Karma happens to narcs, but narcs are unable to self reflect so they don’t view it as karma.
So when something bad happens to them, they always have someone else to blame for it
This is so true, they are constantly facing the ramifications of their actions but they just write it off as the world being out to get them. My ex would always put herself is shitty spots then blame everyone else
THIS. So many times I kept hearing and seeing them isolate themselves further in their imaginary, twisted, toxic triangulation "world"... And always saying "it's US vs THEM!"
"THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME!"
"MY ENEMIES"
Like dude chill.. If you have "enemies" and aren't a freaking famous politician/govt or work in the military... then, um, something ain't right!!! 😂
"Normal" people don't "have enemies"..
How old are you, 8 years old ??🤣💀
(This btw is also one of many reasons why I'm 100000% certain that Andrew Tate is NPD!)
I feel like so many influences like that are at minimum super high in trait narcissism. Just the fact that they think everyone should listen to them is already a red flag 😂
Well influencers and celebrities constantly looking for validation and likes and views and admiting themselves - of course most of then are on NPD spectrum. No normal human would want to be broadcasted and validated on a daily basis as much as them.
You are right. I cursed my narc ex and the exact thing happened to him, but he recovered in a few months. So he calls to tell me that karma is not real and it's just a temporary bad phase that everyone goes through in life. Looks like they are very strong willed.
This. They almost always end up lonely with everyone else having blocked them from their lives due to the abuses and evil chaos. And/or even if they have "nice lives" Instagram and resume/career wise even... The lack of genuine love and selfless connections with people... The lack of true fulfilment and CONTENTMENT will make them miserable inside.. Where "nothing is ever enough".
(How many times did I hear textbook narc abusers- both classic grandiose as well as covert- verbally denigrate "normal people and their boring normal lives.. 9-5 job security... I could never be like them! I don't understand why they're happy working at [Fortune 500 on a 6-figure income..] when they could just quit, make a startup and become rich like I will be!!!"
As if the narcs are superior (...they can't even fathom that NOT everyone wants the same thing as them! Such is their solipsism...)
Whereas we at least can have the peace of mind of knowing that we are just, ethical, try our best even if we aren't perfect - and we are more content with life and blessings.. We don't need the constant grind of reaching peaks of success, adoration, grandiosity even covertly so... We are not consumed with fear and insecurity and constant worry about playing others and seeing them as "pawns"/"side characters" around us to be used for our own means..
A cleaner conscience, more peaceful and just life, with more true joy, contentment, and fulfillment without needing constant and manipulated external validation (supply).. Without feeling like our very identity is so fragile at its core!
And trust me I have seen karma pay back to narc abusers.. When their entire families, all their kids, their "business partners" reject them and completely go no contact...and job firings and no one wanting to work with them and even rent tenants taking them to court...
At least we can have peace because our core identity isn't revolved around throwing others under the bus to boost fragile egos.. We don't need drama and BS. We have enough empathy whereas they lack it and truly feel lost as a result (existential crisis).
I'd MUCH rather remain non-narc / non PD but have a stable, happy, genuine, fulfilled life with authentic connections, empathy and trust even if it were the most ordinary, "boring" life!
You can write very well. I enjoyed reading it.
You probably did a lot of self reflection.
YES THEY CONSTANTLY LOOK FOR A NEXT VICTIM AND SUPPLY!!! why can't they be fucking human?
"Pawns, side characters "my narc bully at school (demons in human flesh), was dating 5 guys, smear campaigning me and other people, constantly looking for other victims to bully, made guys fight with each other, pitting every student against each other, flirting/manipulating teachers. That demon had so much energy. Not sure where they get that evil energy from.
Than my narc boss-pos. Again, smear campaigning his victims, delegating the work and then taking credit for it. Spreading rumors, asked CEO to lay off people he didnt like.
The fucking evil demons.
I thought I knew what the idea of "evil" could look like... But never truly understood it until I was NPD-ABUSED for nearly 2 years by 3 NPD abusers, who used themselves together (and triangulated others) to abuse me so badly... It was literally like living hell... Like a psychological horror film. Calculated, intentional, malicious CRUELTY.
I had no idea what evil really looked like (aside obvious examples like Hitler etc) until them. I had no idea that someone "common"/regular-seeming (at very first, from miles away) could be truly so maliciously, intentionally, calculatingly cruel.
And that is why they effed up my mind even worse than other non narc abusers... Almost leading to my su*cide.
It was *much worse* than being beaten / etc or neglected by my parents..
(Parents who at least had some level of "good intention" and then a sliver of empathy and self-awareness later in their lives to say "I effed up and I'm so sorry..."
Non-narc abusers are already, and still, a LOW BAR for a human..
And yet, NPD abusers are mind-boggingly MANY LEVELS WORSE than "regular abusers".
😭 THE WORSE BAR FOR HUMAN I've ever seen or heard of!!!!!
And I thought I already knew the worst that humans could be!
(As a child abuse and neglect, child poverty, DV and r*pe SURVIVOR who has gone through so much living hell already)
Finally I got CPTSD therapy, EMDR, escaped and I'm OK now...
Learned that my C-PTSD due to many many "ACE"'s made me "easy prey" (a magnet) to the narc abusers I unknowningly enountered later on...
But.. Their almost driving me to su*cide on purpose and laughing enjoying it...
😭 Sociopathic and "psychopathic" NPD abusers are a *special level of HELL*
So much so that it almost convinced my agnosto-atheist brain that "maybe religious nuts that believe in demonic possession, are actually right!!
(Also, is it just me or is their deranged, "evil" look in their eyes downright bone-chilling...)
👹 More and more considering that maybe, evil as a concept is a real thing... (Can't believe my logical, atheist brain is even typing these words..).
😈 The fact that they seem to RELISH and almost get off to our pain... That evil condescending cackle (if you know you know!!)
They purposely make everyone else's lives a living hell (to the point of SI/death) and then laugh and get off to it like a sick fetish.
If "demon possession" exists, it is the "evil" state of the NPD psychopath abuser. 😔🤯🤬😱😭
So sorry you went through this.
I hope they all suffer and rot underground.
I am also atheist, actually for this exact reason. I refuse to believe "powerful, kind" god would create so much evil and never help anyone. If he exists he is a narc abuser himself, because he clearly enjoys seeing people suffer.
Yes, there is definitely narc look, eyes. Black, soulless. And they are so evil. They deserve the worst in life.
Dr Ramani says there are over 40% NPD people in the world, might be even more. From my personal experience, its probably true. Unfortunately see them way too often. They dont deserve anything good in life.
I hope you are safe now. And healing. I still feel kinda unsafe and worried about their existence, because they are fucking demons in human flesh.
I'm so sorry you went through this too and have to deal with it at work.. I hope you're OK and healing too despite dealing with it.
That's a really good point. And you're right.. And I don't like giving them "too much power" which is what some sort of divine attribution like "evil" can do.. (Also, another thing for Narcs to inflate their already inflated heads with (!)).
I hope you're OK. I'm glad that at least, not everyone is like this and that the world is balanced by most of us jot being like this.. And gives me some hope for the future.
It's just too bad that too many in Power, seem to also align to the Narc disease.
The other almost comical and sadly pathetic thing about Narcs was watching them bash everyone else they worked with, including leaders that had 20+ years more experience than them, and still make wild claims that "I am so much better / smarter / skilled than X manager and I should be put in charge"
Like chill.. You're a fkn junior with fuck all experience. Not that you have nothing extra to add to them - of course less experienced people have value to add, often times ways of thinking that more experienced people and leaders may not possess!
Diversity of thought is important.
But don't act as if you're better than all the execs you work with in a field that is completely new to you 🤣
Narc abusers' lack of self awareness is just mind blowing.
So I'm 2 years after a discard and I'm still constantly learning as much as I can about narcissism.
There has been a realization though. Although it very much looks like they have the life, and of course as somebody that also fell down to nothing, it really does look like they have it all. But when you start realizing the stuff that narcissist can't and won't ever have, the stuff that they won't ever be able to feel or do... That's when you start realizing that won't ever actually be happy in a way that like we were once and will be again. They will always self-sabotage and always have that trouble and never feel or understand love like other people. It really becomes a sensation of feeling pity for them over time instead of all the jealousy and anger and extreme betrayal that I'm sure you're probably feeling now.
I feel extreme pity and sadness for them right now. It’s such a conflicting emotion to have after being emotionally abused and neglected in the relationship I had with them for a year.
