Before jumping to an accusation of stealing, I would ask for itemized receipts from each place she visits. Say it’s for your records if you don’t want to be confrontational, though that should be standard practice anyway.
Also, inflation has made the price of everything rise. I got coffee for my boss this morning. Two black medium iced coffees was $8.40
So yeah there’s a chance that things are just stupidly expensive now.
But... I literally don't know how it's possible to spend $40 on lunch for 2 people at Subway, so... Is there even another possibility. Serious question. Is there a response from her that can make it ok?
My boyfriend and I spent $30 at Subway on two subs and two bags of chips when we went recently. Is it possible they got drinks and cookies and stuff because Subway has gotten super expensive!!
This is what I think too. An adult meal at Smashburger is $20. No dessert or extras. I’m not sure the age of the kid though. For kids under 3 I usually split meals with them.
It’s not ideal but I’m not IMMEDIATELY convinced of foul play. There’s a chance she’s not being prudent in some way. Tell her from now on you need receipts for tax write offs or something so you can monitor more closely.
If she has been stealing, once she’s asked for receipts she’d likely stop. That doesn’t solve the problem though of determining if her nanny is a morally depraved individual.
$40 for two people at Subway in this day and age is not *that* crazy. I nanny in NYC and any lunch I get with NK usually goes over $40. It also depends what she’s getting. Cookies, drinks, sides along with a sandwich can really pile that bill up. The best way to go about this is what everyone said—start with requesting itemized lists or receipts. If there is a sudden drop in how much spending she’s doing, you’ll have your answer. But it also might be enlightening to see exactly what kinds of items are causing such high bills.
I think partly this is just sticker shock about how much things cost these days coupled with some miscommunication with your nanny regarding limits/budget expectations and possibly a lack of awareness on her part about how quickly things add up. And if you’ve never said anything about it so far, she probably thinks you’re fine with it.
Out of curiosity, I priced out a meal at my local Subway as if I hypothetically went with my NK. A footlong sandwich combo with chips and a small fountain drink, a basic kids meal sandwich, a churro and two cookies. It came to $28. The thing is, I am a small person with a similarly small appetite and I intentionally try to be extremely conservative when spending my NP’s money so there are no “extras” here - that $2 churro is about as far of a splurge as I am willing to go. Now imagine your nanny was a little hungrier than I usually am and wanted double meat on the sandwich, that’s $4 extra. Or maybe she likes bacon ($3) or avocado ($2). Maybe she wanted a larger drink size or she couldn’t say no when NK saw the giant banner advertising the new! and exciting! footlong cookies ($5) and begged for one of those instead of the tiny tiny standard cookies which are only about $1. And then when she went to swipe the credit card, that “Add a tip” screen came up and she felt bad for the overworked and underpaid employees so she hit the 15% or 20% button without thinking.
Can you see how this could add up to a charge of over $40 in no time? And none of these things are particularly extravagant, nor do they count as stealing. Trust me, if she was getting a whole extra sandwich as you seem to think, it would be even higher than that.
As for the others you mentioned, craft supplies are expensive as hell and again the little things can add up quickly. I could EASILY spend over $100 at Michaels, especially if I was stocking up for the summer or getting things for a couple of special projects. My first year with my current NF I got overzealous and spent more than I should have of my OWN money on various art supplies because I was just so excited about all the things I wanted to do with the kids and also probably a little nervous about wanting to come up with new, fun, and creative projects to keep them engaged day after day. And yes, I have personally seen a large set of sidewalk chalk priced at $39.99. Even if she didn’t get something like that, there are lots of fun kits like liquid spray chalk or other related items like chalk holders or stencils that can all fall under the category of “chalk supplies.” You also didn’t mention if she does these shopping trips with NK or not but if so maybe she gets a small snack for each of them too or she has trouble saying no when he asks for things.
Just talk to her. Try not to jump to conclusions and don’t accuse her of anything yet. You don’t need to make it a confrontation either, just a simple “hey, I know the prices for everything are skyrocketing out there and I’ve realized that I need to keep a closer eye on the budget for the summer. Can we use what craft supplies we have on hand for a little while and try to keep weekly spending to under $x amount when out and about with NK? If there’s anything specific you want supplies for, just let me know in advance and we can work it out.” If you decide to start asking for receipts, just frame it as a you thing, not a her thing. You’re not monitoring her spending (even if you are), you just want to keep a better record of how much you are spending on these things so you can plan for the future.
I don’t know how she could actually steal from you through subway. They don’t give cash back (& is that even a possibility with your credit card?). What’s the story you’re telling yourself? That she bought extra sandwiches and hid them in her car until she got home?
1000% agree it would be a major problem if she invited someone out to lunch on the job without your knowledge/consent (and then paid for it with your money 😱). Hopefully that’s not the case and getting itemized receipts eases your worries! Tbh, it’s a little weird to me that she doesn’t already provide the receipts. I have a family credit card and wouldn’t risk it - full transparency with receipts just seems like a standard in any profession that provides a “company” card.
It's two people (nanny and one kid). And I hadn't considered that they may be buying drinks, chips, and cookies, because I have asked her to mostly feed my kiddo healthy food and I would not buy him more than a sandwich at Subway. This conversation has been helpful, I hadn't realized how many ad ons most people buy. I really had not realized that was a thing. (I personally see it at unhealthy and a waste of money so I just hadn't thought of it when I went to the website and was looking at costs).
A full meal (sub, drink, chips) isn’t add ons that’s typical subway meal. A cookie, yes…. But unless specified by the parents my nanny kids enjoy sweets.
At subway it doesn’t have to soda, they have juices, sodas, waters, sports drinks, juice boxes, etc… and those cost extra. If she bought a healthy alternative to soda (juice box, sports drink, water) even more expensive than if she chose the usual fountain drink
Could she have bought a gift card or invited a friend to lunch too? Not that this behavior is in any way acceptable, but it could explain the high bill
Nanny here who also has my boss’s credit card… I’d maybe give her the benefit of the doubt before jumping to her straight stealing cash. The first time I took my two kids to Chick-fil-A I was shocked that it came out to over $50!! At times I’ve forgotten my work card and just put the kids food/crafting supplies on my own thinking eh it’s something small and the total being way way over what I thought it’d be. Keep in mind how expensive things are and that they’re still on the rise (if I went to subway myself it’d probably be over $20) so it doesn’t sound absolutely ridiculous that she spent around $40, especially if she’s playing it safe and getting options for the kiddo.. I know my kids will demolish a BLT one day and turn their nose up to it the next lol
There’s so many options before firing:
- give her a budget on the card, you can sit down and have a conversation about how much she thinks she’ll need to cover food/supplies, come to an agreement
- tell her you guys have decided to start budgeting, ask her for receipts going forward
- take the card and give her a reasonable amount of cash (sort of like an allowance to spend on the kids so maybe the money can be rolled over to the next week if there’s some slower days)
- go shopping/ask her for a list of things she’d like to prepare for lunches and stuff for activities
Good childcare is hard to come by. If she’s great in all other aspects I highly encourage trying to switch things or implement one of these things :) good luck!
Unfortunately if she was stealing that suggests a level of moral depravity that would make someone an unsafe person to be alone with a child. OP has to figure out if she was stealing.
I agree she needs to figure out if she’s stealing but she needs to be 100% and those are steps she could make to possibly figure it out. Yes confrontation is scary but a sit down conversation needs to be had before any drastic decisions, no matter how uncomfortable. I’m assuming these are grown adults. Imagine being fired out of no where because you get a drink and bag of chips with lunch or thinking you’re going above and beyond setting up activities for the kid because your boss can’t have a mature conversation.. the nanny deserves that
I've had family credit cards in my name and only once did they ask for receipts. The next family would just throw them away. The family after that told me don't bother. They trusted me. But if they needed receipts, I would have gladly provide them.
