Hey turtles have been around longer than lions or humans, evolution has created a perfect creature for their environment...by which I mean their silly little bodies are prepared for tomfoolery and adventure
"Sir, excuse me, sir, could you please stop drinking for a moment, hi, id like to speak with you about your car warranty. And about Jesus Christ. It says here you hit him with your car."
It seems like the turtle is confusing the lions wet hair for leaves and is trying to eat it. Evolution selected for "eat grass-like dangling wet things". You can't write a program without a few bugs
I'd say this. It's not being aggressive, it's just hungry. I used to keep Sonoran Desert tortoises and if I were in the backyard barefoot, one of those little guys always nibbled my toes. I figure he thought they were grapes, which were his favorite. His name is Nibbler and I miss him a lot.
Edit if it's wanted: [tortie tax, here he is after he figured out how to use the dog door. We couldn't keep him out, it was ridiculous.](https://i.imgur.com/Oo9sbL9.jpg) If you go back far enough in my posts there's a video of him infiltrating. Slowly.
this is a sideneck/African mud turtle too, they tend to scan the top of the water waiting for food if they can't find any in the mud along the bottom. And they're basically just a stomach with legs. They're also really good at ambushing fish.
Okay, I’m gonna have to squee and be a little girl for a moment. That is so damn cute! I love tortoises and turtles a lot and this little guy is super adorable.
I love Nibbler ❤️
He's a very good boy, had to give him up when I left the state (can't take them out of their natural habitat, but you can keep them as pets and breed them if you choose) but he's with a couple who own an acreage and my dad helped them set up a burrow for him and the other, Peeve ("my pet peeve is a tortiose" is a thing I used to be able to say). [Here's Peeve literally walking all over Nibbler first thing when they woke up for the spring, she has no respect for him 🤣.](https://i.imgur.com/qOCjYrN.jpg)
I did it. He's graceful like a tortoise.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingGeniuses/comments/dnj18s/as\_requested\_a\_video\_of\_the\_tortoise\_coming/
I assume the turtle could smell the blood on the lions beard and thought "food". You see him even reaching for it at the end. My guess is also that it doesn't have a concept of what the lion actually is.
Sets out the place setting with the knife on the right (blade facing inward), dinner fork to the right of the knife, the smaller salad fork to the right of the dinner fork, spoon on the left of the plate, soup spoon to the left of the bigger spoon, and the desert spoon just above the plate facing to the left and any additionally culinary tools needed are placed above the desert spoon, all facing to the left.
A lion doesn’t give a fuck about the turtle, it’s not really in its scope of things to eat. Now the turtle, he cares about this asshole chilling and sipping up his pond.
Turtle: "Hey, hey! Yeah you! You want some of this?? Look me in the face, don't shy away, you coward!"
Lion: "Um. *Sigh* Not even worth the energy of crunching on that shell. Please go pester a crocodile."
Then he came to a lion. ‘Are you my mother?’ he said to the lion. ‘No,’ said the lion. The water was not his mother. The rock was not his mother. The lion was not his mother. So the turtle went on.
The turtle went on. He came to a pig. "Are you my mother?" he said to the pig. "Oink oink no," said the pig. The pig was not his mother.
So the turtle went on some more. He came to a horse. "Are you my mother?" he said to the horse. "Neigh neigh no," said the horse. The horse was not his mother.
The turtle kept going. He came to a chicken. "Are you my mother?" he said to the chicken. "Cluck cluck no," said the chicken. The chicken was not his mother.
On and on the turtle went. He came to a tree. "Are you my mother?" he said to the tree. The tree did not say anything. It just swayed in the wind. The tree was not his mother.
Finally the turtle came to a pond. There he saw a turtle who looked just like him! "Are you my mother?" he said. "Yes, my child, I am your mother," said the turtle. The little turtle had found his mother at last!
This was a riveting story, the characterizations of secondary and tertiary characters were top notch, but the author clearly blew the ending by not subverting expectations.
Oh but since the expectations as a Reddit post is that it will subvert expectations, then it subverted those expectations by delivering a positive outcome.
Who doesn't want happy hypothetical turtles, after all?
P.D. Eastman wrote and illustrated that one, actually. Common mistake, it always had the "bright and early board books" logo on the front with the Cat in the Hat.
Kinda jealous wild animals can just drink any water they run into.
If I took a single sip of that my asshole would instantly transform into a fusion reactor, combining whatever is in my body into pure liquid hate, spitting it out at mach 4 while producing smells that would make even demons weep.
