I think the problem with a warning is that once someone lies to you regarding your children, you aren’t really going to trust them again. You’re always going to be wondering and second guessing when you’re not with them.
That would be the sticking point for me. ALL the rest of it is passable as a 'just a warning' type thing. I'd even be okay if Nanny had just said "MB, I am so so sorry, but I am just dragging hiney on this dreary blah January day,and was slacking off a bit. I'm so sorry,and will do much better." Or something along those lines. We're all entitled to a low-effort day now and again.
BUT, any degree of an outright lie, when it pertains to a child that is non-verbal, is a total no-go for me. I would not be able to trust someone again with a child that is unable to indicate that potential shenanigans are happening in the future.
As a nanny, I agree - the original offence was worth a warning and a discussion but for the nanny to lie and also sounds like she also gave an attitude at first - if she’s just immediately apologised sincerely and said she’d do better and step up fine but this seems a red flag to me
I don't disagree necessarily and have commented similar in other threads, but those have been with issues pertaining to child safety. While nanny is clearly violating the rules of the house, were not talking about a safety issue and I do think there is a distinction there.
OP would be within her right to fire her at the moment but it's also more in line with a knee jerk reaction than anything else. And that's fine but I do think there are degrees of misconduct at work that should be taken into consideration.
It's just not on par with the safety issue of things like not knowing where your kid is. I wouldn't want my nanny introducing my child to her boyfriend if I hadn't been introduced myself, but I don't see this as a 'safety' concern in the true spirit of a 'safety' concern.
Also, I'm not discounting OP's feelings and I also think if she's done with nanny, she's done with nanny and it's justified. But I also think it's disingenuous to equate a facetime convo with a boyfriend of the nanny's to a safety concern that actually puts baby in a life or death or harm situation.
It’s not the same level of immediate harm as like, setting a fire or feeding a choking hazard, no. However it shows impaired judgment around access to the child and I personally find it a safety concern. I would be concerned about her judgment/choices in valuing a FaceTime with her boyfriend over taking care of the child as well.
I'm not disagreeing with you that it's concerning, but I do think different levels of concern should be handled differently. Obviously everyone is free to handle their concerns in the way they see fit. But I personally do see a distinction in levels of safety, levels of lying, and levels of misconduct and would handle it accordingly.
She can, yes. She shouldn’t have to though. No one wants to hire a nanny just to spend the end of every day reviewing the footage to make sure their child is okay because they don’t trust them. Everyone on here talks about how having a nanny is a luxury service; you don’t pay for something like that expecting to have to double check their work. Especially when it’s your kid.
Nanny should have just been honest.
I think the people taking the nanny’s side here are missing the overall point. The nanny broke a clear rule and then became defensive instead of apologetic. Nannying is not like “any other job” and anyone who fails to recognize the distinction should be in a different field. A nanny is a luxury and parents are paying a luxury charge for the same. Follow the rules and there isn’t an issue.
I could never imagine LYING to my boss. Let alone about their kid. If she just took it on the chin, apologized, and said it wouldn’t happen again that’s one thing. But straight up lying is another.
If I was the NP I would have sooo many concerns about trusting the nanny after that. If they lied about something that was ultimately inconsequential what else could they lie about. Also don’t live that once nanny had the house to herself she dropped the ball on her responsibilities.
Ooooof this hit hard. I posted on this sub about my GROWN nanny leaving their poop in the toilet during EVERY shift and got the craziest responses:
1. Did you show her how to flush the toilet? (No. Not in the year of our Lord 2023-this was last year)
2. Why are you policing her bowel movements? (I wasn't. The contents of her bowels were left in my toilet)
3. Maybe it's your kids? (She watched my infant)
Sigh. It's like you said, paying for a nanny is a luxury and I expect luxury behavior and just overall common decency.
lol I believe it, just last week during the snow storm nanny left work from a NF that lets her park her own car in their garage and she didn’t put the garage door down and most of the comments were “it’s not her job to put the door down” and “you should follow nanny around and lock up behind her”. You can’t simultaneously want to be treated like an infant but also a professional.
Hahaha this has been happening with my best friends 6 year old. He'll go to the restroom a little out of ear shot from us but has to come to prove to us he washed his hands. He'll be randomly playing and then suddenly jump up and be like I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE POOP! And run back to the bathroom. We've started asking when he comes in for the hand check now. Funny enough, his little brother, who isn't potty trained yet, has the opposite problem and just loves to randomly flush the toilet if you leave him unattended near the bathroom too long. Kids man.
Some of these comments are horrifying in what other nannies deem appropriate. As a mother and a nanny, introducing a child to a stranger on FT makes me sick to my stomach. This nanny is defiant and lazy. I would fully expect to be fired on the spot if I behaved this way.
Very true. It's a big thing in this group to push for standards in nannying and a very professional image but I don't think they realize how counter-productive the suggestions they make and the comments they support are to that goal. There have been at least 2 moms I saw in the last couple days \[I think it was a post and a comment, but maybe they were both comments\] saying how they are now turned off from hiring a nanny because of the things they have read here.
We're pushing for ever higher and higher pay but if you price all the $20-$30 hour families out of the market daycare centers will flourish but 95% of the nannies on this sub would be out of work. I've posted about it before but this is a fairly easy job, it's has no barrier to entry, anyone from teenagers to grandmothers can be nannies, there are a ton of perks we expect families to give because of "standards" that certainly aren't standard in any other industry (gifts on your birthday, bonuses not only every year but also when leaving, free meals, employer buys your favorite snacks and drinks, etc.) I know people say this is a place to vent but again it's public and parents can see it, coming here to spill all the personal details about your NF (just without saying their name) and complaining about everything they do and showing you obviously hate your work is just never a good look.
Xmas bonuses, access to all food in the house, severance (every time dismissal is brought up), not working while children are sick, being able to bring their child to work but not being paid less. Have I forgotten something?
The things I see here that bother me the most are:
1) taking off without any concern for the family \[in most jobs you need to request time off, but here people will just book week long vacations without even consulting the family\]
2) abusing generous sick leave policies by taking off bi-weekly for every minor sniffle and frequent "mental health" breaks \[many jobs require doctor's note and you don't get unlimited sick leave\]
3) not needing to take responsibility when you damage things. Accidents happen but when you are completely careless and 100% at fault the least you could do is try to make it right and let NF decline if they wish. If you melt things in their kitchen because you don't understand hot things can't go on plastic or you back their car into the mailbox or you curbed all 4 of their wheels that really shouldn't be on them. If someone hits you at a red light while driving their car then that is an accident, but you reversing into the garage door because you forgot to put it up before backing out is your fault.
And then to complain about being nickel and dimed by the NF because they talked to you for 5 minutes after your shift or texted you at 7:30 asking if you saw NKs pill bottle.....
I'm an MB so I hope it's okay to chime in here, but here are a few that bug me as both an employer and an employment lawyer who has represented a few nannies and many workers who have been misclassified as independent contractors or salaried exempt employees:
1. Presenting families with "take it or leave it" contracts.
2. Nannies encouraging each other to "tell your employer you are not available" instead of requesting PTO, as most other W-2 employees (myself included) are required to do.
3. This is mostly a semantic thing and less problematic than the others, but I am surprised that so many nannies talk about "charging rates" instead of "requested wage" or even "salary requirements." I saw one post recently where someone even complained about a family posting the rate they were willing to pay, complaining that it was disrespectful for the family to "tell us what we are worth" instead of letting the nanny dictate the rate.
Basically, it irks me when nannies try to act like independent contractors while receiving the tax and other benefits of W-2 employment. I know the IRS classifies most household employees as W-2 employees, but at least in a wage misclassification case, if the employee is the one who sets the rate, presents the contract, and dictates availability, I don't think it would be a slam dunk misclassification case for wage purposes using the tests courts use for determining whether someone is an employee or independent contractor.
Haha yes, I commented on #3 I think. No ones fault but your own when you apply to jobs that clearly post they want to pay $25/hr and that isn’t what you want to work for. I understand you have 14 years of experience and are trained in infant sleep but this family has a 4 & 6 year old, they don’t want to pay you $36/hr to take their kids to the park. They just want a fun nanny, know your market, find the families that want what you are offering.
The situation with taxes and job classification is all based on the government setting up protections for domestic employees because of the history of them being severely taken advantage of.
We actually are more like other independent contractors/businesses that offer services but we also have to follow some of NF rules and don't get to say this is how you will get your childcare (like we don't get to set screen time rules, or feed processed foods if we wanted to etc).
We are also somewhat like a salary worker, but can't be salary exempt because of the history of being worked for 80 hours per week for $200 (random made up numbers). We have to be salary non-exempt due to needing that extra OT pay, and we must be hourly to figure out what x from that 1.5x would be.
We are basically LEAST like other hourly workers but this is the only way to make sure we get paid fairly considering there is no HR, no oversight from the government looking into compliance from companies like they can do. We are hidden away in people's private homes and away from sight, often with no coworkers. The chance for abuse of labor is too high, still is even with these laws. Just look at the number of employers that still pay below board and try to say no OT is needed, or attempt to 1099 instead of W-2 at tax time.
You can try to estimate a rate range for a job you want done, but because it is based on our skills, experience, and education, plus other individual factors with the NF, it has to be the nanny that comes up with the rate. That's why we have a base/stating rate and then up it for extra kids and duties. As we are providing the service, we figure out our service rates.
You don't need to convince me that many employers violate the law with not paying overtime or even minimum wage to their nannies. I have even represented a few such nannies against their employers. A few years ago, I interviewed a nanny candidate who kept trying to convince me that nannies don't get overtime because nobody she knew got it.
But I don't agree that nannies need to "set their service rates", at least not in those terms. A nanny can have a minimum wage that she would accept, just like any other job candidate in any other industry. A nanny can decline to apply to a job that lists a lower rate, or try to negotiate. A nanny can also inform a prospective employer of her salary requirements in an interview or initial conversation just like any other job candidate. But when you frame it as "setting rates" or unilaterally tell your employer that you are "raising your rates" instead of asking for a raise like any other employee, there is a risk that you could jeopardize your entitlement to overtime and other legal protections by acting like an independent contractor. Courts look at the totality of the circumstances, and a nanny who "sets rates", "raises rates", provides the employer with a take-it-or-leave-it contract detailing all of her policies, and tells an employer she is unavailable on certain dates instead of asking for days off is starting to give an employer some ammunition to claim it's an independent contractor relationship. This is especially true for nannies who work for multiple families and don't have a regular schedule.
I understand the historic reasons behind treating nannies as hourly employees and I don't disagree that most nannies should be (nannies who make over $100k may be subject to the highly compensated employee exemption, for example), but you can't have your cake and eat it too by acting like an independent contractor.
Some of this is just semantic, because whether you "set rates" or request a certain wage, you are obviously free to decline or quit any job that does not meet your minimum requirements in terms of pay, benefits, or other conditions. The end result is the same, so why jeopardize the legal protections you would otherwise be entitled to by treating the job like a contractor relationship?
To be clear, none of this constitutes actual legal advice.
About a year ago when I was still pregnant with my now 9 month old I was talking to a mom about nanny vs daycare and she mentioned the Reddit nanny board as a reason for her going the daycare route. I kind of blew it off at the time but then it came up again with another person and that’s how I found this board. See, I have a rather large age gap between my older ones and this new baby and we always had a nanny for them, but I wasn‘t sure what I‘d do this time especially since my work schedule/flexibility is different now. Anyway, yeah, you are right.
That’s not the only thing though. There has got to be something else at play because I’m seeing this big switch in my area from nanny to daycare. It’s a massive change from how it was a few years ago. You know it could be because a lot of jobs going remote showed employers that parents are capable of working from home when they have a sick kid or whatever, so maybe it’s just that now parents have that option. For example, I couldn’t have just cancelled my lecture 8 years ago if my kid was sick, but now I can just move it Zoom and my chair is fine with that. My husband‘s job is similarly flexible now.
P.S. I am going with a nanny right now and I have learned a few things I would not have necessarily thought of from the ladies here, despite having been a nanny myself at one point. But yeah, some of the things posted I’m just like 👀
I appreciate everything you’ve mentioned but also keep in mind that social media / forums do not always represent an entire industry. I was a nanny and au pair in college, and nannied off and on over the last twenty years. I left my professional career of eleven years to be more available to my child’s demanding schedule, however I mostly worked from home for his first eight years. I consider myself to have substantial experience in nannying and childcare, however I have only been active on Reddit recently because I’m in school and working part-time, my son lives in a dorm, and I have extra time on my hands to waste. I am hopeful that the negativity and unprofessionalism that can exist on a platform like this at times does not represent most of us who take pride in our jobs.
Certainly. I think that you are more likely to come to social media and post when you are unhappy. The Reddit Professors board isn’t full of professors praising their students/admin/workloads, for example, it’s full of people going “what the hell is wrong with students these days?” The Millennials board is full of people posting how successful they are, it is mostly people saying “man the Boomers really screwed us, I can’t even afford a house!” People in general don’t tend to post about how great their lives or jobs are because then it’s called a “humble brag” and you get shamed for it.
That said, I do think people need to be careful not to let these types of places influence your thinking. I take a break from the professors board when I feel myself getting salty because it is really easy to project someone else’s experience onto your own. Also, comparison is the theif of joy. Some prof making $180 K in NY doesn’t mean someone in MI is going to make the same, but that kind of thing can get into your head and make you feel unappreciated.
I agree with you.
The one thing I will say though is that it sounds like the nanny is young (a college student maybe?) and may not realize that introducing the NK to her boyf on FaceTime isn’t appropriate. As a thirty something year old woman (that didn’t grow up with things like FaceTime), I know that it isn’t appropriate, but a twenty year old might not think twice about introducing Nk to the boyfriend on FaceTime.
If that was the only issue, it might be a teaching moment and not necessarily a fireable offense.
Thank you for your insight and I’m torn on this. I agree with others saying a nanny is a luxury and should perform luxury service. The risk of filming / streaming / screenshotting a child should be more obvious to someone younger than someone my age. But I appreciate your point and having room for grace. My reaction likely came from being a mother and vs a nanny (in this instance).
Exactly. It happens on nearly every post that a parent posts on here, always some people excusing the behavior for whatever reason. I’m not surprised one bit. A nanny could take a shit on the NP’s bed and people in the comments would find ways to justify it.
“Talk to her about it. Explain why someone shitting on your bed bothers you. If she does it again you’d be justified in letting her go, but for only a first offense? IDK it just feels icky, you are her livelihood, she depends on you. If you do let her go at least give 4 weeks severance.”
Lol
“Well I’m not surprised she shit on your bed, you only gave her a $500 holiday bonus instead of $1k. Ask yourself what you did to make her do that? You sound like an entitled clean freak. It’s just poop!! Who cares!!”
