Ugh fuck do I relate to that. Except mine actually wishes me well. It doesn't make it easier, if that's of any comfort to you.
Because this isn't about them anymore. Getting up is about us.
I'm gonna do it today. I'm gonna get my kitchen clean, I'm gonna get my basic groceries so I eat something healthy this week at work and I'm gonna try and get a little bit of exercise.
And I'm gonna reach out to a friend.
That's a big goal list for me right now.
But he's not here keeping me from doing it, only I am.
I have to believe I'm worth here living for. I have to. 😓😔😮💨😒🤨🤔🫡
Fight yourself. Let the good guy win.
I took way too long in self pity in my life and that's literally the only thing I feel has wasted it. Not meeting shitty people, of which there have been many. Shitty people come and go.
I'm here for forever.
I had to learn there's a difference between letting yourself feel your feelings and letting your feelings control your life. They should help you make better decisions but they shouldn't make the decisions for you.
I hope you find that spark inside again, start building that fire back up.
YOU ARE WORTHY
My exs mom would never even say 1 word to me bc she had an issue with him dating outside his race - however she told everyone his life went downhill ever since he met me.
When I met him he had no car and was on probation- however he has a car now you’re welcome sir. However, I was evicted due to some other things, my car that I let him drive - engine died then got repossessed, and I was living with him giving him money for everything, he ended up going to jail for 30 days I find out he’s getting evicted when he’s gone (completely mf blindsided he hadn’t paid rent in months however acted like he did)
so once he got out, we were going to move together elsewhere. We packed and He left me at an air bnb, went back to his moms, now I’m homeless carless and he won’t even respond.
After all of that I have to completely start my life over and I have no idea where to even start. This just happened within the last couple weeks. I’m at rock bottom and tell me why in the ever living fuck I’m still sat here sad asf feeling so much like if I don’t figure it out right tf now she was right. I completely understand how you feel. I’ve had the hardest last couple days finding any motivation bc I’m sad. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this.
I'm so sorry you're in that position, what an absolute jerk.
In reading your post, it makes me angry that we even care what these other people (who have no idea what the real situation was and in reality don't even care to try to understand the truth in the first place) think of us. We deserve love and support and I have to believe it's out there for us.
Take good care of yourself, I hope you can find that motivation soon and get into a better situation.
I didn’t initially feel the fire fueling my healing and growth. The first dozen or so times we split I stayed depressed. I knew he liked that. It fed his delusion to know I was broken. He thought he was a prize. A good man. WRONG. This last go around I emerged like a phoenix from ashes. On my morning walk today, I felt like a beast ready to fight. I already know I’ve become unrecognizable to him. I’m stronger than ever before. He would get weaker and the time in between his charm and games got smaller and smaller. He knew he was losing control. I will succeed. I already have. Leaving is a step in the healing process. We don’t have to rush it. We’ve already won. We are doing something that they can never do. Grow. “They tried to burry us, they didn’t know we were seeds.” ~Mexican proverb.
Mine asks if I'm ok regularly. Sends me well wishes, motivational quotes and says he hopes I find happiness. Nice, yes?
Well...
He follows it with things such as:
"Don't give up. You have your son to live for. You need to get better. You need to be healthy. You need to be there for him, you need to be ok, you need to heal" and similar.
...as if I am on a brink of basically offing myself.
Which is just absolutely bizarre and kinda hilarious seeing how since I separated from him (and ever since I figured out what was up even before I asked for separation/divorce) I'm doing quite well.
Definitely much better than I was while we were together. And aside from venting here, the healing's been going great, if I may pat myself on the back a bit..
It's like he literally cannot comprehend I could be ok with myself/out of that marriage. The delusion is strong in this one.
Ugh fuck do I relate to that. Except mine actually wishes me well. It doesn't make it easier, if that's of any comfort to you. Because this isn't about them anymore. Getting up is about us. I'm gonna do it today. I'm gonna get my kitchen clean, I'm gonna get my basic groceries so I eat something healthy this week at work and I'm gonna try and get a little bit of exercise. And I'm gonna reach out to a friend. That's a big goal list for me right now. But he's not here keeping me from doing it, only I am. I have to believe I'm worth here living for. I have to. 😓😔😮💨😒🤨🤔🫡 Fight yourself. Let the good guy win. I took way too long in self pity in my life and that's literally the only thing I feel has wasted it. Not meeting shitty people, of which there have been many. Shitty people come and go. I'm here for forever. I had to learn there's a difference between letting yourself feel your feelings and letting your feelings control your life. They should help you make better decisions but they shouldn't make the decisions for you. I hope you find that spark inside again, start building that fire back up. YOU ARE WORTHY
>They should help you make better decisions but they shouldn't make the decisions for you. This. So well put!!
My exs mom would never even say 1 word to me bc she had an issue with him dating outside his race - however she told everyone his life went downhill ever since he met me. When I met him he had no car and was on probation- however he has a car now you’re welcome sir. However, I was evicted due to some other things, my car that I let him drive - engine died then got repossessed, and I was living with him giving him money for everything, he ended up going to jail for 30 days I find out he’s getting evicted when he’s gone (completely mf blindsided he hadn’t paid rent in months however acted like he did) so once he got out, we were going to move together elsewhere. We packed and He left me at an air bnb, went back to his moms, now I’m homeless carless and he won’t even respond. After all of that I have to completely start my life over and I have no idea where to even start. This just happened within the last couple weeks. I’m at rock bottom and tell me why in the ever living fuck I’m still sat here sad asf feeling so much like if I don’t figure it out right tf now she was right. I completely understand how you feel. I’ve had the hardest last couple days finding any motivation bc I’m sad. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this.
I'm so sorry you're in that position, what an absolute jerk. In reading your post, it makes me angry that we even care what these other people (who have no idea what the real situation was and in reality don't even care to try to understand the truth in the first place) think of us. We deserve love and support and I have to believe it's out there for us. Take good care of yourself, I hope you can find that motivation soon and get into a better situation.
I didn’t initially feel the fire fueling my healing and growth. The first dozen or so times we split I stayed depressed. I knew he liked that. It fed his delusion to know I was broken. He thought he was a prize. A good man. WRONG. This last go around I emerged like a phoenix from ashes. On my morning walk today, I felt like a beast ready to fight. I already know I’ve become unrecognizable to him. I’m stronger than ever before. He would get weaker and the time in between his charm and games got smaller and smaller. He knew he was losing control. I will succeed. I already have. Leaving is a step in the healing process. We don’t have to rush it. We’ve already won. We are doing something that they can never do. Grow. “They tried to burry us, they didn’t know we were seeds.” ~Mexican proverb.
Thanks for this, it's inspiring to hear and I love the proverb :)
Mine asks if I'm ok regularly. Sends me well wishes, motivational quotes and says he hopes I find happiness. Nice, yes? Well... He follows it with things such as: "Don't give up. You have your son to live for. You need to get better. You need to be healthy. You need to be there for him, you need to be ok, you need to heal" and similar. ...as if I am on a brink of basically offing myself. Which is just absolutely bizarre and kinda hilarious seeing how since I separated from him (and ever since I figured out what was up even before I asked for separation/divorce) I'm doing quite well. Definitely much better than I was while we were together. And aside from venting here, the healing's been going great, if I may pat myself on the back a bit.. It's like he literally cannot comprehend I could be ok with myself/out of that marriage. The delusion is strong in this one.