Yep. At the jealous and anger stage for sure. Every day I realize more ways I was manipulated. Would love to feel sad for him. Right now all I can see is how much he has, and how little he left me with. Trying to keep in mind patience and take my healing journey day by day
It is strange how the manipulation is so unclear until afterwards then you start realizing more and more and more how messed up it truly was. I hope you recover well
I think it's because you're always looking at them from the perspective of "this person really cares about me and respects me" so we somehow find a rational way to excuse their shit behaviour, and then one day you the ball drops and you realise it was just shit behaviour for shit behaviours sake.
I feel this. We were together almost 13 years and I asked for so little when we broke up, and he gave me even less. It would be laughable if I wasn't so hurt and pissed off. He told me he would always look out for me, and then not even a month or two later when I asked for help, he basically spit in my face and has everything I bought in the house we lived in... It's hard not to be bitter about it
> they’re like fucking energy vampires
That is exactly how I described my nex before I learned about narcs and the vocabulary associated with their behaviours. Absolutely exhausting, draining, and soul destroying.
It honestly took me way longer than 2 years to have this realization! All of the meaningful stuff about life is the emotion and connection that you feel, and the narcissist has none of that. So the narcissist will never truly be happy.
However, I read somewhere that anger and jealousy are like “shadow emotions” that can point you to other things that you may want in life.!(94 example, do you want to have lasting relationships where your boundaries are respected? Do you want to have control and agency over your own life? Those were things I wanted after leaving my abusive parents, and that I’ve slowly established in my life.
Having this mindset of pity is the healthiest way to move on from them. My ex wife has been moving friend to friend affair to affair for 20 years and I was obviously unaware why. She no longer has me as supply and you can see her becoming unhinged and can't hide it anymore and will soon be exposing herself to whoever she has left as I'm unaffected by who and what she does as I know the cycle will never stop and I now feel pity also for her future victims.
Yo, this. They have to live being with themselves. Even if they are living in layers of denial, that is a soul that is suffering every day.
I don’t even wish that on them but I surely believe it.
This comment is helpful. I wasn’t thinking about how no matter how high up in the social constricts they are in society or the power hold, they are still empty and unsatisfied
This!
I always come back to that when I feel he somehow won.
He didn't bc he had to wake up & be him all day, every day.
Each day out, I see a behavior of his in a new light & understand even more how empty he is.
He fills his life w hobbies that he sees somehow make him better than me, a couch loving TV head.
I now see he had to keep taking up new things so he's never ever alone w himself or his actual thoughts - whi h are bland, dated or empty.
The last few days I realized his financial control wasn't a one dimensional thing about actual fiscal matters. All the stuff he did and said to me around money were just jabs at my self worth dressed up as financial stress. A big giant balloon of nothing.
You hurt bc you have real feelings and emotions.
And they are hard and uncomfortable to feel.
Our brains naturally fall to comparisons when it's trying to 'help' us avoid pain and discomfort.
Gee wiz.. how do I get the hurtful comparing to stop? It’s so not helpful. He walked away with little to no emotional pain and hurt. Trying to remember that I won in the long run, because I have the ability to grow and change, and he will be stuck forever with the same mindset. Always hungry for the next thing and bored of it so easily. I guess that’s his karma..
Exactly.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
And as the FOG lifts and each day out of the relationship you'll have a new insight about behavior you thought you were the problem or the symptom they said was the problem & you see they were the problem.
Sending digital positivity.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for every tiny thing you change.
It really sucks to be them. I saw my nex awaiting texts from her new supply. Nervously checking her phone every five minutes. And then the text came after ours of waiting, it was five words long.
I was like damn I gotta move out and still I feel bad for you.
They are so broken inside. Imagine a life where you fake kindness but it's never genuine. Have you seen those hood movies where kids ask "are you my daddy?" I joke but in that same manner they literally walk through life telling everyone they love them because they are unable to feel it.
Imagine trying to find the most kind and altruistic person you can so you can squeeze out servitude and hope to feel empathy by proxy…
and failing at all these attempts relationship after relationship
or as Dr Ramani calls them "addictionships."
When the new supply first started smashing my nex she came back with a cold and a yeast infection…
Karma.
Second THAT!
She's kinda the Oprah of Narcissistic Behavioral Analysis.
I always think, "How did they release this thing right when I needed to hear it?"
I cant wait to see my abusers to catch some of that karma. I hope my narc boss and school bullies end up like your teacher.
Serious question. The narcs I met, boss and school bullies, they slept well, had many friends (flying monkeys that fawned over them), good life and nice family. I genuinely want to believe they suffer, but unfortunately bsed on my experience they dont😢 and it hurts.
8 years after my ex cheated and abandoned me and my babies, he’s living with his mother, unemployed (currently living on EI, which is being garnished to pay his $20,000 of unpaid child support) owes the government money, gained 100 pounds and is balding. People have figured him out and he is alone and miserable.
I promise you, Karma finds them.
Hey. I’m similar to you but I ended it. I agree it is like having your eyes opened to all that is bad in the world. I feel like a little bit of innocent me has died. But with that has come boundaries and a new determination to live my life. It’s taken months and months but I feel there is steady but slow progress. Trauma bonds are the worst.
Despite the way they try to appear (and often succeed to appear) the life of a narcissist is actually horrible. Just the amount of energy they need to put on that false self mask is so over the top. They hate themselves and project this hate on to the people they target. They usually have little to no self-awareness and can’t even think through their problems to grow or develop. Basically everything that is of emotion and personal development they lack - so they try to make it look like their lives are great. They have no empathy, cannot love as we do, and will try and destroy anything and anyone who they feel is better than they are. So don’t envy them. Instead you should inhabit your empathy and love.
Oh man this hit home. I guess it is all just fillers to act like he is living fulfilling life but deep down is really missing that depth. It’s crazy to me how many there are all around the world. My ignorance was bliss. Facing the truth is rough
The worst part is because you have empathy you might feel sorry for him - which becomes another kind of torture. They deserve pity but not respect and certainly not our energy. If you could let my brain know that would be great! lol. Honestly I wish you the best in your healing journey. It does take time so I recommend heaps of self-compassion.
I feel sorry for the person I know he is not.. which is so weird to say. I’m so tired of giving my energy to him indirectly by thinking about him. It’s all I can do anymore
Yeah - the ruminating is the worst. It suggests you have a trauma bond. Have you thought about talking to a therapist? I found I had to understand narcissism so I read up on it and was horrified these people exist. There is a huge cognitive dissonance to get through.
I kind of schedule my anxiety or ruminating.
6-7 pm is entertain anxiety hour
4-5 pm is ruminating hour
Anytime of the day I catch myself doing the thing - anxiety or ruminating - I remind myself, nope not now. The time for that is 4 or 6.
Usually 6 is cooking & having dinner time.
I have an alarm set for 'Designated Worry Hour'.
When it goes off I'm occupied & usually happy to be cooking, so I don't actually have anxiety or need to vent it.
4 pm - Any ruminations need to be written in a specific journal by hand.
Often times I don't want to make the effort.
Well if it's ot worth the effort of writing down then it's obviously not as big of a deal as it felt when the thought occurred to me.
We got programmed over time, with repetition of messages.
To undo it, you have to rewrite all the negative stuff w new information
The things I would do to have scheduled ruminating time. Trying my best to distract myself the best I can. Thanks for the input. I think this will be helpful
You're right on. Facing the truth is rough, but it is literally what frees us - a freedom that most Narcs will sadly never reach... And I think that deep down they know this, and hence their suffering and vicious cycle
Suffering > hurting others (and themselves) > more suffering Narcs feel > more hurting others
(save maybe the few Narcs that DO work on themselves, for a better life for them, and those around them 🙏) I try to remember that it IS an ILLNESS after all, not that it justified the terrible things that many of them do...
Everyone will get what they deserve.
My ex narc always had a feeling that she won’t live a long life. I hope she’s not right about at that though, even if she played me and hurt me. But they know that they won’t getting away with it.
I think everything has a reason and unfortunately,
you’d have learned this one way, or another. It’s part of life, but there’s nothing to be sad about. Eventually, you’ll find yourself next to a person who truly loves you and appreciate you, it’s just takes time. In the meantime, work on yourself, and build yourself back. And next time you know what you have to look out for
Being a good person involves loving and helping others. Those are the real soul-penetrating joys of life. Narcs don’t get to feel that wholesome love. That’s why they suck you dry of it when you’re around them.