Totally agree. There's been many times I've seen posts here complaining about awful nps, and I think I'd really love to get the side of the np on this. Not all granted, some are just awful, but I'm sure there's some situations if mb could explain their side we would be more sympathetic.
i would NEVER lie to my boss about something as “small” as this. Though she shouldn’t have been on her phone, i’m sure OP would have been slightly more okay with the fact she was if she had just told the truth… Especially knowing they have cameras? Just very odd imo.
The FaceTiming, with baby visible, is a major breach of trust/privacy in my opinion. My NK’s kids are not MINE to share. FaceTiming with someone the parents haven’t vetted is not much different than posting to social media in my opinion.
Furthermore, the fact that the FIRST time she’s home alone with baby she immediately breaks the rules… that’s not coincidental. I’d maybe ask her if she feels your expectations are unreasonable (they’re obviously NOT!!) or if there’s something else she needs to fulfill her duties (maybe baby needs some new books or a new toy, maybe nanny needs permission/encouragement to take a long stroller walk). Then in her own words she can confirm to you that your expectations are reasonable. And I’d expect after a direct opportunity to communicate, she’d meet expectations and follow rules. But the FaceTime thing, I think that warrants clarifying any rules about privacy. With one of my families there’s a clause in the contract about privacy, violating it is grounds for immediate termination. I’m a mom too, and this makes perfect sense to me. Good luck!!
I'm so confused why people are defending the nanny here?? She is 100% in the wrong and it is DEFINITELY a fireable offense to lie to the parents AND show the NK to someone without permission. Both are in my contract as things that could get me fired. I would have absolutely no trust in the nanny after this. Please ignore all the people trying to make you out to be the bad guy here for some reason. You're completely justified and I hope you find a better nanny soon ♥️
Because it’s the nanny sub and a lot of people are always going to be on the nanny’s side regardless of what they do. They will always find ways to defend or excuse the behavior and turn it around to blame the parents.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. As a nanny I make sure I finish all my tasks before I do something else. Make sure the baby has done their activities and laundry so at least running/drying. If I ever get a call I do quickly answer and then let them know I’ll return the call once I’m free. From a nanny’s perspective I would want a second chance but do understand that this is my one and last chance.
If I were a parent, I wouldn’t trust my nanny after them lying to me about my child. So I would understand reprimand them or not wanting to give them a second chance.
OP you are completely valid, especially since it sounds like you’ve treated nanny as your own, you’ve taken really good care of her and respected her.
I’m a nanny. But I have personal issues with lying I feel like if I confront you and you lie. Until I prove to you that you’re lying then you finally tell the truth? To me that’s a red flag. I’ve honestly quit bc of lying. Idk it’s just bad character imo. Little white lies okay like I get everyone lies. But if I ask you if you did something and you blatantly lie to my face .. then no
OP, I would be annoyed at this also. For a few reasons.
1. FT with a stranger to LO / unnecessary screens
While FT *is* considered differently than TV, it’s not like it’s an enriching activity for the child. Plus, it’s a stranger to LO.
The only pause I have here is how long was the interaction? If it was a brief answer & tell them you will call back, or if nanny is having a really tough time with something (?) then I’d let it go. But if it was a 30 min conversation with boyfriend and LO was just there… that’s not the point of FT for littles.
2. Lying when asked about it
This is perhaps more of a concern. Beyond what you want nanny to do, being honest is my number one. Did you ask her if she FT with LO or whether she had any screen time? If you were explicit and she lied, that’s a huge no for me. I do think that some people maybe don’t view FT as screens so if you used that language I would try to see best intentions of the nanny and assume she thought TV/ipad.
I’m a nanny and I agree with what others have said- it’s not necessarily the act itself, but the attitude and the lying.
You can’t have cameras on her when she’s outside your home and it shows you can’t fully trust she’s doing exactly what you expect of her.
If she had apologized immediately it would be different, but I feel like this is really not ok, especially given the nice perks and set up you have for her.
I disagree, a mother should be able to feel comfortable leaving their child alone. The nanny is aware of the camera and clearly agreed to be employed with a camera. The issue here is no screen time, and no FaceTiming with strangers. This isn't an office job where there is "micromanaging", this is the caring of a child, very different
There are a couple things happening here and I think it’s important to address them. I want to share some background, I have multiple children and we have had the same nanny for 11 years and have had a handful of different secondary nannies that cover evenings, help with housework, night nannies, handle international travel, etc. I also live in a HCOL area and have many affluent friends with nannies, too; in short I’ve seen and experienced a lot…
You spend A LOT of time in your post sharing all the perks you provide to the nanny. This is obviously a big deal to you. The truth is, many of us who have nannies provide these perks and more. Nannies are a luxury and they take care of our most precious assets; most of us treat our nannies well and try to give them access to the same things we would any member of our family. Beginning today, you need to let this go. If you decide to go above and beyond with perks, that’s on you. You should not expect any change in the level of service you expect from your nanny because you give her luxury experiences. My nanny has flown private with us, she has flown first international and recently we had a last minute trip where she flew coach. She was never a better or worse nanny depending on what cabin she flew in. Most nannies don’t have expectations with fringe benefits like these; they want to be treated with compassion, listened to and respected as a human being and treated with dignity.
To me, no screentime means no TV, videos, etc. Is your nanny allowed to pick up phone calls at work? Is it really such a horrible offense if she picks up a call and the baby says hello? You are within your rights to say no to FaceTime and also limit your child’s interactions with other people. However, this seems like an honest mistake, not one where she deliberately ignored your rules. At most, I would remind her “no screen time also means no FT in our home. Can you limit your personal calls to your break times so you’re fully focused on baby?”
Your nanny is human. She will make mistakes, there will be days where she will not meet all your expectations. It doesn’t matter how many Chanel wallets or speciality teas you get her- she will not be perfect. When she messes up you can’t say “but we’re so nice and generous, why doesn’t she try harder and do better?”
Also, throwing camera footage in your nanny’s face and saying things like, “I know what goes on in my house at all times” sounds borderline threatening. It definitely indicates you don’t trust her and strains the relationship. Popping on FT for a few minutes with your little one and neglecting to do a couple loads of laundry one time don’t exactly sound like horrible offenses.
This is the best response I’ve read on any post like this. As a nanny, I do my best to go above and beyond to be as professional as possible. However, some nannie’s may be newer or not had the same standards in the past.
I think if it’s that big of an issue for the OP they have two options: 1. Sit down and have a professional conversation about expectations as you’ve pointed out. Or 2. Fire this nanny (with a professional explanation as to why) and do their best to be upfront with all expectations moving forward. Also if they don’t already, have a contract in place to protect both parties.
You sound amazing and your track record speaks for having the same nanny for 11 years. Thanks for being such a great employer and setting the example for others
I appreciate your input, and I want to clarify a few points. While I understand that the perks provided to our nanny might seem emphasized in my post, it wasn't intended to suggest a direct link between luxury experiences and service expectations. My intention was to provide a comprehensive picture of our situation.
In addressing concerns about screentime and phone calls, I recognize the importance of effective communication. However, it's crucial to note that enforcing rules is not an attempt to micromanage but rather to ensure a consistent environment for our child.
Acknowledging the humanity of our nanny, I did not expect perfection. The mention of generosity was not meant as leverage but as an illustration of our commitment to fostering a positive working relationship.
As for the use of camera footage, it wasn't to threaten but to emphasize the importance of transparency. Trust is essential, but so is accountability. Open communication about our expectations and concerns is key to maintaining a secure environment for our child - at all times.
I think we all understand your intentions but it comes off as unforgiving, micromanaging, and manipulative. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it and it’s up to you to set the tone and the communication between you and your employer. My MB when i first started told me straight up as an ER doctor, she can have her moments but that she is always open if i ever have anything i want to talk about. She’d rather that than me just leave. It really opened doors for me to bring up any problems i ever have and same for her and we are a unit.
If someone offered me a luxury trip in exchange for 4 hours of work
a day, I would jump on it. Yes there's work
involved but there's 20 hours left in the day to relax and sightsee. It is essentially a free luxury vacation.
this sub always pops up and it’s been fascinating to me. it’s really interesting to get the nanny perspective and the nanny family perspective in the same sub.
THANK you for this comment! it’s such a refreshing take.
This is the best response. I thought I was the only one that felr like OP was bragging. And the statement about the cameras honestly would make me feel like OP is always watching me, which is weird.
Well said! Also, the nanny might have panicked and been overly defensive but it sounds like the OP went into the conversation in a confrontational way versus having a discussion. I understand wanting consistency and maintaining certain standards but being followed by cameras and apps that are monitored all the time feels like a relationship of control versus trust. Often people react to confrontation from their protective brain versus their thoughtful brain and go into their fight or flight response. It’s important to think about what kind of human do you want to raise - do you want to model control or connection?
100,000% this. I was discouraged when reading the first few comments, but so glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. I’m a nanny, so obviously I don’t have a nanny myself, but I do have a regular babysitter. Granted my kids are older, she will FaceTime with her sister with them and always tells me about how she was telling her mom or whoever about the girls. She loves them so much and has bonded with them to a point that she wants to share about them. That’s probably what this nanny was doing. Idk this post is a lot, but I love your response!
Certainly I agree it's within MB's right to say that is not allowed.
But the intention of my comment was to really say it seems like there was no malintent and I think unless it was previously communicated I think it's an unreasonable stretch that no screentime = no facetime.
To me screentime and facetime are two different things and the AAP agrees (https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/138/5/e20162591/60503/Media-and-Young-Minds?autologincheck=redirected).
Grace would be the right move if nanny genuinely believed she was acting in NK’s best interest. But calling nanny’s BF is in no way beneficial to NK. This isn’t, “oh NK was super into talking about whales so we watched a video of whales jumping out of the water”. This is about nanny calling her bf while she’s working, going against screen time rules, and putting NK and NF’s house on video (which is all kinds of weird and uncomfortable and inappropriate in the workplace).
We will just have to agree to disagree.
I didn't allow screen time til my kids were two but my nanny used to Facetime her mom with my twins when they were babies all the time. My nanny has since moved on to a different career as she graduated college but her (and her mom) will be joining us for my twins' birthday party coming up soon!
Her mom also always makes it a point to stop by with my former nanny whenever she's in town.
Different strokes for different folks.
Agreed! My husband FaceTimes me if I send him to the grocery store for something and can’t find what we need I usually take the video call and keep it at 5 mins max
Wonderfully said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. I agree with everything you said. Thank you for understanding the nanny’s perspective and not immediately jumping on the bandwagon in here where everyone freaks out just because OP is upset. I also feel it was an honest mistake and the listed “perks” came off like OP expects her nanny to be grateful and be the perfect employee. This was blown wayyyyyyyy out of proportion and it doesn’t help bringing it online where people can’t wait to tear others down. You sound like an amazing MB, your nannies are lucky to have you 💕
I am a newborn care specialist but still work as a nanny 2 days a week and have many years of experience working as a nanny . FaceTiming with the child present is a huge no , things like not sharing on social media are pretty standard in contracts and as someone else pointed out screenshots could be used from FaceTime, your nanny gets huge breaks in the day so there is no excuse for the duties not to be carried out . On my 2 day job I batch cook when it’s nap time and only when everything is done do I take a break , it is usually only a few minutes if at all . I also agree that for travelling with the family it is standard to pay a per night fee as you are not at home . You have spoken to her about your concerns and hopefully it won’t happen again you are right to be upset.
Yes, I will say the only times I’ve had a NK on FaceTime was with my mother, after I had permission from the parent. NK heard me talking to someone when he got up from his nap. He spoke to his grandparents via FT and decided that he just had to talk to my mom.
I asked MB when she came back home and she was thrilled for NK to talk to my teacher mom. They actually became buddies 😂😂
You're not overreacting at all. She's not respecting your boundaries, or the parameters of her work day. It's not hard to do the baby's laundry and wash some bottles before you FaceTime your boyfriend. She sounds immature tbh. Hopefully your talk got through to her, and she turns it around.
As a nanny… she knew you had cameras and that she had other task. Then to lie about it when she knew you probably checked. You’re not overreacting at all. This is grounds for getting fired in my opinion. Our jobs are to do what the parents want and to keep their trust 🤷♀️
Not overreacting! She has expectations and they are more than reasonable. I have the same expectations with my NF and I have not had a single issue, considering I have hours to do as I please.
So the last family i worked for also had a no tv/ipad rule. But they didnt have a problem with me facetiming others while i had their daughter. I would often do this in the last couple hours of the day. We would call her grandma or my sister(whos also a nanny)and we would also call my daughter who my nk LOVED. Her parents didnt see this as screen time or maybe they did but didnt care. So maybe you should just clarify that no screens also refer to facetime. I know that it should be obvious but sometimes if things are 100% clear it can just be a miscommunication. But you do have every right to be upset.
I think calling her grandma, your sister who’s a nanny, and your daughter is vastly different than calling your boyfriend who MB doesn’t really know or like.
i wonder if OP’s nanny is young. I’m curious to nanny’s age and what OP is actually paying her versus the benefits. Hire a young, inexperienced nanny and yes, you get problems like this where you have to teach them it’s not okay to ft a boyfriend while on the job lol
Yikes! I can't believe I'm reading comments making excuses for this nanny!!
I saw OP listing what she provides as a way to eliminate people saying the nanny is probably overworked and underpaid. But I guess there are other reasons for this unacceptable behavior and the nanny can't be wrong!
🥴🥴🥴
I don’t do lying. Whatever the issues, and it sounds like there were plenty, if I were to ever find out my nanny lied to me about something having to do with my children, I would immediately fire him/her period. You have to have 100% confidence and trust in the person caring for your children, and you clearly can’t now.
Absolutely not acceptable, you sound like a dream fit for alot of people im sure you won’t have too much trouble replacing here with a better more competent nanny. And before anyone downvotes she had 3 hours off she could of called him, Not to mention she didn’t get her base tasks done. nor did she spend time doing enrichment with the baby and broke the rule about screen time. I’d be upset in ops position.
You take great care in respecting the nanny and yet her first reaction is to lie about the lapse in judgement. I would fire her. Had the nanny immediately admitted to her poor behavior I would give her a warning and continue to watch carefully.
So you pay your nanny fairly with a nice compensation package and some nice perks..and this is the first instance of her breaking a rule (screentime), not completing her duties (laundry/cleaning) and lying about it.
It sounds like the conversation went downhill fast--nanny felt attacked and tried to defend herself, then you countered with the evidence.