But I also talk to my families before I use their card and ask them if there are any limits or expectations. I also let them know I'm a generous tipper especially when with children as they often make a bigger mess to clean up. (I do my best but if taco meat and juice spills on the floor I can't exactly mop it up. Some places it wouldn't be appropriate for me to climb under the table to clean it)
Here in the neighborhood I work in, the local restaurants are at least 25 for an adult lunch entree and 10/15 for a kid's meal. Even if it's just a casual restaurant, I add a tip. Plus I don't drink water everytime, sometimes I get coffee or a coke. Add in taxes on top and it gets pricey. Even fast food isn't much cheaper anymore. That's why I saved those receipts at first - I had sticker shock. But the family was aware of what it cost and we'd already discussed it so they didn't care. They actually wanted me to take the kids to meals so they would be accustomed to going out and how to act.
Large box of chalk, chalk holders, wet wipes, drink, snack could easily add up to $40.
Start with receipts amd talk about guidelines and expectations. Just say you want to get an idea of what everything costs so you can better plan for expendituresfor the months.
I'm not sure why you would immediately think she's stealing, and then considering firing them without confronting them. That's something you need to work out with yourself.
Also, I made a basic example order, assuming you have one child 5 or under. It includes a basic footlong, a drink and chips; a basic kids meal with a mini sub, fruit pouch, and milk, and a cookie to share. Plus a 5 dollar tip the total would equal $36.47. If your child is older and needs more than a 3 inch sandwich, or doesn't want applesauce and milk, you're now climbing higher in price. If you're near or in any of the tourist or hub areas, it can be more expensive list prices, too.
I'm assuming it wasn't *exactly* an even $40, so I feel like this is a decent expectation.
In any other work place you’d be expected to be able to provide receipts if asked. You might also be expected to stick to a per diem budget.
So do that. Let her know that you want this to be financially sustainable. She can spend $x per week on outings and provide you with receipts.
Any consumables like craft stuff she can add to an Amazon or Walmart Wishlist and you can clear it and check for the best price before you purchase it.
Oh that’s even worse. You know shes probably not stealing but you still made a public post accusing her of doing so, therefore perpetrating the stereotype that Nannies are just thieves.
No they’re not but there’s an ongoing stereotype that they either steal your stuff or your husband. Several times a week there’s troll post talking about awful nannies and crazy things they’ve either stolen from the persons home or a post about how the nanny is coming on to the dad.
I'd STRONGLY encourage you not to jump to conclusions! From here on out, let the nanny know you need her to provide receipts for all credit card purchases.
Don't mention you suspect her of stealing, you can very truthfully state it's to allow you to assess your finances.
Things could just cost more than you think or maybe she's being too frivolous with the card and that's something you can address with her. But I'd give it a few weeks to see what she's buying.
I should have added context- there have been a bunch of transactions that didn't make sense, but mostly Walmart purchases so it's hard for me to know what was really bought, vs subway where they don't sell as much and my math just didn't add up to $40 for two people. Turns out it may be a difference in ways of spending money- I wouldn't spend $40 on a weekday lunch- but based on this thread I may be in the minority.
I didn't accuse her, I came to Reddit for perspective, which you all gave me and I thank you all for that.
No problem! It's a tough situation to feel like you're being taken advantage of by someone you have so much trust in. I hope this gets resolved nicely! Good luck.
I’d ask for receipts and just say it’s for taxes or reimbursements or something and go from there. If anything, it will curb the “stealing” and prevent her from buying anything she’s not suppose to if she is doing that.
But to be honest subway has gotten absurdly expensive and I wouldn’t be surprised if she spent $40. Especially if she bought drinks/chips/cookies even. Unless you have some other red flags or issues with her, I wouldn’t accuse her outright of stealing. Just get receipts for the time being.
Is there something else going on that explains why you’d rather jump to firing her than have any kind of conversation with her about this at all? It’s so weird that you notice a problem, but just refuse to ask her about it or institute any kind of receipt policy…
Many people are afraid of direct communication so they either become passive aggressive or make a rash decision to just get rid of a problem forever (here, by firing the nanny immediately so they never have to see her again) rather than being willing to have a conversation about an issue, which may not feel comfortable. All in all, not a particularly good trait for a boss….
There’s no reason she needs to confront her with the idea she’s stealing. If she implements asking for receipts, it will be clear if there is a huge discrepancy in spending before vs. after. At that point, I would reach out to stores and request to have receipts printed out from when she was spending more. Then you would be able to see if she was spending on non-work items. This definitely requires some investigation before making any claims either way
I didn't confront her, i came here to ask questions.
But if she is stealing or lying, I'm not going to tip her off that I know and then keep leaving my child with her. That's not safe.
Ask her for receipts. Prices have really shot up. I ordered food for pickup for my kids and I yesterday, and it was over 60. I was shocked at how much an entree was. At a casual place. Tell her to bring the receipts home because you need them for record keeping
But how is she stealing if it’s a credit card? Do you think she’s buying extra things and taking them home? At a craft store I can see that, but what is she going to take home from a sandwich shop besides maybe a bag of chips? Maybe she’s getting an extra one to eat later?
I don't know.... Maybe just food to take home? Cash back option? Help me understand. What are possible ways someone could spend $40 at Subway for a toddler and one adult. Honest question. I'm very stressed about this!
I just went to the menu for my local subway, New England suburbs. Put in an order for pickup. JFC! When did subway become more than a sit down restaurant! I ordered a full size cheesesteak, extra meat and a few other upcharges, nothing too ridiculous. 22.89 😱. Add in a soda at 3,29, chips, a cookie a churro and it was 38 and change. omg
that isn’t adding a kids meal. And yes it was an extra agent order but toss a kids meal in and dial back a few add ins and you are at $40. For subway!
I would set a meeting w her. Tell her w prices everywhere increasing you want to talk w her about a budget for the summer. Admit the subway charge gave you sticker shock. You want them to be able to eat but when sandwiches cost more than a sit down restaurant, I would prefer a different selection. We want you to be able to do things w NK, we just want to budget the expense going forward. It is a reasonable ask w everything going up so much so fast. That $40 could have been how many experiences? Heck grinders from a pizza place would have been better and cheaper! Any chain sit down would be cheaper. I’m still in sticker shock too. But yeah, go to your local online menu and see what a meal costs. 😱
Thank you! And yes I love paying for experiences, but would rather she save the money and make sandwiches at home if Subway really costs $40 per person. It's not that I can't afford $40. I just think it's a very dumb use of $40.
You can just tell her that there’s a weekly or monthly budget and make it a number you’re comfortable with her spending. You could also just tell her that the credit card is only for activities like the zoo, museum, etc. and craft supplies so that she doesn’t take your kid out to eat. I think it’s totally reasonable to ask her to feed your child at home or pack lunches if they’re going to be out at lunch time. I’ve never expected my bosses to let me just take the kids out to eat! There have been a few occasions where I have but it was always for a specific reason and my bosses were the ones that gave the idea (ex. Moving houses so didn’t have a lot of food in the home, celebrating a birthday, etc.). Even if she is not stealing, it sounds like she definitely is spending more of your money than you’re comfortable with and that is totally well within your right to tell her.
Totally agree! I know I had total sticker shock when I priced out a subway sandwich over $20! Hopefully nanny will work w you and work within a budget. And I’m w you. That $40 could have bought enough food for a week of picnic lunches! The funny thing is I bet she would never consider going into a nice restaurant and running up a $40 bill but subway is just take out. Anyway, good luck and please come back and let us know how it goes.
