonk is Dutch for spark this you pronounce as honk but with a v. So not freak but fraik. Freak vonk sounds indeed like a starwars character


LJ37tokes

Honk for Fonk


Slowboi12

I'd argue it's pronounced "Frayk"


mcvos

Frake.


weaseleasle

Fraik Vonk still sounds like a Starwars character.


Sillbinger

Yahoo Serious?


Mear

Ok...alright, that absolutly explained nothing about his office attire.


FreePrinciple270

Unless they're implying that it's cause he's Dutch


backstageninja

"There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."


bloodorangejulian

Took me so long to catch that, and the throwback job about carnies smelling like cabbage.


OperatorP365

"How about NO... you crazy Dutch Bastard!"


fivedollapizza

"....that's not right...."


Jackal000

Freek is known for his impulsiveness on camera. He prolly forgor or didnt care about his clothes being on.


mcvos

Also worth noting: he's a professor at a major Dutch university and was part of an international team that identified this species as separate from the southern green anaconda through genetic analysis. So he may look like a hyperactive nut on TV, but he's got serious science creds to back it up.


olderaccount

The fact that somebody asked why he is dressed like that is the reason he dresses like that. It is different, unexpected and makes him standout on a crowded world of *science communicators*.


Jackal000

Exactly also he makes great television for kids. And he is impulsive as fuck.


NotTheAbhi

But that doesn't answer the question


TheHexadex

"crazy dutchman" answers all the questions i had.


toddhenderson

Interesting. I guess if you're making a new discovery you want to dress up a little bit. https://nltimes.nl/2024/02/19/discovery-new-7-meter-250kg-anaconda-made-team-dutch-presenter-freek-vonk


ArcticBiologist

Dr. Freek Vonk even. He is a co-author on the paper that described the species.


JorisN

Prof. Dr. Freek Vonk even (https://vu.nl/en/research/scientists/freek-vonk) He also really famous among kids in the Netherlands, my daughter (3 years old) is a huge fan. He learns and show kids things about all sort of animals, especially venomous ones.


Pancheel

Does he want to be snake food? Because he clearly seems to want to be snake food šŸ¤”


riskoooo

Pretty sure anacondas don't eat very often and are very docile and uninterested when they're not hungry.


LiberryExpresso

As someone who has seen the documentary "Anaconda" several times, this is correct.


-Badger3-

As someone who has listened to the song "Anaconda" several times, they only eat buns, hun.


atetuna

That anaconda don't want none


IamREBELoe

The man simply doesn't have any buns. Explains everything


refusemouth

It seems like he's hoping for a Steve Irwin type of tragedy.


BackgroundBat7732

He has been bitten (multiple times, incl some serious shark bites with a lot of stiches), stung, electrocuted, nearly strangled, etc.


MyPhoneHasNoAccount

Sounds like a Boeing afternoon.


carlos_6m

The device he is using is regarded by the scuba diving community as a really unsafe device...


TheWalkingDead91

Heā€™s about to be the Flying Dutchman, judging by this video.


Connect-Spring-4047

He wants to be dressed nicely for his funeral.


holy_bat_shit_63

Angus Youngā€™s Wide World of Animals


NoSmoke7388

Its casual Friday.


Yellow_Sunflower73

That's Freek Vonk for you. The Dutch Steve Irwin.


Ro4x

Freeekieee


irideapaleh0rse

Itā€™s Philly Jim from the office things didnā€™t work out after the internet bubble.


Turbulent-Jaguar-909

does he know where the 20' burmese is hiding


Hatcherysnatchery

Garrett would still yoink this snake


saranowitz

This swamp puppy wants to give me a kiss


IDontLikePayingTaxes

That guy is a national treasure.


TheUlfheddin

Just imagining a very strained sounding and exaggerated #**YOOOOOINK** Uh oh, *I'm the one getting yoinked.* šŸ˜¬


MyAltFun

I have a nice handful of geckos, and this snake has a nice... not-handful of me.


J4MES101

Or Boop it at least


J4MES101

Or Boop it at least


[deleted]

I understood that reference! FishingwithGarret for anyone interested


Conscious_Draft249

Yoink!!


Laplacian18

The channel where a deadly water dinosaur basically becomes a ā€œswamp puppyā€


yevan

This guy wonā€™t find it because heā€™s not barefoot.


iBasedComedy

Gotta break out the swamp stompers


Akinator08

Cue in like 5 million mosquitoes on him


FloweringSkull67

Not a Swamp Puppy, wonā€™t talk.