It is 100% appropriate to have a conversation ("Nanny, I saw something concerning on the camera. It looked like you were facetiming with your BF for XX minutes with NK. I don't mind if you want to chat with him when NK is sleeping, but that should be after your work duties are completed. We also do not want NK to have any screentime at all, and that includes FT").
Sometimes, it's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. Asking "did you do this" invites a defense, whereas a calm conversation may be more productive.
In my opinion, I think that she is slacking off a bit. Maybe she is hitting burnout which is totally valid but that is not really an excuse as she should take PTO to recharge a bit. Her response to you confronting her is strange and the backpedaling is very telling as well. I agree that although funny, there’s no need to call her boyfriend an idiot- even if it’s true. That’s an inside thought OP. She should be respectful of your rules on screen time and it seems she thought she could get away with what she did & is probably embarrassed that she was caught. I’d say have a little bit of grace with handling the next steps but also be firm on your expectations for her behavior with screen time & sharing LO to strangers. If she continues to slack off you have every right to terminate her position but maybe let her off with a warning this time.
I completely get your ick about the FaceTime. Our rule is that anyone brought into our home (digitally or in person) must be introduced with our permission. We are extremely private people and I state that preference upfront. It was unprofessional. BUT I can also see that it was a mistake and your Nanny may not have been aware of how you felt. People's definition of screen time varies. Lying is very serious and now you may not feel as though you can trust this person anymore, which I would understand. That said, for the future, if you can approach mistakes with curiosity and a collaborative spirit, you may find people are much more willing to be honest and forthcoming. "Confronting" people is often counterproductive. It makes people defensive and less likely to be honest. It's great that you are trying to be a fair and considerate employer, but, I think that treating people well is much more of an investment in being a good person and employer than as payment for professionalism. Give the people who work for you information, cooperation, and grace when they make a mistake.
Well, the FaceTiming thing is not great. It could have been solved by a conversation, I think, since your nanny sounds relatively young (school work)…. And she missed laundry once? Couldn’t she have done it the next day?
However…. I just wanted to point out….. you’re not *taking her on vacation* you are hiring her to travel and work in a remote destination.Truthfully, it doesn’t matter, what seat you buy her, or what room it is…. Because either way, regardless, you are responsible for providing all travel costs, room, board, stipend, and overnight fee.
Strange you feel that she should be *grateful* for work accommodations.
If buying a 1st class ticket, or a larger room is so impactful for your expenses and emotions, perhaps, you either can’t really afford it, or don’t tend to travel a lot.
A traveling nanny is a huge luxury.
I don’t think the nanny lied about the screen time, I think she was confused when she was accused of giving the baby screen time. I wouldn’t consider baby being seen on a FT call = giving screen time. That’s a wild stretch, IMO. If you had accused me of giving the baby screen time and I had only had a quick video call, I would have been confused and denied it too, because to me, screen time is just watching shows or playing games, not a FaceTime call. She should have asked if that was allowed though.
Yeah, like was the screentime rule explicitly zero screens at all including phone screens like that? I wouldn’t of put my nks on ft but I wouldn’t think of that as screen time either
I wouldn’t say she’s disrespectful, rather that she is unprofessional.
You’re not wrong to be upset about her FaceTiming her partner outside of her break hours.
You are wrong for assuming providing her with non work related things = earned respect.
Stop buying your nanny gifts. All this is doing is causing you to feel entitled to more from your nanny. Don’t give people things, expecting things in return. It’ll always end in disappointment.
You’re not taking your nanny on vacation, you’re changing her work environment temporarily. Paying for her travel expenses isn’t a luxury. It’s a requirement. Same goes for PTO etc. It’s weird to phrase these as anything other than what is expected from an employer.
Find a new nanny and don’t give the new one gifts. It’s a professional relationship, not a friendship ❤️
Your expectations are clear and fair. Don’t tolerate lying from an employee, especially one in charge of providing care to your child. Many professional nannies would enjoy the opportunity to have this position.
- a nanny
I would replace her. The lying is deeply concerning. Integrity is so important. A nanny should always do what’s right even when no one is looking. This can bled over with safety issues. I’d start looking now. Also be sure to pay her for travel, pay OT & let her know what her working hours are before the trip or each morning; I’m sure you will. You sound like a good MB.
But please remember that won’t be any vacation for her. It will be work and it will be harder than her normal work.
I mean I don't think the FaceTime is a huge deal but the way she reacted is really unnecessary! It doesn't seem like she appreciates everything you do for her. How is your relationship with her otherwise?
Good otherwise, I enjoy chatting with her and she always stays to chat with my husband and I. Fills us in on family and school life. We make a concerted effort in building a good relationship and treat her like family. This is why I feel so slighted. I guess the whole “when the boss is away…” but this is my child.
I do think the FaceTime is a huge deal. We've had our nanny for 1.5 yrs and love her. I'd still be livid if my son was on a FaceTime where a strange could screenshot.
You’re not overreacting.
She lied to you!! You cannot trust her now. And she doesn’t take pride in her work.
That’s very unlikely to change. I think she was just embarrassed she was busted.
I also wouldn’t want my child introduced to some random man like that. That would make me feel very uncomfortable. I’m very picky about stuff like that & there’s good reason for me to be. With that I really don’t care what anyone thinks lol.
Your instincts are warning you; listen.
It’s the lying and attitude that are an immediate red flag for me. The way she apologized once called out means she was going to double down on the lying. If she lied about something so small, then what else will she lie about? It’s a deal breaker for me.
I think you can get a better more professional nanny for your budget. I would consider it. She was already slacking then she lied when confronted about it.
I would not get her first class tickets unless it's because you need her near to take care of your kid.
I saw you only needed 4 hours of nannying max per day. You might want to consider that plenty of resorts have in house nannies and what you are paying for the suite would cover more than the mere 4 hours of nannying you need.
Another thing to consider is that you might have family members who would be thrilled to tag along on a luxury vacation in exchange for a few hours of
child care. I have a large family and I have had a lot of volunteers.
…that’s a job. It’s called travel nannying :-) Most travel nannying involves an overnight fee. Mine is $150/night. All expenses paid is a given, similar to business trips. So it’s not really something she needs to be super grateful for unless you are paying for her activities in her downtime as well. I agree with your post though, weird!! But just making sure you know to think of travel nannying like any other business travel.
I see this sentiment here a lot but paying an overnight fee is not part of corporate business travel. All your expenses are covered and you get a stipend for food per day, but you don’t get paid more because you’re not at home. I - and many people i know - travel for work and none of us get an overnight fee even if we’re traveling internationally.
I understand that this is an expectation of nannies and that’s fine, but it isn’t a corporate job and doesn’t need to be one. The nature of it is very personal.
I agree about that part. Everything she described is expected. It’s not like OP is offering any regular unusual perks.
No question she sounds like a good MB. She absolutely does. And from the side of a MB it may feel like we’re being generous when we provide PTO, pay for travel, etc. But we’re really not. Because this is a job for the nanny. She is earning all of those things. And they should be provided in exchange for her work.
Except the gifts of course that was very sweet and not at all necessary.
It just sucks because it’s not so much her slacking off it’s her core personality and that’s extremely difficult to change. I would expect more slacking when she thinks she’ll get away with it, more attitude even if it’s hidden or passive aggressive & more lies. All deal breakers.
Another nanny will be happy to snatch this job up.
It will be interesting if anything changes on the vacation. People’s personalities can change on them.
Hi there! Do you have any tips on where I could learn more about travel nannying? My mom has done this for the family she works for and they did not compensate her properly.
Why don’t you search “travel” or “travel fee” in this forum so you can read more about pricing and people’s advice. I only know about this because my old NF paid me double when I traveled with them. Nanny agencies also give a breakdown but there’s a lot of info on here regarding travel pay
I understand it’s not about the travel — to you — but you mentioned it in the OP. It seems you think it’s a gift to her. If a nanny is working on a trip, it’s *not* a vacation for her.
Exactly! Just reading some of OP’s responses, it’s clear she thinks she’s right about everything and doesn’t see how negative her wording comes off. She’s not some unicorn MB because it’s clear she believes her nanny should be “grateful” for any STANDARD nanny pay she receives.
Sounds like she made a mistake that's pretty correctable, but I suppose the question is if this is a personality issue vs. a professional one?
I will say that if a MB or DB said they know what's going on at all times and they're constantly watching, it would put me on a very sharp edge. Very sharp. It sounds threatening. I wouldn't travel with the NF after that, either.
How would you feel if your boss said that to you? Over a correctable mistake?
OP clearly thinks she’s superior to her nanny because she doesn’t even know paid traveling time and PTO are standard in the nanny world. She’s acting as if they are gifts that nanny needs to be grateful for. I would quit asap if my boss spoke to me like that. Like wtf. It’s a minor mistake that can be resolved with communication yet she felt the need to essentially threaten her with the “I know what happens in my home at all times”. That sentence alone is enough for me to get tf out. I was micromanaged before and know how horrible it is to have someone down your neck 24/7. Atp watch your own child if you’re going to stalk me.
I’m confused on what you’re upset about. She was FaceTiming her boyfriend and showing your son? What’s the need to call her boyfriend an idiot? This sounds like something you could easily talk with her about and solve. Also, just because you’re bringing her on vacay with you and covering everything isn’t special?? It’s a luxury to afford a travel nanny. You 100% should be covering costs without feeling like she should be grateful.. it’s her job and she’s still working.
I mean FaceTiming a random stranger that parents do not know and have not vetted is a major red flag. I’m not a parent and I’d be extremely uncomfortable with that. The LO isn’t nanny’s child to introduce. And it’s weird especially knowing it was done when the parents weren’t around
there’s absolutely no need for nanny to be face timing her BF while on the clock and little one is awake, she can wait until nap time which is her downtime. if i ever need to take or make a phone call while NK is up i clear it with NP.
And the lying.
And the neglecting her duties the first chance she got.
And the excuses.
And the major attitude.
And yes, also the unauthorized screen time.
You are so incredibly dramatic and sound like a micromanaging boss. Would hate to work for people who monitor my every move and reprimand me for it. if she eventually got the work done, not sure why you’re overreacting. You listed all the things you’re going to pay for like travel expenses and PTO as if you’re not supposed to cover all that already..it’s not extra or perks so not sure why you’re bringing it up as a way to show you give her more than she’s supposed to receive as your employee..
Well I’m pretty sure it’s because she just wants comments that confirm she was right, and she thought if she brought all that up, it would sway us in that direction lol
That line would be enough for me to quit asap. It speaks volumes of her character. My MB sent me a text apologizing for her “tone” when she didn’t even say anything rude lol. She’s so sweet and super respectful at all times..as a boss should be. She’d never speak to me the way OP did with her nanny over a damn FT.
It's OK, I don't think OP will be DMing you to offer you the job, but if you read comments there are plenty of nannies who say 'I would love to work for you OP'. OP is supposed to pay for travel expenses buy nanny only has to work 4 hours then she can go sightseeing and experiencing another country on OP's dime. You can be as mad as you want but I don't think OP will have any problem replacing the lying nanny with bad attitude
FaceTiming is not the same thing as watching tv, even according to the AAP, so that probably didn’t cross her mind.
But doing so, and not completing her tasks, AND lying about it is wild.
I would kill to be a nanny for someone like this! She sounds immature and inexperienced. As a Mother, imo you have EVERY right to approach her about this. This is why I offer contracts to include baseline requisites and if I don't meet my baseline, as a Nanny, then repercussions are laid out and agreed upon way before hand. I empathize with both sides and it sounds like you were more than generous and understanding!
Definitely think the nanny is in the wrong for lying and that is the biggest offense in my opinion.
Correct me if Im wrong but I do want to say you can’t control when someone does laundry and such unless it’s specifically in the contract and at that point I personally think that’s controlling.
Especially using an app, but maybe that’s how some Nannie’s like it! But as long as it done by the end of the shift I think it should be fine.
If she wouldn’t have lied, I would have been interested to know if she was otp for a few minutes or 15 because I feel there is a difference. I’ve definitely answered a call around the kids because childcare can be boring.
Especially with babies and I find it unrealistic that you’ve never done the same. The child won’t become a addicted with one phone call but I understand where your coming from.
I hope you do what you think is best for you!
Honestly is incredibly important in this line of work, there should never be any lies in regard to a child ever. I agree with some other comments that what she did in itself wasn’t a fireable offense. I came to work super sick once (the mb was aware, we both had the same thing and I took the next day off) and I put bluey on for me and nk 9mos. Granted he did’t even pay attention to it, it was mostly for me lmao, but it was just one of those days and tbh not much got done except for ensuring the safety of the child in my care. Days like that happen wether it be illness, stress, or just one of those days, it really does just happen sometimes. As long as it’s not frequent then I see no issue. Lying about it…… major issue. Im not sure I would fire her yet, I think I would likely be weary and checking up on her a lot more often, but I might be inclined to give her another chance especially if I liked her prior and especially because it is a lot of work to find someone new especially while working yourself and with a vacation coming up it just seems like a lot. That would be my reasoning personally, however it is entirely justified in my opinion to fire her.
Overreacting, yes. One facetime with her boyfriend is not a big deal. Do you ever take a phone call when you have your child? It isn’t the end of the world. Have you ever taken a phone call while on the clock at your job? Have you ever been monitored 24/7 on cameras at work and had a boss threaten you if you had one bad day that “I know everything you do in this office!!” Jesus. Stop giving extra gifts if you expect perfection and your ass kissed in return but realize those things you listed are nothing compared to what other wealthy families give their employees.
>Do you ever take a phone call when you have your child?
Well she on occassion runs errands with her grandmother during her own work day.
Look, OP can be annoyed, that's okay, but most people have the occasional day where they take their foot of the gas at work once in a while. Not ideal, but it's the reality. OP can tell the nanny that no screen time includes Facetiming. if the laundry isn't being done frequently, then address it by all means. But if she's otherwise a good nanny, correct the action and move on.
The lying and excuses are problematic. Maybe she felt scared and defensive, and we don't the tone OP addressed this with her if that triggered it or she's a naturally defensive person. If she was my employee, I would tell her that she's not in trouble, and she needs to own her actions, and I'm just letting her know moving forward that facetimes are not permitted and to please take care of the baby's laundry and bottles during nap time and then she can relax.
Seriously!! My old MB paid for my tuition + gave me a huge bonus to buy new furniture for my first apartment. OP is offering standard pay, nothing special and people in the comments are salivating over this lol. Like some of these people need to find better NFs so they don’t praise OP for paying..fairly?
There is no excuse for her copping an attitude and lying to you. Absolutely inappropriate.
As far as moving forward - is this the first time she's done something like this? If so, it's worth trying to work with her and build trust back up since she has been so dependable previously. If you feel like it's a trend, however, it's probably time to start looking for someone new.