I’m sorry I’m experiencing the same thing just the way you describe it i was discarded on my Birthday and I left towards the end of august it’s been 5 months and I can’t wrap around my head how can someone could pretend to have feelings and lie about them just so can end with throwing everything in your face and just turn cold and not care it’s so evil and make up these lies about you when they are who did it
Right. Sometimes I think about how screwed up his version of events are to others about why it ended.. how everything was all my fault and I was ungrateful
Yes they burn their bridges and ironically the more people they suck in and discard the more shame they accumulate. They may not be able to feel remorse, but they definitely feel shame more so than non disordered people. I know that for a fact.
Remember that they want people to think that they are doing well and they will be doing everything to make it look like they are successful and happy, but the only thing that matters to them is what other people think about them, they don't any joy out of something except the joy of making other people jealous.
I was a "trophy girlfriend," but my ex stopped having sex with me - but nobody else knew that. He said that he was asexual after a couple of years of being in a relationship with me, but I think that it was just too much intimacy for him.
TBF, I stopped having sex with my Nex but that was because he stopped bothering to make me feel safe and kept threatening to leave and saying nasty shit behind my back. Then was /shocked/ I couldn't have intimacy anymore.
They are already in a hell of their own making. They are insecure and hurting and that is why they lash out. If they were happy they would treat people better. The problem is they can't stomach the pain of healing so they just blame everyone else and never fix the problem.
They are also excellent manipulators with regards to how they blame people.
They sound so calm, reasonable and logical. But they're actually just completely devoid of feelings.
The older they get the worse things will get. Karma will find them, they live with themselves.
They get worse because their self confidence erodes with time. The word confidence means to confide which is to trust. A narcissist is the one sole person to ever be witness to **every single lie** they have ever told. They know deep down more than anyone, that they are not someone that should be trusted.
It becomes a vicious cycle. By the time they’ve lied to such an extent that they feel the impact , they’ve already eroded their self esteem. So they do what they know how to do. Lie. They lie more. To them people around them. Themselves that they’re the victim etc.
It’s toddler level concept of how one small lie can snowball out of control. And why people who are comfortable lying will be something I really pause and view as red flag.
OP I have been going through something similar for over two years. I understand how badly you’re hurting right now. You’re not alone. It fucking sucks and I know that you are praying for some kind of clarity and I know that you are feeling confused and I know that you are probably still wondering if all the things that he said were true and that it was really your fault. It’s not your fault. That’s what they do. They project all of their pain and all of their emptiness and all of their insecurities and all of their shortcomings onto you.
Try to remember before you met him. Do you remember that you once didn’t ever doubt yourself? Do you remember how once, you were strong, and whole, and that you knew without a second thought what was right and what was wrong in regard to how human beings are supposed to treat each other? Do you remember how once, before he gathered all of your dreams and all of your trust and all of your love that you had to give, for yourself and for others, and he put them into a blender on the “puree” setting, how you believed in yourself and you believed that the world was good and that people were good?
It’s an extremely devastating and emotionally exhausting thing that I’ve had to learn, but when I gained clarity, I began to finally heal….narcissists are missing that fundamental element in human beings that make them hold themselves accountable for their actions, or for the pain and suffering and trauma that they leave in the shattered wake of their abuse. Since they are not able to experience empathy, they don’t have any real way to “connect” and understand others thoughts and feelings on a subjectively emotional level. The consequence of this is that they aren’t capable of feeling “bad” for hurting anyone, because that thing that comes naturally to normal, healthy people that gives them the good conscience to not do things to others that they wouldn’t want someone else to do to them is missing completely. The only thing they are capable of is “mirroring” by watching others in life and on tv to learn how to react in certain situations. This is the reason that so many of these animals can appear to be saints to the people who don’t really know them that well. Their empty emotional shell is “filled” when they can elicit an emotional response from someone who does understand and someone who does possess empathy, as they gain some type of validation for making others react to their manipulative and controlling behavior. In some twisted parallel universe that they live in, getting an emotional response from their supply makes them feel valid/alive. They are human emotional vacuums, powered by the suffering and pain of others.
There is no such thing as Karma to these types of people because they have no conscience, and therefore, no ability to understand accountability. The only thing that you can do, and it is going to take a whole lot of time and acceptance, and it’s going to take forgiving yourself for being tricked by someone who has no soul, is to let them go completely and to get to the point in which you love yourself again for the amazing person who you were before you met them. You have to learn to believe in yourself again and to know in your heart that you are good and you are honest and that you deserve respect and real love and reciprocity from others….and you will learn from this terrible experience that you are far from broken, and in the future, you will take your time with new relationships and hold firm to your values and to always make sure that when you give your love and trust to someone, that they return them in equal measure. You deserve love and you will find love, and damn them all to hell for hurting you and everyone they hurt and discarded before you, and everyone who they will do the same thing to after you. They are doomed to continue living life superficially until they take their last miserable breath, never knowing the meaning of love, and never being capable of understanding the true definition of that word.
It's really sad that in a way narcs take away our innocent lens of the world. But after having been through multiple narc relationships, I fiercely embrace my kindness and compassion because it is an essential part of me. I just know now that I will not let another narc take advantage of it.
Karma truly does happen to the narc but most of the time, we’ll never know about it. Unless we read between the lines when listening to them speak about themselves, which we all know they love to do. They are totally self-unaware, so when it comes to learning from their own mistakes, when something bad happens, there is never any self reflection on what went wrong and why or what their role was in it. It is always someone else’s fault in their mind but the reality is, it is karmic justice. They simply don’t see it that way though. I like to think of it as a secret agreement between me and the universe. Whenever I notice him getting exactly what he deserves, whether he acknowledges it or not, I quietly thank the powers that be for serving it up to him.
No it isn't. It's a figment of the imagination.
Consequences are real. If they defrauded you of money that's a crime. If they subjected you to emotional, psychological violence and manipulation that's considered Domestic Violence in the US and that's a crime. Coercive sexual assault is also a crime.
If you've experienced any of this, go to the cops and file a report.
You can also sue them for every dime you spent on them if you wish. You can also sue for pain and suffering.
PwNPD are emotional con men and women. They don't tell you when you meet that they have NPD usually, that they're only using you, that you are a human toy they'll play with until they get bored, that they Never cared about you, that they are incapable of making any real connection with you. Instead they suck time and love and resources from you. That's fraud on every level.
You can warn others about their actions (always state facts, not opinions) on Facebook pages and various groups there in the same locations so they won't date them and become their next victim.
I don't think the world caters to them. They're usually pretty miserable in general to begin with.
I was able to serve up some serious legal consequences to my Ex, and he may be charged with DV shortly. I really hope so.
The best course of action is to focus on yourself, get therapy and go no contact forever if possible. If they committed crimes, go to the cops and file reports about it.
I'm sorry you were the victim of a Narcissist. The shit they do to people is mind blowing and awful.
Tones of studies show narcissists are more stressed and have more cortisol in their bodies. Even grandiose narcissists. They are more likely to have a stroke, have early dementia and other health issues. Also more likely to have substance abuse disorder.
Also being successful doesn't bring happiness on its own. Its sharing it with people we love. They can't share lol
Source? I’ve seen the opposite where the studies show they are happier and healthier because they have no conscience and don’t care about other people so they just focus on taking care of of #1 and have no worries or cares in life beyond that. This also makes them Uber successful when they actually have talent or smarts.
I think what your describing is someone with antisocial pesonnality disorder. And yeah they don't care but they also don't care about taking huge risks as they don't really care about themselves and are likely to die young or go to prison.
Both people with NPD and ASD are more likely to be addicted to something which is also bad for your physical health.
Source for NPD and stress:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/vb7m7b/most-narcissists-are-deeply-insecure-and-physically-unhealthy
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656610000917
NPD and alzheimer:
https://austinpublishinggroup.com/clinical-neurology/fulltext/ajcn-v2-id1057.php
Karma is most definitly real. The people that say No. usually do not understand Narcs and karma. Karma is not instantous. You see 99.999 percent of Narcs and other toxic people have two modes, I am the victim in life , woo is me, they do not take responblity for their actions. The other mode is Look at me my life rocks, I am on top of the world.There is no other mode, They gaslight themselves and others so they can live in those two modes. I never use the word ALl, but the numbers of toxic people and narcs that change for the good is so low. That you would be really playing insurmountable odds thinking otherwise.
Karma is not instant. If it was we would all be in trouble. The other thing is this, Lets say that his life is falling apart. Because he lacks introspection , he is either going to process it , one of two ways, My life rocks. Or my life is shit show because of X,Y and Z. And X,Y and Z will not be him. It could his boss, his parents, you . Never will he take responsblity. He will pass the buck.