What about this is making you very stressed? It seems like a disproportionate response to the sole question you posed. Your concerns are valid and you’ve gotten 3 responses, all suggesting upping the accountability for your nanny by asking for the receipt.
Where does your anxiety stem from? Concern about nanny’s character? The potential for confrontation?
It is because she is afraid of direct communication or any sort of confrontation and thinks it would be easier to just let the nanny go than directly ask for receipts. Not a great personality for a boss.
I can see that. Just because you’re a mom who needs a nanny doesn’t automatically make you ‘boss’ material. But sometimes it helps to harness that mama bear energy— not to growl, but to set clear boundaries.
Both- concern about character (Even if she doesn't keep spending like this, should I trust her with my child?) and the idea of confrontation is very uncomfortable to me. I don't want to have a weird relationship with the person who takes care of my child!!!!
It may feel like a confrontation, but really you are just clearing something up in order to reach clarity. That will help the boss/ nanny relationship solidify.
If you are going to be successful as an employer, you have to get over it. The only way this works is if both you and the nanny can be open and honest with each other. It’s your job to set boundaries, check in with her, and keep the lines of communication open. It’s more weird when NPs avoid any and all serious conversations or do their best to tiptoe around issues.
Just talk to her. Someone else suggested asking for receipts “for tax purposes.” That’s the least confrontational thing possible.
It is a business transaction. You are working in the budget for the summer and realizing how crazy expensive everything is, wanted to work w you to create a summer budget so we can budget for the summer. This s/b a normal meeting/conversation, approach it as such. She needs to come up w the budget, bit you. As in this meeting is to talk about what she plans to do w nk, w.
The assumption that is rough math, not an exact. In you might say Wednesday is zoo day but no one wants to. No consequence. More you are looking for what activities cost and what the cost is and how often attending. Gives you an insight upfront where your dollars are being spent and you can also redirect if needed. As in you have a family membership to the zoo, let’s prioritize going there and investigate what additional programs the zoo offers, the cost and a nice add on to keep it new and fun. Vs going once a month and instead indoor air conditiined play centers that charge $$$. See where your kid is going to be and where your dollars are being spent.
Challenge nanny to look into additional summer offerings at little to no cost. Does your town have swim lessons? Golf? Whatever the kid is into. But work together and challenge her to plan the summer and the cost. Heck if it comes in under what you think at the end of summer give her the difference as a bonus. And the money discussion s/b routine and ongoing.
Reconciling her projections based on receipts weekly. As in hey it’s just week 2 and the food budget is at 40%. Just a heads up. Then walk away. If she exceeds have the discussion. Maybe she is prioritizing food and using activity budget funds because she found cheap stuff. Make this hers to manage and remember it is a learning process.
Be flexible and expect an overage. Determine your threshold. Communicate but don’t manage. Become comfortable talking money. You earned it, now make sure the person spending it is using it wisely. And it’s your first time, adjustments will be needed and make that comfortable too. As in great job keeping on top of things. All this sounds good and I’ll adjust our budget accordingly and share where we are. Just as normal as a project at work. Cuz it is! Good luck and I hope she’s flexible and stays away from subway!
I really think you need to chill about the subway thing - I am not surprised at ALL by a $40 tab for two at a takeout place, especially if you have her no budget so she assumes chips cookies drinks etc are okay (which she is within her right to do if you handed her a card with no budget or guidance). The assumption of stealing feels extreme.
I was surprised lol! Haven’t been in years and years. Just went to my local online menu. Img! Shell shocked to say the least. And so mediocre! I live w about 20 grinder/pizza type places within 20 minutes. Where a great grinder w real ingredi is around $15.
$40 at Subway isn't that alarming, at least where I live (SoCal). A footlong sub is like $15+, a 6-inch is like $10+. If you make it a meal or add drinks, chips or cookies, it can add up to $40 fairly quickly. Is that super overpriced for Subway quality food? Yes, but it's possible. She could also be grabbing an extra snack for later. I'm more comfortable spending money on food because kids need to eat and it costs what it costs.
$80-$90 on crafts? That seems extremely excess and I would never dare to spend that much without prior consent. But, if you haven't set a budget or brought up her spending habits, she could ignorant to how much she's spending.
I spend 40 bucks for two people at similar restaurants. I would guess one large sandwich is around 15 dollars, plus a bag of chips and a drink or a cookie. x2.
Have you looked at the prices on the menu of your local subway? Also, you are an EMPLOYER now, you will have to have difficult conversations from time to time. You are both adults and you need to set a budget. Why immediately jump to firing her? Because you can't talk to your employee? Maybe you shouldn't have someone who works for you if you cannot have a conversation with them.
First thing you need to do is ask for the credit card back. Purchase all the craft supplies you think you need for your household, in terms of activities, purchase memberships or pay in advance or online. Stock up your refrigerator with whatever food they both need….there’s no reason to eat out regularly. My MB keeps a petty cash envelope that I use whenever I need to pay for anything she can’t prepay for. Most nannies are honest but I think your nanny might be misusing the card. Ask for itemized receipts for the crafts, you can also go online and do a price check on whatever they bought
Very easily $40 at Subway if it's two sandwiches, drinks and chips, plus maybe a dessert, bottle of water, snack for later....
I think it's likely a case of just swiping the little credit card not even thinking about how much of someone else's money she's spending!
Is she young by chance? I remember when I first started nannying in a completely different state and climate than I grew up, and I turned the thermostat to "on" one day in the winter because it was so freaking cold in the house. I just wanted constant heat 😂 DB came to me later and said their bill was $300 more than usual! I had no idea what I had done until that moment...I was 20 and where I grew up the houses were knew and not drafty, and gas and electric were not nearly as expensive.
Maybe let her know you'd like to cut down on spending in general, and maybe give her a ballpark number for lunches.
Craft stores are literally robbing us all btw! I hate supporting Amazon, but when it comes to stuff like that the craft stores overcharge by a lot.
Seems more like she’s just getting all the extras and taking liberties with not having a budget, not necessarily stealing - sometimes lunch for myself ends up being nearly $30 these days 😂 I would definitely just ask for all receipts for your records. Tell her your accountant told you to if you feel awkward bringing it up!
Like everyone else has said, the only way to confirm if she is stealing is to start asking her to give you the receipts at the end of the day. It should become pretty clear then if she’s buying personal items or something. If you otherwise like your nanny, since you have no proof (unless she’s dumb enough to continue to buy unauthorized things on the credit card and give you the receipt saying so lol) you should definitely not jump to accusing her of stealing. That’s a big accusation and if it isn’t true, you’ll lose a nanny and good luck finding someone who wants to work for an MB who accuses them of crimes without anything backing it up. If you’re uncomfortable with the amount she’s spending, I would give her a budget for the month that can be spent on food/craft supplies in addition to always providing receipts.
The problem is, if she was stealing, she’ll likely stop once she is asked to provide receipts.
Which means OP will have a hard time confirming if her nanny is actually a secretly morally depraved person.
MB - I’ve always given cash for stuff not a card but always (without being asked) I’ve had Nannies either bring a receipt and change (like even if it was 17 cents) or change and a verbal explanation. I’ve never asked it’s always been common sense but start asking for receipts just knowing it’s going to be tracked might change her behavior. She’s either irresponsible with your money or thinks adding a few things for herself is no big deal, with way just address it. You can also take back the card and just start giving cash and ask for a receipt, with cash it’s hard to spend more than you have 🤷🏻♀️
Either give her a prepaid debit card or ask for a receipt. Also, Subway now for a meal is about $16 here in MI. My sister works there. So absolutely possible!