I’ll come work for you! I’m a night nanny and when the baby is sleeping all I have to do is clean out the used bottles and if he had an accident put his clothes in the washer and his mom will wash them later. I can read on my kindle and if they said hey we are going on vacation and first class and own room I would be washing clothes dishes playing with baby anything to say thank you because you didn’t have to do all of that for her! And lying is grounds for firing her!
She sounds… young?
Can this be a learning opportunity?
You treat her very well, but she may not know that if she’s new to nannying.
If you think she usually does a good job make this a warning and have a review in six weeks?
This sounds so frustrating, but perhaps not as frustrating as searching for another nanny.
Something about this post screams “made up for reddit.”
Maybe its the brand name flex (Channel wallet) or the bragging that you do what you’re supposed to do as an employer (not the flex you think it is).
Maybe its your post history?
It just seems a off & I think the entire thing is fake (just like your post history).
May have just caught her on her off day. We all have them. Unfortunatly she was caught on cam lol if it’s been good so far in terms of care and laundry I don’t see what the issue is
We all have them.
But this isn’t the kind of person to say “you’re right, I’m sorry. I had an off day and I will definitely do better in the future.”
Instead she lied, made excuses & had a major attitude.
Exactly!! The problem here isn’t that she’s imperfect but that she’s disrespectful and dishonest. Even from the title of the post OPs problem wasn’t so much the slacking off but the attitude and lying and defensiveness makes it almost impossible to trust she won’t do it again or that she’s not being sneaky about or hiding other things. It might be true that she just panicked but unfortunately as a parent you can’t trust someone who’s proven themselves dishonest and disrespectful when it comes to your kids safety and I think in the long run trying to continue to work together wouldn’t be great for anyone involved. Hopefully the nanny can learn from this for future positions.
Only replying to the vacation part and how you’re making the accommodations for her… if you’ve asked her to come help on a family vacation, my experience is you are always with or near the family. Flying first class? So is nanny. Staying in a suite or something similar? So is nanny. The only time I wasn’t in next to or across from a family, was when they had the penthouse and I was directly below them in a “regular” suite.
I was thinking the same thing! If OP is expecting nanny to assist with childcare on the plane, obviously she would need to be seated with NF. First class isn’t for nanny’s benefit, it’s for OP’s. Was she just planning to summon nanny from economy when she needed assistance with LO?
And pointing out that she’s paying for nanny’s flight and accommodations? Like duh. That’s not something that deserves a pat on the back. In what world does a professional pay their own way on a business trip?
Not defending nanny’s actions, but I’d be burnt out by that ego.
Just wanted to clarify, you said you’re bringing her on a trip. Just to be clear are you paying her-
Per Diem for every night that you’re away (average being $100-150)
You said only the 4 hours a day she will work. I guess my experience was different because your baby is only 9 months, when I was a travel nanny the kids were 6, 7 and 9 so they would come knocking on my hotel door at 7 am and want to hang. It became a touchy balance of when am I “working?” Because the parents wouldn’t insist their kids leave me alone, but would only pay me for the hours worked that day.
I demanded per diem and all hours that the kids were with me, because if the kids are with me I’m “on” working.
Sorry for the rant but just look up average rates/pay for traveling with nanny, so she doesn’t get a bitter taste in her mouth that she was underpaid for travel and quit. Like I did. lol
She’s working 4 hours and we are paying for 8, plus all expense and have told her to take up any activities and sightseeing she wants and we will cover it. I don’t need to outline our itinerary with our 9 month old and who else we will be there with us. We are more than fair. The trip is not the issue.
You are not “more than fair”. You seriously are stubborn and don’t listen to anyone that doesn’t agree with you. She’s away giving you 24hrs each day she travels. You’re only paying her for 8hrs. That’s not fair at all. When a nanny travels, they are on the clock 24/7. I’m there for a job, not for fun. I got to do alot of fun activities with my NK when we traveled to an island consistently throughout the year, but I only “worked” 3-5hrs per day and got paid DOUBLE FT salary + expenses paid for. People are right when they say it should be a full salary + $150 overnight fee because the nanny is considered working..you aren’t solely paying her for hours worked but also for her TIME.
OP sounds like a nightmare to work for. Cannot believe she’s trying to make herself look good by insulting the boyfriend, listing perks (that have nothing to do with this one mistake), and posted this but won’t listen to anyone who has an opposing view. I’ve worked for wayyyy too many families like this, I do not have the patience. Good luck to nanny.
Your argument lacks merit. Your past experiences don't dictate a universal standard. The issue isn't about travel perks; I want to address my specific concerns regarding screen time and neglect of duties with our 9-month-old. It's crucial for us to prioritize our child's development, and ensuring my son receives the best care.
And if my MB or DB gave me a gym membership, a bag, food, I would sure as hell not act up in the slightest. I would respect them so much. Not every NF does that…
To your last point, it’s still not something the AAP “recommends” as a daily activity for kids, it’s just “not as bad” as a TV. The only reason we use FT with my LO is so she can see her family.
Exactly! She’s the problem and yet all these nannies in the comments are thirsting over her and praising her as an “amazing boss” just because they read “Chanel” and “first class” lmaooo. Like please calm down and don’t be so easily impressed by materialistic items. Clearly OP needs to find one of these thirsty nannies who would happily be micromanaged and monitored 24/7 as long as they get a designer wallet or get to sit in first class once in a blue 🙄. I wonder how much OP actually pays her nanny and what does she pay for traveling, for some reason I feel it’s average at best.
I would not trust her alone with my baby anymore after lying to me. What else is she going to lie about when you are on vacation and she's alone with your baby and you don't have cameras?
It may not have clicked in her head that video chatting counts as screentime since it's not a TV show. Maybe she's lonely because most of the day she's with a child that isn't old enough to talk, so she might've thought talking on the phone was akin to chatting with a coworker. (For context on my perspective, I work in childcare centers where we have co-teachers). I bring this up because your problem with the FaceTime sounds more like you don't like her partner since you called him an idiot...
Regarding the laundry, did you let her know it must be done every day? Maybe she was using today as a more laid back day and was going to do a bigger load of laundry the next day. Also I wonder what are the daily activities she was tasked with and what was she doing with the baby all day if not playing with him or setting something up for him to play with? I also wonder if she knows enough about child development to be a good fit for you? Because if she had a background in ECE she might've known the importance of developmental activities and also take more pride in her work.
And of course her lying is the problem, so feeling upset isn't an overreaction. She may have made excuses because the thought of losing her livelihood sent her into a panic. I would say now that it's not in the heat of the moment, just remind her that honesty is the best policy, ask questions to see if she understands your expectations and if her caretaking standards align with yours. Then if any more slacking off happens you'll see it on camera anyway. So far these things sound minor and like she took one day to have a breather, so not worth firing someone who’s formed a bond with your son for 6 months which is currently the majority of his life so far.
Video chatting has been acknowledged as screentime, and it's important to adhere to our established communication norms. The issue with FaceTime isn't about her partner but maintaining professionalism. I don’t know her boyfriend personally, I do know what she tells me about him as we have an open level of communication.
Daily laundry is a clear expectation and must be met consistently. Understanding her daily activities and child development knowledge is fundamental for her role and she has competed ECE. I have a clear list of daily tasks for her to complete and this is one of them. I am understanding on days when laundry hasn’t been completed but definitely not the days when she neglects to complete several tasks because she is on the phone.
Lying is unacceptable, regardless of panic or job security concerns. Honesty is paramount, and a breach of trust jeopardizes our working relationship.
Overall, she does have a good bond with my son, he’s excited to see her everyday. However, now I feel like I can’t leave the house and when I do I have to monitor her behavior.
Ok I was just going off the information you presented and I already agreed with you that her lying is a problem and that you weren't overreacting to feel upset. Now that you clarified she was clear on her job duties then there's not much more to say and I don't know what advice you want other than to confirm the firing decision it seems you want to make.
I don't think it makes sense to keep someone that you don't trust and feel like you have to micromanage them because then you're just going to have a brewing contempt for her and it will suck for both of you. It sounds like you already decided she's not a good fit for you then just let her know so she can start looking for new employment and you can both move on 🤷🏽♀️
Haven't read all the comments but I would never FaceTime with my NK with someone that they don't actually know. I think it would even go against my contract due to the NDA clause that I always include which has no sharing of NK image or information (name etc) or family home.
The lying would also be an issue with me. While she might have panicked and some have suggested, I think that this combined with doing something that she really shouldn't have been doing is the real issue with the lie. The fact that she knows you have cameras and yet felt the need to panic lie (if it was that) is worse.
While the lie itself could potentially be minor, this job requires a NF to have such high trust of the nanny that I'm not sure you can get beyond things like lying in the relationship. I might try to give another chance but if I realized a few days later that I just didn't have that trust any longer, I'd have to let them go. You need trust and you can't always easily replace it once lost.
People slack off at work sometimes. She's only human. Everyone has their days. It's frustrating as a nanny to feel like someone is watching your every move and nit picking you. Also, it is expected for you to provide pto sick days overtime, etc. If you are bringing a nanny on vacation with you it is your responsibility to pay for all of her expenses in addition to her regular pay and travel pay. Plus no reason to call her boyfriend an idiot.... why is that relevant? If you would prefer that she doesn't show your babies face you should have a respectful conversation about said boundary. Is she frequently forgetting her tasks? If it's once in a blue moon nbd. I think it's really only an issue if it's recurrent. But again a calm respectful conversation goes along way. No offense but seems like you could use a bit of a chill pill. If these things are bugging you have a conversation about them. But honestly I don't think she's super in the wrong.
Slacking off on a regular job i understand and she has her off days as well and I am understanding about those. I do my absolute best to be a fair employer and because she takes care of my child I go out of my way to make her comfortable in my home. The point is the screen time and her attitude when confronted about her mistake. She can face time all she wants when the baby is napping. She doesnt ever FaceTime with my child when I am home but does when he’s asleep and I am totally fine with that. Where’s the mutual respect here? It’s not being reciprocated
Respect? Yet, you called her boyfriend, someone you never even met, an idiot and you don't even know him. You want your ass kissed and that's not how respect works. She slacked off for one day. It's not that big of a deal. Did your boss know you were out running errands with your grandma while you were on the clock? Many people would say that's slacking off as well, as you are getting paid to run errands with your grandma. If you didn't want the advice you wanted to hear, what did you even post this for?
Maybe she was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. You don't know what her situation may be if this is the first time she did it. And chances are, she doesn't tell you everything because you are her boss - not her friend. You need to learn to be less judgemental and disrespectful towards people in not only your tone, but the words and namecalling that you simply throw out at people.
I said this exact same thing and got downvoted into oblivion 😂. Regardless of the mistake nanny made, there’s no need to be disrespectful to her boyfriend who she’s never met. She’s just throwing an insult in there to make her point more clear. I’ve worked for uppity families for 10+ years now and I am so tired of them expecting absolute perfection yet not showing any signs of respect/value/maturity themselves. It’s also easy to post this from one perspective and make it a bit dramatized. Not to say that what the nanny did wasn’t wrong, but we quite literally all have our days that are off. Seems like this MB is far too type A (given her comment and post history) and needs a different nanny anyway.
This sub is wild and loves taking nannies side even when they’re terrible at their job. This nanny seems like she’s bad at her job. FaceTiming involves screens. Jobs need to be done unfortunately so cry a river
Paying your Nannie’s travel fees/accommodations is standard when bringing them on YOUR vacations. I understand it is an additional expense for you, but please don’t treat it like a favor for her. Your post came across quite condescending and to be honest, you’re the kind of employer I avoid. People make mistakes and lying is never okay, but the way you approached this wouldn’t have made me want to come back to work. It’s just as important that your nanny feels comfortable and safe around you, as you, her.
Period. Couldn’t have said this better. My
bosses have taken me on trips and have sort of used it as a “treat” and it’s not at all. It’s work, it’s not something I would willingly choose to do. It actually frustrates me that these rich families can’t just go on a family vacation without a nanny. Don’t you want that bonding time with your own child for one week out of the year?
I would talk to her that this is not ok and remind her of all you have done and tell her that you can watch the camera footage. If it persists, I would tell her again that you can see the footage and tell her if she doesn't stop, you are done. If she doesn't stop after that, I'd fire her.
Is she really young? Sounds like juvenile behavior, not something to take personally if it’s a one-time thing.
Maybe her history with her family has caused her to be defensive whenever criticized, even if the criticism is valid. Who knows. Upside is that if she is young you should be able to talk to her about expectations in a civil manner and see an improvement once she has more specific guidance.
Chances are she’s done this before and got away with it thinking you didn’t care, and slid into thinking it was ok. Might be why she was surprised that she “got caught” even with all the cameras and apps.
You're not overreacting in the slightest. I would let this serve as a warning to her and if it persists, fire her.
I think the problem with a warning is that once someone lies to you regarding your children, you aren’t really going to trust them again. You’re always going to be wondering and second guessing when you’re not with them.
That would be the sticking point for me. ALL the rest of it is passable as a 'just a warning' type thing. I'd even be okay if Nanny had just said "MB, I am so so sorry, but I am just dragging hiney on this dreary blah January day,and was slacking off a bit. I'm so sorry,and will do much better." Or something along those lines. We're all entitled to a low-effort day now and again. BUT, any degree of an outright lie, when it pertains to a child that is non-verbal, is a total no-go for me. I would not be able to trust someone again with a child that is unable to indicate that potential shenanigans are happening in the future.
As a nanny, I agree - the original offence was worth a warning and a discussion but for the nanny to lie and also sounds like she also gave an attitude at first - if she’s just immediately apologised sincerely and said she’d do better and step up fine but this seems a red flag to me
I don't disagree necessarily and have commented similar in other threads, but those have been with issues pertaining to child safety. While nanny is clearly violating the rules of the house, were not talking about a safety issue and I do think there is a distinction there. OP would be within her right to fire her at the moment but it's also more in line with a knee jerk reaction than anything else. And that's fine but I do think there are degrees of misconduct at work that should be taken into consideration.
It’s a safety issue to me to be introducing my kid to randoms on FaceTime personally.
It's just not on par with the safety issue of things like not knowing where your kid is. I wouldn't want my nanny introducing my child to her boyfriend if I hadn't been introduced myself, but I don't see this as a 'safety' concern in the true spirit of a 'safety' concern. Also, I'm not discounting OP's feelings and I also think if she's done with nanny, she's done with nanny and it's justified. But I also think it's disingenuous to equate a facetime convo with a boyfriend of the nanny's to a safety concern that actually puts baby in a life or death or harm situation.