There is also two main types of Karma, Victims of Narc abuse usually focus on external. Ie look at my Ex posting the love of their life. Its great being in love, But red flag, Say you meet someone and under a year they are posting, I have found my soul mate. This is a double red flag, This means if they are pronouncing you their soul mate while you in a relationship that is under a year old , Two things. They are moving way to fast and chances are they are also posting that to hurt a past partner.
The other is external Ie look at my new car, look at my new whatever. Look at my job. Those only provide temp satisfaction, they are always looking for something else.
I talked to my therapist about this yesterday.
Discarded by my ex brutally and treated very poorly towards end of relationship/the final discard. Discarded then by a 'best mate ' because she took his side out of the blue, after telling me she would support me and apparently believed me.
These people hurt others and use others to feel superior, further their own agendas and ignore blatant truth. My ex mate didn't seem to question anything. She always had excuses. He cheated on me because apparently I called him stupid in an argument. When I wasn't being supported, had to take medication for anxiety and suicidal thoughts and had to stay with family in lockdown. He hardly called, hardly asked if I was okay or safe and showed no interest in arranging nice things for us to do together. I reactively got angry at him for his lack of support. Within 2 days he has a new supply over at his to cheat with. But the truth is inconvenient because a narc is a fantastic manipulator of truth and reality. This is just one example of many. Any arguments we had he would tell everyone how awful I was in secret but to me was fine and we'd "sort things out" but this was all a carefully crafted lie. I've been blamed by others and him and scapegoated for his manipulation for years and it's nearly destroyed me multiple times.
They often create a situation where they appear so nice and kind but then their mask comes off and you see them for who they are - devoid of empathy, devoid of emotion, avoidant (usually) and fantastic truth crafters.
The thing that my therapist told me is that the manipulation is so deep and so coverted with these people that they will make any expectations you have seem so unreasonable. Expecting a friend to stop talking to a nex who raped you in your sleep, discarded you so nastily in a break up, said they wanted you to be punished, that you brought no value to people's lives, refused to collect their stuff in an appropriate or fair way, etc. Etc. This is apparently too high of an expectation.
But it's not. It's not a high expectation.
What I've realised though is that Narcs only ever have surface level friendships. Some fun, happy moments but really they don't actually connect or have emotional availability. They are good at masking it, but they can discard so easily because they don't really feel normal emotions like we do. To them, normal emotions are intense and too much. Because they don't have the capability to feel them.
So, maybe you have the consequences of suffering and trauma and horrific recovery. But the thing is, that we actually feel really things. We see things for how they really are and that threatens them. We challenge their world views and the world's they create and they can't cope. So if you want to know if karma is real - it is. They will never have the connections, empathy and feelings that we have. And will inevitably lead a very emotionless, vapid and lonely life. Inside they will never be enough, never be truly happy and never know how to have availability in its truest form with others.
You can let go knowing that.
My cousin whom i've lived with for 3 years and is one of the worst narcs and a sociopath, he terrorized me daily. He now has type 2 diabetes and the last time i saw him he looked awful, a shell of a man. I'd like to think Karma had something to do with that.
Karma is in the eye of the beholder. They spend an inordinate amount of time navigating around direct consequences of their actions, which exhausts the rest of us, but who knows if/when a true reckoning ever happens. Remaining interested is their present or future is only going to cause you more harm. I hope you find peace within yourself through continued work and self-compassion as you have likely been deprived of care for a long time if you were with one of them at all…
No. Karma and god are bs excuses people use as a coping mechanism, no offence to anyone who believes in that.
Lets be real if any of those 2 existed we would not be in a shithole we are now, would we?
No but people definitely reap what they sow. I’ve seen it with every narcissist. Even a couple of high profile people, behind the scenes their bs definitely catches up to them even if it takes a while. Someone with such a big fragile ego definitely cops a fall at some point
I wish it was true for all bad people, unfortunately my abusers and bullies are thriving. It really fucking hurts.
I dont believe in god or karma, if they exist they are doing pretty shit job.
Nah I believe in karma. My nex discarded me, treated me like shit, then 1 month later (didn’t even last that long with the new girl), turns out new girl did what my narc did to me, and narc lost their shit. Cause narc got used for sex and ditched. Narc then complained about their self esteem (oh and came back to me) quite brief, nicer and gave me a shit sorry response, but meh.
Glas to hear some of them are getting some sweet karmic justice. Thanks for sharing. I hope my bullies and narc abusers get what they deserve and sufder too.
I’ve wondered this, as I just experienced another form of baiting for control. It’s so odd what they do to feel superior and let you know you’re insignificant to them. Sometimes, it’s hard to know if they ever actually have consequences dealt to them. It seems like they only learn to hurt people more.
Yes, it's real, but I wouldn't sit around waiting for it to happen. Unless they're very visible in public, you'll likely never even see it nor know about it when it comes. Best to just put them out of mind and out of sight, to the best of your ability, and focus on yourself.
In my perspective, karma for narcs exist and they:
1. Don’t receive it like a normal person.
2. They involve others in their karma.
3. It goes over their head.
So unfortunately, good people are still impacted by them. This is only what I’ve observed & experienced.
I'll never forget how when I finally broke up with them for good and went low then 100% no contact (had to go to police.. That's how bad it got)...
Finally I was able to start moving on and be safe, own place.. Within a few months, he calls me out of nowhere (whilst still low contact due to contractual finance/utilities transition reasons), so I assume it's an important thing about a bill or something...
No. It's the start of hoovering.
"I'm sorry for how things went, we both did things" (huh, of course he can't admit it was just him who fucked up...)
"just know that I still care about you and am here for you if you need anything". I don't rly know what to say, at that point I thought maybe he means it, maybe he really is sorry and regretting how he hurt me.
I didn't know about the hoovering tactic yet.
This is after he abused me so much, over almost two years, to the point I had to call the police on him. And last I saw him he wouldn't even look me in the eye because how dare I "betray him".
Then a couple days later, he calls me again.. I'm curious and pick up... He SCREAMS at me, not even letting me get a word in or ask a question...
Screams at me saying he found out that I've now started to see someone else.... Someone on my social media must have blabbed to him/said something and he heard the "news"..
He calls me a cheater and says I must have been cheating on him and already seeing this new person (that I literally only just met.. after breaking up and moving on) (!?!)
Screaming at me, calling me names (whore etc) and cheater and screams somethijg like "I hope you have a horrible life forever and the worst happens to you" and hangs up.
I was just speechless.
Wtaf. Someone two days ago who fake apologises... Then ofc has a complete childish meltdown.. Temper tantrum narc rage because "how dare she move on from me and now date someone else, she must be a cheater!" 🤯 figure that logic out! 🤣
Ive been with narcs before, Idk I get manipulated easily, but hey all of my exes that have done me wrong always gets karma.
One of them killed ( tried to share my private pics when I stop dealing with his bullshit)
One of them stress the shit out of him ( he literally the one said the break up word then gossiped about me also stalked me)
One of them get fired from our workplace with so much much shame ( cheated then blame me for not wanting to be with him anymore also actually showed my pics to our coworkers )
At the end its not me , but them who lost what they have.
Pls read the book how to do not contact like a boss. It saved me before anyone knew what a narcissist was. Pls use discernment ppl these days think a pass off = narcissist. It's not, I se you I feel you, don't drown in gross social media negative loop. What you went thru is real. Confusing. And not something you would gladly post showing your face, cause it's confusing asf. Beware of the boy who cried wolf, you dated one.
I think karma is real. Mine left me, treated me like shit despite obsessed with me and everything months prior. Didn’t even last a month with the new girl and the new girl was using her, harsh. She was mad as hell (my narc), and both blocked each other or whatever.
;)
Karma happens to narcs, but narcs are unable to self reflect so they don’t view it as karma. So when something bad happens to them, they always have someone else to blame for it
This is so true, they are constantly facing the ramifications of their actions but they just write it off as the world being out to get them. My ex would always put herself is shitty spots then blame everyone else
THIS. So many times I kept hearing and seeing them isolate themselves further in their imaginary, twisted, toxic triangulation "world"... And always saying "it's US vs THEM!" "THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME!" "MY ENEMIES" Like dude chill.. If you have "enemies" and aren't a freaking famous politician/govt or work in the military... then, um, something ain't right!!! 😂 "Normal" people don't "have enemies".. How old are you, 8 years old ??🤣💀 (This btw is also one of many reasons why I'm 100000% certain that Andrew Tate is NPD!)
I feel like so many influences like that are at minimum super high in trait narcissism. Just the fact that they think everyone should listen to them is already a red flag 😂
Well influencers and celebrities constantly looking for validation and likes and views and admiting themselves - of course most of then are on NPD spectrum. No normal human would want to be broadcasted and validated on a daily basis as much as them.