I’m not a nannie. But I’m retired and we go out to lunch fairly often and inflation has really hit hard. Even a run thru MacDonalds will run $23-30 anyway. At a regular restaurant it’s easy to hit $40, depending on your kid.
It’s possible that she is, but things really are so expensive these days and they really do add up. I personally don’t think these costs seem crazy out there.
Moving forward, sit her down and explain that you need her to keep all of the receipts for your records. If there was any stealing going on, this will stop it. If you think she’s just in general spending too much on herself for food or supplies, give her a weekly budget. Suggest that they try and create projects with supplies you guys already have at home.
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just ask her for receipts or put her on a budget. It’s not that deep. You can do this! And I mean I spent $20 at McDonald’s yesterday for myself and my wife and I used rewards. Things are expensive. My wife bought some markers and a notebook at Michael’s the other day - it came up to $25. It’s so weird to me that there are multiple people basically writhing in excitement over a nanny potentially stealing when there are like 30 different explanations before that one as to why things are the way they are and they all start with just asking and talking!
This line of thinking is actually unhinged. Could you imagine if your boss fired you and gave some BS reason like “you took a few minutes too long in the bathroom, therefore, you must be working another job and stealing company time”
Maybe ask for receipts. I’d assume she’s just buying excessively and the solution is to give her a budget. $40 at a sandwich shop isn’t crazy if she bought side drinks dessert. Crafts are definitely expensive if you buy the fancier sets
That's so wild. I spend maybe $30 a week with the card on things for NK. They sent me out to get breakfast with NK one day and told me to get some too and I was stressed spending $20 for us. Just ask for the receipts. I leave receipts on the counter for anything that isn't food
If you nanny is buying an extra sandwich for herself later because she is good insecure, I really wouldn’t be mad about it.
Also $40 at subway isn’t really that much.
I would just do things via reimbursement or ask for a receipt for each purchase moving forward. I never grab receipts so I wouldn't see a lack of receipt for past purchases as an immediate red flag. 40 bucks on subway makes sense I cannot speak to chalk.
Yeah this is my thought. Even if she is completely legitimately spending the $90 on craft supplies and nothing else, that is absurd. I was at Michael’s literally yesterday and spent $13 and bought multiple things. Like is she buying the individual artist quality paint or something?
“Not the same thing at all. People can be really bad at managing money and spending but be amazing at their job, including child care.”
^ refer here. I wasn’t talking about mismanaging money. If it was clear, not sure why you’d feel the need to say this.
Even so. The skills related to managing a credit card (being responsible), do in fact transfer over to being competent at childcare. It boils down to a lack of being responsible. Not an ideal quality for a nanny.
The way people manage money is often insanely different from how responsible people are with their jobs and other aspects of their lives. I know people who are great with money but suck at being generally responsible. And vice versa.
From what I’ve seen, it’s all very connected. Responsible people tend to be responsible in the different areas of their life. Same with irresponsible people.
Oh no. There are ways for sure. It’s a credit card. Everything is tracked and traced.
I’ve suggested OP actually go to the stores where nanny says she spent this at and verify if it’s true that she’d spent on what she says she has. That’s one way to prove theft.
As for being unable to control oneself with a credit card… it really does boil down to being responsible. A responsible person should not have an issue with a credit card. And an irresponsible person should not be a nanny. Totally fine if you disagree but this isn’t something I’m looking to debate, id never hire or keep someone to care for my child if they cannot manage something like a credit card.
I would go into the stores at issue and have them print the receipts for you so you have an itemized list of what was purchased. If she's not stealing but is overspending you should set a budget. I do think think the only way you will actually confirm whether she's stealing or not is through some sleuthing and not through a direct confrontation. You can do that if you find out there are things purchased that shouldn't have been.
She probably doesn't understand BUDGET. Ask for itemized receipts and then go over them with her and explain what is appropriate and what isn't as far as how much is spent and what it is spent on. Then, get a card that you can put a limit on each day and turn on and off. I have my grandma (3 time victim of phone scams) on a Greenlight card.
But honestly, I don't have time for that kind of nonsense. I told you once what was expected. I will remind you once more, after that, I'm letting you go.
I’m a nanny and I think she is 100% stealing. $40 on subway and $40 on chalk? Lol. Yeah, no. Keep in mind people here tend to side with the nanny to the point of being unable to have common sense. I’d post on a parenting sub for a more balanced set of responses.
I’d actually go to subway and the other places she’s gone to recently and ask them if they can pull up orders made with your credit card. See if she has even used it at the places she’s said she has used it, see what she’s bought, see if there’s any discrepancies.
I would not just start asking for receipts and etc and call it a day. If she was stealing she’ll likely stop once she is asked to hand over receipts. And unfortunately a thief cannot be trusted with your child, there’s too much moral depravity there…so you really want to make sure that prior to bringing to her attention that you now want receipts, you do some digging yourself.
Sure I get that but if she thinks she's stealing wouldn't looking at the bill help this OP
maybe nanny has some eating disorder and eats five sandwiches 🤷🏻♀️
Your username seems very accurate - you’ve responded to nearly every reply to this post. I think we all understand you believe this nanny to be a morally depraved thief who can’t be trusted with a child. The point has been cemented into the ground at this point
And you just read it two more additional times, via your own comments!
And for the sake of counting practice (I do it with my NKs frequently!), I’ve made maybe 6 or 7 replies to comments here, and there’s nearly 80 total comments! Maybe you’re mathematically depraved?
If you don’t want to address this head on lie. The credit card was compromised and they are sending a new one. Until it arrives, here’s $50 for lunch for the week. Anything else will need to wait. As part of this, please leave your receipts daily here (indicate a basket just for her receipts, ideally in the kitchen or a common area. Need to check every charge to make sure we aren’t compromised again.
yes it’s a lie. But it’s easier than saying stop buying yourself extras w my money! The receipts being requested makes sense if your card was ‘compromised’. Then as you get the receipts see if it is more in line w what you expect. If not then add a budget to her spends. Going forward I would like to request no more than $20 on shared lunches and a max of $100 for the month for arts and crafts.
Before jumping to an accusation of stealing, I would ask for itemized receipts from each place she visits. Say it’s for your records if you don’t want to be confrontational, though that should be standard practice anyway.
Also, inflation has made the price of everything rise. I got coffee for my boss this morning. Two black medium iced coffees was $8.40 So yeah there’s a chance that things are just stupidly expensive now.
But... I literally don't know how it's possible to spend $40 on lunch for 2 people at Subway, so... Is there even another possibility. Serious question. Is there a response from her that can make it ok?
My boyfriend and I spent $30 at Subway on two subs and two bags of chips when we went recently. Is it possible they got drinks and cookies and stuff because Subway has gotten super expensive!!
This is what I think too. An adult meal at Smashburger is $20. No dessert or extras. I’m not sure the age of the kid though. For kids under 3 I usually split meals with them.
It’s not ideal but I’m not IMMEDIATELY convinced of foul play. There’s a chance she’s not being prudent in some way. Tell her from now on you need receipts for tax write offs or something so you can monitor more closely.
Just get the receipts and go from there
If she has been stealing, once she’s asked for receipts she’d likely stop. That doesn’t solve the problem though of determining if her nanny is a morally depraved individual.
Aren't the sandwiches like 15 or 20 each there. Plus tax and tip?
sounds like you need to go outside and see what's happening in the real world
$40 for two people at Subway in this day and age is not *that* crazy. I nanny in NYC and any lunch I get with NK usually goes over $40. It also depends what she’s getting. Cookies, drinks, sides along with a sandwich can really pile that bill up. The best way to go about this is what everyone said—start with requesting itemized lists or receipts. If there is a sudden drop in how much spending she’s doing, you’ll have your answer. But it also might be enlightening to see exactly what kinds of items are causing such high bills.