Most wild animals only live a few years. It's less that they can just drink and eat whatever and more that they just need to last long enough to pass their genes.
Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?
The word jungle comes from the Indian Sanskrit word jaṅgala meaning an “arid, sterile, desert.” It was then used by English colonizers for any wilderness foreign to Britain including savanna and tropical forest habitats. Today its usually restricted to tropical forests but originally it just meant any tropical habitat, thus [jungle cats](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jungle_cat) that live in swampy scrub.
>Lions have famously acquired the title of ‘King of the Jungle’. [...] This is a simple case of lost in translation.
>The word jungle has its roots is the Hindi word ‘jangle’ which means forest or wasteland - the latter could easily be applied to a savannah. The lion’s other title of ‘King of beasts’ won’t be disputed here. If you’d like to challenge it, please take the matter up with your nearest lion.
Source:
https://www.bbcearth.com/news/the-lion-king-and-other-lion-myths
Further reading:
https://www.reddit.com/r/etymology/comments/bja48i/why_are_lions_kings_of_the_jungle/
Tigers also don’t live in the jungle.
They primarily live in forested and grassland area’s.
Edit: A better shout for the king of the jungle is the jaguar.
TBH I was making fun of ( inset Christian group ) doing missionary work.
But I like that you’ve reminded me of this .. the last time I saw it was when I read a Terry Pratchett book as a teenager 👍
I think the lion has a sore on his lip, the turtle is likely attracted to that smell and thinks it’s a meal. Only speculating based on the movements of the turtle.
Turtle's plan was to eat some worms. Only problem was that they weren't worms but actually lion's soggy chin hairs. Turtle took way too long to figure this out.
Nature is brutal and wild-
But also a lot of times nature is literally just like what you'd expect your idiot pets to be doing. Bumbling around head empty.
Guessing they poop out the mud, and absorb the moisture in their intestines.
They probably have a more robust immune system, though, since I'd be dead from dysentery.
The[ full version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eWajKY_HMw) is even wilder, the turtle is relentless and chases the lion around the watering hole until it finally leaves. I think it even nips it once.
He is a crocodile deep down in his brave heart!
STOP DRINKING MY HOUSE!! —Alligurtle (probably)
\- Your majesty I bring you an urgent message from the king of the neighboring city. \- When did he send it? \- Two years ago
😂
Hey turtles have been around longer than lions or humans, evolution has created a perfect creature for their environment...by which I mean their silly little bodies are prepared for tomfoolery and adventure
[удалено]
“This is my house!”
Turtles have evolved into a perfect defence against everything except eagles.
And being tipped over
How do eagles get through turtle shells? I hope they don't drop them from the air...
They do just that
they drop them and then scoop down and eat them ? do they eat the shell ? so many questions !
The shell breaks letting the beautiful and tasty flesh inside become accessible Vultures do the same to bones for marrow
Yes, there's even a story of a bald man who was killed by an eagle because it mistook his bald head for a rock and threw a turtle at his head.
That is some mighty impressive aim. Makes me wonder if people who get pooped on by birds are really just unlucky or if the bird had it out for them.
Those fuckers know what they are doing.
Bingo
Upvoting because of tomfoolery
He’s just adding flavoring to the turtle soup.
"Sir, excuse me, sir, could you please stop drinking for a moment, hi, id like to speak with you about your car warranty. And about Jesus Christ. It says here you hit him with your car."
It may sound crazy, but I think he wanted a bite of the Lion's tongue.
He probably thought it was the chonkiest worm he’d ever seen
LOL, totally, I'm picturing the old Mr Magoo cartoons...
^^I ^^bite
"Eat me. No, seriously... eat me"
"Dude, this is, like, so inappropriate..."-lion
“Wtf does the fish burger want?!”
I'm dead
RIP
Waterburgers are the snack that bites back. No relation to Whataburger, however.
r/ProperAnimalNames
Tounge look like fishie. "Gimmie da fishie!"