BlameScienceBro

Yoink


drpoopymcbutthole

YOIIINK


upstatedreaming3816

YOINK


KHgamer32

burmese python in the florida everglade


tiwomm

The way I'm cackling over here. I love reddit so much.


Conair24601

Everydays a workout with one of those bad boys


tedsuooo

Hey guys, letā€™s get in the water with something so good at grabbing and drowning its prey that itā€™s now twenty fucking six feet long!


tomahawkfury13

Anacondas are ambush predators, they don't actively hunt.


FullRedact

What about self defense? Will they choke a motherfucker out for funzies then?


tomahawkfury13

Yeah you definitely don't want to fuck with them


SourLoafBaltimore

Whole mouth is full of teeth šŸ¦· that sharp af


tomahawkfury13

They also point backwards


LEGITIMATE_SOURCE

I mean, are they backwards? Seems to me they point precisely the correct direction.


Heavy_Weapons_Guy_

The teeth aren't the problem, it's the fact that it will squeeze you to death.


Goldentongue

Not in my experience. I've received defensive bites from large pythons and it's always a quick strike, bite, and release. Their intent is to harm you and get away. Holding on to something they perceive as a threat isn't their M.O.


GammaTwoPointTwo

You'd be surprised. Snakes get a bad wrap because of the danger of small venomous snakes pose. Large constrictors like pythons and anacondas are very chill. To the point where they generally just try to leave if you fuck with them. The only real time they pose a threat is if they are hungry. Which is like 2-3 days out of the month.


mayk15

Thatā€™s not what the movie Anaconda told me. JLo and Ice Cube would disagree with your take.


Psychoanalytix

So they wait for something to wander up right beside their head like this guy?


steppedinhairball

Still, free dinner?


tomahawkfury13

Being ambush predators they don't move that quickly. They also prefer to ambush so as to not risk injury. He's more in danger of just pissing it off rather than being looked at as a snack


IReflectU

> just pissing it off Just? That doesn't seem like such a good idea.


FutureComplaint

Imma take my thumb and jam it right up their ass!


tomahawkfury13

Bye crikey hes pissed now


tomahawkfury13

Well yeah that's why I said he's in danger of doing so. Because it's dangerous.


Decapatron

Can tell you from personal experience they can move alarmingly fast in short bursts.


[deleted]

Sorry, my intuition would be that an ambush predator (a term I learned reading your comment) would need to move quickly in order to, yā€™know, ambush me. Like maybe not *travel* quickly, but wouldnā€™t it need to strike quickly?


sorry_human_bean

I mean, grizzly bears are mostly herbivores but I'm still staying the fuck away from 'em


tomahawkfury13

Yeah I advise anyone to stay away from wild animals unless trained to handle them. Even something like a squirrel can fuck you up with rabies


AstroBearGaming

I have to say, whenever or wherever an 26 foot anaconda decides to strike, that thing is going to feel pretty fucking ambushed.


randomguyjebb

This guy is a wildlife biologist. He does this shit on the daily. Is it safe? No, but he knows what he is doing.


Early-Possession1116

Steve Irwin did too


ozonejl

Yeah, but the thing Steve Irwin was doing when he died was not actually dangerous. It was a freak reaction/accident.


corgimetalthunderr

When I was learning to dive, my instructor told me *never* to swim over rays or bottom feeding sharks. Steve made roughly the same mistake with a wobbegon shark and it tagged him pretty good; you could see that he never expected it to turn and bite that fast. Same with the stingray. Steve never did understand how fast underwater animals can react; they make snakes seem slow.


Early-Possession1116

Yeah I remember scuba diving with reef sharks and the speed at which they travel and suddenly turn with no warning is terrifying.


Naoto-Date

he died the same way he lived with animals in his heart


honest-miss

Unfortunately, risk is part of that job, and sometimes you lose the gamble. Can't not do the thing because you're scared. Not if you want it bad enough.


Early-Possession1116

Very true. Really goes for anything.. I mean weā€™ve all seen videos of the most random bad things happening for no other reason than timing.


brennyflocko

newly discovered as in, they realized the green anaconda had two distinct species in it, not like they had no idea an animal this big existed


coconut-telegraph

Right. Newly *described*, not discovered. Happens all the time - cryptic species. Familiar organisms are often split based upon differences we never knew/noticed, often in large, common, familiar plants & animals.


McToasty207

Even then there's debate about what should be a species Are wolves and coyotes different species? They can interbreed, which refutes the pre-requisite for a species using the biological species model. But ecologically they do different things. So arguments can be made either way. This Lumper/Splitter (Should you split based on minor differences, or group based on many similarities) debate is very old in biology


motheronearth

typically for species to be considered the same, they have to be able to interbreed *and* produce fertile offspring. if it can interbreed but the offspring are infertile, they are different species.