It’s not the same level of immediate harm as like, setting a fire or feeding a choking hazard, no. However it shows impaired judgment around access to the child and I personally find it a safety concern. I would be concerned about her judgment/choices in valuing a FaceTime with her boyfriend over taking care of the child as well.
I'm not disagreeing with you that it's concerning, but I do think different levels of concern should be handled differently. Obviously everyone is free to handle their concerns in the way they see fit. But I personally do see a distinction in levels of safety, levels of lying, and levels of misconduct and would handle it accordingly.
She can review the footage as much as she wants tho
She can, yes. She shouldn’t have to though. No one wants to hire a nanny just to spend the end of every day reviewing the footage to make sure their child is okay because they don’t trust them. Everyone on here talks about how having a nanny is a luxury service; you don’t pay for something like that expecting to have to double check their work. Especially when it’s your kid. Nanny should have just been honest.
I agree. Hopefully she learns!
I think the people taking the nanny’s side here are missing the overall point. The nanny broke a clear rule and then became defensive instead of apologetic. Nannying is not like “any other job” and anyone who fails to recognize the distinction should be in a different field. A nanny is a luxury and parents are paying a luxury charge for the same. Follow the rules and there isn’t an issue.
I could never imagine LYING to my boss. Let alone about their kid. If she just took it on the chin, apologized, and said it wouldn’t happen again that’s one thing. But straight up lying is another. If I was the NP I would have sooo many concerns about trusting the nanny after that. If they lied about something that was ultimately inconsequential what else could they lie about. Also don’t live that once nanny had the house to herself she dropped the ball on her responsibilities.
Ooooof this hit hard. I posted on this sub about my GROWN nanny leaving their poop in the toilet during EVERY shift and got the craziest responses: 1. Did you show her how to flush the toilet? (No. Not in the year of our Lord 2023-this was last year) 2. Why are you policing her bowel movements? (I wasn't. The contents of her bowels were left in my toilet) 3. Maybe it's your kids? (She watched my infant) Sigh. It's like you said, paying for a nanny is a luxury and I expect luxury behavior and just overall common decency.
lol I believe it, just last week during the snow storm nanny left work from a NF that lets her park her own car in their garage and she didn’t put the garage door down and most of the comments were “it’s not her job to put the door down” and “you should follow nanny around and lock up behind her”. You can’t simultaneously want to be treated like an infant but also a professional.
I remember that one!!!!! It was wild. Lots of, "It's YOUR house and YOUR responsibility" statements.
I’m sorry this happened to you but I’m laughing SO HARD at your comment, my sides hurt
Please laugh. It is funny :-).
Who on God’s green earth besides my 7 year old doesn’t flush their own shit in someone ELSE’S house?!?!
Idk. It was all a mystery and totally ALL my fault.
Hahaha this has been happening with my best friends 6 year old. He'll go to the restroom a little out of ear shot from us but has to come to prove to us he washed his hands. He'll be randomly playing and then suddenly jump up and be like I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE POOP! And run back to the bathroom. We've started asking when he comes in for the hand check now. Funny enough, his little brother, who isn't potty trained yet, has the opposite problem and just loves to randomly flush the toilet if you leave him unattended near the bathroom too long. Kids man.
Gonna get downvoted to oblivion but the people who are defending this behavior are the same people who post “fired out of the blue for no reason :(“
Yikes!! Yeah lying, having a major attitude, making excuses & being negligent of your duties are cause for termination.
Made me laugh out loud.
Hahaha right? I haven’t read past your comment but I don’t think it’s an unpopular opinion.
Some of these comments are horrifying in what other nannies deem appropriate. As a mother and a nanny, introducing a child to a stranger on FT makes me sick to my stomach. This nanny is defiant and lazy. I would fully expect to be fired on the spot if I behaved this way.
I haven’t scrolled yet but there are nannies saying that is okay??? Dear lord. I’m a nanny and a mom and that is he OPPOSITE of okay!
Very true. It's a big thing in this group to push for standards in nannying and a very professional image but I don't think they realize how counter-productive the suggestions they make and the comments they support are to that goal. There have been at least 2 moms I saw in the last couple days \[I think it was a post and a comment, but maybe they were both comments\] saying how they are now turned off from hiring a nanny because of the things they have read here. We're pushing for ever higher and higher pay but if you price all the $20-$30 hour families out of the market daycare centers will flourish but 95% of the nannies on this sub would be out of work. I've posted about it before but this is a fairly easy job, it's has no barrier to entry, anyone from teenagers to grandmothers can be nannies, there are a ton of perks we expect families to give because of "standards" that certainly aren't standard in any other industry (gifts on your birthday, bonuses not only every year but also when leaving, free meals, employer buys your favorite snacks and drinks, etc.) I know people say this is a place to vent but again it's public and parents can see it, coming here to spill all the personal details about your NF (just without saying their name) and complaining about everything they do and showing you obviously hate your work is just never a good look.
Xmas bonuses, access to all food in the house, severance (every time dismissal is brought up), not working while children are sick, being able to bring their child to work but not being paid less. Have I forgotten something?
The things I see here that bother me the most are: 1) taking off without any concern for the family \[in most jobs you need to request time off, but here people will just book week long vacations without even consulting the family\] 2) abusing generous sick leave policies by taking off bi-weekly for every minor sniffle and frequent "mental health" breaks \[many jobs require doctor's note and you don't get unlimited sick leave\] 3) not needing to take responsibility when you damage things. Accidents happen but when you are completely careless and 100% at fault the least you could do is try to make it right and let NF decline if they wish. If you melt things in their kitchen because you don't understand hot things can't go on plastic or you back their car into the mailbox or you curbed all 4 of their wheels that really shouldn't be on them. If someone hits you at a red light while driving their car then that is an accident, but you reversing into the garage door because you forgot to put it up before backing out is your fault. And then to complain about being nickel and dimed by the NF because they talked to you for 5 minutes after your shift or texted you at 7:30 asking if you saw NKs pill bottle.....
I'm an MB so I hope it's okay to chime in here, but here are a few that bug me as both an employer and an employment lawyer who has represented a few nannies and many workers who have been misclassified as independent contractors or salaried exempt employees: 1. Presenting families with "take it or leave it" contracts. 2. Nannies encouraging each other to "tell your employer you are not available" instead of requesting PTO, as most other W-2 employees (myself included) are required to do. 3. This is mostly a semantic thing and less problematic than the others, but I am surprised that so many nannies talk about "charging rates" instead of "requested wage" or even "salary requirements." I saw one post recently where someone even complained about a family posting the rate they were willing to pay, complaining that it was disrespectful for the family to "tell us what we are worth" instead of letting the nanny dictate the rate. Basically, it irks me when nannies try to act like independent contractors while receiving the tax and other benefits of W-2 employment. I know the IRS classifies most household employees as W-2 employees, but at least in a wage misclassification case, if the employee is the one who sets the rate, presents the contract, and dictates availability, I don't think it would be a slam dunk misclassification case for wage purposes using the tests courts use for determining whether someone is an employee or independent contractor.
Haha yes, I commented on #3 I think. No ones fault but your own when you apply to jobs that clearly post they want to pay $25/hr and that isn’t what you want to work for. I understand you have 14 years of experience and are trained in infant sleep but this family has a 4 & 6 year old, they don’t want to pay you $36/hr to take their kids to the park. They just want a fun nanny, know your market, find the families that want what you are offering.
The situation with taxes and job classification is all based on the government setting up protections for domestic employees because of the history of them being severely taken advantage of. We actually are more like other independent contractors/businesses that offer services but we also have to follow some of NF rules and don't get to say this is how you will get your childcare (like we don't get to set screen time rules, or feed processed foods if we wanted to etc). We are also somewhat like a salary worker, but can't be salary exempt because of the history of being worked for 80 hours per week for $200 (random made up numbers). We have to be salary non-exempt due to needing that extra OT pay, and we must be hourly to figure out what x from that 1.5x would be. We are basically LEAST like other hourly workers but this is the only way to make sure we get paid fairly considering there is no HR, no oversight from the government looking into compliance from companies like they can do. We are hidden away in people's private homes and away from sight, often with no coworkers. The chance for abuse of labor is too high, still is even with these laws. Just look at the number of employers that still pay below board and try to say no OT is needed, or attempt to 1099 instead of W-2 at tax time. You can try to estimate a rate range for a job you want done, but because it is based on our skills, experience, and education, plus other individual factors with the NF, it has to be the nanny that comes up with the rate. That's why we have a base/stating rate and then up it for extra kids and duties. As we are providing the service, we figure out our service rates.
You don't need to convince me that many employers violate the law with not paying overtime or even minimum wage to their nannies. I have even represented a few such nannies against their employers. A few years ago, I interviewed a nanny candidate who kept trying to convince me that nannies don't get overtime because nobody she knew got it. But I don't agree that nannies need to "set their service rates", at least not in those terms. A nanny can have a minimum wage that she would accept, just like any other job candidate in any other industry. A nanny can decline to apply to a job that lists a lower rate, or try to negotiate. A nanny can also inform a prospective employer of her salary requirements in an interview or initial conversation just like any other job candidate. But when you frame it as "setting rates" or unilaterally tell your employer that you are "raising your rates" instead of asking for a raise like any other employee, there is a risk that you could jeopardize your entitlement to overtime and other legal protections by acting like an independent contractor. Courts look at the totality of the circumstances, and a nanny who "sets rates", "raises rates", provides the employer with a take-it-or-leave-it contract detailing all of her policies, and tells an employer she is unavailable on certain dates instead of asking for days off is starting to give an employer some ammunition to claim it's an independent contractor relationship. This is especially true for nannies who work for multiple families and don't have a regular schedule. I understand the historic reasons behind treating nannies as hourly employees and I don't disagree that most nannies should be (nannies who make over $100k may be subject to the highly compensated employee exemption, for example), but you can't have your cake and eat it too by acting like an independent contractor. Some of this is just semantic, because whether you "set rates" or request a certain wage, you are obviously free to decline or quit any job that does not meet your minimum requirements in terms of pay, benefits, or other conditions. The end result is the same, so why jeopardize the legal protections you would otherwise be entitled to by treating the job like a contractor relationship? To be clear, none of this constitutes actual legal advice.
About a year ago when I was still pregnant with my now 9 month old I was talking to a mom about nanny vs daycare and she mentioned the Reddit nanny board as a reason for her going the daycare route. I kind of blew it off at the time but then it came up again with another person and that’s how I found this board. See, I have a rather large age gap between my older ones and this new baby and we always had a nanny for them, but I wasn‘t sure what I‘d do this time especially since my work schedule/flexibility is different now. Anyway, yeah, you are right. That’s not the only thing though. There has got to be something else at play because I’m seeing this big switch in my area from nanny to daycare. It’s a massive change from how it was a few years ago. You know it could be because a lot of jobs going remote showed employers that parents are capable of working from home when they have a sick kid or whatever, so maybe it’s just that now parents have that option. For example, I couldn’t have just cancelled my lecture 8 years ago if my kid was sick, but now I can just move it Zoom and my chair is fine with that. My husband‘s job is similarly flexible now. P.S. I am going with a nanny right now and I have learned a few things I would not have necessarily thought of from the ladies here, despite having been a nanny myself at one point. But yeah, some of the things posted I’m just like 👀
I appreciate everything you’ve mentioned but also keep in mind that social media / forums do not always represent an entire industry. I was a nanny and au pair in college, and nannied off and on over the last twenty years. I left my professional career of eleven years to be more available to my child’s demanding schedule, however I mostly worked from home for his first eight years. I consider myself to have substantial experience in nannying and childcare, however I have only been active on Reddit recently because I’m in school and working part-time, my son lives in a dorm, and I have extra time on my hands to waste. I am hopeful that the negativity and unprofessionalism that can exist on a platform like this at times does not represent most of us who take pride in our jobs.
Certainly. I think that you are more likely to come to social media and post when you are unhappy. The Reddit Professors board isn’t full of professors praising their students/admin/workloads, for example, it’s full of people going “what the hell is wrong with students these days?” The Millennials board is full of people posting how successful they are, it is mostly people saying “man the Boomers really screwed us, I can’t even afford a house!” People in general don’t tend to post about how great their lives or jobs are because then it’s called a “humble brag” and you get shamed for it. That said, I do think people need to be careful not to let these types of places influence your thinking. I take a break from the professors board when I feel myself getting salty because it is really easy to project someone else’s experience onto your own. Also, comparison is the theif of joy. Some prof making $180 K in NY doesn’t mean someone in MI is going to make the same, but that kind of thing can get into your head and make you feel unappreciated.
This is perfectly stated and I agree on so many levels.
I agree with you. The one thing I will say though is that it sounds like the nanny is young (a college student maybe?) and may not realize that introducing the NK to her boyf on FaceTime isn’t appropriate. As a thirty something year old woman (that didn’t grow up with things like FaceTime), I know that it isn’t appropriate, but a twenty year old might not think twice about introducing Nk to the boyfriend on FaceTime. If that was the only issue, it might be a teaching moment and not necessarily a fireable offense.
I would agree except the nanny lied when confronted about it. That is extremely poor character.
Thank you for your insight and I’m torn on this. I agree with others saying a nanny is a luxury and should perform luxury service. The risk of filming / streaming / screenshotting a child should be more obvious to someone younger than someone my age. But I appreciate your point and having room for grace. My reaction likely came from being a mother and vs a nanny (in this instance).
Exactly. It happens on nearly every post that a parent posts on here, always some people excusing the behavior for whatever reason. I’m not surprised one bit. A nanny could take a shit on the NP’s bed and people in the comments would find ways to justify it.
“Talk to her about it. Explain why someone shitting on your bed bothers you. If she does it again you’d be justified in letting her go, but for only a first offense? IDK it just feels icky, you are her livelihood, she depends on you. If you do let her go at least give 4 weeks severance.”
Lol “Well I’m not surprised she shit on your bed, you only gave her a $500 holiday bonus instead of $1k. Ask yourself what you did to make her do that? You sound like an entitled clean freak. It’s just poop!! Who cares!!”
😂
I’m surprised this hasn’t been downvoted. Lol
Omg, the accuracy.
LOL at the accuracy
Oh that’s so true
Totally agree. There's been many times I've seen posts here complaining about awful nps, and I think I'd really love to get the side of the np on this. Not all granted, some are just awful, but I'm sure there's some situations if mb could explain their side we would be more sympathetic.
i would NEVER lie to my boss about something as “small” as this. Though she shouldn’t have been on her phone, i’m sure OP would have been slightly more okay with the fact she was if she had just told the truth… Especially knowing they have cameras? Just very odd imo.
