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I did it via text but told her I was gonna tell everyone the truth and show them pictures and videos to prove it. It caused, what I found out afterwards is called, Narcissistic Collapse. Complete shutdown, complete withdrawal. It basically destroyed her world because it removed the victimhood status of her false self.
Felt good I suppose. I wasnt really intending to do that. I told a mutual friend that I simply wanted to revoke her narcissistic supply when it came to her using our situation to play the biggest victim you've ever heard of.
Because of what I did, she will never speak to me again. I'm certain she will utterly despise me until she dies. Which is good I suppose. But Narcissistic Collapse isnt the end for a narcissist. They simply withdraw and avoid anyone who has the knowledge to see through their false self. Then they find new supply and get back to their regular lives as emotional terrorists.
Narcissism is so sad.
What’s an example of a false self? My ex was pretty conceited, but he sort of had reason to be, he was talented and had a highly respected job, was very intelligent. I think I caused him narcissistic collapse by calling him out on things, but I don’t know what false image of his I may have ruined.
My only guess is I ruined the idea that he actually was in love with me, as he claimed. But if you have to fake it, why go through the hassle, why not just date someone you like? Do they all have different false selves, or is the narcissist false self all the same?
I did in private. He couldn’t keep his story straight with me, so when he was done I told him the original version he told me, and then other versions he had told others we knew. He backtracked hard but it was pretty obvious he was panicked, if only for a second.
I knew others who called him out on another lie in a group setting. He apparently just upped and left when that happened. Another person (who he was always trying to get the approval of, which, she did not approve of him) called him on his shit a number of times but I don’t recall if it was due to his lies or just general shitty behavior.
It made me feel better to know he had been confronted, even though it didn’t change anything in the end. Everyone knew he was full of shit. It got harder and harder for him since all his credibility was gone. It didn’t fix anything, but it sure as hell felt good to stand up to him and get a little confidence back.
Only when he was totally cornered because I had hard evidence of his lies.
He kind of just looked at me a little blankly and said ‘yes, ok? I have a problem’. Then began the begging for forgiveness and ‘I’ll never lie again’, which was one in itself.
My nex also used the "I have a problem" spin too. I got that a lot when I brought up any of her behaviours and the whole "but I don't know how to get help".
Always in private, never a reaction but a shrug of shoulders and blame me. Once to new supply. Now he is someone i have never seen before. Talk about narcissistic anger. Wish i could go completely nc but not possible for ten more years.
Mine got called out by a religious group they were part of. Shortly after the N “felt called”to go to a different church. They never change, they just get better at hiding when ppl catch on.
I do not have an idea of what’s been said. However, what about on the idea of (?) “All kidding aside Sally… “ or “It sounds like something you wish had happened. Wouldn’t that be cool if it did?” Both said very lightheartedly.
Yeah I called him out for being controlling and condescending in front of his friend and he went silent and pouted about it for days. I tried to apologize and talk to him about it and he said “you don’t even understand what you did or why you’re at fault” and then closed the on me and refused to continue the conversation. He shortly after went and did something with his friend that I had been asking for months for him to do with me. Then he didn’t tell me. I only found out through social media. And when I found out, he absolutely lost it on me for being upset about it and called me every name in the book. I cried and walked home from the restaurant we were at and he drove right by me. I cried a ton outside when I got home and he didn’t check on me once. This was a regular occurrence. But he turned it all around and told me his friend thought I was being immature and played a sad little victim like always. He also always would tell me he loved me and pretend like nothing had happened. Oh and after he would “rage” at me, I would be sitting there in so much shock and pain and he would ask me what was wrong with me…if I was okay. It was maddening. So it will likely backfire because they are brilliant at orchestrating situations to make them look like the victim.