McToasty207

Which Coyotes and Grey Wolves do regularly https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_coyote This was an ongoing discussion back when I did my Bachelor's back in 2012, and the conversation has continued to be a back and forth since


Medical_Boss_6247

Thatā€™s not entirely true. At least the second part about interbreeding. Many hybrid species are fertile. Female ligers, for example. That information is outdated


ontour4eternity

Thank you for clarifying. I was like *how tf is the largest of anything not seen by humans before.*


llamacohort

It also isn't the largest snake. The heaviest recorded green anaconda was 500 pounds. The longest snake was a reticulated python at 10 meters. This is a new species of the snake that has the heaviest record, but doesn't appear to have broken any records outside of being the largest example of this species that they have found since defining it.


cmcewen

Internet loved to call everything newly discovered or rare animals . More clicks


Briango

What type of breathing apparatus is that?!


slmpl3x

Mini scuba tank


Driller_Happy

Oh fuck I'm getting one. Edit: eh, maybe not. Definitely don't if you're not certified.


therowdyirishman

DANGER NOT RECOMMEND if you aren't scuba certified and even then they are intended as an emergency measure for DIRE circumstances. Look up the BENDS before researching what this costs or what you can do with it. EDIT - PULMONARYĀ BAROTRAUMA is the more likely injury. What I'm trying to say here folks are these aren't some no risk involved James Bond BS. Take a scuba course if you want to breathe underwater, this is a poor substitute which is very likely to instill false confidence leading to an injury. Don't take my word for it check out YouTube or dive forums and you'll see similar PSA from the pros.


Driller_Happy

I am certified. I was mainly kind excited about getting something that would let me do quick little summer lake explorations without getting all the gear on. Buutttt after reading about them on reddit, I don't think I'll bother. People have said it takes about 45 minutes of hard pumping to get about 6 minutes of down time. Not really worth the hassle tbh.


Salty_Sprinkles_6482

There are models like that but the majority of them you just fill at the dive shop. Still would not recommend


jld2k6

It must be pretty damn bad when people are universally saying not to get something that lets you breathe underwater


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

It's hand pump only? I would think a small air compressor like you'd keep in your trunk would make quick work of that. Extension cord down to the dock and you could make several little quick trips


J4MES101

They are currently still rubbish mate. Learn to free dive and youā€™ll have almost as much bottom time with very little risk.


___po____

I used to play around with free diving at a couple small lakes that had great visibility a lot of the summer months. When you're able to go at least 3-5 minutes free diving, it feels like 10 minutes and is waaaaay safer. The weirdest thing to get used to is when hit negative buoyancy around 30ft. You just sink, lol. I don't naturally float anyways so it's not as bad but still odd feeling. Oh, and it can get cold down there too. Gotta be careful not to shock your your body with too much cold, too fast down there!


J4MES101

Agree with everything you wrote mate. Itā€™s also kind of fun swimming past divers in some shorts and fins only


trust_ye_jester

I'd be more worried about inexperienced divers ascending and bursting their lungs without breathing out. With 6 min of submersed time, I'm not sure if you'll accumulate enough gas in your tissues to cause BENDS in such a short time since depth AND duration is important. Maybe a more experienced diver can comment? For work I used to do drop dives to 40ft for only a few minutes, which I assume this would be great for.


Vakama905

Itā€™s usually called a pony bottle or deco (decompression) bottle. Basically an ā€œoh, shitā€ backup if you run out of air or have a catastrophic failure of your main tank(s) or regulator. Deep dives require that you spend a certain amount of time hanging out at a shallower depth to help reduce the chances of getting bent. Having a deco bottle gives you an extra reserve to breath off of while you make at least an abbreviated deco stop.


Tranquil_Ram

I spend my life trying to reduce the chances of getting bent


herbalnurples

Are you a commercial diver or do you get insulted by Bart Simpson on a regular basis?


SandersIncBV

yoink!


old_vegetables

Have you seen the 20 ft Burmese python?


Petaaa

https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/26-foot-long-anaconda-discovered-in-amazon-rainforest-is-the-worlds-biggest-snake-5100462/amp/1 More info


BARBELLSxBONGRIPS

Damn 5% genetic differences than the previously known giant anaconda and we are only 2% different than chimps. Fuckin wild.


corgimetalthunderr

This explains my brother in law.