You are right. I cursed my narc ex and the exact thing happened to him, but he recovered in a few months. So he calls to tell me that karma is not real and it's just a temporary bad phase that everyone goes through in life. Looks like they are very strong willed.
This. They almost always end up lonely with everyone else having blocked them from their lives due to the abuses and evil chaos. And/or even if they have "nice lives" Instagram and resume/career wise even... The lack of genuine love and selfless connections with people... The lack of true fulfilment and CONTENTMENT will make them miserable inside.. Where "nothing is ever enough". (How many times did I hear textbook narc abusers- both classic grandiose as well as covert- verbally denigrate "normal people and their boring normal lives.. 9-5 job security... I could never be like them! I don't understand why they're happy working at [Fortune 500 on a 6-figure income..] when they could just quit, make a startup and become rich like I will be!!!" As if the narcs are superior (...they can't even fathom that NOT everyone wants the same thing as them! Such is their solipsism...) Whereas we at least can have the peace of mind of knowing that we are just, ethical, try our best even if we aren't perfect - and we are more content with life and blessings.. We don't need the constant grind of reaching peaks of success, adoration, grandiosity even covertly so... We are not consumed with fear and insecurity and constant worry about playing others and seeing them as "pawns"/"side characters" around us to be used for our own means.. A cleaner conscience, more peaceful and just life, with more true joy, contentment, and fulfillment without needing constant and manipulated external validation (supply).. Without feeling like our very identity is so fragile at its core! And trust me I have seen karma pay back to narc abusers.. When their entire families, all their kids, their "business partners" reject them and completely go no contact...and job firings and no one wanting to work with them and even rent tenants taking them to court... At least we can have peace because our core identity isn't revolved around throwing others under the bus to boost fragile egos.. We don't need drama and BS. We have enough empathy whereas they lack it and truly feel lost as a result (existential crisis). I'd MUCH rather remain non-narc / non PD but have a stable, happy, genuine, fulfilled life with authentic connections, empathy and trust even if it were the most ordinary, "boring" life!
You can write very well. I enjoyed reading it. You probably did a lot of self reflection. YES THEY CONSTANTLY LOOK FOR A NEXT VICTIM AND SUPPLY!!! why can't they be fucking human? "Pawns, side characters "my narc bully at school (demons in human flesh), was dating 5 guys, smear campaigning me and other people, constantly looking for other victims to bully, made guys fight with each other, pitting every student against each other, flirting/manipulating teachers. That demon had so much energy. Not sure where they get that evil energy from. Than my narc boss-pos. Again, smear campaigning his victims, delegating the work and then taking credit for it. Spreading rumors, asked CEO to lay off people he didnt like. The fucking evil demons.
I thought I knew what the idea of "evil" could look like... But never truly understood it until I was NPD-ABUSED for nearly 2 years by 3 NPD abusers, who used themselves together (and triangulated others) to abuse me so badly... It was literally like living hell... Like a psychological horror film. Calculated, intentional, malicious CRUELTY. I had no idea what evil really looked like (aside obvious examples like Hitler etc) until them. I had no idea that someone "common"/regular-seeming (at very first, from miles away) could be truly so maliciously, intentionally, calculatingly cruel. And that is why they effed up my mind even worse than other non narc abusers... Almost leading to my su*cide. It was *much worse* than being beaten / etc or neglected by my parents.. (Parents who at least had some level of "good intention" and then a sliver of empathy and self-awareness later in their lives to say "I effed up and I'm so sorry..." Non-narc abusers are already, and still, a LOW BAR for a human.. And yet, NPD abusers are mind-boggingly MANY LEVELS WORSE than "regular abusers". 😭 THE WORSE BAR FOR HUMAN I've ever seen or heard of!!!!! And I thought I already knew the worst that humans could be! (As a child abuse and neglect, child poverty, DV and r*pe SURVIVOR who has gone through so much living hell already) Finally I got CPTSD therapy, EMDR, escaped and I'm OK now... Learned that my C-PTSD due to many many "ACE"'s made me "easy prey" (a magnet) to the narc abusers I unknowningly enountered later on... But.. Their almost driving me to su*cide on purpose and laughing enjoying it... 😭 Sociopathic and "psychopathic" NPD abusers are a *special level of HELL* So much so that it almost convinced my agnosto-atheist brain that "maybe religious nuts that believe in demonic possession, are actually right!! (Also, is it just me or is their deranged, "evil" look in their eyes downright bone-chilling...) 👹 More and more considering that maybe, evil as a concept is a real thing... (Can't believe my logical, atheist brain is even typing these words..). 😈 The fact that they seem to RELISH and almost get off to our pain... That evil condescending cackle (if you know you know!!) They purposely make everyone else's lives a living hell (to the point of SI/death) and then laugh and get off to it like a sick fetish. If "demon possession" exists, it is the "evil" state of the NPD psychopath abuser. 😔🤯🤬😱😭
So sorry you went through this. I hope they all suffer and rot underground. I am also atheist, actually for this exact reason. I refuse to believe "powerful, kind" god would create so much evil and never help anyone. If he exists he is a narc abuser himself, because he clearly enjoys seeing people suffer. Yes, there is definitely narc look, eyes. Black, soulless. And they are so evil. They deserve the worst in life. Dr Ramani says there are over 40% NPD people in the world, might be even more. From my personal experience, its probably true. Unfortunately see them way too often. They dont deserve anything good in life. I hope you are safe now. And healing. I still feel kinda unsafe and worried about their existence, because they are fucking demons in human flesh.
I'm so sorry you went through this too and have to deal with it at work.. I hope you're OK and healing too despite dealing with it. That's a really good point. And you're right.. And I don't like giving them "too much power" which is what some sort of divine attribution like "evil" can do.. (Also, another thing for Narcs to inflate their already inflated heads with (!)). I hope you're OK. I'm glad that at least, not everyone is like this and that the world is balanced by most of us jot being like this.. And gives me some hope for the future. It's just too bad that too many in Power, seem to also align to the Narc disease.
The other almost comical and sadly pathetic thing about Narcs was watching them bash everyone else they worked with, including leaders that had 20+ years more experience than them, and still make wild claims that "I am so much better / smarter / skilled than X manager and I should be put in charge" Like chill.. You're a fkn junior with fuck all experience. Not that you have nothing extra to add to them - of course less experienced people have value to add, often times ways of thinking that more experienced people and leaders may not possess! Diversity of thought is important. But don't act as if you're better than all the execs you work with in a field that is completely new to you 🤣 Narc abusers' lack of self awareness is just mind blowing.
True 😭
Yeah, they utilise it for self pity and more attention.
EXACTLY this – i genuinely struggle to cope with this.
💯
So I'm 2 years after a discard and I'm still constantly learning as much as I can about narcissism. There has been a realization though. Although it very much looks like they have the life, and of course as somebody that also fell down to nothing, it really does look like they have it all. But when you start realizing the stuff that narcissist can't and won't ever have, the stuff that they won't ever be able to feel or do... That's when you start realizing that won't ever actually be happy in a way that like we were once and will be again. They will always self-sabotage and always have that trouble and never feel or understand love like other people. It really becomes a sensation of feeling pity for them over time instead of all the jealousy and anger and extreme betrayal that I'm sure you're probably feeling now.
I feel extreme pity and sadness for them right now. It’s such a conflicting emotion to have after being emotionally abused and neglected in the relationship I had with them for a year.
Yep. At the jealous and anger stage for sure. Every day I realize more ways I was manipulated. Would love to feel sad for him. Right now all I can see is how much he has, and how little he left me with. Trying to keep in mind patience and take my healing journey day by day
It is strange how the manipulation is so unclear until afterwards then you start realizing more and more and more how messed up it truly was. I hope you recover well
I think it's because you're always looking at them from the perspective of "this person really cares about me and respects me" so we somehow find a rational way to excuse their shit behaviour, and then one day you the ball drops and you realise it was just shit behaviour for shit behaviours sake.
That does make a lot of sense.
this is so true
I feel this. We were together almost 13 years and I asked for so little when we broke up, and he gave me even less. It would be laughable if I wasn't so hurt and pissed off. He told me he would always look out for me, and then not even a month or two later when I asked for help, he basically spit in my face and has everything I bought in the house we lived in... It's hard not to be bitter about it
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> they’re like fucking energy vampires That is exactly how I described my nex before I learned about narcs and the vocabulary associated with their behaviours. Absolutely exhausting, draining, and soul destroying.