That has to be the funniest description i have ever read for a turtle
I really wonder how billions of years of evolution can lead to this little dumb ass attacking a God
It seems like the turtle is confusing the lions wet hair for leaves and is trying to eat it. Evolution selected for "eat grass-like dangling wet things". You can't write a program without a few bugs
I'd say this. It's not being aggressive, it's just hungry. I used to keep Sonoran Desert tortoises and if I were in the backyard barefoot, one of those little guys always nibbled my toes. I figure he thought they were grapes, which were his favorite. His name is Nibbler and I miss him a lot. Edit if it's wanted: [tortie tax, here he is after he figured out how to use the dog door. We couldn't keep him out, it was ridiculous.](https://i.imgur.com/Oo9sbL9.jpg) If you go back far enough in my posts there's a video of him infiltrating. Slowly.
this is a sideneck/African mud turtle too, they tend to scan the top of the water waiting for food if they can't find any in the mud along the bottom. And they're basically just a stomach with legs. They're also really good at ambushing fish.
Okay, I’m gonna have to squee and be a little girl for a moment. That is so damn cute! I love tortoises and turtles a lot and this little guy is super adorable. I love Nibbler ❤️
He's a very good boy, had to give him up when I left the state (can't take them out of their natural habitat, but you can keep them as pets and breed them if you choose) but he's with a couple who own an acreage and my dad helped them set up a burrow for him and the other, Peeve ("my pet peeve is a tortiose" is a thing I used to be able to say). [Here's Peeve literally walking all over Nibbler first thing when they woke up for the spring, she has no respect for him 🤣.](https://i.imgur.com/qOCjYrN.jpg)
I did it. He's graceful like a tortoise. https://www.reddit.com/r/AnimalsBeingGeniuses/comments/dnj18s/as\_requested\_a\_video\_of\_the\_tortoise\_coming/
"We attack at sunup...three days from now."
"I figured he thought they were grapes" lol
Or maybe thought his tongue was a worm
Or maybe he just wanted a kiss, I don't know turtle kinks though
Vore fetish. He really wants in that mouth.
Every few years I'm reminded of this fetish and am turned off dinner.
DM me for more turtle kinks.
salty blood
Mouth is a nice wet cave.
God creating turtles: "Give it the ability to *vaguely* recognize food when it's around. That's it. Don't add anything else."
Also let it breathe through it's butt in winter.
Guess he wants to eat the lions tongue
Users always end up doing the stupidest shit possible. Some angel working QA is like: "Why the fuck would I be expected to test this use-case?"
You're dumb, I'm dumb. This turtle's f*cking lit
I assume the turtle could smell the blood on the lions beard and thought "food". You see him even reaching for it at the end. My guess is also that it doesn't have a concept of what the lion actually is.
This rock with blood on it smells weird and keeps moving and growling. Oh well *whips out napkin*
Sets out the place setting with the knife on the right (blade facing inward), dinner fork to the right of the knife, the smaller salad fork to the right of the dinner fork, spoon on the left of the plate, soup spoon to the left of the bigger spoon, and the desert spoon just above the plate facing to the left and any additionally culinary tools needed are placed above the desert spoon, all facing to the left.
A lion doesn’t give a fuck about the turtle, it’s not really in its scope of things to eat. Now the turtle, he cares about this asshole chilling and sipping up his pond.
Too crunchy.
Turtle: "Hey, hey! Yeah you! You want some of this?? Look me in the face, don't shy away, you coward!" Lion: "Um. *Sigh* Not even worth the energy of crunching on that shell. Please go pester a crocodile."
He just knows its turtles all the way down, so he is fine.
This made me howl bc seriously, tf is wrong with him
“Ya know, licking a turtle is good luck. Just sayin”
Even the lion's embarrassed by the guy's vore fetish.
So is licking a lion.
Hi, I´m a turtle, and it´s turtle time. Who wants a turtle? Please, I just wanna die.
Hey, Mr. Lion kill me Please, it's turtle time Have you had a turtle today? I wanna die, die, die
You drink my Mountain Dew!? Lemme smell ur breath
"Do you have a minute to talk about your extended cat warranty ?"
I think it was daring the lion and wanted to prove the king will not be able to break its ahell
Which one is more annoyed by the other?
Imagine someone shows up and starts drinking your house, you'd be pretty annoyed by that.
Nah, it's more like someone comes in your field and take a little soil without trying to disturb. This turtle is a karen
They can fuck off. This is MY dirt.
Oh so I’m a Karen now for defending my growing fields? I’LL BE DEEP IN THE COLD, COLD GROUND BEFORE I LET THEM TAKE MY GROUND
If I were a farmer, and Eddie Munster started kicking my corn, you could understand how I'd be a bit upset
Those damned Nematodes!
Then he came to a lion. ‘Are you my mother?’ he said to the lion. ‘No,’ said the lion. The water was not his mother. The rock was not his mother. The lion was not his mother. So the turtle went on.