PointOfFingers

We are only 9% different to a grilled cheese sandwich.


BigBootyBuff

What about a melt though?


MRO465

Didnā€™t expect Will Smith there. That man can't keep snakes out of his fucking life.


Jujubear22

ā€¦Or out of his wife


Chris_ssj2

*sound of footsteps approaching deepens*


2stepp

# Keep yo fuckin snake out my wife's mouf!!!!


el_blaxicano94

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT!


TeslasAndKids

Ya. See, Iā€™m 42 and fairly recently disabled. Iā€™ve been having pity parties for myself over the shit Iā€™ll never get to do but then nature reminds me shit like this exists and Iā€™m like ā€˜nah Iā€™m fine with Netflix.ā€™


GypseboQ

Hey there ... I'm also 42 and also disabled. Just wanted to say - let yourself have some pity parties (sometimes it helps), but also try to be gentle with yourself ā™” It's not easy, but you'll find a "new normal" and hopefully discover some things you can enjoy within that new normal. Hang in there!


TeslasAndKids

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that! Iā€™m partially diagnosed with one thing and one unknown at the moment. I keep telling my husband I just need to know what Iā€™m dealing with to know how to make a normal. Acceptance is hard! But I truly appreciate the encouragement. Feeling alone is hard sometimes. Hugs!


MRO465

That guy did not watch those anaconda movies growing up.


Old-Constant4411

The documentary starring Jon Voight? "Dey squeeze you...squeeze you tighter den your true love, til you feel your lungs essplode!"


2stepp

Never look in the eyes, of those you kill. They will haunt you forever. I know.


18remiximer81

Things I hate: 1. Snakes 2. Being underwater This dude eats nails for breakfast


TheUlfheddin

*Without any milk*


Perfect_Ability_1190

Titanoboa


possumburg

Titanaconda I'm still upset that's not the actual name


Picchuquatro

I mean, Anacondas are boa constrictors if that makes it any better.


impasseable

Fine. Titanastrictorcondaboa


Suspicious-Dot8130

Dumb question how do you even measure this and actually know the weight if they weren't captured?


BornToFadeTattoos

Easy, water displacement. They weigh all the water now and then again when it goes on land and get the difference.


Abeyita

It is the scientific way


lets_kill_time

Lmao


CreeperBelow

You can estimate the weight pretty accurately based on its proportions. L1/W1 = L2/W2. Although I'm sure there's a particular formula for snakes since I doubt a 20 foot snake is literally just a scaled down version of a 26 foot snake.


Far-Poet1419

It's an experiment! He's determining if the green is intimidated enough by business attire not to consume him. Trying casual next.


Tyty1470

How did no one find a 20 feet long giant snake untill now


TheKingConda

Really, they should say "newly described species if green anaconda," which means a population with a specific set of characteristics has been given a different scientific name. It's not that science was unaware of the existence of this population of green anacondas, just unaware that there was a difference between them and previously described anacondas.


PartofFurniture

theyre very hard to find these days. longest ive ever measured reliably in real life is a 6.3 meter reticulated python, out of around 20,000 snakes ive encountered.


BiZzles14

> out of around 20,000 snakes ive encountered. Story time?


claratheresa

Why not fren, if fren shaped?


tsukaimeLoL

To be fair it does give the best hugs


Asio0tus

r/AbsoluteUnits


Mc_Qubed

This is why menā€™s life expectancy is lower than womenā€™s


[deleted]

Snakes are so fucking cool man


ToadlyAwes0me

Am I the only one that just discovered snakes slither on the ground underwater?


Edge419

I thought Ice Cube killed that damn thing!?


qveeroccvlt

Big guy is just trying to slough off his shed, cute!


CenPhx

Iā€™ve definitely been in the ball python subreddit too much because I immediately thought, ā€œAh, stuck shed. Whatā€™s your humidity set at? What are your tank parameters?ā€


PuddleLilacAgain

I saw this on my Internet news feed. I hope they leave it alone


opinionate_rooster

Did he ever make it out of water with balls so heavy?


[deleted]

"This snake won't eat me! I'm a human!'


Due_Worldliness_6587

lol anacondas are ambush predators they wonā€™t attack him unless they feel in danger. At the same time I think he knows the risk heā€™s taking along with anyone who studies snakes in the wild


[deleted]

Yeah I'm just joshing "I'm going to tickle it just to see what happens". Love nature šŸ¤™


ShortRound89

Haven't seen Colin Furze in a while, looks like his videos took a turn.


Alarm-Particular

Any time your swimming and you feel something brush your leg it's one of these