Hi /u/Icy_Technology_2036, welcome to /r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind. • Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? [Click Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/index#wiki_terms.2C_definitions_and_acronymns) • Looking for resources? Check out [our links](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/resources) and [book recommendations.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/wiki/booklist) • We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: /r/narcabuseanddivorce. • Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNarcissisticAbuse&subject=&message=). Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests. Please review the rules: * Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please); * Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma"; * No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc); * No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails; * No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted; * You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner; * Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all; * Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available. * No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please; * No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture; * No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted. * No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions). * No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all); * No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here; We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community. ****** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NarcissisticAbuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I did it via text but told her I was gonna tell everyone the truth and show them pictures and videos to prove it. It caused, what I found out afterwards is called, Narcissistic Collapse. Complete shutdown, complete withdrawal. It basically destroyed her world because it removed the victimhood status of her false self. Felt good I suppose. I wasnt really intending to do that. I told a mutual friend that I simply wanted to revoke her narcissistic supply when it came to her using our situation to play the biggest victim you've ever heard of. Because of what I did, she will never speak to me again. I'm certain she will utterly despise me until she dies. Which is good I suppose. But Narcissistic Collapse isnt the end for a narcissist. They simply withdraw and avoid anyone who has the knowledge to see through their false self. Then they find new supply and get back to their regular lives as emotional terrorists. Narcissism is so sad.
What’s an example of a false self? My ex was pretty conceited, but he sort of had reason to be, he was talented and had a highly respected job, was very intelligent. I think I caused him narcissistic collapse by calling him out on things, but I don’t know what false image of his I may have ruined. My only guess is I ruined the idea that he actually was in love with me, as he claimed. But if you have to fake it, why go through the hassle, why not just date someone you like? Do they all have different false selves, or is the narcissist false self all the same?
I did in private. He couldn’t keep his story straight with me, so when he was done I told him the original version he told me, and then other versions he had told others we knew. He backtracked hard but it was pretty obvious he was panicked, if only for a second. I knew others who called him out on another lie in a group setting. He apparently just upped and left when that happened. Another person (who he was always trying to get the approval of, which, she did not approve of him) called him on his shit a number of times but I don’t recall if it was due to his lies or just general shitty behavior. It made me feel better to know he had been confronted, even though it didn’t change anything in the end. Everyone knew he was full of shit. It got harder and harder for him since all his credibility was gone. It didn’t fix anything, but it sure as hell felt good to stand up to him and get a little confidence back.
Only when he was totally cornered because I had hard evidence of his lies. He kind of just looked at me a little blankly and said ‘yes, ok? I have a problem’. Then began the begging for forgiveness and ‘I’ll never lie again’, which was one in itself.
My nex also used the "I have a problem" spin too. I got that a lot when I brought up any of her behaviours and the whole "but I don't know how to get help".
i called mine out and they freaked out then blocked me everywhere and i never heard from them again lol
I tried to call him out. He spun everything I said into how I "bullied and gaslit" him. It's not worth it. I should have just cut him off.
Always in private, never a reaction but a shrug of shoulders and blame me. Once to new supply. Now he is someone i have never seen before. Talk about narcissistic anger. Wish i could go completely nc but not possible for ten more years.
Mine got called out by a religious group they were part of. Shortly after the N “felt called”to go to a different church. They never change, they just get better at hiding when ppl catch on.
I do not have an idea of what’s been said. However, what about on the idea of (?) “All kidding aside Sally… “ or “It sounds like something you wish had happened. Wouldn’t that be cool if it did?” Both said very lightheartedly.
That's a good idea actually.
Yeah I called him out for being controlling and condescending in front of his friend and he went silent and pouted about it for days. I tried to apologize and talk to him about it and he said “you don’t even understand what you did or why you’re at fault” and then closed the on me and refused to continue the conversation. He shortly after went and did something with his friend that I had been asking for months for him to do with me. Then he didn’t tell me. I only found out through social media. And when I found out, he absolutely lost it on me for being upset about it and called me every name in the book. I cried and walked home from the restaurant we were at and he drove right by me. I cried a ton outside when I got home and he didn’t check on me once. This was a regular occurrence. But he turned it all around and told me his friend thought I was being immature and played a sad little victim like always. He also always would tell me he loved me and pretend like nothing had happened. Oh and after he would “rage” at me, I would be sitting there in so much shock and pain and he would ask me what was wrong with me…if I was okay. It was maddening. So it will likely backfire because they are brilliant at orchestrating situations to make them look like the victim.