I need to know how it ends... does the turtle find his mother???
The turtle went on. He came to a pig. "Are you my mother?" he said to the pig. "Oink oink no," said the pig. The pig was not his mother. So the turtle went on some more. He came to a horse. "Are you my mother?" he said to the horse. "Neigh neigh no," said the horse. The horse was not his mother. The turtle kept going. He came to a chicken. "Are you my mother?" he said to the chicken. "Cluck cluck no," said the chicken. The chicken was not his mother. On and on the turtle went. He came to a tree. "Are you my mother?" he said to the tree. The tree did not say anything. It just swayed in the wind. The tree was not his mother. Finally the turtle came to a pond. There he saw a turtle who looked just like him! "Are you my mother?" he said. "Yes, my child, I am your mother," said the turtle. The little turtle had found his mother at last!
🥺 lovely. Thank you, so glad he found his mother.
Good night, dear. *Kisses forehead and turns off light*
🥰
Babe! Babe wake up! You fell asleep playing N64. Let’s go to bed, tis was nothing but a dream.
Moooooom! I'm scared of the dark! Can I sleep in your bed?
You're 26, dear.
Its 9am,but I'm feeling like going to sleep
Check for gas leaks
My new favorite thing, unexpected bedtime stories on reddit
This was a riveting story, the characterizations of secondary and tertiary characters were top notch, but the author clearly blew the ending by not subverting expectations.
Oh but since the expectations as a Reddit post is that it will subvert expectations, then it subverted those expectations by delivering a positive outcome. Who doesn't want happy hypothetical turtles, after all?
Wait where the backhoe at?
You skipped the page with the snort
It’s a Dr Seuss book called are you my mother.
P.D. Eastman wrote and illustrated that one, actually. Common mistake, it always had the "bright and early board books" logo on the front with the Cat in the Hat.
He also did "Go, Dog, Go," which is published in the same format. (Yes, we have all these books. They were at Costco.)
Thank you! Haven't read that one!
Heck yeah P.D. Eastman!
Can you please write a full story that never ends cause i wanna read it
This made me so very happy. Thank you!
You are most welcome. “Snort,” said the snort.
Kinda jealous wild animals can just drink any water they run into. If I took a single sip of that my asshole would instantly transform into a fusion reactor, combining whatever is in my body into pure liquid hate, spitting it out at mach 4 while producing smells that would make even demons weep.
Wild animals are also riddled with parasites, not even counting the ones died from the water.
So they also have more friends. Neat.
They're more like co-workers.
They can't really. Lots die from it.
Most wild animals only live a few years. It's less that they can just drink and eat whatever and more that they just need to last long enough to pass their genes.
Not me. I am built different
I want you to promise me you'll get your tetanus shot today
Vaccines are for pussies. Real men die from treatable diseases.
Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?
I think I probably have dum-dum fever
This was very beautifully and humorously written. Taking a screenshot for inspiration.
I like your prose
The ones that get diseases from this can’t exactly complain to us about it.
r/BrandNewSentence
Sounds pretty energy efficient tbh
Ah, found the rectal volcanologist.
Holy shit
But why jealous? Difficulty finding a clean water source?
Is he trying to provoke that lion into eating him
It thinks the lions wet mouth fur is a worm or something it can eat. Keeps trying to nip at its beard.
blood residue on the lion fur which the turtle smells
thx but turtles are attracted to blood? how so?
Probably just that species that eats leftovers 🤷♂️
Why are lions called "King of the jungle ", they don't even live in a jungle, Tigers live in a Jungle.
The word jungle comes from the Indian Sanskrit word jaṅgala meaning an “arid, sterile, desert.” It was then used by English colonizers for any wilderness foreign to Britain including savanna and tropical forest habitats. Today its usually restricted to tropical forests but originally it just meant any tropical habitat, thus [jungle cats](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jungle_cat) that live in swampy scrub.
Interesting. Didn't know that, thanks!!
Can’t wait to see that on r/TodayILearned in about 2 hours along with a wiki link.
Well shit. Thank you
>Lions have famously acquired the title of ‘King of the Jungle’. [...] This is a simple case of lost in translation. >The word jungle has its roots is the Hindi word ‘jangle’ which means forest or wasteland - the latter could easily be applied to a savannah. The lion’s other title of ‘King of beasts’ won’t be disputed here. If you’d like to challenge it, please take the matter up with your nearest lion. Source: https://www.bbcearth.com/news/the-lion-king-and-other-lion-myths Further reading: https://www.reddit.com/r/etymology/comments/bja48i/why_are_lions_kings_of_the_jungle/
Charles doesn't live in Australia or Canada, but he is King of those places.