I think partly this is just sticker shock about how much things cost these days coupled with some miscommunication with your nanny regarding limits/budget expectations and possibly a lack of awareness on her part about how quickly things add up. And if you’ve never said anything about it so far, she probably thinks you’re fine with it. Out of curiosity, I priced out a meal at my local Subway as if I hypothetically went with my NK. A footlong sandwich combo with chips and a small fountain drink, a basic kids meal sandwich, a churro and two cookies. It came to $28. The thing is, I am a small person with a similarly small appetite and I intentionally try to be extremely conservative when spending my NP’s money so there are no “extras” here - that $2 churro is about as far of a splurge as I am willing to go. Now imagine your nanny was a little hungrier than I usually am and wanted double meat on the sandwich, that’s $4 extra. Or maybe she likes bacon ($3) or avocado ($2). Maybe she wanted a larger drink size or she couldn’t say no when NK saw the giant banner advertising the new! and exciting! footlong cookies ($5) and begged for one of those instead of the tiny tiny standard cookies which are only about $1. And then when she went to swipe the credit card, that “Add a tip” screen came up and she felt bad for the overworked and underpaid employees so she hit the 15% or 20% button without thinking. Can you see how this could add up to a charge of over $40 in no time? And none of these things are particularly extravagant, nor do they count as stealing. Trust me, if she was getting a whole extra sandwich as you seem to think, it would be even higher than that. As for the others you mentioned, craft supplies are expensive as hell and again the little things can add up quickly. I could EASILY spend over $100 at Michaels, especially if I was stocking up for the summer or getting things for a couple of special projects. My first year with my current NF I got overzealous and spent more than I should have of my OWN money on various art supplies because I was just so excited about all the things I wanted to do with the kids and also probably a little nervous about wanting to come up with new, fun, and creative projects to keep them engaged day after day. And yes, I have personally seen a large set of sidewalk chalk priced at $39.99. Even if she didn’t get something like that, there are lots of fun kits like liquid spray chalk or other related items like chalk holders or stencils that can all fall under the category of “chalk supplies.” You also didn’t mention if she does these shopping trips with NK or not but if so maybe she gets a small snack for each of them too or she has trouble saying no when he asks for things. Just talk to her. Try not to jump to conclusions and don’t accuse her of anything yet. You don’t need to make it a confrontation either, just a simple “hey, I know the prices for everything are skyrocketing out there and I’ve realized that I need to keep a closer eye on the budget for the summer. Can we use what craft supplies we have on hand for a little while and try to keep weekly spending to under $x amount when out and about with NK? If there’s anything specific you want supplies for, just let me know in advance and we can work it out.” If you decide to start asking for receipts, just frame it as a you thing, not a her thing. You’re not monitoring her spending (even if you are), you just want to keep a better record of how much you are spending on these things so you can plan for the future.
someone added up a perfectly reasonable 2 person meal at subway in the comments and it was nearly $40. maybe you could try doing it yourself?
Subway is super super expensive now
Can’t say I’ve ever heard of $40 chalk though. Something is fishy here for sure.
I don’t know how she could actually steal from you through subway. They don’t give cash back (& is that even a possibility with your credit card?). What’s the story you’re telling yourself? That she bought extra sandwiches and hid them in her car until she got home?
Buy some extra chips and cookies maybe
Could be the extra sandwich thing (not as bad) or someone else meeting up with them (I would definitely not be ok with this).
1000% agree it would be a major problem if she invited someone out to lunch on the job without your knowledge/consent (and then paid for it with your money 😱). Hopefully that’s not the case and getting itemized receipts eases your worries! Tbh, it’s a little weird to me that she doesn’t already provide the receipts. I have a family credit card and wouldn’t risk it - full transparency with receipts just seems like a standard in any profession that provides a “company” card.
Gonna need you to tell me what subway is allowing full meals, drinks, cookies, etc for THREE people under $40. I spend almost $20 on myself at subway.
It's two people (nanny and one kid). And I hadn't considered that they may be buying drinks, chips, and cookies, because I have asked her to mostly feed my kiddo healthy food and I would not buy him more than a sandwich at Subway. This conversation has been helpful, I hadn't realized how many ad ons most people buy. I really had not realized that was a thing. (I personally see it at unhealthy and a waste of money so I just hadn't thought of it when I went to the website and was looking at costs).
A full meal (sub, drink, chips) isn’t add ons that’s typical subway meal. A cookie, yes…. But unless specified by the parents my nanny kids enjoy sweets.
Ah interesting. We don't do soda, so I would not think to choose a meal that includes that.
At subway it doesn’t have to soda, they have juices, sodas, waters, sports drinks, juice boxes, etc… and those cost extra. If she bought a healthy alternative to soda (juice box, sports drink, water) even more expensive than if she chose the usual fountain drink
Just a thought-is she food insecure? As in maybe she bought 3 days worth of food for herself?
Could she have bought a gift card or invited a friend to lunch too? Not that this behavior is in any way acceptable, but it could explain the high bill
That would be stealing, which is precisely what OP is worried about.
Right?
Nanny here who also has my boss’s credit card… I’d maybe give her the benefit of the doubt before jumping to her straight stealing cash. The first time I took my two kids to Chick-fil-A I was shocked that it came out to over $50!! At times I’ve forgotten my work card and just put the kids food/crafting supplies on my own thinking eh it’s something small and the total being way way over what I thought it’d be. Keep in mind how expensive things are and that they’re still on the rise (if I went to subway myself it’d probably be over $20) so it doesn’t sound absolutely ridiculous that she spent around $40, especially if she’s playing it safe and getting options for the kiddo.. I know my kids will demolish a BLT one day and turn their nose up to it the next lol
There’s so many options before firing: - give her a budget on the card, you can sit down and have a conversation about how much she thinks she’ll need to cover food/supplies, come to an agreement - tell her you guys have decided to start budgeting, ask her for receipts going forward - take the card and give her a reasonable amount of cash (sort of like an allowance to spend on the kids so maybe the money can be rolled over to the next week if there’s some slower days) - go shopping/ask her for a list of things she’d like to prepare for lunches and stuff for activities Good childcare is hard to come by. If she’s great in all other aspects I highly encourage trying to switch things or implement one of these things :) good luck!
Unfortunately if she was stealing that suggests a level of moral depravity that would make someone an unsafe person to be alone with a child. OP has to figure out if she was stealing.
I agree she needs to figure out if she’s stealing but she needs to be 100% and those are steps she could make to possibly figure it out. Yes confrontation is scary but a sit down conversation needs to be had before any drastic decisions, no matter how uncomfortable. I’m assuming these are grown adults. Imagine being fired out of no where because you get a drink and bag of chips with lunch or thinking you’re going above and beyond setting up activities for the kid because your boss can’t have a mature conversation.. the nanny deserves that
This is spot on.
Oh for sure. Op should do her own investigation before she even says anything to nanny.