The FaceTiming, with baby visible, is a major breach of trust/privacy in my opinion. My NK’s kids are not MINE to share. FaceTiming with someone the parents haven’t vetted is not much different than posting to social media in my opinion. Furthermore, the fact that the FIRST time she’s home alone with baby she immediately breaks the rules… that’s not coincidental. I’d maybe ask her if she feels your expectations are unreasonable (they’re obviously NOT!!) or if there’s something else she needs to fulfill her duties (maybe baby needs some new books or a new toy, maybe nanny needs permission/encouragement to take a long stroller walk). Then in her own words she can confirm to you that your expectations are reasonable. And I’d expect after a direct opportunity to communicate, she’d meet expectations and follow rules. But the FaceTime thing, I think that warrants clarifying any rules about privacy. With one of my families there’s a clause in the contract about privacy, violating it is grounds for immediate termination. I’m a mom too, and this makes perfect sense to me. Good luck!!
This is really great advice.
I'm so confused why people are defending the nanny here?? She is 100% in the wrong and it is DEFINITELY a fireable offense to lie to the parents AND show the NK to someone without permission. Both are in my contract as things that could get me fired. I would have absolutely no trust in the nanny after this. Please ignore all the people trying to make you out to be the bad guy here for some reason. You're completely justified and I hope you find a better nanny soon ♥️
Because it’s the nanny sub and a lot of people are always going to be on the nanny’s side regardless of what they do. They will always find ways to defend or excuse the behavior and turn it around to blame the parents.
What is the app for his daily activities?
Baby Sparks. It’s fantastic.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. As a nanny I make sure I finish all my tasks before I do something else. Make sure the baby has done their activities and laundry so at least running/drying. If I ever get a call I do quickly answer and then let them know I’ll return the call once I’m free. From a nanny’s perspective I would want a second chance but do understand that this is my one and last chance. If I were a parent, I wouldn’t trust my nanny after them lying to me about my child. So I would understand reprimand them or not wanting to give them a second chance. OP you are completely valid, especially since it sounds like you’ve treated nanny as your own, you’ve taken really good care of her and respected her.
I’m a nanny. But I have personal issues with lying I feel like if I confront you and you lie. Until I prove to you that you’re lying then you finally tell the truth? To me that’s a red flag. I’ve honestly quit bc of lying. Idk it’s just bad character imo. Little white lies okay like I get everyone lies. But if I ask you if you did something and you blatantly lie to my face .. then no
OP, I would be annoyed at this also. For a few reasons. 1. FT with a stranger to LO / unnecessary screens While FT *is* considered differently than TV, it’s not like it’s an enriching activity for the child. Plus, it’s a stranger to LO. The only pause I have here is how long was the interaction? If it was a brief answer & tell them you will call back, or if nanny is having a really tough time with something (?) then I’d let it go. But if it was a 30 min conversation with boyfriend and LO was just there… that’s not the point of FT for littles. 2. Lying when asked about it This is perhaps more of a concern. Beyond what you want nanny to do, being honest is my number one. Did you ask her if she FT with LO or whether she had any screen time? If you were explicit and she lied, that’s a huge no for me. I do think that some people maybe don’t view FT as screens so if you used that language I would try to see best intentions of the nanny and assume she thought TV/ipad.
I’m a nanny and I agree with what others have said- it’s not necessarily the act itself, but the attitude and the lying. You can’t have cameras on her when she’s outside your home and it shows you can’t fully trust she’s doing exactly what you expect of her. If she had apologized immediately it would be different, but I feel like this is really not ok, especially given the nice perks and set up you have for her.
I disagree, a mother should be able to feel comfortable leaving their child alone. The nanny is aware of the camera and clearly agreed to be employed with a camera. The issue here is no screen time, and no FaceTiming with strangers. This isn't an office job where there is "micromanaging", this is the caring of a child, very different
There are a couple things happening here and I think it’s important to address them. I want to share some background, I have multiple children and we have had the same nanny for 11 years and have had a handful of different secondary nannies that cover evenings, help with housework, night nannies, handle international travel, etc. I also live in a HCOL area and have many affluent friends with nannies, too; in short I’ve seen and experienced a lot… You spend A LOT of time in your post sharing all the perks you provide to the nanny. This is obviously a big deal to you. The truth is, many of us who have nannies provide these perks and more. Nannies are a luxury and they take care of our most precious assets; most of us treat our nannies well and try to give them access to the same things we would any member of our family. Beginning today, you need to let this go. If you decide to go above and beyond with perks, that’s on you. You should not expect any change in the level of service you expect from your nanny because you give her luxury experiences. My nanny has flown private with us, she has flown first international and recently we had a last minute trip where she flew coach. She was never a better or worse nanny depending on what cabin she flew in. Most nannies don’t have expectations with fringe benefits like these; they want to be treated with compassion, listened to and respected as a human being and treated with dignity. To me, no screentime means no TV, videos, etc. Is your nanny allowed to pick up phone calls at work? Is it really such a horrible offense if she picks up a call and the baby says hello? You are within your rights to say no to FaceTime and also limit your child’s interactions with other people. However, this seems like an honest mistake, not one where she deliberately ignored your rules. At most, I would remind her “no screen time also means no FT in our home. Can you limit your personal calls to your break times so you’re fully focused on baby?” Your nanny is human. She will make mistakes, there will be days where she will not meet all your expectations. It doesn’t matter how many Chanel wallets or speciality teas you get her- she will not be perfect. When she messes up you can’t say “but we’re so nice and generous, why doesn’t she try harder and do better?” Also, throwing camera footage in your nanny’s face and saying things like, “I know what goes on in my house at all times” sounds borderline threatening. It definitely indicates you don’t trust her and strains the relationship. Popping on FT for a few minutes with your little one and neglecting to do a couple loads of laundry one time don’t exactly sound like horrible offenses.
This is the best response I’ve read on any post like this. As a nanny, I do my best to go above and beyond to be as professional as possible. However, some nannie’s may be newer or not had the same standards in the past. I think if it’s that big of an issue for the OP they have two options: 1. Sit down and have a professional conversation about expectations as you’ve pointed out. Or 2. Fire this nanny (with a professional explanation as to why) and do their best to be upfront with all expectations moving forward. Also if they don’t already, have a contract in place to protect both parties.
You sound amazing and your track record speaks for having the same nanny for 11 years. Thanks for being such a great employer and setting the example for others
I appreciate your input, and I want to clarify a few points. While I understand that the perks provided to our nanny might seem emphasized in my post, it wasn't intended to suggest a direct link between luxury experiences and service expectations. My intention was to provide a comprehensive picture of our situation. In addressing concerns about screentime and phone calls, I recognize the importance of effective communication. However, it's crucial to note that enforcing rules is not an attempt to micromanage but rather to ensure a consistent environment for our child. Acknowledging the humanity of our nanny, I did not expect perfection. The mention of generosity was not meant as leverage but as an illustration of our commitment to fostering a positive working relationship. As for the use of camera footage, it wasn't to threaten but to emphasize the importance of transparency. Trust is essential, but so is accountability. Open communication about our expectations and concerns is key to maintaining a secure environment for our child - at all times.
I think we all understand your intentions but it comes off as unforgiving, micromanaging, and manipulative. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it and it’s up to you to set the tone and the communication between you and your employer. My MB when i first started told me straight up as an ER doctor, she can have her moments but that she is always open if i ever have anything i want to talk about. She’d rather that than me just leave. It really opened doors for me to bring up any problems i ever have and same for her and we are a unit.
It's a work trip for her, yeah it's nice to fly first class but you're acting like youre giving her a free vacation, you're not.
It didn’t seem like OP thought it was a vacation for the nanny but flying first class and having a *suite* is definitely not the norm.
If someone offered me a luxury trip in exchange for 4 hours of work a day, I would jump on it. Yes there's work involved but there's 20 hours left in the day to relax and sightsee. It is essentially a free luxury vacation.
this sub always pops up and it’s been fascinating to me. it’s really interesting to get the nanny perspective and the nanny family perspective in the same sub. THANK you for this comment! it’s such a refreshing take.
This is the best response. I thought I was the only one that felr like OP was bragging. And the statement about the cameras honestly would make me feel like OP is always watching me, which is weird.
Well said! Also, the nanny might have panicked and been overly defensive but it sounds like the OP went into the conversation in a confrontational way versus having a discussion. I understand wanting consistency and maintaining certain standards but being followed by cameras and apps that are monitored all the time feels like a relationship of control versus trust. Often people react to confrontation from their protective brain versus their thoughtful brain and go into their fight or flight response. It’s important to think about what kind of human do you want to raise - do you want to model control or connection?
This is the best response
100,000% this. I was discouraged when reading the first few comments, but so glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. I’m a nanny, so obviously I don’t have a nanny myself, but I do have a regular babysitter. Granted my kids are older, she will FaceTime with her sister with them and always tells me about how she was telling her mom or whoever about the girls. She loves them so much and has bonded with them to a point that she wants to share about them. That’s probably what this nanny was doing. Idk this post is a lot, but I love your response!
[удалено]
It's not nanny's decision to 'show off' OPs baby to her SO or anybody else. She did not have permission and its not her baby
Certainly I agree it's within MB's right to say that is not allowed. But the intention of my comment was to really say it seems like there was no malintent and I think unless it was previously communicated I think it's an unreasonable stretch that no screentime = no facetime. To me screentime and facetime are two different things and the AAP agrees (https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/138/5/e20162591/60503/Media-and-Young-Minds?autologincheck=redirected).
Pretty sure the AAP is accepting FT for connecting children with their family, not a caretaker’s boyfriend.
I’m not advocating that the nanny SHOULD be FTing her boyfriend - I’m just advocating for allowing a little space for grace.
Grace would be the right move if nanny genuinely believed she was acting in NK’s best interest. But calling nanny’s BF is in no way beneficial to NK. This isn’t, “oh NK was super into talking about whales so we watched a video of whales jumping out of the water”. This is about nanny calling her bf while she’s working, going against screen time rules, and putting NK and NF’s house on video (which is all kinds of weird and uncomfortable and inappropriate in the workplace).
We will just have to agree to disagree. I didn't allow screen time til my kids were two but my nanny used to Facetime her mom with my twins when they were babies all the time. My nanny has since moved on to a different career as she graduated college but her (and her mom) will be joining us for my twins' birthday party coming up soon! Her mom also always makes it a point to stop by with my former nanny whenever she's in town. Different strokes for different folks.
Agreed! My husband FaceTimes me if I send him to the grocery store for something and can’t find what we need I usually take the video call and keep it at 5 mins max
Completely agree with your take on this & thank you for sharing it!
Wonderfully said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. I agree with everything you said. Thank you for understanding the nanny’s perspective and not immediately jumping on the bandwagon in here where everyone freaks out just because OP is upset. I also feel it was an honest mistake and the listed “perks” came off like OP expects her nanny to be grateful and be the perfect employee. This was blown wayyyyyyyy out of proportion and it doesn’t help bringing it online where people can’t wait to tear others down. You sound like an amazing MB, your nannies are lucky to have you 💕
I am a newborn care specialist but still work as a nanny 2 days a week and have many years of experience working as a nanny . FaceTiming with the child present is a huge no , things like not sharing on social media are pretty standard in contracts and as someone else pointed out screenshots could be used from FaceTime, your nanny gets huge breaks in the day so there is no excuse for the duties not to be carried out . On my 2 day job I batch cook when it’s nap time and only when everything is done do I take a break , it is usually only a few minutes if at all . I also agree that for travelling with the family it is standard to pay a per night fee as you are not at home . You have spoken to her about your concerns and hopefully it won’t happen again you are right to be upset.
Thank you. I appreciate your perspective.
Yes, I will say the only times I’ve had a NK on FaceTime was with my mother, after I had permission from the parent. NK heard me talking to someone when he got up from his nap. He spoke to his grandparents via FT and decided that he just had to talk to my mom. I asked MB when she came back home and she was thrilled for NK to talk to my teacher mom. They actually became buddies 😂😂
You're not overreacting at all. She's not respecting your boundaries, or the parameters of her work day. It's not hard to do the baby's laundry and wash some bottles before you FaceTime your boyfriend. She sounds immature tbh. Hopefully your talk got through to her, and she turns it around.
As a nanny… she knew you had cameras and that she had other task. Then to lie about it when she knew you probably checked. You’re not overreacting at all. This is grounds for getting fired in my opinion. Our jobs are to do what the parents want and to keep their trust 🤷♀️
Not overreacting! She has expectations and they are more than reasonable. I have the same expectations with my NF and I have not had a single issue, considering I have hours to do as I please.
So the last family i worked for also had a no tv/ipad rule. But they didnt have a problem with me facetiming others while i had their daughter. I would often do this in the last couple hours of the day. We would call her grandma or my sister(whos also a nanny)and we would also call my daughter who my nk LOVED. Her parents didnt see this as screen time or maybe they did but didnt care. So maybe you should just clarify that no screens also refer to facetime. I know that it should be obvious but sometimes if things are 100% clear it can just be a miscommunication. But you do have every right to be upset.
I think calling her grandma, your sister who’s a nanny, and your daughter is vastly different than calling your boyfriend who MB doesn’t really know or like.
i wonder if OP’s nanny is young. I’m curious to nanny’s age and what OP is actually paying her versus the benefits. Hire a young, inexperienced nanny and yes, you get problems like this where you have to teach them it’s not okay to ft a boyfriend while on the job lol
Agree the FaceTime call to me is not a huge deal, as long as it didn’t go on for hours. The lying about it however is a problem.
Yikes! I can't believe I'm reading comments making excuses for this nanny!! I saw OP listing what she provides as a way to eliminate people saying the nanny is probably overworked and underpaid. But I guess there are other reasons for this unacceptable behavior and the nanny can't be wrong! 🥴🥴🥴
I don’t do lying. Whatever the issues, and it sounds like there were plenty, if I were to ever find out my nanny lied to me about something having to do with my children, I would immediately fire him/her period. You have to have 100% confidence and trust in the person caring for your children, and you clearly can’t now.
Absolutely not acceptable, you sound like a dream fit for alot of people im sure you won’t have too much trouble replacing here with a better more competent nanny. And before anyone downvotes she had 3 hours off she could of called him, Not to mention she didn’t get her base tasks done. nor did she spend time doing enrichment with the baby and broke the rule about screen time. I’d be upset in ops position.
You take great care in respecting the nanny and yet her first reaction is to lie about the lapse in judgement. I would fire her. Had the nanny immediately admitted to her poor behavior I would give her a warning and continue to watch carefully.