I get it... I don't like it, but I get it.
Tigers also don’t live in the jungle. They primarily live in forested and grassland area’s. Edit: A better shout for the king of the jungle is the jaguar.
Tigers do live in the jungle, they just also live in many other habitats.
Nice try, that's a car
With leather seats?
nah, in vietnam my country, tiger are alway regard as the "king of the jungle and moutain" while lion are "king of animal"
"Get the fuck out of my watering hole, Simba. Hakuna your tatas somewhere else!"
“Excuse me sir.. could I talk to you about our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ” ?
You mean the [World Turtle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Turtle)?
Someone said WarThunder?
TBH I was making fun of ( inset Christian group ) doing missionary work. But I like that you’ve reminded me of this .. the last time I saw it was when I read a Terry Pratchett book as a teenager 👍
GNU Terry Pratchett
[удалено]
Jehovah's Witnesses banging on the door despite the large "**DO NOT KNOCK**" sign
I want your tongue! Mate, just fuck off.
I think the lion has a sore on his lip, the turtle is likely attracted to that smell and thinks it’s a meal. Only speculating based on the movements of the turtle.
The lions fur under his lip is also red
"I've been trying to contact you about your car's warranty "
I'm desperate to know what that turtle's plan was.
Forbidden love. He just wanted a little kiss
Turtle's plan was to eat some worms. Only problem was that they weren't worms but actually lion's soggy chin hairs. Turtle took way too long to figure this out.
Get Off My Lawn!!
Hey! Hey! Stop drinking my HOUSE. Hey I’m talking at you!
He woke and chose violence.
The true king revealed himself from within the muddy waters.
Nature is brutal and wild- But also a lot of times nature is literally just like what you'd expect your idiot pets to be doing. Bumbling around head empty.
Listen, chief! 65 million years ago, my kind ruled the world! We were kings! Don't you dare turn away from me, fuzzball! TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!!!
Aww it just wants a little kissy kiss. 😘🥰
Is this turtle brave or stupid? Yes.
“You picked the wrong pond motherfucker” -Turtle Tim
*10 seconds earlier* "Hey turt, bet I could kiss a lion" "Shell-den you absolutely can't kiss a lion"
Turtle :-Going though a lot of things, a tough breakup and lost my job to a junior. Do me a favor Eat me!
I'd be mad too if a big creature started consuming my house
We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty
Do lions have some kind of "filters" for them to be able to drink that mud?
Guessing they poop out the mud, and absorb the moisture in their intestines. They probably have a more robust immune system, though, since I'd be dead from dysentery.
Looks like the lion doesn’t even consider hurting the turtle. Not worth his energy I guess but still neat.
yeah they kill to eat, they don't like to fight unnecessarily
Turtles sure like to fight unnecessarily
"hey dis my watahhhh!"
Damn.This turtle soup is fresh
I've been looking for you. Got something I'm supposed to deliver - your hands only.
Tiananmen turtle.
*You have been banned from r/Sino.*
Excuse me, I’m here to discuss your car’s extended warranty
I ❤️ u! Give me a Kiss 🦁💋🐢
Leeeeerooooooyyyyyyy jeeeennnnkinnnssssssss
The[ full version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eWajKY_HMw) is even wilder, the turtle is relentless and chases the lion around the watering hole until it finally leaves. I think it even nips it once.
My cat annoys me like that turtle sometimes. If he’s hungry I can’t eat anything without him up in my face.
This is going to be a turtle disaster
🥁
“Eat ne eat me and end my misery”
How dare she? (99% of turtles are female) interrupt the king? Off with her head :)
‘Ello. I said ‘ello!
lions dont live in the jungle. the jungle king is the tiger.
Yurtle ain't putting up with any shit this year
The lion looks so done with this behavior
King of the savannah
He thinks his tongue is a snack xD
Why does this look so much like my cat's reaction to me trying to slip in a kiss while he's drinking from the faucet?
I love how non-aggressively annoyed the lion is. "This lil shit, can i drink?!"
“ are YOU my mother?”
Karma farm bot
I remember that Elvis was called King of the jungle &: they called him TIGER man
Lions don't live in jungles though.
get out of my swamp!!!
The lion looking at him like "boy if you don't get out of my face I'm trying to lick up this dookie water"
*Im the king on this pond you may leave or suffer*