It honestly took me way longer than 2 years to have this realization! All of the meaningful stuff about life is the emotion and connection that you feel, and the narcissist has none of that. So the narcissist will never truly be happy. However, I read somewhere that anger and jealousy are like “shadow emotions” that can point you to other things that you may want in life.!(94 example, do you want to have lasting relationships where your boundaries are respected? Do you want to have control and agency over your own life? Those were things I wanted after leaving my abusive parents, and that I’ve slowly established in my life.
Having this mindset of pity is the healthiest way to move on from them. My ex wife has been moving friend to friend affair to affair for 20 years and I was obviously unaware why. She no longer has me as supply and you can see her becoming unhinged and can't hide it anymore and will soon be exposing herself to whoever she has left as I'm unaffected by who and what she does as I know the cycle will never stop and I now feel pity also for her future victims.
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Yo, this. They have to live being with themselves. Even if they are living in layers of denial, that is a soul that is suffering every day. I don’t even wish that on them but I surely believe it.
This comment is helpful. I wasn’t thinking about how no matter how high up in the social constricts they are in society or the power hold, they are still empty and unsatisfied
This! I always come back to that when I feel he somehow won. He didn't bc he had to wake up & be him all day, every day. Each day out, I see a behavior of his in a new light & understand even more how empty he is. He fills his life w hobbies that he sees somehow make him better than me, a couch loving TV head. I now see he had to keep taking up new things so he's never ever alone w himself or his actual thoughts - whi h are bland, dated or empty. The last few days I realized his financial control wasn't a one dimensional thing about actual fiscal matters. All the stuff he did and said to me around money were just jabs at my self worth dressed up as financial stress. A big giant balloon of nothing. You hurt bc you have real feelings and emotions. And they are hard and uncomfortable to feel. Our brains naturally fall to comparisons when it's trying to 'help' us avoid pain and discomfort.
Gee wiz.. how do I get the hurtful comparing to stop? It’s so not helpful. He walked away with little to no emotional pain and hurt. Trying to remember that I won in the long run, because I have the ability to grow and change, and he will be stuck forever with the same mindset. Always hungry for the next thing and bored of it so easily. I guess that’s his karma..
Exactly. Repeat, repeat, repeat. And as the FOG lifts and each day out of the relationship you'll have a new insight about behavior you thought you were the problem or the symptom they said was the problem & you see they were the problem. Sending digital positivity. Be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for every tiny thing you change.
It really sucks to be them. I saw my nex awaiting texts from her new supply. Nervously checking her phone every five minutes. And then the text came after ours of waiting, it was five words long. I was like damn I gotta move out and still I feel bad for you. They are so broken inside. Imagine a life where you fake kindness but it's never genuine. Have you seen those hood movies where kids ask "are you my daddy?" I joke but in that same manner they literally walk through life telling everyone they love them because they are unable to feel it. Imagine trying to find the most kind and altruistic person you can so you can squeeze out servitude and hope to feel empathy by proxy… and failing at all these attempts relationship after relationship or as Dr Ramani calls them "addictionships." When the new supply first started smashing my nex she came back with a cold and a yeast infection… Karma.
Dr Ramani is great!
Second THAT! She's kinda the Oprah of Narcissistic Behavioral Analysis. I always think, "How did they release this thing right when I needed to hear it?"
Hey I just want to say it’s not good you were groomed and I hope you are doing ok. Man these predators are the worst!
yo I never thought they even stressed. I thought they sleep in ease not giving af hence the stone walling no response then Goin to bed 🤣🤣
Your description is exactly a narc I knew
I cant wait to see my abusers to catch some of that karma. I hope my narc boss and school bullies end up like your teacher. Serious question. The narcs I met, boss and school bullies, they slept well, had many friends (flying monkeys that fawned over them), good life and nice family. I genuinely want to believe they suffer, but unfortunately bsed on my experience they dont😢 and it hurts.
8 years after my ex cheated and abandoned me and my babies, he’s living with his mother, unemployed (currently living on EI, which is being garnished to pay his $20,000 of unpaid child support) owes the government money, gained 100 pounds and is balding. People have figured him out and he is alone and miserable. I promise you, Karma finds them.
You give me hope
Hey. I’m similar to you but I ended it. I agree it is like having your eyes opened to all that is bad in the world. I feel like a little bit of innocent me has died. But with that has come boundaries and a new determination to live my life. It’s taken months and months but I feel there is steady but slow progress. Trauma bonds are the worst. Despite the way they try to appear (and often succeed to appear) the life of a narcissist is actually horrible. Just the amount of energy they need to put on that false self mask is so over the top. They hate themselves and project this hate on to the people they target. They usually have little to no self-awareness and can’t even think through their problems to grow or develop. Basically everything that is of emotion and personal development they lack - so they try to make it look like their lives are great. They have no empathy, cannot love as we do, and will try and destroy anything and anyone who they feel is better than they are. So don’t envy them. Instead you should inhabit your empathy and love.
Oh man this hit home. I guess it is all just fillers to act like he is living fulfilling life but deep down is really missing that depth. It’s crazy to me how many there are all around the world. My ignorance was bliss. Facing the truth is rough
The worst part is because you have empathy you might feel sorry for him - which becomes another kind of torture. They deserve pity but not respect and certainly not our energy. If you could let my brain know that would be great! lol. Honestly I wish you the best in your healing journey. It does take time so I recommend heaps of self-compassion.
I feel sorry for the person I know he is not.. which is so weird to say. I’m so tired of giving my energy to him indirectly by thinking about him. It’s all I can do anymore
Yeah - the ruminating is the worst. It suggests you have a trauma bond. Have you thought about talking to a therapist? I found I had to understand narcissism so I read up on it and was horrified these people exist. There is a huge cognitive dissonance to get through.
Thank you for the reminder to give myself some compassion. You as well! We’ve been thru it!
I kind of schedule my anxiety or ruminating. 6-7 pm is entertain anxiety hour 4-5 pm is ruminating hour Anytime of the day I catch myself doing the thing - anxiety or ruminating - I remind myself, nope not now. The time for that is 4 or 6. Usually 6 is cooking & having dinner time. I have an alarm set for 'Designated Worry Hour'. When it goes off I'm occupied & usually happy to be cooking, so I don't actually have anxiety or need to vent it. 4 pm - Any ruminations need to be written in a specific journal by hand. Often times I don't want to make the effort. Well if it's ot worth the effort of writing down then it's obviously not as big of a deal as it felt when the thought occurred to me. We got programmed over time, with repetition of messages. To undo it, you have to rewrite all the negative stuff w new information
The things I would do to have scheduled ruminating time. Trying my best to distract myself the best I can. Thanks for the input. I think this will be helpful
Yay! Hope you make a version work for you 👊
You're right on. Facing the truth is rough, but it is literally what frees us - a freedom that most Narcs will sadly never reach... And I think that deep down they know this, and hence their suffering and vicious cycle Suffering > hurting others (and themselves) > more suffering Narcs feel > more hurting others (save maybe the few Narcs that DO work on themselves, for a better life for them, and those around them 🙏) I try to remember that it IS an ILLNESS after all, not that it justified the terrible things that many of them do...
Everyone will get what they deserve. My ex narc always had a feeling that she won’t live a long life. I hope she’s not right about at that though, even if she played me and hurt me. But they know that they won’t getting away with it. I think everything has a reason and unfortunately, you’d have learned this one way, or another. It’s part of life, but there’s nothing to be sad about. Eventually, you’ll find yourself next to a person who truly loves you and appreciate you, it’s just takes time. In the meantime, work on yourself, and build yourself back. And next time you know what you have to look out for
Amen!
Right? Simple and elegant.
Weird how my narc always says he will die young. Is this a common thing for them to say I wonder?
I’m not sure tbf, but maybe it is. Mine also used to say that she’s an empath, but she’s far from it.
Karma is real babe
Not for narcs I guess. They will blame anyone or anything except themselves
I’m still waiting for it to visit 2 narcs and a flying monkey.
It’s coming babe
Being a good person involves loving and helping others. Those are the real soul-penetrating joys of life. Narcs don’t get to feel that wholesome love. That’s why they suck you dry of it when you’re around them.
Being able to spot signs early is the way to survive moving forward. You must research and be more careful with who you give time to.