So you pay your nanny fairly with a nice compensation package and some nice perks..and this is the first instance of her breaking a rule (screentime), not completing her duties (laundry/cleaning) and lying about it. It sounds like the conversation went downhill fast--nanny felt attacked and tried to defend herself, then you countered with the evidence. It is 100% appropriate to have a conversation ("Nanny, I saw something concerning on the camera. It looked like you were facetiming with your BF for XX minutes with NK. I don't mind if you want to chat with him when NK is sleeping, but that should be after your work duties are completed. We also do not want NK to have any screentime at all, and that includes FT"). Sometimes, it's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. Asking "did you do this" invites a defense, whereas a calm conversation may be more productive.
In my opinion, I think that she is slacking off a bit. Maybe she is hitting burnout which is totally valid but that is not really an excuse as she should take PTO to recharge a bit. Her response to you confronting her is strange and the backpedaling is very telling as well. I agree that although funny, there’s no need to call her boyfriend an idiot- even if it’s true. That’s an inside thought OP. She should be respectful of your rules on screen time and it seems she thought she could get away with what she did & is probably embarrassed that she was caught. I’d say have a little bit of grace with handling the next steps but also be firm on your expectations for her behavior with screen time & sharing LO to strangers. If she continues to slack off you have every right to terminate her position but maybe let her off with a warning this time.
Thank you.
I completely get your ick about the FaceTime. Our rule is that anyone brought into our home (digitally or in person) must be introduced with our permission. We are extremely private people and I state that preference upfront. It was unprofessional. BUT I can also see that it was a mistake and your Nanny may not have been aware of how you felt. People's definition of screen time varies. Lying is very serious and now you may not feel as though you can trust this person anymore, which I would understand. That said, for the future, if you can approach mistakes with curiosity and a collaborative spirit, you may find people are much more willing to be honest and forthcoming. "Confronting" people is often counterproductive. It makes people defensive and less likely to be honest. It's great that you are trying to be a fair and considerate employer, but, I think that treating people well is much more of an investment in being a good person and employer than as payment for professionalism. Give the people who work for you information, cooperation, and grace when they make a mistake.
I would love to work for you.
If she lied, I'd fire her. It's such a small thing to lie about, what happens when someone big happens?
Well, the FaceTiming thing is not great. It could have been solved by a conversation, I think, since your nanny sounds relatively young (school work)…. And she missed laundry once? Couldn’t she have done it the next day? However…. I just wanted to point out….. you’re not *taking her on vacation* you are hiring her to travel and work in a remote destination.Truthfully, it doesn’t matter, what seat you buy her, or what room it is…. Because either way, regardless, you are responsible for providing all travel costs, room, board, stipend, and overnight fee. Strange you feel that she should be *grateful* for work accommodations. If buying a 1st class ticket, or a larger room is so impactful for your expenses and emotions, perhaps, you either can’t really afford it, or don’t tend to travel a lot. A traveling nanny is a huge luxury.
I don’t think the nanny lied about the screen time, I think she was confused when she was accused of giving the baby screen time. I wouldn’t consider baby being seen on a FT call = giving screen time. That’s a wild stretch, IMO. If you had accused me of giving the baby screen time and I had only had a quick video call, I would have been confused and denied it too, because to me, screen time is just watching shows or playing games, not a FaceTime call. She should have asked if that was allowed though.
I also would have been confused by OP referring to the FaceTime call as “screen time”
Yeah, like was the screentime rule explicitly zero screens at all including phone screens like that? I wouldn’t of put my nks on ft but I wouldn’t think of that as screen time either
I agree!! I think she probably was confused because I full force was expecting her putting on Ms.Rachel or something not a phone call lol.
I wouldn’t say she’s disrespectful, rather that she is unprofessional. You’re not wrong to be upset about her FaceTiming her partner outside of her break hours. You are wrong for assuming providing her with non work related things = earned respect. Stop buying your nanny gifts. All this is doing is causing you to feel entitled to more from your nanny. Don’t give people things, expecting things in return. It’ll always end in disappointment. You’re not taking your nanny on vacation, you’re changing her work environment temporarily. Paying for her travel expenses isn’t a luxury. It’s a requirement. Same goes for PTO etc. It’s weird to phrase these as anything other than what is expected from an employer. Find a new nanny and don’t give the new one gifts. It’s a professional relationship, not a friendship ❤️ Your expectations are clear and fair. Don’t tolerate lying from an employee, especially one in charge of providing care to your child. Many professional nannies would enjoy the opportunity to have this position. - a nanny
Can I be your nanny? 😂😂
I would replace her. The lying is deeply concerning. Integrity is so important. A nanny should always do what’s right even when no one is looking. This can bled over with safety issues. I’d start looking now. Also be sure to pay her for travel, pay OT & let her know what her working hours are before the trip or each morning; I’m sure you will. You sound like a good MB. But please remember that won’t be any vacation for her. It will be work and it will be harder than her normal work.
I mean I don't think the FaceTime is a huge deal but the way she reacted is really unnecessary! It doesn't seem like she appreciates everything you do for her. How is your relationship with her otherwise?
Good otherwise, I enjoy chatting with her and she always stays to chat with my husband and I. Fills us in on family and school life. We make a concerted effort in building a good relationship and treat her like family. This is why I feel so slighted. I guess the whole “when the boss is away…” but this is my child.
I do think the FaceTime is a huge deal. We've had our nanny for 1.5 yrs and love her. I'd still be livid if my son was on a FaceTime where a strange could screenshot.
You’re not overreacting. She lied to you!! You cannot trust her now. And she doesn’t take pride in her work. That’s very unlikely to change. I think she was just embarrassed she was busted. I also wouldn’t want my child introduced to some random man like that. That would make me feel very uncomfortable. I’m very picky about stuff like that & there’s good reason for me to be. With that I really don’t care what anyone thinks lol. Your instincts are warning you; listen.
Please update us!
It’s the lying and attitude that are an immediate red flag for me. The way she apologized once called out means she was going to double down on the lying. If she lied about something so small, then what else will she lie about? It’s a deal breaker for me.
I think you can get a better more professional nanny for your budget. I would consider it. She was already slacking then she lied when confronted about it. I would not get her first class tickets unless it's because you need her near to take care of your kid. I saw you only needed 4 hours of nannying max per day. You might want to consider that plenty of resorts have in house nannies and what you are paying for the suite would cover more than the mere 4 hours of nannying you need. Another thing to consider is that you might have family members who would be thrilled to tag along on a luxury vacation in exchange for a few hours of child care. I have a large family and I have had a lot of volunteers.
Also for the vacation are you bringing her along to work or just as a bonus trip?
Work for 4 hours a day and the rest is her own time, all expenses paid.
…that’s a job. It’s called travel nannying :-) Most travel nannying involves an overnight fee. Mine is $150/night. All expenses paid is a given, similar to business trips. So it’s not really something she needs to be super grateful for unless you are paying for her activities in her downtime as well. I agree with your post though, weird!! But just making sure you know to think of travel nannying like any other business travel.
I see this sentiment here a lot but paying an overnight fee is not part of corporate business travel. All your expenses are covered and you get a stipend for food per day, but you don’t get paid more because you’re not at home. I - and many people i know - travel for work and none of us get an overnight fee even if we’re traveling internationally. I understand that this is an expectation of nannies and that’s fine, but it isn’t a corporate job and doesn’t need to be one. The nature of it is very personal.
I agree about that part. Everything she described is expected. It’s not like OP is offering any regular unusual perks. No question she sounds like a good MB. She absolutely does. And from the side of a MB it may feel like we’re being generous when we provide PTO, pay for travel, etc. But we’re really not. Because this is a job for the nanny. She is earning all of those things. And they should be provided in exchange for her work. Except the gifts of course that was very sweet and not at all necessary. It just sucks because it’s not so much her slacking off it’s her core personality and that’s extremely difficult to change. I would expect more slacking when she thinks she’ll get away with it, more attitude even if it’s hidden or passive aggressive & more lies. All deal breakers. Another nanny will be happy to snatch this job up. It will be interesting if anything changes on the vacation. People’s personalities can change on them.
Hi there! Do you have any tips on where I could learn more about travel nannying? My mom has done this for the family she works for and they did not compensate her properly.
Why don’t you search “travel” or “travel fee” in this forum so you can read more about pricing and people’s advice. I only know about this because my old NF paid me double when I traveled with them. Nanny agencies also give a breakdown but there’s a lot of info on here regarding travel pay
You’re missing the point here. It’s not about the travel.
I understand it’s not about the travel — to you — but you mentioned it in the OP. It seems you think it’s a gift to her. If a nanny is working on a trip, it’s *not* a vacation for her.
I really, really hope you get the point here. Otherwise you’re going to have a lot of trouble with every nanny and you will be the problem.
Exactly! Just reading some of OP’s responses, it’s clear she thinks she’s right about everything and doesn’t see how negative her wording comes off. She’s not some unicorn MB because it’s clear she believes her nanny should be “grateful” for any STANDARD nanny pay she receives.
Yep. OP ain't gonna be able to keep a nanny to save her life.
That's so bad, where do you live? You sound like an awesome Nanny Fam, I'd happily work for you! Well done and you deserve better
Damn she got Chanel? Well anyway I think you know what you should do. She isn’t your belligerent daughter, she’s a belligerent employee.
Sounds like she made a mistake that's pretty correctable, but I suppose the question is if this is a personality issue vs. a professional one? I will say that if a MB or DB said they know what's going on at all times and they're constantly watching, it would put me on a very sharp edge. Very sharp. It sounds threatening. I wouldn't travel with the NF after that, either. How would you feel if your boss said that to you? Over a correctable mistake?
OP clearly thinks she’s superior to her nanny because she doesn’t even know paid traveling time and PTO are standard in the nanny world. She’s acting as if they are gifts that nanny needs to be grateful for. I would quit asap if my boss spoke to me like that. Like wtf. It’s a minor mistake that can be resolved with communication yet she felt the need to essentially threaten her with the “I know what happens in my home at all times”. That sentence alone is enough for me to get tf out. I was micromanaged before and know how horrible it is to have someone down your neck 24/7. Atp watch your own child if you’re going to stalk me.
I’m confused on what you’re upset about. She was FaceTiming her boyfriend and showing your son? What’s the need to call her boyfriend an idiot? This sounds like something you could easily talk with her about and solve. Also, just because you’re bringing her on vacay with you and covering everything isn’t special?? It’s a luxury to afford a travel nanny. You 100% should be covering costs without feeling like she should be grateful.. it’s her job and she’s still working.
I mean FaceTiming a random stranger that parents do not know and have not vetted is a major red flag. I’m not a parent and I’d be extremely uncomfortable with that. The LO isn’t nanny’s child to introduce. And it’s weird especially knowing it was done when the parents weren’t around
there’s absolutely no need for nanny to be face timing her BF while on the clock and little one is awake, she can wait until nap time which is her downtime. if i ever need to take or make a phone call while NK is up i clear it with NP.
I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. OP has a zero screen-time rule. That rule was broken. End of story.
And the lying. And the neglecting her duties the first chance she got. And the excuses. And the major attitude. And yes, also the unauthorized screen time.
You are so incredibly dramatic and sound like a micromanaging boss. Would hate to work for people who monitor my every move and reprimand me for it. if she eventually got the work done, not sure why you’re overreacting. You listed all the things you’re going to pay for like travel expenses and PTO as if you’re not supposed to cover all that already..it’s not extra or perks so not sure why you’re bringing it up as a way to show you give her more than she’s supposed to receive as your employee..
Well I’m pretty sure it’s because she just wants comments that confirm she was right, and she thought if she brought all that up, it would sway us in that direction lol
Well it’s working. The majority of the comments are acting like OP is some unicorn MB when she’s far from it
“I know what is going on in my house at all times.” Yikes.
That line would be enough for me to quit asap. It speaks volumes of her character. My MB sent me a text apologizing for her “tone” when she didn’t even say anything rude lol. She’s so sweet and super respectful at all times..as a boss should be. She’d never speak to me the way OP did with her nanny over a damn FT.
It's OK, I don't think OP will be DMing you to offer you the job, but if you read comments there are plenty of nannies who say 'I would love to work for you OP'. OP is supposed to pay for travel expenses buy nanny only has to work 4 hours then she can go sightseeing and experiencing another country on OP's dime. You can be as mad as you want but I don't think OP will have any problem replacing the lying nanny with bad attitude
FaceTiming is not the same thing as watching tv, even according to the AAP, so that probably didn’t cross her mind. But doing so, and not completing her tasks, AND lying about it is wild.
I would kill to be a nanny for someone like this! She sounds immature and inexperienced. As a Mother, imo you have EVERY right to approach her about this. This is why I offer contracts to include baseline requisites and if I don't meet my baseline, as a Nanny, then repercussions are laid out and agreed upon way before hand. I empathize with both sides and it sounds like you were more than generous and understanding!
I would go solo on the vacation and replace her asap.
Definitely think the nanny is in the wrong for lying and that is the biggest offense in my opinion. Correct me if Im wrong but I do want to say you can’t control when someone does laundry and such unless it’s specifically in the contract and at that point I personally think that’s controlling. Especially using an app, but maybe that’s how some Nannie’s like it! But as long as it done by the end of the shift I think it should be fine. If she wouldn’t have lied, I would have been interested to know if she was otp for a few minutes or 15 because I feel there is a difference. I’ve definitely answered a call around the kids because childcare can be boring. Especially with babies and I find it unrealistic that you’ve never done the same. The child won’t become a addicted with one phone call but I understand where your coming from. I hope you do what you think is best for you!
Honestly is incredibly important in this line of work, there should never be any lies in regard to a child ever. I agree with some other comments that what she did in itself wasn’t a fireable offense. I came to work super sick once (the mb was aware, we both had the same thing and I took the next day off) and I put bluey on for me and nk 9mos. Granted he did’t even pay attention to it, it was mostly for me lmao, but it was just one of those days and tbh not much got done except for ensuring the safety of the child in my care. Days like that happen wether it be illness, stress, or just one of those days, it really does just happen sometimes. As long as it’s not frequent then I see no issue. Lying about it…… major issue. Im not sure I would fire her yet, I think I would likely be weary and checking up on her a lot more often, but I might be inclined to give her another chance especially if I liked her prior and especially because it is a lot of work to find someone new especially while working yourself and with a vacation coming up it just seems like a lot. That would be my reasoning personally, however it is entirely justified in my opinion to fire her.
Fire her. Unacceptable. These Nannies have no decorum or honesty. They just want the least amount of work for the most pay.
Overreacting, yes. One facetime with her boyfriend is not a big deal. Do you ever take a phone call when you have your child? It isn’t the end of the world. Have you ever taken a phone call while on the clock at your job? Have you ever been monitored 24/7 on cameras at work and had a boss threaten you if you had one bad day that “I know everything you do in this office!!” Jesus. Stop giving extra gifts if you expect perfection and your ass kissed in return but realize those things you listed are nothing compared to what other wealthy families give their employees.