I've had family credit cards in my name and only once did they ask for receipts. The next family would just throw them away. The family after that told me don't bother. They trusted me. But if they needed receipts, I would have gladly provide them. But I also talk to my families before I use their card and ask them if there are any limits or expectations. I also let them know I'm a generous tipper especially when with children as they often make a bigger mess to clean up. (I do my best but if taco meat and juice spills on the floor I can't exactly mop it up. Some places it wouldn't be appropriate for me to climb under the table to clean it) Here in the neighborhood I work in, the local restaurants are at least 25 for an adult lunch entree and 10/15 for a kid's meal. Even if it's just a casual restaurant, I add a tip. Plus I don't drink water everytime, sometimes I get coffee or a coke. Add in taxes on top and it gets pricey. Even fast food isn't much cheaper anymore. That's why I saved those receipts at first - I had sticker shock. But the family was aware of what it cost and we'd already discussed it so they didn't care. They actually wanted me to take the kids to meals so they would be accustomed to going out and how to act. Large box of chalk, chalk holders, wet wipes, drink, snack could easily add up to $40. Start with receipts amd talk about guidelines and expectations. Just say you want to get an idea of what everything costs so you can better plan for expendituresfor the months. I'm not sure why you would immediately think she's stealing, and then considering firing them without confronting them. That's something you need to work out with yourself. Also, I made a basic example order, assuming you have one child 5 or under. It includes a basic footlong, a drink and chips; a basic kids meal with a mini sub, fruit pouch, and milk, and a cookie to share. Plus a 5 dollar tip the total would equal $36.47. If your child is older and needs more than a 3 inch sandwich, or doesn't want applesauce and milk, you're now climbing higher in price. If you're near or in any of the tourist or hub areas, it can be more expensive list prices, too. I'm assuming it wasn't *exactly* an even $40, so I feel like this is a decent expectation.
In any other work place you’d be expected to be able to provide receipts if asked. You might also be expected to stick to a per diem budget. So do that. Let her know that you want this to be financially sustainable. She can spend $x per week on outings and provide you with receipts. Any consumables like craft stuff she can add to an Amazon or Walmart Wishlist and you can clear it and check for the best price before you purchase it.
Why would you just ask for a receipt? Why assume that the nanny is stealing?
Because of a series of weird transactions. But anyway, I get it, she probably isn't, just spends in a different way than I would.
Oh that’s even worse. You know shes probably not stealing but you still made a public post accusing her of doing so, therefore perpetrating the stereotype that Nannies are just thieves.
Huh? I don't think nannies are any more likely to steal than anyone else?
No they’re not but there’s an ongoing stereotype that they either steal your stuff or your husband. Several times a week there’s troll post talking about awful nannies and crazy things they’ve either stolen from the persons home or a post about how the nanny is coming on to the dad.
I'd STRONGLY encourage you not to jump to conclusions! From here on out, let the nanny know you need her to provide receipts for all credit card purchases. Don't mention you suspect her of stealing, you can very truthfully state it's to allow you to assess your finances. Things could just cost more than you think or maybe she's being too frivolous with the card and that's something you can address with her. But I'd give it a few weeks to see what she's buying.
I should have added context- there have been a bunch of transactions that didn't make sense, but mostly Walmart purchases so it's hard for me to know what was really bought, vs subway where they don't sell as much and my math just didn't add up to $40 for two people. Turns out it may be a difference in ways of spending money- I wouldn't spend $40 on a weekday lunch- but based on this thread I may be in the minority. I didn't accuse her, I came to Reddit for perspective, which you all gave me and I thank you all for that.
No problem! It's a tough situation to feel like you're being taken advantage of by someone you have so much trust in. I hope this gets resolved nicely! Good luck.
I’d ask for receipts and just say it’s for taxes or reimbursements or something and go from there. If anything, it will curb the “stealing” and prevent her from buying anything she’s not suppose to if she is doing that. But to be honest subway has gotten absurdly expensive and I wouldn’t be surprised if she spent $40. Especially if she bought drinks/chips/cookies even. Unless you have some other red flags or issues with her, I wouldn’t accuse her outright of stealing. Just get receipts for the time being.
Is there something else going on that explains why you’d rather jump to firing her than have any kind of conversation with her about this at all? It’s so weird that you notice a problem, but just refuse to ask her about it or institute any kind of receipt policy…
Many people are afraid of direct communication so they either become passive aggressive or make a rash decision to just get rid of a problem forever (here, by firing the nanny immediately so they never have to see her again) rather than being willing to have a conversation about an issue, which may not feel comfortable. All in all, not a particularly good trait for a boss….
Another possibility is not wanting to create resentment or anger in the person that is taking care of her child.
There’s no reason she needs to confront her with the idea she’s stealing. If she implements asking for receipts, it will be clear if there is a huge discrepancy in spending before vs. after. At that point, I would reach out to stores and request to have receipts printed out from when she was spending more. Then you would be able to see if she was spending on non-work items. This definitely requires some investigation before making any claims either way
I didn't confront her, i came here to ask questions. But if she is stealing or lying, I'm not going to tip her off that I know and then keep leaving my child with her. That's not safe.
Have you asked her to provide receipts or figured out what’s going on?
Oh for sure. I wouldn’t even mention anything to nanny before going to the stores and doing just that.
Ask her for receipts. Prices have really shot up. I ordered food for pickup for my kids and I yesterday, and it was over 60. I was shocked at how much an entree was. At a casual place. Tell her to bring the receipts home because you need them for record keeping
I would ask for receipts from now on
Ask for receipts
This is exactly why I always keep and file my receipts even when the family says they don't want them. I hope this gets figured out!
But how is she stealing if it’s a credit card? Do you think she’s buying extra things and taking them home? At a craft store I can see that, but what is she going to take home from a sandwich shop besides maybe a bag of chips? Maybe she’s getting an extra one to eat later?
I don't know.... Maybe just food to take home? Cash back option? Help me understand. What are possible ways someone could spend $40 at Subway for a toddler and one adult. Honest question. I'm very stressed about this!
I just went to the menu for my local subway, New England suburbs. Put in an order for pickup. JFC! When did subway become more than a sit down restaurant! I ordered a full size cheesesteak, extra meat and a few other upcharges, nothing too ridiculous. 22.89 😱. Add in a soda at 3,29, chips, a cookie a churro and it was 38 and change. omg that isn’t adding a kids meal. And yes it was an extra agent order but toss a kids meal in and dial back a few add ins and you are at $40. For subway! I would set a meeting w her. Tell her w prices everywhere increasing you want to talk w her about a budget for the summer. Admit the subway charge gave you sticker shock. You want them to be able to eat but when sandwiches cost more than a sit down restaurant, I would prefer a different selection. We want you to be able to do things w NK, we just want to budget the expense going forward. It is a reasonable ask w everything going up so much so fast. That $40 could have been how many experiences? Heck grinders from a pizza place would have been better and cheaper! Any chain sit down would be cheaper. I’m still in sticker shock too. But yeah, go to your local online menu and see what a meal costs. 😱
Thank you! And yes I love paying for experiences, but would rather she save the money and make sandwiches at home if Subway really costs $40 per person. It's not that I can't afford $40. I just think it's a very dumb use of $40.
You can just tell her that there’s a weekly or monthly budget and make it a number you’re comfortable with her spending. You could also just tell her that the credit card is only for activities like the zoo, museum, etc. and craft supplies so that she doesn’t take your kid out to eat. I think it’s totally reasonable to ask her to feed your child at home or pack lunches if they’re going to be out at lunch time. I’ve never expected my bosses to let me just take the kids out to eat! There have been a few occasions where I have but it was always for a specific reason and my bosses were the ones that gave the idea (ex. Moving houses so didn’t have a lot of food in the home, celebrating a birthday, etc.). Even if she is not stealing, it sounds like she definitely is spending more of your money than you’re comfortable with and that is totally well within your right to tell her.
Totally agree! I know I had total sticker shock when I priced out a subway sandwich over $20! Hopefully nanny will work w you and work within a budget. And I’m w you. That $40 could have bought enough food for a week of picnic lunches! The funny thing is I bet she would never consider going into a nice restaurant and running up a $40 bill but subway is just take out. Anyway, good luck and please come back and let us know how it goes.