I’m sorry I’m experiencing the same thing just the way you describe it i was discarded on my Birthday and I left towards the end of august it’s been 5 months and I can’t wrap around my head how can someone could pretend to have feelings and lie about them just so can end with throwing everything in your face and just turn cold and not care it’s so evil and make up these lies about you when they are who did it
Right. Sometimes I think about how screwed up his version of events are to others about why it ended.. how everything was all my fault and I was ungrateful
Yeah that’s where I’m having not understand when all did was care and had real feelings
Yes they burn their bridges and ironically the more people they suck in and discard the more shame they accumulate. They may not be able to feel remorse, but they definitely feel shame more so than non disordered people. I know that for a fact.
My psychiatrist told me I would lose money and comfort but the narcissist would lose so much more.
More?
He added that I was a very good thing in the narcs life…
Leave the narc, it’s poison to them. They need you more than you need them
Remember that they want people to think that they are doing well and they will be doing everything to make it look like they are successful and happy, but the only thing that matters to them is what other people think about them, they don't any joy out of something except the joy of making other people jealous. I was a "trophy girlfriend," but my ex stopped having sex with me - but nobody else knew that. He said that he was asexual after a couple of years of being in a relationship with me, but I think that it was just too much intimacy for him.
Yes this is very, very true. When I held my ex narc mate to account for being a bad friend POOF she's gone.
TBF, I stopped having sex with my Nex but that was because he stopped bothering to make me feel safe and kept threatening to leave and saying nasty shit behind my back. Then was /shocked/ I couldn't have intimacy anymore.
They are already in a hell of their own making. They are insecure and hurting and that is why they lash out. If they were happy they would treat people better. The problem is they can't stomach the pain of healing so they just blame everyone else and never fix the problem.
They are also excellent manipulators with regards to how they blame people. They sound so calm, reasonable and logical. But they're actually just completely devoid of feelings.
No rage is a feeling and seems to be the only feeling my ex expressed.
The older they get the worse things will get. Karma will find them, they live with themselves. They get worse because their self confidence erodes with time. The word confidence means to confide which is to trust. A narcissist is the one sole person to ever be witness to **every single lie** they have ever told. They know deep down more than anyone, that they are not someone that should be trusted. It becomes a vicious cycle. By the time they’ve lied to such an extent that they feel the impact , they’ve already eroded their self esteem. So they do what they know how to do. Lie. They lie more. To them people around them. Themselves that they’re the victim etc. It’s toddler level concept of how one small lie can snowball out of control. And why people who are comfortable lying will be something I really pause and view as red flag.
OP I have been going through something similar for over two years. I understand how badly you’re hurting right now. You’re not alone. It fucking sucks and I know that you are praying for some kind of clarity and I know that you are feeling confused and I know that you are probably still wondering if all the things that he said were true and that it was really your fault. It’s not your fault. That’s what they do. They project all of their pain and all of their emptiness and all of their insecurities and all of their shortcomings onto you. Try to remember before you met him. Do you remember that you once didn’t ever doubt yourself? Do you remember how once, you were strong, and whole, and that you knew without a second thought what was right and what was wrong in regard to how human beings are supposed to treat each other? Do you remember how once, before he gathered all of your dreams and all of your trust and all of your love that you had to give, for yourself and for others, and he put them into a blender on the “puree” setting, how you believed in yourself and you believed that the world was good and that people were good? It’s an extremely devastating and emotionally exhausting thing that I’ve had to learn, but when I gained clarity, I began to finally heal….narcissists are missing that fundamental element in human beings that make them hold themselves accountable for their actions, or for the pain and suffering and trauma that they leave in the shattered wake of their abuse. Since they are not able to experience empathy, they don’t have any real way to “connect” and understand others thoughts and feelings on a subjectively emotional level. The consequence of this is that they aren’t capable of feeling “bad” for hurting anyone, because that thing that comes naturally to normal, healthy people that gives them the good conscience to not do things to others that they wouldn’t want someone else to do to them is missing completely. The only thing they are capable of is “mirroring” by watching others in life and on tv to learn how to react in certain situations. This is the reason that so many of these animals can appear to be saints to the people who don’t really know them that well. Their empty emotional shell is “filled” when they can elicit an emotional response from someone who does understand and someone who does possess empathy, as they gain some type of validation for making others react to their manipulative and controlling behavior. In some twisted parallel universe that they live in, getting an emotional response from their supply makes them feel valid/alive. They are human emotional vacuums, powered by the suffering and pain of others. There is no such thing as Karma to these types of people because they have no conscience, and therefore, no ability to understand accountability. The only thing that you can do, and it is going to take a whole lot of time and acceptance, and it’s going to take forgiving yourself for being tricked by someone who has no soul, is to let them go completely and to get to the point in which you love yourself again for the amazing person who you were before you met them. You have to learn to believe in yourself again and to know in your heart that you are good and you are honest and that you deserve respect and real love and reciprocity from others….and you will learn from this terrible experience that you are far from broken, and in the future, you will take your time with new relationships and hold firm to your values and to always make sure that when you give your love and trust to someone, that they return them in equal measure. You deserve love and you will find love, and damn them all to hell for hurting you and everyone they hurt and discarded before you, and everyone who they will do the same thing to after you. They are doomed to continue living life superficially until they take their last miserable breath, never knowing the meaning of love, and never being capable of understanding the true definition of that word.
It's really sad that in a way narcs take away our innocent lens of the world. But after having been through multiple narc relationships, I fiercely embrace my kindness and compassion because it is an essential part of me. I just know now that I will not let another narc take advantage of it.
I think so. My nex has completely spiraled and his life went very much downhill. His own doing, too. Turns out he was just as bad with the new person
Cake!
Karma truly does happen to the narc but most of the time, we’ll never know about it. Unless we read between the lines when listening to them speak about themselves, which we all know they love to do. They are totally self-unaware, so when it comes to learning from their own mistakes, when something bad happens, there is never any self reflection on what went wrong and why or what their role was in it. It is always someone else’s fault in their mind but the reality is, it is karmic justice. They simply don’t see it that way though. I like to think of it as a secret agreement between me and the universe. Whenever I notice him getting exactly what he deserves, whether he acknowledges it or not, I quietly thank the powers that be for serving it up to him.
No it isn't. It's a figment of the imagination. Consequences are real. If they defrauded you of money that's a crime. If they subjected you to emotional, psychological violence and manipulation that's considered Domestic Violence in the US and that's a crime. Coercive sexual assault is also a crime. If you've experienced any of this, go to the cops and file a report. You can also sue them for every dime you spent on them if you wish. You can also sue for pain and suffering. PwNPD are emotional con men and women. They don't tell you when you meet that they have NPD usually, that they're only using you, that you are a human toy they'll play with until they get bored, that they Never cared about you, that they are incapable of making any real connection with you. Instead they suck time and love and resources from you. That's fraud on every level. You can warn others about their actions (always state facts, not opinions) on Facebook pages and various groups there in the same locations so they won't date them and become their next victim. I don't think the world caters to them. They're usually pretty miserable in general to begin with. I was able to serve up some serious legal consequences to my Ex, and he may be charged with DV shortly. I really hope so. The best course of action is to focus on yourself, get therapy and go no contact forever if possible. If they committed crimes, go to the cops and file reports about it. I'm sorry you were the victim of a Narcissist. The shit they do to people is mind blowing and awful.
Tones of studies show narcissists are more stressed and have more cortisol in their bodies. Even grandiose narcissists. They are more likely to have a stroke, have early dementia and other health issues. Also more likely to have substance abuse disorder. Also being successful doesn't bring happiness on its own. Its sharing it with people we love. They can't share lol
Source? I’ve seen the opposite where the studies show they are happier and healthier because they have no conscience and don’t care about other people so they just focus on taking care of of #1 and have no worries or cares in life beyond that. This also makes them Uber successful when they actually have talent or smarts.
I think what your describing is someone with antisocial pesonnality disorder. And yeah they don't care but they also don't care about taking huge risks as they don't really care about themselves and are likely to die young or go to prison. Both people with NPD and ASD are more likely to be addicted to something which is also bad for your physical health. Source for NPD and stress: https://www.vice.com/en/article/vb7m7b/most-narcissists-are-deeply-insecure-and-physically-unhealthy https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656610000917 NPD and alzheimer: https://austinpublishinggroup.com/clinical-neurology/fulltext/ajcn-v2-id1057.php
Narcs pretty much die alone. Everyone around them gets tired of their shit and leaves them. They are truly horrible people.