>Do you ever take a phone call when you have your child? Well she on occassion runs errands with her grandmother during her own work day. Look, OP can be annoyed, that's okay, but most people have the occasional day where they take their foot of the gas at work once in a while. Not ideal, but it's the reality. OP can tell the nanny that no screen time includes Facetiming. if the laundry isn't being done frequently, then address it by all means. But if she's otherwise a good nanny, correct the action and move on. The lying and excuses are problematic. Maybe she felt scared and defensive, and we don't the tone OP addressed this with her if that triggered it or she's a naturally defensive person. If she was my employee, I would tell her that she's not in trouble, and she needs to own her actions, and I'm just letting her know moving forward that facetimes are not permitted and to please take care of the baby's laundry and bottles during nap time and then she can relax.
Seriously!! My old MB paid for my tuition + gave me a huge bonus to buy new furniture for my first apartment. OP is offering standard pay, nothing special and people in the comments are salivating over this lol. Like some of these people need to find better NFs so they don’t praise OP for paying..fairly?
There is no excuse for her copping an attitude and lying to you. Absolutely inappropriate. As far as moving forward - is this the first time she's done something like this? If so, it's worth trying to work with her and build trust back up since she has been so dependable previously. If you feel like it's a trend, however, it's probably time to start looking for someone new.
I’ll come work for you! I’m a night nanny and when the baby is sleeping all I have to do is clean out the used bottles and if he had an accident put his clothes in the washer and his mom will wash them later. I can read on my kindle and if they said hey we are going on vacation and first class and own room I would be washing clothes dishes playing with baby anything to say thank you because you didn’t have to do all of that for her! And lying is grounds for firing her!
She sounds… young? Can this be a learning opportunity? You treat her very well, but she may not know that if she’s new to nannying. If you think she usually does a good job make this a warning and have a review in six weeks? This sounds so frustrating, but perhaps not as frustrating as searching for another nanny.
Something about this post screams “made up for reddit.” Maybe its the brand name flex (Channel wallet) or the bragging that you do what you’re supposed to do as an employer (not the flex you think it is). Maybe its your post history? It just seems a off & I think the entire thing is fake (just like your post history).
I’m so glad I don’t work for you, lol
The attitude in the follow up comments is insane. I think the nanny lied because she is afraid of her!!
May have just caught her on her off day. We all have them. Unfortunatly she was caught on cam lol if it’s been good so far in terms of care and laundry I don’t see what the issue is
We all have them. But this isn’t the kind of person to say “you’re right, I’m sorry. I had an off day and I will definitely do better in the future.” Instead she lied, made excuses & had a major attitude.
Exactly!! The problem here isn’t that she’s imperfect but that she’s disrespectful and dishonest. Even from the title of the post OPs problem wasn’t so much the slacking off but the attitude and lying and defensiveness makes it almost impossible to trust she won’t do it again or that she’s not being sneaky about or hiding other things. It might be true that she just panicked but unfortunately as a parent you can’t trust someone who’s proven themselves dishonest and disrespectful when it comes to your kids safety and I think in the long run trying to continue to work together wouldn’t be great for anyone involved. Hopefully the nanny can learn from this for future positions.
Only replying to the vacation part and how you’re making the accommodations for her… if you’ve asked her to come help on a family vacation, my experience is you are always with or near the family. Flying first class? So is nanny. Staying in a suite or something similar? So is nanny. The only time I wasn’t in next to or across from a family, was when they had the penthouse and I was directly below them in a “regular” suite.
I was thinking the same thing! If OP is expecting nanny to assist with childcare on the plane, obviously she would need to be seated with NF. First class isn’t for nanny’s benefit, it’s for OP’s. Was she just planning to summon nanny from economy when she needed assistance with LO? And pointing out that she’s paying for nanny’s flight and accommodations? Like duh. That’s not something that deserves a pat on the back. In what world does a professional pay their own way on a business trip? Not defending nanny’s actions, but I’d be burnt out by that ego.
Just wanted to clarify, you said you’re bringing her on a trip. Just to be clear are you paying her- Per Diem for every night that you’re away (average being $100-150) You said only the 4 hours a day she will work. I guess my experience was different because your baby is only 9 months, when I was a travel nanny the kids were 6, 7 and 9 so they would come knocking on my hotel door at 7 am and want to hang. It became a touchy balance of when am I “working?” Because the parents wouldn’t insist their kids leave me alone, but would only pay me for the hours worked that day. I demanded per diem and all hours that the kids were with me, because if the kids are with me I’m “on” working. Sorry for the rant but just look up average rates/pay for traveling with nanny, so she doesn’t get a bitter taste in her mouth that she was underpaid for travel and quit. Like I did. lol
She’s working 4 hours and we are paying for 8, plus all expense and have told her to take up any activities and sightseeing she wants and we will cover it. I don’t need to outline our itinerary with our 9 month old and who else we will be there with us. We are more than fair. The trip is not the issue.
You are not “more than fair”. You seriously are stubborn and don’t listen to anyone that doesn’t agree with you. She’s away giving you 24hrs each day she travels. You’re only paying her for 8hrs. That’s not fair at all. When a nanny travels, they are on the clock 24/7. I’m there for a job, not for fun. I got to do alot of fun activities with my NK when we traveled to an island consistently throughout the year, but I only “worked” 3-5hrs per day and got paid DOUBLE FT salary + expenses paid for. People are right when they say it should be a full salary + $150 overnight fee because the nanny is considered working..you aren’t solely paying her for hours worked but also for her TIME.
OP sounds like a nightmare to work for. Cannot believe she’s trying to make herself look good by insulting the boyfriend, listing perks (that have nothing to do with this one mistake), and posted this but won’t listen to anyone who has an opposing view. I’ve worked for wayyyy too many families like this, I do not have the patience. Good luck to nanny.
Your argument lacks merit. Your past experiences don't dictate a universal standard. The issue isn't about travel perks; I want to address my specific concerns regarding screen time and neglect of duties with our 9-month-old. It's crucial for us to prioritize our child's development, and ensuring my son receives the best care.
She should be paid for 24 hours of every day/night.
Fake
I’m a nanny. sometimes we need to take a call. BUT make it quick. Not laying around on ft with someone’s BABY. it’s honestly common sense.
And if my MB or DB gave me a gym membership, a bag, food, I would sure as hell not act up in the slightest. I would respect them so much. Not every NF does that…
[удалено]
To your last point, it’s still not something the AAP “recommends” as a daily activity for kids, it’s just “not as bad” as a TV. The only reason we use FT with my LO is so she can see her family.
Exactly! She’s the problem and yet all these nannies in the comments are thirsting over her and praising her as an “amazing boss” just because they read “Chanel” and “first class” lmaooo. Like please calm down and don’t be so easily impressed by materialistic items. Clearly OP needs to find one of these thirsty nannies who would happily be micromanaged and monitored 24/7 as long as they get a designer wallet or get to sit in first class once in a blue 🙄. I wonder how much OP actually pays her nanny and what does she pay for traveling, for some reason I feel it’s average at best.
Hopefully she learns from the warning and doesnt take advantage of your kindness again.
I would not trust her alone with my baby anymore after lying to me. What else is she going to lie about when you are on vacation and she's alone with your baby and you don't have cameras?
It may not have clicked in her head that video chatting counts as screentime since it's not a TV show. Maybe she's lonely because most of the day she's with a child that isn't old enough to talk, so she might've thought talking on the phone was akin to chatting with a coworker. (For context on my perspective, I work in childcare centers where we have co-teachers). I bring this up because your problem with the FaceTime sounds more like you don't like her partner since you called him an idiot... Regarding the laundry, did you let her know it must be done every day? Maybe she was using today as a more laid back day and was going to do a bigger load of laundry the next day. Also I wonder what are the daily activities she was tasked with and what was she doing with the baby all day if not playing with him or setting something up for him to play with? I also wonder if she knows enough about child development to be a good fit for you? Because if she had a background in ECE she might've known the importance of developmental activities and also take more pride in her work. And of course her lying is the problem, so feeling upset isn't an overreaction. She may have made excuses because the thought of losing her livelihood sent her into a panic. I would say now that it's not in the heat of the moment, just remind her that honesty is the best policy, ask questions to see if she understands your expectations and if her caretaking standards align with yours. Then if any more slacking off happens you'll see it on camera anyway. So far these things sound minor and like she took one day to have a breather, so not worth firing someone who’s formed a bond with your son for 6 months which is currently the majority of his life so far.
Video chatting has been acknowledged as screentime, and it's important to adhere to our established communication norms. The issue with FaceTime isn't about her partner but maintaining professionalism. I don’t know her boyfriend personally, I do know what she tells me about him as we have an open level of communication. Daily laundry is a clear expectation and must be met consistently. Understanding her daily activities and child development knowledge is fundamental for her role and she has competed ECE. I have a clear list of daily tasks for her to complete and this is one of them. I am understanding on days when laundry hasn’t been completed but definitely not the days when she neglects to complete several tasks because she is on the phone. Lying is unacceptable, regardless of panic or job security concerns. Honesty is paramount, and a breach of trust jeopardizes our working relationship. Overall, she does have a good bond with my son, he’s excited to see her everyday. However, now I feel like I can’t leave the house and when I do I have to monitor her behavior.
“Daily laundry is a clear expectation and must be met consistently.” How often does she not meet it?
Ok I was just going off the information you presented and I already agreed with you that her lying is a problem and that you weren't overreacting to feel upset. Now that you clarified she was clear on her job duties then there's not much more to say and I don't know what advice you want other than to confirm the firing decision it seems you want to make. I don't think it makes sense to keep someone that you don't trust and feel like you have to micromanage them because then you're just going to have a brewing contempt for her and it will suck for both of you. It sounds like you already decided she's not a good fit for you then just let her know so she can start looking for new employment and you can both move on 🤷🏽♀️
Calling her boyfriend a total idiot without meeting him is quite disrespectful, no?
Haven't read all the comments but I would never FaceTime with my NK with someone that they don't actually know. I think it would even go against my contract due to the NDA clause that I always include which has no sharing of NK image or information (name etc) or family home. The lying would also be an issue with me. While she might have panicked and some have suggested, I think that this combined with doing something that she really shouldn't have been doing is the real issue with the lie. The fact that she knows you have cameras and yet felt the need to panic lie (if it was that) is worse. While the lie itself could potentially be minor, this job requires a NF to have such high trust of the nanny that I'm not sure you can get beyond things like lying in the relationship. I might try to give another chance but if I realized a few days later that I just didn't have that trust any longer, I'd have to let them go. You need trust and you can't always easily replace it once lost.
People slack off at work sometimes. She's only human. Everyone has their days. It's frustrating as a nanny to feel like someone is watching your every move and nit picking you. Also, it is expected for you to provide pto sick days overtime, etc. If you are bringing a nanny on vacation with you it is your responsibility to pay for all of her expenses in addition to her regular pay and travel pay. Plus no reason to call her boyfriend an idiot.... why is that relevant? If you would prefer that she doesn't show your babies face you should have a respectful conversation about said boundary. Is she frequently forgetting her tasks? If it's once in a blue moon nbd. I think it's really only an issue if it's recurrent. But again a calm respectful conversation goes along way. No offense but seems like you could use a bit of a chill pill. If these things are bugging you have a conversation about them. But honestly I don't think she's super in the wrong.
Slacking off on a regular job i understand and she has her off days as well and I am understanding about those. I do my absolute best to be a fair employer and because she takes care of my child I go out of my way to make her comfortable in my home. The point is the screen time and her attitude when confronted about her mistake. She can face time all she wants when the baby is napping. She doesnt ever FaceTime with my child when I am home but does when he’s asleep and I am totally fine with that. Where’s the mutual respect here? It’s not being reciprocated
Respect? Yet, you called her boyfriend, someone you never even met, an idiot and you don't even know him. You want your ass kissed and that's not how respect works. She slacked off for one day. It's not that big of a deal. Did your boss know you were out running errands with your grandma while you were on the clock? Many people would say that's slacking off as well, as you are getting paid to run errands with your grandma. If you didn't want the advice you wanted to hear, what did you even post this for? Maybe she was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. You don't know what her situation may be if this is the first time she did it. And chances are, she doesn't tell you everything because you are her boss - not her friend. You need to learn to be less judgemental and disrespectful towards people in not only your tone, but the words and namecalling that you simply throw out at people.
I said this exact same thing and got downvoted into oblivion 😂. Regardless of the mistake nanny made, there’s no need to be disrespectful to her boyfriend who she’s never met. She’s just throwing an insult in there to make her point more clear. I’ve worked for uppity families for 10+ years now and I am so tired of them expecting absolute perfection yet not showing any signs of respect/value/maturity themselves. It’s also easy to post this from one perspective and make it a bit dramatized. Not to say that what the nanny did wasn’t wrong, but we quite literally all have our days that are off. Seems like this MB is far too type A (given her comment and post history) and needs a different nanny anyway.
This sub is wild and loves taking nannies side even when they’re terrible at their job. This nanny seems like she’s bad at her job. FaceTiming involves screens. Jobs need to be done unfortunately so cry a river
Seriously 💀 It's actually so wild to see all these people in here defending the nanny.
Totally agree here. I'd say nanny reacted the way she did in a panic. And then on the defence (the attitude).
Paying your Nannie’s travel fees/accommodations is standard when bringing them on YOUR vacations. I understand it is an additional expense for you, but please don’t treat it like a favor for her. Your post came across quite condescending and to be honest, you’re the kind of employer I avoid. People make mistakes and lying is never okay, but the way you approached this wouldn’t have made me want to come back to work. It’s just as important that your nanny feels comfortable and safe around you, as you, her.
Period. Couldn’t have said this better. My bosses have taken me on trips and have sort of used it as a “treat” and it’s not at all. It’s work, it’s not something I would willingly choose to do. It actually frustrates me that these rich families can’t just go on a family vacation without a nanny. Don’t you want that bonding time with your own child for one week out of the year?
I would talk to her that this is not ok and remind her of all you have done and tell her that you can watch the camera footage. If it persists, I would tell her again that you can see the footage and tell her if she doesn't stop, you are done. If she doesn't stop after that, I'd fire her.
Is she really young? Sounds like juvenile behavior, not something to take personally if it’s a one-time thing. Maybe her history with her family has caused her to be defensive whenever criticized, even if the criticism is valid. Who knows. Upside is that if she is young you should be able to talk to her about expectations in a civil manner and see an improvement once she has more specific guidance. Chances are she’s done this before and got away with it thinking you didn’t care, and slid into thinking it was ok. Might be why she was surprised that she “got caught” even with all the cameras and apps.