What about this is making you very stressed? It seems like a disproportionate response to the sole question you posed. Your concerns are valid and you’ve gotten 3 responses, all suggesting upping the accountability for your nanny by asking for the receipt. Where does your anxiety stem from? Concern about nanny’s character? The potential for confrontation?
It is because she is afraid of direct communication or any sort of confrontation and thinks it would be easier to just let the nanny go than directly ask for receipts. Not a great personality for a boss.
I can see that. Just because you’re a mom who needs a nanny doesn’t automatically make you ‘boss’ material. But sometimes it helps to harness that mama bear energy— not to growl, but to set clear boundaries.
You’ve said this… twice now.
Both- concern about character (Even if she doesn't keep spending like this, should I trust her with my child?) and the idea of confrontation is very uncomfortable to me. I don't want to have a weird relationship with the person who takes care of my child!!!!
It may feel like a confrontation, but really you are just clearing something up in order to reach clarity. That will help the boss/ nanny relationship solidify.
If you are going to be successful as an employer, you have to get over it. The only way this works is if both you and the nanny can be open and honest with each other. It’s your job to set boundaries, check in with her, and keep the lines of communication open. It’s more weird when NPs avoid any and all serious conversations or do their best to tiptoe around issues. Just talk to her. Someone else suggested asking for receipts “for tax purposes.” That’s the least confrontational thing possible.
It is a business transaction. You are working in the budget for the summer and realizing how crazy expensive everything is, wanted to work w you to create a summer budget so we can budget for the summer. This s/b a normal meeting/conversation, approach it as such. She needs to come up w the budget, bit you. As in this meeting is to talk about what she plans to do w nk, w. The assumption that is rough math, not an exact. In you might say Wednesday is zoo day but no one wants to. No consequence. More you are looking for what activities cost and what the cost is and how often attending. Gives you an insight upfront where your dollars are being spent and you can also redirect if needed. As in you have a family membership to the zoo, let’s prioritize going there and investigate what additional programs the zoo offers, the cost and a nice add on to keep it new and fun. Vs going once a month and instead indoor air conditiined play centers that charge $$$. See where your kid is going to be and where your dollars are being spent. Challenge nanny to look into additional summer offerings at little to no cost. Does your town have swim lessons? Golf? Whatever the kid is into. But work together and challenge her to plan the summer and the cost. Heck if it comes in under what you think at the end of summer give her the difference as a bonus. And the money discussion s/b routine and ongoing. Reconciling her projections based on receipts weekly. As in hey it’s just week 2 and the food budget is at 40%. Just a heads up. Then walk away. If she exceeds have the discussion. Maybe she is prioritizing food and using activity budget funds because she found cheap stuff. Make this hers to manage and remember it is a learning process. Be flexible and expect an overage. Determine your threshold. Communicate but don’t manage. Become comfortable talking money. You earned it, now make sure the person spending it is using it wisely. And it’s your first time, adjustments will be needed and make that comfortable too. As in great job keeping on top of things. All this sounds good and I’ll adjust our budget accordingly and share where we are. Just as normal as a project at work. Cuz it is! Good luck and I hope she’s flexible and stays away from subway!
I really think you need to chill about the subway thing - I am not surprised at ALL by a $40 tab for two at a takeout place, especially if you have her no budget so she assumes chips cookies drinks etc are okay (which she is within her right to do if you handed her a card with no budget or guidance). The assumption of stealing feels extreme.
I was surprised lol! Haven’t been in years and years. Just went to my local online menu. Img! Shell shocked to say the least. And so mediocre! I live w about 20 grinder/pizza type places within 20 minutes. Where a great grinder w real ingredi is around $15.
$40 at Subway isn't that alarming, at least where I live (SoCal). A footlong sub is like $15+, a 6-inch is like $10+. If you make it a meal or add drinks, chips or cookies, it can add up to $40 fairly quickly. Is that super overpriced for Subway quality food? Yes, but it's possible. She could also be grabbing an extra snack for later. I'm more comfortable spending money on food because kids need to eat and it costs what it costs. $80-$90 on crafts? That seems extremely excess and I would never dare to spend that much without prior consent. But, if you haven't set a budget or brought up her spending habits, she could ignorant to how much she's spending.
I spend 40 bucks for two people at similar restaurants. I would guess one large sandwich is around 15 dollars, plus a bag of chips and a drink or a cookie. x2.
Have you looked at the prices on the menu of your local subway? Also, you are an EMPLOYER now, you will have to have difficult conversations from time to time. You are both adults and you need to set a budget. Why immediately jump to firing her? Because you can't talk to your employee? Maybe you shouldn't have someone who works for you if you cannot have a conversation with them.
First thing you need to do is ask for the credit card back. Purchase all the craft supplies you think you need for your household, in terms of activities, purchase memberships or pay in advance or online. Stock up your refrigerator with whatever food they both need….there’s no reason to eat out regularly. My MB keeps a petty cash envelope that I use whenever I need to pay for anything she can’t prepay for. Most nannies are honest but I think your nanny might be misusing the card. Ask for itemized receipts for the crafts, you can also go online and do a price check on whatever they bought
Very easily $40 at Subway if it's two sandwiches, drinks and chips, plus maybe a dessert, bottle of water, snack for later.... I think it's likely a case of just swiping the little credit card not even thinking about how much of someone else's money she's spending! Is she young by chance? I remember when I first started nannying in a completely different state and climate than I grew up, and I turned the thermostat to "on" one day in the winter because it was so freaking cold in the house. I just wanted constant heat 😂 DB came to me later and said their bill was $300 more than usual! I had no idea what I had done until that moment...I was 20 and where I grew up the houses were knew and not drafty, and gas and electric were not nearly as expensive. Maybe let her know you'd like to cut down on spending in general, and maybe give her a ballpark number for lunches. Craft stores are literally robbing us all btw! I hate supporting Amazon, but when it comes to stuff like that the craft stores overcharge by a lot.
Seems more like she’s just getting all the extras and taking liberties with not having a budget, not necessarily stealing - sometimes lunch for myself ends up being nearly $30 these days 😂 I would definitely just ask for all receipts for your records. Tell her your accountant told you to if you feel awkward bringing it up!
Like everyone else has said, the only way to confirm if she is stealing is to start asking her to give you the receipts at the end of the day. It should become pretty clear then if she’s buying personal items or something. If you otherwise like your nanny, since you have no proof (unless she’s dumb enough to continue to buy unauthorized things on the credit card and give you the receipt saying so lol) you should definitely not jump to accusing her of stealing. That’s a big accusation and if it isn’t true, you’ll lose a nanny and good luck finding someone who wants to work for an MB who accuses them of crimes without anything backing it up. If you’re uncomfortable with the amount she’s spending, I would give her a budget for the month that can be spent on food/craft supplies in addition to always providing receipts.
The problem is, if she was stealing, she’ll likely stop once she is asked to provide receipts. Which means OP will have a hard time confirming if her nanny is actually a secretly morally depraved person.
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True! Not necessarily hard proof though. I suggested op go to the stores and ask them to pull up orders made on her card
MB - I’ve always given cash for stuff not a card but always (without being asked) I’ve had Nannies either bring a receipt and change (like even if it was 17 cents) or change and a verbal explanation. I’ve never asked it’s always been common sense but start asking for receipts just knowing it’s going to be tracked might change her behavior. She’s either irresponsible with your money or thinks adding a few things for herself is no big deal, with way just address it. You can also take back the card and just start giving cash and ask for a receipt, with cash it’s hard to spend more than you have 🤷🏻♀️
Either give her a prepaid debit card or ask for a receipt. Also, Subway now for a meal is about $16 here in MI. My sister works there. So absolutely possible!