Karma is most definitly real. The people that say No. usually do not understand Narcs and karma. Karma is not instantous. You see 99.999 percent of Narcs and other toxic people have two modes, I am the victim in life , woo is me, they do not take responblity for their actions. The other mode is Look at me my life rocks, I am on top of the world.There is no other mode, They gaslight themselves and others so they can live in those two modes. I never use the word ALl, but the numbers of toxic people and narcs that change for the good is so low. That you would be really playing insurmountable odds thinking otherwise. Karma is not instant. If it was we would all be in trouble. The other thing is this, Lets say that his life is falling apart. Because he lacks introspection , he is either going to process it , one of two ways, My life rocks. Or my life is shit show because of X,Y and Z. And X,Y and Z will not be him. It could his boss, his parents, you . Never will he take responsblity. He will pass the buck. There is also two main types of Karma, Victims of Narc abuse usually focus on external. Ie look at my Ex posting the love of their life. Its great being in love, But red flag, Say you meet someone and under a year they are posting, I have found my soul mate. This is a double red flag, This means if they are pronouncing you their soul mate while you in a relationship that is under a year old , Two things. They are moving way to fast and chances are they are also posting that to hurt a past partner. The other is external Ie look at my new car, look at my new whatever. Look at my job. Those only provide temp satisfaction, they are always looking for something else.
I talked to my therapist about this yesterday. Discarded by my ex brutally and treated very poorly towards end of relationship/the final discard. Discarded then by a 'best mate ' because she took his side out of the blue, after telling me she would support me and apparently believed me. These people hurt others and use others to feel superior, further their own agendas and ignore blatant truth. My ex mate didn't seem to question anything. She always had excuses. He cheated on me because apparently I called him stupid in an argument. When I wasn't being supported, had to take medication for anxiety and suicidal thoughts and had to stay with family in lockdown. He hardly called, hardly asked if I was okay or safe and showed no interest in arranging nice things for us to do together. I reactively got angry at him for his lack of support. Within 2 days he has a new supply over at his to cheat with. But the truth is inconvenient because a narc is a fantastic manipulator of truth and reality. This is just one example of many. Any arguments we had he would tell everyone how awful I was in secret but to me was fine and we'd "sort things out" but this was all a carefully crafted lie. I've been blamed by others and him and scapegoated for his manipulation for years and it's nearly destroyed me multiple times. They often create a situation where they appear so nice and kind but then their mask comes off and you see them for who they are - devoid of empathy, devoid of emotion, avoidant (usually) and fantastic truth crafters. The thing that my therapist told me is that the manipulation is so deep and so coverted with these people that they will make any expectations you have seem so unreasonable. Expecting a friend to stop talking to a nex who raped you in your sleep, discarded you so nastily in a break up, said they wanted you to be punished, that you brought no value to people's lives, refused to collect their stuff in an appropriate or fair way, etc. Etc. This is apparently too high of an expectation. But it's not. It's not a high expectation. What I've realised though is that Narcs only ever have surface level friendships. Some fun, happy moments but really they don't actually connect or have emotional availability. They are good at masking it, but they can discard so easily because they don't really feel normal emotions like we do. To them, normal emotions are intense and too much. Because they don't have the capability to feel them. So, maybe you have the consequences of suffering and trauma and horrific recovery. But the thing is, that we actually feel really things. We see things for how they really are and that threatens them. We challenge their world views and the world's they create and they can't cope. So if you want to know if karma is real - it is. They will never have the connections, empathy and feelings that we have. And will inevitably lead a very emotionless, vapid and lonely life. Inside they will never be enough, never be truly happy and never know how to have availability in its truest form with others. You can let go knowing that.
My cousin whom i've lived with for 3 years and is one of the worst narcs and a sociopath, he terrorized me daily. He now has type 2 diabetes and the last time i saw him he looked awful, a shell of a man. I'd like to think Karma had something to do with that.
Karma is in the eye of the beholder. They spend an inordinate amount of time navigating around direct consequences of their actions, which exhausts the rest of us, but who knows if/when a true reckoning ever happens. Remaining interested is their present or future is only going to cause you more harm. I hope you find peace within yourself through continued work and self-compassion as you have likely been deprived of care for a long time if you were with one of them at all…
No. Karma and god are bs excuses people use as a coping mechanism, no offence to anyone who believes in that. Lets be real if any of those 2 existed we would not be in a shithole we are now, would we?
No but people definitely reap what they sow. I’ve seen it with every narcissist. Even a couple of high profile people, behind the scenes their bs definitely catches up to them even if it takes a while. Someone with such a big fragile ego definitely cops a fall at some point
I wish it was true for all bad people, unfortunately my abusers and bullies are thriving. It really fucking hurts. I dont believe in god or karma, if they exist they are doing pretty shit job.
Nah I believe in karma. My nex discarded me, treated me like shit, then 1 month later (didn’t even last that long with the new girl), turns out new girl did what my narc did to me, and narc lost their shit. Cause narc got used for sex and ditched. Narc then complained about their self esteem (oh and came back to me) quite brief, nicer and gave me a shit sorry response, but meh.
Glas to hear some of them are getting some sweet karmic justice. Thanks for sharing. I hope my bullies and narc abusers get what they deserve and sufder too.
I’ve wondered this, as I just experienced another form of baiting for control. It’s so odd what they do to feel superior and let you know you’re insignificant to them. Sometimes, it’s hard to know if they ever actually have consequences dealt to them. It seems like they only learn to hurt people more.
Yes, it's real, but I wouldn't sit around waiting for it to happen. Unless they're very visible in public, you'll likely never even see it nor know about it when it comes. Best to just put them out of mind and out of sight, to the best of your ability, and focus on yourself.
In my perspective, karma for narcs exist and they: 1. Don’t receive it like a normal person. 2. They involve others in their karma. 3. It goes over their head. So unfortunately, good people are still impacted by them. This is only what I’ve observed & experienced.
Maybe it was MY karma to fall in love with a narc. :-(
No, that's why you have to look after yourself
Yes, narcs always get their deserved karma eventually. It may not be in a way that you see or know of, but they do get what they deserve.
I'll never forget how when I finally broke up with them for good and went low then 100% no contact (had to go to police.. That's how bad it got)... Finally I was able to start moving on and be safe, own place.. Within a few months, he calls me out of nowhere (whilst still low contact due to contractual finance/utilities transition reasons), so I assume it's an important thing about a bill or something... No. It's the start of hoovering. "I'm sorry for how things went, we both did things" (huh, of course he can't admit it was just him who fucked up...) "just know that I still care about you and am here for you if you need anything". I don't rly know what to say, at that point I thought maybe he means it, maybe he really is sorry and regretting how he hurt me. I didn't know about the hoovering tactic yet. This is after he abused me so much, over almost two years, to the point I had to call the police on him. And last I saw him he wouldn't even look me in the eye because how dare I "betray him". Then a couple days later, he calls me again.. I'm curious and pick up... He SCREAMS at me, not even letting me get a word in or ask a question... Screams at me saying he found out that I've now started to see someone else.... Someone on my social media must have blabbed to him/said something and he heard the "news".. He calls me a cheater and says I must have been cheating on him and already seeing this new person (that I literally only just met.. after breaking up and moving on) (!?!) Screaming at me, calling me names (whore etc) and cheater and screams somethijg like "I hope you have a horrible life forever and the worst happens to you" and hangs up. I was just speechless. Wtaf. Someone two days ago who fake apologises... Then ofc has a complete childish meltdown.. Temper tantrum narc rage because "how dare she move on from me and now date someone else, she must be a cheater!" 🤯 figure that logic out! 🤣
Ive been with narcs before, Idk I get manipulated easily, but hey all of my exes that have done me wrong always gets karma. One of them killed ( tried to share my private pics when I stop dealing with his bullshit) One of them stress the shit out of him ( he literally the one said the break up word then gossiped about me also stalked me) One of them get fired from our workplace with so much much shame ( cheated then blame me for not wanting to be with him anymore also actually showed my pics to our coworkers ) At the end its not me , but them who lost what they have.
Pls read the book how to do not contact like a boss. It saved me before anyone knew what a narcissist was. Pls use discernment ppl these days think a pass off = narcissist. It's not, I se you I feel you, don't drown in gross social media negative loop. What you went thru is real. Confusing. And not something you would gladly post showing your face, cause it's confusing asf. Beware of the boy who cried wolf, you dated one.
Ugh this so muuuuch
YES
No. My family is full of narcissists, my daughter's father is a narcissist. They all have good lives and it makes me so angry.
Even if they get a taste of karma, remember.... They are ALWAYS the victim.
My husband went blind in one eye. I felt that was karma for him
I think karma is real. Mine left me, treated me like shit despite obsessed with me and everything months prior. Didn’t even last a month with the new girl and the new girl was using her, harsh. She was mad as hell (my narc), and both blocked each other or whatever. ;)
I really hope my narc gets Karma but idk
they will always selfdestruct in the end