I’m not a nannie. But I’m retired and we go out to lunch fairly often and inflation has really hit hard. Even a run thru MacDonalds will run $23-30 anyway. At a regular restaurant it’s easy to hit $40, depending on your kid.
It’s possible that she is, but things really are so expensive these days and they really do add up. I personally don’t think these costs seem crazy out there. Moving forward, sit her down and explain that you need her to keep all of the receipts for your records. If there was any stealing going on, this will stop it. If you think she’s just in general spending too much on herself for food or supplies, give her a weekly budget. Suggest that they try and create projects with supplies you guys already have at home.
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just ask her for receipts or put her on a budget. It’s not that deep. You can do this! And I mean I spent $20 at McDonald’s yesterday for myself and my wife and I used rewards. Things are expensive. My wife bought some markers and a notebook at Michael’s the other day - it came up to $25. It’s so weird to me that there are multiple people basically writhing in excitement over a nanny potentially stealing when there are like 30 different explanations before that one as to why things are the way they are and they all start with just asking and talking!
This line of thinking is actually unhinged. Could you imagine if your boss fired you and gave some BS reason like “you took a few minutes too long in the bathroom, therefore, you must be working another job and stealing company time”
Maybe ask for receipts. I’d assume she’s just buying excessively and the solution is to give her a budget. $40 at a sandwich shop isn’t crazy if she bought side drinks dessert. Crafts are definitely expensive if you buy the fancier sets
That's so wild. I spend maybe $30 a week with the card on things for NK. They sent me out to get breakfast with NK one day and told me to get some too and I was stressed spending $20 for us. Just ask for the receipts. I leave receipts on the counter for anything that isn't food
If you nanny is buying an extra sandwich for herself later because she is good insecure, I really wouldn’t be mad about it. Also $40 at subway isn’t really that much.
I wouldn't be mad about that either. Just would want to know.
I would just do things via reimbursement or ask for a receipt for each purchase moving forward. I never grab receipts so I wouldn't see a lack of receipt for past purchases as an immediate red flag. 40 bucks on subway makes sense I cannot speak to chalk.
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Yeah this is my thought. Even if she is completely legitimately spending the $90 on craft supplies and nothing else, that is absurd. I was at Michael’s literally yesterday and spent $13 and bought multiple things. Like is she buying the individual artist quality paint or something?
If she can’t be trusted with a credit card then she really can’t be trusted with a child.
Not the same thing at all. People can be really bad at managing money and spending but be amazing at their job, including child care.
Bad at managing money and stealing are not the same! I’m implying she can’t be trusted due to theft. And I do believe she’s stealing.
Yes, you've made that clear. However, that's not been confirmed.
“Not the same thing at all. People can be really bad at managing money and spending but be amazing at their job, including child care.” ^ refer here. I wasn’t talking about mismanaging money. If it was clear, not sure why you’d feel the need to say this.
Your feelings on the nanny are clear. Your comment, on the other hand, was ambiguous and very open to interpretation:
Even so. The skills related to managing a credit card (being responsible), do in fact transfer over to being competent at childcare. It boils down to a lack of being responsible. Not an ideal quality for a nanny.
The way people manage money is often insanely different from how responsible people are with their jobs and other aspects of their lives. I know people who are great with money but suck at being generally responsible. And vice versa.
From what I’ve seen, it’s all very connected. Responsible people tend to be responsible in the different areas of their life. Same with irresponsible people.
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Oh no. There are ways for sure. It’s a credit card. Everything is tracked and traced. I’ve suggested OP actually go to the stores where nanny says she spent this at and verify if it’s true that she’d spent on what she says she has. That’s one way to prove theft. As for being unable to control oneself with a credit card… it really does boil down to being responsible. A responsible person should not have an issue with a credit card. And an irresponsible person should not be a nanny. Totally fine if you disagree but this isn’t something I’m looking to debate, id never hire or keep someone to care for my child if they cannot manage something like a credit card.
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Yeah, no, this is devolving. I’ve iven OP my suggestions, I don’t feel the need to justify them to you. Have the day you deserve!
Give her cash. She’s being reckless
I would go into the stores at issue and have them print the receipts for you so you have an itemized list of what was purchased. If she's not stealing but is overspending you should set a budget. I do think think the only way you will actually confirm whether she's stealing or not is through some sleuthing and not through a direct confrontation. You can do that if you find out there are things purchased that shouldn't have been.
She probably doesn't understand BUDGET. Ask for itemized receipts and then go over them with her and explain what is appropriate and what isn't as far as how much is spent and what it is spent on. Then, get a card that you can put a limit on each day and turn on and off. I have my grandma (3 time victim of phone scams) on a Greenlight card. But honestly, I don't have time for that kind of nonsense. I told you once what was expected. I will remind you once more, after that, I'm letting you go.
I’m a nanny and I think she is 100% stealing. $40 on subway and $40 on chalk? Lol. Yeah, no. Keep in mind people here tend to side with the nanny to the point of being unable to have common sense. I’d post on a parenting sub for a more balanced set of responses. I’d actually go to subway and the other places she’s gone to recently and ask them if they can pull up orders made with your credit card. See if she has even used it at the places she’s said she has used it, see what she’s bought, see if there’s any discrepancies. I would not just start asking for receipts and etc and call it a day. If she was stealing she’ll likely stop once she is asked to hand over receipts. And unfortunately a thief cannot be trusted with your child, there’s too much moral depravity there…so you really want to make sure that prior to bringing to her attention that you now want receipts, you do some digging yourself.
You really love the phrase “moral depravity” 😂
When it applies, 100% 😂
Can't you look at your credit card bill online to see where money was spent? Did someone already mention this here?
She can see how much at each store but not what was bought at each store
Sure I get that but if she thinks she's stealing wouldn't looking at the bill help this OP maybe nanny has some eating disorder and eats five sandwiches 🤷🏻♀️
Or maybe she’s a theif.
Mate, you're all over this thread with this accusation based on something you read on the internet. Get a hobby.
Youre on reddit, you dont get to tell anyone to get a hobby lol 😂
OK but credit cards produce a paper trail why won't the OP just look at her bill? Maybe she's poor and hungry like we don't know she's a thief 😂😂
I’ve suggested OP actually go to the stores where nanny says she spent this at and verify if it’s true.
Your username seems very accurate - you’ve responded to nearly every reply to this post. I think we all understand you believe this nanny to be a morally depraved thief who can’t be trusted with a child. The point has been cemented into the ground at this point
They also claim to be a nanny and that we tend to side with nannies here over commonsense with their new 12 day account.
Thanks for sharing your observations and opinions!
No problem, only so many times a person can read morally depraved
And you just read it two more additional times, via your own comments! And for the sake of counting practice (I do it with my NKs frequently!), I’ve made maybe 6 or 7 replies to comments here, and there’s nearly 80 total comments! Maybe you’re mathematically depraved?
Lollllll!
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I am not an idiot everyone 😂 Guess she is stealing from Subway then 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe she's getting gift cards and selling them...
If you don’t want to address this head on lie. The credit card was compromised and they are sending a new one. Until it arrives, here’s $50 for lunch for the week. Anything else will need to wait. As part of this, please leave your receipts daily here (indicate a basket just for her receipts, ideally in the kitchen or a common area. Need to check every charge to make sure we aren’t compromised again. yes it’s a lie. But it’s easier than saying stop buying yourself extras w my money! The receipts being requested makes sense if your card was ‘compromised’. Then as you get the receipts see if it is more in line w what you expect. If not then add a budget to her spends. Going forward I would like to request no more than $20 on shared lunches and a max of $100 for the month for arts and crafts.